#i've had about 2 people appreciate the main point of my post

[wrightandco]

my confetti in the courtroom post now has 29k notes and is getting tagged “I don’t even go here” which means it’s breached containment

[aroaceleovaldez]

random question but i came across a post of yours where you talked about how mark oshiro sort of erased an aspect of nico's ADHD by making a joke about how he only liked mythomagic cards because he's gay and there are hot guys on the cards, and then TSATS also seemed to really downplay the themes of neurodivergence in the series. and it made me wonder if you have any thoughts on how the show has portrayed the demigods' ADHD and dyslexia so far? i've seen some people say that the show also downplayed it a lot, and i'm inclined to agree... which feels really weird considering that rick's own son's neurodivergence was specifically a major inspiration for him writing the series. but if i recall correctly a lot of scenes showcasing that in the first book were taken out of the show.

Oh absolutely, a lot of scenes and general discussion about adhd/dyslexia were removed in the show (and some of the disability-coding in general - i appreciate the change they made with making Chiron disabled based on his mythos rather than just using a wheelchair as a disguise, but i wish they had kept Grover's crutches in a similar manner honestly) - I've made a couple of posts discussing it: here, here, and this reblog is relevant to my opinions about the matter. There's probably some other stuff in my pjo tv crit tag.

I think the main sentiment i have regarding it - which i've seen a couple of other people mention as well - is how much the show ignores or outright removes and downplays Percy's personal struggles with his disabilities to instead emphasize Sally's experiences instead, particularly in manners of her taking out her stress on Percy - which alongside being completely antithetical to Sally's role in the books, is pretty ableist and why I continually compare show!Sally to Autism Speaks Parents. Autism Speaks tends to make an emphasis on the struggles of the parents of autistic children rather than treating autistic individuals like a person experiencing their own struggles. One of the major points of Sally's character (and later Paul) in the books is that she's an incredibly accommodating parent and works hard to make sure Percy is supported when he's struggling with his disabilities, because he's not been able to find that accommodation elsewhere. That's part of why Sally is such a great mom in particular, and is intentionally supposed to directly contrast Annabeth's home life struggles with her parents having difficulty navigating how to provide that same level of accommodation to help support her (and how Annabeth finds that accommodation at CHB instead, because that's the metaphor that CHB is supposed to represent - an appropriately accommodating system they can rely on, and then exploring how that's still a flawed system and looking at how disabled kids/demigods fall through the cracks and how to change the system to better support them).

The show also almost completely ignores Percy's ADHD/dyslexia experiences in general after the first episode. I was honestly really happy with, in the first episode, how clearly Percy's poor experiences in the American education system, particularly relating to his neurodivergence, have informed his reaction to situations such as people trying to tell him he's a demigod in coded language. It was essentially the perfect update to something i've discussed in the past here, about how the original "all demigods have adhd/dyslexia because it's secretly SUPERPOWERS" thing was presented as the basis for the series and why that teaching/parenting style fell out of favor. We see Percy in e1 acknowledge how dismissive of his struggles it is to constantly just be told he's "special" - and we even get explicit acknowledgement of how that description is used aggressively and for ostracization (from Nancy), which is extremely true to the experiences of kids who grew up with that teaching/parenting structure. But then we get to episode 2 and... all the acknowledgement of ADHD/dyslexia/etc is gone. We get at most a one-off acknowledgement from Luke that demigods are all neurodivergent and that's it. Pretty much nothing else for the entire rest of the season, save for flashback scenes that only emphasize Sally's experiences, not acknowledge Percy's. No further acknowledgement of Percy's dyslexia, or Annabeth's, or anything about their ADHD, or even Percy's completely removed PTSD (which we know for sure because of both writer commentary [see: that second post i linked about the LA Times article] and Percy's total lack of reaction to Mr. D). Nothing.

It was extremely disheartening to say the least, having such a strong start and it evaporating completely, and I fully agree with you.

[blackbird-brewster]

Meta: Jemily Queerbaiting

With the huge influx of posts saying 'Jemily is gonna be canon', I really appreciated seeing this post because OP was completely correct. I didn't want to write an entire dissertation as a reply, so I'm making my own post with my personal opinion on this. (All sources are noted in footnotes)

Before I began this rant, for anyone who thinks this is anti-Jemily. It is not. I have shipped Jemily for 18 friggin years and that's never going to change. This post is specifically my thoughts about queer baiting.

First off, I need to note that the showrunners (and the cast members who use social media) KNOW what a huge queer following this show has and that's why we got pansexual Tara Lewis in S16 [1]. Which, in itself, was SOOOOOOO important!!! Our first canonically queer main in SIXTEEN seasons was a middle-aged Black woman!!! That's phenomenal. (The fact it was horrible rep, because they instantly ruined her relationships once her queerness served it's plot point is a whole other post entirely)

In my opinion, the 'big Jemily moment' Paget posted about on Twitter [2] (and AJ hinted at during a recent IG live) is simply queerbaiting to get people to watch S17. I know a lot of you are newer to the fandom and I love your enthusiasm, I really do, ship and let ship, but listen, let's be real, Jemily is not going to be made canon. The showrunners aren't going to suddenly say (after 17 seasons) 'Surprise, Jemily is endgame'. This show has never cared about queer rep and now that CBS/Paramount have already ticked their queer rep box with Tara, they won't be in any rush to add any other characters to it.

Please buckle in, I've got a lot of thoughts on this matter --

What is Queerbaiting?

If you aren't aware of what queerbaiting is, here's a good definition:

Historically, queerbaiting has carried two meanings: the first is an act of aggressive heterosexuality to shut down queer subtext on screen while still teasing and catering to the queer audience in advertising, public relations, and fan engagement strategies; the second is an existing homoerotic tension between two characters played up on screen while met with derision by the professionals behind the scenes. [3]

The Medium article quoted here is from 2017, a time when parasocial relationships were really starting to take over social media. In 2024, actors are now only a mention or tag away online, they have direct conversations with fans, and this process has allowed for an even deeper form of queerbaiting.

Oftentimes online, actors are asked directly about certain ships and while some ignore these questions (usually to avoid breaking their contracts or other repercussions), others (looking at you, Paget) choose to instead tease fans about queer ships. She's done this for years upon years and if I've learned anything in the past twenty-years of existing in fandom spaces it's this -- don't hold your breath. In it's original meaning, for something to be deemed as queerbaiting there had to be malicious, or at least, purposeful intent to string queer fans along by teasing them with suggestive content about the ship in question, while knowing this ship will never come to fruition in canon.

The thing to remember is, Paget and AJ aren't the only ones who know about Jemily shippers -- the network and showrunners are well aware of this ship too. When networks/showrunners figure out they have a strong sapphic fanbase, they love to use that to their advantage to get more viewers and higher ratings. Queerbaiting is a goldmine to keep fans watching long running shows, look at Rizzoli and Isles, Supergirl, and OUAT for examples of this.

Jemily and Queerbaiting:

Ever since Emily joined the BAU in S2 (2006), there have always been fans who ship JJ/Emily (shoutout to the old LJ forums!). Way before celebs were just a tweet away from fans, back when all our fics began with disclaimers so we wouldn't get sued by networks, we went to great lengths to keep our fanworks far removed from actors/showrunners attention.

As far as Jemily goes, this reply from Paget in a 2009 interview with TVGuide.com [4] (which has now been deleted from their site unfortunately, but there are quotes on Tumblr still [4.a]) confirmed some fans' worst fear -- the actors had found our fanworks online.

TVGuide.com: Of course, a band of fans want her to hook up with Hotch.

Brewster: I know! I didn't realize that fans make these videos on YouTube? A.J. Cook sent me a hilarious one that made it look like Prentiss and J.J. were having a secret lesbian affair. You know, when Hotch was blown up in the SUV, we shot this scene where he's in the hospital and I'm standing next to him, looking at his bleeding ear. Our director came in and said, "Paget, you're looking at Hotch like you're in love with him. It looks really weird." So now, every day, Thomas [Gibson] and I flutter our eyelids at each other.

This was the first time I recall anyone acknowledging Jemily shippers publicly and at the time (Jan 2009), the show was still in Season Four (just before CBS fired both AJ and Paget [5]). Paget genuinely said it's 'hilarious' that fans shipped JJ/Emily. Even now, I'll see people say 'We know Paget and AJ have seen Jemily fanvids, so they obviously ship it too' -- but those same people rarely acknowledge the full context of the original answer. Paget not only thought JJ/Emily were 'hilarious', but then she doubled down and turned her reply back to how she and Thomas liked to play up the chemistry between Emily/Hotch.

While no one can say for sure which video it was that AJ sent Paget, just knowing they were watching JJ/Emily fanvids sent a bit of a shockwave through the femslash side of the fandom. To some it felt like an invasion of privacy, fanworks are by fans for fans -- knowing the cast were poking around in fandom spaces added an extra layer of worry around what we fans were posting online. Fifteen years ago, it used to be quite taboo for actors to outwardly discuss shipping or other fanon for whatever show they were in, and we fans were usually comfortably removed from the actors altogether.

Of course, now it's the norm for fans and actors/showrunners to co-exist online and interact with one another. This connection has opened new ways for shows to queerbait their fans. Pretty much every show has some form of social media account now and there is no doubt that the people running those accounts keep up with the most popular ships and hashtags. Not to mention that actors are constantly barraged with questions about whether they ship their character with x,y,z, or whether they think a ship should be made canon, etc. These interactions only serve to benefit the shows themselves, because whether the conversation is for or against a certain ship, it's all just free publicity (Why do you think CM now has a TikTok account?)

Every time AJ or Paget say anything about Jemily, the queer side of the fandom loses their minds. But this has been going on for YEARS now and every single time, it turns out to be nothing but social media hype and queerbaiting. Remember this AJ post? [6] Or what about the notorious reply by Paget to a fan, where she talks about how she and AJ held hands under the table 'for the shippers' [7] I've seen this cycle over and over again, so perhaps I am cynical, but I'm not getting my hopes up that Jemily will ever seriously be canon.

It's widely known now, after both Kirsten [8] and Paget [9] have talked about it, that there was an early idea where Prentiss was supposed to be queer, but that was ultimately scraped before it ever made it on screen. For context, please remember, this show has been airing for nearly twenty years. It began in 2005, during the highly conservative Bush administration. Queer people didn't have rights in the US, we couldn't get married, we were rarely protected under discrimination laws, and we could even be fired for simply being queer (in some states). Diverse queer representation on screen was extremely limited to things like 'The L Word' and 'Queer as Folk' (both aired on Showtime, so they were behind a paywall. And as far as tLw goes, that show was extremely male-gaze focused and is horrible in nearly all regards if you try to rewatch it now). As far as prime time shows went, queer rep was even more rare. Which is why Emily wasn't queer from the get-go.

Yes, things have changed since 2006 in terms of queer rep on TV. We have a myriad of queer identities represented in TV and film nowadays, which is why I think it's so easy for newer fans to say 'lf she was supposed to be gay anyway, they should just make Emily queer in canon!' I know this is what fuels most fans' demands for Emily being confirmed queer, and I get it, I DO. I would be all for it! However, I do not, in one hundred years, actually believe that is going to happen after they already canonically queer confirmed Tara in S16. The fact we even got ONE queer character is ground-breaking for this show.

It's also worth noting, that in the time between Paget's departure in 2012 and her return in 2016, she became very active on Twitter. This was when more and more fans began asking her about Jemily and after Kirsten's AfterEllen interview, fans also pushed for Paget to address the possibility of Emily being gay. 'Pushed' is actually an understatement for some of the outright harassment she would receive. (AJ received some of this harassment too, but less so because she doesn't use social media ass often) Back then, neither of them replied to these things directly. Yet, no matter what either woman posted, the replies were full of Jemily stans begging for her acknowledgement. (Did you know 'stan' is literally a term coined for stalker fans?) I remember one time AJ's friend was missing and she posted info on her IG about it, you know what the replies were? People asking her about Jemily. It was genuinely sickening.

Within this context, it was no surprise to fans when Emily came back in S12 , she and JJ's friendship was seemingly erased. The two women were rarely on screen together in the late seasons, plus the writers saw fit to even give Emily not only one (Mark in London, but two, on-screen boyfriends for the first time in the entire series. I personally do not think these changes to Emily's character were coincidence, I saw the hellscape of what people would say to AJ and Paget online and I fully believe that upon Paget's return to the show, the showrunners purposely tried to distance JJ and Emily to dissuade the more abusive side of the fanbase.

Can I prove that, no. But it is the only reason I can think of as to why Emily S12+ seemingly didn't care about JJ anymore, despite their deep and meaningful friendship. I mean, they both CROSSED THE WORLD to go rescue each other in prior canon -- but when Emily comes back, they acted like they barely knew each other. This was even more prevalent in S16, when JJ's main storylines all revolved around Will, and Emily barely looked at JJ in the entirety of ten episodes. (Remember how Prentiss didn't even hug JJ after bomb, but she did go hug Luke?)

So, do Paget and AJ earnestly ship Jemily, or are they continuing the long tradition of queerbaiting us? Who fucking knows, not me. But based on the history of this fandom, I think I can make a safe bet. (Interestingly, if you search all of Paget's twitter for the word 'Jemily' [10] she only has 3 direct tweets mentioning the ship. I don't think it's a coincidence that two are within the past few months since they started filming S17 (the other one was a RT of Kirsten (who tagged something Jemily)

This is all to say --

Just because Paget and AJ have publicly talked about Jemily,, this doesn't mean it's ever going to happen on screen. And you know what, THAT'S OKAY!! There has been this constant outcry (after Tara became queer confirmed) of 'Do Emily next' or 'Why wasn't it Emily with a girlfriend!?' and 'Jemily needs to be canon in S17!' -- as if people believe their ships aren't worth anything unless they are canon.

That couldn't be further from the truth! Fandom is built on headcanons and fan interpretations and rare pairs and all types of shippers. Your ship does NOT need to be canon for you to enjoy it. I will ship Jemily forever, no matter what. I don't think there will be some magical queer plot in S17, at best, we might actually get to see Emily/JJ on screen together again and after the train wreck that was S16 -- I'll take whatever I can get.

And hey -- if I am completely wrong, if Erica Messer pulls a Korrasami out of her hat, I will be ecstatic. I will be happy to be proved wrong, but at the same time, I'm not going to lose sleep over it and I'm DEFINITELY not going to go hound the actors about it on social media.

Sources:

[1] 2022 Digital Spy article about the importance of Tara's coming out

[2] 04/18/24 Paget Tweet

[3] 2017 Queerbaiting article from medium.com

[4] 2009 Broken TVGuide link

[4.a] Tumblr quote from the above TVGuide Interview

[5] 2010 Kirsten interview screenrant.com

[6] 2019 AJ Instagram Post

[7] 2020 Paget video on Twitter (via @karasluthqr)

[8] 2015 Kirsten interview AfterEllen.com

[9] 2016 Paget Interview CriminalMindsFans.com

[10] @PagetPaget search 'Jemily'

[pentition]

As usual, SPOILERS AHEAD.

Been thinking about some things as I lurk on the My Time/Sandrock Discords and subreddits. It's a blast seeing other Pen fans out in the wild. Actually, it's super comforting. I'm so used to liking niche titles or characters that don't get the love or introspection they deserve, regardless of where they fall on the morality spectrum.

I'm usually lurking. Liking comments or posts because I'm a shy creature on the social front, mixed with low energy all around. But one thing I always appreciate is seeing peoples perspectives and taking time to consider them. It doesn't matter how much or how little I agree/disagree - in the end, my brain incorporates what it views as right. And what it disagrees with, I further want to know about - but also won't be bothered if ideas I have don't match others. Echo chambers are boring. I want to see people take ideas that don't match mine and see if they make them work.

That all being said, I've had something on my mind regarding Pen for a number of weeks now. Between Reddit and Discord, there have been such interesting perspectives on people who want Pen to come back but then get split on him being romanceable in the future.

I've expressed in previous musings on here that I think the Sandrock Builder and Pen's history is something I love, and it wouldn't be the same with another character. But I also kind of failed to elaborate on that. After having some cool exchanges and hearing perspectives from various sides, I think I've settled more on where I am. Not that it matters to anyone but me, but it's a fun thought exercise to write out in regards to Pen's character.

I still believe Pen and the Sandrock Builder's relationship is like, my golden child for three main reasons:

1.) It has conflicting emotions both positive and negative. You get a full range of emotions. It's vague enough to allow people to speculate which also giving enough for people to know there was something serious there. I say serious because even if it was a ruse, it meant something to Pen based on how farewell and what he left behind if you romanced him. While I believe in the symbolism of what was left behind in the chest, I'm also try to take into account on the what-if that it doesn't matter to the devs the way it matters to us.

2.) Imagination is important. When you have a character like Pen, who is so himself but still shrouded in mystery, your mind tries to fill in the blanks and make sense of things. There's what we get, what we perceive and what is mixed up in the middle. Whether it's making things more toxic to making them more sincere, there's so much possibility with a character like Pen. It's appealing and an endless chew toy for my brain.

3.) The potential. This mixes the prior two. But it really comes down to it, the history they have and that potential of what could be is why I adore them. All relationships will encounter bad periods, it's what you do during those bad periods that define the outcome. Potential is always a defining aspect in anything, it's not something that has a moral compass - it just is what it is. Which means it's versatile. Potential is important to me, personally, so when I see a character like Pen who has so much of it... it's hard not to pay attention. And in instances like this where so much plot can exist, it's hard not to get invested.

Because I am not a big brain person and sleep deprived, here's the sentence that shittily segways into the next talking point that'll eventually circle back on the prior.

The diamond ring. What if it wasn't for the Sandrock Builder, but for whatever Builder (or other role) the player will have in a future game? Maybe the reason it dropped for everyone (and not a bug) was a two-fold reason. If the Sandrock Builder romanced Pen, it could be intended for them. If they didn't romance Pen, maybe it was a set up for a future game where Pen is romanceable again.

So, future romance possibilities with Pen. That's the talking point here. I said that the Sandrock Builder and Pen are my ideal because of the reasons above. Interesting history, imaginative with its positives and negatives, so much potential. Of course, I can only be biased because I don't know and haven't yet experienced the possibility of what it's like for Pen to be with another player character.

That being said, and despite my preference, I'd still be okay if Pathea had Pen in a future installment as a romanceable character for another character. Characters should be allowed to develop as characters that don't hinge on the player. And given people don't always play the games in order, it would be kind of sucky/selfish to deprive anyone of a Pentacular (sobad) romance route.

I've run a character and story editor job online since I was fifteen, I've done a lot of work in this area with clients and with my own work. And I've also been a DM/GM for about ten to fifteen years now. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that characters aren't great because of the writers - but because of who they are and can become as characters themselves. Just look at the differences between the Chinese and English versions of Pen. Yet despite the differences all Pen fans have found that same foundation that breaches language barriers and different writing directions. That is incredible core character foundation and it's that potential that has made me so invested in his character.

My ideal is probably so dumb sounding of a compromise. But it would be cool to reintroduce Pen in a future game with a romance rival option like Portia had. As in, if you want to romance Pen then you can. But if you don't, he automatically will seek out the Sandrock Builder. I don't mean up and leave asap, but whenever he is done having a role in that game he'd head out to find them. If Evershine is going to allow the Sandrock Builder to possibly appear, then why not do the same there? Only problem is it would be tricky to do a reunion that way when people have different perspectives of how it would go. Especially depending on how long it has been. It's easy to say, 'just let the player take control!' but the thing is, if players haven't played the previous games before (as in, they are a new player to the series) it wouldn't at all make any sense to do.

And selfishly, I'd totally want to have a game right after that returns to the Sandrock Builder for a Pen return. But then, that's only based on if the Builder was close or romanced Pen. For people who didn't care or go that route, it also wouldn't make sense to do.

So for a Pen and Sandrock Builder reunion that matters, we'd have to play as that Builder again in a future game. Maybe that means the Builder has to leave Sandrock for whatever reason. But it would have to be a reason that makes sense for people who didn't romance or care about Pen, too. It's all just tricky.

Which is why I thought a lot about a Pen romance without the Sandrock Builder. Of course there's potential there. It's not the same, as much as I'd love to explore my duo having a reunion. But it's not terrible either, to me, at least. In any case, Pen needs some time to figure his shit out as a person. If that means he grows and lets go of the past romance, that's okay. If it means he wants to try and see if he can salvage things after his betrayal, that's also okay. I just hope the devs come around to taking their audience seriously, because so far their players that like other characters (like Miguel, Burgess, even Ernest or Venti) aren't treated very respectfully for the characters they/their builder likes.

This is mostly be just airing out thoughts in my head since I wasn't too happy that a prior post or two didn't elaborate that I'd be okay if Pen moved on - even if I really want to see things work out between him and the Sandrock Builder. Both have strong narrative possibilities, but I like the ups and downs of the latter and the potential of it more at this time. Maybe that'll change in the future, whenever that game comes out. Who knows. ^^

[onigiriforears]

After approx. 2-3 months of studying Japanese I started to read free graded readers online and then graduated to a collection of short stories that I purchased off of Amazon. I thought that the reason I was starting to have trouble understanding sentences was because I didn't know enough vocabulary but it was because I neglected grammar completely. It was sorta drilled into my head off of Youtube creators to just study kanji, vocab and simple sentences as much as possible before even touching grammar. I feel absolutely lost, dude. I am at the 5 month mark now. I can "breeze through" kanji for the most part. (as in, I can actually retain it in a decent amount of time) I decided to study grammar about a week ago. It is SO FREAKING HARD. I don't know if there's something wrong with me or what. I don't know if it's supposed to feel like what I thought I knew is being ripped apart at the seams, stapled together, and then torn apart again....but it does.

Do you have any tips for learning grammar? Is this feeling normal? Can you tell me when the pressure in my skull will subside? I am using Bunpro's free trial but I'm unsure if this tool will actually help me. I write tons of notes to flip through but I still fail to give them the nuanced answer they're looking for. I really enjoy the setup of Bunpro and I want to like it since it's similar to WK but I'm not sure if I'm going too fast or there's a better way to learn. I stopped learning 5 new grammar points a day and started doing only 2. (I also have Genki I and watch GameGengo. He explains things in a way that's easy for my brain to understand.) Sorry for the long post but any insight would be appreciated. I'm a bit nervous asking people in the language learning community for help or insight because a lot of them treat it as a way to show how fast they learned/1-up others. Tumblr's langlearn community is a lot different with what I've seen (or maybe I'm just following the right ppl lol)

Hi! Thank you so much for waiting for this response--I'm sorry it took so long. Your message was one of the ones that popped up when they locked my ask box (they actually still haven't answered me on why it was locked so 🤷‍♀️). To make up for that, I'm gonna be longwinded because I think that this is a super valid and important question that others may also want to know the answer to!!

Pls pls PLEASE DM me if none of this is helpful or if you'd like to talk more about what you think you need help with!!

I think that sometimes when we're learning a new language that we know is so overwhelmingly different from our own language, we focus on the things that we think will be the main hinderance and sometimes we forget the key points. You might be thinking "how did I forget grammar?" but I would say don't beat yourself up about it! Many of us focus on the things that we think are our problems(--the last time I studied for the JLPT, I focused on my weak point too much and then was frustrated with myself during the exam bc I neglected the other areas.)

I don't want to lie to you and say that learning grammar will is going to get easier because that's not the case for everyone. Think of learning grammar vs everything else as learning different types of math or science--have you ever had a friend that was absolutely phenomenal at algebra or calculus but couldn't do geometry? Or a friend that was wonderful lab partner in chemistry but struggled in biology? They're struggling in biology because it requires a ton of rote memorization in comparison to practical application and math that's present in chemistry and rote memorization may not necessarily be their strong point. Personally, I think that's also why a lot of us struggle with certain grammar points. There are some that just click with us immediately and then there are others that we have to see over and over and over and over and over--you get the point--just for us to find a single sentence with it that we understand. If you're math oriented, we need to figure out a way to no longer make grammar points rote memorization for you, but to turn it into a formula of some sort. I actually write my notes out in ways that are like that--I use plus signs (+) in my notes not because the textbooks use them but because my brain genuinely reads it as "noun + particle + grammar point = a sentence that makes sense" because, for me, formulas don't fail. Your weak point doesn't have to be your weakness--you can turn the weakness into a strength that works just for you.

I've been going at this for years and every single professor or Japanese friend (or even people from the discord server) I have can tell you that I've struggled with pretty much any grammar point that included ~ように--and it wasn't because I wasn't trying, but because I couldn't find myself using any sentences that with those grammar points because I found the alternatives/similar ones to make more sense. Surprisingly, it wasn't until I was reading 夜カフェ for our book club that I was actually able to start grasping the meaning (ngl, I still haven't used it myself--I'm notorious for using alternatives); I was finally witnessing it being used in a way that made sense in my brain.

The frustration you're feeling when you encounter a new grammar point or overload yourself with too many things in one go is completely normal and I promise that a ton of us in the Japanese langblr community have definitely experienced it too! It probably feels like everything you know is being ripped apart because your native language may have a SVO (subject-verb-object) format while Japanese has a SOV (subject-object-verb) format--your 1-to-1 translations for your notes may not be helpful in the beginning because you're still trying to wrap your brain around the fact that your words still need to go in another order than you're used to. And then you add the new grammar points and concepts on top of that (like particles and other things) and it can become overwhelming and frustrating. Sometimes, you're going to find some grammar points just downright annoying--especially when you find that there's no equivalency to it in your own language. But don't give up!

I know this is a super cliché thing to say, but practicing them will help. If you can, I would make note of the grammar points that you're struggling with, try to make sentences with them, and ask somebody to check them and explain exactly why (or why not) they're working and then ask them for examples because they may have an even better way of explaining it to you than what you've come up with for yourself!

I can look back at old notes and see when I wrote a sentence as an example just because a textbook/professor used it but I didn't actually understand why it worked at the time and then I can also find notes where the sentences written as examples were added once I finally found something that clicked for me.

You've already done yourself a favor by learning a lot of vocab, kana, and kanji because now you'll be able to try out an array of ways to pick up grammar instead of just a textbook. (I will make a note that if you're looking to take the JLPT, I would recommend having a list of grammar points that you would need to know for the level that you're planning on sitting for because there's no guarantee of what will or won't pop up on the test.)

Another important thing while you're practicing: be comfortable with making mistakes. We all make them, but when you're learning a new language it's important to be ready to make mistakes and to welcome them with open arms because it gives you a chance to experience and learn in real time.

ALSO: for you specifically--because you're interested in reading, you might enjoy learning grammar through tracking the different grammar points through what you're reading and using the sentences as your examples because they're all going to be cohesive. And if reading books or other things totally turn you off right now, maybe games? Animal Crossing and Pokemon are very nice games to play in Japanese for people that are just starting out! You may also enjoy using Lingo Legend--it's an JRPG language learning app that I beta tested and I think that it's a nice way to review (it has some fun incentives). I'm not a big gamer, so I struggle with learning through games, but I've been picking up a lot of grammar through reading because I focus on finding things that I'm interested in, rather than things that are "at my level." When I start a manga, I will scour a ton of websites and forums and bug a ton of people when I come across a grammar point that I can't wrap my brain around because I want to be able to understand what's going on.

We have book clubs and gamers in my discord server, as well as places for people to post what they're practicing or to ask for help. We have people of all varying levels and different skillsets that love to share their wisdom with others.

I haven't used Bunpro, but I know that @sammilearns has, so she may be able to weigh in on that! And @tokidokitokyo @nihongoseito @chouhatsumimi @kanpeki-bekki @burgeoning-ambition probably also have even more tips that me--I'm trying to tag people that I know we all learn in different ways, so their tips and tricks might be just what you need!

Please weigh in, fellow langblr members! How have you been learning grammar? Are you game-ifying it? Have you turned it into math equations? Have you managed to tie it in with your special interest? I can't wait to see what people add to this post!

[babyangelsky]

Two Worlds: Novel vs. Series (Part 1)

A few days ago, I mentioned that I had begun reading the novel for Two Worlds because I was curious about the changes that had been made for the adaption. Truthfully, I've been curious about it since the special and enough people liked my post to encourage me to put this together, so here we are!

Few things. Firstly, the official English translation of the novel is only updated through chapter 7 which equates to about episode 3 of the series. Approximately.

Secondly, good god is it convoluted so to make things easier on myself and on you, I'm going to break down the changes to each world in two separate posts and not jump around which is what the novel does.

Thirdly, if you'd like to read the novel yourself, the first seven chapters are available for free here! It's the official translation and updates are a bit irregular but it is being updated! Trigger warning for discussion and sometimes graphic mentions of suicide. Please proceed with caution.

I also have to thank @thainovels for being so lovely every time I've asked them for help. What are the odds the novel updated the day after I asked you for help finding a complete version?!

This is gonna be LONG so to spare your dash and anyone who doesn't wanna be spoiled, I'll begin under the cut.

World 1, aka our starting world in the series

Okay so, broad strokes. One of the biggest differences between novel and show so far is how much time we spend in Phupha's perspective and indeed, in perspectives other than Phupha's or Kram's. We really only get Kram's perspective in the chapters dedicated to World 1 and he's barely appeared in the chapters dedicated to World 2 so far.

This author also really loves to go on a tangent which kinda bugs me in a "I'm a writer too and I wouldn't do things this way dammit" sort of way and while that's my own cross to bear, objectively it does pull focus from the main plot and make the story more confusing than it has to be. Although I do appreciate the insight into the other characters.

How Things Start Off

Unlike the show which opens with Kram painting by the river, the novel opens with Kram trying to make friends with Phupha. At this point it's unclear how long Phupha has been staying at Kram's house but it doesn't seem like it's been very long.

In the show, Kram is the grumpy one who doesn't wanna talk or hang out and Phupha is the more open one, but it's flipped in the novel. Kram is a lonely lil ball of sunshine and he's excited to make a new friend and Phupha's generally very grumpy about his circumstances.

Kram also calls him "your grace" which I suspect is what the translator chose to use in place of "khun chai" since Kram also calls him that in the show a few times. I really wish the show had kept this detail because unlike in the show, Kram uses khun chai playfully and eventually affectionately. It's also worth noting that he doesn't call Phupha "phi" despite their age difference because he doesn't want to create distance between them.

Their first bonding experience is going for a walk just like in the show rather than walk aimlessly in the forest, Kram takes him to see the waterfall that is so central to our story. The locals refer to it as Moonshadow Cave.

We learn that Phupha is afraid of heights (and very traumatized) because of the circumstances surrounding his mother's suicide. He opens up to Kram about it and also tells him why his father sent him to stay with Kram and his father.

At one point, Kram steps onto a little ledge around the back of the waterfall and gently coaxes Phupha to join him so they can see the view. But remember, Phupha is afraid of heights and traumatized so after a few moments he panics and goes to turn back. But he turns back a little too quickly and stumbles and ends up face to face and very close to Kram.

SO THEY KISS ABOUT IT. Maybe it's adrenaline, maybe it's horniness, who knows! Certainly not Phupha!

It's getting late so they come down from the mountain to go home. Kram's head is spinning from the kiss, he's confused, he can still taste Phupha. Phupha's confused too, he doesn't know why the hell he kissed Kram, and just as he's in the middle of telling Kram that it was just the adrenaline and didn't mean anything, they hear something rustling in the tall grass.

The Tiger Incident

Yep. The thing they hear is a tiger smack in the middle of having a deer for dinner. Here is the first of two or three major plot points (so far) that were cut from the adaptation entirely.

They come across the tiger and even though they try to move as quietly and slowly as they can to get away, they don't get very far before the tiger notices them and starts chasing them down. As they're running, Kram falls and hurts his leg. Kram knows of a small cave where they can hide, and They manage to duck into it just in time. Fortunately the entrance is too small for the tiger to follow them in there so they're safe but homeboy is still waiting outside to eat them, so they're forced to stay there until morning or until he gets bored and leaves.

Kram and Phupha snuggle together for warmth because of course they do and in the middle of the night, Phupha realizes that Kram has a fever.

The next morning, Phupha sees that Kram hasn't gotten any better so he decides to go and get help for him. Luckily the tiger is gone, so he leaves the cave and marks himself a path so he can find his way back. When he exits the forest, he sees Kram's dad and a group of villagers talking amongst themselves. They'd been looking for the two of them since they hadn't returned from their walk and are very relieved to see Phupha.

Phupha tells everyone what happened and they go back for Kram, and this is where things get very weird. He notices that the branches he broke to mark his path aren't broken anymore and when he and the villagers arrive at the cave, the weeds that were covering the cave entrance are thicker than they were before. And Kram?

Kram is fucking gone.

He is straight up gone. He is not in the cave where Phupha left him despite being sick and unable to move because of his injured leg. Phupha obviously begins questioning his sanity as a search gets underway.

Fifty people including police search the forest for two entire days to absolutely zero avail. Kram is nowhere to be found. It's like the forest swallowed him whole and Phupha is feeling so guilty and Kram's dad is being so kind and not blaming him at all and it's all very fraught.

The search is paused on the third day because of heavy rain but that's not about to stop Phupha. He needs to find Kram and he's in the forest desperately wracking his mind for every last detail of the path he took from the cave and the surroundings while rain is pouring down on him. He thinks he might've found the right spot and sees a cave, but passes out before he can reach it.

When he wakes up, he's back at Kram's house being tended to by Duandow, Kram's childhood friend (we'll get to her in a bit). First thing he does is ask about Kram and miracle of miracles, KRAM HAS BEEN FOUND AND IS OKAY! His leg wasn't broken and he's in rough shape after not having any food or water for a couple days but he's expected to make a full recovery.

Duandow tells him that the cave Kram was found in--the one Phupha passed out in front of--was in an area that had already been searched by the police and that the locals believe that dark magic blocked the entrance to it, which is why they hadn't been able to find Kram before.

If that sounds really goddamn weird to you, THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS. Something fucky is going on with this forest but there are absolutely no answers I can give you as to the why and the how. The novel hasn't given us anything yet.

Phupha and Kram

Another huge difference between the show and the novel is just how much the relationship between Phupha and Kram progresses and how physical it actually is. In the show we only get a few kisses and some snuggling but they go a lot further in the novel.

A lot further.

After the tiger and the fucky forest trauma bond them, they're hanging out on the mountain near Kram's house one evening and as they get to talking and open up to each other some more, they're interrupted by a swarm of fireflies. Kram tries to catch one for Phupha but can't quite manage it, and somehow they end up very close together again.

SO THEY KISS ABOUT IT. AGAIN.

Not only do they kiss about it, clothes start coming off and things start getting hot and heavy before Kram's dad calls up and interrupts them. He doesn't actually see anything (since they're horizontal and shielded by the brush) but he does notice the state they're in when they come down.

Which leads me nicely to the painting.

The Nude Portrait

Remember the nude portrait Kram did of Phupha? In the show, it comes about after Kram accidentally paints Scarface Tai. Phupha sees the painting and realizes how skilled Kram is and hires Kram to paint him.

In the novel, Kram shows Phupha a spare room where he stores all his works and as they're looking through them, Phupha comes across a nude portrait Kram had done of DUANDAOW. KRAM'S CHILDHOOD FRIEND.

Kram tells him that she had agreed to pose for him one day so he could practice painting figures, as all artists do, and Phupha gets all quiet and grumpy and jealous about it. So what does he do? Hire Kram to paint a nude portrait for him like the one Kram had done for Duandaow.

If you'll recall, this is pretty much what happens in the show when Tai asks Kram do paint a nude portrait of him. He gets jealous because Kram had done one of Phupha and asks for one just like it. It seems like the writers reworked that bit since they also wrote out that Kram had done a portait of Duandaow.

And that's not all they reworked.

The painting session with Phupha in the novel begins the same as it does in the show. Kram is doing his thing while Phupha looks all pretty with his cloth in the river. But just like the nude painting scene with Tai, Kram starts getting distracted because of how good Phupha looks.

And I just have to say, the author always makes a point to describe how beautiful Phupha is, but I especially appreciate them taking the time to tell us that Phupha has lovely ample breasts and pretty nipples. Especially because wiping sweat off those lovely ample breasts is what brings Kram so very close to Phupha for the third time. Except this time, they don't just kiss about it.

THEY FUCK ABOUT IT. RIGHT BY THE RIVER. AND THEN GO RIGHT BACK TO THE PAINTING SESSION WHEN THEY'RE DONE.

In the show, this painting scene is where we get their first kiss but as you have seen, beloved reader, we are several kisses in by this point in the novel

Dilok

It's after this that we cut to Kram's dad's perspective for a bit, and I only mention this because it's so goddamn funny and also serves to highlight a few of important points.

The man is just so endearingly oblivious. He saw how disheveled Kram and Phupha were when they came down from the mountain as I mentioned above and assumes they fought each other after having an argument. This man interpreted two horizontal silhouettes moving together as a FIST FIGHT. He assumes they're angry at each other when they won't even look at each other.

THIS MAN THINKS KRAM AND PHUPHA ARE FIGHTING TO THE DEATH EVERY TIME THEY GO UP TO THE MOUNTAIN AND COME BACK LOOKING SWEATY AND FLUSHED AND RUMPLED AND IF THAT'S NOT THE FUNNIEST THING GODDAMN THING I'VE EVER READ I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

In one instance, Dilok catches Phupha leaving Kram's bedroom early in the morning and believes Phupha when he tells him he "fell asleep" after he and Kram "talked" all night. Dilok even thinks to himself how proud he is that they're so mature and communicate so well! I love Dilok so much, you don't understand.

That aside, however, his hilarious misinterpretation tells us that unlike in the show, Kram and Phupha are fucking on the reg. And bear in mind that Kram still technically has an ash exchange ceremony coming up with Duandaow but before I get into everything with her, I wanted to share this passage where Dilok happens upon both her and Phupha's portraits because it says something important about Kram's relationship with Duandaow. Also because I love it.

Duandaow

Duandaow's presence is yet another major difference between the novel and the show.

The show doesn't tell us a whole lot about her. We know only that she has an ash exchange ceremony coming up with Kram and that when she realizes that Kram has feelings for Phupha, she takes herself out of the equation so they can be together.

The novel gives us so much more. She's featured prominently when Kram disappears in the forest, she cares for Phupha when he passes out, she appears every time Phupha goes to her grandmother's store to get medicine for Kram, and of course there's the fact that Kram painted her.

She has been in love with Kram her whole life. In addition to getting her history, we learn that they've known each other since childhood and that they were very close since they were the only two children in the village that were the same age. And it's partially because there's no one else for either them that being with Kram is a foregone conclusion to her and it's why she assumes that's the case for him as well.

She confesses to Kram and he responds with something along the lines of "Who would I love if not you? It's just us here." It's not an "I love you, too" but she takes it that way. Kram literally has no one else so his response may seem sweet but to me, it reads as him accepting on some level that there's no other option and settling.

I do think he cares deeply for Duandaow but I don't think he's in love with her. Several things drive this home for me (including that passage above) but the one that stands out the most is actually when they lose their virginity to each other.

It happens one day after they go swimming together (at the infamous waterfall I might add). She makes the first move and he hesitates at first but he gets swept up in the moment and it's all very shy and sweet. Thing is, after it happens, Kram keeps things strictly friendly between them. So much so that she thinks the whole thing got wiped from his memory.

And this sense of "who else if not you" persists pretty much their whole lives up until this point. They have an ash exchange ceremony coming up because why wouldn't they? There's no other option. Oh, the comphet of it all.

She isn't stepping aside for Phupha because she doesn't realize there's something between him and Kram. She notices something there that makes her suspicious but those suspicions are nebulous at best. It never occurs to her that they could have any relationship beyond friendship because why would they?

The Other Love Triangle

Phupha has had silent, one-sided beef with Duandaow ever since he saw that painting of her. He's polite to her but just barely, he doesn't make any effort at friendliness or real conversation. He's jealous and he has good reason to be, because he and Kram haven't declared any feelings for each other or had the "what are we" conversation.

Not only that, there is an ash exchange ceremony coming up. Phupha has no idea what that ceremony is until he asks Kram's dad one day and Dilok tells him IT'S A MARRIAGE CEREMONY. Show!Kram had some nerve getting pissy at Phupha for having a fiancee he didn't tell Kram about when Kram had one too!

Here Phupha is, so very in love and in a very physical relationship with Kram, and then he learns Kram is about to get married to someone else. He doesn't know whether Kram returns his feelings, he doesn't know where he stands, there's been no hint of calling off the wedding, so what does he do?

He takes himself out of the equation just like Duandaow does in the show.

Phupha chooses not to confess his feelings to Kram, he spends one last night snuggling him, and then he takes the L and quietly goes back to his life in Rattha.

Oh, what's that you say? You wanted some salt in that wound? How about the fact that KRAM GOES THROUGH WITH THE CEREMONY AND MARRIES DUANDAOW?

More? HE ONLY REALIZES HIS FEELINGS FOR PHUPHA AFTER HE'S ALREADY GONE AND ONLY MARRIES DUANDAOW OUT OF OBLIGATION AND BECAUSE PHUPHA IS NO LONGER THERE.

It's a MESS and there is no resolution for it because the novel translation isn't done!

*screams*

Tai

You might have noticed that I haven't really talked about Tai and that's because he only shows up once in these few chapters we have so far. The ones that take place in World 1, that is. But boy howdy does he come in with a bang when he does. Literally.

When Phupha hires Kram to paint him, Kram asks him to take him into the city as payment. There's an arts festival happening and Kram wanted to go so he could show off his dad's paintings.

Everything is going lovely, everyone is having a good time. At least until Duandaow shows up and Phupha turns into a salty salmon about it but we already talked about her.

The brand new chief of police has been asked to make a speech to inaugurate the festival and a short while after he gets on stage to make it, there is a bang. It's followed by screams and a second bang.

Tai showed up at the festival, shot an officer in the gut, and then killed the chief in cold blood to get revenge for the chief recently killing his father.

Bedlam ensues. People are screaming and terrified and fleeing the scene and Tai is looking to flee the scene too, but it just so happens that Kram is blocking his escape route. Tai shouts for him to move but something comes over Kram and he's not budging. Doesn't matter how much Tai threatens him or how much Phupha pleads with him, Tai belongs to the gang that killed his mother and he ain't moving.

My boy doesn't move even when Tai points a gun in his face. That's how much he hates this man and everything he represents. And Tai fully intends to kill him, but there's a moment where he locks eyes with Kram and something shifts within him.

There's a shot, but because we switch to Duandaow's perspective in that moment, we don't know exactly what happens. We know only that the shot missed and that Phupha rushed to hug Kram to his body and shield him from the shot.

Kram was in point blank range. There was no way in hell that shot missed unless that's what Tai intended. But that's all we've gotten of Tai in World 1 so far so there hasn't been a chance to dig into anything more.

The Stabbing of Viroj

There's one more thing I wanna mention, which also happens to be the stopping point for the translation at this time.

In the show, in World 1, Phupha's biological father Viroj gets attacked after Phupha and Kram go talk to him about the incident in the gallery with Tai and the conversation Phupha had with his father.

In the novel, that conversation with Adisak and Phupha's aunt and stepmother takes place right after Phupha goes back to Rattha and for the subsequent conversation with Viroj, Phupha is obviously alone.

The circumstances that precede the stabbing at a little different but that's a whole other tangent so I'm not gonna get into it. The rest of it is largely the same as in the show.

Someone breaks in, stabs Viroj, Phupha hears a scream and comes upon the scene, he has the realization about his hemophilia, he calls an ambulance and the police.

Only a few details are different. In the novel, he does actually manage to call for help but help never comes so he decides to take Viroj to the hospital himself. Unfortunately Viroj dies before Phupha can take him.

After his death, Phupha calls his dad Adisak to tell him that someone killed Viroj and to ask him to call for help. Adisak does, and when Phupha gets a call from the paramedics asking for more information, the paramedic asks where the patient was stabbed.

Problem is, Phupha never told Adisak that Viroj had been stabbed. Phupha immediately suspects that Adisak knows more about the attack than he let on and was possibly even behind it.

This is as far as the translation has taken us so I have to stop here. Sometime before the finale I'm gonna write up part two to this absolute saga, which will be the differences between World 2 in the novel and show.

If you've read this far, thank you. You're lovely and I love you. ❤️

[tumblydovereviews]

Hamilton: Why it Worked

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your king, George III. Welcome, to Hamilton."

I've been in a Hamiton funk lately. In fact, while writing this post I was actually watching the Disney+ recording of the musical!

It's not just because today is the Fourth of July and Alexander Hamilton ultimately played a major role in helping America become what it is today. It's not just because Moana 2 is dropping in a couple of months, which Lin Manuel-Miranda won't be a part of, and I'm coping by listening to his music and work. I've always been a Hamilton fan, and while I haven't had the time nor the money to actually go out and see it myself, I have enjoyed it via listening to the soundtrack, reading the giant book I have on it, and generally appreciating the work itself.

A concept like Hamilton was fairly unique at the time of it coming out- after all, who has ever heard of an idea as abnormal as a sung-and-rapped musical about one of the Founding Fathers? In a way, though, Alexander Hamilton himself held many characteristics of a perfect protagonist for a show with this concept; he was restless, impulsive, and always moving, just as the show is paced to be. Lin Manuel-Miranda got the idea for the entire musical by reading a Hamilton biography. He was inspired by Hamilton's personality and compared it to that of a rapper; namely, Tupac Shakur, joining the past and the present together to form a new creation.

Any great musical would need to be propelled by music totally, and Hamilton is no exception; in fact, the musical holds a unique advantage over other generic shows- as mentioned before, it's a sung-and-rapped through musical. The majority, if not all, of the show is sung-through. Not only does this allow for a unique point-of-view inside of the personal issues of the characters, but it also allows the musical to be highly accessible. As I mentioned before, I haven't actually watched Hamilton in-person; my main way of consuming Hamilton media is by 'watching' the musical via its array of songs. Unlike other musicals, I didn't need to worry about gaps in the narrative not being able to be sealed by dialogue or body language.

And, speaking of the songs, they're great as well! In a variety of genres, such as rap, jazz, and pop, there's a Hamilton song for everyone, really. Lin, Leslie, Renee, and the rest of the class are amazing singers, and the orchestra and sound department also aids in elevating the play's most dramatic moments. Some are my personal favorites are the opening song, Alexander Hamilton, What'd I Miss, You'll be Back, and The Schuyler Sisters.

But, perhaps the main factor in the wide appeal of Hamilton was how well the writing and casting managed to humanize people that seemed so far away from our time, people who we'd usually think as being foreign to our modern-day issues. The cast of Hamilton are diverse in race, ranging from Hispanic to Black to Asian, and are given personalities that can relate to what people nowadays are like. Hamilton is ambitious and prideful, while Burr is more introverted but vengeful to a fault. Instead of random historical names, the two men, and all of the other characters in the play, become real. There's a reason that people of all ages, from young teenagers to fully-grown adults, have all managed to grow captivated by these characters. They are human. They are us. Hamilton is us.

And, ultimately, this is why Hamilton has become such a big success, in my opinion. Hamilton works because it doesn't just act as a play; instead, think of it as a river, using music, characters, and comedy to connect two oceans together- the past and the present. What started off as a random idea that was scorned down upon by others has ultimately become a global phenomenon, and with the feats mentioned above, it's no wonder that Hamilton managed to become such a success both on and off Broadway. To this day, the play still sells out tickets regularly, and is viewed, listened, and acted to by millions all around not just the USA, but the entire globe.

So, this fourth of July, you don't need to bolt out the national anthem while wearing red, white, and blue and bursting out oodles of fireworks everywhere you go. Instead, if you have the ability to, I'd highly recommend watching or listening to the soundtrack of Hamilton. Because, no matter the holiday or the country you lie in, there's something for everyone in this musical.

[sirenjose]

So I've been really into your analysis lately and I'm a huge fan now, wanted to ask some questions, feel free to not answer any

1- what was your favourite idv story/event to analyze?

2- your least fav of the latter?

3- are you into anything else besides idv?

4-how do you find the motivation to analyze stuff? I've tried before and it was very draining :')

Thanks for your time, hope you have a lovely day

I'm very happy to hear you're enjoying yourself despite my own low opinion about much of what I put out. I'll do my best to answer!

Hmm I always dislike picking favorites because I'm bad at picking eheh... But the ones I liked most... I honestly enjoy T&I and COA (1-5) even more than the main story. So I think I might pick... Atropos' Ropes for T&I and for COA, thats harder... 3-5 are my faves but I might pick 4 just because of how it felt it had the most story/details given than all the rest. Even the *SONG* had story. I loved it.

Least fave, eh... Orfeo and Zinaida immediately come to mind, though Orfeo I'd say was worse... COA 1 is another primarily because of how DIFFICULT it was for me to figure it out enough to put together an analysis. And I had to rewrite that thing at LEAST 3 times to the point I'm just hoping it's good enough and leaving it alone. Time of Reunion I think is another that comes to mind, mainly because I didn't appreciate how they treated Norton in there, especially in the videos (but at least those aren't canon like the in-game event was). So based on all that, I might say Orfeo if I really had to pick 1. Then rank ToR 2nd and Zinaida/COA1 3rd.

FF14 and Honkai Star Rail especially I'm playing actively these days, but I honestly like a lot of stuff. Like Persona (espeially 4), 999 aka Zero Escape, and Star Ocean Til the End of Time. Least in terms of games.

Hmm... Maybe because the 1st reason I play a game is because of the story, and gameplay is always 2nd to me. If the story and characters are good, that gets me interested. Issue with IDV is we only get bits and pieces. Really need to look deeper to really understand some of the characters. I actually only started analyzing because I challenged myself (partially out of curiosity for the answer) to see if I could prove if Norton wasn't as evil as people thought (based on all the comments I saw when I 1st joined the fandom a long while ago). From there, there was Jose who I wanted to analyze because he honestly had so many plot holes I couldn't (and still can't completely) solve. So I get the most enjoyment analyzing something that doesn't have a clear answer. Which is why I don't always post for every letter. A big part of it is I enjoy history and culture and such, so it's fun for me to learn about different foods, or time periods, or how bad the environment was for miners or sailors back in the day, etc... I dont think I have an easy answer (I can see I'm rambling). Norton I actually only began to like because I was spending so long working on my 1st analysis for him (and my perfectionism made me analyze all of Norton's essences before i could call it finished). Jose was because I love Captain Hook, and then after because of the plot holes that bothered me. Then for others, I think I enjoy making analyses to... try to sometimes change people's opinoions/beliefs. Like with Margaretha or Vera. With Edgar was because I was more interested in his story and him as a character only once I put together all his lore. Sort of goes on from there. I could ramble on but I'm going to get even more guilty. I hope this helps somewhat, but let me know if it doesn't and I'll keep going. Maybe the simple is A) I like history/culture/research, B) I like to convince people that certain characters arent as evil as they think or change beliefs I think aren't quite accurate, C) I like solving puzzles and I love story, D) I already think too hard about literally everything, and combined with my perfectionism, we get analysis

[skylie-spiderlillis]

5, 8 for Charles, and 20 !

(aaaa sorry for taking time to answer I was trying to take a break from tumblr because I've become too addicted. I love getting asks please send me more if you'd like!)

5. The Devilin house.

I've talked about this before.

Getting to see those glimpses of Charles's trauma hurt me emotionally I connect to him so much.

I also love some things other people pointed out-

How there didn't turned out to be a supernatural cause for the murders at the end- the father was just insane, because the world is fucked up and they're not hiding from it throwing a big scary monster putting the blame on other causes like other shows.

I took it so for granted, yeah of course they won't shy away from showing real horrors and won't blame it on fantasy, it took me other people pointing it out to realise yeah other shows won't be like that.

And also how the problems weren't solved with violence, they never are in this show.

One thing the episode showed is that the circle of abuse is real. Answering fire with fire won't solve shit.

I didn't even caught that until other people pointed it out. It's another thing I greatly appreciate about this show.

To deal with your shit you can't do it alone, you have to lean on other people otherwise you'd just fall back again like Charles did. You have to let people in. Despite his dislike for her Edwin listened to Crystal and that's how they got out. He had to deal with crap, with his weakness- technology, if he wanted to get out it couldn't just be easy.

The episode captured all of that well, it captured the cycle of abuse phenomenally so yeah I love this case.

Damn that was long.

8. I have already answered Charles twice ((1)) ((2)), the second time I really elaborated on all my hcs for him, I think I forgot colour blind Charles but yes that's about it. Sorry I just answered it twice and I'm tired 8 have nothing else to add beyond what I already said. So go check that posts!

20. The (dead)boys. Nothing makes my heart giggle and laugh like seeing the boys acting like a dead married couple on acid.

The dynamic of the characters are so great I love the main squad.

Also seeing the cat king being the pathetic lover boy that he is in episode 7 (love him. That scene was great).

[thefinalboss387]

Lord Zedd Appreciation Post!

In 1994, season 2 of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers premiered. And with it came the arrival of Lord Zedd, the show's new main villain. This character has been a large part of my life ever since.

I've always loved this character, but he also didn't have a whole lot of depth in those earlier seasons. To be fair, nobody in that period of the show had much depth. But decades later, he resurfaced in the Boom Studios comics and in recent seasons of the TV show. These new appearances gave the character some much-needed depth, backstory, and even finally gave us a final showdown.

These recent appearances took a character I already had a lot of love for, and catapulted him up into being one of my favorite characters of all time.

So here's the thing about Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: It's a fun, cheesy spectacle, and a lot of people to this day will swear up and down that it's the best era of Power Rangers' 31-year history. I'm old enough to have grown up watching those old earlier episodes and I have a lot of love and nostalgia for them, buuuuut.... The writing and character work are really not that good? Later seasons do a much better job of giving its characters distinct personalities and arcs.

All of the Rangers in the Mighty Morphin era have personalities, but like barely. These "teenagers with attitude" are all upstanding, morally-righteous kids that do various activities for charity and teach classes at their youth center and juice bar...but that's about it. Billy was a genius, Zack was into music and dancing, Kimberly was good at gymnastics, etc, but they all used those skillsets for charity and all had pretty generic goody-good personalities.

The villains sit up in their castle on the moon, shouting about how much they want to destroy the Power Rangers and creating monsters for them to fight....but that's about it.

Rita Repulsa, honestly, was kind of a joke of a character at first. Her scenes were dubbed Sentai footage, limiting the writers on what they could do with her. Her scenes on the moon were surreal and barely coherent. She'd send down a monster, there'd be a bunch of random shots of her randomly laughing or cheering on her monster, she inevitably would make her monster grow for the Megazord battle, and then she'd rant about having a headache. Rinse, wash, repeat.

When Lord Zedd finally showed up in season 2, it was a breath of fresh air. Lord Zedd was not from the Sentai, so the show filmed entirely new scenes for him. The dubbing didn't have to do weird ad-libbing to make the footage make sense, they could film the footage around their writing for the character. And, to contrast Rita's goofy look and demeanor, Zedd was freaking terrifying. He immediately one-ups Rita, exiles her to the far reaches of space, and takes over her operation. He has Serpentera, an extremely powerful and humongous Zord capable of destroying entire planets.

Only, Zedd ended up just being Rita 2.0. He stayed in the moon palace, he would create monsters out of something precious to the Rangers (which was a fun new twist for Zedd), there'd be a bunch of random shots of him randomly laughing and gloating about his upcoming victory, he would inevitably make his monster grow for the Megazord battle, and he'd blame the failure on the incompetence of his minions. Rinse, wash, repeat.

A turning point came about midway through season 2, when Rita Repulsa came back from her exile (using a new actress, so she was no longer limited to weird dubbed-over Sentai footage) and used a love potion to make Zedd fall in love with her, and the two teamed up to take down the Power Rangers and rule the universe together. So begins a weird but magnificent era of the show where Rita and Zedd's story arc was still largely disconnected from the rest of the show, and they still sent down monsters and made them grow and stayed in their moon palace away from the rest of the action, but they did actually have their own story arc for the first time. Their scenes in isolation became this weird sitcom on the moon and I absolutely adored it.

In season 3, Rita's brother Rito showed up. Rito was a bumbling idiot, but also a competent fighter, which made for a fun dynamic. He'd go down to Earth and fight the Rangers and partner with Goldar, but then he'd go up to the sitcom on the moon and keep making Zedd mad by calling him "Ed". Then Rita and Rito's father, Master Vile, showed up. Apparently Master Vile is this big, ultra-evil dude that made even Lord Zedd feel inadequate in comparison, and Master Vile didn't approve Rita marrying Zedd. It's all completely wacky and I love it.

Even as Rita and Zedd became more fleshed out through these wacky family sitcom shenanigans on the moon, their role to the Rangers was still as these distant figures sending down monsters to do their bidding and very rarely actually interacting with the Rangers. Even as a child I desperately wanted to see them in action. What would a battle with Rita or Zedd even look like? How powerful are they? Rita would sometimes come down to Earth to issue orders to double-agent Kat or taunt the Rangers, but still never fought. There was implied to be a lot of history and bad blood between Zedd and the Rangers' mentor, Zordon, but it's never explored. What could their relationship have looked like?

Lord Zedd also became a little more present in season 3. There was an episode where he fought Tommy one-on-one, and he was winning, until Tommy broke his staff and forced him to retreat. He also introduced a team of Dark Rangers, corrupted teenagers he intended to use as his own brand of Power Rangers, but... well... they looked like this.

Because their costumes were so cheaply-made, there was never any actual fight with these Dark Rangers. Disappointing.

When Power Rangers Zeo began, new villains the Machine Empire chased Rita and Zedd out, and their sitcom on the moon became a universal road trip in a camper (yes, a camper). In Power Rangers in Space, they allied with a bunch of other villains and were ultimately turned good when Zordon sacrificed himself to eliminate all evil in the galaxy. Although he didn't appear again for many years, he's heralded both in canon and IRL as one of the most powerful, impactful villains of the franchise.

Overall, Zedd made an impact on me. I was introduced to the character in 1994 when I was 7 years old. In a show where all the characters were pretty shallow and static, Zedd and Rita were the ones driving the show forward and eventually even getting their own storylines with the wacky moon sitcom. I wonder to this day if this show was why I grew to love villains so much for the rest of my life. Rita and Zedd were damn entertaining and kind of became the main characters of the show in a sense? They also had a sense of mystery to them. What made them evil? What was their history with Zordon? There was also this eternal buildup to an inevitable final battle against Lord Zedd that just.... never happened. Where's the payoff?

Then, decades later, Zedd made a comeback in the Boom Studios comics as well as recent TV season Dino Fury and again as the main villain in Cosmic Fury. These new appearances ultimately gave me everything I'd been wanting for the character ever since I was a kid. After 30 years of buildup, we finally got payoff.

I'll start with the comics. Boom Studios' comics are kind of set between episodes of the original show, while also serving as something of a soft reboot? It's more modernized, the characters have cell phones and text each other, and it's aimed for older audiences, giving the comic room to give these characters depth, real demons and personality, etc.

THESE are the Dark Rangers Zedd makes in the comics. Instead of random corrupted teenagers with cheap suits, it's empowered, badass versions of the minions that have been around since the original show (and a shapeshifted Putty Rita, since the story was set during real Rita's exile).

Zedd's personality is much more harsh and terrifying. He's got the demeanor of a hardened warlord. He retains his quirk from the original show of turning objects the Rangers love into monsters, but it's explained that he does this not as a means of destroying the Rangers, but to corrupt and chip away one little thing that they love at a time until they're emotionally broken.

And OHHH BOY HIS BACKSTORY

We learn in the comics that Lord Zedd was once Zophram, Supreme Guardian of the Planet Eltar.... and Zordon's friend and mentor. He fought to save other planets from evil. He slowly grew disillusioned with the politics and bureaucracy of Eltar, and was highly manipulated by Zartus - another friend and mentee - into destroying himself and becoming a monster that Zartus could rally people against for his own political climb to power. Believing that it was Zordon who betrayed and manipulated him, Zophram became Lord Zedd and sought to destroy everything he stood for.

In the "present", Zartus becomes the main villain of the Eltarian War story arc as he begins a full-scale invasion on Earth. It comes out that Zartus was the true evil, and Zedd and Zordon team up to take down Zartus together. Though Zedd shows some remorse and hints of forgiveness toward Zordon, he is too far gone now and continues on the path he's on even after Zartus's defeat.

And THEN, in the Darkest Hour story arc, Zedd even gets a morpher of his own AND BECOMES A POWER RANGER!!!

The series ended after the Darkest Hour event. Zedd never really got too much to do as a main villain in the comics, the focus was more on showcasing other villains and storylines that the show couldn't, but Zedd was still given A LOT of depth as a character. There still was no big final battle or closure against him, and I wish they got to do more with Zedd's cool Ranger form and even his team of Dark Rangers, but he was still very cool and he was given a lot of much-needed character development and layers that still felt respectful of what came before in the show. Evil wasn't born, it was made, and by the time he realized Zartus's deception, he'd already gone too far and killed too many people to be able to take any of it back even if he wanted to.

So hey, all I really need now to satisfy my inner child is CLOSURE and a cool final battle. ENTER DINO FURY AND COSMIC FURY

Zedd gets resurrected. He's still a bit goofy, Power Rangers is a kids' show after all, and they keep his more sitcom-y elements and wit. He teams up with Bajillia Naire (haha pun), the CEO of a big evil interplanetary weapons organization, and seeks to take over the universe. Bajillia even gives him footsoldiers created in his image called Zentinals that are really cool.

In his style of corrupting innocent things, he brainwashes the Blue Dino Fury Ranger, Ollie, into his slave and lieutenant. And honestly? I liked their dynamic a LOT more than I was ever expecting to. He ends up becoming a kind of twisted father figure to Ollie, giving him advice and gifts and showing him compassion and understanding. Ollie seeks his approval and seems to actually have an emotional investment in serving Zedd, rather than doing it just because mwahahahaha.

His big universe takeover plot also leads him into invading and taking over Planet Eltar, Zordon's home planet (and his own, if you follow the comic continuity) and hey, that's a pretty fun development. He stations himself on Eltar and makes his base there, showing just how proud he is to have taken it over.

Annnnnd THEN COMES THE CLOSURE

Zedd's plan in Cosmic Fury is to essentially harness the energy of the Morphin Masters, ancient and all-powerful beings that basically created the Power Rangers (they've been mentioned on and off since the original Mighty Morphin days, so, yay continuity) and absorb all of their energy into himself, becoming the Morphin Master and the single most powerful being in the universe.

He does this. And he becomes a new form (pictured above), Master Zedd.

There is a short battle that follows. Zedd is blasting everything and completely overpowering the Rangers. There's no chance they can beat him. He's won.

......uuuuuuntil Bajillia Naire betrays him and sucks him into the device they'd been using to trap the Morphin Masters. Turns out her plan all along had been to kiss up to Zedd and get him the ultimate power he wanted, so that she could sacrifice him to unleash a wave of pure evil across the universe that will destroy all things good. This mirrors Zordon's sacrifice that erased all evil from the universe and caused Zedd's original defeat way back in Power Rangers in Space. Yay continuity.

Eventually, Bajillia is defeated and the Rangers talk Zedd into giving up his Morphin Master power to save his own life. This is done when Ollie, the Blue Ranger that he had previously brainwashed, connects with Zedd and reminds him of advice that Zedd had given him before. Even without the brainwashing spell, Ollie understands Zedd's mind and how he works and manages to talk him down. Zedd is trapped in an endless nightmare of being with Rita (which is a fun fate for him), and it's said he will be stuck there until he reforms, however long that takes.

And like.... okay. The big final battle with him was a bit different than I was expecting. But I really like it?? His big universe takeover plot had essentially worked, he won, and his defeat was a fun nod to his previous defeat from decades ago and even his relationship with Ollie had a payoff.

Cosmic Fury had finally given us closure to a villain that, for decades, had a ton of buildup and no real confrontation or battle against. They did it in a way that was true to who the character previously was, and even added some interesting new directions for the character. This, on top of all the depth and backstory he was given in the comics, has made him a surprisingly complex, complete character, and that's what I had always wanted for him ever since I was a kid.

[utilitycaster]

who out here sieging they weisshaupt

anyway. I understand wardens by definition go to horrible blighted places BUT every warden location SUCKS ASS. Let's do the rundown. A lot has happened.

Siege of Weisshaupt! I took Emmrich with me (Davrin is required and also makes sense) and while, again, I'm on Dumbass mode for combat, I must admit it kinda sucks that two of my healers AND rook are all most lethal with necrotic damage and darkspawn are resistant. this was perhaps a bad idea. I lived though, and I punched the warden and everyone except the academics approved, which is hilarious. Sorry Emmrich and Bellara I am NOT using my words. Also Bellara you'd feel better if you punched someone. Also bringing Emmrich IS pretty funny both because he is a very good healer/buffer and as Davrin and I are both tanks and damage dealers and my physical damage is nothing to sneeze at it's fine; and because Davrin is like IT IS MY DESTINY TO DIE IN GLORY AND DUTY and Emmrich is like the thought of dying makes me sick to my stomach and I am a necromancer.

I'll admit the sad failure family dinner and the solas convo after AND Varric all were like BY THE WAY YOU SHOULD DO COMPANION QUESTS and it was a little clunky BUT some people are stupid and I appreciate the game makes it obvious to them. also, talking to Lucanis, Davrin, and Neve was very fun for me (tragedy enjoyer). I now see why you talk with Davrin so much; he changes drastically after Weisshaupt and becomes much more interesting and you need to have that baseline.

I am slowly regaining Neve's trust! Also Neve being terrible at making coffee and Lucanis flirting with her in the form of "oh my god your coffee is the worst thing ever let me make you some" is a fucking. main quest interaction. Then I took Lucanis to Dock Town for the mission while Davrin dealt with his justified depressive episode.

The scene where Spite possesses Lucanis is missable if you don't check, and that's an oversight on Bioware's part, I must admit. Also I NEVER take the comedy mask option but I had to for the "you can't caffeinate your way out of this line" even though I as a real life person drink a quart of jet-fuel level coffee a day. Once a vending machine gave me three Celsius Essentials for the price of one and I briefly considered finding out what would happen if I drank all of them, and I'd already had coffee that day. Point being Lucanis's inclinations are relatable.

I'm back on that sweet sidequest life before The Cauldron quest, particularly the companion quests. There's like 3in Arlathan I haven't even picked up and of course I must go back to the wetlands my beloathed to see Evka (one of two good things in the wetlands, the other being Antoine). I DID do Bellara's companion quest. I love how the part 2 companion quests are like your friends are GOING THROUGH IT. Again. not subtle. but I do love justified angst. Neve literally the only person who isn't in a deep depression or anxiety spiral right now. I'm even playing Rook as feeling bad enough to admit weakness to Solas. Oh anyway Bellara's quest is great. Matt Mercer is there again, in a performance that made me go "wait is that Matt Mercer?" His delivery is incredible. Obsessed with how everyone was like MATT MERCER IS IN THIS GAME. HE'S A HISSING SKELETON. and actually he's playing two major characters.

I'll make a separate post later about this specifically, but I love the crossroads and could spend all my time there, which is why I've already fought Mythal I guess. I HAVE learned some of my lesson re: sidequesting aggressively though, and I am saving the necropolis dragon for when I'm "not only level thirty...four?" and "am better at this".

Again, my tolerance for clunky-ass dialogue in fantasy is high BUT. This game uses the word "fucking" so why do they keep saying "butt" instead of "ass." It tracks for Davrin, who is a dork, but I'm sorry and not to self insert excessively but Rook would say the word "ass" in front of Mila. there is a fucking archdemon. let the child learn the cuss words.

GOT A BLACK EMPORIUM INVITE BABEYYYYYYYYYYYYY time to FINISH MY GIFT GIVING

[abrisaber]

Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss Rant Again Again Again

It's about time I made another unnecessarily long post about HB!

It's been a few months since the release of Hazbin Hotel and I've watched it a couple of times alongside Helluva Boss. With the newest episode of HB right around the corner, I thought I'd make a post so I can rant about things that I like and dislike about both shows. This is technically a criticism and it will definitely be negative at some points, but let it be known that I love both Hazbin and Helluva and even though I have my preferences, I still appreciate and enjoy the effort and soul put into both shows regardless.

The World building.

World Building is my favorite thing about any creative media. All of my favorite shows put a lot of dedication into fleshing out the environments for which their characters live in. And, in my opinion, any fantasy media should put some emphasis on World Building for it to be worthwhile.

In the Helleverse or the Vivzieverse or whatever the fuck you call the two shows, the WB is kinda mixed. I will admit that my bais towards WB over something like character development and theme, which are both things that HB and HH emphasize, does cause my opinion of the two shows to skew, but there are flaws that exist within both shows that can't go ignored outside of my own personal bias.

Despite my own preferences, there are things that should be addressed in both shows in terms of the world building that isn't, and I don't think it ever will because of the fact that Hazbin and Helluva are character driven. But when you have Hazbin focusing on something that would drastically change the climate and culture of hell (the exterminations), it's only logical that those things would ripple into Helluva. For example; the potential conflict between Heaven and Helluva Boss.

Maybe this will happen in the future, but I doubt it since Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel seem to exist entirely separate from each other. If that is the case then IMP's existence should would directly conflict with Heaven's desire to protect humans.

If IMP is popular enough for demons in other rings to know about their existence, and for Sinners to be lining up down the block looking for a good deal, then why wouldn't Heaven know about it? And if they do know about it, why wouldn't they have done anything? If Heaven wants to keep demons at controllable and suppressed numbers, then how would some demons have access to the living world at all?

Stolas says in "Oops" That Asmodeus's demons (Succubi and Incubi I suppose) are able to access Earth freely and *legally.* Why would someone like Asmodeus, a person who exists one rank underneath Lucifer and is one of Hell's main sovereigns, be able to let his demons do anything on Earth? Succubi are literally bread to intice humans to sin. They have mating calls that make humans want to fuck them. Why would Heaven allow that, if they even know about that. Because if they do then the idea of Heaven wanting to suppress hell is complete bullshit, and if they don't then Heaven sucks at their job.

The Good and The Bad

Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel are both decent shows, but Hazbin Hotel severely outdoes Helluva in several areas. I don't want to be that guy and say "Hazbin is soo much better than Helluva" because I don't really think they're unequal in terms of quality overall, but there are things that can't be ignored about both shows.

For starters, Helluva Boss has no idea what kind of show it wants to be. It started out fairly comedic and lighthearted with some elements of drama, specifically with Blitzo and his relationships, and then it slowly tried to push more and more drama into it to please the overwhelming number of people who are obsessed with the relationships of these characters. The episodes got longer and suddenly we're giving characters arcs that have only had 2 major episodes total (Yes I'm talking about Fizzarolli).

I don't hate the drama in Helluva Boss. In fact I think Truth Seekers, Ozzie's, and Loo Loo Land are the best episodes in the show because they can balance the comedy and the drama well.

For example, I'll compare Loo Loo Land and the S2 Mid-Special.

In Loo Loo Land the relationship between Octavia and her parents is introduced. Even though this is only the second episode in the series and the first time we're seeing Octavia, the episode is capable of being comedic while also showcasing; A) How much of a failure Stolas is as a father despite his best efforts, B) How his blatant, obvious flirting with Blitzo despite being married to Octavia's mother bothers Octavia, and C) How my Stolas cares about his daughter and how the relationship between him and Stella has never been positive despite Octavia's perspective.

In comparison, Oops has Fizzarolli, a character who only had one major episode that was directly before this one. Even though it does the same "starting and finishing a conflict within one episode" thing that Loo Loo Land did, Loo Loo Land never tried to be a full on character arc. The Mid-Musical tries to have this big spectical moment where Fizzarolli is getting rid of his shitty boss and coming out as Asmodeus's partner, but we hardly know Fizzarolli and Asmodeus. We're seeing all these feelings of inadequacy and the need to feel good enough for Asmodeus but we barely even know Fizzarolli as a character. Outside of being the funny jester, the cute Imp boyfriend of the demon king Asmodeus, and one of Blitzo's childhood friends turned enemies, we don't know anything about him. We don't know his hobbies, what his life was like after the fire and before he met Asmodeus, we don't know anything.

The previous episode showed NO effort in showcasing that Fizzarolli feels "inadequate" and wants to prove himself to Asmodeus. Their relationship was seen as the most healthy in all of Hell. Yet come the VERY next episode, suddenly he feels like he's not good enough?

I like this episode and I like Fizzarolli, but in the previous episode he did not feel THIS important. Blitzo was really the one I found paying the most attention to because he's the main character and he's the one who's being accused of maliciously disfiguring Fizz out of jealousy. This episode revealed how he got his scars and what happened to his mother.

Why is Fizzarolli the one getting so much focus when he's a glorified tertiary antagonist?

Hazbin Hotel is capable of doing drama well because that's what it's trying to be. In the first episode they outline the conflict and showcase both sides of the series firsthand. Angel Dust is set up to be a tragic character within the context of the show. His abusive relationship with Valentino doesn't come out of nowhere because they show Valentino's toxic behavior towards Angel Dust as early as Episode 2.

Angel Dust is just one example. There are plenty of others.

It's not like Hazbin Hotel isn't guilty of doing the same thing either. Characters like Carmila Carmine get important emotional episodes despite no previous showcase of this character conflict existing.

In Conclusion,

I like Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, but now that both shows are being developed at the same time, I hope that Vivziepop takes more into account since both shows exist in the same universe. There's more I want to say but this post is already ridiculously long. I want to know other people's thoughts as well. Please reply or reblog with anything else you'd like to add or like to counteract! I like to discuss things!

[laufire]

This is redhoodinternaldialectical from the "main" blog, returning fire with the character ask game :3

For Jason: 23. Fav picture of this character 24. What character from another fandom reminds you of them? 26. Freebie question! What do you think his complicated opinions about Heathclif would be? (Saw ur tags about that hehehe)

I might come back with other characters, but just Jason for now cause it's WAY passed my bedtime

Fav picture of this character

there are so many options... (see: my header of his hamlet moment). but I'm going to go with this one, from batman annual #25.

I fucking love a character climbing out of his own grave. and that lightning bolt is so frankenstein of him <3

What character from another fandom reminds you of them?

my mind is wired to draw parallels and comparisons, and I happen to be rewatching a tv show (the 100, one of those "it could be so good if it was good" things xD) where sometimes it seems that all my favourite characters have some jason-coded moments and traits lol.

BUT. among all of them, we definitely need to talk about john murphy!!! he's my #1 in that show (with some strong competition), because I love his journey. he really started being... well, what dc regularly tries to convince us robin!jason was: a mean, angry teen, product of his society, who lashed out at people once he could, because he had been wronged himself. this show gave him far more grace about it (even during his messy revenge quest lol), and in season 2 they landed on a really potent love story with him and another character, emori (another outcast in her own society, this time because she was born with a mutation, that survived by stealing from others) that ended up catapulting him to Romantic Hero status in a way s1!murphy couldn't have dreamed of lmao. it was great.

even his backstory (which he's given in the first episode of s2) is. very jason añdslkfjasf. two important things about this gifset is a) the girl here, raven (another favourite), has a similar backstory (alcoholic mother who failed to take care of her, raven would've starved if not for the kindness of her neightbour & childhood sweetheart). she's taunting murphy because a few episodes before murphy shot her in the spine (he didn't intend to hurt her but it wasn't exactly an accident. part of his messy revenge quest against a -barely- adult who failed him lol). she hates him, and yet she clearly can't help but empathise </3. a few episodes later she tries to get him killed to save her ex <3. in a few seasons they'll become best friends <3. as far as I'm concerned she's memori's third <333

a few other things in favour of "jason-coded murphy" are this post, or the fact that at one point murphy had to use sex to survive in a way I personally headcanon jason doing (I've actually drawn some comparisons between that plot and nightwing/tarantula but only stylistic ones; plot-wise it's a very different situation where he displays an attitude closer to what I imagine jason doing).

What do you think his complicated opinions about Heathclif would be?

alñsdkfjasdf I can't believe I'm going to talk more about other characters than about jason but here we are lol.

anyway first of all, unlike many people in this fandom, jason is a smart cookie capable of differentiating fact from fiction, who could recognise heathcliff did some really fucked shit against undeserving people and still appreciate the hell out of him as the fascinating character he is. tyvm. that said, he's also someone who gets very personal about literature xD

one thing about heathcliff is that he does what some people argue jason is doing when he "targets" tim or mia (or damian, but that's bftc and fandom has more or less accepted that it's a mess, and also damian isn't white :))). aka, he's (a grown man!!) viciously, hatefully going after innocent children for the sins of their fathers!! for shame. sorry but that's not even true in bftc or hush (the situations there were very messy and the writers desperately needed medical consultants to make them make any sense, get off his dick xD), but definitely not true for titans tower or seeing red. jason was NOT trying to kill these teens (a few years younger than him at most), he's never wanted them death, and he's never even aimed to caused grievious, irreparable damage. again, get off his dick :P

but it's interesting to me thinking about jason reading the book for the very first time during the lost days era, in particular. he would empathise with heathcliff's desire for revenge, but I don't think he'd ~relate as strongly to him as some people think. yes, there is mistreatment in their youths and the revenge plot (after heathcliff does whateve he does in his own lost days period lol); there's even possible racial ambiguity in common, if we take into account the shiva thing. and he'd half-mindedly draw some links between bruce and earnshaw senior and, if he's feeling ungenerous lol, between dick and hindley, but nothing particularly strong, imo.

but I can see even this faint link being enough to have him pondering his own lines, what he's willing to do once he returns and what he isn't. and it's a fact that jason crossed some of his own purported lines, because he was too in his head about bruce or because they were convenient at the moment or because of all other reasons. and I picture him rereading the book years down the road, and grappling with that fact. wondering if heathcliff had drawn his own lines beforehand or gone all in from the beginning, wondering if he had any regrets. eta: it's interesting that he goes about his revenge in a very different way than heathcilff, who does it by becoming a legitimate (ymmv) landowner himself, one of the privileged, the top dog in a system, etc., and abuses his newfound poewr that way.

anyway. otherwise, he would appreciate heathcliff as the force he is in the narrative, while being utterly disgusted by some of his actions. at the same time he'd be really wary of the unreliable narration (I imagine him thinking nelly gives all the lintons too much grace, even if he obviously would think heathcliff's actions towards isabella and cathy are undefensible). I also believe he's ready to fist-fight anyone that supported the "monstrous" readings of heathcliff as something inhuman, as some supernatural force of nature. heathcliff, to him, is utterly human.

ALSO. jason is definitely that bitch who reads the FUCKING UNHINGED SHIT (x, x, x, x, x) catherine and heathcliff say about each other and be like. why can't that be me 😭. he's fucking unwell.

(and feel free to ask me about any other character you want! or any extra questions about jason lol)

[wings-of-ink]

If you're still looking for thoughts on Patreon: I haven't subscribed to many Patreons before, but so far it's been for extras + early access. Unfortunately I don't have enough money to subscribe to everyone I want to or for long periods of time, so I normally dip in for 1 or 2 months when something is released, cancel my subscription, and resubscribe at a later date.

It seems like people are willing to pay more for RO content (like side stories & RO POVs), nsfw content, + early access. So those might be ideal to place at higher tiers? I've also seen some creators do tiered early access. Like the highest tier will get the demo update 1 month early, then the next tier 3 weeks early, etc. with the lowest 1 week before it's released to the public. That might make the higher tiers worth it over the lower tiers, instead of giving them all the same amount of early access.

One concern is that some creators get burnout from having to create all the extra content for Patreon. I think a lot of people underestimate how much time & effort it takes and it may not be worth the payoff (depending on how successful the patreon is). I'd also be concerned that with Patreon extra content + multiple new WIPs there won't be much time left for the main game and it's likely progress will slow down. I've seen this happen many times before, even without Patreon it seems like most creators who have multiple WIPs don't end up finishing any of them.

Absolutely, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, I appreciate that a lot.

The feedback I've had has given me some ideas on how to streamline what I would do. When I've done Patreon for others, I've rotated support between the projects that resonate with me the most as well. There's so many to pick from, I can't blame anyone for popping in once every so often instead of staying subbed. If you have the ability to afford it, more power to you, but most of us just don't.

Those key benefits are really what I'm wanting to focus on. I do like the idea of a tiered early-access too especially for peeps who just want that.

Patreon burnout is something I want to work hard to avoid; I've seen other creators struggle and stop enjoying their arts too. I want to do this in a way that I can produce things for you to enjoy in a way that is still enjoyable for me too. This is my passion and I don't want to turn it into "work."

I have the benefit of probably being less busy than most others who do this, at least as far as I can tell. I'm married with no children and no plans for any either. I'm older, out of college and settled in the drudges of a career. I've been at my job long enough I could do it in my sleep and it doesn't cause me a ton of stress at this point. When I work on the IF or on Tumblr, it's because I want to and it drives me - it's a form of entertainment for me as well. I'd rather do this than watch TV or scroll mindlessly. Even before I started the IF, I'd get comfy and just write something all evening, lol.

I do also have a tendency to take too much on because I get excited, so I'm using the info I've gathered to help me roll things back and keep myself realistic. So, I've determined that anything I do will be reserved to just a few tiers. We can always grow bigger later. I still do plan to rotate up to 3 projects. The second is to keep me from burnout on GC, and the 3rd is simply an outlet for me that I think others will find entertaining as well.

I have some solid time available coming up in October for me to hammer things out more definitely, so I'll be posting more around then about it. ^_^

Thanks again, my dear!

[jo-harrington]

As Above, So Below - Chapter 2: Descendió a los Infiernos

Previous Chapter: Chapter 1 - Illumination

Summary: You arrive in Hawkins looking to offer assistance and come across some familiar faces; however, you're quick to realize that danger no longer lies dormant in the place you once called home.

Word Count: 13.7k

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Fem!Original Character (Written in 2nd Person POV - You/Your - No Use of Names of Physical Descriptors)

Warnings/Themes: Van Helsing Inspired, Religious Themes, Criticism of Religion/Catholicism, Fate vs. Free Will, Death and Injury, Mentions of Major Character Deaths, Grief, Mourning, Discussion of the Upside Down, Supernatural Encounters, Angst, Violence, Action Sequences, Gore, Biblical and Other Literary/Media References

Note: I was gonna use this note to wax poetic about the Misa Criolla and I VERY MUCH WILL in its own post found here. But I need to take this opportunity to thank @chestylarouxx and @pastel-pillows for helping me clear some cobwebs when it came to the...well the literal webs I've woven with this chapter. Even me with my Pepe Silvia style board can get a little caught up in the details and need to talk it out or get another perspective to make sure things make sense. I appreciate you immensely.

This series will not be for the faint of heart, nor is it something that was written with a general audience in mind. Please check the above warnings and ask yourself if you are in the correct headspace to proceed. I am happy to answer any questions via PM or Ask.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

“The path to paradise begins in Hell.” - Dante Alighieri

October 9, 1987

It had taken much longer to reach the center of town than you had anticipated.

Like the earthquake relief efforts in Los Angeles, and what you recalled of the news segment from Hawkins' first earthquake the year prior, you knew your best attempt at offering assistance would need to be done at some community gathering spot. Since Hawkins was a small town that meant the town hall, the church, or the high school.

You knew the lay of the land in Hawkins—even now, 3 years after you had packed up and left—so you were confident about getting there. Actually making it to your destination was another story.

The roads cracked and buckled erratically; there were abandoned vehicles intermittently along the curb with large dents, shattered glass, and blown out tires.

"Looks like something out of Mad Max," Mary Victoria commented as you passed by one that had actually been turned on its side. “I don't think an earthquake could do that."

You realized as you got further into Hawkins that the fog that had suddenly popped up as you approached the city limits wasn't fog at all; it was smoke. It emanated from the fissures in the ground, slow and sluggish as it permeated and mixed with the air, and left a haze that blanketed everything and blotted out the rising sun.

"That's because it didn't," you muttered. "If, uh, if you still have a rosary on you, I think now would be the time to start praying Mare."

It was still early but people were already out and about, walking to some unknown destination. Smart, given how much you struggled to navigate your car between the uneven pavement and your cracked windshield. Some had hand carts and wagons with supplies, others had garbage bags and cleaning supplies. The handful with pitchforks and rakes and other makeshift weapons...they were the most alarming to see.

No matter what tools or tasks they had though, their eyes followed your car with distrust as you rolled by them.

At a certain point you reached a thick fissure that split the main road into town in two. The concrete burst, leaving a fluted edge that you knew your car wouldn't be able to make it over. So, oncoming traffic be damned, you followed along it on the wrong side of the road.

It didn’t help matters that the fissure pulsed ominously and you could sense it as you drove.

The further you went, the worse conditions got, and quickly the Hawkins of your memory—a cherished, happy place—was replaced with something sinister and desolate. And where Los Angeles had been filled with community, camaraderie, and hope in the recovery, you could only feel a weariness in your surroundings that was reminiscent of the aftermath of a great battle.

Especially when you reached the Town Center.

The marquee of the Hawk had fallen, city hall destroyed, the library was a strange half-collapsed shell, and Melvald's and a half dozen other shops along Main Street were simply scorched piles of rubble, including the shop you used to live above.

Even if the street was safe to traverse, downed traffic lights prevented you from driving any further, so you stopped the car and you and Mary Victoria continued onwards by foot.

"I know you said it wasn't an earthquake but this must be the epicenter," Mary Victoria observed as she shrugged her jacket on and took her first few steps. You shouldered your bag and caught up to her.

"Hey," you grabbed her arm and stopped her in her tracks. "Lesson 1. Take a minute. Even people who haven't unlocked any abilities can sense it sometimes. Focus."

There was a beat and she shivered.

She could feel it. Good.

"It's like a cold draft when you walk through a house where someone died. Or when you step into a graveyard, and you can feel there's something different there."

"Consecrated ground?" she asked.

It was a start.

You, though...you knew what it was. Could feel it penetrate your body and mind and shake you to your core. Whatever this town had seen—the very earth itself—had left a scar. Once. Twice. Many times. And it could tell you more than any recount that a living being could.

You could hear the echo of screams and cries and roars like a ringing in your ear, a jarring tinnitus with no remedy. Feel the phantom rumble of the earth beneath your feet like there was some great primordial worm burrowing below.

There was a thin barrier between this world and another...right here in Hawkins…right in this square...and whatever was on the other side was eagerly testing the strength of it.

"Not consecrated," you finally answered. "Desecrated."

You surveyed the square, ignoring the scathing, suspicious looks sent your way as you did.

You weren't here to make friends, you just needed to find someone in charge. Needed to get to work.

There was a group of people near city hall digging through the rubble; a young woman with curly hair pointed and gave some direction as they moved pieces of all shapes and sizes. You took a few steps, hoping she might be the authority figure you were looking for...and then there was a commotion. The group frantically moved several cinder blocks...and revealed an arm, a face, and cold unseeing eyes.

You expected to feel a wave of sorrow to move through them, but you could only sense their collective fatigue and it numbed you further.

Another one. At least there's an answer. Where are we gonna put this one?

Your steps faltered and your foot knocked into something on the ground that clattered—a broken plastic walkie talkie; the young woman's head immediately snapped towards you. Her eyes got wide as though she was startled, and then her expression morphed into something angry and hateful.

Hostile.

"Hey!" she shouted at you.

Great, that was just what you needed.

You pivoted back so you could warn Mary Victoria to keep calm even if the townspeople got violent, but she stood, frozen, watching another group as they picked through a pile of boxes stacked in the center of the square.

You followed her line of sight until you landed on one of the volunteers. A young man with fluffy brown hair, an easy smile that grew as he chatted with his group, and a stubble-covered square jaw.

You could almost see the gears grinding in Mary Victoria's head as she watched him; you wondered if everything was going in slow motion for her.

His hair ruffled as he threw his head back in a laugh, the shrug of his muscles beneath his polo as he picked up a box to haul it over his shoulder, and the little crinkle of his forehead as he concentrated on balancing his burden.

Then along you came. The moments ticking along as you leaned into her eyeline, face contorted in confusion, hand coming up to snap her out of her reverie.

"What are you doing?" you asked. You looked back and forth between her and the guy in confusion.

"I'm just enjoying the view," she shrugged and continued to look unabashedly.

"We're in the middle of a mission. The middle of a disaster zone," you reminded her.

"And I'm a nun," she retorted and nodded back over at the guy. "But I'm not blind. He's pretty cute. I can multitask."

You rolled your eyes.

Of course you got the horny nun.

"Hey!" the woman shouted again.

"Shit," you groaned. "Act natural."

"What does that mean?"

"Hey! Who are you? FEMA?"

"Uhhhh," Mary Victoria fumbled and looked to you. “I mean…”

"No we—" you started but you were cut off.

"Military? Department of Energy?" she continued. "Because you're a little too late."

"Hang on a second. Do we look like we're Military?" Mary Victoria laughed.

"Mare," you groaned in warning.

"What?"

"No. We're not the military," you turned back to the woman.

“How did you even get here? The roads have been—”

"Nance! What's going on?" The guy Mary Victoria had been ogling jogged over, a curly-haired teenage boy hot on his heels. "Who are they?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out," Nance replied.

The two of them chattered and a handful of other bystanders also jumped in. Mary Victoria tried to explain as best she could, and you would have put a stop to all of it if your eyes hadn't been glued to the teenage boy's shirt.

A familiar black and white raglan sleeve shirt that had seen better days; the white was faded and dingy, the screeching demonic face had a splatter of blood across it, actual blood, making it look even more nefarious. There was a jagged slash through the words with edges that curled and a bloody bandage beneath it, but you didn't need to guess what it said.

Hellfire Club.

Does that mean he knew—

"Hey," the boy exclaimed and pointed a finger right at your face. "It's you."

What?

"Me?" You put a hand on your chest; the crowd wend silent and focused their attention on you. Your eyes flit across them and then to Mary Victoria who held her hands up innocently.

"You know her?" Nance asked the boy.

"From the tunnels," he elaborated and then turned to his friend. "We were there...Steve you remember with Dart and then she..."

"You!" Steve shouted in recognition. "But you're...how are you alive?"

And then you realized.

The tunnels. That night. With Dart. The tunnels.

November 5, 1984

It was the end of your shift--the end of your "week" after trading shifts left and right so you could have the 30th and 31st to celebrate Halloween with the guys—and relief sunk deep into your bones.

You had no plans for the next two days but your bed and all of the junk food and trash television you could stomach.

"You going to Eddie's after you get outta here?" your coworker asked.

And Eddie, of course...but unlike the stack of Kraft Mac and Cheese that you were stocking up on for your hedonistic sloth-fest, you could never get sick of your boyfriend.

"Not tonight," you shook your head. "I'll probably sleep right up til his set at the Hideout tomorrow night."

"Awww, sweetie," she cooed, knowing how many hours you'd pulled. "He better dedicate a song to you, making time for his shows every week."

You grinned a secret little smile at her and nodded.

He dedicated them all to you. Even if he didn't say it into the microphone, he would prove his devotion after the fact. With his eyes and hands.

And his mouth.

You said farewell to your coworkers and headed out into the parking lot; you cursed as you fumbled with the brown paper bags against your body and the keys in your hand as you approached your car.

"Of course," you angrily muttered to yourself as you felt the keyring slip through your fingers and hit the pavement. "You never get a cart. No matter how much you buy, you never get a cart. ‘It's not that bad. I can carry it.’ Idiot. No you can't."

You groaned a little as you knelt down, and as you tried to find them by touch alone, you saw the movement in your peripherals.

Just a flash, a barely-there blur in the darkness beyond the parking lot.

But you saw it.

Then in a blink, he was there.

Gabriel held your key, inches from your face; your eyes moved up his form to meet his. Eyes you knew so well, better than your own. They had always stared at you, unblinking, with a still coldness that would have made anyone else uneasy.

If only they could see him.

Actually, you hadn't even seen him in a while. Not since you’d run; not since he appeared in your rear view mirror, getting smaller and smaller as you drove further away what felt like a lifetime ago. You always knew he could catch up at any time, but the satisfaction had been so great. You hadn't seen him...but you had felt his presence every so often. It's why you always turned tail and ran again...until Hawkins.

You’d thought it was over. That you were free.

You should have known better.

“Have you come to bring me home?” You asked bitterly, unwilling to trust him.

He flexed his hand and the keys jingled, a sign for you to take them. You reached out, but before you could even touch them they were in your grasp and your arms were empty. Across the lot he stood by your car—you could see the tops of the paper bags through the windows, secured in your backseat with a seatbelt—and he nodded his head in the direction of the trees.

He then began walking.

So...not home. Somewhere else.

The urge to follow him was strong and your body reacted to it. Your feet moved without your permission, an automatic process akin to breathing; it was a survival method, to prevent whatever demise would befall you if you didn’t choose to do so on your own. You stopped yourself for a second, to test the mettle of whatever consequence might await you.

He’d never led you astray before; never lied...but never told the truth either. He always...omitted the truth. When you were young and naive in your faith, he brought you great comfort. But ever since you had begun to ask why, he became less willing to cooperate. This time though...something about him made you feel sick. The swell of his unseen form was overwhelming, and as the human form got further away, the celestial presence encroached on your body...smothered you.

You considered, for the briefest second, turning on your heel to run just like you had done for the past two years. However, a screeching, whistling roar began to fill the stillness of the night, louder and louder. Not in your ears, but in the very depths of your soul itself. And you knew you couldn't escape whatever he was leading you towards even if you wanted to.

So you followed silently. For miles. For hours.

Cars passed by on the road every so often, blinding you, but you couldn't stop. Even when you needed to rest, he kept walking and the tether between you was tested. You'd wince and groan but it fell on deaf ears. Every so often something would snap or creak or groan in the darkness around you and you would startle; he didn't even give you the decency to tell you everything was ok.

Some guardian angel he was.

You were confused when Gabriel finally stopped and you stepped in place beside him.

Merrill's Pumpkin Patch; you and Eddie had tried to make a visit last week ahead of Halloween but had been turned away. The pumpkins had all been dead and in various stages of putrefaction then, and it was even worse now.

A car sat idle in the middle of the field; the doors and the trunk were still open.

"Abandoned?" you asked.

"No," he responded, suddenly appearing within the field itself, staring at the ground. You groaned and followed after him, careful not to step on any of the rotten pumpkins as you did, until you reached the car...and a hole in the ground. There was a rope tied to the front grill of the car that dropped into the depths of the hole.

"What the fuck?" you muttered.

"Keep steady your steps according to His promise," Gabriel recited. "And let no iniquity get dominion over you."

"I'm not..."you shook your head at him and looked down into the dark abyss below you. "I really haven't been keeping up with Bible study since I...yeah."

"This is your first step." His voice surrounded you, and when you looked up to question him, he was gone.

"Gabriel?" you called out. "What...Gabriel come back! You led me to...a hole in the ground! What is this? G-Gabriel!"

When he didn't return or answer you, you shook your head and rolled your eyes. This was the first step? A test of faith? Of trust? To follow him blindly across town and to a field...only to have to walk all the way back? What a load of—

A scream came from the hole, a shriek.

"Help, help, help," someone called distantly from below then shrieked again. A bloodcurdling thing that sent a chill down your spine and had your hair standing on end.

You didn't think twice; you simply jumped.

It was instinct. Second nature. Fate.

It annoyed you.

Because what the hell.

No normal human being in their right mind would jump into a hole like this after hearing a scream like that.

As you landed, you were sure you pulled or twisted something in your hip; the action heroes in the movies made everything look easier than it was and it seemed some...subconscious instinct thought you were a hero without realizing you were just a grocery store clerk a few years out of high school where you really loathed to partake in PE anyway.

And you were cursed.

"It would really be nice if you could show up right now and tell me this isn't the curse, this is my destiny, huh Gabe?" you called out, hoping your guardian would hear you.

No luck.

"Fucker."

Looking around, you realized that the thought of what was waiting at the bottom of the hole hadn't crossed your mind at all. But a tunnel...well what else could you expect? It was dark and dank, filled with roots and vines and muck. The air was stale and filled with floating particles.

Could they be seeds? Like dandelion fluff?

You reached out a hand and as one of the particles landed on your skin, you felt a shock run through you.

You never truly understood what your grandfather or father did during their trips, their missions. All of the stories, the warnings, the preparation could never hold up to the reality and the electricity that coursed through your veins.

There were flashes before your eyes: a desolate waste, a gaping mouth, bloodshot eyes, a thousand teeth, veins black with tar-like blood, a pulsing portal, and monsters. So many monsters.

Your gifts, though dormant from misuse and lack of practice, might have been from Heaven, but they were certainly rooted on Earth. Now that you were introduced to the darkness, the infernal, the atrocity firsthand, you could feel the way it carved into the ground. Infected these tunnels like a cancer. Mingled and stained and tainted what would otherwise be bright and healthy and alive.

There was another shriek down one of the tunnels and you sighed and went into action.

If fate wanted you to be a hero, what else could you do but be one?

"Fucking angel should be the one swooping in to save someone stuck in a hole," you grumbled and started jogging through the tunnel in the direction of the sound. "Not me."

It wasn't as bad as you made it out to be; though out of practice, your body was made for this—you were born for this—and you quickly sensed the direction you needed to go in when the tunnel forked. Instinctually skipping over rocks and roots as they appeared underfoot. The density of the infernal particles became thicker the further you went, and you covered your mouth with the collar of your jacket so you wouldn't breathe it in.

You turned a corner and almost tripped over a group of figures huddled in the opening of what could only be described as the core of the tunnel system. A cavernous hub where several paths converged.

The figure at the front of the group threw something into the Hub and the cavern erupted into flames. You hadn’t smelled the gasoline until it ignited and when the heat of the fireball hit you, errant bits of flame licked at the edges of your clothes and hair.

The group—an older teenage boy and several kids—all recoiled and patted the singed bits of themselves. They startled at the sight of you.

“Jesus Chr—”

“Who is that? Who are you?”

“What the hell?”

“What are you just standing there for?!”

You watched, enthralled, as the infernal growths in the center of the cavern and along the walls writhed and screeched from the flames. You could sense…emotions emanating from it. Anger, pain, danger, wrath. But hands were quickly placed on your shoulders and you were turned back in the direction you came.

“I don't know you the hell you are but we need to get out of here,” the older boy said frantically. “Who sees a hole in the ground and just...jumps in.”

“To be fair, you all are also down here,” you argued.

“She’s got a point,” one of the kids piped up.

There was a shuddering screech that echoed from beyond the cavern, from one of the connecting tunnels, and the guy pushed past you and ran.

“Run! Go, go, go!” He led the way, looking back every so often to make sure everyone followed him, including you.

You were shoulder to shoulder with one of the kids at the back of the group who just kept saying “shit” over and over. You quickly skipped over an exposed root on the ground but the kid tripped and hit the ground. Hard.

The others kept running for a second but you skidded to a stop to help him to his feet, only for a slithering vine-like tentacle to shoot out from its place along the wall and wrap around his ankle. You watched, horrified, as it yanked him back to the ground and began dragging him back in the other direction. He screamed and the others immediately rushed to his aid.

The tentacle was strong but not as fast as they were. The kids grabbed his arms, his shoulders, and tried to yank him away from the infernal limb.

“I’ve got you Mike. I’ve got you,” the older boy was obviously the strongest and wedged himself beneath Mike, arms wrapped around his torso as he dug his feet into the ground for leverage.

“Don’t just stand there,” one of the kids—a girl—screamed at you. “Help! Do something!”

Little did she know, it had been building inside of you since the heat of the fire had touched your skin. You tried to swallow it down, unsure if you'd be able to control it for so long. When you'd been younger, when you didn't know how to channel it, you had hurt people accidentally. Destroyed things.

That same feeling of untethered power was trapped inside of you now, aching to be released. You didn't want to hurt anyone, let alone these kids. But you thought of the flashes you had seen when you touched the particle; you needed to use that power to stop the darkness now.

They would die anyway if you didn't.

You dropped to your knees by Mike’s feet and held a hand over his ankle. You closed your eyes and channeled the churning heat, along all of your nerves, through your limbs to the very heart of you. Then directed it outwards to your fingertips.

“I shall defend against the wickedness and the snares of the devil,” you recited under your breath and placed your hand directly on the slimy, writhing tentacle.

It stilled beneath your touch and loosened on Mike’s ankle as the shrieks from the hub echoed around you. Then from the one tentacle you touched, a burning red glow grew and it quickly moved through all of the connecting parts that had penetrated the rock and earth around you. It burned red hot like lava, illuminating the tunnels, and then rapidly cooled and crumbled into ash.

You let out a huff of disbelieving laughter; you didn’t really expect that to work.

“What did you do?” Mike stared at you with wide eyes. “What was that?”

“Are you good?” You asked him. “Are you hurt?”

“No! But how did you—”

He didn’t get to finish his thought as a cold, chilling breath hit the side of your face and a roar deafened you. The shock knocked you to your rear and you stared deeply into a petal-like mouth lined with razor sharp teeth as it shrieked.

The mouth snapped at you once, twice, and you almost held your hand up to inflict your power at it like you had with the tentacle but one of the kids got to his feet and immediately set himself between you and the creature, arms held out to shield you.

“Dart, Dart!” The creature backed away, and the petals shrunk in on themselves to form a cone-shaped head that tilted back and forth. “You remember me don’t you?”

The kids hissed at their friend and told him to get back.

“Trust me,” he reassured them, and then turned back to the creature. He removed his goggles and bandana, tipped his baseball hat further back on his head. “Dart, you remember me. Don’t you? It’s me, your friend. Dustin. Alright?

“Will you let us pass?” He asked sweetly.

The creature roared again, spittle spraying onto you and Dustin both. Your hand shot out and grabbed the back of Dustin’s shirt as he tried to take a step forward, but he looked back at you and waved you away.

“I’m sorry for the storm cellar,” he laughed at the creature. “That was real douchey of me.” The creature made a chittering sound as though it agreed with him.

You didn’t understand. Was this…his pet? Did he try to keep an infernal creature from another world—from the depths of hell—as a pet? Your thoughts briefly turned to Eddie, who had befriended all manner of creatures around Forest Hills, and then suspended your disbelief.

“You hungry?” Dustin then asked and dug into the pocket of his jeans. “Yeah?”

“What are you—”

“Shhhhh.”

“He’s insane.”

“Shut. Up.”

“I’ve got your favorite,” Dustin ignored his friends and held out his hand as a peace offering. Palm flat, the way someone would if they were feeding a horse. “Nougat. You want it?”

Dart sniffed at it with a gurgling grunt and started tapping its feet impatiently as Dustin unwrapped the candy.

“Eat up buddy,” he said softly and waved at everyone to go on. “Delicious. There’s plenty more that that came from. Come on, there you go.” He helped you to your feet and then pushed you ahead.

You ran ahead to the head of the group to trail behind the older boy while the kids followed.

"You know where you're going?" you asked him, pointing to the makeshift map in his hand, drawn in crayon.

"Why? Do you?" he scoffed and shined his flashlight in your face. "Who are you anyway? You just show up and you...burned that thing! Are you another one like Eleven?"

"A thank you would be nice." You narrowed your eyes at him. "What do you mean another one? Who's Eleven?"

The tunnel suddenly shook violently and a collective roar came from behind you. The kids gasped in shock and pain as they fell and scraped elbows and knees on the tunnel walls.

"What was that?" the girl asked.

"They're coming!" Mike exclaimed. "Run! Run!"

"Let's go, let's go!" You were the one to lead the way this time, following your instinct once again. You pointed out the roots and bumps as you went. "Watch your step. Jump. Duck."

"There it is!" The older boy powered past you to get to the rope that they had dropped. He turned around and held his hands out. "Go go go, let's go!"

The girl was the first to step up and the older boy boosted her up and out of the hole. You helped with the next one. You were not as strong as you assumed the older boy was, but you could dig your heels into the ground and borrow a little bit of the earth's elemental fortitude for this.

"Lucas, grab on!" the girl reached out and grabbed the hands of the boy you were helping.

Mike was next. Between the older boy and the two kids above ground, he made it up safely.

But your time was up, and as the first of your pursuers rounded the corner and bounded for you, Dustin and the older boy grabbed a hold of one another to try and find comfort before their demise.

You, on the other hand, moved in front of them, shielded them as Dustin had to you; you had to protect them.

You clasped your hands together as though in prayer, and closed your eyes to focus. Time slowed down, and with every beat of your heart, another set of footsteps were added to the mix signifying another creature prepared to attack. You could imagine it. A wave of rocketing bodies and vicious teeth.

And you stood there, ready to cut through them, or be cut through yourself.

"I shall defend you in the hour of your conflict," you muttered and thought about a sword cutting through a foe, about hands parting the wild waves of the sea, about a wall of flames that could stop a foe dead in its tracks.

The heat built up once again, engulfed you and then exploded out from you. The kids above shouted in shock, followed by several pathetic whimpers. You opened your eyes as you felt a whip of air brush past you, and although you saw several charred bodies of the creatures at your feet, you turned and watched several more that had made it past your defenses continue down the tunnel.

"Where are they going?"

"They're going after El!"

"How did you do that?!"

"Nevermind that," you dismissed. "You need to get out of here. Get to safety."

You grabbed Dustin and helped the older boy boost him out of the tunnels.

"Let's go," the older boy held his hands out for you. "Up."

"No, you," you mirrored him. "I need to stop them."

"What?" he argued. "No, we need to get out of here."

"You!" you pointed up at Mike. "Where are those things going? You said they're going after El. Who's El?"

"She's our friend, she..." he shook his head. "The demodogs are going after her. To stop her. She's trying to close the gate."

"The...gate?" you narrowed your eyes at him.

"To the Upside Down," Lucas piped up. "It's another dimension."

It flashed in your mind's eye, the vision of the pulsing portal. And this time, standing in front of it was a small, lone figure.

Fuck.

"Are we just telling everyone now?" Dustin asked.

The kids all started bickering again and you rolled your eyes. If someone was in danger...regardless of whatever the gate was or whatever these things were or whoever El...Eleven was, you needed to stop it.

You were the only one here who could.

You slapped your hand on the older guy's shoulder and he stopped bickering with the kids to look at you.

"Listen," you started frankly. "I don't know what's going on. I really don't care to know either. Whatever you came down here for? It's dangerous. We all know that. Why you thought you and a gaggle of kids were a good...army? Candidates for heroes? I don't know.

"So let me do it. Let me help your friend, let me be the hero. I can handle it. Whatever all of you came down here for, it's only gonna get you killed if you keep at it."

His eyes darted back and forth between yours before he swallowed hard and nodded. He started climbing the rope to get up to the surface but stopped to look at you.

"We're gonna wait right here until you get back," he said with finality. "And if you need help...just yell."

You reluctantly nodded and waited until he got to the top before you turned and stared down the looming tunnel ahead of you.

You used the first few steps to reground yourself, to sense what was ahead. You could still feel the vibration of the retreating demodogs; they were either not as fast as they seemed or these tunnels were much more vast than you really acknowledged. You thought about the map that the kids had...the way that several tunnels switched back on themselves...

There had been the cavernous hub, sure...but another cavern...a room...

The Gate. A portal to another world. A doorway into hell.

The Order called them Atrocities. A wicked and unpleasant thing only meant to cause chaos and pain and sow destruction on the Earth.

How had you not sensed it this entire time living in Hawkins? When it was so obvious to you now? Maybe you had always known; you just ignored it. Maybe that's why Gabriel had led you here so obviously, so tediously. You hadn't wanted anything to do with the Order or the Atrocities or your fate. And it had snuck up on you, just like it always had.

A bitterness filled you; you didn't want this. You didn't want any of this. You wanted a normal life. You deserved a normal life.

You stopped in your tracks and sighed.

"What if I just turn back now?" you called out to no one. Or maybe to Gabriel or to God Himself. "What if I just choose to let the Darkness win? Huh? What then?

"Why do I need to do this? Why do I need to do this? It could be anyone else. It could be this...Eleven. It could be...I don't know it could be my Father? You could have brought him here. Why does it have to be me?"

There was a pulse through the earth then, another shaking rattling boom that nearly sent you to your knees. An ear splitting screech echoed through the tunnels and the vibration of the demodogs got faster, as though they were being urged into battle by their nefarious master.

And that was more than answer enough for you.

There was no one else. Even Eleven couldn't do it alone. It had to be you.

You conjured the image of the portal in your mind, the small figure that struggled against the immense power of Hell that laid behind the thin glowing barrier. You thought of the vastness of the tunnels and mapped them in the planes of your mind.

They were like veins and the portal was the heart.

One could stop the pulsing of the heart and the veins would stop too, or you could block the veins and starve the heart.

So while the figure—Eleven—struggled to stop the heart, you worked on the veins.

"By the Power of Heaven," you took a breath and steeled yourself in your anger, found strength in the smiting wrath of your lapsed faith. You'd been reciting the oath of the Order all night, and now would be no different. "I will thrust the wicked spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls...back into the depths of Hell itself."

It took a beat to find it, to connect with the slow-moving tectonic plates of the Earth and the molten hot mantle below. You called it forward and it obeyed; burning, melting, molding until you felt your own body sink into the ground ever so slightly. Then you willed it outwards and the tunnel system rattled; the remnants of the organic, otherworldly matter shrieked in agony as they burned before they were crushed under the massive weight and pressure of churning earth.

You started at the hub—an easy target—and worked your way outwards. One by one the vibration of the demo dogs slowed and stopped as they succumbed to the assault. As the tunnels churned and burned and collapsed around them and the earth swallowed them whole.

What was the power of Heaven and Hell when the Earth could provide just as much wrath of its own?

You felt the distant feeling of betrayal as Dustin's Dart was consumed and put down, and then the rest. There was a collective cry to the master beyond the portal that they had failed, and then a shuddering wail as the connection to the other world was severed.

You opened your eyes briefly to celebrate your triumph, only to see the churning earth consume you as well.

It was an onslaught.

The burning soil, the turbulent motion, and then the stillness of it as you found yourself trapped in a peaty prison. You tried to take a breath, tried to scream, tried to see, but every time you moved, the dirt shifted around you.

You were surrounded. You couldn't move. You were buried. You still felt the vestiges of agony at the corners of your mind as your otherworldly adversaries' lives were taken from them and it spurned your own panic.

Before you had been overtaken, you had thrown your hands up to shield yourself; it provided you the tiniest little pocket of air. You shimmied slightly so you could gain access to it, so you could breath, and you took a hungry gulp of stale spare air. You tried to control your breathing; this was all you would have until you could get free.

If you could get free.

If you didn't die.

You felt an unfamiliar emotion try to overtake you; you had asked Father Jinette once what dying felt like. He said it would be peaceful; it was hell that you needed to worry about. But this...this didn't feel peaceful at all. It felt overwhelming.

If you died here, no one would ever find you. Those kids and their friend...would they tell anyone? Who would they tell? They didn't know who you were.

Your car. They would find your car in the parking lot at Bradley's though.

Your car.

"Gabriel!" you cried out in realization. You could barely hear yourself; there was dirt in your ears too. "Gabriel! Ga-gabriel please help me, please, please. I need you, I need you."

There was nothing. No sound, no shifting, you were still stuck in place with even less air than before.

You stifled your sobs, knowing they wouldn't help you.

You tried to call him silently again, in your head. You envisioned his stupid human form appearing in front of you or you appearing outside. Where was outside? Where were you? Even if you did manage to appear out there? Where would you be?

You didn't want this anymore, you didn't want this. You had never wanted this. Ever. But you’d told that boy that you would be a hero so he wouldn't have to be because you would survive and he wouldn't.

How wrong you were.

You were alone there. No one would come to save you. You would die.

You'd be buried here with the other bodies, with the demodogs and when someone noticed your car in the lot of Bradley's, they'd—

Your throat clenched.

Eddie.

They would call Eddie and say you disappeared and he would never know that you...that you loved him, that you were what you were, that you would die for him.

But could you live for him?

If you were gone unexpectedly, what would Eddie do? It would destroy him. It would kill him. And you couldn't do that.

So you had to live.

You had to crawl from this dank, dark pit. You had that little bit of space...you could wiggle and shuffle and get free.

You had power. You could control the earth, you could manipulate it. Draw the strength you needed from it to get free. You still had the shift of the core of the Earth on your side.

It was dark, unbelievably dark. You didn't know which way was up or down. Had the avalanche of soil knocked you backwards or were you still "standing" upright? Did you have to dig up? Or sideways? Was there another pocket of air somewhere you could get to before it was too late?

You considered all of the factors, all the reasons for living.

And the only one that really mattered as you began to dig...was Eddie.

You thought of your silly stupid boyfriend and all of the things that he did for you, all of the ways he made you happy, all the ways you loved him and needed him. The ways that he gave your life meaning.

"Hey sweetheart, I'm here," you could practically hear his voice. Not Gabriel's emotionless tone. The warmest, most loving voice you'd ever heard, full of encouragement and support. " You can't die on me now."

You pushed the dirt down and wedged your body upwards. Further and further and further.

"You're almost there," he encouraged you. "I believe in you. Only a little bit more to go. You can't give up. I need you."

You thought of all the ways he needed you, needed your company and support. Thought of the ways you held him as he was sad, and cheered with him when he was happy. He had Wayne and Rick...he had his friends...but your love...he couldn't survive without your love. He had told you in the throes of passionate worship.

"Just a little bit more, do you feel it?" he asked. "It feels a little bit lighter now. Hold your breath if you need to. Keep going for me."

What was he without you? What were you without him?

You had to live so he could.

Your hand burst through the last layer of dirt and you gasped for air greedily as you hoisted yourself up and out. You collapsed on your side and watched as the ground shifted with instability and filled in the hole you created back up, the remnants of your power still at play.

A light rain washed over you, caking the dirt to your hair and skin and clothes. Your fingertips ached, skin and nails broken from clawing your way out.

You wailed into the night.

You were broken.

And you were alone.

But you were alive.

"You made it out alive!" The boy, Dustin, grabbed you by the shoulders and shook you from your recollection. "We thought you were dead."

You briefly considered it; looking back now, that was the night everything started to change.

So yes, you had died in a way.

"Hop looked for you for days..." he continued. "Even El..."

"We saw the tunnel collapse," Steve added. "We just thought...obviously no one could survive that."

"B-but people come back from the dead...kind of all the time in Hawkins."

That gave you pause.

"What the hell does that mean?" You put your hands on your hips. "Come back from the dead?"

The two of them went back and forth, tripping over each other's words about how people seemed to be dead and then they were not, more times than they could count. Usually they were just hiding in the woods or in another country or...

Alright, that's a relief. No spontaneous resurrections. You could check that off the list.

The boys continued to chatter and Nance was clearly over it.

"Excuse me," Nance piped up. "Excuse me!"

Both boys went silent and she turned to you.

"Who are you again?" she asked suspiciously.

Mary Victoria took it upon herself to introduce you both by name and then when she didn't get an immediate response she added, "we're from the church."

You winced as a few of them laughed out loud Nance included.

"Is it always like this?" Mary Victoria asked you out of the side of her mouth.

"Pretty much," you sighed, and then turned your attention back to the crowd. "We're not from the church but we're not not from the church. It's complicated."

"What does that even mean?" someone shouted. "You're here to say prayers with us? Our own reverend did that and now he's dead."

"What church sends two girls in a beaten down shitbox of a car," another person laughed.

"Yeah, we need an army not a prayer circle!"

"We're just here to help," you explained tiredly, desperate for them to put their trust in you. "Wherever you need us. Supply runs, medical, recovery, anything."

"We don't need help," Nance spat. "And we don't trust strangers, so if you could kindly take your things and go back where you came from."

"Nancy!" Steve exclaimed. "I think they can help."

"She's been here before," Dustin tried to explain and pointed at you. "She helped us. She saved Mike."

"Fat load of good that did him, he's dead now too," Nancy lashed out and then froze and covered her mouth. The group went silent and she fidgeted under the weight of everyone's sympathetic gazes.

You saw it, for a split second as her shield went down and she desperately clawed to pick it back up. Someone young and innocent with all the hope in the world ahead of her…forced to grow up too fast and carry an immeasurable weight on her shoulders just for a little while with the promise of an ultimate prize if she could succeed…only for it to be ripped away against her will.

You saw yourself.

"I'm sorry," She said when she finally regained composure. "I...I'm sorry. That's...and we only have so many hours of daylight..."

"Hey! You're mourning," Mary Victoria piped up. You were glad she did, because you couldn’t. "You're tired. It's been a tough few days, weeks—"

"Years," Nancy sighed miserably.

"—you just need to sit for a second. Take a break. Let's...is there someplace with coffee or something? I'm not good at a lot of things, but I'm good for a shoulder to cry on and a shitty cup of coffee."

Nancy nodded and gestured a makeshift mess tent in the square where people were putting together food for the volunteers. You mouthed a quick 'thank you' to Mary Victoria as she ushered Nancy away.

You didn't miss the way she winked at you.

You didn't even need to give her a Lesson 2. She understood this was the best time to play detective.

"Alright." You looked at all the others and clapped your hands together. "How can I help then?"

They put you to work.

It was no different than anything you had done at the Mission in LA, but it felt much more purposeful. Not only because you got information in return for the help you offered, but because you would always think of Hawkins as your home.

The townspeople didn't trust you, understandably. Many of them don’t know you, and the few who recognized your face questioned why you had returned at all. They cast wary and judgmental gazes at you and when you tried to influence their thoughts of you with gentle waves of comfort, your attempts were thwarted.

They were hardened and suspicious, irreparably damaged by the nightmares they had seen, and no heavenly powers could change that.

You we’re lucky, though, that a few you did get paired with fed you enough information for you to piece together what happened over the last few years since you left, not just the past few weeks.

You packed boxes of clothes for families who had been displaced with Patty Fischer, one of your old coworkers from Bradley's. She vaguely recognized you—she'd been a cashier while you mostly stocked the floor—but she'd been glad for a friend.

Patty told you the widest array of information—loose lips and all—but the vaguest.

The StarCourt mall fire, the satanic massacres...about how a devil really had risen from the depths of the earth to destroy their town.

"All the stories were true," she sighed. "But the nightmare's almost over...we're just left with the aftermath."

You dug through rubble with Mr. Richardson. You left recovered bodies for another team to handle—to burn or bury, you didn't quite know—and took discarded weapons along to a stockpile in the square in an old wheelbarrow. You learned that his brother had been one of the victims of an accident at the Hawkins Laboratory and his niece died avenging him in the battle against Vecna.

"He had his armies, but so did we," he chuckled sadly, wiping tears from his eyes. "My niece...she gave them the fight of her life. And of course we had our hero, Jane Hopper. Shame about her and the chief. Those bats gave us a fight though."

Bats?

Mostly though, you worked with Dustin. He was eager to ask you questions—the real reason he wanted to work with you, you were sure—so you made a game of it: an answer for an answer. He started. With two questions actually:

How had you survived the tunnels and where had you gone?

And you answered him truthfully. You had crawled out...and then laid low for a while before leaving town altogether to help the next people in need.

"Who else needed help? Did you find gates to the upside down anywhere else?" he shot questions at you rapidly.

"Woah woah," you held your hands out. "Rules are rules. My turn."

"Fine," he conceded. You tilted your head and pointed at his shirt.

"Hellfire Club."

"That's...not a question," he curled in on himself defensively. "What about it?"

For both of your sakes, you knew you needed to start with...maybe a gesture of good faith...familiarity. The only thing Dustin knew about you was...well, that you could help, that he could rely on you, even if he couldn't trust you yet.

You needed to prove you were here for a reason, and not just to play some heroic game with the town's very real lives.

"I have one of those shirts." You gave him a soft smile.

"No shit!" He dropped the box in his hand and clapped his hands together. "You went to Hawkins High? You were literally under our nose this whole time?"

"No," you laughed at his enthusiasm. "Well...no. I dropped out of school before I came to Hawkins the first time around, but my boyfriend was the one who introduced me to DnD and I even played a game with them. Which is why I had a shirt."

"Who was your boyfriend? Gareth? You're his type, hero adventure girl."

"Oh my god, no. Robbing the cradle; Gareth was my little buddy. No...uh...don't know how old you are...or how taboo his name might be around here but...Eddie...Eddie Munson was my boyfriend."

It was like a record scratch; Dustin blanched and stared at you wide eyed. Like he had seen a ghost.

You suddenly felt bad.

"E-Eddie?" he repeated the name. "You were..."

"Hey, no, like I said, I'm sorry. I know he's dead...but I didn't know if people still thought..."

"No he was my friend too," he interrupted you. "He...people...I mean after...you don't understand. Nobody does, really. He...he sacrificed himself...saved a lot of people. He saved me. When...Vecna first attacked Hawkins...people blamed Eddie for killing those kids but he did whatever he could to stop Vecna from escaping the Upside Down. And the Gates still opened but...but he helped us stop Vecna."

The two of you went back and forth for a while, continuing questions and answers.

Dustin regaled you with some stories about Eddie but kept it heartfelt and funny instead of sad. You’d been surprised and a little guilty to hear that he had flunked senior year again after you left but you melted at the way Eddie never ragged on the kids for having long distance relationships when his own smoking hot girlfriend was in Chicago.

You heard about the Upside Down and Vecna, about the creatures from another dimension, Eddie's sacrifice, and the Gates that had yet to be closed.

He had the decency to avoid telling you how Eddie died, but considering everything else...you knew it wasn't peaceful. You were still grateful.

In return, you told him stories about your travels. More than you had really told Mary Victoria because he was a kid and could do with something fantastical in the midst of this tragedy. Not everything, but things you felt comfortable exposing him to.

The demon who had possessed a bride in New Orleans, the time someone had trapped a hearth deity in Cádiz and had used them to burn the homes of their enemies...

"And then someone tried to reanimate a bunch of bodies for their own..." You waved your hand to find the right words. "Underground boxing league. I don't know."

"Zombie boxing!" He was in awe, cherubic face alight with joy; it was easy to see why Eddie would have been fond of him. "That would be very cool; I would pay to see that."

"A lot of people did."

"I mean...imagine you knock someone's head off and they just keep fighting."

"In theory, ok...it sounds cool," you agreed. "But it's the means that someone uses to get there."

There was a holler from someone across the square about breaking for lunch. Perfect timing too as the smoky haze from the fissures—the Gate—began to meld together with the rolling cloud coverage of an impending storm.

Everyone around you sighed in relief and took off towards the tent. Lunch would provide a much-needed respite.

"Heard that we've got turkey sandwiches today."

"Ol' Tim's being real generous with the supplies."

"Let's just get our strength up before it's feeding time, you guys," someone piped up as they pushed past the crowd. "You don't gotta run fast...you just have to run faster than the other guy."

That seemed a little concerning though.

Your mind raced to connect the dots as you followed the others to the mess tent.

Feeding time...running...bats...the gates still open...the nightmare almost over...but not over yet...

"Dustin," you turned to your new friend as you were handed your lunch. "What...what are they talking about? Running..."

He avoided your eyes, and instead turned to look for a place to sit amongst the volunteers. You kept talking as you followed him to a small card table at the corner of the tent.

"I hit something with my car on the way into town. It was a demodog, I think. If the gates are still open, are creatures still crossing over and attacking people?"

"It's...complicated," he answered hesitantly and took a bite of his sandwich.

"Explain it to me then. Vecna's gone...do you just...have no way to close the Gates?" you asked. "Because I can—"

"No!" He shouted mid-mouthful, and your eyebrows shot up in surprise. "It's...it's not that. Vecna might be gone, but that's not the only danger that's in the Upside Down. You could try to close the Gates...but...but Kas would just open them back up again."

"Kas?"

You hadn't heard that name before today, you were certain, but for some reason, it seemed familiar. Scratched something in the depths of your memory that you couldn't quite place your finger on.

Your stomach churned with uneasiness.

It wasn't that you didn't like not knowing something. It was that you knew it and it evaded you. And every second you failed to remember, someone could be in danger.

"Yes," Dustin swallowed and gestured for you to eat as he wove the tale. "He was Vecna's right hand. You see, Vecna couldn't cross the Gate without his spell being complete, so he sent Kas as the general of his armies until he could. To cause as much destruction in Hawkins and try to go after our friend Max. She was the key to finishing the spell.

"Kas came from our world, just like Vecna, but the Upside Down changed him too. Vecna offered him power in exchange for his loyalty, and he let Kas control the army. When Kas crossed back into this world, he started...remembering his human life, feeling remorseful. And he betrayed Vecna."

"So he could get his life back?" you questioned.

"When the battle was over, he tried to get all of the creatures back into the Upside Down and found that...he couldn't cross back to our world himself. He's stuck there."

You really tried to understand; you had heard of transformations like this before...distantly. They mostly occurred after someone had died. If Vecna had been left to the Upside Down to die...and the Upside Down really was some living, breathing dimension, Vecna's anger was what fueled him as a vessel for this power.

But once he was gone, and Kas was left...if Kas had regained some form of his humanity...

Then why was he stuck?

"And that's all he wants?" You needed reassurance. "To get back."

"Yes."

"And he can control these creatures?"

"Yes."

"So why is he still sending them to attack Hawkins?"

Maybe Vecna's influence wasn't gone after all, maybe you were dealing with some kind of vengeful, undead spirit who didn't realize he was actually dead in the first place.

You considered ways to deal with the undead. Burning their bones, some kind of exorcism-adjacent rite, banishing them altogether...

You could do this. You could handle it and close the gates and then Hawkins would be safe again.

"Because he's hungry," Dustin finally answered, his words weighing down upon him so much that his shoulders sagged as he said them.

Your stomach dropped and your body went cold with dread.

"Excuse me?"

You didn't mean to sound as grave as you did but...hungry?

The two of you had just been talking about zombies and reanimated corpses and all manner of creatures. He didn't think to bring this up before?

"Ope, I think Steve's calling me!" He ignored you and started to stand from the table. You were hot on his heels and grabbed his wrist to stop him. Everyone left in the tent still eating stopped their chatter to watch the spectacle.

"Dustin, what do you mean hungry?" Your eyes darted back and forth between his, willing him to tell you the truth. "What is Kas?"

Someone screamed from outside the confines of the tent and you both jumped in surprise.

“Everybody inside! Go! Run!"

The other volunteers who had been resting immediately got to their feet and began to flee; tables and chairs were tipped over, plates and food discarded, abandoned, and squished underfoot.

"We need to go!" Dustin grabbed your wrist and pulled you out of the tent into the chaos that had erupted in the square.

It was a cacophony of noise; people running and screaming, hiding.

"Arm yourselves!"

"Hide the children."

"Run, run!"

You dismissed it at first, the looming grey storm cloud in your peripheral vision, as you were dragged and Dustin spoke a mile a minute about finding Steve and Nancy and getting people to safety.

Then the cloud got closer.

And you realized it wasn't a cloud at all, wasn't a storm.

It was a swarm.

You stopped in your tracks and watched, for the briefest of seconds, all while Dustin yelled at you. A hundred bats led by three massive anthropomorphic winged creatures with sallow skin and claws. Even from this distance you could see the way their jaws opened unnaturally wide and revealed mouthfuls of razor-sharp fangs.

"What the hell is she doing just standing there?" Steve's voice reached your ears. You glanced back to see that he held a baseball bat with nails pierced through the wood at the end, while he handed Dustin a makeshift spear.

They weren't planning to run, they were planning to fight.

Alright. You could fight.

"What's going on?" Mary Victoria skidded to a stop by your side, out of breath from wherever she had been. "People started running, no one told me what was going on...and what the fuck is that?"

Mary Victoria, however, could not. And you were not gonna get your new friend killed right off the bat.

"Demobats," Steven and Dustin said in tandem.

"Vampires," you corrected them. "At least the big three are."

"Vampi—are you kidding me?" she huffed a breath of disbelief. "I said! I said vampires when we were in the car. Does this mean I'm psychic then? Is that my power or—"

"Now might not be the time to debate about that, Mare," you argued. You pulled the car keys out of your jacket pocket and slapped them into the palm of her hand. "Go to the car. There's a knife in the glovebox; lock yourself in."

"But I can help," she protested. "I can get the knife and stab some bats. How hard could it be?"

"Trust me, these suckers are hard to kill," Steve told her. "Leave it to the experts."

"Experts? It looks like you made these things in your garage," Mary Victoria scoffed. "Come on! I can help!"

As you watched them bicker back and forth, you failed to sense the imminent arrival of the attackers. Your eyes didn't sweep over the square quick enough to see the first of the bats—the ones most eager to feed—divebomb and begin their assault.

A resonating BOOM sounded off behind you and you swiveled on your toes to find a very ticked-off looking Nancy with a sawed-off shotgun in hand, muzzle smoking; she quickly reloaded and took a few pot shots at bats as they flew past in search of prey.

She turned, aimed directly past you and shot one out of the air as it was about to take a swipe at Steve, who had the good sense to duck before he got his head blown off too.

"What are you doing just standing here?" she yelled and cocked the shotgun. "Run. Hide. Fight. Do something before you get yourselves killed!"

Dustin and Steve ran into action, as well as several other volunteers who decided to take the defensive approach. And as the vampires and the remaining swarm of bats descended on the square, you snapped at Mary Victoria and then pointed at your car in the distance.

"Go!"

"Fine!" she scoffed. "But where are you gonna go? You don't have a weapon!"

"I am a weapon!" you shouted as you bolted down the street.

This wasn't the first time you'd fought an onslaught like this. Maybe not exactly like this but...close enough. You were pretty handy at throwing a punch, and it had been useful once or twice in a pinch, but that didn't help unless something was already on top of you. Your first actual experience in a fight had been an infestation of disgusting infernal spider-like things that had decimated a small town in West Virginia. Like something out of Tolkien's wicked imagination. You had used your abilities to draw fire from the core of the earth to burn their nests.

You had wondered then if Eddie would have been proud of you; you hated spiders, he always had to kill them for you. You couldn’t even stand to listen to him read about them in the Hobbit.

This would be a little trickier. Your adversaries were aerial, and even if they got low enough for you to strike, there were too many innocents in the area for you to do anything useful.

The vampires themselves would be the worst to deal with though; there were only so many ways you could weaken them, let alone try to kill them. Which would be ideal.

How could they conveniently leave out the fact that vampires plagued the town?

Shy of spending the time to dig through your trunk for maybe your grandfather's revolver and maybe a wooden bullet or two, you were left to rely on something a little less conventional here. The wheelbarrow full of discarded weapons was still beside the recovery area and you immediately skidded to a stop beside it to search for something suitable.

There were handguns without bullets, a few makeshift weapons like a machete made of a broken, sharpened street sign, which probably wouldn't help unless you got close enough to decapitate one of the vampires.

Because the bats might be a nuisance, but the real goal here was to take out those vampires.

You snagged a pocket knife from the bottom of the wheelbarrow then—

"Bingo!"

—you came across a dingy old crossbow and a hip quiver full of wooden bolts.

Not a stake, but good enough in a pinch.

"How many times in a girl's life can she be grateful for a small town hunter and their cache of crazy weapons," you asked out loud as you loaded a bolt into place.

Surveying the square, it was easy to tell this was not the townspeople's first rodeo; there were several bats down already, Dustin and Steve were back to back, only separating when something swooped at them, an array of people with slingshots and even an older woman with firecrackers and a wicked throwing arm.

You were grateful to find that Mary Victoria had barricaded herself in your car, especially once you saw small clusters of bats feeding on the bodies of those who were either too slow, too sure of themselves, or simply didn't have luck on their side.

Nancy, however, tried to play savior.

She ran to the aid of one of the downed bodies and used the butt of her shotgun to dislodge a few bats before shooting a few others. She knelt at the person's side and tried to offer some kind of aid—find a pulse or staunch the bleeding—but you knew it was too late.

Her gallantry made her lose focus and awareness of her surroundings. You felt it though, the tremor in the air around you as powerful wings beat several times. Heard the lustful, hungry breaths and the clacking of teeth that begged to sink into flesh for a meal most decadent.

You trusted your instinct; you took a breath to center yourself, pivoted on one leg, and pulled the trigger. The bolt soared true and pierced through the wing of the vampire. The unholy screech that echoed from its mouth as the pointed tip ripped through fragile skin and blood vessels was ear-splitting, as was the resounding crash as it lost velocity and skidded upon impact with the ground, spraying everything in the vicinity with dirt and gravel and chunks of dead grass.

You knew it was beginner's luck, and somehow still not good enough; you also knew you weren't gonna get another chance quite like it again. Especially as the massive creature recovered and turned its sights on you.

There was a moment as your eyes met and the vampire stilled unsettlingly. You willed yourself to break eye contact with their pure-black sclera and roam over their form.

Cascading locks of burnished gold hair, a demonic face with distinctly feminine and otherwise sweet features. Its skin was sickly pale, and unnaturally elongated bones practically protruded from the stretched dermis, with clawed hands and talons for feet. Modesty protected by strange garments made of a leathery hide and...the tattered remains of a cheerleading uniform.

Fear rarely got a hold of you anymore. Not like it used to. You'd stared in the face of danger many times and lived to tell the tale. To say that you were immune to it was incorrect; you simply didn't have time to panic right now. You could break down later, when the realization of how close you came to your own demise hit you; you always did.

Still, a lump formed in your throat as you observed the vampire. As it extended its wings, its injured skin stitched itself back together unnaturally, and it gave a few experimental flaps to ensure it was healed enough to fly.

It licked its lips enticingly and shot you a feral smile with its massive, razor sharp fangs proudly on display, and then rocketed back into the sky.

"Fuck," you hissed.

That was the look of something that viewed you as a threat and accepted the challenge.

That was not good.

“I had it handled,” Nancy scowled at you as she got to her feet.

“That’s a funny way to say thank you,” you quickly recovered and told her matter-of-factly, which earned an even more scathing expression as she reloaded her shotgun. "You need to know when something's a lost cause. If they're already on the ground being fed upon, it's too late."

"It's never too late," Nancy scoffed. "If I took that approach, my friends would have been dead ten times over already. Even if it's futile, I still need to try."

You glanced past her and loaded another bolt into the crossbow as quickly as you could, before aiming past her to fire at an incoming bat. Although you were aiming for its wing, trying to achieve something similar to what you did to the vampire—because at least the bats stayed down when you injured them enough—the bolt pierced through the mouth of the bat and tore through the back of its head, killing it instantly.

God damn, ok you really weren't great at this.

"At least trust someone to watch your back," you told her in the interim.

She reluctantly nodded and the two of you attempted to work in tandem.

You covered each other as you reload your weapons, communicated constantly about what you saw and didn't see. It was a little clumsy, sure, but you still were able to keep yourselves and others safe as they ran for cover.

At first the swarm focused on the sparse group of people who were out in the open—the vampires created distractions so the bats had the opportunity to strike by ripping doors and shutters off their hinges, overturning parked cars with the strong grip of their talons—but the opportunity to feed became too sporadic. They'd already picked off the weaker few and lost a significant number to the defense efforts.

You thought that it would be the opportunity for them to turn their attention to the skeletal buildings and every other nook and cranny that their feast might have hid.

Instead, they seemed to vanish.

The square was suddenly silent, bats and vampires nowhere to be seen. The sky was still hazy and swirling with storm clouds and smoke alike, but not one adversary darting across the ominous grey canvas.

Not even a single screeching cry or flap of wings to alert you to their possible presence.

"Did they leave?" you asked Nancy. It wasn't over...you knew it wasn't over...but wishful thinking and all.

Maybe something nice could happen for once in your life.

"No..." she narrowed her eyes and did a quick strafe to check behind you. "No, they're too hungry. They haven't attacked in an entire day, which was why we thought it would be safe to come and do cleanup."

People started emerging from their hiding spots and Steve yelled at them to get back inside.

"The square is pretty defensible," she continued. "Especially after the battle with Vecna. But they have a hive mind. They can communicate with one another. Even if a swarm is slaughtered, the entire legion of beasts waiting in the Upside Down experiences it through the connection. They know our tactics, which means they get crafty when they're ready to feed again."

"If there's a legion in the Upside Down, maybe they're waiting for backup." It was an easy assumption for you to make.

"No, it would take too long. Their best bet is to regroup, lure us into a false sense of security, then attack again."

"So they're coming up with a plan," you muttered. "And I'm sure Kas is a master strategist."

Nancy's expression immediately morphed into one of confusion.

"Wh-what did you say?" Nancy stuttered. "Did...did you just say Kas?"

You started to answer when a sharp, burning pain tore through your shoulders. You dropped the crossbow at the unexpected jerk of your body as you became airborne.

You watched as the distance between you and the ground rapidly increased and the people in the square below were immediately besieged by bats and vampires alike. You turned your head upwards and saw the vampire you had injured just minutes ago carrying you up and up and up.

She looked down at you and laughed wickedly, tightening her talons painfully as she did so. She spat and hissed at you through her fangs.

"Don't you want to fly angel?" she cackled and flapped her wings harder.

Panic shot through you; there was nothing around, nothing to ground you, and the pain that ripped through you was distracting enough to prevent you from focusing on your power.

Then you remembered the pocket knife that you had stashed away, and you strained your arms to shove your hand into your jacket to grab it.

You cried out as you flipped it open and reached up to rapidly slash at your captors ankles. An otherworldly monster, sure, but an achilles tendon was still a weak point that hurt like a bitch when sliced clean.

One talon released its hold on you, then the other, and then you were in free fall.

You briefly thought that the cushion of air, the weightlessness of it, was nice.

Freeing.

But it wasn't a long fall and the earth caught up with you quickly, and when you did impact the ground, it wasn't the ground at all; it was the hood of your car.

The already-cracked windshield fully shattered and the jagged edges of glass cut through your clothes and into your flesh. Mary Victoria screamed as all the wind was knocked out of you and it took a second for you to get it back.

"Are you fucking with me right now?" She got out of the car and yelled at you. "Wait in the car Mare! It's safe in the car! Bull! Shit! Oh god, oh god, you're bleeding!"

"I'm fine," you groaned.

You were not. You were hurt and you were pissed off.

"Fucking vampires in fucking Hawkins and no one says anything and I let my guard down for two god damn minutes," you grumbled to yourself as you slid off the hood and got back on your feet.

"Do you have a first aid kit in the trunk or something with all of that other shit?" She immediately went to the back of the car to search for something.

You did a quick assessment of yourself as you stood there; something in your leg twinged and you felt...maybe a little sloshy inside. Ok you could deal with that. But you bit your tongue on impact, and that was...probably the most annoying thing.

The icing on the cake.

"Don't worry," you insisted. "As long as everything important is still inside of me, I'll heal."

"Heal?!" She peeked out from behind the propped trunk lid. "Excuse me, what do you mean?"

"Blah blah, heavenly light, blah. Were you not paying attention to anything I said during the drive?"

"Yeah but I thought you meant other people, not yourself. How long will it take because there's still vampires flying around if you didn't notice," she gestured outwards. "They kinda need you at your best here."

"Even my worst is better than nothing." You joined her at the trunk and grabbed one of the knives.

"Not a crucifix?"

"Not gonna work unless they look directly at it for an extended time," you explained. "Which is kinda hard with them flying around. So we either stake them through the heart, or we cut it out of them."

Mary Victoria nodded and held onto her own knife a little tighter with a quick "ok I can do that, I think."

"Stay close to me," you commanded. "I'll keep you safe but...I might need you to help me keep them down while I do the dirty work."

Mary Victoria bit her lip but agreed.

You rushed back to where you had been taken—Nancy was nowhere to be found and you momentarily applauded her for listening to you and recognizing that you were a lost cause. The crossbow, thankfully, wasn't broken, but your impact with the car did break some of the remaining bolts you had in the hip quiver.

That just meant you'd have to make the last few shots count.

If you were able to hit the vampires wings like you did with the first one, you would be able to strike...you just had to get them on the ground and then—

"Ok this is dangerous and all," Mary Victoria muttered beside you, as though speaking in any tone above a whisper would alert the swarm to your presence. As if you weren't standing in a wide open space. "But this is actually really cool."

"What?" You shot her an incredulous look.

"I mean don't get me wrong, I'm...quite possibly shitting myself right now, but—"

"You have the worst timing known to man," you told her earnestly.

"I get that a lot," she nodded. "Is it always like this?"

You noticed movement behind her and pushed her behind you so you could strike; one bolt took out two demo bats.

"Pretty much."

"Do you think that Steve guy thought I was cute?"

You turned to give her the most scathing look, the words shut up Mare right on the tip of your tongue. But when you turned, she was grabbed.

One of the vampires—one with dark curls piled high on its head—did a nosedive and tackled her to the ground. The two of them skidded on the pavement and Mary Victoria squirmed desperately to get out of its grasp.

A serpentine tongue slithered out of the vampire's mouth and swept down Mary Victoria's face and neck, and she let out a blood-curdling scream that echoed over the ruins around Hawkins Town Square.

The vampire, though, countered with a hiss-like laugh, and something deep inside of you burned. It wanted to play with its food, wanted to laugh? You would give it something to laugh about.

You quickly reloaded a bolt into the crossbow and fired—any shot good enough to draw attention away from your friend and onto you—and the arrow embedded itself deep in the flesh beneath the shoulder joint of its wing. The vampire jolted from the force and thick, black blood began oozing from the wound.

It rounded its attention on you then, Mary Victoria still pinned beneath its legs, and roared ferociously. Its fangs were disstended, dripping blood and spraying spittle, as the guttural sound burst from the gaping maw. It's jaw...wasn't even unhinged, the way it hung; it was practically detached, the weight of it pulled at the weak, stretched flesh of its cheeks.

As if it could scare you with sounds and sights alone.

Pathetic.

You should have paid closer attention.

Should have used the divine sense that was natural to you to feel the approaching danger.

Should have just been a little smarter than Kas—who no doubt was gunning for you now that he knew you'd be a thorn in his side—and recognize a trap when you were in one.

Claws grasped your still-wounded shoulders and sharp teeth sunk deep into your neck. One of the hands moved to your jaw and held it with an iron grip. It tilted your head in a way that would give it easy access to its meal as it pulled mouthful after mouthful of your life-force from you.

Your vision blurred—already affected by the previous injuries and blood loss—and you knew you didn't have long before you succumbed to the effects of being drained.

You breathed heavily and fumbled with the knife that had been tucked into the hip quiver along with the half-broken crossbow bolts. You stabbed at the hand gripping your chin; the blade broke through fragile metacarpals and tore through the other side, through its palm, and grazed your chin.

The vampire released its grip on you and its teeth retracted from your neck as it howled in pain. You took advantage of the release to spin and drive one of the splintered bolts deep into its chest, right into its heart.

You watched with sick, victorious fascination, at the way the mottled, paper-like skin gave way with the force of your strike. The muscle and sinew tore and as the wood pierced the most-vital organ, it burst in the most satisfying way. A gush of blood, both pitch black and vibrant red, sticky grey mucus, and sickly green bile.

You'd never heard of a vampire doing that before when it was staked.

As the vampire's body crumpled and folded in on itself and collapsed at your feet, the air began to ripple with cries. Infernal, unholy screeching reverberated around you as the vampires and bats alike felt the death of their brethren. The vampire that had attacked Mary Victoria practically howled.

The overwhelming beat of wings began to sound off and you watched as the swarm regrouped over the square. The residents of Hawkins—both the ones who had been defending against the swarm and the ones who had gone into hiding—began to filter back out into the open and your heart was in your throat.

Because if this was their opportunity for the creatures of the Upside Down to avenge their friend, it would be a massacre.

You mentally prepared yourself for the attack, body weak but still able to channel any available power into some kind of defensive wave that could burn through them all if necessary.

Instead they dove in a funnel formation, straight for the Gate.

You felt the pulse of otherworldly energy that was released into Hawkins as they ripped through the membrane that separated the two worlds, and you were blindsided by a sense of longing that surged through it.

Yearning...desire...hunger.

You were confused; it was so strong. Overwhelming, even.

Was that Kas?

Or the Upside Down itself?

As soon as the last bat crossed over and the membrane sealed, the feeling was gone, and the only thing you felt was a bone-deep weariness and the pain that coursed through you.

You finally succumbed to the effects of your injuries and sank to your knees weakly. You had no choice but to stare deeply into the blank eyes of the vampire.

Mary Victoria called your name and got louder and louder until she was at your side. Her hand grasped the bite on your neck and held it steady to stop the bleeding. Dustin appeared on your other side and asked if you were ok or if the bite would turn you into a vampire...

"You're the only one who's been bitten and lived."

Except...you truly wondered if this even was a vampire.

The body was both...bloated and emaciated all at once, limbs bulging and elongated with skin that pulled and stretched over fragile tissue and bones. Its ribcage practically protruded outwards, like it had been pried open at some point and then the skin knitted itself shut atop it.

The hair was the only vibrant—the most alive—thing about the creature. Short red curls that had been tousled in the wind.

Aside from the strength while it was still...alive, if you could call it that, and the thirst for blood...you didn't know for sure that you could call this thing a vampire. It wasn't like anything you'd read or heard about from the other Knights.

It wasn't quite like the other two vampires though either.

"What is it then?" you asked yourself out loud.

Mary Victoria shushed you and told you to keep your strength, but you could already feel yourself healing.

Other voices began to overlap hers though.

"She killed one!"

"He'll send them in droves now that one of his brides is dead."

"At least we stood a chance before."

"Enough!" Nancy shouted and the group went silent. "That's enough!"

"I don't understand, isn't killing one of them a good thing?" Mary Victoria questioned.

"Uh, you'd think so," Steve piped up. "But...no one's killed one of the Brides before."

"It's not one of the Brides," Nancy yelled at him and crouched in front of you, on the other side of the body. She looked at it with soft, sad, practically heartbroken eyes. "It's Barb."

“If you've been through hell on earth. You would understand that the people you see are more dangerous than the devil you haven't met.” - Ojingiri Hannah

Next Chapter: Crucible

[lemotmo]

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Ok I’m not gonna lie. This dose of tea took me a minute to compile together because my gosh did the video Ryan share poke the hornets nest 😂😂 and the results brought out ALL the insiders with the dish on what happened behind the scenes with the bt fandom. Main take away was they are two schools of thoughts. 1) Pretend it never happened and act like everything is sunshine and daisies. 2) Acknowledgement of the video and absolutely blame Ryan and only Ryan for all the world’s problems. You’ll also probably notice how as time goes on from the original Ryan share, their response and actions to it get more and more unhinged 💀 though 1 seems to have seen the light as you will see, and then another one (one of the leaders of the Bt fandom) and I agree with the spy in terms of the thought of it being horrifying, has apparently decided she now wants to love Eddie again and write fics about him. Which as the post says, she had been one of most foul toxic horrible takes on Ryan and Eddie since Tommy arrived, including being the one who made that horrible video about Eddie having a 💀 attempt mirror Ryan’s , so no thanks. Keep her far away from both.

And at the very end, I am including a post I saw that had me absolutely wheezing so I hope you enjoy that.

And with that! May I present to you, your tea (also I love how creative these people are getting with the secret names 😂)

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758468759788929024/lady-whistledown-im-sorry-i-had-the-audacity

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758470951061078016/lady-whistledown-ok-since-im-painfully-not-up

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758471424214220800/perry-the-platypus

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758473403573436416/httpsxcombuckkissestommystatus18223891447037

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758473500594995200/httpsxcomabnosomealyssastatus182240298059718

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758473589161967616/theyre-lashing-out-to-the-point-of-making-hate

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758473827902799872/hi-love-carmen-sandiego-here-i-just-want-to-add

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758475697703485440/lady-whistledown-watch-your-inbox-and-sanity

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758476116840398848/httpsxcomramallsznstatus1822376926960316499

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758476357390008320/its-carmen-sandiego-again-sorry-they-just-dont

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758476617173581824/theyre-turning-this-into-a-crazy-ryans-inciting

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758478720198688768/hello-gurl-gg-here-not-only-for-gossip-but-for-my

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758480196440588288/omg-one-of-them-saw-the-light

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758479499360927744/okay-i-have-something-to-add-here-i-feel-like-a

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758481810156109824/no-new-spy-info-from-me-but-i-do-think-that

And now for your early morning laugh

https://www.tumblr.com/lover-of-mine/758476959373213696/im-gonna-pee-myself

That’s all for now! may your kettle be boiling with tea anew tomorrow 🫖

Hi 🫖 Nonny!

Thank you for my morning 🫖. I do appreciate you taking the time and effort to do this.

A lot has happened since I went to bed last night. 👀

I can't wrap my head around some of the things I've read and seen.

All of this over a fictional character on a TV-show. 🤷‍♀️ I guess the cast got tired of the sh*tty takes too. Good for them.

Hopefully we'll get some more great bts the following days. I'm ready to speculate about season 8 some more. 😄

Have great Sunday Nonny!