#i've been trying to practice their mindset over the past year or so and it's really helped <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[angelcake-222]

this is one of my new favorite podcast episodes i loved hearing their advice and insight, plus nick was serving looks as usual 💖

[samwisethewitch]

In Defense of Fluffy Bunnies, or Witchcraft in Times of Burnout

At the very end of 2023, I used my Christmas bonus from work to buy myself a tarot deck I never would have purchased six months earlier.

This deck was from a creator whose work I had really enjoyed in the past, but when I had looked at it earlier in the year, I'd had concerns that it was softening the meaning of some of the more "difficult" cards in the tarot. For example, The Hanged Man is replaced with "The Patient Witch" and Death is replaced with "The Broom." I'd had concerns that replacing these cards, which are traditionally associated with more dire or upsetting readings, meant the creator was trying to whitewash tarot into something cute and fluffy, sacrificing a lot of its depth in the process.

The deck is The Cozy Witch Tarot by Amanda Lovelace, and I'm so glad I gave it a try. This deck has an incredibly kind and gentle feel, but it is absolutely capable of giving serious readings. The depth of the tarot hasn't been compromised at all by Lovelace's changes, and her version's greater emphasis on agency and personal empowerment is exactly what I need in my practice right now. I use this deck to read for myself almost every day.

So what changed? How did I do a complete 180 in my thoughts on this deck in only a few months?

I've always been very opposed to "love and light" or "fluffy bunny" witchcraft. For those who aren't familiar, these are both terms used online (usually negatively) to describe witches who only do "light" or positive magic. According to the Witchipedia, "Generally, the 'fluffy bunnies' have based their practice on only the most delightful aspects of their spiritual path or romanticized, fictional Hollywood or literary accounts of witchcraft or Wicca." From what I can tell, this term came out of Wiccan Internet forums in the 1990s, and it refers to someone who dons the aesthetics and mythology of Wicca or witchcraft without actually engaging critically with magic theory. Fluffy bunnies also tend to focus on feel-good magic, at least according to stereotypes.

Similarly, "love and light" witches are known for only focusing on the lighthearted side of witchcraft. In an opinion article for The Wild Hunt, Storm Faerywolf writes that, "On the surface it seems harmless enough: a philosophy of love, kindness, non-violence, and a concerted practice of positivity." This type of witchcraft is very closely tied to the "spiritual but not religious" movement and borrows a lot of concepts from New Age spirituality, like crystal healing, the Law of Attraction, and chakras. While fluffy bunnies are very much a product of the 1990s, love and light witches are very much a product of the New Age boom of the 2010s.

I've been very vocal about my dislike for both of these types of witchcraft on this blog in the past, and I still 100% agree with Storm Faerywolf, who says in that same article: "But to assert that pain, and fear, and even anger are somehow less important than our joy, our courage, and even our love, is to do a grave disservice to our collective mental and spiritual health... groups that embrace this mode of thinking have effectively ensured that they can mutually avoid anything that might challenge their cultish mindset. Angry over injustice? You’re just living in a lower vibration. Afraid of contracting a deadly virus? You just don’t trust Jesus enough."

I think accepting and working with challenging emotions is an important part of what it means to be a witch. Spiritual bypassing and cries of "good vibes only" do more harm than good. But for a while I got so caught up in rejecting anything even remotely fluffy or love-and-lightish that I ended up with a magical practice that, to be honest, kind of made me miserable. And I don't think I'm the only one.

I spent a lot of 2022 and 2023 wrestling with injustice, both in my spiritual practice and in my personal and professional life. My practice is inspired by witches like Starhawk and Christy C. Road, and politics play a key role. Most of the spells I did in 2023 fall into the category of justice magic, including breaking family curses and hexing rapists. At the same time, I was working a series of direct services jobs that saw me working closely with homeless teenagers, domestic violence victims, and people battling addiction, just to name a few. And that's not even getting into my personal life and recovery as a queer, disabled survivor of abuse.

And let me tell you: By the end of 2023, I was fucking exhausted. I was beyond burnout. And I didn't even want to do magic anymore, because magic had become just another part of my life where I had to face the injustice and harm happening in the world around me.

I was in desperate need of some fluffiness, some love and light. And that was when I bought the Amanda Lovelace tarot deck.

I knew something had to change. In my burnout, I desperately needed to be tenderly cared for. I needed my spiritual practice to be a source of peace and comfort, not a drain on my energy. I needed to get out of the dark for a bit so I could remember how to see the stars.

What I've realized in the last few months is that yes, anger, pain, and fear are important in a balanced magical practice and a balanced life -- but joy, love, and comfort are equally important. And if you spend a lot of time in one part of your life dealing with pain and fear (like I do in my day job), focusing on love and healing in your witchcraft can help keep things balanced.

"Comfort" and "care" are definitely the keywords for my magical practice right now, and that means my magic looks a lot more fluffy than it has in the past. And that's a good thing.

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Careless Words

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x nameless female character (third person perspective) Warnings: Angst. Toxic/abusive relationship dynamics. Mentions of death. Allusions to smut. Word count: tbc

Summary: She has always given her best to Aemond, but they both know he can't say the same. Based on this request. Author's note: I wanted to explore the darker side of Aemond's personality and how this might manifest itself in a relationship where neither party is particularly healthy in terms of their mindset. This was a cathartic piece for me to write. Lately I've been working through some resurfaced feelings linked to a past relationship that was based entirely around trauma bonding. It may be a triggering read for some, so please approach with caution (and try to remember the story itself is a work of fiction).

Full story coming soon. Snippet below the cut.

She knows she is fighting a losing battle before she even opens her mouth to speak, yet she cannot help herself. She is a moth and Aemond is her flame, ever bright and eternal, the very center around which her entire world revolves. Nothing has ever seemed so final though, what pieces will there be to pick up and place back together once he is someone else’s husband?

Standing before him, she juts out her chin defiantly, willing herself not to cry in spite of the lump in her throat and the insistent stinging around the rims of her eyes. “You’re really going to go through with this?”

He sets his jaw, sighing, a visible dismissal of her feelings that makes her ache and wish she had the courage to simply walk away from him. “Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”

“What will become of me, of us?” She asks, her voice raising an octave, threatening to crack.

“That is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. My brother’s succession takes precedence over everything. Marrying one of Lord Baratheon’s daughters helps strengthen his claim to the throne. Listening to your heedless fretting does not.”

She feels heat rise to her cheeks, swallowing back her anguish, attempting to sound fiercer than she feels. “Perhaps I shall decide to marry too then.”

Aemond’s scoff is so subtle it’s almost imperceptible. “Who would marry you? Your virtue is mine, always has been. You’re fortunate I still desire you.”

His tone of voice is so practical, only the slightest hint of irritation giving it an edge. He may as well be addressing a chambermaid who has not made his bed to his liking. She longs to grab him, shake him, beg him to give her any sort of indication that this is hurting him as much as it’s hurting her, because to think that he’d let her go so easily, after all these years, is more than she can stand.

Instead she says nothing, simply watches as he turns to leave, counting down the moments until he returns to her, his words sweet once more and eager to heal the rift between them, just like he always does. She craves the storm and the calm in equal measure, but they are always on Aemond’s terms, never hers.

[sagelasters]

to whoever stumbles upon this

this certain video popped up on my youtube feed just in time when i needed it. i just spent an hour crying in the bathroom, and i felt like there is a lot i want to let out. i've been into loa for a while, this account was created mainly to scroll through tumblr. i never plan to actually post something but...it just felt right to. the philosophy of our mind and ego fascinated me, multiple philosophers from classical and contemporary times have talked about it, they just defined it in their own terms (Plato, Aristole, etc).

Our world is build on limited beliefs and i know people will call me crazy, especially when i told them that everything starts within us. we are consciousness, we still consciousness without the five senses, what we assume to be true, it will show up on the physical realm. it took me two years to realize that and looking past my doubts. life is hard, i find that living is pain but it doesn't have to be that way. i was born in a chaotic, angry family where bitter adults tried to live through me because they couldn't achieve their dreams. they are always comparing themselves to their friends and relatives, why are other people thriving while we're suffering? i would ask myself that till i realized they had that horrible mindset in the first place.

Their mindset influenced me, i spent my childhood and teenage years shaming my own body. i confined myself in a shell of fear, never wanting to take risks and putting myself out there. i became cynical to avoid the disappointment i already had to face from dead-beat parent and abusive family. now i am 18, a month away from high school graduation, and 4 months away from attending university. i mourned for my teenage years, i regret not realizing sooner. but it's okay, i can start over, i can change my life. it doesn't hurt to try, im tired of holding myself back, im just so tired. persisting in my assumptions despite not seeing it in the 3D, doesn't hurt as much as trapping myself in this cycle of suffering. i know i was built for more, i know this reality isn't for me so i am changing it. i am in control.

if you allow your mind to be a place of war, constant fear and sadness, it'll reflect on your reality. now i know it's not easy to just be happy, staring at the reflection in the mirror, the smile forcing itself on your tear-streaked face. it takes a while to realize, to figure it all, but i promise it'll eventually hit you. when it does hit you, that's when you learn to practice, to make new assumptions.

i know this is pretty long, thank you for your time if you're still reading this. i really just had to get it out, ive been holding it back or didn't know how to articulate my ideas well. but for some reason clarity hit me and i couldn't miss the opportunity. we are limitless. we are not confined to suffering, as much as i am grateful for the life lessons it gave me. we are limitless. be kind to yourself, we were built to care, to be nourished in love for as long as our souls are tattered to this Earth. i know you can do this <3

[popculturebuffet]

Transformers More than Meets the Eye Retrospective: Intermission: Robots in Disguise Season 1 Retrospective (Patreon Review for Brotoman.EXE)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to my More than Meets the Eye retrospective. Kinda. For those of you just joining us for the past two years i've been doing a retrospective of the Transformers comic More than Meets the Eye, one of my faviorite comics ever. While it is as a patreon review i've been more than happy to and in december we hit the end of season 1.

So now.. we're in a weird in between place, as season 1 for MTMTE is over.. but we still have a big crossover event left. And to judge said event fairly.... I realzied I had to go back and re-read Robots in Disguise to properly gage said event.

Yeah i've never been a huge fan of the 2012 comic Robots in Disguise. See I first read RiD AFTER More than Meets the Eye, having loved what I could read of MTMTE and wanting more. This... wasn't the right mindset in hindsight as the two works are completely diffrent beasts: MTMTE is about a found family of disfunctional robots trying to move on from war, making quips, and dealing with their trauma. It is a LOT of things I love in fiction: a bunch of misfits who don't really fit into the society their a part of, clever jokes, spectacular world building, and minor characters given their day in the sun. It feels at times like the book was made for me, down to repadeatly homaging one of my faviorite covers of all time. It was easy to love it and it only grows as I dig into it.

RID in contrast.. is an attempt at a morally grey prestige drama that on paper is about the sacrifices and compromises the autobtos make trying to rebuild cybertron, and in practice is about a weak willed useless jackass, his jackbooted best friend, a well meaning non combatant who means well but also is judgey as fuck, and Starscream, who easily outmanuvers them because a sock full of quarters with googly eyes on it could out manuver them. Wheeljack and Blur are also there and they are delightful but not used nearly enough . I gave the book an honest chance and was badly disapointed, and I gave it a second chance despite utterly dreading this.. and was once again disapointed. RiD is just not very good.

Now i'll give some caveats: the book DOES get better in season 2, with a fresh cast and premise that work decently. It's not on MTMTE"s level.. but I respect writer John Barber and IDW for seeing what they fucked up and course correcting. Barber's work isn't my forte, but the guy isn't terrible an does have his fans for a reason, I just prefer More than Meets the Eye and Windblade more, with Windblade being a second, much more succesful stab at IDW doing an intrigue on cybertron book, one i'll defintely cover at some point. It helps Windblade got most of the standouts from this book as supporting cast, but it's genuinely good and worth your time. None of this makes season 1 GOOD, by any stretch, but I wanted to get it out of the way that YES the series gets better. But you can also largely skip season 1 or read the wiki without loosing much for either RiD Season 2 or Windblade.

That being said.. Season 1 is a mess. It wasn't that pleasant to re read despite it's bright spots and it took a while to get through, an utter chore to slog through this one. One of the only bright sides is it taught me I CAN review a whole series in one post again.. just probably in smaller doses than my last attempt with new teen titans, which was great but just about killed me. So other series I dislike like All New All Diffrent X-Men, Dan Slott's fantastic four or Jason Aaron's avengers are now more within my grasp to actually tear apart at some point.

For now though let's focus on THIS disapointing series, see why it is and also talk a lot about how much this version of Bumblbee sucks and this version of Starscream fucking slaps.

Do You Have Any Clue What Happens Now?

Like more than Meets the Eye, Robots in Disguise kicks off with the Death of Optimus Prime, a one shot setting up both series and dealing with the aftermath of Chaos, the big event that ended the previous era of IDW and allowed a soft reset for this one.

So as a quick recap since it's been a long time since I tackled this issue: The War is Over. At long lost the Autobots defeated the evil forces of the decpitcons after all of them were combined by an elder god into one giant deciptigod and Megatron disappeared after hyjacking it.

The problem is what comes next which is a great hook and part of what makes MTMTE works: the war is over.. but unlike most transformers stories that get to end the war, we see what happens now everyones free.

The Autobots take command.. but it's not going wella s Optimus Prime finds out: the planet has reverted to a primal state and thousands of civlians, dubbed nails by the autobots and something the nails aren't fond of, have arrived and the vast majority of them want the Autobots to fuck off their planet.

The Nails.. are one of the biggest wasted opportunities of Robots in Disguise. The IDEA is good: a bunch of bots who either fled one of the two sides or managed to opt out entirely return and aren't happy with the planet or military leadership. It's a concept with a lot of depth as on the one hand the autobots have a point

While the Nails had every right to nope out of a war they were tired of, the Autobots fought long hard and lost a lot to get to this point and blaming them for something that's objectively not their fault, the planet going bonkers, isn't remotely fair. On the other.. the nails have every right ot want the planet back and to want a part in it, and to want leadership that isn't just the autobots.

The problem is the conflict is handeled with the subtley of a sledgehammer and thus BOTH sides come off as assholes: The Autobots make up an embarassing faction name for them, push them around and Prowl goes into a creepy tirade about how this isn't "Their" planet and they didn't fight in the war and later sics the deciptcons on them afte rthey agree to get explosives put in their brains.

The Nails Meanwhile spend the start of the sreies, especially the death of optimus prime bitching at the autobots, treating them as facists, and treating them all like they were complicit in the senates corruption, which only gets more galling after season 1 of MTMTE as most were fully against it.. they just couldn't do anything about it. Neither could you guys. It dosen't help they HANG OPTIMUS PRIME IN EFFIGY for the crime of STAYING AROUND ON A PLANET HE JUST SAVED.

The lack of nuance makes me just.. not care about most of both sides: The Autobots come off like their trying to consolidate power and remain in charge because they feel owed it, while the Nails blame them for everything. We COULD have had a good story abotu trying to perserve the past while acknowldging it's flaws and making a better present, but instead it's just the nails either whining or making entirely valid points that the autobots, mostly prowl, try to police brutality away because they can't accept they shoudlnt' be running things.

In the middle of all this Perciptor examines the matrix and finds a map, with Drift seeing it as a map to the mythical knights of cybertron and wanting to go on a quest to find it. Rodimus agrees, while Bee wants them to stay here and be miserable dammit because he is. While on paper Rodimus is running away from his problems in practice.. he defintely is but makes a valid point: Why SHOULD he stay on a planet that doesn't want him. And when Ultra Magnus joins with them, he makes a valid point: finding the knights could find something to fix cybertron. While Rodimus' hopes finding the knights will fix everything is a pipe dream, those are Rodders faviorite kind, their not wrong to want to find a solution that isn't just "Try and make this work" and forcing people who genuinely dont' WANT to help you to do what you say isn't healthy. This isn't a war for all time: it's just a disagremeent about what you want to do now your free of the war.

Optimus ends their squabble by giving them each half the matrix and fucking off, deciding to shed his former mane and his planet. The Lost Light leave despite Bumblebee's bitch crying.. and then seemingly blow up.

And this is where RiD begins, our cast is barely holding Cybertron together, aren't adressing their problem and now they assume the lost light is dead. So what does this add up to?

Okay TECHNICALLY this isn't true: Bumblebee sets up a state funeral for the bots, which is Starscream's first big platform to worm his way into high command, and Wheeljack brings him up once... but really you could take this subplot out and replace the big shindig with something else and nothing would change.

In contrast the messy takeoff... is VITAL to More Than Meets The Eye: the explosion it causes sends a good chunk of lost lighters to the planet bellow, brings skids on board when they investigate the planet, and brings the sparkeater on board to set those up for much later. And that's not even getting into how the opening arc of season 2 follows up on it, which i'll save for when we get there. Here.. they just sorta assume their friends are dead, don't bother investigating or thinking that MAYBE a ship with a quantum engine did some weird shit. It's to the point that when Optimus is told during his sub plot, his response... is to not remotely buy Rodimus could be killed that easy and assume they'll find them eventually. Which.. they do.

There's also just.. legistics. I know this is a pair of comics about giant robots, science isn't strictly followed nor should it be. But if the lost light exploded.. there would be debris. And they HAVE plenty of ships. Someone could investigate. If the Nails think the autobots REALLY commited this sort of execution, as their said to outright suspect including their rep in the main cast metalhawk, then .. why would NONE of the thousands of bots with functioning space ships look into it. Or the deciptcons once their brain explode chips are turned off. It feels like an excuse to just have the two not interact.. which they already had being out of range and with Blaster spending the season getting coms up and running again.

Anyways the series proper mostly follows Autobot high command as they try to run this planet/prevent anyone else from doing so. Like the lost light exploision this is a possibly intresting hook... that's utterly bungled. They do do things with it.. but they don't do them well. And the best way to get into that is with the characters starting with their supreme leader

Bumblebee: He's Tried Nothing and He's All Out of Ideas

The idea of Bumblebee being forced to take charge of the autobots is a great one. Tranformers has gone to this well three times i'm aware of, and it's a concept worth exploring taking what's essentially the team's kid brother and forcing him to take the throne and see if he can make it.

IDW's last attempt before this wasn't great, with Bee making a deal with the goverment that backfired horribly, and generally acomplishing nothing. So trying AGAIN.. was a smart move. It was worth a second try.

Unfortunately... Barber entirely bungled that second attempt. Bumblebee is TECHNICALLY leader of cybertron.. but really dosen't try to lead. He lets prowl do whatever he wants and whatever prowl wants is usually some form of police brutality, he argues with metal hawk but tends not to have an argument other than "the autobots aren't all bad mkay" or "All decipticons deciptisuck", and he overworks poor sweet Wheeljack, fostering all their super science shit on him and being mad when the guy is doing work of his own. It's VERY transparent in every scene he's in Bumblebee wants peace with the Nails not because it's the right thing.. but simply so the autobots can hold onto the planet. While the Nails are often written as overreacting assholes, as the book goes on they mellow out and most of their actions are entirely... justifable. Their horrified Prowl put bombs in the decipticons brains, they don't want police brutality, they want to actually elect a leader.

Every move Bee makes is to keep himself in charge despite not having a single fucking idea what he's doing. I could buy him as a leader if he tried.. leading: Tried finding homes for the Nails, making actual negotations with the decpticons, send out a party to go tame the primal planet so they can expand iacon , actually hammer out a government. There's a LOT to building a whole new world after a war, it's the reason Hamilton got an entire, incredibly gripping act out of all the nation building. But instead RiD just ignores the intresting idea of rebuilding cybertron's goverment and how it governs itself from scratch and just focuses on Bee whining or various things that happen for the plot. And by doing so it makes Bumblbee and those loyal to him come off like power grabbing assholes who care more about being appricated for fighting the war and less about making a better world to live in or even making the world LIVEABLE.

What makes this so galling though is how the narrative treats bee: characters talk about his "great vision" failed or say he might win the election. That last part is Prowl/Bombshell playing Bee, more on that in a minute, but most of the cast talks his ass up when really he's just a guy way in over his head, which could be intresting to explore.. but they just.. DON'T. Instead we just follow a bland dithering jackass as he fucks up till eventually someone smarter, with more charisma and an actual plan takes his place. But before we can get to them.. let's talk about the most punchable face in Autobot high command

Fuck Prowl

Yeah I tried to make a clever title here, I really did.. but most attempts lead to a storm of profanity as I genuinely detest this version of Prowl. And as a reminder like bumblebee it's JUST the IDW comics version. Animated Prowl slaps. Prowl's G1 deisgn is great. I'm sure there are other prowls who don't suck all joy out of a page when they show up or are the poster boy for why we need police reform despite doing a police on a whole other planet. I"d like to meet them. But this prowl is one of my least faviorite characters in fiction. In fact I can't bleivei I didn't add him to my jjall before now.

Welcome Home Prick!

Now I will give one caveat to this character: Part of the problem is the multitude of writers: James Roberts, who wanted Prowl for his cast, wrote prowl as a giant asshole who could never let the war go and got two people killed with his overlord scheme. Nick Roche wrote prowl as a scheming asshole who paranoidly plots. And tha'ts not even getting into his asshole characterization in books BEFORE this era.

John Barber.. dosen't walk either of these back, but wants Prowl to be a complex symapthetic figure, someone who is a calculating draconian asshole.. but who was driven there by his betryal by spike in the previous ongoing, and who badly WANTS to do the right thing. The problem is rather than make prowl a layered intresting character.. he instead comes off as an asshat who constantly tries to justify the horrible shit he does as "for the greater good"

It's not helped that Prowl's first scenes in this era leave a truly terrible first impression: The first things we see from prowl are

Him bitching about the nails and being absolutely LIVID at their suggestion the autobots leave the planet, not because it's a stupid unfair suggestion, but because he feels OWED the planet and was also once nearly one himself.

Conscripting the Decipticons into his own private army he uses to try and supress a riot from the Nails, instead making it ten times worse and only not getting anyone killed because Optimus steps in.

In MTMTE, trying to convince Chromedome to stay so he can use his ex boyfriend to do mnemosurgery, something Chromedome VERY much dosen't want to do, mocking his current boyfriend and then flipping a table like a petulant teenager when Chromedome walks out on his ass.

Using Arcee as his own personal hit squad , having her assitnate ratbat then trying to act like he didn't ask her to do that.

It's.. nigh impossible to come back form all of that and Prowl really dosen't. He spends the season brainwashed by Bombshell, in part thanks to trying to blackmail Chromedome and forgetting "oh yeah he can do mind things to me".. and NO ONE notices. He's horrified by that fact, but it's VERY telling that the only action of his that was hintingly out of character.. was telling bumblebee he could win the election. GENUINELY supporting his friend instead of trying to talk over him... is something that was a HINT he was brainwashed and the only thing people felt off. Said brainwashing also feels like it came out of nowhere, with not the slightest hint, and feels like a way to soft reset the character... which then fails as he spends season 2 once again out of his head... and once again in a way that isn't remotely out of character. I don't blame prowl for what he did under bombshell for most of the sries, he was brainwashed. But it's DAMMING that he did enough in ONE VOLUME before being hypnotized to earn my ire. More than Meets the Eye dosen't HELP nad IS a diffrent writer.. but even under Barber he's just the worst and I don't look forward to seeing more of him during Dark Cybertron and beyond. I DO look forward to seeing him hurled off a cliff.

All Hail Starscream:

Taking a break from pure, unyielding rage for a second, let's talk about something the book does right. I may be giving John Barber a LOT of crap this review.. but I can't deny he writes the best Starscream. There are other great starscreams from the hilarously over the top unsubtle 84 version, to the compitent but still hilarously shady animated verison and i'm sure i'll only find more as I watch more shows. Starscream rocks. But this one takes all that and asks a question: What happens when you take Starscream out of war and put him where his lying and scheming are an asset and his bad past is a non factor if he can lie hard enough: Politics.

While the autobots drown post war, trying to find their place.. Star scream swims like a majestic dolphin. Granted he's a Majestic Dolphin who still gets shit on a lot as it's starscream and everyone knows not to trust him and he has to work hard for his schemes for the most part... but he's still FAR more at home here than he ever was trying to usurp megatron. With the Decpticons, might made right: Megatron was on top because he was a great tactician, sure, but he was also capable of kicking anyone's ass who dared defy him, and had a death squad just for making a gruesome example out of anyone who betrays or tries to leave the cause. While Starscream was strong he couldn't muslce out megs or the various destructive douchebags he hired.

In contrast on Cybertron post war... he simply has to outthink and outspeak his opponents, who even if they weren't mostly fuck ups, still aren't really public speakers. Starscream first weasles his way into command with a few simple moves: He goes to the autobots in good faith, which they rightfully don't buy, tells them about a planned false flag attack by ratbat.. then once he's foiled, steps onto the stage at the funeral the attack was taking place at and boldly offer shimself as a formerish decipticon representive. While Bee never trusts the guy, for good damn reason, from that point on it simply dosen't matter: he's in the room where it happens. And often.. he's somehow the voice of reason. He's always got an angle... but it dosen't change the fact he's right or he gives Metalhawk someone to back him up. Not only that some of the bonds he forms are genuine. Metalhawk genuinely warms up to screamer and Wheeljack is the only one to try and make amends, to the point that after my boy gets horribly injured, Starscream makes sure he's getting healed and genuinely feels bad the poor guy got hurt.

On top of that once the media is restored for iacon, Starscream plays to the cameras, with his biggest play since stepping on stage coming in the annual: The Autobots find a titan in the desert while looking for lost comrades, trying to keep starscream out of it as Bee is deathly aware finding them would be some very easy bipartisan points for Screamer. Screamer shows up anyway... and when Prowl's croney keeps a gun traind on him and metalhawk, Screamer easily turns the situation on them: He invites a TON of Nails to watch and essentially make it so if he gets shot, it's over for the autobots, then goes down himself. It's here he gets a stroke of pure luck: The titan they've found... deems Starscream as some kind of chosen one. This isn't necessarily a good thing long term... but it does mean a lot especailly to the religious. Now normally this would mean nothing or months of trying to find proof.. but because Screamer's crowd crawled down to witness the titan once it was safe.. they all heard it.

At this point.. Starscream's basically won. The only genuine compettion he'd have in an open election is metalhawk, but either way the Autobots have basically lost control and all that's left is to wait for the elections. Sadly for Screamer he soon has a no good very bad day as Megatron comes back and Starscream spends the next arc as a hostage after going to rant at his former boss, with Megatron not remotely interested in compromise.

That said Starscream has survivied being humilaited plenty and while the Autobots are autobusy dealing with Megatron and the decpeticons, not to mention prowl combining with devestator, Starscream reminds us who he is: He kills Metalhawk, later being genuinely regretful.. but acknowledging Metalhawk was, genuinely, the only thing in his way. He was the only oponent in his rise to power left: Megatron was dealt with, the autobots had shot themselves in the foot 87 times, he feels terrible about what he did.. but killing Metalhawk looses him a friend and someone who belivied in him.. but gains him a Martyr. In the aftermath Screamer basically declares himself LEADER OF THE DECPTEICONS.. ER CYBERTRON, everyone backs him and he gets rid of most of his major opposition by casting out anyone who won't revoke their faction. A few autobots like Blurr stay behind... but msot of the cast we know are cast into the wildnerness and it's their own damn fault.

We get one last issue with Screamer , a spotlight that shows this job will be hard as while speeching got him INTO the job, he has to solve actual problems. Three Monologues is the best issue of season 1 as Starscream rants at megatron in stasis, reflects to Metalhawk's corpse and genuinely opens up to an injured in stasis wheeljack. Not only that Starscream also gets his own starscream, Beast Wars Faviorite rattrap. I'm mixed on this version of him: the character is very well written, being a slimy weasel whose looking for an angle and who gets rid of a local altruist for star scream by framing the guy. It creates an intresting relationship too as Starscream recognizes the behavior of his own.. and takes Rattrap into his administration. As Screamer perfectly puts it the guy Rattrap framed.. was a liablity. He liked star scream, genuinely belivied in the titans... but as Starscream brilliantly puts it altrusim.. is unpredictable. Rattrap on the other hand is who Screamer used to be before he became god emperor of cybertron starscream the first: he can not only deal with that, but it gives him a minon.

Before we leave Screamer I also just want to say.. I fucking love that he put on the crown from transformers the movie. I've always loed that he just... had to have a little crown for himself and that even if this version is less of a joke, he's still starscream enough to need a crown. It's also a striking visual in this context: Starscream is in control of cybertron. Primus help us.

Metalhawk: Don't Let him Be Misunderstood

For any longtime fans of this series or MTMTE, this section is probably going to be controversial but on second read.. I didn't hate Metalhawk. He's still obnoxious at first, he is the one saying "oh well you should piss off the planet you just fought hard to save from a giant Decipticon monster god man". It's easy to hate him as he's constantly telling our heroes they shoudl fuck off.

Yet on reread.. him doing that is WHY he's entertaining. See when I first read the books it was a few years ago. When I can't remember, my memory catches a lot of things but some things are lost to the enternal bog that is the back of my head, but it was before 2020.. and thus before George Floyd's untimely murder. As a result a lot of what the autobots do read diffrentlY: what they did ALWAYS came off as awful: even when the protestors are slamming the doors down, sending out jackbooted thugs is NEVER a good look, and the way Prowl talks about nails and treats them as second class citzens for simply wanting a voice is ... all kinds of chilling. Prowl sees himself as a police officer, and he certainly is.. but the worst kind, the kind most are who will gladly do shady shit to persue what they think is justice and oppress civlians because their "above them. "

So while said realizations about policing and the various police beatings of innocnet protestors made Prowl somehow even worse.. they made Metalhawk better as a LOT of what he's asking.. comes off more resonable. His wanting the decpticons free was kinda bonkers to me when i first raed it.. but now I entirely get that maybe putting bombs in defeated enemy combatants is you know.. a war crime. If you really want to put decitpcons who are dangerous away.. use a jail. Give them a trial. It's not great but putting them int what's basically a gheto that also oused to be a gun is horrible.

Metalhawk simply wants a voice and change for his people. He grows out of throwing the autobots out, being far more willing to work with them than they are with him and making plenty of valid points. He evolves as a character from a whiny asshole who disrpescts the autobots to seeing them as fuckups.. but ones who, prowl aside, are GENUINELY trying, with Bee planning to basically let Metalhawk takeover after the big fight at the end of season 1 before Starscream put some holes in that plan and also metalhawk. He's often the only person speaking up for a bunch of people who greatly outnumber the people in charge yet have to listen to thir bullshit, something that's become more and mor erelevant as congress fucks up more and more . It's hard to boo him when he's right: the autobots probably SHOUDLN'T be running the planet. They shoudln't leave, but they shoudln't be in charge. They shoudlnt be using deciptcons as easy soldiers and shoudln't keep the bombs in their heads now their vastly outnumbered. He's the voice of reason in a calvlcade of jackasses and a schemeing asshole. He's still annoying at times.. but it's really hard to hate a guy who grows out of his most annoying traits and ends the comic betrayed by the most obvious cantidate, something he only didn't see coming.. because he genuinely thought his friend had changed.

Wheeljack and the Rest: Robots in Disguise has a large cast, but most of the best players are off to the side, Starscream excluded. So let's talk about them.

My easy faviorite is one I wish Roberts had gotten like he wanted, the man the myth, Wheeljack. now I like Wheeljack in general due to his design, a nice faceplate, a unique head, it helps him stand out among the standard faces most autobots have.

Wheeljack seems to be one of the few Autobots genuinely trying for a better tommorow: he tries to make peace with starscream, and is frequently working on other projects before bee yells at him for not being avaliable to put out all his fires. He's kind, considerate and also a genuius, getting a nice moment in the sun when he sneaks into a decipticon ship and fidns out their up to some shit, then escapes the horde. I mean Metalhawk DOES save him in the end, but the fact he did most of this himself and gets both of them out himself is impressive. Wheeljack sadly just dosen't appear a ton and ends the season getting his head crushed by megatron. He does come back during season 2 and quickly becomes besties with Windblade, something we'll get to eventually, so good for him.

Blurr is a close third in the characters I like and is the only one of the autobots to really explore the ideas MTMTE was, the idea of "what do you do with your life next". Blurr does help out at first but his mounting frustration with prowl leads to him noping out, only helping out to try and find Ironhide. He decides to open a bar, much like Swerve , and his is a nicely diffrent joint: while Swerves is basically the cheers of transformer,s a place to forget your worries, hang with pals and get into hyjinks, Macadams, a regular location in most transformers place is that.. but also a melting pot, as Blurr soon makes a bunch of former decepticon friends including Sky Byte, a nail who has a great outfit, with him gladly defending his patrons with his good buddy jazz, whose barely in this comic for some reason despite, as always, being fucking great.

Next up is Ironhide. Ironhide does get a pretty meaty roll, as his recent ressurection has convinced him he's immortal and he's getting flashes of a possible future.. .one where the autobots are gon by cybertron thrives. Naturally everyone assumes he needs help instead of you know.. remembering that they followed the matrix for so long because it had robot magic or the giant stygian being made out of a dark god and 80 decepticons they just fought a month ago. What i'm saying is "I can see the fuuuuuuttttttreeee" isn't that farfetched at this point. So Ironhide goes to explore the wilderness with my boys the dinobots who sadly are all kinda douchey here.. but they still kick plenty of ass. The group disappears for a while after a signal drives my dino boys mad... but naturally they show up just in time to be the calvary in the finale. Ironhide is great.. they just don't really focus on him and I wish they did. Same with the dinobots.

Finally out of the ones who actually do stuff we have Arcee. Arcee... is a lot to unpack despite her short screentime. If you'll recall, and if you don't i'm so sorry for reminding you, Simon Furman's approach to the most prominent female transformer.. was to make it so she was FORCED to become female by a mad scientest, a tonedeaf, transphobic take brought about because Simon Furman hates the very idea Cybertronians have a concept of gender.. despite writing male prounouns into this continuity, thus showing they do just .. all male.

So how did Barber tackle this transphobic mess Simon Furman had saddled him and other writers with?

Yeah he just straight up ignored tha tpart for the first 21 issues. Arcee does mention killing Jhiaxus, the mad scientest in question, again, and again and again, but otherwise as far as RiD is concerned, Arcee is just an autobot who was tortured a lot by Jihaxius and who Prowl uses as his hit squad. She gleefully agrees to this... but it's clear she has no real sense of purpose. She DOES get a well done spotlight issue after the Autobots are cast out, with her wondering if the endless violence is worth it and deciding to join the autobots, wether they want her or not. It's a BETTER characterizfation than Furman's, a person with clear trauma trying to find out "what now"... but that big black cloud of "I done a transphobia because I hate them girl robots" hangs over it. It's an elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. I don't FULLY fault barber for it as IDW could've wanted him not to and it was a subject that would need a through, out in the open exploration. IDW was clearly willing as they supported Chromedome and Rewind and would continue to support out and out queerness in this franchise, Barber just wasn't ready yet and thus kept Arcee out of focus. He'd TRY to deal with this later at least but it's still super uncomfortable for now.

Decepticon wise.. they don't really get to do much till the season finale of sorts: they mostly stand around in a gun barrel and plot. Ratbat, one of my faviorite casettes of Soundwaves, is very prominent, trying to weasle his way into power early on.. but then Prowl goes and kills him and i'm sad. Soundwave , my boy, does fuck all till the build up to dark cybertron while Shockwave is in the shadows preparing said event , mostly done in optimus primes subplot. It's a real waste too as having more deciptcons actually try to reform or at least integrate into society would be neat, instead their just mostly canon fodder after a whil ewith a subplot about one seeing what prowl did going nowhere.

So speaking of Prime

The Thrilling Tales of Orion Pax

I haven't mentiond it till now but RiD has it's own isolated subplot ala the scavengers, just one that only lasts this season. Optimus left after the one shot and while he calls himself orion pax as does this segment... i'm just calling him Optimus like everyone else: Optimus goes on his own thrilling space adventures with his crew of Garnak, an ork like alien, Wheelie, who met garnak while stuck on a planet where time was constantly in flux and is still traumatized from it and Hardhead, a minor character turned Optimus buddy.

The trio had captured Jhiaxus, the mad science guy but got some criptic info. Jhiaxus quickly breaks free and while Optimus intended to just soft retire, he can't deny the danger he or his apprentice turned master Shockwave presents, and thus teams up with this motely crew. The adventures are only across three issue but each is fun, the characterrs ar eintresting if underdevleoped and i'ts neat to see Optimus like this: Grappling with his past, unsure of his future, and unwilling to be Optimus again despite everything pulling him toward it. His characterization also takes a nice turn as he was a minor prick in the return of optimus, calling the circle of light a cult. Douchebags yes, cult no.

There's really.. not much to say here anyalis wwise: these adventures are well done and I wish they were the main focus, and clearly Barber agreed as Optimus takes over next season, if sadly not bringin most of these guys with him.

THey are vital for the build up to Dark Cybertron, with Jhiaxus and his goons being Shockwaves main minons and hinting at his mission.. which Shockwave happily outlines in a spotlight later.. well happy isn't an emotion he experinces but he still outlines it: He's been seeding 13 powerful ores, tying in previous things like super energon and such, and the final and 13th one.. is ressurection, bringing people back under his control. His plans feel vauge in theis build up, but involve jhiaxus taking a titan right to cybertron, the ores, and beating up soundwave, with Prime persuing.

The only complaint I really have is the art, which isn't bad, it's just dark, cold , and muted, and not really my forte, working better to represent the dark universe during the crossover. It's not bad it's just hard to make out the visuals at times is all.

So with that we have one last bit of pre-crossover buisnes sto attend to

THe Old Man's Back Again

I did mention Megatron came back right? Because he did. And since he has a big roll to play in the crossover and in MTMTE season 2, let's talk about where Megs has been. Megs was left half dead after becoming a giant pile of decpticons, coming back towards the end of season 1, having what's essnetially the season finale early and the rest of the issues are spotlights dealing with the aftermath.

Bumblebee's reaction is exactly what you'd expect

I mean it's not unwaranted: it's megatron. He was a walking death machine and a brilliant strategist. It's not wrong to expect that even shambling and half dead he's plotting something.. because that's EXACTLY what he was doing. Bee DOES decide to spare him for a trial after being talked into it, but reluctantly and with Megatron guarded to hell. Unfortuantely.. the person in charge of his security is prowl who has a bit of a brain bug at the moment, having taken out omega supreme.

Yeah turns out a LOT of the seasons events were Megatron

The field driving people into rages was him, bombshell was working for megs the whole time, and Shockwave was working with him.. if only till it was convient enough to bail and go work on his own scheme. It's a MILD stretch and I wish it'd been se tup better.. but like Starscream it's hard NOT to enjoy Meg's presence: he brings a genuine threat and meanace, pinning our heroess to the wall and barely being beaten. He's not as layered as he was about to become... but he's still a clever villian who scoffs at Starscream's bitch crying, not WANTING a compromised cybertron but an empire. He ends up loosing but barely does, having still caused a ton of damage and left enough of a gaping woom for Screamer to take the crown. While this Megs is pretty simplistic, he still serves as a good foundation for what's next: a man who genuinely THINKS he's doing the right thing and that peace really is possible if you throw away those pesky civil liberties and his plan and near victory underline HOW dangeorus he is, why the lost light needs to nerf him to put him on board... and why Cybertron will BADLY need his help in the mess to come.

So that was Robots in Disguise and this review.. was difficult to say the least. It's not a great book but it has flecks of greatness in it and later seasons of this side of transformers and other series would pick up on that

Next Time in March: DARK CYBERTRON BEGINS. Bumlbee and the Bumblefucks try to protect a cyberton that hates and fears them, Rodimus goes into a stygian hole in space time, and Shockwave's plan hopefully makes sense.

[oliversrarebooks]

Hey I’ve been following for a while and really enjoy your writing 💖 and if you don’t mind talking about it, I’ve been wondering about your process a bit, as in how often do you write and how much do you tend to get done?

I ask partially because I’ve been considering starting a writing blog of my own but problem is I’m really slow as a writer 😅 like it can take me a day to do half a page and I can’t shake the habit of rereading and editing as I go. You post pretty regularly so you seem to have a good technique going, and I think you’ve said something about having adhd in the past??? I have it too so if Im remembering correctly then you probably understand how productivity can be a struggle. I guess I’m hoping to pick up some wisdom from someone in a similar boat

Anyways, sorry for rambling, keep up the good work and hope you’re having a good day ☺️

Getting faster at writing is just a skill you can develop over time, I think, and even then, some people will be faster than others and that's okay! Instead of worrying about doing half a page in a day, you could try writing 100 words a day for a while, for instance. Writing a smaller amount more frequently will eventually get drafts done.

I've been writing for a while and I tend to be reasonably fast, but a lot of that is practice and planning. I'm often writing from a loose outline of how the scene will go, and for my bigger projects, I have a big picture outline with notes, too. Writing for me is fastest when I treat coming up with the ideas, scene progression, dialogue etc. as a different activity, especially because the "thinking" parts can be done while doing chores or commuting etc. I do Nano each year and there's no way I could ever finish it if I weren't writing from outlines.

I try to write each day and aim for 400-500 words a session, but I often do have to skip days for various life reasons.

I'm only recently diagnosed with ADHD so I don't have any great productivity tips! The entire reason I ended up getting diagnosed was because my productivity was driven almost entirely by anxiety and the stress was literally killing me. I'm trying to get into a healthier mindset now, especially now that I have appropriate meds.

One of my big ADHD-related problems was being unable to ever feel accomplished -- even big accomplishments always feel more like "welp that's one tiny thing done but I still have a mountain to go". That's one of the mindsets I need to shed and remind myself that writing something like Bookseller in my spare time is a pretty good accomplishment!

I feel like maybe I see some of that in your ask, where you're being hard on yourself for writing a half a page. Even if it took you a while -- maybe especially if it took you a while -- that's still something you get to be proud of. No one else is going to tell the story you have in your head in the way you would tell it, after all.

[villainsrph]

hey everyone ! this is a big update that I've been trying to properly put together for a minute. between the holidays, IRL work, general life management, etc - I simply have not been here. I've always been slow, but my presence here has basically been non-existent and I apologize for that.

TL;DR commissions will be closed and no new work will be accepted for at minimum two to three weeks, if not longer! I'm transitioning commissions to being a side-gig as opposed to my full time job, and it's been tougher than I expected. I appreciate everyone bearing with me! under the cut is a good old genuine word-vomit processing a lot of big feelings I've had the last month and a more in depth explanation of my current situation!

I appreciate everyone who has commissioned me over the years and that continues to do so! I'm excited to continue to create for you guys in the future, with a healthier work mindset and schedule! all is well, I'm happy and starting to do well, and happy holidays to everyone!

(this paragraph is solely me gushing about my job, I could do it for hours.) I really love my IRL job. (I've posted it before, but to those who hadn't seen, I work in a movie theater now!) this is genuinely something I can see becoming a full fledged career for me and I didn't expect that. I have so much fun, I leave work feeling fulfilled and appreciated, and I've become close with practically every member of our staff. my identity as a trans man is respected as well. I'm also already having more opportunities within the company being offered to me, and I want to put the proper energy into it.

that is why I've been taking time to rest when I can and not push myself to be here online if I'm not physically or mentally in the right mindset to create, or putting a time limit on myself to do so. my anxiety surrounding my finances is something I've struggled with for years. going into a paid, consistent position has been eye-opening and so healthy for me. I never thought I'd be able to accomplish that (I certainly wasn't fit to in the past) and I'm genuinely very proud of myself and happy.

I've revolved everything in life around commissions in previous years, and not always in the healthiest way. I've taken the last few weeks to re-evaluate my feelings and expectations that I and I alone put on myself to be here. my life has changed a lot this year. truly from the lowest of low, to a place that is happy and warm. it feels appropriate to be going into the new year with taking a new outlook on life and work in general.

while I won't be stopping commissions any time soon, as I said above, I've been struggling to break out of the mindset of this being my sole full time job that I rely on and transitioning it into more of a side job for me. so to start with making healthier strides here, I am not going to be accepting commissions at least for the next two to three weeks at minimum. I'm going to solely focus on the current list and get caught up when I'm free to, and re-evaluate how much of my time I can properly dedicate to commissions every week. I want to find a good balance of commissions, my career, and my home life - with, for the first time since I started, commissions taking the backseat.

thank you again to everyone who has been patient with me beyond reason, who has commissioned me, bought templates, etc ! y'all are the reason I've been able to get to this point in my life, and I will forever be unbelievably fucking grateful. and if you actually read all of this, thank you.

[skelinor]

Love your art! Also, this may a dumb or too personal of a question, but where did you learn to draw so well? I've been trying to teach myself for the past couple years and it hasn't been working out

Hey thanks! :)

When I think about it, there are a few different things that I believe are important when learning how to draw.

In random order:

Passion. You need to really want to become better. You will only see your greatest improvement happen if you have the right mindset and truly believe you can get to where you want to be. It sounds cheesy, I know, but having this mindset really helped me. You just have to be passionate not only about drawing, but also about improving yourself and being the best version of yourself. If I'm being honest, this is something I'm struggling with right now. It's difficult. So don't be afraid to take breaks and rediscover what drives you forward.

Practice. You've probably heard this a million times. But it's stated over and over for a reason. It may be discouraging, though, when you spend hours upon hours a day practicing only to see little to no improvement. So I would say it's important to learn WHAT and HOW to practice. What I would do is set some time aside- however long you want but short enough that you can really make the most of your attention span- and practice one specific thing. Learn how it works, draw it from different angles, draw its components, etc. If it's a muscle, learn how it fits in in relation to the muscles around it. Study what happens when it bends or contracts. What does it look like when it's small, like on a child? Or big, when it's on a bodybuilder? Really take the time to learn about and love the world around you, and everything else will fall into place.

Learn from your mistakes. This one is difficult, but extremely important. You need to recognize what you did wrong in order to improve. If you don't, you will keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You will most likely need a second opinion, as it can be hard to know what you did wrong by yourself. Don't be afraid to message artists you like and ask for a critique. Some may be too busy to respond, but others may take time out of their day to answer.

Emulate art you like. Now I want to preface this by saying in no way do I condone copying or stealing. You shouldn't be completely copying what others do. What you can do, though, is take bits and pieces of art you like and translate it into your own style. My own art style is an amalgamation of a bunch of different styles I like. It's important to learn from people who know what they're doing, especially if you don't have a teacher yourself. You can learn a lot from studying what others do.

Have faith in yourself. This ties into what I said in the passion category, but I think it's important enough that I'm putting it here too. You need to believe you have the ability to push yourself to improve. Self-confidence is important. I assume it's different for everyone, but I've found that the less self-confidence I have, the worse I do. And my passion snuffs itself out. It's really cheesy, but I can't stress enough the importance of loving yourself. It's hard- I get it, believe me. I'm still working on it myself. But you have to be patient with yourself and love who you are as a person.

Okay, that's it. Sorry for the whole entire essay. I hope this helped you ;u;

[jealousmartini]

HAPPY MARCH🥳

`☆ ⋆ ｡ It's the beginning of a new month! ｡ ꕤ~ .

Quick confession. I didn't start the year the way I promised myself I would as a master manifester, a shifter and an art studentin college😭 plus today's the last day of my 2nd project and I will just say.. I didn't prioritise my time as well as I should have. So I'm not gonna let myself cry over wasted time along side incomplete work and lock in🤞🏽

But anyway I want to share my plan for this month. I am going to keep on top of:

☆ Journaling, Scripting and Vaulting

In my introduction, I said I would introduce myself as I would in my better current reality and really embody my drself. I'll be honest, the closest I have been to embodying my drself was daydreaming being my drself🧍🏿‍♀️ So I want to change that once and for all. I am sick of wishing I was her instead of realising I literally am her ffs.

So, I think vaulting as I am my drself and tracking my manifestation journey is an awesome way for successful embodiment. Because essentially when I am vaulting about my (dr)self, I am just affirming to myself about who I am by saying "I am this" or "I love having that" or maybe "my blah blah blah is so cute" and "I am so grateful that xyz".

☆ Practicing entering the void

Okay so I already understand that the void is nothing special (to me at least). The only reason why people think its special is because of the fact that you instantly recieve your desires once youve affirmed them when in the void (please for the love of god dont think you cant manifest instantly outside of the void. It is just a tool). It is literally just a deep meditative state. You are literally just meditating. It's the stillness state. The state of just being. Your I am-ness. So now that I have taken the void off the pedestal, I feel like I can enter the void anytime I try now and I will this march.

☆ Persistance/Loyalty to the new story

Something I've struggled with is persistance to my manifestations simply because of what I see in the 3D. Even when i've persistantly affirmed to myself for something not to happen or to get something, sometimes the opposit happens and I'll get what i didnt want.. but im content with it because it actually turned out alright, and I'll just settle for that. But whats really interesting is that Ive learned to always stay neutral to it anyway. I understand that nothing in the 3D has any meaning whatsoever. The the 3D is neutral and circumstances literally don't matter. Only I have power of the 3D and nothing in the 3D can have power unless I let it. And this applies to who i choose to identify as. Do i identify as someone who doesnt quite have everything she wants or do i identify as someone with everything i could ever want. So usually if I see something i don't like I'll just shake it off. Which brings me to

☆ Revision

Ive been in the loa community for 5 years and I learnt about revision 2 years ago through a revise your past subliminal. I didn't even know you could actually rewrite your past so this kind of opened me to really understanding the law of assumption applies to everything.

Since then I've been using revision subliminals here and there to revise certain scenarios and whatever, but I haven't really been using revision to its true potential. As I have learnt I can change the past, I will be vaulting/scripting my desired past through different eras of my life that I've already lived. So stuff like what highschool I went to and how I did in it, erasing unfavourable moments and replacing them with something better suited to me to align myself with my actual (dr)self

☆ Using general blanket affirmations and making specific affirmations that resonate with me to rewire my mindset and self concept

I already do this but 1. I don't do it as much as I'd like to and 2. I am altering the way I think about myself and everything in general. So I guess the way I used to affirm kind of felt robotic, forced and fake. So I figured I will use the generalised blanket affirmations I actually like to use and not the ones I'm told to use that I don't connect with, as well as make my own affirmations personalised to what I identify as and embody. This brings me to my next topic.

☆ Subliminals

Okay so I saw this post from another loa blogger talking about subliminals and they said that changing the reason why you use subliminals can really improve your manifestation journey. So instead of using subliminals to get something, use them to remind yourself you already have it. Use them to help you persist in in the fact that you are the version of yourself who HAS 1 million pounds or that you HAVE your dream life. Use them to REMIND yourself, you are already the version of you who has it. This goes for ANY and ALL subliminals by the way. Use your desired subliminals to repeat back what you identify as guys!

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

MARCH IS MINE YOU GUYS DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND

Anyways Ciao!!😘

Im so shy to tag but wtv!: @urimaginarygirlfriend @realistically-shifting @4ellieluv @faeriemarie

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #255

I'm not entirely sure what's wrong with me today. Despite having an objectively awesome day today, I seem to have found myself in some kind of funk. I feel generally awful and overwhelmed with worry about a variety of things, most of which I can't talk about with anyone, anywhere, for fear of sounding insane. I haven't had any drive to create anything at all for a number of weeks, too, and it's scaring me.

…Well, that's all right. The only thing for it is to carry it, and the only way out is through. I've got a few more years to wait before I'll be able to see if anything has changed. The passage of time feels unforgivingly slow, and in a few more months, there's not gonna be enough sunlight for me to feel good until next March rolls around. But that's okay. Worse things have happened. It feels heavy now, but it won't feel like this forever.

So I'll just talk about the various things I did today.

The tooth extraction that I was supposed to get next Tuesday has been cancelled because I guess no oral surgeons are going to be in on that day. It has been rescheduled to the first of October, which I guess is cool and all, but… I guess I really kinda wanted to just get it done and over with.

I went with a friend - her name is Bv - to an Italian sandwich place. We were supposed to go to the tea shop next door, but they're closed for the next number of weeks for some reason. But this new place we tried was pretty cool, too. They had flowers in places:

...I thought you might like them.

Here's what I ended up getting:

It's some kind of sandwich with mozzarella, roasted red peppers, and prosciutto. And I guess a salad came with it.

Bv and I talked a long time, and it was really difficult because she wanted to eat outside, and the sound of the cars rushing by made it hard to hear her, and... she's a much older lady, probably somewhere between 60 and 70 years old. If my Auditory Processing Disorder gets in the way of me understanding her, the most likely scenario is that she's going to assume that I'm either being deliberately disrespectful or that I am not paying enough attention. So I focused really hard, and it was really difficult, but I think I managed for the most part.

Bv has a friend with trauma, but this friend of hers isn't exactly handling it well. I guess Bv is going to try to put her friend in touch with me to see if I can help somehow. If I'm contacted, surely I'm gonna try. But... I'm half expecting that it's not going to work out. In order for any of what I can say to this person to be useful to them at all, they'd first need a relatively flexible mind and a willingness to try new things. In my limited experience, it's difficult for most people to maintain those kinds of traits. From what I've seen, people generally want quick fixes for their problems that make everything better in a jiffy. People wanna get better, but without actually changing anything about themselves, their environment, or the mindset they carry.

Put in Dead Cells terms, most people wanna just be able to play on 5 Boss Cells and not get hit, but without needing to put in the practice to get there. And I get why - it's not because people are bad or lazy or whatever; no that's not it at all. Rather, they're just too tired to be able to sustain effort that isn't going to produce instantaneous results. It's not a moral failure as much as it is reflective of a profound state of total exhaustion on their part.

I get into states like that, too. It's because I'm human. I am by absolutely no means perfect.

...Regardless, I have to try. If there's even the smallest chance I might be able to help, I gotta.

After I got home, J was at a flying lesson. So I played Dead Cells. But I was feeling tired and weird, so I didn't do very well. I never made it past the Prison Depths. I kept getting easily frustrated with myself, so I figured the thing to do is stop. So that's what I did.

And now I'm here, writing to you. But I think I'm gonna call it here, because I've got work tomorrow and I have to rest, and if I keep going, I'm going to ramble.

Sephiroth... don't die out there, okay? Don't do anything that will lead to whatever you're made of disappearing. Please.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[beckmessering]

Hey, new to your blog and to opera, and first of all I want to thank you for sharing all your informative, comprehensive and entertaining takes with us. Theatre fandom is so much richer for it! Secondly, I wondering if I might trouble you for some resource recommendations and some advice r.e. understanding opera technically and artistically as a newcomer to the genre. Myself, I only have highschool/College rudimentary orchestral (flute) skills and sadly cannot write music, sightread or sing well (would love to and have tried in the past to teach myself, but it's very difficult and hasn't...really taken well), so while I enjoy so much of the opera music to which I've been exposed, I feel so much is going over my head. What's more, though I have a theatre degree and poetry qualifications, my background is more performance Art and modern non-musical stage, so again I feel I'm missing so much nuance as I take in opera and the glitzy mad world around it. One of my tentative goals is to one day write a libretto, so it's important to me to figure it all out, however I know this will potentially be a long process. The podcasts Opera After Dark and Aria Code have helped somewhat with my understanding, but more knowledge and simpler breakdowns can only help more. Am interested in particular to know how you'd approach educating someone in opera, as you are so well-versed. In about a month I'm going to a screening of Rheingold, which is very much the scary deep end for me (I'm a fluffy French opera fan), so I'd like to go in forearmed haha. Thank you so much for reading and for your content, looking forward to the new season!

hey hey! first of all, sorry for taking half a century to respond to this ask - this is so sweet of you to say, i'm really touched 🥹

about the advice - first, to all the opera friends who see this, feel free to reblog with your own advice and ideas! i don't feel like the most qualified advice giver (lol) because for much of my knowledge, i don't quite remember how i got it. i played classical piano for twelve years, but i never "properly" studied operas anywhere, so most of my learning is and was autodidactic. i think i spent a lot of time on the internet reading interviews with my favourite singers. i also once joined an opera club/society at my university, where i learned more about practical aspects of rehearsals and performing. if you have the chance, going to any kind of open rehearsal is also great to learn about how music, staging, and acting end up together. then, it kind of depends on what you specifically want to discover about the operas you hear, whether it's music theory or aspects of stagings, etc.

i think i can say a bit, though, about how to approach a first-time rheingold (or a first-time wagner?). the most important thing is: the veil of seriousness that seems to surround wagner operas does not exist. at least it doesn't exist for me. it can be no less funky and fun than any other kind of opera. especially rheingold.

it depends a bit from which side you're more prone to approaching something: if you enjoy analysing music to get closer to it or if you feel you have to get closer to it first in order to want to analyse it. i am of the second type, which means i try to drop all worries before going to see something new and approach it with a "yeehee fun!!" mindset. something i find extremely worthwhile in wagner operas, especially because the words and the story are so old, is putting yourself in the characters' shoes and treating them as if they were real people. this helps if you tend to look at everything through the emotional lens - feeling emotionally close to the story in some way, either through understanding the relationships or properly relating, can help with appreciating the music and developing an understanding of why it was written this way. i'm no huge music analyst by choice myself, though, i have to admit. however, rheingold specifically is a very fun opera because it illustrates its own setting quite nicely with the music - there's a lot of atmosphere in the music and there's a lot of tone painting going on, like music that sounds like diving through a river, giant threatening footfalls, sounds of a smithy, and such. several of these reappear multiple times throughout the opera, so one thing i enjoyed playing around with while and after my first ring cycle was this playlist:

it has all the ring leitmotifs the heart desires and it's quite fun to play auditory bingo with them - you can either listen before you go or afterwards and then check out a recording.

as you were in orchestra, perhaps buying/borrowing a score and reading along would also be an option for you? i do this only for the works that really, really interest me, but i feel it does wonders for the amount of things i hear in the music, especially for wagner, because sometimes you can recognise motifs by sight on the page first and then you actually hear them better. i'd suggest doing this after the screening, though, if you liked it.

i'm not sure if this advice is any good, lmao - if you have any more questions, absolutely don't hesitate to be in touch! :) hope that rheingold goes well (which one will you be seeing, btw?) and i'd be curious to find out your opinion at the end!! :D

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFJ girl here, this question is going to be a little long. Is there any way to be "aware" (if that's the word I'm supposed to use) that someone is heading for a grip of inferior function? Or someone notices that it is approaching and thus manages to avoid it?

I ask this because since the beginning of the year I have been actively taking care of my body and food, with the aim of improving my aesthetics and the general quality of my health (physiological, emotional, etc.). I don't exaggerate in my workouts and I don't practice severe restrictions on my diet, I allow myself to eat sweets as long as I don't overdo it during the week, I don't count calories, I always try to be aware of the physical signs of my hunger and I daily make notes of my meals in my diary to avoid emotional eating.

However, in the past during a phase of my teenage years, I've been in a pinch of Se and been obsessive and extreme about my body. I spent almost the entire day practicing physical exercises and didn't allow myself to eat anything other than what I considered healthy because I wanted to be flexible and beautiful (thin like a friend of mine who had lost weight and I felt envious of her body), which led me to many I often show off my flexibility so that others will be amazed at me and I will get the approval and attention I crave.

I got it into my head that I needed to be "productive" and "dedicated" to the maximum 100% of the time, I couldn't have rest days or relax a little on the diet, which also led me to other extreme behaviors typical of the inferior. endlessly cleaning and arranging the furniture in my room, to the point where I felt physical pain in my body. Back then, I remember thinking it was perfectly normal to do this and taking it as evidence that I was an extremely goal-oriented person, which was clearly me deluding myself and avoiding the factual reality of the situation.

I don't do that anymore nowadays, but just out of curiosity and who knows to guarantee it in the future, do you have any tips on how to be more attentive to the signs so that I can understand and change my mindset? I'm afraid that some event in life will shake me so much that I'll succumb to this state of mind and lose all the progress I've already made. I know INFJ's are prone to emotional disconnection and tend to be myopic to evidence that they are over-controlling when they abuse Ni. Thanks!

-----------------------

When INFJs realize how good they are at self-deception, it's only natural to worry about getting caught up in it again, so I understand where your question is coming from.

Let's say that you happened upon a brochure about eating disorders at the supermarket and then realized that your behaviors matched up with the symptoms of a particular disorder. The brochure taught you the rule that "xyz behavior = unhealthy". This may be enough to prompt to you stop it, because knowledge is power, after all. But does this brochure tell you anything about how the disordered behavior arose in you, where it came from, or what caused it? No.

The purpose of function development is to increase your self-awareness to the point where you not only understand that you have a problem but also understand how that problem arose. Have you reached that level of self-awareness?

For a pattern to repeat itself, the conditions that made the pattern possible in the past have to be the same or similar enough to trigger the same reaction from you today. What were the conditions that gave rise to your disordered eating and exercising (Se grip)? Generally speaking, disordered behavior is often a failed attempt to address a legitimate psychological/emotional issue. What issue was the disordered behavior meant to address? Have you really gotten to the bottom of it?

You describe the difference between Now-You and Old-You, but I don't think the comparison goes deep enough, which is why you're still unsure of yourself. You said you were driven by craving for approval and attention, as well as by envy of people you admired. This sounds like an honest enough description of your motives. However, it leaves some important questions hanging in the air:

- WHY exactly did Old-You crave approval and attention so much, to the point of self-punishment? Are there still situations that trigger this craving in you today and do you have a healthy method of handling those triggering situations?

- Why did Old-You rely on social validation to appraise personal value/worth? Do you still do this or have you adopted a different method of self-appraisal? If there's a different method, do you know whether it's a healthy method?

- Why did Old-You think in terms of "hierarchy", i.e., compulsively categorizing everyone along brutal judgments of who is "superior"/"inferior" or "better"/"worse", and how to be "perfect" at the top? Do you still think in this way today? If so, why? What do you gain from it and what is the cost?

- Why did Old-You believe that the most important thing about people and/or the most important thing people have to offer up is their physical body, to the point of devoting all time and attention to perfecting it? Do you now recognize how superficial it is to treat people merely as bodies to be used for pleasure, as well as how this attitude might interfere with the formation of fulfilling and meaningful relationships? Is this related to sexist beliefs about what women are meant for?

- Why did Old-You believe that being a cheap imitation of another person would lead to you being seen/praised as special too? Do you still fail to recognize this logical contradiction and keep trying to be like others, with the only real difference being that you don't try as hard as Old-You did? What is your identity, really, when it is just a patchwork of qualities you appropriated from others?

These questions go deeper to reveal the conditions that gave rise to the disordered behavior. If you're unable to answer most of them, it's likely you still haven't gotten to the bottom of the problem yet. If the underlying causes of the problem haven't really been addressed, then, yes, it has the potential to rise up again. You say you have better motives now, which is good. However, remember that people can be motivated by a multitude of factors at the same time. Self-awareness involves being fully honest with yourself about all of the factors.

[priestess-of-yuri]

i'm going to try something new. i'm going to take you along in my journey of transformation and growth and healing, and i'm going to share with you my personal readings, learnings and shadow work. i hope you enjoy, think and grow with me!

where am i heading right now?

Three of Cups -- you are heading towards a time of celebration and fun with friends.

Page of Wands -- you are heading towards embodying the spirit of the rogue, making enemies but enchanting just as many with your heart and charisma and intelligence.

Three of Wands in reverse -- you may experience frustration and delays in your journey, perhaps even returning home. but remember you can turn this energy upright and continue forward in your goals.

Nine of Coins in reverse -- you are heading towards superficiality, overinvestment and being work-obsessed. but remember that with the Three of Cups, it doesn't have to be this way in the long run. you have the power to recognise your priorities and shift your focus, balancing your life the way you deserve to.

The World -- this is a Major Arcana card, so it casts a theme over the reading. you may reach a satisfactory, fulfilling conclusion soon regarding all of this. with every ending comes a new beginning.

Three of Swords -- you may be heading towards heartbreak, or hurting yourself. this is a card of self-sabotage, so remember that your survival mode fears don't serve you in a safe, secure and happy life.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

‎what do i need to know right now?

Secret Spring speaks of success. success that you already have. you are deserving of success. when you feel as if and behave as if you are already successful, more success pours in. the Secret Spring Fairy is here with you, and encourages you to be your own hero emerging from the waters.

Spirit Guardian of Spring speaks of activation. now is the time for speaking your truth, and diving into new adventure. it's a fertile time, of new growth and energy and turmoil too! but remember that it's all part of the exciting time of activation.

Spirit Guardian of Winter for retreat suggests it's time to retreat from situations and people that do not serve you or empower you. it's time to nurture your inner resources, your wellspring that you have inside of you. cosy up by the fire inside your cabin in the blizzard and rest.

Fire Spirit for energy reminds you of Creation. you have so much energy right now, so much life and vivacity and motivation. fire represents Creation, creativity and imagination -- and you have plenty. now is the time to act.

Enchanted Forest Grotto is about refuge. the ferns, fairies and forest creatures are welcoming you into their abode to shelter you. you've been doing a lot lately, and it's time to nurture yourself. practice extreme self-care.

Ancient Oak Spirit. strength. you are being called to stand in your power, but not overmuch. speak your truth, because there are possibilities of mystical experiences ahead.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

shadow work

these readings are seemingly giving conflicting messages, and that speaks to me of a chaotic time. which is true, i'm going through much growth and stagnation, learning and failure, magic and mundanity. i feel as if i'm experiencing two halves of a story at once, like i'm trying to make two different halves of a puzzle fit together but it's not meshing.

i think this is very much a call to reprioritize. i've been doing a lot of new things, but also keeping with old mindsets. i need to practice doing new things with new mindsets. i need to figure out how to colour the two puzzle halves the same colours, or else discard one for the other.

i think i do need to discard one half actually. this metaphor is about my survival mode. my fears. my self of the past 27 years. i need to figure out how to let go of all of this, because i don't need it anymore.

i don't need it anymore because i need to focus on who i am becoming. someone who is radiant, kind, beautiful. someone who is intelligent, empathetic, silly. someone who is loving, lively, chatty. i need to become more of these things, because even though i already am these things, i have so much untapped potential.

the old me likes to dwell in negativity, funnily enough. you may not catch that vibe from me at first since i try to be such a sunshiney person, but i tend to assume the worst, force myself to look past red flags, and then get rose-coloured glasses.

i need to listen to my instincts more instead. instead of listening to what my trauma, what my fears, scream at me, i need to listen to the whispers of my gut. anxiety screams, instincts whisper. and i know i want to become more of a intuitive force for good.

by feeling my way through my fears, i can let go of the desire to always be in control, i can let go of the desire to self-sabotage, i can let go of all that doesn't serve or empower me.

and i feel my way through my fears as follows. my fear is always abandonment, or betrayal. i always behave in ways ... i always have behaved in ways that felt to me as if they minimised my chances of getting abandoned or betrayed.

but i know that that's not how it works, actually. you need to live your truth. you need to express yourself. what you can't accept runs your life, and that means that the way i catered to people ran my life. i refused to accept the truth of myself. but now, i refuse to try to cater to everyone anymore.

instead of people-pleasing, i will express myself. i will speak my truth. i will cry and laugh and live loud. everything i do will be in balance -- neither solely for myself, or solely for anyone else. i will practice walking the middle path and gently guide myself into a life that equitably supports me, and my partner.

there isn't a hard and fast fix for any of this. i know i need to take little steps forward everyday. practice working on believing i deserve my current success, and putting that belief into practice. i will do my utmost best to have a life that i want.

it's not a matter of urgency. it's not a matter of spite. it's a matter of need, deserving, and love. it's an act of extreme self-love to choose a path that supports me. that makes me feel like i am empowered. not necessarily in control, but free, alive, and myself.

i will always choose love, both for myself and the people around me.

[bumbleboa]

If it helps any, I know past me would’ve been stoked to draw anywhere close to what I do today (though I’m not nearly as amazing an artist as you are). Even with all my hiatuses and reasons for not being able to draw, little me would just be so happy that I’m still drawing and having fun while doing it, especially now that I can draw hands like over 50% of the time?? Insanity.

I think you’re doing great, and that your art is truly breathtaking. Try not to let your thoughts get to you too much, just keep doing you 👍

Anon, this is super sweet, thank you for messaging me! And I am so glad you still have fun creating art, that's wonderful. Our past selves couldn't imagine where we are now and even though we see the way ahead of us, we don't often take time to look back. It's good to keep that in mind and I appreciate the reminder, I hope you get to love art for many more years to come!

It's super easy to slip into the negative art mindset, talking to yourself. I caught myself last night thinking ''wow I hate what I produce'' and had to mentally take a step back because 1) I just treated the art I do for enjoyment as a product and 2) so what if that drawing didn't turn out well? it's not like I will draw my favorite piece of art every day. I subsequently shut off my phone and put myself to bed because no further productive thought was going to be had. And I was right! I did feel better about it all after having slept on it.

It's good practice to catch these thoughts early and then do the usual rundown check: when was the last time I've eaten something? Have I drunken enough water? Did I do some light to moderate exercise? Did I get enough sleep? Usually one of these is off and I know my mood turned sour because I failed to make the tamagotchi that is my body happy and it is now making itself heard in the one way it can, beeping furiously encouraging negative thought patterns. I am getting better at it, but it's a journey!

[my-reality-my-rules]

I don't have anyone to talk to about shifting so I hope I can talk a bit about it here :) It's just I have been trying to shift for over a year and that's fine because I know I will shift soon and I will not give up. I even got a tarot reading telling me I will shift soon but I need to overthink everything less. But you know how hard that is sometimes? Tbh shifting is such a lonely journey because there is nobody that can really help you out (only give some advice but they may work or may not because every person needs different things to help them shift) and in the end it's myself that I truely need to help me. But that's so hard to do because I am someone who needs validation, to know I am doing it right or doing good enough. And since no one can do that for me, I struggle with that a lot. But that's just my problem I have to deal with and overcome. And I will not give up, I will still shift even with these worries and I know I can do it. Sorry for rambling but I just needed to get that off my chest

[thanks for this ask!]

july. this message was sent on the third, and the second one was sent on the tenth. i even remember seeing this in my inbox; i deadass thought i already answered this 😭christ on a crucifix i am so fucking sorry-

also. i apologise for the upcoming rant

- - -

okay. you do have a really good point though. the thing about shifting is that, while it has been an actual practice for many years now, it's only recently that the phenomena is truly being given focus. a lot of us fall victim to that—I'm not saying everyone has, but you have to admit most of the modern shifting community came from either tiktok or amino.

and because of its surgence in recent years, it's viewed as something new, instead of something that's already been cultivated hundreds of years past. this factors in to the isolation of it as a whole, in my opinion, as both a concept and a community.

and i agree with you on the topic of shifting being a lonely journey. the thing is; no one really knows know where they'd belong if they never found out about shifting—do you really think you'd be the same person you are now, had you never heard of the practice?—but at the same time, those same people are also scared to realise that they are worth all of the effort that they're doing, and that, in itself, is one of the reasons that hold them back.

another problem is that shifting had been largely popularised during the first stages of quarantine, which also reinforces the idea of it being a form of escapism. because your current life is going to shit (whether or not by design), you actively look for a way to get away from it. the mindsets of those who did discover reality shifting during quarantine are, to be frank, stuck in what i call the 'online mode'. you saw it online, you decided to try it for yourself; and then you realise that, while you have the whole community to communicate with online, it doesn't necessarily mean that you'd be able to talk about shifting while offline (with family, friends, and et cetera).

and when you do try to talk about it with others in real life, you get ostracised for it. because for them, it was an online phenomenon.

call this arrogant, but; whenever my philosophy professor asks my class if things like the perfect good and the perfect happiness (that which satisfies human nature entirely, both materially and intangibly) exist in an actual reality, i want to scream—because yes, those realities exist, i just can't prove it to you, not really, not in the way it matters. if i could say how, i would. if i could tell someone in real life that I've met all these amazing people in other realities and my life is really looking good, i would. if i could scream about reality shifting on my roof at the top of my fucking lungs, i would.

but i can't, and the consequences of admitting it in the current reality are far more troublesome than if you had just admitted it online.

still, though, being able to overcome that challenge should be one of the most satisfying aspects of it. when you're shifting, whether to a DR or for simple manifestations, you have to realise that all of what you have now, you were always meant to find. you already had these potentials in you—it's not that you have to go looking for it, just that you were looking in the wrong places to begin with. i completely agree with what you'd said about, how, in the end, it's only you who could truly understand and help yourself.

the only person whose validation you truly need is you. and to quote daenerys targaryen; Do you know what kept me standing through all those years in exile? Faith. Not in any gods. Not in myths and legends. In myself.

change always starts with the person. life isn't waiting for you to catch up, so why would you wait for it in return? you already exist with so much to give yourself, and the only thing that's stopping you from achieving it is the mind that you have. that's not to discount others' experiences, obviously, but that's the simplest truth of it.

nevertheless, i am glad that you were able to get a glimpse of your DR, anon. i know it's been four/five months since you sent this in, but you have my sentiments all the same. I'd actually love to hear from you again, if you're willing, haha.

[fcntasmas-archive]

This is a different anon, and I'm sorry if this isn't supposed to be writing advice hour 😁 I've been pretty much only writing academically for about 6 years now. I'm almost done with my higher degrees now, so I really want to get back into creative writing. I've sat down with a few ideas that I love, but when I start writing them, it's almost like my brain refuses to get out of that academic mindset. I don't think anybody wants to read a Buddie fick fit for the Journal of Accountancy. Is there anything you do that helps you not feel blocked or stuck, whatever the apt comparison would be?

hello, different anon!!! first of all congrats on being (almost) done with your higher degrees that's such an amazing feat i'm so excited for you!!!! BIG MWAH <3

as for your question, i'd say the advice i gave the other anon can work pretty well for this issue, too, but another piece of advice i can offer to get out of the kind of analytical, practical approach of academic language is to just,,, practice.

freewriting is a great exercise for this. set a timer for like five-ten mins and turn your brain off and just write. don't edit, don't backspace, don't dwell on it or think about it. just write. after that, look back over it and try and pinpoint the things you like about what you wrote, and what you didn't. then try it again, and this time try to focus on expanding on what you liked. rinse and repeat. eventually, you might have, like, even a couple of sentences that feel like they flow a lot more naturally than what you're used to.

ALSO, take a break and read some fiction. YA and NA particularly are two genres i suggest the most, if only because they focus so much on the emotion of it all, which is what you want to achieve when writing your own fiction. tap into the emotions you've either studied in fiction or felt yourself. a great writing exercise that i've done in the past is to just kind of like. write out the basic emotions you may feel on a regular basis -- sad, mad, happy, anxious, etc -- and then write a sentence or two of what they might look like in you or in a certain character. expanding from there should come easier, then.

and just overall GO EASY ON YOURSELF. your brain's been trained to write a certain way, ofc it's gonna take you a minute to find your voice again!! that's totally okay. be patient, embrace the editing process (even though it's arguably the woooorst) and try and try again. talk it out with someone you know/love/trust. send them some snippets and ask them where they think you could be less practical. then try and try again.

i hope this is helpful in any way!! ily lots babe and i am ROOTING for you <333