#i've been talking for so long why did i say so much

[elliesglock]

okay so i had to change my timeline after further research and discussion into pazzi. this one's going to be a little bit more detailed than my other wise pretty vague original one. some things will stay the same because they're pretty obvious but i wanted to cover the little grey area that's 2020-2022 more in depth.

2016

there is proof paige met azzi before their official meeting at team usa. paige and azzi had an aau tournament that overlapped during summer in 2016. azzi is 14 and paige is 15. azzi is playing 2 grades above her age group in her aau league against paige's aau team but she's not playing paige. there's a part in the full game video where it cuts to the sideline and we see big grinning cheesy paige watching the game. from what we know about paige and how she is with azzi, i think she had her eye on azzi. i mean in the part of the video paige is in azzi makes a play and it cuts to paige grinning and looking away all shy. the way her expression is makes her look like she's just seen her crush. and i think she literally did. she's picking at her face and having some nervous ticks in that portion of the video. so i said in my original timeline paige had a secret admirer thing going on. and i 100% stand by that. paige brings up in the slam interview that she knew azzi for 3 years (in 2019) so that timeline lines up with her first seeing azzi. now azzi doesn't remember obviously because she didn't have an eye for paige like p did for her. also she was playing a game. but i find it so interesting that paige remembers it enough to associate their first meeting being a different time than azzi's. it literally gives love at first sight. paige obviously doesn't talk to azzi i don't think until they meet officially in 2017 in the usa trials. do i think paige found her instagram and started stalking it? 100%. i just don't think she followed or liked any of azzi's photos until 2017 when azzi most likely gave her, her instagram. so essentially paige has been plotting on azzi for a total of 9 years since they were literally fetuses. no surprise there from p honestly we're not broaching new territory. imo pazzi have always been soulmates and meant to find each other. so it's no surprise to me paige saw her for the first time and was drawn to her. i don't think either of them had a choice 😭.

2017

they officially meet. this is the time azzi remembers lol. i think paige initiated everything due to what they both have said. and if we think about how she already had a crush on azzi prior, it's not crazy to say she wanted to initiate conversation because azzi was literally her crush or at least someone she admired. i think p saw her again and was like oh yes that pretty girl that was at my aau tournament i've been watching her for a bit let's go make friends with her. plotting p yet again. this is just the first peg in her multi-step generational bag scheme 😭. azzi being azzi is a little shy and standoffish around such a big personality that is paige. i think paige really did try talking to her which is why i don't believe p when she said that they "didn't talk very much off the court". i think they did and there was some flirting probably from paige. anyways either i don't think they really started talking until the plane ride home. they get sat together and ofc p sees her opportunity and thinks yapping azzi's ear off is the way she'll get her. they get home to minnesota and i think this is where they start messing or crossing lines. i'm among the many believers in pazzi nation that p and a were never strictly platonic friends or that they started getting together in college. no they have been getting with each other for a VERY long time. now do i think a relationship was started as soon as they got home in 2017? not dating no. very much fwb. they were young so it's not surprise that they weren't dating, especially considering azzi would have to go back home eventually and they would be separated. also i think it was wayyyyy too complicated for them to label what they had. again they were really young. 15 and 16. nobody knows what they're doing at that age.

2018

i argued before that they started dating here. but i don't think so. the way i see it they were still a situationship pretty much all throughout high school. i felt before like how p was a little possessive and showy of azzi gave dating but i genuinely just think she was talking to azzi and she claimed her as her girl and wanted everybody to know that. does that mean they were in a relationship? no. i don't think they labeled it dating. so situationship is the best descriptor for them. paige and azzi spent a lot of time in 2018. they had usa events, aau tournaments, and many games where they either played against each other or their teams were in the same tournament. there was a lot of flying back and forth from the dmv to minnesota for azzi. i still believe they were seeing each other in between these tournaments and messing around. at this time it was still very dl and they kept it that way. i can see them kinda sneaking around during or after tournaments seeing each other and getting together. all in all, they spent a ton of time together in 2018 and tons of traveling. not necessarily were they flying to specifically see each other but i think they're so involved with basketball they knew they would see each other eventually. and they were def talking in between visits as well. so atp i think it's a talking stage/ situationship. all very casual. kinda like oh i see the girl im talking to every so often and we do stuff. but i dont think they were trying to pursue anything else with anybody. they were still very much only exclusively with one another. i still think they loved each other very platonically here though, love is a big word for each other at such a young age especially with how confusing they're relationship might've been. i think yes definitely they were attracted to one another but not love romantically if that makes sense. but i do think they really liked each other and loved to see each other and talk. they were still best friends at the end of the day and they still are yk. they're just girlfriends now too 😭

2019

this is a big shift. instead of relying on tournaments to see each other azzi and paige start flying to specifically see one another. i think the feelings start to rev up here and even though they are still fwb here imo, they become attached to each other. and they want to see each other a lot. i can see the beginning little blossoms of love here. i still think they view each other as bsfs and they are attracted to one another and do things with each other. but the feelings factor starts to come in. they fly multiple times to come support each other at different events. paige wins at the state championship her junior year and azzi flies down to support her. azzi's team goes to the geico nationals and paige flies down to see her. 2019 is very much a big shift in regards with how they feel about one another all in all. i think it becomes for them a little more complicated than fwb and they really start to like each other in more than just wanting a relationship as friends. in the summer they spend A BUNCH of time together at the cabins, at azzi's house, and also is when they made their joint tik tok account. definitely a lot of messing around with no label this summer. especially with all the time they spent together. i definitely do think they were exclusive at this time as well. just with how they literally had no opportunity to see any other people with the amount of time they were together 😭. and i think they liked it that way. i don't think they really had any interest in pursuing anything else because they had what they wanted really in each other. (that's very soulmate coded and they really tried to ignore it 😒 these idiots). i don't think they mentioned feelings for each other however. kinda just kept it secret and continued taking what they got being together physically iykwim. azzi tears her acl and paige is heartbroken for her. she prays over her knee and carries her to the table and everything. paige has always loved her so much i could literally die right here. the only time away from each other pretty much is when paige goes to usa basketball 3x3 tournament in qatar. and yes they were definitely acting like they were in a talking stage. it's just what teenagers do a lot of the time they're going to for a talking stage rather than a relationship. especially at this time you know.

2020

holy dependency. paige is so obsessed and misses "her" girl (def how paige viewed azzi) so bad she comes and stays with her family during quarantine after her school year ends due to covid. i know this is a little delusional but i think p was really sad and just wanted to go stay with azzi and feel better cause that's the only way she knew how :(. and that was her comfort person and comfort family. i think that's really special to have at 17. azzi also flew down early in the year and watched paige's state tournament games before they were cut short. this is also when we get the "team paige" shirts and her being in the crowd and everything. one thing about pazzi they gonna go watch each other play. it's one of the things they first fell in love with with one another. it's a huge part of their lives so obviously they're gonna go support each other in those times. i think spending all that time together again nurtured a lot of feelings between them and a lot of unspoken love. i truly have always believed this is when they became as in love with each other as they are today. i think they've always had feelings for each other but being with essentially your person for that period of time would cause anyone to fall head over heels. and they certainly did. however, they probably admitted to their feelings but were scared to take it to the next level because of college coming up and the distance and how hard it is to make those work when you're young. so i don't think they took it to the next step. i think they decided to remain friends and possibly wanted to stay intimate with each other but not label it yet again. paige goes to college in the fall and azzi comes and visits her a few times. even on her birthday to tell her she's committing to uconn after paige has been WORKING on those videos to get her to come. to me i think that's very intimate and sweet and it really shows how much they feel for one another. here i think they probably do things when azzi comes to campus and have a dependency on each other but try to stay firm on their no labels kinda deal.

2021

oh 2021 how i hate you. soooo fucking confusing. that's all i can say. they're together pretty consistently in the beginning of the year and azzi even goes to paige's final four game in march. i still think they're staying strong in whatever situationship they cooked up and still have those feelings and that love for each other. they hang out in the summer a lot and mess around 100% and then eventually they go to uconn together to spend even more time together. they literally can't catch a breath that's not around each other i love it so bad. when i think of 2021-2022 pazzi i think dependency. i think around this time having to basically live with one another, go to the same school, and also play on the same team together it creates a big problem for their just fwb situation. i don't know if there were conversations that geared towards maybe labeling what they had but it's a possibility. i think they still try to stay really cemented in their boundaries and i think they're scared of fucking up a relationship and messing up their ability to be teammates. and i don't think they could resist getting with one another in this time and that also made the pushing to be more labeled worse. a lot of feelings and emotions and most likely arguments and i think 2021-2022 is a hard time for pazzi. they're 18 and 19 btw. like that shits difficult to navigate at a young age not even mentioning all the eyes and pressure that were on them at this time.

2022

we're still in that weird idiotic time where they just won't admit they should be together. i know the whole team was so tired of them. i do think they were having riffs and arguments and problems based on what azzi was posting on tik tok and also how aaliyah was hyping her up 😭 there are some tricky comments and reposts around this time however. but i do think they clean up their act a bit and they really are sick of constantly being confused so they decided to casually date and test the waters. one of azzi's friends comments "chill people girlfriends are on this app" on azzi's post i believe and azzi likes it. also paige reposts a video that says "when you have a girlfriend that cries seeing old people sitting alone." now i like how they immediately jump to calling each other girlfriends because they knew they were already doing that before 😭 p seems like def the type to be like yeah my girl i love my girl this is my girl while they're literally just fwb. everybody at this time that matters already knows the trials and tribulations those bitches have been through so i think it's a sigh of relief for everyone to be able to know that pazzi were not doing their weird situationship anymore. hence azzi's friend commenting that.

2023-2024

the casual dating and testing the waters works out for them and they realize how much they like being with one another and how they really were never gonna be able to stop it. it's probably an inside joke between them now to make fun of themselves for thinking with their soulmate ass bond they were going to make it just being a situationship. i think they are officially locked in by mid to late 2023 but at that point they had been pretty much in a exclusive relationship for a year just testing everything. now we are eating good and they're getting married and everything's fine. kids on the way and everything.

so that's my updated timeline! thank for reading 💕 please send any of your thoughts i'd love to read them!

for the anon that asked for the shady tik toks:

aaliyah tik tok where azzi sings "one good girl is worth a thousand bitches." and comments "what i said 🗣️" under it that aaliyah likes

azzi tik tok where she says she's outside and captions it #howboutdat. aaliyah comments "slayed 😏😏". they are so messy yall. i think azzi was pissed cause paige did the same audio a week prior and they might've had an argument or sum. and she did her signature like eat that post 😭.

paige post where she used a city girl song that says "i'm a mf city girl ain't shi free bout me." i don't know if this one's messy but p is so sassy like shit

[serxa]

TELEMACHUS HEADCANONS — TWO — NSFW and SFW

General headcanons

This is just how he is when he's crushing on reader hdjfksjdh

Again, divider before the nsfw stuff

SFW

Crushing

- He would definitely find a reason to go around the kingdom just to look for you.

- Would definitely be so excited if he see's you in the kingdom's events and festivals that's held in the palace.

- When you first met near the palace, he was such a stuttering mess as he tried to ask what you were doing there. This like "Yeah-! I'm.. Pffsh, I've been here alot!" Which you thought was funny because he was being obvious.

- Would let you drag him anywhere in the kingdom, especially by the sea side, as long as he's with you.

- Whenever you two watch the sunset, he'd watch you instead. But quickly turn away when you look over at him, trying to be discreet.

- Didn't know you were oblivious to his feelings, that's why he tried to many times to make you see he likes you.

- Yet you still thought you were out for his league, that's why you kept denying it.

- The first time you complimented him with a simple, "that color suits you!" He turns into a stuttering mess.

- Ever since that compliment, he wore that color almost everyday, making his servants wash the cloth so he could wear it again.

- Little things he liked to do was help you put on your brooch. Sometimes you want to wear your chiton in a way it almost hugs your body, but not too much, so he gave you a cute little brooch that was metal leaf, and since you couldn't reach your back as well enough, he helps you fix it.

- Just a simple, "Telemachus, could you help me with something?" He would immediately rush towards you, saying yes without even knowing what you want him to do.

- Asked Athena LOAADS of times, how to confess to you.

- And Athena said over and over, "I'm not Aphrodite."

- Telemachus would ask about your hobbies and immediately start learning about them so he could relate to you on a certain level.

- Whenever he does do them, you get warm inside because he's committing to what you like.

- Would be a sucker and learn to paint just to paint you.

- Spoiler alert, he managed to learn with the help of his mother.

- There was a time when he couldn't get his feelings straight, he started to fully avoid you, not inviting you to the palace anymore, not meeting you at the side of the palace, to the point you just thought he didn't enjoy your company, so you stopped going also.

- When he noticed that you didn't try to talk to him, he immediately missed your presence and rushed towards the kingdom to find you.

- When he did, he apologized so many times, almost going on his knees on that point.

- He's just really sorry that he stopped talking to you without an explanation.

- That was also when he accidentally said, "You just kept ignoring my signs, and I thought you didn't like me, but in reality, I'm in love with you, Y/n!" Not being able to control his emotions.

- Was so happy he started to cry on your stomach when you told him you felt the same.

NSFW

- Definitely had so many wet dreams about you, to the point he's embarrassed to have a sleep over with you

- he once accidentally saw you bathing in the river where you two meet up in the forest sometimes, and he implemented that image in his head and masterbated to.

- Never told you about that since he was embarrassed, but whenever he felt needy while he was with you, he would start remembering wmehat your body looked like nude.

- He would definitely sketch you nude when you're not around, and hides it form Athena and his mother, cause of course, inappropriate.

- One Wet dream, he was moaning softly in his sleep, to the point Penelope had to knock on his door to see if he was doing the tango.

I'm sorry for my other followers that want my other works like creepypasta, I'm still in my epic the musical high🙌

[mendessi]

things i say when you sleep | chapter four

multi chapter bodhi durran x fem!oc

word count: 5.4k

chapter summary: welcome to threshing

chapter warnings: canon typical violence, light gore (injuries), female rage, mentions of vomiting, mentions of death

AO3 masterlist

two | three | four | five | six | ...

Gratefully, Bodhi decided we could wait until after Threshing to start training, he made it clear I didn't need extra distractions. Liam apologized for ambushing me with Bodhi but he didn't need to and I assured him of that. 

"So long as we get to hang out still," I told him. "I've unfortunately grown quite fond of your company."

"Unfortunately?" A smile played on his lips. "Fortunately for you, I've grown fond of yours." 

Liam was a good friend. It's a strange feeling, to finally have friends. I didn't come in to make any, but I'd become close with some of my squadmates and Liam. I even found myself talking to Violet of all people. She wasn't half bad. 

It's Presentation day and Sawyer and I have made a bet on who can make it up the Gauntlet the fastest. The entire first-year class is currently heading to the cliffside now with a handful of second and third-years who have Gauntlet duty. I don't even feel slightly nervous as we make our way over. 

If Dain Aetos wasn't my Squad Leader, I'd shove him off the cliff just for the way he's been pestering Violet all morning. I've concluded that there's some unanswered romantic tension between them, but Dain is a brown noser who has to follow the Codex to a T or he'll combust. I'd overheard a conversation between the two and Dain is insistent on sending her back to the scribes where she'd intended to be. Not that I'd ever admit to her, but she's annoyingly intelligent and has been getting better in training and deserved to be here just as much as the next person.

"Do you ever grow tired of that?" I ask her before I can stop myself as we join the rest of the squads at the bottom of the Gauntlet. 

"What?" She asks. 

"Dain doing everything he can to keep you from succeeding here." It sounds more harsh than I meant. "Sorry."

"He cares about me," She defends. "We grew up together, he can't help it." 

Ah, that's what it is. I had a feeling. Childhood friends. That sounds familiar. 

I see Liam a couple of squads over and I give him a thumbs-up with a smile. There's not a doubt in my mind that he'll have the fastest Gauntlet time today. He gives me a wave and a thumbs-up and then turns back to face his Squad Leader who seems to be giving an announcement. 

Just about an hour later, it was almost my squad's turn. Painfully watching cadets fall from the Gauntlet had me sick to my stomach so I eventually had to turn away. 

"Cadet Alistair," I turn my head as Bodhi approaches.

"What are you doing here?" I look at him confusedly. 

"I had time between classes and wanted to check on you before you go up," He says.

I see Violet and Rhi turn their heads out of the corner of my eye and shrug my shoulders, "Why?"

"Just making sure you're ready," He nods his head and then turns to look up the cliffside with a deep breath. 

"Sawyer and I are betting on who can make it up the fastest," I say to him. 

"Absolutely not."

"Excuse me?" I cross my arms as I look up at him.

"Take your time," He says sharply, "The last thing I need is you falling off this thing." 

"Bodhi, I don't need you to coddle me. I didn't know that accepting your help would include you hovering," I turn to walk away with a shake of my head but he grabs my arm. 

"Take. Your. Time." He says slowly as I yank my arm away from him. 

Glaring at him, I fall back in line with my squad. 

"What was that about?" Violet asks and she glances back at Bodhi as he walks away from the cliffside. 

"Did you figure out how you're getting up the chimney?" I ask, keeping my eyes straight ahead. 

"Got it." Violet takes my question as her answer. None of your business.

Sawyer beats me by three seconds and I'm not even mad about it. I'm just thrilled that I made it, that he made it. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Xaden subtly sigh with what I can only describe as relief when he writes my time down.

My entire squad makes it. I even got to my knees to scream for Violet as she made it up the last stretch of the Gauntlet. She did it, not the traditional way but she still made it.  Annoyingly smart, that girl. We place eleventh which isn't terrible and I even congratulate Liam on his Gauntlet patch. Of course, he was the quickest. 

The nerves begin to build when it's almost my squad's turn to parade ourselves for the dragons. As we're waiting, it all becomes so real. I'd forgotten why I had been here at Basgiath. All of the sparring, the Gauntlet sessions, they were leading to this. Dragons. It was so easy to forget, so easy to lose the concept that in two days, I was due to try and bond with one.

Zihnal, be with me. 

Luca and Tynan do nothing but fuel my anxiety as we walk spaced apart in a single file. I'd never liked them since the day we were placed in Second Squad together. They might be the two most insufferable people I'd ever met. It was beyond me how two people could be so arrogant when they hadn't even bonded yet.

As we walk, I do my best to not look at any dragons as we pass, but I do my best to carry on a conversation with Ridoc. Apparently, this helps the dragons get a feel for our character. 

"What did the XO want?" He asks over his shoulder. I keep my eyes on the stone in front of me, trying to ignore the grating voice of Luca. "Thought you guys weren't cool after you sparred." 

"I'd love to know what he wanted too," I say honestly. 

As we make our way further down the path, my ears start to ring. I can't help but look up to see if anyone else has noticed, but Ridoc is now engaged in conversation with Luca who won't shut up. Conversation may not be the right word, probably more like getting on to her for being such a bully. 

I turn my head and my eyes unintentionally meet with the golden eyes of a red dragon. Please don't kill me. From what I remember, reds have the worst temper and you should never look them in the eye. I'm too scared to look away for fear of what will happen once my eyes are off it. The dragon blinks and I swear nods at me and my ears stop ringing. My head snaps at the sound of the commotion in front of me and my jaw drops when I realize there's a pile of ash where I had last seen Luca. 

Two days later I'm awkwardly patting Ridoc's back as he throws up everything he ate this morning. I don't know if it's from nerves or if what he ate was bad, but this should certainly be Violet patting his back not me. I don't think I ever learned how to comfort people, especially when sick. 

When he stands up, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and then pats my shoulder. I grimace and then make my way to Rhiannon and Violet.

"Dain lost his vote when he tried to talk you into leaving," Rhi says and I nod, adjusting the sheath wrapped around my thigh. 

"I'm with Rhi," I agree. 

"You don't even know what we're talking about, you just don't like Dain," Violet counters, and a smile spreads across my face.

"Correct."

Rhi snickers, putting a hand over her mouth earning a glare from Violet, "What? I don't have anything against Dain. I just- okay, I'll stop talking." 

As I look around at all of the first years, I take a deep breath in through my nose. Everything changes for each of us by the end of today. We'll either bond or not. My eyes land on Bodhi and I have to double-take because I almost missed him.

He nods his head and I sigh and walk to him.

"What do you want?" I ask. 

"We'll start training tomorrow," He says. "Xaden will be observing in the valley." 

Surely, Bodhi knows that just because Xaden is allowed to observe doesn't mean it will benefit me in the slightest.

"You had to tell me this right now?" I scoff, crossing my arms. "That's if I even make it." 

"You will." He assures me. 

"Anything can happen. You don't know that," I retort. 

"I know things you don't," Bodhi replies, and my eye twitches. "You'll make it." 

"Whatever, Bodhi." I turn to walk away. I'm almost back to my squad when he calls my name. I look over my shoulder, not slowing my steps. "Good luck!"

Hours have passed since I split up from my squad and I'm half convinced that my dragon is not in this valley. I watch as dragons and their newly bonded cadets fly overhead underneath the pink and blue canvas of the sky. A break was all I wanted, so I stand and readjust the medium-sized dagger that hangs off my hip. It's too long to fit into the sheaths on my ribs and thigh, but not long enough to be carried on my back. I earned it in a challenge against a first-year from Second Wing in the third week of challenges and it's one of my favorites. It's not important where she got it from, but I almost wish I knew. The hilt of it is beautifully crafted and I know at some point it hummed with power due to the Tyrrish rune in the handle. It reminds me of home. 

The sound of rustling in the trees stops me in my tracks and I look at the reflection of the water to see if I can tell where it came from. I wait for a moment but it remains quiet until my ears start ringing like they had at Presentation. It's subtle, but it's undeniable. Turning to my left, I take a few steps and it gets quieter so I test a theory and walk the other way. It gets louder. 

Maybe this is it. I keep my hand on the dagger at my hip as I make my way through the trees. The ringing steadily grows louder and louder as I pass through another clearing and my breath hitches. A large Red Swordtail sits against the treeline and the ringing is at an all-time high, so loud that it feels like my eardrums will burst. It feels like a thread is tied to my sternum, pulling me slowly towards the dragon and I follow the demand. My shoe snaps a tree branch and the dragon's head turns to me quickly, barring its teeth. Its golden eyes survey me and its teeth disappear. Is this it?

Both of our heads turn at the sound of rustling coming from the other side of the clearing. A group of three-first years step out of the clearing and their eyes land on me. The dragon bares its teeth at them.

"This one's mine, back off," The one in front says. He has blond hair and is the tallest of them all, but the other blond behind him has more muscle, just shorter.  I'm taken aback and I almost turn to walk away, but the thread is still tugging lightly. The stocky blond behind him whispers something in his ear and something that looks like realization flashes across his eyes. 

"'The Rageful One', they call her," The brunette with slanted eyes behind him says, loud enough for me to hear. I've heard rumors of a nickname but no one has ever said it to my face. Rageful one? They couldn't come up with something better?

I place one hand on my hip and hold my other hand out looking at my nails mindlessly, "Could've sworn I heard Kaori say not to travel in groups." 

"It seems like you're the one with the disadvantage. Three against one doesn't seem like the odds are in your favor," The one in the front says.

"You should ask your friends if that's a theory you're willing to test," I look up from my nails and innocently smile. His pals clearly know of me, yet I don't know a single one of them. 

By good luck, there'd been a handful of times that I allowed Ridoc and Liam both to simultaneously spar with me. I managed to get both of them on their backs the last time we practiced, but it only happened once. I don't know these first-years, nor do I know their capability in a fight. What I do know is that Liam and I are top of our year, so they can't be that good. Let me not get ahead of myself.

He keeps his eyes on me, listening intently as his friends whisper things in his ear. I slowly wrap my fingers around the daggers on my hip and one on my ribs. I examine them the best I can from this distance. None of them have a rebellion relic, so it's not like we'll be connecting over that. They all have height and strength on me but I'm agile and quick. With a nod of his head, I know his friends have convinced him. 

"Just kill her Fionn," The brunette says and my heart skips a beat. Are they really going to outnumber me so their friend can have this dragon, my dragon? 

That must've been the final push that Fionn needed because he starts advancing on me. I opt for the shorter daggers on my ribs and unsheath them as they all three start advancing on me. Fionn pulls a longsword from his back and I take a deep breath my focus zoning in. If only Bodhi and I had gotten to work on control before today. 

Control it.

Fionn is the first to approach me with a heavy swing of his sword. I pull back, gasping as I feel the wind from the swing against my chest. While he pulls back, I lunge forward slicing into his arm.

"Allan, go left!" The stocky blond shouts as Fionn screams out. He swings his sword again, but I'm close enough to slip under his arm. I slam my elbow into his nose and he stumbles backwards. I turn to my left where I know Allan will be and throw a dagger that lands in his thigh. I march towards him as he hits the ground, grab him by his hair, and connect his face to my knee with a scream. He falls to the ground, limp and I'm grateful to have at least one of them knocked out. 

I turn around to see Fionn and the other blond glance at each other, silently making decisions on how to finish this. This isn't the sparring mat, if I don't win, I'll die.

I'm not here because I have to be, I'm here because I want to be.

I want to bond with this red dragon watching this entire encounter. I want to make it back to the flight field and see that my squad lives. I want to go through Squad Battles and War Games and I want to live. All the way to graduation.

Pulling the medium sword from my hip, my vision reddens at the edges. I tighten my grip on the sword as my hands start to shake. 

Relax. Control it. Your anger issues will get you killed.

I wait for them to make the first move. The other blond runs at me and I slip under his hold, turning around and swinging my sword leaving a deep gash across his back, his shirt now held together by a thread. I cry out as Fionn grabs a handful of my hair from behind and slams my back into the ground. My eyes water from the force of which my head hits the ground. He drags me by my hair, as I kick my feet begging for my boots to catch a grip, to where Allan lies on the ground. He yanks my dagger from Allan's thigh and slams it into mine and a scream rips through my throat. 

"That's for Allan," He says through gritted teeth as he crawls on top of me. His hands wrap around my throat and I dig my nails into the skin on his hands. It's no use, he's completely blocked my airway. I will not go out like this again. Fionn won't just suffocate me to the point of passing out like Bodhi, he will kill me. I reach my hands to his face, scratching and clawing at my face but he just slams my head into the ground once and punches me so hard that my nose starts to gush blood. 

Control the situation.

Red filters my sight and my hands shake with rage, maybe fear, I don't know what, but I dig thumbs into his eyes and press with every last ounce of strength I can muster. He releases my throat to rip my hands from his face and just as he's about to reach for my throat again I sink my teeth into his hand and bite. I bite until I feel a chunk of his skin come off in my mouth and I spit it out as he stumbles off of me. 

Air fills my lungs and I gasp as he screams out, "Bitch! She fucking bit me!"

His friend is staring at me, fear strewn across his face. A smile spreads slowly across my lips and I know I'm a sight to see. Blood spills from my nose and I can taste his blood in my mouth on my teeth. 

I don't bother unsheathing a dagger as I move forward on the blond. I want this hand-to-hand. He hesitates on if he should pull his sword and that's all the time I need. I throw a complex combination of punches, landing every single one. He lands a couple but I'm so fueled by rage and adrenaline that I don't even stumble. I hear Fionn's footsteps behind me and I turn quickly, my fist connecting with his jaw. He grabs my wrist and the other blond comes up behind me. I pull a dagger sheathed on Fionn's thigh and slam it anywhere I can. His friend falls to the ground and I return my focus completely to Fionn. 

It's just him and I now. 

"You're fucking crazy," He says my wrist still in his grip. I bring my knee up to his groin and he screams out in pain but doesn't falter. He picks me up like I'm a ragdoll and slams me into the ground. 

"You haven't seen crazy," I say through clenched teeth. 

We scramble around on the ground, each of us trying to grasp for dominance, and I yelp when he pulls a dagger from my ribs and stabs it right through the palm of my hand. It doesn't even hurt, the adrenaline masks the pain.

"It didn't have to be like this," he says as I cry out, "You should've walked away."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I separate the anger, the rage, all of it, from what is happening at this very moment. This is a matter of survival. Anger won't get me out of this. I need to think.

When I open my eyes, the red is gone from my vision and I lift my hand, nearly gagging at the sight of the blade of the dagger sticking out of both sides of my hand. I'm nearly done removing it when he starts crawling towards me. Both of our adrenaline is wearing off and we're exhausted and injured. It's me or him. As he moves to get on top of me, reaching for my neck again, I think quickly, I have no choice.

"You just don't give up," He says breathlessly. 

"You should've listened to your friends," I hiss.

I press the back of my hand to his stomach and use the other to slam the dagger back through the gaping hole and into his abdomen. His eyes widen and he looks between us pulling my hand away. He rolls off of me and I sit up, moving away from him, holding my hand to my chest. When I watch the life leave his eyes I stand. As I pull the dagger out of my hand I clench my teeth together to stop from screaming.

My dagger falls from my shaky hands and I look around. Allan is stirring, and when I see the other stocky blond my stomach sinks. My dagger had landed in his throat. Blood puddles around him and I'm hit with a wave of nausea. Allan survived but I killed two men today. 

When I turn around the red dragon is directly in front of me. Gods, I hope it was worth it. 

"Am I yours?" I ask, my voice hoarse. 

"I've been waiting for you."

Waiting for me? Was that in my head? 

"I choose you," The Red Swordtail blinks at me and lowers its head. 

Holy fuck. I did it. He waited for me. Now I feel bad to have kept him waiting. The adrenaline is starting to surge again but the world is slowly starting to tilt. I need to get back to the flight field. 

"My name is-"

"I know who you are, Ania Alistair." He says and my eyes widen slightly. "I've waited many years to meet you." 

Huh?

"My last rider was Colonel Alistair, your-"

Grandma.  

But I always thought dragons weren't allowed to bond with direct descendants of their riders. 

"Do not worry about such a matter, you must get back to the flight field." His voice rattles my head and I almost wince. 

Somehow, someway, even being down a hand and with a limp only growing worse by the minute, I successfully mount.

"Gleigealith." I say to the rollkeeper. 

"Seek care now, Ania," Gleigeal says and I don't hesitate. I limp my way over to the small medical station. "It is vital that you do not share you are a descendant of my previous rider."

The adrenaline is far past worn off and I'm feeling every hit I took, my thigh is throbbing with pain and I can't even begin to describe how my hand feels. 

Two men out there are dead because of me. I have to swallow the bile rising in my throat for I don't know what time today. The pain medication they give me starts to take effect quickly and I want nothing more than to get over to the Healers quadrant. 

"Ani!" I barely have the strength to turn my head, but I know it's Bodhi. He's the only person I've let call me that since my brother died. He cups my cheeks, but I can't even look at him. He's looking me over, assessing my injuries. "Who did this, what happened?"

The blood is dried to my skin, theirs and mine both. All over my face and my clothes.

A whimper escapes my lips when he lifts my hand, examining it. "I'm sorry," he says softly. "We'll get you to the healers." 

"Bodhi-" I whisper, finally looking up to meet his eyes. 

"Ania," Xaden approaches us and glances me over once, "She okay?" 

"She's shaken up," Bodhi says on my behalf. I look up at Xaden and a part of me wonders why he's here. 

Xaden puts his hand on my head and I wince, remembering how Fionn had slammed it into the ground. "Sorry, little Alistair. You okay?"

"I killed," I have to swallow again, bile threatening to work its way up my esophagus, "Two men." 

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," Xaden says. "Something else needed my attention." 

I shake my head, gently pushing his hand away, "It doesn't matter." 

It's not like he could've done anything anyway. Nobody is allowed to manipulate Threshing, but a part of me believes that if he had been there, he would've. 

"You did it, Ania," Xaden nods and takes a step back. "Beckett would be proud." 

He and Bodhi share a glance and then Xaden leaves us. 

"Who'd you bond?" He asks as he grabs gauze from the side table and begins to wrap my injured hand. I'm silently hoping that I'll get it mended tonight. 

"Red Swordtail," I say quietly. My throat feels ridiculously dry and my voice is still scratchy. "Is my squad okay?"

"From what I know they're all back," He says and I hiss through my teeth when he grips a part of my hand a little too roughly. "Sorrengail bonded two dragons."

"Two?" I mean to exclaim it, but it barely comes out above a whisper. 

Wow. Of course, Violet bonded two dragons. If it were going to be anyone, it would be her. 

"We'll push training til you feel up for it, okay?" His tone is gentle and I respond with a nod.

The pain medications were doing their job, but now I just struggled to feel any sort of emotion. The idea of training isn't even an unpleasant thought anymore. I almost got killed out there and maybe if I'd taken up Bodhi on training when I first arrived, I wouldn't be so injured right now. 

"You just have to do one more thing and then we'll go to the Healers. Promise." He says helping me stand once he ties off the gauze on my hand. He allows me to lean on him as we walk away from the medical tent and back to the field. 

"You've been too hard on him," Gleigeal says as I stand in front of him. 

"How do you know that?" I ask through my thoughts. I don't quite know how this works, but I'll figure it out.

"I know many things. Now move forward," He says and I oblige. 

General Sorrengail wraps up her speech and then I feel the familiar pain on my back. I'd only felt this once before, the day that my father was executed. The day I got the relic on my arm. I don't even make a sound while others around me cry out. 

Cheers erupt all around and then the field is crowded with riders of all years. I find Bodhi almost immediately and let him drag me to the Healers. 

"You should be celebrating with everyone else," I say to him finally. 

"I'm right where I need to be," He says with a small smile. 

An hour later, I'm released and luckily the celebrations are still going on. Bodhi stayed with me in the Healers quadrant and I was thankful he gave me a hand to squeeze while they stitched me up. The pain meds would stick around for the rest of the night and that I was grateful for. Bodhi leaves me in the bathing chamber so I can wash all the blood and grime off myself before joining the celebrations with the rest of the riders. He promises to see me later.

I'm a rider now.

The realization hits me like a train. I have a fucking dragon. Everything I worked for since July has led to this. 

"Ania!" Rhiannon runs towards me once I'm finally dressed and clean. I left with a split cheekbone and busted lip, but aside from my hand and thigh, I'll just be hideously bruised for a couple of days. 

"Did you bond?" I ask her. I freeze when she wraps her arms around me in a hug. 

"The green I wanted," She nods and I feel another set of arms wrap around me. 

"Not gonna lie, I thought you were dead," I hear Ridoc say behind me. 

When was the last time someone hugged me? I struggle to find the memory, and it takes me a moment but I finally relax and wrap my arms around Rhi. Tears brim my eyes when she and Ridoc pull away.

"You look like shit," Ridoc says as he looks over my face. "Hand?"

"Dagger went straight through," I laugh lightly. "I'll tell you guys tomorrow. I just want to celebrate." 

"Ania," Violet says. She approaches me slowly and we look at each other for a moment. 

"Two dragons, huh?" I smile. 

"Who would've thought?" She laughs and looks me up and down, concern in her eyes. She wraps her arms around me after a second of hesitation and I do the same to her. "I'm glad you're okay."

The person I was when I entered this quadrant is so different from the person I am now—smiling and laughing with my squadmates. I'm a rider. I bonded my grandmother's dragon. 

"Don't repeat that too often," Gleigeal says in my head and I laugh. 

The celebrations continue, but exhaustion has overthrown my body. Ridoc offers to walk me to my dorm. I have a dorm. Having my own space might be my favorite perk of being a rider. He's rambling on and on about his Threshing and I can't help but smile while I listen to him. He has such a good storytelling cadence and doesn't miss a beat between sentences. His Brown Swordtail is named Aotrom and he can tell that they're already going to be a killer team. 

We're almost back to the dorms when I throw myself against a tree, heaving up everything I've fought to hold down since the woods. 

"Whoa, whoa, Ania-" Ridoc is slightly confused as he holds my hair back. 

The parallel makes me laugh when I remember that just this morning I was patting his back while he vomited. 

"It's been a long day," I say to him. 

He throws his arm around my shoulder with a chuckle and a nod, "Yeah, it has." 

Ridoc comes with me into my new room and I smile as I look around, noting that my bag is already set on the floor next to my bed. 

"Isn't it so nice?" Ridoc laughs, falling backward onto my bed. 

I fall backward next to him with a sigh and look up at the ceiling, "I'm just happy to never sleep on those bumpy dormitory beds ever again." 

"I'm sorry you had a bad Threshing," He says. 

"Eh, I don't think Threshing is supposed to be a good thing," I laugh and look over at him. Emotions are heightened tonight, and everyone is overwhelmed with their new bonds. I can't count on two hands how many cadets I've seen leaving the celebrations and going into their new rooms. 

I sit up on my elbow and look down at him, "What?"

"You're a good friend, Ridoc," I say quietly. 

Ridoc is the first friend I made at Basgiath. He's funny and quirky and a ridiculously bad flirt sometimes, but he's here instead of out there with everyone else. He's never judged the relic on my arm, or my decisions to separate myself from everyone else. He's never questioned my intentions behind anything. He just trusts me regardless of my reasons.

I lean down and kiss him before I think if it's a good idea or not. His hand cups my cheek and he kisses me back, pulling me closer to him. We test the waters and the kiss only lasts for a few moments.

We pull away simultaneously and I shake my head with a laugh. "Nope. Not for us." 

"Some things just aren't meant to happen," He cracks up, laughter shaking his chest. "At least we tried." 

"At least we tried," I repeat, crawling under the blanket. After a few moments of silence and staring at the ceiling I sigh, "I killed two men today."

"Hence the vomit?" He asks. 

I nod my head, keeping my eyes on the ceiling, "I didn't have a choice."

"Then I support you," Ridoc says, "Even if you did have a choice, I would support you."

"Would it be absurd of me to ask if you could sleep in here tonight?" I ask him quietly. "If you want to go keep celebrating, I'll be okay." 

He doesn't say another word, he kicks off his boots and crawls under the blanket with me, keeping a respectful distance. 

"Good night," Not even a couple minutes later, his lips are parted and he's snoring softly.

"I don't think the cousins will like this," Gleigeal says distantly. 

"Go to bed."

previous | next

tag list: @lynnieluvsu

[remindingpersephone]

Undercurrents

I just realized I haven't posted anything substantially my own (other than birthday wishes for the wonderful @ohhelloholly) in a while. Lots of reblogs or screenshots of other people's wisdom. And I love that and put it here because I want to remember the inspiration and the beauty. I mean, come one, there is nothing quite like Winged Victory. I stand by everything I post, even the complaints about weird ads.

But this tumblr is not what it used to be. I used to write almost daily. Nothing that was going to win a Pulitzer, and was mostly just for me. It was me talking to you all, making connections, giving and feeling love.

I know a lot of the lack of posts has to do with time. I just don' t have the time I did 14 years ago. But if I'm being honest, I spend too much time scrolling. Some days I'm better at stopping before I go on autopilot. Some days I ignore the ads on Instagram for things I don't need. Some days, I don't. A package of new makeup I've never tried is arriving in a few days. Nobody's perfect. But am I that busy I can't write a few sentences? I do try to visit my friends blogs and heart bomb them as much as possible.

I think it's less about time and more about the fact that I don't know what to say. There's no way I'm talking politics, that shit is exhausting. I decided long ago not to be the asshole-whisperer, trying to convince some dick why he's wrong. I used to post a lot about music, but I listen to music from the 80s and 90s, so there's nothing current or relevant there. Movies and TV shows: there have been a couple good movie trailers recently, but not much else.

Then I realized: as much as it's me, it's also February. My Mom's birthday was February 9th, the first one without her. And she passed away February 28th last year. The one year mark of that day is coming soon and it's a day I am currently dreading. It's the undercurrents of loss that are having an effect right now.

I'm not good at just sitting with things. I am a fixer. I am a person in motion, mentally if not always physically. Go, do, see, reflect, analyze, write, move on. Grief demands stillness and patience, two things I am really not good at.

Trying to recapture something: a habit, a routine, a feeling from 14 years ago is a fools errand. Life changes, we change. Can we hold on to the things that really mean something to us? Sure. But we cannot be who we once were. We have to move on, even without the people who once meant the most to us.

I know I'm conflating my tumblr blog's ancient past with the more recent death of my mother. They are not the same things by a long shot. But there is a common theme here. Things change and we have to change with them. To stay stuck, stagnant, caught between what we've lost and where we're meant to go, is no way to live.

This post did not end up where I started, but that's writing for you. It does it's own thing and I'm just the conduit.

Anyway, I hope you are all doing well - as well as we all can these days - and that you keep moving on in your own way, at your own pace. Keeping looking forward, because there is no going back.

[lunchboxe]

Spoilers for episode... 6? I think? Of Tokyo Debunker.

Okay. So. 10-20 is a LOT of information. Christ.

First of all, not very important just kinda funny, MC is so desensitized to everyone's flirting that Rui goes "sweet dreams, cutie!" And she's just like "oh, okay." Which I find hilarious

Secondly, there was something about his curse he didn't want to discuss. Whether out of secrecy or just embarrassment, I don't know, but either way.

I also find it *really* cute that when she's called in about Lyca, he's like "nope. I did nothing wrong, it's not my fault, leave me alone." And as soon as she starts looking sad about it he immediately switches up and goes "ugh fineeee I'll TRY to double think before I resort to violence next time."

Darkwick might've killed Neros. Ngl. Wouldn't be surprised.

Also, my timeline as is seems to be

1. Lyca gets taken to Darkwick

2. Murder

3. Clash (because of murder) (happens during Gala?) (kills Zenji?)

4. Houses defunct

And that's about all I got for the timeline.

Speaking of; the suspects for the murder.

I believe it was Alan, Towa, Jiro, Rui and Edward? Alan has already killed someone, but that someone has 2 eyes so I think we can rule him out. Towa, I want to rule him out but without knowing why he's a suspect that feels like the wrong way to go. Jiro I can't really speak for bc I've met him like twice in game so far. Rui as a suspect would've either been a horrible accident or just prejudice from his curse. Ed seems like he would murder someone. And not care. Just a hunch. But idk if that's enough to convict him.

So basically I have no clue. I wanna say either a freak accident involving Rui, or Ed did it on purpose, but what the hell do I know.

Had to Google what gigolo meant cuz I thought it was just like a clown but the actual definition makes it so much funnier r u kidding me. Lyca's basically saying "fuck off harlot" Everytime he speaks to Rui I love this

Also I can count like 4 times now that the story has treated MC like a precious stone and I love it sm. Haru in the bar, Zenji saying how much Haku and Towa talk about her, Jin slapping Luca for leaving her alone in Vagastrom, and now Rui making them both part-timers but having Lyca do all the work while MC just relaxes.

Also, call me crazy but I am not a fan of Professor Nicholas. He seems suspicious and idk why. Like why was he so eager to leave as soon as he saw MC? Is it because he was caught slacking and getting drunk while meant to be researching her curse? Lol

Also I don't think the drinks being technically non-alcoholic makes it any better. Especially if it's anomalous plants that make u tipsy instead. Isn't that just like... Liquefied drugs? He's serving drug tea. No way that's more legal than serving them alcohol.

OH, AND WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS GLOSS OVER THE CLASH??? like I get story wise it's for "suspense" and "mystery" but CMON.

Any. Time. She tries to ask about the Clash it gets shot down IMMEDIATELY. Like I get that it's a "sensitive topic" or wtv but like dude, if we're going to hold the Gala again, the thing that presumably started the clash, shouldn't we be researching it so we at least know what NOT to do???

That's all I have for the next... *Looks at calender* month, probably. These take so fuckin long. The cases I mean, not posting. LIKE LOOK AT THIS

ONE. I GOT ONE ENEMY DOWN. 810 THOUSAND POWER AND I GOT ONE ENEMY DOWN.

[nat-20s]

Superman, and to some extent just plain ol' Clark Kent, I think read as like. EXTREMELY approachable, shockingly so for a celebrity. I bet sometimes people call for help from him, in a quiet, tired voice, not because they need an immediate rescue but rather a different kind of assistance. It's usually done as a long shot, maybe even regarded as feeling silly like oh yeah call on the famous alien superhero I'm sure he'll show up to hear me whine about my problems.

But when he can? He absolutely does. He'll fly to your window and gently knock and you're like uhhhh do you? Want to come in? And he's like 'if that's all right with you, but I can also stay out here if that makes you more comfortable.' and you're like no no come on in do you like tea? And he's like you know what I would love some tea. So you kind of cringe and ask if microwaving the water is okay bc you don't have a kettle and he snorts and says do I sound English to you? Microwave is more than fine.

So you're standing there waiting for the water to heat up staring at the microwave blankly bc what the fuck, superman is just in your apartment on a Tuesday night???? And you decide to breach the silence asking "not that it's not cool that you're here, but I kinda didn't think you would show up?? I mean, don't you have more pressing things to do?"

He shrugs and just says "It's a quiet night and you sounded pretty upset." So you just nod and finish up the tea. After you bring it to him he takes a sip, smiles, and says "so? What can I do for you?"

And you're like "Honestly? Probably nothing. I just...I lost my mom last week. It was just her and me growing up, and she got sick, and I don't know what to do, and I'm just sad and scared and fucking angry, so fucking angry, angrier than I've ever been, and overwhelmed, and I need help but I don't know what kind of help I need and I'm so sorry to dump this all on you, I mean, shit, you're Superman, not, like, a therapist, why did I even ask, you can go, I'm sorry-"

And he gently lays out a hand for you to take, should you so choose, and you do, and wow that's comforting, holy shit, he's warm but not uncomfortably so, and he interrupts your spiral to say, "I'm glad you called for me. I want to be here. And I'm sorry for your loss, death and grief are both really fucking hard."

You kind of laugh through your tears and say "I didn't think Superman swore. Or even knew the word 'fuck'." And he kind smiles at you in a shockingly dopey and personable way that you've never seen before and goes, "I try not to, in the suit, but I figure these are extenuating circumstances. Just don't let the Daily Planet know?"

And this gets another laugh out of you and you go "Yeah because talking to reporters is one of my main hobbies. Extra extra read all about it, Superman said the fuck word while trying to comfort me about my mom dying, and this is how I repay him"

"Oof, it sounds worse when you put it like that."

There's a moment of companionable silence, before you take your hand out of his to put your face in both of them and just say "What the hell do I do now?"

Superman sets aside his mug to focus fully on you, and it makes you feel awful and seen at the same time. "Short answer? Whatever you need to. Long answer, for the more technical side of things, I have some lawyer contacts that volunteer for this sort of thing, helping you sort out all the documents and what not for free. I'll get you in touch. Lord knows death can't be hard enough on it's own, there's also all the paperwork."

You let out a snotty half chuckle half choke sound. "There really is so much goddamn paperwork."

"As for the emotional side, you take it one day, or even one hour at a time. Everyone responds to grief differently, and I think there's almost no wrong way to proceed. If you need to just mourn for a while, do so, if you need something else to focus on, that's fine too."

You lift your face out of your hands and raise an eyebrow. "Almost no wrong way?"

He shrugs and smiles. "I'm best friends with Batman, I've seen some wrong ways to handle things."

You laugh once again, but the laughs quickly dissolve into sobs, and he offers a hug which you gladly accept. It proceeds like that for a while, you sobbing in Superman's arms, which will feel surreal tomorrow, but for now seems like the only course of action.

He stays for a good two hours, listening to your stories and talking through things with you, until his attention suddenly and rapidly shifts to something you can't here or see. You tell him to go, and when he asks if you'll be alright, you say probably not but I'm okay right now, and then he gives you a number, and you have a direct texting line to fucking Superman?????

You don't text him often, but he does come by every few months, and tells you how proud of you he is, just for surviving, just for being, and you realize that he's just a guy, after it all, doing his best too, and you kind of dorkily tell him your proud of him as well, and he gives a smile so big that you feel just a little bit better about the universe overall.

You don't know that you are one of four people he has done this for in just this week. You would not feel any less special for it. But you do not know.

[tuttle-did-it]

I think we agree on almost all of this, friend. Just a few thoughts (not a long 3am rant, this time, I promise!)

Keiko/O'Brien- Agree on most counts, I adored Keiko, but as I said, no one I knew had a problem with her. So whilst I'm sure you're right that the fans didn't like the storylines with her, I was not exposed to that cos it was the 1990s and I was NOT online. I didn't have a laptop or mobile phone until like 2009. So my only interactions with fandom were my immediate surrounding people who thought Keiko was a great character.

Torres/Paris- I am more forgiving of them, doesn't mean I don't see the flaws, but compared to the rest of the bullshit on the show (Like Neelix dating a 3 year old....) I just choose my battles and have a pretty fucking low bar. I think Torres/Paris would have been far better off if they just left Starfleet when they got back and spent their time designing ships together. They seemed to have fun doing this, they both would be good at it, he'd get to test pilot them and turn into salamanders whenever the fuck he wanted. I don't generally like cishet relationships, but I didn't hate them.

RE: VOY Native American consultant who had no fucking clue what he was doing. I've seen fans talking about Jamake Highwater, and apparently fans say he was exposed as a fraud in the 1980s. So they well should have known. Apparently this awful white man even claimed to be a Native American person as well. And the wikipedia on him seems to confirm what the redditor below says so it sounds like this was very much on the head of Rick Berman.

I genuinely wish Chakotay had been written and played by someone who knew about Native culture. One thing I appreciate about Robbie Duncan McNeil is when he was reviewing Voyager, he openly criticised the cultural appropriation and the misinformation of Native culture. He talked about how, on Resident Alien, they have several Native characters, and how they vetted the consultants, how they went to great lengths to make sure their representation was done respectfully. And I really appreciate that-- he's a cishet 60 year old white man. But he really cares about stuff like this, and I appreciate it.

Picard- we will be here writing 80K words on how much I hate Picard, so all I can say is fuck you Picard, fuck you for ruining Queer Seven, fuck you Patrick Stewart for letting them talk you into doing the one thing you swore would not happen in that show by letting it become s8 of TNG instead of S3 of Picard, and fuck all of New Trek for even allowing it on air. I know this is a wildly unpopular opinion, but I also don't really care for Brent Spiner. Data was fine, whatever, I don't really care. But we don't need 1001 Soongs showing up, especially when they are written this badly.

(by the way why didn't they just use Miral as the Chosen One Borg Baby instead of inventing a horrible, horrible son that I would never, ever believe in a million years belonged to either Beverly or Picard? Torres had been turned into a Borg before. She could have just as easily had a baby with nonsense hidden Borg STD virus as well. But thank the gods they didn't cos they would have just further ruined yet another legacy show. But still. There were so many reasons why they did not need to invent a son and I hate them.

Give me 1001 Suzi Plaksons for chrissake. But there's not a single Soong I care about. (Also mad at Prodigy for leaning into Picard plots-- was delighted to see them do something with Wes/Wil Wheaton, but would have been far happier if it had stopped there and not tried to shoe-horn in an intro to his 40 year old looking 20 year old brother. It harmed my affection for Prodigy, if I'm honest. Not having Wes there-- the ending with the brother, tho? yes.

Anyway. I did promise this response would be shorter than the last one. x

Does anyone remember that episode of Star Trek: Voyager where Tom Paris commits a traffic violation in alien space and he has to go to alien remedial driving school? I have no idea which episode it was, but it's such a great concept. There are so many episodes about high-stakes encounters with crazy alien legal systems where death is on the line, but I wanna see more alien planets with very mundane legal systems. I wanna see an episode where there's a big dramatic trial, and our heroes lose, but then find out that they have misunderstood what was going on and will simply have to do community service for a week or something.

[vraska-theunseen]

my back hurts i need to learn how to wrestle expeditiously

[thewardenisonthecase]

btw tw for talking about abuse

I've seen a lot online about how the game never mentions Caterina's abuse of Lucanis while he was growing up (being beaten and starved, which is mentioned in the Wigmaker Job) and I think there's a small mention to it if you're a crow (when asked, he says it was torture training under the first talon and that he resented her for a long time)

And while I do think part of the reason why this isn't brought up is just due to how sanitized this game is when it comes to the crows, I think I do understand why in world wise it's not possible to just be like hey lucanis, fuck your grandma.

It's really hard, loving someone who hurts you. Because you know they're hurting you and yet, you still love them. It's even harder when they're family.

Because its not like Lucanis doesn't know that she hurt him. He says so himself - he hated her, he resented her, and althought I do think him 'justifying' it by saying that at least it prepared him for the life of a crow, at least he still admits that it happened.

But the thing is that despite all this shit, she's still his grandmother. And like, yes, blood shouldn't excuse justifing this behaviour, I feel like it's cultural. Idk how spain or italy works when it comes to family, but here in brazil, you'll hear so many stories of physical abuse happening in families, and its still a situation like Lucanis - i hate them, i resent them, i love them, they're my family.

It's a...complicated situation and I think Lucanis's situation is made worst by the fact that he only has two family members alive and that he cannot let go of.

She beat him, she starved him, he hated and resented her, and he was afraid of dissapointing her, even if in her eyes, i don't think he could. I mean, he comes back an abomination and she still tenderly says 'my poor boy' when you rescue her in the Villa.

All in all...it's tought and I think that it would not be Rook's place to suddenly make Lucanis want to kill his grandma bc he wouldn't. Sorting out those feelings is something he has to do himself, and i'l almost glad the game doesn't make rook do a therapy session with him to talk about it.

[moldy-flowers]

The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...

[tittyinfinity]

contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk

[shikai-the-storyteller]

TBH the best case scenarios in my mind for Fit's lore ending on Thursday are either:

Madagio has mercy. They know what it's like to lose everyone they love, and seeing what's happening on Quesadilla Island is just a reminder of everything they loved and lost. Madagio releases Fit, and he reunites with Pac e Mike and Richarlyson, and they're all able to leave Quesadilla Island.

Or:

Madagio and Fit destroy the Federation together. Fit goes full 2B2T mode and there's nothing left of the Federation once they're finished. Madagio and Fit finally have their revenge. (And then maybe Fit can reunite with Pac + all his loved ones and they escape the Island, or reclaim the island for their own since the Federation no longer has any power over them).

Bonus: A very unlikely but "Wouldn't it be fun?" scenario would be Pac and Mike flying down on a fully-grown dragon Richas and rescuing Fit from Vacuus Island and they fly away and live happily ever after.

[goblin-enjoyer]

I swear why are half the things i like/fandoms im in made of mostly younger people while the other half are mostly older people? what are the zoggin odds with that?

How it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 30-40 somethings.

VS how it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 14-17 somethings.

like am do i just have extremely odd luck with things i like or is this just what being 20 is like?

[britneyshakespeare]

I feel like certain people on Tumblr have really been fighting for backwards progress when it comes to how we talk about mental illness and abuse. I see posts at least several times a week on my dash that seem to have the purpose of implying people with insert-mental-illness and/or insert-symptom are not abusive when they do insert-action-that-makes-people-uncomfortable, often times meaning to promote a more positive image of people with particularly stigmatized conditions, like personality disorders, mood disorders, psychosis, addiction, or neurodivergence. And I really really hate it because these posts almost always have the ultimate purpose of telling people not just "This thing is not inherently abusive," but often it comes across as "You were not abused."

I just find that to be really unhelpful and unintentionally hurtful, and for what? I believe that destigmatizing various mental conditions is a worthy cause, but at the same time this type of rhetoric seems to be so protective of people in whichever stigmatized group they're trying to advocate for, that it comes back around to a sort of respectability politics. Anybody can be an abuser. And someone's means and methods of abusing can very much be influenced by a condition they have. Why wouldn't it be? Their conditions will affect every aspect of their life and their interpersonal relationships. Especially if these issues are going untreated or being insufficiently managed. I don't understand why anyone would want to make it appear as if abusers are mostly neurotypical and mentally well people, or that if they aren't, then their conditions have nothing to do with it and the overlap is merely incidental. What? It makes it so hard for anyone who is a victim to come to terms and identify the dynamics of what they've gone through.

Addicts and mentally ill people don't have to be unproblematic in order to be humanized and accepted. And nobody profits from writing hard and fast rules about how abuse apparently works, drawing clear lines between which behaviors can, and cannot, ever be abuse.

[elliesbelle]

lol

[fish-and-forbear]

I think I am doing okay, here.

I wish so many things could have been different. My heart aches for it. But I wouldn't have found my voice, otherwise, nor would I have met so many wonderful people and creatures.

I wish the other one would worry less. It's very silly to realize he thought I was the panicked one... now I've organized my mind and honed my edge, and he's the one who keeps feeling down...

I don't entirely understand why... life is very good. Everyone is getting a little better. It aches because I can feel it like a physical creature clawing in the skull, and whispering all of the misery in this world, the atrocities, the tragedies, the possibilities of so many things ending, or of getting hurt or worse for who he is. And being afraid for the people he cares about...

But that doesn't help us sleep right now. It doesn't change that tomorrow morning the sun will rise and we don't have work and we could do anything, within reason of course.

I'm not sure. Maybe I am the stupid one for being so positive. But one of us has to be, now.

Maybe it's just my instincts waking up again. It's so easy to throw my aching heart and memories away when someone I care about needs me. And right now, once more, we just need to rest.

Nothing bad is even happening! We had a nice day. We talked to friends, we played a game and lost track of time because it was so much fun. I liked that game and the name is appropriate, Loop Hero. Ironic but fitting! We helped a friend feel better after a nightmare. And now it's OUR turn to rest.

Nothing is wrong. Everything is alright. Many big steps forward this coming week. I feel his worry creeping into my heart too, but there's no need for it. We were brave and confident before, we can be that way again. :)

- Grist