#i've been super productive today so far though

[ourceliumnetwork]

well.

i'm the only person in the house without COVID so far.

never felt like a final girl in a horror movie before, not sure how i feel about it now lol

[untoldsoup]

I ONLY HAVE TEN PAGES LEFT TO DRAW.

bruh ive been so productive this vacation. Literally finishing like a page a day (8 hour drawing session days lol).

I know i know I should relax But I'm alone for the holidays rn and I can do whatever I want and that means sitting in my underwear drawing while watching yt videos on the worst xmas movies of all time lol. This is enrichment to me lol. I have issues sitting still i need to focus and do something or i will explode and rn drawing this comic has been a huge outlet for that.

I'm heading to Canada tomorrow though and I'm super excited so today is my last drawing day for the year. I'm honestly super confident now I'll have this comic update out end of January.

I cannot believe I've been able to go from so far behind to caught up. But I have just been having plenty of art time after work so I've been able to speed though things.

I am HYPED to get this update out. It's going to be INSANE. like u guys have no idea. So much going on in this chapter. Lots of crazy stuff.

So yeah Canada trip tomorrow, and then update for comic hopefully end of January.

Also, I've started to see a therapist to help with my severe anxiety over the election. I'm hoping this will help to ease my mind. I've been needing a therapist anyway. I have so many unresolved things I need to get off my chest.

I hope everyones holidays are going well, and again thanks for the support on my work! You all have no idea how much it means to me. Whenever I'm feeling down about my art, I read all the comments and tags you all have left on my story and it motivates me so much. ❤️

[dreambunnynotes]

daily reflection: nov. 16th ❤︎

good morning lovely friends! here is what i accomplished and what i could have improved today, to hold myself accountable. it was really effective for me to know that i had posted my goals list on tumblr yesterday where others could see it; whenever i felt like giving in to my adhd brain that tells me that tasks are to be feared, i would simply remember that i had kind folks online who were interested in seeing me succeed hehe, it helped me so much! here is my first day ❤︎

accomplishments:

i completed all of my cleaning goals and more! it turned into a deeper clean than i thought it would be which felt really nice (and is usually how it goes once i get cleaning). it's so lovely to be able to start fresh with a clean working and sleeping space; it's so much easier to feel inspired, be productive, and take care of yourself when your environment is as ready for you as you are for it!

i wasn't going to complete all of my texting and calling tasks, BUT I DID! these types of tasks are the hardest for me to get done because i have pretty intense social anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria, and communicating with others both online and offline takes a lot of mental preparation and energy for me. but i did it, and i am so, so proud of myself! in fact...

self-compassion:

not only did i accomplish my original communication goals, i also ended up replying to two friends i hadn't seen in a long time, even though i was anxious! both of them were at my sister's show last night and i was so surprised to see them and a couple of other friends that i had to go have a bathroom cry from the anxiety lol. i had so many emotions coming up; the first was sadness and shame seeing that they had all come in a group together and that i wasn't with them. i joined them two seconds after i saw everyone, but the sadness was still there because i was positive they would have invited me into the group earlier if i had been less isolated this last year, which is where the guilt came in. i realized i had been isolating from my friends for so long out of fear that i wasn't wanted, didn't provide anything to them, and that maybe i didn't have people i liked being around after all, but that is so, so far from the truth; i do have friends who love me and who i love, and all of them were so loving, so kind, and actually sent me messages after the show telling me how much they loved me and how happy they were to see me! it made me cryyyy and feel so many feelings. i have plans to see them next week, and i actually feel like i'm overcoming my isolation era at long last; i'm really proud of myself for having self-compassion and using tools i've learned in therapy to better my life! :')

my next step is to learn more about and overcome this shame i have around letting my friends love me for who i am; the only way to learn more about it is to actually make plans to see friends and be vulnerable; wish me luck 😭💗

improvements to make:

as for my other tasks; i cleaned out one of my emails, but i have so many email accounts that it felt a little bit lacklustre to call that an accomplishment. today i'd like to break down how big the task of consolidating my digital life will actually be so that i can take measurable and consistent steps towards completing my goal (writing that sentence is baffling me right now - bunny from a few days ago never would have realized how much writing out her goals could help her in being less afraid of them! this feels like a huge accomplishment for my adhd brain!)

today felt like a really successful day, and i'm super proud of myself! this was only the beginning of what i actually want to accomplish in a day, but it was such a great way to try it out. i'm excited to see where this journey takes me and how these daily checklists and reflections will affect my productivity; they already have helped so much! if you've made it to the end of this, thank you for taking the time to read about my day, it means so much to me! lets try our best to have another successful day! ❤︎

[madhattersez]

I finally got my hands on something I've been looking for (for a reasonable price) since I was just a lowly little level 12 hornball - A "Marvel Swimsuit Special!"

This is the second issue in the series (though the third book of its kind), and it was released in 1993 when... times were different.

The coolest thing about them (other than the totally radical '90s hunkeroos and baberinos in general) is the amount of really talented artists that submitted pieces - So many industry-leading folks putting their spin on the self-aware, low-brow, tongue-in-cheek project.

This first image was by Joe Jusko, a super popular cover artist at the time. I remember his Conan covers the most.

I'll eventually scan the whole thing in high quality, but for now, I'll take some preview pics to show you some of my favorite and/or goofiest pages:

Here is Domino, looking like we might need to race her to a Dermatology appointment. She's apparently tacky enough to wear a swimsuit with a domino print on it.

And check out Cable in the back - Sun's out, cyberbun out! He's ready to catch some waves on a totally-worth-the-money-and-production-time rocket-powered machine gun surfboard.

I really appreciate this artist's commitment to all the "Liefeld pouches" here. I hope they're waterproof, or all those Tic Tacs inside 'em are gonna get ruined. :(

Penciling by Chris Batista, ink by Hector Collazo, coloring by Mark McNaab.

Let's kick off the "after the jump" part properly with this glorious image of Pip. Because this is certainly what people bought this book for.

It just so happens that this fuzzy little asshole narrates the entire issue, so he's to blame for the inherently sexist captions on all the pictures.

Jesus Christ, he's got two big toes on each foot.

Pencilking by Darick Robertson, ink by Andrew Pepoy, coloring by Tom Smith.

I love me some Cloak and Dagger.

Tandy looks as gorgeous as ever. Surely she owns stock in boobie tape by now.

Tyrone, however, is getting so much sand stuck to him right now... I don't think he digs being used as a beach blanket. I'm... not even sure he's ever had to wash his cloak before today! Yikes. He's all like:

Penciling by Joe Madureira, ink by Terry Austin, and coloring by Gregory Wright.

I can't stop laughing at how much Thunderstrike looks exactly like the Genetic Freak, Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner in this picture:

The work is entirely by Lou Harrison. It may not surprise you to learn he's also a Fantasy artist.

I've always had a thing for Silver Sable, and this page is just fantastic.

That being said, my favorite part is Sandman sitting there, looking like a dope, shaped like a sand castle. Which, while it seems silly, was probably the most challenging and detailed thing I've ever seen him do with his powers. Worth it for the shot, I suppose!

Line work and ink by Steven Butler, a favorite of mine. He did penciling for the "Silver Sable and the Wild Pack" series (which got me attached), but he's also known for designing the Scarlet Spider suit. Coloring by Gregory Wright.

If you thought I wasn't going to Morb out on this post, you were undead wrong.

Just look at that ridiculous batpackage. Also... Is he really serving a cape over a leather jacket, but with absolutely no pants? Damn, dude.

Penciling by Gary Barker, ink by Jimmy Palmiotti, coloring by Tom Smith.

I can spot Adam Hughes' work a mile away, wow. I guess I didn't realize he was doing work for Marvel this far back.

A fierce-as-ever, short-haired Natasha who looks like she got slammed so hard against a rocky wall that it cracked, got up, emptied out the rest of her clip, and still had enough time and energy to pose during a reload.

Black Widow, bay-bayyy. ♫

Oh my god, Ghost Rider is just so naughty. Wearing nothing but his birthday bones.

This scene just looks like it smells awful.

Artwork by Tristan Shane.

Shulkie in a metal bikini (function over fashion?), bursting out of the lava from an active volcano. You wanna talk "hot tub?" Sure, this gets a feature.

Penciling and ink by cover artist Steve Geiger, coloring by Paul... Mounts.

Deezamn, Bishop. Never seen guy looking so buff before.

Instead of just Bishop, this looks like Hank McCoy and Bishop had a child together. Does he have any other mode than "arm vein p-pop?"

Penciling by Dwayne Turner, ink by Mark Farmer, coloring by Gregory Wright.

Ah, one of the more famous '90s Psylocke images that wasn't done by Jim Lee.

This centerfold was used in lots of comic store ads for several years after this issue came out. I remember seeing posters in the shops themselves. Trading cards of this picture are one of the most costly to collect.

It's beautiful, and the colors/lighting/shading are all fantastic.

Penciling and ink by the wonderful Art Thibert, creator of the Raft max security prison and inker of some of the most iconic X-title covers.

Coloring by Paul Mounts, who did the coloring in hundreds and hundreds of just Marvel comics alone - I didn't mention that earlier because I was snickering at his name earlier in the She-Hulk feature. My bad.

Well, this wouldn't be Tumblr without a cat picture, yeah? Or a catgirl picture, I suppose.

This is the most adorable scene in the book. Just Tigra innocently taking a cuddle nap with some... um... wow, I don't know what the fuck those things are. Snuggle up anyway!

Penciling and ink by Amanda Conner, coloring by Gregory Wright.

Huh. Of all the characters in this book, I really didn't expect to see Dr. Cooper... Either which way, the swimsuit under the detective get-up is pretty choice, honestly.

This is, of course, another Adam Hughes line art joint. Ink by Mark Farmer, coloring by Gregory Wright (who did a lot of these, huh?).

What's this? A parody ad that you'd more expect to see in an issue of "What The--?!" that only '80s kids will understand? Yup, totally.

This was in the back of the book and doesn't fit the theme at all, but it gets a mention because of the weird inclusion and also to stall time until I had the final image ready, because I needed time to prepare...

THIS.

This is the one.

How could I not end this little "show and tell" without this beauty right here?

Here, we have remorseless killer Frank Castle flexing his best end-of-catwalk pose in front of a... wrestling match between a bunch of lady demon dinosaurs battling... for his affection? To tip him American cash? Or maybe all those hearts come from their love of beating each other up? I'm not here to judge.

And then there's a sign for 75 cent hotdogs, but it's been covered with another sign for... $20 tooth brushes? What in the shit is going on here?

There is one thing I do know, though. The artist wants you to think that The Punisher has at least $2.75 worth of hotdog under that massive crotch skull.

[abcwordsurge]

Hii!! I read your intro post and you mentioned liking Ninjago and Romeo & Juliet :D Who are your favorite characters in both and why?

Thank you ☺️

oh! this was a delightful surprise. I just updated my intro post today (well, yesterday as of posting this), and I didn't think anyone would notice haha. thank you for reading it ^_^

I absolutely love both Ninjago and Romeo & Juliet, and honestly it's nice to have an excuse to talk about them on my blog. however, since you asked specifically about favorite characters, this will inevitably be a long one. I can never get myself to shut up about characters.

my favorite Ninjago characters are Nya and Jay (and honorary mention Kai). my favorite Romeo & Juliet characters are probably Mercutio and Benvolio (but I could make a good reason for any of them to be the best haha). very long rant under cut

--

so! let's start with Nya. first, I have to point out that she was horribly mistreated in canon. it was sort of inevitable- since she was "the girl," I feel like the creators felt like a lot of her arc had to be... being the girl? I'm just still a bit disappointed at her missed potential of just, y'know, being a ninja.

that being said, she's a flipping icon and I love her with all of my heart, and every time she's on the screen it makes me smile. granted, I totally project onto her (and her brother, our favorite Kai~), but even if you ignore my personal headcanons of her being aromantic and loveless, she's such a smart, stubborn, and creative character, and I love that for her.

also Jay. I love Jay. I feel like, as a fanfic writer, I treat him the exact opposite of how I treat Nya. every time I write about Nya, I write about her experiences with being aromantic, or her desperation to prove herself, things like that. when I write about Jay, it's like Jay's in love with Cole, or Jay's in love with Nya (actually unrequited love my beloved), or Jay's in love with Kai. (side note- I actually headcanon Kai as aromantic, too, but sometimes I put that headcanon on pause so I can ship him. because oh my god he has such cute ships.) anyway all this to say that Jay's an adorable goofy little guy and I like putting him in situations. (he also has massive angst potential but angst isn't really my forte.)

ok. Romeo & Juliet. before I get into specifics, I must say that the characterization in this play is criminally underrated. if it were released today, it would have leagues of fans obsessing over both Romeo and Juliet, and arguing over whether Romeo is a romantic or just an idiot, and getting into shipping wars (especially Benvolio/Mercutio vs Tybalt/Mercutio- though Bencutio is obviously superior). the fact that it only has 2000 fics on AO3 is a tragedy to rival, well, Romeo & Juliet.

(also- for my WttT followers and moots, if any of you have gotten this far, I have to say that we have very nearly surpassed Romeo & Juliet in number of fics on AO3. keep it up)

now if I was forced to pick favorites in Romeo & Juliet, I would have to say the aforementioned Benvolio and Mercutio- both as a duo and as individuals, they are so flipping wonderful. I saw a local production of Romeo & Juliet over the summer, and ever since then, I have been deathly defensive of them. I will fight over the fact that they're both so well written and well characterized. (I also super love them as a ship- in the production I saw, when Romeo and Juliet met for the first time, there were plenty of duos in the background, slow dancing, and Ben and Merc were dancing together, and I just... I have no words. they're perfect.)

anyway. Benvolio first. Ben is such a big cousin sort of character, iykwim. there's something so tragic about the fact that he tried from the very beginning to get everyone to stop fighting, but no matter what he did or said, he couldn't save them- not his cousin, not his best friend. (I've never seen Hamlet, but I'm told that Benvolio is the Horatio of R&J. Shakespeare knew which archetypes work, I guess.) he's so awesome. I love him

and Mercutio! Merc is just a kid you guys. he's a teenage boy. he's so funny and free spirited and every time I watch R&J, all I can think about is "he's here for a good time, not a long time." because it's so true! his recklessness and immaturity leads to his death! (another theme, perhaps- because while he did sort of bring it upon himself, I would never say it's his fault- but that's a rant for another day.) Merc is just so immediately lovable and his death hurts me the most. his death is the turning point between a mostly light hearted play to the tragedy that we associate with it, and that makes it hurt even more. (and Ben holds him when he dies and Ben is left all alone at the end, and oh my god Shakespeare is famous for a reason.)

so, yeah. this is very long and mostly unedited, sorry. you pushed the right buttons to keep me talking for hours. maybe I'll start posting more about my other fandoms, because this was a lot of fun. thank you so much for asking :D

[to-taiwan-from-fanny]

Independent Excursion 1: Academic Cultural Reflection of Night Markets.

I’ve gone to an absurd amount of night markets throughout our numerous days in Taiwan, both independently and with the entire study abroad group as an excursion. I’ve been to most night markets around the Taipei area but the one I’ve gone to the most by far (a whole three times!) is Shilin Night Market. Not going to lie, I’ve definitely spent well over $4000 NTD within the few hours I’ve been there. There’s such a huge variety of different stalls, ranging from clothing stores, to arcade style challenges, to claw machines, and of course food. 

Faith and I had gone to the Shilin Night Market on our 2nd day officially in Taiwan (we had come to the country a few days before the main group arrived) and it was my first real experience of one. I’ve been to Chinatown in New York and have heard tales of my mother’s haggling adventures in Hong Kong secondhand but the reality was even better than what I could imagine. There was so much to see and do it was almost overstimulating. 

When googling “things to do in Taiwan”, night markets are guaranteed to be on the list. Frequented by both natives and tourists alike, they’re a crucial part of Taiwanese society. It’s a center for fostering community, stimulating economic growth, preserving current culture and innovation. But what draws people to night markets in the first place? This study from Chuang et al. (2014) finds that the main contributors to the high number of people going to night markets being “the low unit prices, with products under US$3.30 compromising approximately 70% of [the market]”, the festivals/performances, and the servitude of the vendors. 

Being someone who has gone to multiple night markets in my short time in Taiwan (just a bit over 2 weeks!), I completely attest to all points given. I've noticed that the pricing of things here are pretty similar or even more expensive than it is in America, with the main price disparity being the food costs. How could I resist myself from trying as much food as possible when it’s so cheap? 

But don’t let all my yapping about food fool you: night markets aren’t just a place to eat. Because of how ingrained they are into Taiwanese culture, they also act as social gathering spots where family, friends, and colleagues alike can come together to mingle about and enjoy a unique atmosphere unlike anywhere else. I had such a fun time going around the night market, both alone, with Faith, and with a huge group. It’s a different experience every time and I’ll really miss it when I go back to boring Gainesville. 

In recent years, though, local Taiwanese government has been actively trying to curtail the prevalence of night markets, they continue to flourish in modern times, though not to the same extent (Taipei Times, issue 09/05/2009). I didn’t initially understand why the government would be trying to make night markets less prevalent in society considering how it makes up such a huge part of its society, but upon further research, I understand why. 

It’s not the most hygienic place: the stalls are tightly packed and air-flow isn’t the best. COVID-19 only exemplified these concerns, as the crowded nature of night markets was a super-spreader hub. The noise and waste generated by the night market can also be detrimental to the environment and the people living next to them. Despite all these downsides though, the importance the night markets serve cannot be denied by anyone, which is why they’re still so many today despite such a large number of concerns. They also act as competition with more formal business - the ones we see more often in America. It's a delicate balance between preserving culture and reducing health and safety concerns. Tai, W. P., & Chang, J. (2015)

These night markets are a livelihood for thousands of Taiwanese citizens but contrary to what I had assumed before, the vendors at the night market aren’t only those who can’t find employment elsewhere but, in fact, are mostly people who chose this profession as an alternative to the traditional “dead-end laborious 9-5 white collar jobs” (Liu, Yu. 2009). 

Though I hadn’t put much thought into this initially, this really does make sense. East Asian societies put a huge emphasis on education, big company jobs, etc, and Taiwan is no exception. Being a child of Chinese immigrant parents myself, I know just how much the pressure is to “succeed” both academically and professionally. I completely understand why the youth would be drawn to this. To those who are tired of the mundaneness of everyday life, tending a stall in the very night market they might have grown up going to seems like such a wonderful escape from the “rat race”. 

[avaseofpeonies]

Lost You Forever season 2 let's GOOOOOOO!!!!

Ah, last year there were two C-drama novel adaptations that I was super excited for because I love both books so so much. The first was Back From The Brink and

nnnnnggghhh... what happened there? It was like they threw the novel in a paper shredder with three other novels and then pasted together random strips out of the mess. I'm usually very understanding of necessary changes to adaptations but there didn't seem to be any reason for them here. The production wasn't great either. It was so disappointing. I dnf'd it midway I just couldn't.

But then Lost You Forever came along to heal my heart. This adaptation (at least part one so far) has been just perfect. So beautiful, so faithful to the story (yeah they changed the hair washing to hair combing maybe washing would be too erotic for Chinese tv, idk but at least they got it in sideways :) I've been rewatching part one in advance of part two starting today and it's still amazing me. Possibly the best novel adaptation I've ever seen.

Sigh, I really wish my favorite wuxia danmeis could get this sort of treatment. Maybe someday in China 🤞, but speaking of, Meet You At The Blossom is starting on the 11th!!! This is the danmei being adapted by a Taiwanese/ Thai cooperative. I do wish they could have chosen a better novel for this experiment (I assume they were able to get the IP cheap since it's not one of the top famous ones) but I'm still very excited to see what they do with it and hopefully it is the harbinger of more proper danmei adaptations in the future.

For now, though, Lost You Forever part two LET'S GOOOO!!!!!

[demonslayedher]

OK, so the upcoming adaptation of the Swordsmith Village arc has me in a chokehold, and as such, I've been thinking a lot about the village itself. I've been wondering- have there been any notable instances of whole villages devoted to Swordsmithing? And as a slight, more KNY tangent, how do you think Gyokko managed to locate the village wherein the story happens? (Definitely could have phrased that more elegantly, but whatevs)

Slight tangent? This like two different questions, Wyn, how sly! Just kidding. Before I get too distracted by SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS, I'm going to set aside the Gyokko question and say I have no idea, maybe Ufotable will give us something come April? Perhaps he's got spying methods through his pots, and one of his pots got sold along the route to the village? Perhaps he sent his fish to spy on the conversations between birds, or perhaps one of his fish got caught and eaten in the village? Perhaps while looking for the Blue Spider Lily, this was a totally accidental discovery? I handled this question in my Demon Sibling AU: Version Uzui as having used ninja abilities to spy on conversations between Kakushi and slayers and crows and used that to piece together a location. As for swords, instead of villages solely dedicated to sword production, what you often found was neighborhoods dedicated to a certain kind of product--pottery, textiles, oil, etc--and in the case of a town arising around, say, the construction of an emperor's tomb or a Sengoku era castle, what came first was the workers, and then the town to support the livelihood of the workers. For places that are still famous for sword production (or as the case usually is today, kitchen knife production), it was usually a certain part of town instead of the village a whole, or at least, that would be my guess. These craftsman ultimately were taking clients to make their paycheck however much it was that they cared about their craft, but in the case of Kimetsu no Yaiba, the swordsmiths live by a mission, and the village and Corp support them such that they can be single-mindedly devoted to their craft and not have want of economic prosperity. The whole village can and is be built around their work. And, to make a community around sword production, it typically involved masters of many different crafts--the tatara kiln master who produces the iron, the blacksmith who shapes the blade, the sword polisher, the sword engraver, the craftsman who fits a hilt to it, the craftsman who creates its sheath, and so on. We don't know if every swordsmith in KnY's village can do everything themselves (or perhaps likes doing everything themselves), but with each of them being such strike disciplines, some division of labor and specialization wouldn't surprise me.

Looking back in Japanese history for swordsmiths who produced any any sharp and pretty thing for killing humans as their clients liked, the famous spots various depending on the time period. For example, in the Heian era, the Awataguchi area (the far east end of Sanjo street) of Kyoto was the spot of town to go for finding a swordsmith, though swords produced by masters throughout the country still found their way to the capital too. Then as we move from Heian through Sengoku, the land of Bizen (modern day eastern Okayama Prefecture) was the top producer of swords in this era, and although Sagami (modern day Kanagawa Prefecture) wasn't as prolific, they had some super famous swords produced there. Mino (modern day Gifu Prefecture) didn't come onto the sword producing stage until later, but they supplied a lot of weapons to Oda Nobunaga and Tokugawa Ieyasu's armies. Although these areas (and many more) become associated with sword production and their own respective styles and aesthetics, they were perhaps better known by the famous individual swordsmiths they produced.

Nowadays, these are considered the "Big Three" spots for Japanese blade production: Sakai City in Osaka Prefecture, Sanjo City in Niigata Prefecture, and Seki City in Gifu Prefecture. I've mentioned Seki on this blog before, as this is where LiSA is from, and I have personal connections there. I haven't been back since long before my KnY obsession, but I can't believe no one ever told me that part of the city's history and took me the museum! There's also a parade in which knife producers walk around and show off their handiwork, while talking about this with a coworker from another part of Gifu, it was as she was saying "it seems scary" that I was like "THAT SOUNDS AWESOME, I WANNA SEE THAT."

I'm also very partial to eastern Shimane Prefecture, not as much known for the sword production as the iron production. Nowdays, Okuiizumo is the only producer of tamagahane (iron ore of the right quality for Japanese swords), and nearby Yasugi is a major producer of high quality steel for everything from industrial use to kitchen blades. Part of what I really wanted to express in my write-up of sword production as it relates to Kimetsu no Yaiba was that you can't focus solely on the swordsmiths and their direct actions on shaping the blade; Japanese swords are product of nature and management of the finite raw materials directly contributes to the beauty of the final product. Even back in the Heian era, these materials would travel long distances to reach the famous hands of renown swordsmiths, and even after the shaping of the blades, they would still be passed around from craftsman to craftsman before reaching the hands of a master swordsman.

[rikeijo]

Today's translation #270

Spoon.2Di, vol. 18. Mitsurou Kubo's interview

Part 1.

--- At last, we got close to the start of Yuri!!! on ICE - how do you feel now?

K: There is nobody in the entire world yet, who loves Yuuri Katsuki or Victor Nikiforov and other characters more than me and Yamamoto Director love them (laugh), so I want to quickly send these characters out into the world so they can be loved by everybody.

--- So firstly, could you tell us how did it happen that you got involved in this project?

K: As far as I know, Yamamoto Director wanted to make an anime about figure skating for a very long time, but because it's very difficult to get a TV anime project about figure skating accepted, she was turned down again and again. In those circumstances, the Director went abroad privately to cheer on figure skaters during Sochi Olympics in 2014. And while there, she got a chance to speak on the phone with a producer that was her acquaintance, and when she was asked if there was any anime that she wanted to make, she thought that it must have been her destiny calling and answered that she wanted to make an anime about figure skating. It might have been because the producer was high on the Olympics' atmosphere, but the Director got a "That sounds good!" answer (laugh) - that event has become the breakthrough for production of this anime. So, it was decided that the anime was going to be produced and Yamamoto Director was looking for a screenwriter. By chance, at that time she was a heavy listener of a radio program that I was doing, or so I've heard. In 2014, around the time when the serialization of "Again!" in "Weekly Shonen Magazine" ended, I tweeted that I don't have any future jobs lined up whatsoever. The Director saw that tweet and I've heard that she contacted the producer to tell him "Kubo-san doesn't have any work to do at the moment, it's our chance!" (laugh). It seems the Director knew that I was talking a lot about figure skating on the radio and on TV, even though I was talking about it from my perspective of just a member of the general audience. She also knew that in the past, when "Moteki" was to be adapted into live-action movie, I did the entire original screenplay in a form of manga storyboards. So, I've heard that she chose me for the job, because she hoped I could draw storyboards that would become the foundation for the animation, but at that time we haven't even met each other yet… (laugh).

[Notes: One of the first Yuri!!! interviews this time for a change (because most were published after the show became super popular)!

This one is quite well-know - she talks about real-life models of the characters etc.]

[modestcatholiclife]

Mid-Lent Reflections

So I'm hoping that today's post will be a little bit different. I've been thinking a lot about this blog and I realised that I've been treating it like an obligation rather than a voluntary personal project.

Since I began converting to Catholicism, things have become rather complication for me. I'm changing as a person and feel very disconnected from my friends, who are all secular, as a result. Additionally, I haven't had a great deal of success in making Catholic friends just yet so I honestly feel quite lonely. During these times, I'm so grateful to God for my lovely fiance who has been the pinnacle of support during this struggle. So this blog gives me an opportunity to talk about those things that I'd like to talk about with friends and potentially connect with people online.

I'd like to try and be a bit more personal and engaging with these posts but I believe that is something I'll find with time. For now, I'll share what I can with you.

Well, right now I'm sick. Nothing serious, I just have a stuffy nose and am very fatigued. I've had to cancel some appointments and interviews and haven't been very productive these past couple of days as a result, which is completely understandable. What's less understandable, though, is that I've honestly been really letting myself down with my Lenten fasts. I haven't been consistent with them at all and the only one I can say that I haven't broken is my fast from meat. I've been on social media almost non-stop and it's been awful. I usually have a block on my phone that keeps me out of most apps from 8pm-9am but I haven't been using it lately. I've been so unproductive for weeks now and have done little to no cleaning around the apartment. It's getting pretty bad here and I'm disappointed in myself. I was hoping to get back onto things this week but of course, now I'm sick. My prayer life has been almost nonexistent. I'm not going to continue, it's not helpful for me to engage in excessive negative self-talk and I should be directing my focus towards improvement, not despondency.

On a more positive note, my early childcare traineeship interviews went incredibly well! So well, in fact, that I was offered the traineeship on the spot during my first interview! I have the contract with me, that I will be signing and returning tomorrow (assuming I'm not still sick) and I'll be starting the job two weeks from today! I've already handed in my letter of resignation to my current job and am looking forward to this new chapter of my life.

I also went to Great Vespers on Saturday night with my lovely fiance. We've just passed the Veneration of the Holy Cross so I have included photos of the Cross from St. Andrew's after Great Vespers on Saturday and St. Volodymyr's after Divine Liturgy on Sunday. This was only my second time attending Great Vespers. I sat near the choir and did my best to participate. Hopefully if I work hard enough, I might be able to join the choir one day.

Lastly, yesterday I spent the day resting and watching movies and anime with my fiance. We watched the first episode of part six of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. So far, I'm not loving it. This is the first part with a female main character and it shows. I don't appreciate how overly sexualised Jolyne is immediately. I'll keep watching it at some point but right now, I'm not super interested. I just watched Chicago for the first time and watching another piece of media about women in prison (even if they aren't there for long) is not capturing my interest. My fiance showed me an episode of an old anime he used to like so I showed him an episode of Ouran High School Host Club, which I watched back in year 7, and he liked it so much we watched a second episode! We also watched Mad Max: Fury Road together. Later on, we watched Josie and the Pussycats, which he highly enjoyed and I would highly recommend.

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Now That's What I Call Music! 48 2001 Pop / Teen Pop / Adult Contemporary / House / R&B / UK Garage / Pop-Rock / Trance / Alternative Rock / Dance-Pop / Latin Pop

Alright, well, I know what *some* of you might be thinking here:

Hey, waitaseckin! You're tryna tell me that the 48th volume of Now came out in 2001? But my copy of Volume 6 that I hold near and dear to my heart came out that same year too! How the hell could they have released more than 40 volumes of this stuff within a single year?!

Well, you silly American, they didn't. I mean, don't you know that this whole super pervasive enterprise of repackaged contemporary hits didn't actually start in the States?? Now's original home is in the UK, and its first ever volume came out in 1983. And on top of that, while each of your American installments in the main series have only consisted of either one disc or one cassette, the UK's releases have been either double-discs, double-cassettes, or double-LPs!

So that's what we have here, folks. An early 2000s double-disc Now dispatch from the UK.

Now, I know that over the past week and change I've been really singing the praises of the UK music industry writ large when comparing it to America's, but the buck is going to have to stop right here, because despite this thing having a small, eclectic handful of flat-out y2k-era bangers on it, it's still, unfortunately, pretty freaking bad. The plurality of what's on this is pure pop music, and while the tunes that were also popular in the States, like Nelly Furtado's "I'm Like a Bird" and Britney's "Stronger" are the ones that undoubtedly go the hardest, the vast majority of the rest of them are just very flat. No flair or pizzazz in the production chops; just deeply uninspired, hollow, mass-produced dreck. I don't think I've ever heard a good solo Spice Girls single before, and that streak continues with both Emma Bunton's "What Took You So Long" and Melanie B's "Feels So Good," and even the often reliable Robbie Williams, whose singles usually satisfy with a level of charmingly catchy and classy glitz, sounds like lame Christian megachurch pop-rock here, with "Let Love Be Your Energy." Ugh!

But what always seems to make these UK versions of Now ultimately still worth a listen is the electronic music, which is something that the US versions didn't dabble in too much in the early years, besides a couple Fatboy Slim jams here and there. I got pretty deep into the nature of the UK music industry in a post last week, but to sum it up quickly here, the UK embraced electronic and dance music in the late 80s with the Second Summer of Love, which made acid house wildly popular, and ever since then the country has been far more willing to embrace many forms of electronic music, while the US simply hasn't.

So that's why there are a whole lot more dance tunes on the UK comps than the US ones, and even though they can be quite cheesy too, like Dario G's pop-trance defilement of The Cranberries' "Dreams" 😒, you're still bound to run into at least one very good song that Americans don't know anything about; and that song in this particular volume is a piece of house from Italy's Planet Funk called "Chase the Sun." As far as I can tell, Planet Funk have never charted in the US in any capacity before, but this debut single of theirs ended up proving immensely popular across the pond, netting itself a top-five spot on the UK singles chart in 2001. With a melody taken from an Ennio Morricone tune and vocals provided by Finland's Auli Kokko, this very sleek and well-layered gem really makes for a beautifully warm and nocturnal kinda vibe 😌.

But other than that, there's really not too much else here that Americans who had their radios locked onto their favorite commercial hit radio stations and their TVs tuned to MTV wouldn't know about. Usually when I sift through these UK versions of Now, I end up finding a lot more goodies that failed to make it Stateside, but nothing else on these two discs here really feels worth writing about. I still prefer the UK version of this series overall, of course, because the electronic music naturally makes it far more eclectic than the US version, but that eclecticism doesn't always translate into a better release; and such is the case here 😔.

Highlights:

CD1:

Nelly Furtado - "I'm Like a Bird" Shaggy feat. Ricardo "Rik Rok" Ducent - "It Wasn't Me" Modjo - "Chillin'" Britney Spears - "Stronger" Backstreet Boys - "Shape of My Heart"

CD2:

Feeder - "Buck Rogers" Papa Roach - "Last Resort" Planet Funk - "Chase the Sun" Safri Duo - "Played-A-Live (The Bongo Song)" Mýa - "Case of the Ex" Chanté Moore - "Straight Up" Joe - "Stutter"

[quil12]

souyo + manic pixie dream girl yosuke but just like as the stereotype

This one was actually more fun to write than I thought it would be lmao. I wasn't entirely sure at first, but I like the direction I went with it

Yosuke stared into the mirror, sighing as he adjusted the wig on his head. It was a pale pink bob with light blue ribbons attached to the side. 

How had he let this happen?

He made videos sometimes. It was always of him playing the guitar, mostly doing tutorials of songs. After college, he had gotten hired on at Rise’s production studio as someone to help write songs for the idols - he mainly did stuff for Rise since she was the reason he had gotten hired, but he still did stuff for the other idols there as well. A lot of people liked having him - someone who had actually worked on writing the songs - teach them how to play it. The production studio was even for it, enjoying the good will from their fans. 

About a month ago, he had been asked by the production company to take part in a charity live stream. He had managed to gain a small following of his own, so they wanted people who were more interested in him to come as well. He had agreed, and that was where his problem had started.

One thing had led to another, and, by the end of it, he had promised to dress up and shoot a video playing a character if they managed to raise a certain amount of money. Needless to say, they had reached that goal, so now, in order to keep that promise, he was about to shoot a video - a video in drag - a video in a type of drag far more embarrassing than what he had been forced to wear at the crossdressing pageant in high school. 

The one silver lining of all of this was that he had only agreed to a pre-recorded video. That meant that he could edit out any parts that were too embarrassing for him to handle. He also didn’t have to deal with anyone else being there to laugh at him.

Yu was even out of the house for the afternoon spending time with some work friends. He had actually waited specifically until he had a day like that to do this. The idea of Yu seeing him like this was so unbearably embarrassing.

He had struggled a little bit getting ready, having to watch tutorials to do even the most basic of makeup. It had taken him about two hours to get himself to look presentable on that front. After that, he had to put on the outfit - he wasn’t about to wear a dress again, so he had settled for a pair of jeans and a lacy blouse - no one was gonna see his legs anyway. After that, he had once again struggled for a long while to get the wig on. 

Now though, there was nothing else to do but record this video.

He hesitated as much as he could before exiting the bedroom, walking down the hall to the room where he had his instruments. He had quite a few - a couple different types of guitar, a keyboard, even a box of miscellaneous percussion instruments. 

This was also where he had his setup to do videos. 

He took a deep breath before grabbing an acoustic guitar off of its stand, walking over to the desk on the other side of the room. He had already set everything up, so now it was just time to record. 

He sat down on the chair in front of the desk, staring at the camera in front of him. He could do this. He wouldn't die of embarrassment. He would be all right. He just had to record a super quick video and hopefully no one he actually knew would ever bring it up to him. 

He took one last steadying breath before reaching over and hitting the record button. 

He readjusted the guitar in his lap before looking up toward the camera, smiling widely. 

He raised the pitch of his voice as he spoke, keeping it as energetic as possible. "Hey everyone! I just wanted to record another wonderful video for you today. Now, I've already made a tutorial for this one, but it didn't have quite as much flair as I wanted it to have. So, we're gonna try making it a little bit different and fun this time. I-"

He was cut off by the sound of the door to the room creaking open. 

He immediately moved the guitar, holding it up in between him and the door, hiding behind it. He looked to see Yu standing there, staring at him, his eyebrows knit together. 

His heart was pounding. He didn't want him to see him dressed up like this. This was so embarrassing. 

Yu hesitated. "Uh, is this a video or a live stream?"

He looked away, reaching over, and pausing the recording. "Video."

"I was just coming to tell you that I was home, but I guess it's not the best time."

Yosuke didn't say anything. He just wanted to curl in on himself and stop existing. He really hated that he had come home now. Why couldn't it have been in like an hour? When he had finished shooting the video and had had time to take everything off. 

Yosuke wasn't looking toward Yu, but he looked up as he heard footsteps coming toward him. 

He stopped in front of him, laying his palm on his cheek, humming. 

He leaned forward, pressing a soft and chaste kiss to his lips. It was so tender that he almost forgot what he was wearing. Almost.

He pulled away, looking at his face almost consideringly. 

"I'll start on dinner in just a few minutes."

Yosuke nodded, watching as he headed toward the door. 

Just before he left the room, he turned to face him. "Oh, and Yosuke?"

"Yeah?"

"Your eyeliner is smeared."

He let out an involuntary noise of embarrassment.

Yu laughed, leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

Yosuke groaned, holding his head in his hand. Why did he have to say things like that? 

After a few seconds, he straightened, looking at himself in the camera.

His eyeliner really was smeared.

[theimperialnuisance]

Know the mun/blogger

1. Are you named after anyone?

First name, no, but my middle name yes, after my great grandmother

2. When was the last time you cried?

This morning :,< I was in a lot of pain and the pain meds were not kicking in at all. I'm a lot better now but today has been a down-for-the-count kind of day as my energy level is really low from that. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be more productive

3. Do you have kids?

Do a puppy and two kitties count? :3 Otherwise, nope. No tiny humans in my life but maybe one day in the far future.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

When the situation calls for it, yes, or if I am comfortable with my surroundings cause I try not to be sarcastic if I'm around new faces

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I was an avid dancer until High School and then traded out the dance shoes for an instrument and did Marching Band till College. I only really played soccer in Physical Ed classes and/or with friends and I used to play street hockey as well but again all of that was just for fun with friends as I was never part of a sports team.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

Oh. Good question. Appearance-wise, their eyes. Non-appearance wise, how they hold themselves or talk to other people. Sometimes you can tell a lot (good or bad) by how someone talks to others or how they act in certain situations. I dunno if that makes sense but that's usually what I notice as a quiet observer.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Definitely not scary movies as I am a scardy cat XD I can barely sit through any sort of scary movie so if it's between those two, happy endings it is!

8. Any special talents?

Apparently (at least according to my friends and co-workers) being able to braid my hair, like a French braid or a fishtail braid, is a talent of mine because I can do it without a mirror and also while I am walking. And yes, they are really good-looking braids XD

9. Where were you born?

A small town in the hills on the West Coast of the states in the southern part of said state. I moved up north when I was still little though.

10. What are your hobbies?

Video games for sure, Writing, Reading, Theater (More so theater tech over acting but occasionally I will act) Singing, Roller skating, Yoga, annnnd crochet!

11. Do you have any pets?

I have two cats and a dog! My two cats are twins, one is super affectionate and vocal (my sister's cat) and my cat is a sleepy old man who is very selective of who gets to cuddle with him (usually I can say someone is good people if my cat likes them XD) and then a very cute and energetic puppy who is small like a lap dog but she's actually a full 40 lbs as she's mixed with a pit bull and a corgi! She's the sweetest pup I've ever had <3

12. How tall are you?

152.4 cm!

13. Fave subject in school?

I absolutely loved English/Creative writing and then History mainly ancient history if I had to narrow it down.

14. Dream job?

Working at a professional theatre in some capacity whether I am working the Front of House as a House Manager or the Back of House as a Tech or Stage Manager :3 and as of this year, that dream job has become a reality <3

15. Eye colour?

Hazel but my eyes will change to green depending on certain factors!

Tagged by: @sundered-souls (tyvm! <3)

Tagging: Whoever would like to do this! :3

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Eyes, Internets, etc.

Okay! I successfully ate in the Denny's without sunglasses today! Our nearest Denny's has, like, spotlights on every table. It has been really painful to eat in restaurants like that, and shop, but I am getting better.

It's still not super comfortable for me to read. I'm not a fan of my surgery results thus far, but a big part of that is I'm not getting much aftercare. "Will my eyes improve to the point that I can once again look over and read my spouse's computer screen, a social interaction I value a great deal?" I wonder. "Your appointment has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances, please reschedule it," says the eye doctor. This is the one local person I've found who specializes in binocular vision dysfunction, whom I contacted after self-diagnosing. Nobody else had any idea why I was sick and in pain.

I'm an individual. I went into this with an obvious unique issue (my left eye impairs my binocular vision) and a bunch more less obvious (autistic, problems healing, multiple chronic health issues, etc) only some of which these people bothered to ask me about and then, like usual, they forget all this information and treat me like the default. "Hey, these eye drops don't work!" *crickets* "Yep, okay, back to doing my own research and buying shit off Amazon in case it helps."

But, I am improving. Me and my arsenal of OTC products which may or may not be helping but I'm getting real sick of my eyes not working so I'm throwing everything at the wall to see if it sticks. I'm going to try to get back to the feed and the social interaction. I've tried before and it hasn't been any fun, but now I can eat in the Denny's so we'll see.

The world moves on and stuff's been happening during my extended hiatus. Just to tick off two major things I would've written way more about: There is no justification for genocide, and wow, I gave money to con-artist and plagiarist James Somerton. One of these things is VASTLY more important than the other, but I have less of a personal stake in freeing Palestine. I think I've done all I can to back away from my country of origin and its propensity for letting a little ethnic cleaning slide when it's politically feasible. But I could've done better research on my donations.

I haven't been fucking READING much for the past couple years. Not, you know, books. It's been taking more effort for me to read books, even though I'm still probably reading just as much across various websites (and my own writing and editing). Well, it's still an effort, and I don't know if that's going to change much. Because, once again, I believed people when they said something would be easy to fix and improve my quality of life. I'm sure it's been easy for them, but it's never easy for me. Jury's still out on my "quality of life," which everyone is always very concerned with until it requires some extra effort on their part.

It might still be fine. It just won't be because doctors pay attention and care about me. It'll be because people generally heal and are fine. You can get away with a lot when human bodies are fairly resilient.

Last week, when I needed a refill on some goddamn heartburn medication that a gastroenterologist said I ought to take for the rest of my life to reduce my risk of developing cancer, my family doctor threatened to withhold it because... I haven't been in for a while. I've been back to the specialists I had to beg him to send me to, multiple times, and he has access to my records (and somehow missed my most recent blood work) but apparently he needs to talk to me about...?? I don't even know what, but I bet he'll tell me to take more herbs. ...If he doesn't altogether say he didn't want me to make a phone appointment, he wanted me to come sit in his office and deal with the lights and noise for some reason. We'll see.

I can't... There's not even a word for it, but I can't divest myself of this person and stop him from viewing my records and violating my privacy. Leaving your family doctor in order to not have one is not a thing Canada allows. Obviously, you want a family doctor! Especially if the only alternative is not having one at all! You need one! That may be the case, but this one is kinda low-key trying to kill me and there aren't any others. I would rather have a clinic OKing my prescriptions and sending me to specialists. At least they wouldn't pull bullshit like cutting off my heartburn meds because they might want an update on my thyroid which they should not require me to give them. Or, you know, if they did, I could at least go to another clinic.

This guy can't even remember how to pronounce my name. He's clearly reading it off a piece of paper every time. If and when I change my name and gender officially, I hope it either bothers him so much he fires me as a patient, or it kills him. Those are kinda my only options for getting rid of him. Wow. I'm praying for a guy's death and it's not even one of the ones doing the genocide - man, I'm selfish.

Oh well. This'll be another stressful week with more medical stuff, some of it unnecessary, but maybe I can get back to the feed tomorrow. And maybe I'll be able to draw without making myself sick soon. This too shall pass. I dunno if I'm gonna like where I end up after it passes, but it will pass.

Then I'll have a whole new thing to deal with.

[thegoldenshi-shi]

I'm starting to think I was dreaming the last ask I sent... I swear, I vividly remember sending you an ask gushing about your art, how nice you are, and just rambling about what all has been going on in life, but man... /j

Also, sorry if it seems like I only send asks after tf art, I swear I love everything you do, but the transformers stuff is the only stuff I know anything about, so it's the only thing I really have confidence in blabbering about.

I did an oopsy and doordashed Timmy's to work today, so I got donuts and a breakfast bagel sandwhich to eat today. Good thing, too! I have been /HUNGRY/. We managed to ship out almost two hundred packages today, and that's with just three people who can pack, and one who can ship orders. I'm Super duper happy about it! Everything else has been absolutely crazy. I've decided to go through all my books in my closet, and the books on my shelves, and start bocing some in better shaped boxes, so I can donate them. Gonna end up checking with people I know if they want any first, though. Also gonna go through my stuffed animals, find ones that I'm not too attached to, and donate them too. After washing them first, of course.

I have also fallen into a hole of true crime podcasts, which I'm pretty surprised about. Cause, like. I don't like hearing about how bad people can be? I dislike people enough, I just. Don't wanna absolutely ruin my opinion on humans anymore. Like, I know there are good people out there, really really good people. But I also don't really like the vast majority of publicized humanity. You always hear about all the awful things... the worst of humanity shouts and screams their opinions, all the time. Broadcasts em to the world. And, it's difficult for the truly good people to be heard...

On a very much less heavy topic, my nephew is in town! I haven't seen him in about a year, so it's nice to see him. Even if small children make me super anxious and uncomfy. We're also looking at an August vacation, which I'll need to prep for cause I'm pale as a ghost and it'll be three days straight of being outdoors.

What've you been up to?

~Smooch

Hi there Smooch!

It's good to see you in my inbox again, I was starting to wonder how you were doing.

It sounds like you're having a good time of it, donuts for breakfast is a special treat hehe. And being busy at work is a good too, being productive is always a plus. It hasn't been that long since I went through my book collection, so I feel your pain there. Hoarding books (and drawing paper for some reason) is probably my one weakness in trying to keep my space tidy. I'm running out of shelves T_T

So far as your new interest in true crime podcasts, congratulations on finding a new source of enjoyment. If something intrigues you, I say don't let your preconceived notions about what you enjoy and don't enjoy. I must admit that I dislike podcasts myself, just because I can never focus on them, the same goes for audio books for some reason. But I do understand their appeal, and am always happy to hear someone is enjoying them. I hope you have fun on your vacation, I too am pale and require sunscreen if I go out without a good layer over my skin. Some of my friends have said I look like a vampire with my complexion and dark circles, which left me going "Thanks guys". I wish you no sunburn and good weather for your vacation!

As far as what I've been up to: I've been working on my webtoon, trying to figure out a schedule for making it that works, building up courage to actually post it and you know...actually get the financial stuff in place to start the business aspect of my art? hehe....

My main job has picked up for the season, so I'm switching gears and getting ready for less and less free time, and I'm trying to incorporate some classical music into my pianist job while bracing for spring-time "Special Music" rush.

Also, I don't mind that you only ask after my Transformers work. I don't expect anyone to enjoy every single thing I post, there are a thousand fandoms out there and it would be ignorant to expect everyone to know about all my interests.

[annieintheaair]

Love, what's it even fucking mean? I'll tell you what it is to me: my heart ripped open at the seams.

There's nothing harder than having to go to work after a relaxing yoga class. I feel like I'm in such a chill mood and having to go to the chaos just sounds so unappealing. I shouldn't complain though-- I was off the last two nights and will be off tomorrow night, too.

This weekend was busy and fun. Friday, Todd and I went to a brewery and then Shinayde and Brent came to join us before we got on the Witches Brew Halloween Train. The food on the train was terrible but we had fun anyway. We finished the rest of the night at Harvest Hall and then headed home.

Saturday morning was a struggle. I felt like a complete zombie but managed to get myself to my community group anyway. After that, my sister and her husband and kids came to visit so we went to lunch at this really great Italian restaurant/pizza place and then stopped by the mall for this selfie exhibit. The girls loved getting to take pictures in the various booths.

They all came over to my house for a little after that and by the time they went home, I was ready for a nap. I took a quick nap before getting ready to go out. The nap wasn't sufficient so I grabbed a Thai Tea on my way to Todd's and then we headed to a Day of the Dead festival. It was a fun night and we didn't stay out super late, which was good since we were both tired from the night before.

I thought I'd go home and watch TV but instead crawled into bed. I think I slept for about 11 hours. I was clearly very tired. When I got up this morning, I got ready and went to church. Sara and Bob invited me to sit with them, which was nice, but they like to sit on the far side of the auditorium and I prefer to be in the middle on the left. I feel off balance sitting on the right side because of my hearing loss.

After church, I went to the Fresh Market to grab a coffee from my Greek friend. He makes the best Freddo cappuccinos.

I thought maybe I'd have a productive day but came home and decided to be lazy instead. I worked from my couch today and watched TV until it was time to go to yoga. It has been such a busy weekend that taking time to slow down today was kind of nice.

To avoid wasting time during therapy, I take time before my weekly appointments to choose three feelings from the feelings wheel. I had a really hard time choosing this week but I think I'm going with sentimental, cheerful, and skeptical.

It was a long, exhausting week but it had a good finish out. We finished the series on Decisions at church today and somehow I don't feel any more equipped to make good decisions. I always feel like whatever I choose is going to be wrong.

I'm terrified of getting hurt again, which is why I have sworn off dating for now. Hanging out with Todd recently has reminded me of the things I miss, like having someone to do fun things with. At the end of the night, I come home and don't bother turning on the TV. I take a shower and go straight to bed because the loneliness hits me hard on the nights that I have to crawl into bed with just my dogs. I've been taking a supplement recently that has helped me sleep better but sleeping has made me have these dreams that feel so real, leaving me feeling overwhelmed by my feelings when I wake up in the morning. Maybe, the reality of it all and why I struggle to sleep is because I'm afraid to sleep if it means dreaming.

There used to be a time in my life when I loved having good dreams. I mean, good dreams are still always better than nightmares but waking up to realize your dreams aren't reality is a tough pill to swallow. I often wonder about dreams and if they're a way to help guide me to the right decision. Are dreams what's really in my heart? Are they showing me what I want, even when I'm afraid to admit it? I can't figure it all out and I'm not a mind reader so I never know what anyone else is thinking.

We're not getting younger, only older. There are days when I'm totally fine being alone, especially when I'm surrounded by friends, but then there are days when it makes me sad to think that giving up on dating means being alone forever. I just can't see myself getting back out there and I don't have the energy or desire to meet new people anymore. The idea of swiping on apps just sounds terrible to me. At one point, I was happy. I think about this time last year and the things we were doing, like going to Broken Bow this week. I miss that and I miss all of the fun we had and it does make me sad to feel like we failed at making it work.

Anyway, I better get ready for work.

xoxo

Annie