#i've been sick since friday why is this not going away??

[rainintheevening]

Ugh, I can tell a big part of my current restlessness is me wanting to talk to people, someone, preferably about fandom stuff, BUT I can't talk very well right now, since I have a cold, went and sang at church on Sunday, and now have almost lost my voice.

Ahhhh. So not fun for an external processor like me. How can I figure out how to write this scene if I'm not sketching out the dialogue out loud??

[honeyednights]

.

[lesbianpepsi]

love not at first sight

pairing: sam carpenter x fem!reader

summary: sam witnesses an intruder breaking in through her window at night...

words: 3.790k

warnings: pepper spraying, punching, swearing, bad writing

authors note: i'm sick, i'm sad and i'm sober. so i decided to drag my ass out of writers block and write about my wife

It was a dull Friday night in the Carpenter apartment; Tara out with her friends partying -much to Sam's dissatisfaction-, Quinn over at one of her boy toys apartment definitely having much more fun than Sam, who sat alone in her living room watching a movie with a glass of red wine.

The movie didn't interest Sam at all, to be honest she only really put on the first movie she saw so she wouldn't be alone in silence. 

Sam always enjoyed solitude before the hallucinations, she used to love being alone with her thoughts. But ever since she found out that Billy fucking Loomis was her father, she's never been able to truly enjoy her alone time as she used to. 

Paranoid at any given moment she'll hear his voice telling her to make her dark thoughts a reality.

As the movie reached its end Sam sighed, finishing off her wine with it. 

The gnawing feeling of protectiveness hit her at the thought of Tara out there partying with her friends. Sam really hated Tara constantly going out to parties, the fear of not knowing where Tara is at all times scaring her more than she'd like to admit. 

Sam stood up slowly from the couch as she pulled her phone out of her back pocket, unlocking it to send Tara another message.

Sam (8:45pm): If you need me, call me and I'll be there straight away.

Tara (9:21pm): ok

Sam (10:13pm): I'm heading off to bed soon, I've left the door unlocked for you, please don't stay out too late.

Tara (11:38pm): thx

Sam (12:12am): It's getting quite late now, Tara. Please be back before one, I don't like you staying out so late.

Sam stared at the screen for a few minutes in hopes Tara would respond quickly, but it didn't surprise her when she didn't. Shutting her phone off she shoved it back into her jean pocket, heading towards the dark kitchen with her empty glass of wine.

How sad is this, Sam thought sarcastically to herself as she dropped the glass next to the sink, leaning against the counter for a moment. 

Just for that moment she heard a sound, it was essentially non audible, but somehow Sam heard it. 

 Turning around so her back faced the counter Sam slowly opened the drawer and grabbed the one of many pepper sprays, gripping it tightly in her right hand. 

The room fell silent. 

Sam's eyes peered around the kitchen frantically, desperately trying to figure out where that noise came from. 

When suddenly the kitchen window began rolling open slowly, and a few moments later a figure emerged.

The kitchen wasn't lit with any light which didn't allow Sam to see the intruders face, using that to her advantage she creeped towards the person who had no clue Sam was there.

"I'm never touching fucking jäger again." A feminine voice slurred out, wobbling towards the wall, aimlessly looking out for a light switch.

Sam's steps were featherlight as she crept behind her, her eyes cold and dark as the woman's hand found the light switch on the wall. 

The lights flickered on causing the woman to groan as she turned away, her body turning to look at Sam.

Before the woman could do anything Sam without hesitation pepper sprayed the woman right in her eyes erupting a loud scream from the woman.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Sam yelled darkly as she stepped back, the screaming woman covering her already crying red eyes. 

"Who the fuck are you?!" You yelled back, copying Sam's words but with much more emotion compared to Sam's tone void of one. "My eyes! I think I'm going blind?!" You screeched, Sam rolled her eyes coldly as she threateningly raised her hand up again, holding the pepper spray. 

"Why are you in my apartment?" Sam demanded her patience for this drunken stranger running thin. 

"My eyes are burning, oh god they're melting off aren't they?" You whined before she coughed aggressively, completely dismissing Sam's question. "Why did you attack me?" You screamed as you dropped your hands from your eyes, revealing your red bloodshot eyes with red puffy skin, tears flowing out of your eyes at a rapid pace.

"Why wouldn't I?" Sam spat out as she lowered her hand back down, although you were a complete stranger she knew she meant no harm and was only a drunken fool. 

You scoffed as you glared at Sam, coughing as you covered your hand over your mouth. "Look, I don't care if you're one of Danny's sleeping buddies, I will kick your ass out of my apartment." 

Danny? 

"Your apartment? This is my apartment you fucking idiot, nobody named Danny even lives here!" You blinked frowned as you opened your mouth to argue, your eyes finally scanning the scenery around you, finally you noticed that this wasn't your apartment.

Your burning eyes widened dramatically as you turned to look at Sam, eyes not even focused on her. 

"You're not one of Brackett's bum buddies?" You questioned in a slurring voice. Sam grimaced at the thought as she figured out you somehow knew Danny, her new friend. 

"Danny doesn't even live here, lady. He lives in the apartment complex opposite of here." Sam explained through gritted teeth as she pointed towards the window you came from, pointing towards the other apartment building. 

"Oh." You mumbled. Sam scoffed as she nodded her head. "Yes, oh." 

"Where the fuck am I then?" Sam was about to strangle you, she swears on her dead fathers grave. 

"You're in my house, not yours and Danny's, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd fuck off." Sam explained as she stormed off past you, hitting you in the shoulders as she headed towards the door.

You scoffed loudly as you sloppily turned around to peer at where Sam was going. "No need to be rude, Miss Pepper Spray." You said, laughing a little at your own words as if you were the funniest person on earth. 

Sam rolled her eyes as she opened the door with force, leaning against the door. "You live with Danny Brackett?" She asked to which you nodded her head, walking towards Sam, almost tripping over yourself in your high heels. 

"How do you know, Miss Pepper Spray?" You mumbled as you walked past Sam, leaving the apartment in whole.

Sam felt ever so tempted to slam the door shut and forget about you, but that gnawing feeling of letting you walk alone in the night didn't feel right to Sam. Especially since you were having issues seeing because Sam had pepper sprayed you.

Biting the inside of her cheeks she watched as you wandered to the opposite end of where the stairs were, talking to yourself at how much your eyes hurt. 

"Fuck sakes." Sam grumbled before she marched towards you, dragging you back into the apartment.

"Stop moving so fast!" You whined as Sam shut the door, walking towards the dining table still holding your forearm. 

Sam ignored you as she forcefully sat you down on one of the wooden chairs, turning her back on you a few seconds later to grab a 'Pepper Spray Antidote' spray from the same draw she got the pepper spray. 

A purchase she had made many months ago after Chad peppered sprayed himself in the eyes.

"Am I back home?" You asked as Sam approached you, her eyes still cold as she grabbed at your jaw, making you look up at her. 

Your painfully red eyes widened at the hold. "Don't kill my eyes again please!" 

Sam rolled her eyes as she showed you the spray. "This will help with the pain." Sam told you, to which you beamed at. She took that as permission as she  stepped closer to you, standing between your legs as she stared down at you. Carefully she began spraying a large amount of the liquid into your eyes, her grip on your jaw softening the slightest. 

As Sam suddenly noticed the closeness she couldn’t help but notice how utterly gorgeous you are.

Every single feature about you Sam couldn’t help but find attractive. Your hair, your figure, your lips, your small relieved smile and even your eyes, even when slightly swollen and bloodshot she could still admire your beauty. 

Was it the wrong time to think that? 

Once she sprayed more than enough on both eyes she dropped the spray onto the table. "Better?" Sam asked, you nodded your head slowly as Sam felt you lean into her hand. "Still hurts like a bitch though." 

"Can you see better?" She questioned once again; her voice had softened but you couldn't tell the difference. 

"Kinda." 

"Good enough." She mumbled as she dropped her hand from your jaw. "I'm taking you back to your actual apartment now, lady. So c'mon." 

"Lady? That's fancy." You snorted as you wobbly stood up, arms spread out as you tried to balance yourself. 

Sam tried not to facepalm at the entire situation, it made it even harder since Sam for some reason made it her duty to look after you.

"Can you walk?" She asked impatiently, her eyes flickering down to your heels. You looked down with Sam, giggling like a child.

"Jesus, I forgot how big these heels are." Sam sighed as she looked around the apartment to see if there were any trainers near. Her eyes landed on her old Nike trainers, those will do, she thought to herself as she went over to grab them.

Picking them up off of the floor she returned to you. "Do you want to walk back home in these?" You nodded your head greedily at that.

"Please, my feet are killing me more than my eyes." You slurred as you dropped back down onto the chair. Slowly, you took off your heels with a relieved moan. 

Not wanting to waste more time, Sam simply dropped to her knees and put the shoes on for you.

"Holy shit, I'm like cinderella." You laughed drunkenly as you looked down at Sam with amusement. Sam huffed as she gazed back up at you, an unamused look on her face. "And you're my prince charming, well, my princess charming. Girls do it better anyway." 

Amen to that 

Sam stood up swiftly as she offered her hand to you, to which you accepted with a lazy smile. "Thank you my princess charming who pepper sprays people." 

The corners of Sam's mouth twitched upwards to which she instantly fought the urge to smile.

"Stop calling me that." Sam mumbled as she walked alongside the slightly more sobered up you, taking slow steps. 

"But Miss Pepper Spray Princess Charming is such a good name." You argued with a grin as you walked much straighter than beforehand, still swaying from side to side but it had decreased compared to earlier. 

Sam rolled her eyes as your high heels dangled from her hands. "Just call me my real name, Sam." 

You turned to look at her with hazy eyes as you smiled widely. "Sam." You said slowly, as if you were testing her name. "I'll just call you princess Sam then." 

Sam sighed instantly and she regretted telling you her name, more focused on making sure you'll make it home safely Sam stayed silent. 

"So, princess Sam, you wanna guess my name?" You asked, breaking the silence that Sam hoped would fill the walk to Danny's apartment. 

"No." Sam grunted as she walked in front of you while walking down the stairs, just in case you'd fall on her, Sam breaking your fall. 

You rolled your eyes at Sam's boring answer. "No isn't my name. Try again?"

"Can't we walk in silence until we arrive at yours and Danny's apartment?" You shook your head with a goofy grin as Sam held the door open for you, giggling as you walked past her. "Thank you princess charming Sam, and the answer is no. So guess!" 

"Jesus Christ." The tall woman muttered under her breath as she walked by your side, her shoulder touching yours. You snorted as you turned to look at her with an amused expression. "I ain't the big J." 

"Annoying?" Sam said sarcastically.

"You're really bad at this guessing game you know." You mumbled as you accidentally leaned closer to Sam as you walked.

Sam huffed a dry laugh as she looked around the quiet street before she crossed the road with you. 

"And you really know how to be fucking annoying." 

"That's kinda of a cunt thing to say rather than charming, princess Sam." You remarked with a giggle. 

Sam's jaw tightened as she would've rather went to the party with Tara rather than have to deal with you, a drunken stranger breaking into her house. 

"You're just gonna give up on the guessing game?" You teased with a slight slur still audible to your voice. 

Sam nodded her head curtly as she opened the double doors to the apartment complex, holding it open for you once again. 

"Guess you'll never find out then." You said as you strolled over to the elevator, grinning to yourself as you entered it. 

"How sad." She spat out sarcastically. Sam followed as she stood next to you, who's leaning against the wall. 

You clicked the button '7' and within a second the doors closed as a soft hum of elevator music filled up the metal box, taking the two of you upwards.

You hummed along with the music, eyes focused on the small digital clock on top of the doors. Sam studied you -who was completely unaware of her peering eyes- with an un described expression. 

Had it been anyone else Sam would've thrown them out without a second thought, maybe even gone further than pepper spraying if the person fought back. But she's going all the steps with you, a complete stranger who randomly lives with her friend. 

Is she only doing this in case Danny would find out she had kicked out his venerable and stupid roommate at night, or was it something else? 

Sam isn't sure herself.

The elevator dinged loudly dragging Sam out of her thoughts, you sighed as you sluggishly walked out of the elevator, Sam following behind you.

You walked over to the apartment door to which Sam quickly wrapped her long slender fingers around your wrist, dragging you towards the correct door she knew Danny Brackett lived in.

"My saviour, princess Sam." You giggled to yourself. 

Sam had completely run out of her patience by this moment, her body tired as she had to deal with this drunken stranger.

Banging on the door roughly with her hand in a tight fist, she stayed like that until a pissed off Danny opened the door.

His eyes widened in confusion as he took in the scene of you, still drunk and leaning against Sam and Sam with an unamused expression. 

"You're lucky I didn't kill her." She mumbled to him. You grinned as you noticed Danny, throwing your arms up in the air.

"Ignore her Danny, Princess Sam is just grumpy." You told him as you walked past him, turning to look at Sam one final time, grinning like a fool as you waved enthusiastically. "Bye princess charming Sam."

Sam rolled her eyes as she fluttered her eyes away from your figure to Danny's very apparent smirk.

"Princess Sam?" He asked with amusement, Sam shook her head in annoyance. "Don't."

He laughed as he crossed his arms over his chest, glancing back at you tripping into your room before he leaned against the doorframe. 

"Did you see her at the club?" He asked to which Sam shook her head, stifling a dry laugh.

"She broke into my apartment thinking it was yours, so I pepper sprayed her." Danny's eyes widened dramatically as she did a double take back to the direction of your room.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry Sam. That couldn't have been nice. Y/n is such a stupid twat when she gets hammered." He apologised with a sympathetic smile. "Thank you for making sure she got home safe though, even though what she did was just stupid." 

Y/n, that name suits her, Sam can't help but think.

Sam laughed for the first time that day as she nodded her head in agreement with him. "Very." 

He sighed as he rubbed his eyes with his index finger and thumb. "I'm gonna go make sure she doesn't choke on her own puke. Again, sorry about her." 

"Goodnight, Danny." Sam said with a crooked smile before she turned to leave, more desperate to get to her bed than before.

____________

That night it didn’t take long for Sam to fall asleep. Tara was thankfully back in the apartment and fast asleep in her bed before Sam had even arrived back, which granted Sam permission to lock the door. 

Sam couldn’t help but think about you as she fell asleep, much to her annoyance. Her mind kept wandering back to you at any given moment. 

Why hadn’t she heard Danny mention you before? How much did you have to drink? How the fuck could someone be so breath takingly beautiful even when shitfaced? Did you think of Sam before you fell asleep? 

Eventually Sam managed to fall asleep and stayed asleep for the rest of the night until the day. For the first time in a long time, Sam didn’t have a shift the next morning so the woman could have a much needed lay in. 

Waking up around eleven Tara had somehow awakened before her, tiredly making her hangover breakfast. Sam grinned as she entered the kitchen to greet her sister, feeling much better than her younger sister. 

The two chatted amongst each other as Sam helped Tara cook since she was convinced Tara was the absolute worst cook ever, always burning or undercooking her meals. After the two had made their meals they moved to eat it in the living room, Tara putting on Brooklyn Nine Nine for them to watch. 

As they began eating a loud knock was heard at the door, Tara groaned at the loud noise as Sam sighed getting up from the comfy couch. She placed her plate on the coffee table before she walked over to the door, looking through the peephole she was surprised to see you standing there wearing thick black sunglasses and a small backpack. 

Sam hesitated for a moment but reluctantly unlocked the door for you, leaning against the doorframe once she opened the door. You gave Sam a nervous smile as your hand went to lay on the back of your neck. 

“Hey, Sam.” You croaked out in a much more sober voice compared to the one you had last night. “Did you sleep well?” You added after a few seconds. 

Sam shrugged her shoulders as her eyes gazed at your face, a weird feeling tugging at her heartstrings the longer she gazed at your sunglasses, knowing you were hiding your swollen red eyes. 

“Slept as well as a robber after a successful break in.” You chuckled as you nodded your head weakly, your hand dropping from your neck. “I guess that wasn’t the best way to meet, was it?” 

Sam scoffed loudly. “No it was not.” 

You smiled nervously at the woman as Sam noticed a small blush appearing on your cheeks. “I’m really sorry about that, by the way. I drank way too much, and I know that’s not an excuse for my actions, but the alcohol definitely didn’t help me in any way.” You apologised with an awkward laugh. 

For some reason Sam found amusement in the entire situation, fighting the urge to smile because of you once again. “Yeah, I heard you mumbling something about never touching jäger again.” 

You automatically winced at the words as if they were revolting, this time Sam couldn’t help but let out a dry laugh at the sight. “I’m honestly impressed I can even stand up straight right now. I had like sixteen shots of jäger from a drinking game.” You said as you pointed at your sunglasses. “Which explains why I'm wearing these glasses indoors, I cannot handle light at all right now. Plus I didn’t want to traumatise people with my fucked up eyes.” 

“At least the glasses make you look like a bodyguard.” Sam inquired with a small smile tugging at her lips, you laughed as you nodded your head. “Robber by night, con artist by day.” You say grinning. 

Sam laughs at the stupid joke, the corner of her eyes crinkling as her lips curl upwards in a larger smiler. 

Why the fuck am I laughing so hard, that was a shit joke.

“Anyway, I came here for another reason other than apologising.” You explained as you shrugged off your bag. Sam watched you carefully as you took out Sam’s borrowed pair of shoes, smiling nervously as you passed them back over. “Thanks for letting me borrow these, Princess Charming.” 

Sam rolled her eyes as she snatched the shoes from you, biting her inner cheek. “Just call me Sam..” 

You shook your head as you smirked, letting out a low laugh as you zipped your bag back closed, throwing it over your shoulders. “But you’re the princess charming to my cinderella.” 

“Whatever.” Sam muttered with a small smile. 

You sighed as you glanced down the hallway before you looked back at Sam, your mouth opening to say something before you abruptly shut it before any words could be uttered. Pursing your lips you nodded your head at Sam. 

“See you around, Sam.” 

Sam almost frowned as she noticed you were leaving, instead she gave you a curt nod back. You waited for a second for Sam to say anything but she stayed silent, you smiled at her one final time before you turned to leave. 

She watched you leave until you were fully out of her view, only then she sighed before reentering her apartment, holding her shoes as she walked back towards the living room.

“Who was that?” Tara asked, her voice loud taking Sam by surprise, making the woman drop the shoes. “Shit.” Sam grumbled as she bent down to pick them up, as she snatched at the pair she noticed a piece of paper on the floor. 

Her brows furrowed together confused as she went to grab it with her free hand. As Sam read the small ripped piece of paper the corners of her lips curled up into a smile. 

“i usually make better first impressions, maybe i could show you on a date sometime? :) 

xxx-xxx-xxxx 

-Y/n” 

[pretty-red-garnet]

Sparkly Blues

Daryl Dixon x fem! Reader • Pre-apocalypse/Prison • Fluff/Angst

I’m not really sure how I feel about this one. I kept going back and forth about it and deleting parts and then rewriting and blah blah blah. But it took way too long to write, so I’m posting it anyway lol. I hope someone enjoys it. Also! I’m taking requests! So give me some for our love Daryl. <3

You had met Daryl by bartending. You were new to the town and it was the only shit job you could manage to get. You were staying in the small Georgia town to take care of a sick family member, and all the money you could get was needed. Even if the job sucked.

It was the hot spot for the local bikers. The patrons you were forced to deal with were all seedy, loud, and rude. You had to stop a bar fight at least twice a night, and got groped and flirted with at least a thousand times. You had only been there a few weeks and you were about to quit. If you thought your sick aunt could make it back to your home town, you would've packed her up in a second.

But then Daryl showed up, in toe with his rowdy older brother. They sat at the bar, and one flash of his sparkly blue eyes and you were hooked. Your heart did one hard thump and your knees just nearly buckled. Damn he was cute.

"Hey, give us two pints!" His brother demanded, his eyes also blue but lacking the sparkle the younger man had. Lacking what made his eyes so pretty. His were empty and had blown pupils. His demand broke your daze, and you rushed to give them their beers. You smiled lightly at Daryl, who just avoided your eyes. You could just barely see in the dim lighting his face was a little pink.

At closing, you questioned your coworker about the brothers, mostly to learn more about the cute quiet one. She paused her wiping a table to look at you with confused eyes.

"Merle and Daryl? They've been coming for years, they go on hunting trips a lot though. That's why you haven't met them," she explains.

"Sooo... who's the quiet one?" She gives you a questioning look with a brow raised.

"You mean Daryl? Daryl Dixon?" She had asked.

"Is Daryl the really cute one with pretty blue eyes?" She laughed and rolled her eyes. "What? I'm serious!"

"Y/N, he's a Dixon," she said, like that was all the explanation you needed. You raised your brows at her to keep talking, she rolls her eyes. "They're no good. Believe me."

"He seemed plenty nice to me..." you say with a shrug. "Quiet, shy, he even thanked me! I mean I think it's the first 'thank you' I've gotten since I got hired."

"Daryl isn't bad I guess. He doesn't really talk to anyone." You nod and when she stops talking, you nudge her. "Y/N believe me, maybe he was ok today, but he's gotten in his fair share of fight. He doesn't say much, but when he does, it's usually yelling. And he's Merle's brother, who you should really stay away from."

"Damn," you mumble with a sigh. "He's really cute though." She laughed and slapped your shoulder.

"This isn't the place to find boyfriend material." She sighed dramatically and fumbled with something behind the bar. You looked at her with a puzzled expression. "But it is the place to drink!" She slams a hefty bottle on the bar and you laugh.

     When the weekend rolls around the Dixons come again. You try to snap yourself out of your daze and do your work, but it's a little hard with the handsome stranger sitting there and your coworker snickering whenever you so much as glanced at him. When closing time came around, you grabbed the wet towel you were cleaning with and snapped her behind with it.

     "Can you blame me?! Have you seen his eyes?!" You snapped at her with a red face, but she only laughed even harder.

     This little routine continued for another two weeks. Stealing little glances at the man and your friend laughing and poking at you until you were red as a firetruck.

    One night though, during a busy Friday night, your friend called out. You were all alone managing both the bar and waitressing as she did. You scurried to the bar from the backroom as you heard a loud ruckus and yelling. And to no one's surprise, it was another bar fight.

     This time it was the Dixon brothers against another two biker assholes. Merle against one and Daryl the other. You yelled and shouted at them to stop, but no one was letting up. Daryl was almost underneath the biker he was fighting, and so against your better judgment, you stepped in.

     "Alright, alright! Enough!" You shouted and tried grabbing his arm that was just about to wail on Daryl. He looked back just a split second before breaking his arm from your grasp and slamming it back into your face. You immediately stumbled back and onto the floor clutching your head, where he got you with a big metal ring right in the temple.

     Finally, an older, more respected biker stepped in. He broke up the fight and shoved the two bikers— who you assumed must've started the fight— out the door.

     You reached up a hand and slightly panicked when you pulled your fingers away and saw blood. Your vision was a little blurry and you looked up blearily to who crouched in front of you, only to see the prettiest eyes imaginable.

     "You alright?" Daryl asked. You nodded in a daze, but his brows furrowed in concern still.

     "Y-yeah. I'm ok." He nodded and reached his hands out to help you up. Even in your state, you can see his knuckles are bloodied and busted.

     He helped you to sit on a bar stool before walking off, and you took a quick glance around. It was just about closing time now, so most were gone. All that remained was the older biker that broke up the fight, a few stragglers, and Merle bragging that he won the brawl.

     "Everybody out! Come on," Daryl calls out. The stragglers filter out the doors pretty quick, still probably buzzing from the excitement of the fight.

     Daryl retuned to you with a little first aid kid. He grabbed a clean wet towel and wiped at the blood on your face. If you weren't still seeing stars, you'd probably be having a conniption right now.

"You gonna fix up the girl, baby brother?" Merle asks with a sickening grin. Daryl just hummed a yes. "Don't come home without getting some tail first!"

"Shut up, man!" Daryl yelled, turning to him. He turned back once he was out the door and his checks were a little flushed.

     "You need a hospital?" He asked a moment later, recovered from Merle's obnoxious comment. His tongue was peaking out of his lip in concentration as he puts a little bandage to your cut. Oh boy.

     "No, no," you stammer out. Now that you were beginning to recover from your state, you realize you were completely alone with him, and he was helping you. Being all gentle while he wipes your face softly, close to his face, staring into his eyes... this is heaven. "I'm ok. Thanks."

     He nods, biting the inside of his lip. He closes the first aid kit and stashed it where it belongs behind the bar.

     "'M sorry you got hurt," he mutters. You just give him a small smile.

     "It's ok. I know you didn't start the fight." He shuffled back over to you and hovers awkwardly. "And you cleaned me up. Thank you."

     "My fault anyway," he says with a shrug. He still didn't meet your eyes.

"Well," you start, but hesitate. Daryl looks at you and waits patiently for you to continue. "I know a way you can repay me. If you really want."

"What's that?" He asks.

"Drive me home?"

From that day forward you and Daryl were somewhat inseparable. He always came to the bar if you knew you were working, sometimes even without Merle which you appreciated. He gave you the creeps, even though Daryl had assured you he wouldn't do anything to you. He also might've threatened to knock him out for you if he ever stepped out of line.

Despite your coworkers concerns, Daryl was pretty perfect— even if a little rough around the edges at times. He was sweet, and while Merle and most of the other bikers looked at you as if you were meat, Daryl always looked at you so genuinely. So sweetly.

He even drove you home most nights now ever since that first night you both really talked. He learned your car broke down, and between your aunt's medical bills and your job's shitty pay, you couldn't get it fixed. Daryl had tried to fix it, but the part you needed was way too pricey. He didn't like that you walked home at almost three in the morning, so he drove you after every shift. Even if he didn't hang out at the bar that night.

You were pretty positive Daryl was the greatest guy you had ever met. So kind, and attentive, and always doing his best to help you with whatever you needed. Helpful without expecting something in return.

     When your aunt eventually died, a few months after being close with Daryl, he was the first one you called. You were in hysterics, and he sped over to the hospital as fast as he could just to hug and hold you.

     He stayed with you for days, made your meals, even hunted so you would have fresh meat for him to cook you. But mostly, he stayed by your side like wet on water.

     Daryl wasn't the best with comforting people, or really with emotions at all, but he tried. And you always appreciated it. Even if he didn't know what to say, and he'd just hold you tight and let you cry. Or played with your hair when you couldn't sleep. Daryl was better with actions than with words, and you didn't mind a bit.

     It was during this time that you knew you didn't just care about him as a good friend, or even as a crush, but was in love with him. You loved how caring and loyal he was, how you were completely comfortable with him and knew you could always rely on him.

     "Daryl, I need to tell you something," you murmured, you voice cloudy with tears still. It was only a week after your aunts passing and while you were getting better, you had a really rough day. Memories flashing through your mind and making it nearly impossible to get through your day without breaking down.

     "Hm," Daryl hummed. You felt the vibrations in your chest, as he held you close to him and stroked your hair.

     "I love you," you said, nuzzling your face in his neck, too scared to see his face. To see that he didn't feel for you that way. Or try to push you away. You couldn't look at him.

     Hesitantly, he gently pulled your face away from his neck to look at you. Your eyes were still red and rimmed with tears, which he brushed away with a thumb. You were scared to see rejection, but when you worked up the nerve to look at his face, you saw anything but.

     You saw pure love.

     "Daryl," you called.

     "What?" He said from the other room, shortly before entering the living room where you stood. He was shirtless, wearing only jeans. His hair was still damp from his shower and you took a second to take in the sight before voicing your concerns.

     "I don't think you should go on that hunting trip." You looked back to the news, who was reporting about strange serial killings around the country, now hitting Atlanta. They were eating the bodies.

     He walked up to stand by you. You looked at him in worry. He smiled and brushed a hand down your face gently.

     "That's Atlanta. If anything, me and Merle will be safer from those freaks in the woods," he says and presses his lips to yours to smooth away your worry. "You should come, too."

     "I can't." You level him with a serious look. "My coworker is sick with some flu, I'll be taking care of the bar all by myself."

     Daryl pushes his face into your neck and lays down kisses on your neck, moving down to your shoulders, then chest. You adore the scratchy feeling of his stubble on your delicate skin.

     "Come on," he complains into your chest, and you giggle a little at his whining. "They can close the bar for one goddamn weekend."

     "The money doesn't hurt either, Mr. Dixon," you tease. He pulls away to look you in the eye, hands on your hips and that same soft and genuine look on his face that you fell in love with to begin with. And those eyes. Despite all the years you've been with the man, his sparkly blues were still the prettiest thing you've ever seen.

     "Fine," he obliges, but he still with a little frown. You wipe it away with a firm peck and a caress to his cheek. His eyes close momentarily, soaking in the feeling, before opening them again. He gazes at you with half lidded eyes, so lovingly and tenderly. "Whatever you say, Mrs. Dixon."

     That morning was the last time you'd seen your husband. The flesh eating 'serial killers'—which you now are reanimated corpses— made their way to your small town while he was gone. You tried to stay as long as you could, but soon a herd trying to make their way into your house and you couldn't stay.

     You tried to get to where the Dixons were camping, but was too late. They were already gone for god knows how long. And so you moved around, trying to find him. You had no clue where to look, you weren't a tracker like Daryl, but you tried.

     You moved through the woods and stayed at cabins you found, or made a little camp with cans on wire surrounding it so you can hear anything coming. Daryl had taught you that, when you stayed at a campground with him once where there were larger animals roaming around.

     You missed him.

     You missed how he could always ease your worries and calm you down. His gentle touches and soft kisses. How soft he was with you. The way he always looked at you with love and care. You missed all of him.

     You're ashamed to think that maybe you'll never find him. Or maybe he only lives in your memories now. Maybe the last time you saw him was truly the last time.

     You could still see his eyes in your mind whenever you tried to sleep. You stayed awake most of the time now.

     You move around an abandoned gas station. It was your little camp for the moment. It had four walls and the doors held well enough, for now anyway. It's been almost a year of this now. Of moving around trying to find Daryl, with not even a clue. You needed to hunker down for at least a week, you're growing too weak and exhausted.

     The gas station was littered with dirt and grime, along with some candy and other snacks that weren't scavenged. Some water bottles were still in the coolers, but barren shelves took up most of the space.

     You're moving some of the shelving to the door, hoping that blocking it would keep the monsters out. If they didn't hear or see you, maybe they'll just wander by.

     You set up a blanket in the corner and throw your pack down before laying your head on it. You take a deep breath and try to fight the tears. You can't do this anymore. You can't just survive anymore. Is there even a point? Tears burn at your eyes and you close them shut.

     You must fall asleep at some point, because when your eyes fly open to voices, it's bright out.

     "There's something blocking the door," a woman says, trying in vain to push the doors open. You grab your gun quickly and rush to hide behind some shelving.

     "Hang on, let me try," a man says, before you hear more loud screeching from the metal shelves scraping on the floor. You point your gun in front of you, really hoping you don't have to use it.

     You hear footsteps, and see light streaming in now that the shelves weren't blocking the sun. Your hands shake a little on the gun.

     "Seems clear," the man says. You hold your breath. Maybe they'll just leave. You peak ever so slightly over the shelve to see the two. Ones a Asian guy, and the other is a pretty brunette girl.

     "Glenn," she says, and points over to your blanket and pack. "Someone was here."

     You slink back down, slowly and carefully. You can hear as the two begin to walk cautiously around the tiny store. The guy—Glenn— begins to walk around the shelf you're hiding behind, so you try to move to block yourself from his sight. But you didn't see the empty can by your foot, and kick it, causing it to roll out in the open. Shit.

     "Whoever's back there, come out!" Glenn calls out. "We won't hurt you, just come out slow."

     You weight your options in your head, but decide to walk out. They looked put together and well kept, maybe they had some sort of camp? A stable enough place that they wouldn't kill you for a can a beans and a half empty bottle of water?

     "Put the gun down," the girl says, flanking you from behind while the man is in front. You oblige, and the gun drops to the floor with a metallic thump. Your heart beats a million miles a second.

     "You have a camp?" Glenn asks.

     "This is my camp," you answer. Your hands were raised slightly in front of you, not wanting to startle them in any way and end up with a bullet between your eyes.

     "What about a group? Are you with anyone?" He asks. He eyes your warily, but they seemed kind. The girl walked out in front of you, her gun in hand but not held up. They didn't seem malicious. Maybe this could work out?

"No, just me," you answer. He and the woman give you a long look.

     "We have a camp, answer our questions and we can take you back," the girl says, holstering her weapon. Glenn lowers his but keeps it in his hand. "My names Maggie, and that's Glenn." You nod, and your eyes dance from one to the other. They didn't seem bad, but you can't be too careful nowadays.

     "How many walkers have you killed?" Glenn asks.

     "I don't know," you say with a shrug. "I've been moving around a lot, so a bunch I guess."

     "How many people?" You gulp at his question.

     "I shot a guy trying to rob me, not sure if I killed him." The man nods, and you wonder what's going to happen to you. They have a camp, but is it safe? Even if it is, would you go? Daryl could still be out there...

     "Our camp is a prison not far, you can come back with us," Maggie says, a kind smile gracing her pretty face. "What's your name?"

     "Y/N, Y/N Dixon." The couples eyes fly open, their jaws drop slightly. "What?"

     "You wouldn't happen to know a Daryl Dixon, would you?" She asks, and your heart just about burst right out of your chest.

"Yeah, he's my husband," you say, excitedly. Your heart is thumping almost painfully against your ribs. "You know him?"

"Daryl's married?!" Glenn shouts out. Maggie thumps him once on the shoulder and gives him a stern look. "What?"

The whole trip to the prison you thought you were dreaming. Maybe this isn't happening. I'm asleep still. Daryl is gone.... You still tried to hold onto hope, your chest tight and fingers anxiously drumming against your leg.

Maggie and Glenn were sweet, both with matching grins at the idea of yours and Daryl's reunion. They asked questions along the way, how you'd met him and how long you were married. You answered them all happily, almost to the point of tears.

When the car drove up to the prison fences, you looked around in awe. There were animals and crop gardens, kids running around the fields. It was something you never thought you'd see again.

A man opened the fence for you three, and a grey haired woman followed after seeing you step out of the car. The man had a beard and cowboy boots on, and he smiled warmly when he saw you. The woman had a look just as kind.

"Rick, Carol, you'll never guess who this is," Maggie says, a huge smile plastered on her face as she jumped out of the car. They both give you a second glance and look at her a little confused, and the man— Rick— nodded for her to continue. "Daryl's wife."

"Oh!" Carol gasped, a big smile on her face. "So nice to meet you! I've heard so much about you!"

"Only good things I hope," you say. You're still buzzing, and your eyes fly across the field in hope of catching a glance of your husband. Your heart flutters, your knees feel weak, and you still feel this may be a dream. A figment of your imagination.

And then you see him.

Your eyes widen, and with one last glance at your four new friends, you book it towards him. Your feet barely touch the grass as you bolt towards your husband.

"Daryl!" He turns sharply at the sound of your voice. He's half bent over his bike, hands full of grease and grime, and still he's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. He stops in his tracks for just a second before running to meet you in the middle.

You jump into his arms, his grease caked hands rubbing all over you but you couldn't care less. His fingers tremble where they lay on your back. Your face is shoved into his neck and you relish in the feeling of him.

"I thought I lost you I—" he says, cutting himself off, like he couldn't even think of it. "I looked for you everywhere."

"Me too," you say, voice laced with tears. This has to be a dream, it has to be. Your burrow your face even deeper into him and tighten your hold. "I don't want this to be a dream."

     "Shh, it's not," he murmurs lovingly in your ear. "I promise, I'm right here."

     Tears flow down your face even faster. Negative thoughts still plague your brain. Daryl brushes his hands down your back, up to caress your shoulders, before moving back down to clutch at your hips. His touches become more desperate and clingy. You think he's never going to let you go, you never want him to.

     Finally, you muster up the courage to look at him. You slowly peel your face away from his neck. Daryl presses a kiss to your forehead, resting a hand on your cheek softly. You look at him with matching tear stained faces, smiling. Gently, you push his grown out fringe away from his face.

     He's smiling, probably the happiest you've ever seen him, even with tear tracks down his pretty face. And when you finally lock eyes with those sparkly blues you've only seen in your dreams for so long, you know he's really there.

[merrybloomwrites]

Little Things (Chapter 2)

Summary: It's time for you to leave the shelter to move into your new home with your doms, Harry and Louis. It's a tough transition, but the two of them are there to help you through it.

Word Count: 3.5K

CW: mentions of past abuse, dom/sub au dynamics, mentions of littlespace

Previous chapters: one

AN: Thank you to all who showed interest in the first chapter of this! I've had a lot of ideas in mind for this story and I'm happy to finally be sharing them.

This wasn't supposed to get posted until next Friday but I got impatient and I make the rules, so here it is now! Also I'm finishing the third chapter right now, which is finally all about reader going into little headpsace, and will probably post that tomorrow

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You sit in your room at the shelter, trying not to stress over what just happened. Ms. Emily had brought you to her office where you met two men, two doms named Harry and Louis who were married. She had explained they were looking to adopt a sub. More specifically, they wanted to adopt a little.

And while you technically fell into that category, you knew they wouldn’t want you. Doms looking for littles want someone who is in headspace a lot. And you never slip if you can help it. 

You’ve only gone into your littlespace three times since you were rescued. Ms. Emily was there each time, and she took care of you and always reassured you once you came back up, but you still didn’t like it. You felt like a burden, and you were scared of how you acted. You don’t feel like yourself when you slip. It’s like this whole other person takes over and you just have to watch as she basically possesses your body.

So yea, there’s no way these doms will choose you. Years of abuse have broken you, made you into a bad sub who’s unworthy of love and care.

The afternoon passes with you dwelling on these thoughts. 

Which is why you’re shocked to your core when Ms. Emily comes back and asks if you’d like to live with Louis and Harry. 

“They don’t want me,” you answer.

“Now why would you say that?” she asks.

“I’m not good enough. I’ll never be what they’re looking for. I can’t be.”

Emily wraps her arms around you, and you lean into her. It had taken a while for you to get comfortable with hugs, but she’d worked with you for weeks and now it doesn’t feel so weird. It feels kind of nice to be held by her. 

“Sweetheart,” she begins. “You are good enough. You are worthy of love, Y/N. And that’s what Harry and Louis want to give you.” 

“Wait, what?” You pull back enough to look her in the eyes and say, “What do you mean?”

She smiles and says, “They’d like to adopt you.”

“No way. Why would they choose me?”

“Well they were moved by your story-”

You cut her off to say, “So they know. They know how messed up I am. Do they just feel bad for me? Pity me?”

“No, honey. It’s not that. First of all, you are not messed up. You had a lot of messed up stuff happen to you, but you survived that. And they don’t pity you. But they do see someone deserving of a loving home, and that is what they have to offer.”

“They really want me?” you ask, needing to hear it again.

“Yes, Y/N. They want you. Didn’t hesitate, didn’t need any time to think it over. They met you and knew you were the match for them.” Tears fill your eyes as you listen to Emily. Never before had you been wanted. Your family hadn’t wanted you, the one sub amongst all the older dom siblings. They didn’t love you, just used you to fulfill their sick fantasies. 

But Louis and Harry. They want you. They’re choosing you. And though you’re scared, worried that you’ll disappoint them, hope begins to fill you. For the first time, you may have a true home. So when Ms. Emily asks you again if you want to live with them, you immediately say yes.

You don’t get to go with them right away though. They come back the next day to spend time with you and help you feel more comfortable with them. They’re kind, and gentle, and you like being with them. 

On Friday they come again and this time you leave the shelter with them to go to lunch. It’s weird being out in public, especially when they explain who they are and that they’re famous. This makes you feel nervous, but they reassure you that your safety and privacy is a top priority for them. 

One thing you notice is that they never tell you what to do. You’re always given choices, and they ask you questions, wanting to know your opinion. They let you choose the restaurant and allow you to pick anything off of the menu. 

And while it’s nice that they’re giving you freedom, it makes you a bit uncomfortable. It’s not in your nature to make so many decisions, and truthfully, it has you feeling fatigued. You wish that they’d tell you what to do, make the decisions for you. That’s the way it should be. They’re the doms, and you’re the sub. 

Back at the shelter that night you talk to Ms. Emily about those feelings. She says that you shouldn’t be afraid to tell them about your needs. That they’ll want to listen and do what is best for you. 

You spend the weekend preparing to leave the shelter for good, as you’ll be leaving Monday afternoon to go to Harry and Louis’ home. It’s weird to leave here, as it’s the first place you’ve ever felt safe. But you know that this has always been the goal. To find a permanent home, a family of your own. 

It’s sad saying goodbye to Ms. Emily, but she reassures you that she will keep in touch and you’ll still see her. She’s surprised when you go back for one more hug, but holds you tight for a moment and lets herself feel the pride at how far you’ve already come. 

The boys lead you to the car, where two other people wait. Louis introduces them as a driver and a security guard. You’re wondering if this is normal, and like he can read your mind, Louis adds, “We’re just being extra cautious today. It’s our first time being responsible for someone else, I hope you don’t mind us going a bit overboard.”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind,” you reply.

“Well then, let’s get you home,” Harry says. The three of you slide in the backseat. You’re in the middle squished between the two. Before you can click in your seatbelt, you find Louis has grabbed it to do it for you. It’s a caregiver move for sure, and you once again hope they won’t be disappointed if you’re unable to be little in the way they want. 

It’s a quiet drive, and you sit as still as possible to not bring any attention to yourself. It’s something you’d learned growing up and it’s a hard habit to break.

Finally the car pulls into a long, gated driveway. Based on that, you’re expecting a huge mansion, but you’re pleasantly surprised to see a nice, cute, albeit fairly large, house. Big enough to hold a fair number of people, but not so enormous as to be overwhelming or garish. 

Harry leads you inside while Louis grabs your bag from the car. You stand just inside the doorway, looking around while waiting for instructions from your doms on what to do next, where you’re allowed to go.

It’s a relief when Louis says, “Let’s do a little tour, shall we?”

He and Harry lead you from room to room, starting with all the main spaces downstairs. There’s the living room, kitchen, dining room, library, den, laundry room, and two bathrooms. They also show you the door that leads out to the backyard, and they reassure you that it’s completely private. You peer at the high fence that surrounds the entire property, and for a second you feel uneasy. If something goes wrong, if they’re not as nice as they seem, you’ll be trapped. But you try to push those thoughts away. They’ve been nothing but kind. They’re nothing like your family. They won’t hurt you.

Next you’re led upstairs to be shown all the bedrooms. There’s two guest rooms, Harry and Louis’ room, and then they end with yours. It’s bigger than you’d expected, a large bed and a matching dresser and desk. There’s a bookshelf filled with a mix of novels and picture books. The more you look, the more you pick up on things that indicate this is a room for a little.

The dresser is low, and the top is soft, showing that it doubles as a changing table. There are toys suited for a young child. The bed has removable railings that can be put in place when you’re little to make sure you don’t fall out of bed. And then you notice the camera.

Harry sees you look at it with trepidation and says, “That will only be turned on when you’re little. The rest of the time we’ll keep it off so you can have privacy. It’s just to make sure you’re safe. Is that alright?”

“Yes, that’s fine,” you reply. It makes you more uncomfortable that he’s asking you for your opinion. He’s the dominant here, you’re the submissive. If they wanted to keep a camera on at all times that’s well within their right to do so. It’s strange to you that they keep giving you so many choices, and you wish they wouldn’t. 

“What’s wrong?” Louis asks, picking up on your discomfort.

“Nothing,” you quickly reply, not wanting to seem ungrateful by complaining.

“Why don’t we all sit and chat for a bit?” Harry says.

“Okay,” you reply.

“Would you be more comfortable here or in the living room?” he asks. 

Again with the choices. Even something as simple as that is weighing on you. Before you can control it you’re shouting out, “Please stop!” 

Immediately you’re horrified by your outburst. You’d misbehaved, surely you’re going to be punished, or maybe even sent back. You couldn’t even last an hour without ruining it. You look up in horror and begin to apologize, saying, “I’m sorry. Sir, I am so, so sorry. I didn’t- I don’t know what that was. Please, don’t send me back, I’ll be better.” 

The room is silent for a moment, no one knowing how to handle this situation. 

“Y/N, sit down,” Louis finally says. You do as you’re told, sitting on the edge of the bed. There’s a rocking chair in the corner of the room you’re facing, and Louis sits there, leaning forward towards you. Harry stands between, letting Louis take control from the moment.

“First of all, we will not be sending you back,” Louis says. “You live here now, with us. And while in the future you may be punished for speaking to us like that, you won’t be this time. You’re learning, and this is an adjustment for everyone. Obviously something is bothering you, but we can’t fix that unless you communicate with us. Y/N, please tell us what is wrong.”

“You keep asking me questions. Wanting me to choose things,” you answer.

“And would you rather us make the decisions?” he asks and you nod yes. 

Harry speaks next and asks, “Is it because you think we should be in charge and always tell you what to do?” 

“Well, yeah. Subs aren’t supposed to have freedom. We’re supposed to do what doms tell us to do,” you explain.

Harry moves closer, crouching down right beside you. He looks up, starts to move his hand like he’s reaching for you but decides against it. “Sweetheart, of course you have freedom. We aren’t like other dominants. We don’t believe that you’re less than us. You get to have opinions, you get to have control over your life.”

You listen and think about what he’s saying. It scares you, the idea of running your own life. You imagine what that will be like, how loud and confusing your mind will be trying to figure out what to do, what you want. 

“That’s too much,” you say. “Too much pressure. I could choose wrong. Please don’t make me do that.”

Louis speaks up again and says, “Would you feel better if we made the decisions? Set rules and routines for you to follow?”

You imagine that, simply fulfilling what they tell you to do, and everything goes calm, quiet. Peace washes over you at the thought, and so you answer, “Yes. I want to do as I’m told. It’s in my nature.”

They both smile as you say that. Because you’re right. And they’re proud of you for knowing that and having the courage to express your needs. 

“Then we can do that,” Harry says. “Here’s what we’ll do for now. There’s about an hour until dinner. You stay here for half an hour to settle and then come down to the living room until the food is ready. That way you can get comfortable with both of those spaces. After dinner we’ll sit and go over rules and routines.”

“Yes sir,” you reply. 

“Y/N, I’d like for you to call me Harry. Titles like sir will be reserved for punishments, and we can discuss what you’ll call us when you’re in littlespace. But for the most part, you’re to call me Harry.”

“Same goes for me. Well, no, I mean, call me Louis. It’d be a bit confusing if you were to call me Harry, huh?” Louis says, causing all of you to laugh. The tension breaks and Harry and Louis both stand to leave.

“We’ll be in the kitchen if you need us for anything. You may come find us at any time,” Harry says.

“I’ll drop off your bag in a minute,” Louis says and they both walk out of the room. 

There’s a bathroom attached to your room so you first use that. When you walk back out, your bag is sitting on the bed. You neatly put away what little belongings you have, noticing the dresser and closet are filled with clothes for you. It doesn’t escape you that some are a much younger style, clearly meant for when you slip into headspace. 

Sighing, you close up those drawers and lay on the bed. It’s comfy, soft with lots of pillows and a pretty floral comforter. And it’s a space all your own, something you’ve never had before. You stay there and relax until a timer goes off. You grab it from the bedside table and make your way down to the living room.

Louis is waiting there for you and seeing you enter right on time he says, “That’s a good girl, listening so well to directions. We’d like you to use this time to work on something, either read a book or do a puzzle. Something to keep your mind active. Would you like me to choose for you?”

You think for a minute and reply, “I’d like to do a puzzle. But can you please pick which one?”

“Of course, love,” he says as he walks over to one of the shelves. He looks for a moment then grabs a box and says, “Here, this one’s nice.”

“Thank you, Louis.” 

“I’m going to see if Harry needs my help. You get started on this.”

You sit on the floor in front of the coffee table and begin to pull out the edge pieces. Getting lost in the task, you jump when Harry walks in saying, “Dinner’s ready.” Seeing that he’s startled you he then says, “Sorry, love, didn’t mean to scare you. Did you do all of that in just a few minutes? Good job!”

You’ve completed the entire outline and were starting to sort the inner pieces by shape, a trick one of the other subs at the shelter had taught you. And while you’d made progress, it was only a puzzle. Nothing really to be proud about, but there’s Harry, looking like you’ve solved world hunger. It makes you feel warm inside, this praise that they seem to give quite freely. 

“C’mon, you can leave that here to work on again later. Go wash up and meet us in the dining room,” Harry says. You do as you’re told and the scent that hits you once you get to the table has your mouth watering.

Growing up you’d been fed enough to sustain you. Never anything fancy or particularly tasty. It was for survival, not enjoyment.

The food at the shelter was good, definitely tastier than you’d ever had before.

But this, whatever Harry has made, looks a thousand times better than even the best food at the shelter. The three of you sit and eat, Harry and Louis supplying most of the conversation, which you’re grateful for. When it’s done they tell you to head back to the living room and they’ll meet you after they clean up.

“Can I help clean?” you ask. You feel bad that you haven’t done anything to help so far, and you’re hoping to pitch in now so you feel less like a freeloader. 

“Not tonight love. Later we’ll talk about the different jobs you’ll have around the house, but none of that will start until we’ve all discussed it,” Louis answers. 

“I understand,” you say and turn to head to the living room as you were told. You work on the puzzle more until both Harry and Louis join you. 

“Have a seat there,” Louis says, pointing to the armchair. They sit on the couch across from it, ensuring that you can see both of them clearly for this conversation. 

“It’s become clear that you do well with set boundaries and routine, is that fair to say?” Harry asks.

You nod, and Harry adds, “First rule, always respond verbally unless you’re too young mentally to do so.”

“Yes, sir,” you answer quickly.

“Y/N, you’re not in trouble, you don’t have to call me sir. You’re still learning,” Harry says.

“Let’s go over the rules we have and the schedule we’ve made up for you,” Louis quickly says. 

For the next half hour the three of you talk. They explain all of the expectations they have for you, and give you papers with your rule list and daily schedule so you can keep those in your room to refer to when needed. 

“Of course, all of this will be changed and adjusted when you’re in littlespace, but if you’re old enough to follow a certain rule then you’ll still be expected to follow it,” Louis says after everything is discussed.

You don’t reply, looking down at the papers you’re holding instead.

“What is it, what’s wrong?” Harry asks.

You take a deep breath and begin to explain why that might not happen often. “I don’t go into headspace much. When I was with my family they would just leave me alone and I’d wake up starving and a mess, and well, you can imagine. Or they’d do things to me because I couldn’t fight back. So I trained myself not to slip. Even now I try not to. It scares me to be so vulnerable. So just, please don’t be disappointed if I’m not as much of a little as you were hoping for.”

Neither of them answer you so you finally look up. You’re not prepared to see tears streaming down Harry’s face or swimming in Louis' eyes. Their reactions have you wanting to break down, but you can’t. Not now. Not yet. You look back at the papers in your lap and distract yourself by studying the rules until both doms have stopped their tears.

Louis is the first to speak. “Y/N, we don’t have any sort of expectations for you. If you do slip, or you don’t slip, that’s fine with us. We’re prepared to take care of you no matter what. Your safety and happiness is what matters.” Harry nods along with him to show that he agrees with everything Louis is saying.

“Thank you,” is all you manage to say. For now, you hope that it’s enough. 

“It’s been a long day,” Harry says. “And according to your schedule it’s time to get ready for bed. C’mon, we’ll head up with you.”

The three of you go upstairs, and the boys remain in your bedroom while you get ready in the bathroom. When you’re finished you see that they’ve pulled back the covers, and it looks so cozy and inviting.

“If you’re comfortable with it, we’d like to tuck you in each night,” Louis explains. “We feel it’s a good way for us to connect with you. Plus it just seems like a nice way to wind down at the end of the day.”

“I think I’d like that,” you answer. Sliding into bed, Harry tucks the blankets around you. There’s only a soft lamp on, casting a warm glow to the room. They tell you that you can come to their room if you need them, or you can press a button that’s on the bedside table that sends an alert to their phones. You feel so content and safe knowing that they’ll always be there if you need them. 

Before they go, they each press a gentle kiss to the top of your head, wishing you a good night and sweet dreams. It doesn’t take long for you to fall into a peaceful sleep, so content, and for the first time ever, so hopeful for your future.

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AN: Thank you for reading! Like I said, chapter 3 should be out tomorrow! I literally woke up this morning and decided to start it and now it's at 3.5K words and almost finished.

Next chapter here!

[chaifootsteps]

*sighs* Hello, Chai, this is Metallica Anon with a bit of a lengthy post. 🤘

It's been a while since you last heard from me. Mainly because I've been busy with life, getting sick with the flu earlier this month, and often times coming onto your Tumblr when the ask box is locked.

Last time you heard from me, I told you I was going to see Metallica live that weekend. I did... twice. I'll make the Metallica gushing brief. Both shows were fantástica and they had different setlists with no repeated songs. They even played "Leper Messiah" on the Friday show... which segways into the main subject of this rant.

Yep, I'm ranting about Viv again. More specifically, I have this issue involving her... *ahem*

Why can't I move on from her and her shows?!

Why am I still thinking about vile woman and her shit-shows? Why am I still reading fanfics and viewing or even commissioning fanart of her shows? Why am I still even dreaming about her shows?! It's like my mind is forever clouded in a thick red smog. I honestly can't fathom how I let myself become a fan of this demon drivel for four years. Granted, I did manage to break away, but the damage has been done. Right now, I'm feeling like Pearl from Steven Universe.

♪ It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on? ♪

I mentioned this to you before when S1 ended (which I still refuse to watch), but the one thing that Viv did that really detonated the H-bomb inside me was the twist of Vaggie being a former exterminator. I endured a lot of her shit, but somehow this was the final straw for me with Viv. Why? Was it because of its plot-hole laden ridiculousness? Was it because I perceived it as Viv sucking the fandom's dick by implementing fan theories into her show? Was it because it made me foolish that I didn't see this twist coming? I think the answer is all three, though mostly the fandom dick sucking part.

What's sadder is that I've had a similar experience with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Hell, it was late 2019 that I officially sent MLP:FIM to the glue factory while checking into the Hazbin Hotel. I guess history really does repeat itself. 😔

I know I've thanked you a lot, Chai, but I still feel the need to thank you for all you do. Frankly, you're the only person I feel comfortable talking to about my issues with Viv, despite the fact that we're likely thousands of miles apart. I'm actually terrified of mentioning anything Hellaverse related to my family or friends. Mainly because they would most likely not understand what I'm talking about, or I might inadvertently turn them into fans. 😬

Wowie-Kazowie, that was a load off of me being hard on myself. It's probably longest ask I ever sent you. Now I shall close this rant with a Metallica reference...

Viv, I dub thee unforgiven. 🖕

Hey, I get it, especially the dreaming part! It's annoying as hell, but you can't just switch off something that meant a lot to you...not when the quality dips or when the creator turns out to be an asshole, not even when it hurts you. The love stays with you forever, like HPV.

That's awesome that you got to see Metallica twice, though! At least the universe threw you that bone to make up for it.

[chippedshake]

Am I just fixing it just to break it?

Sodapop curses quietly as he gets up from the couch again. He could swear it hasn't been five minutes since he last stopped them from fighting, but they're at it again and now he has to talk them down. Again.

It's something stupid, for a change. Ponyboy hasn't done his homework for tomorrow and now he's peppering Darry with questions about the properties of... something.

"It was assigned last Friday, Pony, I don’t get why you're doing it now."

"Because I forgot! And your griping isn't helping any, it isn't gonna be done yesterday because you want it to be."

"But you can change your bad habits so it doesn't happen again. I swear, if I didn't see your report card, I'd think you just couldn't think."

"Can't you just lay off for once? Jesus, I just asked about what the octet rule was, it's not like I’m asking you to explain everything from scratch."

"No, I can't lay off, because if it was up to you, you'd singlehandedly ruin your whole future!"

Am I just hanging on, just so we can drown?

Is it even worth it, patching them up for them to just keep on fighting the next day? Is there any point to it? Or is he just pushing the same rock up the same hill every day only for gravity to beat him before he reaches the top?

Like the love we thought we found, no

When Darry had told them he was going to get custody over them, Soda had thought that it would bring them together. He never imagined sunshine and rainbows, but he thought they would become closer than they already were, have a bond forged in sweat and tears, not just blood.

But maybe it didn't count if the tears were cried alone and the sweat was just at work.

We're hoping that we don't just hit the ground

Every night, before he goes to sleep, Sodapop closes his eyes and prays that tomorrow will be different. He prays for his brothers to understand each other’s side, for them to finally listen to him, for them to finally see each other.

Because Soda may be stupid, but he's not delusional. He knows they won't last long like this, with fights every night about curfew and homework and dinner and textbooks. But there's no end in sight. How do you make someone see what they're desperately avoiding?

I've been pulling you close, but pushing me further

It takes him a couple months to realise he's lying to his brothers. He's pulling away, pretending like he's fine, like everything's fine, because he doesn't know any better.

It takes him a couple months to realise that his parents died too. That he's supposed to take time to grieve and get over their deaths on his own terms.

It takes him a couple months to realise that he doesn't even know himself anymore because he's been shoving his own feelings and thoughts down to make way for Darry and Ponyboy. Even when he's alone with Steve or Sandy, he doesn’t talk about his own feelings, only about Darry overworking and Ponyboy coming home late and the two of them fighting nonstop.

It takes him a couple months to realise why Sandy looks worried whenever they part ways and why Steve asks him how he is thirty times every time they meet up.

I've been holding it back, that I see you different

He still buys Pony a Pepsi whenever he comes to the DX and he still talks to Darry about the NFL, pretending like he knows (and cares) more than he really does. He still acts like he thinks they're his brothers, even though he can't help but hate them a bit for tearing him apart.

Sick of me remindin' you to love me like you say you do

"You going anywhere tonight, Pony?"

"Nope. Staying here."

There's no sound but the clinking of forks against plates.

"I'm going out with Sandy tonight, thanks for askin', Darry. Don't worry, I'll be back before it's too late, I know I gotta wake up early for work tomorrow," Soda says with a fake smile and faker cheer.

He's been trying telling the truth like it's a joke, lately, to see if it'll hit home somehow. Telling his brothers they're forgetting about him, that they aren't seeing him as an actual person anymore. "My day was good too, thanks for asking" and "since no one’s gonna ask anyway, lemme tell you about what happened to Steve today".

They aren't getting it and Soda's getting tired of having to remind them that he's their brother too, not just their middleman.

And I've been hurting myself to keep you from leaving

Sometimes, when Darry crosses a line, Sodapop can see Ponyboy's eyes dart around, calculating. He always starts with his backpack, then towards his room, his shoes, and then the door.

Darry never notices but Soda always does and that's how he knows he needs to intervene. Because if he doesn't say something to stop them, the argument will end with Ponyboy running out the door without even a coat on, which is the last thing they need right now.

So he'll always defend Ponyboy, even if he's wrong, because Darry would never leave but Ponyboy just might and he'll take a broken family held together by his own strength over two brothers who never speak.

I've been wonderin' whether we'll last the season

When Sodapop looks out the window one day and sees the snow melting, it feels like a miracle that he can still hear Ponyboy's steady breathing and Darry rummaging around the kitchen.

Wish we could've made this work

Five months later, Soda's running desperately because he can't make this work, he can't just be the glue that holds them together, because he couldn’t keep his parents there and he couldn’t keep Sandy there and he can't keep holding them together.

And, God, would he love to be able to say that he made it work. He would love to say that he found a way to make his brothers stop fighting, to make them remember that they love each other and don't need to argue about every little thing.

But he can't, because he's not enough and he never will be and sometimes he just wants to run away.

But now I know that I need more

"Golly, you two, it's bad enough having to listen to it, but when you start trying to get me to take sides... We're all we've got left. We ought to be able to stick together against everything. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything. If you don’t have anything, you end up like Dallas... and I don't mean dead, either. I mean the way he was before. And that's worse than dead. Please... don't fight anymore."

I need more

When Darry and Ponyboy listen to his little speech, he swears it's the first time they've really listened to him in eight months.

They tell him they'll do better, say they'll get along, that they won't wear him down anymore.

He tries his best to believe them and they race back home, laughing as they walk through the front door together.

[lvckygifs]

hello ! those of you that know me know that i don't really like to put things about my personal life on here , but i've been thinking about this for a while and got the news on friday that my sister will be going on long - term sick , so have decided to open gif pack commissions to help us out .

just a bit of background info , my sister dislocated her knee a couple of years ago and she's been struggling with it since . she didn't get the correct treatment or support to begin with , and each time she's been to see a doctor over it she just kept getting sent away with the advice of taking pain relief and that there was an 18 week waiting list for an MRI . long story short , her knee pretty much collapsed on her a few weeks back while she was at work . it's done the same before but this time was different , and after going to the hospital to get it checked over she was rushed through for an MRI . the results came back on thursday , and it turns out she has an ACL injury as well as something else i can't remember the name of , but she's going to need re - constructive surgery . we were hoping she would be able to still do office work while awaiting the surgery but it turns out that can't happen , and since it could be up to 4 months before she has the surgery as well as the recovery time afterwards , she'll be off work for a while and considering sick pay is nowhere close to her usual income , there's only me working currently . so with this happening , that's why i decided to open commissions , just so that there's another source of income to help get us through these next months since it'll be a long time before things will be returning back to normal ! i would really appreciate the help so please consider commissioning from me . as of right now , i have three spots open . i'll maybe add more in the future but i want to see how i go with three first . all information regarding commissions can be found here . i'm sorry this is long winded but i wanted to explain the situation ! i would really appreciate people reblogging this post to reach a wider audience <3 thank you !

[hywenhywen]

0.02 seasons - kim chaewon

warnings / notes - loosely based off of seasons by wave to earth, very sensitive topics / reader discretion advised, non-idol!chaewon, time skips, reader sucks at communicating, reader is very insecure / has low self-esteem

wc - 2.7k

“we can't go out anymore.” you said.

“what?” chaewon asked, stunned by your words.

“i need a break.” you replied, looking down at your feet.

“why?” she asked. “i thought we were doing fine, just yesterd-”

“i don't feel well.” you stated.

“did you get sick? have you taken medicine yet?”

“not like that chaewon.”

“so what,” she sighed. “we're going to go down the drain?”

“i don't find another solution to this.”

“i can help you. we'll get through this together."

“we can't. i cant.” you mumbled. “it's something i've carried with me since i was a child.”

tense silence filled the area. crickets could be heard chirping. your hands balled into tight fists, your knuckles turning white from the pressure. the feeling of guilt grew deeper inside you. maybe this all could've been avoided if you were a better person. this was all your fault in the end.

“don't ball your fists up like that, you'll hurt yourself.” chaewon said, reaching to place her hands over yours. “i know i can't change your mind, so please take care of yourself.”

you turned to look at her, regret already starting to settle in your heart. a tear flowed down your cheek, stoping at your chin. using your sleeve to wipe your cheek dry, you stood up suddenly. chaewon’s eyes followed your actions. she stood up as well.

“thank you for this year.” chaewon said, a sorrowful smile plastered on her face. “take care of yourself.”

chaewon turned the other way and began walking away. tears started to leak from your eyes, your actions having finally been processed by your mind. regret settled rapidly in your conscious and heart. your knees felt weak, your chest tightened, and things appeared to be spinning. your life was falling apart.

you did what you had to do. you always knew you weren't enough for chaewon. she was perfect and you were you. you would never amount to anything. that's what they all said, all the time.

friday, february 24, 12:03 am, 9 days after your break up. that was when you had finally gotten up from your bed. the streets were quiet, the light the street lamps emitted hurt your unaccustomed eyes. your body ached badly. you felt frail, as if a wrong step would make you crumble.

you stepped into your bathroom, opting to leave the light off, and stared at yourself in the mirror. you stood there, shell shocked. who was the person in the mirror? that surely couldn't be you. it had gotten bad, awfully bad.

you opened the faucet and let the water run for a bit. you rested your hands on the sink and let your head hang. you stayed like that for a while, the small amounts of water vapor brought you back to your senses. opening the cold water, you placed your hand under the still mildly hot water. the water stung for a while before it began to cool down.

your hands remained under the running water for a few moments before you splashed some water onto your face. the cool water soothed your burning skin. you continued to rub your face with the water in hopes that it would make you dissolve at some point. you did that for about five minutes, before your body began to ache even worse. you felt like you were bound to crumble from a single movement.

you weakly stumbled out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. your body moving on its own, paying to mind to all the alarms going off inside your mind. your arms reached for every piece of furniture, attempting to hold yourself up as you walked around your home. you only had a few more steps until you could reached the cupboard. then your legs finally gave up.

you fell onto the floor, the lack of nutrients finally taking its toll. with little energy left to spare, you remained on the floor and tried standing up, yet to no avail. you only managed to sit up again the fridge. tears began streaming down your cheeks, falling onto your hands. you remained still for a while, tears continuously pouring from your eyes.

after a while your crying had ceased. you continued to lean again the fridge, sniffles and running ac echoed across the room. you had managed to calm down and gathered all your strength. placing your hand on the counter, you tried to stand up once again. finally being able to stand, you dragged your feet towards the cupboard and reached for a cup.

having the cup in hand, you stumbled towards the water dispenser. you reached out and got some water. bringing the cup up to your lips slowly, you tipped your head back and began to drink the water. the water was cold and sent a shock through your body, it soothed your dry throat. you hastily finished the cup and moved to fill it again. finally feeling some relief you sighed loudly, as if you could breathe again.

you had decided to keep your word to chaewon. you were going to take care of yourself. you were going to get better for her, even if it meant going through hell and back. you wanted to be your best for chaewon. it was certainly going to be tough, but with the amount of love your heart had for her, nothing was impossible.

it had been nine months since that day. they say time heals. not for you, nothing ever went your way. time refused to help you. surprisingly, you had managed to keep yourself in decent shape.

keeping chaewon’s words close to your heart, you pushed your limits and tried your hardest. you did your best to be better, for her. you never managed to fix your mindset though, you only learned to tune it out, to avoid it. everyday was a struggle. all you wanted to do was stay in bed, not moving a single muscle.

even breathing had become a nightmare. mundane tasks became struggles. the first week you were bed bound, you didn't leave your room for a while. your phone laid dormant on your nightstand. it went off every few hours.

friends texted, wondering where you were, if you were ok. your parents called after not hearing from you for a few days. only the furniture in your apartment bore witness to the calamitous events. you had memorized the pattern of your ceiling. the feeling of your sheets, the motion of the wind, the way your chest aches when breathing.

you struggled with yourself all the time. you wanted to fall back into the same habit, just doing enough. you felt miserable every time. the same routine everyday. wake up, wash your face and brush your teeth, eat breakfast, go to work. the afternoon wasn't very different, aside from doing something productive and new every wednesday.

your alarm began to ring, you pulled an all-nighter again. you rolled over to face your alarm, quickly turning it off. you groaned and slowly sat up. you stretched a bit before swinging your legs off the side of the bed. you yawned and stood up from the bed.

you made your way to the bathroom and turned on the water. lukewarm water worked best for mornings like this. you splashed some water onto your face before drying your face off and grabbing your toothbrush. applying the recommended portion on the bristles you began brushing your teeth. you finished after about five minutes and walked to the kitchen opting to drink coffee for today's breakfast.

starting the coffee machine, you had about 15 minutes for the coffee to be done. walking back to your room you grabbed your regular attire and got dressed. you grabbed your bag and placed it near the door, a few seconds later you heard the coffee machine end. moving towards the kitchen your grabbed a thermos and poured the coffee into it. you added sugar to taste and left the lid open so it could cool a bit.

you grabbed your phone and saw you had a message from sakura.

y/n

are we still on for breakfast?

a look of shock adorned your face, sakura rarely asked to go out, typically opting for home cooked meals. your shocked washed away when you realized what day it was. you had made plans with her the night you went to the river.

ofc kkura

i'll see you in a bit

you quickly rushed out the door and haphazardly grabbed your things. you made your way downstairs and towards the bus stop. you tossed things into your bag, tightly holding your steaming coffee to avoid spilling. you reached the bus stop and sat down on one of the benches. you set your coffee down and organized your bag quickly.

the bus arrived a few minutes after you had finished organizing your bag. when the bus doors opened you stood up, grabbed your things and got on. you opted to sit all the way in the back, right next to a window. you brought your thermos up to your lips, the coffee emitted a comfortable amount of heat to contrast the cold november morning. carefully tipping the cup, you took a reasonable sip.

the coffee warmed you up rapidly. you continued to drink very cautiously, not wanting to ruin your clothes this early. turning your head towards the window, you observed the scenery. young and older schoolchildren walked towards the nearby school building. most were dressed in thick and heavy coats, others wore simple jackets.

you continued to look out the window, taking in your surroundings and sipping on your warm coffee. you relaxed momentarily and took a deep breath.

“i could get used to this.”

you picked up your phone and scrolled through your social media, liking photos and videos occasionally. you turned your phone off and continued looking out the window, counting all the trees you saw. the silence on the bus soon got boring so you put on your headphones and played your favorite songs. humming and tapping your foot along to the beat, a smile grew on your face. this was one of the most relaxing mornings so far.

you arrived at your stop soon enough, you collected your things, payed the fare, and walked towards a medium sized café. you opened the door and you saw sakura at a table in the far left corner. you walked towards her, taking your headphones off and putting them away. you walked up to the table and pulled the chair out a bit.

“sorry i'm late.” you said, hanging your bag on the chair. “it completely slipped my mind.”

“it's fine, i just got here a few minutes ago.” she said.

“do you know what you want?” you asked. “it's my treat.”

“oh don't worry about paying, i can pay for it,” sakura said, waving you off. “but yeah, i know what i want.”

“want to go order?” you said, standing up offering her your hand.

she nodded and took your hand. you made small talk while waiting in line. you cracked a few jokes and laughed a bit. after a bit, you finally got to order. you somehow managed to convince sakura to let you pay.

the cashier let you know that it would be out in a bit and that they'd call you when it was done. sakura led you back to the table you had been sitting at. this time you sat down facing the door, rather than facing the wall. you two continued talking for a while before the door of the café opened. you turned your head a little to see who came in.

it was chaewon.

your heart immediately started to race, your vision became blurry, and your breathing was erratic. sakura took notice and turned to look towards the door, once she noticed who it was she turned back to you. she waved her hand in front of your face for a bit. you never noticed her, so she began shaking your shoulders and calling your name. that had managed to catch your attention.

“y/n!” she exclaimed. “are you ok?”

you nodded your head, looking back towards the door. you looked around for a bit before finding chaewon at a booth, presumably waiting for someone. at that moment, the cashier called your name and placed your drinks on the counter. you stood up to grab them. you used that moment as a chance to get a better look.

to your surprise, chaewon seemed fine, almost as if nothing had ever happened. you set the cups down and sat down, clearing your throat in the process.

“sorry about that.” you apologized.

“you don't need to apologize.” sakura started. “i know how it feels, it's not a pleasant feeling.”

you started a conversation, hoping that it would momentarily distract you. it managed to work and you got carried away. the café’s door opened once again. your head snapped to look at who it was. it was a young woman.

from the corner of your eye you saw chaewon stand up and wave the woman over. your eyes followed the woman. once she reached chaewon you saw her place a kiss on her cheek. your jaw dropped and your heart began to ache. you blinked slowly then stood up from your chair.

your hand rested on your chest as you walked out of the café, experiencing many different emotions at once. sakura grabbed your things and quickly followed behind you. once she had reached you, her hand moved towards yours.

“y/n.” she said. “what happened?”

“she,” you said in a breathless voice. “she kissed someone.”

“chaewon did?” she asked, a look of shock adorned her face. “she never mentioned someone.”

you held your head in your hands, attempting to steady your breathing. all the breathing exercises you had learnt were futile, your breathing was inconsistent. at some point you began to wheeze, you felt your throat slowly close. you gasped for air and reached for sakura. she seemed to be panicking, worried for you, yet seemingly not knowing what to do.

you shut your eyes tightly and continued gasping for air. you reached for anything nearby, trying to find something to hold onto. you fumbled with the top button on your shirt, hoping it would help you breathe. sakura in a moment of pure desperation, tapped your back lightly, almost as if she was trying to make you cough. you began to cough, finally being able to breathe.

you took a deep gasp and turned to look at sakura. you smiled weakly at her and continued coughing lightly. sakura attempted to comfort you by rubbing your back.

“you scared me.” she said.

“sorry about that kkura.” you muttered. “i didn't know i'd get like this.”

“you don't need to apologize. it could've happened to anyone after what you saw.” she said.

“how'd she move on that quickly?” you asked, looking straight at sakura.

“no clue.” she replied. “people cope differently, maybe even heal quicker than others.”

you shrugged and sighed.

“i was just thinking that maybe in the future we could've gotten back together.” you chuckled weakly.

“don't give up, the chance might come someday.” sakura said, nudging you with her elbow.

“i'll try not to, i really do love her.” you said. “i think i should head home, don't feel too well.”

“if you need anything don't hesitate to call me.” sakura said. “i'll be here for you.”

“thanks kkura.” you said, pulling her into your arms and hugging her tightly. “we should eat together soon.”

“of course, somewhere farther though.” she laughed.

“i'll look forward to it.” you said, walking off in the direction of your house.

you decided to walk home rather than taking the bus. you opened your bag and got your headphones. the music put your mind at ease and let you relax for a moment. you placed your hand over your heart and faintly felt your heartbeat. your favorite part of the song was coming up.

once the part arrived you muttered the phrase.

“i’ll give you all my life,”

“my seasons.”

you were always going to wait for chaewon, even if it took you many lifetimes.

in the end, she would always be your love.

back to shore | 0.03

[anamoon63]

Hi guys, I am writing this in case anyone wonders why I have been kind of MIA lately. No, I haven't forgotten you, but I have had a difficult week, more than a difficult week, I have been through a real ordeal. Where or how it started it's a long story which I don't have the time or the energy to tell, so I'll just share a brief chronology of what happened during this past week.

Friday May 3 - I turned in my finished work and set out to do my sims posts, play and rest for the weekend since more work would be coming my way on Monday.

Saturday May 4 - My husband came down with the flu, I spent most of the day with him in the emergency room.

Sunday May 5 - I spent it taking care of my husband, who fortunately no longer had a fever. I barely slept two hours at night giving care and medication.

Monday 6 May - My birthday, we couldn't go out for dinner as usual, so we celebrated at home.

Tuesday, May 7 - My son comes down with the flu, too, another afternoon in the ER and sleepless night caring for him and bringing down his fever.

Wednesday, May 8 - My son starts to feel better, and begins to recover very quickly. I start working on the following translations, at the same time I take care of both my husband and my sick son, do food, laundry, order home medicines, and all kinds of small chores, including disinfecting things. It's like going back to 2020.

Thursday, May 9 - My husband no longer has a fever but does have a cough that won't go away and minor problems with his asthma.

Friday, May 10 - Mother's Day, my son was feeling fine, my husband still had a cough, and had a doctor's appointment at noon, when he returned, we celebrated at home just like on my birthday, I spent the rest of the day working, and juggling a thousand other things. In the evening my daughter started to feel sick, but still no fever.

Saturday, May 11 (yesterday) - My daughter woke up with a fever, another visit to the ER. She was prescribed flu medicine, painkillers and rest, and sent home.

And that's my odyssey so far. On top of it all, from Wednesday through Saturday we were in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures of 37ºC with real feel of up to 45ºC; at night we get a "cooler" temperature of 29ºC. So imagine a person with a fever of 38 ºC and with this heat, obviously it's not of much help.

Surprisingly, I haven't gotten sick so far, but I'm not claiming victory. I have been taking care of my family for a week, sleeping two or three hours a night, getting up at different times to check on them, or give them medicine. I don't have time for getting sick! Lol. Thankfully, everyone is better and last night for the first time in a week I was able to sleep straight through. Honestly, I don't need many hours of sleep, but I am routinely and usually I am in bed a 11 pm and up at 8 am every day, so all this did upset my sleep cycle a little bit.

Anyway, that is the reason why I wasn't here much, since the whole day I was too busy, and at night I was so tired all I wanted was to go to bed. I apologize if I've fallen behind on your updates, I'm not ignoring you in any way, I just didn't have the strength or the time, not even to play The Sims. If I did, it was just a little free play to distract myself.

Last week I told you that I was juggling a lot of things, well now I have even more things, lol, at times I feel really exhausted, and even a little cranky from lack of sleep, the first few days my feet and legs hurt so much from going back and forth, but I'm fine, healthy, and in good spirits. Today I believe, as never before, that the universe does not send you more than you can handle.

At this point my family is already in recovery, if I don't get sick too, it's likely by I'll be able to get back to my simming routine. Now, if I do get sick, I hope to recover as quickly as the others. Whatever happens, I'll be around. Know that, even if I don't comment, I read you, and I am with you, especially with those who are going through difficult times of any kind.

Ok, I said to myself this was going to be a short post, but I made a wall of text instead (for a change). My apologies if it's written in a sloppy or confusing way, I just wanted to write it quickly to let you know where I have been and what has been going on with me these days. I hope you are all well, please take care of yourselves, health is a treasure that can be lost at any moment, the flu is a nasty disease, we must never let our guard down and forget to take the necessary measures to prevent it.

Last, but not least, I want to thank all of you who have mentioned me, tagged me, sent me asks and/or stars to my inbox, commented and/or liked what few posts I could do these days, I appreciate it very much and I'll try to reply to you as soon as I can, though I've fallen so far behind that I don't know if I'll be able to find your mentions in my notifications. In any case, thank you very, very much to all of you for thinking about me in my absence. 💗 I'll see you soon, hopefully, with more sim adventures, stay tuned!

[icegirl03]

Be mine forever?

Pairing: Iceman x fem!reader

Summary:Ice decides to make things official by proposing,but how will he arrange the perfect proposal?

Tw: fluff,kissing,crying

This was requested by the lovely @deanscroissant 🩷

•••••••••••••••••••♡♡♡••••••••••••••••••

It has been 8 years since you've known Ice and 5 years since you two started dating. After everything going smoothly you both decided to live together and share a cozy home close to the Top Gun base in Miramar.

You came home from work one Friday only to see that Ice came early,which never occurred because of his job he always came home later.

What was even more surprising was his effort to actually make dinner,not that he didn't cook for you,but he loved it much more when you made home cooked meals for him.

"Tommy?What's going on why are you home early?What's all this for?" You asked walking in front of him as he wrapped you in his arms. A red shade was all over his cheeks,which was a sign that he was either sick or scared.

"Hi my love" Tom coos as he brushes your hair away from your face. "Believe it or not we finished early today,Mav fucked up with some weird flying" he smiles as you nod.

"...you're not sick are you?" You raise a brow and look at him,still almost not believing what he said.

"What?No baby,anyway go freshen up and try the dinner I made" he says kissing your forehead and returning to give dinner the finishing touches.

Dinner went smoothly,as usual. You were both catching up on each others day,cracking jokes in between and just enjoying each others company. After dinner you got up to do the dishes,but Tom had other things in mind. He grabbed your arm and pulled you to him.

"Care to join for a dance?" You just looked at him,caught by surprise.

"Do me the honor,cmon" Tom says,somethings about his eyes made you feel that he couldn't take no for an anser,of course you joined him.

You and Tom both loved this song,it represented perfectly your love. You give Tom a big smile and he reaches your hand to pull you into his embrace. You both softly sway to the rhythm.

"..but just one look was all it took"

He whispered the lyrics in your ear as you giggle and turn around to face him. He spins you and you both laugh.

"Now im the type of girl who understands my man,ill be strong when he's weak I will hold his hand"

You sang to him and you both enjoyed the song more than everyone else. Ice knew that no one understands him better than you and how you always are there for him even when he's weak. Of course he has the image of a strong unbreakable man,the best of the best,but you brought up this side of him and made him realise that it's okay to be weak sometimes,because you would always be there for him. He knew he found his soul mate,you meant the world to him and he didn't want to waste more time,he wanted to start the rest of his life with you.

The song came to an end,Ice spinned you one last time and you covered your face,holding your cheeks as they felt sore from all the smiling.

The moment you open your eyes you see Tom in one knee,holding a little black box with a ring inside. You can't believe your eyes.

Tom's eyes were watery,more clear than ever,a genuine look on his face,a look that only you had the privilege to see.

"Y/N I've known you for a long time,and the only thing I can say is I'm so in love with you and that love grows everyday. I'm happy to wake up next to you,and happy to come home to you every day. I realised I can't live without you when I was deployed. You're the reason I am such a happy man. You complete me,and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,have a family with you and celebrate you and with you. Will you please marry me?" He took a deep breath and his head sunk down,shoulders shaking for a moment as his emotions took over him.

At this point you didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore. All you knew was that he was the one for you and you never were so sure about something before.

You get on your knees to his level and cup his face. "Yes Tom I will marry you!Yes yes yes a million times yes!" He hugged you for what seemed like hours,but you both enjoyed that. He put the ring on your finger and you gasped.

"Tommy! This looks really expensive, you didn't have to go all out!"

"Bullshit,there wasn't anything more expensive in that shop,if there was it would be on your finger" he winked and kissed your lips "Only the best for my best girl,or should I say the soon to be Y/N Kazansky?"

Before you could reply you hear a *violent* knock on the door,it sounded like a group of people. You go to open it and Slider,Maverick,Goose and Carole all hugged you until you felt like you could breathe.

"CONGRATULATIONS YOU TWO" Carole said as she grabbed your face and kissed both your cheeks "Trust me I know a man when he's in loooove,and that Kazansky is sooo in love with you!" She says and everyone enters the living room and all of you celebrate that night, until Ice had enough and told everyone to fuck off,he wanted to spend some alone time with his future wife.

••••••••••♡♡♡••••••♡♡♡••••••••••••••

Authors note: the song was requested,so I tried my best to make the scenario :)

It's longer than I expected,sorry!

I hope you enjoyed this! Mama cherry loves u🩷

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

[pudding-parade]

@echoweaver

Figured I'd do this this way instead of adding to the comment pile. :) I should've made a separate post with my whining, but…meh. What's done is done.

But yeah, not so much "medical drama" as just…stuff. I had a liver transplant in September. I haven't specifically talked much about it here because...I don't know. I guess I thought if I didn't talk about it it would be less...I don't want to say "depressing," because I'm not depressed, and I don't want to conflate being temporarily down in the dumps with depression. Maybe "difficult" is the right word.

Anyway...I've needed a transplant for about 10 years, my original having been badly damaged by asymptomatic hepatitis C that I unknowingly had, until the damage started making me really sick. I probably originally contracted it from a blood transfusion I had in the 80s, before they tested donated blood for Hep C. Medication as well as a special diet and supplements helped with the symptoms of a failing liver for a while, but this past spring things started to go downhill more quickly and the meds, etc. weren't helping as much.

I had a matching living donor, a relative of my husband's, who wanted to do it and who was finally approved for it. (She'd been deemed too young before.) And I was at the point of, "Do it now or else you won't be healthy enough later to survive the surgery/recovery." So, I did it. And like I said, I know it will be good in the long run, but right now it just kind of sucks. (Though it is nice to be not quite so yellow. I actually have eye whites now, yay! And I look less like a character from The Simpsons. Also also, I can legitimately say that I'm part Mexican now. LOL )

I'll spare you/everyone the gorier details, but I spent almost three weeks (as opposed to the one-week-or-so that's normal for transplants) in the ICU due to rejection issues (which is why my immunosuppressant dose was very high), and then once finally released I was under a "no contact" rule. As in, no contact with anyone but my husband, who was also not allowed contact with other people or else he wouldn't be allowed contact with me. (Thank goodness DoorDash exists now or I don't know what we would have done for food.) The only time I could leave this place was to go directly to a car to be driven directly to a doctor's office where they have a special process/set-up for people in my situation, and it's just nuts. People who went batty during covid lockdowns had it easy compared to this.

So it's been….rough. I don't really care about not being able to see people so much, frankly, but I do not like being cooped up inside. My latent claustrophobia has become not-so-latent of late. At home, I can sit out on the deck or I can wander about or ride my horse for miles in the wilderness without seeing another soul, but not here in a city. Cities suck. If I'd had more time to arrange things I would've at least rented a place with a patio/balcony, but since it was very short-notice, what we have is the best we could get, and it's not very good.

The good news is it's getting better. My immunosuppressant dosages are being lowered and I have no signs of rejection yet, so… *fingers crossed* And I'm down to twice-a-week appointments instead of literally every weekday. So, as of this past Friday I'm now allowed incidental contact, which means I can walk the streets or be at outdoor venues if I stay away from people, especially children (because they go to day care/school and tend to carry all sorts of interesting illnesses), as much as possible, but I can't be indoors for long periods with lots of people, so no stores, movie theaters, restaurants, etc. But this is why we're considering a zoo trip tomorrow. My doctors probably would consider it more than "incidental contact," but at least it's outdoors, close by, and it shouldn't be too crowded since it's winter and the kids aren't out of school for Christmas yet. They also have wheelchair or scooter rentals, so I don't have to walk the whole thing, and I would just be happy to be out in an environment other than a doctor's office for a day. So, I'm pretty sure we're going to do it. Because fuck it.

But anyway. Yeah, I'm trying to be more active online. It was hard for a while because with a giant healing abdominal incision and bruised-up everything, sitting up for long periods of time was a no-go, but I'm doing much better on that front. I've actually been playing No Man's Sky more than Sims, just because it's a space exploration game that makes me feel more like I'm "out there" than Sims does. But, I'm also trying to get back into the simblr momentum. I want to get back to playing the Random Legacy I started, because I can post about that more easily than the weird-o saves I usually play. LOL It's just hard to feel motivated right now, I guess. But we'll get there.

And you know what? For a movie that's supposed to be a comedy, Lilo & Stitch makes me bawl my eyes out. And that scene that I quoted is the "worst" in that regard. But it's still one of my favorite movies. :)

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

ZMAN CHEIRUSEINU aka "I'M the terrible communicator!?!?!?!!"

Dear Future Husband,

I hope nobody ever quizzes me on this blog because there are so many things that I've started and stopped writing that never got posted that I literally never remember what I've actually put here...

Not that that's really fully relevant to what I was thinking about writing now, but I currently have two unfinished posts in my drafts folder (amidst 25 others that will probably never get posted) that are just a recap of this year so far.

Because I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare.

Explaining what's going on right now is kind of problematic because I haven't provided the lengthy backstory yet (which is one of the drafts I have yet to finish...)

Suffice to say, MotherLivelyHeart is being a nightmare to me again.

I think I've shared before that MLH and I share a vehicle? If not... yeah, we share a car. I'll have to look through my posts to see if I've explained that situation before, because that's one more thing to check off the "my life absolutely f*ing sucks" list.

Usually this isn't the worst thing in the world because we operate on different schedules and there isn't much crossover when it comes to who needs the car when, and when there is I usually drop her off somewhere, do what I need to do, and pick her up after.

For the record, I HATE when she offers the opposite because I have a history of being abandoned in places waiting for her to pick me up and it gives me such severe anxiety.

So last week on Sunday I asked MLH what her plans were for the next day. I asked this because I overheard a phone call she received on Friday from the dentist's office about an appointment she had on Monday at noon that she hadn't told me anything about and I knew if I was going to ever find out she was going to take the car, I would have to be the one to ask her. So I asked. And wouldn't you believe it, she had a dentist appointment on Monday at noon! Shocker.

Now, I'd been out of work since the beginning of January (again, details will hopefully be in another post) so I had a lot to take care of at work last Monday and I told her that.

We agreed she would have the car for her appointment and I would take the car to work when she got home.

Come Monday afternoon, suddenly everything has changed.

You see, her boss called in sick and she had the day off because she has a specific job that requires her to work alongside her boss and if he doesn't work, she doesn't work.

So she had the day off. Joy.

Of course, did she tell this to me directly? No.

Did she message me this information? No.

I'm just supposed to approach her and ask, "hey, did your boss call in sick and give you the day off?" I guess.

So she went to her appointment and ran some errands and called me while she was still out. Apparently some specific water bottles she can only get in like two places were available at one store about 20 minutes away from our house and she placed a pickup order so she could get them before they were sold out. The order had to be picked up between like 2:30-3:30pm and she called me at around 1:30.

Great.

She picked a pickup time that was directly during the time I was supposed to be at work.

Which she knew.

Because I told her this literally the day before.

So I told her fine. She should do the pickup order and when she got back I would take the car to work.

"Well, I also wanted to go swimming."

*Deep breath* Ok, what time is swimming?

"From 2-9pm."

At this point I didn't know how long I'd be at work because one of the things I had to take care of could be like 4-6 hours and I didn't know if there would be enough time when I was done to get home and let her get to the pool with enough time to swim before they closed.

"Ok, well why don't you go swimming, do the pickup order, and then I'll take the car to work?"

"Well, I want to come home and eat something first."

Ok. So now, what was supposed to be my time to take the car is going to be "stolen" by her coming home (15 minutes), eating something (15 minutes), going to swim (40 minutes), getting the pickup order (30 minutes), and coming back home (20 minutes).

This is TWO HOURS off of my time.

WHICH I HAD TOLD HER I NEEDED LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE.

So she came home, ate something, and changed into her bathing suit. She left around 2pm for the pool.

I assumed at this point I'd hear from her around 3:30pm that she was around the corner.

But 3:30 came and went.

4:00pm came and went.

4:30pm came and went.

5:00pm came and BigSis messaged that she would be done at work in an hour and could either of us give her a ride home?

MOTHERF@*$%^#$ER

So it's been three hours without an update from MLH, but then she responds "I should be on my way back from the pickup order then."

EXCUSE ME!?!?!?!

She left for the pool at 2pm. THREE HOURS have gone by and she hasn't even gotten the pickup order that was supposed to be picked up between 2:30-3:30pm!?!?!?!!?!?

But she tells me that I'M a terrible communicator.

I was supposed to get the car by 1:30pm latest. It was now after 5pm and I STILL hadn't gotten to work yet.

As much as I hate when she offers to drop me off at work so she can take care of things that will take a few hours, SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME THAT. She made it seem like I would have the car all afternoon to take care of what I needed to at work. And when her plans shifted, she made it seem like I'd have the car by 3:30pm latest.

And let me remind you THAT I TOLD HER THE DAY BEFORE WHAT MY SCHEDULE WAS SO THAT THIS S*** WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

But I'M the terrible communicator.

At that point I was so frickin annoyed already. MLH messaged me "should I get her or just come home" and I was so peeved I said "just get her because if you come home and I take the car I'm not picking her up."

She didn't respond to that message.

Great.

No thumbs up. No "ok." Just nothing.

Then at 6:12pm I get a message from her "car's downstairs in front."

So no message from BigSis that MLH had picked her up and they were heading home. No "we're around the corner." No nothing except over an hour later "take it."

BUT I'M THE TERRIBLE COMMUNICATOR!?

At that point it was too late for me to do some of the things I needed to take care of for work because, again, I was supposed to have been there FIVE HOURS EARLIER. And a friend messaged and asked if I could go with her to Costco, so I said to hell with it and I went to Costco with her.

While I was at Costco I messaged both MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis about what I was getting so we were all on the same page. Included in that message was eggs because, well, I was getting eggs.

I got home at like 10pm and MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis were already asleep. I made a couple of mini salami kugels with some spinach that oddly floated to the top, waited for them to cool, tried 1/4 of one before sticking them in the fridge.

Next morning I open the fridge and there's a new carton of 1.5 dozen eggs. Because apparently MLH went to the supermarket early in the morning and got eggs because "we were out."

DESPITE ME LITERALLY MESSAGING THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT I WAS BUYING EGGS AT COSTCO.

Oh, but it gets better. Because the salami kugel I had tasted the night before was missing.

BigSis was working from home so I asked her about it and she said she had no clue.

So I asked MotherLivelyHeart about it, thinking maybe it slipped out of the fridge, smashed, and she threw it out.

But no.

Guess who ate it.

Yep, the woman who has been suffering from gout and avoiding meat for the better part of a year.

The woman who saw it in the fridge and said to herself "oh, that's one of the broccoli kugels LivelyHeart made for herself for Shabbos that she said wasn't good. I guess I'll eat that for breakfast without asking her if she really doesn't want it because although she's on a weird diet right now, there's no way she's made a meal plan for herself that includes this food item she made for herself."

Because, did she message me to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Did she knock on my door to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Halfway through eating it she realized it was salami.

And she still finished the whole thing.

And still at NO POINT did she message me AT ALL to even tell me that she ate it.

I had to find out by inquiring OF HER.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR!?!?!?!

I shouldn't be mad.

It's just food, after all, right?

Except that it's not.

It's a frickin pattern of carelessness and disregard for me as a person.

And I'm so frickin sick of it.

I'm so damn tired.

It wouldn't have killed her to ask.

It wouldn't have killed her to apologize.

And what I haven't really explained here (because again, that's in a draft post) is that I've been on an elimination diet since January 1st which has cut most things from my available food selections.

But is she on an elimination diet?

Nope.

So we have a HOUSEFUL, a PANTRYFUL, and a FRIDGEFUL of food she can eat.

And she chooses the ONE thing I made FOR ME.

Which she KNEW I made for ME.

Instead of the MYRIAD OF THINGS that she can eat that I can't.

Which means that she's not only taken a meal from me, but now I'm at a food deficit from the fridge while she lives in abundance.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

So let's leap forward to today.

Today was Shabbos mevorchim. Pesach is in two weeks.

And MotherLivelyHeart decided we are going to change over the kitchen two weeks ahead this year.

So she scheduled her cleaning lady to come tomorrow (Sunday) to help clean the kitchen so it can be turned over.

Did she take into account that this would be motzei Shabbos and that we'd have to make Shabbos and that would involve dirty dishes and use of the stove/oven and pots and pans?

Yeah, no.

Did she take into account that the way she wants to clean the oven requires the oven to be self-cleaned before and after which takes a good several hours and creates so much smoke that we'd have to keep the windows open and also it's like 40F right now and she also wanted to go to sleep early because the cleaning lady is coming at like 8am?

Yeah, no.

BigSis went over the oven cleaning thing with her and she exclaimed "are you kidding me?! Then why am I having the cleaning lady come tomorrow?!"

BECAUSE YOU SCHEDULED HER WITHOUT CONSULTING US.

BECAUSE THERE WAS NO COMMUNICATION.

DO YOU SEE A FRICKIN THEME HERE!?!?!!?

Oh, but there's more. Because there's always more.

Thursday was another nightmare day for various reasons. One of which was that I ran errands with MotherLivelyHeart.

She scheduled an appointment for smackdab in the middle of the time I told her I'd be working.

YES. AGAIN.

And she wanted to drop me off at work and pick me up when I was done.

Well absofrickinlutelynot, thankyouverymuch.

I was supposed to work until 6pm.

I had told customers I would be available until 6pm.

Her appointment was scheduled for 6pm.

So of course "I need the car at 5:30pm."

She wanted to drive me to work earlier so that she could take the car at 5:30pm to her appointment that wouldn't be done until 7pm and then come get me an hour and a half after I was done working.

But I was supposed to trust that she wouldn't run errands or dilly dally around and that she'd actually get me at 7:30pm, which we know is never the case.

So I told her no, I'd be taking the car to work. But I would notify the customers I'd only be there until 5:30pm, at which point I'd get her and drive her to her appointment. Then while she was in her appointment I could do the Shabbos shopping, since it seemed pointless to have to wait for her to come home again before I could go out and shop.

For various reasons, we had three stores we needed to go to, one of which was about 20 minutes in the opposite direction of where her appointment was. I figured I could go there first, then on my way back to get her I could run by the other two stores, get her and then we'd go straight home.

But no.

Because it was raining and people apparently don't know how to drive in the rain. So despite me taking the highway, which should have cut like 10 minutes out of the ride each way, it took me about 30 minutes to get to that first store, which I was in for maybe 10 minutes, and as I was checking out MLH messaged "my appointment is almost over, where are you at?"

So all I had time for was turning around and going straight to get her.

Which, fine, whatever.

One of the stores we went to literally just for chicken.

And it was chicken for her because she wanted a specific type of breaded chicken for Shabbos.

So I figured I'd run into the store and grab it while she stayed in the car.

But no.

Because while I was unbuckling, she was unbuckling. Because she decided to come in.

So she went to look at side salads and I went to the chicken section where I waited but she never showed up.

Then I get a message from her.

"Where are you?"

Excuse me???? WHERE ARE YOU, WOMAN???

I told her I was at the chicken section waiting for her and she said "I already checked out. I'm going back to the car."

WE LITERALLY WENT TO THIS STORE TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

SHE CAME IN WITH ME.

PRESUMABLY TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

But she's checked out already!? WITH WHAT!?

Oh. Apparently something to eat. Because she's hangry.

Which she, OF COURSE, DID NOT TELL ME.

Fine. Whatever.

So I bought her frickin chicken.

And then on the way home she got mad at me about three driving-related things that were out of my control (like the car started making a weird noise that might be the muffler, and there was a huge pothole I couldn't avoid, and I was coming to a stop at an intersection when some lady rounded the corner quickly and we barely missed colliding...) which resulted in her yelling at me that she hates the way I'm driving.

So, yeah, that was a fun ride home.

*EYEROLL*

Anyway, on the way to her appointment she said "we never worked out a Shabbos menu."

I told her the same thing I've told her almost every week over the last three months: I'm eating differently from you guys, so you just tell me what you want and I'll grab it from the store, because I already have set aside what I'm going to eat.

And she tells me "my boss has off tomorrow, so I can cook."

Which is perfectly fine in my eyes because I'm still recovering from an injury (again, that's one of the drafted posts...) and I also had a horrendous cold for the previous two weeks so I'm still trying to get back to baseline. Any pressure off me is appreciated.

We basically worked out that for shabbos we'd do a big soup for Friday night (which I would make), then she wanted chicken (obvs) and I had bought green beans at Costco I told her she could have, and then Shabbos lunch would be fish and salady stuff.

Well, Friday rolls around.

The day already sucked because I tried adding some vegetables back into my diet during the week that are apparently problematic for my digestion. Fun.

But then MotherLivelyHeart decides to stick to her arbitrary Pesach cleaning schedule which says to clean the milchig dishes she's had piling up all week. So of course she decides to do this at like noon and doesn't finish the job and there are still milchig dishes in the sink at 3pm when I need to go in and make the soup.

Add onto that, one of my "chores" is the pareve dishes, some of which have been piling up too and also need to be done, which she feels the need to remind me of, despite her milchig dishes still filling the sink.

So I go in around 3pm and just start cooking, using the small bit of counter space that's available to me.

She decides that's the perfect time to finish the milchig dishes.

FINE. WHATEVER.

She gets them out of the way and reminds me YET AGAIN about the pareve dishes.

FINEWHATEVER.

So around 4pm I'm back in the kitchen, doing the pareve dishes, of which I only got about half done because it was causing pain and I still had to cook.

So I pivoted and did the soup.

But nothing else had been cooked yet.

So I made the green beans.

And I had to separate the soups so I could add things to theirs that I can't eat.

At this point I'm still annoyed from her the day before, my insides are so unhappy with the newly tested foods, I'm in pain from the injury, and I'm trying to cook for Shabbos.

Around 6pm I asked BigSis if she could help with the chicken. She was like "I STILL HAVE TO SHOWER!!!" As though she didn't have all day for that and somehow me needing help is my fault. She said "if you had asked me like three hours ago I could have done it."

Except that three hours ago, the milchig dishes were still filling up the sink, so.... what exactly do you expect from me!?

Sometime a little earlier when MotherLivelyHeart had been in the kitchen it was clear I wasn't doing so well and she asked what was wrong and I described the pain and she was like "I'm sorry" and then disappeared.

So then she gets a "20 minutes to candle lighting" alarm on her phone, and she's been trying to light early in zchus of the hostages and chayalim, so she calls out "20 minutes to licht benchen." Which I responded to but she didn't hear, obviously, because she yelled again "LivelyHeart, did you hear me!?"

To which I responded an annoyed "YES!!" and she was like "you don't have to talk to me that way! I clearly didn't hear you. And BigSis and I can make Shabbos on our own, you know."

Which, MYGODWOMAN. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO.

My responsibility based on our conversation was the soup.

ZE HU.

SHE was supposed to do the chicken and the green beans and whatever else they wanted.

So now she's annoyed at me because I'm annoyed at her for not doing the thing she was supposed to do, but I'M the one in the wrong.

FINE. Whatever.

In the end I didn't do the chicken.

I literally didn't have the strength for it, let alone the energy.

Not that it was really missed at the meal, but she was a bit annoyed and gave me that same "BigSis and I can cook for Shabbos on our own, you know." To which I responded "You said you were going to cook." I literally don't even remember what her response was.

Well, fast forward through Shabbos to tonight because I asked her if she wanted the chicken for melava malka or if we should stick it in the freezer for a week since it's KFP.

She wanted it for melava malka.

Which, fine, whatever.

I told her if she could bread it, I would cook it.

She got gloves, she got bowls, she got the chicken, and she got eggs.

She did not get the other ingredients she needed for the breading. Or a plate to put it on. Or a fork.

She sat down at the table and then asked me to get the other ingredients.

Which, fine. Whatever.

I got an interesting piece of mail that I'll discuss in another post when I know more what's going on with it, but it basically called my attention to research something. So I was on my computer off to the side while she was breading the chicken.

The next thing I know, she's frying the chicken.

I went into the kitchen and asked her why she was frying it when I told her I would do it for her since cooking usually exhausts her, and she got all frustrated and exasperated at me and said something like "I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT TO WAIT FOR YOU."

And I was like, "what are you talking about!? I was waiting for you to finish breading it! you didn't tell me you were done!"

Which just pissed her off more.

BECAUSE. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

But this is the time of year we celebrate freedom, right?

This is the time of year we thank Hashem for rescuing us from a horrible situation.

Well, where's mine?

We're supposed to celebrate every year as though WE ALL left Mitzrayim.

As though we were ALL saved.

But I am not saved.

I have never been saved.

The stupidity I've just described above is just a piece of the insane patterning of my entire life.

I have no escape from this nonsense.

And I'm just so done with all of it.

I want it all to be over.

I want it all to go away.

Where's my freedom?

Where's my salvation?

I really have to finish those other two drafts, because this isn't even the clearest picture of what I've been dealing with since 2024 started. It's barely April and I just want this secular year to be over.

There are a couple of people who have suggested guys to me over the last several months and, although they're not really what I'm looking for, right now I just don't have the emotional energy for a new relationship. I'm just so burned out from this one that I deal with every frickin day of my stupid life, which of course I can't even tell these people.

So... dear future husband, I hope you can hang in there, because I don't know when I'll be ready for you.

But maybe by then I'll be a good communicator.

-LivelyHeart

And now for the story after the story:

So, after that disaster of a drive back from the store on Thursday night, we got home around 8:30pm and although she got something small to eat from that second supermarket I knew that MotherLivelyHeart hadn't eaten anything since lunch so when I made dinner for myself I made a second bowl for her. I brought it to her and she said "oh... you didn't have to do that." Not a lot of enthusiasm there.

She didn't eat it for about a half an hour, by which time it was probably cold, and the next thing I knew, she was in bed going to sleep without another word about how it was.

Now, I don't demand praise or feedback for anything I cook, but she usually makes a comment about whatever I make, so I found it odd that she was silent on the matter.

On Friday I went to ask her about something else and while I was talking to her I asked how her dinner was the night before and she said something along the lines of, "it was... interesting. ground chicken just doesn't cook well, it's not your fault. you prepared it well, it's just not that good. ground turkey is better."

No "thank you," no "it was sweet of you to think of me," no "I appreciate the effort especially considering that you're working through the pain right now."

Just meh.

I love when I'm appreciated.

[loumauve]

work colleague (the one who I'm working on a project with, who was supposed to be showing me the ropes - which she already barely did - who is supposed to be a superior while our boss is on parental leave) told me that I need to join the team leader meeting next week "so things dont escalate again" bc apparently her temper got the best of her (she told me this herself btw, which.. jfc)

and I feel SO uncomfortable at even the idea of that thats I've been feeling sick to my stomach over it since Friday. I'm still an intern ffs, I don't get paid to do her job, which is to explain what we're doing and to explain why we're doing it. I didn't decide on making this a whole thing, and I certainly didn't sign up to take her place while she throws me to the wolves (clinic admins who are pissed that change is being introduced to how they've been running things for years)

I know I need to address it, and at least tell my boss, I feel like shit reaching out to him while he's supposed to be on leave, but if I don't push back and give in now when there's also so many other ways she's been dodging her responsibilities then idk.

she barely communicates which is the basis for working with anybody, and even when *I* reach out she barely ever replies and leaves me hanging, unable to progress in certain tasks just bc I *literally* don't know shit yet bc I've been working there for a total of two and a half months max. just.. boss guy would be happy for me to stay on but honestly that lady has as bad a temper and worse social skills than the lady who made my last job hell enough that I was out of commission for almost three years, first on sick leave and then in various rehab/therapy programs just to make it back to being able to work again.. I really don't want to go down this road again

so I guess I do need to write this all down tomorrow in a message to him and hopefully he'll at least acknowledge that this is a shit situation to put me in and have a talk with her. but idk tbh. not sure what to do if he asks me to still join that group meeting on Friday, also terrified of her reaction if he does bring it up with her, ngl

last time she got "upset" she didn't talk to me for a whole day, didn't reply to my message before I left for 5 weeks and then still didn't leave a single message to explain where to continue in our project before being gone herself for another 2 and a half weeks.. that kind of childish pettiness idk. really don't want to have to keep dealing with her

lazy colleagues idk sure it's frustrating cleaning up after them, but this kind of behaviour is as close to intolerable as things get before I need to get myself the fuck away for good

[allthewriteplaces]

A Magnolia In May ~ Chapter Twenty-Two

Author's Note: It's been a while since I've posted anything about our beloved Shelby clan, but hopefully this funny filler chapter will make up for the absence. Also, there won't be a chapter next week because I'm going on a trip to a cottage with the family!! Chapter Summary: There might be a new addition to the Shelby family in the coming months.

Chapter Warnings: None, just overall chaos.

Word Count: 2369

Chapter Twenty-Two

Minutes turned into hours and before we knew it, it was past nine o’clock, past some of the kids’ bedtimes. It was arranged that for tonight, everyone could stay here and then leave in the morning, since even in an area as safe as this, it wasn’t ideal to go travelling at night. 

It was evident the kids wouldn’t be going to sleep anytime soon, what with all the excitement that was going on, therefore, Arthur proposed that the best and most reasonable approach to this little dilemma was to let them all stay up as late as they wanted to in hopes that they’d eventually tire themselves out. The only rule that was set, was that they play nicely and quietly. 

Most of the time was spent catching up with one another. 

Lizzie did end up announcing that she was seeing someone else, much to everyone’s surprise and delight, including Thomas’ and from what she told us, he seemed like a good and honest man and Polly insisted on meeting him immediately, to which Lizzie jokingly responded that she doesn’t want to scare him away. In a more serious tone, she added, 

“That’s also why I don’t want him to meet Ruby and Charlie yet. It’s not that I don’t think he’ll love them. I have mentioned them multiple times in conversation, but the last thing I want to do is confuse them. You know, they already have a dad, and adding a new person to the mix, they might not know what to call them.” 

“When John and I married,” Esme said, “his kids just called me Esme. I didn’t ask them to call me ‘mum’ until they were ready to do so, even though he kept insisting that they do. I knew it wasn’t easy for them, losing their mother, so I didn’t want to rush them. Sure, our situations are different, but you get what I mean.” 

“I do,” Lizzie answered. 

I sat there a minute, minding my own business, but then I turned to her. 

“You know, I thought the same thing when Thomas and I first got together; the children already have a mother --” I gestured to her “-- and the last thing I want is to take that away  from you and make you feel like you’re being replaced.” 

“Hardly,” she said with a laugh. “Perhaps if you were Miss Carleton or Tatiana, I wouldn’t have gone down so easily. I would have done whatever it took to keep my children as far away from your influence as possible, but you’re different from them, I would be a fool not to see it. You’re not just with Tommy because of his status or to stay off his bad side, you love him. With every fibre of your being.” 

“I do,” I answered with a nod. 

“You’re as much a Shelby now as the rest of us,” said Arthur. 

“Speaking of Miss Carleton, we do have a meeting on Friday,” Thomas put in. 

“Goodie,” Lizzie groaned sarcastically, which made him laugh. “And who’s we?” 

“I don’t mean it literally, I mean as in myself,” he corrected himself. 

“Well then, why didn’t you just say I have a meeting?” she countered. 

“You know what I meant,” he said, rolling his eyes and sipping his whiskey. 

“This is what you have to look forward to,” said Polly, shaking her head and gesturing to Thomas and Lizzie as they bickered, much like children would and I had to purse my lips together to keep from smiling. 

“What on Earth is there to talk about anyway? I thought you quit betting on horses after the last time. You said it went horribly and the horse ended up--” 

“One, he was already sick,” he answered, his voice deepening with controlled irritation at Lizzie having brought up a sore spot in Thomas’ past. “Two, she is here to see one of our horses in the stables. She hasn’t been herself these past few weeks and since she has owned horses before, she might be able to determine what’s wrong with her and if not, I will phone a doctor to come and check on her.” 

“Her?” Aunt Eliza raised an eyebrow. 

“Yes,” he answered. “Grace’s Secret is a girl horse.” 

“Hmm…” she nodded. 

We all noticed how she trailed off and Thomas tilted his head to one side. 

“Hmm?” I asked, repeating her response. 

“You don’t think she could be…” she continued slowly. 

“Could be what?” he asked. 

She hesitated. “Is there a chance she could be pregnant?” 

Thomas’ glass nearly slipped from his hand and landed on the floor, shattering into a million pieces and staining the ground with the alcohol inside of it. 

I thought back to when I’d gone to clean out the stables while the children were in the schoolroom and I’d seen her and another horse together and it looked to me that things had gotten very intimate. 

I mentioned it to Thomas later on that day as I washed and dried the dishes but we didn’t think much of it, considering there was little chance it would happen. Now all of her symptoms made sense: She’d been grazing a lot more these past couple of weeks and she tired more easily, she kept looking at her abdomen and holding her tail up. 

“It happened once with our mare. We thought she’d gotten into some bad grass and was sick, but no, our stablehand told us she was expecting. Albert and I were shocked. We had no idea how to care for a pregnant horse, but he was with us every step of the way, showed us what to do and when the foal arrived, she was a happy, healthy little thing.” 

“I remember that,” I said, “You both woke us up just before the sun came up and we saw it all happen. Alice cried because she thought it was gross, seeing all the blood.” 

She laughed. “Poor thing. She wouldn’t come out of her room for hours.” 

Ada smiled. “At least we don’t have to do it standing up.” 

“True,” said Lizzie, “I thought I was going to pass out having Ruby, and I was laying down in a comfortable bed the whole time.” 

“Try having twins,” said Eliza, “Sure, I had some time in between to rest, but still, it took a lot of energy out of me.” 

“They still do,” I laughed, to which she had to laugh as well. 

“They do,” she nodded, “but it’s worth every minute I get to spend with them.” 

Uncle Albert put his arm around her and held her close. 

“Cheers, Tommy,” said Ada, “You’re going to be a grandfather.” 

“I’m not sure that’s how it works,” Esme replied. 

“Sure it is, he raised her, and now she’s having a child.” 

“True, but he’s a human,” said Linda, “she’s a horse, in order for her to be his child, he would have to be a horse as well, and so would Ruby and Charlie and so would all of us and not to mention, Jessie and Tommy wouldn’t be able to--” 

“Great, Now you put the image of us with horse bodies in my head!” 

“You’re welcome,” Linda grinned. 

“I was being sarcastic.” 

“Well, so was I.” 

“Really, I didn’t notice.” 

“I don’t want to picture it, either,” said Lizzie, rubbing her temples. 

“No one asked for your opinion, Nancy,” Linda snapped. 

“It’s Lizzie and you know it!” she said, pointing at her. 

“Wouldn’t our top half be human and bottom half be horse?” said Ada. 

“It’s still uncanny,” said Lizzie. 

“I don’t have a single clue what’s going on anymore,” Ben said, confused. 

Aberama looked around awkwardly as the ladies continued to argue, fixing his hat to give himself something to do.  “I stopped listening after food was mentioned.” 

“No one said anything about food,”  said Arthur. 

“Exactly.” 

Thomas. cleared his throat, clearly not finding a single part of this discussion amusing even though the rest of us were trying hard not to laugh too loudly as to rouse suspicion. “I’m going to need more whiskey for this conversation.” 

“Make it a double!” Ben called as he walked away. 

For once, Thomas Shelby, who always had an answer to everything, who would outlive the Good Lord, Himself trying to have the last word, was rendered speechless. 

I watched him get off the couch and go into the cellar to retrieve another bottle. 

“Who knew something like that would rattle him,” Arthur observed. 

“I’ve seen him get pretty worked up over things like this,” said Polly, “he just needs some time to calm down, get his head on straight, then he’ll know what to do.” 

He came back and then sat down next to me, looking calmer, but still dazed by the shock of the news that was just dropped at his feet. 

“Tommy, a pregnant horse is not the end of the world,” she continued once he’d taken a drink from his new glass of whiskey. “Call a doctor, have him come take a look at her and then from there we can figure out what to do. There’s no sense worrying about it until we know for sure.” 

Thomas considered his aunt’s words. I wasn’t surprised that she was once again the voice of reason in the family, the one to pull them back when they got a little rowdy, then he set his glass down on the table and nodded. 

“You’re right, Pol,” he said softly. “I just worry about her, you know? She’s been with the family since Charlie was a baby and it’s the only part of Grace I have left.” 

Everyone was quiet and Polly leaned forward. 

“That’s not exactly true,” she began. “You still have memories of when the two of you were together, don’t you? Sure, not all of them may have been pleasant, but no matter how bad things got, the love was always there. And you two shared some very happy moments, like the first time you took her dancing, and your wedding day, and the birth of your son.” 

She paused for a moment and said in a much lower, more reassuring voice,

“No one can take those happy memories away from you.” 

He met her gaze and I thought for one second, his eyes gleamed with tears. It made me want to reach out and comfort him, to put an arm around his shoulder, to hold him and tell him it was all going to be alright. 

But I didn’t. I could tell this was one of those moments where he didn’t necessarily want physical affection, and he said later on that my silent presence was more than enough to keep him grounded. 

He seemed to be thinking about something for a long while, but he came back down to Earth a few seconds later and smiled one of those rare Thomas Shelby smiles before saying, “Why’re there so many sad faces here, eh? This is a party. We should be celebrating.” 

“Actually,” said Esme, standing up, her long, stunning curls falling in front of her face as she did so. “I think I’ll be heading off to bed. We have a long journey ahead of us and if I’m going to survive the drive in the carriage with the kids, I’m going to need all the sleep I can get.” 

She went upstairs and I didn’t miss the wink she threw my way. 

I wondered what she meant by it, but I didn’t have much time to ponder it because Aberama and Polly also rose from their places, stating that they, too, were going to be heading back home right after breakfast. 

“Make sure this one gets some sleep,” she told me while looking at Thomas, who tilted his head to one side innocently. 

“I will,” I reassured her. 

“Good girl,” she answered and the three of them went upstairs. 

The rest of us stayed down for a little while longer. It was almost midnight by the time we all went to bed. Even by midnight, the children were all asleep, including my cousins, who had been known to stay up past their bedtime when there was just too much excitement. 

For tonight, I elected to stay in my own room so as not to rouse suspicion and to not tempt Thomas into staying up late. 

“But it’s my birthday,” he protested, his voice whiny like a child. 

“No buts, Mister Shelby. I promised your aunt I would make sure you get some rest, and you can make those puppy dog eyes at me all you want, it’s not going to work.” 

“How do you know it won’t work?” 

“Because I have cared for more than enough children to know how this whole thing works and I can be quite strict when it comes to following the rules of the household, yours included.” 

“I can’t sleep without you, though,” he pleaded. 

It was clear he would try every trick in the book to make me give in, but while his tactics were well thought out and carefully planned, so were mine. 

Still, we could compromise, that was something that worked in the children’s and their parents’ favours in the past, and maybe it would work for us as well. 

“Fine. If you promise to go right to sleep, no funny business, I will stay in your room with you.” 

He pretended to think it over, tapping his finger against his chin. 

“Very well,” he said after a few seconds. “No funny business.” 

“Good,” I said and then after I changed into my nightgown, I went down the hallway and went into his room, closing the door softly behind me.  

He was grinning like he’d just won a gambling match by the time I slid into the bed next to him. I playfully rolled my eyes and turned onto my side facing away from him. His arm wrapped around my middle to hold me in one spot, he kissed my shoulder and my neck once. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “This was the best birthday I’ve had.” 

I smiled to myself, snuggling up closer to him. 

Then shortly afterwards, I heard him snore softly.

To Be Continued. Taglist: @cillmequick @zablife @sherbitdibdab @runnning-outof-time @izabesworld

[constance-mcentee]

Holy Week 2024

Good Friday, 29 March 2024

I haven't been to church since Christmas morning at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco. I can't prove I got covid there, but by the end of that week I had covid. It's also possible my son got it when he was visiting with my co-parent and then gave it to me. We were both sick at the same time.

It's strange, staying away from church for all of Lent. But, I just felt it would be best if I did so. If I'd gone to Ash Wednesday, would they have worn gloves for the administering of ashes? I don't recall seeing the Eucharistic ministers wearing gloves during Communion back at Christmas.

I guess I could have tried to do a Lenten practice on my own at home, but I find being in a community to be a more complete experience. Maybe I need to work on that. The idea of being a solitary witch is no big deal to me. Why is the idea of being a solitary Christian so strange?

I am not planning on going to Resurrection Sunday worship. The experience of covid is still too new in my memory. And in a way, that's encouraging considering the memory loss I've been experiencing. But there was a lot of "emotional weight" (I don't know how else to describe it) to that experience, so that helps me remember.

I just feel that maybe church really can't go back to normal until we're actually in a post-pandemic world. The pandemic isn't done yet. So, we still need to keep precautions in place.