#i've been sharing what i get in a group chat with my mom and sister

[madegeeky]

BLOOD IT WILL TAKE BLOOD day 17: face mask with spatula/brush thing. (I just realized that I didn't take a pic to show it, but the bumpy end? On the other side actually has a short bristled silicone brush on it.)

I'm so not a face mask person (with one exception) and so I'm going to give this to my sister who loves them. Although the spatula looks like a weird addition, my sister assures me that it's really nice because a lot of these mud masks you have to mix up and this one includes a tool for that which she loves.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I (33, f) the asshole for bringing up a childhood story that made my cousin (36, f) uncomfortable in front of others?

Obviously based on the title alone, I'm an asshole, but I think I might be justified and would like a second opinion.... thanks!

So a little back story for context....I love my cousin. I truly do. We all grew up together so all of us are more like sisters than cousins. my cousin is beautiful, loud, and boisterous. She's loves to get attention and will try to get it anywhere she can. She posts on FB multiple times a day about her job, kids, or relationship. She's the golden child and she tries her hardest to live up to that reputation. She's the type of person who will get out of her car after a good song dancing and singing at the top of her lungs, especially if there are other people around to watch her, much to her kids dismay lol. She just knows how to have a good time and I honestly love that about her. I tend to be more reserved and relaxed, so I get a kick out of our differences.

But with that, she tends to be.... disingenuous... when someone steals the spot light from her, even when it's unintentional (which is the majority of the time, like they will just be sharing a story from work or something). She will act unbothered by it, but then her attitude will totally change. she will be fake nice and then bring up something that will make the person either embarrassed or want to retreat... then go right back to being content when the attention is back on her again. She does it so often, I kind of expect it to happen every time we hang out.

So here's the part where I may be the asshole... we're at a playzone for one of our other cousins kids' birthday and we're in a good handful sized group of adults chit chatting. A few people I've never met before but she knows them and we were all getting along just fine.

People tend to naturally be drawn to me because I try to be open and get along with most people, so I've been on the receiving end of my cousin's attitude a handful of times and this was one of those times lol. I'm typically not bothered by it because I'm a pretty confident person for the most part and I know my cousin well enough not to take it personally, but this time annoyed me because this is now the 5th time she's bringing this story up. It was like she didn't get the reaction out of me that she wanted the first 4 times, so now she really needed to land it this time. So I gave her a reaction....

A few minutes before I was sharing a story that the others were impressed by, I guess, but we moved on from it and I didn't think any more of it. Then while we were all talking, I believe I excused myself because I let out a small burp. So she goes, loudly so the group can hear, "do you remember when you were 6 and you were crying to your dad because your butt was itchy and you wanted him to scratch it? I don't know why, but your burp reminded me of that". So I'm like "ok? So?" Kids cry for stupid shit all the time and I was a stupid kid lmao. So I brushed it off but she decided to keep pushing it! And was like "yeah you were crying because you didn't want to scratch your ass and you sat there crying until it went away"

I was and still am unbothered by the story she brought up but I was more than a bit annoyed that she wouldnt let it go, so without much thinking I said "no I don't remember that as clearly as you do.... But I do remember my sister slapping the fuck out of you for saying something racist (we're half Asian) and out of pocket. Then you cried to your mama then she told your mom that you were lucky that all you got was a slap to the face... do you remember that?" She went ghost white, looked around the group and said "family is funny like that, huh?"

So am I the asshole for bringing up a story that made my cousin uncomfortable?

What are these acronyms?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi! it's r anon again.

So, the situation with my best friend M isn't any better. We had a conversation (by texting) about the whole thing but she didn't really want to hear what I had to say so I ended up saying that I didn't know what she expected of me, like I'm willing to talk about it but she wasn't and I still wanted to make things right between us you know ? Except she never answered to that message, and it was weeks ago. She only texted me very formally about rent etc (we're roomates but I'm at my mom's in my hometown for the summer so we haven't seen each other in like a month). On my birthday she only said "happy birthday btw" and that was so cold. I know it sounds silly but my birthday is actually quite important to me and that's all she said ? when she's supposed to be my best friend ? That hurt more than I could say. We have a group chat with my other best friend and she's been pretending like everything is fine, still sending messages etc, except she would only answer to my other friend's messages, never mine. Basically I haven't heard from her in weeks except those weird formal texts about money. She's been seeing some of our friends that I feel like are kind of taking her side ? I didn't kniw there were sides, but they didn't wish me my birthday so... Maybe I'm overthinking this idk. She even came to my hometown (it's hers too) and didn't even tell me .... I had to learn it from my sister who saw her... Idk maybe we could have use the occasion to talk ?

I feel like she doesn't really want to have anything to do with me. Whatever I've done I don't think I deserve to be treated like that. She isn't being a best friend, barely a friend ... I know I should message her but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know what to say. What could possibly make her not any more mad at me, and make me not miserable. I've been losing sleep over this for weeks I don't know what to do. I probably will have to see her soon because I have to go back to the apartment at some point so it stresses me out like a lot. I have a lot of anxiety so it's not helping.

Thank you for what you're doing, I hope I'm not bothering you and that you're not feeling pressured to answer, have a great day <3

Hi hon! <3

So I think this is really the type of thing you need to talk in person about. It's a difficult conversation that has a lot of trauma in the history of it. Texting can be so misconstrued. Try to at least get her on the phone, but in person is better. Try your best to listen to her and understand while also gently sharing your feelings.

Like I said before it's so hard because I genuinely think nobody is in the wrong, here. M has a right to all of her feelings because of the trauma, but you also have a right to be friends with C. hopefully she is able to talk with you and you guys are able to share your feelings, because communication is really what's going to make this work. but if she's unable to communicate you might have to decide what your priorities are- and any decision is okay, here! Whatever you decide is best for you.

I'm sorry it's gotten to this point. Please know that I really don't think anyone has done anything wrong, it's just a lot of feelings, you know?

[freedomfireflies]

Is it ok if I ask some advice from you? I've been feeling that my lil sister is everyone's favorite since last year, even my parents, and I felt like I'm worthless.

There's tons of things that led up to this feeling, but the cherry on top was that my sister asked our parents for a motorcycle in January, and they bought it last week, mind you we already have one that's fully functional AND she's not even off age to ride a motorcycle. And I've been asking for a new violin for almost 2 years now, but they always say "later it's not an urgent matter".

Her grades last year was shit, she almost fail sophomore year, but they still bought her the motorcycle. Meanwhile I got accepted in our (me and my parents) dream college (one of the best college in my country), and what do I get? A speech about how to get a scholarship.

And another thing is, we have a mutual close friend group from our orchestra, but they have a group chat that I'm not in, even a friend that we mutually hate is in the group. We had this exact problem last year but with a different friend group, and it almost ended my relationship with her, long story short she said to my parents that the group is like a big sisters and brothers that she never had. SHE ALREADY HAVE A SISTER FOR GOD'S SAKE! Even though I already forgave her for that, the scar is still as fresh as it is when she first ripped it open.

I really don't know what to do, and who to talk to because I don't really have a friend to talk about things like this. I feel like I'm alone in this.

I'm really sorry I ranted in your account 😣😣

Hi babe!!

I don't actually have a younger sister so I'm not sure how good my advice could be, but I did ask a friend of mine who does and has said they felt the same way for their advice!!!

"The biggest thing I do is kinda keep to myself, yeah my mom and I are close in our own way but I kinda just keep to myself when it comes to stuff tbh, because no matter what I have myself and everyone else around me that is proud of me and that love me, and my parents do but it goes into that cliche of being the older sibling tbh it’s real, and we just keep pushing till we on our own."

Unfortunately, I know dynamics like this aren't uncommon. Sometimes, parents don't even realize they're doing it. Or they struggle with balancing more than one relationship, which of course isn't fair.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this! I know one day once you're finally able to branch out on your own, you'll find the people that love you and support you the way you deserve!! And you'll be able to create your own family and share the respect you were always owed.

You are never, ever worthless!! The people that treasure you and value you will absolutely be in your life when you need them to be!! Family dynamics do not define your worth and who you are as a person, even though it feels as though they do!

Despite the pain and aggravation they can cause, they help mold us into who we want to be! We see the kind of relationship they've created and decide we don't want that for our own lives. And no, that doesn't make it hurt less now. But it is something that you can make watch for and see what you want to take from it and put in your own life, if that makes sense?

You have my heart, and I'm so sorry I can't do more to help. You can always rant to me, never be sorry about that!!! ♥️

And if anybody else has any advice, please feel free to add it or add to the vent!!! Family relationships are hard and you always have us!!

[trashlie]

I think a LOT about how the idea of being a parent terrifies me - how easy it would be to mess up someone's life because I have my own unresolved issues - but something I DO love is that role of being an older sister figure to people. Like, if I could drive (lmao) I'd totally be into big brothers and big sisters. When I was 25 I ended up in this chat group for a kpop concert lmao and the group ended up being mostly 15 year old girls lmao and it was the first time I was really aware of my age and how to be a good non creepy adult person in a teen-centric space. To this day I'm still friends with several of them (it's been like 9 years?! They are nearly the age I was when I met them OH MY GOD)

I love them a lot and watching them navigate adulthood and overcome their struggles and become these young women I'm so proud of 🥺 They still message me to talk about their struggles, their mental health, they cheered me on when I got my ADHD diagnosis and we talk about fear of medication and trialing them and idk idk it brings me a lot of joy I guess?

I love that kind of mentorship role, I love the role of older sister who has been there done that and has experience to share. I was (plsyfully) mom to one of them until she patched up her relationship with her real mom 🥺 Like idk parenthood scares me and I know it's not for me, but I get it. I understand what it means to people, and I'm glad I've been able to experience that sense of nurturing. I think that's the appeal of big brothers big sisters type programs? There's so many ways to be family to someone that don't involve birthing. Adoption and fostering for those who DO love that aspect of parenthood. But also just being able to be a trusted figure in someone's life, to help them navigate things that are overwhelming or scary.

I grew up in fandom spaces full of adults and until i was one myself, I never really comprehended what it meant or the kind of responsibility an adult has to someone sharing a space. I don't mean that we all must be responsible for children in our spaces (there's whole discourses on this and the lack of child friendly internet spaces) but rather, idk. In a world where you can't trust if people are creeps, I'm really glad I got to forge cool bonds with cool kids who grew up to be even cooler adults. I'm so proud of them, dammit

[wylde-attributions]

Kai & Anna pt 2

The truth was that Kai had seen Anna multiple times before their second conversation but had been much too shy to try and talk to her again. It wasn’t until two weeks of accidentally watching the girl live her life had passed that he managed to work up the courage to get her name no matter what and set out to find her. Admittedly, it could’ve gone better. He only learned it because someone called out to Anna, not because she told him. 

I feel bad. Now she actually has a reason to be mad at me too… Kai sighed and plopped down on his bed.

He shared the room with another boy, but they never really talked. No one talked much in the group home Kai lived in. Not unless you did something wrong or they needed something from you. He’d gotten used to it, though. Lots of time to think, lots of time to teach himself what he could from the school’s library when class didn’t feel like enough to fill a day.

Ever since his aunt died and he got put here, Kai had just been quietly passing time as best he could. He wished he had real friends, but no one seemed to care when he talked. Sure, he chatted with classmates, but once the bell rang, they were gone. He couldn’t help wanting to befriend the aloof girl he kept seeing. I wonder where Anna goes to school. Maybe she’ll be different. No, she will be. She is. Something about her is way different– why, though? Kai hummed to himself in thought before sitting up and grabbing his backpack.

“Hopefully she’s not too mad at me…” The boy sighed and pulled out his books and schoolwork, setting them on the small desk at the foot of his bed. I still hope I see her soon. With that, Kai shook his head as if to disperse his thoughts and sat, getting to work for the night.

Anna, truly, was pissed. She had managed to run into the same annoying little idiot twice in the same month, and now he knew both her name and somewhere she went nearly every day. Somewhere her sister was nearly every day.

At least he doesn’t know why, I guess. God damn it. This sucks. What do I even do about it? I can’t get in trouble right now. The girl sighed and rubbed her face as she started to make sandwiches for her sister and herself. I know that McClain kid is gonna try to pick a fight again soon enough; I need all my good graces for when that goes to shit. Anna closed the refrigerator door hard in frustration, immediately freezing at the loud noise. Shit– please stay asleep. I can’t baby you right now too, Mom.

After a few moments of silence passed, the blonde released a held breath and continued making dinner. Get it together. What does it even matter? The fuck is a twig like him gonna do anyway? He’s just annoying. I've dealt with worse, and I’ll do it again. He doesn’t matter. He’ll leave me alone soon enough, and I’ll get on with it. “Just me and Rosie. Like it should be.” Anna grumbled quietly as she finished her task and walked across the small apartment to the balcony where her little sister sat waiting. Rosie smiled up at her and started telling her all about her day for the second time as they ate together. Anna smiled and nodded along intently, trying to forget about the day she had herself.

Kai is, by all means, not a creep. Nor is he a stalker. What Kai is, however, is scared shitless of the beautiful girl who he can't help wanting to know more about. Now, Kai found himself quietly following behind Anna for a minute or two whenever he happened to see her. Just to see what kind of things she gets up to, and to try and eventually apologize to her. Turned out, his small frame seemed well suited to going unnoticed, so he'd been following for longer and longer, trying to work up some courage to start a conversation. Eventually, the tall, intimidating blonde stopped walking and turned around, looking directly at him.

“So when are you going to give up being a fucking weirdo and following me? What do you even want from me?” She scowled down at him. Kai squeaked, his face immediately flushing pink.

“I’m s-sorry, I wasn’t trying to! I just– I um..” Oh jeez, I’m so stupid– this was all so stupid.

“Spit it out, god. I played along or whatever for a while, but this is just fucking annoying!”

“I didn’t mean to! You um, you always got busy, and I didn’t want to bother you, s-so I was just waiting to–”

“Yeah, right, liar. Just cut it out. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be at fault for starting some shit if I was being stalked.” She huffed and turned to lean against a building, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

“...I’m really sorry. I’ve just been scared you’d be super mad at me for learning your name without you telling it to me.” The boy looked down slightly and fidgeted with the strings on his hoodie. “I- I’ve been trying to think of how to apologize. Can we start over? Maybe? My name’s Kai; it’s nice to meet you.”

Anna just rolled her eyes and looked away. “Yeah, Anna, whatever. Not that it makes much difference. That’s not even what I’m pissed about. Just stop trying to figure out my routine or whatever the fuck.”

Kai raised his hands defensively and shook his head, replying quickly. “Oh, I r-really haven’t been trying to follow you like that or anything! I just– I see you, and I’m impulsive, so I want to talk and try to think of what to say, but then you’re moving on before I get brave enough, so I have to follow you while I think, and usually I only realize how long it’s been because I look around and realize I don’t know where I am at all, and then I worry about being lost and–”

“Jesus Christ. You don’t need to talk like you’ve only got seconds to live, Kai.” Anna chuckled slightly and continued smoking. “The last person to see me pick up my sister was just an ass, alright? I don’t like people knowing where I go and what I do. Forget where we wound up last time, and I at least won’t skin you or somethin’.”

Kai couldn’t help but stare at the girl in quiet awe. She just laughed. She used my name, and she laughed! His cheeks were dusted with a soft pink as he snapped out his miniature daze. “I- I already did! I uh, I actually tried to remember the next day to see if I could find you and apologize then, but I couldn’t remember at all! I swear, Anna! I didn’t even know you had a sister! Ah– maybe I could forget that too if you need me to!”

The blonde girl simply stared at the smaller boy for a few moments before shaking her head, a barely noticeable smile on her lips. “Whatever, it’s fine. I’m not gonna make you give yourself brain damage or however the hell you’d willingly forget things. You’re already weird enough. I trust you.” She stayed quiet for a few beats more before her expression hardened again. “Don’t make me regret saying that. I don’t take that shit lightly.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.” Kai crossed his finger over his chest and nodded with a smile. “I hope I never upset you again.”

“God, what are you, five? Just say you won’t or something.” She chuckled quietly again before sighing. “Anyway, do you even know where we are now, then? You followed me for a while.”

Oh jeez, do I? If I’m as lost as last time, I might be late again. He looked around at the street where the two stood, failing to recognize anything as a familiar landmark. “Ah, guess not… Shoot.” He couldn’t help but blush deeper in embarrassment and fidget with his sleeves as he thought about what to do. Maybe she knows a bus station with a map nearby; I’m sure I can figure it out before I get in too much trouble.

“Come on. Where do you live? You look like a lost dog or something.” Anna stood and stamped out the end of her cigarette. “Don’t want to see missing posters because you got hit by a fuckin car or some shit.”

“W-what? It’s okay! I’m sure I can figure it out; you don’t have to trouble yourself helping me–”

“Well, I am. I have nothing better to do anyway, so come on. I need to know where we’re going.” She started walking back in the direction they initially came from, shoving her hands in her jacket pockets.

Man, she looks so cool– and I knew she was nice. Kai smiled nervously and moved to walk beside the girl. “Thanks… At um, at Open Door, on 42nd street.” He smiled and looked over at her.

“Oh. Isn’t that one of those kid's group homes or somethin’? Sorry.”

“Yeah. Sorry for what?”

“I dunno.” She shrugged. “That you must not have parents, I guess? Although there are worse things. None of my business though. I’ll drop it.”

“N-no, it’s fine! Don’t worry about it. I don’t really care or anything. I never even knew my parents in the first place.” The boy shrugged and kept smiling as they walked. “I’ve lived there a few years now; it’s nothing new. I was with my aunt before, but she died.”

“...The place nice?”

“Sure. I mean, they do their best. Mostly it’s just kinda lonely.” Kai chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “Not to be a bummer or anything, sorry. It’s not bad, really. They can be strict, and lots of people come and go, but I can kinda do what I want at this point.”

“Cool.” Anna nodded in acknowledgment and asked no further questions as the pair continued through the town in comfortable silence. 

Kai figured he shouldn’t push his luck by asking too many questions of his own, so he was happy to simply spend the time with Anna peacefully until they made it to his home. Once they did, the two casually said goodbye, both secretly hoping to see each other again soon, one in denial of this fact.

[musicarenagh]

Jeremy Lloyd-Styles Gives Us The Perfect Gift Welcome to today's chat with Jeremy Lloyd-Styles, a Brooklyn-based indie rocker who's just dropped a sweet new album straight out of his home studio. He made it as a gift for his wife, celebrating a decade of marriage—a real touching gesture. Jeremy's tunes have this dreamy vibe, kinda like they're speaking to your soul. He's been soaking up inspiration from all over, from his days singing in church to jam sessions with family. Growing up, Jeremy got hooked on music from watching MTV and flipping through music mags. It all felt so cool, you know? And that noise from his first concert, it blew his mind—he wanted to make that kind of noise too. Nowadays, Jeremy's not just about music. He's into VFX and writing scripts, all while being a family guy. But it hasn't all been smooth sailing. He's faced his fair share of hurdles in the music biz, dealing with stuff like racism and sexism. But despite the challenges, Jeremy's staying true to himself. He's got big plans ahead, from writing more tunes to keeping his kid alive (which is always a priority!). So, grab a seat and join us as we dive into Jeremy Lloyd-Styles' world—his music, his struggles, and his hopes for the future. It's gonna be a real chat, no fancy stuff—just two folks shooting the breeze about life, music, and everything in between. Follow Jeremy Lloyd-Styles Twitter Soundcloud Listen to 2K80410 https://soundcloud.com/jlloydstyles/sets/2k80410?utm_source=clipboard&utm_campaign=wtshare&utm_medium=widget&utm_content=https%253A%252F%252Fsoundcloud.com%252Fjlloydstyles%252Fsets%252F2k80410 What is your stage name Jeremy Lloyd-Styles Is there a story behind your stage name? Just my government name Where do you find inspiration? Anywhere, really. Mostly from sounds outside. What was the role of music in the early years of your life? I mostly heard music at church or in the car with my mom. I was encouraged to sing solos, or join choirs in school. Are you from a musical or artistic family? My mom and her sisters would sing harmonies, old church hymns, etc around the piano at family gatherings. Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? Probably watching MTV got me jazzed for making music. Seeing that and all of the music magazines made everything look so cool. How did you learn to sing/write/to play? I was encouraged to play guitar. My cousin, who I thought was the coolest person played drums. He would hype up music to me and that pushed me. Then a friend of mine started getting better at guitar than me and that just wouldn't do, so I started practicing, getting better and I loved writing songs. So basically my apparent childish need to be better than others spurred me on you get better. [caption id="attachment_54506" align="alignnone" width="842"] My cousin, who I thought was the coolest person played drums.[/caption] What was the first concert that you ever went to and who did you see perform? I saw the Winans (a gospel group from the 90s) play. The concert was so loud. I couldn't believe humans could make that much noise. That people were ok with how loud it was. I wanted to be that loud. How could you describe your music? I've written all kinds of music. Since I'm not trying to market myself or fit into anything particular I'm just allowing myself to make what feels good. This particular exercise I wanted to just make a straight forward 90s kind of rock thing. So the EP sounds like it does from my love of 90s rock. Describe your creative process. I hear the cacophony of noises around me and for some reason I pick up melodies. I'm really driven by rhythm and whatever particular vibrations means me feel pleased. What is your main inspiration? Not sure! Whatever music I'm listening to. What musician do you admire most and why? Maybe Daryl Palumbo and Justin Beck of the band Glassjaw. They just keep trucking. They don't care about timelines, they just want to make cool music. It was some interview with Daryl where he said just keep going.

Just keep playing and two things will happen, you'll get better and the people who started off with you and who aren't in it for that long haul will drop off. Did your style evolve since the beginning of your career? I've tried aping so many different styles. I think I've pretty much made peace with the fact with what I make will always be a bastardized version of what I'm trying to copy. And I'm ok with that. Who do you see as your main competitor? The only person I want to be better than now is me yesterday. What are your interests outside of music? I work in VFX. I love film, writing scripts, eating and drinking with friends and spending time with my wife and kid. If it wasn't a music career, what would you be doing? I'm doing it. I'm working in VFX and I guess would try and make some films. What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? So many problems. But I'd say the racism, sexism, and age-ism. I could go on. https://soundcloud.com/jlloydstyles Why did you choose this as the title of this project? It's a gift for my wife and has a meaning to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. What are your plans for the coming months? To keep working on the musical I was commissioned to write, make a new EP, write more scripts and keep my kid alive! Do you have any artistic collaboration plans The one I am working on with my friend Jocelyn. That above mentioned musical. What message would you like to give to your fans? Be patient. Make what you like. If you like it, you are a demographic and someone out there will like it. It may be a lot of people or very few, but it doesn't mean it shouldn't be out there. Someone needs it, even if it's just you.

[akookminsupporter]

Hi! One of your readers here.

I know a lot of other anons like me shared what they experienced when they first became an ARMY and fell down the rabbit hole called JIKOOK (and probably isn't new to you and will ignore this but I'll still share anyway).

I first became an ARMY during the first year of the pandemic because my aunt and cousin always pull up RUN BTS and BTS MV marathon every single night starting from 11 pm up to 5 am during school break (in short, my first experience as a baby ARMY was to loose sleep over them 😂😂😂).

Like any SOME ARMYs, at first I don't know what the hype is all about. I first start hearing about BTS when I was in sixth grade and just ignore it since I'm not a big fan of k-pop, like at all. However, that doesn't mean I don't get to see the posters my classmates bring in class to share and compare their own merch with their friends so they can fangirl about it together.

It's safe to say that the first one that caught my eye whenever the bring their posters was RM because of his red hair back then and his eyes. Gosh, do I love those dragon eyes 😍😍😍. The next one was JM because for some reason, my eyes always look for him right after I find RM EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Moving forward, years later and COVID strikes, my aunt and cousin are certified ARMYs and basically know everything about them invited me to stay with them during the long duration of school break (longest school break in history if you'll ask me) and I agreed and stayed there for about a month before I went home. And let me tell you this, that stay freaking CHANGED me 😂😂😂.

Before that stay, my aunt and cousin would often hype up on BTS whenever they visit home and sometimes even share links on the family group chat, eventually turning my sister into one and blasted BTS songs on the speaker for days.

One time, my dad was watching one of the carpool episode on James Corden featuring BTS. And me, ever the curious soul, watched alongside him w/ my sister. The first one who caught my eye again as usual was RM and my, I found him really attractive even more when he starts speaking in english (sue me, for some unknown reason, I always find myself attracted to people who can speak english since most of my peers in school often turn me into a translator whenever they need help in their essay on our english subject). Then the studio came up and this blond (who I later realized was JM. Damn, puberty did him good, sanaol 😂) stood up and went to the stage to teach some dance moves to the other dancers in the room. What caught my eye was this other guy who was standing there and looking at him w/ a weird, fond look in his eyes. Since I'm not that interested back then in the group, I dismissed it as him being a supportive friend. But I did get hyped up when I saw V looking at JM too w/ a smile when he stopped dancing too since I've been told by my cousin (who is a huge KTH simp) that they're soulmates (VMIN!!!).

Then the vacation w/ my aunt happened.

As you know, like any other ARMY, it was also hard to familiarise their faces from one another at the start. The only ones that I know was RM (coz he's my bias), JM (my ultimate Bias wrecker), KTH (since I watched Hwarang first before I even knew who he was), and MYG (my sister's bias).

The next one was KSJ since my aunt literally have pictures of him around their home and will never forget to say the he's her bias (5/7).

Moving on, we started the marathon that left us waking up in noon every single day and I got hooked and started watching compilations of the 7's interactions myself in YouTube whenever my cousing is busy and started listening on their music in spotify.

And I fell in love w/ them, hard.

At first when I'm slowly starting to differentiate them from one another, I then got to know JHS and he's my happy pill. He's just so bright and I love his voice and his album, a lot (he's now my mom's bias when me and my sister successfully converted her into an ARMY, lmao 😂.

And I think you already know who I get to know the last.

Yes, JK.

That man.

Anyway, since I don't pay him that much attention before, I don't know who he is no matter how many times I watch their content coz my eyes are stuck on RM and VMIN 😂. All I know is that he's the maknae and his hyungs treasured him the most. other than that, what I know about him is that he's a REALLY fast runner and is good at basically everything.

When I went home, I watched more of their contents but this time, my eyes are always on JM and V. There's just something about this two duo that is so warm and I love watching their interactions the most. Short to say, I became a vminnie who loves their friendship very much (yes, I'm a platonic VMIN shipper. This duo just happens to be my favorite pair out of all other pairs in their group).

But do you know what's weird? Its the fact that THIS one guy seems to hover around wherever JM is.

Remember, I'm not that familiar with their names and faces that much yet, especially the last two members that I got to know (JHS and JJK), the ones who always stood out for me was RM, JM and V but this guy always caught my eyes cause he's always there besides JM. Take note, I also notice him during the studio scene in the carpool episode but just ignored it and dismissed it as friendship goals.

Since I'm a vminnie, I watch compilations of their videos but weirdly enough, THIS guy always shows up. Wherever these two are, the guy was there, LITERALLY. Not kidding.

But of course, I ignored it and dismissed it, thinking that he's really just that close with his young hyungs, especially JM.

So I continued my VMIN compilation marathon when I come across my second favorite duo, YOONMIN 😁😁😁.

I don't know, there's just something about the interaction of these two cuties that turns me into a puddle of goo whenever I watched them. Then MINIMONI comes next coz they're so smart and seems to balance one another, they have a lot of similarities and they make me weak (my bias and bias wrecker everyone 😂). Ever since then, I realized that maybe, JM was just that compatible with the whole group cause there's something about him that I can't pinpoint for some reason. I love his interactions with them the most cause he's so caring and he seems to understand everything. In short, he's the kind of friend that I want.

So the next thing that I did was watch compilations of how he takes care of them and how they take care of them and by that, I got to know the members even more, one by one.

My other favourite was him with HOBI coz together, they're a beautiful ray of sunshine. Then comes in w/ his JIN hyung, WWH himself and I just love these two together whenever they banter.

Then comes in a wrecking ball called JIKOOK...

These two... I have no words.

For some big UNKNOWN reason, I feel like I'm watching something I shouldn't, ESPECIALLY WHEN THESE TWO ARE ALONE IN A FRAME WITHOUT THE OTHERS.

And it's funny coz I always see THE GUY on the background whenever I watch the other duo pairs w/ JM, he's just everywhere.

So, as normal, I just dismissed it.

I keep on dismissing it cause I don't believe in romantic shipping but then... My hand slipped.

Where did it slipped you ask? It slipped on this masterpiece called GCF in Tokyo and the rest is history.

I later learned that THE GUY is JK.

Funny, the very last member I got to know.

Don't even get me started on the other GCFs, I think it has been explained more than enough by the other watchers about how they feel when they first watched it.

Since then, I started watching compilations of these two and I fell deep down the rabbit hole. I started watching compilations of their interactions in concerts and live events and let me tell you, I am JUNGSHOOK.

Thank the heavens for the different camera angles otherwise I will stay unsure about the things happening on the stage (RoseBowl, hello).

Then the Vlives, omygosh, these two are killing me. I basically feel like third wheeling whenever these two are left alone.

Don't even get me started to the time I started paying attention to the reactions of the other members around them whenever the two interact.

It's crazy.

There was actually one time that I lost hope on those two. Why?

My brain.

I started thinking about their possibility of being together and dismissed it (again and again) because of some factors like SK being a conservative country, Military, their contract w/ the company and their role as Idols to keep their fans hooked as much as possible and the other fact that they have private lives and maybe already have someone waiting for them and would be a disrespect to assume things just because of what we see on the contents the company release.

I started learning more about the Korean culture when it comes to skinship and then later learned the word fanservice. It left me dissapointed but later accepted that maybe, they're just friends and I'm reading it wrong all along so I stopped seeing them as anything above platonic, basically dismissing ALL the grand gestures such as the GCFs and the long hours of flight from Paris to SK.

But do you know what's funny? Few days later, the Map of the Soul 7 DVD dropped, and YOU know what's in that DVD.

So yeah, it's safe to say that I had a war with my head that time, bringing up arguments but later failing to answer it.

Those two, I SWEAR!

You know the other funny thing? The freaking tattoo on JK's hand. A FREAKING PERMANENT TATTOO. It sometimes keeps me up at night thinking about it but until JK himself confirm what it means, I'll just continue to fight with my head logically as much as possible and try to keep my head free off the tinhat 💩.

Then BTS in the SOOP 2 dropped.

Do you know what my head said?

"If we compare the trailer to the official episodes, a lot of things happened there that we don't know about."

😑😑😑

Sometimes it's really hard to argue with yourself.

Then the TMIs, it KILLED ME.

JM's b-day? Say no more! I'm still stuck on it.

The proper translations? Rip me.

JM saying he hates fanservice? 😬😬😬

Spending most of their free time w/ each other? I no longer want to think about it.

Their relationship w/ one another's family? The Logical side of my brain screams that all of the 7's parents are like that w/ the other members but WHO KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE?!

If there's anything both me and my head agreed on is that we don't know anything. We may be right, we may be wrong. It all may be an act, or it may be real. But what I know is that I'll just continue to support them whatever may be the truth because that is the only thing that REAL fans do, unlike the others who push on their toxic narratives and put hate on the other members.

Others push baby ARMYs like me because they say we don't know how the dynamic of BTS first started and believes the narrative (u know who) pushes on?

Honey, it was never about who comes first and who comes last, about who has the more right to give opinions just coz ur older than the others it automatically makes u right, it's about using your head and knowing your limitations as a fan.

I'm barely in my twenties yet I already know this, and there are those who are younger and older than me who think the same.

Thank goodness for bloggers like u.

Keep on being a real ARMY!

Love from the pearl of the orient sea 😘😘😘.

💜CJ

Hi CJ, wow this was LOOOOOOONG! AHAHHAHHA

Thank you for choosing my blog to share your experience of how you became an ARMY and in the end a jikooker. I think many of us will be able to see our own experiences reflected in yours.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[writingandmore]

Hi!!! May I get a HP, Star Wars, Voltron, and Disney matchup?

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

19, Libra, Neutral Good, enneagram is 4w5, muggleborn Ravenclaw (with Gryffindor tendencies), and my patronus spirit is Hummingbird. Biromantic Pansexual Genderfluid woman using pronouns of She/Her or He/Him. Cherubic-like face, with short height (5'1") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has chic messy/wavy brunette medium hair that reaches to my shoulder, oriental skin, slightly upturned eyes, small lashes, chocolate brown irises, cute flat nose, heart shaped face, full cheeks, cupid's bow lips, a small beauty mark on the forehead, and naturally straight teeth with tiny gap in front (just imagine that it's a mixture of Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲---cause' my friend told me that I kinda look like them). My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam, I sometimes let my hair down or styled like Lara Croft reboot.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and timid at first making people thought I'm a demure, modest, and self-effacing that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind" (due to my protective mom, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis---like my happiness is too shallow, super talkative, eats a lot (yeah I can finish a huge slice of cake or a meal in one sitting), awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly gets bruises from hitting, bumping my head somewhere, walking into something on my way, and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself but can be awkward to strangers. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

The extent, I'm expressive, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations---I simply can't stop proving myself too much because I'm a survivor of bullying. But I still managed to be stronger than ever after I stumbled, even it's a slow burn process. I can be blunt, intimidating, harsh, and a douchebag if I receive ends or I got interrupted while doing something. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, forgetful, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic youth, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Rowdy and feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will make fun of your stupidity (in a good way) before helping, and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic and cheeky (makes banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment, but gets annoyed if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle and different way.

𝗛𝗢��𝗕𝗜𝗘𝗦

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit.

𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Loves kittens, milk tea, singing at the karaoke, cartoons, iced coffee, memes, cute things, watching YouTube videos (mostly pageants, ASMR, edit audios, and mukbangs), also enjoys playing games on my sister's PSP. Sucker for arts, choir, poetry, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writing, chilling both indoors and outdoors. Beside that, my music taste are like late 90s-2000s songs (mostly rock, pop, and country) sometimes Catholic songs, kpop and ppop, chocoholic, and a sweetooth as well.

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦

Things that I hate are stereotyping, HUGE creepy crawlies (spiders, toads, snakes, and cockroaches), firecracker sounds, thunder and lightning, being left out, loneliness, heart break, blackout, and judgemental people. If I found out that someone hates or backstabbing or being rude to me, I won't hesitate to throw offensive criticisms, leaving them with a "I don't give a f" attitude. One random fact about me is, I 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 vent out EVERYTHING I despise in my entire existence---from bad soap operas to toxicity, worse scenarios in real life, and how terrible is my love life from unrequited feelings that I got, because it's a big deal for me, and I consider forcing me to do what I'm not into and manipulating me as my major pet peeves.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗥𝗦

In terms of triggers...I only have two which are ta𝖨king about divorce/annullment/separation because I came from a generational broken family (it sucks that some people I knew assumed that the reason why I'm overly unaware that someone is interested in me in secret, is I have "high standards" looking for a partner, but the truth is I'm strict and I have a personal preferences...I know my worth and I don't want settle for less!) and religion/beliefs discrimination, cause' there are reasonings that doesn't makes sense because some, sounds too hypocritical, like as if you're a morally good person.

𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘 + 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗨𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗦

My love languages are quality time and gift giving, but I actually swoon over physical touch (especially cuddles and cute kisses) and words of affirmation when it comes to having a partner, though I get attracted so easily, matured but can be a goofy person who's nice, friendly, kind-hearted, loving, faithful, and excels in academics is my cup of tea. Whenever I have a real life crush (which is rare), I act the same but deep inside, my heart is about to explode and will eventually share to my trustful friends how I highly admire that person, however if they spilled the beans out, I'll obviously deny it and will cry if they like someone else, it will take some time for me to move on, now I don't care for them anymore.

Best Friends to Lovers is my ideal trope because I find it very cute since you already knew each other before dating (which happened to my 2nd cousin, she married her best friend!)---perfect balance for romance, laughters, comfort, and tears when it comes to sharing your vibes, being there through thick and thin, safe with embraces, and helping each other to grow.

𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗦

My best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, oratorical skills and I have potential in hosting...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, speaker, and a top student who's a former active campus ministry member with three roles (choir leader, psalm singer, and reader).

May sounds different but I'm passionate for helping people through my talents and sharing my story to inspire everyone. I may look selfish, but I have a different way on how I show that I actually care also I have a biased sentimental value

Currently a college freshman, learning how to cook. I have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale competing internationally...I also consider joining pageants at school too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

HP: Remus!

- Remus is also quiet and a bit reserved when he's not in a familiar situation, so your own first impression on him would be a good one, as you'd seem similar to his own personality. He's sweet and is able to start up a conversation if he notices the other person is having a hard time doing so, so hopefully he'd be able to bring out your more extroverted and friendly self after a while so he can be around the more open you. He wouldn't mind you being a bit awkward-he's very much the same way-honestly, the comradery that would come from that would be more positive than anything else. He loves sharing knowledge and learning about new things, so your eagerness to talk about what you know would work really well also! He does a lot better when he knows someone has his back too, so your extra supportive nature would endear him to you as well.

SW: Han!

- Your nicer and more helpful personality would balance out Han's more standoffish vibes when first meeting. You might get on his nerves a bit first, but you'd quickly grown on him and, in turn, make him a bit of a better person. Your ability to be blunt and a bit harsh would serve you well if you ever needed to stand your ground on an issue that two of you have, as he can be quite stubborn.

VLD: Lance!

- Lance can be a bit immature from time to time as well, especially when it comes to trying to be funny or cheering up those around him-he's also headstrong and typically firm in what he wants to do, so your own determined personality would attract him to you a lot as well. He often puts off things he needs to do if they make him anxious too, but if you both recognize that you share that problem, helping each other might be a good solution!

Disney: Flynn!

- Flynn is quite a sarcastic and teasing person, so your own humor would match well with his. He's also quite a hopeless romantic as well, even though he's certainly not one to admit that right off the bat. He enjoys singing, and as he gets closer to someone he feels more comfortable doing so in front of them, so a partner he's been with for a long time would get to see him be more and more open with it. That also applies to activities like dancing.

[oki-writes]

Health Class

Okay so I’m back with another Zuko x reader. I’m just going to say this one made me cry. I used some real life experience (not that’s it’s as bad as this it just my mom went though something similar) but just a heads up not everyone is suitable to read this one cover some heavy topics.

Tiggers: Angst and abortion (let me know if I missed something).

Word count: 1.3k

“Okay class today we have a new project that’ll last for two weeks” your teacher boomed across the room.

The teacher started stating some basic information about the project. You weren’t paying attention until she said something that caught your attention.

“Okay now to know your exact project is called the BABY PROJECT”.

Everyone in the room, which included you, Katara, Sokka, Suki, Zuko, Aang, and Toph. Why only you guys, well that’s because fighting in the war doesn’t actually gain you the information you need in the world. For instance basic math skills or how to write an important document. So Iroh and Hakoda decided that you guys will go to school for however long until all of you were caught up to speed. Okay now back to why that caught your attention was because while you lived with Zuko on the boat searching for Aang something horrible happened. You fell pregnant at the age of 15. You and Zuko didn’t know what to do, on one hand you wanted to keep the baby and the other lose it.

Flashback:

You and Zuko were pacing around the small compact room.

“Zuko there’s a war going on and we’re looking for the Avatar that’s not a healthy environment to raise a baby. Also your Father would be furious if he founded out”

“Like I don’t know that, but that’s are CHILD we created I’m already attached to them, I know it’s for the best but it pains my heart to never meet them”

Later that same day the boat docked and the pair of teens secretly walked to the small hut located at the village they docked at. A small cloud over their heads. Occasionally stopping to look at the small bump on the female's stomach. The male resting his hand on top.

“What should we name our first child, even though we’ll never meet them? I want our first child to have a name so they know we love them and wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

“Kazuto'' means first . I think it fits perfectly for our child”.

So with that you guys finally reached the small hut. Walking inside you tried to hold back tears, but couldn’t, neither could the boy by you.

“Dear what can I do for you?” the old woman said with a kind smile. After explaining the situation to her, she led both the young teens into a back room. She left to get her supplies and for the teens to say their goodbyes to their unborn child.

After a while of being there the teens left, three people entered, but one would never leave. The two walked around town looking at the pasting scenery. Good thing for them that this was a small Fire Nation community that allowed the Prince to dock here. So they found a lonely tree in the outskirts of the village and built a small memorial there for their unborn child. Tying a small yellow ribbon on it so others know to not mess with it.

“At least this village allows me here, so each year we can come back and see our child” Zuko hummed to you with his arms around you.

The rest of the day leading into night you and Zuko laid by the tree where your son's memory will live on. Just talking about what life would have been like if they were able to have their child. Eventually falling asleep by each other. Never hearing the soft steps of Iroh walking over to them with a blanket.

“I wish you guys would have to experience losing a child, but this will only bring you closer and teach you a life lesson. Please little one if you hear me, please protect your parents. Know that they love you tremendously and want to hold you more than anything in this whole world. Hmmm...your name is Kazuto fitting. I bet my nephew picked that out. Well I’m your great uncle Iroh or you can call me Grandpa if you want.”

If people were to walk by they'd think a crazy old man was talkng to a tree with two teens asleep by him. But, little did they know he could see the spirits and right now he was talking to the boy that never got to make it into the real world. After a few hours passed and the sun was rising.

“Well young one if you ever need to talk to me, just appear. But, best if I get your parents back to the dock and we keep on with our journey.”

Soon the group of three made it back to the boat and continued with their mission. Never forgetting the person they’ll have to leave behind for now.

A year later right after the encounter with General Zhao. A boat pulled back to the small village they came to last year. Only a group of people knew why.

“We’re close, baby. We’re doing this for you. Happy first Birthday our baby boy”

End of Flashback:

After explaining everything, the teacher paired everyone up.

Y/N and Zuko

Katara and Aang

Sokka, Suki, and Toph

After the school day ended the teacher called over you and Zuko. They apparently knew about what happened and told you guys if you didn’t feel comfortable doing it you didn’t need to. Surprisingly you both were on board with the project. Sharing the same thought “we can see now it would have been like if Kazuto was born.” The two week project was started.

“Hey Zuko let’s names them Kazuto”

“Agreed”

At first you and Zuko were so into it. Until nighttime.

Laying down on the bed with the fake baby in between them, a silent sob was heard.

“Why do I think I could do this, it feels like he’s right here with us. I miss him so much. Zuko, Zuko I don’t think I can do this anymore. I didn’t even last a day.”

“Honey I feel the same way, but it does feel nice to act as though this baby right here is Kazuto right now. He is three right now though and not a newborn”. Zuko let put a pained chuckle

These two week were going to be hard. Fortunately the whole gaang knew about what happened so they were a big help. By the end you knew if Kazuto was born we would have been a good mother, also Zuko. Today was the last day and you were already missing acting like a mother.

“Zuko after we’re done with school, let’s make Kazuto a new sibling. I’m ready to have a baby. We live in a healthy environment so it’ll be perfect” you whisper to Zuko while running your hands through his hair during lunch.

“I've been thinking the same thing, I've been wanting to try again, even though they’ll never replace our Kazuto.”

Fast forward four years…

“Izumi stop running down the halls. Would your big brother like to know you got hurt”

“No mommy, I’m sorry...anyways can we go visit him”

After agreeing with the small child. You guys arrived at the shrine that was built in the palace for Kazuto. Izumi was just chatting away to her brother about her day. It was just like he was right next to you. Little did you know he was sitting in front of you just listening to his baby sister while watching his mother content. A smile never leaving his face.

“I can’t wait to actually meet you guys. I always been watching over you like grandpa asked. So keep waiting and tell papa I love him too. I love you guys”.

As you were sitting with your daughter you heard a distance voice. One you've been hearing for years now, the voice of your son.

“I will Kazuto” your daughter hearing you say that and asking if you heard her brother also. You nodded making the young girl run away yelling ”I love you” back to her dear brother.

“I can’t wait”

Okay so now time for Spanish word of the day: primero (first)

Also some sad news didn’t make the soccer team...because of my injury that I have

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I asked my sister to stop bringing her girlfriend to our family video calls?

My family has had a group video call every week since my sister and I moved out of our parents' house. We're all busy with our own lives, but we are a tight knit group and having a chance to chat face to face every week is something we all care about a lot.

These calls typically include me (25F), my sister (21F), and our mom and dad. The calls are casual, and one or more of us is often doing chores or working on a craft project while we talk.

About a year ago, my sister (I'll call her C) started dating E (25F). They've had an on-and-off relationship as E struggles with an addiction and unsupportive parents (both C and E are trans), but they have remained friends throughout. Not sure if it's really relevant, but they are also both poly and dating other people. None of this is an issue for me or my parents, and we have a very supportive relationship (I'm also queer and NB-ish).

The problem is that since they started dating, E is almost always in the room with C while we have our family video calls.

At first, C would hide that E was there at all. We would be talking for 30 minutes and suddenly E was walking through the frame. My mom in particular was uncomfortable with this as we sometimes talk about private subjects and we like to dress like we would if we were all hanging out at home (like in pajamas or underwear). Mom asked C if she could at least announce to us if E was in the room, and C did it for a while but eventually stopped.

The interruptions escalated from there. Now, C will have full-on conversations with E while we are on the video call, as if we aren't there. I think this is rude and disrespectful of the time the rest of us set aside for talking to each other. I honestly wouldn't mind if E joined our family calls, if she actually participated in the group conversation (to be clear, I don't blame E for not participating). I think my parents are just happy to get time with C at all.

There have also been instances in the past where one of us thought C was alone and asked her about her relationship with E, which is always embarrassing and uncomfortable for everyone.

E is now at every family video call, always off camera. Today, we had been talking for an hour about my mom's cancer recovery, just the four of us, when E said something to C that I couldn't hear. C immediately started talking and laughing with E, unmuted (so I couldn't even talk to or hear my parents). This is happening more and more often.

Again, I know my sister isn't being intentionally rude. I also respect that she needs social time with her friends and partners, especially as a trans person. I also wonder if E enjoys listening to our family calls since she isn't close to her parents at all. But I miss when we could all share an hour of dedicated family time, and I think my parents have started censoring what they say because they know my sister's friends are in the room.

So WIBTA if I asked my sister to come to our weekly family video calls alone?

I'm also open to advice in the comments since I've never brought up something like this before. Usually if C and I have an issue we say something right away, but I have let this go on for almost a year hoping that she would realize how it's impacting us.

What are these acronyms?

[zi-i-think]

12 | The Universe has Other Plans

Pairing: Zuko x Ama (OC)

Word Count: 6200+

.☽☼☾.

~ Ama ☾ ~

         The bachelorette party came way too quickly. Katara happily agreed to letting Suh join us. Something about how I've made her feel uncomfortable, and that she needs to feel safer with us girls. Oh if only she knew that Suh wasn't here to stay.

         By midday, everyone stood at the village entrance to bid farewell to the groomsmen. The walls of ice were curved around the town and there was a large archway with the Water Tribe symbol carved at the top as the entrance.

         "Have fun, you guys." Katara told all the men, stealing a hug from her fiance.

         "Oh we'll have lots of fun!" Sokka exclaimed with excitement. "Booze, strippers and parting is what I've been waiting for." Suki playfully smacked Sokka's chest.

         Aang tilted and shook his head. "Sokka, that's not what's happening."

         "What!" Sokka gave Aang a disappointed look and then looked over at Zuko. "What kind of bachelor party did you plan?"

         Zuko looked a little uncomfortable with the sudden question. "He planned the kind of bachelor party I asked for." Aang responded for him.

         "Sokka will you act civil for once in your life?" Katara reprimanded her brother with her hand on her hip.

         "The answer is very simple. No." Sokka grinned just to taunt our sister. I chuckled at them while Katara sighed in disappointment.

         "Alright, well I think we should go if we want to make it Milu Island before sundown." Aang interjected the bickering. "Bye, sweetie." He leaned down to give Katara a chaste kiss.

         Suh skipped to Zuko, wrapping her arms around his neck to give him a hug, he in turn wrapped his arms around her waist. He and I shared a quick look. Reminding me that I had to keep a close eye on the suspicious girl.

         After all the short goodbyes, the four men climbed up Appa to go to the small Earth Kingdom island. "There's still gonna be booze though, right?" Sokka wondered as he climbed over the saddle's side.

         "Alright, miss maid of honor," Toph started to ask, drawing the attention to me. "What do you have planned for us?"

         "Well, as per Katara's request. We don't have strippers." I turned to my sister, seeing her shake her head at me.

         "Wow, you and Aang really are meant to be." Toph quipped.

         "What is it with you all and strippers?" Katara wondered loudly. Her expression was genuinely confused and she looked a little concerned. "Don't you all think it's a bit degrading?"

         "Course not." I shook my head and warped an arm around Katara's shoulders. "They're wonderful people. I spent some time with a small group a few years back. A lot of them enjoy what they do and get paid well. I learned a few moves, too. If you want sis, I can teach you for your honeymoon."

         My sister immediately turned red and shoved me off her. "Ama!" The girls and I laughed at her reaction. "Can we just get to the bachelorette party! Please!"

         "As you wish, princess." I teased her. "First stop is the spa." I announced, leading the group of girls through the town and towards the beginning of what would be an insane night.

.☽☼☾.

         After spending a couple hours at the spa, we headed back to the palace. I had some of the maids decorate the living room so that it would look more like an actual party than some boring hang out.

         There was blue and yellow confetti on the tables, where there were some snacks like seal jerky and kale cookies placed on top. The couches and the floors were covered in blankets, because I doubt any of them will make it to the bedrooms. And my favorite touch to the setting. An ice sculpture of shirtless Aang, posing with his air-staff.

         Katara hated it at first, but quickly gave in to her own embarrassment. Blushing a deep red, but still taking the seats closest to it. I didn't find Katara's modest behavior annoying or weird. I knew that Katara just liked to keep some things private and I respect it. I just couldn't help but tease her and push her a little bit out of her comfort zone. I made sure that the sculpture was the only thing that was over the top.

         The girls were chatting for some time and eating the snacks set forth while I grabbed an activity. I made sure to keep an eye on Suh. Currently, she was talking to Suki. And I noticed her glance out the window.

         "All right ladies, we have one game to play before you all black out and I have to keep you all from puking all over the place. Grab a drink and take a seat." I announced, handing Katara a glass of hard wine. I gave the others a moment to get settled in their seat before explaining what was happening.

         "So, this will be more on the bride-to-be than anyone else." I started. "Basically, I asked Aang a series of questions, but Katara doesn't know what he answered. So I'm going to ask the questions and if she answers the same as he did, you all take a sip from your drinks. But if she doesn't, she has to take a sip."

         "Ha!" Katara laughed confidently. "Aang and I know everything about each other. I don't think this game will get me to drink a lot."

         "We shall see dear sister." I cocked one of my eyebrows and unfolded the paper with the list of questions and Aang's responses. "First up. Who's the better kisser."

         "Easy. Me." Katara gave her self-assured answer.

         I shook my head. "Apparently your fiance believes that he's the better kisser."

         Katara scoffed and shook her head as the girls giggled. "That doesn't sound like Aang. Are you sure that's what he answered?"

         "Positive." I nodded. Katara sighed, but still took a sip from her glass. Her face cringed a bit at the strong alcohol.

         "Looks like you two don't know each other as well as you guys thought." Suki teased.

         "Oh please, it was one question." Katara pointed out, still being confident about how she'd answer. "Next question."

         Holding up the paper again, I looked at the next thing on the list. "Who said "I love you" first?"

         Katara smiled lightly, taking a moment to think back. "He did."

         "Correct-a-mundo." I nodded and turned to the girls. "Ladies take a sip."

         "Katara better get most of these right cause I'm trying to get wasted tonight." Toph commented before grabbing her glass.

         "Me too." Mai, surprisingly agreed. She was usually a light drinker, but I guess this was the one exception.

         I chuckled at them and took a quick look at Suh. Noting that she was hesitant to drink and glanced out the window. Perhaps Zuko and I were right. Maybe she was anxious because she was supposed to be meeting the others tonight, but was here instead.

         The night proceeded. I made sure to keep Suh in my line of sight. She avoided me for the entire night, which I was glad about. Instead she was speaking with Ty Lee, who was just a bit more chipper than usual with the alcohol in her system.

         Suki and Toph were both talking with Katara. The bride-to-be was the most out of it compared to everyone else, followed by Suki and Ty Lee. Toph was the furthest from a lightweight, her words slurred a bit but for the most of it, she could hold herself up. Suh had barely drank anything since the end of the drinking game earlier.

         Mai was slouched across the sofa and I sat on the floor beside her. I had to be completely sober to be able to properly manage everything. And Mai, despite being a bit tipsy, could still hold a decent conversation. The alcohol made her more giggly than talkative, which I admit was a bit weird.

         "Ama, are you even listening to me?" She frowned with a whine.

         My head snapped to look up at her. She held her head up with her hand and looked at me with confusion. "I'm sorry, what?"

         "I was talking about how Kei Lo's mom absolutely hates me." She stated and glanced over to where I was just looking. "You've been looking over at Suh a lot tonight. You really are jealous."

         "Am not." I rolled my eyes. Here we go again.

         Mai repositioned herself to lay on her stomach and rest her chin on her hands. "Ama literally one week ago, you and Zuko were cuddling up on the couch. No one asked what happened that night, but-"

         "We told you all, we were reading and just fell asleep." I interrupted to remind her.

         "Okay." She huffed an unbelieving laugh. "You're just lucky Suh wasn't the one who found you guys like that. I don't think I'd be able to handle another one of her screeching rants." Mai rolled her eyes and sipped her wine. "I really don't want to deal with her. As a Zuko’s advisor I’m bound to run into her at least once a week."

         I wanted to tell her that she wouldn't have to worry about that because Suh was a fake. But then again, while Zuko and I were almost positive of it, it was just a conspiracy. "Good luck." I told her instead, getting her to chuckle.

         Loud shrieks caught our attention. I was almost ready to get into a fighting position, but it was just Suki and Katara. Their arms were wrapped over each other's shoulders and their glasses were held high up in the air as they sang loudly.

         "Horror, let's talk about the horror!" They sang incredible out of tune. Toph sat beside them with her hands covering her ears. "I'm the melancholy one! I live my life as if I'm yearning!"

         Mai and I laughed loudly at them. Katara and Suki couldn't even finish the song because their giggling kept getting in the way. Katara set her glass of wine down and doubled over in laughter. Lucking they were sitting on the floor.

         I shook my head at her and grabbed my glass of water to have a sip. Until a large crash interrupted everyone's good spirits. The large living room window was crashed into by two large men completely dressed in black and ski-masks covered their face and hair.

         I jumped up immediately, so did Toph and Mai, ready to fight. Suh scurried away, pulling the drunk Ty Lee with her. Toph stood in front of Suki and Katara protectively. The two girls were trying to get off the ground, but they had way too much wine and their stances were off. I found it ironic that the two girls who made it the most clear that they wanted to be drunk were the two most sober to fight off the intruders.

         The men rolled on the floor and stood up. They used earthbending to pull up chunks of the stone floor up and throwing them at us. Toph, protected herself and the two girls behind her by creating a wall out of the stone floor. Mai and I dodged the chunk thrown at us. Each of us in different directions.

         Mai being the prepared person she was, had her knives with. So while dodging the chunk of stone, she threw the knives at our attacker. It barely grazed his arm, cutting through the black fabric.

         I was jumping in the direction of Katara and Suki. "Get behind the couch!" I ordered them.

         "No, we can help." Katara claimed. But based on her slurred words and her weak waterbending beside her, I knew she was way too intoxicated.

         "Get behind the couch!" I repeated, more violently and authoritatively. I'd be damned if I allowed her to fight in the state she was in. She could barely stand correctly and she wanted to fight?! She'd get hurt.

         With a frown, Katara and Suki scurried behind the couch. I bent the water that Katara just had and held it by my side. I scanned the room for Ty Lee and Suh. But they were nowhere to be seen. They must have already hid somewhere.

         Bending the water, I used it to create a chunk of ice and threw them at Mai's opponent. He had his attention on Mai, throwing stone after stone at her while she gracefully dodged each of them. He didn't see the large ball of ice and it crashed into his side and threw him on the ground.

         Toph slammed her foot into the ground and the stone floor shot up, engulfing her attacker. He was unable to move, thus unable to bend. I took her example and bent my water to engulf Mai and I's attacker completely in ice.

         "Too easy." Toph said cockily.

         "It was way too easy." I grumbled skeptically as I walked to one of the glaring men.

         Toph went over to the other with her arms crossed. "They over estimated themselves, obviously. A bunch of intoxicated girls in one place alone." Her hands rested on her knees while she bent down to one of them. "We just need to know why they did it."

         I sighed, but supposed she was right. At the same time, Toph and I removed their face covering. My breath hitched when I pulled the mask off. I knew this man. He had light brown hair, a wrinkled forehead, despite not being middle aged yet, brown eyes and an unmistakable deep scar that ran across his face.

         I felt like I couldn't move. He just looked up at me with a knowing smirk. He recognised me. He was getting joy from seeing me after he hurt me in the most painful way possible.

         "Ama!" Katara's voice shouted fearfully. My head snapped around. My eyes widened even more when seeing Katara being held by none other than Azula. She stood behind my sister with one arm around her neck and blue fire in her other hand.

         "You know, you should really invest in some better guards." Her venomous voice said while Katara desperately tried to remove Azula's arm. But the firebender only tightened her arm, choking my sister lightly.

         "Let her go, Azula." I demanded with a glare. I wasn't completely sure what the connection was between Azula and the earthbenders that just attacked. I just knew that Azula had my sister in a vulnerable state.

         The woman snickered at me. "You saying that has no effect on what I choose to do."

         "And what if I caved your face in with a boulder." Toph growled, bending a large piece of stone beside her.

         "But you won't." Azula confidently smirked. "Cause I have the Avatar's finance in one hand, and a fire in the other. And it's getting dangerously close to her face." The fire only got closer to Katara's cheek. "What do you say? Should I give her and Zuzu a matching scar?"

         "Stop!" I ordered, but it came out more like a beg.

         Azula looked at me with the most menacing smirk on her red painted lips. "Drop your weapons and stop your bending. And free my friends." She told us. Mai, Toph and I all shared the same questioning look, before dropping our knives, water and stone as well as freeing the two demons. "Thank you. I'm just here to talk." Azula said, moving the fire away from Katara's face, but keeping it ablaze.

         "Is that why you sent two guys to attack us and now have my sister?" I snarled the question.

         "When was I ever one for a less than dramatic entrance?" She pointed out arrogantly. "I'm just a little offended that I wasn't invited to the wedding. After all, if it weren't for my threatening to capture you all, who knows if the bride and groom would even be in love today."

         "Get on with it, Azula." Mai grumbled at her ex-bestfriend.

         Azula sighed and shook her head. "Mai. So impatient. I'm just here to leave a warning. To Ama" I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head. "You remember when you chained me up all those years ago. You interrupted the Agni Kai between Zuko and I. That was cheating."

         "You lost that Agni Kai when you aimed for me. And I couldn't just let you hurt Zuko more than you already did." I clenched my jaw, wondering where she was going with this?

         "This isn't about him. This is about you." She scoffed. "You beat me. Hurt my pride a bit, I'll admit. But no worries, cause I'm here to take it back."

         "You're doing all this cause you got your feelings hurt?!" Toph shouted.

         "Well it's not like I have anything better to do." She laughed. This absolute sociopath. "Look, this doesn't end here. I just need to give Ama a bit of insight about what I'm capable with. Remind her about what she still has to lose." Azula started to move around the couch and moved towards the broken window, dragging Katara with her. The two men also walked closer to the window. "Your little girlfriend was just the beginning."

         Once that was said, Azula threw Katara on the ground and the three of them jumped out the window to escape. I skid over to my sister, holding her in my arms as she wept out of fear. Mai and Top ran to the window. Hoping to maybe take them on now that Katara was safe.

         "They're gone." Toph announced with confusion.

         "They're gone?" Suh's voice came in, peeking her head into the living room from the hallway. "Spirits, that was terrifying."

         I was too concerned with Katara than to stress over Suh. Even though the annoying woman wasn't involved in this little fight, I was somehow even more convinced that she was involved with Azula.

         "I'm going to kill her." I grumbled with my jaw clenched and my arms holding Katara tightly.

.☽☼☾.

         The boys finally got back sometime during the afternoon the next day. After Azula left, the bachelorette party was essentially over. No way was anyone able to get back to that festive and joyous feeling.

         Appa landed in the courtyard and Sokka jumped out first. "Suki, I wrote you a song!" He announced with a grin. But the atmosphere was gloomy and no one smiled with him.

         Katara ran to Aang, engulfing him in a tight hug. "Sweetie, what happened?" He asked her with so much concern.

         "Zu-bear!" Suh ran to Zuko and jumped on him for a hug. "It was so bad. Azula came in and..." She explained everything so rapidly.

         Zuko looked over at me, but I was looking somewhere else completely. My jaw was clenched and I fiddled with my nails. My anger or nerves haven't calmed down at all since last night. I barely got sleep. And I still didn't completely understand what was happening.

         I knew that Azula threatened my sister and basically just told me that she was behind Mulan's death. But also. I looked at the face of Mulan's killer. The man who took her from me. It was all too much too fast. I felt hurt and sad and angry and a thousand other emotions at once.

         I refused to look at anyone and just headed back inside the palace. Tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

.☽☼☾.

         The night sky was filled with bright stars. Being a waterbender, I've always been drawn to the nighttime more than the day. And since a child, I'd stare up at the night sky, keeping an eye out for constellations and finding patterns.

         Mulan and I layed in a clearing together, our shoulders touching as we looked up. Her rough hand was intertwined with mine while my right hand was pointing up, showing her the constellations. "...and if you look there, you can see the twin badgermoles." My hand outlined the stars.

         Mulan didn't say anything for a moment as she tried to find where I was pointing. "I don't see them." She shook her head and her eyes shined in bewilderment.

         "Here." I said, I took my hand that was intertwined with hers and pointed up again. "It takes a moment, but focus more on the brighter stars."

         "I think I see it." Her tone was unsure. I couldn't see her, but I was positive that she had one of her eyebrows cocked upwards and a lopsided grin on her face.

         "You think or you know?" I giggled, letting our arms fall back beside us.

         She giggled along with me and brought her hand up to her face. "I don't know. I think I see it but I also might be psyching myself out." I shook my head and moved to my side to wrap an arm around her waist, keeping my eyes up at the sky.

         "Hey, Ama?" She started with a questioning tone. I hummed a 'what', allowing for her to ask her question. "What do you think about settling down soon?"

         I moved off of her and rested my head in the palm of my hand. "What do you mean?" I wondered. I mean, I was sure she meant what I was thinking, which was stopping from fighting bandits all the time. But I didn't want to just assume.

         Mulan moved into a more seated position to lean on her elbows and look at me. "Well not now, but maybe like next year or something. What if we moved on from this chapter of our lives. We could buy a house. I've always wanted a big one. Somewhere to house all the kids who've been kicked out by their parents."

         I grinned widely at her. She was so pure I loved it. Despite wielding a blade and having a fighting personality, Mulan never killed. She always had hope for people and always looking out for the underdog. Specifically children. I wasn't surprised at her idea to house rejected kids. After all, at 13 her own parents kicked her out for her sexuality.

         She looked down at me, seeing my loving gaze. Her cheeks flushed red and a nervous laugh escaped her lips. "What?" I shrugged, moving to sit next to her. "I think that's a great idea." I told her, looking into her green eyes. "Someplace by a lake or ocean, preferably."

         "And fertile soil." She added, biting her bottom lip in a happy manner. "I want a garden. Or two. One for vegetables and one for flowers." If there was one trait she took from her hateful parents, it was her love for nature and plants. She knew more about them than anyone I'd ever met. Other than Ursa, that is.

         "We can sell our harests for money." I added, already planning a way to earn money.

         "Su Ga Village." She grinned. "It's out west, the beaches are so clear and blue, you'll love it."

         "Sounds like a plan." I laughed excitedly.

         "Really?" A soft exhale left her grinning lips.

         I moved to sit on my knees and got closer to her. My hands cupped her cheeks and smiled contently. "Really." I finalized and leaned down, pressing a chaste and loving kiss on her lips. Mulan's hands cupped my cheeks as well, deepening the kiss.

         She pulled away first, with the happiest smile. "So it's settled. One year from now, we're going to get the house."

         "And we're settling down." I finished. Or so I thought.

         "And I'll finally meeting your friends and family?" She gave me a hopeful shrug and pressed her lips into a thin line.

         I took a moment to think. I loved Mulan so, so much. It was time I got over this fear of not being accepted, and introduced her to the other people that I loved. "Yeah." I nodded. "It's about time they knew about you."

         She squealed excitedly, peppering kisses all over my face as I laughed. "We'll invite them to some sort of housewarming party! You can make your cookies and I'll do the lemonade! Oh, I hope they like me."

         I chuckled at my girlfriend, pulling her face closer to me. "They're going to love you. You know how I know?"

         "How?" She intertwined our hands together, leaning even more until our noses touched.

         "Because I love you." I told her. "And if they don't I'm just going to have to freeze their bodies until they do."

         She shook her head at me. Lightly pushing me back until my back was on the grass floor and she was on top. Our hands were still intertwined. "I love you." She said softly, kissing me passionately. I responded blissfully. Slowly, her lips started to go down my neck and I moved my head back to give her more access.

         But a loud crash interrupted our moment. Mulan jumped off me and I sat up. We exchanged the same concerned look. It sounded like a small scale rock avalanche, which was already concerning as is because we were at a mountain side. But what made it even more terrifying was that it came from the campsite. Where everyone else was.

         The two of us jumped up and sprinted to the campsite. We were both incredibly shocked to find the scene. We were idiots to pick a place by a cliff. The entire side of it had collapsed, burying out entire site in it's gray rock and yellow-brown dirt.

         I sucked in a sharp breath and started to look around for any sign of the rest of the Miraculous Bastards. "Masha!?" Mulan shouted. Getting no response. "Bono!? Taon!?" I ran to the rubble, digging though the rock and dirt.

         They can't be gone. They can't. I'd never have another taste of Masha's meals. Bono would never share his poetry with me. Taon and I wouldn't  go on another adventure. They still had lives to live. Masha and Taon were going to get married!

         I breathed heavily, ignoring the light jabs from the small rocks. Mulan skidded next to me, digging through the rock and dirt with me. She already had tears streaming down her face. They were her family. She knew them since her teen years. They were outcasts together.

         Neither of us saw it coming. A rock about the size of my head was hurdled at us. Luckily, it didn't hit either of us. We jolted our heads up, seeing two men standing at the top of the fallen rock. Both were quite buff. One had light brown hair while the other pitch black hair.

         They had disgusting grimances on their faces while they bent more chunks of earth by their side, throwing them towards us. Mulan and I had to jump away from the rubble to avoid the rock.

         The men jumped down towards us, each landed a few feat away from us. I opened my waterskin, bending the water out and created ice bullets from it. One by one, I shot them at one of the men while Mulan had her katanas out and fought the one with light hair.

         The man I fought with shot columns of earth out at me, but I dodged each of them. My feet stepped lightly from one place to another in a spinning motion as I maneuvered through the moving rock and towards the attacker. Once I got close enough, I created ice claws around my fingers and threw them at the man. They stuck into his bicep and he cried out in pain.

         I sprinted even faster. The man used his good arm to create a wall of earth between us. I almost crashed into it, but stopped just inches away. I grumbled in anger and used a jet of water to push myself off the ground and over the wall. Jumping down the wall, I used the jet of water and forced it onto the man.

         He didn't see it coming and it pushed him back. He fell on the ground and I created an ice sword, pointed it over him. "Where are my friends?!" I demanded to know, refusing to believe that they were dead. The man clenched his jaw, looking at me at me like I already knew.

         A screech caught my attention. Mulan. She was in trouble. I immediately abandoned the man there and ran in the direction of the cry. Using a water jet to push myself over the wall I ran to the scene.

         Mulan was stuck in between the ground and a boulder pressing on her. The earthbender had a satisfied smirk on his face as he saw her struggling against the rock. He saw me running over and in the last moment before I could waterbend at him, he raised the rock a few feet above the air and then let it fall.

         It seemed to be in slow motion. Mulan let out a blood curdling cry while the boulder fell through the air. I made an attempt to save her, sending a forceful push of water, turning into ice at the ends to push the rock away. But it was too late. It crushed her, hitting her chest and gut more than anything else.

         I let out a horrifying shout at the impact while Mulan's voice stopped. In anger, I turned to the man who just crushed her. Light beads of sweat dripped down his face and a pleasurable smile was on his face. I used up all of the water from my waterskin, but there were still the trees.

         I focused on bending the water out of the trees, and the bark and wood broke off, killing the piece of life. I sent ice spears at the man. His smile went away real quick and he jumped back. And I sent more spears while he jumped back more and more until he tripped over a tree root and fell.

         "A-ama..." A weak voice called for me. I immediately stopped my bending, but kept my arms out. This was my chance to get back at him. Bu Mulan needed me more.

         I glanced at the man. "Run." I growled at him. And he did. He scurried up from the floor and ran away.

         I sprinted over the Mulan.The boulder still pressed on her. I bent the water from the ice spears towards me and turned them back into ice under the boulder. I created it like a ramp and the giant rock rolled off of her. I immediately turned the ice back into water and let it float beside me.

         I knelt down to my girlfriend and pulled her weak body onto my lap. "Hold on, okay." I held the tears in. I bent my water over her chest and it glowed over her while I tried to heal her. But even I, a moderate healer, could feel that there was so much damage in her chest. "Hold on."

         "Ama." Her voice was raspy and choked up. I looked from her chest to her face. There were cuts and bruises on her once rosy cheeks. Scarlett blood dripped slowly out of her mouth. Her rough, bloody hand reached for my wrist, removing it from her chest and pulling it instead to her cheek. "It's okay." She assured me with a weak smile.

         "No. No." I shook my head and tears already spilled from my eyes. My thumb lightly wiped across her cheek to make her feel safe with my touch. "We have a plan. We need to get that house. The kids, they need us. And your garden."

         She gave me a tiny smile, her green eyes looked at each of my features as she took me in one last time. "Maybe in my next life." She told me. Her hand that held mine on her cheek got noticeably weaker.  "Ama, I love you."

         I tried to speak. I tried to tell her that I loved her too. But instead I was choked up and a sob escaped my lips instead. Mulan dragged my hand to her lips and placed a soft kiss on my palm. I shook my head. I couldn't let her leave me. We just planned our future. "I love you, too." I finally choked out.

         The redhead smiled that lovely smile, her teeth shining and everything. And then her hand spilled off of mine and her body went limp. I held her in my arms as her soul left her body. "No!" I sobbed. My heart broke right then and there. I hunched over and cradled her into me.

         I shook my head. My tears were making my hair stick to my cheeks. All I could think was that this couldn't be real. The woman I loved couldn't have just died in my arms. But she did.

         I wept for what felt like hours. Finally, I set her body down on the ground. Her eyes were still open. The once bright green eyes were now dull and painful to look at. Another sob forced its way out. My hand covered my mouth as I reached over, closing her eyes.

         This was all his fault. He killed her. Murdered her and then I had to watch the life leave her body. This wasn't fair. Everyone was gone. I was alone. But all I saw was red.

.☽☼☾.

         It was only nights later. I spent my days tracking them. The two men responsible for my pain. My heart was broken and they were about to feel my pain in a different way.

         They were sitting by a fire. Having casual conversation and drinking beer like they hadn't just murdered four people nights before. They were truly monsters. I clenched my jaw and my blood boiled at the sight.

         I jumped out from behind the tree, a curved ice swords in my right hand. They both jumped up at my surprise attack, I kicked the dark haired man back. And my sword swung to the light haired man. I didn't realize how close I was to him, because my sword cut his face. It went from his forehead down to his opposite cheek, being deeper at the cheek. Really, it worked in my favor.

         I breathed heavily in anger. The man touched his cheek, and looked at the blood on his fingers. "You bitch!" He growled and looked at me. His brown eyes glared at me, and I glared back.

         "I'd rather be a bitch than a monster like you." I snarled. He and his friend both levitated chunks of rock to hurdle at me. I frowned and took in deep breaths, knowing that I had the upper hand.

         Not only was it the middle of the night. But it was also a full moon.

         I created two large walls into a triangular shape in front of me to shield me from the rock they threw at me. While being temporarily protected I got into my stance. And when I was ready, feeling the energy of the moon, I let go of the shield and they splashed into the ground.

         I focused on the water into the men's blood. My eyes were closed, hands were out in front of my and my fingers straight. The grunts of pain from the men confirmed that I was indeed bloodbending. I opened my eyes, seeing them hovering over the ground with stiff bodies.

         "You will pay." I said through gritted teeth. My left foot moved to step in front of my right and my hands went down, my fingers curling slightly to suffocate them lightly at first. I could only admit this to myself, but I enjoyed seeing them like this. Terrified expressions and slightly trembling. Completely at my mercy.

         "Please." The dark haired one pleaded. "We can explain."

         I shook my head. "I don't need an explanation. I need revenge." Venom spilled from my lips. They killed Bono. They took away the lives of Masha and Taon. They murdered Mulan.

         I was about to do it. I was about to crush their disgusting bodies and rid the world of these horrid excuses for men. But I couldn't. I thought back to what I said just moments before. That I'd rather be a bitch than a monster. Would I be a monster if I killed them?

         This technique itself was invented by a woman so unethical, that it's now illegal. But even Hama never killed anyone. Just imprisoned the citizens of the FIre Nation. Now I was planning to take someone's life with it.

         They deserve it. My own voice told me. And they probably did. But Mulan wouldn't want me to.

         I didn't realize that I was hyperventilating until I let go of the bloodbending. The stress on their bodies for so long made the men pass out the moment they hit the floor. I fell to my knees, more tears of grief and terror escaping my eyes.

.☽☼☾.

I hope there was enough angst. I haven’t written fanfic for like a year because of school, so I think I’m starting to get the hang of it again, but even before my writing was trash.

Hang loose, amigos 🤙🏼