#i've been seeing a lot of these lately and it got me thinking of my own friends lol
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shifting to the 60s
hii I havent posted in a while, I've been trying re group from multiple shifts while getting my life back in order but I think I'm back.. Anyway I have a bunch of stories from so many places I'd like to share and im currently working on how I want to post them. But I don't see a lot of storytimes so I think it would be fun to share some. So i'm gonna rant about some shorter ones here.
shifting with sleep paralysis
I wanted to talk about this shift because it stuck out to me and I can't stop thinking about it.. I had shifted about 2 times in the span of 30 seconds. For a whole week back in October I was waking up at 3-5 am in the morning without being able to go back to sleep. So as you can guess I woke up at around 4 am and was restless. At around 6 am I got tired again so I started my method and I know people say that symptoms don't exist but in the time that I have shifted all I can say is that I disagree.. Anyway, one moment I was saying affimations and then the next I woke up all tingly and in a weird sleep state I've never been in before. I didn't even say to myself I wanted to shift I just did. It was like my mind was on autopilot. Didn't say affimations, didn't go through my script in my head, didn't even try to use the 5 senses. I just started seeing myself in 1st person and what I would be doing in my dr without any forethought and shifted. The first shift, I was on a track running with a couple of men and we all were wearing 60s running wear. I had an orange and red tank top with matching orange shorts. It had felt like there was an orange filter in this reality.. if that makes sense. I was on the track about to run and I just recall looking around laughing.
When I shifted to this moment its like I felt my consciousness leave my body; Which is the weird part because I've never really experinced this before. It felt like I was being pulled up by something and all I could hear was constant noise. I don't even know what noise I was hearing it was like someone was screaming right in my ear or veryyy loud ringing/static. The noise was SO loud. I was in the middle of sprinting when I shifted back because I thought I was the one making the noise, I thought I was screaming..Thankfully it was not me. But When I came back I was still In that state and I could look around me but my eyes were still closed. It's like I was seeing everything from a different perspective. There was a spider crawling on my wall right next to me when I shifted back so I freaked out and the noise got even louder ! The spider was leaving black spots all over my wall,, I could not figure out what was going on in the moment ( when I was writing this in my journal I figured out it was sleep paralysis ) It felt like I was tripping on a bunch of pain killers when I shifted back. I still couldn't move so I shifted again to the same reality but this time I was in the shower... the noise got even louder. The noise made it feel like a bad trip and I ended up shifting back here to try and stop it. It took my like an hour to get out of sleep paralysis. Unlike the method, this reality was very enyjoyable. It felt like a Nina Brodskyaya song, I lived alone and I was successful. I think I worked at a cigarette company, which is ironic because I hate smoking. But I don't know for sure as I didn't stay long enough to find out.
Lumari is a country I scripted, Forlina being one of its nations.
This reality was late 70's early 80's and one of my favorite drs. I stayed here for about a year. I was in Forlina living in an all girls home. Forlina gives free housing to students so I moved out of my parents house to start collage. About six girls are given a room to share together, don't worry they are pretty big. I loved our room. It had big sliding windows that gave a view of the tropical forest. We each had sunken in beds, some girls who were home sick shared beds for a couple of weeks. It took me a while to get use to the amount of noise in the morning. There was this one girl who would blast music on the radio while getting ready. I only had to worry about this sometimes because I woke up pretty early. Art was one of my classes and the professer would make the class times either 7 am or 9 pm which also took me some time to get use to. idk the guy was kind of weird. I rode my bike everywhere here. I miss being able to ride down a bike trail and see the ocean. I've been thinking about shifting back here for some time. I might post more about this reality in more detail later.
<3
#reality shifting#shifting#shiftblr#shifters#shifting blog#shifting community#shifting stories#shifting motivation#desired reality#reality shifter#shifting antis dni#shifting storytime
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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did I finally manage to write a brand new fic? I sure did!! with many, many thanks to the lovely @eeblouissant for inspiring me with these beautiful drawings of Blanche dipping Dorothy (and the incredibly sweet follow-up with Rose playing the piano, after our chat about this scene!!) I hope I managed to do it justice ;)
Summary
When Dorothy mentions she’s never been dipped before, Blanche and Rose decide to take matters in their own hands.
#i've been a liiiittle too tired lately to be able to really edit something#so this is honestly a bit of a gamble lol but i think it's finally fine enough to post!!#trust me to turn an action-heavy scene into an introspective character study lmao i know how to write One Type of thing only#anyway rose is very observant in here & i have my reasons for that!! first off she's the narrator and obviously narrators have to observe#but!! i've got more reasons. she seems pretty aloof a LOT of the time in the show. but then she's also a grief counsellor#+ she's occasionally very insightful!#so i figured i'd combine those facts with my autistic rose headcanon:#she's able to be observant in these scenes because she's not directly involved in the social interaction there?#like she's witnessing from the sidelines#& idk about other autistic people but I feel like I tend to see a LOT more when i'm not directly involved in the social situation#there's less pressure when you're an outsider & that leaves more room to actually think & observe??#because you're not also occupied with being social + making eye contact + thinking of what to say/how to react etc etc#anyway i really hope that sort of made sense oof. I really went off in these tags sjdfk#the golden girls#rose nylund#blanche devereaux#dorothy zbornak#golden wives
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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🙈
#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL#or just too worried about ants in general#but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms#where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site#idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed#whether they were breaking TOS or not#I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore#but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL#it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here#but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting#and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial#it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area#I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all#when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters#and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags#that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol#like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway#while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason#I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol#I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics#but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful#and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead#sorry again sebek I love you sebek 😭
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It always seems like such a good idea in the moment (Patreon)
The first four are in reference to a great idea I had of - since I’ve finished my lower-limit page number testing for making books; shorter fics take up less page space, and just increasing the font size isn’t as handsome! - simply making a mini book! All it would take would be to halve the pages again, right? Just cut them right down the middle! Easy peasy!
As I’m sure you can tell by the second, no. Not easy peasy. Difficult painful un-fun >:(
Obviously I still did it tho! What do you take me for, someone who could have the idea of an even tinier book and then not do something about it?? No It’s also the only one so far to have a paper bookmark rather than a ribbon!
All told it’s a bit smaller than your average manga (I love the monochrome covers on these under their dust jackets haha <3) - you can see even with effectively doubling up the pages by halving their size, it was still very small-spined!
A quick shot while it was still being made hehe ♪ It’s Out! Paired here - and the earlier one, just without its dust jacket haha - with my Zarla SC2 collection (ft. Family, Negotiations are Going...Well, and With No Obligation) - I absolutely kicked myself after the fact for not including Out as the run-up to everything, I was really trying to make a full collection in probably-chronological order! Out would’ve been a perfect start! And it only would’ve taken like four pages!!
Ah well, it was still quite a learning experience - I probably wouldn’t make another standalone of under 4k-ish just for formatting reasons but I did get some good ideas of how to do so if I wanted to! Although, my next project is going to be even more of a formatting nightmare........I’ll get there when I get there! Lol
#Doodles#The impulsive thoughts are always the funnest! But then it's all a matter of actually putting them into reality...#Ahh well like I said under the cut it was a learning experience! And I really wanted a physical copy of Out haha ♪#I don't think I've ever mentioned it - not even in my pre-fic notes :0 - but Out was another one of my inspirations for Drinking Game#I mean - the drinking lol obviously but I hadn't considered what VUX drinking would be like before reading it :)#I wanted to pair it with both physical copies hehe ♫ I'm happy I attempted it! And I have a better foundation to build on in the future!#I ended up using the scrap leftover from making such a small cover as the bookmark haha - and I picked the covers so they'd almost-match :)#They go together! But not quite! Just enough!#The sting of creation has worn off - it's actually been a while since I've made a quick book! - so the itch is starting to come back haha#Well - almost lol - the formatting is still........but I do want to do it! Especially now that I've got a hand-in-hand hobby to go with it#All that later ♪ For now snakes!#And also spiders I am also the same when spiders#I've been escorting a lot of spiders outside lately and pretty much all of them fall under the moniker of ''darling'' to me lol#Still no luck on finding a jumping spider :( But I also haven't got an enclosure set up yet either#There's this one booth that always has such adorable and pretty jumping spider enclosures ahhh I might have to break and get one someday#Same place where I got to hold the snake in fact! :D She was a love <3 Beautiful full-grown female cornsnake if memory serves#She was rather wiggly - she was tired and fussy and didn't feel like being handled by a stranger but she was so polite about it#A real delight to handle <3 And I got to see her babies! So cute and tiny!#The rest is more SCII fic stuff haha ♪ Rereading the Pirate fic was a lot of fun :) Intentionally avoiding Vargas fic(s) does make me a bit#Well I really like Vargas still lol it is candy to my brain so any gesture even remotely in that direction is very exciting haha#I'm perfectly happy with the rest for now tho! I have plenty of things to read and make! >:3c#Heck there's still a SCII fic I haven't read yet that I want to!! I just have to get all my previous SCII thoughts out of my head first haha#I will tho >:3c Always always ♪♫#SCII
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laira schmitt, with love, always. / emily berry, the numbers game / p.d / unknown / cowboyvamp
#was this worth the amount of time i put into it trying to find sources? no#did i have to remove a lot of the quotes i wanted in here bc i couldn't find most of the sources? yes#did i include one unknown anyway bc that quote was the one that got me going? yes i did#am i posting it anyway? yeah ig why not#been thinking a lot about byan's childhood recently and part of it is bc spacy-#well. bc spacy. bc of course it was spacy.#but specifically bc she got me thinking about byan finally getting some revenge on even just one of the people who hurt them and i just#i've been spiralling thinking about it since then#i don't think you're SUPPOSED to weave one quote throughout the whole thing but u know what idc this is my blog#honestly this might not even be fully coherent i can't tell anymore bc i've been staring at it for too long#anyway. dinner and then i'll see about some actual writing now that this is finally out of my head#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ musings ⋮ cowards only come through when the hour's late.
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person #1: "[character i really love] should die violently!"
me: okay, bye
person #2: "i love this character!"
person #2: "[other character i really love] should die violently!"
me:
#not important#chaotic rants#if i had a nickle for every time one of my non-villain favorites got bashed i'd...#i'd be rich honestly why the fuck does this keep happening to me#i feel like i've made this post before#anyways i dont want to get directly specific because i dont want this to show up in searches#but if anyone's wondering the characters are Sampo and Argenti from HSR#i love those two immensely#i also love Kafka WHO ALSO gets bashed a lot i've noticed :\#i think i'd be deeply uncomfortable with ANYONE wishing violent death on any character#it's a feeling i genuinely cannot relate to in the slightest despite having characters i dislike and dont really want to see#but it's especially distressing when it's my favorite characters#in case you're wondering this is why you'll never see me participate in direct character or ship bashing on my stuff#maybe i would have in the past but everyone is someone's favorite#and whenever im about to directly namedrop a character or ship that frustrates or annoys me i just kinda pause and go#'okay but what if someone who really likes this character/ship sees this and feels ashamed for their enjoyment?'#And Then I Don't Do It#not because anyone's making me but because the internet is a public space and frankly#there's already enough toxicity in the world#...i should post more character positivity and dress up/picrew stuff (and art but my art block's been severe lately)#maybe i'll build a queue in a bit if i can get my energy up#(if y'all are wondering why i have so many posts that are me complaining about fandom attitudes)#(it's 'cause spite gives me a temporary energy boost and i've been severely lacking in energy lately)#i -am- a bit hesitant because i know my takes on certain characters (particularly Dottore) are#insanely niche in a way i dont think anyone reading this before i've posted anything demonstrative of that fact will expect#and then i feel self conscious putting my niche stuff out there to be looked at#but! that's why i have custom character tags anyway i s'pose
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Song of the Day: January 11
"It's Still Rock and Roll to Me" by Billy Joel
#song of the day#so late today. the sun'll be up pretty soon#I was very busy watching Duncan play Spyro and letting my brain thump around on spin cycle#I haven't written anything worth looking twice at since i was so sick in December and it's been worrying me a bit#but if my full day's preoccupation is anything to judge by I will be writing again quite soon#just in time too I did see Del tagged me in a WIP Wednesday. maybe by next Wednesday I will have progressed a work to share#anyway this is today's song because I'm trying to make sure I remember to get a copy of it#it played on the radio and Duncan and Lily and I all got to sing along (always so good to sing with my siblings)#and there were plenty of songs we sang all together (lots of Adele. good shit) but this one I don't have and I really enjoy singing#and every now and then (especially around the family) it plays and I think 'oh shit! I still need to get a copy of that onto my computer!'#and so far I've forgotten every time#but this time I'm making a particular note! I will remember it! if not this weekend then at the very very latest at the end of this year#when I make a big playlist of all the Songs of the Day and I hit Jan 11th and my search pulls up empty and I curse myself for a fool again#dear future-Alexis: you are welcome for the reminder!
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Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now
(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)
(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)
Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh
#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.)#(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved)#(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.)#The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me.#All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so.#It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth#So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike.#There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars.#And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like:#He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover#And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery.#So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek#About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century!#Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but#I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name...#I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight#Armour clanking#I need an oc tag#What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference#and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶#I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶#He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER#What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶#It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶#I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶#I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER#Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...
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7 Fandoms, 7 Characters
Baldur's Gate 3- Shadowheart
Final Fantasy XII- Fran
Soul Eater- Death the Kid
Sly Cooper- Inspector Carmelita Montoya Fox
Kingdom Hearts- Roxas
Naruto- Shino Aburame
Death Note- L Lawliet
Tagged by: @al-perthe
Tagging: @escapismportal and anyone else who wants to do this!
#tag game#Thank you for tagging me; Al!!!#Fun Fact: everytime I see Kaiba; I think of you! :)#My husband got me Yu-Gi-Oh! The Duelists of the Roses for Christmas and I've been playing it lately.#So I've been seeing his face a lot!#Also I've realized that I have two types of characters that usually end up in my faves#Weird boys or ladies that can kick my ass
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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i enjoyed writing my last fic but in retrospect i got so caught up with my love of scene descriptions that i think the fic ended up suffering and being boring to read bc of it........
i have another fic idea (star trek this time) bubbling around in my head and i think if i write it i'm going to try to take some lessons from my previous fic to make it more engaging to read!!! like just picking out what i do/don't like abt it and seeing how i can incorporate that into the one i'm working on now. i figure if i keep on doing that then over time i might see some progress and improvement in my writing skills bc ik i have a long way to go atm but i want to do better 💪😤
#i feel like writing is hard for me bc i used to be ''good'' at it for my age#and got a lot of recognition for it in my early teens which kinda led to me developing an ego abt it#so then when i got rlly depressed in my mid-late teens and it was very bad until a couple of years ago#i just didn't write at all really#and then ig i thought i could come back to it now and still be ''good''#but it was a bit arrogant of me to think like that bc i'm not a kid anymore so the standards are higher#and also i've barely practiced#i didn't want to admit to myself that my writing is pretty mediocre but i've been doing some reflection on it#and realised that that is the case and i need to accept it#and accept that i need to practice if i want to ACTUALLY get good#it's hard to fit around uni and drawing as well but i'm trying to write little drabbles every now and then for fun#and hopefully i will see some improvement if i keep at it
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#tag talk#as much as I hate to see the social cinema grow as I get new followers. we're at a good and satisfying number. and I like that#also also also. I've introduced a friend to Hannibal (tv show) and he's loving it and I'm so happy cause none of#of my other friends have been able to stomach the body horror. so it's super cool to find someone to hype over it with#another random story that I genuinely can't remember if I said already. got told by a kid in minecraft that he's smiled a lot more around me#which. huge compliment. genuine honor to make people happy and smile and laugh#people don't laugh enough. we don't smile enough. be happy or die. and I'm too powerful to die. been there. haven't done that#cry and then laugh and then punch as hard as you can.#got to visit some of my favorite residents from the nursing home I first worked at. lotta new staff but my three favorite nurses are still#which is nice. I cried when I left that job because even though it crushed my soul I loved my coworkers and most of my residents.#I get why some healthcare workers grind themselves to the bone for the job. you're making such a huge difference in people's lives.#I tried but didn't have the fortitude for it. but it's nice to be able to go back and say hi to the friends I made and see how things are.#anyway. sorry for being weird like.. one or two weeks ago. I think things are settling out again. moving is rough but we're making it work#It's been a lot of Lear again lately. especially while being at my parents house. he doesn't mind being deadnamed as much sooo....#idk. at least one of us is capable of surviving the dmv and the state medicaid website. heaven knows I can't manage.#trying to stop using him as a crutch for getting things done has just resulted in us not being able to get things done.#but I don't want to be someone else I want to be me. I don't want to be the armor I want to be the human inside.#I don't want to live defensively. pushing everyone away. I can't do that.#anyway. we're back home! and work is on the horizon. hopefully this job works out cause I don't want to have to apply for new jobs.#the hr rep is a man at this store and I immediately got set on edge and our voice dropped as I stepped back.#then we introduced ourselves with the wrong name and he got confused and I just felt stupid about it#but how am I supposed to know which name he's been told. he didn't even use our paperwork name. Anyway that was a disaster#but we're on track and embarrassment is not a setback but a feeling about the way things progress. and it is progress we're making
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good morning! i just put a.khos on the f/o list!
#had to happen eventually hehe! I've fallen head over heels for my biggest enemy and i love him sooooo much!!#ash rambles 💚#i had a pretty eventful weekend#went out of town and on a shopping spree! twas very fun and i ate lots of yummy food and the such#i'm home now but so.. tired... cant bring myself to get out of bed just yet BAHAHAHA#i keep thinking about a.khos' arms around me keeping me close to him#i had a kinda creepy interaction with a man in public the other day and although i'm ok and safe#it was the first time that had happened to me and i'm still sorta shaken up#im ok!!! but i keep thinking about f/o comfort and the such just to help some more. i'm completely safe and doing so much better than I was#you see... theres this character... i don't love him. i think he's a horrible man. but he's so hot i start questioning things about myself#and my s/i for that source is a known flirt- so i wouldnt put it past them to have gotten it on a few times#but i've been thinking... what if theyre actually bitter exes? maybe that's why my d.mc s/i hates serious relationships so much..#but that aside. this character wears this heavy coat and i keep thinking abt using it as a weighted blanket!! it looks really really cozy#sir you're an asshole but... give me your coat!!!!! (grabby hands)#oh also! me being home means i got to see a.qua plushie!!! i missed her!#but yeah. that's what's up. so much goddamn a.khos brainrot.#he's stolen my heart#and don't tell anyone i said this but...#i love it. i love it so much. no better feeling than me being his and he being mine#also i've been thinking about my xb1 fankid a lot as of late.. but if i start rambling about Nalia we'll be here all day LMAO#but yeah! hope everyone is doing well! i'm doing okay too#ALSO AJDHWJEHW SO MUCH S.KYRIM ROT!! I LOVE R.UNE BY THE WAY AJDJAJS I#I HAVE BEEN DOING SO SO MUCH S/I WRITING FOR THEM#ALL OF THE THIEVES GUILD ARE MY BEST FRIENDS BTW#also did i mention i got to visit one of the largest bookstores in the world? goodness i love books soooo much!!!!!!!!#but also... reading next to a.khos.. enjoying that comfortable silence..#(swoons) what a man
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hi,
read Loveless by Alice Oseman.
best aroace book
#book rec#and to be kinda serious for once today#other than having the best ace depiction i've ever seen#reading loveless was the first time that kinda got me#hmmm#that aro stuff seems kinda relatable#and then i was like naaaaah#'naaah' you goof#anyway i might be some sort of aro#been thinking about it a lot lately#cause the last crush i remember having was like... a decade ago?#and even then it was more the pressure to 'like' someone#so i was seeing girls i admired and was going 'i like her. now leave me alone'#but ye. not sure yet#kinda funny too#cause i only recently (like less than a month ago) became fully certain of my asexuality#and just as i thought i had my lgbtqa letters figured out#boom#'you might be aro as well bish'#but ye#not sure yet and i don't think i fall in the more common aro description#probably something like demi or gray aro feels a bit more fitting (i do like gray. feels kinda right?)#BUT REALLY NOT SURE YET#okay tag-wall done#sr sr#✌#personal
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