#i've been conditioned not to spend any time in my own head

[panspaming]

Just clocked that working in retail has given me hypervigerlence and also a constant and buzzing feeling that I must be doing something at all times

[avocado-writing]

Okay, I've had this idea bouncing around in my head, waiting for you to reopen suggestions, haha. How do you think the Origins Companions + Halsin, Rolan, Dammon, and Zevlor would react if they found out that Tav had been hiding a very serious injury from them? The kind of injury where Tav is convinced that they're fine and they don't want to worry anyone with something they can handle on their own, especially the people they care most for, but as they try to ignore the injury it only gets worse until it's potentially life threatening and they can't keep up the facade anymore. I will leave it up to you whether or not Tav and the other individual are in a romantic relationship. I think both ways have potential for wonderful angst 😆

ooohhh noooooo! but also oh yes, LOVE this sort of angst lol. written as if you have had an infection come on from an injury. this is gonna be a long list so let's buckle up...

Astarion

really tries to hide his panic but fails miserably.

can't help but start snapping - how could you keep something like this from him?

you try to give your excuses but he waves them away, angry, but mostly because he's terrified that he might have lost you.

if he has any healing potions he helps you take them, if he doesn't he immediately... sources some from somewhere.

holds you as tight as he dares, worried that he will aggravate the injury otherwise.

as you begin to heal and drift off to sleep he spends the whole night watching you rest, making sure that you're still breathing, still safe. doesn't mind when you cuddle up to him in the night, sleepily.

Gale

curses himself for not noticing your condition. he's a wizard, damn it! he's meant to be bloody perceptive.

wishes for the first time ever that he didn't just know wizard spells. wishes he knew how to heal, too.

makes you as comfortable as he can while he finds a book about what he can do for an infected wound, probably swallowing his pride and going to Shadowheart if it's bad enough.

you manage a weak, "Gale, you don't have to--", and he cuts you off, "if you're going to insist that I don't have to look after you, I'm telling you that I do."

fixes you something to help with the pain and infection, makes sure you drink it all despite the horrid taste, then tucks you into his bedroll to let you rest.

when you go to reach out and cuddle him he slips into your arms, presses his lips to your hair, and whispers as you fall asleep about how much you scared him. about how he'd never be able to lose you.

Lae'zel

only realises how unwell you are when you fall over mid-journey.

"tsk'va! why did you hide the extent of your injuries from me?"

hauls you onto her back and carries you back to camp, muttering about your foolishness the whole time.

makes you comfortable in her tent and uses her knowledge of githyanki medicine to help start healing you.

it isn't comfortable as she works on your infection but for the first time you feel her hands being soft rather than vicious.

"you should not have kept this from me." "I know. I'm sorry." "hm. ridiculous thing. zhak vo'n'fynh duj."

goes and intimidates the camp into being quiet so you can rest. it works. this is the nicest she's ever been to you. you could get used to it.

Shadowheart

obviously this is not a huge problem for her, but she is still worried that it got so far without her noticing.

immediately heals you, pouring far too many spell slots into your body in order to get it up and running again.

it helps, immediately breaking the fever you've been nursing, and the touch of Shadowheart's hand to your face is cooling and reassuring.

"lady shar teaches us to embrace our pain... but not like this. you should have known better. you could have died."

her hand slips down to cup your cheek, you cover it with one of your own. she's telling you off but you can tell it's because she cares.

"I'm sorry that I scared you." "I know. don't do it again."

she smiles and the ache in your heart is lifted, too.

Wyll

panics.

you collapse on day in camp and he immediately calls on the others for help, not so proud as to be unable to admit when something is out of his knowledge. he is not a healer. he needs help.

he manages to catch you in his arms as you tumble, hugging you close to his chest while magic is worked or a healer checks you over.

lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding when you begin to stabilise.

helps you back to your tent to rest, gently chiding you but letting you know that he's glad you're alright.

when your hand weakly comes up to touch him, he indulges you in a kiss to let you know how relieved he is.

constantly watching you on the battlefield from that moment on. if he can help it, you'll never be hurt again.

Karlach

another panicker.

scoops you up in her arms and holds you to her chest, running to the tent of the nearest healer in camp - or, if you're in the city, kicking down the door of a local doctor.

begging the healer to check you over, but is reluctant to let you go. if she stops holding you it's like she's relinquishing control and that scares the life out of her.

you're healed and she feels you start to stir in her arms, peppering you with kisses of relief, choking through her tears that you're never to scare her like that again.

carries you back home, even if you're totally capable of walking. she just wants to make sure you're okay.

Halsin

sternly disappointed that you didn't tell him, but more annoyed that he didn't notice something was wrong himself. how could he not see how out of balance with nature you were?

squirrels you away to his tent to heal you, make you soothing and medicinal teas, his big hands over the source of the infection.

you burrow into his touch, into his chest, and you end up sitting in his lap as he heals you.

he wants to tell you off a little, but is more relieved that you're alright. encourages you to share all your burdens with him.

kisses you on the forehead, then on the mouth when he's sure you're strong enough for it not to knock you flat.

Dammon

my poor boy is just a blacksmith, so though he doesn't exactly panic, he does scoop you up and try to find a healer as soon as he can.

waits quietly and nervously as you are examined, silently cursing himself for being too busy to see how you were hurt. he's meant to be better than this. he's meant to love you, how didn't he notice?

when you come to he can't stop apologising, and it takes several of your kisses to soothe him and tell him it was not his fault but yours.

he makes you promise that you'll always tell him when you're hurt. has you look into his eyes and swear it.

he can't do much on the battlefield but he can protect you where he can.

Rolan

another one cursing that he doesn't know healing spells.

"you aren't meant to die, gods damn it! you're meant to be strong... what good am I if I can't keep you safe..."

rushes you to the best doctor in Baldur's Gate. pays for all the treatment that you could need. holds your hand at your bedside for your entire recovery... until you come back to consciousness, of course, at which point he just starts telling you off for being stupid enough to get into his mess in the first place.

you grab him by the collar and drag him down for a kiss. that finally shuts him up. but he never lets you forget how foolish you were.

Zevlor

practical but still worried about you.

you collapse in the field and he finds a safe place to hide the both of you from dangerous eyes, using his Lay on Hands ability to channel his magic into healing.

you try to apologise but a finger to your lips silences you, and all you can do is watch in quiet wonder as he burns the infection out with his Paladin's light.

when you're better he gently chides you. tells you that you have people relying on your leadership, and that a problem shared means there are more heads working on how to fix it.

when he sees how sorry you are lets you cuddle into him. when you say you'll repay him, he insists your happiness and well-being is enough for an old warrior like him.

does take the kiss you offer, though. he's been wanting to do that for a while...

[imreadydollparts]

Q&A stuff here

(If you have any other questions, let me know.)

How dirty of a doll or pony can I send?

Inside and out, these are both fine to come to the salon.

I may decline a pony or doll if they're dirtied with bodily fluids of any kind. I will be more than happy to talk you through the cleaning process so you can take care of that yourself.

However, if you are distraught and can't handle it, we can talk. I absolutely need a warning.

What happens if you damage a pony/doll someone sent?

I fix it.

For example, I got some 40Vol on a customer's Confetti's yellow hair and it bleached out the yellow color. I told the customer what had happened and did a partial rehair with vintage hair of the same color from my MLP G1 tail stash. That way the owner is informed and the pony is still full vintage.

Another example is that I was resetting the pose on a Flutterbye, and her feet turned white where they'd sat in a little boiling hot water (I didn't take a picture). I blasted them with a heat gun for a while and they're good as new.

And another was a Birthday Pony who's ribbons had been tied in knots and were weak. I snapped one when I went to recurl it, informed the owner, and they were amenable to replacement of all of the ribbons.

Repair is often risky. If I do damage that I can't fix, I will pay the going price for one of the same quality on eBay or order it for you and give it the salon process for free.

What hair do you use?

I use high-grade, silky smooth nylon mostly ordered from Shimmer Locks for full rehairs.

For partial rehairs like replacing a few plugs here and there or a forelock that was cut, I use vintage hair as long as I have it available in my stash of tails or can harvest enough from the pony's own tail without making the tail too thin. I do offer full tail replacements if I happen to have a replacement tail.

Can I request a hair style?

Absolutely! I can't guarantee that I'll be able to do the style you're wanting, but I'll certainly try. I can attempt a few different kinds of curls and have both a standard size and mini crimper.

You can also let me know if you want every pony's mane to be on the same side of their head. I'm not very consistent with that otherwise.

Why do you charge so much more for deflocking?

I hate doing it.

What paints do you use?

Right now I'm using Army Painter acrylic paints. I was using Liquitex before and found it difficult to get just the right consistency, whereas Army Painter has been easier for me to manipulate.

Why is your hair styling/photography/etc. so inconsistent?

I am not a professional anything and have a poor memory.

My photography is also inconsistent because I use my phone and every time I take my phone on or off of the cheap ringlight-phone-tripod the tripod moves.

The way I style a certain pony's hair will change between ponies because I don't remember how I styled it before and if I've had to flat iron it, I may not remember that it had been curly.

One of the great things about this being a hobby as opposed to a business is that I don't have to spend a lot of time on the parts that aren't fun (for me photography isn't fun), and don't have to be consistent. I just have to enjoy what I'm doing. If I can help out other people and get a little money so that I can keep doing what I do enjoy, that's a bonus.

Do you always ---

deflock So Soft Ponies?

No. I only do that when asked because I hate doing it. I will also deflock a pony I bought to clean and sell if the flocking is bad enough, but if the flocking is decent I don't ruin it.

straighten doll/pony hair?

No. I will do my best to preserve factory curl if it's present and the hair is in good enough condition it doesn't need flat ironed, but can't guarantee I will succeed...

How aggressively I treat hair depends entirely on the hair itself.

[wolfstarhaven]

Hi!!!!!!! Long time lurker first time asker here—do you have any interesting fics that take place in the summer? I feel like I've been losing myself in nostalgia for being a teenager since it started getting hot by me and I'd love to read a fic that compliments that feeling well!

Hi🌸 You read my mind, long time lurker — I’ve been thinking of putting together a proper summery-nostalgic list for some time now. Your request finally made me do it(: So here you go! My favourite summer wolfstar fics, all of them with that sweet, soft nostalgic touch☀️

the summer you let your hair grow out

by ladymemebeth (20k)

in which sirius decides to go to remus' house when he runs away, rather than james'. remus finds this situation to be trying in more ways than one. includes gratuitous references to twentieth-century cinema and music.

Themes: summer at remus’; pov!remus; disowned Sirius; pining; friends to lovers; first time.

*wonders bright

by unwholesome_gay (5k)

Sirius spends a few weeks at the Lupins' place during the summer after sixth year.

Themes: summer at remus’; pov!sirius; friends to lovers; fluff; first kiss.

*the apple caught between your teeth

by drowsyanddazed (13k)

The warm, July sun is unadulterated in its naked heat; blisteringly sweet and unbearingly heavy. It makes Sirius’ shirt cling to his chest, turns his bones lazy, and it colours Remus’ cheeks with a dusting of honey freckles.

So many freckles.

So many that Sirius wonders where they all hide in the frosty, winter months.

Themes: summer at remus’; disowned sirius; pov!sirius; friends to lovers; coming out; pining; so well-written I could cry.

*June, and Other Natural Disasters

by montparnasse (5k)

Sirius talks, begs, and bribes Remus into a spontaneous trip to Brighton the summer of their graduation. Remus loses all sense of direction; Sirius loses his shirt; Remus kisses the last moth-eaten vestiges of his sanity a long, sloppy goodbye.

Themes: summer trip; pov!remus; pining remus; friends to lovers; sexual tension and smut; poetic prose.

*Everything Under The Sun

by moongnome (26k)

The summer of '76. Remus wants Sirius. Sirius doesn't know what he wants.

Themes: slow burn; friends to lovers; shit communication; friends with benefits sort of; pov!remus; pining remus; this is technically unfinished but it can be read as finished!; I love this so much it’s crazy.

*A Brief History of Dragons

by eyra (23k)

Sirius moves to Cornwall for the summer and meets a rude, beautiful boy who is writing a book that may or may not be about dragons.

Themes: muggle!au; writer!remus; pov!sirius; strangers to lovers; Arthurian legend; everybody and their mother has read and loved this; but it’s very summery so it’s gotta be here!!

tomorrow, when the world is free

by turntechnodhead (2k)

Sirius, in a tour-guide voice: “The White Cliffs of Dover, part of the North Downs formation, is the region of English coastline facing the Strait of Dover and France. The cliff face, which reaches a height of 110 metres, owes its striking appearance to the composition of chalk accented by streaks of black flint-”

“Padfoot, mate, you never told us you could read,” says James. Sirius whacks the back of his head with the guidebook.

Themes: road trip; pov!remus; pining remus; fluff; pre-slash.

Camping, Comfort, and Clichés

by oliverdalstonbrowning (5k)

Remus goes on a camping trip with his friends, and discovers all the comfort and clichés that go with it.

Themes: camping; post-Hogwarts; sharing a bed; pov!remus; friends to lovers; jealous remus; fluff.

*Hard To Find

by accioromulus (13k)

The air conditioning is already broken, Sirius's back has been effectively glued to the leather seat via sweat, and this road-trip may have been a Very Bad Idea.

Themes: road trip; muggle!au; pov!sirius; pining; so so soft and summery; friends to lovers.

Out There

by halictus (21k)

Sirius has to go backpacking to fulfill a college graduation requirement. He is comfortable in his own skin, he has friends, he has passions. But he's still learning how to fit himself into loosely-defined spaces. Remus is a graduate student leading the trip. He loves nature, and backpacking, and being outside, and smiling, and having lots of energy. They both have some learning to do—not necessarily tactfully.

Themes: muggle!au; backpacking; nature; strangers to lovers; good discussion on privilege!

one for the road

by rojohbi (4k)

Piling into the car was uncomfortable and cramped, but there was something oddly satisfying about sitting on ratty blankets in the backseat, a box of fresh comfort food at his feet and Sirius’ legs splayed over his lap as the other backseat-inhabitant nestled himself into the corner and almost immediately began snoring. James met his eyes through the rearview, and this time when he saw the knowing smile, Remus smiled right back.

Themes: road trip; pov!remus; pining remus; self-esteem issues (remus); accidental confession; genderfluid sirius.

the private kind of purple

by greenscape (6k)

Post-grad summer. They are reaching for things they cannot name.

Or, it's four days out of Hogwarts and Sirius and Remus go wild camping in Scotland.

Themes: camping; light angst; soft and well-written af; friends to lovers.

*Beneath a Big Blue Sky

by eyra (68k)

Sirius and James accidentally find themselves on a Yorkshire farm during lambing season. The farmer’s son thinks that’s a bit annoying, actually.

Themes: muggle!au; sheep farm; pov!sirius; this is a must-read for everyone.

*Light in August

by orestesfasting (21k)

Summer, 1977. With the full moon approaching, Sirius heads up to the Lupins' countryside cottage to make himself useful. Or to make a complete and utter arse out of himself, because really, that's all he can seem to do around Remus these days.

Themes: THE summer wolfstar fic; summer at remus’; friends to lovers; pov!sirius; pining; sharing a bed; beautifully written it’s actually insane.

honey, i belong with you, only you.

by jeonism (4k)

remus was all honey brown hair and eyes that glittered golden in the sun, with a peachy flush across his freckles and legs that seemed to stretch for miles. sirius was screwed.

Themes: summer at remus’; pov!sirius; pining sirius; friends to lovers; lots of kissing; fluff.

*Our Blood, Still Young

by templeg (15k)

It's nearly the last day of fifth year, and Sirius really isn't looking forward to the summer.

Themes; friends to lovers; funny; pov!sirius; smut; awkwardness and fluff; it’s summer for most of it; a classic.

*Another Bright Day

by rilla (20k)

It's 1978 and the Marauders have just left school. James has fallen for Lily, Sirius is smarting about it, and Remus has complicated feelings of his own that he needs to work out during the last summer before they all have to find their way into the real world.

Themes: post-hogwarts; first war; holiday by the sea; pov!remus; pining remus; beautiful prose!!

Fearless Liabilities

by femme_de_lettres (200k)

Summer camp. Six weeks of planning activities, leading campers, and getting up to no good. It's no different than the last decade that Remus and his friends have spent in rural Wisconsin. Except Remus' heart keeps trying to tell him that he's in love with his best friend, Sirius can't believe he's fallen for the one person who he knows is unequivocally straight, James is starting to lose faith that Lily will ever actually consider going on a date with him, and Peter? Peter's just trying to keep his friends from getting in over their heads.

Themes: muggle!au; summer camp; long boy; American au; homophobia; panic attacks; fluff.

Heat

by LadyAmina (2k)

The summer air is too warm. The campfire isn't helping. Neither is Sirius's head in his lap. Neither is the burning blood in his veins. Remus is overwhelmed and something has to give.

Themes: camping; pov!remus; remus is jealous and very emotional about it poor baby; fluff.

blue, orange

by Avvu (5k)

It's the first summer after Hogwarts, and they have nothing else to talk about than Peter's dead father. / There are blue and orange postcards on the fridge door, and behind them, there are words Sirius knows by heart.

Themes: angst; first war era; canon compliant; the ending is sort of happy but also not that happy because you know what happens later yk.

Ocean Above & Sky Below

by grandilloquism (8k)

Sirius, adrift and floundering at the advanced age of 23, rents out a mansion by the sea— as you do— in an effort to recapture his happiness. It works surprisingly well.

Themes: post-Hogwarts; no war; pov!sirius; growing up; friends to lovers.

I'm Glad I'm Your Favourite

by aftgray (10k)

just a wolfstar get-together oneshot that takes place in the summer of 1976 (between the Marauders' fifth and sixth year)

Themes: post The Prank; disowned sirius; sharing a bed; fluff.

Motion Sickness

by oscarwildechilde (46k)

The Lupins are moving again, and Remus is determined to be miserable following his disastrous fifth year and the fallout of Sirius' prank. Not speaking to any of his friends, he's resigned to go at it alone. That is, of course, until he finds out that he's moved to the same town as Lily Evans.

Themes: post The Prank; centred on the lupin family; Lily-Remus friendship; disowned sirius; friends to lovers; fluff.

Reeled

by lunchbucket (5k)

Remus decides to finally spend a summer day with his childhood best friend, Sirius, after not seeing him for three years. But when old feelings quickly start to resurface, Remus is left feeling like no time has passed at all.

Themes: childhood friends reunited; pov!remus; pining remus; fluff.

(* = personal favourite)

I hope you’re all having a lovely summer so far🌸

xx Elliot

[nonstoplover]

flashes of silver ~ lewis hamilton (lh44)

my masterlist | my f1 masterlist

pairing: lewis hamilton x fem!reader

summary: with the annual fia gala coming up, lewis decides to do something as a kind of thank you to his hard-working team, and invites one of the girls working for mercedes as his plus one.

words: 3.4K

warnings: cheesy fluffy stuff; a possible age gap if you squint your eyes but nothing actually mentioned; probably not accurately written shop scene (if you can't tell, i've never been in any fancy shop lol)

a/n: i had a dream. one simple dream that pulled me out of the past few months' writer's block. it was a bit of a struggle though to kinda get back into writing rhythm but whatever. i needed to get this out of my system before i go mad. first lh44 fic also!

please, don't be a ghost reader, leave a comment or rb!

"I don't have any dress that's good enough for a gala," she shakes her head ferociously, her eyes not leaving the man standing before her. She still can't fight the small voice in her head telling her that it's just a joke. A prank, probably for the team's social media pages. Why else would he approach her with something so ridiculous?

Under her curious, cautious gaze, Lewis just reaches into his pocket, and without breaking eye contact for a single second, pulls his card out and places it on the desk in front of her. "Go buy yourself something then. You deserve it anyway."

All words leave her mind, it's like her vocabulary has been completely erased. The only thing she can do is allow her eyes to widen in sync with her lips, as she tries to comprehend what she's just heard.

"Come on, take it," he encourages with a small smile.

When she still doesn't move an inch, the man playfully sighs, extending his arm to grab the card once more. With his other hand, he reaches even further, under the desktop to take hold of her hand resting on her lap. A gentle but still dynamic movement later he's pried her fingers open and placed the card in her palm. His own fingers stay there, flesh to flesh, for a second longer, before closing her fist around the plastic and retreating his touch.

As the air-conditioned, cool air hits the back of her hand again, (y/n) wakes from her trance. Her eyes flash up and down a couple times, from the driver to the card and back again. "I can't spend your money. I won't spend your money."

"I have more than enough, it's okay."

"That doesn't change what I said."

"(y/n), please. I already told the entire media team that I'm taking you. I told even Toto." Lewis presses his hands against the wooden surface and leans against it for support as he continues to stand at her desk.

The way he keeps on insisting this for the past five minutes makes her start to wonder that maybe, just maybe, he actually means it, and this is not a joke.

 "Why?"

He can still hear the disbelief in her voice, and has to control himself not to roll his eyes as he giggles. "I already told you like twice since I came here."

"But it doesn't make sense. I mean, I get it, you wanna give something back to the team for their hard work or whatever, but why don't you take literally anyone else than me?"

"You're next in line," he shrugs.

Why do his eyes always have to be so kind and so lovely and so heartwarming and so–, she stops herself before she spirals down that rabbit hole again.

"You've been working here for years, having my back all the time, and so I figured it would be a nice thank you, from me to you."

"You know, an actual thank you would be sufficient," she smiles lightly up at him after a second of silent ponder – the first crack in her indevout façade, and the first tiny wave of relief in his body.

"Okay, you know what?" Lewis pauses, waiting until her eyes flash with pure curiosity, all caution forgotten. "We're going dress shopping together. Right now."

(y/n) lets out a chuckle that comes to an abrupt stop when she sees him hold his hand out, palm up and open, obviously waiting. For her. He means it.

"I'm working," her mind says the first response it can come up with – earning an imaginary slap when she actually realises what she's just said.

(y/f/n) would kill me if she heard this, she thinks with certain memories of her avid LH44 fan best friend appearing in her mind. Who in her right mind would find an excuse to say no to an offer like this from Lewis Hamilton himself?

"I'm sure your boss will understand if you tell him who you were with and why," he chuckles, the sound making the tips of her fingers tingle and her heart flutter.

"Oh, right," (y/n) lets out a laugh, cheeks turning red in slight embarrassment as her eyes flicker down to the keyboard sitting in front of her. Her boss, Toto Wolff definitely wouldn't mind if he already agreed to this crazy plan previously.

"So, you coming?" Lewis wiggles his fingers, gathering the girl's attention. She slowly raises her head, mentally preparing herself for what she's about to do, then as if the world has abruptly changed to slow motion, (y/n) watches her free hand move up and a long second later arrive into his still waiting palm.

Just in time with his fingers tightening momentarily around hers, she can hear her own laughter jingle loud. Is this a dream?

"You're beautiful," Lewis greets her as the chauffeur closes the car door behind her, his smile creating wrinkles in the corners of his eyes – something she's always found absolutely adorable.

"Thanks," she mumbles in response, struggling to keep eye contact when she notices the intense look in his gaze.

"Maybe you could give me your stylist's number."

Upon hearing this, (y/n) can't help but glance at the driver sitting next to her, lips curling into a wide grin, exactly how he wanted. "I don't know, I'd have to ask him first to see if he agreed," she answers and they let out a giggle at the same time, both of them remembering that one afternoon a few days back.

"We really shouldn't go in here," (y/n) stops short on the pavement, her heels pressing down on the asphalt.

"We really should, though," Lewis grabs her hand without even glancing her way, pulling the girl behind him right into the shop.

"Lewis!" she hisses, stumbling in her steps as she rushes to keep up with his relentless pace. "One dress here costs more money than all I've ever earned."

"Then it's good that I already told you I'm paying," comes his immediate, somewhat deadpan reply.

He doesn't stop and doesn't let go of her hand, not until she's in the spacious changing room in the back of the extremely fancy dress shop, along with a mountain of colourful, unambiguously expensive materials. "I'll be out here waiting," he announces, then leaves her with the shop assistant, drawing the heavy, thick curtain closed behind him.

What feels like a million dresses later, the young woman helping her dress lets out an approving gasp, loud enough that even Lewis can hear it from the other side, as he's scrolling on social media sitting in the almost overly comfortable armchair, the sound piquing his interest. With one firm push to her shoulder, the woman twirls (y/n) around until she comes face to face with the huge mirror.

The silver silk is still rippling around her legs from the sudden movement, reflecting the light and thereby making her practically shine. It's modest, with thin straps on her shoulders and the neckline not too revealing, a monochrome, bright silver dress  – and (y/n) has to admit to herself that the material tightly hugging her torso is the most magical thing her skin has ever touched. She feels almost royal in it.

For the first time since they've arrived in the shop, she doesn't feel like a clown and all ridiculous when the curtain gets pulled back and Lewis raises his head to catch a glance at her. Her skin tingles and heart flutters as his eyes move down and then up again on her body just like they did several times in the past hour or so – but the nervous feeling finally gets replaced with something new, something exciting.

One simple, consenting inclination of the man's head in an upright motion, and time speeds up. The next couple minutes go by in a blur, and by the time she at last emerges from the changing room for the final time, now in her original clothes – that feel almost painfully too ordinary after the magnificent dress – Lewis has already arranged everything, and is simply waiting for her at the counter.

(y/n) thinks about the excitement she felt when she woke up in the morning, knowing that in a few hours, her dress will be delivered and she can feel the smooth, cool silk wrap around her body once more.

Now she allows her eyes to truly take in the man next to her, curiosity getting the best of her as she shamelessly checks him out. He refused to let her know what he's going to wear, only making her a promise that they're going to match. Now his body is wrapped in a suit, one that's seemingly made from the same silver silk that she has on, with something white peaking out from under it – but (y/n)'s just unable to look away from the suit itself, not even for a second. She can't help but think about how regal he looks, how he's so easily going to outshine anyone in the room. How the two of them are going to shine together. Silver, like the team they both work for. Like the Silver Arrows.

"Like it?" His voice breaks her out of her trance, and she blinks the thoughts away, hoping the makeup the girl Lewis was kind enough to arrange for her applied some time earlier effectively hides the flushed colour of her cheeks.

She nods. "You look amazing. As always," she adds, almost as an afterthought, eliciting the famous giggle from his lips, and thereby sending the flutters in her whole body into overdrive.

"We look amazing, love," he smiles, momentarily reaching over to squeeze her hand that's laying on top of her thigh, and she has to focus with all she has not to reveal in any way the effect him calling her that has had on her.

How on Earth did I get into this situation?, she wonders, eyes frantically searching for the familiar sight of Lewis in the crowd of people.

As soon as he's left her side, people flocked her like predacious birds. Not just some people, no. People who've been waiting to catch her alone ever since they arrived. People whose work includes creating drama with made up stories and rumours all too often. Journalists.

(y/n) sees no way out as they keep trying to make conversation with her, their questions whizzingly filling her ears and mind.

"Are you his girlfriend?"

"How long have you been dating?"

"It must be serious if he took you to a gala like this, with matching outfits, is it really?"

"How can someone like Sir Lewis Hamilton, dream of millions of women, who could have anyone he wanted, choose someone like you, plain, and really, a nobody?"

This is the question the driver hears when he gets back from the counter offering drinks, a glass each in his hands. His eyes widen, realising his mistake of leaving her alone even for only such a short time. He should've known better. He should've expected journalists here, who would come up with their theories, just because his plus one to this event is a woman they've never seen, at least definitely not with him before. He just assumed – mistakenly, as he can now see – that to a high prestige event like this, such vultures won't get invited.

This is the question that makes his mind cloud with anger. How could any person in their right mind say this to someone, anyone, but especially to such a gorgeous young woman that she is. Without a second thought, he pushes care out the window and behaves on instinct. With a softly spoken pardon, he pushes his way through the group of journalists, stepping up to her side. Even in his slightly foggy state of mind he can see – or more likely feel – the way her shoulders drop a little, relief obviously coursing through her veins finally as she moves just an inch closer to his body. Seeking for protection.

His arm moves next, on its own accord really, as he hands her one of the drinks he's brought, then uses his now free hand to snake it around her waist, pulling her tight into his side. All this happens in one short second, and in the next one, he's turning his head to press a soft but lingering kiss on her temple.

Then, as if he's just remembered the gathering of people around them, looks away from her once more, searching non-stop with his eyes until he finds that one journalist who said the final question before his arrival, his stare turning cold and almost deadly. He can faintly hear the girl next to him stutter to get an answer out, but precedes her with one simple sentence aimed mainly at that person his eyes are still trained on.

"You mean, how could someone like me get a woman so breathtaking as her, right?"

A beat passes when no one speaks, when no one seems to dare even to breathe, then he continues, his stare finally moving back to (y/n), gaze softening. "Because to be honest, even I don't know, still looking for an answer."

Lewis smiles, sweet as ever, as if nothing like that death stare has just happened, before lifting the glass in his hand to take a sip. As the alcohol swirls around his tongue, a sudden thought pops in his mind, and within a second, he's reaching out, and with the backs of his fingers he touches her jaw, to make her turn her head towards him gently. Then, like nothing is more natural than this, he leans in and presses a kiss on her lips. To try and make what he's said even more believable.

The prior couple seconds have already left (y/n) completely bemused and speechless, but this one action of his tops them all. Her heart nearly jumps out of her chest, and she can feel her eyes being extremely wide from the surprise she's feeling, his words being on constant replay in her ears. As her mind slowly catches up to her and realises what he's most probably playing at, she pulls herself together to play her part, not wanting to ruin the act and thereby making a fool out of him – meaning simply melting into his kiss, which is really not that hard, to be frank.

As he pulls away, Lewis gazes at her a little longer than he necessarily needed to, then with a simple, murmured excuse us to the journalists and with his hand leaving her waist only to intertwine their fingers, he pulls her away from the spot. He keeps on moving until he's pulled her into an empty corridor, not stopping until he makes sure they are fully alone – leaving that one journalist to stand in shame, while the others can't help but think slyly about what the reason behind his hurried exit with his girlfriend could be.

In line with his abrupt stop, he drops her hand immediately, turning towards her in one swift motion with an unexpected shy, apologising look in his eyes. Before she can gather her thoughts and say anything, his voice already rings out in-between the walls of the corridor. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable – and I truly hope I didn't – and I definitely did not just use this situation for my own gains, to get some juicy stories of me in the papers or whatever, and I will never step over these boundaries again, I just wanted to stop that bullshit that journalist has started."

He would probably keep on talking if it wasn't for her hand gently being placed on his forearm. (y/n) smiles up at him as echoes of his last, firmly stated sentence still faintly ring out. "Lewis, it's okay." The driver stops and takes a breath. "You didn't have to do it though, it's not your job to... protect me from anything, especially not from what random people say."

Thoughts finally start to make sense in her head again, but before she can get a word out, he rambles on. "And I want you to know that what they spoke was completely wrong. I meant it, what I said back there, word for word. Well, except the part about me getting you since obviously we're nothing like that, but I just wanted you to know that it's the truth."

"I know, but I wanted to. Couldn't bear the thought of you living on with these words in your head about yourself," Lewis replies with a small smile finally gracing his face once more.

Her eyes break the eye contact as they move down to inspect her shoes, her cheeks suddenly feeling quite hot. "Thank you. It was very lovely of you."

Those heavy brown eyes of his don't leave her face, following her every movement, and the same thoughts come back to his mind that he was thinking right after that very kiss. As if she could read his mind, she continues speaking, now a little louder, braver. "Especially the kiss," she says, though with an even darker red shade colouring her cheeks. "You definitely didn't have to do that, it was believable enough without it."

When he doesn't say anything, she takes a deep breath, and with that, looks back up again only to find him wordlessly watching her. Her glance flickers to his lips, noticing some residue of her lipstick smeared around his skin there. With eyes widening, she's fast to reach up and wipe it off, mumbling under her breath something about the deep red colour.

Lewis thinks for a second, eyes focused on her lips for a moment longer – something that she just catches when she finishes wiping the residue off –, then his glance moves further up her face to stare into her eyes, with an abrupt seriousness and determination gleaming on his face.

"And what if I say that it wasn't a part of that whole play pretend? Not really."

Her breath catches in her throat as her mind scrambles to comprehend his words and what he could possibly imply with them. "What do you mean?" she mumbles in the end, the tips of her fingers starting to itch in their sudden shaky state.

"What if I say I wanted to kiss you in that moment?"

Lewis takes a long second to pause, in which he examines her reaction carefully to know if he should continue or not. He looks all around her face, searching for clues – and easily finding them. In how her eyes sparkle in a way he's never seen them shine before, how her cheeks are flushed bright pink, how her lips slightly open in shock but their corners are curling up into the beginnings of a smile.

He decides he can safely continue.

"What if I say I want to kiss you in this moment?"

Her fingers twitch, her heart skips a beat. In that same second, his fingers reach out to grab hers, pulling them to his chest, only to press them down right there immediately. Through the cold-to-the-touch silk, she can clearly feel his heart beating in a rapid rhythm, almost equalling hers.

(y/n) lets her eyes follow their hands, momentarily mesmerised by how beautifully their skins blend into the other, through the cracks in-between his fingers that are nearly covering all of hers. Then her glance moves higher, right to his lips, before slowly, eventually arriving to his eyes. She doesn't find it in herself to speak, doesn't trust her lips and her voice to be able to say what she truly feels and means, and so only moves her head in the tiniest of nods, careful not to break eye contact.

Lewis has been attentively waiting for her response for several long seconds now, being ready for whatever it might be. When it comes, he jumps on the opportunity like there's no tomorrow, like he's scared she might change her mind if he waits a second longer, and catches her lips with his own in a single movement, once more in the past five minutes, but this time with much more meaning to it.

notes: oh god the way i pictured this so vividly in my head following nothing but a damn dream my mind came up with... ever since then i couldn't get it out of my head. i know i didn't do it justice with how i've written it, but honestly? i just needed to write it down before i go crazy. (and to think that i'm not even that crazy of a lewis fan... what this could've been if i was?!)

my masterlist | my f1 masterlist

taglist: formulapierre

if anyone wanted an idea about the dress i had in mind while writing:

[lastoneout]

I don't really know exactly why I'm posting this, I guess I just want to share my joy, but y'all...the nerve block worked. My migraine went down a little over the night so I was only at like a 1.5-2 but I swear to god the second they were done EVERY SINGLE PART of my head stopped hurting. The only pain I'm feeling rn is at the injection site and a smidge in my jaw, but that's not a huge deal bcs I know the steroids take a long time to do their thing and I usually have pain around the injection site when they do this in my back, plus I did already suspect something like 10% of my migraines aren't entirely due to my neck, but like...it worked. It fucking worked.

I've been living with chronic migraines my entire life, and in the last five years, they've gotten so bad that I can't work and have to cancel streams and hangouts with friends all the time. I have migraines more days than I don't and I've never been able to find out what my trigger is aside from not sleeping well and eating lays potato chips(rip I miss them so much) or gluten or being on my period?? and on some days I'm in so much pain I can't even feed myself or shower. 8-10 is the norm, they don't go lower on their own, they NEVER go away on their own, no matter how much time I spend lying in bed in the dark with icepacks on my face. My migraine rescue meds don't always work, or they work for a day and then it comes back, and I seem to be fucking Immune(tm) to Excedrin and ibuprofen. All that together has legit been ruining my entire life.

And I am not even a little ashamed to admit that once they were done and asked how I felt I broke down sobbing in the exam room because it WORKED. Instantly. Years of pain and agony and no help from my doctors, of blaming a medical condition that treatment hasn't fixed, telling me to limit screen time and lose weight, forcing me to try 50 different medications none of which help, of spending long nights in the ER hoping they can fix me even though it's typically a 50/50 chance....and now it's over. I don't have to do that anymore. They fixed it. They fixed it.

I'm crying right now as I write this. I never thought this was possible. Like I believed that it was my neck and my doctors agreed, but I was so worried that this would all be for nothing, I didn't think it would work, I know most disabled people dream of finding the One Thing that's causing all their problems even though most of us never do, but I guess luck decided to smile on me this day, this is what's causing my problems and it's treatable. It's over. I found the path out of this hell and it was the right one. I don't even know what to do, what to say. I'm so happy I can't even be happy, all I can do is cry because the hardest part is over.

There's still work to be done, but the path is clear. And honestly @ any gods that are listening, please grant this to my fellow disabled people. They deserve to feel this, we all do.

[altschmerzes]

I want to hear about your fics. Tell me about your wips. What are you working on now. What's got you really excited?

OOOOOOOO YOU HAVE UNLEASHED ME, MY FRIEND...

the thing about me that i'm sure you will have noticed by now if you've spent more than five minutes on my blog or in my general company is that i am always working on five hundred projects at once. this is not... like, great, so to speak for my ability to consistently finish one thing but i don't know how much steam i'd be able to maintain if i wasn't constantly playing hopscotch with projects so like. win some lose some?

anyways. i have five hundred projects always. right now i would say the ones i am working on with the greatest degree of dedication/effort, in terms of Major Projects at least and not just like. oneshots here and there are wriggle up on dry land (baby jamie ted lasso fic), history rhymes (ted lasso fic centred on sexual trauma), loneliness into loneliness (the qpr two aces fic and its associated concepts), and the newest of the bunch that i don't think i've really talked about, which is titled 'drive the wedge' (from the tmg song 'heel turn 2'). here is a needlessly thorough explanation of THAT fic. the short version is, in the excellent words of my friend @cartwrong, "Thought River had a bad time in s4? Its about to get to worse."

drive the wedge is a slow horses fic wherein at the end of 4x05, patrice abducts river at gunpoint and when he does so he doesn't drive him to that cafe to meet with frank. instead, patrice takes river to a remote, isolated manor where frank is waiting for them.

it goes downhill from there.

the horses do not see or hear from river again for almost five months. during that time, frank does his level best to break river and rebuild him into a soldier, into a weapon worth using. this... doesn't really work. in fact, the process ends up breaking not river, but patrice, who watches his father torture the only brother he has left until he can't take watching it anymore.

meanwhile, slough house is on overdrive trying to find a missing colleague who the park is all to quick to deem missing (presumed dead) and rubber-stamp his file as such before tucking it away in a dusty corner. louisa almost quits. (she tries to quit. the only reason that she doesn't is because lamb shows up to ask her back, because she's at least almost competent and if they want any hope of getting river back they're going to need her. he also promises that he won't make her do fuck-all that isn't to do with finding river. she agrees to return on these conditions. catherine comes back too, of her own accord, because she can't tolerate the idea of being outside of the loop on this one. she has to be there.)

louisa is generally having a bad fucking time. she is dealing with grief and terror over the maybe-loss of her best friend, and she is also trying to find him, not to mention dealing with his mother. she ends up spending a lot of time working late with lamb, and filling out that dynamic is one of my favourite things in planning this thing out. they're astonishingly similar sometimes, and they inadvertently keep each other afloat during the long, difficult months river spends in captivity. (lamb is not handling this well either. he will not be acknowledging this. he WILL be yelling at the park for trying to legally declare river dead.)

ultimately, everything comes to a head when louisa follows a lead that she knows better than to follow, and comes to in a room in a manor she's never been to before. she is intended to be the final blow that breaks river's resolve, except that it doesn't quite end up shaking out that way, and they're both found alive, if not exactly well.

the following months are hard, too, in their own way, as everyone tries to re-find their footing again. there's endless hours of debriefing from the park, who aren't totally convinced river didn't go dark-side during his captivity. there's what to tell david, whose condition has deteriorated sharply thanks to the sudden and traumatic loss of his grandson. there's the severe physical and emotional trauma river is carrying and trying to recover from. there's louisa's own profound trauma from the whole ordeal - from his disappearance and his absence and everything she had to deal with during that to her own abduction and near-death. lamb tries, with varying levels of success, to be a human being, because they need him to be and because catherine told him in no uncertain terms that this time he has no choice. we all know i'm a rescue and recovery bitch, this is the part i am All About.

anyways. it's a mess, it's so much fun, there's so much going on here. im having a blast. :)

[bellarkeselection]

2 - Interesting Conversations

Part 3

The Venus Muse

Not as long of a chapter as I'd like but here it is 😊 if you have any suggestions send them to my ask box

He extended his hand up to me and I smiled, placing my smaller hand in his larger one. “I accept so long as I know which Bridgerton are you?”

“Benedict, Benedict Bridgerton.” He replied, leading me out and onto the dance floor with the entire room having their eyes focused on the two of us.

I shifted my gaze up to his since he was taller than I was even with me wearing the slightly high shoes I was wearing. The others in the grand room began grabbing their own dance partner and the floor was filled with dancing suits and dresses moving about. “You’ll surely be the talk of the town after this night, lord bridgerton.”

“I don’t care much if I am. It is not my responsibility to carry the weight of my family's house on my shoulders.” The bachelor responded. 

His brother Anthony had found a wife last season, his sister Daphnie before that and now this year it was rumored that Colin was the next bachelorette according to the talk of the town. Holding my hand up away from his we slowly danced around in a circle where I chuckled. “So second siblings get to have more fun you say.” 

“Indeed they can. Would you not say the same for yourself?” Benedict asked, twirling me away from his chest throwing my hair all around and my dress twirled with such grace. 

I spun back into his embrace where our noses touched one another and the music began dying down meaning our time may have been limited so I quickly thought on my feet. “My lord, may I be so bold and ask to speak with you somewhere more privately?” 

“I’d love nothing more, princess.” He whispered, taking me by the hand and together we made our way through the crowd. We reached the outside of the ballroom but I figured we would be found if we stayed out there. 

So I squeezed his hand in mine taking the lead to the nearest horse stables that were just outside the nearest door. Benedict allowed himself to be dragged along by the princess in front of him. The fresh air finally hit my face when I busted through the large door. I sighed in relief. “Ah that’s much better. I must admit the castle walls can make me feel a little restricting.” 

“If I’m being honest with you. I don’t care for these seasons as much as others. Though it does give me inspiration for my drawings on occasions.” Benedict stands behind me. 

Spinning around on my feet I grinned hearing the excitement in his voice when he spoke the word of drawing. “You enjoy drawing, Mr. Bridgerton.” 

“I would like to just be Benedict to you, princess.” He nodded his head down to me. 

I chuckled moving across the stables yard until I found a bench to sit on and he joined me. “My father told my mother to just call him George the day she tried to climb over a garden wall so she didn’t have to marry him.” 

“I don’t think I've ever heard of this story. Care to share more details with me.” He scooted closer to me on the bench. 

Shifting my head up towards the sky I clicked my tongue thinking for a moment. My mother had told me how they fell in love despite the conditions my father has on his mind. “It’s a rather long story. I don’t wish to bother you with the full details of it. Surely you have other women you wish to spend your time with.” 

“Don’t let it be the fact that you are the princess and I am just a Bridgerton stop you from telling me the story you wish to tell.” Benedict pressed on touching my hand that was closest to his. 

I met his baby blue eyes asking the question I wanted him to answer. “Are we not expected to follow the rules of society that we have been born into?” 

“In my opinion I don’t wish to follow the traditional rules of society. Society leaves very little room for us to explore different passions. Whether it be through art, clothing, music or making our own beliefs.” Benedict moved his hands around as he declared about having some desire outside of just finding a wife or husband. 

Tucking hair behind my ear I felt the heavy weight of the crown on my head begin to disappear. “You make it sound so easy.” 

“Should it not be for you?” He asked me so calmly. 

I snorted shrugging my shoulders, explaining my situation to the lord sitting beside me. I wished the things that he was saying could be true, but I was far beyond ever seeing such freedom. “I may be a princess but it doesn’t mean I get to explore the world like I hoped.”

“What if I helped give you that chance.” Benedict asked me with that cheeky smile on his face. 

“How so?” I tilted my head to the side, very curious to what he was planning in his head only having met me a few minutes ago. 

He spoke up with passion. I almost believed it could work. “We could go strolling through the shops together, I could show you my art in the house we are staying near here or even just keep meeting in secret to have these conversations like this if it's what you truly desire.” 

“Benedict, that all sounds wonderful. But what if we get caught?” I was still uncertain of the bad consequences. 

A different woman's voice enters our conversation causing me and Benedict to turn our heads in the opposite direction seeing a girl with dark black hair wearing a light colored dress. “Live out of society's expectations please I beg of you.”

“Princess Y/n, I’d like you to meet my sister Eloise Bridgerton.” Benedict raised his hand out gesturing to the girl standing a few steps away from us. Her mouth hung open at the same time as mine, both in utter shock of meeting the other in this type of situation. For my mothers enjoyment I must say this season looks to be an interesting one from my current perspective. 

Comments really appreciated ❤️ Tag list - just ask to be added @abq654 @your-musicguru @imgondeletedis @eruannaaa-blog @cherrylovers-world @benedictbridgertonss @callmedarlingsstuff @carrotcaratsworld @sillynilly27 @emmampl-blog2 @bright-molina @erynel1zasworld @ynbutbetter @stranger-chan @blckbarbiedoll @sanaar3006 @urmoom12345 @ritz-hell-hotel @ritz-hell-hotel

[nymphomaniaa]

something about us [XIX] "two glass bottles" — a preview!

summary: this chapter will follow lunch club's last major filming day in LA. the events before this snippet involve the group exploring the griffith park observatory at night after spending the afternoon in santa monica. schlatt and reader are driving back to the offlinetv house.

warnings: just a bit of angsty miscommunication word vomit. mention of alcohol/sobriety.

notes: sooo i mentioned about a month and a half ago that i've been struggling to finish this chapter because this story loosely follows events that have happened in my own life, and this chapter is especially full of personal experience that was difficult to resurface after years of repressing them. regardless, it was pretty therapeutic for me to write this, and i'm really hoping i can finally post this full chapter soon whenever i have the time (i don't lol)

Schlatt is unnervingly quiet at first as he stares ahead, too.  The road is long and dark, and what lies ahead can only be revealed if he turns the engine on.  However, you both wait in silence for the longest few seconds of your life.  The both of you sit in unnerving darkness.

“To be honest,” he seems to try to get words out, “I mean, there’s nothing, like, wrong, but it’s more like…”

He dances around his thoughts for a moment, trying to come up with the right words to say.

“I guess, I just feel a little… y’know.”

He falters before he truly begins, and with an annoyed sigh, ends up taking his key out of his pocket, and using it to start the car instead.  “Yeah, I can’t do this right now, [Y/N],” he remarks with defeat, letting his foot off the brake to begin driving.

“No, hey,” you reach out, placing your hand over his forearm, which softly drops into his lap the second he feels your touch.  Maneuvering his way out of a parallel parking spot with just one hand, he ignores your fingertips pressing into his skin, telling himself he just needs to focus on driving, and maybe he can stave off his thoughts, at least for tonight.  “J, seriously.  I can tell something’s on your mind,” you press further.  “Did something happen?”

“No, nothing’s like… wrong or anything, I’m just…  tired and I wanna go home and pass out.  That’s all it is.  I mean, we had two shoots today.  Can you blame me for being a little cranky?”

You don’t mean to glare at him.  But a lie is a lie.  And lies are not something you wholeheartedly tolerate, especially not from someone like Schlatt.  Maybe he’s on too high of a pedestal in your mind at this point, but no matter how you try to picture the podium, he’s standing there with a trophy of guilt firmly gripped in his hands.  And all you could think about is whether or not it’s your fault that he’s feeling like this, because if it weren’t, he wouldn’t be stubbornly avoiding you, right?

Your hand withdraws as you sit back into your seat, crossing your legs as you listen to the faint flow of the air conditioning kick in.  “Fine,“ you surrender.

“Fine?”

“Yeah, fine.”

“...Okay.”

He’s stunned into hesitation at how quickly you gave up on prodding for more information.  It’s uncanny, almost, for you to be so quiet after obviously caring about something.

It takes ten minutes of Schlatt driving in awkward silence for him to contemplate that maybe, there isn’t actually any point in hiding from you.  He could tell that you had some degree of attraction and admiration for him – you weren’t exactly stellar at keeping it a secret.  The off-camera flirting, your body language, the soft side you reveal around him, the way you show him your commitment to everything he has ever thrown at you professionally…  He knows there’s something there.

It takes ten more minutes of Schlatt driving in silence for him to arrive at the OfflineTV house.  He slowly pulls into the driveway.  The moment he puts the car in park, the pressure in his head is making its way out of his mouth before he even realizes it.

“I was sad, okay?  I was sad this morning when you left.  There,” he states bluntly.  “And now I’m irritated because… ‘cus I don’t know why I feel this way.  We were drunk and you said it was okay, so I thought it was fine, but then afterwards you left and you haven’t mentioned it at all today.  And I feel like you’re trying to pretend it didn’t happen, and I’m trying too but…  I feel like an asshole because how could you have known any better?  You were drunk.  I was drunk.  Just…  fuck, dude.  I’m sorry.  I’m just…  I’m sorry.”

He’s staring at the parked car in front of him, with both his hands on the steering wheel, and his car still running.  He’s tracing his eyes along the letters and numbers on Cooper’s license plate.  He’s counting how many rooms of the OfflineTV house have their lights on.  

“You were trying to be sober.  I don’t know why I didn’t think about that in the moment.  All I could think about was how grateful I was to be able to hold you with no consequences.  No complicated feelings, no nothing.  Just…  just you.  God, I’m a fucking dick.”

He’s observing the building redness in his knuckles.  He’s doing everything to avoid looking at you when he’s about to directly address you.  

“And look, [Y/N], I like you and all as a friend, y’know, you’re so pretty and talented and smart and you’re just— you’re the whole package.  But I don’t know if I’m…  I don’t know how I feel about taking it beyond that.  I don’t wanna fuck up anything between us.  I don’t wanna ruin what we have.  You’re so special to me, and you deserve the absolute best, and I just don’t want you to be hurt.  I’m not the best.  I’m not what you need.”

He is a deer in his own headlights.

“I’m an asshole.  You just like me because I’m nice to you.  But I’m just a regular guy.  At the end of the day, I could take advantage of you without ever knowing it.  And I’m just not confident that you’d be able to speak up for yourself against someone like me.  I just can’t let you do that to yourself in good conscience.”

For the first time in his life, he is trembling.

you guys will hate me for what comes next. i'm sorry. i had to leave it out in this preview because it will build up anticipation for you guys, but i'll be upfront by saying it's genuinely so gut wrenching and i'm sooo sorry. but feel free to read the story from the beginning here to prepare for the new chapter! thank you for always motivating me.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

If the M6 had any mental disabilities (OCD, Autism, ADHD...) What do you think they would have?

Brainrot's Arcana Essays: M6's mental health conditions

@hewwo-its-floof .... this probably isn't where your ask was heading, but here's an essay! XD I've actually been turning this concept over in my head for several months now, so you'll see what I could see each of them having but you'll also see why I haven't unpacked it much ^.^

(cropped because this is long and addresses each character)

I'm going to be totally honest and say that I'm extremely hesitant to focus on diagnosing fictional characters beyond lighthearted headcanons. From my own experience of having multiple diagnoses at different times, people and characters tend to be fairly complex in the way their nature, nurture, and mental health interact with each other. So while it's really fun and in many ways healing and validating to see our experiences and habits reflected in a loveable character, it's easy to fall into a trap of confining ourselves or a character to the diagnoses we're focusing on.

Asra, Julian, Muriel, and Lucio, for example, all have the kind of lived experiences that you could fully expect would result in CPTSD. Asra's parents disappeared while they were a young child and they experienced the extended trauma of growing up homeless on the streets. Muriel experienced that same abandonment and homelessness, and then that gets layered with his experience in the Coliseum. Julian has clear memories of the trauma of being shipwrecked, losing his parents, and trying to care for his sister as a young boy, plus the apprenticing he did as a teen treating soldiers on active battlefields. Lucio has a similar traumatic background with the amount of time he's spent in combat and the kill-or-be-killed world he grew up in. Portia doesn't have any memories before the grandmothers at Nevivon, but that doesn't erase her body's memory or the chances of second hand trauma from her closeness to her brother. Nadia didn't exactly have an easy childhood, but we aren't aware of any traumatic incidents before adulthood.

All that to say, there's multiple ways to interpret behavior that reflects a mental condition that doesn't match what's considered "normal." Asra can seem ADHD coded - we've seen them fixate on curious puzzles, completely zone out and forget what they're doing, and turn their living space into a cozy state of chaos. That looks a lot like ADHD! But, that could also be the trauma coping mechanisms of someone who likes to live with the luxury of having a space covered in their things without fear of them being removed, or focusing solely on things that make their brain happy in an unpredictable world. Or maybe Asra's just a naturally curious person who finds chaos comforting and spends a lot of time in their own head. Maybe it's a combination of all of the above feeding into each other in different ways!

The same goes for the other three - does Muriel like a more isolated lifestyle because of the trauma from crowds in the Coliseum? Does he like to keep his own heavily guarded space and set routines from living on the streets? Or are those autistic traits, seeking out a space that isn't overstimulating and doesn't require masking? How much of that is natural introversion and a general preference for calm, ordered spaces? He could be a combination of some or all of those things, but he's still himself regardless. If we were to focus on just one, we'd risk leaving the rest to fade into the background.

Julian has one of the stories in which MC plays a very direct role in addressing his mental health. He depends on them heavily to help him find new purpose and a new way to live. You could almost say that MC helps "fix" him, but this doesn't involve losing a lot of the things that make him so messy - it mostly involves helping him dial it back enough so that it's no longer unhealthy. (for example - he drinks as a coping mechanism, but the solution isn't for him to never touch alcohol again. he still drinks and has a fun time, it's his need to self-isolate and self-destruct that really needed to be addressed) He can still be loud and flamboyant and entertaining without having to pin his worth on how much validation he gets from it. Could those super high highs and low lows be signs of bipolar disorder? Maybe, but whether it is or not, Julian's wide range of emotional expression is core to who he is.

Lucio is his own special case (I mean, the story starts out with him as the villain). The plot of his route is his transformation. It could be easy to read narcissism into a lot of his behavior, and if that's a diagnosis his character was built around, it would make sense! It could also be easy to argue that his tendency to idolize himself is a response to growing up in a world where he had no control and felt constantly unsupported and ignored. But the focus isn't on bashing how he sees himself as much as it is on teaching him accountability around what he does with that. Lucio at the end of his story still has a sizeable ego, still sees himself as a protagonist, and has no qualms about being good enough for MC. However, he's gained experience acknowledging his own flaws and mistakes and it's enabled him to seek out a fresh start.

We could unpack Portia and Nadia too - is Portia's super competence and hard working nature born out of the pressure to be strong and steady for her traumatized older brother? Did that cause the hyper responsibility that kept her adventurous spirit in Nevivon way past her childhood? Does her annoyance with her older brother's struggles come out of frustration at never being able to process her own difficulties in favor of playing therapist for everyone else? Are her loudly cheerful attitude, tendency to fill her day with work, and love of escaping into books all masking techniques for chronic depression? Maybe all of that is true, but it's accompanied by a conscious decision to be optimistic and a genuine love of caring for other people.

We could speculate about the source of Nadia's insecurities for hours - what did her old dynamic with Lucio look like? Where did her hesitance to get involved and try to fix a broken system come from? What caused someone with such a focused personality to make firm decisions and express deep doubts at the same time? Does her quest for influence come from a desire to implement improvements or a need for control? Maybe her love of precision, good omens, and controlled environments are a result of OCD, or maybe she's just discovered what it's like to have her confidence shaken and this is what it looks like to move forward.

I've processed my own share of eating and mental disorders, dysphoria, neurodivergence, disability, and trauma. Some of my diagnoses only lasted several months, others took decades to work past, and a few of them I know will be with me for the rest of my life. They help explain a lot of how I function, experience the world, and interact with others as a person. But those conditions and experiences are only part of the amalgamation that makes me who I am, who I've been, and who I'm becoming. I don't care to completely define myself by certain parts when the sum of who I am is what's going to decide my story, and I like extending that mindset to the stories, people, and characters I interact with as well.

I hope that makes sense, and sorry for the unexpected essay!!

Cheers, friend -

brainrot

[songoftrillium]

Hello @songoftrillium.

First thing like to say is that I'm a fan of what you're doing with the WtE project and I would like to wish you the best for the future of said project.

Also if have any trouble with Hauglosk then I would recommend you to check out a newly released WTA VN called Purgatory which give a solid origin (or at least a intended origin) for the condition.

Also it has much more interesting take on the Cult of Fenris than base W5. Where they are portrayed more as an actual cult that accepts all garous from different tribes that buys into they prophesy rather than just a fallen tribe (which as far as I know isn't haven't completely fallen in this version of WtA. They just split off from the cult).

Of course if you don't want to brother with playing the VN then I found a good summary/Review on the onyx parth forums (Look under the heading: "Aleksander’s route" for the relevant parts)

Hello!

I appreciate it. I wish under other circumstances that I didn't have to be making this project, but all the same, it's a great passion of mine, and I'm privileged to be working on this.

I appreciate your mention of Hauglosk. From speaking with writers, the original concept was to be something called Ghreena (which comes from the same language root as Harano), reflecting a type of fanaticism that could be uniquely reflected in each tribe. I wish we could have seen that iteration, though; unfortunately, I don't think that's in the cards.

I've played Purgatory; one of my partners gave it to me as a gift, and I've played it through a few times now. As a story, I enjoy it! I don't think it hits the same way Heart of the Forest did (I was straight up moved to tears in parts,) but for what it was, I enjoyed it; I played both the Pat and the Alex missions. I am looking forward to future patching of the software however, I ran into several major bugs (including one that corrupts the game menu) I'm hoping they handle soon. I think once they take care of it, I'll play it a few more times, I'm sure! Of all the Werewolf videogames out there, this game company definitely knows how to tell a story.

In Werewolf: the Essentials, we are employing a Rage mechanic from Mind's Eye Theater Werewolf we in the team have grown fond of called Seethe. Seethe represents that smoldering anger deep within every Garou, waiting to burst out, chase, and kill things. The mechanic is straightforward:

If something happens to upset, aggravate, annoy, or otherwise perturb your Garou, they gain a point of Seethe, represented as a temporary point of Rage that can go past your permanent Rage score if you let it.

If your character does not become further aggravated, the Seethe point goes away on its own; you can lose one Seethe per hour in this way. The Garou may spend that Seethe as ordinary Rage to burn it off, as well.

If your Seethe exceeds your permanent Rage score by 3 dots, you instantly frenzy.

To be certain, Rage functions a bit more like Legacy in that frenzying isn't an ideal outcome, but your Rage doesn't constantly increase. You also won't need to kill something every turn to stay in Crinos. Rituals, moots, training, etc., can happen in the Crinos form without having to go on a rampage, in short. I think, ultimately, this will benefit everyone, regardless of the edition.

As for the Get of Fenris (Cult of Fenris as you know them), the tribe has been completely rewritten from the ground up to have a lot more grounding to their culture of origin (and no more bloody fascists in my game lol)

I appreciate your reaching out!

If enough people show interest, I'll publish information on the new Get of Fenris.

[mxlfoydraco]

Ok so don't get me wrong I loooove drarry but I also love wolfstar and I've been reading a lot of it lately and I'm having hard time going back to reading drarry, even though my to read list for them is getting longer and longer, because most drarry fics I've seen are after the war and all the marauders are dead and it makes me soooo sad, any advice??

The solution is AUs my friend! I’ll add on to my existing one: Jily/Wolfstar lives AUs and/or non-magic AUs!

Drarry + Wolfstar

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner by dracogotgame (5k)

Harry's bringing his boyfriend home to meet his parents. It goes about as well as can be expected.

Draco Malfoy and the Mirror of Ecidyrue by starbrigid (series, 1.2M)

All it takes is one look in a mirror and an ill-advised attempt to shatter it, before an embittered Draco Malfoy fresh out of Azkaban is sent back into his body on the day he gets his Hogwarts letter. Suddenly, Draco has an unwanted second chance, with a Sorting Hat that doesn't know what to do with him, a certain Muggleborn who won't leave his study table alone, and green eyes he just can't get out of his head. And then there's his new wand, whose choice of him could just mark him as every bit as dark a wizard as his name means he should be.

The Devil’s White Knight by AngrySpaceRavenclaw/orphaned (64k)

When Harry wakes up in an alternate timeline–a timeline where Voldemort was defeated long before the first war–he discovers everything is different. His parents, his godfather, his friends–and him. Harry must deal with the consequences of who he would have been if he had been raised by his parents, and figure out where he stands with his casual hook up, Draco Malfoy

head over heels by derkmaliknurse (21k)

Everyone in Harry’s life thinks he’s engaged to Malfoy. The solution to this is not pretending to date Malfoy, but here he is doing that anyway.

Nearly by gonattsaga (434k)

Sirius doesn't go after Peter Pettigrew on the night that Voldemort kills the Potters, but stays to look after Harry... This means that he is never wrongly accused and incarcerated for the murder of Lily and James, and instead he and Remus Lupin raise Harry as their own. When it finally becomes time for Harry to start his education at Hogwarts, he has no reason to tell the Sorting Hat not to place him in Slytherin, so he is Sorted into Slytherin and becomes best friends (and later on, more than friends) with Draco.

The Thief and the Throne (Fallen Kingdom) by @gnarf (30k)

Many years after the Dark Lord killed the last King and took the throne, a young orphan joins the Order. Harry hopes that they will teach him how to help those their new King deemed unworthy: the Regulars. Those people who worked hard for their food yet had to hand over most of their harvest to fill the already overflowing warehouses of the Capital. With the help of the Order and an unexpected ally Harry is ready to right the wrongs.

My Life As A Butterfly by @digthewriter (22k)

At the age of seventeen, Harry finds himself falling in love with a detached Draco Malfoy. Through a series of unfortunate miscommunications and gossip, he had a bad falling out (of love), too. Now, years later, can Harry make amends about a misunderstanding? Would Draco forgive him?

Love In Slow Motion by AngrySpaceRavenclaw (11k)

Harry flushed. “I’d like to do that again.” Draco threw his head back and laughed. “Would you, now?” Blinking up, Harry reached up with a shaking hand and brushed a bit of Draco’s blonde fringe away from his forehead. “Yeah. I would. Unless you’ve got someone better to get home to.”

A Quickening Hope, A Freshening Glee by @maesterchill (3k)

Joy comes to Harry and Draco alongside a quickening of heart, and of body, and of breath. Or: The one where Draco and Harry find out from Remus Lupin in a Ministry lift that they're going to have a baby. And Sirius flips out.

Dragons Don't Know Paradise by @teacup-tai (50k)

In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon. This is a story about falling in love online and about facing the reality of death, but above all, this is a story about hope, finding love and acceptance.

My Big Fat Pureblood Wedding by QueenyMidas / @drarry (177k)

Chaos ensues after Harry proposes to Draco on their three-year anniversary. The two must plan a wedding around their fighting friends, warring families, and each other's stubbornness. EWE, post-war, disregarding Remus, Sirius, and Colin's deaths and the fact that gay marriage is not legal in the UK.

tissue of silver by fearlessdiva (76k)

A love story concerning possessed furniture, black silk pyjamas, courtroom drama, premonitions of doom, assassination attempts, Death Eater yoga, absinthe, bare feet and a sensible werewolf. Beware: coarse language, brief drug use, some sexual content, and consideration of issues of sexual consent.

The White Pawn by Soupy_George (80k)

When eighteen-year-old Draco Malfoy finds himself back at Hogwarts on the eve of Voldemort's infamous return, he is confronted with the most difficult decision he's ever had to make: Relive the 6th year at school he's tried so hard to forget, or do the unthinkable and ally himself with Potter's lot...

Led by Light of a Star Sweetly Gleaming + Pages of You by @wolfpants (53k + 101k)

Remus Lupin is a student and temporary sales assistant at Oxford's finest department store when a mysterious, handsome young man by the name of Sirius Black enters his life and introduces him to a world of sprawling country estates, parties, and London's underground bar scene. A 1960s Wolfstar AU with lots of music, smoking, fine interiors, and, of course, romance.

+

Summer, 1980. Harry is floating between university and becoming a Real Certified Adult. He's not ready. He really isn't.

In a desperate attempt to have the Best Last Summer ever, he takes a casual job at his godfather's bookshop in London, starts an illicit pen pal affair with a wordy posh boy that he's catching feelings for, all while dealing with the son of Sirius's business rival, one Draco Malfoy, insufferable know-it-all extraordinaire.

A story about trying to figure out who you are, where you're going in life, and who you want to take along with you.

Drarry + Jily

Bonded Consort by Lomonaaeren (89k)

 Nineteen years ago, the Potters betrothed their firstborn child to the firstborn Malfoy child. Eighteen years ago, Voldemort was defeated for good. Seventeen years ago, the Potters changed the contract so that their secondborn child was substituted for their firstborn. Now, Draco Malfoy is trying to work out what happened.

You're Dating Who?! by SasuNarufan13 (4k)

James doesn't have a problem whatsoever with the fact that his only son is gay. As long as Harry is happy, he's happy. His son's latest boyfriend, though … He's not so sure about him.

Chronological Displacement by bookinit (89k)

In which Harry and Draco have a time-turner accident, and many things go wrong, but a lot of things also go right. Featuring: reptilian bonding night, canon-inaccurate animagus lessons, and a fuck-ton of pining.

aka the fic where Harry finds his family, and fights to keep them.

Notes on a resurrection by newleaves (126k)

It was never Draco’s intention to raise Sirius Black from the dead.

We Built This Right by @remy-writes5 (15k)

At last year's Grand Prix Final, Harry had an accident that left him with a lightning scar on his forehead, a concussion and a twisted ankle. Now everyone is waiting to see if his career is over - including former rival, Draco Malfoy.

Loved In Spite of Ourselves by AngrySpaceRavenclaw (181k)

"It began with four boys, and one compartment." Spanning across time, through the first war, and into the second. The years were both kind and cruel for ones called Marauders, and for ones who came after. But they knew friendship, and sorrow, and love, and joy. And sometimes it was only things things which allowed them to survive--if that's all they could do. Survive.

*This is a marauders fic but Drarry happens later on

Dare Speak Its Name by Lomonaaeren (8k)

AU, with Harry raised by his parents. Harry learns of a secret Quidditch field, run by one Draco Malfoy, that tests all comers and trains them to a higher level of perfection. Sneaking out to the field is only natural for Harry. But what he encounters there changes his life at a level he's never let anyone see before.

The Boy Who Loved by @greenmegsnoham (30k)

At 11 years old, Harry found himself drawn to Draco Malfoy immediately. He wasn’t quite sure why. All he knew was that he wanted to spend every moment with him that he could. When they arrive at school, Harry makes a choice. One that changes the course of his life at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. More than he knows...

[jjkamochoso]

Hi :) can could you do about Isao shinomiya pls?

Yes I absolutely can!! Thanks so much for requesting, I really hope you like this lil story I've written :) it's my first time writing for him so I'm praying I got the characterization down lol <3

Dreaming of the Director

Fluff

Isao Shinomiya x gn!reader

You feel disheartened when Director General Shinomiya tells you you're not doing well enough in training. Little did you know that the reason behind his harshness wasn't stemming from hatred...

Warnings: mention of hospital settings/medical tests/IVs (nothing graphic)

"You were sloppy; the wide steps you took were horrendous. Practice those moves again."

You didn't think your body could take anymore. You had been training under the guidance of Director General Shinomiya for many months now and today was no different than any of the other days you'd learned from him. Your routine consisted of spending every waking hour in the gym, doing cardio outside, or practicing fighting techniques and to say you were exhausted would be a complete understatement. You didn't want to give in to the fatigue as you knew it was an honor to be by his side in this capacity, but you were practically running on empty at this point.

"Director," you panted, sweat rolling down your back, "all due respect but I don't know how much more I have in me."

His face remained unchanged from its usual stone cold expression. "No excuses, Captain. Do it again."

And so you did.

Some (okay, most) days it felt like Shinomiya hated you. You tried to convince yourself that if he did, he wouldn't have kept giving you, a Defense Force captain, chance after chance to do better the next day, but your fears of never being good enough for him stayed at the forefront of your mind. You bent your knees and got back into position, ready to try the drill again. It felt like Shinomiya's icy glare was burning holes in your back as you bounced around, evading attacks from imaginary foe. When you were finished, you were afraid to meet his eyes, nervous to hear his feedback.

"L/n, are you even listening to any of the criticism I give you? You're leaving yourself vulnerable to the enemy with every punch you throw. Run it again."

You wanted to cry. Your muscles were on fire and you were so sluggish that it felt like your blood turned to cement in your veins. Still, you pushed on. You couldn't disappoint Isao.

"Yes, sir," you whispered, taking up stance once more. This time, you knew exactly where you went wrong all the times you practiced this prior. You readjusted your stance midway through the next move, but you realized you messed up again. Feeling your foot slip from beneath you, you tumbled to the ground, whacking your head on the hard floor. Dazed and enervated, you closed your eyes, savoring the cooling effect the floor had on your body.

"Get up, L/n," barked the director, but for once in your life, you ignored his order. It wouldn't hurt to rest for a second longer...

You felt strong hands grip your shoulders, your spent body shaking like a rag doll as you were pulled away from the oasis you created in your mind.

"L/n. Hey. Wake up."

You then registered the feeling of someone lightly slapping your face and your eyes fluttered open. Shinomiya was crouched over you, his bearded face just inches away from your own. His expression was mostly the same as always except this time, there was a new emotion present that you detected in his yellow eyes, if only for a moment--concern.

"You passed out. I'm taking you to the medic."

He was straight to the point as per usual. You really didn't want to inconvenience him or have him look down on you more than he probably already did, so you tried to convince him your condition was stable.

"No, sir, I promise I'm alright. That was a long enough break, I can go again."

His voice was stern. "You're going to the medic and that's an order. I'll write you up if you disobey."

You gulped, nodding in compliance. Isao swiftly lifted you off the ground, allowing you to lean on him as he walked you to the med bay. You didn't know if it was because of your tired physical and mental state or what, but having Shinomiya so close to you was making your heart skip a few beats; the tight, almost protective, hold he had on you certainly wasn't helping you breathe any easier either. You'd thought he was handsome since the day you laid eyes on him, but it was just a simple crush. He was so unattainable for you, being both the Director General and totally emotionally cut off from everybody and everything after the death of his wife all those years ago. You ignored the aching feeling of your heart in favor of focusing on the more favorable aching of the rest of your body. When you finally made it to the medical building, all the doctors rushed over at the sight of Isao, anxious to help the most important man in the Defense Force.

"You," Shinomiya said, pointing to the first doctor that had shown up, "give L/n a once-over, please. They were training too hard and passed out."

"Right away, sir."

You were immediately ushered to a big room with a comfy bed, all perks of being accompanied by the Director General. As tests were being run on you, you valiantly fought the urge to fall asleep on the bed whose cozy sheets were calling your name. Shinomiya said nothing the whole time, his gaze fixated out the window as he looked deep in thought. Finally, the doctor came back in with your results.

"You're just really dehydrated," she explained, reading the chart on her clipboard. "We'll start an IV for ya and you'll be good to go in no time. Sound alright?"

You nodded in agreement and she got to work. When your IV was pumping much needed fluids into your body, you laughed joylessly.

"All this was caused because I didn't drink enough water? I really can't do anything right, can I?" You slapped a hand across your face in despair.

"Don't speak like that," scolded Shinomiya, "you do things right most of the time. You're much more useful than you give yourself credit for."

You tried not to let your jaw hang open in shock. That had to have been the nicest thing he'd ever said to you!

"Thank you, Director," you breathed out, still not believing your ears. Shinomiya grunted in response, his attention turned back to whatever was happing outside your window. You craned your neck to see what he was looking at, wondering what outside could possibly pique the man's interest so much.

"If I do most things right," you spoke up after some time, "then how come I can't nail your training? There's gotta be a reason I'm never good enough for you."

You didn't mean to tack on that last sentence out loud but you were curious about why your training never landed you praise, even when you did well. You could tell Shinomiya was trying to choose his next words carefully.

"I think you're a very smart, powerful captain with a promising future within the Defense Force. I have to push you beyond your limit so when you’re sent out to neutralize kaiju you don’t…” He was hesitant, more so than you’d ever seen before. “So you don’t die. It’s our duty to lay our lives on the line for the betterment of society and as you know, I’ve lost many people close to me because of that.”

He sucked in a breath. “I refuse to lose you too, y/n.”

You were absolutely shocked for the second time in a few minutes. Shinomiya used your first name while basically telling you he cared for you. You were wondering if you were hallucinating all of this but the warm, comforting hand on your shoulder proved to you the situation you were in was all too real.

“Get some rest. I’m giving you tomorrow off but I’ll see you at 5am sharp the next day.”

He removed his hand and vacated the room, but not before you spotted something strange blossoming on his face.

The tiniest curl of his lips, indicating a smile.

You wore your own smile as well as you ruminated on Shinomiya’s admission. He would most likely never state his true feelings for you outright, but this was a very pleasant start and would serve as motivation for you to work even harder in your training. You absentmindedly stared out the window when something in the distance caught your eye. It must’ve been what the Director was looking at as well since it was a beautiful sight. Most of the military base you were on was made from concrete, but in one of the cracks grew the most glorious flowers. The blooms were a brilliant shade of yellow that reminded you of the hair color of Isao’s daughter, Kikoru. It was then you realized there were three flowers, two smaller and one big, and the large one loomed over the others as if it were guarding them, shielding them the best it could without stunting their growth. The world was full of metaphors and you chose to believe this one represented Isao watching over you and Kikoru. Your head fell back on your pillow, ready for much needed sleep, and the image of Isao smiling led you into many pleasant dreams.

[skoolnites]

𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙪𝙚: Live Laugh Ethos

previous chapter | Masterlist | next chapter

-> 𝙒𝘾: 1k

->𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: turns out making sure your thesis is ethical is actually pretty difficult

->𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Swearing and talking about food

->𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚: i think its been a year since i've published a piece of fanfiction so thats cool i guess. Go easy on me please! (there are probably grammatical errors as it's been a long day) Also every thing that is italicized and pink means that it is part of Y/ns final paper

 “It is basic human nature to want to find love. Psychologists throughout the centuries have studied this fact. Maslow even tells us that it is part of our basic needs. If we are so dependent on love then why is it so damn difficult to find that someone. While Plato’s original theory on the so-called soulmate myth has been disproved time and time again it’s in our nature to want our ‘perfect’ match, but what if you could make someone your perfect match. I believe that with our knowledge of how attraction works it is possible to use these ideas to your own benefit. For my experiment I will be testing 1 (one) of these theories of attraction on Subject A every three days for 60 (sixty) days. I will keep track of my findings through notes I take as well as a collection of text messages and other forms of media from consenting parties.”

“Alright class,” Professor Yamasaki announced clapping her hands together, “For your final you will be creating a thesis then constructing and conducting an experiment on whatever module you get assigned,” She explained picking up a black cloth bag, “In this bag I have papers numbered nine through eighty which corresponds to one of the modules we studied throughout this year. When I get to your seat please pick out a slip and tell me your number,” 

Y/n started jittering in anticipation as Professor Yamasaki was calling out topics that were no longer up for grabs. As each number was being called out, Y/n had her fingers crossed hoping to get lucky. Her head perked up as Module twenty four was called out. Mildly upset she wouldn’t get to run an experiment on dreams. Then 26 (classical conditioning) was gone, 56 was gone so no study on neo-freudians, when 21 was given to Osamu Miya Y/n was a little butt hurt because pain was always a fun topic. Before she could realize it, Professor Yamasaki was in front of her desk. Y/n sucked in a breath and reached her hand into the bag. She could feel all the slips of paper, each folded in half. When Y/n finally pulled her hand out she found a yellowish slip of paper. Unfolding it quickly Y/n was overjoyed to see the number 79 on the paper.

Attraction.

The cold metal bleachers of the university volleyball gym was the last place y/n wanted to be as she was antsy to get started on her project. Y/n’s mind was going a mile a minute at all of the possibilities for her experiment, she could pick a random person to befriend or…

“Did you see that!” Shoyo Hinata yelled as he had just slammed down an amazing spike, although the spiker was not who Y/n’s attention was towards.

“What can I say, I’m good at what I do,” Atsumu Miya shrugged.

“Me next! Me next!” Kotaro Bokuto shouts

“Will you guys quiet down,” Kei Tsukishima groans from a corner where he stretches out his arms

“Buzzkill,” Tetsuro Kuroo laughs while throwing another ball to Atsumu

In the corner Rintaro Suna could be found hiding his chuckles

“Alright boys go get water while Yachi and I pick up the volleyballs,” Their team captain Shugo Meian shouts.

Attraction.

The place where Y/n spends most of her life, the volleyball gym. Any of these boys would be perfect subjects for her study, she was well acquainted with all of them, nothing would seem suspicious if she hung out with them more, and she had access to friends to get extra information. The next issue at hand was a cognitive bias, who to pick and would her own heart interfere. Y/n knew she would have to pull one at random, reaching into her pocket and taking her cellphone.

“Hey Siri, pick a number one through thirty?”  Y/n asked the device

“It’s thirteen,” Just like that fate was decided, Atsumu Miya would be Subject A, perfect for 

Attraction. 

The word of the hour, attraction. Where Y/n had found great intrigue with the topic she fell into an iffy spot with ethics. Hypothetically she could use these tactics and studies to get Atsumu to fall in love with someone, of course she would have to deal with consent while keeping him unaware. There was also the issue of who would he fall in love with, she would be the easiest choice but would her own heart be an interference. 

“The ethics of this experiment becomes a bit difficult because how could you possibly manipulate someone’s heart ethically but if you look at the ethical guidelines my experiment fits perfectly. Beneficence and Nonmaleficence, Love is not a bad thing and my subject would not be hurt by experiencing feelings for someone because it could be equally reciprocated. Of course love is a long lasting product of this experiment but it is not a negative one. Fidelity and Responsibility, is ingrained in the classes curriculum and while conducting many experiments throughout my studies I have been held to these ethical guidelines. Integrity, I will be using a bit of deception under the front that I am tutoring someone. I have received Subject A’s verbal and written consent that our sessions will be recorded as well as consent to the fact that I will be using some psychological tricks during our sessions. Justice, subject A was a random choice from a random number generator meaning I have no biases towards the subject. Subject A has access to health services and I will ask them throughout multiple sessions if they would like for me to stop my psychological research. Finally Respect for Rights and Dignity, In order to respect Subject A’s privacy they shall only be referred to as Subject A and no physical descriptions will be provided in my research. Nothing not related to my hypothesis will be disclosed in my paper including but not limited to age, gender, psychical traits, personal details that might be disclosed and other details that might give away who Subject A is.

tags: @milkteeboba

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Personal rambling under the cut, no TW necessary just trying to not leave a paragraph without a cut lol

I've been putting a lot of thought into this recently, both during my unintended break because of a bunch of life things and just in general. I see all of these insanely passionate, dedicated, talented people making a living off of their art and I have to wonder if I'll ever reach that point. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still very early on in the process of even deciding what I would want to pursue as a full time career. There's a lot of things that I would love to dedicate my time to: my writing, crochet, costume making, yoga, I have a dream of opening my own metaphysical shop someday, I have so many options that I could pursue, but even trying to start just gets so overwhelming I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of failing, of course, who isn't, but part of me is also scared of the success that might come with it if I'm lucky enough to have this work out. Part of me wonders if I'm good enough, maybe I'm not, but I still want to try, because this ain't it. I don't want to spend the rest of my life working for someone else at some shit job being miserable. You know, I understand that trying to make something like this a career is a lot of really hard work, and it's never going to stop being hard work. But, I would rather put my limited energy that I have into something I love. The fact of the matter is I have chronic pain and fatigue, I've had it for most of my life, and those of you that also suffer from these conditions know just how much it can take out of you. Trust me, for those of you that have been here for a while you might remember I was putting out a chapter every day at one point, I'd love to be doing that again, but I simply just don't have the energy on top of work, cooking, cleaning, working out, taking time for self care. All of these, even if some of them are things that I inherently enjoy (this bitch loves to make a good soup) they all take a piece of the pie and then my writing, or any other projects for that matter, is left with crumbs for fuel. I don't know, I just needed a place to dump the thoughts in my head because I feel ridiculous every time I talk about this with my husband lol (even though he's very supportive and understanding this is a my brain problem) but if you've made it this far, first of all thank you for reading! But I guess also any thoughts would be appreciated? I'm probably just spiraling, it's just hard making a decision that could potentially alter the entire course of your life 😂😂😂

[yellowcry]

Hurricane is red

After some time in Encanto, Agustín starts getting friends.

Twice to once!

Agustín sat in the warm room. The stuff air rose around, pushing out of the window shutters. The fingers of his healthy hand squeezed the swelling on the opposite arms. The pain sizzled with fire under his skin, crawling all over the limb. Even being accident-prone, all types of broken bones, cuts, and animal bites were no pleasant. He was looking for Luisa earlier, planning to get her for a break. His daughter didn't have very healthy work habits, so Agústin tried to force her to rest himself. Most of the time, it worked as much as a rusty grinder.

So, now he sat after tripping in a very bad place. And he hadn't even seen Luisa. Much to his shocking delight, she didn't seem to work at the moment. His arm swelled, dripping with sizzling fire inside his bones. Agustín kept it still, not willing to feel more pain. There might or might not be any cracking sounds around the time he fell. Skin turned an oxygenless bluish pattern. 

The door slammed as if it were a drum that the drummer happened to hit too hard. Pepa, the tall gingerheaded woman broke in, scowling. Her loud footsteps echoed in the room as a series of deep scratches covered her cheek. The other one was on her arm. She might need stitches for that

"Hello?" Agustín asked, clamming his palms and leaning forward to see her.

Pepa clutched her jaw, looking down at him. "You here too?" She took a deep breath, whispering "Clear skies" and waving her hands over her head. Red stood bright on her pale thin skin.

Agustín stared at it, not knowing how to react. His brows furrowed as Pepa kept pushing an imaginary cloud away. 

Pepa paced around the room, energy spilling out of her body. Agustín didn't know what to say. The ginger Madrigal was an... expressive woman. Emotional and unsteady. Her healthy hand pressed against the damage. Face squirmed as the red vessels ran down 

"So, how are you?"  Agustín asked, to clear up the silent environment. The Madrigal was definitely in a bad condition. But it wasn't anything better if they just waited. 

Pepa chucked, cracking her back. "Ah, it's nothing, I've got so many injuries way worse than this in my teenage years!" She stated proud of herself, pale hand gripped onto her head. The blood clung to the ginger hair, but Pepa just shrugged it off after being told about this.

The funny thing that Agustín had learned after a bit of chatting was that Pepa was pretty much accident-prone too. It was better now but in her childhood... Oh boy! It wasn't clumsiness, she just loved seeking some troubles. Agustín supposed they could've been good friends. Or maybe he would've been dead by now. He got into enough painful situations without anyone dragging him along for an adventure. And she was energetic too. Agustín couldn't recall seeing her standing in one place longer than a very short time period. Like a boiling sun ball, never stopping.

She talked a lot, almost constantly once they got used to each other. Agustín didn't spend much time with the Madrigals. He supposed they had way better things to do and he still adjusted to the place. Because it was crazy. He had to expect that a town that was stuck in the middle of nowhere wasn't modern but this... everyone was so old-fashioned. Agustín preferred city clothes style, used to it way more than standard village shirts. He didn't even mention how strange everyone acted. Three days ago he saw a couple, reaction to rain as if it was the most shocking thing they could've waited for. And the lack of any medical place, only some elderly helping in their houses. All the doctors that he had met were so old... No offense.

He and Pepa walked down the streets. Now Agustín got a sling, holding his broken arm. Pepa complained that she had some minor injury and Julieta got worked up over nothing.

"Your hermana forces you to make sure you're okay?" Agustín clarified, his heart melted into a bubbling shape. It was cute. "That's so sweet of her."

Pepa shrugged, jumping forward. "Well that's her role." She jumped over the cracks like a child.

What did she mean by 'role'? Some siblingly thing probably. But Agustín lacked context to be sure about this.

Encanto was an unusual place, sticky like melted cheese, things had spread in a rapid temp. Always moving but frozen. 

"Are you free tomorrow?" Pepa turned to him, standing in front of the house. Not the one she stayed in when Agustín first met the Madrigals. But he supposed it was fair, it didn't have enough space for such a big family.

He nodded, fixing his glasses. Hm, he would need to ask if anyone has a tape in here to glue it. "I think yes, just need to make sure Luisa doesn't overwork herself."

Peps's green eyes lightened. "Yes!" She threw her hands to the sides. "There's a cool cave in the mountains, we're gonna see it." She asked, not bothering to wonder if Agustín himself wanted it too. He doubted he should go anywhere with his arm broken. He had enough self-acknowledge to realize how worse his wound would become. And he had a feeling Pepa shouldn't put much pressure on herself either.

"Maybe we should wait until we're healed?" Agustín asked, trying to get some sense into Pepa.

The woman crossed her arms, scoffing. "It's nothing!"

He and Pepa became friends after this. The latter soon pushed Agustín to socialize with the rest of the adult Madrigals. But it worked only with Julieta and Félix. Not much, but he knew it was a result. It was less than a month since he and Luisa came here. Still unused to the things around. The place felt like stuck in time, the look of shock when Agustín told them about simple modern injenery or principles was shocking.

Pepa was hyperactive and anxiously emotional in every of her movements. Felix stood steady as a pillow where his wife could fall. So caring and supportive. Truly they had a marriage made in heaven. Julieta was single, not like Agustín could say anything on this account.  He didn't want to ask questions, knowing how uncomfortable it could be. Especially when you moved to a new place. He supposed everyone in Encanto knew about what happened (except for himself) so maybe Julieta at least didn't have to deal with the blunt people.