#i've always found this anecdote so interesting

[marciabrady]

“I’m sure she was very sensual. She must have been passionate and was surely erotic. On the set I saw one thing that surprised me. Someone had an engraved antique cameo ring of an erotic subject...she was always so cool, so polite, so exquisite, so raffin`ee – and then suddenly she was told about the ring, and said ‘Let me look at it! Let me look at it!’ It was quite surprising that she looked at this rather explicit carving and took a strange, lascivious, and very obvious pleasure in looking at it. It was out of character with all this tremendous coolness. A frank, spontaneous ‘low-down’ reaction in front of the crew, when normally, her attitude was one of ladylike, exquisite discipline.” -Olivia de Havilland

VIVIEN LEIGH performing a double-double entendre in THAT HAMILTON WOMAN — 1941

[nerdvi]

In the wake of the whole james somerton fiasco and inspired by this post, I wanted to share a few of my um, soft signs, like, orange flags to detect when someone is bullshitting you.

First of all, I am on the spectrum which means 1) I tend to take what people say at face value and 2) I have a strong sense of justice which makes me prone to biases, all of which combined means I am at perpetual risk of swallowing the bullshit.

So, what to do about it? You turn on the critical thinking and pay attention.

As one of my favorite youtubers, Hannah Alonzo, likes to say: "consider the source, remember the motive". Who is talking to you?? What do you know about them?? What biases might they have?? How do they interact with your own biases?? Where are they talking from?? Is it anger?? happinness? boredom?? Also, why are they talking to you? Are they trying to sell you something?? Are they trying to convince you and why?? How do they go about the finantial motivation, if present? If you have, in this case, a white cis gay man talking to you as it he has it the worst of the worst in the world, there's probably some exaggeration and you should start to wonder. There's a good chance he's bullshitting you.

How they talk about women and POC No, no, stay with me. There's a rule I had back when I was dating men: Always beware of how they treat their mother. With the exception of extremes like mama's boys and cases of abuse, how a man treats the woman with whom they have that familial bond is a good indicator of how they are going to treat you. Do they berate her? speak ill of her? are aggressive or controlling? do they dismiss her opinions? Same with creators, and by god I tell you, specially cis male creators, queer or otherwise, always always beware of how they speak of women, how they treat women, how they treat POC. Somerton had a weird vendetta against straight women. It went mostly unnoticed. Then, he was dismissive towards lesbians and other queer women and it was once again overlooked. Then he went ahead and made sinophobic content about genres and cultures he knows NOTHING about. Again, it went unchecked. What I am telling you is IT'S NOT NORMAL. Contempt about women and non white-western cultures is not normal and if someone has them as them as an enemy or a scapegoat, they're probably bullshitting you. Take what they say and fact check it, see for yourself.

If at any point in a video or an essay you find yourself thinking "wait, really??" then it's time to fact check. Is it a bit suspicious?? is your logic telling you that's not quite how this works?? Then take to google, my friend, they might be bullshitting you. At worst, you dodge a fake fact, at best, you learn way too much about a topic you were already interested in.

Beware of the lack of nuance. I can not stress this enough. We all love monochrome, but life and societal issues are never black and white. It's just impossible, there's too many factors to consider. If you are being presented situations or anecdotes as absolute truths, you're probably being bullshitted. If it's too good to be true, it is. If it sounds waaay too convenient, it probably is. A good researcher, a serious investigator, will always have some nuance because they have done the work and checked the sources. If someone provides you 1) no nuance and 2) no sources, THEY'RE BULLSHITTING YOU.

These are the ones I can come up with just of the top of my head, I'm sure there's more and please, add them. Remember that naivité isn't a crime, I'm fairly naive and that's made me distrustful, and these are some of the techniques I've found that help me navigate through a world of information without losing myself.

[copperbadge]

I'm researching second-line medications for ADHD, because the Adderall works well for the executive function but non-pharmaceutical solutions are simply not effective for the emotional dysregulation, which I think the Adderall might be making worse, apparently that can happen.

But what's wild to me is that it seems as though the most effective treatments for ADHD, first or second line, almost all come in one of two flavors:

-- High potential for addiction

-- Used outside of ADHD as a treatment for addiction

There are definitely some treatments that fall somewhere in the middle, but it's hilarious how often my notes read stuff like "Second-line treatment for ADHD, can be used with stimulants, also used for smoking cessation/substance use disorder/individuals with history of alcohol misuse". It's almost like addiction frequently has biological causes related to emotional regulation and impulsivity and can be treated medically. Fancy that.

I've also found fascinating anecdotes by people with ADHD who prior to their diagnosis were struggling with addiction to opiates and were able to stop when they got on stimulant medication -- which "shouldn't be a thing" because opiates are depressants, not stimulants, and shouldn't impact ADHD. I've seen the theory floated that it's not stimulant/depressant that matters so much as impact on dopamine production and reception, but who the hell knows honestly.

It is interesting to me, though, because despite the jokes I've made in the past I've always watched myself very closely when it comes to opiates. I became well aware fairly early on that "oh, this is the drug that I could get in trouble over", but part of that was always that if I took a Vicodin, I would actually go do stuff like the dishes or the laundry or my essays for grad school, and that felt really good.

Anyway, I don't think it's often discussed that medication which increases your ability to do stuff can also overblow your ability to feel stuff, and also medication for emotional regulation may also boost you onto the wagon. So there you have it.

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

"floral blessings" ; a braindump from yours truly because this card is absofuckinglutely my most favorite xavier card on the face of the planet and i am. going. to talk about it <3

like with all my 5* card "analyses" (but also more like a wordvomit really 😭) this will contain spoilers for: (a) this card itself, (b) the lightseeker myth, (c) the lumiere myth, (d) anecdotes, main story, and world underneath !

[ this is also very long............ you have been warned 🤲 ]

first of all...... MY GOD...... FHSNNFBSJFJSJFK YELLING SCREAMING THROWING UP IM NEVER GETTING OVER THE KINDLED CARD FOR THIS BECAUSE. BECAUSE HELLOOOO??? HELLOOOO???

anyway..................

timeline-wise, the card pretty much implies a very solid relationship between the two, so while i don't know where i'd place it between 21 days and no restraint, it's definitely still after 21 days! but with that said, rather than more focus on their individual development like in no restraint, this one seems to focus more on their relationship as a whole, i think?

overall this braindump won't be as organized as what i wrote for no restraint (i think...) because my brain is still so completely absolutely mush over this card, but i needed to write SOMETHING or i'd explode to smithereens 😭 so nevertheless...!!!! i'll section off a couple scenes so if you want an outline, it'd be something like:

[1] general setup (an overview of parallels); [2] "reunion" (parallels and relationship development); [3] xavier's forwardness (the courtyard meetings, lessons, giving of the mask); [4] day of the festival; [5] the wish

but bear with me;;; there is SO MUCH that goes on here, and i really wish i had the patience and coherency to point out every little thing because holy shit 😭

firstly though, and i just found this really cool, but apparently the flower goddess festival is (was) an actual thing!

from what i've found (and correct me in i'm wrong) it's apparently a very ancient festival that's not widely celebrated these days, so it's not super popular or well-known, but it has many names such as: "Flower Goddess Festival (花神节 huāshén jié)" "Hundred Flowers’ Birthday (百花生日 bǎihuā shēngrì)" and "Flower Goddess’ Birthday (花神生日 huāshén shēngrì)" !!! i couldn't find much information about it though, but it seems that what was in the card such as the flower cakes and the dance really were actually part of the festival~ and i've also seen people say that xavier and mc's outfits feel to be from the tang dynasty, which a lot of people speculate is the time period that this festival originated!

BUT, MOVING ON...

i. general setup — an overview of parallels

i think honestly what's most interesting to me here is how much the overall card mirrors xavier's lightseeker myth so incredibly well. with all of xavier's cards, and how he's grown as a person and how their relationship has developed overall... so much of all of that ties to who he was as a lightseeker, to who he was as the prince of philos. in fact, it goes without saying that lumiere's myth story itself is so bound to the lightseeker myth. because, and i've said this so often and repeat myself a lot with it, lumiere is a direct reflection of the princely persona xavier has grown up with. that the reason he's always been so averse to who he becomes as lumiere is because he essentially channels prince xavier, someone who he's never thought to be truly him, someone who he's been wanting to push aside and no longer be. (i talk about it in my lumiere myth braindumps and touch on it in my no restraint braindump!)

and there's something about that reflection that transfers here, too, because there are two things that all three situations have in common: (1) a position of importance, and (2) a duty to do or fulfil something.

of the prince of philos and heir to the throne, of lumiere as the strongest hunter expected to protect the citizens, of the young master—usually the son of a wealthy family, however, in this case xavier claims he was "adopted" due to his calligraphy skills—with the task of seeing the festival through and teaching the flower goddesses calligraphy.

yet, at the same time, there's something different about the way xavier assumes this role of the "young master":

he's able to say no.

the role is lighter, likely because it's not a true role and, like mc as a flower goddess, he knows that it's temporary—but the way that their first meeting in the courtyard can remind you so much of prince xavier is almost jarring.

it's reminiscent of the very first time mc sees him with his bodyguards, in our most favorite anecdote "when shooting stars fall":

"They aren't clad in all black as one would expect, and they keep a respectable distance away from Xavier. Still, these people exude an air of oppression. Xavier, with his bag, is at the center of their group. It seems he's used to being stared at. The only difference is that rather than being his usual expressionless self, he appears slightly upset."

lt's reminiscent of that time they staged a spar, only for the royal messenger and his guards to interrupt it:

"The royal decree he brought today was related to the future of Philos ... Xavier was taken away by the Royal Messenger. Our duel ended with no clear winner, and the crowd quickly left."

and you can see how his progression grows, from prince xavier, to lumiere, to this role he plays as the young master—if as the prince of philos he had no choice but to follow the path laid out for him until he had enough of it, as lumiere he was more free to choose who he saved and when he saved them. now, as the young master, he's able to say no, sir, something urgent came up. he's able to say right now, i have something that i want to do first.

which, also interestingly, but in the more 'passive' role he played as part of the special task force, he wasn't quite one to say "no" either—though he kept a low and nonchalant profile, he's never outright refuted anyone, even if he might disagree, such as the party gathering or whatnot.

(also, slight segue, but it's notable that he's likely grown into a habit of a little selfishness due to what appears to be some kind of aversion to "serving the people". i do talk a little bit about that here—but it's the fact that (a) all he really cares about is mc, and (b) he likely still doesn't want to fall back into his patterns as prince xavier where he felt chained to think of the people more than the woman he loves. it does bring a little bit of question to his morality, but we know that mc has very much been something like his moral compass throughout.)

but, more than just the ability to say what he thinks and say no to certain things he doesn't put as a priority... he also feels light enough to goof around a little. dozing off/doodling during class, cheekily vying for mc's attention without concern about showing "favor"... something about xavier in this little persona he's taken on is an air of confidence. this was a kind of confidence you didn't see from him as the prince, as lumiere, even as the task force member. and it's not the confidence in his abilities, which has always been there—

it's the confidence in himself.

it takes a certain level of sureness to be able to do things on your own terms, or to be able to voice the fact that you want to.

i believe that throughout the parallels strewn throughout this card with how the setup is, it's this confidence that shines through and really makes things different.

because this time, xavier is different.

he's growing as a person.

ii. the "reunion"

this part of the card had me gasping out loud, i kid you not 😭😭😭 because the parallels really the fuck parallel in here 😭

"The Chen residence is far away. And I can't exactly leave as I'm one of the Flower Goddesses. So, I had to let Xavier investigate himself."

"He said he'd be back after four days. Why isn't he here ... Worried, I sit on the grass and gaze at the night sky. I'm barely in the mood to appreciate the fragrant blooms above."

first of all, the setting very much feels like the meteor shower scenario in "when shooting stars fall", but also...

"Xavier would always leave me like this. At times he joined the expedition team. Other times he was returning to the palace with the Royal Messenger. I'd always ask when he could return. He always returned within the timeframe given to me.Before the Prince entered the Forest, everyone was praying for his safety. At that time, Xavier whispered into my ear... 'Seven days.'"

"He's always lied, again and again and again and again. He said hope would follow when spring arrived. He said he'd take me to the new planet he discovered.He said he didn't want to be King but also refused to let me stand by another's side. He said he'd return when I miss him. He said when I become the Queen of Philos, he'd be my knight. The song he made up is now a reality. Yet as thousands cheer my name, he abandons me... At that moment, a spaceship soars across the sky like a shooting star, disappearing into the night. My footsteps echo in this empty room. No one will be by my side. My star has left me. And this time... he will not return home."

everyone's favorite scene from the lightseeker myth.

while at the same time...

"For some reason, seeing Xavier quietly admiring the nebula, I suddenly feel a wave of panic and instinctively reach out to grab his hand."

^ that's from "shining traces", but only one out of the many examples wherein mc feels as it xavier is someone she could lose at any second—not particularly because she doesn't trust him, but because there's a nagging feeling in her chest that they could be separated for longer than either of them would have hoped to be. after all, it's happened before already, she just doesn't know it. but whatever it was that happened in her previous lives, i've no doubt that the anxiety from back then had likely transferred over anyway.

and this is what this reunion feels like.

a sense of discomfort around his absence, that nagging "what if" he doesn't come back.

but it doesn't stop there—

because xavier does return, albeit very tired-looking (again i'd call this reminiscent of That Moment in "when shooting stars fall" where he brings her the protocore in hopes to keep her from dying).

and more than that, he explains. again, like what happened in the no restraint card, he explains. he doesn't keep things vague on purpose, or makes it seem like he's hiding something from her. he explains, and he takes the initiative to, if only to soothe her worries.

to soothe her worries.

that's an important point.

(and also on a side note:)

HDJJAJDJSJ I HAD TO AND THIS IS A DIRECT PARALLEL TO "No matter how many times it takes, no matter where you are... I will find you." BY THE WAY

anyway......!!!!!!!!! again, it doesn't stop there.

because this scene and this conversation also directly talk about home.

and this conversation means a lot more to xavier than, i think, generally one would realize. mostly because—and i remember kay making a really good point about it here—xavier has gone through a lot to get to where we see him now, and so much of change that he's had to get used to... time traveling so far only to get stuck? the different lifetimes he and the backtrackers would have had to witness this whole entire time?

like i mentioned, our brain's natural instinct is to strive for stability—you can even see it in what we know from our high school biology lessons a la homeostasis. yet, what xavier went through, what the backtrackers went through, is one hell of a shock of a change. it's the kind of change that needs processing, but isn't easy to process, and especially not quickly. and xavier had little to no one to lean on for support, to lean on to guide him through it. the result of which being that, as established even in his earlier cards... change isn't something he likes.

and as also established in world underneath, we know he just simply wants a neat little mundane life with mc.

keyword: with mc.

he doesn't really know what home is, because he has a distorted perception of it—the xavier now, in this moment, still recalls his home planet, the life he has ties to, back in philos. but as he is now, his home is in linkon. and then it comes to the conclusion that the answer is, really truly, neither.

his home is with her.

he says it, this time, explicitly.

it's his declaration that it's okay if things change, as long as he has her—as long as she remains the constant. then change is something he can deal with.

yet, even as he reveals all this to her, the conversation starts with him asking her. the conversation starts about her. and it's she who's able to give the opening back to him, by touching on things like change and belongingness.

"Even in a place this strange, you'll feel like you don't belong. No matter how long you stay ... Am I wrong? l'm sure many people feel safer in a place they're familiar with."

mc isn't a stranger to change, either—she's had a lot of it in her life, specifically the life she lives now as a hunter. the chronorift catastrophe, her family... it's not as if she doesn't know how jarring change can be, and she expresses that here—having to "start again" in a place she's unfamiliar with... it's not easy, and it's easy to feel out of place.

humans are social creatures. we were made to be social, we were made to interact with others. but from that need and that inherent desire (because no matter how small, it's always going to be there) stems the need to belong. a human emotional need to affiliate with and be accepted by members of a group.

this is something that is so prominent in mc that it is a place of solace for her to feel like she belongs somewhere. but this sense of belongingness is something that xavier has NOT experienced for a long, long time. it's only something he's been learning to experience again with her, and the people that surround them in this life that want nothing but the best for them both.

it goes back:

his home is wherever she is.

and i think that it's beautiful that, after hearing xavier's side, mc then chooses to agree with it:

"Maybe... the sense of belonging I have is like yours."

if his home is wherever she is, then her home is with him.

ALSO— while we're talking about this scene... the little banter they have with the flower cake?????? AND THE FACT THAT HE KISSES HER?!!?!?!?! JUST LIKE THAT!!!???!?!?!?!?!! (if you can't tell, i yelled about it)

AND THIS SCENE;?!

—"His eyes are a little red, maybe because of how exhausted he's been lately. Even his blinking has slowed down ... 'I'm a little tired. Can I lie down for a bit?'"

—"Before I can answer, Xavier rests his head on my lap."

DIRECTLY plays out the mutual reliance they have on one another for comfort and rest, because it parallels that line in lightseeking ovsession that we're all familiar with:

"You rest, I’ll be by your side. Always. If you have nowhere to go, nowhere to rest your weary self… you can stay with me."

i think that as much as they have been growing in to their own persons, they're both so closely intertwined, and so much of their love for each other really just pours out all the time.

iii. xavier's forwardness

granted, one thing that's interesting in this is that they do start out pretty tame. there's a little bit of a vague area concerning their relationship at the start of the card, especially since mc seems back into her old habits of starting something and not following through—or otherwise, unintentionally starting something, and then shying away afterwards. she does get noticeably flustered, but she pushes the fluster away... almost as if old habits die hard.

...but xavier, on the other hand, is more consistently bold with whatever he's doing.

there's no hesitation on his part at all, even.

in fact, xavier is the one who initiates most of these things, and doesn't shy away from it. his cheekiness really shines through—he's the one who kisses her suddenly (and for all the other kisses he initiates in the card); he's the one who fixes her clothes, her hair; he's the one playing around while teaching her calligraphy; he's the one who's so eager and unbothered about showing off their relationship:

—"Did we need to hide? Or can the Young Master not chat with a Flower Goddess?"

—"It was going to be awkward... And I heard one of the hosts of this ceremony is the mansion's owner. Since you're an organizer and the Young Master, it wouldn't look good if I was biased, right?"

—He touches the small of my back, which makes me stand up straight. "But you always have special place in my heart."

and:

"Well, I guess everyone knows now. Does this mean I can officially play favorites?"

like he's actually being SUCH a menace i had to pause and take a deep breath

but he's very consistently bold, and it, again, goes back to the confidence that he's gained in himself. he seems a little less of the uncertain, almost shy ish xavier who didn't quite know how to make proper advances... this time, he knows mc is comfortable with his advances, and he gets to play around with that. they're comfortable around each other, to this point that he can be a little more free with his words and his actions.

and eventually, we see mc beginning to reciprocate that again—especially during the festival itself, and in the kindled moments.

which brings me to...

iv. the festival day

i'd specifically talk about, here, the moment before the dance and during the dance.

because it's alao the exact moment that we see mc begin to actually reciprocate and throw back her own advancements—it's the exact moment we have a confirmation that she loves him, that she adores him, that he means so so so so much to her.

and on the day of the festival, we go back to what i highlighted earlier:

he soothes her worries.

the first instance we see this is their little "reunion" that we talked about—it's his very presence, and his added explanation, that calms her down in that moment.

and now is not so different:

—"The most important part of the ceremony, the Flower Goddess Dance, is about to begin. I glance again at the crowd. 'Where will you be during the dance?'"

—"Xavier gently takes my hand that's holding the petal. 'That flower from the roadside will wilt if you keep touching it.'"

—"'I'm just a little nervous.'"

—"'Scared of dancing, hunter? Actually, I got you a gift ... It was meant to be a surprise. But since you're feeling nervous, I figured I should tell you."

—"'That works. Now, my focus has shifted to the excitement about your gift.'"

(which, another side note, but "Scared of dancing, hunter?" had me GASPING because???? the way he teases her in this?! it's so unabashedly him without holding anything back, no coyness about it but he's being a cheeky little shit 😭 i adore him...)

a few things to note here is that out of context, it does feel like a little bit of an awkward way to be comforting someone—yet, it works extremely well. what xavier does here is not provide reassuring sugarcoated words like "it's going to be okay", he distracts her from the problem instead by giving her something to look forward to. which, in this case, is the gift.

interestingly, in a way the 'distracting' is also reminiscent of something he does when he tries to hide something from her—cutting the conversation short when she asks about lumiere, in the lumiere myth asking her to go check on the 'wanderer' so as not to let her see what he had to inject from the ship...

in his lightseeker myth, they talk briefly about his fight with the king, and the possibility of him no longer taking the throne. this conversation proves vague and a little bit one-sided, and in the end he pushes forward the idea of eloping to uluru almost as if to avoid further discussion about the fight itself.

but this time, that's not particularly where he stops: he addresses her question as well, just to find a fallback, an extra little bit of reassurance.

—"'See that tree over there? I'll be standing under it.'"

—"I follow Xavier's gaze. Nearby is a tree covered in red silk ribbons and wooden plaques by the bridge. 'So if I mess up the dance, you'll see everything, huh?'"

—"'I promise I'll forget about them after a good sleep.' His gaze remains on my face, appearing indifferent. Yet I sense a passion about to overflow. 'The only thing l'll remember today is your beauty.'"

FIRST OF ALL. "The only thing I'll remember today is your beauty." A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING LINE, BY THE WAY. IT GAVE ME LITERAL BUTTERFLIES I HAD TO PAUSE FOR A MOMENT. (1) more proof that in the end she's really all he cares about, (2) he's being unabashedly bold with his words again—no filter moment, but zero hesitation, (3) "i sense a passion about to overflow"? he's not being coy about this either, he's saying what he truly feels. he's opening up and expressing himself more, expressing his love for her more, and being genuine about it!

but also, in terms of additional comfort, it's a widely known tactic in states of panic to ground yourself by using your senses to register something familiar: you see something familiar to you, hear something familiar to you, touch something familiar to you, smell something familiar to you. such as, the ground beneath your feet. the air around you, the vague sound of chattering around you, maybe even the touch of your bag, or the fabric of your clothing, the window you know has always been there, etc. panic brings about a sense of derealization, and grounding yourself is usually the first step to calming down.

what xavier is doing now is offering the knowledge to her that he will be there. that she knows exactly where to look for him if she needs to during the dance. she has the opportunity to ground herself with his presence whenever she needs to.

(and again, it's a direct reflection of that line: "You rest, I’ll be by your side. Always. If you have nowhere to go, nowhere to rest your weary self… you can stay with me.")

and it's exactly what she does.

though she ends up enjoying the dance and the crowd does block her direct view of the tree during the dance itself, she takes comfort in the fact that she knows he's there.

she trusts him; she doesn't need to see him to know that he'd there.

and then she thinks something beautiful:

"Engrossed in the dance's rhythm, my mind is strangely at peace. After all, I know there's someone in the crowd whose eyes are only on me."

once again, it goes back—his presence offers her comfort.

the first thing she does once she's received all the flowers is run to him, and he waits for her gladly. like he's always waited for her, like he always will wait for her.

"A lot of people wanted to give you flowers. I couldn't get past them, so I decided to wait for you here. Seems they're quite fond of you, just like me."

a note: the peach blossom

i figured this deserved a section on its own actually, particularly because the whole theme is this whole "flower goddess" thing... and in the beginning, we see mentions of the "goddess of daffodils" and the "goddess of peonies".

yet, we never really truly find out what mc's potentially assigned flower was—

the only mention of a flower that we do see, directly related to her, is when the little kid compliments her hair and places a peach blossom into her basket.

and while i wouldn't know if this means it's her flower or not, but the specific mention of the peach blossom is adorable, because in chinese floriography, the peach blossom represents love.

it's used in a lot of chinese literature and often associated with the arrival of spring—which, "according to the rites of zhou, the middle of spring is a period when men and women fall in love freely." therefore, a lot of chinese literature and poems also allude peach blossoms to romance, being that spring does as well. but, it's also associated with beauty: "after the wei and jin dynasties, beauties were portrayed in a more detailed way with words like taohua mian (peach-blossom-like face) or tao sai (peach-blossom-like cheek)." and there are other things it represents too, like prosperity, growth, and longevity.

when xavier gives mc the hairpin at the end, mc describes it as "pretty and adorned with pink flowers as if they are on a branch", and while not explicitly stated, i do believe that they are also peach blossoms.

whether or not that's the case, and whether or not the peach blossom was mc's flower (or maybe that it's just generally part of the festival), i think it's a really cute detail! i think it perfectly represents their growing relationship, and essentially the beauty with which xavier always sees her~

BUT, MOVING ON.....

v. the wish

the final stretch boils down to this.

"A gentle breeze stirs the wooden plaques hanging from the branches. A faint, melodic sound dances in the air. 'They say a Flower Goddess can bless people's wishes. And if the person making the wish is someone she favors, it's more likely to come true.'"

it's where the kindled moment falls, as xavier proposes for them to make a wish together.

and, mind you, this whole entire scene is ADORABLE AND LIVES RENT FREE IN MY HEAD ... the playfulness between their words, the "if i tell you my wish, it won't come true", the way xavier CARRIES HER??? AND THE WAY HE CATCHES HER WHEN SHE FALLS AND PINS HER AGAINST THE TREE AND AND AND AND.

everytime i think of it i end up keysmashing in my head IT'S JUST SO CUTE i could burn it into my head 😭😭😭😭

but, AHEM, he also says...

"Throughout history, humanity has always made the same wishes. Perhaps it's because those feelings we have... are timeless."

i think it's a really pretty line, but more than how pretty it is, i think it represents xavier perfectly.

xavier has lived long enough, and he's likely also made similar wishes along the way. for mc to be safe, for mc to be happy... things along those lines. and for him to describe that as "timeless" also represents his love for her—because it is timeless. he loves her more than anything else in the world. it transcends space, and time, and anything else; to him, she is love. she is timeless.

it's worth noting that everytime xavier and mc get scenes where they wish together, xavier never really says what his wishes are.

in "when shooting stars fall", mc wishes for many things. for xavier's freedom and happiness, for her to be healthy, for time to stop in their moment together... for xavier's freedom, xavier's happiness, and, in her final moments—"i wish to meet you in my next life." but he's never said explicitly what he wished for at all.

in "warm wishes", mc also mentions a lot of wishes:

"I wished I could pass all my tests with flying colors and go to a good university. I wished for Grandma to be healthy. I wished for my neighbor's cat to come home..."

and her actual wish that night was:

"l wish.... everyone can have snowflakes fall on their shoulders when they're lonely, and see the stars when they're lost."

yet that night, xavier didn't make a wish. he explicitly stated:

"l didn't make a wish. I want to save my wish for when I need it the most. Plus, everything I want right now has come true."

...but this time is different.

he did make a wish.

and, this time around, he specified what it is.

"I wish I can be your sanctuary until the end of time, in your eyes."

this is a wish that's important to him. he chooses to make this wish, and he chooses to tell her about it.

there's a lot to dissect in just one statement alone, because it's so imbued into the xavier that's loved her for thousands of years.... the xavier that has grown and developed into who he is in this moment.

a sanctuary is a place of refuge and protection; a place of safety. a place of comfort. a place of rest.

and multiple times throughout this card, it highlights how xavier has been able to offer mc a certain sense of comfort. even right when the results are announced, one look at him calms her down—this part really got me.

"I glance nervously at Xavier. He makes eye contact with me, and his gaze conveys a steadfast reassurance."

it's a recurring theme in the card—comfort. peace. the peace that you can find in someone. the safety that you can find in someone. in this case, mc with xavier, and vice versa.

...and i've always associated xavier with comfort, but peace and safety have been attributes i've been hesitant to associate with him, because it's different. for you to feel safe with someone, for you to feel at peace with someone, they need to communicate, as well, a certain sense of steadfast reassurance. xavier has always been soft and comfortable, but he hasn't always exuded that steadfast type of aura.

i think that this is something that he himself realizes.

i've mentioned it before, but his wish is also a direct parallel to That Line from lightseeking obsession.

"You rest, I’ll be by your side. Always. If you have nowhere to go, nowhere to rest your weary self… you can stay with me."

yet there's also a striking difference.

what is different?

the person that he's developed into.

prince xavier, lightseeker xavier—as i mentioned earlier, there's a certain kind of confidence in himself that isn't present, and it shows. i would argue that he was at his most vulnerable that time, likely more vulnerable than when they first landed on earth, because he didn't know how to treat his relationships at all. he was too bound by the confines of what everyone, and i mean everyone, including mc at the time, wanted him to be. there was never clear communication with anyone, and it mostly seems as if he's been going through the motions—as opposed to more freedom that he's been granted on earth.

and it shows, because, that line in lightseeking obsession—does not exude confidence.

it's a comforting statement, sure...

but it's not even something that mc herself believes.

"you always lie."

it's as if xavier, as much as he's trying to comfort mc, is trying to reassure himself, too—he tries too hard to make himself appear reassuring to her that it falls short, all this on top of the times that she feels she's been let down by him.

it's ironic, almost. he says such a bold declaration despite knowing that there's a chance he wouldn't be able to keep it.

but this is different.

this time, xavier has grown to he sure of who he is and who he wants.

he said it in 21 days—"every version of me belongs to you, and only you."

yet despite the confidence that he now has in himself, notice how different this is to lightseeker's line—

he's wishing.

and he specifies that he wants it to be true in her eyes.

it's as if he's saying, i'm not sure if this is what you think about me, but i do know that i want it to be what you think about me.

he's not reassuring her; he's not making a bold declaration. he's not saying, you will think of me as a sanctuary. neither is he saying, i will be your sanctuary.

he's saying, i want to be your sanctuary.

the final decision falls to her.

the confidence lies in stating what he wants, and there's no fear in it—there's no hesitation, nothing that implies that he's scared to say it. he's confident in what he says, and either confident that she'll accept it, or confident that no matter what her choice is in the matter it's okay.

that's why this wish is so strong.

and it's mc who then says, at the end;

"I wanted to tell you that your wishes will always come true."

because she reciprocates.

and this whole moment, everything that happens from hereon—the results, the hairpin...

—"'If you meet a Flower Goddess you like, give her fresh flowers. It's a local custom here. But there are many people who admire you, and all of them have given you flowers. My flower wouldn't be special enough. So, I made a flower hairpin. This is the first time I made one, though. Don't judge it too harshly.'"

—"Xavier's hand is warm. Like petals being carried on the wind, his smile descends and touches my heart. 'What makes you say that? It's amazing. Besides, even if you just gave me flowers, they'd be the most special ones l've ever received.'"

it's worth noting that the scene where xavier gives the hairpin is also very much the same way he makes the wish. he does admit that he doesn't know if she'd appreciate flowers—but he takes it a step forward. he knows he wants to be extra special, he knows he wants her to have something she'll remember, so he does something different. he makes, and gives her, a flower hairpin. of his own accord.

it doesn't stop at his insecurities, which he still has—he takes those insecurities and spins them into something he can be sure of himself.

and there it is again.

the steadfast reassurance.

and it's what makes the moment so much more memorable to mc, so much more meaningful.

and it's why, then, he can say things like this:

"No matter what happens, I'm always blessed to have someone by my side, who makes my gaze never feel alone."

"Forever is but a collection of moments strung together. With every minute comes another, second after second. When I open my eyes again, I want you to still be by my side."

it's in a way wherein xavier is able to take some lead in their relationship, because he's more sure of himself this time. and it progresses their relationship in a way that it wouldn't have if he never learned—he's learning. he's growing. and he's really truly turning out to be someone that can love with his whole heart, without holding back.

i think this card showcases that the most, and maybe that's why i love it so much <3

ALSO, P.S., ONE MORE PARALLEL—

xavier says that the flowers are blooming beautifully this season—"it smells like spring". in his lightseeker myth, he says: "With spring's arrival, hope is soon to follow."

and its just a neat lil thing, i think <3 spring is always so closely associated with xavier, and the card really does end on such a light and hopeful note.

[listofwhyyouloveher]

Hiii I was wondering if you can do all the greasers with a s/o that doesn't talk at all only for one day they just spoke like normal drink lots of water dear 😘🫶🏽

Summary: The Outsiders x Silent!Reader

Warnings: none

Author's Note: thanks for the reminder to drink water, been feeling a little sick lately

You were not a talker, the whole gang knew that. The best they'd get out of you is a chuckle or a word or two. So when you're out with one of the gang and you're nonstop talking, imagine their shock!

PONYBOY CURTIS

It started when he got you a milkshake from the DQ, you smiled and thanked him and that was that. Imagine his pleasant surprise when you asked him how his day was. He eased into the conversation, unsure on how to talk to you, but he found you easygoing and fun to be around. There was always hesitancy in his voice, like he didn't want to scare you back into your shell, but really enjoyed your conversations and when he dropped you off at home he asked if you wanted to do the same thing next week.

JOHNNY CADE

Johnny understood your wish to be quiet. He felt it too, although not on the same level. It was a quiet night on the lot where you and Johnny spent a lot of night together when you suddenly spoke.

“I think I saw a bunny over there” you whisper quietly and point at a bush.

“Do you like rabbits?” he asked, expecting a simple nod but when you opened your mouth and started rambling about your favorite animals he was giddy with excitement. He complimented your voice once, but saw how shy that made you so he laid off and started asking you about your favorite things to get you chattering more.

SODAPOP CURTIS

Soda usually let you hangout at the DX with him while he works because you don't get in his way and talk too much. He was just fixing up a car from underneath when you asked him a question.

“What're you doin?” He nearly bumped his head trying to get out from under the car quickly. He had a huge grin on his face, excited that you used your voice to express interest in what he enjoys.

“Just fixing up the axle of these tires” he said, “if you have anymore questions, just ask” you nodded and started to asked a slew of questions, Soda was almost overwhelmed if it wasn't for the fact that he was hanging onto each note of your voice, savoring this rare moment.

STEVE RANDLE

Steve doesn't really talk much without Soda either, so when your sitting at the drive in in silence you get an overwhelming urge to start conversation.

“What're you doin tomorrow?” You ask quietly. He smiles,

“Longest sentence I've heard you say in a while” he teased and you smile awkwardly. “I'm not doing anything, what are your plans?” He asked, trying to prod more conversation out of you. You happily obliged and started to tell him about your plans from beginning to end. Steve can't help but feel happy that you've talked to him for so long, and he definitely knows he's gonna brag about this to the rest of the gang.

TWO BIT MATTHEWS

Two-Bit had invited you over to his house for the day to help with his sisters. They were respectful and cute and got excited when you came in. They started by asking you a sea of simple questions to which you only curtly replied to until you started to warm up to them. When they had you talking about certain events in your life, you started getting more talkative. Two Bit was watching from the side in awe and he quickly sat down next to you. He started trading stories with you, anecdotes from the past or plans for the future and that was how you spent your whole day talking to Two-Bit and his sisters.

DARRY CURTIS

Darry had invited you over to cook one of your favorite dishes with him for dinner. You originally had a recipe paper but had lost in on the way to his house. It took a little bit of confidence but you eventually warmed up to the idea of instructing verbally. The moment you started, Darry blinked at you for a few seconds before smiling.

“Yes ma’am” he chuckled, readily following your instructions.

When he served up the dish later, he nudged you with his elbow.

“How many more recipes like that do you have?”

DALLAS WINSTON

You were at Buck's with Dally for a party. Your drink glass was drained and you were craving another so you turned to Dally trying to ask him for another drink using hand gestures. He wasn't getting the message so you tried to ask him verbally, however the music was too loud and you were getting frustrated. You grabbed him by the collar and yelled into his ear,

“CAN YOU GET ME ANOTHER DRINK?”

He looked at you shocked for a moment before laughing,

“Didn't know you had that in ya, dollface” He picked up your glass,

“‘S long as your willing to talk to me more, I'll get you drinks any time you ask.”

You rolled your eyes but a small smile settled on your face.

[inchidentally]

Inch what is your opinion on this clip? https://www.tumblr.com/eightyonefour/762429464940527616/what-kind-of-guyteammate-is-oscar

It makes me sad that Lando isn’t able to find a lot of words to describe Osco ;-;

ohhh anon I know for most ppl this is all so boring and not interesting but the way excitable!nervous!shy!butextroverted!fidgety!sassy!emotional!squirmy!insecuresometimes!pleaseloveme!whydoyouhateme?!seeIknewyou'dloveme!creative!sexualconfidence!HORNY!travelstheworldintechnicolor!babyfever!workaholic!Lando exists against calm, placid, self-assured, does his job well,what's the point in doing less than his best, work life balance, lowkey, rational, good with kids but talks to them like adults Oscar makes me so emotional for god knows what reason ??? ;_;

but to Get Into It, I know this is the choppiest messiest compilation I've ever done but hopefully it'll be both self-explanatory and also go along well w my usual dissertation on something that has no real life importance for me but that makes me Feel Things

x x x

so the main thing with how Lando's stops for long periods to think and mull it over is for two reasons: one is that he hasn't done the usual PR aspect of his rs with Oscar the way he has with other drivers/teammates - and the other is that if he found Oscar dull or uninteresting then he wouldn't have had to sit and think aslfgsaljfgsajl. Lando's rly good with the media and honestly this answer would've been rly easy and quick if he could just say "yeah he's very fast and a good guy! hard worker and solid teammate!" bc it's not like anyone is expecting any more about a guy like Oscar anyway!

and with everyone else, Lando's got lots of anecdotes and jokes and shared activities as well as lots of experience interacting on camera in ways that give fans something to enjoy. it's not being disingenuous, it's just that they can easily tailor the friendship to be useful for publicity.

but !!! it's also the case of all of Lando's friends on the grid being extroverts as well as being great on camera. and Lando maybe could be seen as an extrovert but he's also naturally (self-confessed as well as confirmed by those closest to him) painfully shy and he relies on extroverts around him to help him out a lot. I got this ask that we don't even need proof of bc it's exactly how Lando is when he's alone among strangers or around huge crowds. same with when he has to do publicity stuff all alone the thinking silences stretch and he gets that upward inflection where he's trying very hard to see if the other person knows what he means??

and Osc is very much not an extrovert and while he likes the odd shared activity, he has said he prefers quiet conversation in small groups away from public places. so literally ! the ways he and Lando are compatible are simply in enjoying spending time together and being extremely low pressure friends who don't like the publicity aspect encroaching on that.

so how do you describe someone to a stranger if they're just quietly a good, reliable person who you like and work well with ?? Oscar himself needs a fair amount of prodding and encouragement to describe himself, let alone Lando being asked to do it !!

which I think is why landoscar has actually had this strong resonance for a lot of us who have those kinds of friendships or love those kinds of people - you can only see it and get to know it by observing it and knowing it in a way yourself. the way Oscar stares at Lando and does his little self-assigned duties to Lando and the way Lando watches Oscar in that wide-eyed trusting way and lets his brattiness out bc Oscar will always find it endearing. none of that makes for snappy PR content but if you get the vibes then it's so so sooooooo sweet ;__;

it's also why their dynamic lends itself so much to fic authors bc you've got a strong foundation of their authentic dynamic since they can't/don't fake it or play it up, from which you can put them in any scenario or any roles and they just… write themselves! not in a sense that the author isn't putting the work in as a writer skfgalsfg but the strongest thread among landoscar fic is that dynamic always coming through so consistently (even in the more challenging dark fic or out there AUs) the classics I can think of first off are playdate by debrief, that one from work can come over on monday night by higgsbosonblues and q&a by corsi

the common development of how Oscar is so blatantly changed by Lando in ways that seem either superficial or purely practical so that Lando ends up initially missing out on the depth of what that means - and misinterpreting Oscar not changing emotionally for him as disinterest. only to find that when someone who is solid and reliable and knows who they are decides they love you, they show it by changing their life for you and not changing themselves for you.

and that irl considering that Oscar always says how important it is for his relationship with Lily that he spend time with her that isn't connected to his career/life's passion, it's clear that he considers that to be proof of how much he cares. so all of the little ways Oscar bends and adapts and fulfills Lando's practical needs are ways for him to say "I value you" "I make you a priority in my life" "I want to fit you into my life" "I am willing to give up something/change something for you"

like idk how much Lando realizes the significance of those things and that's how I interpret him spending a very long time mulling and thinking rather than just getting past the answer in a neat, succinct way. bc Max F is a very emotionally intelligent guy and very capable of expressing his feelings, all of the guys on the grid are varying levels of emotional awareness/intelligence but they all have the same regular expectation of using their words to express how they feel about friends, and ofc the people surrounding Lando for the past ten years are highly attenuated to his needs. Oscar stands out as this very very different person to what he's used to!

and lastly, there's the whole gentleness and communicating through their kitten smiles and their ways of getting lost on a random subject - they're just such a quiet, gentle introverted dynamic. there's this moment after Japan last year waiting for a train, as well as this moment from Vegas where the crowd is singing happy birthday to Lando that I think are like, poetic levels of how their shyness/introversion fully matches up. bc neither of them feels easy or comfortable actually interacting with the crowd, so they keep looking to each other and smiling for comfort and reassurance. if another driver from the grid were around they could probably rely on him to brazen out the situation, but these two kittens just find solidarity in each other to get through!

so a lot of what makes landoscar a flop for bromance-only ppl is what a lot of us love about it <3<3<3 like I love a good bromance and self-aware PR ships too but landoscar made me want to get an f1blr and write insane pointless dissertations about them so shrug emoji !!

[thewalrusespublicist]

I straight up don’t think that story in skywriting set in Paris ever even remotely happened, I think this is John working through the mix of complex feelings he has about Paul in some sort of semi autobiographical fantasy/thought experiment type thing? I think it’s undeniable it’s about Paul, but wether or not the contents of it are true is a little more suspect, the thing is it’s not the point to me, like, the fact that he’s fantasising about having passionate hate love sex with his boy bestie is the real convicting evidence 😭

Hi Anon,

Pretty much entirely agree! Not going to lie, I love this section of Skywriting as it’s so tantalising. Like what's fact and what's fiction? Where does fantasy overtake the narrative entirely and when does reality trickle through? The line between the two is often blurred in Skywriting as it is in most of John’s creative work.

As to it being an entirely fantastical thought experiment or a semi-autobiographical, I think I lean towards the latter only in the broadest sense.

*One sec, lemme adjust my tin-hat.*

I’m pretty much on the bandwagon that this section is a highly embellished, fantastical account of the summer of 66’ or a pastiche of trips to Paris. John, as he does elsewhere in Skywriting, obscures or replaces the real life event or word with clever wordplay and surrealist imagery. Instead of putting that he was acting abroad in Spain, he uses a play on ‘method acting’ to come up with ‘methodist acting’ and invents a more ‘exotic’ location of Jamaica. Edit 1: @this-never-happened-before has kindly informed me that the British capital of Jamaica was called 'Spanish Town' and Spanish Town still exists as the Capital of St Catherine's province. It's nowhere near definitive proof of course but it's really interesting to think about and could explain if John was thinking of summer 66' why he chose Jamaica as a substitute for Spain. Instead of saying he met up with Paul and co in Paris, he gets a summons from Aime to go to Paris. Whilst the name Aime is obviously part of the allusions to homosexuality and the surreal angle, ‘aime’ nevertheless means ‘friend’ in french. Less discussed is the fact that Aime is also a comrade, which by definition is a friend or someone who works in the same organisation as you or is a fellow soldier. ‘Military buddies’ anyone? So he’s being summoned by someone he defines as being his friend and ‘brother-in-arms’. Pinning it down further to the summer of 66’ is the ‘God Only Knows’ reference. This to me is where I threw my hands up because well, wouldn’t you know guess whose favourite song it is and who played it to death in 66’:

(On the influence of Pet sounds on John)

PAUL: I played it to John so much that it would be difficult for him to escape the influence. If records had a director within a band, I sort of directed Pepper. And my influence was basically the Pet Sounds album. John was influenced by it, perhaps not as much as me. It was certainly a record we all played – it was the record of the time, you know?

Edit 2: I've discussed this a bit in the comments but thought it should go here in the main ask. To me it seems really unlikely that John, who lived and breathed music, communicated to his friends in coded song lyrics and measured time periods by songs (according to Mintz) would not have an especial association with Paul and God Only Knows, especially as Paul would not let up on how much he loved it. Loving someone romantically or platonically means remembering little details like that.

Furthermore, I did a bit more digging and found that John himself loved Pet Sounds but he never mentioned God Only Knows as one he particularly loved. I did however notice an anecdote from Alice Cooper recalling John talking to Brian Wilson about Pet Sounds in the mid 70s. In it John discusses Pet Sounds as something both he and Paul admired together.

''Hello Brian, I’ve always wanted to meet you. I’ve always admired your work, and Paul and I considered Pet Sounds one of the best albums ever made.''

To add to all this, you have:

staying at the George V, the same place John and Paul stayed at when they went to Paris the second time in 64’ (I couldn't find where they stayed in 66’ but it may have been the same hotel).

 ‘the underlying bastard’ of their relationship which has many possible meanings when it comes to John and Paul (jealousy, competitiveness etc.)

 dating of ‘three months’ before a big fall out. Three months takes us nowhere … but three years takes us to 1969 when things really started to go to hell for them

Then leaving in a seething rage but being like a force fed baby about them… a pretty great description of growing up loving someone and spending so much time with them from a young age or just being bombarded with information and memories about someone like John was with Paul in the 70s

Pure tin hat bollocks ignore me but the 'don't take me for granite Perry', 'Never' I sang reminds me so much of the Oh! Darling recording sessions.

The move from the third to first person in the last part of the section. It could be John acting as an omniscient narrator or revealing that there are certain truths to the story that affect him personally

 ‘To this day, his memories of her are clear and fresh.  Like a force-fed baby, he’ll never forget, and neither, I hope, will she.’’

So yes, whilst I am open to it being coincidental and just pure fantasy, I do think it is at the very least a little inspired by that summer or by his trips to Paris in general. But if the Aime is/is inspired by anyone real, it’s Paul. Aside from the history of Paris in their relationship and the God Only Knows reference, there’s also that John’s Mon Pau Pau demo:

Source: https://got-ticket-to-ride.tumblr.com/post/733073861959139328/john-chanelling-a-french-singer-in-an-audio-from (thank you @got-ticket-to-ride, I don't know how the hell you got hold of this but amazing you did)

I’m unsure with the transcription of the ‘garter … prod’ as Dogget could be right and it’s cartier … throat (though as an aside it’s always wild to me that his transcription removes the Pau Pau section, surely he knew enough about the Beatles + solo work to immediately get the reference and significance?) Nevertheless, John’s in this demo places Paul in the role of a coquettish women which would give the section of Skywriting precedence.

So if it’s potentially autobiographical, how true is the sleeping together bit? Honestly, I agree that I doubt they did it for too many reasons to go into here. But then why on earth has he written this? The tone of the passage is quite light-hearted so I don't think it's delving into any real feeling of angst or forbidden desire. Edit 3: @idontwanttospoiltheparty has raised that there isn't any real reason that John couldn't be playfully writing out a fantasy about Paul for various reasons. Considering John's mercurial moods towards Paul and the playful demo, I am inclined to agree that this was an oversight on my part and perfectly plausible. Aside from playful exploration or a personal joke about the potential boundary-crossing of their relationship, John could be describing their songwriting process. I can't find them right now (which is driving me crazy) but there are a few quotes from Paul which talk about John and Paul taking it in turns to 'turn each other on' with their music. Maybe John was riffing off that supplanting the intense, emotional act of songwriting with sex? Or maybe Paul was a very loose inspiration and the characters and their sexual relationships became their own. It's so hard to decide and discern but absolutely, the fact that he is potentially willing to go there in his mind indicates at least some acknowledgement that maybe feelings/ the relationship wasn't 1000 percent platonic or blurred the boundaries of a standard heterosexual male friendship for the time.

[archangeldyke-all]

Hiii i love ur writing, do u think u could do something for Sev with a reader w adhd ?? How shed keep you on task but not condescendingly and remind you to get up and eat, listen to you talk about fixations and stuff :) having a hard time with people calling me distracting and lazy atm and some cute fluff would be adorbs if u have any time !! :)

sure!!

men and minors dni

sevika takes it upon herself to put reminders, alarms, and appointments in your phone for you. she knows that you fully intend to each time, but you just forget. she doesn't mind slipping your phone out of your pocket and setting a quick alarm titled 'facetime mom' at 8 pm after overhearing you making the plan over the phone earlier that day.

she thinks it's adorable when you get super intense and focused on a project. even if it's completely absurd. in fact, she realized she was in love with you one night when she stumbled home and found you in her kitchen, your phone playing a tutorial video, your laptop playing a movie, the radio playing music, surrounded by parts of her once-assembled microwave.

"babe?" she asked, blinking down at you.

you looked up at her and smiled. "hi love! your microwave was makin' a weird noise, but then when i started looking into it i realized it needed a deep clean. but then i got distracted taking it apart because i've always been curious as to how microwaves work-- like i get that it's radiation but how is it conducted? and where does it go? so i found a manual and got out the toolbox..."

you ramble on while sevika looks down at you fondly, a small smile on her lips as she realizes she's not even a little bit mad. in fact, she's happy that you've trashed her microwave, because you seem so interested and entertained. she's gone completely soft for you.

she'd also really appreciate the fact that you're always 'bugging' her. that's what you call it, worried that you distract her when you chat her ear off or track her down across the house to ask her what her favorite species of fish is, but she always assures you it's the exact oppisite.

sevika's mind doesn't work like yours. when she's in 'work' mode, it's all she's focused on. so when she's scrubbing the tiles of the kitchen, or filing your taxes, or tinkering on her arm, she's never expecting your funny questions or sweet anecdotes. you're always surprising her, making her bark a sweet laugh as she tries to think up a response to your ramblings. in short: you keep her entertained, you keep her day to day life lively.

and, if she ever overheard someone calling you annoying or distracting or lazy, she'd go to war for you babe. she knows how frustrating it is for you sometimes the way your mind works, but she also sees how unique and special it makes you, and she's never gonna let somebody else make you feel like shit for something she loves so much about you.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub @glass-apothecary @m0numents @macaroni676 @vixel352

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Idia Shroud - Platinum Jacket Vignette

"Happy 100th Anniversary"

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Idia: Look at all these dynamic brushstrokes that can only truly be appreciated because they're from a real painting… Fheehee! This is the real thrill of seeing one live!

Idia: ―Ah! Th-Th-Th-This is…! A PAINTING OF THE LORD OF THE UNDERWORLD ON HIS CHARIOT!!!

Idia: It hits so hard～ In order to rescue a captured comrade, the king himself rushes to the front lines… Oooowee～ Doesn't that just get your heart pumpin'?

???: Indeed… However, is it appropriate for a dutiful commander to leave his base and head to the front lines?

Idia: Eeek!!! Silver-shi!? D-Don't just cut in when I'm talking to myself like that. This is why I can't deal with extroverts…

Silver: My apologies for startling you. I found your comment to be interesting, so I could not help but chime in.

Idia: E-Even if you think it's interesting, don't you think your impression of him was pretty shallow just from this one anecdote...?

Silver: Meaning?

Idia: I-If he was just a minister or something, he coulda just split after setting up the strategy, leaving it to his subordinates to execute everything.

Idia: But he still went to such a dangerous place to stir up morale, because that mission would be the linchpin of the whole battle. So, basically…

Idia: That means his responsibility meter is through the roof!! Wheeew, he's a totally different breed than any naïve and useless politician who just hoists their title around.

Silver: So you're saying that he himself went out there because it was a crucial situation. I would say that he does have an overwhelming sense of responsibility, indeed.

Silver: Hearing your opinion on the matter has allowed me to delve deeper into understanding this painting and its story. You are quite wise.

Idia: S-Sure, yeah～! You should follow my example and study up on things a little better, Silver-shi!

Silver: I will do just that. …However, it feels as though what you said about how other leaders may act had some weight behind it.

Silver: I had heard that you took up the title of Housewarden after being recommended by the previous Housewarden...

Silver: Was that because you had had previous experience as a leader, and were thus therefore chosen for the position?

Idia: Huh!? N-No, nuh-uh, wut are you even talking about? No way, no way… 'Sides, I'm more of a solo player even in my online games, y'know?

Idia: I mean, sometimes I've taken the lead of a party when I absolutely had to for a raid, or something…

Silver: As I expected, you do have experience in leadership.

Idia: It's not that big a deal… I mean, I got a reliable battle buddy who tanks and usually takes the lead.

Idia: Generally, I go for healing or DPS roles. Or more like, I just stack as many buffs as I can to increase firepower.

Idia: But it's not like our schedules always line up, so whenever he's not around, I take the lead… Because I have to!

Idia: It's usually the high-level players with great skills that take on the leader role. And in that case, I've basically maxed out all my stats in every position, so…

Idia: And I can grasp what the scenarios call for, see? And I can also play the tank roles to take charge on the front lines, right???

Idia: "Thanks to you, I was able to clear this high-level quest! I'm so thankful to have joined this party!"

Idia: …THEY SAY, ELECTING ME MVP OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

Idia: And I was just taking on the leader role because I had to. I'm just way too good…

Silver: So, those who fought alongside you showered you with gratitude. That just proves even further your leadership capabilities.

Idia: I-I wouldn't go that far― …Or maybe, just a little bit further? H-Hee Fheeheeheehee!

Idia: But also, I don't want to deal with failing a quest because some loser was placed in charge, so.

Idia: So I guess next time I have to put together a party, if my friend isn't available, I'll just have to lead them all again!

Idia: Wheeew, it's hard being so awesome～!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Silver: This is a painting of a lion, warthog, and a meerkat, I see. The three of them are singing a song and seem to get along well.

Idia: Ain't they waaay too upbeat, to be able to sing while walking like that? Like, this painting shows the lion crown prince that was forced to leave his own country…

Idia: It's showing him singing along with some friends he ended up making, while he tries to ignore that pain, right?

Idia: Lucky him, that they chose to glorify his hiatus from his royal duties like this. Tch!

Silver: I've heard that singing can raise one's spirits. Perhaps they all wanted to brighten their own moods.

Idia: Speaking of singing to take your mind off stuff, there was this one time when I was a kid when my little brother was too scared to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night…

Idia: So we would go there while singing the theme song of our favorite anime together.

Idia: Eh, anyway, whatever their reason for singing, having that moon in the background composition like that's super moving. Kinda like what you'd see in an MV.

Silver: Em-vee…?

Idia: Eh… Y-You don't know what a music video is? It's a video recording that goes along with music and lyrics…

Silver: Ah, so you call those MVs. I understand.

Idia: I-If you feel like checking out some MVs sometime, I'd recommend the idol group "Precipice Moirai."

Idia: Premo's MVs are so awesome that you could watch them 100 times and never tire of them…!

Silver: 100 times… That's quite a lot. Is that generally something you'd watch so often?

Idia: A true fan would absolutely! More like, it's way too insolent to think that you could truly appreciate their MV with only one watch!

Idia: The first watch is all about enjoying the song and video in its entirety. The next three times the focus is shifted to checking out each of the three members' dance moves and expressions one by one.

Idia: Next, there's the actual composition of the MV, and digging deep into the actual message of the video… At a minimum, it should be watched ten times.

Idia: On top of all that, Premo's super casual MVs can put even a film director to shame!

Idia: There's no way to fully comprehend their art with only a couple viewings. That's why it needs to be viewed hundreds of times.

Silver: I had no idea their work was that deep… It may prove useful in training me better in emotional expressions, and perhaps could even be incorporated into the academy's music courses.

Idia: N-No, I mean, you don't gotta go that far… But it's great that you know just how awesome they are.

Idia: Even between us Premo fans, there's always those who still don't understand their art at all…

Idia: Every time a new MV comes out, there's always people saying stuff like, "She got the most screen time," or "She's definitely the manager's favorite," and the like…

Idia: But does that have anything to do with the quality of their work? It doesn't, right? They don't care about understanding the heart or essence of the songs.

Silver: I see… I feel as though I have learned a lot from you, Idia-senpai.

Silver: When we return to campus, I will look into, hm… Premo? Yes, Premo's music videos.

Idia: Eh, no way!? S-S-Seriously!? They have all their latest MVs on their official Magicam account!

Idia: P-PLEASE WATCH THEM! YOU WON'T REGRET IT!

[Land of Dawning – National Museum of Art]

Idia: Ooh, here's the Sea Witch floating in the darkness… She's got a nice, bewitching smile going, too.

Silver: This is a painting depicting the scene of when the Sea Witch drew up a contract.

Silver: If I recall, it was said that the contract was so unbreakable that even a powerful spear couldn't rip through it.

Idia: I mean, you'd think that just having a contract that doesn't tear apart or bleed ink in water is strong enough...

Silver: Perhaps the contents of the contract was dire enough she did not wish it broken.

Idia: Who cares about the contents, the material of the contract is way more interesting. How high of a defense stat did it even have to not get ripped up by a spear?

Idia: But I totally get it, everyone wants to make invincible things every so often.

Silver: I cannot say I understand, but… What sort of thing would you make, Idia-senpai?

Idia: Like a "game console power cord that can never be taken away," or something like that… A-Actually, I tried to make something like that when I was a kid.

Idia: Whenever I'd play video games all day and into night, my mother would end up hiding all my cords.

Idia: If all she did was hide them, I could just make myself a new one, but she'd hide the cord materials as well. Totally overboard!

Idia: So I had a thought. I had to do something so she couldn't hide it!

Silver: I can only imagine your mother was concerned for your health… Did you never consider quitting your games?

Idia: Why would I? Ahh, but I really did burn the midnight oil like a little worker bee back then.

Idia: Like, I'd put a motion sensor on it, so that the cord could automatically run away from whoever was holding it...

Idia: Or I'd make the cord transparent so it couldn’t be found, or attach a homing function to it so it'd come back on its own…

Idia: And finally, after many failed attempts… I finally did it…!

Idia: I MADE A TRANSPARENT POWER CORD THAT ONLY RECOGNIZES THE AUTHORIZED USER!!

Silver: I do not really comprehend what that is, but… It is amazing that you invented something with your own two hands.

Idia: Nope, not at all.

Idia: My family also has a real stubborn genius, and every time I came up with some tech, it'd quickly get shot down by some kind of countermeasure...

Idia: And it took me a few months of that game of cat and mouse before I realized I should just convert my game console to wireless.

Idia: Hmph… But the peace and quiet that came from switching to wireless didn't last long at all...

Idia: Soon after, the Final Boss appeared: a device capable of disabling all wireless tech within a 10-meter radius!

Idia: Well, all the experience I got developing the motion sensing and automatic functions helped when I was putting Ortho together…

Idia: So I guess all that trial and error wasn't for nothing.

Silver: Even if you can picture your ideal outcome, it is rather difficult to actually put into action.

Silver: However, you have made real many of your thoughts. I can respect that.

Idia: Wai― What're you trying to say all a sudden? Getting complimented to my face randomly like that is a little scary… W-Wait, is this all a plot to beguile me!?

Silver: A plot? ...Hm, I see it has gotten late. I have kept you for some time. My apologies.

Silver: I am grateful to have heard such wonderful stories from you. Well then, I shall be on my way.

Idia: Whew… I'm exhausted having to actually talk to people for the first time in a while… Ah, this is…

Idia: It's the hero from that one myth. Look at his sparkling expression… He looks like he totally believes the future ahead of his is bright.

Idia: Life doesn't always go as swimmingly as you hope, though… Hope he doesn't get too excited that he gets carried away by the river of the underworld!

Requested by Anonymous.

[formulatrash]

really want to hear what you think of the daniel ricciardo firing? I was thinking how almost every driver has this trajectory where past their prime they end up with poorer and poorer teams. Going from maybe championship contending teams to midfielders, then backmarkers before they eventually just slip out of the sport. Only the actual real greats get to properly hold onto the bargaining chips for very long. Like, Michael Schumacher retired with ferrari, came back with merc before finally leaving. Lewis got to pick his teams all his life and now he's going out on a high with ferrari (I presume this is his last dance). Even fernando has had a decent run, which would have been better if he was good at maintaining relationships with teams ig. But yeah, wanted to hear what you think of driver swaps and unceremonius firings as someone who knows the sport so well. And any daniel anecdotes if you're in the mood. hope ur having a good day <3

I've been thinking a lot about it tbh. It's such an... undignified exit. Extremely Red Bull but not what you would expect to happen to Daniel, who's always been a bit of a favourite child there.

He got the early call-up to HRT, replacing Narain Karthikeyan mid-season in 2011 and then him and JEV took the Toro Rosso seats the next year. At the time, the Red Bull programme was probably the most vicious it's ever been, all psychological warfare in rubbish flats in Milton Keynes and Daniel Ricciardo was probably the person who came out of it the best.

the offcuts of the time are easily identified: half of them are in Formula E and most of them are champions now (soz Robin) but it's strange to think that someone who thrived in that harsh world ended up discarded by a much softer version of it, so many years later.

Red Bull were not ready for Daniel Ricciardo to leave when he did, when he decided not to take the chance on Honda and to go to the Renault works team. I know it's often styled out with the Drive To Survive narrative that he was leaving to not be second driver to Max but the Honda thing was much bigger and a lot of people thought Max might be an idiot for staying. after only one year with Toro Rosso Honda didn't look as outright bad as we did the previous year with McLaren but there were still reliability issues and it wasn't the fastest power unit. that Sakura then went on to build an invincible, unfailing, ultra-efficient PU was not written in the stars at all.

I don't, honestly, know if he would have thrived staying at Red Bull - his descent might have been quicker, as the disparity between him and Max could've opened up very fast, in those years of the car turning dominant.

Daniel's problem as a driver is that (and he's said this himself) he's not especially technical. when he has a setup that suits him he's extremely fast but he doesn't know and isn't interested in the further technical details of it and I'm not sure that's actually possible to sustain a career at the top of F1, now.

he had started to suffer with it a bit at Red Bull and it was partly why the car was going more and more Max's way. Renault, I think, were in such a different place - a lot of their problems operational - that he was able to make a bigger difference there through his experience at a top team. McLaren the story wasn't exactly writ large as flayed open and strewn around the track like bits of carbon fibre: Lando could ask for what he wanted from the car, Daniel couldn't.

so: do I think that things would have gone wildly differently if he had stayed at Red Bull? no. he might have won a few more races and he might have found himself in a tororossoalphataurivcarb again a few years earlier.

I think something notable about his career is that it leaves a lot more questions than, say, Alonso's. even though there is no real reason for Fernando to have come back to F1, let alone moved from Alpine to Aston Martin because his championship winning days are coming up for two decades ago, he is still there. and it's reasonably clear why: he is as competitive as the car allows him to be, teams value him as a consultant who can also get to Q3. he does numbers on tiktok.

Ricciardo's departure from McLaren was baffling to both him and the team, neither really able to explain what had gone wrong. and believe me, if the team could have found a way not to be losing points in the constructors championship they would have, they were not sabotaging a driver they were paying millions to, in theory, outperform their other one.

but McLaren sometimes are baffling. despite all the changes in the team since Ron Dennis left, I could well believe that a factory capable of making the 2017 chassis might well not be able to fix their 2022 one. the start of 2023 certainly seemed to support that theory, until that transformative upgrade package made it clear they'd worked out what they needed to do, probably somewhat due to having drivers who agreed with each other.

was going back to Red Bull and then VCARB a good idea for Ricciardo? there were other moving parts there, like the fact Horner didn't really want De Vries anyway and definitely not compared to how hyped up he was to have Ricciardo back. the plan absolutely was to put Daniel in the Red Bull but then he was injured and didn't quite perform how they were expecting.

I asked JEV about it when it was announced because they used to be best mates and teammates and JEV turned down a Toro Rosso offer himself, after his second FE championship. also because I can get away with asking JEV that sort of thing and walking away with my head still attached to my body.

He said "I mean, it’s something I’m looking at from far away. When you make a decision, he has all the information in his hands that you or me or many other people don’t have, so I’m sure he made the right decision. I mean, then it's going to be a question of how he performs against Tsunoda and also against Perez.

"In Formula 1, you need luck, it’s quite well known but you need to put yourself in the position where you you have luck. So if he stayed in his position, I don't think it would have put himself in a position to to be lucky. Now he’s in a position where he can either be lucky or unlucky. It's only up to him but at least his destiny is in his hands."

what he meant by creating his own luck was that if you're in a reserve role you're Schrödinger's driver: maybe good or bad and no one will know until they put you in the car. by accepting the VCARB drive Ricciardo chose to open the box and find out if his career, otherwise in quantum suspension, was alive or dead.

if the first time he left F1 people were still looking for answers, this time it feels more that no one wanted to find them out.

this year the gap is smaller to Yuki, points-wise and it's not that Daniel's been destroying chassis every other week or something, it's just that his time seems to be up. there's no real point having him in the VCARB when that's supposed to be the junior team and he's underperforming too much to get a chance back at the top team. is Perez also underperforming too much to keep his seat there? yes and it's likely to lose Red Bull the constructors but given that, you'd promote Tsunoda not Ricciardo.

F1 is an odd world because if everyone was honestly objective, it would be clear that, no, they are not the 20 best drivers in the world. they are the 20 drivers that most fit into F1 in the world. and Daniel Ricciardo certainly fits into F1 - the outpouring for his final race was about his place in the sport's culture, more than his performance in it.

his dropping was as undignified as the Red Bull Junior Team tends to make it. messy, speculated about in the press extensively, with a lot of leaks and lack of clarity. both theatrical and unceremonial. in all honesty it doesn't compare to, say, Daniil Kvyat managing to leave ToroRossoAlphaTauri four separate times or the vicious decimation of Brendon Hartley or to throw it back far enough, the way they treated JEV. like, hey, at least Helmut Marko just wanted to fire Daniel since Barcelona but didn't imply it was because he was on drugs. but ranking brutality and ugliness in firings is as redundant as the drivers.

did it, particularly, befit a 35 year old with 13 years of experience in F1? no, you wouldn't expect a 35 year old with 13 years of experience in F1 to be in that position. Ricciardo got the strange opportunity of a do-over but that doesn't really exist, you cannot go back to the version of yourself that stepped in mid-season and made his way to a top seat. even racing in circles there's track evolution.

if I was writing this as an article I'd be going back and editing to put the Schrödinger's stuff higher up and calling it like "Daniel Ricciardo finally gets answers on F1 career, just not ones anyone wants" because I don't know, got to put some snappy shit in the headline haven't you. But I'm not and I can't be bothered.

I do think there's something to that, though. to there being an answer this time, as opposed to with McLaren. he exited F1 as he entered it: mid-season, to and from a team no one thought he was going to stay at and I suppose that's an interesting start/finish line under a career that will probably fascinate people more than a lot of champions'.

[cityofmeliora]

kinda late but here is the Terzo childhood headcanons AKA new yorker Terzo post. for @plaquerat <3

ok so. i don't really have a solid interpretation of the lore, and my headcanons aren't very detailed. i'm open to floating a lot of different ideas. here are some that i like:

i've liked the idea that Terzo was primarily raised by his mother ever since i first saw the interview where TF (as nameless ghoul) suggests Terzo may be nicer than Secondo because "he seems to have, i dont know, a kinder mother?" and then i found the official instagram post mentioning Terzo's mother attending his concert in New York, and i was like 'oh! maybe she lives there. maybe Terzo used to live there with her.' it got me thinking...

Terzo was born in california and then moved to new york with his mom after she and Nihil split.

seeing the skyscrapers in new york for the first time was a really formative experience for him. that sense of awe he felt eventually inspired his interest in art deco and futurist art. new york became the base for his imaginary city of Meliora. (this is partly inspired by my own experience as a native californian because we don't really have tall buildings in california and i FREAKED OUT when i visited new york and chicago and saw REAL tall buildings.)

Terzo's mother was an artist and he spent a lot of time in the studio with her and her artist friends. their apartment walls were covered with Terzo's own art.

art and music and culture have always been at the center of Terzo's life. he and his mom would always be listening to music or viewing art galleries or watching movies together. i think Terzo's dynamic with his mother was very much like this anecdote from Carly Rae Jepsen:

My mom and I would sit and meticulously go through Leonard Cohen and Joni Mitchell lyrics together. Even from a young age I remember her being like, “I’m playing this Leonard Cohen song called ‘Famous Blue Raincoat,’ and when it’s done I want you to tell me what’s going on in it.” She would give me like a fake glass of wine when I was 8, and I would listen and be like, “I think there was an affair.” Pitchfork - Carly Rae Jepsen on the Music That Made Her (2019)

Terzo turned out to be a gifted child. super smart and naturally talented at a lot of things, but he particularly loved to build with lego / blocks and play piano.

Terzo had a great relationship with his mom. she always supported him and encouraged him to pursue his interests and to do his best.

Terzo missed his dad though. his parents had been together long enough for Terzo to remember him. he was just a kid. he didn't know any better.

when Ghost debuted and Nihil became an internationally famous one-hit wonder, Terzo developed this idealized image of Nihil as a cool rock star cultural icon in his head. idolized him a bit.

after this, Terzo decided he wanted to get serious about becoming an entertainer / musician. started doing piano recitals and competitions. youth theater. film club. all the things.

if anyone asked Terzo why he wanted to become an entertainer, he'd tell them it's because it's what he's good at. and he's always wanted to be famous. which was true, but...

what he wouldn't tell them is that a part of him was trying to emulate [his idea of] his dad and secretly hoping that if he shared that interest / became famous his dad would want come back into his life.

he knew his mom was always there supporting him, but every time he went onstage he would look out into the audience hoping his dad might be there to surprise him. (he never was.)

Nihil was the first of many many disappointments in Terzo's life.

oops! i made it sad.

anyway here's a doodle of kid Terzo getting a postcard from his dad... he didn't hear from his dad again for a very. very long time after that.

there are a lot of details i haven't square hammered out, but it's okay because these headcanons are mostly for me to like, frame Terzo's character development over time. might post more later :)

[mynicosensesaretingling]

Lost in the moment (part 1)

Nico Rosberg x fem!reader

Summary: Throughout her career as a motorsport journalist, (Y/N) has established a special relationship with Nico. But what happens when unfortunate circumstances keep her from being there for him during the most important moment of his career? (part 1 of 2)

Warnings: Other than some angst there isn't any, female reader

Note: Noticing the lack of Nico fanfiction, I've decided to turn my dreams into an actual story. No worries, there will be a second part!

Part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/mynicosensesaretingling/734355288476565504/lost-in-the-moment-part2

Hope you enjoy it <3

Life as a journalist was not exactly a quiet life, especially for (Y/N), who worked as a reporter live on location for a motorsport journal called Countdown Magazine. Having been a dream job for the young woman since childhood, however, the stress that came with working in the motorsport industry seemed only half as bad to her.

But this year, the atmosphere had changed as the intense rivalry between Nico Rosberg and Lewis Hamilton, known as the “Silver War”, had captivated the world of Formula 1. As a dedicated and well-reputed reporter, (Y/N) had secured herself, what you could call a front-row seat, which allowed her to immerse herself in the high-stakes drama that unfolded throughout the season and enabled her to follow every twist and turn with unwavering dedication.

However, even though the feud between the Mercedes drivers provided great headlines and stories, (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel tense whenever Lewis and Nico had a go at each other.

Having been covering the sport for multiple years now had created a closer bond between her and several of the drivers and none more so than Nico Rosberg. The German Mercedes driver had always struck (Y/N) as a fascinating character. 

Over the years, their paths had crossed countless times during press conferences, pit-lane interviews and post-race debriefs. She had covered his journey from the earlier days of his Formula 1 career, watching him develop from a promising talent into a championship contender. His approachability and genuine interest in connecting with those around him were what had set Nico apart from the other drivers. Beyond the professional facade, the driver was a thoughtful guy, cracking jokes, sharing gossip, discussing the intricacies of the sport, the pressures of competition and even personal anecdotes from his life. 

Before she knew it, (Y/N) had found herself staying behind after work, searching out any chance to connect with the German. It didn’t take long before he invited her to join him at whatever he was planning on doing next, be it a walk around the track, getting something to eat or simply hanging around the paddock. Each time she accepted his offer the unique bond between them grew stronger, forging a friendship that transcended the typical reporter-athlete dynamic.

"Sometimes I really wonder why you spend so much time with me." the young reporter once mused, resting her chin on her hand as she leaned against the counter. Nico, who was standing next to her at the whirring coffee machine, shrugged his shoulders calmly, "I have to make sure I'm always presented in the best light. After all, we don't want any scandalous headlines or such, do we?." his cheeky laughter was quickly interrupted when (Y/N)'s foot found his shin. "Ouch." the blond man exclaimed overdramatically, pointing at her with his silver spoon in an accusing manner, but his narrowed eyes were sparkling playfully. "I swear one day I'm going to lose my ability to drive because of you. And then we'll both be out of a job." (Y/N) couldn't help but laugh at his antics. "There are plenty of other Formula 1 drivers I could report on." "Mhm." Nico was nodding while picking up his cup from the coffee machine. "But apparently these drivers must be boring as hell, otherwise you wouldn't be spending so much time with me." He winked at her whilst stirring his coffee, getting an eye-roll from (Y/N) in response. "Oh come on, I know you love me." Nico chuckled. "Oh shut up," the young woman laughed, waving her hand in a dismissive manner, purposefully ignoring the way her heart skipped a beat.

One of (Y/N)’s favourite memories, which she had made in her friendship with Nico, was when after a long, rainy qualifying day and countless press conferences, the driver had waited for her in the pitlane, an umbrella in his right hand as he wordlessly motioned for her to join him with his free one. “It’s raining.” she had expressed, pulling her jacket tighter around her body in hesitation, eyes darting to the dark clouds above. “And I have an umbrella.” Nico had simply countered matter-of-factly, shaking the umbrella for emphasis, scrunching his nose as his gesture led cold droplets to land on his face. (Y/N) suppressed a laugh, finding the sight utterly adorable. “I can’t just leave you standing there in the rain, can I?” her voice was filled with amusement, as she mustered the man, before quickly making her way over to Nico. “I mean,” he chuckled, as she ducked under his umbrella “You definitely could, but I’d find it incredibly rude.” (Y/N) huffed a laugh, linking her arm with his. “Well, how kind of me to join you then.” She hummed, eyes fixed onto the moon’s reflection in one of the puddles below. “ What are we doing anyways ?” she raised her brow, looking up at him with curiosity. Nico turned his head, a sparkle in his eyes. “We’ve never walked a track at night before, so I figured we’d make it a first. And now that I am thinking about it, I don’t think we’ve ever walked in the rain before either.” his gaze turned mischievous as he shook the umbrella once again, sprinkling water into both of their faces. A hearty chuckle left his lips as he watched (Y/N) scrunch her nose, just like he had done earlier.  “Why did you even bother getting an umbrella?” (Y/N) huffed lightheartedly, as she wiped her face with her sleeve. “Cause I know you wouldn’t have joined me without one.” he grinned down at her before pulling her along with him. That night, as Nico and her had spent several hours walking the moonlit track, sharing an umbrella and conversing about everything and nothing, is when (Y/N) had realized that her feelings for the Mercedes driver went far beyond friendship.

In the current tense situation, moments like these were not lost on the pair, but they were becoming increasingly infrequent. With the championship-deciding race approaching, (Y/N) could feel the pressure on Nico becoming stronger by the minute. Being on the brink of realizing his lifelong dream of becoming a Formula 1 World Champion and stepping into the footsteps of his father had led to several sleepless nights thinking about the sacrifices and the relentless pursuit of excellence that had brought him to this pivotal moment. And on top of that, Nico’s biggest rival was his own teammate and best friend, Lewis Hamilton. 

Especially now that the relationship with his childhood friend was slowly but surely coming to an end, Nico found himself drawn to (Y/N)’s presence, even more so than usual. Amongst this utter mess, which he found himself in, she was his lifeline and he clung to it like a desperate sailor lost at sea. 

Particularly in the days leading up to the race, Nico was confiding in the woman about his innermost fears and ambitions, trusting her as someone who genuinely understood the intricacies of the sport and its impact on his life. She, in turn, had found herself awaiting his late-night calls, admiring his determination as she listened to him rambling about whatever was occupying his mind, her heart filling with a sense of pride whenever she’d hear a faint chuckle from Nico as she managed to bring some lightheartedness and humour to their conversations.

"You'll be okay," she would say to him in a gentle voice, "you've always managed so far." On the other end of the line, the driver would sigh, "But it's never been like this before." His voice was weary and full of thoughtful despair. "And in the future, it will never be like this again." she would say with a shurg, her empathetic smile practically audible through the phone. "So try to enjoy as many of these moments as you can." There was a pause before Nico gave a breathless chuckle, "Oh man, what would I do without you?"

On the day of the race, as Nico prepared for taking on the track, he couldn't help but think of (Y/N) and how she had supported him over the last few weeks, reassuring him and quite literally keeping him sane as the situation within his team steadily deteriorated.

His blue eyes scanned the area outside of the Mercedes garage. Unable to spot his friend in any of the spots she’d usually be in, Nico approached one of the stewards. “Hey, sorry,” he tried to sound nonchalant  “Have you seen the Countdown crew?” his eyes nervously flitted around the paddock, before landing back on the steward. “Countdown Magazine? No, I don’t think I have seen them anywhere on the track today.” the older man answered, a rough hand scratching away at his beard. “Thank you.” Nico shortly nodded, before abruptly turning on his heels and making his way back into the garage with tense shoulders. (Y/N)’s absence from the paddock weighed heavily on his mind. She had promised him to be there today and she’d usually come in amongst the first wave of reporters. Why wasn’t she there yet? Nico combed his fingers through his hair , lost in thought. Shaking his head, he felt his team’s eyes on his form. She’d surely be at the paddock in no time, he thought,  deciding that for now, it would do him better to focus on the race and his strategies, in order to secure the championship.

What Nico didn't know, however, was that just mere moments before the gates to the paddock were opened, the boss of Countdown Magazine had abruptly fired  (Y/N) at short notice. 

With her heartbeat pounding in her ears, the only thing the young journalist had been able to understand through the speaker of her cell phone was that the magazine needed a “breath of fresh air” and therefore had decided to get rid of their motorsport department in the composition in which it had existed until then…or something like that. (Y/N) wasn't entirely sure, as she was overcome with panic as her thoughts flew straight to Nico.

Just the night before, she had promised him on the phone that she would never miss the most important race of his career and now she was sitting in her hotel room, unemployed, with no access to the paddock and no way to get a ticket to the race because the tickets had already sold out weeks ago. 

Had a champion of misfortune been crowned that night, she was sure that no one would have been able to deprive her of that victory. Shaky fingers dialled Nico's number, which she by now knew better than she did her own, the cheap wood of the hotel bed creaking as (Y/N)'s leg bobbed up and down in unease. With each ring of the call, her breath caught in her throat. The ex-reporter knew the driver too well by now to have expected him to use his cell phone so close to the race, but what other option did she have? She pressed the phone to her ear for a few more moments, each second more painful than the last, wide eyes staring blankly at the F1 broadcast on her TV screen. It was only when the drivers left their garages to get into formation that she dropped the cell phone from her ear and threw it onto the mattress behind her with a loud "Fuck!", followed by a strangled sob whilst desperate fingers pulled at her hair. 

As the race unfolded, the tension in the air was palpable. Nico and Lewis were locked in a fierce battle for the championship and every corner, every lap, seemed to carry the weight of each driver’s dreams. When Nico finally crossed the finish line , securing his victory, he felt a mix of euphoria and disbelief. After this particularly demanding season, he could finally breathe a sigh of relief, having  fulfilled his life-long dream of winning a World Driver’s Championship title.

The moment Nico stepped onto the podium to accept the championship trophy, he couldn’t help himself but to scan the crowd of reporters, still hoping to catch a glimpse of (Y/N). She had to be there, after all that’s what she had promised him. Yet, his friend still remained conspicuously absent. 

Nico held the coveted trophy high, the cheers of the crowd a deafening roar, as he smiled down at the sea of people. But even with a championship in hand and hundreds of people celebrating his achievement, there was a strange feeling of emptiness within his heart. As the champagne sprayed and the crowd celebrated, Nico's emotions were a turbulent mix of exhilaration and confusion. He couldn't help but wonder why (Y/N) hadn't been there smiling up at him, especially when she had been a constant presence throughout not only the season, but the majority of his career. The absence of his friend was like a splinter in his heart, casting a faint shadow over what should have been the most triumphant moment of his career. 

Meanwhile, (Y/N) watched the race unfold from her hotel room, fresh tears welling up in her eyes. The news of her abrupt departure from her reporting career had come as a shock, and she had fought bitterly against it. Her job had been her passion, and Formula 1 was her life. To be denied the opportunity to report on the championship-deciding race, and more importantly to support Nico in his most crucial moment, was a heartbreak she struggled to bear.

As she witnessed Nico celebrating his victory, the realization of her absence was a painful weight on both her shoulders and her mind. She had been forced to watch her friend reach the pinnacle of his career from a distance, unable to share this moment of glory with the man who had unknowingly stolen her heart. The tears she shed were a mixture of pride for her friend and a deep sense of sorrow for her own situation. 

Back at the race track, Nico's initial reaction, unaware of the circumstances behind his friend’s absence, was one of betrayal. Finding himself being swarmed by countless reporters fighting for even the smallest of chances to get a word from the freshly crowned champion, he couldn’t help the bitterness he began to feel towards (Y/N). If all of these random journalist could have turned up, then why couldn’t his dearest friend do the same for him. The longer Nico thought about it, the more he questioned his relationship with (Y/N), something which he had valued so highly up until that very moment. 

She hadn’t just used him to boost her journalism career, had she? As much as he wanted to shake the thought, the champion couldn’t stop the idea of having been used solely for thrilling stories and eye-catching headlines to consume him, clouding his mind as the pain of having been abandoned by the woman, whom he had opened himself up to, right when he needed her most, sank in. 

His heart was clouded by hurt, and the insufferable ache of believing he had been manipulated by someone he had grown to trust and even developed some sort of feelings for was something he didn't know whether he could cope with.

How could a person whom he valued so highly and would give anything for, be so selfish and leave him standing there like that, clutching his fulfilled lifelong dream in his hand and yet still feeling a hole in his heart. Had his feelings really blinded him to such an extent that he hadn't realized (Y/N)'s true nature, or had his heart perhaps never wished to recognize it in the first place ?

“Mr.Rosberg!” the shout of his name pulled the driver out of his thoughts. Blinking, his eyes travelled up the arm currently shoving a microphone into his face, before settling on the face of the reporter, whose red lips were pulled into an impatient smile. “I am sorry, I didn’t quite catch your question.” he mindlessly gestured around with his hand, hoping to come across as if he really hadn't caught the question in the bustling scenery. 

He raised his brows, a half-heartedly apologetic smile on his lips as he kept his attentive eyes on the reporter while waiting for her to repeat what she had just asked. The reporter laughed in a put-on fashion and Nico had to wrestle with himself to refrain from rolling his eyes.

"So," the woman thrust the microphone even further into his face, "I'd be really interested to know whether there was anyone who helped you get through this difficult season, or whether it was all down to you?" Almost immediately the driver put on the mask of a cocky smile. "No, all of that was entirely down to me and I dare say I managed pretty darn well." Nico’s hair bobbed as he nodded towards his trophy. His smile grew painful as he was intent on ignoring the extent of the lie he had just told and the pang of pain, that the conscious erasure of his relationship with (Y/N) caused deep within his core.

[juniusgirl]

I am, as a rule, Very Bad at video games. Didn't play them much growing up, game logic is something that does not come naturally to me, i often have a hard time remembering buttons and controlling both movement and camera simultaneously.

But i like games as like, an art form. I especially love watching essays about them, because then i can get all the sweet art analysis without having to frustrate myself. So of course i watch a lot of Jacob Geller videos. And a lot of the time i get just that out of them; all the analysis without having to deal with the frustration (i would not, for instance, be able to play returnal for a multitude of reasons, but i love the concept). Sometimes, however, he will talk about a game and i'll say "that actually sounds very interesting and doable to me", and given my forgetfulness, i will write down the name of the game or tell it to my husband and eventually i might play it, and given my forgetfulness, i won't usually remember any spoilers.

So i was excited, as usual, to watch the most recent Jacob Geller video. But quite quickly, it brought up a game i was actually planning on playing--Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice. I saw a trailer for it years ago, perhaps my husband even showed it to me to say "looks like your kinda thing" and i was like "it really does", and my husband bookmarked it and bought it when it was on sale, and it's been waiting for me. But i was scared to play it, because i am Very Bad at video games, and it looked so interesting, and i was worried i was going to ruin it for myself by being so disasterously bad at such basic tasks as walking and looking where i was going and getting frustrated and giving up and feeling like an idiot and a failure for letting something that's supposed to be fun defeat me because i'm stupid and and and.

But i started the Geller video, and the game was almost immediately mentioned, and i thought "actually i can't get spoiled for this one. I will actually remember this time because this one has actually been on my mind and i have actually wanted to play it for so long that i have to experience it in my own way before i have someone else's interpretation."

So i told my husband that i have to play it soon. And he waited a day or two for me to say i was ready. Then he decided i needed a nudge (i did), and set it up for me, sat me down, handed me the controller, and said good luck.

I made my way through the first bit. I handled everything better than i thought i would, only died three or four times (only one of those a non-combat idiocy issue) before he wandered back in to check up on me.

He sat and watched as i got to my first boss fight, and while i struggled a few times, i beat it around my fourth try, and he seemed genuinely impressed. Said by that fourth try he actually saw skill and timing instead of my usual panicked button-mashing.

I dunno how much of that was just hype-up or sincere pride, but either way it made me feel good. I have always been so bad at games, and most people i've tried to play with were merciless about my ineptitude, it's just so nice to have that encouragement for something challenging instead of being shamed. I think that might have been the first time i ever felt good about accomplishing something; the first time i ever did something i found really difficult and then was excited to keep going instead of just being relieved it was over. All because of a few positive words.

Idk what the point of this little anecdote was. Maybe i just wanted to document something positive that happened because life's been really, really shitty lately. But there might be a lesson in there somewhere.

[gallifreyanhotfive]

how do you have such a huge amount of doctor who knowledge? do you really remember it all??? have you read all the books and listened to all the audios and read all the comics etc? genuinely so curious how you have such an impressive amount of information seemingly on memory

Hello!!!!

I'd love to have a good answer for that, but I just kind of...do? I wish I could remember normal things too (God forbid I have to remember when my dentist appointment is, no one take my calendar away from me), but there are a few topics that take up permanent residence in my head.

If it's relevant, Doctor Who has been my lifelong special interest. I'm kind of struggling with how to explain what's going on in my head.

I struggle with memory though. I forget people's birthdays, forget their names, forget appointments and meetings and assignments etc etc.

But I can remember my Doctor Who. Doctor Who is...I don't know how best to word this, but it is the language I use to communicate my own feelings and the lens through which I look at my everyday life. I hope that doesn't sound too lame - I genuinely struggle to communicate without making references or without somehow relating my own feelings to the show. It irritates the heck out of my family, but it's the only way I have found to convey important things.

And I'm not saying I bring up Doctor Who when ordering at a restaurant or anything, but if I'm distressed about something, I usually bring up a story or anecdote that would convey how I'm feeling. I don't have words for my feelings, just moments in which the characters feel the same way I do. And normally that's adequate to give them a good idea of what I'm feeling...if that makes any sense.

Doctor Who means a lot to me. To be honest, there is barely a moment when I am not thinking about it in some regard. I remember a lot because the fine details helped me understand who I am and how I feel. It's kind of like...I know a lot about Doctor Who just like the Fifth Doctor knows a lot about cricket. I don't think he could forget a detail about cricket if he tried. And kind of like that, there will always be a spot in my head for Doctor Who. Not to say that I remember every little detail as that is impossible, but I remember a lot more than I probably should, especially if they are details I find interesting or relevant. Hmmmmm. Now if only I could remember where my ID badge is....

Anyway. I hope that makes sense? I kind of just started typing, and this happened. It makes sense to me, but I've been told I sound like gibberish when I try to explain it....so at least I tried?

[thesquishypenguin]

psst apologies that i have been away for a bit but a consideration: do you think Maxime sleeps with any plushies. i'm quietly delighted by the idea that he has a little roach plushie he cuddles to bed every night. he would rather die than anyone find out, and Valentina is sworn to secrecy under villainous threat (which of course he'd never act on, he's just embarrassed 🙈💖). Valentina thinks it's the CUTEST thing in the world and has definitely taken pics of him snuggled up with it when he's asleep 🥰💖💖💖

WEEPS I FUCKING LOVE THIS!! !

you: concept?

me: wait here's my book on it

BROTHER

I think Maxime sleeps on THE BIGGEST BED KNOWN TO MAN. I think this guy has one thousand fancy throws and blankets and is surrounded by 50 fucking 'decorative pillows' in his big ass bed. It's like a little den and its SO COZY. This is a bed fit for a king (+queen) and I feel like Maxime takes up ALL of the fucking room sprawled out all over the place while Valentina is a side sleeper right on the gd edge fighting for her life out here.

I think despite the overall size of the bed he DOES very much like feeling super cozy and snug and easily gets wrapped up in all the throws/blankets/etc (plus its extra warm and toasty uwu)

I went back on forth on if like...he does indeed have a pile of them or at least a rotation of different ones (I get the feeling he might have like...a collection of roach-themed things he just picks up along his journeys and adds to the collection). OR if he just has like THE ONE plush that's his main/only snuggle plush anD I THINK that's probably the case!! I think he's got one special one that's always in the bed with him and it probably gets more love and attention in bed than fucking Valentina weeeeeeeps he is GLUED to that thing when its time to go to sleep. This plush absolutely gets tucked into the bed when he's not in it and is well loved and taken care of!!! If Maxime and Valentina are cuddling in bed, this fucking thing is in between them and Valentina is highly likely to roll her eyes in light annoyance, though also thinks its THE most adorable thing. (is she a little jealous of it? yeah, sure!!!) I'm not sure like...how it came about. If it was something he received quite young and it just..helped fuel his interest in roaches or like.... if Valentina gifted it to him when she saw it and thought it was cute (either before or after the roach-ening). But I can just see her finding it somewhere in a store and wiggling at him with the biggest smile. " ¡Ay! Maxiiime!! It looks like jouuu!" //dances the plush at him// Maxime waving a hand frantically and shushing her before snatching it out of her hand. (But yeah for sure he's looking it over and finding it kinda funny and endearing and they absolutely take it home with them)

(Personally I was given a hand knitted owl plush (VERY simple in shape) when i was born and I called it 'Wol' - and when I was older I received a Penguin I just call Penguin and I've loved birds ever since!!) I'm also not sure if he has a name for it or if it just gets called something like 'Roachie' or 'Little Roachie'. or if it gets some kinda french term of endearment. Or if they call it separate things lmao. ( I feel like whatever Valentina would call it he finds embarassing/mocking)

She has 110% ABSOLUTELY taken photos of him sleeping soundly with it all cute and snuggled up, drooling and snoring with that roach plush pressed right up into his cheek.

1000% Agree on him being embarrassed about it though!!! He is NOT a fan of him or his things being found 'cute' he is everything but cute!!! (1000% purely embarrassed about it I feel like if you call him cute and adorable enough he'll just explode/melt about it). He definitely gets a bit snippy about it if she's taking pictures/videos but :'DDD he's just shy. he loves the affection really!

As a side anecdote I also think he's a big fan of humidifiers (at least while the air is on the dry side). roaches be LOVING them dark, hot, humid places but I think he has his limits - I don't think he likes it when it gets OVERLY wet and damp, he doesn't like feeling 'soggy' (plus it ruins his hair). So catch his ass with a little humidifier on 'his side' of the bed. They probably spat on occasion when Valentina has had ENOUGH of the humidity but it feels just right to him. (oppositely you could argue valentina is likely to have a facial steamer or smth! I love mine! I get the feeling maxime would also use it tbf that man does NOT look his age and their skincare must be on point)

As ANOTHER anecdote I wonder how many sheets they go through because he's moved 'the wrong way' in bed and his spines have caught the delicate fabric. I feel like its gotta be a LEAST sometimes!! this bitch is a FRONT SLEEPER at least MOST of the time. I feel like being on his side is at least more acceptable than being on his back (roaches are not a fan of that I can tell you. sp. if the surface is too flat or smooth sometimes they literally *can't* right themselves oof). Being on his front too means his spines are much less likely to catch on anything when he squirms around in bed.

and y/k how like animals will twitch their little limbs while they dream Q-Q i bet he does little wing shuffles/flutters. (believe me I bet valentina has videoed this and every time she shows him how adorable he is in a new one he tries to snatch the phone from her)

[divine-crows]

Anecdotes on How to Incorporate Art and Magic Without Failing

I love creating things, and I equally love being in tune with my spiritual side. I find that when I try to mesh the two I quickly feel burnt out both from the mental planning it takes for projects, and partly from having to pour in so much energy into every ounce of what I create. I dabble in traditional drawn art, crochet, knitting, and embroidery. As a result, my tips will be more focused on those areas, but I hope to provide some help to those interested in art magic regardless of their chosen art format.

Without further ado- here are some tips on how to increase your success in art magic based on my personal experience.

1. Do not get caught up in weaving in every little feeling and detail.

When I first started my art magic journey, I would get caught up in making sure I completely focused on my intent while I was creating my works. Since most spells emphasize how important it is to maintain focus on intent, I was under the impression that my journey into art magic would apply the same principle. However, I found that this was hard to maintain and would lead to me getting frustrated with my wandering mind.

Instead, I would advise as approaching it as being in a meditative state. You let your mind ebb and flow-- you acknowledge the thoughts and you let them go, occasionally thinking of the intent of course.

2. Utilize symbolism (numbers and colors aplenty)

This is my solution to my issue with focused intent. Whenever I include colors, animals, or numbering I use it as a tool to focus my intent. For me, it enables my mind to wander freely, while still having piece of mind towards the intent. I mainly use animal and plant symbolism along with color symbolism, but there are plenty of other things you can incorporate.

3. Working in Spell Elements Beforehand and Afterhand

Sometimes I like to start a project by reciting a chant before I begin a project. Typically it'll be a sort of enchantment I'll plance on the tool used to create the project, and following up with a sort of spell to incorporate that enchantment to the art I made. You can also ground yourself before you make art, or you can craft a spell to seal the intent into the artwork.

4. Listening to Music that Matches your Intent.

If you're like me, you probably enjoy having something else to focus on while you work. Putting together a playlist with songs that capture the emotions you want to pour into your spell can be perfect for that reason.

5. Take Breaks from Art Magic to do Things Just for the Sake of Doing It

It's easy to stress over making everything perfect and doing everything in some contrived "proper" way, but I find that when I worry too much that's when I lose sight on what makes my art feel magical. Sometimes that means setting down a piece to do something else, sometimes that means making silly fanart, and sometimes that means I don't touch anything art related for a week so I can find purpose again.

Your art is a reflection of your soul, or it can be a reflection of the world and people around you. It's messy, it's ugly, it's beautiful, it's perfect. All at the same time. Give yourself room to just enjoy yourself every once in a while.

6. Let Yourself be Spontaneous

I'm the type of person where I always have an idea of how things should be in my head-- which also means I can't stand it when things don't quite work out in my favor. In cases of doing art magic, I've found that the best thing I can do is listen to my gut instinct even if it means doing something way different than I would normally want to create. Try out abstract art, incorproate junk into your paintings, try a new medium!