#nico rosberg imagine

[the-flaneur]

the enemy of my friend is my enemy, but he's also his own worst enemy? so he's my friend? (nr6) | pt3

pairing: nico rosberg x hamilton!reader [smau]

summary: in an attempt to plan a surprise birthday party for your brother's 39th birthday, you enlist the help of his ex-??? to get into his apartment

warnings: none (i think)

[prev] [masterlist] [requests]

-> twitter

-> messages

-> instagram

lewishamilton

liked by fencer, charles_leclerc, roscoelovescoco and others

lewishamilton Excited to be back home for New Year's. Here's to an amazing 2024!

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user1 LOOKING GOOD SIRRRRRR 😩😩😩

user2 i usually hate manspreading, but the way this man does it is sooooooo sexy user3 literalllyyyyy it's the see through shirt that does it for me though user4 can't wait to see him without his braids, they're the only thing that get me through the winter break 😭😭😭

user5 UGH HOW DOES MONACO HAVE SUCH GOOD WEATHER IN LIKE THE MIDDLE OF WINTER, BRO'S IN A SHORT SLEEVE SHIRT

fencer can't wait to see you brother 💪

user6 yooooo birthday bash hints??? user7 i mean his birthday is pretty soon....maybe we'll see another bro pic hahahaha

user8 happy new years eve from london ❤️

charles_leclerc when are you going to finally invite me out on a yacht trip ☹️

user9 LOL CHARLES ARENT U LITERALLY MONEGASQUE AND RICH - GET UR OWN YACHT 🤣🤣🤣 user10 bro just wants to hang out with the goat

user11 ya'll anyone else catch on y/n's absent comment??? girlie is usually on top with responding to her brother's posts...

user12 yk she doesn't always have to respond right, like she could just be with lewis, or you know...being her own person user13 lmfaooo so real @/user12 user14 but like she's not even given it a like? i wonder where she is... LIKED BY lewishamilton

user15 hopefully mercedes have their car back on track this year, we NEED to see this man win a race 🙌🙌🙌

user16 CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT INSTA POST!!! BIRTHDAY TIMEEEEEE

f1gossipofficial

liked by user17, user18, user19 and others

f1gossipofficial well well well it looks like an old romance may have been rekindled just before new years!

y/n hamilton and nico rosberg have been seen arguing in y/n's ferrari daytona sp3 in monaco, before engaging in a heated makeout session. are we going to see our first new (honorary) wag of 2024?

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user20 OH MY FUCKING GODDDDD 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

user20 WE ARE SO BACK GUYS

user21 HOLY SHIT MOTHER AND FATHER ARE BACK TOGETHER TRULY MY ROMAN EMPIRE

user22 someone gotta call the ambulance for lewis, he's about to get the biggest heart attack of his life

user23 cant believe their relationship has literally been strangers -> friends -> secret lovers -> enemies -> friends? -> lovers????

user24 that's why they're ICONS 💪💪💪 user25 istg if they go back to being enemies after all this crapshow they've put us through... user26 i think max would rather just shove them in a hotlap with him around spa and then lock them together in a room then face them being enemies again

user27 YA'LL ARE MISSING THE POINT AGAIN, THEY'VE PROBABLY BEEN TOGETHER SINCE BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR

user28 RIGHTTTT 🤨 like are people seriously think they havent contacted each other before this lol user29 nah i think this is legit their first interaction in like eight years - welp didn't take them that long to get BACK together

user30 do you guys need a third??? asking for a friend

user31 bros are not subtle at all 😭 making out in such a recognisable car and city where everyone knows who tf they are 😭😭😭

user32 i forgot how good they look together 😍

user33 watch their kids be pretty as f too

user34 well looks like both hamiltons like rosberg, wonder if thats definitely not at all caused any arguments 😒

user35 well you defs werent around for the great hamilton twitter discourse of 2014... user36 oh yeah forgot about that user37 🤨 someone wanna tell me what that is?

user38 CANT WAIT FOR THEM TO ACTUALLY FINALLY POST EACH OTHER AFTER EIGHT YEARS

user39 i missed the anniversary posts so bad 😍 user40 their cute little dates healed something in me

-> messages

permanent f1 taglist (comment or msg me to join)

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@daisyfreecs @euphorihan @louloucs @oikarma @dying-inside-but-its-classy

@fadingcloudballoon @princessminjikwon

enemy or friend (this) series taglist (comment or msg me to join)

@menagerofmischief @mxdi0 @mixedstyles @tinystudentblaze-stuff

@a-beaverhausen @easy4 @formulaal @taygrls @woozarts

@im-an-op81-fan @vampsarereal @amz824 @taylorsvogue13

© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.

[tonysbed]

You found Dad? | F1 Grid x Reader

F1 Grid x Exdriver!reader

Summary: Where people find out who it actually is..

Part one | Part two

main masterlist

NOBODY GUESSED IT RIGHT HEHE 😽

skysportf1 via stream/youtube

user BRITNEY?!

user I did not know nico could bag someone like her

user They-Who-WHAT

user wonder how landos feeling

alex_albon found dead

user 😳

yn

liked by landonorris, lewishamilton, charlesleclerc and 916.529 others

yn I feel like taylor wrote “So high school” abt us cause damn, he got me down bad

nicorosberg I love you, Liebling 🩷

yn love you more 🩷

landonorris holy moly I actually thought it was jenson

logansargent I accept him! We all do, right?

liamlawson yep! As long he keeps away from you know who

logansargent What?

fernandoalonso 🤦🏽‍♂️

lewishamilton he’s talking about me. I think you forgot that I’m quite close to yn and so..I’m close to Nico, all the fucking time cause they don’t survive a minute without each other

yn what did I do to you so you’d expose me like this?😀

lewishamilton just the truth, I love you

yn pff

user they’re so gorgeous 🥹

user they fit so well

lando.jpg

liked by yn, nicorosberg, oscarpiastri and 915.539 others

lando.jpg they’re a match made in heaven I fear and sickening cute 😾

yn You need to send me the video where Lewis pushed him into that ball thingy 😭

lando.jpg it’s on its way to you!

nicorosberg Noooo that’s mean

yn oh well, sucks to be you

fernandoalonso told him she’d go out with him, he didn’t believe me

lewishamilton nothing new

nicorosberg 😐

lewishamilton what? It’s the truth 😇

nicorosberg ja ja

yn am I..God?

nicorosberg honey, what?

fernandoalonso she lost it

yn You and Lewis interacted, WITHOUT BEING FORCED TO. LEWIS IM PROUD OF YOU 👏👏

lewishamilton oh, thanks i guess

nicorosberg jesus

user im dead, they’re adorable

user need what they have

nicorosberg

liked by carlossainz55, charlesleclerc, yn and 629.529 others

nicorosberg apparently all of these are my now adopted children…(Well except Fernando, Checo, Valterri, Nico, Kevin and Daniel is a half child)

danielriccardo how nice of you

charlesleclerc remember what we told you.

landonorris we meant it, Rosberg

oscarpiastri yes we did!😾

nicorosberg I got it! I listened to each and one of you

yn should I be worried?

lancestroll nope, everything is good

georgerussel what lance said

yn God good..

a/n: might wanna make a series like this with the drivers. Like she’s the grid mom but with different scenarios and drivers but something along the lines of this fic

[cheriladycl01]

Kinktober 06/10/2024 Nico Rosberg - Size Kink

Plot: Older, Hotter, Bigger and Matured Nico Rosberg can’t help but come back to his first HighSchool Sweethearts relationship after all these years.

Warnings: Kinktober, SMUT, size kink, p in v, fingering, breakup (back in the day), large Nico etc 18+ Minors DNI

Nico Rosberg was your first love ever. You dated him from the young age of 16 all the way to age 21. It was a very quaint, very private relationship. You grew up with each other so breaking up was one of the hardest things you’ve ever dealt with.

But it was mutual despite the heartbreak you both incurred.

You’d focused on career for the last few years, making a name for yourself in the legal industry and becoming a hot-shot intellectual property lawyer in a diverse European firm. This meant that you hadn’t actually dated anyone since Nico.

Nico was the complete opposite, you broken up when he was just moving to Mercedes alongside the legend Michael Schumacher. So he came a bit of a play boy.

But he of course had slept his way round the F1 calendar which only got worse when his long time best friend Lewis joined him at Mercedes.

But now, in 2016 you were invited to the Malaysian Grand Prix with Jimmy Choo and Mercedes. Ou weren’t going to come at first but you had missed going to the races and you hadn’t been to one since your’s and Nico’s split.

You actually couldn’t bring yourself to watch the race even on the TV let alone attend them in person so you hadn’t seen Nico for years. You were both in early 30’s now and you were nervous to see Nico.

You were just walking round the garage, taking in the smell of the fuel, saying hi to some team members you remembered from all those years ago. It was sweet that they even remembered you.

But then you heard that voice. That sweet Germanic accent while he was talking in English. It was deeper than you remembered despite him having gone through puberty when he was with you and his voice had dropped, but it was huskier now. More manly.

And when your head turned … what a sight to see.

He was bigger, bulkier and taller than you remember him being. Age had done him well, and the slight stubble and his still long Prince Charming type locks remained just as if not more shiny than the last day you’d seen him.

“Nico?” You called out in shock, despite knowing he was going to be there. It was more the fact that he’d changed so much in the ten years you both hadn’t seen one another.

His head turns, looking over you. The minute his eyes met yours he knew it was you, you hadn’t shed a day in 10 years. He’d taken age in his stride and had gone for that foxy sort of look, but you still looked fresh out of university.

You’d always been small, but Nico now couldn’t help but see not just the height difference but the size difference. It was something he didn’t realise at this fine age of 31 would make him feel like a horny school boy all over again.

If he was being honest despite his play boy era there was a part of him that always yearned for you and to .. maybe one day rekindle what you once had.

You personally believed that Nico Rosberg would also be the first, last and only man you ever loved and looking at him right now as he pushed his hair back you couldn’t think that was more true.

“Y/N/N” as he said your nickname that only he used your heart fluttered. He’d stepped closer to you, so close that you could smell the aftershave that he was wearing. It was musky, and older scent that what you remembered him wearing but it felt homely.

“Nicky” you mumble looking down. You used his thumb and forefinger to lift your chin up so that you’re looking at him. Holding intimate eye contact.

“You haven’t changed a bit” he says softly and looks over you, his other hand coming down to take yours in his. He couldn’t help but compare the size. Yours were so small in his large hands that were soft, protection from years of wearing gloves in the car you guessed.

“Meet me, in my drivers room after the race. I want to catch up” he smiles genuinely.

However that ‘catch up’ quickly turned to you against the wall your thighs clamping down around his hips.

It stated if with you just naturally looking at him but where it had been so long, to Nico it looked like you were checking him out. So one thing lead to another and he was kissing you pushing you back so you were under his body.

Your hands roamed over his large and now exposed back thanks to him pulling his race suit down and throwing the fireproof that was now dangling off the edge of the locked door.

“Fuck I missed this, I forgot how it feels with you” he breaths out as he kisses feverishly down his neck. You could feel he was stronger and more muscular than he was 10 years ago. And it almost intimidated you, how much he’d changed.

We’re you even still the woman for him.

“You’re so perfect, everything about you. Perfect. Why did we ever let what we had go to waste?” He asks with a desperate look in his eyes.

“We could go back” you say your hands running up his chest and to hold his neck, it was so big that both your hands wouldn’t reach to meet at the back so your could hold his face close to you.

“Back?” He smiles.

“You were it for me Nico, you’re everything I ever wanted and more. I - it sounds so silly” you laugh looking away from him.

But any doubts you had were thrown out the window with the next three words.

“I love you”

With that your lips smashed into his and your hands were not shy, neither we his as he feverishly felt for any differences in your body but he couldn’t find any except a small bump on your hip that looked like a scar.

“Need something, anything” you moan into him as you use his large thigh to hump against to relieve some sort of pressure, and to tease your clit a little.

Without second thought his hands are dipping under your skirt and into your panties. His thick fingers immediately finding their way through your familiar folds until he reaches that soft spongey bit that he knew would have you whimpering and whining his name. And he couldn’t wait to here it.

“Ah Nicky please baby” you cry as he add his thumb to your clit. Even after all these years he still knew how to get you all riled up.

You were coming, embarrassingly quick around his fingers as your small arms wrapped around him as your fingers played with the ends of his hair as the base of his neck.

“Still the exact same honey. Oh … and still so sweet” he says crawling over the top of you towering over your making you reel a little into sofas cushions a little.

He swiftly moves you both, picking you up as if you weight the same as a feather before pushing you against the wall. You legs clamp down around his hips to help hold you up, not that he needed the help.

“Can’t go from the back anymore sweet girl, you’re too short. So I’ll just keep a nice hold of you up here yes?” He asks and you nod, not being able to contemplate words, thoughts or feelings. Only thinking if Nico in front of you.

He slips himself out, a few pumps to help, before he’s pushing into your tight little hole, practically splitting you in two.

“Fuck Nico, have you gotten bigger. Is that even fuckkkkk possible?” You moan as he starts to move in and out of you, his hands having a firm grip on your hips no doubt leaving his huge hand pints there as a memory.

“I think you’ve just been deprived of my dick babe, no one stretched you out as good as me?” He chuckles, you don’t say anything not wanting to ruin the intimate moment, also besucase you’re feeling to go in the moment to even want to bring it up.

“Gone all quiet now have we baby? Mmmm… No don’t tell me. I’ve been the only one. Of fuck princess that so so good, argh you’re such a good girl. My good girl aren’t you Schatz” he moans as he speeds up his thrusts, holding you so you’re able to arch your back forward so that your shoulders are leaning against the wall and your pelvis is meeting his.

“Fuck Nicky, please let me cum” you get looking into his eyes and he can tells with that panicked look in your eyes that if he asks you to hold it you won’t be able to. So he nods, kissing all over your face before his tongue finds his way into your mouth, mingling with your own.

“Fuck you’re so beautiful. I’m never letting you go again?! You here me?” He moans into you and you nod your head falling back into the wall, as your eyes close and you clench down around him.

“Schatz, eyes on me!” He says, and you look up at him with lose half lidded eyes as you tighten around him releasing onto his dick, and only seconds later is he pulling out and making a mess over your toned stomach. He grabs a tissue from the side, starting to wipe it off.

“Sorry, maybe we shouldn’t have made a mess” he chuckles still wiping all of his essence off of you.

“Do you mean it Nico?” You ask, trying to catch your own breath.

“Mean what?” He asks cocking his head to the side in confusion.

“This, us to try again?” You say and he just smiles.

“Every word…”

Taglist:

@littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @eiraethh @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[menagerofmischief]

Ask and you shall receive!!! With nico rosberg

Stuffed cherry tomatoes served cold with fish and chips, chicken quesillda, and spring rolls. Drinks are ice tea, black coffee, and iced water.

Have fun!! 😉

Dia's Diner Menu

stuffed cherry tomatoes sugar daddy cold appetizer rough sex fish and chips "Where are your manners" chicken quesadilla "So pretty with my cock down your throat" spring rolls "All you do is complain, perhaps I should shut you up" ice tea oral black coffee chocking iced water dirty talk

Nico Rosberg x sugar baby!reader

TW: blowjob, mean-ish!nico at the start, gagging, chocking, hair pulling

WC: 1k

A/N: nico rosberg, my favorite pop queen <3. this is actually so bad, I hate it but I'm mentally drained and this was the best I could do. also I added lance, arthur and mick to the menu if anyone is interested in requesting for them.

The whole car ride home was unsettlingly quiet. Nico was mad, I knew it. His hands gripping the steering wheel as he sped through the busy city traffic, passing cars like he was still on the track.

“Nico,” I said his name, trying to break the silence we had fallen into.

His head snapped towards me, his eyes narrowed and he gave me a look that conveyed what he wanted to say rather clearly. Stop talking.

I shut my mouth and tried to lean back into the seat of the car, knowing that we were going to be home soon and how things would go once we got there.

Soon enough we made it up to our, or rather Nico’s, penthouse. The moment the doors were shut, Nico grabbed me and pushed me against the door. 

“What was that, huh?” He asked, his voice rough. One of his hands trailed up my body and wrapped around my neck, giving it a gentle squeeze. Not enough to stop my breathing, but enough to put pressure. “Is that how I taught you to behave?”

I did my best to shake my head, my cheeks warm. “No,” I said, the word coming out as a whisper. 

Nico’s eyes fixated on mine, his pupils blown wide, and desire and lust clear in his gaze. He removed his hand from my neck and I immediately sucked in a breath. Nico moved his hands down and the sound of him unbuckling his belt filled the room.

I knew the rules we played by, I should have already been getting on my knees, desperate and wide eyed and asking to pretty please, suck his dick. But my mind was blank, my eyes focused on the way his hands moved as he opened his jeans and pulled them down. On the bulge in his black boxers, on how he took them of and on his semi-hard cock.

I snapped out of my trance once Nico’s hands were on my shoulders. Without a warning he pushed me down, making my knees hit the floor. I hissed at the contact, the tiles cold and digging into my naked skin.

I whined, looking up at him through my lashes. “You pushed me,” I said, pouting my lips. “That’s mean, Nico. You could have bruised my knees.”

I was going to keep talking but Nico grabbed my chin roughly, towering over me and looked down into my eyes. “All you do is complain,” he said, the tone of his voice dark. “Perhaps I should shut you up.”

With one hand he grabbed ahold of his dick, giving himself a few tugs and growing harder before slapping the tip against my lips. When I noticed him about to do it again, I opened my mouth, hoping that the tip would just slip right in but instead he grabbed my hair and tugged my head back.

“You really are acting like a dumb little whore tonight,” Nico said. “Where are you manners, huh?”

I whined, looking up at him, one of my hands braced against his thigh. “Please,” I said, my voice giving away how desperate I felt. “Please let me suck your cock. I need to feel it in my mouth.”

Nico humed, satisfied with my response. His hold on my hair eased up and he placed his hands against the back of my head. Not pushing me, just giving me the sensation of knowing he’s there.

As soon as he nods his head, I’m surging forward. My lips wrap around the tip, suckling on it and running my tongue over the slit to collect some of the precum that had started leaking. Nico groaned at the feeling, his hand pushing my head further, forcing me take him deeper into my mouth until the tip of his cock hit the back of my throat.

He held my head there for a moment and I gagged around his length, providing the additional sensation of my throat tightening which made him moan. His hand moved away and he let me start working at my own pace.

I started bobbing my head, trying to take him all the way every time my lips glided along his dick, hollowing my cheeks and running my tongue along the vein that was on the underside of his cock.

“Fuck, there we go.” Nico said with a groan. “My pretty little slut, sucking me off so well. You look so pretty with my cock down your throat, baby.”

Nico moved one of his hands to my neck and wrapped it around my throat just as I was moving down his shaft. He laughed, the sound mixed with a moan of pleasure, and it sounded beautiful. “I can feel my dick sliding down your throat,” he said, his hand staying where it was placed. “God, your mouth feels like heaven. Keep going, baby, I’m almost there.”

That made me speed up, bobbing my head faster and doubling my efforts to make him cum. Nico’s fingers gripped my hair and that was all the warning I got before he was twitching inside of my mouth and shooting his load down my throat.

I pulled off him with a pop, the taste of his cum salty against my tongue. Without as much as a second thought I swallowed everything inside of my mouth, sticking my tongue out proudly and looking up at Nico to show him.

He smiled down at me, his cheeks flushed and mouth open as he panted, trying to catch his breath. One of his hands came to cup my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin. “Good girl, baby,” he said. “You’re such a good girl for me.”

Nico helped me up and pulled me into a messy, passionate kiss. He lifted me up into his arms, making me giggle and started making his way towards the bedroom. “Now, how about I give my good girl a little reward?”

[sinofwriting]

Summer - Nico Rosberg

Words: 531 Word Prompt: Summer Note(s): Implied Sugar Daddy Nico Rosberg, Implied Age Gap

Masterlist | Support Me! | Sin’s Sept. Blurbs

“I hate summer.” She moans, hiding her face in the pillows.

Nico hums, eyes gliding along the naked expanse of her back. “So horrible.”

“The humidity, it was like it was trying to kill me. And I had to wear sneakers and my feet,” she whines, turning over and he hungrily drinks in the view of her top half bare before him. “They even got all hot, Nico.”

“I’m sorry.”

She pouts at the distracted tone in his voice and sits up, watching as his eyes stay glued to her breasts. She huffs.

She knew she was being dramatic. But Nico had invited her here because he wanted to spend time with her and then on her first day here he hadn’t spent any time with her. And she had only managed to get one of her two bags from his car before he left, which meant that she had to wander around in the 35 degree heat with sneakers instead of the cute but supportive sandals she had brought.

It was fine though, he had things to do tomorrow as well now and she could just get her revenge on him then.

—

Nico frowns as he enters the apartment he was renting and sees quite a few bags in the living room. They were nice brands, luxury brands, and normally the sight would never bother him, but he struggles to remember ever getting notifications for any of them.

Pulling out his phone, he quickly opens his banking and frowns seeing nothing there.

“Liebling!” He calls out.

“Nico! How were the meetings?”

Her voice is a bit faint.

“They went good. You went shopping?”

“Yeah,” her voice is louder and his attention shifts to where the hallway for the bedrooms and bathroom connect to the living room.

His breath catches as he gets a glimpse of her. She was so breathtakingly beautiful it had been a miracle when they first met that he managed to wait a few months to ask her out.

“I got some new tops and a few dresses. Oh, and more of that perfume you like.”

He makes a slight humming noise, eyes back on the shopping bags. “You didn’t use my card.”

“I have my own money, I didn’t need to use it.”

The words feel like a slight stab to the chest. He was aware she didn’t need his money, her father more than made sure of that, but she had never said that before. “But it’s yours to use.”

She shrugs, “it was just a bit of shopping.”

The words, I’ll use it next time, don’t follow and that hurts as well.

It must show on his face because she softens and comes closer, her arms wrapping around his waist, lips brushing along his neck.

“Ignore me again, Nico Rosberg, and I’ll cut your card up and buy that necklace you’re wanting to get me for my birthday.” After the last word, she places a sweet kiss to his lips, leaving them a little sticky from her lip gloss before pulling away completely. “Got it?”

He nods, tongue darting out to lick his lips, to taste the gloss she left on them. “Got it.”

[mynicosensesaretingling]

hi, I saw your latest Nico fic and I finally have the courage to request cuz I guess your requests are open

can you write something in the 2016 prize giving ceremony setting? some cute moments were him and reader are talking and giggling and its caught by the cameras, and when giving his speech after receiving his trophy he mentions some cute moments of him and reader racing related, and for the end can you write smth abt that one pic were his taking a photo of his trophy while in the car and reader is beside him? some moments between them interrupted by their chauffeur?

love your writing and thank you, there's no Nico Rosberg writers out there 💔

A Celebration of Hearts

Nico Rosberg x fem!reader

note: thank you so much for your request, I really enjoyed coming up with a story for this one!! (I just assumed this was for a fem!reader , but if I am wrong please tell me and I’ll adjust the pronouns!! ) And it’s my absolute pleasure to serve content for all my fellow Nico enthusiasts <3 i hope you enjoy the story , all the love to ya!

——

The 2016 Prize Giving Ceremony was an evening of glamour and celebration. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement as the faces of the motorsport world gathered to honour the year's champions. Among the attendees was (Y/N), a relatively new journalist who had struck up an unexpected and endearing friendship with Nico Rosberg over the past season. Nico, having just announced his retirement days earlier, was the man of the hour, ready to collect his well-deserved World Champion trophy.

As the ceremony progressed, (Y/N) found herself seated at a table near the front, with a clear view of the stage. Given the circumstances, the evening was already a memorable one, but it became even more special when Nico walked over during a break.

"Hey," Nico greeted her, a warm smile lighting up his face as he came to a halt beside her chair.

"Hey yourself, Mr. World Champion," (Y/N) replied with a grin, craning her neck to look up at the blonde. "How does it feel to be on top of the world?"

Nico chuckled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Surreal. But seeing a friendly face makes it a bit more real."

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. "Oh, so now I'm just a friendly face? Last time I checked, I was the journalist who nearly outsmarted the World Champion at the Hungarian Grand Prix."

Nico laughed, shaking his head, before looking down at her again. "You really did give me a run for my money. I think you missed your calling as a strategist."

"Maybe," she replied, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Or maybe I'm just good at keeping you on your toes."

"Mission accomplished," Nico said with a grin, casually plopping down on the sear next to her. "I never knew where you'd pop up next."

"That was the fun part," (Y/N) admitted, a mischievous glint in her eye, as she turned her body to fully face Nico. "Like that time in Brazil when we got caught in the downpour. I don't think I've ever seen you run so fast."

"Hey, I had to protect my hair," Nico retorted, running a hand through his perfectly styled locks. "But I do remember us squeezing under that tiny umbrella. I think I ended up more wet than dry."

(Y/N) laughed, nodding. "We both did. But it was worth it for the conversation we had. I think that's when I realized you're not just a champion on the track."

Nico's smile softened, a touch of warmth in his gaze. "Thanks, (Y/N). That means a lot coming from you."

The pair talked and giggled, sharing light-hearted banter and recalling moments from the season. At one point, Nico leaned in to whisper an amusing anecdote about a mix-up at the Japanese Grand Prix, causing (Y/N) to burst into laughter. Unbeknownst to them, cameras were capturing these candid moments, broadcasting their genuine connection to the world.

As the evening wore on, the time came for Nico to take the stage and accept his trophy. He rose from his seat, giving (Y/N) a quick, reassuring squeeze on her shoulder before making his way to the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Nico began, holding the trophy aloft. "This season has been a dream come true for me. It's been a year of hard work, dedication, and unforgettable moments."

He paused, his gaze finding (Y/N) in the audience, and smiled. "I want to share a few personal moments that made this year so special. There was a time at the Hungarian Grand Prix when (Y/N) here – yes, our very own journalist – and I had a little race of our own. She was determined to get an exclusive interview, and I was equally determined to avoid it until after qualifying. It turned into a hilarious game of cat and mouse, and I have to admit, she nearly outsmarted me."

The audience chuckled, and (Y/N) felt her cheeks flush with a mix of embarrassment and pride.

Nico continued, "And then there was the time at the Brazilian Grand Prix when we got caught in a sudden downpour. We ended up huddled under a tiny umbrella, talking about everything from racing strategies to our favourite movies. To me, those are the moments that make this sport so incredible – the unexpected friendships and shared experiences."

With a final nod to the audience, Nico concluded his speech and made his way back to his seat, where (Y/N) greeted him with a beaming smile, a blush still decorating her cheeks.

"You did great up there," she whispered, nudging him playfully.

"Thanks," Nico replied, leaning closer. "I was just trying to impress a certain journalist.”

"Oh, really?" (Y/N) teased, raising an eyebrow. "And here I thought you were just being modest."

Nico leaned towards her, attentive eyes sparkling with mischief. "Modesty isn't really my style, you know that."

(Y/N) chuckled, shaking her head in amusement. "No kidding. But I think you pulled it off tonight."

As the ceremony concluded, they made their way out of the grand hall, the evening's excitement still buzzing around them. The cool night air was refreshing as they stepped outside, Nico's hand lightly resting on the small of her back as they navigated through the crowd of people.

"So, what did you think of the speech?" Nico asked, glancing at her with a curious smile.

"It was perfect," (Y/N) replied sincerely. "Heartfelt, honest, and with just the right amount of charm."

Nico's grin widened. "I'm glad you think so. I was worried I might have gone a bit overboard."

"No, you were just right," she assured him, her eyes twinkling. "And trust me, I would tell you if you were too much."

"That's what I like about you," Nico said, his tone softening. "You always keep me grounded."

Blushing yet again, (Y/N) redirected her gaze onto the dimly lit sidewalk in front of them.

Continuing their walk in comfortable silence, it didn’t take long until they reached Nico's car, a sleek black Mercedes, waiting for them by the curb. As they slid into the back seat, (Y/N) felt a flutter of nerves and excitement. The atmosphere was charged with a newfound intensity, their playful banter giving way to something deeper, something she had felt, but never acknowledged before.

"So, what's next for the great Nico Rosberg?" (Y/N) asked, her tone laced with teasing sarcasm, as she settled into the plush leather seat beside the blonde.

Nico pondered for a moment, lips forming a slight pout and his fingers drumming lightly on the armrest. "Well, after this whirlwind of a year, I think I deserve a break. Maybe some time off to travel, spend time with family, and... see where life takes me."

(Y/N) nodded, a gentle smile on her lips as she found herself touched by his openness. "That sounds wonderful. You definitely deserve it."

Nico turned to her, his gaze unexpectedly intense. "And what about you? Any big plans now that you've conquered the world of motorsport journalism?"

A soft huff escaped her lips. "Conquered is a bit of an overstatement. But I do have a few exciting projects lined up. Maybe even a book someday, who knows."

"I'd read it," Nico said earnestly. "You've got a way with words, (Y/N)."

A comfortable silence settled over them once again, as the car glided through the city streets. Nico reached for his phone, raising it to capture a photo of himself with his trophy perched on his lap. (Y/N) decided to lean in, her head close to his, both of them smiling for the impromptu selfie.

"Perfect," Nico said, lowering his phone. Twinkling eyes still focused onto the picture. "I want to remember every detail of tonight."

As they settled into the ride, their conversation flowed easily, filled with laughter and shared memories.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Nico asked, a playful glint in his eye. "You were so nervous."

"I was not!" (Y/N) protested, laughing. "Okay, maybe a little. You were Nico Rosberg, after all."

"And you still are," she added, her tone turning sincere. "But now I know you're also the guy who runs from rain and takes goofy pictures with his trophy."

Nico chuckled, nudging her shoulder. "Guilty as charged. And you’re the journalist who somehow manages to make every moment memorable. Even though I am still not sure how you managed to sneak into my life like that."

Their chauffeur cleared his throat, and Nico glanced at him in the rearview mirror, then back at (Y/N). "Sorry, we were lost in our own world for a moment."

"Understandable," the driver replied with a knowing smile. "It's nice to see you so happy, Mr. Rosberg."

Nico's eyes met (Y/N)'s, a mischievous glint returning. "Well, I've got good company to thank for that."

(Y/N) felt her blush deepen, but she couldn't help but smile back. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Nico."

"Is that so?" he murmured, leaning a bit closer. "Maybe I should try it more often."

"You might just get away with it," she replied, their faces inches apart.

Nico's gaze flicked to her lips before he pulled back slightly, the tension between them palpable. "You know," he said casually, "I never did properly thank you for all those interviews and articles."

"Oh?" (Y/N) tilted her head, curious. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

"How about dinner? Tomorrow night," Nico suggested, his voice low and inviting. "Just the two of us. No cameras, no interviews. Just... us."

(Y/N) felt her heart race at the invitation. "I'd like that," she replied, her voice soft.

"Great," Nico said, his smile widening. "It's a date."

As the car pulled up to her hotel, Nico helped her out, their hands lingering together a moment longer than necessary. (Y/N) felt a mix of anticipation and reluctance to end the evening.

"Thank you for everything tonight," she said, her voice sincere. "I had an incredible time."

Nico's smile was warm and genuine. "The pleasure was all mine. I'm really looking forward to our dinner tomorrow."

(Y/N) nodded, feeling a flutter of excitement. "Me too. I’ll see you then, Nico."

He held her gaze for a moment, his eyes reflecting the same anticipation she felt. "Goodnight, (Y/N). Sleep well."

With a final squeeze of her hand, Nico watched as she entered the hotel, her silhouette disappearing through the revolving doors. He leaned back against the car, exhaling deeply. This night had been more than he ever expected.

[vroomvroommuppettrecs]

♡ angst

𐙚 fluff

ᡣ𐭩 smut

⋆.˚ smau

[nichmeddar]

nico rosberg

╰┈➤I Like You Best || Retired!NR6 x Hamilton!Reader

Warnings: 18+, unprotected sex, cheating, oral (f), choking, nipple play, secret relationship

Wordcount: 0.9k

The first time they went out, it was just as “friends”. She knew he wanted to anger Lewis, and she didn’t really care

Their “friendly” date turned into something much more, and quicker than they had thought

She knew Nico was married, but if he didn’t care, why should she?

By the end of the night, they were both laying in her bed, no thought of Vivian going through his mind

Ever since 2016, Lewis has been complaining and talking shit about Nico to her at ever chance he got

But was he really that bad when he made her feel like she was on cloud nine?

She walked into the restaurant, walking over to the table “You’re drooling a little bit” She chuckled, sitting down in the seat opposite to Nico

He snapped his eyes up to her face “How do you expect me not to when you wear that?” He asked teasingly

“Wore it just for you” She smiled softly

They both stumbled into her apartment, mouths on each others, scrambling to get jackets and shoes off of their bodies

They walked towards her bedroom, but didn’t get further than the couch

Nico’s hands were hot against her body as he pushed her dress up and over her body, throwing it to the floor

His lips trailed down her chest before going to one of her breasts, gently sucking on her nipple, his hand on the other

He lowered himself down her body, head now between her legs, kissing her bare thighs

“I do like you best with your head between my legs” She chuckled softly, leaning on her elbows, looking down at Nico who was now looking up at her

He pulled his head away, but only to remove her panties, throwing them to the floor somewhere as well

She was about to speak, but got interrupted by a moan when he placed his head back between her legs, his tongue working on her clit, his hands gripping her thighs tightly

He lowered his head further, his tongue lapping at her juices while his nose rubbed against her clit

His hums of satisfaction only giving her more pleasure and her moans louder, encouraging him to go faster

His name fell off of her tongue like a prayer, one hand tight in his hair, the other on the back of the couch, her hips grinding against his tongue and nose

“Nico, please” He whined, her eyes closed shut “‘M close” She whimpered softly, almost not audible

He let out a hum that sent her over the edge, his name rolling off her tongue in a loud moan, her body shaking

She panted heavily as she watched him pull away, wiping her arousal away from his mouth with the back of his hand

His hands went to his shirt, unbolting the buttons, revealing his pale chest

She looked at him mesmerised as his hands went to his pants, undoing the button and zipper before stepping out of them, positioning himself between her legs

Her arms fell around his shoulders, her nails digging into his back, certain to leave marks later

He pumped himself a few times before lining himself up with her entrance

“verdammt, ich liebe dich so sehr, ich wünschte, ich könnte für immer mit dir zusammen sein” Fuck, i love you so much i wish i could be with you forever. She didn’t understand shit of what he was saying, but was hot nonetheless when he grunted the words as he pushed himself into her, letting her adjust before he started moving

Her nails left red marks on his back as he sped up his hips, kissing her neck softly, not matching the roughness of his thrusts

One of his hands were wrapped around her throat softly, knowing she liked it while the other hand was supporting his body on the armrest behind her head

He grabbed a pillow from the floor that was grown carelessly and placed it under her hips, giving him the right angle to hit just the right spot, making her moan louder if that was even possible

“You’re gonna get a noise complaint tomorrow” He chuckled, his voice rough and his accent thick, but she was far too gone to care or even respond

She managed to whimper out his name in between moans as she clenched down around him, hinting to him she was close

“Just hold on a little longer, Schatz” He moaned softly, feeling her clenching

She nodded as best as she could, digging her nails harshly into his back, not caring if she broke through his skin

“Come for me, Liebling” He groaned slightly, and she didn’t need to be told twice as she came, her thighs shaking and clenching rapidly around him, sending him over the edge as well, his hips still as he came inside her

“You know you’re pretty, right?” Nico said as they were placed in the tub, her back against his front, his arms around her waist as she let out a soft hum in acknowledgment “But, you’re brother is prettier some times”

She knew he was teasing her, but she turned her head nonetheless, looking at him confused “I knew you were gay” She chuckled softly

“I fuck you once a week, and you still have the audacity to call me gay?” He asked, mocking offence

“You’re also married but fuck me once a week” She chuckled, kissing him softly

“Touché” He hummed, kissing her back softly

[annewithaneofthegreengable]

Kinktober masterlist

welcome to my very first kinktober! buckle up and enjoy the ride!

THE FIRST ONE IS OUT NOW!!! CHECK MY BLOG FOR IT!!!

if you want to be on my taglist please fill in the form

1st — phone sex, Lando Norris

2nd — choking, Lewis Hamilton

3rd — quickie, Toto Wolff

4th — cockwarming, Max Verstappen

5th — virginity loss, Charles Leclerc

6th — love bite/ marking/ vampire!AU, Oscar Piastri

7th — face fucking, Carlos Sainz

8th — almost getting caught/ public sex, Sebastian Vettel

9th — size difference, George Russell

10th — breeding kink, Mark Webber

11th — mutual masturbation, Jenson Button

12th — face sitting, Lewis Hamilton

13th — mommy kink, Max Verstappen

14th — wax play, Toto Wolff

15th — keeping quiet, Peter Bonnington

16th — toys, Lando Norris

17th — lingerie, Fernando Alonso

18th — role play, Sebastian Vettel

19th — 69ing, Oscar Piastri

20th — cock worship, Jenson Button

21st — stripper, Toto Wolff

22nd — hate fucking, Max Verstappen

23rd — double penetration, Lewis - Charles

24th — thigh riding, Kimi Räikkönen

25th — humiliation, Mark Webber

26th — food play, Carlos Sainz

27th — your choice, 

28th — heels, Lando Norris

29th — praise kink, Charles Leclerc

30th — blindfold, Nico Rosberg

31st — nipple play/ lactation kink, Max Verstappen

[regulus-lantsov]

⁺｡˚⋆˙Kardashian who ? | OP81⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: Oscar Piastri x actress!user ( she her ),

genre: social media au,

warnings: Cursing, pr nightmare, kardashian slender

summary: in which the Kardashians are in their downfall era and yn is ready to be the one who burried them

fc: Zendaya

instagram ->

liked by oscarpiastri, kimkardashian, taylorswift and others

yourusername : Met Gala and miami gpppp !

tagged : oscarpiastri, landonorris

landonorris : You are my lucky charm, yn

yourusername : Fuck, I'm dating the wrong driver 😭 I should have dated the race winner oscarpiastri : Babe 🥺 yourusername : KOALA

kimkardashian : Beautiful ! I wish I could be at the Met

user55 : Yn didn't even liked Kim's comment

user6 : Yn is the first one praying for their downfall and I'm here for this

oscarpiastri : Three pictures of me ? Wow babe

yourusername : It was just to hide my secret relationship wiht Lando oscarpiastri : Can he ask your number in japanese ?? yorusername : NEVERMIND BYE LANDO THIS IS HOT

lewishamilton : 🤩🤩

yourusername : You outfit was incredible ! Please teach me your secrets

oscarpiastri

liked by yourusername, landonorris, charles_leclerc and more

oscarpiastri : race duuump ( go watch Challengers, my girlfriend is in it )

tagged : yourusername

yourusername : AHA LAME

oscarpiastri : Babe 🥺 yourusername : Fuck you still got me with that.

yourusername : Whose facebook mom is this ???

yourusername : FUCK THIS IS MY FACEBOOK MOM

landonorris : Cold, As and Fuck !

charles_leclerc : Son !

user57 : How did he pull her ?

user69 : Oscar is sooo peaceful. My boyfriend would have been jealous if I kissed two men. Even in a movie

oscarpiastri : I'm just proud of my babe 🥺 yourusername : Stop being sweet !!! oscarpiastri : 🥺🥺 user67 : couple goals

twitter ->

Instagram ->

kimkardashian

liked by hayleybieber, dailymail, krisjenner and others

kimkardashian We are the Kardashians

tagged : All the Kardashians and Jenner

user56 : This is so petty 😭 Ma'am you are just mad THE Yn is ignoring you.

user78 : Posting in the Marylin's dress that she ruined 😭😭 Ma'am !

kourtneykardashian : We are the Kardashians

krisjenner : Can you keep us with us ?

oscarpiastri and yourusername

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, pierregasly and others

yourusername and oscarpiastri We are the Piastri family and no one needs a show to know us. And without implants

tagged : landonorris, oscarpiastri, yourusername

landonorris : Am I the son or the third husband ?

georgerussell : the dog yourusername : SON ! oscarpiastri : Stop adopting everyone YN yourusername : I just adopted, Lando, Ollie, Kimi, Doriane, Yuki, Pierre and ... oh yeah kimiantonelli : Mother ? yourusername : SON

oscarpiastri : my fiancee is gorgeous

user56 : FIANCEE ??

charles_leclerc : *Piastri-Leclerc

user67 : They said 'let's be the downfall of the Kardashians'

user5 : And we are all here for it

user78 : She's so pretty my god

Twitter ->

END

Take care of your yourself and request are still opened ! And pretty please, tell me how upgrade it

Byye

[eccentricwritingbaby]

family ties

lewis hamilton x reader

summary - lewis and y/n have been going out for about half a year and he can tell she’s hiding something, or somebody. her son, a little five year old boy that lewis so desperately wants to meet. but is y/n ready for that next step?

masterlist

-

it was a stormy london night, one that you so desperately wanted to stay in during, however you had gotten a call earlier that contradicted your feelings. lewis had informed you that he had a   standing reservation at a fine restaurant in the city and he was eager to take you to it tonight. so here you were, slipping into a tasteful and beautiful black dress along with your heels, getting ready for your perfect man. everything was perfect. except for one little hidden detail. your son. 

lewis knew you were withholding some sort of information from him, he just didn’t know the extent. he wanted you to tell him when you were ready, but he wasn’t sure of the seriousness with the situation. were you cheating on him? planning on leaving him? had a different identity? using him for his fame? he had no idea. and he was planning this nice outing tonight to finally get to the bottom of it. 

“alright, he’s got everything he needs. just call me if anything happens,” you speak to your ex-boyfriend, alex, the father of your son as he drops by in order to pick dominic up for his weekend with him.

“y/n, we’ve been doing this for four years. i know the drill. you don’t have to worry about dom, i’ve got him,” alex says to you as he begins to leave. 

“i know i know, i’m sorry. just a little paranoid, you know how it is,” you laugh off towards him as you both begin to walk out the door. 

“i understand. i feel the same when he’s here,” alex shrugs as he begins to walk to his car, dominic already jumping by the door of it, excited to have his dad for the weekend, “have fun on your date tonight with the superstar,”

“oh shut up,” you laugh off to alex, “you know he’s not like that,”

“i know, i’m happy for you. just be careful with dom,”

“i already told you i wouldn’t introduce him until i talked to you,” you say to him, “and we haven’t had that talk yet, huh?”

“hey i’m not saying you can’t introduce him,” alex says to you, now getting into the drivers seat, “i’m just saying after my mistake with letting him get close to laura,” he trails off with an eye roll as you both laugh about the disaster. alex had let your son meet his girlfriend of a few months and they had hit it off, but it ended as quickly as it started once she left him. leaving dom in the dust as he cried more than alex about the breakup, “just be careful,” alex reiterates. 

“i will be,” you smile at the two boys in the car, waving goodbye to them as they pull out of your driveway and into their weekend of fun. running back into the house, you finish touching up your makeup and hair, adding your jewelry, and layering your perfume before your doorbell rings. you exhale a sigh of relief, ready for a night of no stress and fun - a given when going out with lewis. 

“hey, you,” you smile as you open the door, leading lewis into your home. 

“you look beautiful, y/n,” he breathes out, his hands itching for your waist in order to bring you closer, “the reservation is for about seven thirty so we’ve got to get going,” you lean in closer to him, grabbing your purse off the hook and leading him out the door.

“you’re right,” you peck his lips quickly, locking up your house behind you, “can’t let sir lewis hamilton get a bad reputation of being late,”

“exactly,” he chuckles at your joke and yet his hands find your waist again, “but a few minutes can’t hurt,” and just like that, lewis spins you around to face him, bringing your lips to his yet again. once separated, you move gently past him to his car.

“are you coming or what?” you ask with a laugh, swaying towards his car as he admires the way you depart.

“oh i’m coming,” he sighs out, relishing in the way you walk and the way you look. 

-

once seated at dinner, lewis was shaking in his seat wondering how he’d bring up your hidden actions. he had no proof and no sense to ruin what seemed to be your perfect night. you had been bubbly and upbeat the whole time, looking gorgeous and over the moon happy with seeing him. surely the thing you were being sketchy about couldn’t hurt him? right?

“look, y/n, there’s something i’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” lewis calmly puts into conversation as you begin to sip on the drink you had ordered. 

“of course, what’s going on?” you ask him, assuming he would just bring up another weekend of travel or something along those lines. 

“you’re clearly hiding something from me, y/n. and i want to know what it is,”

“lewis-” you try to cut in with an exasperated sigh, but instead he stops you, continuing his rambling.

“listen i know it’s only been a few months of us going out but-”

“lewis,” you try again, but his head was spinning and there was no way of stopping his mouth.

“if you’re cheating on me just say so, we can figure things out or-”

“LEWIS” you raise your voice loud enough to get his attention, without spooking the other diners around you, “i am not cheating on you,” you roughly say in his direction, your eyes not leaving the meal in front of you.

“then what is it,” he pushes, urging you to uncover your secret.

“it’s nothing like that,”

“can you look at me,” he directs, holding his hand out and taking yours with it, “please?” you look up at him, and all your strength dissipates within seconds. 

“it’s not what you think,” you start, lacing your fingers with his to have some sort of grounding, “it is serious and that’s why i didn’t tell you,” his eyes stare back at you with comfort, pleading for you to continue without pushing you into uncomfort, “i-i”

“if it’s too much, y/n, you don’t have to tell me,”

“i want to tell you, i just don’t know how you’ll feel about me afterwards,”

“no matter what it is, i’m sure i’ll feel the same,”

“i have a son,”

“oh,” lewis retracts a bit, but not much, “how old?”

“he’s five, his name is dominic,” you go on. 

“and his dad?”

“he’s around, he’s a good dad, just not a good boyfriend,” you laugh a little at your joke and keep going, “dom was an oopsie at the time, but since i had him he’s been a blessing. alex - that’s his dad’s name - he is a great dad. we just figured we were better friends. there was no real connection, we thought it would be better for dom if we were great co-parents rather than bad ‘together’ parents, so we split four years ago,”

“can i meet him?” lewis asks with a hopeful expression.

“dom?”

“yeah, i want to meet your son. i want to meet everyone important in your life, and that obviously includes him,”

“i don’t know, the reason it took so long for me to tell you was because i don’t want him to get too attached to someone who may leave, he’s at an age where consistency matters,”

“i am consistent, y/n. if you want me, i’m here forever. i promise that,” lewis oozes sincerity as he looks you in your eyes, giving you the reassurance needed to confirm what you already wanted.

“alright,” you sigh into your glass of wine, “you can meet him,” lewis lets out a quiet cheer of triumph across from you and you giggle at his antics, “but i must warn you,”

“what? anything, i’m ready,”

“he’s a redbull fan,”

“oh no, now that’ll have to change,”

-

“thank you for dropping him off,” you let out a breath of relief to alex as dom comes running into your home. 

“you’re welcome, it was no problem, truly,” he says to you as he hands you your sons bag, “how’d your superstar date go?”

“he wants to meet dom,”

“oh?” alex shoots you a surprised look, “and are you going to let that happen?”

“i think so,” you shrug off, “i think it’s time,”

“good for you,” alex shoulder bumps you a little as he continues, “you deserve this, y/n. and from what you’ve told me about him, i’m sure it will all work out,”

“yeah i hope so, he’s going to come over later if that’s okay with you?”

“my son meeting sir lewis hamilton,” alex states as he begins to walk out the door, “that is more than okay with me,” 

-

“dom? i need to talk to you about something,” you approach your five year old as he is playing in the living room with his toys. 

“what mommy?” he questions without looking up, the toys in front of him grabbing his interest.

“someone wants to meet you,” you start with caution, “and he’s coming over in a minute,”

“who?”

“well…” you ponder off, not exactly knowing the right words to piece together, “he’s mommy’s special friend,”

“like laura with daddy?”

“yes!” you cheer out quickly, excited that he grasped the concept easily, “he’s like how laura was to daddy,”

“okay,” dom lets out, “is he nice?”

“yes, love,” you nod your head for the emphasis as your son gazes up at you, “he’s very nice,”

just as you finish your thought, the doorbell to your home echoes and you and dom share a look. 

“best behavior, dom,” you warn with a pointed finger as he just giggles in your direction. getting up to go and get the door, your little boy trails behind you with a bit of excitement. 

“hi, lewis,” you greet your boyfriend as you open the door, “come on in,”

“thank you,” he chimes in, clearly hiding something behind him, “and who is this?” he asks in the direction of your legs. with that, dom comes out of his hiding place behind you in order to greet him. 

“i’m dominic,” he squeaks out shyly. lewis proceeds to get down to his knees, holding one hand still behind his back and the other out in front of him for a handshake. 

“i’m lewis, it’s nice to meet you dominic,” 

“i know who you are,” dom quietly says back while shaking his hand, still shy towards the new man in front of him. 

“oh you do?” your boyfriend questions back.

“you drive for mercedes,”

“yes i do,” lewis smiles at him, sneaking a glance in your direction as you can’t help but blush at the scene in front of you, “are you a formula one fan?”

“yes,” dom giggles, “but i like checo,”

“oh man,” lewis shakes his head a bit, “then this gift is going to go to waste,”

dom’s ears perk up at that, eyes widening as he asks with enthusiasm, “what gift?” lewis laughs a bit at the question and finally pulls his other arm from behind his back to reveal a bag. 

“why don’t we move to the couch to open it?” you put into the room, encouraging the boys to relax a bit as you gesture towards your living room. they do as you ask, moving towards the living room and perching onto the couch. you take a seat next to your son as lewis sits across from him and you on the coffee table. handing dom the bag, he begins to unwrap and look into it, finally seeing the very small and adorable hamilton mercedes jersey. 

“I LOVE IT,” your son cries out, jumping off the couch and crashing into lewis’ awaited hold. as he hugs your son, you can only smile as this night had gone better than you’d hoped. 

‘thank you’ you mouth towards lewis, who only laughs and smiles in your direction, hugging your son closer to his body. everything would be fine. lewis was ready for forever with you. and you had just seen your forever fully accept him into your lives. 

-

[the-flaneur]

the enemy of my friend is my enemy, but he's also his own worst enemy? so he's my friend? (nr6) | pt1

pairing: nico rosberg x hamilton!reader [smau]

summary: in an attempt to plan a surprise birthday party for your brother's 39th birthday, you enlist the help of his ex-??? to get into his apartment

warnings: none (i think)

a/n: unfortunately, there are too many pics so pls await pt2 😙

[masterlist] [requests]

-> instagram

y/n.hamilton

liked by lewishamilton, nicorosberg, mavxverstappen1 and others

y/n.hamilton guess who's backkkkkk....IT'S BRITNEY B*TCH 👀✌️

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user1 omg omg omg omg GUYSSSSSS i have been waiting for this day the entire year... SHE'S FINALLY BACK IN MONACO!!!

user2 i'm also in monaco rn, istg the stars are alinging for me to meet her !!!! 🤩 user 3 BRUHHHHH i wish that was me 😃😃😃 user4 i wonder why she's back though? user5 idk yk maybe to go see HER BROTHER WHO LIVES IN MONACO MAYBE???? 🙄

user6 i hope she hangs out with all the other drivers 😍 she wasn't at any of the gps this year

user7 i mean they're not really her friends, besides she was really busy this year user8 DID YOU JUST SAY THEY'RE NOT HER FRIENDS??? user7 i mean she's not the one driving in f1 is she 😐 user9 brother was not here for the grid x y/n shenanigans back in the 2010's user10 her and mark absolutely roasting the crap out of fernando and jenson for the grid penalty is still comedy gold user11 she basically adopted the entire grid after 2016, they're her babies 🤨 LIKED by maxverstappen1

lewishamilton i was not made aware of this????

y/n.hamilton sorryyyyy late flight arrangements???? 🥺👉👈 lewishamilton ok but where are you staying. i'll cancel it, you can just stay in my apartment y/n.hamilton no it's ok, i'm already staying with a friend :D lewishamilton wait whO lewishamilton don't IGNORE ME I KNOW YOU'RE STILL ONLINE user12 y/nnnnn 😭😭😭 user13 your honour they're literally the cutest yet most sibling siblings ever like girlie pop 🥲

user14 anyone else like see the nico rosberg like...or was that just me?

user15 ??? user14 ok maybe it was just me... lewishamilton what....? user16 bro's going detective mode now

friend1 Y/NNIEEEEE PLS GET ME SOME MORE CHOCOLATE FOR THE CAKE

y/n.hamilton shhhhhh you're ruining it already bro friend1 oopsie oh yeah, i forgot he actually follows you lmfao y/n.hamilton 💀 girlie plsssssss get some brain cells friend1 you stole all of mine :P user17 🤨🤨

-> instagram

y/n.hamilton

liked by lewishamilton, nicorosberg, mavxverstappen1 and others

y/n.hamilton roscoe with his favourite auntieeee ❤️

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user18 GIRLIE AINT FOOLING ANYONE FOR A SECOND, WHO IS THAT MAN IN THE SECOND SLIDE

user19 wait what???? ur kidding, ur kidding - i am not seeing no man there? user20 roscoe's looking extra cute today ☺️ user21 him in that last slide looking at y/n is devious side eye user22 @/user18 BROTHER I GOT U, THERE IS NO WAY THAT'S Y/N'S LEG user23 also y/n would not be caught dead wearing chinos in bed, it's def a man 👀

user24 OK BUT THE REAL QUESTION IS WHO??? CAUSE LEWIS IS IN PARIS SO....

user25 nahhh it's for sure whoever y/n's seeing, no way would lewis let a random stranger near his child user26 i thought y/n's been single for a while??? she got a new boo? user27 idk maybe, i mean she's been pretty out of the spotlight this year, i wouldn't be surprised

user28 ARE WE JUST GOING TO IGNORE THE NICO ROSBERG LIKE???

user29 NO CAUSE LIKE HE ALSO LIKED HER LAST POST, ANDDDD THIS IS LIKE THE FIRST TIME POST-BROCEDES FALLOUT 😨 user30 guys i think lewis might just implode if he thinks that's nico rosberg sitting with roscoe user31 seeing by his silence, i think he already has...

maxverstappen1 can charles, lando i swing by after padel practice 😄 we wanna say hi

y/n.hamilton to me or the baby? 😔 maxverstappen1 im not abandoning my grid mum like this 🤨 only lando would, considering he's ruining the wdc narrative arc right now user32 y/n and max in 2016 was peak, especially after spain 😭 AHHHHHHH I MISS HER AT THE PADDOCK SO MUCH landonorris you snooze you lose verstappen, but i would also never abandon y/n :( y/n.hamilton lando.... landonorris i let him have the padel point mother 🥲

[next]

permanent f1 taglist (comment or msg me to join)

@charlesgirl16 @tallrock35 @sweate-r-weathe-r @unlikelystay

© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.

[tonysbed]

favourite crime | SV5

Sebastian Vettel x Singer!reader

Summary: Sebastian’s immaturity during his Redbull era made him lose you. Years later your paths cross once again, but nothing is how it used to be

main masterlist

warnings: no happy ending, fboy/RB!seb

liked by margotrobbie, florencepugh, nicorosberg and 620.429 others

variety Pop Singer Yn yln opens up about her past relationships and how it formed her to be who she is today! Read the full interview with the link in our bio!

zendaya 😍

margotrobbie 👏👏

user MOTHER TALKED ABOUT SEBASTIAN

user first time she ever mentioned him

user not nico in the likes 😭

2013

629.589 likes

dailymail The new pop star yn yln was spotted with German F1 World champion Sebastian Vettel! He is known for his playboy persona. Is this another heartbreak for yln?

629.528 likes

dailymail F1 Worldchampion Sebastian Vettel has been spotted with another woman than Yn Yln. The pair was spotted a few days ago, being cosy and it seems the champion is holding himself to his reputation.

2022

You were in the Boss campaign, same as the F1 Aston Martin Team that invited you to one of the races. Even tho it had been quite a while, you were still a bit nervous. You actually used to be friends with Sebastian before you started dating.

Well, you thought you were dating. You normally do wen you tell each other you love them, just simply everything a couple does.

You were greeted by Lawrence. You talked a bit with him until his drivers came out. Lance shook your hand and so did Sebastian. He was aware who you were. It would be a miracle if he didn’t.

He had regretted letting you go. He tried to move on and got with Hannah. You fell into easy conversation with Lance while Sebastian just stood and listened.

“And your new album, it’s great!” Lance said. You smiled “Thank you Lance. Took me a bit to release. There are one or two songs that I wrote some time ago and are now finally seeing the light” “Really? Like what? If you don’t mind me asking!”

“It’s okay. Well, The one, happier and favourite crime” Sebastian eyed you carefully “Oh! I love favourite crime”

“True, he plays it at least 10 times a day” Sebastian puts his hands into his pockets and sighs “Just because your uncool and don’t listen to her you don’t have to be an old grumpy man. Your music is weird” Lance said teasingly.

“Yeah yeah” He brushed Lance off and looked around. You awkwardly smiled at lance “Old people” He shrugged “I’m not old. She’s the same age as me”

He pointed to you “Are you calling me old Vettel?” You say playfully offended. He stares at you “No! No! God” He throws his arms up and groans “I’m saying that-I’m not old-you’re definitely not old and-Why are you always getting me in these situations?!” Sebastian stormed away.

Lance looked after him “He’s not mad.” You say. Lance turned to you “How would you now? He seemed kinda mad” “Embarrassed is more like it”

Later you found Sebastian alone at a table “Hiding from the kid?” He turned around “No, you” You raise your eyebrows at his honesty. You sit on a chair next to him.

“The three songs earlier..” You hum, waiting for him to continue “Are they about…me?” You sigh and lean back in your chair “Yeah. Wrote them after you dumped me for Hannah. The girl you told me not to worry about”

Sebastian looked down “I’m sorry about that.” You brushed him off “I survived, no?” He chuckled “Doesn’t mean it was necessary”

“That is true. How is she?” “Good. At home tho.” You nodded while his phone went off “Hold on, it’s her”

He picks up and walks away a few feet. You watch him. He makes some hand gestures and a annoyed face. He pinches the bridge of his nose and then she apparently hang up on him. He threw his head back and groaned.

Sebastian came back to you and sat down “Everything alright?” “Yeah. She just called me that her mother asked her again when I will be proposing” He hides his face in his hands “Well? Why aren’t you?”

He moved his fingers so he could look at you. You look at him so gentle it made him want to die “I don’t want to” He whispered.

“Still not someone who commits, hmm?”

“Not to the right person, no” You tilt your head.

“What’s that supposed to mean? You’ve been with her a decade.”

“She was never the one” You sit up straight “Sebastian”

“Yn”

“Don’t do this” He removes his hands “Do what?”

“Imply what you’re implying. We’re done”

He stared at you “Are we?Then why would you release these songs? You’re still thinking of me”

“I thought you were the love of my life. And not to mention, I am in a relationship.” You stood up “Goodbye Sebastian.”

He watched you leave, knowing it was his own fault.

liked by nicorosberg, sebastianvettel, margotrobbie and 916.629 others

ynyln June 23 Baby loading…

@/ nicorosberg

zendaya congratulations!!!

liked by autor

margotrobbie all the best honey!!

ynyln ❤️

lewishamilton ❣️👏

liked by autor and nicorosberg

nicorosberg you had to use the picture of me in the bathtub, didn’t you 😫

ynyln of course!😙

nicorosberg you’re lucky I love you ❤️

ynyln 🤭❤️

user This could’ve been sebastian..

user move on from Vettel, she did too

user screaming omg

a/n: Idk what this is tbh

not proofread

[pucksandpower]

Of Roomates and Revenge

Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader

Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg

Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so

Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink

I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.

The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.

In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.

The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.

Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.

Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.

Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox

I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.

What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.

Duties would include:

Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water

Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)

Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)

In return, you’d get:

A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)

Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry

Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)

First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make

The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.

Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.

No scammy offers or soliciting, please!

Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)

Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink

Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!

I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.

What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.

You’ll get:

Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district

Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment

Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas

As much wine as you can drink (and more)

In exchange, you’ll be expected to:

Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement

Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”

Refill wine glasses as needed

Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it

The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.

You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.

If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!

Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:

Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)

Compensation: €400 per event

Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.

A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.

Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:

Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike

Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)

Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits

Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose

We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.

Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.

If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!

No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.

P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)

Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)

Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations

I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...

I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.

I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.

That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Your main duties would include:

Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment

Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)

Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc

Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.

In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.

Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.

If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.

I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.

No weirdos please.

Hi,

Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.

I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).

A little about my qualifications:

Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics

Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄

Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway

Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)

No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry

In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.

Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!

I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!

Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.

Cheers,

Y/N

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 16h

My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!

I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.

A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.

This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:

“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”

Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.

Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.

I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.

My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.

I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.

Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.

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u/chronicgossiper · 12h

Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.

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Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h

Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.

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u/chronicgossiper · 10h

Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.

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u/NotBritneySpears · 9h

Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.

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u/nosyandproud · 8h

Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?

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u/NotBritneySpears · 7h

He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h

So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.

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u/NotBritneySpears · 5h

It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h

Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.

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u/nosyandproud · 3h

Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.

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u/NotBritneySpears · 2h

Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h

This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!

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u/NotBritneySpears

Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m

Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.

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r/relationships

u/yourusername · 19h

I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?

Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.

About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.

Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.

From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.

But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.

I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?

In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.

Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?

Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.

Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!

The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.

Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!

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u/judgingloudly · 18h

Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!

If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!

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Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h

I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!

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u/livefordrama · 16h

I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …

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u/yourusername · 15h

Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!

As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!

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Reply to u/yourusername · 14h

Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.

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u/unpaidtherapist · 13h

Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!

Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.

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u/everydayopportunist · 12h

This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂

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u/devilsadvocate · 11h

I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.

My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!

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Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h

I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.

The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.

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r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 15h

AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?

I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...

A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.

She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.

Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.

But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.

Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”

I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”

I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.

The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.

It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.

After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.

But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?

I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?

Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?

I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.

Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.

But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.

Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?

Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?

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u/juryofone · 14h

YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.

Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.

The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.

My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.

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Reply to u/juryofone · 13h

I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.

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Reply to u/juryofone · 12h

Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!

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u/neutralpartier · 11h

NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.

The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.

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u/glasshalfempty · 10h

ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.

My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!

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Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h

This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.

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Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h

Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.

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u/criticaloverthinker · 7h

I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.

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u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h

I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.

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Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h

Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!

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u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h

Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂

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r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 8h

UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!

When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.

Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.

Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...

After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.

So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.

But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.

I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.

When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?

“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”

It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.

The limbo period was … not fun.

After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.

So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.

That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.

And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?

Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.

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u/juryofone · 7h

Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.

But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!

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u/neutralpartier · 7h

I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.

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u/glasshalffull · 6h

As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.

I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!

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u/romanticempath · 5h

What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.

I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!

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u/fairytaledreamer · 4h

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?

Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!

All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!

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Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h

“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!

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r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 21h

My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)

You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.

A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.

Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!

Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.

On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.

Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.

Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.

The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.

So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!

In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.

Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.

Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.

I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.

So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.

I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.

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u/chronicgossiper · 18h

Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.

Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.

As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.

At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.

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Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h

I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.

They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.

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u/NotBritneySpears · 13h

Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.

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Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h

Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.

Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.

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u/nosyandproud · 10h

The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.

That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.

At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.

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u/realitychecker · 7h

OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:

“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”

Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!

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Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h

Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”

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u/buildingbridges

OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.

My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...

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r/ask

u/amateurdetective · 15h

I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code

I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.

So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.

Hear me out:

First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.

Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.

But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.

Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.

The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.

I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:

Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal

The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it

Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy

After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real

Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises

Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!

I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.

Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.

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u/scepeticbynature · 14h

Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.

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Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h

Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.

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u/amateurdetective · 10h

I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:

A pair of feuding former childhood best friends

One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge

Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties

The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed

Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!

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Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h

Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!

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u/opinionatedtruther · 7h

Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.

I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.

But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!

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u/amateurdetective · 6h

THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.

Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.

That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!

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Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h

All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄

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[menagerofmischief]

please I just wanna read a nico rosberg fic where he's not cheating on his wife with the reader! please!!!

[introspectivememories]

in a better world, nico rosberg and lewis hamilton never get divorced and nico still retires after his one wdc and he still becomes a reporter and instead of the the awkward interview we got last year, we get thousands of brocedes interviews where they're being stupid together. lewis moves to ferrari and nico publicly quizzes him on his italian. nico interviews another driver and lewis is in the background making fun of nico. people make compilations of lewis and nico making each other laugh during interviews.