#i'm trying to gauge who people really love that i write and see if those work for the 2-3

[ofpolitics]

so, y'all, on here because i think i might have the most views here and catch the most of you, and i really hate this but here it goes.

i think i overstretched myself on here.

not permanently. i'm keeping the multis, definitely know i'll have muse for all the muses on them at some point, but i've been feeling a couple of things for a while. and, unfortunately, i think the only way i'm going to feel better or do better about any of it is if they take the backburner for a while. i've tended to not get replies to threads on the whole a lot over the last year and really only consistently get asks, if that.

i do think this is perhaps due to the fact that i take so long to get around to things (due to the next point) or just i have too much choice for people so they don't want to interact because it's too much mental energy to pick out one muse from a bunch of multis, which i get.

the problem is, however this is happening, it leads me to losing muse on a multi but not finishing the drafts because of so many asks and so i 'sit' there, for weeks, until i finally get back muse again. i almost always feel too guilty to move on to a blog i actually have muse for.

so this is my question for y'all, knowing again, i'm not getting rid of any of the multis... if i only focused on 2-3 star wars muses for a while, put them back on their own blogs or made them their own blogs if they didn't have them, who would you pick?

you can put the answer in a comment on this, message me, send me an ask, whatever works, and thanks for your help!

[moonsaver]

THANK YOU FOR READING MY RAMBLE ABOUT THIS SLUTTY MAN, I have love-hate relationship with Ratio :3 (YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING AS ALWAYS)

BUT ALSO, ANOTHER RAMBLE HERE CAUSE YOU'RE MY FAVORITE WRITER!!

I don't know if you feel uncomfortable/weirded out with this, but if you do! Please do delete this if you want, it's your choice!!

Imagine a child, it can be one of those children in Penacony or other planets. But I pick the child from the Penacony! Walking up to Ratio and S/O, who is probably bickering as per usual or just enjoying one of another times (Secretly, since Ratio wants to be a secretive or this is same past-rebelious but now Professor S/O!)

As the child tugs on S/O, calling them pretty and hugs them. THEN PROCEEDED TO BE LIKE "kay now, you're my parent/mother/father"

LIKE:

"Hey miss/mister/mx! You look very pretty/handsome/unique! Will you be my parent?"

IMAGINE RATIO REACTION, *IF* THE KID IS GONNA BE LIKE

"oh, you're going to be my dad as well/other father/other parent!

OR THE OTHER WAY, HOGGING S/O ATTENTION. Clinging On S/O, regardless how many times S/O tries to get the kid back at their actual and real parents here, and would sometimes spend time hanging out with the kid while also trying to search for the kid parent

(AND ALSO I'M GOING TO SEND SOME RAMBLE ABOUT ROBIN (if you Dont mind!) MY BABY DESERVES THE BEST)

Hello anon! Always happy to answer brain rots and imagines and rambles hehe. Glad to see you back in my inbox!

Also, so cute hehe.

I imagine Dr. Ratio is actually pretty good with kids. The thing with kids is most of them love asking a shit ton of questions, the most ridiculous kinds at that. And you know those people who are so damn smart and knowledgeable in their field they start thinking about possibilities of ridiculous ideas as actually plausible? Veritas would kind of teeter on that when it comes to kids and their imagination. I just can't help but imagine kids crawling all over him while he has a rubber duck in his hand and explains like.. hawking radiation to a kid who's just staring blankly at him.

Honestly, kids would love him. Hes the strange, serious man who always bends down and tells you really confusing but fun stuff about things and seems to know everything. To them, hes the "actual adult".

I imagine, in the case a lost child approaches him or him with his s/o, his first instinct would be just to gauge the general state. He'll simply watch as you pick up the kid and coo at him and all the willy nilly stuff, just glancing over and checking for injuries, signs of anxiety or confusion, frustration, or fear. After he's done looking over, he'd try to ask the child about where their parents are when they perk up about how both of you are their parents now.

Well.. he doesn't know how to respond. You see his eyebrows raise slightly at the kid's remark, but he brushes it off, and starts telling the child all about your embarassing history if you were the rebellious professor!s/o. If you aren't, just about any silly memories he has of you are at the tip of his tongue, and that you really aren't suited for a parental figure. Even if you try and shut him up, he'll simply turn to the kid like, "do not let those who oppress you, silence you." Or something lol.

He doesn't mind the child being all over his s/o, telling them how pretty they are, asking them if they want to be their parent, and so on. Kids are silly, and illogical. It's in their nature to say anything that comes to mind. Of course.. he's slightly sour inside that your conversation was cut short, and now the child's hogging all your attention, but he vehemently pushes it down, simply resolving to search for their parents with you.

It's not soon before the both of you finally find them. Veritas gives them a stern, subtle warning about losing their child while you comfort them, bidding your farewell. It slightly annoys Veritas when the child clings to you, refusing to let go, and all his parents do is laugh it off, saying "they're just very social!" Or something. He has better things to be doing, really. He just walks off and lets you take care of things from there.

If you ask him if he's jealous, he won't say anything, and stare deadpan into your eyes before shrugging it off and changing the topic back to what you both were discussing before. Both of you can have more productive conversations, really.

Although.. his thoughts teeter a bit, and he shortly ponders over what kids with you would be like.. would he want children? Maybe one.. or two.. or even three..

Ugh, he's thinking too far ahead. He resigns to simply paying attention in the present, and listening to you ramble instead.

[darklinaforever]

The thing about romance books that have a lot of different couples explored within a several part series is that not everyone is like certain books. So I don't understand this whole obsession with genderbending love interests? Or even changing so much of it? Even if you like those changes, allow the OG fandom (the book lovers) to mourn for those changes? Sophie fans don't want her to be genderbent. Michael fans don't want him to be genderbent. And yet you will see some Michael fans pointing out that they should genderbend Sophie but not Michael. Some Sophie fans are trying to argue that it is fine for Michael to be genderbent. Then you have people who are making a case for Eloise to end up with a woman (genderbent sir philip or no) but some people who loved her book don't want that. There are many women who are arguing that having another female character who is outspokenly feminist be gay is a stereotype at this point, and many of those fans find it refreshing for her to end up with a man. Although, even those fans agree that they would like to see changes to the Philip + Eloise story. Not to mention, the discussion of possibly genderbending the love interests of Hyacinth and Gregory (which I will be so upset by - especially Lucy). I have already seen people on reddit debate that Lucy should actually be a man. I feel like it doesn't have to make "sense" to genderbend a certain character. If people are attached to a character being a certain way, don't make large changes.

Lastly, I feel like a part of introducing Michaela was for shock value but to also prep the fans the possibility of Sophie being a man. He could've been introduced much later, but I feel like part of the motivation is to gauge the audience's reaction and give people some time to adjust before the new season starts where they feature male!Sophie. Especially since they decided to finally address Benedict's sexuality which I feel was terrible writing. Benedict has barely had any good arcs. They should've explored his sexuality before and made that an arc rather than having it thrown about without any good writing. So, it feels they are pulling the Benedict is bi card NOW because they want audiences to be prepared for the change.

Anyways, I am a lesbian, in case any of the homophobia arguers want to get angry about this rant. I love romance books and my favorite are sapphic books. I just wish shows would stop pulling this shit. It only frustrates people and then divides fandom. It is like these showrunners are too lazy to ever actually be willing to take a risk or start from scratch and build up a fandom. They always want to take advantage of an already large fandom so they can make the changes they think will have people praise their writing and then gaslight the fans when they dislike those changes.

It's so insulting to so many minorities. Are we not good enough for our own stories? Must we always have these hollywood idiots steal other stories and try to force it? Do they have any IDEA how many LGBTQ books are published that would make for 10/10 romances. Sorry for the rant. I am just pissed.

Exactly ! There is so much history to be created about queer people. No need to change the types of characters already existing within a fandom !

And I completely agree with you on Benedict. I said it myself. They poorly explored his pseudo sexual discovery. Not to mention the fact that yes, we really give him little material each season and I don't understand why. Needless to say, I can't wait to finally see him shine in the forefront !

Also, probably even if you specify that you are a lesbian, you will still be accused of homophobia by these morons.

I'm Bi, and I had the right to an anonymous person telling me that I hated queer people.

Bullshit level we are damn high.

[silverwhittlingknife]

I noticed something in a lot of your Dick and Tim fics. It's probably so obvious, but you always write that Tim is watching Dick. In your newest one, Tim's watching Dick, in The Return Tim's watching Dick, and you even write that Tim is always watching him. Is Tim trying to read Dick? Trying to understand? Or does he understand him by watching? What is he trying to figure out by watching Dick? What does that say about Tim? I really hope this is intentional lmao because I would be embarrassed. Maybe this is just something so obvious that I'm just getting now.

YES IT’S ON PURPOSE <333 Anon. Anon. I'm so sorry this answer took forever, but listen, this was a really delightful ask <333 I think about this a lot.  I really love origin stories—I like stories that resonate through a character’s history. 

And for me, a whole lot of what interests me about Dick and Tim is that theme of watching and being watched. Seeing and being seen.

"Watch me on the trapeze, Tim. I'm going to do my act...'specially for you." | "Timmy, don't look." | "I turned away... I couldn't watch. Then I heard you crying and I turned back... I'm sorry, Dick. I didn't want to hurt you by telling you all this." Dick's watching me. Gauging my reactions. (Tim watching Dick watching Tim!) | "I'm taking off the blindfold." "No!" | "I can't see him. You can't see him. But I know Robin. And Robin's always there when you need him." | I love that kid. Too much to let him see me like this. (But Tim spots him anyway.)

Spotlights and lighthouses and cameras and photographs. Blindness and vision and masks and detective work and trust.

I'm going to try to be coherent about this but it's gonna be incoherent sdfsf BUT I'M GOING TO TRY so. Below the cut, a really long grab-bag of my rambling on vision and watchers and watching.

Tim + watching / Dick + being watched / different dynamics

Tim's origin story

Being watched goes with vulnerability/exposure

Incomplete list of moments with Dick and Tim and vision

Tim + watching

The first time we see Tim's face in LPoD: a close-up on his eyes looking for Dick, a close-up on his eyes at the moment that he sees Dick, a pullback to his face at the moment of recognition, a pullback to his face + his camera (you could maybe even argue that Tim comes into existence at the moment that he sees Dick, like, conceptually. the act of seeing is his defining characteristic. it is the thing that makes his character happen. he is the kid who's watching.)

Tim's a very vision-centric character: he's first introduced as a camera, then as a pair of binoculars, then as a pair of eyes. His whole backstory is about watching: watching Dick's parents die, watching Dick on TV, watching Batman and Robin. I've grabbed a few panels above with Tim watching Dick but there are so many more. His major deductions are all vision-based: he sees Dick-the-acrobat and later recognizes Dick-as-Robin; he sees Bruce-in-the-past and recognizes him as Bruce-of-our-time; the climactic moment in Red Robin is about going into a dark cave with a torch so he can see what's there.

And he's a detective. He pries into secrets. He analyzes people. He's a worrywart and a fusser who always wants to understand what's going on with other people. In a lot of those panels where Tim's watching Dick, his inner monologue is busy deducing Dick's emotions and trying to psychoanalyze him. Tim's caring and watchful and intuitive... but all those qualities also make him very very intrusive.

Dick + being watched

Dick performing acrobatics for Bruce, Donna, and Tim in Detective Comics 38 (his first appearance), New Teen Titans 16, Batman 441, and Nightwing 88 (where he reflects he's glad to be back in the hot glare of the spotlight)

Dick's a detective too, of course - Tim deliberately mirrors Dick, both in-universe and out-of-universe. But also Dick's a performer who loves being watched and also wants to control how he's seen. He gets a kick out of showing off, making puns, kicking ass, taking names, and he gets a kick out of having an appreciative audience. And he's got a kind of yearning for recognition - it hurts, when Bruce won't look at him, and in fights with Bruce, Babs, Roy, he'll often bring up the past, trying to get them to acknowledge a shared history.

At the same time, he's a very private person who withdraws and hides and pushes people away when he's upset. Right before Tim shows up, Dick's just ghosted the Titans because he's having emotional turmoil and doesn't want to have it in front of them, and they're trying to respect his wishes... but that solitude doesn't last long, because then Tim tracks him down. Tim will do this again when Dick's having an emotional crisis and trying to avoid everybody in Nightwing 110.

Possible dynamics

Tim watches Dick in Robin 11, while silently analyzing Dick's anxieties about Two-Face

"The watcher and the person being watched" is a dynamic that really interests me, partly because it can be so complicated?

You can see in Dick and Tim their very first roles: enthusiastic performer and the enthusiastic audience member. Dick likes to perform and show off and entertain; Tim likes to watch; those are roles they both easily slide into and they have a lot of fun together! But also you can look at the harsher side: the crime victim and the voyeur, the amateur photographer and the guy who hates being photographed. Dick's intensely private about his vulnerabilities; Tim's intrusive and watchful and constantly trying to figure out how other people tick. Sometimes Tim's the caring friend who watches Dick closely, reads him well, understands him; sometimes he's the nosy mini-detective who pries into Dick's secrets. And that's just two different ways of describing the same thing!

One of the things that kinda fascinates me about Dick and Tim's relationship is that in a lot of ways it's built on a bunch of low-key boundary violations. A lot of their early relationship is driven by Tim's desire to know more about Dick vs. Dick's reluctance to get close to anyone from Gotham; Tim's often out-of-line, but without his pushiness, it's hard to see how they would've developed a relationship at all. Later on, their friendlier relationship is marked by Dick teasing and low-key bullying Tim; it's pretty obvious that Tim isn't actually bothered by this, but it does involve Dick ignoring whatever Tim's claiming he doesn't like ("Quit it!" "Shh").

And one of the aspects of those boundary-violations is that Tim has a habit of witnessing things that Dick would prefer that nobody see. Tim's a witness to Dick's first and most miserable tragedy; he sees the aftermath of some of Dick's fights with Bruce; he's there when Donna dies. And he's sharp and observant and analytical, and I like to imagine this as being something Dick's not entirely comfortable with.

When Dick first meets Tim, it's before he's learned to wear a mask. And Tim spends a lot of time trying to see through Dick's masks, and he's pretty good at it, and a lot of that prying comes from love and care, because one of the ways that Tim shows love and respect and admiration is by trying to absorb absolutely everything about you, like a little sponge. But there's also something unsparing and even threatening about the search for the truth of someone else. It can be comforting or threatening, to know someone's watching you.

And I love how all that complexity is wrapped up in Tim's origin story? Both the giddy childish "Watch me on the trapeze" and then the awful grim reality of what Tim actually sees as a result and then the difficult connection when Dick and Alfred finally get Tim to explain how he knows their secret identities.

Tim's origin story

Tim (recounting his origin story in LPoD): My parents held me back as the thing moved to you. I cried out to warn you. (Two panels where we see just Tim's eyes, as he watches a crying Dick. He sees Batman approach and start trying to comfort Dick.)

I think fiction sometimes presents "being understood / seen / known" as an uncomplicatedly good thing, and there's nothing wrong with that! But I like complications, and I like the way Tim's origin story frames that moment of witnessing as difficult and fraught. Tim doesn't want to tell Dick how he knows their secret identities because he thinks it'll hurt Dick to know it: I don't want to hurt you, Dick, and I'm really afraid I might. And he's not wrong. It is painful; it does hurt; it's not something Dick's happy to know.

Dick's a very private person, and there's a painful intimacy to Tim's origin story - it's not Tim's fault he was there, but at the same time, it's not like Dick chose to have the most traumatic moment of his life on stage in front of an audience of strangers, you know? It's kind of a violation. In NTT/NT/Nightwing, Dick's pretty violently hostile to photographers, and he's intensely private about trauma in general, and I like to imagine this as partly a reaction to that foundational trauma of losing the most important people in his life and also doing it publicly.

And Tim's part of that audience. And he sees the worst part, the part that Dick can't talk about. He sees the bodies and the blood. He has nightmares about it for years. He hears Dick crying and sees him holding onto his parents' bodies. Not at all the kind of first impression Dick would want to make. Not at all the kind of person he wants to be seen as. And that understanding can be painful, because it's so close to the bone, and when Tim's just a stranger, it's upsetting, because Tim knows things that Dick would never have chosen for him to know. Their few conversations about it are awkward partly because Tim's thirteen and awkward... but at the same time, it's not Tim's fault so much as the situation! There's no way for Tim to talk about what he saw that wouldn't be uncomfortable for Dick.

... And yet, and yet. Tim's also one of the last people to see the Graysons alive. He sees Dick and his parents together; he even takes a picture with them. He remembers the whole thing so vividly he'll recognize Dick's somersault years later. He sees the grief. And so I think of that connection as kind of a metaphor for witnessing. Tim sees these things and they become real; Dick can't hide from them; in the act of being seen he's caught, he's in a spotlight, all the grief made real. You can't hide, that way. And Tim's got this unforgiving memory; he won't ever forget; he won't ever stop knowing.

But then, too: Dick's seen, he's known. Even at the very beginning, when Tim doesn't know enough to understand what he knows, he knows the important things.

So that shared memory is a barrier and a bond between them. It can be a source of discomfort or a source of comfort. And that's how I think about Tim watching Dick in general - it's complicated, and sometimes Dick's glad of it, and sometimes he resents it, and also it just is, it's a fact of Tim, that Tim watches. It's notable when he's not watching, when he's turned away.

Being watched goes with vulnerability/exposure

So I'm going to talk about the fraught feeling of being watched more in a little bit, but first: I think it's fascinating that Dick likes screwing around with games where Tim can't see!

Here's Nightwing 25 - Dick's come up with the idea of trainsurfing while blindfolded:

Tim: Are you sure this is such a good idea? Dick: Shh! Listen. Tune into the changing sounds and - Tim: I'm not so - Dick: JUMP!

Here's Robin 49 - clambering through a tunnel into No Man's Land:

Dick: Hard not to think about the river. All the water above us. And bugs. This tunnels' probably full of 'em. And rats. Big ones. Big blind rats with teeth as long as -

Here's Gotham Knights 9 - ambushing Tim in a sorta game of hide-and-seek:

Dick: Gotcha! Tim: Augh!

I feel like mmm I don't want to emphasize power dynamics too much because it's easy to overplay it BUT when I think about headcanons it's interesting to me to think about how maybe when Tim can't see, Dick's more in charge / in control, and so he feels more comfortable and less vulnerable, and that's often when he's most relaxed and playing around the most?

Whereas the moments when Tim's looking at him are often a bit more fraught, as here in Lonely Place of Dying:

Tim: I'm sorry, Dick. I really am. I didn't want to hurt you by telling you all this. Dick... Dick: It's all right, Tim. No matter how old you are, there are some things you never forget. Or get over. (Silent panel: Tim's watching Dick as Dick turns away and stares into the window.)

Or here in Nightwing 6, when Tim wakes him up from a nightmare:

Dick (internally, imagining a kid falling): He shouts to me. He always shouts to me. I never hear what he says. Tim: Nightwing! Wake up!

Or here in Gotham Knights 26, when Bruce is accused of murder:

(Silent panel where Tim's watching Dick.) Tim: I'm sorry. This must be hard for you. Dick: Me? Why? Tim: Well, I mean, it'd be one thing if we really knew he was innocent, but as it is - Dick: Wait, what? Stop right there. What are you saying, Tim?

Here's Tim spotting him before he can get away in Nightwing 110:

Dick (watching Tim from a distance, internally): Still, Timmy played it through nice and clean. Disarmed the perps, protected and avoided the cops. Kept any civilians from getting shot. God, I love that kid. Too much to let him see me like this. Tim: Hey! (appearing on the roof above him, fake-cheerful) You weren't gonna leave without saying hi, were you? Dick (looking away, very quietly): Hey, Timmy. Tim: Look at you, man! Back on both feet! Think you're done stopping bullets with your body for a while? Dick: Hope springs eternal. (Silent panel with Tim watching Dick, who's turned away.) Tim: You okay, Dick? Dick: I'm fine. Tim: Well, where're you staying these days? Dick: With some people.

Of course, sometimes Tim's watchfulness is frustrating but also a comfort, as in Detective Comics 874:

Tim (watching Dick, who's looking away): Are you listening to me, Batman? I'm saying the gas the Dealer used on you was powerful stuff. Dick: I'm fine, Red Robin. Besides...you're here now. Tim: You're not fine. And with or without me, you shouldn't be out on patrol ye - Dick: Sshhh. Here they come.

(Later in the comic, Dick mentally concedes that Tim's right that he hasn't really recovered from the gas, and Tim saves him from drowning when he's hallucinating. So Dick feels kind of exposed by the scrutiny, but also... he invited Tim along, so there's trust there, too - Tim's perceptiveness can be a good thing, too, when things are serious.)

Incomplete summary of moments with Dick and Tim and vision

I think I already mentioned a lot of these but here is my LIST

almost the first thing that Dick says to Tim is "watch me on the trapeze, Tim" and then Tim does and he basically never stops watching;

Tim watches Dick's parents die and watches Dick sobbing on-stage and watches him on TV and recognizes him by seeing a particular trick because he's dreamed about Dick doing the trick in his recurring nightmares about that night;

in New Titans 65 which is their very first team-up comic after Tim's origin, Dick's training pre-Robin Tim and gives him a test about watching for details and later Tim's takeaway is "I saw how [the Titans] listened to you";

there's a moment in Showcase '93 12 which is just Tim watching Dick and analyzing what's going on with him and there's another moment in Prodigal which is the same thing;

in Nightwing 6 Tim sneaks into Dick's apartment and hides in the dark and Dick spots him and tackles him; one of their most important bonding comics is Nightwing 25, where Dick insists on blindfolding him to get him to rely less on vision; when they sneak into No Man's Land they're in the dark and Tim can't see again and Dick's teasing him;

there are multiple moments when Tim can't see Dick for a bit and panics about his safety, in Nightwing 25, in No Man's Land, in Transference, in Bruce Wayne: Murderer;

Tim's there watching when Dick's wedding to Kory falls apart and he's there watching when Bruce and Dick fight and he's there watching when Donna dies and he's watching when Dick and Bruce swing together on the night before Infinite Crisis, and when Dick goes down and almost dies in Infinite Crisis we cut to Tim watching and seeing it happen and screaming;

there are multiple moments which are just silent panels of them staring at each other trying to figure out what's going on with each other or having a stand-off - in Bruce Wayne: Murderer, in Resurrection, in Red Robin;

in the aftermath of Donna's death there's a panel where Dick's watching Tim from a distance and not approaching;

in the aftermath of Blockbuster Dick spends half the comic just staring at Tim from a distance and hiding himself because "I love that kid - too much to let him see me like this," but Tim sees him anyway and chases him down and then they lie to each other and *ranting* LISTEN TO ME the whole comic is about Dick trying to AVOID being SEEN both literally but also METAPHORICALLY AND --!!!

(the only thing i'm even as halfway obsessive about for them is the heights thing because also there are a bunch of moments involving falling or Tim being anxious about heights and worried that he'll fall or Dick will fall)

In conclusion

Consider the progression in all these moments where Tim's watching an upset Dick and worrying about him!! From reaching out instinctively-but-pointlessly when he's too far away in the LPoD flashback, to almost reaching out in LPoD but hesitating, to putting a hand on Dick's back to walk him back to the Cave in Gotham Knights 10, to physically dragging him clear of the water in Batman: Black Mirror!

In conclusion I don't have a conclusion but basically YES, "watching Dick" is a core Tim characteristic as far as I'm concerned, and Tim watches Dick a lot and that can mean all kinds of things from admiration to nosy intrusiveness to worry to care to gratitude to trying-to-figure-out-what's-going-on-with-him, and sometimes Dick's resentful and sometimes he's relieved and sometimes he's playful and sometimes it's a mix of all those feelings.

And at first it's always Tim watching Dick, but later you've got Dick watching Tim too, and there's that moment where Dick's secretly watching him fight but Tim spots him in Nightwing 110 and there's a silent panel where Dick's watching him in Resurrection and at the very end of Robin there's a scene where Dick's secretly watching him fight but Tim spots him and in the very last issue of Red Robin Dick's watching the end of the confrontation with Boomerang and in Prodigal Dick's the one who notices his face is bruised and aaaaaaah

Anyway I think they're neat <3

[yo9urt]

finished y4kuza kiw@mi 2 last night!!!!! VERY LONG (and spoilers) thoughts below

to make this easier on myself: my 0 post, my kiw@mi 1 post

FINAL STATS

42h11m (not counting maj!ma saga which was like 1-2 hours cause i didnt do any of the side stuff except 1 karaoke session and 1 street boss)

202/303 completion items completed; 70/76 substories, and full completion on cabaret club + clan creator

stats the game gave me that are less interesting to me but i will write them anyway for posterity: 1362 enemies down; $74,160,130 earned (technically yen not usd lol); 29/56 battle skills, 18/33 heat actions, 25/34 life skills, final k!ryu stats 300 health 332 defense 346 attack 312 heat gauge

general impressions:

now that i've played 3 games i can start and maintain a ranking as i go! right now i would say: 0 > k2 > k1. i liked k1 but it was short on side content (at least, side content that i like, because i dont care about mahjong shogi gambling baseball darts etc. im kind of particular i guess lol) and it also had a very dark atmosphere to it...i blame it on the fact that so many people died in that game, by the end it really felt like almost everyone i'd grown to like/love had disappeared and it felt very lonely. h4ruka and maj!ma everywhere were like, the only things keeping me going lol, not to say it was a bad game it was just a lot and i'm a sensitive guy. similarly, 0 had more side content that i liked (I MISS THE DISCO MINIGAME SOOOO BAD!!), plus more side content in general (lots of really good substories), and i also think the writing on the main story was much tighter and better on 0 than on either of these games (not to say these games have bad stories but i did get confused more often with the kiw@mis and i think 0 was just stronger in general on that front). but i liked all 3 :)

i LOOOOOOOVE the dragon engine. it felt really weird at first but after i got used to it i started to really like it...it's nice to go straight into buildings with no load, and of course i enjoyed the, um, combat physics...made me laugh a lot especially the more egregious cases on youtube :P the graphics in particular were a treat, everyone looked extremely beautiful and the city itself was beautiful too, especially at night with the way the lights glow...really amazing...too bad i won't see any of that again until y6 lol

specific impressions:

story was kind of confusing as previously noted. HOWEVER, i really enjoyed how it started with that one cutscene, and then we got to watch that cutscene over and over again at intervals throughout the story, and each time we saw it it had new scenes and info added to it, that was a nice technique. also liked seeing little baby 12 year old (?) k!ryu, got emotional about that

it was cool to see ryuji!!!!!!!! it was kind of funny at first because during his substory cameo in 0 i was like "hmm, he seems important, bet i'll see him again..." and then in this game i was like "omg it's that oversized middle schooler who pantsed people all the time!" i think his hair situation is really weird but as a character i actually liked him a lot. definitely a villain and an aggressive one at that but not really cartoonish at all, hard to trust but fun to watch and try to decipher. the scene at the end with him and sayama where she was like "you're my only family..!!!" and he was like "you look like (our) mom...first time i saw you i thought of her..." URRRGHHH that was really beautiful to me...didn't cry but got very huffy

it was also cool to see daigo!!!!! i had a similar feeling where i was like "oh my god that little kid who used to wear suspenders...all grown up!!" it was like how i imagine babysitters feel when they meet the kids they used to babysit when those kids are adults. honestly he was kinda cute and i liked how he sorta grew up over the course of the game...i know hes becoming 6th chairman so im excited to see more of him!!

honestly i'm not going to comment on sayama or her relationship with kiryu because i'm still not sure what my feelings are on all that let alone am i able to explain those feelings...

kiryu himself is actually growing on me for sure...not just because he was very beautiful on the dragon engine but also i definitely do see more complexity and maturity in his character...it's hard to explain but i find myself liking him more with each game lol

majima is majima...i love him as much as i did before or maybe even more because he was REALLY funny in this game, i like how he kind of has a dual role as a serious side character who sometimes does important things but is also extremely silly and makes me laugh all the time he's so :) especially the bomb defusal scene omg i wsa belly laughing so loud during that whole thing

the majima saga was .... URRRPPP!!!!!!!!!!!! honestly i'm surprised i didn't cry...at first i was just having fun and rejoicing in being able to run around with him again especially on the new engine (i actually turned my graphics settings up JUST for this part of the game so i could see him and his adventures better) but then he had to go to soten and got all sad about it and so i got all sad, and then the scene with makoto...UUUGGGGHHHHHH i got so emotional i don't even want to talk about it!!!!!!!! but it was a nice little side story and i liked getting to know what he was up to in between k1 and k2 for sure...and i liked getting closure on him and makoto and the 2 of them getting closure on each other too. urk if i keep thinking about it i'm gonna get emo again let's move on

side content in this game was PHENOMENAL. not just majisaga but also clan creator & cabaret club knocked my socks off. clan creator was a lot of fun, overwhelming at first but i picked it up quickly and ended up enjoying building my team and tackling the different missions, and i especially loved the intermission chats with the real estate land shark guys, i was laughing way too hard during those :) and of course i'm just always happy to hang out with majima...

cabaret club was everything i wanted and more. i had been lightly spoiled for it on youtube but i didn't know exactly which game it would be in so i JUMPED FOR JOY when i saw it was this game - in my 0 post i talked about how CC was like my favorite side thing in the entire game and a huge part of what i liked about it, so obviously i was mega excited to see yuki again (she's so cute in this game!!), and i actually really like how they handled the story and flow here. in 0 you can do the middle 3 divisions in any order you want which ends up leading to cutscenes where girls are mysteriously missing when you'd expect them to be there (since the game can't guarantee or verify on its own whether or not they're there), but in this game it's very specifically "do this, then this, then this, then this" so the girls DO get to be in the cutscenes and it feels like a pretty natural progression. i loved getting to hear As You Like again, loved getting to know all the different girls (my favorites are shoko and koyuki), and i didn't even care that the story was almost a direct rehash of 0's - if anything i think it's better that way, cabaret club doesn't need its own grand plot it just needs a decent plot to stand on and a lot of really fun scenes to watch and shit to do.

i CACKLED when etsuko showed up, and when she said "20 years ago i was saved by a handsome one-eyed gentleman just like you're doing now!" and kiryu thought "one-eyed...could she mean? no, definitely not..." and then i cackled again when her bio in the game said that she "defies aging"

and of course, my favorite of all was when majima appeared and exposed the bad guys and yuki went "MAJIMA??!!?" and he was like "heyy you look different lol" and she was like "YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS AND TROUBLED" and then they got to have a bit of closure as well which was very cute, and kiryu was like "what the hell???" and they were like "majima used to do this" and kiryu was like "that lord of the night stuff you were telling me about...WAS REAL?!??!" omg i could not handle that entire cutscene

loved majima becoming the host and wearing buono's stupid outfit, loved him doing commentary during gameplay, LOVED the "get yuki a gift" substory where he and kiryu decided to get a giant gold statue of kiryu and their dialogue label changed to say "Two Fools" when they thought of it, i loved the humor of the entire cabaret thing in this game it was just wonderful. speaking of, i also LOVED that there was a repeat yuki-boyfriend-stakeout substory, laughed my way through the entirety of that one too :)

the only other minigame type of thing i really engaged with deeply was karaoke and that was actually pretty good in this game! i only did the tonight song once for completion's sake because the nishiki background thing makes me really sad and i don't play video games to feel sad...but i liked singing with majima (!!!!! i wish we could do that in every game!!!!! even though that cg also made me sad lol), and with haruka (<3), and with all the hostess girls (like a butterfly made me laugh so hard AND i somehow got a 99.8 on it on my first try i promise im not bullshitting right now), and i also liked pride from despair (had to play it several times because i refused to do tonight). i got good scores on that one too but i don't know if i can ever get 100 on it because every time the cg starts and majima appears i get too excited and start fucking up my inputs :/

i didn't do full substory completion this time because 2 of them involved minigames i didn't feel like playing (baseball and golf) and the other 4 were amon fights which 1. require you to do the other substories first & 2. are just not that interesting to me...im not really a combat guy you know im just not that into it so im like, whatever

anyway, overall, really good game, liked it a lot :) lots of emotion, lots of humor, and of course, really nice graphics and QOL improvements...i've heard y3 is a bit jank so i suppose i'll have to prepare for that but that's no big deal. liking the series a lot as a whole :)

[chaosincurate]

A Guide to The Cure Epilogue

So now that I've listened to and written about every mainline Cure album, giving recommendations on whether or not you should listen, it's about time I made it all a little more palatable. That was the purpose of this series to begin with after all. So if you're interested in listening to The Cure, but don't know where to start, this is the perfect post for you, because I'll be giving you three different roadmaps depending on what you want from the band.

"I want to listen to pretty much everything"

If you really want to dive deep into the band's discography, you're gonna need to break it down a bit if you don't have a project like this to keep you motivated. Even if you aren't bothered about paying close attention to the music and are happy for it to be on in the background, it's probably going to be a multi-day thing even if you're very dedicated, so it can get overwhelming without some sort of anchor. So here are my suggested roadmaps for those of you who want to swim the same deep water as me:

As you can see, I recommend the first album most people listen to is Disintegration. Maybe a more specific type of person would be better suited to a different album for starters, but for most people I'd say not only is this The Cure at their best, but it's also a very good tonal intersection of the band's most prolific sounds.

From there, you might want something poppier, or something darker, and for each of those desires I've laid out a unique path you can take. To be clear, the more gothic path starts with the most recommendable album for a fan of gothic music, not the next most gothic album from Disintegration. Same with the poppier section. That means that it isn't really possible to use this guide fluidly, switching from path to path, but of course, it's a resource, so you can absolutely gauge how much I recommend an album based on this guide and take things into your own hands to shake it up.

I also just want to again point out how difficult I find it to recommend Wild Mood Swings to anyone. It was rough. Genuinely one of the most bafflingly bad musical experiences I've had. It genuinely has a place in my musical hall of pain. And that is subjective, but even thinking more objectively about who might enjoy it outside of that, I can not for the life of me figure out who it is that likes that album. If you've already listened to everything else and either absolutely loved even your least favourite album or just have a little masochistic curiosity about it, I guess I'd hesitantly say give it a try, but under no other circumstances would I recommend listening to Wild Mood Swings. I could write a whole post on how uniquely and punishingly bad that album is.

"I just want to listen to their best stuff"

This one is simple enough. If you're just trying to get a broad overview, I'd recommend 4 albums: The Head on the Door, Disintegration, Wish, and Pornography. I'd somewhat recommend them in that order, simply because I think that eases you into the less inviting sound of Pornography, but it's not that big of a deal if you listen outside of that order. Just be aware that Pornography is an acquired taste.

"I like Friday, I'm In Love"

Hey, me too!

As a bonus one, if the only thing you've really heard is Friday, I'm In Love or Boys Don't Cry and want to hear more like that, their poppier albums are The Head on the Door; Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me; and Wish. All of those albums have darker moments though, which should allow you to dip your toes in and see if it's for you. Remember, there's no shame in not connecting with something. Too often I see people trying to force themselves to enjoy something for one reason or another, but there will always be another band/artist that you can connect with more whose music will be a far better use of your time and passion. If you only like the hits here, take those and look for your next obsession elsewhere and don't think twice about it.

A parting note

So that's my guide to The Cure! They very quickly rocketed up my Last.fm most scrobbled artist after this project. I think they're 6th all of a sudden? Anyway, I hope someone has found it useful in one way or another. I don't want to make the mistake of making a commitment about what my next post will be, but I have a big series (even bigger than this) planned. Maybe the next post will be from that series, but more likely it'll be a one-off to prevent me from just going radio-silent while I work on that big project.

A final note before I leave this project behind for good: I know long-form content like this isn't the most consumable, and I'm competing with a ton of shorter, dopamine-inducing stuff for your attention, both on this site and others, and I've made an effort to make my stuff more consumable (for example, that's why this series has been split into parts as opposed to being one big post), but ultimately there's only so much I can cut down before it all becomes a bit pointless to me. So, if you're reading this, thanks for forgoing the dopamine for a second to make this worthwhile.

That's all I got. Now onto this new project that will probably keep me busy until the end of the year.

[thebroccolination]

Hey key! Sorry for the random question but do you believe most BL couples in real life do fanservice? As you see a lot of couples who buy things for one another etc but is this all for fan service or is it genuine?? I just like to hear your opinion if you don’t mind ☺️

Hi Anon!

No need to apologize! I love random questions. \:D/

Just to be clear, though, my credentials on this are: 1) my own observations and 2) conversations with other BL fans living and/or working in Thailand. I'm a very living-in-Europe white European-American and I've never been to Thailand, so big, big grain of salt moving forward.

Also, just for context, the BL pairs/actors I've followed most closely over the past three years are BounPrem, KristSingto, TayNew, FirstKhao, ZeeNuNew, MaxTul, ForceBook, Fluke (Natouch), Gawin, Tonnam, Gameplay, Earth (Cooheart), and Supanut. I have a general awareness of others, but those are the ones I'll, y'know, drop stuff I'm doing to watch them when they go on IG live and the ones whose projects I'll probably watch even if they're not completely my taste, just 'cos I like seeing and supporting them. (And of course Boun is, has been, and always will be my most favorite of favorites.)

Okay so!

I think "fanservice" varies pair by pair. What ZeeNuNew's fans enjoy and expect is not what TayNew's fans enjoy and expect, for example. As a part-time Polca, I can confirm that TayNew bickering and complaining about each other is Grade A fanservice for their fandom. ZeeNuNew are soft, affectionate, and openly flirtatious with each other in a way that TayNew wouldn't do unless they were drunk and extremely sarcastic about it. Meanwhile, BounPrem have yet to tire of the famous "BounPrem vs. PremBoun" debate, so that's another type of fanservice.

On the other hand, you've got the stuff that fans enjoy, but isn't really fanservice. It's just how they are as people who are close on and off the job. KristSingto have a pre-performance hug ritual backstage that they never skip out on, and that, as far as I know, is just because they've been close for years even before they were famous and they genuinely want the best for each other when they go out onstage.

Similarly, ForceBook are super tactile with each other, but they're also childhood friends who had a close relationship before they started working together.

If you mean the "pretending to date each other" kind of fanservice, I think that's hard to gauge, honestly, and from what I've heard from fans in Southeast Asia, that type of fanservice is meant to be taken in a very lighthearted spirit. It's not, y'know, what western fans think of as "queerbaiting" (real people can't queerbait anyway but that's a whole separate thing). From what I understand, the marketing model of romantic fanservice between actors isn't trying to trick people into thinking they're dating.

On that note, and in that spirit, I think MaxTul are the best of the best at fanservice. Everyone knows they're absolutely platonic friends who are very good at acting and making out with each other. They're good at flirting with each other while keeping everyone in on the joke with them. I mean, I don't doubt that there are fans who speculate about them dating, but I've literally never seen anyone say it in earnest, and I tend to see that kind of thing a lot in passing even when I don't follow the actor in question.

[sigh]

I miss MaxTul.

So, that's what I think: fanservice varies, and what's "genuine" depends on your perspective.

Unrelated to fanservice, I think hookups and dating have undoubtedly happened, both between branded pairs and outside them. Not all the actors are straight, there are very real psychological "oopsie which feelings are mine and which are my character's" effects that happen to actors around the world regardless of sexuality (people write papers about it), and I think it can be fun to speculate and ship real people if you're respectful about it.

There are very few openly queer actors in the BL industry in Thailand. My understanding is that it just isn't as common in most of Asia as it is in the west to advertise which of the alphabet banners you carry. When I lived in Japan, I rarely heard a Japanese person state their sexuality (and notably, the most common slang word for "heterosexual" during the decade or so I lived there was "normal" sO). So even when actors do flirt with each other, they're very careful about their wording. Like with ZeeNuNew, they've said just about everything but that they're dating. Like, someone once asked Zee something like, "Can I describe you two as boyfriends?" and Zee said something like, "You can think of us like that, yes," rather than, "Yep."

The upper levels of the industry are quite conservative and bigoted, I've heard. More than one friend in Thailand has told me that coming out as queer severely narrows down an actor's options with potential sponsors, producers, etc. And I don't know this for sure, but my guess is that that's why there are a decent number of openly queer directors like Jojo, New, Waa, and Aof, but there are vanishingly few openly queer actors by comparison. If you're in front of the camera, you probably have to watch your image much more closely. If you're a director, the series is what matters. If you're an actor, your marketability as a person is.

Of the actors I follow, I've only heard Earth (Cooheart) come out as queer, and he used the term "LGBT". Fluke (Natouch) is commonly understood to be queer as well, but only because fans know about his ex-boyfriend, and because he doesn't go out of his way to hide that he's into men. But he also hasn't ever labeled his sexuality like Earth has as far as I'm aware. The reason Fluke is independent in the first place is because his former agency asked him to stay closeted, and he refused. But he still has to watch his image, and I've seen fans extremely earnestly defending his heterosexuality, so there's another part of the big marketing problem: fans who can't deal with their actors being queer. Earth is represented by Wabi Sabi whose CEO is openly queer and who goes out of his way to employ queer staff and actors, so Earth has a level of freedom that most don't.

Basically, I'm fascinated by the whole fanservice culture in Thai BL. I don't judge it or think of it from a western cultural standard, and that's helped me see it for the fun it's meant to be. Some people take it too far: stalk the actors, their families, etc. Demand to know their sexualities, make their friendships uncomfortable, and harass their partners, until they snap, etc.

But fanservice is fun when everyone involved knows it's for fun.

MaxTul for joint president/prime minister/rulers of Earth/etc.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

2023 Movie Journey #13: Barbie

barbie. i had been so excited about this movie for such a long time! as i'm rapidly heading towards forty, i tend to have a pretty good gauge of what i like and what i don't--so good by now that i usually don't need much to know in advance what i'll love. this was one of those things.

it wasn't even related to the massive ad campaign or the giant fandom joy in response to it before i saw it myself--they announced that margot robbie was producing a barbie movie where she would play barbie and greta gerwig would write it, and that was kenough. i knew it was gonna be My Kind Of Movie.

and so i was excited, because there aren't that many of those. i try hard to go into movies with an open mind, because i really like liking things, and i'm happy to be surprised. but i also kind of feel like that's the stance i have to take, because very few movies are the sort i predictably love. musicals are rare, i'm a horror wimp even if i've gotten a little better at finding good horror comedies, and the majority of the other movies my local theater releases are action, superhero, or christian-centered.

so giving me a truly amazing cast crammed into a surprisingly tight story overflowing with feminism and feelings was a true gift, even better than i hoped for. and the length of my review probably won't indicate that, because i feel like barbie is a hard movie for me to review the way i do others--i don't have a ton of things i want to break down and criticize, but i also don't want to just list off why it's awesome. that would literally just be me making a long bullet-point list until i ran out of things i could remember.

and i feel like if you've seen the movie, you know why it's amazing and fun and deep and beautifully shallow, all at the same time. and if you haven't seen it, i really don't think i could explain the whole of it to you in a doing-it-justice way. so i'm just going to mention a few things, but don't let that make you think i only found a few things notable. this movie is art.

when it comes to some things i loved about this movie, let's start with the fact that it is my exact sense of humor. i couldn't get over that, the whole time, as ken is serenading barbie with a matchbox twenty song i definitely didn't used to think was a misogynist anthem and then the shot pulls back and it's ALL the kens doing the same thing. or the multiple group dance numbers. or simu liu as ken's archenemy, ken. or the movie's opening song that narrates AT barbie and changes as her experience does. seeing the movie a second time didn't make any of it less funny for me--it's a perfect blend of snark and meta jokes and queer tones.

another important and great thing! AMERICA FERRERA. i knew she was in the cast, but honestly, the cast list that was released before the movie even came out was soooo long, she was just one of many actors i like that i looked forward to. i didn't expect her to play such a central role, and despite this being The Barbie Movie, they really made her the heart of the story--or at least, a heart of the story. she grounds it in such a great way and adds a different kind of depth from what margot robbie could bring to actually playing (and looking like) a barbie doll.

i just love what america ferrara got to do with this role, and getting to see the kind of work she takes on over time. this movie was a nice reminder of how artificially limited the opportunities are, for marginalized talent--even a woman of color who's worked a lot, like she has, had to be sort of snuck into this movie and then made important once people were already watching. i'm grateful to greta gerwig and margot robbie and all the other people in charge for wanting to do that, but it still sucks to know that it wasn't ever going to happen otherwise. she wouldn't be given this kind of project to lead on her own, when she's just as talented and worth watching. she made me cry.

major shoutout also to the character in this movie who i originally named something like 'woman on a bench,' played by ann roth. i absolutely adored her and her scene; it was small but so meaningful. it really grabbed hold of me. and then i found out that she's a 91-year old friend of greta gerwig's in real life, and also happens to be a super-famous costume designer who worked on (among piles of other things) mamma mia! i love that.

another great casting note: i was really excited in advance about the fact that emma mackey was included, because i've very slowly been watching sex education with @actuallylukedanes--but even before i saw any of that show, i had seen gifs of her as maeve on tumblr for years and i couldn't get over how much she looked like margot robbie. then they put her in this movie with margot robbie, so of course i highly supported that.

what i didn't expect and wasn't really prepared for was the fact that they didn't just give us emma mackey. they gave us a sex education trifecta! leander and i spent the movie trying to figure out how we knew the mattel employee who seemed super familiar, only to eventually learn he was the actor who plays adam. and i still haven't been able to get past the facial hair and other barbie aesthetics that made him totally unrecognizable for me, but the fact that they also took the actor who plays eric and made him a ken? perfection.

literally the only problem i had with this movie was at the end. unlike my best friend, i completely agreed with barbie's choice to become human. my bipolar heart always lands on the side of 'why wouldn't you want all the feelings, even when they're so much they drown you and you don't think you can take it? more feelings please.'

but the very final scene, when she's getting supported by her new little found family (which i also loved, yay them) and heads into a building for what i definitely assumed was a job interview...has her going to the gynecologist. and this scene gave me possibly my first moment ever of being the person with an Unpopular Opinion. i used to play an ask game about that, and it was really fun, but i was always like, how do i know what's unpopular or popular?

in this case, my reaction really does seem to have been unpopular. or uncommon, anyway. we find out she's going to see her gynecologist. and barbie is lit up with joy, it's clearly meant to be a triumphant moment. finally, she's fully human. she's not perfect but she's a real woman.

and all i could think was, wait. wtf. does this movie think you need a vagina to be a real woman?!?? i literally sat in silence for a minute while the credits played before asking my best friend something like, if i was totally crazy for finding that moment transphobic.

because it's not like i don't know that there are people who claim to be feminists who hate trans women. i just didn't expect to end a movie i absolutely adored by feeling as if i'd just been slapped in the face by one.

and as far as i can tell since seeing it, almost nobody else interpreted the scene that way. a lot of trans folks seem to have appreciated the movie specifically because they felt seen by barbie's journey, not the opposite. and of course, the cast even has a trans woman in it! (she was great.) so i highly doubt the people making the movie are secretly trying to send a message about how much they hate trans people. on my second watch in theaters, when i already knew it was coming, it wasn't so rough.

but it still upset me in that first moment, and led to a whole personal epiphany that wasn't actually about barbie but that i guess i will forever have to thank the barbie movie for? so that's weird, though not bad. i just had to note all of that, because it was surprising and important and it's rare for me to realize that my reaction/opinion on something isn't one i can find tons of other people already shared if i look into it.

beyond that, though, this movie is just the best. it's everything. it gives us the nine-women supreme court that ruth bader ginsburg recommended, while also pointing out that too much power corrupts even the blankest of slates. it's here to teach kids about misogyny and to show everybody the wide range of outfits and accessories barbie has collected in her lifetime. it lets barbie have independence and leaves ken behind where i hope he one day realizes his rivalry with ken masks a totally different kind of tension, so he can have love after all. i don't think i'll ever get sick of it.

[abbinurmel]

I spent the past couple hours tailoring this aimless rant on YT, in response to a person merely saying how much they'd love for a reboot of 'Cow & Chicken' on adult swim, cos they could say whatever they like on there. I posted it here, cos YT doesn't wanna allow me to post anything right now, which is probably for the best.

This is gonna be a dumb rant. I got sucked down a rabbit hole, cos this is a favorite topic of mine to talk about and I'm procrastinating horribly on purpose on a lot of dull paperwork. So strap in before reading my garbage. You're warned now, don't hafta TLDR or whatever, thanks, I already know. …Anyways. For those who care about irrelevant, shitty opinions:…I love Cow & Chicken. A lot. On paper I know exactly why it seems like a great idea to reboot on 'adultswim', purely on the merit they do things more outrageously. I'm certain many would watch this. It's actually kinda weird there hasn't been one yet, when you think about it, given this age of rehashes. It already has the raunchy humor and gross art down, seems like a match made in heaven, right?- It'd be easy too, "Cow & Chicken" wasn't exactly lavishly drawn or had a big cast. Well… Much as I think there could be a slim possibility of it happening, for it to be good, and IF they do good, to be wildly entertaining…I don't think "Cow & Chicken" is going to ever get actually rebooted. And I don't think it benefits from being rebooted, either, which is really the only reason you should try to reboot things ever in the first place. The lore of an IP needs to benefit in being revisited, somehow, and ESPECIALLY, SPECIFICALLY, if brought back for adults. It is very unlikely gonna be executed right, ironically BECAUSE of this show's already semi-adult nature. And the reasons why, is endemic to why a whole lot of current modern shows, and movie/live action series remakes, are suffering too. -And no, it is NOT due to the reasons some of you're likely thinking of. It is NOT cos of any tired old: "things are just too safe and WOKE /PC culture now!" theories. (That sort of affair is highly subjective/means basically nothing or very different things to different people. Pretty impossible to gauge due to how all over the place/ludicrously out of touch with general fans censors and networks can be, no matter what their political leanings or personality is. Which can and do range all over the place. So I won't go into that topic as it's an entirely different problem to what I am talking about. Plus I was there for the 80s and 90s, its pretty silly to say we can not get away with any wild things these days, cos let me assure you, by comparison, there is a LOT technically more we CAN do and say now, in both kid's and adult shows, that would never get by in a million years 30 years ago. You couldn't even just say the word 'kill', 'poop' or 'die' then, most the time. Let that sink in.)

…See to me, if it ironically hadn't ever been restrained by censors/made for kids, C&C might've been NOWHERE as good. Like. At all. It might've actually been one of the worst CN shows aired. Just 100% annoying gross-out show laziness, like a lot of shows of its era. The main reason it didn't flop was cuz 1) duh, Charles Adler, the main voice, and 2) it did its 'thing' the way original 'Ren & Stimpy' did. It didn't beat for beat copy them. Their writing/visuals just simply knew how to cross the line JUST enough, keeping the raunchy humor tucked in JUST as far as they could push it, but knew also on the whole how to always stay utterly light hearted, simple and goofy. That's where its core identity is. It's the dumb blithe enthusiastic Innocence of pretty much the entire cast, and the goofy simplicity of the plots/gags, while they get to say out the side of the mouth much more 'mature' sinister things….It works purely b/c of that contrast; sometimes with innuendo being camoflauged extremely subtly, sometimes NOT subtly at all. -But it would always go ping-ponging gracefully between the two. Never too much Idiotically Innocent, or too Smugly Adult and Crass. It would do this, with actual wit. It didn't JUST have gross visuals or say dirty jokes. It did all this with a theatrical, self-known flair. Shows like C&C and its fellow Golden Age shows basically are very good at doing what franchises like Monty Python were known for, and what Regular Show and Gravity Falls and similar would do later on, just with more visual ugliness.

…Meanwhile, a lot of other 1990's/current shows DO NOT have this memo. They do not have that balance, they lack the awareness of what is the difference between 'sneaking in occasional very dirty jokes with wit' and "throwing every and any kinda joke at a wall and not even bothering to look at what sticks." A LOT of 'gritty comedy parody reboot' things are doing this, and also doing this same idea just with the "dramatic tropes" instead of comedic tropes too. ….Including Ren & Stimpy itself. -Once 'The Ren & Stimpy Show' moved to SpikeTV, they went fully 'adult', and by direct result went 1000% downhill. I don't ascribe that to just poor writing(the original has flat stupid writing too), or ugly looking animation (so is the original). Not even John K.'s…ahem, history. If you fixed his behavior, and abusive attitude; made all his notoriously horrible bad jokes tamer, I still think 'Adult Party' would've tanked, because doing this concept in of itself is a fool's errand. It's not just rebooting nostalgic childhood IPs that's the problem, but specifically attempting to repackage something that was already a mild bit 'tawdry', so now that it is INTENTIONALLY for adults only. Whenever the entertainment industry does that 'gritty effect', be it games or movies or Netflix or comic books, it's 8/10 doomed, because you essentially neutered the core joke or appeal. You've taken away the cool 'taboo' point of saying hidden naughty/clever things, in a story you're not SUPPOSED to. You're able to state and do whatever you want, and so there's not only no leash to hold down any of the weaker ideas, there's almost no "rebellious challenge" to its bite whatsoever, even when those jokes/story ideas succeed. Noone is gonna be shocked or laugh nearly as much when a Red Guy says "KISS MY ASS!" unironically in an adultswim show, as they would if he says "KISS MY ASS!!!!!!….-Her name is GERTRUDE! :D" -and then happily pulls onstage a donkey wearing a big bowtie in on a rope, because this renders it now a pun and technically 'child safe' to flaunt now. (This isn't a real joke from the show btw, I'm only making this up for convenience. But you get the idea. It's the precise sort of silly thing you know he'll do. :P )

Neither the audience nor execs are 'prey' anymore for the writers to be creatively poking the boundaries with, when you remove that expectation. It's different if your IP started with an already adult geared story to begin with, but, when it's a full on polar opposite shift in tone and/or age demographics like that, it's almost always pulled off in a confused messy way, because even the original work's creators themselves, (IF they're even kept around, or are familiar with the source material if they are new), are trapped now in completely unfamiliar territory. Without a deeply wild reinventing of the show's lore or main tenets(a thing which nobody has ever been upset by on the internet!), it usually doesn't have anything else to stand on, especially with a purely episodic comedy show, like Cow and Chicken is. Once you take out this 'vulnerability' in our dynamic, between child/censor guardians, and writers, this main core joke of not knowing what the writers are and are NOT actually going to get away with is gone, and so much of the stakes now is irreversibly lost. Sometimes being hidden from the details is what makes a gag all the more funnier, or a scary scene all the scarier, or a cringe scene all the cringier. If we take away this, things lack a lot more of the colorful shock & ridiculousness. The main DNA in these classic "deranged shows", like Ed, Edd n Eddy, Ren&Stimpy, Rocko and C&C, that a lot of nostalgic fans, and current show-runners often alike forget; is the simple fact that such shows had to weigh the balance of: 'being a sincere kid show' and 'trying to get away with something they're not supposed to'. …With very deep emphasis on the words: "GET AWAY WITH". To me, a show is not getting "away" with something good, be it a message, a joke, a deeper sense of drama, if you constantly always spell it out for us, and we know you lose nothing and have to take no creative risk by displaying it for the audience. You're not really earning a prize, if someone just right at the start, hands you a medal. In other words….Every good memorable/subversive classic cartoon show, is not beloved just because they got to have crazy visuals, or say and do unhinged jokes. …You needed to be MEMORABLY STRANGER for having those qualities, in the first place. If you do something unhinged and bizarre, but coming in I expect to see it, is it really an unhinged show?

See, there's a reason why most of the frequent reboots of Scooby Doo like 'Velma' atrociously fail. And it's not because they changed someone that was formerly white, or made someone like Shaggy have a different name, or backstory. Or even because they overhauled an old wholesome character into a rude, toxically mean, judgemental unpleasant character. Yes this does affect some tastes, but on the whole, that wasn't the core problem for most watchers. LOADS of shows have a morally awful, pompous, or an incompetent, chaotic mess for a central protagonist, or reinvent them in some way if they come from an old property. Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law, and Space Ghost Coast to Coast did more or less exactly what "Velma" does, where they took an old IP and completely transformed their roles/upgraded their style of humor for a more adult audience. Rick & Morty has a toxic main protagonist. South Park has four of them. Family Guy and American Dad has them, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, the list goes on. Even kid shows do this, and sometimes get away with it well too: Dan Versus did it well so did Ren and Stimpy, again, back when it understood how it worked. Having a mean protag or changed fundamentals, isn't why so many reboots don't work. …What happens with bad modern remakes of Scooby Doo, (and not just in shows like Velma), is often that they forget how to make things have that beautiful sense of contrast, that Cow and Chicken does, in its writing. They do not know how to both show this is a show rooted in something sincere, WHILE ALSO saying outrageously dirty/surreal/mean/pompous or dark things inside that vessel. The appreciation for the context of its background, is what makes shows like 'Mystery Inc.' and 'Zombie Island' work, while Velma and other SBs, do not. If we took Cow & Chicken, stripped it of it's irony, what else do we have except yet another dime a dozen weaker show, constantly going 'haha, me say the rude words!/do the gross bad thing again!' adult oriented show, with no fangs? Another exhausting reboot, which takes yet another unoriginal idea, robs its reputation, and wastes our time? …There's a way to do this kind of thing right. I just do not think most people, not even some of the most talented in the business, have the freedom or ability to do so. Not even Samurai Jack, a legend of an animated program, escaped this 'update it for adults!' treatment unscathed. If you're gonna update something for adults, you really have to think about WHY it was good in the first place. Not take just what you had, and stamp lots of expletetives or flashes of red to indicate actual blood on there. You need either to actually SAY something, completely useful and different, or, just stick to your guns with the old formula, and do it so well it exceeds the hype for the original. Which is also near being impossible to do. Hence, it begs the question, why do it at all?

…Sorry for this TEDTalk, I just love being an absurd mess at 2AM when I have better more boring adult things to do.

[ubike-official]

my dear friend ive been thinking of you talking about having self hatred blinders on with your trip and it really resonated with me like yeah thats exactly what im dealing with rn and trying to pry them off myself but still struggling with it even as im aware of it, i was wondering if u had any tips for moving forward and out of that kind of self hate and trauma fueled horse blinders mindset (aside from yknow. general healing and unpacking it all). no rush or pressure for replying i was just wanting to pick ur brain a little about it ily i hope ur day is going well

Hi Rey, my friend Rey! Thanks so much for being patient with my reply. I wanted to really sit down and give you a good proper answer here so I reviewed the Ancient Texts (my old journal entries). One thing that really helps for me dealing with the trauma self hatred blinders is the feeling that I owe it to myself to be confident. I think of sad little child me and how I know she wanted to be confident and accepted. And when I think of how others made me feel this hatred and that it's not a natural state. That my natural state was happy even if it was short lived, that i deserve to return back to that state.

Now thats easy said but very much not easily done. I still have moments where I realize after the fact i was isolating and falling into bad habits. Like when I was abroad i remember once the guy sitting next to me said hi to me outside of the school gate and was inviting me in to come talk with everyone and i literally ran away and tripped down a flight of stairs where no one saw me, cried, and dragged my bloody knee to a pharmacy to buy a bandaid and no one batted an eye. At that moment i felt like what just happened was proof that I was awful and no one cared about me. But in hindsight that wasn't true. Those people were inviting me in and i ran away. And i wasnt a bad person for that! i just had a lot of trauma and needed some grace and time to process it!

And it took me around 3 months to muster up the courage to try again. And I mustered it a couple of ways. One of my very bad traits that I'm working on is judging others. I remember there was this guy that took the same bus as me, that had such an obnoxious Australian accent and was so Caucasian and had the audacity to just talk to anyone. And I haaaated him. But like, one day it clicked while i was being a hater, this dude legit did not know or care who i was. he had friends and did so many things i wish i could've done. I stopped seeing him but soon a similar guy appeared that was of the same type of person, and one day I talked to him. And it didnt amount to much. But it helped me get over that block. Because if i was gonna spend all that time disliking him, i wanted him to at least know who the hell i was. at least once. Not for external validation, for me. And I feel like sometimes having that awkward, scary conversation can really help.

In terms of processing and healing I really love physical journaling. It doesn't need to be fancy or coherent, but writing it down, especially before bed helps me really process whatever things are weighing me down. I like to get it out right before bed so i can go to bed with a clear mind and not have the 3am lying in bed spiral. And def try to gauge what things you can unpack and resolve with a session otherwise it can leave you worse off.

One thing that helps for me that may not work for you or others given your health situation. I think a casual low intensity amount of drinking with friends or at a bar in a safe space helps. For me being just a little tipsy makes me put my guard down and connect with others and gain confidence from small, low commitment, one off interactions with strangers. This can also be replicated Non alcoholic/substancy in like a cafe, library patio, or community setting. If you're able to find somewhere accessible to you and be a regular and say hi, get some low level interaction. When I came back home from Taiwan I made it a habit to try and say hi to people when i went for walks and just get comfortable doing that. Or I'd make small talk with checkout clerks at the grocery store and juat add a comment in. Like sometimes I'd just rehearse saying something about the weather or the week or idk, anything. And just whip it out of your back pocket. Sometimes it'll land, sometimes it wont.

Hope this is at least somewhat helpful! you've got this, we're in this together^^

[nny11writes]

Long rambly thing that spilled out on accident today. It's about self worth, and personal image, and writer's block, and probably a lot of other things too.

I'm definitely not in a great place today, but I promise I'm alright.

Sometimes I don't know what to write. It's hard to know if I'm making the right choice. People don't seem to like it. The things I love the most. Or if they do it feels fleeting and uncaring in a way. I wish that I could care less about it the way I used to. I miss the days when I would read every username on my kudo emails. I miss when I cared less about the optics of my stories doing well. I miss caring less about the dumb things. Because I've only come to care more and more about my writing and th eworlds I'm building. It's the shame and sham of becoming a better writer. Eventually you aren't writing just for you, you are genuinely writing for others and trying to gauge if what you wrote is enjoyable for most people. I like to spread joy and enjoyment and the lightness that comes with heavyness passing. I like to see the a-ha moments that people have when I write about something more obscure. I like that I've actively helped many people with my writing. I like that people have discovered they are ace or trans or nuerodivergent thanks to what I've written.

It's not a thankless job.

But sometimes I'm ungrateful all the same.

And doesn't that feel bad? To have a gift and a skill, something I had some natural talent for that I've honed over twenty years of writing into something much more engaging and impressive and enjoyable. Many people hate their writing, and I am grateful to not be one of them. I think I write well. I am just sometimes ungrateful for the love I've been shown and I think that's okay. It feels shitty. But I think it's okay.

Have I invested too much of myself into my writing? Should I stop for a while again? I took a multi year break once, I didn't read or write anything really during it. I had no fandom. Do I need that again? I don't think so, the idea makes me feel sad and icky. Not guilty though, which I think is also important.

Why have I invested so much into others expressing their feelings to me? Why do I now feel like I demand it?

It's easier to write when people interact, absolutely. When people actually respond to each chapter I post with long meandering comments that become threads it's inspiring to write more! Am I demanding response because I'm struggling to write? Or is it the other way around?

I don't know.

Writer's block is stranage that way, and mine has rarely been a block on all writing. So there's also that guilt and frustration that the things I can write don't always seem to be favored by others.

I used to only post stories one at a time, and I always finished them. Now I have so many unfinished stories that haunt me. Is that the problem? The tell tale hearts that beat not under my floorboards but inside my own chest? I'm haunted by myself, everyone is haunted by themselves, but god mine has become a poltergist rattling the chairs. Slamming the keys and jamming the buttons. Finish me, finish me, finish me. I want to. I promise I want to. But when I hold those old works once more in my hands it's like I'm holding a sickly baby. I can't explain why they feel bad, I can't explain why I feel bad. I can only try to rock and rock and rock them to sleep once more because the medicine won't fucking take.

I wish I wasn't this way. But I am. (Isn't that the way this always goes? I wish I wasn't me when my ribs split open and salt water pours out, but I can't stop who I am. Maybe that's why I hang around every loss like a ghost. Cliche as it is now I have to make up for the fact that it's me and I am not very good at doing that)

I miss who I was just six years ago with my writing. Not the level or the style, just the caring about the bullshit being about zero. I've never made it big as a fandom writer and I think it would kill me if I did. I crave the numbers going up, the dopamine hit of besting my own high score. I'm self competitive and I think I just didn't expect writing to become my newest war zone.

I've never been someone to force myself to write something I'm not feeling. But maybe I should. Maybe I need to now. It might be time for me to suck it up buttercup and get it fucking done and dusted. Maybe without the unfinished ones whispering to me at night I can sleep and wake refreshed for once. Maybe without the unfinished ones I would think more fondly of them, instead of cringe when I remember how much or how little there is left to go.

I'm a people pleaser, and it's honestly my worst trait.

I want to write for me again.

I just don't know how when I keep digging up the bodies to hold “one last time”.

Writing is fun. I still enjoy it. I enjoy talking about it when someone is brave enough to do the thing I can't and reaches out. I like bouncing ideas and theories and building new worlds with others. I can't stand the idea of a group where that's the point though. I'm fickle like that. Picky. I don't think it's a bad thing, but I don't know how to move forward alone either. Writing IS still fun, and I desperately enjoy it.

I just wish I enjoyed having posted it too. Not as a quick etherial high but as a slow sleepy morning. I don't know that I know how anymore.

I guess I'm at a platue looking up to the next step, and I just can't seem to find the handholds to haul myself up.

It's weird to say I'm lonely, but I guess I am a little bit. If you squint and tilt your head. And as I write this I think I'm making a connection. There's something with my anxiety and there's something with my depression. There's something with my job and my other hobby which is ballooning in wonderful and terrifying ways. There's a lot going on and I'm just me, and I can't escape being me no matter how much I enjoy the escape.

Fucking writers block. An absolute ass slap.

Should I post this? This long weird meandering thing? I meant to write a fic today, and tried to let my hands do the talking and this spilled out. I feel like a woman fated to die because I caughed delicately into a silken square and a few cherry drops were caught by the camera. This wasn't supposed to go this way. But I wonder if anyone would find it interesting. Or relateable. God I hope no one finds it relatable because this is miserable, but if they do I don't want them to feel lonely and alone.

If I post it I won't look it over. It will be full of all my errors and misspellings and grammar mistakes. I won't re-write it three or four times the way I often do for things that feel important.

That's the thing with me and writing and not posting. I used to do that. I wrote a LOT of fics that have never been posted start to finish just to get them out. I don't want to post them, that wasn't the point of them. It was to lance something. Something undesireable to me and in the way of what I wanted.

Is it enough that I've written the feelings out? Is it ever /enough/ for me anymore?

I don't feel delicate and rubbed raw, but it is vulnerable. I've always been just myself, not a persona online. But this might be a look too much. Like a horror movie where you see the monster too early and the mystery is gone. Takes the bite out, you know? I'm not entierly saying I'm a monster (I am but who isn't? Monsters don't have to be evil or villains, sometimes we just are.) but I hope you understand what I mean.

Sometimes it's just me standing on stage, waiting for the audience to respond only to meet a defining silence. I tap the mic, ”Hello, is this thing on?“ and I squint into the lights tryign to make out if anyone is still in their seats.

And when I'm lucky, someone calls back to me and the dissapointment that what I poured a bit of myself into that didn't land crushes me for a moment.

I'm still learning to pick myself up after that. I'm tired of being resillent, but this is one time and place and thing I want to be more resilient for. To once again hear the call back and instead of feel bad to smile.

Anyhow.

The counter says I'm over 1500 words into my “was supposed to be a fic not me info dumping and waxing semi-poetic about writers block and external validation in fandom” thing.

It's enough for now, I'll spin my wheels otherwise and I do hate doing that.

Ah well.

Back to the cutting room floor and the grave sides and the bedsides and the stories I haven't finished but gave too much of me to bear. But not today. I think this is enough writing for today.

[ofmoonlily]

🍪 my favorite roleplay memory 🎾 what type of genre of roleplay i prefer to write 📫 my favorite type of ships

MY EXPERIENCE IN THE ROLEPLAYING COMMUNITY | Accepting | @bymargrace

🍪 my favorite roleplay memory

There was this lady I used to RP with when I was really young. I've always called her my RP mentor because of the lengths she went to guide me through handling a muse and how to gauge a character.

I roleplayed with her for years. From 14 to 21. She taught me so many things when it came to roleplay. I will always be indebted to her, and silently thanking her each and every day for broadening my horizons when it came to my imagination. She was so patient with me, protected me from creeps, and gave me lessons in grammar - I mean, she could only do so much as a non-english teacher, but I got the gist x"D

She is my favorite memory. I always think about her. Unfortunately, we lost contact somewhere along the way. But I pray she hasn't retired and scooped up another lost soul to take under her wing.

🎾 what type of genre of roleplay i prefer to write

VARIED. I like fluff. Anything that's cute. It's very Yuna. She is an adorable little flower who has a lot of wisdom to share for anyone willing to listen. How she enjoys sharing moments of silence and stillness with the people she holds dear to her. I love indulging in that and incorporating so many wonderful, precious moments for her to look back on. I see them as her strengths. She will recall them when she feels down.

I can seldom do angst. I mean, I WILL. But. It needs to be delivered right for me to find it fun. I enjoy spiraling out of depressing control and watching my muse feel hopeless, inferior, powerless, lost, close to death, but not ALL the time. It messes with me.

But I usually lean towards silly cracky shit. There's something fun about throwing someone as serious and naive as Yuna into something so stupid and non-serious.

She really likes to play and act silly considering, she never really had much of a childhood due to her being so close with Yevon and the temples. They saw her as a prodigy because her father's talents for summoning was passed down to her. They took that, groomed her to be their new sacrifice, and she took that willingly and ran with it. Because it was the right thing to do.

She needs laughter, joy, and fun.

HORROR. I am a horror FANATIC. The Fatal Frame series is held dearly in my heart. I love those games so much. They're definitely #2 on my Top 5 favorite games. Final Fantasy series being #1. I love being scared. LOVE IT. Give me ghosts, give me zombies, give me movie star serial killers, UGH. I would love to throw Yuna in survival-horror genres where she cannot rely on magic, but her wit.

BATTLES. These are fucking HARD to do. I love doing them, regardless. However. Writing this as a healer is probably the most STUPIDEST THING. You cannot write something that doesn't sound annoying, or weird, OR UGLY. "SHE HEALED HIS WOUNDS" just sounds so bland, fake even. Like a false priest healing the sick. but make it flowery? Try, and it just sounds ridiculous. AMIRITE?

I also enjoy some smut. I'm really REALLY trying to get the hang of it. It's incredibly hard, lord I tell you. I get so nervous writing this shit because SO MUCH goes into it. You literally have to write all five senses. Miss one, and it seems as though your muse has not been attentive enough and it makes me FEEL SO BAD. Like, I read the reply! I did! I am sorry I didn't have my muse react to that. I am stupid fhirwoafjdkf

📫 my favorite type of ships

Oh god. I love so many types. It depends on the muse I write.

I used to RP Blackfire in the Teen Titans 2003 rpc and she LOVED going for the innocent guys. Bad guys? Eh. She'd use them to get her rocks off then make their life a living hell because she wanted to. Betrayal, stealing, murdering them after she got what she wanted. Yup.

Innocent boys such as Wally West, for example, (a ship I had many years ago xD) she was FIXED on. She wanted to corrupt him and make him belong to her. She was very toxic, possessive, downright horrifyingly disgusting with her behavior. While she's trying to murder her own sister, she goes back to Wally and wraps herself around him, sinking her claws into him. She was a nasty piece of work.

Yuna? I feel like her ships are incredibly flexible because of how she is. Yuna is very likeable due to how she was raised - first by her selfless father, then an entire village of Besaid. She is patient, kind, and resilient. All she wants to do is good for everyone. Yes. That includes the man who wanted to manipulate her into giving her very life to make him become the next Sin: Seymour.

And because she has a knack for holding out her hand to everyone, I think that makes her very susceptible to form ships from all walks of life. Yuna has a pool of people she would gladly give her love to, unlike some of my other muses I wrote for previously, and I think that's wonderful. ;u;

[sofoulandfairaday]

For choose violence: 6, 23 & 24

[i've gotten so many of these -- thank you so much guys, this actually means the world to me that someone cares about my thoughts!]

from: choose violence ask game

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

It really depends. Nowadays, probably wolfstar. Some of them are pretty fucking annoying. But it's far from what it used to be. I was here during the gold old ship war days, and I remember dramione and harmione (?) stans being the most annoying people on the face of the earth. 2012 dramione fandom anyone? the ron bashing?? 2016 jily stans with the anti-snape posts??? *shudders*

Not to say the Marauders fandom isn't toxic now but my policy is to: block block block whenever I see people who say atrocious things with 100% conviction.

Also, I just can't stand, as a general rule, people supporting wildly fanon ships over canon ones, and trying to unironically argue why they work better... There is literally nothing wrong with liking a crack!ship, I could argue that's the point of fanfiction, but don't insult my intelligence. Sometimes I see takes where the only possible solution would be for the author to read the source material again.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

Unwillingly is a strong word... I have read some good Tomarry fics in the last year (but. like. literally three (3). don't get excited) which is something that I would have rather gauged my own eyes out than do in the past. But then again only under very specific conditions for themes/setting/length/etc. It's not something I would ever look for, it's something I read if I know the author from other works and think “let's give it a try”... so, probably, I'm actually more in love with those authors' writing ability than the actual ship. You can tell if you actually like a ship in the following way: mediocre stories still make you swoon. You can tell if you like an author in the following way: I would rather get slapped in the face than read this ship but you make it interesting/enjoyable.

Jily is another, not because I disliked it in the way I dislike Tomarry but just 'cause it bores me a little. After exhausting any and all Snape character studies where he mopes about Lily (happy-ending Snily is not something I've ever liked) I thought meh, why not.

Oh! And you might be absolutely shocked to hear this but Belladolphus was one of these too. I was (and always will be) a Bellamort shipper, for my first few years in the fandom I was indifferent to Rodolphus at best. The man doesn't have a (1) single line in the books and we don't even really know what he looks like, but he's my angel and my baby and my darling and I accept no Rodolphus Lestrange slander in this house. Now, they're one of my favourites.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

In canon or out of canon? Because I feel that's different.

In canon probably Snape. The world isn't split into sexual assault apologists and Death Eater apologists, we all have some functioning brain cells and critical thinking skills, it's important we choose to stay in the fucking middle.

Out of canon... come on, you don't need me to tell you what it is. Personally, I think that pointing out the flaws in a book series is important and useful to the general public (and so many criticisms of the series are incredibly valid), but clutching your pearls because the kids decorate for Christmas in Grimmauld Place and *gasp* “I cannot believe JKR wrote her characters putting christmas decorations on the disembodied heads of slaves and thought "yes. this is good. very cute and charming."” (yes, this is a real comment someone made on the internet, i didn't write this. yes, it has hundreds of likes.)

Guys. It's not that deep. It's played as grotesque in the same way the Addams Family is. The Blacks are spooky ha-ha that's the joke. It's played for dark giggles, literally not that fucking deep. Although maybe I'm wrong and insensitive for this, but come on. Feel free to correct me.

Also, something that most people don't get about the Blacks: they weren't unkind to their house elves, or at least not in the way we think. Again, the Blacks are a bit like the Addams family in this scenario, they have a macabre way of doing stuff: their elves were all very devoted and thought it was an honour to be beheaded (which happened when they were too old or weak to carry the tea tray) and Kreacher even hopes that that will be his destiny when his time comes, like his mother before him. Dumbledore also says that "Mistress Cissy and Mistress Bella" were probably kind to Kreacher in their own way - Sirius was the one who was cruel to him, actually. They all saw elves as their natural slaves (which is bad), but they were part of the family just as much as servants were for an aristocratic family of the 1700s/1800s.

[mareenavee]

Custom ask for you for when you have time, of the mostly writerly variety. 1. What is your favorite type of thing to write. What comes easily to you, where the prose and plot and beats feel like they just flow? 2. What do you struggle with as a writer. What hitches and needs lots of revisions, and do you see a pattern in those hitches? 3. IIs something you'd like to try your hand at, writing wise, but haven't yet? What might it be?

Hello my friend :D I love asks like these! Thank you for swooping on by to throw them in the ask box :>

Without further ado!

Writerly Asks from the most esteemed @paraparadigm

1. What is your favorite type of thing to write? What comes easily to you, where the prose and plot and beats feel like they just flow?

Type of thing specifically? Well, short answer is fiction. There's a lot of things I'd say are my favorite to write within that broader category which means of course I don't have a specific single favorite, unless we're talking genre (fantasy) and POV/perspective (third limited) But if we narrow it to be the things about fiction specifically that I love to work on, I can handle that without writing another book on the topic lol (:

I absolutely love writing dialogue! Doesn't matter if it's between characters or a character's inner thoughts, really but if I had to choose, it's between characters. I can so clearly hear the way my characters speak and speak to each other (I realize this sound a bit on the nonsense side but believe me it's not) while I'm writing that it's almost like I'm simply eavesdropping. It's more complicated than that, of course, because as an editor I know that dialogue should always be accomplishing something. It doesn't mean there's no room for banter or things of that nature. It just means none of it is filler. All of it serves characterization, the plot, or both. (:

For plot beat related things, I believe if I had to pick a second favorite thing, it'd be action sequences. I don't know if I'm, y'know, actually very good at them or not. I've read some phenomenal action scenes in books and I've read ones that felt scattered. Also some that dragged on forever. I'm not sure if I personally convey the stakes in each fight scene as well as I can. It takes practice. But when I do dig in and write these, they do seem to flow quite easily onto the page for me, easier even than dialogue. I do come from a short-fiction sort of background and I still am trying to stretch my wings more or less and see how much I can push such types of scenes in a long project with more room to work.

And lastly, I do want to talk about something that's difficult to gauge as far as how easily it comes to write, but I do absolutely love -- both as a reader and a writer -- when there are side plot threads that weave throughout a story. Sometimes I drop those and have to shuffle back a bit to pick it up again. Sometimes I like to have a thread buried deep so only a close reader can see the very edges of it in certain lights until it becomes something that needs to be pulled out at the end (: But the feeling of being like "O M G I KNEW IT" when the big reveal happens is just... chef's kiss. Again, not sure if I'm always like...doing it right per se, but I certainly am throwing all my weight behind such a task. And I hope it pays off in the end! :D

2. What do you struggle with as a writer? What hitches and needs lots of revisions, and do you see a pattern in those hitches?

AUGH. Well hi, you caught me! I have trouble writing arguments. I prefer when characters (and people in general lol) get along and have nice things to say to each other or there are clear protagonist/antagonist divisions to allow for some harsh language. When it's two people who care about each other having a fight, it's kind of...I dunno? Draining? I have to put a LOT more brain work into making it sound authentic, and I am talking exponentially more. And I suppose just like with real life, kind of sinking into those emotions can take a bit of a toll at the end of the day. Writing is absolutely hard work. It's emotional as much as it is technical, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise!

That said, not that I am perfect, because I am not, but due to my background in both short form writing (flash fiction, short stories, poetry) and my college classes, I am a planner and a questioner and I have an IDEA of where scenes need to go. Sometimes it ends up better if I scoot a scene to a different part of the story, but I'd only be able to see that after planning. I can avoid plot snarls this way more generally. Sometimes if I run across some awkwardness, it's as simple as moving the scene elsewhere to fix. I know sometimes it's more complicated than that, but I guess my best editor advice in this particular type of hitch is practice, and trust your instincts. If it sounds wrong, don't be afraid to question why, and don't be afraid to scrap and start again. (but save the work as a fragment! Might need it later!) I know the question wasn't asking for advice LOL but the second half of the question made me think of this and I figured I'd share (:

3. Is there something you'd like to try your hand at, writing wise, but haven't yet? What might it be?

I love this question! Screenwriting, absolutely. I want to adapt a novel, even if it never gets produced. (at the moment I am not a screenwriter nor do I know anything at all about the process.) It's something that I've been thinking of for some time, not least because the screenwriting teacher at my college was an absolute joy to speak with. Whenever I was in the lounge for our department, she'd try to poach me more or less lol Always asking if I would join her class instead of going to something like math or language. I would have loved to LOL I would have, but the classes always, always, every single year overlapped with other ones I needed for my degree or would have made me need to cut my work hours, which I didn't have a choice about if I wanted to finish school. But YES absolutely if I had been dealt a different hand, I would have taken screenwriting in college as well as everything else (: It seems like a good challenge. But I wouldn't know for sure, having never looked into it.

[saturn-sends-hugs]

Hi love! For the writers ask, maybe 💌, 💞, 🎀? am I trying to get spoilers yes ofc but shhhh

Hey you! <333

💌Share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Hmmmm subtle, subtle ;)

Ok well you DID ask nicely so I GUESS I can spoil it a bit... (i am in fact so ready to spoil it this is my definitely favorite chap so far bkshksjkssl)

Well in this next chapter of Slow Down, I'm not gonna say who (although there's a good chance you could guess it? maybe?), but I did give in and decided to have a POV switch and oh boy, I am having SO much fun with it. It's hard to gauge the angst on these things but I really think this is the angstiest chapter so far.

It is also however, the fluffiest so far too. (maybe? hard to gauge again lol) I won't spoil it, but let me just say sick Tech? He is an absolute sweetheart, there are some very very soft moments here that I was literally having so much fun writing.

💞What's the most important part of a story for you? The plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc, the figurative language

Oh definitely the characters. I get so into these characters, personalities and stuff have always been a huge fascination of mine and I love diving into them to see their motivations, how they would react to things, or why they react that way, just everything about them. I'm one of those people that puts themselves into the characters and really connects with them, and I think (hope!) that comes across in my writing! Their relationships and thoughts, how they express their emotions, all of it, I love figuring it all out and connecting to it. It's also definitely the reason I write so much for Echo, he's just like me fr bkhsksksjk

🎀Give yourself a compliment about your own writing!

i think i just did lol but I feel like I'm pretty good at writing those character relationships! I think I do pretty well capturing their personalities (ofc people might disagree, idk) and seeing how they would interact with each other in the given situation. Again, I love exploring those personalities and dialogue in general is one of my favorite things to write :)

[dismalzelenka]

I didn't know how to articulate my thoughts the first time I saw this post come around, but these additions nailed it for me. Like I think I get what OP is getting at, sometimes you read a fic and go "hmm, that was not a pleasant experience" and sometimes it can be tempting to try and head that off at the pass, but the phrase "good enough" is such a trap.

for example: I've read fics with very tenuous grips on grammar that live rent free in my head forever because the plot was SUPERB. some people can't look past the grammatical issues, some can, and both are valid. And giving things I wouldn't normally read a chance has led to me stumbling on my favorite fics of all time. Like, I typically don't vibe with second person POV, but if the summary gets me, I'll click it anyway and give it a skim, and it led me to not one but TWO of my favorite fics of all time. I'd rather get halfway through a fic and go hmmm I gave this a chance but I don't think I'm invested enough to continue.

The other thing I wanted to address though as someone who writes pretty much all lengths of fic, is that kudos to hits ratio is also extremely unreliable (for many other reasons but here is one that's purely numbers based because I like math and I really take issue with the idea that this is 'basic math' too) because multichapter fics rack up a massive hits count but can only be kudosed once per person. If five people read a fic that has 70 chapters and hit each page once and all kudos, you'll get five kudos and 350 hits. Vs if that fic had a single chapter, you'd have five kudos and five hits. Numerically, that's 0.014 vs 1, and that's with the same readership and kudos. It's just numbers, and they really don't tell you anything at all about "quality" (which is, in and of itself very subjective) or how many other people liked it. Even if you were using that ratio as a way to measure how many people read it and walked vs how many people read it and kudosed, your math is STILL gonna be off because you're using the wrong numbers in the first place. And that isn't even accounting for rereads. Let's say out of those 5 people in the first example, three people reread the thing cover to cover. Now you have 5 kudos to 560 hits, which is a minuscule 0.009! But that means you had all five people read all 70 chapters, and three of those five people read that fic all the way through again.

It's so easy to get caught up in the stats. And this is coming from me, who LOVES looking at the numbers! For me, it's fascinating to see which ones fluctuate the most. (Visible bookmarks to total bookmarks ratio is the funniest to me, as someone who occasionally posts very weird smut 😂). But stats CANNOT be used as a metric for how good a piece of fiction is. Even if good were an objective label, which is patently false, there are still just too many variables for it to be even remotely reliable. You can't use them to gauge how good someone else's writing is, and you definitely can't use them to gauge how good your own writing is.

Tldr: don't math your fanfic unless you're looking for silly trivia like how much larger the total to visible bookmarks is for weird smut. It won't get you anything but misery.

Another AO3 thing I’m curious about, how do yall decide if something is good enough to read? Usually I follow a rule of 1 kudos for every 10 hits. One because it’s easy math and two it’s yet to fail me. Thoughts? Do you just go for it and pray it’s good?