#i'm still thinking about him and 12. i don't have time for the luxury of outrage versus let it all seep into me like an open wound

[zimszim]

the scene where the doctor tells kate that he doesn't have kids yet is such a crazy ass thing to say just randomly but i love how when kate tells him that she never knew he had a granddaughter based off of the stories her father told her as a child, he tells her "I was a different Doctor back then, Kate. Great enigma. Still can't shake it off. I'm trying." which is so heartbreaking and it crushes me because it's already so apparent how badly he wants to change from this closed off, holds everything in his heart and then one day he'll die type of person. he wants to be better than that. for himself, for his friends. and he fails sometimes too, he gets closed off, like in rogue, he just tries to move on but ruby doesn't let him. but even that, he doesn't hug her fully, with all of his grief and fear. he's still holding back, but he's trying. and it hurts him. he's trying to be open and truthful and with that openness i feel like he's realizing just how painful life is without all those fortified walls up, how deeply grief can seep into him, but inversely, how fierce he can love and hate and fear and hope!!! everything is brighter and burns hotter when those barricades are down and its for the best and worst

[apomaro-mellow]

Every Baby Needs a Daddy 12

Part 11

@spectrum-spectre before you say anything, there's no smut in this one so go to sleep and read it at a more reasonable hour

In Eddie's fantasy world, he took off in a plane with Steve, escorted him back to Indiana, dropped him off at the door of the home he'd be staying at, giving him a very thorough scenting before letting him go.

But Eddie had work to take care of and Steve said he would be fine. And Eddie had gotten the hang of figuring out when Steve meant what he said. It wasn't hard. Whenever he wanted to be spoiled, he put that bratty lilt to his voice. They parted ways, Eddie having rubbed himself all over Steve before they exited the car, then again before getting to the check out counter.

Eddie was avoiding notice by wearing his hair in a braided bun and big sunglasses. He insisted on getting Steve a first class ticket. It was the only way to keep too many people from rubbing against him and thus making his scent fade sooner.

"Don't miss me too much", Eddie teased, looking over the rim of his shades.

Steve wrapped his arms around his neck. "I already do, Daddy", he whispered. He kissed him and then murmured against his lips. "Can't stop thinking about it. In less than ten days..."

Eddie put his hands to Steve's waist. He couldn't wait either. They'd be reuniting for Steve's heat. But they weren't coming back together just for that. While Steve was pretty regular and was 99% it would come when he said it did, Eddie would have Steve on the first jet to Texas on January 1st.

Steve thoroughly enjoyed the luxury of first class and landed back home with less than half the stress of a normal plane flight. Eddie had been a little zealous in spending on him sometimes, and it reflected in how much money he sent to Steve so that he could get a ride at the airport. Steve had specifically told him that Lucas could have picked him up and then he'd be with family for the rest of the time.

Eddie must've heard something different because when Steve checked his venmo, he was several hundred dollars richer. When Lucas picked him up, he decided that money could be well spent doing some last minute shopping.

"You know, I'm actually kind of relieved", Lucas said as they packed the last of the stuff into his trunk.

"Why?", Steve asked.

"I thought when you started being a sugar baby and junk you'd turn into a different person. But you're still Steve."

Steve smiled. "Didn't go through a name change last I checked."

"You know what I mean. You were still cursing out the ref at the game back in DC. And you got Robin a mug with a weird picture, not like a diamond encrusted dog bowl or something."

"She's gonna love the mug more than that. And the ref had his blinders on for the whole first half."

Steve didn't realize how relieved he was to hear that though, that he had retained the real parts of himself even though he felt completely changed by Eddie. Would he start to change in time? How long would it take? His reverie was broken when Lucas pulled into the driveway of his home.

"Okay, so Dustin told my parents you were seeing someone and Mike told them it was someone famous but they don't know it's Eddie Munson."

Steve felt his stomach drop. "Do they know that I'm?"

Lucas shook his head. "You get to tell them that."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me", Steve groaned.

The last thing he wanted to tell the people who helped him through the final years of high school and the first couple of college was that he was getting dicked down by a celebrity and was falling for him too. The Sinclairs were more like his parents than his actual mom and dad.

They didn't hold back either, bringing it up the moment he entered and they got their hugs.

"Dustin told us you're seeing someone?", Mrs. Sinclair said.

Steve snuck an ear twist as Dustin walked by with a grin, one that the Sinclairs definitely noticed but let him get away with. He had to be honest not just because of how important they were, but because they'd find out everything sooner or later. New traveled fast online and he was honestly surprised they didn't know more already.

"I met him one night at a bar. He covered my dinner when I was a little short", Steve said as his hands were kept busy helping with the food preparation.

"Sounds like a gentleman", Mr. Sinclair said.

Lucas and his friends were sitting in the living room, which Steve was thankful for. He knew they'd want to spill every last bean. He got away with giving them minimal info: Eddie's first name, the fact he was a musician, an alpha, and that they'd been on a few dates.

That night, he cornered Dustin and Mike and made them swear to keep their mouths shut about anything else.

"Lucas got basketball tickets. We should get something to", Mike said.

"How's about you don't get a tanned hide?", Steve offered, eyes hard.

Christmas went as usual, Steve spent the day of and day after in the Sinclair home, then returned to his own apartment where Robin was already waiting to celebrate New Years. He didn't get two feet into the door before she was feeling his stomach.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not-"

"But you could be. I know you and your cumslut tendencies. So I know you're not making him wrap it up."

"But I'm still taking my birth control", Steve said.

"You just know that if you get knocked up I'll have no choice but to move back in with you and help you raise this pup", Robin said.

"There is no pup. And I wouldn't make you do that."

"I would though. For you", she promised.

"I know Robs. That's why I'm not gonna let it happen. If I wanna have his baby, you'll get a six month notice before we conceive."

"Thank you for that."

They spent December 31st ordering take out from three different places and binging Empire. When it got to the time for real festivities to begin, they turned the tv to where Eddie said he was going to be performing.

"So that's your beau. He's not bad", Robin complimented. "How's the rest of the band?"

"They're great. I think you and Jeff would really get along. He's actually really into brass instruments too. And Gareth knows a bunch of nerd languages."

"You mean like Klingon and Elvish?"

"And apparently he's learning Atlantean."

Midnight came and Steve kissed her forehead and Robin kissed his cheek.

--------------------

The next day, he was packed and ready to hop on his flight. Robin dropped him off and hugged him tight enough to hold him over until the next time they met. His ticket was first class again and when he landed in Austin, he was already feeling a tingling under his skin. He missed his alpha. Need his scent, his touch, the rumble of his voice.

Because of this, while he loved the other CC boys, he was a little disappointed to see them awaiting his arrival and not Eddie.

"The Ed-man had to finish something in the studio last minute", Gareth explained as they led Steve to the car.

"Thanks for picking me up, guys", Steve certainly preferred them over a stranger from Uber.

Grant drove the way back, taking them to a mansion that had Steve's jaw dropping. He was no stranger to big houses, but he was used to them being simply for status. They'd been grand but sterile, devoid of any personality. The moment Steve stepped in, he could see that wasn't true for this place. He could pick out each of the resident's scents, could see each of their quirks as he was given a tour of the place.

They saved Eddie's room for last and he found out when Eddie barreled down the hallway to meet them at his door.

"They're really good pack", Steve said as Jeff, Grant, and Gareth left the two of them alone.

"I knew I could trust them with you." Then Eddie kissed him about six times. "For all the missed mistletoe." Then again. "For New Year's."

Steve laughed against his lips. "You gonna show me the bedroom anytime soon? I'd love to lie down, Daddy."

Eddie bit his lip, looking nervous all of a sudden as he slowly opened the door. Steve wanted to take in everything. After all, a bedroom could tell you a lot about a person. But his attention was immediately grabbed by the bed situation and what was sitting on the bench in front of it. There was a thin quilt turning it into a canopy bed, much like the den Eddie had made in their hotel room back in New York.

Steve recognized the pattern from what he'd heard before. Jeff's handiwork. And by the foot of the bed was a small bench where a collection of clothes sat. Steve went right to them and took a whiff of the first shirt. It was so undeniably Eddie, he would have thought his neck was pressed to his nose were he not still by the door.

Then he picked up a tank top and caught notes of lemon and ginger. "Are these...?"

"I tried to scent a lot of stuff before you got here, the boys helped out too. I hope that was okay?" His hands were stuck in his pockets and his back was tensed like he might run.

"It's more than okay", Steve reassured him.

"And the den? You like it? I can always change it if you don't. We've got tons of linens here, all that can be scented in a moment's notice and-"

"Eddie", Steve put a hand to his arm. "It's great. Now...", he held up one of the garments. "Help me nest?"

Eddie swallowed and nodded. He followed Steve's lead as they arranged everything on the bed for maximum comfort. Once Steve was satisfied, he sank down into it, smirking when he saw the way Eddie gingerly lied down next to him.

"Your first time doing a heat?", Steve asked.

"I've been around omegas in heat before. Just not as the uh, let's say star alpha", Eddie admitted.

Steve turned so his back was against Eddie's chest and pulled his arm over him. It took Eddie a moment, but he got comfortable and melted against his body. The exhaustion from the flight and being up for hours finally got to him and Steve closed his eyes.

When he opened them hours later, his body was warm and he felt a wetness between his legs.

Part 13

Tag Team CLOSED

@awkotaco24 @lingeringmirth @littlewildflowerkitten @estrellami-1 @tartarusknight @velocitytimes2 @mrsjellymunson @trashcanniballecter @paintsplatteredandimperfect @a-little-unsteddie  @sllooney  @starman-jpg  @oxidantdreamboat  @xxbottlecapx   @newtstabber @tiny-enthusiast  @desidrarry-wolfstarshipper @y4r3luv @hello-fellow-nerds  @anonymousbandgirl @alyelf @potato-of-the-lord  @beckkthewreck  @croatoan-like-its-hot @pluto-pepsi @abstractnaturaldisaster @ellietheasexylibrarian @eyesofshinigami @dragonmama76 @greatwerewolfbeliever @chaosgremlinmunson @blackpanzy @millseyes-world @batxsignalsx @lilpomelito @goosesister @libraryofgage @aresthelostboy @royjaimie4eva @silenzioperso @she-collects-smut @lost-wondering-souls @eddielives1986 @marklee-blackmore

[crow-caller]

A lot of terrible ideas have a nugget of a good idea in them. Of the terrible books you've read, which one stands out as the most, "if someone less insane and better at writing got a hold of this idea, it could be quite good"?

There's few books I've covered which I don't think this about! The more bombastic failures often are the ones I see more potential, as opposed to more commonplace sucking (we can't improve hush hush. let's just leave it)

REAPER'S CREEK! It haunts me how much potential there is to explore what the book almost does: what if you were 12, abused, and learned you could rewrite all of existence to be anything you wanted? That's the premise of the book, and it serves as a clear power fantasy for the author I'm not sure he ever separated himself from. The odd choices later made by the god-kid protagonist reflect the fact he Can't grow up- there's absolute horror there. He can have everything he wants, forever: how is he meant to grow or mature? He accidentally removes his mother's eyes and makes her love him anyway. He maybe forces a girl he has a crush on to love him. He removes his best friend's free will. The book (unfortunately) deserves more credit than I think it gets for engaging with these themes at all, but it does it so badly when it could be really good. Child abuse as a cudgel which traps someone perpetually in childhood even when it becomes detrimental to them becoming an adult

PERFECTED! A book about human pets is a really good idea and that's why it has existed before and will again. There's so many angles to explore this, whether it be the personhood of the inhuman or the dehumanization of the oppressed. The culture and history of how this becomes normalized could be fascinating social commentary. You could let Missy live. This one you'd need to scrap like, the entire plot and most of the concept, but you could still stick to the 'wealthy luxury humanoid pets for the mega-elite raised to know no other life' basis.

TENDER IS THE FLESH This is my most controversial review and look, I wish I'd gone into more detail too, but I still don't like the book. But it's obviously a great concept, like Perfected, about a world where eating human flesh has become normalized. Tender just really failed to execute the deeper themes of capitalism and dehumanization in my opinion but the concept is very solid. This is why it's a concept that exists in many other pieces of media. We love cannibalism.

THE COMMAND MENT! Okay, again we would be doing such radical change it wouldn't be the same thing, but the idea of 'we proved god is real so we invented a vaccine to keep his influence out of our brains' is really really funny and could be interesting. This could probably happen in FL.

FALLEN! The rare 'very generic para-ro' entry, but Fallen actually has potential it nearly explores about reincarnation horror. I've been really into the idea of a para-ro twist based on Fallen, where someone learns they're the reincarnated true love of an angel, destined to meet and be together... but then realizes (as she does in the book!) every time the angel meets her, he causes her death, usually at age 16. Suddenly his pledges to be together, the fact he remembers when she doesn't, becomes sinister. he loves her so much he can't stop killing her.

[mariamariquinha]

Bossa Nova (Benny 'Borracho' Magalon x f!reader) - Eleven

Ten

Summary: You've made a decision.

Word count: 7.544.

Warnings: Cursing, talks about police work corruption, irresponsible use of alcohol, people being idiots and work-related situations. If I forgot something, sorry :/

Author’s Note: I remember that I said that there would be some fake dating stuff and there will, but not right now. I'm working on chapter 12 already, so it was a small change of plans but not a change of path.

I'll try to update on AO3 as soon as I can! Sorry for any mispelling mistakes as well; always safe to remind that English isn't my first language.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Join my taglist! Don’t forget to reblog, comment and like! As always, I would love to know what you’re all thinking! ❤

****

The Los Angeles Sheriff's Department has just completed an operation that arrested a ring of robberies in luxury properties last Saturday. Police-grade weapons, special clothing and technological equipment that facilitate the breach of property security systems were seized.

You closed the fridge and stared at the 7-Eleven television curiously, a bottle of sparkling water in hand. 

One of the gang's most notorious victims is technology entrepreneur Theo Park, who was in the house at the time of the incident and was attacked by the robbers.

“To bad things that come to good. If I hadn't been there, maybe they would have gotten away with it and not left enough evidence to get caught. I’m very grateful for LASD's dedication to solving this case.”

Theodore had once said that he appeared on an experimental college TV show and, after that day, he decided he would lose some weight so he wouldn't look so bloated on screen. He seemed to have learned his lesson; despite reporters shoving microphones in his face, he looked flawless.

“It's amazing how the rich get justice so fast, right?” 

You blinked a few times and turned to the cashier, who was also watching the TV. You neither agreed nor disagreed; you approached the counter, placed the bottle on top and fished out a pack of licorice candies, which you also slid towards him.

“You work there, don't you? At LASD?”

Because he would know, right? Of all the other thousand times you went there and bought the same thing, without fail, and the other times you were looking for some alcohol after work. You would open your wallet and every time your badge would come into view. It wasn't really a badge, you wanted to argue as you held out the credit card to him and looked up, but you didn't know if it would make any difference to say that.

“Mm-hm,” You answered and he nodded. 

“Huh. I don't doubt that your boss didn't carry this Park guy on his lap.”

Again, you didn't respond. Outside, in the parking space very close to your car, there was a pickup truck with a nice Confederate Flag sticker and the owner had entered the store a little before you, so you didn't want to take any chances. The cashier swiped your card and handed you a bag with the things you bought. You thanked him, wished him a good day and he told you the same.

You sat on the curb for about twenty minutes on the block before your building. You took out a piece of licorice candy and chewed it leisurely, observing the movement of the early hours of the morning and mentally calculating that you should soon get in, take a shower and remind yourself that you would be late for work, that there was something else you should do before going there. Yes, the work, the same one that would be buzzing with excitement at the conclusion of a case with so much repercussion, and that would remind you enough of things that you were willing not to remember. 

Well, you should expect that; should learn to let it go. 

Still, you thought about what you could do strategically: you would get in late, people would be already minding their own business, so you could get in easily. 

It wasn't like Theodore was going to give up on the climb to become a popular person in the city alongside the most popular people in the world.

****

You had your eyes closed, face to the ceiling, hitting the back of your head on the elevator wall. Before you could hear the doors close, you heard voices getting closer to the point where they were inside the space with you; when you opened your eyes and lowered your head, you saw Nick, Benny, and Connors walking in.

They paid attention to you for half a second and looked away; Benny had a look that lasted longer, one that made you run your hand over the back of your head and stare at the ground.

“Hearing?” 

The question made you snap your eyes up again, spotting O’Brien eyeing you curiously. 

“... No,” You shook your head, forcing a small smile. “Got something to deal with this morning.”

“Mm,” He hummed. “Something important, eh?”

You didn’t know why you did it, but you swiped your eyes to Benny for a split second and spotted him pinching the bridge of his nose with a discreet sigh. When you turned back to Nick, nodded a little – a deep breath to not say the first thing that passed through your mind. 

“It was.”

But there was a weird, sticky atmosphere. Connor’s hair was wet, they all smelled like shower – probably had a long night out, arriving that late at the station. You could tell, from the way Murph would be looking at anything but you, that there was an attempt to access you, a curiosity to know how you would react to the recent news, or to be in the elevator with them when everything was pretty much fresh in everyone’s minds. 

The doors opened, like a breath of air along that tension. It was your floor. You shared a small nod with them, walked to the corridor… then stopped, turning to them and held the doors from closing. 

“I-” You cleared your throat. “Congratulations on the case. You guys-” You looked at Benny again, saw him frowning at you, which made you frown back. “You did a great job.”

“Thanks,” Connors said when the silence stretched and no one, not even Nick, said a thing. It was weird to verbalize, weird to touch. Whatever confused expressions were splayed on their faces, it certainly was splayed on your face as well. 

You nodded a little, feeling rubbish and robotic at the same time, and then you let your arm go, standing like an idiot in front of the closing elevator doors and giving all of them one last look. 

****

Of course Big Nick or Connors would notice, but no one felt like verbalizing it. Untouched territory, like a silent agreement, that it wasn’t their business to poke through your drama with your ex. Maybe that was why Benny felt so weird with time, so invasive towards you even if he knew he was right – you were still someone who happened to be in Park’s life, there was no denying it. 

They were on about three hours of sleep – hungover. They managed to hold off on the scoop until the morning, at least until the paperwork was signed; Benny remembered that they handed in the papers and Z had already found the girls to celebrate. Well, celebrate was a strong word. Benny went and enjoyed it, but little; he was home around 3, took a while to fall asleep and had a late morning. Nick needed a ride because he slept in the hotel room, so the two went back and found Connors in the parking lot. 

It was strange. Benny spent days talking and listening to his ex's testimony, checking information about him, going deeper and pretending he didn't know anything when Z mentioned that the guy had graduated from Caltech, as if Benny didn't research for that already. And Theodore, fuck, he was an ass, but an ass still trying to be nice. He was polite, but his phrases and his words were a touch harsh, bordering impatience. He would look at him, then at Connors or Henderson or Nick, do an once over, put a tight smile on his face – like trying to fit in way-too-small shoes because it was pretty. 

Benny saw that your face wasn't happy, and even if it was, there wasn't a sense of genuine relief in you. It wasn't like you didn't want the case to be solved, but it seemed like you were already fed up and wanted to take a band-aid off at once. Congratulate on the case, smile, leave. Don't give them a chance to ask anything, disguise it.

When the case was closed and they happily went to Theodore’s penthouse to give him the news, he said he would give them something, like a bonus for the Department or other things they might have wanted – you know, to compensate. Benny told him that they couldn’t accept because it would be categorized as a bribe, but then Theodore looked at him like he grew a pair of extra ears on his head like an alien, as if that even made sense.

After a while, he wondered if Theodore was confused because he thought with common sense about LASD or if it was because you, who was already married when you became official there, told him things about the Department's relations.

Still, when they arrived that morning, Theodore had delivered a breakfast basket to them – one that was already somewhat cold, but intact.

If it were up to Benny alone, it would continue like this until the end of the day, and the next day after that.

****

He called. 

It was a new number, one you didn’t recognize, but you were already expecting calls from unknown places. You picked up, excused yourself from the chat you were having with Lennon about some material he delivered, went to the corridor – you said it was important, family matter. 

For a few seconds after your ‘hello?’, no one said a thing. It was so quiet that you wondered if it was one of those marketing bots or something, so much so that you had already taken the phone out of your ear to put an end to the call. Before you could do it, though, a voice cracked up on the other end, and you stopped dead in your tracks, a big frown on your face as you recognized who it was. 

“... Hello?”

And you still had the phone away from your ear, staring at the screen in confusion, and when he insisted one more time you just blinked a few times, looked around and took a few steps deeper into a less crowded area. 

“Yes?” You asked, voice low and discreet, the phone slightly pressed against your ear as if someone could hear him, as if it was shameful to speak with him in the first place. 

“Oh, hi,” He said. “I… Erm… Am I interrupting something?”

“... I’m working…?” 

“No, yeah. Yeah, yeah, totally, I could’ve imagined, I… Sorry.”

You felt a tone of impatience, at the same time that you felt irritated with yourself for wanting to ask how he was, how he felt. You could see that calling you was impulsive, Theodore only got nervous like that in situations without any planning or with too much planning.

Fuck, yeah, you were mad with yourself – you shouldn’t get attached to whatever you used to know about him. 

“Can I help you with something?” You asked instead, pinching the bridge of your nose and squeezing your eyes shut for a second. 

He got quiet on the other end, sighing and ruffling through what seemed to be like papers or whatever. You looked around again, just to be sure, and felt that pinch of irritation growing. 

“Theo-”

“I thought you had changed your number, so I didn't think you would answer,” He excused with a small voice, one that silenced you. “Now I don't know exactly what I wanted to talk about.”

“Maybe you better think about it quickly, I have to get back to work.”

Another sigh. 

“... You went to the hospital that day. Aile-I was told you went there,” The mention of the occasion made you throw your head back in frustration and suppress a groan. “And that you got hurt.”

It was your turn to stay quiet, unsure of what to say. Your hand was good, better; it wasn't that serious of a burn and, in general, you would have a few months of recovery for the mark to disappear. Still, you unconsciously flexed your fingers, remembered Aileen's face when the coffee spilled on you.

“... So what?” 

“So what? Hell, you could’ve sent me the bill or whatever.”

“I could?”

“Well, yes.”

“So you called to offer me money for my injured hand?”

He was growing frustrated – you expected him to. You could sense him gritting his teeth, clenching his jaw. 

“... You went there, maybe you wanted to know how I am.”

“And how are you?”

“Good.”

“Okay.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you good?”

“I’m fine.” 

“Your hand is okay?”

“You don’t need to pay me for my hand.”

“I don’t want to, I just want to know if your hand is okay. Technically, it’s on me that it got burned.”

“Oh, so that’s the secret for a good relationship? Taking responsibility for your partner’s faults?” 

“That’s not-” He paused, huffed. There was a noise you could hear, like a chair cracking, and then the sound of steps on a wooden floor. “I’m not with her anymore. Although I’m probably taking that responsibility, it wasn’t me who threw coffee at you.”

You blinked dumbly at that, staring at the floor without a single reaction to process what he just said to you. It should be simple: he’s not with her, you could’ve supposed it would happen, that has nothing to do with you. But Theodore told you that, let it hang in the air, waited to see what you would do. 

“... All in all, I just want to know if you need anything… That’s on me. The least I can do is pay for the hospital bill that I know was expensive as fuck. They call themselves Samaritans but they fucking rob people.” 

You needed to suppress a laugh or a giggle or any indication that what he said was slightly funny. For what felt like an eternity, you just kept looking at the floor, then at your own feet, squirming to prevent any insistent feeling to bubble inside of you with the prospect of him realizing that Aileen wasn’t the best for him, or just him being let down. 

Not that you expected him to be humbled by it, but still – you could dream. 

“... I don’t need anything. Thanks for asking, though,” You offered, voice more calm and genuine. 

“Okay,” He took a deep breath. “Listen, I know you’re out of this almost death experience transformation or some shit, but it was nice of you to come by. Despite everything, you still checked on me and… Well, I won’t forget that.”

You considered him for a while. 

“Maybe you should.”

“Should what?”

“Forget that.”

“Why?” 

And that was that tone, that… subtle implication. You knew what he was doing – what he was fucking implying. He used to do that when he flirted with you, when you two were doing some dirty talk in bed, when he was trying to get inside your pants. It wasn’t that good in high school, but the experience he probably gathered in college made him bold, confident; that shit worked. 

So when he asked ‘why?’ with that low, teasing underlining, you wanted to punch him in the face. 

“Because you should. Because I’m your ex. Because it brought me problems. Because it will make you put words in my mouth and meanings to my actions that are absurd.”

“Absurd like you still caring about me?”

“Yeah, exactly like that.” 

Theodore went quiet, probably nodding to himself. 

“I need to go now,” You pressed. “And don’t surprise me pulling up some shit like you still having my number and calling.” 

“It isn’t some shit. I’m just thankful,” That almost sounded too false, but it just made you feel like it was really forceful. “In debt, too. I know it sounds crazy but whatever you need anything, I-”

“I’ll hang up.”

You did. Right away, at the snap of a finger – out. If he still needed to say something or add or keep up with that bullshit, you really didn’t want to know. You hung up on him, left him mouth agape or whatever, then stared at your black phone screen with that same ugly frown you had when you noticed it was him. 

Your head was starting to hurt, you could feel the sting deep inside. After almost two years – two years – and the bastard called right when his little girlfriend dumped him. You deserved this, didn't you? Surely that time you stole parking cones or vomited on the college lawn wasn't going to go unpunished.

Because you were always so nice to everyone, always following the rules. Motherfucker. Cocksucker. Bitch. Cunt. Jerk. Asshole. 

“You good?” Lennon had a puzzled expression on his face, watching you fuming and huffing while entering the lab again. 

You threw your phone on your desk, sighed tiredly at him. Good news, Theodore is alive. Bad news, Theodore is alive. 

“Yeah, just some stuff. Don’t worry about it.”

But maybe Lennon should – he should worry, should give you some clarification, should fuck you again. Thing was: he couldn’t do any of it. He was an amazing friend, one with his own worries and responsibilities, and he wasn’t your mentor to give you advice. And yeah, maybe you hinted something to him, and then he turned you down by saying he was seeing someone – that guy from the 15B, remember? – and he liked them, so you could get your shit together and let him be, feeling bad for not remembering whoever this person was. 

So you got angry and worried alone – you got pissed alone. You went to the bathroom, saw yourself in the mirror, and felt like punching yourself in the face. And for what? For answering an unknown call? For listening to Theodore? For feeling that bad after Isla’s case? For, fuck, asking how Theodore was? For wanting to… 

Fuck, wanting what? 

You looked at your head again. A large scar was forming there, one that was uncomfortable. It wasn't that bad, nor that destructive, but looking at it was a reminder of how you shouldn't be so nice to the wrong people. What did that bring you, anyway? Turn the other cheek and listen to your ex tease you about it?

You clenched your fist and placed it against the marble of the sink for a while, eyes closed. 

It wasn’t him; no, it fucking wasn’t. It shouldn’t be. 

It was on you. You, you, you. Fucking you. 

****

“... And, you know, he’s kind of a bitch so-”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Which is why I wondered if there was the slightest chance of you knowing anything about it.”

“Mm-hm.”

“So… do you?”

“... Mm.”

The laptop screen began to lower against your will, so that before you could take your hand off the mousepad, the edge reached your fingertips and it hurt. You hissed, but before you could complain, your brother shoved the thing away to the other side of your kitchen table. 

“Hey!”

“Did you hear what the fuck I said?” 

The pain dissipated at the same time as you looked at his face with a frown -- he was irritated. If you were honest, and there was no reason to be any other way, you would say that in fact no, you didn't hear what he said. You hadn't been listening to what people were saying since Theodore's call, because suddenly you were in a hurry and needed to get away, anxious to put your mind together around the fact that he was still having this effect on you. 

“... No, I didn’t,” You sighed in defeat, relaxing your face to a defeated expression and leaning back in your chair, eyes lowering to the table. “What was it?”

“Theodore is on a new project with-”

“Be briefer. Maybe if you didn't go around so much, I-”

“He spoke to you.”

You went from defeated to tense. Honestly, and that was as far as you could go with that wake-up call, you wouldn't have thought that Theodore would make a big deal out of that phone call: it was one of the reasons you felt bad about reacting so intensely to it, in fact, because he didn’t give you the same importance as you did and that was pathetic.

Your face gave away the answer your brother needed, but he didn't hold on to his anger for long; with another sigh just like yours, he sat down in front of you and ran a hand through his hair worriedly.

“Just don’t tell me you’re reconsidering.” 

“... Reconsidering?” You asked, and it took you a beat to get what he meant. When you did, you raised your eyebrows. “Do I sell myself for so little?”

“You do. You answered the phone.”

Fair.

“I didn’t know it was him. I was expecting another call from-”

“From Linda Ricci.”

Okay, now this conversation was starting to get weird because you were sure you would hear if he mentioned that name first. You hadn't told people that you were considering, at least in a healthy way, the possibility of leaving LASD. God, you were still coming to terms with the idea of ​​doing this. But suddenly your brother knew the name of the person you spoke to, what you were thinking about doing, and that left you a little scared. He didn't give in, however.

“He told me,” He added. “Which is crazy, because I’m sure you didn’t tell him that if you didn’t tell me or anyone else about it.”

It sounded like an accusation, which could be also something fair because as far as he was your brother, you honestly didn’t put up with the intimate details of your relationship with Theodore. He cheated, you two split – that was all he needed to know, alongside with legal terms of your prenuptial contract. It was the kind of thing that made someone resentful, but his brother never blinked more than twice at his personal life, so perhaps the possibility of Theodore being the messenger of such intimate news of his life after so long was frustrating; between a cheating ex-husband and a negligent brother, who would be the first to know the good news about your life?

“... Can you not tell dad? Or mom?” You tried with an easy demeanor, even if your tone was clipped. He was ready to open his mouth to deny, though, so you rushed to add. “I didn’t even tell my boss yet!”

“And when are you planning to do that? When we all get worried sick about your well being in that fucking job?” 

You took a deep breath, leaned back in the chair. The email was open – the answer was there. You saw it. 

You glanced at the closed laptop, then at him.

“Soon.”

****

“Is it because of what happened?”

Byrne was definitely not a very sensitive guy, much less an emotional one, but the question seemed to have a natural compassion background like seeing a puppy at an adoption fair. You had asked for the first few minutes of his shift to talk about the subject, at zero hour when no one would arrive for a while, and you sat in front of him with a serious expression.

The question didn't make you change that, actually; you raised your eyebrows and sighed, but it was more like a spontaneous reaction to a subject you didn't want to talk about than an explicit denial.

“Depends on what we're talking about,” You threw the ball at him, who narrowed his eyes at you. 

“... About the DEA case,” He said after a while, leaning back on his chair. “The recent events wouldn’t give you time to recalculate like that. Tell me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like a well-thought decision, one you wouldn’t make out of spite.”

“That’s a good observation.”

“Not as good as the one you’ll tell me.”

Then you smiled – a bitter, large grin. You measured his reactions with caution, licking your lips and reconsidering what to say. After a beat, you arched an eyebrow and averted your gaze to your hands, both of it splayed out over your thighs. 

“... I'm not a very virtuous person, Doctor, and I like to believe I'm not a moralist. Despite this, I have never given anyone reason to doubt my integrity as a professional,” You raised your eyes at him. “Maybe, at some point, but nothing that time wouldn't prove otherwise.” 

“You talk about your alliance with Major Crimes.”

Alliance. You needed to prevent a snort at that. 

“My partnership, yes,” The correction made him retrieve a little. “And, look, I understand how things work. I'm not an idiot and much less indifferent to them, but I think there comes a time when they stop being just things and start putting you on the main stage.” 

For a moment, as soon as you closed your mouth, you remembered Emma, ​​just as you remembered Walsh and his pitiful speech to the cameras. That made you frown.

“You, doctor, are here because the Department's credibility went to waste after what happened. People have always questioned LASD's methodology, but what happened was much greater than common sense about what we do.” 

“Are you talking about Emma?”

“I’m talking about being put in the hot seat for sabotaging the case.”

He shut down again, this time considering your stern tone with more caution. You already left her with a cracked friendship, you wouldn’t want it to be worse than it was. 

“... You didn’t, I assume.” 

“No, I didn’t.”

“But you know I could work it out. I'm not Emma, ​​but it's no secret that Major Crimes doesn't have much room for imposition with me here.” 

Which was quite funny to think about, but you did as he did and just took it as it was – a single comment. You nodded, averted your gaze again. 

“Not only that, but I appreciate your consideration. Rest assured that, despite everything, they should have the right to speculate. Maybe it was my innocence that I thought I didn't have the tendency to go over anyone to gain an advantage, especially people I've worked with for so long.” 

Not that that would actually solve it, but you also didn't want to repeat Emma's attitude and put yourself as someone who was harming someone else's work, even if Nick and company had a lot of capacity to do that on their own. You thought about it. You thought about Benny. He could also harm you with what happened at the hospital, he could make conversations with Byrne less cordial and make Nick push you away even more, to the point of making the murmurs even worse than they already were. 

So you said something else to put him at ease. 

“It's not Major Crimes that's going to get me out of LASD. Everything that happened and happens makes me sure that I got out of LASD myself.” 

****

Gina got the news with a frown, but her hug said that she was proud. 

Lennon smiled, placed a small kiss on your forehead – just don’t become a stranger, he said. 

Your departure was silent: no parties, no goodbyes and, please, no speeches. Despite all your years at LASD, leaving in an atmosphere of so much falsehood would be worse than dealing with more personal problems mixing with professional ones.

So no one in the lab other than Gina, Lennon and Byrne knew. From what you heard, Cillian would break the news as soon as he found someone else, and two days later he informed you that that other person had already been found. Efficient and fast, just how he liked everything to be.

You considered talking with Nick in the meantime – considered apologizing to Benny, like, properly. But every time you grabbed the phone and dialed their number, every time you thought about texting but saw the flirting stuff Benny used to send you or clipped orders O’Brien sent over, you would chicken out. 

You just didn't want drama.

****

Byrne was fucking dramatic, the kind who was probably a theater kid in school before deciding to be a scientist. He had been probing the work of Major Crimes since he had set foot in the LASD, so each and every interaction came with a passive tone that bordered on rudeness, but always hovering with unharmonized friendliness.

It wasn't like Emma – with Emma there was a flow, a rhythm. She and Nick had known each other for a long time, it was just different. Byrne was ruthless, regimented, too close to an OCD diagnosis, and two feet on the spectrum of control obsession. He didn't like them and had made that clear from the beginning; for him, the defeat of Major Crimes was a personal gain, which could be reasonable, since no one there made much of a point of being pleasant.

That day, however, Cillian was radiant, smiling. He asked for permission to enter the office and had both hands in his pants pockets, almost bouncing in tune with what seemed to have been a great weekend.

It should have been – for him, of course. He practically hummed the news, or sort of purred like a cat.

“I received very ecstatic news that our lab partner is leaving us,” He said, looking at Nick and only Nick, wanting to have every single drop of reaction or bother or anything. “She received a particularly undeniable opportunity at Ricci & Co.” 

Benny was sure you didn't use the term 'irrefutable'. He just knew that you weren't that definitive about things, or that at least you wouldn't talk to Cillian that way. In any case, it seemed certain that it was a good thing financially and professionally speaking: they already had the opportunity to scratch Ricci & Co. when they worked on an old case. Family business, the kind that wasn't limited to university newspapers like Theodore Park and with big, New York glass doors.

It was an immediate rational thought, one he only processed with more consideration when he saw Henderson exchanging a confused look with him.

“Since when?” Connors asked with a clipped tone. 

“Hiring processes at Ricci last, I don't know, thirty days?”

“You know that's not what he asked,” Nick pressed, which made Cillian hide a smile behind a satisfied sigh. 

“She gave us two weeks' notice and made sure to finish as many ongoing cases as possible. Today is her last day.” 

Benny remembered what happened at the hospital, made mental notes of any sign you might have given as if the whole situation wasn't already a big enough warning. He remembered your tired, defeated expression, your slumped shoulders; you looked sick, apathetic. Then he went over Isla's case, the conversation in your kitchen, your look of fragility at his rejection.

Your defeated stance with Walsh humiliating you in front of everyone, your lost look when he made you sit in a room to solve the problem. Maybe he didn't know that these little things were pushing you out of LASD, that every frustration or disappointment or tiredness was draining you enough to make your decision.

“I see that everyone is very upset, which was expected, so I made a point of letting them know and avoiding gossip or side conversations. I believe there is a lot to think about, especially because this is a personal gain for her but an almost irreparable loss for the Department.” 

“You know, Byrne, this is a good chance to stop beating around the bush and be direct with what you want to say.” 

“Well, Detective O'Brien, I think everyone here is smart enough to know what I'm talking about. Please be aware that as much as I would have made a point of cutting even our toilet paper budget to match the offer she received, I should have warned you that I am not willing to sacrifice the sanity of my employees for what appears to be a whim of yours.”

Everyone was quiet, expectant – Nick was being called out by a guy who knew shit and, as far as they all knew what kind of thing O’Brien would say, his silence made a wave of shock wash through all of them. 

“She was kind enough to say that it wasn't because of you, but I've been watching her movements for some time. No day off to photograph a crime scene that wasn't in her jurisdiction, small bribes with dinners, requests for preferences in evaluating evidence… This isn't exactly professional. A good reason for someone with decency to reconsider, though.”

“You know this agreement always had two sides.”

“Yeah, but only one of them was self-aware of it and clearly the wrong one made the right decision. Should I tell you which side you are on or are we on the same page here?”

It was an exaggeration – at least it seemed like one – but deep down Benny knew it wasn't. In fact, it wasn't like a feeling, just an obvious awareness, the kind that everyone knew about but didn't talk about openly. Big Nick was no longer in the sheriff's good graces. Major Crimes received a portion of annual investment that didn't come that year, and since the last meeting with superiors, Nick wasn't very satisfied with the way things were going. It was off. Odd. 

If it was the case of what they did that influenced you to leave, it might sound very absurd but it wasn't impossible, even if Magalon firmly believed that you wouldn't give in for so little. 

Byrne wanted the excuse to give Nick a hard time – unfortunately he wasn’t totally wrong about it too. 

When he left without a word, using the silence as a way of having the last bit of speech, there was a swagger on his steps, like a weight leaving his shoulders. He knew for sure that was how you saw them all, how you accessed them: full of themselves, always without a worry in the world because they could handle it. 

Nick threw a stapler on the panel near his desk, muttered a small ‘fuck’. Tony could even be the one to be at least pleased about it, but no one felt like sharing their opinions on the subject. 

There wasn’t a worry about you leaving – it was about how it wasn’t something O’Brien couldn’t control. 

****

The idea was a drama-free exit and you knew that Gina and Lennon would be able to comply with your wishes with as much effort as they could. When Cillian let everyone know at the weekly meeting, you got a few hugs and handshakes, but everyone there knew you well enough to be cordial up until that point. You were even relieved. Apprehensive, but relieved. Everyone said so many good things about Ricci & Co., Ballard even showed up at your lab during the day and told you that 'this technology thing was cool', that it 'suited you'.

He was nice. Warmed your heart with the gesture. 

Lennon arrived there towards the end of the day and handed you an envelope. As no one had time to buy you a gift as they were busy because they just didn't know you were leaving, some people from the lab raised a donation and gave you around 450 bucks.

“You didn't have to do that.”

“It wasn’t my idea. Rob from IT always had a small crush on you.” 

That made you smile and almost made you cry. 

And maybe your last day at LASD would turn out perfectly fine if it were like that, if you only said goodbye to people with silly, happy memories, so that you could miss it a little while you were tied up in the good parts of working there. 

Looking back, you should have been more insistent about saying no. Not because it sounded like a bad idea from the beginning, no, but mainly because you knew how nights like that could end and you should be just a little less carefree just in case. Lennon invited you for some drinks – Gina too. Took you, what? An hour? And then what was supposed to be only a small gathering with only the three of you turned into a ‘remember when we got our asses busted for going to that bar?’ and before you could decline, the three of you were smashed in the backseat of an Uber to meet some Gina’s friends at that same bar. 

It was like the old days, the trio fresh out of college, excited from the perspective of being in LASD, all excitement and fervor to be your best versions. Theodore wasn’t with you when that happened – he went to get you from the bar, yes, but if he was there in the first place, you wouldn’t be that drunk or have that much fun. 

And you had enough fun. You weren't very drunk, but you had that buzz, that feeling of excitement and anxiety; for a while, you managed to forget your apprehension about saying goodbye to LASD, about taking a direction in a place where you didn't know anyone. For a while, only. With dancing, beers, a shot or two like the cops used to do. With music too, voice high and hands moving in the air. 

You would certainly need to deal with your relationship with alcohol after that. That was something for tomorrow, however, or the day after tomorrow, or next week or next month. Fuck Theodore. Fuck him and his fake concern and his phone call and his fucking money. You didn't need any of that. Look at you: a young spirit, hot, single, with friends, having fun. He didn't have that. He would spend his life licking the balls of rich people to invest just a little of their time in him, humiliating himself for crumbs to grow in life… And you wouldn't. Nooooo, not you. You would be great. She would be a fucking analytical security manager for mansions up and down the Coast, earn your money and be respected. That's what you were going to do. And no thanks to that mediocre piece of shit. No thanks to Walsh or your work for even more pathetic and idiotic detective messes.

You were almost a wreck, but okay: your reflection in the mirror was more inviting than you thought it would be. Gina was already vomiting, one of her friends holding her hair as those tequila shots took effect. You watched the scene in your reflection for a while, then heard your friend turn to you and say that it was late, that it was better to leave. You nodded. You turned to the sink, turned the tap on, watched the water drowning your palms in. 

She got Gina on one side and you on the other. This was your chance to leave too. Yes, you've already had your relaxation, you've had fun, and you could go and rest. But then you glanced in the wrong direction at the wrong time and spotted Benny a few tables away with Connors and Henderson. 

You looked around – Lennon was distracted, probably didn’t even notice them. You had this… frown on your face, this… sense of inadequacy. Should that be your second chance to say something? Because, well, it didn’t take long to admit the coincidence. 

Benny turned slightly amidst laughter and the two of you held each other's gaze for a while. The laugh turned into a smile that turned into a grin, that turned into a straight line, then a frown. You felt embarrassed, called out, caught out. Suddenly you were too sticky, too uncomfortable, ready to run away. 

Gina slipped through your arm when her friend announced she would take her. You stood still, watching them both stumble out of the bar with a lowered gaze. Flexing your fingers, you forced a big smile on your face when Lennon came jumping up and down, offering you another shot of tequila. 

They would leave, you decided. They would leave and you would be able to relax. You didn’t owe them a thing. 

****

You were sitting in the gutter nursing a can of Coca-Cola that was already hot. Lennon had already left sometime around one, and it was reckless of you to let him go alone with another guy, but before you could worry anymore, he sent you a photo in the mirror of his own house. Damn, you could be closer to Gina's friends, they were really good people.

You should have gone with her, even, and not stood there saying that you were fine, that you would order an Uber and go home alone. Firstly, you were clearly not well. The drink had gone bad, you were drunk and everyone obviously knew it was the stupidest thing in the world.

Still, you sat there, watched the streets fading into blurs of light and dark. Another peak at your phone and the driver was 15 minutes away, taking turns, expecting you to cancel the ride. It wasn’t like you were going to throw up in his car or whatever – you just wanted to go home. 

“Seems warm.”

His voice made you grunt, bowing your head down in defeat. When you looked up, he was standing right beside you, both hands inside his jacket pockets while he eyed your hunched figure. 

“Because it is,” You grumbled, taking another stubborn sip. “Borderlining my sobriety, so… cheers.”

“Yeah, I think we can agree that you have a conflicted relationship with alcohol.” 

“Calling me an alcoholic?” You frowned, to which he just shrugged. He raised his eyes to observe the street surrounding you two, nonchalant as ever, and after a beat of silence you just scoffed to do the same. “Too bad you saw it too late, I guess.”

“What? You think I wouldn't fuck an alcoholic?”

“I’m not-You know what, eat shit, Magalon.”

But he didn't go. Damn, he wasn't. He remained there, moving the sole of his boot on the concrete here and there, sighing as you held your head with both hands. After a few minutes, your cell phone buzzed: the driver canceled. 

“Lemme guess-”

“Why are you still here?”

“I have a tolerance for the number of bodies to find in one night,” He arched an eyebrow, tilting his head to you. “Just imagine if the first thing I see in the early hours of my morning is a reckless drunk girl who took an Uber at 2 am.” 

“Right, okay. Got it.” 

“Yeah, so.”

“But I’m good. I’ll find-”

“Another Uber to go back home?”

You glared at him, then made an effort to get up from your seat and feel the whole world spinning in your head. That almost got you on the floor again – you lost your balance for a second, got up too fast. 

“You know what,” You raised both hands in the air. “I’m done. I’m totally done. Say what you mean or leave me for you to find me dead in the morning.”

Benny shook his head, taking in your state with what seemed like frustration. 

“I don’t remember you being so annoying. Last time you drank a little too much-”

“We kissed. I know the lore, Magalon, I was there. But we are not gonna kiss now, if that’s what you’re intending to.”

“I don’t wanna kiss you right now.”

“Good.”

“But I want to take you home.”

It could be the alcohol. Well, there was a good chance it was alcohol. Anyway, when he said that in such a genuine way, with a more accessible and light tone of voice, as if he was comforting you, you felt your eyes water and an almost uncontrollable urge to cry. He noticed it too, noticed the way you wavered, blinked hard a few times and stayed curiously quiet.

You averted your gaze to the side and sniffed with a dry nose, doing a hard job to keep the tears at bay. 

“Do I look like I need to be saved by you? Like, all the time?” 

He didn’t walk closer, didn’t try to bring any kind of physical comfort – Benny shrugged, kept it cool. When you looked at him again, he wasn’t giving you anything but a straight face. 

“At this point in time, you could say it's just a coincidence that we're in the same place when you screw up. And luckily, of course, I'm not such an asshole that I'd let you go off on your own.” 

And then he said something that made you waver even more. 

“I like you. In a very stupid way, but I admire you as a person and as a professional. The difference between then and now is that you're hitting the goalposts for a longer time because you're too stubborn to understand that it's not always your responsibility.” 

That would make you really cry, but you didn't, opting to swallow dryly while locking your jaw so that your lower lip wouldn't tremble and you wouldn't falter. He was too good at it, it was even annoying. You didn't see Nick or Tony having that same kind of ability to read people, even though it was naturally intrinsic to the anatomy of a good detective.

The cold night breeze hit you, making you shiver and flinch a little. He then took a single step closer, pointing at his own car down the street. 

“Home. Let’s go?”

****

No pressure tags:

@cheesybadgers

@thoroughlymodernminutia

@seaweeden

@thesandbeneathmytoes

@eclecticfashionbookszipper

@servenas-inner-fangirl

@mysoulisasunflower

@dizzybee03

[jinisnuggets]

hii can i request an angst & fluff idol!jeongwoo? been deprived of trsr fics lately :< thank you so much!! 🫶

𝚄𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎

ᴾᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᶜʰⁱˡᵈʰᵒᵒᵈ ᵇᵉˢᵗ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ! ᴶᵉᵒⁿᵍʷᵒᵒ ˣ ᴳⁿ! ᴿᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᴳᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᴬⁿᵍˢᵗʸ? ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ

ᵂᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: ¹.⁷ᵏ

ᵂᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᵘⁿⁿᵒᵗⁱᶜᵉᵈ ˡᵒᵛᵉ, ᶜʳᵘˢʰ ᵒⁿ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ᵉˡˢᵉ, ˢᵃᵈ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ, ⁿᵒᵗ ᵃ ʰᵃᵖᵖʸ ᵉⁿᵈⁱⁿᵍ

ᴬ/ᴺ: ᴴⁱ ᵃⁿᵒⁿ! ᴵ'ᵐ ˢᵒʳʳʸ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗᵃᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵃ ᵇⁱᵗ, ᴵ ˡⁱᵗᵉʳᵃˡˡʸ ʰᵃᵈ ⁿᵒ ⁱᵈᵉᵃ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵗᵒ ʷʳⁱᵗᵉ, ᵐʸ ᶠᵃᵘˡᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ��.ᴵ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᴵ ᵈⁱᵈⁿ'ᵗ ᶠᵒˡˡᵒʷ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖʳᵒᵐᵖᵗ ᵉˣᵃᶜᵗˡʸ ᵇᵘᵗ ᴵ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ᵗʰⁱˢ ⁱˢ ᵒᵏᵃʸ 🫶

ᴮᵃⁿⁿᵉʳ: @cafekitsune

“Isn't he the cutest?”

Jeongwoo turned to face your eyes which were glued to your phone, he couldn't help but roll his eyes and look right back to his own individual device.

“I don't know what you find so attractive about him.”

“Well he's cute, he's nice too so I don't really know what there isn't to like about him.”

“There's better people out there.”

“Well, to be fair you're never gonna find the best person in the world. That's just delusional, the best person is who is right for us and that's different for everyone.”

Your best friend finally made eye contact with you for the first time since you both ate, you turned off your phone and placed it face down on the table.

“What about you?” You asked, turning your full body to face him, who was busy drinking his coffee.

He responded with a confused pitch “What about me?”

“Do you like anyone? I always talk about him so I just wanted to know if you had anyone like that.”

He glanced up at the ceiling thinking for a solid moment, he glitched out of reality and completely lost himself in his own world. You… who had now become awkward, laughed a bit which seemed to bring him back to his senses.

“I do like someone, but I don't wanna tell you.”

“Aw come'on now, don't be mean.”

“I'm not, I just don't go around telling everyone like you do..”

“See? That just proves my point that you're mean.”

“There's a huge difference mind you.”

Rolling your eyes, maybe because you were now genuinely curious to know who he may have liked, or because of how he was being a jerk. Nevertheless you brought yourself to stand up and went to the kitchen.

“I should start prepping dinner, is regular pasta okay with you?”

“If you're gonna treat me to some food then might as well make me something luxurious.” he taunted, a slight smirk creeping onto his malicious face.

“You're not worth my time and energy.” You teased back in which a visible frown appeared on his face, turning back to the front of the couch and turning on the TV to put on some random channel so he could at least try to assist you in making dinner.

Although Jeongwoo and you had known each other for practically forever, you both had what could only be described as a love-hate relationship even though you both were technically each other's closest friend.

“Jeongwoo, pass me the ball.”

“No, come get it yourself.”

“You always tell me that, at least kick it a little.”

“Make me.”

“I'm gonna get run over if I go over there!”

It was your favorite excuse because he knew you were right, and he couldn't bear to watch you get hurt. It was always the best thing to say when he didn't want to pass you a simple ball.

“Thanks, Jeongie.”

He pretended to not like that name, you knew he did. Despite you cringing when you said it for the first few times you got used to it and it became a way of teasing him, and now it was really more of a habit.

Moving into college you both became roommates, really no one could complain even though you liked to pretend it was the most miserable thing that could happen to you at first… well sometimes still like to tease him that way.

“You've got to be kidding me.” you muttered

“You know you like being with me.” he responded, flopping onto the couch.

“I've already spent the last 12 years of my life with you- I don't need to add another 4.”

“Hey, at least it's better than getting a stranger, you've known me for 12 years and know I'm not a creep at least!”

“You're gonna throw parties every weekend!”

“I will not!”

“Ugh… I knew I should've transferred.”

“I'll only throw parties with your permission!”

“I don't like parties so if you're gonna throw one, tell me at least 3 days prior so I can make plans to go out.”

“Deal.”

“Oh! And you're cleaning up after yourself!”

“Yes I know… I'm not irresponsible..”

“That's debatable-”

“Hey! Let's just make some rules and boundaries list. You make one, I make one and then it's a fair game.”

You thought about the offer for a moment until you nodded and made your list of rules to follow, that really applied for both you and Jeongwoo because all of them were reasonable.

And that's mainly how you ended up where you were, roommates with whom you perceived as an all too familiar face.

————————————————————————

“Do you wanna go eat?” You heard Jeongwoo ask from the other side of the couch.

You glanced at him, both of you had been studying in the living room, although he was in a different major, you did sometimes study in the same room because you knew very well that there were always those phone tendencies.

So you both completed assignments together sometimes in order to limit your access to those tendencies… So upon hearing him you wondered if he somehow got ahold of his phone and dialed some random friend's number so they could go get takeout together and you somehow were so laser focused on your assignment that you hadn't noticed him pick up his phone.

Just as you were about to scold him and tell him to focus, you noticed his phone on the table where it had always been. Confused, you looked over to see his eyes fixed on his computer before looking up at you.

“Are you talking to me?” you asked

“Come’on, don't get delusional. You would never be so focused on studying in order for me to go unnoticed when I pick up my phone. Yes I'm talking to you!”

“My bad-” you muttered, rolling your eyes at the unnecessary offense that he just gave you, almost wanting to reject him because of that but decided to nod just because you were hungry. “But you're paying,” you added..

He nodded slowly as he slowly shut his computer “Yeah… it's my treat”

He was getting up slowly and only then did you start to wonder if he was okay, he seemed off, kind of upset and a little stressed, you set your computer to the side and picked up your phone, “you okay?”

“What do you mean?” He replied, making his way to pick up his wallet which was sitting on the TV table, he opened it to check how much money was in it.

“You seem a bit upset, or nervous. Are you okay?” You asked again, this time he just simply nodded without saying a word. It was abnormal behavior for him and that kinda made you more suspicious, but maybe he just wasn't in a chatty mood and the only one who would be worsening it would be you, so you decided to stay quiet.

It wasn't late at night, but it definitely wasn't early. There was a fast food lot nearby so there was no need to hop onto a taxi, there weren't many students in the area like you expected, so the walk was pretty peaceful.

Glancing up at the moon and then glancing back down in front of the non-busy city “It's a nice night isn't it?” you could hear Jeongwoo say beside you.

“It really is, it's nice and quiet, there's a light breeze, and the lights are gorgeous…”

“I agree..”

You both walked in silence for another few moments before you looked up at him and asked.

“Speaking of- why did you decide to invite me all of a sudden?”

Jeongwoo turned to you and made quick eye contact before breaking it and looking back to your surroundings. “I kinda figured we both needed a break. Nice and simple explanation.”

“Oh that's cool but I don't buy it- I think you wanna tell me something.” You teased.

“I have nothing to tell you- you're a boring person.” He replied with a frown appearing on his face, slight pout as he placed his hands in his pockets and brought his face down into the crook of his jacket in order to shield his nose from the cold… sure it was fall, but to be fall it was definitely one of the warmer nights today.

“Still cold sensitive huh?”

“A little”

“Guess you've really never changed” you said with a sigh, slightly smiling and remembering the old times with your childhood best friend.

“I haven't thrown any parties ever since we became roommates. That was 3 years ago.”

You froze in place, you never noticed how close it was to the last year in your curriculum, and you also didn't realize how Jeongwoo, the life of the party… never actually threw his own ever since he moved in with you.

“Crap, I never noticed that we only had one year left, I'm moving out of the dorms next year.”

“That's right.” He answered to your comment, you who was slightly petrified at the sudden realization hitting you.

“I don't know if I'm ready for that yet-”

“Why? Because you wanna see -”

“No! Because I won't be able to see you again!”

Jeongwoo stopped in his tracks, looking at you confused, “you're gonna miss me?” He asked in which you replied with an annoyed pitch “you jerk, how would I not miss you? I've been with you for practically 15 years by now and you expect me to just forget about you?”

“Well- I kinda did…”

“I’ll find you and I'll show up to your wedding when you least expect it.”

You noticed his mood drop a bit and you wondered if you had said the wrong thing, you immediately apologized but he brushed it off.

“I won't show up to yours just know that.”

You lifted an eyebrow, staring at him confused by his words.

“Why?”

“I can't watch the girl I love get married to someone else.”

“What…?” You questioned, words shaky and almost trailing off into the air.

“Don’t say that you didn't know-”

“I really didn't -”

“Of course you didn't. You were too busy loving someone else to notice me.”

“Jeongwoo - I'm sorry… I really didn't know.”

Before you realized you had arrived at the food area, you glanced at him who was already making eye contact with you.

“What would you like to eat?”

[dtriad]

I came across this bilibili video with commentary on a lot of the actors in Romance of the Three Kingdoms (1994). Adding my own scatter-brained thoughts on some of the featured characters, with timestamps:

Bi Yanjun as Yang Xiu / Li Ru (6:31) - omg TIL they were played by the same actor? I see it now... the power of facial hair & acting lmao. I like Yang Xiu a lot :3 though here he's not overtly obnoxious (affectionate) like Zhai Tianlin's Yang Xiu in TAA

Li Jianyi / Xiu Zongdi as Chen Gong (7:00) - XZD's Chen Gong is /chef's kiss/ I love the final Cao Cao/Chen Gong breakup scene at 白门楼, Cao Cao gazing at his white moonlight who refuses any possibility of surrender/reconciliation (Cao Cao: you'd rather be with Lü Bu than be with me??? HIM??? and now you'd rather die than be with me???)

Cao Li as Lu Su (9:17) - babyface mengmeng!!!!!! way too cute & honest compared to historical Lu Su haha

Gao Lancun as Sima Zhao (10:17) - confession, I still haven't watched the whole thing in order b/c I keep jumping around & picking out scenes/arcs instead, sooooo I have mostly skipped Sima Zhao content... but I love OP's description of Sima Zhao "who seems like he's looking at [others as] trash" lmaooo

An Yaping as Ma Chao (10:53) - 锦马超! Luo Guanzhong: /sweating I gotta spruce up this guy dammit! well good job LGZ I love watching him go after Cao Cao

Chen Hong as Diaochan (11:35) - MY DARLING!!!!!!! I really enjoy all the moments when she darts a glance at Dong Zhuo or Lü Bu to gauge her next move. & LOVE her character song—

Yang Fan / Zhang Shan / Hou Yongsheng as Zhao Yun (12:28) - ZILONG! ZILONG! too many A+ character songs... Zhang Shan's horsemanship was crazy good

Wu Xiaodong as Sun Quan (13:20) - he successfully captures that bearing/air as a ruling lord, but I'm sorry Sun Quan every time I look at you I think 孙十万... pls, let your generals do the fighting 😂 also I am weirded out by the fact he's got a luxurious beard while Zhou Yu goes around w/o one because then he would blow his identity as young Yuan Shao (speaking of facial hair, they dropped the ball with Sun Ce, why didn't he get a beard as nice as Sun Quan's!!)

Zhang Tianshu / Fan Zhiqi as Jiang Wei (14:14) - my young bb 甜姜! my old bb 苦姜! ;_______; ok tbh the thing that bugs me most about the 2010 drama is that they end the final ep with Sima Yi's death and toss in a voiceover "yadda yadda a decade+ later, Shu surrendered, yadda yadda" and THAT'S IT???? BUT WHERE IS THE CULMINATION OF THE TRAGEDY OF JI HAN???? JIANG WEI???? if you don't wanna adapt that part then ok just own it and wrap up the show with a thematically appropriate ending, why even bother to shove the idea of 分久必合 into the voiceover during the last half-minute as;dlkfja;sdlk. anyway wahhhh @ OP's commentary: "姜维是承载着蜀汉的所有美好与激情的存在，但是最后终会化为壮烈与凄凉 [...] 我们会在樊志起的身上看到诸葛亮，看到关羽，看到赵云，看到刘备的影子" ;______;

Zhang Guangbei as Lü Bu (17:15) - hahaha omg he originally intended to audition for Zhou Yu???? ok, especially after reading 《早安！三国打工人》I can't help but admit he's become my poor little muddle-headed meow meow... and ZGB is A+ in this role

Hong Yuzhou as Zhou Yu (18:35) - 美周郎 absolutely deserves that BGM cut at 19:28 /swishes cloak

Wei Zongwan as Sima Yi (20:37) - SO. MUCH. happening beneath the stillness of Sima Yi. he also deserves that BGM cut at 21:24. the ultimate 猫头鹰!!

Sun Yanjun as Liu Bei (23:27) - I like the historical Liu Bei more than ROTK Liu Bei, but major major major props to SYJ for, frankly, elevating ROTK Liu Bei with his portrayal, so 央三 Liu Bei > novel ROTK Liu Bei \o/

Tang Guoqiang as Zhuge Liang (24:31) - YES

Bao Guo'an as Cao Cao (26:46) - HELL YES

this got so much longer than I expected /facepalm

[mgmm-shifts]

DR Fun fact: 11/16

I'm feeling writing out my schedule for the week. I think putting myself in the shoes of my DR self and focusing on those aspects of have helped a lot, so let's put it down on paper 📝

Monday:

Breakfast: 07:30-8:15

Officer Meeting (anyone with a rank): 08:30-09:30 (sometimes longer)

Training: Paired with Mikasa 10:00-11:30

Lunch: 12:00-12:45

ODM Drills/Squad Training: 13:15-16:45 (or later, it's up to officer)

Dinner: 18:15-19:15

Free time

Tuesday:

Breakfast: 07:30-8:15

Individual squad meetings (Mine is Special Ops-Levi's squad): 08:30-09:00 (Those are usually quicker because Levi is very blunt and straight to the point and I don't have much to report)

We go to regular classes at the main university in Trost: 10:00-17:00

Training: Paired with Jean and Reiner 17:45-19:15

Dinner: 19:15-20:15

Free time (usually I'm doing work with Levi)

Wednesday:

Morning walk with Erwin and eat a little snack, usually around 08:00

Training: Paired with Erwin 09:00-10:30

We get breakfast and coffee after 10:30-11:30

Battle strategy class: Basically just teaches us formations and survival skills and military shit 12:15-13:45

Lunch: 14:00-14:45

ODM Training/Squad Training: 15:15-18:45

Dinner: 19:15-20:15

Free time (usually when Levi makes everyone clean)

Thursday:

Breakfast: 07:30-08:15

Classes at university: 09:00-13:30 (usually eat at some point)

Training: With UNCCCCC Miche 14:15-15:45

Usually get food with Miche and chill for a bit

Light ODM drills/Squad Training: 17:30-19:15

Dinner: 19:45-20:45

Free time

Friday:

Breakfast: 07:30-08:15

Officer meeting (end of week recap/look ahead, this one is usually longer): 08:30-10:00

Training: Paired with Captain grumpy ass :) 10:15-11:45

Me and him get lunch after and tbh I usually stay with him for the rest of the day

Flexible training (can run drills and practice whatever you feel like you need to focus on): 13:30-16:00

Honestly the rest of the day is whatever you wanna do, Scouts business or not.

We sometimes go out on the weekends 😈

Saturday:

off, time to do whatever

most people catch up on school work, paper work, do extra curriculars, extra training or literally nothing

Sunday:

Same thing as saturday but usually Erwin and Miche run errands in the morning so it's a tradition that me, Eren, and our friend go with them and we usually get breakfast and walk around town

also things like pro sports exist so football is on and whatever

For the university thing, basically all of the 104th (which me and my friends are in) and Hange (she's aged down) go to basically "college". Erwin wants us to still get a proper education, especially for our futures if we want careers and whatever, and he managed to convince Pyxis and Nile to promote the same. It's peacetime and will for the most part stay that way, so we have this luxury. We are mixed with civilians and kids from the Garrison and MPs too. Me, Hange, and our friend are in science based classes, Jean and Eren are business, Connie is computer science, Sasha and another friend are engineering, and Armin is mathematics/stats. Levi doesn't go (for a bunch of reasons, mainly insecurities and he also just does not have a birth certificate lol) but I know he would really like to get an education so I'm working with Erwin to get him enrolled (he will).

Free time is usually research with Hange and our friend, me and Hange doing medical shit (we are medics and pre-med), hanging with everyone and doing whatever, or with Levi.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Another long post but as always, I appreciate the read if you made it this far! And I wanted to share this idea, it was really fun to do. It makes you really think about your life there and get into a stronger mindset. <3

[silviakundera]

From in The Grand Princess novel, a passage from the carriage & street argument about PWX's regrets at ep 11/12 of Princess Royal. Fundamentally the same thing occurs in novel & drama but the tone of the aftermath is handled differently. Just the luxury of novel vs live action. 🤷 I just really enjoy the tender way they feel about each other, underneath all the bickering and one-upmanship.

--

Li Rong looked at Pei Wenxuan, she couldn't say anything comforting for a while. She knew that Pei Wenxuan was really sad at the moment. After all, in his last life he had been alone all his life, and it was indeed heartbreaking.

When Pei Wenxuan saw that she was at a loss for words, he couldn't help but smile. He lifted his hand and caressed her face, saying hoarsely, "Li Rong," he gazed at her quietly, "look, I've just missed you for the rest of my life."

Li Rong did not say anything, she let him look at her, and after a long time, she finally said, "Are you better?"

Pei Wenxuan nodded, Li Rong braced herself to get up, Pei Wenxuan gave her a hand.

Li Rong stood up and sat back down, she leaned back in her seat and after thinking for a while, she smiled and looked at Pei Wenxuan, "How long have you wanted to say this?"

"Many years." Pei Wenxuan laughed lightly.

Li Rong lowered her eyes without saying anything, and after a moment, she said gently, "Although it is a little late, I am still glad to hear these words."

"Although it's a little late," Pei Wenxuan took up her words, "I'm glad to be able to say it."

After saying that, the two of them paused, and after a while, Li Rong laughed out loud and raised her eyes to look at Pei Wenxuan, who couldn't help but laugh too when he heard Li Rong's laughter.

"Knowing that you liked me so much back then," Li Rong said with a smile, "is a bit of a pity, but it's still a pleasure."

"What's the pity?"

"If it had been earlier," Li Rong thought about it, imagining that if Pei Wenxuan had said those words back then, and said with some uncertainty, "perhaps, I wouldn't have gone then?"

"But if it had been earlier," Pei Wenxuan mused, "I wouldn't have said those words either."

All one's thoughts, all one's ability to express them, all one's accumulated courage, that would not have come out of thin air.

"That too." Li Rong nodded, her small fan tapping on her palm as she raised her eyes to look at him, "Lord Pei nowadays is very different."

When Pei Wenxuan saw her smiling eyes, he slowly slowed down his emotions. When his excitement subsided, he felt a little embarrassed.

When Li Rong saw that he seemed to be slowly reacting to what he had just said, she couldn't help but smile, "Lord Pei, you said so much to me just now, do you want to talk about the past, or do you want to talk about the future?"

If it was the past, then this was just an apology.

If we are talking about the future, this is a confession.

When Pei Wenxuan understood Li Rong's meaning, he subconsciously said nervously, "I just want to apologise."

Li Rong had guessed his answer and laughed out loud, "You're so excited about an apology?"

"I'm furious," Pei Wenxuan sighed, "You've misunderstood me too many times before, in my last life, you always dragged Qin Zhenzhen into everything. I don't understand, you said I was looking for you to mess with you and you are so eager to push me out?"

"I should ask you that," Li Rong immediately said, "first of all, was it not you who set up Su Rongqing and me? On the night of the wedding, you even talked to me most of the night, and I didn't agree, but you said yes."

Pei Wenxuan was momentarily short of breath at Li Rong's words, and he held his tongue for half a day before saying, "Then I didn't say anything to Su Rongqing either, did I?"

"Do you feel sorry for Qin Zhenzhen?" Li Rong blinked, "Are you so anxious about me talking to her?"

"Li Rong," Pei Wenxuan cried and laughed, "can you be reasonable, our internal discussion is our internal conflict. You are pulling it outside, then you are determined to send me out, you still can't allow me to be angry?"

"Then you are not determined to send me out?" Li Rong looked strange, Pei Wenxuan paused, Li Rong sent a curious look at him, "Speechless?"

"No...... not the same." Pei Wenxuan finally spoke.

"I want to set you up with Su Rongqing because I think it's better for you. But you want to set me up with Qin Zhenzhen because you want to solve His Highness's worries."

"People always have some feelings." Pei Wenxuan said in a slow voice, "Although we are not destined to be together, but after so many years, if we are not considered family, we are still considered friends. If friends are used like this, it is somewhat hard to bear."

Li Rong listened quietly, she raised her eyes to look at him and said seriously, "I'm not all just using her. It's just that this outcome is good for everyone."

"Pei Wenxuan," she looked at Pei Wenxuan with sincere eyes, "I may not be able to take too much into account sometimes, but the fact that I have you in my heart as a friend is not an impurity. If you don't let me down, I won't let you down."

Pei Wenxuan looked into Li Rong's eyes, which were honest and bright.

Li Rong was a person who clearly lived in the deep palace, yet she had tenderness and brightness that did not belong in the deep palace.

But she always hid that light carefully, so the moment she revealed it by chance, it could violently break into other people's rooms.

[anjumzm]

Midsummer Night

A Legacy of Gods Fanfic.

JerCes Daughter x LanMia Son

Chapter 7

Aanya Volkov

The "Le Flamington"  was a luxurious café located in the heart of the city. Above the café we had some IT and Finance corporations, it was always buzzing with people coming in and out even at odd times. Me, Rebecca and Gina frequented the café, all thanks to Ms.Gina King and her influence and also the fact that some one from their family literally owned the entire building.

Nothing shocking there, the rate at which the Kings owned most of the buildings here, I wonder if they wanted to buy entire London off.

I just want this nightmare to be over.

Like he'd said, the driver picked me up from my college around 12:45 pm. I'd asked him to pick me up from the back gate, hopefully the guards didn't notice my absence given that my classes were still going on. I'll have to wrap up whatever absurdity this is and get back before someone reports me missing and Dad brings his army here to escort me back home.

Just when I'm about to message Caleb, I feel arms around me, from the back caging me, long, veiny fingers splayed on the table.

"Hello, little bird" He whispers.

Chills run down my spine and goosebumps erect on my arms,my entire body stiffens, as though it's readying itself for flight or fight mode, sensing that in the moment I'm a prey with the attention of a predator on me.

"Theo" My voice sounds like a whisper to me, a bit shaky. He gets around the table, dripping confidence as though he owns the entire world and sits in the chair opposite me, his fingers locked and his chin resting on it. He watches me with amusement, a small smirk playing on his handsome face.

He's a King, through and through.

Wait, Handsome face??

Who am I kidding,  ofcourse he is handsome, the moment he walked in I could see the group of girls seated on the table opposite ours, giggling and whispering with awe on their faces.

The vermin knows this fact for sure, judging by the wink he threw to the waitress passing by.

"Well, do you plan to give me back our Book and stop this madness, I'm sure you've had your fill of drama for the week"

"Aren't you a charmer, miss Volkov, and straight to the point,I like it. By the way you look lovely today, although one might argue that you look lovely everyday"

"Cut the Crap, Mr.King and give us whats ours. There are many lives at stake ,Theo, why won't you understand this? Today or later my brothers might connect the dots and know that you're the one behind the theft and I don't need to fill you with details of the aftermath, while I couldn't give a damn about you, there's Aunt Annika, Rebecca and Gina. I don't want you to be the reason that we entirely distance ourselves from the Kings for good"

He doesn't say a word, not one and keeps staring at me with his dark blue eyes that are void of any emotions, the constant smirk pasted on his face.

"I'm tired. Let's get this done with, Tell me, What do you want, why did you call me here?" I say with a calm I'm not feeling at the moment.

"I want you to get engaged to me"

I freeze, I can hear ringing in my ears, but then I shake my head, the absurdity of the words drawing a full fledged laugh out of me, so much so that the people around me start staring at  me as though I'm an idiot.

"Sorry, I think I heard you wrong, what did you say again?"

"You heard me right, Aanya, I want you to be my fiancé, for us to get engaged"

"Are you drunk, or has someone's curse finally reached you, are you losing your mind?"

"As absurd it may sound, I assure you it's the only way for you to get your book back, the only way to save your family from the Bratva's wrath"

"My father would never ever agree to this, you know how he loathes your father and thinks you to be the same as him, he literally thinks you guys are a menace to the society and belong to some mental asylum, not to mention the beef you have with both my brothers, judging that they're aware that you were the one who leaked Mr.Williamson's data, my father doesn't know about this for the same reason that I've kept quite, we love Aunt Annika a lot. So as much as you would like us to be "engaged" it will never happen"

"Then you better get to work Aanya, I'll be visiting my Grandparents in the US next week, I want you to put this out on the table before your family, and convince them by hook or by crook. If by the end of my visit I don't get a reply from you Ms.Volkov, I'll personally hand over the Black book to the Pakhan"

I'm at loss of words, I feel as though the world's spinning, my hearts beating faster trying to make sense of his words.

"Why do you want us to get engaged Theo, what do you plan? Is your Grandfather aware of this? Your parents?"

"You don't need to concern yourselves with my plans Ms.Volkov, you do your part and I'll do mine and at the end of it we both get what we want, as for my family, my Grandfather won't meddle in my business for a while, my father would always support me, as for my mother....like you said let's not taint the relations my mother and yours have, the only thing they need to know is that we are to be engaged"

"You're a monster Theo, a narcissist, unfeeling monster who wouldn't care if the world burns at his feet, as long as he gets what he wants"

"Like I said, tell me something I don't know sweetheart. As lovely as this conversation with you has been, I need to get back to the priority tasks at hand. Remember, you've got one week Aanya, don't think too much about it, since patience is not one of my virtues" He gets up and leaves through the door at my left.

What do I do now?

Till the end if the day I'm so exhausted, that I collapse as soon as I lay on my bed at Caleb and Jaspers house. At around 3 am in night I go to the kitchen to get some water, and find my brother and cousin whispering to themselves.

"Seriously Caleb, Knock some sense into Aaron, man. At this rate he'll either end up killed or in Jail, there's only so much our parents influence can do" Jasper says.

"I'm trying Jasper, gods I'm trying. There's... something going on back at home, it's affected him badly, he's become like this bull, Punch first and ask questions later. He's usually calm and composed, this is the first time he's acting so out of character, as if he can no longer control himself" Caleb says running his palm through his face.

I can see worry etched on his face. Caleb never shows it but he's the most understanding, the most calm and collected person, who always has a plan and tries to stick to it, but I can see that he's tired. My brother Aaron, I've never seen him turn this violent like Caleb says, but all of this is also messing with his mental health. With all that's going on, I'm sure my parents and grandparents are having a difficult time too.

I know exactly what I need to do. With newfound courage and determination I take out my phone and write

'I'm ready. I'll get engaged to you, give me sometime and I'll convince my family'

The reply is quick

'Looking forward to it, Ms.Volkov'

I need a break. I really need a break.

[jaycewrites-192000]

Future...

Summery: Take a look into one of the more darker futures, for the Kawata siblings...

Paring(s): Platonic!Nahoya Kawata x Platonic!Reader x Platonic!Souya Kawata

Rating: SFW

Warning(s): First 12 Year Timeskip, Kisaki's In Charge, Slight Mental Abuse(from Smiley), Major Character Death, Manga Spoilers, Angst With No Happy End

Time for some angst~

Enjoy...

Sometimes you wonder...how it ever could have ended up like this? How things went so horribly wrong. Why the people you once considered friends...turn out to be total strangers. It was like you couldn't recognize any of them, not even your own family...

Why? Why did this happen? How did this happen?

It was a night like most, with you being left alone once again. The large luxurious 'home' you and your brothers had moved into only made you feel all the more small and alone. Tonight, you were left alone with your thoughts, which as of recently, was not a good thing. And yet, you were to deal with it on your own. Something that you never had to do before.

Your brothers were not here to help you through it this time...or the time before...or ever...

You sighed, taking a few deep breaths trying desperately to calm your racing mind. You reached for your phone once again, and stared at the screen for a while. Contemplating calling the last person you wanted to hear from. Even though you hated him...no...you couldn't bring yourself to really feel like that. Despite everything he's done...you still loved him.

You still loved Nahoya. It hurts...it hurts so much to admit it...but you do. He was your family, the only family you had...

'I guess it would be pretty bad if he turned up dead...' You thought, thumb still hovering over the call button. Just as you were about to press it, you heard the front door open. Well, more like slam open...which means...

"Oh great..." You muttered. Reluctantly, you got out of your bed and made your way through the halls until you reached the living room, where you saw your oldest brother dragging his feet further into the home. His once lively peach curls were now straight and hung over his eyes, covering his face from all expression to your view.

He went into the kitchen and opened up the liquor cabinet, pulling out a large bottle before slamming it onto the counter. Not hard enough to break it, but hard enough to show that he was not in the most pleasant of moods. He reached for a glass, moving his hair from his face before filling it, then quickly downing it, then pouring another.

Yep...it was one of those nights alright.

You hesitantly stepped into the entrance of the kitchen, Nahoya didn't bother acknowledging your presence. But the way he tensed ever so slightly, let you know he knew you were there. There was a brief silence between the two of you. Then, to your surprise, Nahoya spoke first.

"So, you just gonna fucking stare or are you gonna say something?" He spat, voice full of venom.

"Just...making sure you weren't hurt." You said weakly. "If I was hurt, don't you think I would have done something about you fucking moron?" He side-eyed you before turning his attention back on his drink.

"I guess..." You sighed. "Then don't ask stupid questions." He muttered before taking a swig. "Nahoya?"

"What?" He glared at you. You couldn't bring yourself to look him the eyes as you spoke. "I-I'm sorry...for what I said last night."

Ah that night, it was one of the worst arguments you and your brother had ever had.

"Say that again!" The sound of breaking glass echoed off the walls. "I fucking dare to say it again bitch!"

"Gladly! I said you are acting like an asshole! Want me to say it louder!? I know you have trouble comprehending, so maybe I should spell it out too while I'm at it, dumbass!"

"Oh really? I'm the dumbass! Says the one, who couldn't keep her god damn mouth shut during the meeting!" Nahoya's yelling got louder as he went on. "You just had to open your fucking mouth didn't you!? You know how much shit, you're putting me through!?"

"I was just trying to-" He cut you off when he grabbed you by your shirt collar, his face inches from your own.

"Maybe I shouldn't have stepped in and just let Kisaki put a fucking bullet through your head!" You could never say that you were afraid of your brother, no matter how mad he got...but the way he looked right now...the person holding you was not your brother.

"At least then, I won't have some useless little punk following me around and annoying the shit out of me anymore! How about you do us all a favor, and keep your fucking mouth shut!?" He finished by throwing you aside, catching yourself as your body hit the floor. Again, you could never say that your brother ever laid his hands on you, even in a fit of rage...but tonight he came damn close.

Tears welled up in your eyes. Your hands clenched tightly into fists, and yet, you would not bring yourself to strike your brother. Your voice cracked as you whimpered out a pathetic. "I hate you..."

Nahoya turned to you, still furious. "The fuck did you say? Speak up!"

"I hate you! I wish Souya was here! I was it was you who died instead!"

Silence...

The same silence carried out the rest of the night, to the following day, up until now...

"Tsk. Like I give a shit if you're sorry or not." Nahoya muttered. "I didn't mean it." You went on anyway. "I didn't mean it at all. I don't wish that you were dead... But I really do wish that...that Souya was still here..." You sniffled as tears ran down your cheeks. Nahoya was silent as you continued. "Why...why did he have to die? What did he do to deserve that?"

It had been a month since Souya's death. He and Nahoya were out running errands for Toman, when a group of men ambushed them. It happened so fast, before they knew what was happening,they just started firing rounds after rounds at them. Only, Souya was the only one who got hit. Once they saw that, they quickly fled, never to be seen again. It was suspected they were a rival gang, but they never found out just who it was.

In Nahoya's arms, Souya's dying words were "Take care of Y/n..."

Upon remembering those words, Nahoya felt an overbearing sense of hatred and disgust towards himself. Ever since Toman changed, he had changed as well. He became more aggressive, more quick to anger, he lost sight of who he was and what Toman once was. And in that time, he neglected his own family...including his sister. The same person, who he was suppose to protect.

And instead...he had treated like trash, more so since Souya died. It was no excuse, the fact that his other half was severed from him forever, was no reason to treat his sister like he does.

"I miss him so much Nahoya..." You cry as you tried to wipe your tears away.

Nahoya looked down at the half empty glass, the hand that he held it with shook as he spoke. "Yeah..." He set it down before raking his hand through his hair with a shaky sigh.

"...Me too."

That night, you would lie in bed wondering...maybe in another life, things might have turned out differently. Toman would always stay the same. And the you, Nahoya, and Souya, would always be together in a brighter future...

But not in this future would things be as they were. Not now...not ever...

(After two months of nothing, I give you all some angst. Lol don’t worry, future stories won’t be as angsty as this one)

[raccoonfallsharder]

Window Across the Galaxy ✧*:･ﾟupdated 1/17

18+ only | rocket x f!oc | 25/27 chapters | wip| word count: pending. ♡ check the masterlist for expected updates ♡ ♡ see the "holiday special" ⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ Winter Across the Galaxy * ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆ [new 12/5] ♡

see new fan art of my girl jo! a few gorgeous sketches by @moonnpiie ♡♡♡♡ and a Chapter XXIV jo by @frostedwitch ♡♡♡♡

girl falls first; racoon falls harder.

Rocket isn’t sure how he continues to be surprised by her, or how he never seems to anticipate her next move, especially when — cosmically speaking — Jo’s the most predictable frickin’ person he knows. For one damn thing, she is constantly dropping down to the ground in front of him: in front of the cage with a plateful of food. In the streets of Conjunction. By his bed while he slept. The very first time she’d used her mouth on him. And then the next time, too. That whole experience had been so brain-melting he still isn’t sure he’ll ever recover. But for whatever reason, when she sits down at the foot of his chair this time and takes his hands in her own — so carefully — his heart is suddenly, unexpectedly, in his throat. He can’t breathe around it, can’t swallow. When she starts speaking, he already knows what she’s going to say. He can feel it in the air, like static electricity building toward a spark. Because, just as she’d said, she’d already told him a million times before. With and without words. But still. He can’t breathe. And once she’s done confessing, and gives him two kisses — one pressed into each palm, to keep — she looks at him patiently and shifts like she’s about to rise to her feet and go about her night, like she’s not expecting anything back. Because of course she’s not.

[NEW 1/9] ✧･ﾟ:*Chapter XXV. Little Love Stories. in which both of our heroes learn a little about themselves. ❤︎

i know there are parts of this don't read smoothly (sorry sorry sorry) but in general i am so so so happy with this chapter. drax. (╥﹏╥) we have two more chapters to go, which is.... kinda making me cry tbh. i already miss these two idiots so much. ~♡

explicit lines or references* abbreviated explicit sequences ❤︎ detailed/prolonged explicit sequences ❤︎❤︎

General summary/notes + links to recently preceding chapters behind the cut.

let me know via comment, message, or ask if you'd like to be added or removed from my fanfic taglist ♡

Rocket is captured by a Ravager crew hoping to get rich off the excessively large bounty on his head. Throwing a wrench in everyone’s plans is the Terran girl they hired to do some freelance assessing on a recent haul of goods they’ve seized from a Xandaran luxury liner. Oops.

slight AU starting pre-GOTG volume 1 (but will hit most of the same major plot points). slow burn + eventual smut with a lot of pining in the middle. kinda enemies-to-lovers? (but only one of these idiots thinks they're enemies).

let me be real with you: this fic is really about wish-fulfillment. not just the eventual smut (but that too). mostly i just want someone to be nice to my best boy raccoon

*･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*

Chapter I. A Delicacy. in which our reluctant heroes meet atop a crate of Sovereign porn in the bowels of a Ravager ship.

Chapter II. Monster For A Pet. in which one hero wrestles with his inner Groot, and the other is quite possibly a moron.

Chapter III. A Kindness. in which Rocket gets in his own damn way: not for the first time, and certainly not for the last.

Chapter IV. Got There First. in which our heroes obtain an arsenal and street food.

Chapter V. Things No-One Has Said Before. in which one hero refuses to babysit and the other refuses to leave.

Chapter VI. Two and a Half Billion Units.in which we lean into the “they were roommates” trope. Jolie has misgivings, while Rocket has fantasies - about getting rich, of course.

Chapter VII. I'm Here. in which we visit Knowhere.

Chapter VIII. The Care & Feeding of Human Pets. in which our heroes practice breathing and we lean into a new trope: “there was (technically) one bed.”

Chapter IX. Scrapmetal and a Dream. in which we redefine homemaking.

Chapter X. Thin Fucking Ice. in which our heroes get fucked. Not in the good way.

Chapter XI. Let It Be. in which Xandar is saved and good lives are lost.

Chapter XII. So Much It Hurts. in which we try not to fuck up the vibes.

Chapter XIII. Don’t Wait. in which a lost sister is found and Drax grapples with the concept of sarcasm.

Chapter XIV. Exactly Like a Flower. in which comfort is shared.

Chapter XV: Galaxy-Breaking Shit. in which more comfort is shared, and life is good. Briefly.

Chapter XVI. Run. in which Rocket falls victim to his superstitions.

Chapter XVII. A Seedling. A Fox. A Little Girl. in which the party is divided.

Chapter XVIII. I Happen to Know a Guy. in which our heroes get fucked. Again. Still not in the good way.

Chapter XIX. He Was Loved. in which a planet is killed, a friend is made and lost, and nobody still has any frickin’ tape.

Chapter XX. Some Nerve. *in which an ultimatum is given.

Chapter XXI. I Very Still. ❤︎❤︎ in which our heroes get fucked. In the good way, this time. Finally.

Chapter XXII. Got There Worse. ❤︎❤︎ in which Rocket does not say "I love you."

Chapter XXIII. We're Gonna Need a Bigger Table. ❤︎ in which the galaxy continues to spin.

Chapter XXIV. Space Would Be Better. ❤︎❤︎ in which Rocket ~discreetly~ claims the title of boyfriend.

Chapter XXV. Little Love Stories. * in which both of our heroes learn a little bit about themselves.

Chapter XXVI. Other Side of the Window. ❤︎

Chapter XXV. The Most Beautiful Thing in My House. ❤︎❤︎

⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ Winter Across the Galaxy * ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆A Holiday Special *

Epilogue: Interviewing Rocket & Jo. ten years after Window ends. short/drabbly, silly fluff.

explicit lines or references* abbreviated explicit sequences ❤︎ detailed/prolonged explicit sequences ❤︎❤︎

taglist ♡ @evolvingchaoswitch ♡ @wren-phoenix ♡ @pretty-chips ♡ @suicidalshitstick ♡ @glow-autumz

[chubphoe-linkclick]

A Defense of Li Tianchen

BECAUSE HE SUCKS BUT SO DOES HIS LIFE

At some point, I started thinking about how the twin's consciousnesses actually work when Li Tianchen possesses Li Tianxi, because it's implied that LTX is aware somehow when they're combining powers. And while LTC is doing the actions, it also kinda raises the question of how responsible LTX is for this since she is an accessory to a series of murders. Which lead to me remembering: she's 12.

But, like, they're twins.

They were both 12 at the same time when they were orphaned, an incredibly vulnerable point in their lives, and then pushed into this line of work by the very person who was charged with caring for them. We met LTC being the pos he is as an adult, but Qian Jin had been their parental figure, getting them to assassinate people from such an early age, likely deploying the emotionally manipulating even earlier with play pretend kindness that LTC had to resist against by himself. Like LTC's options were incredibly limited, I'm not gonna beef with the 12 y/o who's just trying his best here.

Especially after being asked to carry out the murder of the alleged adulterer, LTC realises that QJ is the type of person he despises the most: a woman-abusing husband that runs off his own paranoia. To LTC, he is garbage and stinky stinky doo doo, leaving LTC nor LTX with only each other to trust in the world. Only Xixi is in need of someone (LTC) to care for her due to her disability. And being mute, she's never able to provide LTC with the much needed emotional warmth to help his heart survive the dark road they're forced to walk, the road he's forced to navigate by himself.

This leaves LTC stuck in this weird situation where he just has to accept this life and the line of work QJ is giving to him despite detesting the bastard probably more than anything else. He can't really tell anyone because it sounds batshit insane. LTC also has benevolent reasons to stay with QJ and keep doing what he asks of them because QJ can guarantee LTX's wellbeing (e.g. access to a special school so she can finally get education and support). The only person who cares about him can't do anything to help because life is cruel. Like holy shit this tween isn't gonna have the balls to confront QJ about this even though he's sussed the rat bastard out. All the twins know are toxic, abusive adults that can’t be trusted; why would the next foster family be any different? “A familiar devil is better than an unfamiliar angel” is often a saying that rings painfully true for a lot of people in an abusive situation; more uncertainty and powerlessness is the last thing victims need in their lives. Even more so since QJ clearly has mafia connections. Especially so since LTC choosing to cooperate with QJ ensures that LTX will have the building blocks of good life. Safety, sheltered, food, and clothing can look like luxury when you’re use to so much less.

By the time LTC is big enough to have a chance of breaking free of his circumstances, he doesn't.

Why?

Because that's how it's always been. Because he and Xixi never talk about anything. Because they're both messed up kids on the inside that have no one to guide them and are still running on the same infantile survival mode that they have been before being orphaned. Because even if LTC does has the power to change things, how can he have any belief that his actions will ever be enough; enough to escape the grips of the darkness that he's forced to live with, enough to hope for happy and fulfilling lives, enough for the siblings to finally go back home.

LTC is ten types of awful and he should probably get the death penalty, but wow has his life been a special type of hell. I have so much beef when people don't give due sympathy when it's sorely needed, which imo I see a lot in the fandom with it's favouring of Xixi even when we only knew about the twins as children.

I don’t think he’s redeemable nor do I want him to be, but I do think he’s misunderstood as heck. But I will admit that the OTT characterisation season 2 decided to give him and QJ early on wasn’t doing him any damn favours.

[onwesterlywinds]

PROMPT #12: Dowdy

The captain of the Queensguard knocked on her door for the third time with far more forceful insistence.

"If you don't come out from there in two minutes," she snapped, "it'll be my head on the line."

Vera's lord husband was a patient man in many respects, but he did not abide tardiness in any form - unless, of course, it came directly from the emperor. Every bell of his schedule was accounted for; he even blocked out time for how long it would take him to traverse the corridors of the palace. He had expected the same discipline in Vera ever since their wedding, the same rigid punctuality, and would make it quite clear to her whenever she failed in his eyes.

And despite their name, the Queensguard very much reported to the viceroy.

"I'm finishing my makeup," Vera explained for the umpteenth time.

The doorknob rattled - then there came the sound of the inevitable key scraping in the lock, and the door flew open. Fordola stormed in with all the fury of an invader. "You've been 'finishing your makeup' for twenty bloody minutes. I've watched you do it in under five most mornings this week."

"Sometimes, believe it or not," said Vera, unable to keep her voice from rising, "people make mistakes. And outside of washing one's entire face, mistakes in kohl are not so simple to undo." Even now, she had to hope that no one would look too closely at the slight smear under her right eye.

Fordola levied one of her signature scoffs and crossed her arms over her chest. "Enough of this. You look fine - beautiful, even." The venom in her voice made it clear what she thought of such a distinction. "Is that what you need to get your arse moving, my lady?"

"I need," said Vera, "just another moment of silent concentration. Before my hand slips again."

Blessedly, Fordola gave it to her, and without any of the huffing Vera had come to expect. With only another couple of strokes of her brush and a single line of her pencil, she was finished, her shadows perfectly balanced. "And there we have it. I'm ready."

But Fordola did not move. She continued staring at Vera, and herself, in the ornate desktop mirror that had allegedly once belonged to Mad King Theodoric's mother. "Why even bother?" she muttered.

"What?"

At first, Vera could only interpret her words as referring to her impending meeting with the viceroy in the throne room. Then she saw where Fordola's gaze had fallen: to the ceramic bowl of kohl powder atop the table, its lid still off to one side.

"Don't be daft. I know you hear what they say about you - Livia and all the rest. You'll never be Garlean enough for any of them. It's why His Radiance married you off and dumped you here."

Vera did not stand from her stool. She stared back into the mirror at Fordola's face, at the bitterness clenched in the curve of her mouth, and realized only then that she could not find it in herself to be angry at Fordola for the words she parroted. "I don't wear makeup to look Garlean, Fordola," she said. "Besides, it was Ala Mhigans who invented it."

The young captain could only stare at her, as if she had spoken in some language that belonged to neither of them.

"Thousands of years ago, we wore eyeliner and eye shadow to protect our vision from the sun and, yes, intimidate our enemies on the battlefield. From our ancestors, it spread to Thavnair and Ul'dah through trade. Only now that the Garleans have deemed it a luxury do they think themselves the arbiters of its use." She made to pick up her brushes, to set the lid back onto the kohl, and hesitated at the look on Fordola's face. "…You should try it. See how you like it."

"Absolutely not," she snapped.

"I think it would suit your features."

Something in that statement stunned Fordola enough for Vera to guide her onto the makeup stool. For Fordola, she scarcely needed a plan: she employed bold strokes above and below the eyes, traditional yet masculine in a way that made her irises seem to shine with the same colors as the tattoo upon her cheek. She was finished within a matter of seconds, not minutes; all the same, Fordola took only a moment to admire herself before standing with a scowl. "We're late. And now everyone will see the reason why."

"Or," Vera shot back, "they'll see we look like warriors."

All the same, they rushed to the throne room with as quick of a stride as they could muster, turning the heads of the guards more for their haste than their aesthetics.

The viceroy sat upon the throne, much as he usually did at that hour of the day, and the first petitioner had already been granted admission. His words faded into silence as she approached, until the echoes of her heels against the polished tile filled the chamber.

"Vera," said Gaius van Baelsar. "My instructions were for you to join me for petitions at noon. The time is now twelve minutes past."

Behind his shoulder, Gaius' Undercity minder sneered at her. The prick in red armor whose name she could never remember whispered something to Livia, who bit back a snort of laughter.

Vera readjusted her stance, trying to channel every ilm of her father's posture. "I was tending to an urgent personal correspondence."

Gaius' brow furrowed. "More urgent than your attention to your people? The people for whom you and I are responsible?"

She turned back to the Ala Mhigan man standing, his hands clasped together in front of him, at the foot of the throne. "…No," she conceded. "I apologize, my lord."

But Gaius said nothing in reply, and merely gestured to the man before them.

To him, Vera inclined her head. "I apologize, countryman-" It would have to do, as she had arrived too late to hear his official imperial rank. "-that other matters prevented my timely presence."

The wording was petty, and she knew it; later, she would hear an entire lecture from her lord husband on accountability, and the burden of rule. There would be entire missives sent to Solus and her father about her impertinence, and her selfishness, and a host of other imagined failings. For the time being, Gaius merely sighed and said, "Fordola."

"Yes, ser."

"…See that vanity is removed from her daily schedule."

[buffyspeak]

From Katniss' POV, we know that every district has specialization about their main product or industry, such as District 3 (technology), D4 (fishing), D12 (coal) etc.

What kind of economic system do you think Panem have?

If we can draw parallel with real world right now, which country is the most similar with Panem?

What's your opinion about this situation on Panem and its system?

Thank you 😊

@curiousnonny

hi there!! i saw this a while back and forgot to answer until now, so i appreciate your patience because this is definitely a real interesting subject. i'm probably not the best person to ask, tbh, as i'm not well-researched in my understanding of modern economics and find it all a little fake and strange (as in, money only has value insofar as we assign, value to it), but regardless here are my thoughts!

i don't have any specific quotes to pull, but i'm confident i remember references made to coins and possibly bills as well, so panem clearly has some form of finacial currency comparable to what we have now. it seems unlikely it's the same kind, as i actually believe that these are the kinds of things that would've retained their names if passed down so many generations later, but who knows?

it also seems, however, that the majority of district 12, at least, which is the district we are most familiar with, does not have reliable access to such currency. it's possible that the merchants do - though i find it unlikely they have it in abundance, as we see the baker regularly accepts hunting spoils as currency. the only people who probably regularly pay them in currency are peacekeepers - but in general, it seems that district 12's economy functions primarily - and could not function without - an illegal and somewhat rudimentary bartering system. we learn of a whole illegal black market center known as The Hob very early on. this actually seems to be where MOST of the day-to-day trading activities go on. it's notable because - unless i'm not remembering correctly? - even some of the merchants are known to frequent it, with katniss noting they always waited until the baker's wife left before engaging him in a trade. i could be wrong - it's possible she meant at the bakery. regardless, it's worthwhile to note that while the merchants are obviously materially better-off than those from the seam, they still live in the poorest district and it doesn't seem like even they could function without partaking in some of the bartering system that defines the district. (understanding the culture here is also signifcant in terms of understanding katniss' relationship to being indebted to others.

interesting, too, is the value we learn specific items may hold. for instance: at the start of thg, gale trades the baker a squirrel for a loaf of bread. this is implied (or maybe outright stated? i don't have my copy handy) to be a very good trade, and it's also said that the baker was likely feeling generous that day. a squirrel may be a more life-sustaining product in that it provides more protein in a meal, but A) it is an illicit product, since hunting is illegal, and therefore there is less room on gale's part for negotiation and B) fine bakery like what the mellarks make is a luxury item, with a lot of demand for it but few outside of the peacekeepers who can actually afford it. mr. mellark seems like someone who probably tries to trade fairly, but there is more value assigned to his bread than there is to gale's squirrel.

i'm also very fascinated by both katniss and peeta's changing relationship with currency at the beginning of catching fire, as we learn that, as victors, they earn (what i believe is) a monthly capitol-sponsored income that is substantial enough that they will never need to work again and are not expected to finish school. i have no doubt that this is the first time in katniss' life she has had any signifcant contact with this kind of currency, and i believe it is more unfamiliar to peeta, too, than one might expect. this puts both of them in a new kind of class inside there district (one that only haymitch had entered before them), alienating them from their loved ones in some very interesting ways. what i'm particularly interested in is understanding that this newfound wealth is framed by the capitol as a reward but is fundamentally just another means of control. while the insidiousness of this is not delved into as clearly as other aspects of the capitol's control over the victors, i think one could make a strong parallel between this and more real-world exampels of financial abuse. (i also think this is why i find it a bit harsh when people get down on gale for not accepting when katniss offers him some of her newfound wealth as a victor. i won't act like pride has nothing to do with it - though even that i can understand - but one of gale's strengths is that he really does understand the tactics the capitol uses for manipulation and control. he can't always regulate his feelings about them, but i think he implicitly understands in this situation that accepting this offer would just be one more way he was putting his life in the hands of the capitol. it's also worth noting that his and katniss relationship has always been one based in transaction. they came to care about each other in real and profound ways, but it's hard to shake that original dynamic of "i give you this, you give me that, i teach you this, you teach me that, i protect you, you protect me." only now, in this scenario, gale has nothing comparable in value to exchange for what katniss is offering him. and while katniss doesn't care about that, he obviously does. and i can understand that.)

we obviously know a lot less about every other district, and i'm not well-versed enough in economics that i feel confident in extrapolating beyond some very basic assumptions. (mainly that i assume outside the capitol, there is some sort of underground/black market trade system in most districts, likely based on their specialized industry. for example, i imagine resale of scraps of technology has a significant market in district 3. i imagine currency as we think of it is still less common than in the capitol in most districts, though i think it's likely more common in say, district 2 in exchange for the weaponry industry than it is in somewhere like district 7.)

we know a little bit more about the capitol than we do most other districts, though ofc, district 12 remains the one we know most about, as the story is told through katniss' eyes. but interestingly, even in the capitol - where most citizens are perceived as very well-off by katniss - it only seems that only those who are either in government or heavily involved in the games (which, in a way, do seem to function like a department of governement) are the ultra-wealthy. many of the citizens of the capitol certainly have this appearance - and can engage in luxuries that those in district 12 couldn't dream of - but we find it out in mockingjay that many of them are in debt, implying that there is some sort of credit system, and that those who cannot pay off their debts might eventually be forced into becoming peackeepers. in tbosas, we also learn that the war took a financial toll on some families and lifted up others, with sejanus' family rising in both wealth and social status and coriolanus' family losing his wealth and having to keep up a facade of maintaining his class and social status. while snow's family was obviously significantly impaired, i doubt he was an outlier in being financially affected by the war, and since the events of the original trilogy are really only a few generations later, it's likely that the family's acutely affected directly proceeding the war are those most susceptible to debt years later.

i don't think we can assign a single economic system to panem because the two places we have the clearest pictures of have such opposing systems, but it's clear it's complex around the board.

as for what country panem is supposed to represent - i mean, i'm obviously coming at this with narrow, western, us-based goggles, and would love to hear other perspectives! but yeah, my answer is... it's complicated? geographically, most of panem is canonically what used to be more north america. but socially, america - and the us in particular - is closer to the capitol than any of the districts. notably, though, i think most of us are far closer to the capitol citizens (who perform wealth and have access to many luxuries but are also exceedingly susceptible to debt) than the wealthy of the capitol, but all the same, i do think the story asks us citizens in particular to take a look at our lives and fill our blind spots. one could argue that it's only the government and ultra wealthy in our country who are meant to represent the capitol and that there are impoverished areas in the us that are just as comparable to the districts as other countries - which i think is fair! the point, in general, is that the book asks us to do that self-reflection, not that it gives us the answers.

[maya-matlin]

Hi! I would love to hear you talk more about Lucas being insecure? I'm not sure I saw him that way, but to be fair I have trouble understanding his character so would love to hear your analysis! You're really brilliant, by the way.

Hi! <3 Aw, you're way too nice! 😊 I'm honestly not. I just have a lot of opinions :p

I see what you mean, because Lucas isn't a character I spend much time analyzing. I feel like he's both misunderstood while also someone that tends to get away with a lot depending on which pairing you like best for him. But in terms of Lucas's insecurities, obviously it all goes back to being abandoned by Dan. Lucas is raised solely by Karen with the help of Keith. It seems like Lucas always knew Keith was his uncle, but not necessarily that he was Dan's brother? According to the pilot, Lucas didn't find out Dan was his biological father until playing in junior leagues. I'm not really sure what age Lucas would have been at the time. I don't know anything about sports, but it seems like this is offered from ages 5-12. I'm going to cautiously assume Lucas and Nathan were around 9-12 at the time. So, Lucas was forced to deal with the fact that Nathan was his brother, meaning his father was willing to raise one son while (as far as he knew) wanting nothing to do with him. This would probably fuck anyone up, but unfortunately Lucas's father was Dan Scott. Dan dealt with his demons, guilt, and complex feelings by lashing out at other people, particularly those weaker than him such as his sons. At a certain point, Dan became aware Lucas knew he was his biological father. Rather than handling any of this delicately or even ignoring Lucas, Dan seemed to double down, going out of his way to make sure Lucas knew he was a mistake, should have never existed, and was inherently lesser than Nathan, his favored son. Any time Dan saw Lucas being successful or even getting along with his brother, Dan did all he could to take that away from Lucas. He repeatedly attempted to undermine Lucas's brotherly bond with Nathan. While both Keith and Karen did what they could to reassure Lucas he was loved and brought them nothing but joy, Dan's constant remarks clearly left Lucas feeling very unsure of himself. Most importantly, unloved and unwanted. This isn't executed especially well considering their nice home, but Lucas and Karen are clearly supposed to be struggling financially at the beginning of the series. There are times when the bills aren't paid in time, meaning Karen is literally forced to wash the shampoo out of her son's hair. Nathan, in contrast, lives the life of luxury with Dan and Deb, never having to worry about money or necessities, knowing his parents will get him whatever he wants. Lucas has no idea that Nathan's life is nothing to envy. Nathan isn't making it known that Dan is a toxic, physically and emotionally abusive parent. Even after Nathan opens up to Lucas in 106, it's clearly still difficult for Lucas to let go of his preconceived notions of Nathan's life. Especially when Nathan has already spent copious amounts of time trying to put Lucas in his place, reminding him that his existence was a mistake and while Dan is successful, Karen is not. Again, debatable since the Lucas/Karen financial strife never comes up after the first season, but the writers were going for a class differences thing in season 1.

I'm sure this is a massively unpopular opinion, but I genuinely think a lot of Lucas's feelings for Peyton early on relate back to the fact she was Nathan's girlfriend. I know. It's a small town, meaning there are only so many people to crush on, but what are the odds? Later seasons establish that Lucas had crushed on Peyton since middle school while Nathan and Peyton had only started dating around their sophomore year. However, so much of the conflict and the Lucas/Peyton connection is wrapped up in how terrible of a boyfriend Nathan is and how Lucas wants Nathan's life. Lucas has this idea that he sees Peyton and understands her in a way Nathan doesn't. Listen, that's not fucking difficult. Nathan treated Peyton as a sex toy for large stretches of their relationship. He was so fixated on himself and his needs that he apparently never noticed all the sketches on her bedroom walls. Most guys would have treated Peyton better than pre-series/early season 1 Nathan. Throughout the first season, Nathan and Lucas are constantly compared to each other. Which one is good? Which one is bad? Which brother has the right to feel more slighted? At the beginning of the series, Lucas is comfortable with the knowledge that while Nathan has the privilege, Lucas is the better man. Only, as the season goes on, we see Nathan going through a tremendous amount of character development while Lucas gives into his worst impulses, becoming a lesser, much more selfish version of himself. Peyton directly calls this out towards the end of the season. "Who knew that you two would switch places?"

Obviously, Lucas didn't intentionally "become Nathan" or a lesser version of himself. It's something that gradually happened once he started making terrible decisions re: his love life. In fact, many OTH fans would say that while Lucas is a great friend, son and brother, he's a terrible romantic partner. Why is that? Unlike Nathan, Lucas had much better influences in Keith and Karen. To me, it all comes back to the "unloved and unwanted" thing. Lucas repeatedly chases down love, desperately craving the validation of a woman's affections because he can't seem to find self love within himself. It all starts with Peyton, Nathan's then-girlfriend who Lucas felt could do so much better. In my opinion, Lucas craves validation specifically from Peyton because of this fantasy of winning her away from his brother. But Peyton has her own feelings and trust issues, so she rejects Lucas. And Lucas is not the greatest at dealing with rejection specifically from Peyton. His ego more so than his heart can't seem to take the rejection. This is complicated because I truly feel like Brucas's bonding in 108 following Peyton's near rape was genuine and kind of a precursor for their season 2 friendship, but at the same time there seemed to be a part of Lucas who wanted to punish Peyton for turning him down. Even after Peyton went to Lucas two episodes later, telling him she wants a real relationship, he chooses to stick with Brooke. It's hard to explain, but it comes across as so petty and unforgiving. It feels like a lot of nice guy bullshit to me. Thankfully, by the time Lucas and Peyton have their affair and hurt Brooke, he seems to be somewhat humbled by the whole experience and is less butthurt over Peyton dumping him. Following Peyton's declaration that Lucas has now taken Nathan's place as the "bad guy," Lucas vows to change his ways.

Season 2 Lucas is off to a much better start. Rather than getting caught up in good vs bad (minus Dan, but that's a massive, other issue) or chasing down romance, Lucas seems to go out of his way to work on himself. To me, the most selfish thing Lucas does in season 2 is probably lie about his HCM results. But in that case, I don't blame him. Lucas is a kid, and at this point in his life he's very attached to basketball. He doesn't want to give that up or deal with the ramifications of having that condition. Otherwise, he's an extremely supportive person, spending a lot of screen time emotionally showing up for Nathan, Brooke, Haley, Karen, Keith, Peyton (although it should be noted he shows up for Brooke far more than Peyton this season), Anna, etc. He doesn't always make the right call. For example, he probably should have told Keith the truth about Jules. The fact Lucas is mainly romance-free means a lot of his more selfish traits don't show up. Back to Lucas's Dan issues. Following Dan's heart attack, he seems to want to make amends with Lucas. Lucas reluctantly allows Dan to be part of life, though not without understandably keeping his guard up. Dan does nothing of substance to be a father figure to Lucas or show true remorse for his behavior for most of Lucas's life. So naturally, Lucas and Dan don't seem to grow much closer aside from in superficial ways. On some level, Dan is using Lucas to get under Nathan's skin. Nathan has successfully gotten away from his parents, choosing to support himself while following his heart by marrying Haley. Dan hates that there's nothing he can do to control Nathan, so he focuses his attention on Lucas. Halfway through the season, it becomes clear that Lucas and Dan are in some bizarre, mental battle where the two repeatedly test each other, doing what they can to manipulate the other. It turns into a whole thing where Lucas is literally searching in the ceiling for a bag of money. I love season 2, but some parts of it weren't my favorite. This was one of them LOL.

During season 2, Lucas realizes he has strong feelings for and wants to be with Brooke instead of Peyton. While the initial reveal of Lucas's feelings and the setup for them could have been better, there's something so genuine about Lucas's love for Brooke in season 2. Lucas seems to acknowledge his feelings to himself with the awareness he can't act on them. After all, Lucas had his chance with Brooke, and he blew it when he cheated with her best friend. Because Lucas keeps his feelings to himself with no expectation for Brooke to reciprocate, his actions and words come across as much more selfless and specifically what Brooke needs from him rather than trying to come across as the good guy. And funnily enough, history is somewhat repeating itself with Brooke, like Peyton in season 1, dating her own asshole in Felix. Lucas has even made an enemy out of Felix, much like Nathan. But unlike with Nathan, Lucas doesn't seem to feel any sort of envy towards Felix. So when Lucas goes to Brooke the night she starts dating Felix, the two things have nothing to do with each other. Of course, Lucas does eventually confess his feelings to Brooke. He also waits an entire summer for her, even though Peyton is physically right there and single.

This has gotten ridiculously long, so I'm going to stop recapping Lucas's entire life and just stick to the relationship/insecurities part LOL

Lucas enters a serious relationship with Brooke in season 3. Yes, one of his biggest desires is still love, but his connection with Brooke still feels very real and related to something he feels in his heart rather than specifically needing validation from dating her. Shit happens. Lucas and Brooke battle Brooke's insecurities for the entirety of season 3. Even though Lucas repeatedly reassures Brooke that he only wants to be with her and that he's all in, Brooke still has doubts about Lucas's past with Peyton. Because sadly, that's exactly where the story is going. Even though Lucas doesn't seem particularly interested in reuniting with Peyton or even entertaining her potential feelings for him (317), the fact Lucas shared a kiss with Peyton during the shooting and Peyton confessed her feelings to Brooke means Brucas 2.0 is doomed. On that note, it somewhat makes sense to me that Lucas finds it easier to confide in Peyton than Brooke at times. Again, he's not the best romantic partner. Part of him struggles to be vulnerable not because he'd rather be with Peyton than Brooke (or Lindsey), but because he just can't go there and has so much stuff to work through in therapy.

Brooke eventually breaks Lucas's heart when she ends their relationship, claiming it's because she stopped missing him. Half of season 4 seems dedicated to tearing down Brooke and showing us how unworthy of Lucas she is compared to Peyton. We get dream sequences that show elderly Peyton at Lucas's grave and heavy handed subtext that LP's love is like Whitey and Camila's, the same way they're later compared to Keith and Karen. Because their love is so epic that unlike Naley, they can't stand on their own and have to be compared to other, better couples. The point is, Peyton is a sure thing. Unlike Brooke who had trust issues specifically because of Lucas's past actions, Peyton has no such baggage in regards to Lucas. While Lucas had come a long way from season 1 Lucas by season 4, part of that little boy who envied his brother's life never went away. And why not? Maybe there was a small part of Lucas that still had feelings for Peyton. Not enough to actually choose her over Brooke, but enough that if Brooke was out of his life for good, he could potentially go back to Peyton. So Lucas conveniently realizes his childhood dream girl, the sure thing, is the one he wants. It helps that college and Lucas's future are looming, meaning he's probably more insecure than usual and finds being with Peyton comforting. They were so close during early 4 that going from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend was probably an effortless jump. Not to mention, Lucas doesn't have to try as hard with Peyton as he did with Brooke. Like, at all. I'd talk about the Lucas/Dan of it all in season 4, but I don't feel like there's enough to analyze. There's an awkward moment where Lucas calls Dan "dad", but it wasn't earned at all. Unlike Dan with Nathan throughout season 4, I don't feel like Dan spent any real time bonding with Lucas or growing close enough to him that I'd buy Lucas would ever in a million years genuinely call him that. Whatever. Dan's a murderer. Lucas nearly kills him. Lucas understandably never forgives Dan. Those insecurities regarding his upbringing remain, but they don't feel as prominent after Dan's incarceration.

Season 5 shows us a Lucas who has massively regressed. This is season 1 Lucas, only worse. You can't blame his teenage naivety or ignorance regarding other people's feelings. In the flashback episode, we see that Lucas is reminded of the day the Ravens won the State Championship when Nathan's team wins their game. Lucas observes Nathan with Haley and Jamie. Obviously, Lucas specifically thinks of Peyton because of the similarities with a team winning their game as confetti falls. But at the same time, Lucas is once again envying Nathan's life. This inspires Lucas to propose to Peyton with little regard to her current life or what she wants. Lucas is first and foremost a romantic who craves love, but his reasoning for popping the question seems to be to fix what he perceives as wrong in their relationship. Lucas and Peyton barely see each other due to living roughly 38 hours apart. At nineteen years old, Peyton isn't an instant success? So Lucas thinks she needs to give up her life and be his wife. Tellingly, Lucas wants Peyton to know that Nathan and Haley were a lot younger than 19 when they got married, so he and Peyton will be fine. Peyton doesn't give Lucas the answer he wants, so he shuts down and grows cold, much like he did back in season 1 where it had to be all or nothing. Not only that, but Lucas pulls a season 1 Lucas and runs straight to Brooke. He spends the night running around town with Brooke, pretending to be an engaged couple. Their night ends with Lucas initiating sex with Brooke, which she rejects. Not long after this, Lucas starts dating Lindsey. Three years later, Peyton returns to town and becomes the sad version of herself where her biggest goal in life is marrying Lucas. But this is about Lucas, so I'll stop. Lucas's motivation in season 5 is intended to be that he's either in denial about his love for Peyton (again?!) or is so devastated by her rejecting his proposal that he's unable to let it go and as a result, feels the need to keep punishing her for it. Somewhere in here, Lucas tears into Peyton for supposedly not believing in his success as a writer. So season 5 unveils a new insecurity of Lucas's. Following the release of his first book, Lucas is afraid he won't be able to write a second. Lucas takes this out on Peyton, accusing her of not believing in him when we know she's one of his staunchest supporters. She supports him to the point she wastes a lot of money buying every physical copy of the book she can find. Lucas can't seem to help but make terrible decisions in his love life, so of course he cheats on Lindsey with Peyton. Lucas never admits to Peyton that he still loves her, just excuses himself, saying he needs to see Lindsey. We don't know what Lucas was going to say to Lindsey, but he proposes after Lindsey promises Lucas that she loves him for him, not because of his profession or success. So clearly, Lindsey's words meant a great deal to him and superseded whatever was going to happen between Lucas and Peyton. Once again, shit happens. Lucas and Lindsey don't get married when she realizes Lucas's new book, The Comet, is actually a love letter to Peyton. Sure, whatever. Following Lucas's breakup with Lindsey, there's some toxicity when he literally assaults a teenager after finding out Lindsey has started dating again. But overall, unlike with Peyton, Lucas is patient, handling her rejection like an adult rather than lashing out. Around this time, Brooke and Lucas seem to grow closer. Everything between them is in the subtext. They're both single in Tree Hill. They find themselves taking care of Angie together. Brooke hasn't loved anyone since Lucas. Lucas wants to be the guy Brooke calls when she needs something, particularly emotional support. But neither one of them ever speaks of (IMO) their mutual feelings. Lucas's subconscious is aware of them, though. Otherwise, Brooke wouldn't be an option when he's fantasizing about possible futures with his three love interests. Oh yeah, and then Lucas tells Peyton he hates her.

[foulbearobservation]

ios seal will definitely be haunting my dreams lmao

anyway 👉👈 spare hitman au? perhaps? (no pressure!!) -🦭

ask and ye shall receive, under the cut cause it's kinda long actually

"You got lucky that the Left Hand did not see fit to deactivate an agent such as yourself." Mother Superion is saying as she leads Lilith down an ever turning number of sterile white hallways.

"I am skillful, not stupid, Mother."

A long silence. "Even so," she says, saying a thousand things with the way she drawls her words, "your new handler awaits." Superion opens the door to reveal what seems to be a dark empty room.

"Has anyone ever told you that this is inhumane? It’s practically cruel and unusual punishment, throwing someone room where they’re the only one’s without night-vision." Lilith sighs, taking the small earpiece from Mother Superion’s outstretched hand.

"Humanity is a luxury that we do not have time for. Good luck, Agent."

Lilith steps into the dark. She doesn’t even bother to open her eyes, it won’t do her much good in the pitch blackness. But she can hear the faint rustle of bodies around her but nobody is moving, not yet. Their handlers have not given them a command either.

"Hello, Agent." A woman's voice, fairly high and faintly accented, speaks in Lilith's ear.

"Skip the pleasantries, I'm locked in a dark room with an unknown number of hostiles. How are you gonna get me out of it?"

There's the telltale sound of a keyboard rapidly typing then, "clock system, yeah?"

Great, Lilith thinks, another nerd. "Just tell me to go low or high."

"12 o'clock, 5 meters, run forward and dodge to the right when you can feel his breath."

Lilith cracks her knuckles. "Sure hope you don't suck at your job."

"I sure hope you don't suck at yours. Start running, agent."

Lilith charges forward, trusting her senses and the voice in her ear. The violence in her job is easy, second nature by now, but trusting the voice in her ear? That’s where she struggles. She knows, she’s seen the red papers in her dossier, she’s been to the psychologist more times than she can count. She trusted Beatrice proved she could be trusted. This new voice is just that, a voice, and Lilith doesn’t do well with change.

She charges forward, dodging to the right when she hears a sharp intake of breath in front of her. She throws a foot out and it seems like she catches the poor sap off guard, sending him tumbling to the floor. She continues forward, because the voice didn’t tell her to stop yet.

“Slow down, you’re entering the obstacle course now. Reach your left hand out, two o’clock.”

“You didn’t have me fight all the hostiles?” Lilith hisses out, but still obediently reaches out her left hand. Almost immediately she feels the cool metal of the climbing bars.

“Why would you waste time fighting in the dark when you could be in and out before anyone knew you were there? Now climb.”

Lilith shuts up and begins to climb.

All told, it goes about as well as it could have. It certainly goes better than the first gauntlet that Lilith ran with Beatrice in her ear.

Lilith emerges from the darkness with her eyes closed. She does not open them until Mother Superion clears her throat loudly.

"Your handler is waiting, agent."

"Not exactly in the business of giving a shit, Mother." Lilith breathes deeply.