#i'm so sick of myself

[darkacademiboy]

[solarsystemvents]

my person hasn't responded to me since Friday ((and even then all i got was a picture that wouldn't load to see)) and idk if I'm upset because I'm worried about them or upset because I'm clingy. maybe both. usually they respond when they can but maybe they're tired of me or just hate me now. was i too annoying??

[doublestandardlove]

comphet is going to be the death of me T-T

it's clawing at my neck trying to convince me that i have a crush on my co-worker... like. shawty, what?

"he offered to help you clean up a spill !!"

"he told you to come to him if you had any questions !!"

"he gave you some of his nuggets from chick fil a !!"

okay maybe you've got a point ... NO- leave me aloneeee please T-T i get it, we're desperate, leave him out of this

[snuggest]

It's been brought to my attention that my anger issues haven't improved after all, I'm feeling like I'm back to square one and overreacting to things the same way I did as a hurt, traumatized child. I'm so ashamed of myself it honestly has me tearing up and wishing I could do something to numb all of this because it physically hurts. And no, I don't care about anger being "valid" or "justified" or whatever when I see how much pain I end up causing other people. I don't care if they said or did something wrong to get me upset; it's not worth it. It's not worth sitting here feeling disgusted with myself and realizing that I'm just tearing my family apart. My heart just feels so heavy right now. I can't keep feeling this way. I don't know what I'm going to do.

[howifeltabouthim]

Oh my God, he hated himself. He couldn't be alone with himself for another minute.

Taffy Brodesser-Akner, from Fleishman is in Trouble

[thethorneinyourside]

Me: Well, my last relationship turned out to be a dumpster fire. I'm just gonna be single for a while and not look to meet anyone

Also me: I just started talking to this guy a week and a half ago and now I'm looking up flights from CT to GA to go meet him 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[darkmothsy]

I am spiraling about my hair. I just want it to look nice. I had to redo the roots cause they were lighter than I wanted them. But then I don't have anyone to help me meticulously pick out the orange bits so now idk if it's even gonna look good.

[thecampjuicebox]

I really stay hurting my own fucking feelings, dude.

[allthewhumpygoodness]

Big fan of when a character's grief/trauma/guilt manifests as physical symptoms. Big fan of characters keeping things so tight inside them that it makes them sick. Big fan of when the line blurs between a character's mental trauma and physical illness until it's hard to tell which is which anymore.

[darkacademiboy]

my biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way I see myself.

[cakemagemaeve]

So last year my hard drive got destroyed, taking over a decade of my life's work with it. All my family photographs, pictures of my horse and my dogs and cats and so many other loved ones who are no longer around. All of my home videos, too. Also everything I've written between 2012 and June of last year, including about a half-dozen completed short stories and dozens of WIP, both fanfic and original stuff. All the things I thought I'd backed up! I remember trying to set up an auto-backup, but I guess I fucked that up because NOPE! Not a goddamn trace to be found! Why? Because I'm a stupid useless pile of shit, that's why!

So I took the thing into Best Buy last summer and it took them 4 months to tell me that they might could get the files back, but it'd cost $1450 minimum, which, by the way, is more than twice what I get from SSI/Disability in two months. Payment plans? Pssh, only if you've got a Best Buy credit card! What's that, you don't qualify? LOL sucks to be you, loser! So I wait for them to ship it back to the store. And I wait. And I wait. Finally around April I get an email saying it's back at the store. Now, while on the whole 2023 hasn't been as bad as 2022 (to recap, my cat Kipo Pixie-Paws died a slow death in my arms and there was nothing I could do about it, then I broke my ankle, then my hard drive got destroyed, then my aunt died, and then I spent all of December fighting pneumonia), I've still spent most of the year battling one infection after another while also freaking out about my family's financial situation and trying to scrape up enough cash to get us from one month to the next, and so retrieving my dead hard drive kept getting pushed to the wayside. Supposedly Best Buy called me 8 times (but never left a single voicemail) and texted me once (it's nowhere to be found on my phone) and sent that one email (which gave no indication of how long I had to pick it up), but long story short (too late), my hard drive has been recycled. It's gone forever, and despite the miscommunications I understand that this is completely and 100% my own fault, because I'm an idiot. I should have just thrown it into the trash to begin with and saved us all some valuable time and energy.

Anyway, nothing like having your last few hopes shattered at once to remind you of how worthless you are and how pointless it is to hope. And yet, really, considering what all is going on in the world right now, my problems are minor and frivolous, and the best thing for me would be to just shut up and deal. It's not like it matters now anyway.

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[simp4vampires]

[linkeduniverse]

July art

[howifeltabouthim]

She didn't want anything to do with herself.

Shannon Messenger, from Everblaze

[supermusicallee]

i want to do all the stupid things you can and actually should do when you're young, high school young, but i can't because it's all behind me already. everything i want, everything i try to reach for is in the past. and i resent everyone who is making the best of their time because i never did –and i still don't. all i am is resentment, jealousy, anger, sadness, hate, what ifs and what ifs, and what ifs