#i'm so deeply upset
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the mha x Hamilton edits that are being released at an alarming rate on tiktok need to STOP. I cannot take much more. I just saw one and genuine tears welled in my eyes.
You cannot be editing the recent episodes to Who lives, who dies, who tells your story and expect me to go on w my life as if everything is ok. I'm SICK. SICK I tell you. FUCK
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gross oversharing post
So I've been swallowing? incorrectly? i hate this
agonizing these past few days because my throat hurts bad and the thing that helps is drinking much water. Which requires use of throat. Which hurts bad. I take naturally small sips anyway, and because every sip was excruciating I probably started taking even smaller sips. Without even realizing.
Well this morning. I accidentally. Took a huge gulp. And the pain was barely noticeable compared to how it's been. Still hurts when I'm not actively chugging but apparently my throat tortures me a lot less if I just fill the whole thing with water at once instead of like. Sipping. The way that I have my whole life.
Like I would never in a million years have known to ask if I was swallowing correctly, if drinking water differently would feel better on my throat. I'm so mad.
25 years.
Who the freak has to be taught how to swallow unpainfully
#personal#uhh how do i tag this#gross#tmi#sickness#uugggh#how am i so dumb#for 25 years. sore throats have been my most hated way of getting sick because with any other sickness laying down and drinking water#feels better#and it seemed like those things made sore throats worse#well apparently drinking water does feel relieving if you do it correctly which is probably a natural instinct ever other person on earth#just naturally had#am i laying down incorrectly too?!#y'all kept on saying it would feel better and i iust thought you meant. like eventually. because your body needs the fluid to heal#i didn't know it was possible for the sipping itself to bring relief instead of pain#i'm so deeply upset#today is a stuck in the tags day#anyways my quality of life has been significantly improved by this accidental discovery#i should be happy but i need a minute to be devastated first
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one day fans will realize that treating real people like fictional characters and fictional characters like real people is, at the core of things, The Problem
#luke newton#nicola coughlan#polin#lukola#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#bridgerton#the invasive speculation like you're doing meta analysis of a plotline and not REAL LIVES is deeply uncomfortable#people in real person shipping communities have to come to understand that they are not in fact a fan of the real people#you do not know and will never know the actuality of these celebrities you are a fan of#realize NOW that you are a fan of their PERSONAS and absolutely nothing else#and that the purpose of shipping is not 'oh they'll get together' (so i'm RIGHT) but instead 'i enjoy this dynamic'#the pressure of validation from people who owe you nothing is what makes fans upset#not real people's actions that harm no one#which means you hurt your own feelings and then spiral in circles about how you didn't get said validation#when you were never owed it and choose to put the onus of responsibility on others behaving how you want#and not placing the responsibility on YOURSELF to have reasonable expectations and respect the people you claim to stan#build the bridge and get over it#some of y'all mad disrespectful like these celebs don't straight up hate you for how you behave#as they are well within reason to do so
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CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me - not love, not respect, just fear.
[youtube with closed captions]
a godstiel pity party. i'd like to thank an anon i got way back in february of 2021.
#spn#vid#spnamvarchive#so fun fact i started making this more than a year ago. got it 90% done. and then was like no this isn't working#i will come back to this later.#it turns out that i needed to make some videos about cas and angels (the love club + help i'm alive amvs)#in order to make this one. anyway this video is about french mistake robert singer voice season six#i really struggled with it because i could NOT find the thread until i realized that it needed to be literally godstiel pov#it's about love and desire and jealousy and hurt and omnidirectional rage <3#it's about the fact that cas is so utterly dependent on dean for his self-image - however dean sees him that's it#it's about having a moment of reflection about lashing out before you do it but doing it anyway#it's about taking cruelty and dishing it out#and crucially. it's about being pregnant#mpregpocalypse#fun fact: i made a post about working on three season six amvs all the way back in nov. 2022#and only now have they come to fruition (this one + love club + metric)#anyway. have you heard that cas is obsessed#the thing is i do kinda want to add some specific director's commentary here. like the first verse is about cas being like.#incredibly deeply emotionally vulnerable to dean. as in: his emotional state and self-image is totally dominated by what dean thinks of him#and if dean is mad at him. and then the second verse is about... dean upsetting him and him responding to that by Killing Everybody lol#like he has a moment of reflection ['certain regrettable things are now required of me' + killing rachel] where he's like i've 1) also done#bad things and 2) i feel bad about it so maybe i will regret Killing Everyone. but then he does it anyway due to everybody keeps turning#on him. i feel like the rest of the amv is self evident. i guess i should note that 'share a paradise' is about how both of them have#a nostalgic view of the early days of their relationship when it wasn't Like This lol. but everything else i think is self evident.#oh and the reason the other angels flash onscreen with their burned wings at the end is i'm EVOKING the image of cas' wings burning. even#though it doesn't happen. i'm evoking it
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lucanis truly has a near terminal case of burned out golden child syndrome. caterina fucked both of these kids over so incredibly bad with the dynamic she enforced there, with illario being labled the perpetual fuckup kid where lucanis 'could do no (would never be allowed to do) wrong'. the way he admits in the first coffee date scene that the only thing that happened when he showed he could carry the weight of expectation was that more weight was added makes me so sad. you can hear it in caterina's voice in his intro mission that she's incredibly proud of him, but this is clearly a leandra and hawke situation where that pride never translates into relief or resolution or unconditional warmth or understanding or anything that really helps.
#you messed up an excellent little autistic dude caterina look at him he has no personal life and his only friend is his scar-ass cousin!!#because that's what you told him he has to be and he believed you!!!#all that and you wouldn't even let him have a wyvern dagger just for fun and b/c it makes him SO happy? when i get you caterina dellamorte#I'm finding the crow family drama so compelling in this game I'm just hanging around treviso Observing haha#I wish they'd given illario a bit more nuance in this (as I feel he does have in the wigmaker job)#b/c with the sheer pantomime susness he's got going on they really don't want you to engage with him deeply haha#also teia mvp as always but I think that goes without saying (and happily all these lads around her seem to know it)#both lucanis and viago like 'thank you teia you're the best 🥺' and she's like 'yeah I know'#protective big sis of the remaining crow family haha. and she's got to be barely thirty years old at this point. I'm love her so much#'*annoyed voice* MAKER HELP US' she's saying what we're all thinking#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#I think my rook is having some uncomfortable moments of realizing some parallels here with their own relationship to the watchers haha#like 'buddy you're so much more than just a tool for your family to use. I however have a sacred duty I was banished from#the fulfilment of which determines my entire worth and that I am low-key mourning behind the levity b/c that's what I was made for. ...wait#I feel like rye was more the illario & lucanis combo only child tho. wants so much to be good but keeps getting into Shenanigans#chaotic underachiever with frankly upsetting potential when they actually get their act together and they WANT to so bad#but also. shenanigans keep happening. releasing blighted gods is only barely the wildest of them
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#earn sanitada#orm kornnaphat#tsou#the secret of us#the secret of us the series#oh the kicked puppy look#i actually really like this look#not only the disheveled look because [twirls hair]#(okay why is she so attractive here Idk why)#but I'm saying is I love that Earn having more mode than just the super energetic puppy mode#she's so bubbly chirpy oui oui all the time#I'd love to see more sides of her when she has to face reality that ugh perhaps things kinda sucks sometimes#and her being upset is a strange concept for HER#that makes her more human#I love the idea that she ruminates over her action#perhaps she feels bad for reacting that strongly toward Ratee and she's like 'that isnt like me'#or perhaps she's the kind who takes major hit when she found out that people hate her sometimes#Idk but the idea of Earn ruminating over these things is nice#she's defo a deeply deeply flawed character and I want to see her reflecting on herself
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I'm sure you get this a lot but because my cousin and I love that one Danny Trejo action comedy, I always have to snap my brain into the right position when I read Machete's name. Maybe I should draw them both chilling
.
#I do get it a lot#people have been comparing him to that Danny Trejo character for 13 years#on monthly or these days weekly basis#sorry if I'm about to sound surprisingy pissy and bitchy and petty in the tags of your ask in particular#please don't think I'm not upset with you specifically#but I've been told this same thing three times this week alone and it's only wednesday#and it kind of stopped amusing me a long while ago I'm sorry#I know people mean well and find it funny#but having your longtime deeply personal oc continuously compared to some other unrelated fictional character#just because they happen to share a name#wears you down eventually#I never respond to them because I don't want to come across as needlessly nasty and overly sensitive#over something as utterly trivial as this#but if I never give even a slightest hint that I'm not particularly delighted by it anymore#I'm afraid it's going to just go on indefinitely#answered#rancidslime#I've thought about changing his name numerous times over the years just so I wouldn't have to hear about Danny Trejo anymore#but he's been called Machete for 16 years so it's not easy to let go of that name
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– You summoned that demon! Except it was a spirit of wisdom at the time. – You made it kill. You twisted it against its purpose.
#datv spoilers#da:tv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#solas#IM UNWELL#now im 100% taking the vallaslin off lavellan in crestwood because i'm sure that would bring him some temporary relief#and it brings a whole extra meaning to this interaction (on those who had mythals markings but many of us did)#it's not as random of a deflection from almost giving up on his plans and confessing everything on the spot anymore#in a way it's funny i've always picked mythals marking from my first day in DAO just because I like trees#I feel like solavellan was my destiny from the very beginning#(that and the first thing done in this franchise being stepping into a goddamned eluvian)#dragon age#...i hate power dynamics so much#there's always nuance but it's still AWFUL and SAD#he was stuck on this torture of a path for so long#sobbing#Solas' story is deeply messed up#im so upset#this abusive relationship leading to a millenia of sorrow#finally he's out of her hands#finally it's his turn to be free#I had to delete this to repost it as a standalone because it felt right to do so and viscerally wrong not to#I should really take more time to think before publishing#i'm sorry for the inconvenience#i feel better now
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Darkwing/Guard Bots (?) Reference Photos pt. 1
Why does this exist? Because I like Darkwing and I need to learn how to draw him more.
I'm combining the guard bots and Darkwing together bc they seem to be from the same molding by design, I'm mostly collecting shots that hold every detail and design, the same thing with D-16. Anyways, eat up my art moots (unfortunately Darkwing isn't actually here but his copies are)
#maccadam#transformers#tfo#transformers one#macaddam#tf one#darkwing#tfo darkwing#transformers darkwing#tf darkwing#YOLOPARKKKKKKKKKK RELEASE A DARKWING TOY#AND MY LIFE?? IS YOURS#I'm actually so deeply upset by how little darkwing toys there are#How am I supposed to have all three of my wives... If one of them barely exists...#THE VEHICONS/DEATH TRACKERS OR WHATEVER GOT A BLOKEES TOY BUT NOT DARKWING??? THIS IS A SCAM!#anyways enough ranting. I love Darkwing
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Fanart where Remus Lupin looks objectively conventionally attractive. Deep sighs. Keep scrolling. It's fine.
Wolfstar fanart where Remus Lupin looks subjectively better than Sirius Black. Fury. Anger. Biting into my sleeves. It's fine.
#just to be clear: anyone should draw them however they wish#it's not that deep#unlike people ruining sirius personality in their fanfictions#that is so much worse and very deep#deeply upsetting!!#I'm still would never harass people about that either#and you should all be glad about that!#sloth rambles#marauders complaint department#salty sloth
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Little bit of pet loss and sad talk in tags.
#it's a struggle with the babies not having morbid thoughts when I'm cuddling with them#never had this issue with any prior pet loss but i never got hammered with 3 in a week before either#but it's upsetting#as is the fact that if they live a slightly high end average lifespan they may be among the last cats i ever have#and that thought is so incredibly sad to me#like just so deeply and primally upsetting#it feels wrong the way it felt wrong to lose all the boys#idk sorry this is sad#ive got the morbs
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they're so cute. i sure hope nothing bad happens to them
#bg3#durgetash#enver gortash#dark urge#durge#oc: siri#edits tag#srry i know this is entirely self indulgent but. i'm deeply upset about the events in the morphic pool and this is how i cope#act 3 in general had me feeling so profoundly sad over so many things!!! i have a lot of thoughts but i'm gonna wait til i finish the game#grrrrrrrrrr#👹👹👹👹
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As a big sibling with a lil sib with epilepsy, when they read TBC they Honestly thought if they got struck with lightning reciting the lord's prayer they'd be cured like Shadowsight is from their epilepsy. I had a discussion with them on how that's not how it works, but ge was so upset they took it away from Shadowsight that he hasn't picked the books back up and has stated that 'he hopes Ashfur wins and starts a new religion.,'
I do not even know how to respond to this besides saying that your little sibling is 100% right to be pissed and I now also hope Ashfur wins and starts a new religion.
#Legit I did not know that Shadow's epilepsy being taken away was so deeply upsetting to SO MANY people#I put it back because putting it back was just the right thing to do (even asked the small following I had at the time what type to portray#(they picked the full tonic-clonics. I would have just done localized or absence if they'd asked me to)#And I did all that research for one single anon who asked for an epilepsy herb guide#So holy cow I didn't know that SO MANY people were snubbed and upset by canon's choice to do that. I'm so sorry#Your little sib isn't missing anything btw they do just go on to confirm that Shadow no longer has seizures.#In book 4 of TBC they say that it was all Ash all along and that's what they've stuck with into ASC#I'm sitting on an essay about... That plot thread. The Ashfur Grooming one#But it's in my drafts because I was a bit afraid of controversy#because i think it was written poorly. Even on top of Book 4's pivot to retcon away Shadow's seizures#I know a lot of people like and are invested in the grooming subplot of TBC. But. I think it was executed AWFULLY#and its really telling that THIS is the plot they tout as grooming *by name* in-canon.--#--and that Shadow has to 'pay' for what he 'did' in some way as if there was ever a choice in the books they wrote--#--But seemingly didn't even seem to clock that what was happening in Spotted's H was grooming until there was intense backlash#and a big part of my contention is the way that Book 4 suddenly tries to retcon that Shadow was groomed from the time he was a child#when it was actually part of book 1 that Shadow was able to personally tell the difference between a real vision and Ash's suggestions--#--BECAUSE he didn't have an accompanying seizure#So like... just know it's also NOT just 'you' if you connected to the character that was epileptic. It WAS there. It was a BIG part of him#Book 4 retconned it so that his epilepsy was part of a long scheme when before that point it was part of him#''ohh ur destiny is to see into the shadows'' BULL SHIT!!#bone babble
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It's so wild to me that some ship stans get so freaked out by even the thought of their faves breaking up, cuz I'm listening to the new San Fermin album, explicitly a break-up album, has been marketed as a break-up album, and every other song I'm like, "Oooo! Shadowgast vibes. :3"
#and I'm valid and correct 😌#there might be a deeply upsetting one-shot coming in the near future so uh. i guess if you're also as unhinged as i am look forward to that#considering i also considering Belong a sg song no one should be surprised ngl
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I'm sorry if what I say is wrong in any way, I don't mean to offend you, it's just something I'm not completely sure about. Does Adam use he/they or they/them pronouns? I think I saw a post of yours where you said that Adam uses he/they, but it was a while ago and now I'm not completely sure (and I don't want to use the wrong pronouns)
I know you don't mean anything by it, but I am sad that so many of the asks I get start with people saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to offend you" or some variation thereof, followed by completely normal questions. I think I may have been responding too harshly to too many things and given the impression that I'll jump at people for being wrong...
But asking clarifying questions is always okay. I mean, it's also okay to be wrong and even offensive. What matters is if you learn from it when someone points out that it was wrong or offensive. I won't stop telling people they're saying something hurtful if they are, but I don't want that to lead people to be scared of me or something.
Correcting people is always just about correcting them, not hurting them. It's okay to need to be corrected, were all learning new things every day.
Anyways Adam uses he/they, you remembered correctly
#i dont like when people pry about personal things#especially not when it's accusatory. I'm admittedly sensitive to a lifetime of people denying my identity#people saying i dont count as bi. or nonbinary. or disabled.#and so i tend to take questions around these as people trying to 'sus me out' as a fake or something...#and I'm always going to try to explain. generally gently... how these things are hurtful to me personally#or in the case of my characters how certain things can (in my opinion) be harmful mindsets to have#but i dont carry them with me and im not mad#im just 26 and kinda tired of making myself small to make other people more comfortable.#so. if im uncomfortable ill just say jt!#and ill do my best to explain why so people can maybe learn from it#but as someone who. i talked about this recently elsewhere. as someone who has anger management issues#and unfortunately has had to deal with people i care deeply about being scared of me...#it just makes me sad to see anons being scared of me.#that's all#im not upset or anything. just trying to be a better person.#I'm learning everyday too#asks#anon
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my advice for anyone whos growing more and more frustrated with the state of aftg and fandom at large is that arguing is fun but you need to be happy. ok. you need to. its hard when bad faith takes are dropped to your doorstep but you need to be happy and enjoy yourself and have fun or there's no point in anything at all ever. ok. fandom is not real and nothing is worth more than your enjoyment. i love you please make sure to have fun and reach out to a friend today. for me
#this goes doubly for fans of color if i'm honest#i say this bc a lot of my mutuals either currently or in the past have been very upset about how the fandom acts#and ive Done My Rounds with that ok#ive survived great wars even. and they did not make me happy#yes i was right and yes i should have said it but ultimately there was no material harm to choosing to have fun instead#lifes hard as it is in the real world where real things happen why would you waste your precious fun time on fighting crusades#and trust me i understand deeply the wish to fight crusades. Ive Fought Them. it got me hate mail and#an overall loss of passion for something i held sincerely in my heart#theres nothing more worthy than your enjoyment im serious. none of this is real and the world is hard out there#you need to get a good thing while u can#i dont remember a single time where ive actually felt vindicated by arguing with people online about. anything really but even more so aftg#but i remember in perfect and fond detail every time the (now defunct) kandreil discord server came up with an au#or even just normal casual conversation#i remember asks i got years ago about kevin day hcs that i hardly even agree with now but still love#trust me you will Not remember these squabbles what you will remember is what you loved and if youre lucky thats a lot of memories#so have fun ok. for me#txt
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