#i'm sneaky and also i'm trying to tell a story with y'all

[iguessitsjustme]

Choose Your Own BL Adventure - Day 2

Options:

Accept his offer. Wreath has been so kind and you can ask him questions about university life on the way.

Decline his offer. You’re supposed to be meeting Snow before your next class for a last minute cram session before a quiz.

Offer to walk him to his class instead. His building is closer and on the way to yours.

Day 1 poll here.

[chartreuseian]

1, 14, 43 and 68 for the writers ask;)

Thank youuuuuu ❤️

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

Often daydreaming is how the ideas come! I have a lot of what I call Car Thoughts or Walking Thoughts that I frantically scribble down to be sorted out later on. My notes app is filled with lines and little snippets of scenes, and my notebook is a mess of scribbles and arrows (and sneaky ways to write the dirty words just in case).

Once I have the idea though, I just dive in unless it's looking like it's part of something bigger and more complicated!

14. What is your favorite location and position to write in?

At Tabitha!! Or on my balcony recently. Now that the weather has turned a little cooler, it's a lovely spot to write first thing in the morning.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

I'd love to do a proper boring human AU. They're one of my favourite things to read, but I've only tried it once and it didn't go well. I think I need to find the write context for it, and then hopefully I'll give it a shot!

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

Hmmm. Probably not individual fics, but authors certainly inspire me to try new/different things, or make me want to find ways to create a similar effect in my own writing. For example (and I'm gonna tag people because y'all deserve some love), I adore how @ladyelysandra creates these beautiful, floaty scenes where I can't help but slow down and read every word and I've been trying to do the same thing in my writing. @tinknevertalks has some of the best back and forth banter I've ever read and I aspire to be able to have so much going unsaid in my dialogue. And I always find myself wanting to be able to craft chapters like @sarcasticsciencefictionwriter - like each chapter tells its own little story, and even if there's a cliffhanger at the end, there's always a resolution that makes it feels so satisfying to read and I've been trying to do more of that (and there are DOZENS of others, but these are the three that I've read most of lately so that's probably why I'm feeling all gooey and in love right now 😅)

OH! And also I recently read @galactic-pirates Time Will Tell which is making me rethink ALL of my Five fic (in the very best way) because it was so damn good!!

[tailoroffates]

About this blog...

This blog was made to tell fantasy stories and talk about the struggles of anxiety, be it minor or severe. The majority of what you'll see here will likely be the former, however, there will also be posts about tips for those who struggle with anxiety as well. To find these posts search for the tag. "Anxiety tips."

Anything else you need to know about this blog is below, so if you're interested read on. :D

In a world once used as a battleground by the divines, the Guardians of Eden banded several ancient races together to place a multidimensional lock on the gateway linking all realms. The gods were physically sealed within their own realms and the mortals were left to pick up their pieces.

During the War of Gods, the divines fought as titans. Massive deities kicked holes through mountains, splashed the sea onto the mainland, and devastated mortals throughout Eden. Two races went extinct and the continents were left forever changed

Centuries later, the threat of a second coming arises when the lock securing the Omni Gate begins to crack, however, the world is divided. It's up to Danny, the last Guardian, and their friends to ally the armies of Eden's races before the lock on the Omni Gate breaks.

Meet the protagonists! (or at least the ones I've had time to draw :P)

The lady on the left is Karma, the last Guardian of Eden. The spitfire in the middle is Freitza, a Valkorri who is a savant with Pyromancy, and the one on young'un on the right is Danny. A Terranian who is adept with Geomancy and struggles against a curse he doesn't understand.

This is the main party of protagonists in The Garden That Burned series in the year 6276 TN.

I intend to release 3 different book series based in the same world in order to tell the full story. Though the timelines of the stories told will vary. The series will be released in the following order:

The Garden That Burned - The second coming of the War of Gods. I'll be releasing 5 books in this series. The first is in its final editing process right now and the second has already been started. I originally intended to release 3 books in the TGTB series, but it turns out I'm way too overopinionated to have only 3, so... Yeah...

The Rise & Fall - This series will be about the rise and fall of the Guardians of Eden. You'll learn why they broke apart and sneaky, hidden secrets about the next series. I hope to release 3 books in the TRAF series, but I only wanted three in TGTB and it ended up 5 books, so I don't know guys. I just don't know :P

Eldergenesis - This series can't be elaborated on right now because y'all haven't read the first two series and this one has spoilers :O This one will likely be 5 books. EG will tie all three series together.

To find any content in this blog related to these series, search for the tags TGTB, TRAF, and EG.

My actual name is Kat, but I go by TailorOfFates because I like to think that's what we do as writers. We tailor the fates of the characters we create. I struggle pretty often with anxiety, but I'm getting better at working through it. I'd consider myself an amateur writer so far, but my dream is to make a career of writing so I intend to keep at it until I can share my stories with all who will hear them. I've written as a hobby since I was young, and if I wasn't writing, I was drawing. It was sort of a pass time until I was around 21 years old. At that point in my life, I had (quite suddenly) developed agoraphobia. For 4 years I didn't leave my house, not even to enter the backyard. And if I did, I would experience severe panic attacks which usually led to fainting spells. It was a difficult period in my life, but one thing I discovered was that my hobby of writing had actually become therapeutic. It was at that time that I began to study psychology and anxiety to try and learn why my mind was rejecting the world around me. As a self-assigned therapy test, I told myself that I was going to create my own world. One where I knew the rules and I set the laws. Whenever I felt the anxiety coming on I would try and create something new. New flora, fauna, natural laws, magic systems, characters, solar systems, races, etc... Then, I was going to write a story in that setting. Don't get me wrong, I understand the difference between reality and fantasy, but this practice did actually help me feel better. Eventually, a friend of mine noticed my binder and a half worth of content and told me that I should create a D&D homebrew campaign with it. So I did. It was hard at first as I struggle with anxiety when all attention is on me, but I truly believe this helped me start coming back out of my shell. Once the campaign ended, it had gone so well that I decided I was going to build my own TTRPG inspired by D&D, and that's what led me here. Now I'm trying to learn how to be social again :P

My dream is to share my stories and one day make enough funds to create a fully immersive, open-world RPG PC game. Then I could actually be a part of the world I tailored :D

Closing Comments

If you have any questions or concerns don't hesitate to ask me about it. If you'd like to know more about the world the book series is based on then click the link below to check out some articles. https://www.worldanvil.com/w/The%20Garden%20that%20Burned Be warned, I'm not done adding things so it's a bit messy, and it's not formatted well for mobile yet because I suck with coding :P (it'll still work on mobile, it just won't look as good).

[lefluoritesys]

Hi! Random question but what's the funniest/most awkward situation you have ever been in with a headmate/headmates? Also, I love your Tumblr. It helps us through a lot of system denial :)

Thank you so much!! We're glad to hear that, we try our best to make it a safe and positive space!!

I don't think we have stories that people would count as incredibly funny, however, we have a few that stand out to us as at least amusing, lmao. And awkward... don't even get me started.

I (co-host) keep texting people trying to make friends, and don't ask nor tell anybody. And then I just dip. I think it's a pretty effective strategy. :D

The amount of times somebody told us something that we know we would have memorized by hard. Like when we're supposed to have our lessons. And then we'd switch, be asked about it, and don't know the answer as to what that thing was. It puts us in such awkward situations IRL cause of our parents.-

Today, remember the couple that went on a date? One of them had to front to take our sibling to their classes, and they were sulking, so our co-host & persecutor-caretaker had to keep their composure when their partner, from the inner world, said our sibling looks like an offended ostrich.

We got berated for eating the host's chips. We now have a policy about eating chips. Because people ate their bag of chips...

One of the funniest stories were probably with one of our alters who went mostly inner now, though. They once purchased a premium on an app we use a lot without telling anybody, and at the time, we could buy a whole McDonald's meal for that amount of money. Then, we put them in charge of English classes, and they were definitely working, but their way of working was roasting everything and cracking some of the most hilarious jokes we've ever heard. That same alter then offered our mother cyanide.

Some of the things we say are so fucking funny that we made a quote book. For ourselves. And our partner systems. There, we not only have hilarious quotes, but some of the funniest roasts we've ever seen, one of our favorites being:

Host: It's kinda funny how I can do everything alone at front, and y'all have to do it collectively when I'm not around.

Co-host: Nah, we're just healthy.

Our co-host sprained our foot. And called the bandage on it "foot prison." I am not elaborating on their behalf. /laughing

In the inner world, we have this thing where we can track people and where they are at that point in time (especially our robots can do that), and sometimes people decide to play tag. And since our inner world is our inner world, what we basically see is a dot (that represents a person you're watching) telelporting from point A to point B to point E in a matter of seconds. Which doesn't sound funny, but picture it, lmao.

The number of posts we made that were purely targeting each other is insane. And you will never know that they are targeted unless we say something, we are sneaky like that.

At some point some people in the inner world discussed fucking Jesus?? And I mean doing the deed, not the "fucking Jesus." We still have no idea who or why.

And then another two people, whose names we know, discussed our partner system's semi-sentient hotel and what its type would be. In detail. And who they could pair it up with.

Our host is still salty at one of our prosecutors because they bought them cocoa instead of coffee, didn't tell them, and our host couldn't figure our why the coffee was sweet but tasted well, considering we hate coffee with sugar. And then they realized.

Our host address purple so much that now all of us gotta keep up with the idea what "we, a singlet, definitely a singlet (/s), love purple so much" because explaining to our bio family that we don't like it anymore but we also do but also don't would be too difficult for a number of reasons.

One of us can just decide that it's chicken nuggets day, and we will have chicken nuggets for lunch. Not because we don't want to upset this somebody by refusing but because we'd literally switch on the streets halfway to chicken nuggets, stare at the distance for a couple of seconds, and accept our fate.

We generally talk to ourselves in public constantly, we have no shame about that, especially since it's mostly in English, which is not our first language. That got us a lot of looks. We also do that in VCs with our partner system, and we openly switch in front of them and talk about inner world shit.

Hope that gave you a few laughs. /g /pos

-host, co-host & persecutor-caretaker, sexual persecutor

[reading-giraffe]

Empire of Storms: Review

Amazon (If you shop using this link, I will earn a small commission at no additional cost to you.)

Summary

Okokok so Aelin's team is officially assembled. We've got:

Aelin

Rowan

Aedion

Dorian

Lysandra

Gavriel

Fenrys

Lorcan

Elide

Manon

Fam is trying to figure out how to re-situate in Terrasen. Long story short, the lords of Terrasen are like "Who do you know here?" and send fam on their way telling them to try again later.

The Ironteeth witches are ordered to sack Rifthold, destroy Aelin's iconic glass wall, and kill King Dorian. By the end of it, Rifthold is sacked, glass wall is destroyed, but Dorian is saved by Manon who obviously has heart eyes for the guy 😍

Manon gets into an epic throwdown with her grandmother during which she makes her escape, tells her Thirteen to escape, and learns that she's half Ironteeth and half Krocken witch.

Y'all, the lineages of these people is KILLING MEEE

Aelin = Mala + Gavin Havilliard

Manon = Ironteeth + Krocken

Elide = Human + Ironteeth

Aedion = Gavriel + Human

you get the gist. At some point in the book, SJM points out the fortuitous gene-scrambling and how all of these people are intersecting at a very interesting time for the universe. THANK YOU for pointing that out ma'am!

Manon and Elide flee, the 13 scramble out of there, and Manon ditches Elide in a forest. Poor limpy Elide is doing her darn best to find Aelin. Lorcan Salvaterre is stalking Elide because he, too, is tryng to find Aelin by blood oath order of Queen Maeve 👿. Lorcan and Elide start falling for each other, and Elide's dark twisty background comes to light.

Fam ends up meeting Captain Rolf at Skull's Bay and some CRAZY shit goes down.

Truths come to light, Fam + Manon + Lorcan/Elide meet up with military friendos at the marshes/beach and a huge battle ensues against Maeve's forces. Maeve is a sneaky bitch and ends up taking Aelin for torture and severing the blood oath bonds with Gavriel and Lorcan. Poor Fenrys is stuck bound to her, but tbh I doubt he would leave if he could because his twin is one of her sex slaves.

------------------

Elide Lochan + Lorcan Salvaterre

THEY'RE SO CUTE!! I love how Lorcan uses his magic to support Elide on her limp. This is a typical love story by SJM where they are standoffish for a bit, then they get to reveal their dark twisty stories, and they fall in love. But are they mates? Is it possible for a fae male to be mates with a human female?? Is she secretly FAE?!

Also, love the little detail that Elide's mother is Marian -- the woman who saved Aelin's life at the cost of her own when Aelin was 8. Elide and Aelin share this unique bond in that way.

---------------

"Where is my wife?"

I am so emotional having just finished this. I listen to the audiobooks on my commute to/from work and I was fighting back tears as I was driving. I'm going to need to have a TOG hangover for a bit before I start the next one. Now that I'm married (pretty recently actually) and I'm starting to understand what it would mean for my husband to be taken so brutally like Aelin was, I was so impacted by the ending scene.

Out of all of the books so far, this is a very eventful one. I couldn't follow all the intricate plotlines very well, but that could be because I didn't have the visual book and was just listening to it. I wish the audiobook came with a map or a timeline or something so I could track what was going on.

Because Empire of Storms is so eventful, I don't want to put too much in this post because I don't want to spoil it.

Audiobook, paperback and hardcover versions on Amazon

[okkennymay]

Is there any sort of average time between page uploads? Or is it just as they come?

I’m very impatient for new pages but also remember that your health, physical and mental, is far more important than the annoyance I feel waiting for new pages. Take all the time you need, and thank you for sharing your wonderful art!!

Also I just wanna say, I love your work 💖💖💖 I read thru your first Ectober comic and was so sad to see it hadn’t been updated in years. Then I found out about this blog, and that you’re still telling a version of that story!!!! I’m happy beyond words. 😆

Gosh I wish, I did try for a lil while there to post on a schedule but it ended up not working out try as I might 9v9" My Patreon is always at least a page ahead, but it occasionally gets a couple ahead when i hit a groove >vO

Recently I had to put all online activities and projects on hold as my brother and I had to spend the last month or so packing, cleaning and moving, to temporarily with live with our parents who were thankfully both willing and able to take us in until we find a place 💖 Unfortunately our lease was ended smack bang in the middle of a horrific rental housing crisis in Australia, at late notice as that, so finding a new place hasn't gone quite to plan ;c; We're some of the lucky ones though, a lot of people, even families with children, have been forced into homelessness, living in tents, cars and caravan parks 'cause it's just that hard to afford a place right now let alone find one 9c9 It's banana's out there right now

That being said I'm not left with much to do but continue our search but also to continue my work finally, The Ectober comic included, here's a lil sneaky peaky of page 25 which I'm currently working on >vO

I couldn't be more thankful for your patience, while I'd hoped to have more pages complete by now this project is still very much so alive and kicking!~ and I do my best to make each page worth the wait 😤

Sorry for the absolute wall of text, but Thank you for checking on in and for your kind words! I didn't get the chance to let y'all know what was going on before I was neck deep in boxes 💖

Lastly I do hope you enjoy the story this time around 😊💖 I'm pouring my heart and soul into it, which does add to the time it takes getting pages out, but I promise it'll all be worth it by the end >vO 💖

[magicsunwheel]

Why You're F#cking Amazing

Pick-a-Card

How to play: pick one of the photos below using your intuition. You can close your eyes and meditate for a bit or just take a few grounding breaths while thinking of the topic. Feeling drawn to more than one is fine! You might have messages in more than one pile

Pile 1 (x) Pile 2 (x) Pile 3 (x)

My pile numbers always go from left to right, then down to the text row (if applicable)

Pile 1

Cards: The High Priestess, Five of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, The Moon Rx, Five of Rods, Ace of Pentacles

You are so intuitive! You're either very in touch with your divine feminine or are working your way there right now. Something about you is severe in the most beautiful way. You can take things seriously when they need to and the way you command a room with just your presence is unmatched. Maybe you're also a tarot reader or involved in spirituality/divination in some way. Maybe you really like Pick-a-Cards.

Something beautiful about you is that you never give up on a fight, especially when you know the end is worth it. Your ambition is strong and you will fight for what you love and what you want. You are not weak-willed by any means.

This also makes you so unique! You work so hard and put so much labor into your love even if you know it will take a long time to come to fruition. The times that you feel discouraged by a lack of results are few and far between. If for some reason you do find yourself wistfully hoping for faster results or an easier path, you can easily remind yourself of why you started in the first place.

You might have moments where you think of yourself as sneaky or like you're hiding a part of yourself from others, like your true self would be too much for them. I'm here to tell you that your intensity is exactly what make you such a beautiful person! You thrive in competition and in adversity. It gives you a chance to show off your quick thinking and survival skills. Others look at you with envy of how you can make an opportunity out of seemingly nothing!

If you need help improving your self-love, Spirit says to stop comparing yourself to others! You are amazing and beautiful and unique all on your own! Throwing yourself into the fray to compete against others who are nothing like you will only fim your inner shine. And you really do shine! When I asked for a card about why you are beautiful, nearly half the damn deck flew out!

Sprit loves you and I love you so please take care of yourself and keep making those amazing opportunities to improve your physical surroundings. (I feel like you have a very clean room/home)

Pile 2

Cards: Nine of Rods, the World, King of Cups, Three of Rods, Ace of Rods, Two of Cups

Ahh the Loona pile!

Similar to Pile 1, but much more fiery! You are resilient! Taking time to collect yourself before pushing forward with a renewed sense of energy and purpose is such an amazing and useful trait. You maybe aren't as commanding of a presence but you have such an inner strength that no one can deny.

You got the World for the reason why you're beautiful! Maybe it's related to physically being very beautiful and possibly exotic-looking. You might have very specific features associated with a certain area of the world that stand out where you live. You also have such a wonderful understanding of the world and where it's currently at. Things can seem negative or like hope is lost but you still seek out the beauty and share it with others. You see opportunity where others do not and feel a sense of peace and connectedness with all of humanity. Wow!

Your uniqueness shines in your emotionality and compassion. You might be a natural born leader who makes sure to understand all under your rule. You lead with kindness and, most importantly, by example. You don't have any desire to use you position for ill-gotten gains. Power to you does not corrupt, it solely provides a tool for you to do good in the world and really make a difference in the lives of others, whether it's on a large or small scale. You are probably the kind of person who makes sure to give money to those who need it when you pass a begging mother and her children, or buying a homeless man a bottle of water on a hot day.

Your card for why you think you are not perfect actually came out quite positive. Maybe you don't have a very low self esteem, but I can see a few possible scenarios here. You might be constantly planning in your head, waiting and watching for the next move to take but never actually getting to the action part. Maybe you're planning for your future and have so much planned out that you're excited for, but haven't made the practical plans on how to actually get there. This could make you feel bad about yourself especially on days where you're reminded of others moving ahead in their lives while you're still planning. Visualisation is very important in manifesting your desired reality! If you are moving slower than others around you, remember that it is okay to not be where "everyone else" is. Life is not a race or a competition. Taking your time to get to where you need to be when you need to be there reminds me of the story of the tortoise and the hare. Quick does not necessarily mean better.

You can improve your self-love by creating! Using your creativity and passion to make something! Create art, whether it's physical/digital art, music, writing, inventing, anything that uses those creative muscles of yours. It doesn't have to be good! Just creating something will help burn up that excess energy you have that's trying to rush you somewhere. Self-expression this way can be a wonderful hobby even if you don't consider yourself as a creative person.

Your kindness really shines through. You care so deeply about the people around you and your spiritual team cares just as deeply about you. You are loved and watched over and protected by Spirit. Others around you also see your sparkle and appreciate and admire you, even if they don't show it. Know you are beautiful and amazing and bringing a light into this world that needs to be here.

Pile 3

Cards: Six of Rods, the Hierophant, Four of Rods, Six of Cups, Ten of Swords, the Hermit Rx

Damn, who are y'all!? You've got some mighty power and pull in this world. Maybe you're a public figure or have some kind of platform, like a social media with many followers. You could also be well-recognized within your field of study/work. Whoever you are, people see you and look up to you. They celebrate you and how amazing you are! Spirit loves this about you and you really shine in the spotlight. Your achievements deserve all this pomp and celebration!

You are naturally authoritative. People listen when you speak and take your words to heart. You might also be a religious person or someone who enjoys organization and the comfort of hierarchy. People will willingly follow you wherever you lead them because they trust you with all their hearts. "A merciful ruler" (lol) You hold your position with grace and dignity befitting a king or queen.

You are unique in ways the public recognizes, but we knew that already! You might be someone who likes to entertain and you throw the greatest parties and get-togethers. Maybe you've planned a wedding and everyone had such an amazing time! You know how to relax and have fun when the time for celebrating arrives. You can out down your guard and bit and let loose. Not many people with such responsibility can let go of the reigns like that, but you don't seem to hold on to control too tightly.

Your past might be a source of anxiety for you. Maybe you're worried that what you've done when you were younger will catch up to you and ruin what you've got going on now, but it's important to remember that the past is the past. It cannot be undone or wished away. Taking time to accept what happened and recognizing that you've moved on to bigger and better things is important here. Whatever happened, take time to heal your childhood wounds and forgive past actions.

Ending this cycle will bring much more self-love to your life. Old habits and patterns being out to rest is the way forward. It might be a painful ending and something you don't necessarily look forward to, but it is something that needs to happen to clear out old energy and welcome in everything new. You can't expect to move on if you're still repeating old actions or ways of thinking. It's time to set these things to rest and evolve. Leave behind what no longer serves you.

Your understanding of yourself knows no bounds. You've taken the time to inquisit yourself and learn all of the shadows that lie there. Self-reflection might be a favored pastime for you. Through this knowledge of yourself you are able to see truths that many struggle to see all their lives. Your light can cut through the fog if bullshit and see the true source of something. Use this knowledge of yourself to become the best version of yourself that you can be! I know you're already on your way there and it's amazing to see! Spirit is so proud of you and loves you so much!

[harley-michaels-main]

Hi! Can I please have a Haikyuu matchup? It is absolutely fine if you cant!

MBTI: ENFP

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

Random fact: I’m associated with the color pink a lot and I’m bi 🏳️‍🌈 she/her prounouns

Looks: 4’11 female, pear body type, brown skin, dark brown eyes, dark brown short hair, long lashes, eye bags, thunder thighs, Big pouty lips (the one thing I actually like about my face) and a few freckles. I also have reading glasses

Personality: I’m very shy and reserved at first, you will definitely have to make the first move cause I refuse. But once you get to know me it’s a 180, I go on long rants about literally anything and everything, (if I have a shit day I recommend ear plugs) Im dramatic, loud, energetic, super Sarcastic, Honest, funny, childish, forgetful, and pretty go with the flow! I’m a pretty rational And logical person I think about pros and cons and probability and am usually aware of what is going on around me. I will try to break down what the problem is and find a way to solve it. I can adapt pretty well in social situations I know what to put out for certain groups and can just adapt to situations generally. Then there is the other part of me that is completely impulse and emotional even tho rational wins most times if I’m stressed good luck with getting me to make good decisions. I like playing around but have hard lines with boundaries when it comes to physical touch at first. I have anxiety real bad and I’m worried that my friends actually hate me and have a hard time being myself. I love making people laugh I think I’m pretty smart but I have no common sense. I’ll tell you random facts I just learned for the hell of it. If I was to describe myself in another way I’d say burnt out gifted kid who just said F it. I’m sneaky. I thrive off praise and people cheering me on especially at sports events and will work harder for criticism. Im a “I’ll do anything for 5 dollars” kinda person. Im low key kinda a know it all and a smart ass I always have something to say and I am not one to sugar coat. I’m a huge foodie! My love language is physical touch and giving gifts, especially food! I’m pretty caring if your sad I’ll bake for you and try to emotionally comfort you as much as possible and friends have told me I give good advice, I’m very protective of all my friends and family, Im pretty creative I laugh at pretty much anything.

Cons: i accidentally overshare, I get frustrated really easy.I am prone to procrastinating and giving up sometimes even if Ik the deadline is tomorrow, its hard to get motivated to do anything without someone being on my ass about it but once I start I can continue without much pushing as long as I don’t have too many distractions. I’m emotional I’ll cry without realizing it, I’m very stubborn. Behind closed doors I’m very clingy.

Likes: working out, reading, sleeping, going out to party’s with friends ( yea ik a girl with social anxiety loves partying and people I’m just as confused), milkshakes, fashion, world building, drawing, animated movies, STUFFED ANIMALS!!! I love cuddles, sports (cross country, volleyball, and wrestling) writing story’s, blankets, cheesy romance novels, I love cooking and eating new food from new places! Shopping, fantasy stuff.

Dislikes: being dirty. I can get sweaty, muddy, messy but if I don’t have a shower there will be hell to pay, I don’t like eating or drinking after people, felt fabric, dolls, The cold in general, sad movies, coffee, being sick, being picked at for my height.

Random fact: I’m the shortest girl on all my sports teams, I played all around for my volleyball team and then got moved to right back and server.

Hi Darling. I hope you're doing good and I have to say, I wish you would love more than just your lips because you sound like a beautiful girl and I'm sure anyone would find you gorgeous and if they don't, then they must be blind.

Your Haikyuu Match Up is...

Sugawara Koshi

Y'all are the type of couple that people thought you were going out before you actually started going out.

You two simply compliment each other so well that it's hard not to think so. Honestly, there was no drastic change when you two started dating.

In the words of Grey's Anatomy, he is your person. You person that you can tell anything to and the person you go to when you have trouble. He is the person that you trust with your life.

Koshi is always the one who will be at your side in times of happiness and sorrow. He will wake up in the morning and his first words will be telling you how beautiful you are.

He knows the feeling of self-doubt and he understands it well which is why he constantly will be there to help you.

However, he will need the help as well. He may try to hide it, but he isn't the best liar in the world.

For those times when you are dared to do something dangerous, he will pull you away before you attempt to make a fool of yourself because let's be honest, we all make fools of ourselves.

Koshi will always be there to lend an ear when you feel the need to rant. He loves to listen to you talk and if you want his advice he is more than willing to give it to you.

Koshi's love language is words of affirmation so it feels nice to him whenever you talk to him about your troubles. It makes him feel more validated in a way.

Don't fret though because he will always be there to tell you how much you mean to him and how much you help him even if you don't think you do.

He also loves to get you small memorabilia for every date. Anything from a quick photo to some jewelry, he likes to know that you have something to look at and remember these moments buy.

However, Koshi isn't perfect and does have his flaws. He tends to push you away when he has his rougher days. He says it's because he doesn't want to burden you when in reality he is too scared to show you that he is afraid of a lot of things.

It definitely takes time, but he has gotten better at opening up to you and realizing that he isn't a second choice to you.

Altogether, he is someone who will be your person as you will be to him.

Alternate Choices

Osamu Miya

Keiji Akaashi

Daichi Sawamura

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: Are you okay? My parents would've paid for a cab if they weren't sober enough to drive you back Amelia: My dad was [somewhere nearby cos JJ live in town] Jac: Oh, right Jac: you seized your opportunity then, alright Jac: Is still should've gone with to make sure Amelia: I didn't want her to, she was in too excitable a mood Jac: lol, can't really fault you that Jac: you got a headache, yeah? Amelia: I got the aura so I knew it was time to leave, last time I ignored that I was sick everywhere Jac: That's fair Jac: you do not want that unless you've had a really wild night Amelia: sorry I didn't say bye Jac: well that's okay, if you didn't have time Jac: we were just worried Amelia: is Is okay? I was probably a bit rude to her Jac: Don't worry, she seems fine Jac: you know her Amelia: yeah Amelia: alright cool Jac: make sure you stay hydrated, yeah Jac: and no more screentime Amelia: I'll 😴 it off if I can Jac: Sounds like a plan 🙂 Amelia: it sounds 😕 but I couldn't stay Jac: you can't help that you get migraines Jac: it must be so crap for you Amelia: we've all got crap to deal with Amelia: I wouldn't swap Sav for hers Jac: 😢 I know Jac: she deals so well, considering how fresh it all is Amelia: Where's her boyfriend at? It's not technically a night you can get away with chucking fireworks at your mates or cars Jac: Out on the lash with his mates Jac: or something Amelia: very supportive Jac: yeah, I know Jac: oh well, she had us Amelia: you, you mean Jac: are you not her friend too? Amelia: that's up for debate, but she'd win it over me Amelia: so it probably depends what she wants the answer to be Amelia: and who's asking Jac: She definitely views you as a friend Amelia: okay Jac: No, come on, you don't think she does? Amelia: I know she doesn't Jac: Why do you think that? Amelia: I know it because she's said a handful of words to me lately & all of them are in some way bitchy or patronising Jac: How many have you said to her? Jac: and how nice have you been to her? Amelia: I don't like her, I'm not going to act like I do Jac: Then the issue is a you thing, isn't it Jac: Savannah does like you, and it's not really on to say you know otherwise, simply because that's how you feel about her Amelia: no, it's a me and her clash Amelia: it isn't one-sided Jac: Okay, if you say so Jac: but I don't see her trying to start anything with you, and like I said, I've told you she's told me privately that she likes you Jac: she knows you aren't her biggest fan though Amelia: she would say that to you Jac: Now you're being ridiculous Amelia: no I'm not, she wants me to look like I'm the dickhead and it's clearly working Jac: well no, what she wants is friends who can support her through this tough time and not make her life any more shit Jac: I really do not think she has the time, never mind the desire, to play games to make you look like some kind of villain ??? Jac: we seriously do not need to be that dramatic about things Amelia: fine Jac: it clearly isn't but I'm not going to agree with you Jac: you're not feeling well right now, you're just lashing out Amelia: you sound as patronising as her now Jac: for giving you an excuse for your behaviour? Jac: it's being gracious Amelia: I don't need to be fucking excused Amelia: I haven't done anything wrong Jac: You're being rude to Savannah and now you're being rude to me Jac: you're attacking and saying you're being attacked Jac: just calm down and we can come back to this when you aren't in such a state Amelia: yeah because she's the only one whose dramatics you indulge Amelia: I haven't been rude to her, I've made an effort Amelia: it doesn't change my opinion Jac: You're accusing her of having some plot right now, also of not liking you, being bitchy and patronising...yeah, that's rude, Amelia Jac: and oddly enough, when she went off crying, it was not about you Jac: call it dramatics if you want, but I'd say her home life situation warrants more empathy and listening to than whatever this idea, about us being against you or something, that you've concocted does Amelia: I'm not on her radar when she isn't subtly slagging me off or wishing I'd fuck off, obviously it wasn't about me Amelia: the latter is way less subtle though Jac: You're right in that I'm not indulging this Jac: you're just wrong, that's it Jac: but if you won't listen to reason, and me, then there's nothing else I can do to change your mind Amelia: you wanting me to be wrong doesn't make me wrong Jac: you having no proof for her dislking you, bar the fact you dislike her, doesn't make it true Jac: if you want to walk around thinking people have a problem with you when they don't, that's your call Jac: it's sad but it's clearly an internal issue Amelia: there's proof in every group chat if you want to go back & read it Jac: the fact you're in a group chat together, to plan to do stuff, to talk, kinda negates that Amelia: no it doesn't Jac: totally, when you hate someone and want them to fuck off, you choose to spend time talking to them when you don't have to Amelia: she doesn't spend any time talking to me Jac: well it isn't a private chat Jac: do you expect her to ignore me and Is? Jac: if you wanna have a 1x1 she'd be more than happy, like Amelia: Oh, she ignores Is plenty Amelia: but that's not my fight to have Jac: 🙄 I can assure you, we understand how DMs work Jac: if we wanted to talk just us, we would, and do Jac: and Is seems fine to me, like I said Amelia: great Jac: 🤷 okay then Amelia: 👋 Jac: I hope you feel better when you wake up Amelia: thanks Jac: Night Amelia: goodnight Jac: [hope you do go to sleep so you don't see those gay ass stories] Amelia: [you know she will because she's not actually sick soz gal] Jac: [i mean, you do have 24 hours so bit of a long shot when you're this in love lol] Amelia: [everyone gonna be seeing it including Ty who has been lowkey ignored all night as well] Amelia: [we should say she writes something but then deletes it so Jac only knows she deleted it for the sheer gay drama of it] Jac: [none of y'all got invites to this sleepover, but yes 1000%] Jac: ? Amelia: 🤨 Jac: butt-dial? Amelia: why would I be sitting on my phone? Amelia: I'm not thrashing about with a 🤒 Jac: I don't know why you'd delete a message either Jac: unless you sent me something really 💦 meant for someone else, in which case I wanna know anyway Amelia: I can nurse myself Amelia: though there are loads of lads who would put me to sleep Jac: 🙀 Amelia! Amelia: no Amelia: 🥱 NOT whatever you're thinking Jac: Sure 😉😂 Amelia: 😣 Jac: So grouchy Jac: I'd know if you were texting someone Amelia: would you? Jac: of course Jac: what secret have you ever kept from me? Amelia: I didn't need to before Jac: you don't need to now Jac: you aren't going to shock me with your thirst Amelia: I'm staying hydrated like you instructed Amelia: there's nothing to tell, which is why I pressed delete Jac: What did you say? Amelia: if I repeat it there was literally no point in deleting it Amelia: so no, nothing Jac: Well why did you? Amelia: because it's 😳 Jac: how 😳 can it be Jac: we've known each other at our most cringe Amelia: that was us both being awkward not just me making a massive tit of myself Jac: rude Jac: you're meant to disagree Amelia: alright, I'll lie Jac: you're already being very sneaky, you may as well Amelia: okay Jac: no, tell me, dickhead! Amelia: rude Jac: you're rude Jac: you know you can't just take back a message Amelia: I have & I win Jac: you can't do it without leaving evidence Jac: and I'm not just going to drop it Amelia: 🙄 Jac: why are you saying shit to my virtual face then Amelia: how else am I supposed to speak to you? Jac: I'm not going to apparate into your room 'cos you fancy having a go Jac: don't be a baby, what did you say Amelia: maybe I was saying sorry but you're so undeserving I took it back Amelia: that'd be fitting Jac: oh right, your whole conspiracy theory Jac: you forgot for a hot sec you believed in that, yeah, sure Amelia: it's typical of you to only give a shit about what I'm trying to say when I'm not saying it anymore Jac: you left without saying anything earlier Jac: then you wouldn't speak to me 'cos you were in a huff but yeah, pop off Amelia: I didn't have time to search your 🏠 for you earlier Jac: and I said it was okay but don't act like I was ignoring you Amelia: you were Amelia: but I get it, Savannah's in greater need Jac: oh my God, do you actually get it though Jac: like could you Jac: because this is really gross Amelia: of course I do, her parents are mental and it's horrible Jac: I mean, nicely put Jac: so you don't need to be snippy with me about needing to spend like 10 minutes alone so she can talk about it without my whole family standing around Amelia: I was the one who told you, ages ago, so you already know what I mean Amelia: and I'm not, I'm explaining why I left without saying anything before you hold it against me any harder Jac: you aren't just explaining though, because that was never the question Jac: you said I was ignoring YOU Jac: I said it was fine you left, you had a migraine Amelia: because it's not just about 10 minutes alone so she can cry on your shoulder and you fucking know it's not Jac: you don't like her Amelia: she takes over everything, including my birthday Jac: She was just trying to make sure you had a nice time Amelia: then why didn't I? Amelia: if she really cares so much about what I want, why wasn't it perfect? Jac: She's not a miracle worker Jac: I'm just saying she tried, can you fault someone for having good intentions? Amelia: she cares about you two having a good time, she doesn't try with me Amelia: because guess what, chucking money at something doesn't actually count Amelia: you used to know that Jac: you can't say how much she does or doesn't try Jac: maybe she's really trying, and I happen to think she is, and I've got it on better authority than you Jac: as you said, it's not as if she's had close friends before really Jac: you could give her a break instead of being ungrateful about it Amelia: you could give me a break Jac: no, you're being mean Jac: and blaming her for problems you're having Jac: like how dare she treat you? Amelia: the problem is that you used to care how I feel about things and apparently now you don't Jac: I can care without indulging pointless bitchery Jac: if you told me what was actually wrong with you, I'd listen, I'd do whatever I could to help, you know that Amelia: no, you're not listening Jac: You aren't saying anything Jac: you keep slagging Savannah off, and I counter that and then you stop Jac: what is actually going on Amelia: I've been saying the same thing this entire time, for fuck's sake Jac: When you wanna say what's actually going on with you, and think about that in a way that doesn't involve Savannah Jac: then I'm here waiting Amelia: I don't want to spend time with her, I want to spend it with you Amelia: Why can't we literally EVER? Why does she have to be involved in literally everything? Jac: We do spend time without her Jac: but we can't exclude her when she wants to be involved, she's our friend Amelia: she's not my friend Amelia: I'm trying, I am Jac: okay, she's my friend though Jac: we can spend time together, alright Amelia: okay Jac: pick a day, pick something to do, let me know Amelia: sure, put me on the spot Jac: 🙄 god, not RIGHT now Jac: but give me something more committal than that 'okay' or it won't happen Amelia: okay!! Amelia: are you happy now? Amelia: I just said how much I miss you Jac: like I'm that desperate for attention, again, rude Amelia: clearly not if I have to be the one begging you for yours Jac: oh hush Jac: I invited you to something like, literally 5 seconds ago Jac: you were the one that ruined it with your 🤕 Amelia: I didn't mean to ruin anything Jac: I'm joking Jac: I'll survive Amelia: I'm serious Amelia: and sorry, obviously Jac: it's fine, actually fine Jac: you shouldn't worry about it Amelia: if you want me to try harder, I'll try harder, alright Jac: I'd appreciate it Jac: I think she would too, and you Jac: getting along would just be easier Jac: you don't have to be like, her own personally cheerleader Amelia: I can't work miracles either Jac: you said you'd try Jac: I don't know why it's so hard for you but I can't really ask more than that Amelia: you really don't get it? Jac: No, I really don't Amelia: okay Jac: I'll leave you to it Amelia: bye again Jac: You have planning to do Amelia: you love a competition Amelia: what happens if I lose? Jac: What competition? Jac: I'm not planning anything Amelia: so it's a test instead Amelia: it's the same question Jac: we can still hang out, as you asked Jac: I'll just be bored if you pick something boring, I suppose Amelia: when have I EVER picked anything boring? Jac: 🤷 Jac: we'll see Amelia: don't 🤷 at me Amelia: you've never been bored Jac: you're so touchy 😂 Jac: I can't do anything Friday, by the way, so don't pick Friday Amelia: do you want to assign me a day? Jac: Probably Sunday Jac: I'm working after school every other day Jac: Saturday is up in the air right now Amelia: alright Jac: free time is just not a thing I have Amelia: I know, I'm not touchy about that bit Jac: I'm not going to sit here and tell you you're not boring, Amelia Jac: what kind of midlife crisis Amelia: Shut up, I don't need that from you Amelia: I'm well aware Jac: 👉😠 Amelia: you don't need to teach me sign language either Jac: you're gonna side with the 12 year old asshole on that, are you Jac: yeah that's about right mentality wise 🙄 Amelia: according to you there aren't any sides, we're all friends and everything is 🌹y Amelia: so no Jac: Jude isn't our friend, she's my sister and she's a little bitch sometimes Amelia: yeah, again, I know Amelia: Savannah's the one who needs family introductions Jac: She knows who everyone is Jac: you're being so whiny, it's just annoying now Amelia: leave me to it then, that's what you said you were going to do Jac: Yeah, and I definitely will now Jac: christ, is it any wonder I'm not electing to spend time with just you Jac: think about it Amelia: It's already all I think about Amelia: I don't want to fight with you Jac: it's not hard, Amelia Jac: as I said, Savannah doesn't devote her time to bitching about you, or anyone else Jac: nor does she walk around with a massive strop on all the time Amelia: I'm sorry Amelia: what do you want me to say? Jac: Just stop acting like this Amelia: I'm not acting like anything, that's the problem Amelia: it's how I feel Jac: You're gonna have to sort it out Jac: it's not healthy for you Jac: or good for us or anyone else Amelia: I said I'll try Jac: you've got to Jac: it's for your own best interest Amelia: yeah Jac: yeah Amelia: 👋

[jbuffyangel]

Y'all are going to look really dumb when it's revealed that Maya is black siren's kid. Black Siren & Blackstar. Both have green eyes and blonde hair. & in the audition piece her character asked Dinah about Black Siren. Honestly this the marriage thing all over again. I'm going to laugh my ass off. You get what you deserve!

What marriage thing? When I said Olicity was going to getmarried and then they got married? Was that the thing? 

Because that’s whathappened.

I know it can be confusing since there were four proposals,one fake wedding and two real ceremonies. I definitely got what I deserved.No arguments there!

Maybe I’m thinking too specifically about this “marriedthing” because I agree there were some really funny moments on the way to thealtar:

Oliver proposing to Felicity in front of L*urel and sheapplauded.

Oliver leaving L*urel on their wedding day because herealized their fake relationship in the dream world was based off his realmemories from his relationship with Felicity – down to the damn wedding dress L*urelwas wearing. 

And then Oliver decided he’d rather live in a world where he had asnowball’s chance in hell of getting back together with Felicity rather thanstay in a dream world with L*urel living their white picket fence existence.

L*urel telling Oliver ON HER DEATH BED he was the love ofher life and he responded with silence. 

Of course, Oliver didn’t really have tosay anything. L*urel already wished for him to get back together with Felicity 

and acknowledged she knew she wasn’t the love of Oliver’s life.

Oliver telling Felicity, HIS WIFE, that no matter who shebecomes she will always be the love of his life.

That shit was hysterical.

You could be simply referring to general commitment too. Rememberthe time Oliver cheated on L*urel with her sister? 

Or when he cheated on L*urelAGAIN with Samantha (who was also her friend), got her pregnant and never told L*urel until Samanthashowed up in the damn bunker? 

Comedy at its best.

Or when Oliver ran for the hills every time L*urel mentionedany kind of cohabitation and/or long term future together? 

I laughed my ass offboth times he did it. 

The North China Sea and an island from hell were preferablethan a lifetime with L*urel L*nce. HILARIOUS.

Maybe the “wedding thing” isn’t the show at all. You couldbe referring to comments from the cast and crew in relation to Oliver’sromantic endgame like:

Stephen saying it didn’t matter if L*urel had lived. Oliverwould never be with her and it was always going to be Felicity on their show.

The showrunner confirming Bl*ck S*ren and Oliver would neverbe together romantically.

The showrunner saying Oliver would NEVER cheat on Felicity.

The showrunner discussing Emily and Stephen’s chemistry andhow it was lightning in a bottle, while acknowledging Stephen and KC’schemistry is a hot mess. (Friendly reminder you can’t fix chemistry issuesbetween actors no matter how many different versions of the character theyplay.)

ALL KNEE SLAPPERS!!!!! Completely agree Anon.

If you’re going to laugh your ass off about something itshould at least be what happened in the show. There’s plenty of stuff I gotwrong.

I’ll help you out. Let’s see… I said Tommy was Prometheus. That was a goodone. 

I also said there was absolutely no way Arrow would marry Oliver to theonly lesbian on the show. Boy did I miss the mark that time. 

Or how about whenI said that L*urel L*nce was going to die. 

Oh wait. Nope. That happened. 

Then I said the writers would never bring our L*urel back to lifeagain. 

Shit. That happened too. Well, I gotta get a few of them right once andawhile.

But why talk about the past? This is about the future as you say Anon and of course you’re right. Mia is clearlyBl*ck S*ren’s daughter. BECAUSE GREEN EYES AND BLONDE HAIR. 

Of course Hollywood’snumber one concern when casting a role is matching hair and eye color rather than finding the right actor for the role. Just ask Dakota Fanning.She played everyone’s kid. I’m sure she couldn’t even get in the door beforedocumenting her eye and hair color.

She probably needed a DNA sample too because we know the actors areactually producing real children to play their fictional children and thenmagically aging them 20 years. Someone should tell Kat McNamara that Katie isreally her mom. What a hell of an episode that’ll make. SO META.

It’s so sad we have yet to invent hair dye or coloredcontacts if this kind of detail is really important to a director. DAMN YOUSCIENCE.

I mean of course Felicity can’t be the mother because she’sa bottle blonde. Whereas Bl*ck S*ren, who you love to remind us is anexact replica of E1 L*urel L*nce, is clearly a natural blonde. Just like ourL*urel was. 

Oh. Nevermind.

It’s a real mystery where that blonde hair comes from withMia because everybody knows children are sprouted from the heads of motherslike Zeus and Athena. Women are asexual after all. The mother’s DNA is the onlything that matters in the creation of the baby.

You know what’s weird? I have brownhair and brown eyes. So how did my daughter get the most beautiful blonde hairand blue eyes the world has ever seen? OH MY GOD!!! IS SHE NOT MY BABY? AM ILIVING SWITCHED AT BIRTH? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *picks up phone to call police*

Hang on. 

I’m trying to remember my sex education. I assureyou it’s been awhile. I feel like at some point someone told me the father alsoplays a fairly significant role in the creation of a human being. Somethingabout sperm. 

My husband has blonde hair and blue eyes. So maybe it’s possiblethe man I’ve been sleeping with for 13 years impregnated me with thischild (if we’re to believe the junk science of sex education) and passed on hisblonde hair and blue eyes to her. THE MIND REELS. *putting down the phone*

So if Mia wasn’t sprouted from the head of her mother andArrow has embraced the insanity of actual science, I guess it’s possible that Miagot her blonde hair from OLIVER. 

Wow. 

But what about those eyes? It’s IMPOSSIBLE for two blue eyedpeople like Oliver and Felicity to produce a green eyed baby. Although, Iseem to remember my 10th grade science teacher saying somethingabout two blue eyes making green in our genetics unit. I also did a 5 secondGoogle search and some guys from the Stanford Genetic labs also confirm it’spossible, but there’s no way they know more than you Anon. I definitely think your dunk-a-person-in-water-and-if-they-don’t-drown-it-means-they-aren’t-a-witch kind of science makes a hell of a lot more sense than Stanford geneticists. If there’sone thing history taught us it’s to follow the science of 1600s Salem,Massachusetts.

But maybe I misunderstood again. Your word gymnastics is sotricky and smart. It’s hard to keep up! 

Maybe you just meant Bl*ck S*ren getspregnant by Mr. Rando. I’m sure we’ll see her love story develop any day now,since she has to get pregnant really soon for Mia’s age to make a damn bit ofsense. Certainly Bl*ck S*ren’s relationship with Mr. Rando will take precedenceover Oliver and Felicity’s love story. It’s not like the show is centered onOlicity, so I’ll be on the lookout for this impending great romance.

Genetics aside, you also alerted me to the iron clad proofof the audition scene!!! What would I do without you anon? I haven’t seen Mia’saudition scene, but if she mentions Bl*ck S*ren then of course it means she’sher daughter. DUH. Everything from the audition scenes ends up in the show. Question – was her name Maya in the audition? 

I did see the audition tapes for nearly every actress whoauditioned for “Tina” aka Dinah Drake. Those leaked everywhere. I bet theshowrunners were pretty ticked. I’m still waiting for the writers to introduceCarlos or dive into Dinah’s service with the Marine Corps. It’s almost like theyput things in the audition scene that don’t end up on the show to throw peopleoff. Ya know, in case the scene leaks.

I remember when people thought there was a chemistry testbetween Stephen (Oliver) and the actress playing Tina (Dinah) in her audition.Everyone freaked out. Olicity was over! Oliver Queen was going to end up withthe new Bl*ck C*nary, which of course is exactly what happened in the show.

Damn it! I’m wrong again!

I really need to rewatch seasons.

Funny enough the snip it of dialogue from the audition scene for Tina did end up in an episode of Arrow. But the scene was betweenDinah and Diggle. 

So weird. It’s almost like they screen tested chemistry withanother actor. But God knows that wouldn’t happen because obviously Oliver isending up with some kind of C*nary.

I know what I’m about to say is insanity, but maybe Bl*ckS*ren was mentioned in the audition scene as a diversion. It could actually beproof Mia’s character has nothing to do with Bl*ck S*ren at all. I’ll be sureto ask the writers once Carlos shows up. It’ll be any day now.

And last, but certainly not least, Bl*ck Siren and Blackstar both have the name BLACK. Does this also mean she’s Dinah and Zoe’s baby? Because they have black in their code names too . Oooh maybe Dinah and Bl*ck Siren get married!!! I do love a good wedding theory. If William ever gets a code name he better make sure it has GREEN in it so people know who the hell he is. That’s the point of a code name right? Damn. Bl*ck S*ren is CIA level. She’s so sneaky. I’m sooo impressed.

Thanks for reaching out and showing me the light Anon. Truly, I am grateful. I can’t wait to see how this response ages on Monday. 

[solarcitymelodies]

OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY OCS??? HOOHOHOHO MY GOD

My OCs of the year were probably Robin (Robyn? I'm still not sure which way I wanna spell it) and Lucy which is one group

And then the other group of the year would be Natasha, Wesley, and Elle

So!! Small infodump time!!!

BASICALLY Lucy is a haunted doll who Robin found like,, on the side of the road lmao, and since there was recently a murder in town, and haunted dolls and murder seem to go hand in hand, Robin pretty logically assumes this weird doll killed someone-- which she didn't, and Lucy was ADAMANTLY defending herself on this. Like, what the hell, I just got here, I don't even know HOW I got here, and now I'm being framed for murder?? Girl i just woke up. No thanks. But Robin is like "hmm I don't trust like that" and said "okay, here's the deal. You solve this murder WITH me, that way if it turns out it was you, I can turn you in," and Lucy has literally nothing better to do, so she agrees. The entire middle part of the story is missing but long story short, the solve the mystery, Lucy says "aight I guess I'll go die now!!" and Robin LOSES IT and is like no way in hell I'm going to just let you die, wtf?? So she convinces Lucy to stay and they just sorta?? Become roommates?? And from then on it becomes the most teeth rottingly adorable story ever like since Lucy's never really been taken care of during her Before She Was A Haunted Doll life (I won't go into detail because it's INCREDIBLY angsty and also potentially triggering) but since Robin is the dictionary definition of a lovebug she's like "CAN I BRUSH YOUR HAIR IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVEN'T BRUSHED IT IN A WHILE, I KNOW YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE THE MOTIVATION TO, I CAN WASH IT TOO IF YOU WANT YOU CAN READ ON MY PHONE WHILE I DO IT SO IT'S BASICALLY JUST TIME TO CHILL" and yes that exact thing actually did happen I'm not just makin that up on the spot lmao

AND I know y'all like robots so high-key I'm excited to talk about my other three babies SO BASICALLY Natasha is like,,, some highschool girl, leader of the robotics club, working on a project but has no parts. And instead of just ,, asking, like a normal person, she decides "hey since I'm too awkward to ask I'll just go to the ABANDONED THEME PARK downtown yes what a good and reasonable idea" like look as much as I love her that was not the smartest decision,,, but anyways. She goes to this park planning to pull a sneaky and take some stuff from some of the old animatronics, but runs into a small problem. By "small problem" I mean Elle, the freaky animatronic mascot of one of the rides, who just so happens to be sentient and semi-functional. She didn't actually have a name at that time (Wesley gave it to her later but SHH SPOILERS) but ANYWAYS Elle asks her what she's doing, and Natasha is,,, scared, yes, but mostly just confused, because she can't tell where the voice is coming from.

until she hears the terrifying screeching noise of rusted robotics TRYING TO MOVE TOWARDS HER

And after a painfully long and awkward conversation going over that yes, the robot is talking, this is real, Natasha eventually decides that it would be COOL AS FUCK if she just made fixing this animatronic her project for her club and Elle is like "yeah sure you can do whatever" because hey it's not like she's seen in signs of life on the past decade, she might as well let something interesting happen for once. And since there's literally no way she would be able to NOT tell someone about this, Natasha frags her best friend, Wesley, to see Elle the next day, and he's kind of terrified by her at first. Once they work out that she's nowhere near dangerous since she's so utterly broken, he mostly chills out, and after a while, you kind of just.. get used to being friends with an animatronic endoskeleton.

I don't really know where that story is going tbh I just like the concept of it also I think y'all might also appreciate the fact that Wesley is canonically a bisexual icon who wore a dress he stole from Natasha to homecoming

which oc would you say was your ‘oc of the year’? (because you made them this year, they had the most development this year, or you just feel like it)

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: So, tell me Bea: how is it that all your friends are in detention right now but you aren't? Fraze: I shouldn't need to tell you that I never get caught Bea: 😏 Well then, you should be concerned that I did Fraze: You reckon? Bea: Yes, your lack of care would be so offensive if it didn't mean you know me better Bea: Obviously I'm only here because O'Toole hates me Bea: and he only hates me because all the other teachers love me Fraze: He probably hates you 'cause you say and know shit like what you just said Bea: Well I definitely don't care so either way Bea: he's the type that reckons he was an underdog so he's gotta hate the kids who are obviously too much of anything, even when that thing is smart Fraze: That'll be why he's in my corner and not yours Bea: Lucky you 🙄 Bea: Still, you aren't so well loved that you couldn't be here Bea: so bored Fraze: Yeah, lucky me Bea: What's wrong? Fraze: I'm sorting it Bea: Obviously but still Fraze: so obviously forget it Bea: Yeah, obviously not Bea: come on Fraze: You ain't that bored Bea: Try me Fraze: Joe reckons he knows about me and you Fraze: enough to have a dig about it Bea: Enough that he can grass? Fraze: That ain't happening Fraze: like I said, I'll sort him out Fraze: and it'll be worse for him if he grasses Bea: How, exactly Bea: this concerns me too, so if you plan on just threatening to kick the shit out of him, time to rethink Fraze: I'll fucking kill him Bea: I don't think he would Bea: but try and use it for his gain, less sure Bea: maybe Fraze: we don't grass, it's rule 1 Fraze: he can try and hold this shit over my head but he knows what'll happen if he does Bea: For fuck's sake Fraze: this is why I said forget it Fraze: there's fuck all you need to do Bea: Yeah, right now maybe Bea: I'll enjoy those last five seconds of peace Fraze: Come on Fraze: If he's gonna be try and be that cunt I'll just tell 'em before he can Fraze: he ain't got no power, I do Bea: You better be joking Bea: that's it, that's your plan Fraze: I told you, it ain't gonna get that far Fraze: but if it does, then yeah Bea: No Bea: that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard Fraze: Well, we've established I ain't as smart as you, babe Bea: Shut up Bea: they can't find out Fraze: It ain't like they don't know, they were there before Bea: It's different Bea: you know it is Fraze: Exactly, we ain't kids now Fraze: they can't stop us Bea: That's not the point Fraze: Yeah it is Bea: One of Bea: but there's so much at stake Fraze: I know what you're thinking but they wouldn't do that Bea: Do you Fraze: Don't I? Fraze: stupid not retarded, like Bea: It's different for me, that's what I'm getting at Fraze: But what I'm getting at is it's not Fraze: They ain't gonna send you away anymore than they would me Bea: They'd wish they could Bea: and that's the point Fraze: shut up, no Fraze: neither of 'em are like that & you know it Bea: You don't owe them shit, I do Bea: admit it or not, that's how it is Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: they ain't holding out for an IOU that's not what any of this is about Bea: I ain't saying they're holding it against me but throwing it back in their face will change shit Bea: end of Bea: you think you're actually ready for that Fraze: that's not what we're doing either Fraze: Fuck that Bea: That's how they'll see it Bea: how else can they Fraze: I'll make 'em see it how it is, why can't I? Bea: No one is going to see it how we do Fraze: They don't have to Fraze: I'll do enough to make it alright though Fraze: end of Bea: If it was that easy, you wouldn't be freaking out right now Fraze: I ain't Bea: You should be Fraze: Nah Fraze: You should calm down Bea: Don't you dare Fraze: Dare what, say shit like it is? Fraze: Joe's all mouth & no balls & on the off chance he decides to grow a pair I can handle it Bea: You know what Bea: and Joe isn't the only way this could come out Fraze: he's the one trying to put my back up to the wall right now Fraze: when we want it to come out, we'll do it our way Bea: Should I talk to him Fraze: Do you wanna? Bea: I don't want to do any of this but it might be better Fraze: Then don't Fraze: I can fix this Bea: What did he say exactly Fraze: That ain't what matters Bea: How is it not Fraze: He won't say fuck all else, that's the shit to focus on Bea: I knew this would happen Bea: there's no fucking room for privacy ever in this house Fraze: it's his cokehead like sleep pattern that's done it Bea: Jesus Fraze: How long have you got left? Bea: I don't know, clockwatching hasn't been a priority since you dropped the bombshell, like Bea: about 20 minutes Fraze: Come on, it ain't that drastic Fraze: Couple of drinks in us & we'll be laughing it off, like Bea: It is though Bea: if we can't even guarantee everyone's asleep how are we ever gonna have any time together Fraze: Don't Fraze: he knows now & the rest could probably sleep through the 2nd coming especially Ma & Da Bea: Yeah and I know why you won't tell me what he said Bea: I'm not an idiot either Fraze: Babe Bea: and he ain't the only one who's gonna think it's fucked up or wrong Fraze: Fuck him, he don't know what he's on about Fraze: the stupidest of the lot, yeah? Fraze: & who gives a shit what anyone else reckons anyway, not me & deffo not you Bea: It's just Bea: I didn't ask to need fostering Bea: I liked you first Fraze: I know Fraze: I saw you first, if anyone was gonna help you, it was meant to be me Bea: Sadly we couldn't actually run away, make it on our own aged, whatever the fuck Fraze: we can now Bea: Yeah? Bea: That's plan b Fraze: Yeah Fraze: She ain't never meant 'em to be a survival guide but I still know what to do after hearing all my Ma's stories loads of times Bea: There we go then Bea: we're sorted Fraze: I told you Bea: You're cute Fraze: Just walk out Bea: We're running away right now? Fraze: From detention at least Bea: Tempting Bea: But I've basically served my time now Fraze: I'll keep waiting at the gates like a twat loner then Bea: You're here Fraze: 'Course Bea: Then I'll double down and actually mean my previous statement now, you really are cute Fraze: you too, babe, that's what I'm doing here, like Bea: Nerd Bea: 😏 Fraze: If that's your type I'm fucked Fraze: Got loads of stamina but I don't reckon I can keep that shit going Bea: There it is Bea: sounding too humble a brag for a second there Fraze: Well, I can't let that bullshit stand Bea: I'm not sure if we can call it a type when it's just you Fraze: I'll keep my 👓 on if you insist Bea: 😂 Bea: As if you've got 'em on you Fraze: Nah but I'd look for 'em for you Bea: I don't wanna stop Bea: I can't Fraze: No cunt is keeping me away from you, they can't Bea: No Bea: we can sort this Bea: somehow Fraze: I mean it, I'll fucking kill him if I have to Bea: Romance ain't dead but neither is Joe Bea: I won't visit you in prison Fraze: I won't go Fraze: I don't get caught, remember Bea: Cocky Bea: I'll write you a hitlist if you're so confident, babe Fraze: Alright Bea: So, you'll wait outside for me, murder for me Bea: what else? Fraze: What else do you want? Bea: Everything Fraze: Try me then Bea: You wish I would Fraze: Are you saying you won't? Bea: I'm saying I ain't free yet Bea: I've already said I can't not be with you Fraze: & I already said get free Fraze: I'm waiting for you, what the fuck are you waiting for? Bea: I don't know Bea: seemed like a reasonable idea not to get into any trouble if we're about to get in the deepest of shit Bea: start off on a even standing, if not a slight advantage Fraze: You know you won't regret giving me however many minutes you're meant to stay in there Bea: Fraze Fraze: Come on Bea: Make it worth my while Fraze: Obviously Bea: Hang on then Fraze: I have been for fuck knows how long now so 'course Bea: Whine some more Bea: it's such a turn-on Fraze: Shut up Bea: Better Fraze: Lucky that you being a bitch is a turn on Bea: Lucky I'm not easily offended, prick Fraze: Lucky I'm in no mood to offend you, babe Bea: Where are we going? Fraze: If it ain't home, I'll take it Bea: Obviously that's off-limits Fraze: Those fuckers over the road are away though, we could hop their fence easy Bea: Assuming and praying they put their rabid ratty dog in a kennel Fraze: I ain't heard it so that or they mercy killed it before they went Bea: Save you a job Bea: only so much murder you can handle Fraze: Don't worry, I'll start with O'Toole Fraze: priorities, like Bea: Awh but he loves you Fraze: Yeah, but I love you Bea: Babe Fraze: Can you think of some bullshit reason we can stay out that my Ma will reckon is legit? Bea: I will Bea: I can't think of anything right now but that's your fault Fraze: I ain't sorry Bea: Me either Bea: remember that, yeah Fraze: I will Bea: Good Fraze: Don't forget either Bea: How could I Bea: You aren't going anywhere without me Fraze: 'Course not Bea: Promise and I'll come out Fraze: It's always been me & you, babe, I promise it's always gonna be Bea: [Does] Fraze: [the 😍 would be so intense] Bea: [when you go in for an intense af hug despite people being around 'cos '#shook] Fraze: [this is why you're gonna get caught lads but I ain't mad about it] Bea: [your fam walks by like 👀 lol Fraze: [bahahhahaha imagine before that can be a thing it's a good job he's pretending he's so unfazed by this near miss so he can drag her away sharpish to somewhere more private] Bea: [thanks for your garden neighbours] Fraze: [I hope the weather is alright] Bea: [break into their shed lads] Fraze: [a mood, if they've got anything good, steal it] Bea: [#theydeseveit and Ali and Ro are still friends with her so they won't suspect y'all lol] Fraze: [exactly my thoughts] Bea: [the type that are your #bffs 'til you ain't and then they hold a petty grudge over you all forever] Fraze: [literally, it's so real] Bea: [anyway, enjoy kids, hope no one saw you going over the fence] Fraze: [we know they can be sneaky sometimes even if there probably also is an old curtain twitcher on their street cos always a thing ha] Bea: [don't be a snitch old lady] Fraze: [at least if she was they could blag it like she's chatting shit for attention #kidstoday and mcvickers would be like valid] Bea: [and regardless, they wouldn't immediately assume they were having an affair in the shed, more likely just being little shits for no reason so] Fraze: [precisely, he'd always be doing shit like that with her or his mates] Bea: [heheheh think again though lads] Fraze: [Tess will be fuming she didn't figure this out] Bea: [remember on the act when her daughter called her out, I was like a #mood] Fraze: [1000% true facts] Bea: [should be late for tea though 'cos you're already an hour after school finishes for detention so] Fraze: [definitely, at least he can lie that he's gonna be at his mates cos they'd back him up esp if he said he'd with a girl so as long as she can think of something they can stay out after] Bea: [just say you had two clubs in a row or something blag it bitch] Fraze: [we know she's an amazing liar its fine get it done] Fraze: [also there should 100% be booze in that shed they can steal] Bea: [partay, probably a pouch of baccy too, but steal some other shit so it's not that obvious lmao] Fraze: [we know the kind of chav parents we're talking about here so its legit] Bea: [truly]

[oro-e-diamanti]

I've heard amazing things about this, so time to get comfy and get a read on because, knowing Foxy and her writing, this is gonna be a great one either way

edit after reading: WELL I HAD A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS ONE hahaha it's a long one under the cut because I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself haha

well yes that does sound like Thomas haha

it's too early into this story to get emotional but here we are

oh I love the detail of the "typing" appearing without anything happening

ahh Ethan is planning hm

ahhh Ethan trying to help Thomas out, yess

oooh five years ago, let's go

"Hindsight is always easier than foresight. You know now, Thomas knows now and Ethan knows now as well." 😭

god this hurts, I'm too hormonal for this

urgh Vivi

yeah ok I know it's too early to be annoyed with her but I'VE BEEN TOLD hahaha

lmao yes Vic go off

"until someone you almost forgot you know sends you an article" WHY DO PEOPLE DO THESE THING, mind your business ffs

"he's an idiot, he was told" GOOD haha

brb gotta go barf at the caption

"Are you tagging us to remind us that we’ll have band practice over video call now, or why are we seeing this." YES VIC GO OFF GIRL

bit too late, Thomas, bit too late. maybe you should have asked your new side piece when she was gonna post before she did and announced shit to the world

urgh the throwback, I'm fine I'm ok

OH OKAY I WAS CONFUSED FOR A SECOND THERE BUT I'M INTO THE DYNAMIC

urgh Ethan, I have very primal needs for this man

this has no business being so fucking hot but HELLO

god you write this so well

aaaaand back to the present, ouch

yeah Thomas, fucking surprise, no one could have seen this coming at ALL lmao

"food that can't be eaten" hahaha also me in the kitchen

aw no not l.a. people scolding him :(

not Ethan telling him a fairytale I'm gonna sob 😭

oh fuck off Vivi

OH JESUS CHRIST VIVI GET A BRAIN

Thomas being the dumbest dumbass to ever dumbass

fucking hell no one should ever be that passive and uninterested in their own wedding, that's just tragic but also THAT'S YOUR OWN FAULT THOMAS

Ethan putting his hands on Thomas' hips to get him down asghfdsjhf I love the litle details

god the way he keeps messaging her is both romantic and tragic

Ethan you sneaky bitch with the photo hahaha I love it

TITLE DROP IN THE STORY I love that

Thomas sleeping over and cuddling and hearing a story and WANTING A ROOM I'm gonna burst, he's so soft and cute, shame he lost his brain

another flashback for my poor heart haha

I'm not gonna lie, I love that arrangement with Ethan ahhh

jesus christ vivi that's not normal behaviour

"He wants to go home" 😭

oh fucking finally, Thomas

don't stick your dick in crazy, folks

"If he would have looked up, he would have seen you cross the bridge he walked over only minutes ago." afhsadha this is too good

THREE YEARS AGO THAT'S STILL SO MUCH TIME LEFT AHHHH

THAT BITCH SELLING OUT TO THE MAGAZINES I'M, once again, GONNA GO BARF

lmao not everyone coming for her to disprove her story, love that

as if y'all haven't seen each other naked more than some couples have, damiano

OH FFS DAMIANO that's just mean

dhsfjsdlfsa the story about the star

Thomas missing Vic 😭

ah fuck of course they had to run into each other at SOME point, even if this one mainly consisted of Thomas running AWAY

"I kind of forgot to tell them about each other" ETHAN NO

is that a good idea, Thomas??? bit full of memories, that house, innit

ooooh one year ago, getting closer

damn Pedro knows and understands, good dude eh

hahaha yep, that sounds like Vic

fuck's sake Vic, don't go around almost drowning, please

"You need someone who loves you unconditionally. I do love you, but not like you need" 😭

oh Thomas you silly little thing, of course she loved/loves you

THis year 👀

I WANT TO BREAK UP

ouch, poor Pedro but also oooof yeah I get it

ASHKFJHSD SORRY WHAT YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THEM FUCKING IN THEIR IN THE TINIEST PARAGRAPH AND EXPECT ME TO BE OK WITH IT

omg not Thomas still having the rehearsal room I'm gonna cry

ASHKFLSH DAMIANO STILL HAS THE PAPER

god I love this so much, the story, the scene, your writing, your MIND

I WANT BOTH OF YOU TO STAY

UH HUH YES

sgfiahfAFHOÖASFghiudfaö

that's it that's my review

just keysmash

no words

god I love it so much

10/10, amazing work, would recommend and read again

Let the devil be my witness

Pairing: Thomas x Fem!Reader x Ethan

Summary: "The little star is unhappy, it wants to be a star that others wish upon, bring them luck but shooting stars are meteors burning, just surviving for us to see before they burn up and hit the ground" or Five years of everything going wrong.

Word Count: 10.5k

Other: Warnings and everything at the end this time. There's hints to All my friends told me you would break my heart, which you should read, just because I love it :) (It works without but better with).

Reblogs are free, I would appreciate people using them. Thanks <3

Add yourself to my taglist.  / Masterlist

.#####.

NOW

"I want to throw a party," Thomas tells him. Curled up under his blanket, looking at him with big eyes, a small happy smile on his face. "It'll be fun. I can close the bar for a day and everyone can just have fun, they deserve it."

Ethan just hums. He didn't see Thomas for months until he gave him a call and then Thomas just appeared in front of his door today, hugging him close and now Thomas is laying in his bed after hours of talking.

"You would come as well, right?" There's a glimmer of hope in Thomas' eyes.

"Sure," he smiles at him, "Can't have you party alone."

For a long time nothing is said, until Ethan thinks that Thomas already fell asleep. He reaches for the second blanket that is at the foot of the bed, turns the already dimmed light off. Only then, in the darkness, Thomas stirs again.

"Thank you," Thomas mumbles against his neck, "for not hating me."

Ethan stiffs before he relaxes again: "Of course not."

"Do you think we will work as a band now?" Thomas buries his face against his neck.

"It'll be okay."

"Did Vic or you tell him to apologise?" Thomas asks, slightly shaking in his arms.

"No, Dam just asked us for your new number. He wanted to apologise himself."

Again there's only silence and darkness surrounding them. But there's still one question Ethan wants answered, there's an idea forming in his head.

"Tho?"

"Eth?"

"Do you still write her?"

There's rustling next to him. He blinks and the next time he opens his eyes, he holds Thomas' phone in his hands. Thomas' Instagram DM's with you are opened. Messages you never answered but there's the little heart emoji under the text that shows that someone liked the message.

I think, I never said it but I'm sorry.

Ethan scrolls further up, sees text blur together, sees the hearts on Thomas' texts but how he never got an answer, except once. He scrolls down, and blinks at the screen confused, then it's gone again. Thinking that he imagined it, he wants to give the phone back to Thomas but just before he does, it starts again.

Typing …

Nothing happens, no text appears, but the plan is shaping up in Ethan's head - the last five years have been enough.

.#####.

"I know this is really weird," Ethan says, "Look, do you still talk to …"

He's getting cut off: "Yes, we still talk. It's okay, we just fucked, you made that really clear. What do you want?"

"Could you do me a favour and get her to a party?"

"Are you going to tell me why?"

"I can't go on seeing Thomas like this," he says, "They have to talk."

"You can't lie to me, I know which arrangement you had." There's a sigh on the other side of the phone. "You want it back as well."

"I'm already happy when he's not breaking down again. He still loves her, that's more important and more than enough for me."

"It has been years."

"Please! Before they are running away from each other again."

"I'm sorry, she just broke up with someone, I don't know if it's a good idea to just confront her with Thomas of all people right now."

"Just this one favour, I don't know who to ask otherwise."

"What do I get for being a part of this stupid plan?"

"Seeing a happy end?" A small laugh, but he counts it as a victory. "I would give you my soul if I have to, I just want to see him happy after all this."

.#####.

Five Years ago - The Breakup

Hindsight is always easier than foresight. You know now, Thomas knows now and Ethan knows now as well. Now is just too late. It wasn't what was said that ended your relationship - it was what went unsaid. At least that is what you tell yourself, but it's too late.

Just lock the door when you leave.

Just chuck the keys into my letterbox.

You cry downstairs when you are in front of his mailbox, his keys in hand. He isn't going after you to say that he's sorry. There's nothing - just silence.

Did you just break up with me?

You should have known, should have known better. Should have known before they even came back home from tour, but you were stupid enough to tell yourself that it will all turn out to be okay in the end. It didn't, you can see that now. You should have known when he went to parties more often than picking up the phone for calls you agreed on before. Forgetting calls all together and him being more distant than not.

Just when you're about to throw the keys into the letterbox, there's a hand on your shoulder and then Ethan pulls you into a hug. For a few seconds you had hope. You were clinging to the last bit of hope on this gloomy November day, all to have it shattered.

"I'm sorry," he says and hugs you closer.

You can't do anything than cry into his shirt, onto his shoulder. Your phone vibrates in your hand, has the keys making a jiggling noise.

"He doesn't mean it, don't believe him," Ethan says, "he missed you. Thomas missed you so much, he thought it would make it worse and that it would make it worse for you or him."

You don't answer, you just stare down on your phone.

Yes

The keys you drop into Ethan's hand are almost falling to the floor. And then you leave them behind.

.#####.

FIVE YEARS AGO

"Los Angeles?" Vic looks at him surprised, "Are you sure, Thomas?"

He just nods, nervously picks at his nail polish.

"Why?"

"Vivi wants to go," Thomas isn't looking at her, "might be easier for her to start a career there than here. You know how hard everything here is."

"I'm sorry, what?" The expression on Victoria's face changes from surprised to something like outraged. "You know her for what? Two months of fucking? If she has any talent, she'll also make it here, you of all people should know that."

Thomas just shrugs, avoids her gaze, and Vic sighs.

"Are you that heartbroken?"

He shrugs again, doesn't want to face the truth.

"I told you, that she would break your heart."

"I …," Thomas looks at his hands - thinks of the day the break up happened, "I was the one who broke up with her."

"Maso!" The anger gives way to a sadder look on Vic's face. "You are so in love, and you are still, don't lie to me. I don't understand, why?"

"I thought it would hurt less when I do it."

.#####.

You try to ignore it, you try to ignore the rumours and the gossip that reaches your ears - the whispers around the city. It works, but only until someone you almost forgot you know, sends you an article that you open without thinking even one second about it. You should have, you shouldn't have looked at this. Shouldn't have seen what you so desperately tried to avoid the last couple of months.

There's no need to read the article, you just see the photo. Thomas in an intimate embrace with a woman. He has his tongue down her throat, or the other way round, you're not sure. Deep down, you don't even want to know. Then you switch off your phone. You don't want to think about it, but it doesn't work.

Even in the evening when you're home and switch your phone on again, you're still thinking about it. Not getting the image out of your head, the bottle of white wine doesn't help, it just has you thinking about Thomas again, and about Ethan. The one night, you all got drunk on wine and high on weed, crossfaded - a happy pile on Thomas' couch, some obscure horror film playing in the background. Ethan kissing your neck, and Thomas giggling under you, how he tried to kiss you on the lips but his lips landed right under your eye. How he poked his tongue out, slowly licked and Ethan laughed against your shoulder. But on your phone, you can see more photos. Thomas holding hands, Ethan somewhere in the distance, the girl looking straight into the camera and you want to throw your phone against the wall.

For one second, you in your head you play with the thought to call him. Just to hear his voice, to be soft, but you don't. You call one of the friends you made in Rome, a friend you made because of him, after he took you out for dinner the first time. Thomas' friend, Franca - the waitress that evening, with who you hit it off. She showed you around bars when he wasn't there, talked with you - teached you more Italian, became a friend. Exactly like Thomas wanted to, I knew you would like each other.

"Hi," you feel bad, "I'm so sorry to call. I know he's your friend, probably more than mine but, I, I just don't know what-"

"Sweetheart," her voice is soft, "so you saw it? I'm so sorry. It's okay, he's an idiot, he was told. You're my friend as well."

"Thanks," you sniff slightly, "This hurts. He couldn't wait at least more than a month or two before almost climbing someone in public?"

"I know this isn't any condolence, but Ethan and Vic both told him, this isn't going to turn out any good and everything else …," she stops.

Sweet Ethan, you think.

"What do you mean? Everything else?"

"Are you sure, you want to know this?" She asks. You know, you shouldn't say yes to this question, it was enough for today, but you still do. "I'll sent you a screenshot, and you know what we should do? Go out, there's plenty of fish in the sea. We'll get you something better."

Problem is, you don't want anything better. You want Thomas. You want Ethan as well - but it doesn't hurt as much.

The screenshot almost makes you cry, it's a photo of Thomas and the woman you saw too many times today already. She's pressing her lips to one of his cheeks, just next to a freckle you loved to kiss, her arms around him. Worse is only the caption: Can't wait to start a new and better life with my sweetheart, the absolute love of my life, in Los Angeles next month.

"Los Angeles?" You should be happy that you'll have Rome to yourself again, that you don't have to be careful where to step, to not run into any of them. You feel nothing. "This day was enough, I think."

"You don't know the best part yet. She actually tagged him in this post but not only him, she somehow managed to tag the band account as well." A tiny bit you even have to laugh. "Ethan apparently lost it, saying he doesn't want to be associated with this. And Vic commented under it Are you tagging us to remind us that we'll have band practice over video call now, or why are we seeing this. And now, I promised you to party."

"Actually …," you thought about it before but now is the time to really do it, "I would rather look for a new job than for a stopgap just to fuck."

.#####.

There's some kind of magical string pulling you to the bar that day. The bar you met in, where Thomas first act upon seeing you was to empty his Tequila Sunrise over your dress by accident. Just when you want to step into the bar, you can see a blond man with messy hair turn around quickly and walk away - you shake your head at yourself, you're seeing ghosts.

You just want to get a drink, watch people for a bit, and go home but when you come back from the bar, Vic is sitting at the table where you usually sit.

"I know, I know, yes I got it," she says into her phone, "I just thought, you wouldn't cancel on me after you should have been already here. I get that you still have to pack stuff but …"

She hangs up with a sigh, then she looks at you: "I can't believe he just bailed on me like that."

"Welcome to the club," you want to be sarcastic but the bite is missing from your voice.

Victoria chuckles, but quickly stops when she sees your face: "I can't believe, he's really going to move to Los Angeles of all places. Half my life he was always just a few streets away."

You can feel your lips start to quiver, your hand slightly shaking. Vic takes your drink out of your hand and then she pulls you down into a hug.

"God, I'm so sorry," she whispers while you cry into her soft cardigan, "This must be hard for you as well."

"Please don't tell him."

.#####.

When you're home hours later, you stare at the Instagram DM Thomas sent you a while ago:

I just wanted to tell you that I'm moving to LA. I wanted you to know from me, not from somewhere else.

You didn't answer - there was nothing left to say. You already knew.

It should have been the quickest way to get you back home but now you're already standing in the streets for the last ten minutes. Autumn is just around the corner, it's early September, and you are standing in front of Thomas' flat. Thomas' old flat - he moved end of June, you try to tell you that it's better like this. That he's gone, but it doesn't work, you tell yourself the same when you see pictures in glossy magazines or when you accidentally see Thomas' Instagram's posts. It always hurts whatever you tell yourself.

You try not to let your thoughts wander back in time, you try not to think about them. But before you can tell yourself not to do it, you think about how many times you went up the stairs to Thomas' flat. How you went up the stairs the first time after the night at Ethan's place.

They just came back from some little promo tour they had for a little over a week and Ethan asked if you would come over to Thomas' place later. You couldn't say no, you where just wondering why Thomas didn't text anything all evening and isn't the one who's opening the door for you.

"Where's Thom?"

"In the living room." Ethan grins at you, glass of wine in hand. You can only hear the intro music of a film playing from the living room. "He'll be happy to see you."

Contrary to what you expected Thomas isn't sitting on the couch, he's laying on his back, on the wooden floor boards - almost naked. You kneel down next to him, to press a kiss to his cheek. Affectionately you let your fingers glide through his hair. He wants to say something but he can only whine and mumble against the soft scarf that is between his lips, used to gag him. You let your hands wander over his body, his waist, his hips, play with the hairs of his happy trail until he whines again and tries to buck his hips up.

Ethan kneels down next to him on his other site and carefully gets the scarf out of his mouth. He wipes the spit away from Thomas' chin with his thumb.

"We will watch a film now." Ethan says, "If you promise me to make no noise, you can come up to the couch and we can leave this off."

Thomas sits between you two, while you are still dressed. Everytime Thomas does want to say something or a whine almost lefts his mouth, he carefully bites into Ethan's shoulder or into your arm. When there's a heated scene of two people fucking against a wall, Thomas loses the battle with himself and lets a loud whine slip past his lips. It doesn't help that you let your hand slip into his slightly tented briefs and let your fingers swirl around his tip. He whines even louder.

"You have to go back down." Ethan says, slapping your hand lightly, so you take it off Thomas' and then he pauses the film. "Just lay down, stick your tongue out."

Thomas does lay down, while Ethan takes off your trousers and your panties: "You can have him, but not his dick, otherwise you can play with him, 'kay?"

You kind of have an idea what he wants to see, and you don't want to disappoint, you know Thomas doesn't want to either. You wipe some of the drool away from Thomas' face. He looks up to you, a little bit unsure - you still remember how he said he isn't good at this.

"You'll do great," you reassure him before you put both your feet next to his head, grab a handful of his hair and lower your body down. "I know it, just keep your tongue out, babe."

He is doing more than keeping his tongue out, he's trying to go with your movements. Carefully licking through your folds, then faster - a little bit harsher, before he switches back to carefully. You move his head, his tongue gliding in and out. Whoever made him believe that he's not good at this, deserves to be haunted for their rest of their life, you think. When you pull him off, he presses his tongue flat against your clit, slightly circles it. It feels so good, you almost cum and you would but Ethan pulls you off. Thomas heavily panting under you.

It doesn't take long to free Thomas of his briefs, or to get him to fuck you. You're bouncing up and down playfully on his dick, you can feel how he restrains himself to not just buck up into you.

"You did such a good job," you can hear Ethan tell him, "You don't have to hold back."

And he doesn't. The next second your back hits the floor and he's over you. There's no restraints anymore, just Thomas going deeper, moaning into your mouth. The only word you can think off is wild, and you definitely see the stars when you cum.

A loud noise gets you out of your memories, people being noisy, carrying boxes. Just when your phone is ringing and you pick it up almost in trance.

We would like to offer you the job.

The For Rent sign is taken down. Someone new is moving in. He isn't coming back, you realise. It's not feeling like a weird and unpleasant dream anymore, it feels like reality crashing down over you. And you are offered the job you always dreamed of. In Sydney, a city you never asked for. You look up to Thomas' window, the window you have seen him smoke out so often and know that you'll not see him again like this, and you say yes.

.#####.

Thomas is sitting on the roof of his rented house. Cigarette between his lips, guitar next to him, he's watching the sunset in the distance. He can't tell if he's happy, the only thing he knows for sure is that he's drunk. Incredibely drunk. He went up to the roof after Vivi asked him another time this week, if he could show her photos to some people, as she did the months before. Thomas tried, he did try for her, showed them to some people he thought might have pity - either with him or with her - or would like them, but everyone told him the same. No. It escalated into a fight and then into a fight about something else, not the first time since they moved, or even this month and not only because of this alone.

He's tired. Tired of running after people for other people. Tired of the fighting. Tired of band practice over webcam. Tired of Vic and Damiano looking at him pityfully. And he's so tired of Ethan looking at him as if he had told him that stars aren't real and the big celestial bodies are only an illusion he made up in his head years ago. He's so tired of it.

Don't fucking cry. He tells himself.

He is tired of being tired. Thomas takes another sip of his drink that is too bitter. He loves sitting on the roof with the last sunrays of the day but he misses his balcony in Rome and his small kitchen full of people, cooking that goes wrong and food that can't be eaten but he still had fun. Now there are still people in his kitchen but every day blends into the other, people talk to him as if he's an animal in a zoo and he's getting scolded for burning something more often than feeling lips on his forehead, in his hair or on his cheeks - and collective laughter.

Do you think stars have a life?

There's no thought in his head when he writes it, no one stopping him sending it. Nothing happens, until a little heart appears under his text. Causing his own heart to jump in his chest. He waits but there's nothing else, no answer.

I hope Sydney makes you happy x

No answer.

I'm not. Happy, I mean. He writes it, but before sending it, he deletes it and dials Ethan's number instead.

"It's early," Ethan says. There's a voice next to him and Thomas can hear how he gets out of bed.

"It's late," Thomas says, "Do you think stars have a life?"

"Do you want to hear the scientific answer?" Ethan asks and sighs. "Or are you asking for a story?"

"A fairytale?" He picks up his guitar, it almost wheeps when he plays. He still isn't ready to cry but his guitar wants to. "Please?"

"Hundreds of light years away, in a bright galaxy full of other stars, there was once a little star …"

He only gets down the roof late in the night. Vivi is standing in the corridor, looking tired and she snaps at him.

"Did you have fun?" she asks, "While I had to tell your friends that you aren't in a good mood and everyone looked at me like I'm the most pathetic person in the room?"

"Vivi."

"No. Don't look at me like that, like you're all sad and your life is horrible with me but like you're sorry," she says, "You cannot always leave an argument like this Thomas."

His voice is smaller than he wants it to be: "I didn't invite those people, you did. You can't just invite people to my house. They aren't my friends, how many times do I have to repeat? You started an argument in front of them because you started with your," he makes air quotes, "Can you believe he still didn't ask me to marry him again."

"Yes, because we had this conversation so many times. I told you I want to get married, get a hint."

"You want me to marry you? Fine." He is tired, he's still so fucking tired. "I'll buy you a ring. Go dress shopping or whatever people do that get married."

"You finally came around?" She smiles and puts an arm around his hips, "We will make such a great couple, I already know the perfect dress, you will love me in it."

"I'm crashing in a hotel." He takes his guitar and his car keys. And then he's out the door, he wants to get out, he just wants to breathe.

In the end he does buy a ring. He even goes down on his knees. He's so fucking tired. He wishes he really could be the little star light years away that so desperately wants to be a shooting star and is still finding happiness in the end.

I got engaged

This time he isn't waiting for an answer, a reaction, isn't staring at his phone. He knows there will be no answer - there's nothing else to say.

.#####.

They tour Europe and Thomas finally feels like he can breathe again. He calls Vivi after gigs, lets her talk about wedding decisions she makes without him. But more often than not, he sends you a quick message. A photo from Florence, an anecdote how he almost fell off stage in France, that he misses talking to you from Stockholm and a selfie of him and Ethan with the Colosseum in the background from Rome which you saved to your phone.

"Do you think Sydney is nice?" Thomas asks Damiano one evening.

"You want to tour Australia, huh?" Damiano looks back at him but then his look changes. "It's not about touring, is it?"

Thomas shakes his head.

.#####.

FOUR YEARS AGO

It's already early May when Ethan comes to visit him in Los Angeles. He's excited, excited to see his friend, excited to have nothing to do and he hopes that he is finally getting away from deciding which colour the tablecloths at the wedding should have, which they still don't have a date for and will more than likely still be months away.

The first two days are the best he had since the tour ended. Just Ethan and him going to the beach, eating ice cream and existing next to each other. There's a party in the evening and Thomas almost gets Ethan to dance on a table with him but in the end he smiles fondly at him and stays on the ground. Thomas laughs when Ethan puts his hands on his hips to get him off the table at the end of the night. He still smiles when Ethan strokes his sweaty bangs out of his face and says goodnight, presses a light kiss to his cheekbone, hours later.

"You came home late!" It's the first thing he hears when he wakes up only hours later. Vivi's voice sharp next to him.

And then all of a sudden it isn't the relaxed holiday anymore he wanted, or Ethan wanted for himself. Vivi always hanging around, pulling him back when he gets too close or when Ethan puts an arm around his waist. There are more photos of her in Thomas' flowy shirts than usual, Thomas in the background sometimes, a hand here, an engagement ring there. A little reminder. Not one minute she leaves them alone, Ethan rolls his eyes when she cuddles up to Thomas at the pool one afternoon, making out with him until Ethan takes his book and leaves for his room.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing!?" She puts her hand on his chest. "You don't like it?"

"That's not what I'm talking about. Am I under surveillance or something?"

"You fucked with him, or someone with him, I don't care. But don't think I'll let him out of my sight or alone with you. That one party was enough."

"You're exaggerating," Thomas tells her but Vivi isn't listening anymore, "There's nothing you have to worry about. You know we aren't getting back together."

Ethan is staying away from him the next days, doing his own thing. Sending Thomas a photo from an art gallery he is going to, while Vivi is dragging him to another one at the other end of the city. He has a headache. Somehow there's a snapshot of him holding hands in an Italian gossip magazine a day later which Damiano sends him a photo off.

You remember when Ethan told us about his fave painting? And how the brushstrokes are unique? I wish, I could still remember the painting's name without asking him but I only remember the name of the tea I had. Who names a tea Dulce & Banana?

One morning, the second week of Ethan's stay, Ethan and Thomas take their breakfast to the pool. Listening to music together and Thomas rests his head on Ethan's shoulder while biting into a croissant.

"Smile!" Ethan says and then everything goes a little bit too fast. Thomas smiles when Ethan points his phone camera to them. While Vivi sneaks in from behind just in the moment Ethan rises his hand to show the camera his middlefinger, directly in front of her face. Strangely he has to giggle when he sees the end result. Vivi on the other hand is fuming, Thomas just looks at him, a little bit annoyed, a little bit lost. He posts it anyways and thinks about getting a hotel room for the rest of his stay.

"Can you at least try to be nice to her?" Thomas says later in the day.

Before Ethan can answer, Vivi lays her arm around Thomas: "We're going out for dinner now, right?"

"Are you joining?"

"No, I'm going to look for a hotel room."

Later he does look for a hotel room but before he books it, he decides to facetime Victoria.

"How are you two? Oh…" Vic looks at him surprised, "Where's Thom?"

"Out for dinner, with Vivi."

"Your holidays aren't that great?" She asks.

He tells her everything that gets on his nerves, how it feels like he can't talk to Thomas even five minutes a day. How he really doesn't want to be here and that he really was excited to be here in the beginning.

"This is why I didn't want to join." Chili is crawling into her lap. "Or why Damiano and I decided she isn't allowed to join us on tour."

"You decided this without me?"

Victoria sighs: "You can never be angry with him for long, damn you can't even say no to him even when he's the biggest fucking idiot." Vic and Chili are both looking at him. "Dami didn't want the paparazzi to swamp us, they somehow turn up when she's around, and I didn't want you to have to see this the whole time."

"Okay."

"Ethan, you … As I said you can't say no to him, he just has to look at you. We … we also thought it would be …," she shakes her head, "You and him is a different story, I didn't want to make it harder for you or him or for … For, you know, for her."

"Okay."

"And … I can see he's suffering."

Ethan startles when there's a knock on the door. Thomas in front of it.

"Did you eat?"

"Shitty pizza and an even shittier salad."

Thomas looks at Ethan's laptop: "One of your fuckbuddies?"

"I hope I'm better than that!?"

All three of them laugh, and Vic hangs up. Thomas gives him a paper bag. It contains some pastries and a salad that isn't shit according to Thomas and two pre-mixed cocktails in bottles.

"Can I come in?" Thomas asks, "I'm sorry because of earlier."

They go up to the roof in silence, they eat in silence, they drink in silence.

"Do you really want this engagement, Thom?"

"I don't know," he shrugs - fumbles for a cigarette.

"If you could start over with your life would you do it?" Ethan tries to change his approach. "Would you change anything?"

"Hmmm," Thomas looks down at the cigarette between his fingers, "I would. I would do a lot different now. Let the devil be my witness, I would do things differently."

"When she would have come up with me again, would you have still broken up?"

"Did you ask her to come up again?" Thomas looks at him - hurt and broken.

"No."

"Does it matter then?"

Ethan swallows. Maybe it doesn't matter after all. There's only cigarette smoke and silence between them.

"Can I stay here?" Thomas plays with his ring, twists it on his finger, puts it on another finger before he puts it back where it belongs.

Thomas cuddles close to him when they are in bed. All Thomas wants is another story, and Ethan settles on a story that one of his older sisters told him when he was a child.

Thomas is almost asleep, when he speaks again: "Can we book a room for us together?"

.#####.

Sydney isn't Rome. You knew but it still shocks you how the city and you aren't getting along - there's a point mid-year where you have to admit that you aren't going to be friends. Everywhere you step, everywhere you walk, you miss Rome. History surrounding you, traffic chaos, you miss it. It doesn't help that your new job isn't as good as you made it out to be in your head and your manager a dickhead.

Sometimes you think about how easy it would be to write Thomas. Like you did before, talk about your day, that your job is shit, how stressed you are. That the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You wish, you could hear his voice, hear him talk and fall asleep to the sound of his guitar. You want to tell him that you recently saw a poster of them a street you walk every day but the next morning someone already sprayed over it and you imagine how he would laugh and make a joke.

You don't write him, you don't answer when he writes. But in the end, you post a photo of you packing boxes. And a month later you post a photo of you back in Rome.

I hope Rome missed me as much as I missed Rome.

It's your first night back. You're happy, sitting on your new balcony with a bottle of wine. You're happy and melancholic. Thomas sends you a &lt;3 - and you almost start to cry.

I miss Rome as well

Realisation that you will think about him at every corner you turn and every street you cross again strikes you when you see his message.

Do you remember when you told me you didn't regret kissing me?

You do - you remember it still too clearly.

A few months after the first night at Ethan's place. After a few more nights together, you in Thomas' bed and in his arms for most of the evening. Until Thomas is turning onto his stomach and you end up sitting on his thighs, pressing kisses to his neck and shoulders.

"Do you regret being here?" Thomas mumbles into his pillow.

"No." Another kiss to his shoulder. "Why would I? I'm exactly where I want to be?"

"You really don't regret kissing me the first time at the pool?"

"I don't regret it," you say, "And I meant everything I said as well."

Thomas is still slightly humming into the pillow when Ethan joins you two in bed.

"You smell like sex," Thomas says, turns his head - and lifts his head into Ethan's touch when Ethan tousles his hair.

Ethan just grins while you're busying yourself with continuing to kiss Thomas' shoulder blades.

It's your deal. Ethan will do whatever he does, whatever he wants - go and come how he pleases. Will join you whenever he likes, taking advantage of the spare key Thomas gave him. More often than not. Thomas is different, a constant. But in the end Ethan isn't that different - he always comes back to both of you.

"Yes," he kisses your cheek, "You two don't, are you just cuddling?"

Now it's your turn to grin. Thomas shivers when you put your hand on the small of his back and breath lightly against his ear: "I think, Thomas would love to cum."

"Would he?"

Thomas nods and whimpers quietly, looking at you with pleading eyes.

"What would have happened if I wouldn't have come home?"

"He wouldn't cum." Thomas whimpers again, "Obviously."

You know, somewhere along the lines, Thomas will get his revanche at you for this. Later, when you do smell like sex, Thomas and Ethan cuddled close to you, you think home.

You still think about it sometimes, home.

.#####.

I felt safe.

He looks at the text, but deletes it, puts his phone down and goes for his guitar instead, he plays mindlessly. He plays until his mind is blank, no emotion or feeling left.

When he goes back to the bedroom, Vivi is in bed, red lingerie, but what catches Thomas off guard is his phone in her hands.

"What are you doing?"

"You changed your PIN?" She looks at him. "I also can't open it anymore with my fingerprint?"

"You shouldn't be on my phone."

He's tired. He's so tired again.

"You are hiding something from me." It's not even a question.

"No."

He doesn't. She knows, knew from the beginning, she still decided she wanted a relationship with him. Wanted to move to Los Angeles together, wanted to marry him. Maybe she really is in love, he thinks. He was at one point, maybe still is a bit, otherwise he wouldn't be here. But then he realises that she got him away from all his friends, from home, he feels alone. She's always there, but he's still alone. He's always wrong, sometimes he isn't, when she wants something. With everytime she posts a photo of her in one of his shirts, it gets worse. With every pic he posts, with every ohhhh and awwww in the comments, while Vivi is there to ridicule him, he wants to get away.

"Sure, lets say I'll believe you." She gets up and tries to open his shirt. "I didn't get into this for nothing."

"Not in the mood."

"You're never in the mood. You could at least fuck me, Thomas."

And then she rushes out of the room.

He wants to go home.

.#####.

Once again, it's November. And he breaks up with someone. It almost becomes a tradition, he's sarcastic to cope.

"You promised to marry me."

Thomas doesn't say anything.

"I wish we never met," she takes a plate that is next to the sink. "Everyone warned me about you."

That rings a bell, Thomas thinks but he keeps silent. He's too afraid he'll fold again, stay.

"You'll regret this." The plate flies towards him, he can just duck before it flies over his head and shatters on the wall. The last time it was a tea cup - he wants to cry. "I'll make you regret this."

He sinks down the wall, ends up between the shards of the broken plate.

"Please, stop." Thomas says, when he sees Vivi reach for another plate. "Stop."

"You'll see what happens next."

She throws her engagement ring at him and leaves.

And he finally cries.

.#####.

Thomas goes home for Christmas, he isn't planning on going back. He's back in Rome and he wants to stay.

He posts a picture of him being back.

I'll never be as happy somewhere as here

He smiles at his phone when you like the post, Ethan smiling at him in return.

Vic, Damiano, Ethan and him are spending New Year's in his new flat. Damiano cooking with Ethan's help. Vic annoying them with party crackers. He laughs, he's happy, he needed this.

"I missed you." Victoria hugs him from behind, then she annoys him with a party whistle, blowing it directly against his stomach.

The New Year starts with too much champagne, laughter, his friends and a walk Ethan takes him on.

"I'm glad you're back." Ethan offers him a cigarette. "Did you tell her you're back?"

"No." But Thomas smiles. "I think she knows."

He stays back a little, Ethan walking ahead slowly. There's one thing, he wanted to do, he gets the engagement ring out of his coat. Looking at the Tiber, he breathes in deeply, it's cold, then he throws it into the river and he sees it sink.

Happy New Year &lt;3

Happy New Year, Thom!

If he would have looked up, he would have seen you cross the bridge he walked over only minutes ago.

.#####.

Three Years Ago

Your year starts out differently than expected. It really starts a few days after it already started and it starts at a place you didn't expect, the supermarket. Almost it doesn't catch your attention but then you have a closer look. It's a magazine you see, and take from the rack. It's a flashy one with big letters and attention grabbing headlines and the word EXCLUSIVO in red. What grabs your attention is the photo of Thomas, and his ex, the photo photoshopped to seem torn apart and the exclusive interview the cover teases. Her name printed beneath another picture of her and the Polyamouros affair with his bandmate - what else did she have to go through? headline makes your head spin. You buy it and hurry to get home.

Your head spins even more, when you read it.

We already sent invitations for our wedding.

He broke up with me on my birthday.

He kicked me out of our shared house, without letting me get my stuff, in the middle of the night.

Before me, he had an affair with Ethan and some random girl. They both f*cked her, he tried to keep it a secret. This probably explains why he's incapable of real intimacy, one just isn't enough for him. I'm still wondering if he cheated on me during our time together, they were on tour, maybe they just fucked random groupies.

Maybe that's why we didn't have sex.

You can't believe that she got two double pages and you can't believe that she's talking about Thomas. Your Thomas. Maybe you don't want to believe it.

The next days the story is all over the place. Your friends who knew, blowing up your phone. Even Victoria reaches out to you.

Thomas keeps silent, the only thing which is said, that the statements do not reflect true events, is coming from their publicist. You can see him getting shit, see the hateful comments.

I cried in the shower. fuck.

That's what Thomas writes one night later.

I didn't do anything of this. I should have stayed with her, she said she would make me regret it.

You want to hug him, you want to tell him that everything will be okay. You don't, the moment just passes.

Ethan posts something close to a statement in his stories, which Thomas reposts.

The only thing, I want to say is this: All 3 people have consented to this form of relationship, no one cheated. It was a relationship with a person we adore and not some "random girl", it was full of love from all sides. Don't judge.

And then the narrative changes.

Their wedding planner speaking up, that no invitations where sent: "They didn't even have a date? Do you send invitations to your wedding without a date?"

Her birthday is in March - they broke up in November.

"I saw her throwing a cup at him after a party, because he ruined her party at his house, he paid rent for. He didn't say a peep."

"She left, he didn't kick her out. This is what she wrote me after they ended their relationship."

And then the story dies, another attention grabbing story coming along.

.#####.

It's over and done with, he tells himself when he's laying down to get his new tattoo on his birthday. Vic got him to go to therapy, after she saw the story with the cup and asked if it's true. He was hesistant, but he has to admit, she was right, it's better. Sometimes, like now, he is afraid it isn't over, that she'll make him regret it, somehow.

Then the needle starts and there's only the feeling of getting tattooed. Just blissful pain.

"You have to show," Vic says at the next band practice and then she already pulls down his loose joggers, "Come on! I already couldn't really admire that tattoo over your ass when you got it."

"Vic!" He pulls his joggers up again while Ethan and Damiano giggle. "It's on my back, not my ass."

She puts her hand on his back, just over the waistband of his joggers, directly over his ass: "I said, over your ass, not on your ass and now show me that new tattoo."

Thomas starts pulling his joggers down again before Damiano opens his mouth, "Please don't show us your dick."

"What is wrong with all of you. It's not on my dick, just on my pelvis, really upper thigh."

"Next to it," she laughs and then she has a closer look, "Interesting."

It's a small colosseum, around it a snake that carries a little star.

.#####.

It's early May and it starts slowly. The comments in his direction getting more, as Damiano starts getting more and more frustrated. Their newest album not getting the best reviews or the good attention they hoped for, it's their fifth, it shouldn't matter, they are working on the sixth. The hype died down, it's normal, Ethan tells him, it's okay. And Vic telling him to concentrate less on numbers again.

"You have been a mess since the day I met you." Damiano says one day.

It's dead silent in the room. Vic shakes his head at him.

"What?" Thomas' voice is small.

"You are a mess. Ethan even had to get the press to not publish the name of your ex because your other one is crazy."

"Dami, stop." Ethan says, he bites his lips.

"What?"

"They asked for a statement from me and they mentioned her name," Ethan sighs, "I paid them to not mention it. It's okay, I didn't want you to worry about it again."

The nail in the coffin follows two weeks later. It escalates one day. They are sitting in the practice room again, nothing wants to work, no riff, no lyrics, nothing. Damiano lashes out at all three of them and Thomas smokes more than he plays guitar. During his next smoking break, he feels for a folded sheet of paper in his pocket. They should try it, he thinks, it could work better than everything they have. He has a riff in his head for it, he has an idea for on intro, he has the lyrics written down - maybe Damiano can tweak them.

"This is childish," Damiano says after only reading the first line.

"'kay. When you think, I'm childish, I'll leave." Thomas looks at the paper in Damiano's hand. "You're hurting me. I'm not going through this again."

"Thomas, come on. We just need something better tha-"

"I'll get my stuff later."

Ethan takes the paper out of Damiano's hand: "Oh, Thom!"

But Thomas is already out of the door.

"What?"

"It's a fairytale I made up for him. It's about a little star that wants to be a shooting star but shooting stars aren't real stars, the little star isn't meant or even built to be one. The story is about the little star which tries to be something else without realising that people love it for what it is. The little star is unhappy, it wants to be a star that others wish upon, bring them luck but shooting stars are meteors burning, just surviving for us to see before they burn up and hit the ground, they die, Damiano." Ethan gives the paper back to him, "And stars are beatiful nonetheless. I thought he didn't understand."

"And now?" Vic asks carefully.

"He'll be here tomorrow."

But Thomas isn't there the next day. His guitars - gone, his pedals - gone, his equipment - gone, his hoodie he left behind the day before - gone.

"And now?" Vic asks again, sitting on the floor where Thomas usually would sit.

"I'm not doing this without Thomas. You have been a real dickhead to him the past weeks, he had every right to leave. Why did you have to be so condescending to him?"

And then Ethan leaves.

"I … This only started because of Thomas, he started this with me. We had that silly little dream together to become rockstars. It only worked because of Thomas. Then it should also end with him. I'm sorry, I … can't do this without him, I don't want to."

And then Vic is gone as well.

Only Damiano stays behind, the piece of paper in his hands.

Saggezza delle stelle

.#####.

I broke up the band. Can I do anything right?

The news say they are taking a break, you saw it. But you believe him when he writes that they broke up as a band. You believe it even more, when Ethan reaches out to you. He isn't saying much, he's only asking you to reach out to Thomas, that he thinks he isn't feeling well. You're on the way to your first date in a while when you get the text. You don't answer - you don't write Thomas when Pedro the guy you saw for lunch is asking you for a second date.

.#####.

Thomas opens a bar, it's late summer. He thought about it, what to do with his life now and decided he wants a break from music. He doesn't want to write music for money - he wants to enjoy it, wants to love playing guitar just for the love of playing. He doesn't think that anyone would care anyways and then he started thinking, ended up with a tapas bar. It should be small, full of people and laughter. The opening is a party, he's happy.

Ethan is there, next to him behind the bar. Someone is missing, but Thomas is too chicken to reach out to Vic - he still has the feeling he ruined part of her life. Ethan told him, that she tries to cope, that it's hard but that they all will find their way. Thomas misses her, he misses their dinner dates and their silly rituals.

"To something new!" His mum cheers to him and he cheers back.

Do you think people who are hurt can be happy?

.#####.

"Thomas, are you okay?"

It's a simple question, or at least should be one. He only came to the bar tonight to meet his date. Now he isn't answering, just stares past his barkeeper, into the tiny room of the bar full of guests. There's only static noise in his brain. And then he bolts for the backdoor, just runs. He runs until his lungs give out, stands with his back to the wall in a small alley, and lets himself sink down.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

Tears are stinging in his eyes. He really thought this would be over, he can't even remember how long it his been since that one rainy, gloomy day one past November. Or how long it has been since that one day in May. How long it has been since the last band practice. Or when he saw Vic or Ethan the last time. Or how long it's been since he came back from Los Angeles, with an engagement ring in his pocket that he threw into the river. Sinking down, just like one of his other dreams. He can't tell how long it's been, but he still remembers that voice.

"Fuck!"

He balls his hands into fists, slams them against the hard stone wall behind him. And he doesn't stop, he sniffs. He only stops when there's blood dripping drown his hands. Drips down from his knuckles onto the silver of his ouroborous ring, he gets blood into his blond hair somehow and winces when his knuckles slam against the wall another time.

"Fuck, please."

He pulls the hood of his hoodie over his head, into his face. No need for anyone seeing him like this, maybe even someone who still knows who he is. He searches for cigarettes, winces again when his opened skin comes in contact with the fabric of his jeans, but there are no cigarettes. He must have lost them, like he lost the last bit of his dignity. He thinks and laughs bitterly before he curls into himself. Somehow he manages to get his phone.

"Thomas?"

"Can you pick me up, please?"

"Sure? From the bar? Was your date this terrible?"

Thomas swallows, he never even saw his date. He stepped in and out of his bar in the timespan of two minutes.

"I'm not." He winces again. "Just pick me up, please. Ethan, please."

.######.

"Are you okay?"

It's another date, in a small tapas bar that is bustling, loud and full of people. With Pedro, the first person in a while you think that it could work with.

"Hmmm sure," but you're distracted. Distracted by a conversation that goes on behind you.

"Thomas, are you okay?"

When you turn, you can see someone in a hurry. Blond hair, tall. You shake your head, you must have imagined.

The evening goes on, you drink one of the best glasses of white wine you had in while. Talk, have fun, you laugh. This will work out, you tell yourself, how so often with him.

"Hi!? I'm here for Thomas, is he here somewhere?"

You wan't to ignore it again but the next sentence punches you in your gut.

"No, sorry. I don't think so. Salvatore, did you see Raggi come back?"

And the next one slaps you square in your face.

"No. We all just saw him bolt out of the backdoor like a mad man earlier but he didn't come back. Can you imagine dude owns this place."

"Are you sure, you are okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Blast from the past, you would say. You try not to suffocate yourself on your food.

"No, I'm fine," you hurry to reassure him, "But we could go home after we finish the wine."

He smiles at you.

Later, much later, your phone buzzes on your nightstand. You want to put it back again before you see the Instagram notification and without better judgement, you open the app and the direct message.

There's a kiss on your shoulder.

I miss you. Why do I still fucking miss you?

.#####.

"I'm useless." Thomas says a month later, when it happens again. Him running away when he sees you. "Vivi was right, I'm useless and not worth anyone's time."

"Thomas," Ethan brushes through his messy hair, "Please don't believe that, you're worth people's time. Certaintly my time, you aren't useless."

.#####.

"How is Tho?" Vic is asking him, nipping on her hot chocolate. It's getting colder outside again.

"Better, I think." Ethan tells her. "I think the bar is good for him, he loves having people around. He loves seeing people happy. I think it's the right thing for him, he's thinking about producing his own wine, he's experimenting with some grapes right now."

Vic hums, looking a little sad: "And how are you?"

"Fucking around."

"Literally?" Vic laughs.

"I fucked up a little?" He laughs as well. "I'm seeing this one girl, I really like her but I'm also seeing this other girl. I like her as well, but I'm not really interested in either of them? I know, it's weird and … well, I kind of forgot to tell them about each other?"

"Come on, you should know how this works." She still laughs before she gets serious again. "I'm glad you're still hanging on to Thomas, despite everything, he deserves someone like you."

When Ethan is driving her back home, Damiano's solo single plays on the radio. They both look at each other and Victoria changes the station.

.#####.

You are sitting on your couch, cuddled up. You're home, Pedro next to you.

"Are we together?" He smiles at you.

"Yes."

.#####.

"I want to show you something."

Thomas is excited, Ethan can tell and see, Thomas is skipping in front of him, but when they stand in front of the building, Ethan is confused.

"That's the house you throw me into the pool because I fucked your crush?"

"It's also the house she kissed me in the first time." Thomas smiles. "And it was on sale. It's a nice house, I wanted it."

Ethan shakes his head but he still smiles when he sees Thomas being happier than before.

.#####.

One Year Ago

You're happy, you really are. Rome feels like home again, you're in a loving relationship, your job finally not draining all energy out of you. Everything feels right again.

Sometimes when you're taking Thomas' umbrella with the dots on it, you're thinking about him. It outlasted him - still in your possesions. Sometimes there are evenings when Thomas writes to you, when he's on your mind. Sometimes Pedro asks if you want to answer him, he would understand, but you always shake your head. It still hurts.

.#####.

"Vic, people are looking already."

She's clinging to Thomas' body, arms around his neck and he has to hold her up when she wraps her legs around his thighs.

"I don't care. I haven't seen you in a year, you asshole."

It's true, it's over a year since they have seen each other last. He dreaded it when Vic reached out to him a few days ago but holding her, it already feels like no time passed. They are in his bar, he feels comfortable here. They can sit down, he can offer Vic some food, test his wine on her.

"I almost died a few days ago."

Thomas blinks at her.

"I went to a party, I got a little bit drunk." She smiles sheepishly. "A bit too drunk, I fell into the pool and I swear I almost drowned. I just didn't know how to get up? It was the weirdest feeling."

"How did you get up?" Thomas asks. He feels worse than he felt at the beginning of their conversation. He should have been there, get her out of there. Whatever happened at parties, they always saved each other since they were teenagers. He wasn't there when she would have needed him.

"Ethan was there with some guy and the dude jumped after me into the pool?" She plays with her white wine glass, lets the wine swirl. "He fished me out of the pool."

"I'm glad they were there with you."

"He looked a lot like you," she looks at him and sighs. "I thought it was you and then I thought I'm seeing god and I'll just die. How funny would that have been? I'm gonna die and god is just you judging me."

He laughs with her, he hugs her.

"Less parties for me now. I thought, I could go back to music. Maybe go into producing some stuff? I want to have my own label, encourage more girls going into rock music. I think, I would enjoy that." She pauses, takes another sip of her wine. "I wanted to ask if you would join in? Help me with starting it?"

"I can help a little bit here and there if you want me there," he says, "but don't get me wrong, I won't join. I have the bar, I'm really happy here and I have this project with a charity which advocates about abusive relationships. You could ask Ethan, he would love to do it, I think."

"But I can leave you the option to join in and own the label with us together when you're ready for music again?"

"Sure!" He gives her a pinky promise. "I'm sorry, Vic. I'm sorry that I fucked everything up."

.#####.

"Did you ever think about having a thing with two other people at the same time afterwards?" Thomas asks.

"With you?"

"Does it matter?" Thomas turns, pulls the blanket up to the tip of his nose.

"It does." Ethan sighs. "Yes, I actually had and I did think about it. But not with you."

"Oh."

"You need someone who loves you unconditionally. I do love you, but not like you need." Ethan sighs again. "It just worked because she loved you. She always wanted you. I don't think it would work any other way, with any other person."

"She didn't."

"What?"

"Love me!"

He curls up under the blanket.

"Maso," Ethan sits down next to him - brushes his fingers through his hair, "You're an idiot."

"Can you stay please."

"Yes, for tonight."

Ethan is gone the next morning, before Thomas even opens his eyes. Victoria tells him about work, the meetings they have together, and he is helping out but he isn't seeing Ethan again. He doesn't know what happened exactly, he just knows he doesn't want to be a piece of charity work. He also knows he's doing him wrong.

.#####.

This Year

You're in the supermarket to get a good bottle of wine. It's your anniversary, and you decided to have dinner on your balcony. You grab the bottle of white wine that springs to your eyes when you have a look around. Until now you just like the label, it's local, from the Lazio region. Before you put the bottle in your basket, you see the label on the back. There's a small picturous photo of a vineyard but next to it is another photo, one of Thomas smiling into the camera.

The bottle glides out of your hands, to the supermarket floor and shatters into pieces. People are looking at you while you try to hold your tears back. You're going back home without a bottle of wine, Pedro in the kitchen.

"I want to break up."

.#####.

Unknown number.

It's the fifth time today the number is calling him. He's laying in the sun and finally picks up. The phone almost drops to the ground when he hears Damiano's voice. He almost hangs up on him without saying anything.

But Damiano is faster: "I'm sorry, Tho. I was an asshole. You don't have to forgive me, I just wanted to apologise."

Thomas is silent first, he's in a better place than he was two years ago or even one, he realises. This would have gone differently then, he knows.

"I do," he says, "forgive you."

.#####.

You don't regret going to the party your friend dragged you to. You don't regret ending up in Thomas' bed. You don't regret the desperate sex, Thomas on top of and Ethan next to you. There's absolutely no regret when Thomas cuddles closer to you and you all stand in his kitchen the next morning.

You don't regret when you say, that you love him.

.#####.

Nothing changed when they all walk into their old rehearsal room.

"How did we get it back?" Vic asks.

"I paid the rent," Thomas says and ignores the looks the others give him.

It takes a while until they get around with each other again, but it works. They have new ideas. Sometimes they don't know how to act, what can be said or is too much but in the end, all of them are happy to be there. Back together.

"I thought we could try something," Damiano says. He pulls a piece of paper out of the pocket of his jeans, it looks more ragged now, after all the folding and unfolding it went through. He looks at Thomas. "If you want to."

.#####.

Thomas comes back with Ethan in tow. You're reading a book that you suspect to be Ethan's on Thomas' sofa.

"You're still here?" Thomas looks at you surprised.

"Yes." You swallow. "Did you want me to le-"

"NO!" He's fast to interrupt you and then sinks down next to you on the sofa. "I want you to stay. I want both of you to stay."

You kiss him on the nose and Ethan sits down on your side.

When you're all cuddled up together, you can see a tattoo flash when Thomas' waistband slides down his hips slightly.

"I didn't see this last night." You look at it interested and then tilt your head to look at his face. "Is there a meaning behind this?"

"I'm the snake, the little star is also me, I guess, but it's a story Ethan made up for me. And the colosseum, I missed Rome but … I fell in love you that day we met in front of it and went sightseeing together."

You cuddle up together, watch a film together, and Thomas takes some selfies of you all together. Him cuddled up against you, your head resting on his shoulders and Ethan next to you, his arm around the both of you.

He sends the pic to Vic.

Look who's back together? Just an idiot with his bandmate and some girl.

.#####.

END

All my friends told me you'd break my heart

Taglist:

Warnings: Mentions of an abusive relationship, some smut, angst and the big sad but with a happy end

Other: Thanks to the anon and Alba @maneskings who wanted this story <3

I wanted to make Vivi likeable in the beginning and there's a version where she is but it didn't work as well. There had to be the contrast between everything going wrong for him and seemingly everything going right on the outside and seemingly everything going right for Reader but in reality it doesn't.

And I wanted to make clear that obviously this is fiction and not reality. This is as it said everything going wrong.

@writingmaneskin, @oro-e-diamanti, @iamtashaquinn, @teenyweenynightghost, @findaqueenwithoutaking, @foreveryking-thatdied, @findoutwhoyougonnacall, @maneskinbrainrot, @little-moonbeam-666, @ethaneskin, @maneskin-dimensione, @l0standn0tf0und, @butkutee, @gr8rainbowpunk, @maneslut, @maneskintifoso, @weareoddlydrawn, @hiraetheral, @imjustanerdwholikestoread, @cuzimitaliano, @hopelessromantic727, @dating-villain, @maneskinsimp, @lauraosheaoh, @till-you-scream-and-cry, @wonderlandishell, @h1ppieth1ngs (I think you put the wrong handle on the form?), @paralianeyes, @roisinmillar (same here? sorry guys, I can't add you when you give me a name of a blog that doesn't exist), @livvyysstuff