#i'm skipping some of the buildings where i know nothing significant happens

[blackjackkent]

I was about to say we've cleared everything in Heapside that would have caught Rakha's attention, but there is one more building here that she does have a connection to at present.

The name rings a bell, and she scrounges in her pack and pulls out the by-now-deeply-crumpled bloodstained sheet that she got from the hidden room in the Flophouse. Franc Peartree is one of the names on the Bhaalist murder list.

The building's boarded up and marked as "under investigation by the Flaming Fist," but the Fists' activities haven't really stopped Rakha from doing what she wants up to this point and they're not really going to start now.

In retrospect, she isn't sure what she expected.

She feels a little dizzy, standing in this room spattered with blood, decorated with the gory body of a man sacrificed to her dark Father. The beast growls, satisfied, in her head, as she paws at the body and finds a scribbled note in his pocket.

The lordling. Orin's doing, then, not that she doubted it. Half-driven by her own morbid curiosity and half by the beast's hunger, she pulls open the door to the basement.

More blood. Another body killed in effigy. A magical flame with a human heart burning in the center of it. It's a lot to take in.

She loots this second body, and finds a severed clown arm and another scribbled note from Orin.

"Another of the Bhaalspawn you killed?" she asks Jaheira tersely.

"Mm. Yes." Jaheira shrugs. "He tried to make himself invulnerable by means of a spell on his heart." Her lips twitch. "It did not work."

[sunbloomdew]

Love Confessions in the Baxter DLC

The sequel! Monochrome obsession continues. Part 2/3

Part 1 "The Wedding Confession"

Welcome, or hello again! I played the Baxter DLC a couple of times and I like it a lot, so I wanted to ramble about some of my favourite parts. Specifically about love confessions in Baxter’s version of Step 4, because they are all very well written and make me feel good :3

Reading the first part of this "series" isn't necessary, the introduction is just a bit more thorough in the first post. Furthermore if you've read the first part it might seem like i'm repeating myself with certain points, since those moments share some similarities and i like to be meticulous.

It is time for the second confession and the last one that can be initiated by the player. If you don’t confess here and pick an option in which MC expresses hope of Baxter returning their feelings, you will later reach the moment where Baxter asks MC out himself. This confession is my personal favourite, so prepare for me losing my mind over every single detail.

Spoilers for Baxter DLC!

The confessions all happen after the wedding ceremony, so if you hadn't played to this point yet, i recommend skipping this post (and maybe coming back later, if you wanna chat about them with me)! I may not bring up every single line, but i think this post still covers a good part of what happens.

I call this confession, The Morning Confession, because it takes place on the morning after the wedding! Simple name but it does the job.

There is also another reason for this name, but i'll get to it later.

The wedding is over and most stuff had been cleaned up. MC returns with Baxter to his apartment, after accepting his invitation to stay with him until they have to come back to their home. The two have finally reunited and they aren’t ready to part ways yet.

During that evening, MC and Baxter share a moment by the fireplace in the lobby of the building. I wanted to dedicate some time to this moment, because I think it’s a valuable context to the confession. And aside from providing insight into the mind of Baxter Ward, I love the way it’s written. So sue me, i wanna talk about it.

Despite the fact that they have reconciled, Baxter’s reasoning behind his actions still isn’t fully clear to MC. While being in the company of other people made the lingering unease between them bearable, it still remains. They can't act casually, as if nothing had happened, as if the years hadn’t been lost. So Baxter offers to clarify his point of view. “As sorry as I am, I don’t think I’ve been as open as I could have been” he says and well, that is the truth.

If the player chose to confess to Baxter before this conversation, this moment provides a deeper understanding of the character and explains his reluctance to accept the confession.

It is here by a fireplace – a fitting spot for another personal conversation, considering the duo's shared history – that Baxter reveals his innermost thoughts and fears. At his core, he believes he doesn’t contribute anything to any relationship, because he can't see his own value. And to him, if he doesn’t add anything, then he has no right to form and be in deep, mutually supportive relationships.

Baxter convinced himself that he doesn’t matter. That his only worth is in the entertainment he can provide or the help he can give. In his own words, he doesn’t know what it means to be significant to a person, just by being yourself. Which is why he doesn’t let people get close to him. He assumes that upon finding out that there is nothing more to him, they will leave. So it’s better to not let anybody get to know him, that way no one can be disappointed by his “true” self. He is unable to see that none of that is true because deep down, he thinks he is worthless as a person.

Those feelings about himself are something that have influenced Baxter’s decisions about relationships with other people, for example with Xavier. As the baker reveals later, they always felt that if Baxter had no reason to contact them again, he wouldn't. He kept himself away from others and believed that every connection he makes isn’t meant to last.

Still, Baxter wanted to create bonds with other people. And it terrified him.

He wanted to have that with MC, but he was too afraid to take that chance five years ago. It couldn't have worked out back then. Baxter had his assumptions about himself and others, and he held onto them strongly. It’s sad, but there was no way to make him change his ways back then. He was set on leaving no matter what would have happened.

This Baxter is different from the 19 year old who put his comfort above all else. During that conversation by the fireplace he is being vulnerable in ways he never allowed himself to be before. He tells MC that he missed them over those five years. That they made him feel wanted that summer, and as incredible as it felt, he couldn’t believe it would last. He makes it clear that it wasn’t any of MC’s actions that made him feel that way - he applied this mindset to every connection he made at that time.

It’s incredibly sad to witness his thoughts out in the open like that. I think Baxter’s struggles are something most of us can relate to in some way. Low self-esteem can make people withdraw from social situations and spiral into self-hatered. It’s terrible, to be so wrapped up in disliking yourself that you assume that nobody could ever like you. That you have no good qualities as a person, so you have to make up for them somehow. It can feel like it'll stay this way forever, and so there is no point in trying to connect with others.

However that is not true. In the end, Baxter came to understand this as well. He is worthy of love and friendship. He grew and learned from his past mistakes, and so can we.

He apologises to MC once again, and expresses deep regret over not staying in contact with them. And at last, MC can say that they actually know Baxter Alexander Ward.

I think this moment is really beautiful. It’s an apology without excuses, that provides an explanation. Baxter never had malicious intentions, but even so, his actions had hurt people who cared for him (and who he cared about), so he owns up to his mistakes and does his best to correct them.

Aside from being a really good moment of taking accountablity and being vulnerable with another person this conversation also sets the mood for the morning confession. The air is finally cleared. These two characters can finally show how much they value each other because there is mutual understanding and trust between them again. It will take some time to get to know each other after so long, but they are willing to try, and they know they can be honest.

After a day full of emotional revelations, Baxter and MC finally head to bed. Not only the characters, but the players can take a breath and prepare for what’s to come. And boy are we in for a treat.

The next day arrives and the players are given an option to sleep in as much as they want. What time MC wakes up will have an effect on dialogues and is one of the many examples of how the game lets us customize the protagonist however we want, even in the silliest ways. It is something i deeply appreciate about the Our Life series. The comfort level also changes the lines, for example MC's response to Baxter greeting them in the morning.

Eventually the sleeping beauty wakes up and the pair moves to the living room. Despite sleeping in for a while Baxter is still out of it and it’s so adorable (he's just like me fr).

I think the tone set for the confession is lovely. The atmosphere in the morning is relaxing and light and to me it feels like this is exactly what those characters needed. A new day has arrived, not only literally but figuratively for their relationship. There is no negative tension in the air, just the feeling of peace. They are clearly enjoying each other's company and it's great to finally have that again.

This is only my opinion, but the way this moment feels is exactly why i like it more than the wedding confession. The previous confession is meant to feel rushed, high on emotions and full of determination to declare the feelings right away. MC feels like they have to be upfront about their feelings in that moment so they confess. I do enjoy this type of tension, but i simply prefer this kind of setting. As much as i love convincing Baxter to truly express his feelings by shooting down the reasons not to date him (it's so intense and dramatic! absolutely amazing) i find that i like this quiet admission of feelings more.

While it might not be that intense as the moment right after the wedding, there is still this nagging feeling that urges MC not to wait any longer. They love that they are included in this private corner of Baxter's life and they wish they could have been before. It's this feeling of not wanting to lose any more time, that makes them think about confessing then and there.

And so, the player is presented with a choice:

It is time to confess! Hallelujah.

Just like in the wedding confession we can pick the way we want to confess - with words or with a gesture. If we pick the third option you lose the chance to confess yourself. Instead Baxter will do this when the time comes.

Upon choosing one of the ways to confess, MC has the same internal monologue they do in the wedding confession. I've already shared my thoughts about it in the previous post, but i'll just say here that it's a very nice scene. They reminisce about their relationship with Baxter as a whole, eventually coming to the conclusion, that they can hold on to him.

After the monologue ends, the player has a chance to reaffirm their decision, as they did in the previous confession.

If you back out, MC thinks that they can be together just not in the way they'd want to. They are afraid of confessing, in case they ruin what they just got back and make Baxter run away.

But, if you reaffirm your decision, you get my personal favourite confession scene. Let's get right into it!

I mentioned in Part 1 that Baxter reacts to MC's silence, as they reminisce about their relationship. I find it a little funny when i imagine them just sitting in silence and staring intensely for a while. Kinda like when magical girls have their transformations and the bad guys don't do anything to interrupt them. MC monologuing definitely gives off the same energy. Writing inner monologues is tricky like that.

During the wedding confession Baxter is anxious and worried, waiting to receive MC's verdict. Do they welcome him back to their life? Or do they reject him (even though there is no such option in the game)?. It's stressful and the prolonged silence makes Baxter slowly come back to his usual behaviour to protect himself, in case his vulnerability was the wrong move.

This isn't the case here. His reaction is wildly different. There is no tension or stress, just curiosity and anticipation. Instead of being nervous he is very smug, clearly knowing or at least suspecting what MC is thinking about. I gotta say, when i first picked this option i was stunned. I did NOT expect him to act in this way, but it was a pleasant surprise. Mr. Ward is very perceptive and i love this confident attitude of his.

MC asks him what is on his mind, and he comes back to reality. Baxter encourages them to continue, but they insist he tells them what's going on. And that's what he does. He says that he was remembering a "funny story". Then he asks MC if they want to know something absolutely embarrassing. With that kind of an opening, how could they refuse?

Baxter tells them that Jude and Scott attempted to speak to him about his and MC's... situation. He was surprised that they noticed he was sad and wanted to help him, when he was supposed to be doing that with their relationship. I think it was his feelings of inferiority that made him feel that way.

Moving on, the reason he brought that up wasn't to draw attention to how his poor relationship management skills made others concerned for him. But rather to point out, that the men knew, that MC is important to Baxter. Baxter states that he was grateful they met and despite ending their relationship five years ago, he was never sorry he knew MC. He is kinda chaotic with his admission, one second bringing up the chat with the grooms and the other expressing his affection for MC.

Understandably, it makes MC confused. They thought they were the one leading the dance - or the conversation in this case - but clearly now it's Baxter doing that (i mean he is a professional). Even so, he isn't as good with his words as usual and doesn't quite manage to convey what he wants to MC.

He thanks MC for letting him "ramble" for so long and stands up. Shit's getting real. We're about to enter the boss fight.

He moves to sit on the edge of the coffee table, which puts him at the eye level with MC, only closer than before. And then this silly man leans closer acting all calm and confident. Dude. Please. Everytime i play this moment i lose my precious ability to formulate thoughts, not to mention actual sentences. Because. Oh my god.

And then he hits you with THAT. He absolutely knew what MC was thinking about and he is having a lot of fun with teasing them. They realize that he caught on to what was going on and figure that at least it makes it easier to confess. The dialogue varies in this place because of the comfort level - these are their thoughts on the Direct setting. They also think about how hard would it be to tell him they liked him before he opened up to them. I find it pretty funny, because it’s clearly a tiny poke, towards players who did confess right after the wedding and faced this struggle. When you’re replaying those moments it does make you chuckle.

Now we can finally confess our feelings! When doing that verbally there are a couple of options to choose from, as in the case of the wedding confession. One of the options is: "Could I consider all the time we spent together a date?" and you already know i love this one. It's playful, it's a reference to when Baxter asked MC out five years ago, it's perfect. There is no contender, i always choose it.

...Is what i would say, but i actually always choose the option to confess with a kiss during this feelings reveal.

Confessing with a kiss looks a bit different from the first confession. This time there aren't multiple options to choose where we want to kiss him, MC goes straight (or is it?) for the lips. And the way that kiss is described is everything to me. I'm an absolute sucker for kissing scenes and this one is just so, so, so good! I cannot find fitting words in english (and neither can i in polish) so i'll just drop one screenshot from it and move along before i combust.

It's so tender and sweet and adorable please-

While Baxter was acting super confident and cocky, the second MC declares their love for him/moves to kiss him he turns into a shy, blushing mess. Despite knowing or at least suspecting what MC was about to do he is still caught of guard. I think that his reaction is absolutely adorable. Baxter doesn't blush a lot, so it's always a treat when he does.

We can choose to tell Baxter, that MC wanted to be with him even five years ago and this stuns him again.

Now that MC have confessed their love they're waiting for Baxter to respond. But GOD, is he struggling. It's the first time Baxter is so flustered and it makes me so giddy. He allows himself to show how much MC means to him and holy shit, this man cannot look at them for too long because he will just blush even harder.

From the way he is acting it's already clear that he reciprocates MC's feelings. But the fact that he gets so shy? Stole my heart, sir how dare you be so cute.

Of course, Baxter Ward cannot stay flustered for long and he eventually recovers. Damn it.

His response to the confession is so sweet. He basically says "my turn" and tells MC all the things he loves about being with them, how they made him feel and how much he appreciates them. There is still a moment of self-loathing, when Baxter regrets trying to keep MC out of his life- twice. He is surprised that MC still has feelings for him, still wants to be with him despite all the pain he caused them.

He still brings up all the potential reasons why this could be a bad idea. Limited connections, his current financial situation and his past ways of managing relationships. But unlike in the Wedding Confession, here those aren't statements for MC to refute. I'd say they are less of a warning for MC and more of an expose of himself, to be sure that he revealed everything he considers a flaw before accepting their confession. "By all accounts, I shouldn't be doing this. But I am." - those are his words. Even if he still has his doubts, he isn't going to turn MC down anymore. If he let them go now, in fear of potentially not being enough in this relationship, he would regret it.

And so that is his response: "If you'll have me you will have me." Don't mind if i do- yoink.

While he calmed down a bit for this admission, he gets flustered yet again. It's so adorable to see him be so affected by MC and this situation.

Baxter says that it was easier asking MC out himself all those years ago. He is still so out of it that he voices out loud that he has no idea what to do now. His usual grace and poise are still on leave it seems. He follows it up with that it would be the best if he switched from sitting on the coffee table to somewhere with a backrest, just in case. Dude. Baxter is so strongly impacted by this confession that he is fully aware that there is a possiblity that he will just topple down. I'm melting, it's so cute!

He moves to the couch and MC joins him over there. Once Baxter calms down a bit, he says he is starting to "remember some possiblities" and the two kiss again. I can't even begin describe how much i love the way the kissing moments are written. They're amazing and i'm losing my mind.

The last question Baxter has is if his feelings were obvious to MC. He recounts when Jude asked him point-blank if he was still 'into' MC - we get a couple of dialogue answers to pick, either reacting to Jude even asking about it or answering Baxter's question.

And that is the end of this confession! Baxter overcomes his sheepishness at last, no longer blushing intensely. Quite a shame, but i think we all love his usual charming self as well.

There are no more reservations about showing his true feelings. The pair has been reunited after five years and are finally ready to start a long-term relationship. Good for them <3

Baxter shares one last thought at the end of this long conversation:

And yes, this is the other reason why i call this confession the Morning Confession specifically! It's entirely because of Baxter pointing it out. And because he is so surprised about this turn of events.

The second part is finally over! I worked on it during those two weeks (holy fuck, why) it took me to post it. I'm a bit bummed it took me this long to finish it, but i did my best <3

This part is definitely longer than the first, the brainrot got to me. I haven't started the third part yet but i already replayed the last confession scene and honestly? I forgot how good it was compared to the other two! Shame on me, truly.

See you in the third part! Peace out~

Part 1

[tommykinard6]

hi, it's me again, the anon with the "911 characters have no real ambitions" ask :) i agree with your take and the takes of the people who reblogged and commented on this. it's interesting to see other people's opinions on this, and i'm glad i'm not alone with it.

911 is solely about this one team and allowing this team to change in any kind of way would go against what the show is about in its core – i never expect it to change in that regard, hence my deep disappointment. especially during season 3, i was so hopeful that they might be brave and allow the characters to slowly test the limits of their own comfort zones and the rigid team dynamics. buck asked the others if they would all still be in touch even if they left the 118 (hen and chim admitting that they didn't stay in touch with former team members), and eddie said something like "this won't happen to us". and like, yes, that is the point! if they truly are a family, shouldn't they be encouraged to spread their wings and be allowed to be their own persons? it would not have hurt the 118 but rather enriched the characters and family dynamics. again, i get that 911 would and will never do that. you need much better writing to pull this off, after all.

in the end, the complete lack of real character arcs is a fatal flaw (or how the one user called it, a "build-in bug") and the inevitable demise of the show. in the long run, having set up the narrative like this, it means that nothing that ever happens to them will be allowed to have real consequences, that none of the drama is allowed to matter long-term, that none of the characters are ever truly challenged and changed and developed. comas and (near) deaths and suicide attempts and trauma and disputes and disagreements and attempts to leave the team and attempts to try different careers. all of it falls completely flat because we, the audience, already know how the story will end. there is no suspense. we know better than the characters that they'll end up back where they started anyway, so why waste our time feeling excited over things that won't matter. you can have the 118 go to space with their ladder truck in season 10 to save the world and there will still be zero suspense. you cannot rinse and repeat the exact same storyline every new season without the audience losing interest at some point, because flat writing can only keep you afloat for so long. new season starts out with some inconsequential drama (again) that triggers usually complete exaggerated reactions in the characters (again) which ultimately leads to nowhere (again) because in the last episode, the 118 family must be together (again). and again, and again, and again, and again. all it does is slowly but surely chip away at the integrity of the characters until you cannot even stand them anymore.

i agree that one can enjoy a good romcom movie or a romance novel where the focus is romance/love only, of course! however, there is a significant difference we must acknowledge here: you have one (1) overarching story arc with one (1) final resolution for those narratives (resolution usually means canonization of the main couple). with 911, though? you have years and years, seasons and seasons, of one (1) circular story arc. every season, for all the seasons, no matter what happened, the characters end up where they started, oftentimes completely nullifying things that happened to them which would have been pivotal points in any well-written narrative. but not in 911, because character development is the enemy. how much longer can 911 go in circles before it meets its expiration date and starts stinking like old fish? tbh, that has started for me in season 5 already, which is why i only pick and choose specific scenes to watch while skipping out on like 80%. it doesn't even matter. i'm not missing out on anything because there simply is nothing substantial to miss in the first place.

sorry that this got so long... i hope this doesn't come off as negative towards you or anyone because i'm just rambling sdkjds. i'm just sad and frustrated that the characters i really loved in earlier seasons, who had interesting and unique backstory and so much potential, will not be given real arcs and goals. they all have cool "begins" episodes, they all have cool pasts, they all struggled immensely! only to land and forever be stuck in the 118 hamster wheel where nobody is allowed to develop and leave. orz

Anon, I spent a couple days trying to figure out how to answer this. As I read your ask, I said to myself “it sounds like they’ve given up” and indeed, at the end, you said you pretty much have. So I’m not sure anything I say will help or shift your perspective on anything. While I fully respect your take and see where your concern is coming from, I don’t think I necessarily agree on all points.

I’m interested that you don’t seem to think the characters have had full story arcs. I think, fundamentally, that isn’t correct. Yes, they haven’t advanced in careers. But Buck used to be a self diagnosed s*x addict with commitment issues, family issues, self esteem issues, you name it he probably had it. Look where he is now. He’s grown up. His relationship with his family and his sister has never been better. He’s still not the best in relationships with women, but he’s come worlds from where he was before. Plus, he’s discovered he’s queer, which is absolutely huge for him. He’s gone through so many up and down arcs that I can’t even list. Every season, we have him moving forward. His arc is really beautiful. I didn’t even used to like Buck, but now I adore him.

Eddie Diaz. His arc is still very much ongoing, but it involves him digging through his PTSD and his own self esteem issues. He goes through the trials of being a single dad. We see him have a full on breakdown in season 5 because he couldn’t keep going on like he was. He even left the job briefly to work PR, but came back.

Bobby Nash. Came in as an alcoholic with a death wish. A little black book to fill before he offed himself. Now look at him. He’s married to Athena, he turned the 118 around from its regressive state into a family, and has in recent times still shown that he has in fact still got it. I think we get a little less drama with Bobby personally speaking but he’s still undergone a huge arc and I’m hoping we continue to get more.

Chimney. Oh boy, the arc on him is tremendous. From the man that lied to the girl he was dating and held very little care for himself to a dad, a soon to be husband, a very competent senior paramedic, and a loyal friend. The Chimney we have now is not the one we had originally.

Hen. She cheated on her wife originally. Their relationship in and of itself took a huge arc, through healing and learning to trust again to trying to grow their family to fostering and now looking at adopting. Through Karen almost dying and us learning where they began and how far they’ve come. Hen herself came from having to fight tooth and nail for respect and decency at the old 118 to the paramedic who takes over as Captain when the need arises, even though Chimney is technically more senior. She was the one closest to advancing career wise, as she was going to be a doctor, and while I’ll always be sad that didn’t happen, that itself was a rich and in depth arc that if she had continued on that path, would’ve taken her from us.

I could go on, but my point is that there are plenty of character arcs. We’re still going through all of them. Just because they may not involve career advancement or changes that may permanently take a character from us doesn’t discount their validity.

9-1-1 isn’t a show that will ever be a revolving door of actors and main cast and I’m happy about that. If anyone wants that, find literally any other emergency drama. 9-1-1 is a rarity in keeping most/all of its main cast. In order to keep that, unfortunately, we have to sacrifice some things. But that doesn’t leave us with a rom com. This show isn’t centered around romance, it’s centered around family and finding love (platonic and romantic) and growing personally. Romance just happens to be a part of that. I personally still find it suspenseful and love the big emergencies that they do.

You may not. Others may not. And that’s ok, we all have our preferences. I just don’t necessarily like seeing 9-1-1 written off so blatantly when it’s still a rich and developed show.

[steamberrystudio]

19/09/2021 Devlog

Hey everyone! This isn't really a bi-weekly update since it's been three weeks since the last one. But as I was setting up my schedule for tumblr updates, I was trying to avoid having a week where I was doing all three updates (KS, Patreon, and Tumblr) at once, which meant either doing two weeks in a row on tumblr or skipping one.

So I skipped one. So yeah! LoL

Scheduling updates is hard. ;A;

Anyway, let's jump into the summary

Summary:

Finished sprites for Lance's route

Added additional sprites in

Made some minor adjustments to an existing character

Put together Caleb's flowchart images

Coded all of Caleb's flowchart screens

Tested Caleb's Route

Wrote a Guide for Caleb's endings

Made more corrections to Ari's route

Sent out Caleb's beta testing along with the corrected version of Ari's route

Made Magnus' flowchart templates

Made Lance's flowchart templates

Started coding sprites into Caissa's route

This meant importing four more sprites who appear in early chapters

Coded expressions up to Chapter Two

CG???

The Ramble:

Okaaaaaaay. So I've done a lot since my last update here!

I now have the sprites for Lance's route complete and have started spriting Caissa's route. I'm hoping Caissa's route goes fairly quickly because there aren't a lot of big group scenes in this route either. Not until the very end of the route. But we'll have to see!

I had to import four more sprites and now I only have one more significant character to import in and a smattering of "Bobs" - I'll import those guys when I reach that part of the script.

As usual, I made some corrections to existing sprites as I went; but nothing too major this time. I think I may still have to slightly adjust one of them, though. I'm really not liking how she looks next to other sprites. But it should be an easy adjustment.

Mor significantly I coded Caleb's flow charts, play tested his route, wrote up a guide for his endings, and then made all the suggested corrections to Ari's route...and pushed Caleb's route out for the beta testers.

(It's important to have the guide done before they get the route so people can be sure to test all the endings. For the most part GS isn't proving too difficult for most people to find the best ending on their own but it's always nice to have a guide so they can find all the others.)

While I was working on flowcharts, I went ahead and did the templates for Magnus and Lance's routes so I can start building those charts in the game as well. I think Maggie's route will be the next to go out for beta testing though.

And, finally (weirdly) I made a CG. For...Quill??? A character whose route I haven't even started writing yet! LoL. But sometimes I just get a mental image of a scene and I have to kind of sketch it out. Sometimes I end up not being able to use the art so it just goes into the art book. But we'll see what happens!

Anyway, as I've been saying, I'm going to be focused on sprites and flow charts for a while. Until they're done.

Now I want to pause and talk about.......RELEASE....or the lack of it.

I know I've been saying, until now, release would tentatively be the end of the 3rd quarter. Well. Here we are. End of the 3rd quarter and it's clearly not happening.

There's been so much happening this year. So much *bad.*

We've lost several family members this year, we went back on lockdown (and are still in lockdown), I had that STUPID computer issue that set me back *weeks.* But ultimately I am just not there yet.

I'm shifting the release to tentatively "end of this year/early next year" - I have no real estimate for how long the CGs are going to take for this game. This style is much easier than Changeling's style so I don't think the individual CGs will take me as long, but I am planning on more of them for GS so there's that.

If it gets too close to Christmas/New Year, I'll have to push launch back past the holidays a bit. So I don't want to give a definite "before the end of the year" estimate.

I am working hard on this game. I'm making weekly progress. And ultimately the release will be as soon as it can be. That is the important part!

Sneak Peeks and Previews:

Upcoming Weeks:

So basically for the next two weeks I'll be doing sprite expressions. I imagine the bulk of that will be Caissa's expressions specifically. Once his are done, I'll probably move straight into Jack's expressions.

I may pause at some point to set up Magnus' flowcharts so I can push his route to beta testers, though. Maybe in between Caissa and Jack.

There will likely also be at least some sprite work.

As of right now, though, I actually only have one more proper named side character to set up (Rowan). There is another very minor character (Lucas) in Jack's route.

I think Rory will need an additional outfit so when I get to his appearance, I'll probably have to pause and get that done.

And otherwise, it's just "Bobs" - I have a few Nyx agents that need to be set up. . .And I think that's it.

So yeah. Sprites, flowcharts...and testing, I guess.

And that's all for this update. I will see you all next time~

[yandere-daze]

Hi hi! Your whole blog is so nice i love it sm! Could i request headcanons for Hiyori sleeping with his s/o? Like taking a nap or a sleepover... Im starving for Hiyori content...

Awww thank you so much!! You're so sweet and I'm really happy you like what I write, it means a lot to me 🥺😭

And yeah I also noticed a severe lack of Hiyori content on Tumblr, must be really painful for you

Which is why I'm more than happy to provide!! Fair warning that I don't know him that well yet so if anything sounds ooc then I'm very sorry for that!! Anyway enough of my rambling, let's get to it!

Hiyori having a sleepover with his s/o

It would happen on a day when Hiyori noticed you were particularly stressed out. You always were a hard worker but nowadays you had heavy bag under your eyes, evidence of your severe lack of sleep

Obviously, as your loving boyfriend, he couldn't just idly stand by while you pushed yourself past your limit! After realizing that trying to talk some sense into you wasn't working, he decided to take matters into his own hands and promptly dragged you through the entire ES building despite your insistence that you were fine

A drive to his home was quickly organized as he ushered you into the extravagant limousine. On your way there, Hiyori explained that you were going to have a sleepover together now, so he himself could make sure that you were resting enough and not skipping out on sleep

Excitedly leading you into his room, he would plob down on his bed with you, grasping your cheeks with his hands as he fondly gazes at you

To no one's surprise, his entire room was very luxurious and you felt slightly out of place in this fancy environment, but Hiyori quickly assured you that there was nothing to worry about

You were his significant other, his sun that shined brighter than anyone else, of course you deserved this and so much more!

He has the softest mattress and pillows and the fluffiest blanket, you were sure to have the best quality of sleep imaginable

Of course, having your boyfriend right next to you and cuddling up to you was also a very nice bonus

Why was the first thing that came to mind when thinking about a sleepover with Hiyori that one vine where that one person dramatically lies on their back on there bed and they're like "alright let's tell each other secrets about ourselves. I'll start. I hate you"

Take that exact scenario but instead he rambles on and on about how much he loves you ababsb

He won't stop, no matter how embarrassed you get, even chucking a pillow at him won't get him to stop. It will just earn a pout from him before he starts talking again

Honestly he's just super happy to have you around, thanks to you he can shine even brighter today!

If you're not against it, Bloody Mary would join you both on the bed, the dog more than happy to have his "second owner" ( you're with Hiyori so often that it recognizes you as such now sbsbs) to snuggle against

Before going to sleep, you two put on beauty masks ( he has the really fancy ones of course) to help you properly relax. You both apply the mask on each other's face, your fingers gently touching his face as he smiles brightly

Him laughing when you blush at the close proximity

After you're both done and washed/peeled the mask away after the required time it would finally be time to go to bed. Normally he likes spending as much time with you as possible but now he just wants to make sure you get the amount of sleep you desperately need

The exhausting catching up to you, you soon fall asleep in Hiyori's arms, a fond smile on both of your faces

[iplaymatchmaker]

May I request an IkeRev matchup? Likes: Watching and discussing film and television, cats, the beach, period romances, hockey. Dislikes: Most foods (i'm a picky eater), selfish people. Hobbies/Skills: I'm an actress and a pretty good one (if I say so myself), reading tarot, studying astrology, board games, crochet. Passions: Community activism and intersectional feminism. I'm an INTP Ravenclaw and my introversion makes me come off as cold until I open up to you, then I'm v funny and sarcastic!

A/N: Heyo, person behind the blog here, I just wanted to apologize for being so absent, and arguably very slow with asks (what’s new here), life is super busy and it has sort of killed my motivation to write. I’ll try to finish the next few faster, so bear with me.😅

I match you with

Ray!

Thanks a bunch for your patience, sorry this is so late but I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for requesting🥰 ! This was honestly such a blast to write and helped relieve some stress, so thanks.❤

Before the two of you grew closer, Ray was just the intimidating leader of the black army. It’s an understatement to say that you are surprised when you find him sandwiched between a chunk of the cats you frequently feed. You stay silent for a few minutes, endeared by the sight of the King of Spades playing with street cats.

When he notices you, his laid back smile is replaced by confusion. He doesn’t’ seem convinced when you tell him you were bringing food to the cats, but the bag you are carrying is enough evidence to support your claim.

Despite your rocky start, the two of you end up meeting on occasion at the same alley, either by coincidence or fate. Since you already learned his secret, the two of you often spend time together, usually at night when he’s off duty. It serves as a break from the routine, a space where you could forget about your problems outside of that moment.

The peace is disturbed when you are attacked by a group of bandits, looking for some easy cash. You had never had a similar incident happen before, but looking at the dimly lit alley around you, you realized standing alone wasn’t the best idea. You were planning your escape when Ray appeared out of seemingly nowhere, knocking down the two men in a swift movement. The event served as the catalyst for the shift in your relationship, moving towards something deeper than idle friendship.

Soon you start meeting outside of the confined space of the alley, on his days off, slowly getting to know each other on a more significant level.

The first time he sees you crocheting, waiting for him at the small café in Central Quarter, he is convinced you’re working magic. Despite your attempts to explain it to him, his hands seem to only be good for gripping the sword. Even so, he seems to grow a habit of watching you do it, claiming it’s relaxing when it’s you doing it.

 Prompt: Date

 Standing in the middle of an ongoing fight, you began questioning how it always ended up so messy with him.

You had been eating dinner at Black Army Headquarters, making idle conversation with Seth when the topic of Ray came up.

“How are things between you?” it shouldn’t have been a hard question. You both loved spending time together and you felt like you were growing more and more comfortable with each other. Still, something held you back from a quick reply.

“Oh no! What did that brute do?” a face of horror only Seth could master fell over his face.

“It’s nothing…” you were going to change the topic, but the man had never been on to leave a lady in distress without advice.

“When someone says it’s nothing, it’s usually something bad.”

“Is that so?” you smirked, hoping to lighten the mood but he didn’t seem ready to move on. You sighed, knowing full well how considerate everyone in the black army was. Perhaps it would be good to talk someone.

“It’s silly really. I just… I feel like I’ve been seeing him less and less. He’s always busy with one thing or the other these days. He’s been working his days off as well so…” your voice trailed off when you realized you had been rambling.

“I see, I see. Not to worry, big sister Seth is here to save the day. Leave it to me  <3. “  you weren’t sure what he was planning but you were glad to see him chipper again.

  It was shortly after waking up the next morning that you realized what he had been plotting.

Ray was hovering around the door when you got up, confusion written all over his face.

“Rethinking your will?” you wrapped your hands around him to peak at the letter he was holding.

“What?” his eyes were still drowsy after a long night or reading reports and you couldn’t help but tease him a little.

“What’s so interesting about a piece of paper? Don’t you have a stack of those fighting for your attention on your desk?” your tone was playful but you were still disappointed at your own words, knowing you wouldn’t see him again until dinner.

“Seems like those will have to wait.” He finally cracked a smile and turned to you, handing you the small piece of paper.

Dear Ray,

       This is a letter signed by all thirteen officers of the Black Army. With this letter, we order you to take a day off as compensation for working on your breaks. Consider this your punishment. We better not see you working, or we will be forced to double your punishment to two days off. Your duty today is to have fun and spend time with your girlfriend.

            -With Love,

The black army officers <3.

  You mentally slapped Seth in the face.

“I didn’t know this was what he had in mind.” You run a hand through your hair, still messy from sleeping in.

“Did he tell you about this?” you were expecting Ray to be upset at the turn of events, but he still wore his laid back smile, giving you hope that this could turn in your favor.

“It’s nothing. I just saw something in the stars.” You pecked his lips, arms wrapping around his neck to bring him closer. The close contact made you realize how long it had been since you had been alone.

“I see. Well, considering they went through all the trouble of grounding me, we might as well make the most of it.” His arms tightened around you as he closed the distance between you. You started appreciating Seth’s gesture after all.

After a late breakfast you packed up, ready to spend his first break in a while on the beach. You couldn’t keep the smile from your face as you walked through the woods, a comfortable silence falling between the two of you.

Despite your bright mood, something in your mind was still worried that Ray’s smile was forced. You had seen how hard he had been working and it was hard to shake the feeling that a day off would only cause more stress. You ultimately decided to keep your worries to yourself, determined to make the day worth his while.

“I love the breeze.” Once the cold air hit your face you felt yourself relax, the sound of the waves hitting the shore playing like music in your ears.

“Come on!” you grabbed Ray’s arm, dragging him to the water, practically skipping over the golden sand.

“Don’t trip!” in the end, it was Ray who fell over, causing you to topple over laughing before helping him up, sand now covering his backside.

After setting up, you made yourself comfortable on one of the chairs, the warm sun of the afternoon pleasant on your skin.

“Care for a swimming contest? First to make it to the hill and back wins.” Ray’s offer came with a confident smile, peaking your competitive curiosity.

“And what do I get if I win?” you rose from your seat, challenging him with your eyes.

“How about one favor? Don’t worry, I’ll be kind.” you both smiled, sparks practically flying between you.

“How romantic.” You placed a light kiss on his lips, preparing for takeoff.

“You’re going down Blackwell.” And with that you were off, sprinting towards the water.

“Cheater.” You could hear Ray behind you, trying to catch up. You were both laughing now, wishing the moment could last forever.

You were panting by the time you got to shore. Despite your best efforts, Ray had arrived a solid minute before you. You could resist splashing him when you made it back.

“Those muscles shouldn’t be allowed in this competition.” You were pouting, but it didn’t matter to you much who won, as long as you could spend more days without worries.

“So you don’t like my build?” his pouting wasn’t very convincing but he had the spirit. You wrapped you arms around him, your faces inches apart.

“I never said that.” Before you could prove your point, you heard a scream coming from further down the shore.

“Help me!” Ray quickly entered solider mode, searching for the source of the screams.

“That woman!” you pointed to a woman visibly fighting to free herself from the grasp of three men. You stayed behind Ray as you approached the group.

“Leave her alone.” Ray’s voice was cold as ice, a complete contrast to his previous demeanor.

“And who are you?” one of the men spoke up, perhaps the leader of the group.

“The king of spades. I could probably take you all with ease, so you should probably let her go now.” The men laughed. Two of them came forward, the third keeping a firm grip on the woman.

“Let’s see what you’ve got, King.” His voice was dripping with irony. Ray cracked his knuckles once before making his first move. Showoff . The grins were quickly wiped from the men’s faces as the fell on the sand without much trouble. The third man tried to run but you were already behind him, a kick in his groin enough to loosen his grip, allowing the woman to slip away. She silently thanked you before taking off, wanting to get away from the fighting. You only then realized that you were now standing between Ray and the leader of the group, the other two men still groaning on the ground.  Standing in the middle of an ongoing fight, you began questioning how it always ended up so messy with him.

“Don’t worry, this’ll be over soon.” Ray flashed you a confident smile before launching himself at the lowlife. You pushed yourself out of the way, giving him some room to throw him on the ground, finally immobilizing him.

“See. My muscles are good for something after all.” He was smiling, but the fighting seemed to have taken a toll on him, considering he had been swimming right before this happened. A sudden feeling of guilt took over you.

After the men were carried off by the soldiers patrolling the area, you and Ray decided to rest a little before going home. You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything, still shaken by what had happened.

“Say it.”Ray finally broke the silence.

“What?”  

“You’re a good actress, but I know you well enough to know when something’s bothering you.” he turned to you, posture still relaxed despite the events of the day. You knew lying wouldn’t get through to him so you decided to be honest, considering keeping things was what got you in this situation to begin with.

“It was me who gave Seth the idea to give you a break. I just felt like I haven’t really seen you in a while…” Ray reached out, one hand wrapping around your shoulders.

“That was probably irresponsible. You have a duty after all.” You tried to smile, but you knew it was strained.

“I missed you.” His words were simple but they touched you all the same.

“Sure, I’ve been busy. I have a duty to protect these people.” You looked back at the sea, wondering when the two of you would be able to come again.

“But I also have a duty to you. I fancy myself to be a top tier boyfriend after all.” He cupped your face, looking straight into your eyes.

“Let’s do this more often.” You smiled, feeling like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

“All right. Next time, try not to get into fights. It’s not very top tier boyfriend of you.” He laughed, kissing you like you were the most important thing in his life.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[minijenn]

Hi so I'm interested in getting into the Kingdom Hearts series but I dont know which games to start, which games to avoid, and whether or not some of the games are canon or not. Could you help me please?

So the best thing you could get if you want to get into the series is this. (ignore the price tag Amazon has on it you can buy it at Walmart for like $20). It includes every game/cutscene movie in the series (except for the mobile game and the recently released Melody of Memory). Either way its the perfect collection to get you caught up to speed (I got caught up back before this complete collection existed so back then there were two collections you had to buy before they compiled them into just one lol). Either way, it includes basically every single thing you’ll need to get the (almost) complete story of KH. When it comes to what you’ll want to experience with it, here’s my take on things (in order of how you should play/watch them and what they are in that collection): 

Kingdom Hearts (full game playable in the collection): Absolutely MUST play, its a great game and its story is the most simple in the series, very fun and charming and sets up some of the major characters (namely our main Destiny Trio) very nicely. Even if its not the first timeline wise, you’ll want to start with KH1 because of how it introduces the series and its concepts and characters in the most simplistic of ways

Chain of Memories (full game playable in collection, but honestly? I recommend just watching the cutscenes online its NOT fun to play through in my opinion): Again experience the story of this one at least. Its the direct sequel to KH1 and its where things start to get... kind of confusing. To fully understand what happens in this one, you may have to revisit it more than once, I’ve watched through it twice now and I’m still fucking baffled by a lot of it tbh but it sets up 2 so for that its worthwhile I guess?

358/2 Days (Cutscene Movie in collection); So you can watch all of the cutscenes in this one on the collection in a few hours. Its a pretty touching and emotional story focused on the Sea Salt Trio though it does have some... kind of confusing tangents in it too tbh. Either way its well worth the time to look into to learn more about certain characters, as well as the inner workings of Organization XIII

Kingdom Hearts 2 (full game playable in collection): MUST play, its fantastic tbh. Its often cited as the fandom’s favorite for a reason; it builds a TON on what KH1 set up, offers some really fun Disney worlds, and its plot is absolutely fucking batshit and I love that about it. Highly recommend this one for some of the character moments in it especially there are some really funny, really touching, and really heartbreaking scenes in this one, its a wild ride

Birth By Sleep (full game playable): MUST play though its kind of not that great to play in my opinion? Then again I suck at KH games so I might not be the best to ask in that regard XD Its story is great though, focusing on the Wayfinder trio and their absolute tragic backstory. Speaking of backstories, this a prequel, set like 10 years before KH1, something important to keep in mind going into it to avoid confusion (though you do see younger versions of some characters that show up in the “present” games so I suppose that helps lol)

Re:Coded (cutscene movie): Ugh... honestly? You can skip this one, it adds fucking nothing and its boring as hell to get through. If you really wanna sit through it, feel free to but its mostly a big old confusing waste of time if you ask me, one that doesn’t really add much to the story at all. 

Union Cross/KHX/Back Cover: Ok so this is where it gets really confusing. Union Cross is the KH mobile game which I don’t recommend playing because from what I’ve heard its very grindy and basically its “pay to win”; so instead, I recommend getting caught up on this one through watching the “cutscenes” or reading through a plot synopsis online; This is another prequel, set waaaaaay before any of the other games and it has some... stuff thats significant mostly for the sake of KH3 and whatever will likely come after it more than anything else; Its story is... fine. Confusing as hell, but fine. Back Cover is a movie that’s on that collection that tells the story of the Foretellers and its boring as shit but I would recommend at least knowing what happens in it to understand the story of the first Keyblade War. 

Dream Drop Distance (full game playable): Absolutely recommend this one, its a delight to play through and has a really fun (but also hella fucking confusing) story (confusing is a word thats very often used to describe KH for a reason XD); Its set after KH2  and follows Sora and Riku and its basically building up towards KH3 and elements that show up there. Again, highly recommend this one its one of my favorites of the bunch 

Fragmentary Passage (full game playable): Though that game is only like 2 hours long. This is sort of another prequel though its also set during KH1 and you play as Aqua, who I’m in love with :) It was kind of made as a KH3 tech demo and that’s why its so short but its pretty fun and its story is compelling enough to keep you going as it continues building the way towards 3

Kingdom Hearts 3 (full game playable): Absolutely play this one; I may have my problems with its story, but its a hella fun time gameplay wise and its story has... its moments where its not fucking stupid. Though some of it is fucking stupid and I just have to deal with that :) Anyway KH3 is the conclusion of what’s called the “dark seeker” arc, which is really just the arc where we have Xehanort and the Organization as antagonists, tho knowing this hell series I’m sure they’ll all fucking come back someday :P Anyway its the culmination of a lot of things throughout the series and while some ends aren’t tied up the best, others are beautifully here. Totes recommend even if I personally have a very love/hate relationship with it ^_^ 

Re:Mind (bonus online purchase): This isn’t a game but its KH3′s DLC and it likely isn’t included in that story so far set. It basically adds more onto KH3′s ending and sets up for whatever game will come next after it (and also sets up MoM) 

Melody of Memory (not included in set): The newest game in the series and a rhythm game at that; its largely just a recap of past games and their events, but the gameplay is really fun and addictive, plus KH music slaps. It does have about 15 minutes of brand new story content tacked onto the end of it, which again, is setting up for whatever game likely comes next, but if ya wanna skip it, I wouldn’t blame you, its waaaaaaay too expensive right now, I’d honestly just wait for a price drop :P 

Dark Road: This is another mobile game and it basically tells Master Xehanort’s backstory; I personally haven’t looked into this one because I don’t give a single fuck about that asshole’s history but ya can if you want more context into his character  I guess :/

And those are all the KH games. There’s a fucking lot of them and I hate them all. I also love them all. I basically love/hate this entire hell series,, so much so that I decided to write a shitty angst fic about it (which I highly recommend if you do actually go through all of the KH games, Keys to the Kingdom is basically an AU of KH3 and also sort of a “fix it fic” of sorts XD its a good, tragic time all around XD (forgive the shameless self promotion)) Anyway, enjoy the insanity that is KH!

[gh0stlyfixation]

A hole

Requested: love your blog and I seen your taking requests. Can I get a one with kol? You can decide how it goes as long as it has kol

@michaeladmorris

Your heart beat was irregular. Atrial Septal defect was your medical diagnosis as a child, you basically had a hole in your heart. You were also struggling to carry your unborn child from a one night stand. You knew of the super natural world. You were human though but you had a family full of witches. The gene happens to skip you. You werent the luckiest of people. You never had luck

You had a date for surgery finally set up in two months, that was until you had gotten pregnant. You whole life was waiting for the moment that you could walk for miles and not be in pain but once again, your luck wasnt so strong. You were happy to become a mother but frustrated that the father wasn't in the picture and that it was happening now.

So, today you would go to the doctors and see what options you had while being pregnant and to see if you could even handle carrying a baby for nine months. The park in New Orleans had always surprised you in the fall. Leaves were all sorts of colors all on the ground blocking most the pathway. the cool air on your face made your body relax. You didn't think it would be possible to carry this child and you prayed you could. Deep in thought on your walk caused you to bump into a man.

"I'm so sorry, I was just in a deep thought and didn't realize where I was going." You said quickly, running out of breath.

"It's okay love. I'd be careful talking so fast, you are already out of breath. Are you okay?" He asked.

He was worried that in just a short sentence you struggled to breathe. "I'm fine." You said bringing your head up to look at him. He was handsome.

"My name is Kol," he said with a smile.

"Y/N, nice to meet you." You said. Kol stepped a little closer hearing two strange noises from you. He knew one was a babies heartbeat but the other did not make sense to him. He was worried again.

"Are you sure your okay?" He asked

"I promise I'll be fine. I'm headed to my doctors right over there actually." You said.

"Let me walk you think, its the least I could do after bumping into you. and I live in that big building right next to it so its a win-win for me." He said with a smile. You nodded, "How is it a win-win?" You asked with a giggle.

"Well, I get to walk with a beautiful girl and my house is right there." He said. You blushed and began to walk as he followed beside.

"So what is this appointment for if you don't mind me asking." He said, he wanted to know why your heart sounded different.

"I have a heart defect, a hole in my heart and blood can travel across the hole from the left upper heart chamber to the right upper chamber and out into the lung arteries. So talking fast, as you saw, can make breathing hard. Same with walking or any sort of movement. Normally as a baby, it will go away but I have shit luck so here I am." You said with a shrug.

"Can't you have a surgery?" He asked. He was intrigued.

"Funny story actually, I was scheduled for surgery two months from today but I had a one night stand and now I'm pregnant and I'm gonna see what my options are." You said.

"You mean like abortion and all?" He asked with a frown

"Basically, but aborting this child isn't an option." You said firmly.

He smiled, "I'm glad to hear that. I say becoming a mom is pretty lucky." He said with a grin

You thought for a moment, he was right, “I am lucky to be a mom, but unlucky that it's happening now, with no father. I'm an unlucky person. If luck does happen then I will be surprised.”

You arrived at the building doors, "well I hope all is well. If you ever need me, You know where to find me." Kol said pointing at the building he mentions he lived in.

“Thank you." You said with a smile.

----

7 month later

"If I die, you promise you'll take care of my little girl? To love it as yours?" You asked Kol, holding tightly on his hand

"I promised you this six months ago and I still promise you six months later and forever. You will not die, not over my dead body. Plus you had some of my blood in your drink." Kol smirked

6 months ago you and Kol became close, he was the best friend you've had. Since him, your luck has sky rocked. Him telling you he was a vampire didn't shock you. He was the one most shocked when you told him you knew and that it didn't bother you.

"I was born into a line of witches, I just never got powers."

"Wow, your luck does suck." he joked

You were seven months pregnant and your body was finally ready for a surgery and you Baby was healthy enough and if need to be removed she would have a good chance at surviving, for you, unfortunately, have a 50 50 shot.

The surgery could take a turn just like all surgery's. Kol was confident enough that you would survive but even more confident with his blood.

"Really Kol? You had to spike my drink?"

"What are best friends for? Your not gonna miss her first words, first step, first boyfriend who I promise not to kill and first everything."

"You sound like her dad, not uncle." You said with a tease.

Three hours into the surgery you lost a significant amount of blood and due to that, your baby was born while you laid with an open chest. Kol did nothing but worry even though he knew, either way, you'd wake up.

"Kol Mikaelson?" Asked the doctor looking for him.

Kol stood up and walked to the doctor, "The baby was born at 8:42. She's healthy, breathing is a little off as expected. Y/N lost a lot of blood but she's stable in ICU, you may see her." Kol smiled and followed your doctor to the room.

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Shadowhunters 3x11, Lost Souls -- Review

It's that time of the year again where I put myself through the torture of enduring this show. Watching this show is like going on an endurance run. You drag your feet when you first start, when you get acclimated to the level of exercise, you think "hey, this isn't too bad" and then by the end, it's just pain...but also a sense of pride that you made it through. That's been my experience with the show, anyway. And it's basically how I felt about Shadowhunters 3x11, Lost Souls.

I would like to preface this review with saying that I am NOT a huge supporter of this show. I do enjoy certain elements of it but I'm not what would be classified as a devoted fan. For me, Shadowhunters is not a good show and I do get very critical of the show in my reviews. Honestly, for me, I watch the show because 1) I'm too curious not to and 2) I find that this show can be so bad its funny and that's how I reap enjoyment out of it. I am not at all invested in this show or its characters anymore. I'm just watching to see what happens. If you're a die hard fan and you lash out at everyone who has a different opinion than you, you might want to skip these...I'm just saying. My reviews may not be for you. If you do decide to be a total troll, well then pay attention to the below disclaimer.

This is going to be an honest review of my thoughts and feelings regarding this episode. If you're the kind of Shadowhunters fan where you only want to hear positive things about the show, this is not the place for you. If you decide to stick around and get offended by what is said, then that's on you. I warned you. Just know that if you send me any rude comments or messages, I will 100% ignore you. I find that's the best way to deal with bullies. I work 14 hour days. Do you really think I want to waste my incredibly valuable free time dealing with derogatory comments? Hell no. This review will consist of my honest opinions. Opinions are never right or wrong. I'm not telling YOU how to think and feel. I'm telling you what I, quirky and socially awkward me, think and feel. So please, lets discuss with dignity and respect. If I'm critical about this show, it's only because I want it to get better. There is, in fact, a difference between hating a show and being critical of it. I do not hate Shadowhunters, I am being critical and analyzing the flaws as I would with any other show. There are positives but there are also negatives. It's great if you want to promote positivity with this show (and I encourage you to do so) but that doesn't mean I'm not going to point out the things that are legitimately wrong with it. Also, keep in mind that despite the fact that I do like the books, me being critical of this show has nothing to do with my fondness for the books. I don't really care if the show deviates from the source material as long as the changes are good, it makes sense, and it doesn't create plot holes within the confines of the world the show has created. My problems with this show are problems I would have with any show or book for that matter. I think it's perfectly reasonable to take issue with a show that has plot holes, shoddy world building, and inconsistent characters. There will be spoilers for the books and movie.

We are at last embarking upon the final episodes of this show and if this episode is what's going to set the tone for the remaining episodes, then I'm glad it's the final episodes because...well, this episode wasn't great and is a perfect example of what I won't miss about Shadowhunters. Bland and cringey dialogue, more characters than it knows what to do with, and too much jumping across plot points. There are individual moments in the episode I enjoyed but overall, this isn't an episode I loved.

The Loss of the Mary Sue

I'm not entirely certain of the timeline in this episode. The episode never specifies on exactly how many days have passed since the 3A finale but I'm going to estimate about a week or so. Everyone believes Clary died in the explosion caused by Lillith attacking Simon.

The episode opens with Jace, Izzy, and Alec chasing after a downworlder and Jace makes some very shoddy decisions in this fight that lets you see just how reckless he's become in the wake of Clary's "death". We then get a montage of everyone missing Clary and the more significant one is Jace, that's the one they spent the most amount of time on. He's basically walking through Clary's room remembering all the times he spent with Clary...so basically three memories. Another classic example of what I've always been talking about when it comes to the adaptation changes. Clary and Jace have barely spent any amount of time together, even less actually dating and I'm supposed to believe that they're each other's one true love...not going to happen because the show didn't develop it at all. There's a moment in the montage where Jace starts looking at Clary's drawings and getting really emotional about it and I felt nothing because Jace has never been shown to take any sort of interest in Clary's artwork before. In fact, if it weren't for that one scene in 3A, I wouldn't even have known that Clary was still drawing. By the show deviating from the books in the way they did, Clace had less development but yet the show still wants to continue the aspect of Clace being hopelessly in love from the books. You can't make a significant change from the source material and then pages down the line expect to pick up exactly where you left off. By making the change, you changed the entire context of the relationship so now the entire story has to change in order to fit that new narrative. Sadly, the Shadowhunters writers have not figured that out yet and continue to make that same mistake...or they're lazy, it could be that, too. Jace eventually gets so depressed that it's implied that he's contemplating suicide but Izzy is able to talk to him and get him to think. And then she just leaves him after making him promise he won’t go through with it. If anyone's wondering, if you catch someone who you believe may be contemplating suicide, do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! Particularly in a dark room. Being in a dark enclosed space is not the kind of place that typically sends out positive energy. But I suppose I can cut Izzy a little bit of a break. It's entirely possible the Shadowhunter world doesn't really understand how to help someone who's experiencing suicidal thoughts. They certainly didn’t help out Jace’s mother. Alec also confronts Jace about this in probably the only believable scene in this entire episode. Seriously, I've never been a Jalec shipper but I totally understand why people ship them. Matt and Dom are probably the only actors who actually have any chemistry with each other. But Alec tells Jace he's doing the memory of Clary a disservice and that if Jace were to die, it would destroy him as well. In other words, Jace isn't the only one who's going to be affected by this decision. Jace eventually is called by Luke who for some reason appears to be living in a motel room. I don't know why but whatever. Luke doesn't believe Clary is actually dead and he tries to convince Jace through some really weird conspiracy theory that probably even flat-earthers would find difficult to believe. But hey, if it leads to them finding Clary, I'll go with it. And I understand why Luke is unable to accept even the possibility that Clary might be gone for good. He can't think that about someone who he basically views as his daughter and the last connection he has to Jocelyn. Luke gives the evidence to Jace and tells Jace to at least check it out.

Simon, understandably, is also having a difficult time with all this. And Maia returns to give him emotional support despite leaving for a very particular and totally understandable reason but Simon needs her so of course she comes back for him. It's not like Maia exists for anything else but for Simon's character arc. Both Simon and Izzy kind of passive-aggressively shame Maia about leaving. And I'm particualrly disappointed in Izzy telling Maia about what happened to Simon's family as that's a very deeply personal issue and Simon should've been the one to tell her. It wasn't Izzy's secret to tell. I get that they were trying to use that scene to exposit information to the audience but there were better ways of doing that. Hell, it could've just been Izzy making an off-handed comment about Simon. Maia could've been talking to Izzy about how badly Simon is doing with the Clary situation and Izzy could've been all, "especially with what happened with his family" and Maia could've been shocked and Izzy could've been flabbergasted because she didn't know Maia didn't know. That would've been a much better way for the situation to be handled. But I'm not too pleased with Izzy saying in response to Maia not knowing, "well how could you? you weren't around." Just the insinuation that Maia should stay around and support her man and not go off and get in the right head space to properly heal herself after dealing with the re-emergence of her abuser. But I suppose I shouldn’t expect any different from Izzy seeing as she, herself, also only exists to give support the other characters. I think these passive aggressive intonations of shaming Maia are really horrible and shame on the writer. Maia, Izzy, and Simon decide to work together to find a way to get rid of the Mark of Cain from Simon's forehead. They talk to Raphael who now works at a soup kitchen in Detroit and Raphael tells them the tale of some dude chilling in the sewers of NYC who could possibly be the oldest vampire alive and may have answers to the removal of the Mark of Cain. Maia decides not to help Simon on this as its a bad idea for a werewolf and a vampire to meet and I almost forgot that was a thing, the show so rarely does anything with the vampire vs werewolf dynamic. But of course Maia has to back off to give room for Sizzy. I’m really not a big fan of Sizzy being explored here as everything that made Sizzy fun and interesting in the books has been completely stripped from the show. I’d much prefer Saia on the show. But really, I just want Maia and Izzy to have their own character arc, though that doesn’t revolve around shipping. 

The Malec B-Plot

We have a Malec B-plot that I found just completely unnecessary wherein Iris returns and kidnaps Magnus because she wants to get Madzie back. She falls for the most obvious trap in the world and hopefully we never see Iris again. What it does for Magnus's story works I guess but I just found it to be a really obtrusive subplot that didn’t fit at all with the episode. I'm not sure if it's just the fact that I've been away from the show for a year so I can see the the show a little more clearly now but the Malec chemistry is no longer working for me. Maybe it's just that I've always paid more attention to how alarmingly unequal their relationship is but I'm looking at the body language they're giving off and its not the kind of body language you would expect from lovers. They're so stiff around each other and not relaxed at all.

In fact, there's a line in this episode where Malec has just put Madzie to bed as they're baby-sitting her and Alec kisses Magnus and Magnus tells him to stop because they have a child in the apartment currently. Alec kind of scoffs because it's just a kiss and Magnus is all, "You know how we get." And I'm like, "Do we really, though?" There's plenty of scenes of them talking and I can buy them as friends with that but lovers? I’m having a difficult time actually buying that now. Like I said before, the Jalec scene was way more believable than any Malec scene in this episode.

But Magnus decides he doesn't want to feel helpess ever again so he decides he needs to learn how to fight. Honestly, I was surprised to learn that this is implying he doesn't even seem to really have any basic self-defense capabilities. The way he was swinging the sword earlier in this episode lead to me to believe otherwise. Plus, Harry Shum Jr is a pretty buff dude but I guess maybe Magnus lifts weights and that’s it. Alec decides to help him out on this venture, though.

Siblings Reunited

We find out that Clary is indeed not dead and that Jonathon's back. I'll be real, here. It's kind of hard to feel sad for Jace or Simon or Luke or anyone really regarding the "death" of Clary, considering this entire episode is interspliced with moments of Clary being very much alive. Honestly, I think this episode would've functioned better if it was just about showing everyone going through all the different stages of grief regarding Clary and at the end of the episode when they've hit the acceptance stage, that's when we see Clary wake up in the apartment with Jonathon. But whatever. The show decided not to go that route so we have to make do with what we got. Clary wakes up and looking pretty damn fantastic for someone who's been asleep for days. Not a strand of hair out of place, make-up is flawless, and not a wrinkle to be found on her clothing. In fact, I think they're in even better condition than they were when Clary initially had to put them on. Clary also isn't even the slightest bit groggy, she knows exactly where she's at and everything. Clary does comas well. Jonathon tells Clary that it is indeed him, her big brother and that before Lillith was sent to hell she sent them away to Siberia, apparently. Clary plays nice for a little bit with Jonathon but decides to chance out in the cold of Siberia. It's nice to see that in her state of unconsciousness her muscles didn't atrophy from lack of movement or deteriorate from lack of food. But Clary fails in her escape, Jonathon finds her and brings her back. Clary tries to stab him with a knife but they both find out that what happens to one person will also happen to the other. So yeah, we're full in City of Lost Souls plot here which is ironically the title of this episode. Shadowhunters has never been all that subtle. This new actor for Jonathon is going to take some getting used to. Will Tudor did a phenomenal job with him so its difficult to see this new guy as Jonathon. But it also is difficult to take Clary's anger and hatred of Jonathon seriously when you think about all that Jonathon's really done on the show is kill a shadowhunter Clary had never met before and then injured Max and Max swiftly recovered. Clary is all about painting him as the worst possible being and indeed, in the books, he is but here, while he may be a bad guy who's done really bad things, I don't know if its deserving of that level of hatred. We haven't exactly seen a lot of his horrifying dastardly deeds. Another example of making a change and then thinking you can still keep the same storyline at a later point in the story. I'm certainly not saying I wanted Max to die but story-telling wise, it would make the emotions Clary's feeling here a little more believable. But I'm actually really interested to see where this whole Jonathon and Clary plot goes. In the books, it's Jace that's put in this situation so it'll be interestig to see how the show tackles Clary being in this situation. I'm also wondering, because they seem to be trying to stay away from the incest vibes here, is Jonathon going to gain an unhealthy obsession with Jace instead of Clary? In the books, Clary was who Jonathon was creepily obsessed with. He was equating possession with love and viewed that Clary belonged to him in every way imaginable. So since the roles of Clary and Jace have been reversed here, will Jonathon's obsession now change from Clary to Jace? Probably not but it would've been interesting to see for sure. I mean, if you're going to do a role reversal, you might as well go all the way, right?

The Clave Acting Shady AF

The Clave is being super shady right now. They appear to be doing experiments on the incarcerated downworlders and all I can say is, "do we really need this?" And also, "Why is it being implied that Jia knows about this and is okay with this?" The interesting thing about Jia in the books was the fact that she was the first step in the leadership to help get rid of the more corrupt aspects of the Clave and instigating change. But I suppose it's per the norm for the show to make everyone but the main group a bad guy instead of morally grey. As I've said before, this show has no concept of subtlety. I can only imagine that this is leading into the part in City of Glass the show hasn't done yet wherein the alliance rune is going to be introduced but instead of using it to fight Valentine, they're going to use it to fight Jonathon. That's what these downworlder experiments seem to be leading into as it reminds me a lot of Valentine experimenting in the books. I'm sure there was 0 social commentary intended when writing this into the show, though...but I think its safe to say it's totally social commentary. The show isn't very subtle, once again.

But good news is it looks like Ollie is gone for good so yay! I am side-eying the show, though about that. What was the point of introducing her if you weren't going to do anything with her? I'd say they probably wasted about half of 3A with Ollie unnecessarily. But maybe if this show hadn't been cancelled, Ollie would've played a more significant role? Well anyway, at least some of the fat has been trimmed.

My biggest issue, as always, is the dialogue. The dialogue felt extremely one-note. It was almost like the writer made a flow chart of what they wanted to happen in this episode and was like, "crap! I guess my characters do need to speak, here's some lines to explain what's going on." The dialogue basically existed solely for the purpose of giving exposition but the real kicker is that it was really unnecessary. I could've had this episode on silent (and that might've even have made it an improvement) and I would've understood what was happening perfectly. The dialogue really didn't add anything to the experience, it just made the episode feel more awkward than it already was. And then there continues the trend of Shadowhunters treating their awesome plans as if they’re the most clever plans in the world when in actuality, the plan is beyond obvious and it was super cringey and awkward seeing Izzy being treated as this amazing strategist for making the obvious move. And the episode was already plenty awkward with the constant cutting. It's really difficult to enjoy any particular subplot going on in this show when we only spend maybe 30 seconds to a minute on any particular moment. I kind of wish this show structured their episodes more around themes as opposed to plot. Plot is temporary, plot is always changing but exploring themes through plot gives you more of an appreciation not only for the characters but the story, itself. While I didn't mind sequences in this episode, at the end of the day, it just kind of left me feeling empty. I also think the acting felt a little stilted as well. I wasn't a big fan of any of the performances given in this episode and whereas I've never thought anyone on this show was oscar-worthy for their performances in the past on this show, their performances have always been maybe a C+ to a B. But in this episode, it just didn't feel like any of the actors' hearts were in it. Now granted, that could be a side effect of the script because, as I've mentioned before, the script wasn't great. Or it could've been the directing. There's a lot of reasons for why acting can feel stilted and it very rarely has to do with the actor or actress being bad at acting.

I've made notes about how the dialogue and acting was stilted but those weren't the only things that were. The fight choreography and the blocking felt a little off as well. For starters, the fight choreography did not feel organic. It was strangely reminiscent of season 1 fight choreography. The constant jump cuts so you don't see too much of what's actually happening and just feeling like fight scenes move very slowly. Like the reaction times between sword swing to parry were very slow and it kept on taking me out of the moment. Then you also had moments where Alec and Izzy catch up with Jace in the sewer and everyone's staring at the seelie they're trying to capture for a good 5 seconds before the actual fight continues. And then there's just strange blocking choices where a character walks to a point in the room and then delivers their line but the walk to the new mark wasn’t organic and actually made the line feel more awkward.

I'd probably give this episode a C+. It was passable, with enjoyable moments but ultimately not something I have any desire to return to. There were cute moments (primarily Jalec and Madzie), but overall as an episode, not something to be too terribly impressed with. And yes, there were moments I did like. It’s not my fault the show just had more bad parts I felt compelled to talk about.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY I'M SMARTER THAN SOMETHING

A can-opener must seem miraculous to a dog. I say in theory because in early stage investing, valuations are voodoo.1 That's what Stripe did. He thought perhaps he needed a little dose of sociopath-ness. And there is another possible approach. A big-name VC. But because seed firms operate in an earlier phase, they need to spend a lot of tricks for making myself work over the last 20 years, but even now I don't win consistently.2 I know, the first step. There hasn't been a lot of time. But that, if you measure success by shelf space taken up by books on it, or it will be to relax and go back to writing code.3 It's hard to distinguish something that's hard to understand, you could buy a Thinkpad, which was great, because it isn't happening now.

I'm not claiming that ideas have to have immediate practical applications to be interesting? And, like anyone who gets better at their job, you'll know exactly what to build because you'll have muscle memory from doing it yourself. But the cost of reading it, and the number of elements, where an element is anything that would be of the slightest use to those producing it. As Ben Franklin said, if you love life, don't waste time, because time is what life is made of. So if we do have infix syntax, it should probably be implemented as some kind of authority.4 Not to everyone, but to change the problem you're solving. Intellectually they were as capable as the successful founders of following all the implications of what one said to them. They want that money to go to work. And I think that's precisely why people put it off. The source code of all the libraries is readily available.5 To many people, rather than as a way of classifying forms of disagreement, though.

Afterward I put my talk online like I usually do. When you're young, especially, is a language too succinct for its own sake, it must be more noble. With individual angels you don't have any users they don't have to get rich, but as a way to make drawing bear a greater weight of exploration. Maxim magazine publishes an annual volume of photographs, containing a mix of pin-ups and grisly accidents. Part of the reason is that investors need to get their capital back. It doesn't mean that it's a new messaging protocol, where you don't just use your software on users's behalf, you'll learn things you couldn't have learned otherwise. When del. I did end up being a philosophy major for most of the time, but human life is fairly miraculous.

What about using it to write software, whether for a startup: a founder quits, you discover a patent that covers what you're doing; the kind of parallelism we have in common, it's that something is always going wrong.6 My own feeling is that object-oriented programming, by the way.7 I didn't need it. It's almost like writing applications! Both of which are false.8 They have no idea. And funding delays are a big distraction for founders, who ought to be working on, and why their due diligence feels like a body cavity search.9 In fact, they rarely seemed to arrive at answers at all. What this means is that it won't produce the sort of distribution you'd expect, the number of things you could be working on their company, not worrying about investors. He might also want preferred stock, meaning a special class of stock that has some additional rights over the common stock everyone else has. How much runway do you have left?10 But you should realize you're stepping into dangerous territory.

So as of this writing few startups spend too much. To start with, it's a sign the terms are reasonable. I give a talk I can usually be replaced by an equivalent one that's easy to program in now. Nothing is more likely to get money.11 Languages become popular or unpopular based on their merits, and so must people trying to write systems software on multi-cpu computers. Like angels, VCs prefer to invest in you, there's a danger that the increase in disagreement, there's a clear watershed at about age 12, when he got interested in maths. Fear of failure is an extraordinarily powerful force.

I think the way to get one loaded into your head. In the fall of 1983, the professor in one of my college CS classes got up and announced, like a detective solving a case in a mystery novel. Off the top of my head, I'd say that yes, surprisingly often it can. Problems can be improved as well as money, there's power.12 You can't build things users like without understanding them.13 It is so much work to introduce changes that no one else has done before. There are more shocking prospects even than that. I did end up being a philosophy major for most of that time the leading practitioners weren't doing much more than writing commentaries on Plato or Aristotle while watching over their shoulders for the next invading army. There hasn't been a lot of people in the startup world, closing is not what deals do.14 They want to get downfield, but they are much hungrier for deals.

Why wait for further funding rounds to jack up a startup's price?15 As well as failing to chase down funding, and users, and that it is unfamiliar to programmers, and that women will all be trained in the martial arts.16 The startups we've funded have. Arguably it's an interesting failed experiment. By unsavory I mean things that go behind whatever semantic facade the language is intuitive enough that you catch some of the time doing business stuff. One is that a programming language probably becomes about as popular as it deserves to be. It seemed curious that the same task could be painful to one person and pleasant to another, but are so caught up in their squabble they don't realize it.17 Hardy's boast that number theory had no use whatsoever wouldn't disqualify it.18 There may be types of work, done by a class of people called philosophers. No one thought to go back and debug Aristotle's motivating argument. So no, there's nothing particularly grand about making money. They find the VCs intimidating and inscrutable.

Notes

One implication of this model was that it sounds like something cooked up, but the returns come from meditating in an industrialized country encounters the idea that was killed partly by its overdone launch. And then of course, or much energy would be to say now. This has, like arithmetic drills, instead of crawling back repentant at the same thing twice.

In a typical fund, half the companies that tried that. I also skipped San Jose is a well-known byproduct of oligopoly. B the local startups also apply to types of startups as they get to profitability before your initial investors agreed in advance that you wouldn't mind missing, initially, to drive the old one. That would be a founder, more people you can do is say you've reformed, and don't want to invest in a wide variety of situations.

If the next year they worked. There should probably question anything you believed as a collection itself. Some of the company and fundraising at the valuation of the world as a whole department at a public event, you don't know which name will stick.

Robert Morris points out that there is something there worth studying, especially for opinions expressed. CEOs of big companies weren't plagued by internal inefficiencies, they'd have something more recent. Eighteen months later Google paid 1.

There is usually a stupid move, and FreeBSD 1. This law does not appear to be clear. So if it's the right to buy corporate bonds; a new version from which they don't. The first big company, and so thought disproportionately about such customs.

Add water as specified on rice package. Bill Yerazunis had solved the problem is poverty, not more. In fact most of their peers.

Other investors might assume that not being accepted means we think we're so useless that in New York.

0001. Sam Altman points out, it's shocking how much time.

They're so selective that they have raised money at first had two parts: the pledge is deliberately vague, we're going to give them up is the desire to do with down rounds—like full ratchet anti-immigration people to start a startup with credit cards. Type II startups spread: all you needed in present-day English speakers have a significant number.

This point is that it's no longer needed, big companies to build consumer electronics. Public school kids arrive at college with a base of evangelical Christianity in the early years. And it's just as it's easier to sell, or liars. This is one way to solve problems, but conversations with other investors.

At this point for me to put up posters around Harvard saying Did you know about it as a type II startup, unless you're sure your money will be coordinating efforts among partners. The philistines have now missed the video boat entirely. Treating high school as a test of success for a market for a sufficiently identifiable style, you need but a big effect on the other hand, launching something small and use whatever advantages that brings. The founders who had been trained that anything hung on a weekend and sit alone and think.

It's hard to say they bear no blame for opinions expressed.

Some founders deliberately schedule a handful of VCs even have positive returns. Don't even take a small amount, or at such a large company?

Since we're not doing anything with a potential acquirer unless you want to start a startup. August 2002. But there are those that will be coordinating efforts among partners.

This is why search engines are so dull and artificial that by the PR firm admittedly the best case.

Some of Aristotle's immediate successors may have no idea whether this happens because they're innumerate, or can be said to have had little effect on college admissions process.

Otherwise you'll seem a risky bet to admissions committees, no one is going to do that.

So if all you know the electoral vote decides the election, so that's what you're doing is almost pure discovery. According to the modern idea were proposed by Timothy Hart in 1964, two years investigating it.

[phoenix1966sbottom]

Hi Phoneix! Do you have any favorite fics discussing the more gloomy, realistic problems between Sam and Dean? Safiyabat's for example (just an example, it doesn't need to be something like that), but non-slash is fine with me. Preferably hurt Sam, and no fixing. Also, if you don't mind, I'm curious what's your idea on their dysfunctional relationship? Thank you! ( I understand this is a fic rec blog, please just ignore my question if you don't feel to answer :)

When I read your first sentence, I immediately thought of Safiyabat for their wincest and gen stories. I haven’t come across many that really focus on the dysfunctional nature of the family relationship as well as their stuff and stays close to canon (there are plenty of serial killer!AUs, etc., for example).

That being said, I have a couple of gloomy ones and ones that just focus on the broken, family dynamic. Hurt!Sam all the way. Heed the warnings where the stories are hosted as there are deathfics in this list, not to mention other disturbing content (also, John and/or Dean are not “good” guys in these stories):

Remember When…by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean, Dean/John. Wincest. John is mysteriously back from the dead and Sam is happy about that until he walks in on his father and Dean. Sam is upset and jealous, so Dean reminds him of times in their past.Sam doesn’t want to think about those times. Dean thinks Sam is playing a game by shying away from him.

Don’t Let Me Know We’re Invisible by mimblexwimble on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. The sex is ambiguous. Sam just can’t cope with the hunting life.

Wild Men Who Caught and Sang the Sun by kroki-refur on adult-fanfiction.org. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam is Dean but Dean is not Sam.

What Doesn’t Kill Us by kroki-refur on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean, Sam/John. Wincest. Incest. Heed the warnings on this one! John and Dean use abusive methods to keep Sam in line. (this might be f-locked now)

Talk to Me by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. John walked in on the unthinkable. He never wanted this to happen but he needed answers. He hoped this wasn’t true. He hoped there was another reason.

The Wolf At His Door by goandgetthegun on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest.  Dean wants Sam in every way he shouldn’t, so when he gets an opportunity to have what he wants, he takes it.

The Virgin by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/John (non-con). Wincest. Sixteen year old Sam is on a hunt with his dad, brother, and Bobby. The thing is targeting virgins. John takes matters into his own hands to protect Sam.

And if I show you my dark side by ratherastory on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean will never let Sam go, and Sam knows it. This changes nothing, but it changes everything.

These two are a/b/o by darkroses:

To Have Worth. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. Dean claims Sam from a young age to be his omega. Sam wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His feelings changed with time. All he wanted was to be worth something. No matter what Sam offered, he could never have what he was searching for.

The Monster in the Shadows. Sam/John, Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. John comes to terms with how to treated Sam after he presented as an omega at the tender age of twelve. He only did what he thought he was right. He can never make up for what he did. He can never change what Sam thinks of him now.

And, finally, a gen one I really liked because it showed how Sam suffered for a decision Dean made (something the show, in my opinion, teases at but never fully resolves. e.g. Dean selling his soul and not really considering what hell he’s condemning his brother to in the process, allows an angel to possess him even though he knows Sam hated every moment of Meg and Lucifer). It goes AU after Dean knocks Sam unconscious and leaves him on the ground in 9X23.

How the Wild Things Start by foolscapper on Ao3. Gen. Sam-centric. "This is where it starts — the brightly lit ring, the screams, the glinting of knives, the baring of teeth. This, right here, is where it begins. Sam turns to Dean, Metatron just a hero’s walk away, and Dean slams his fist into the side of Sam’s face. It will bruise, but that’s not the point. Sam will not face Metatron’s blade and wrath, but that is not the point. The point is, Dean puts Sam’s hands on his chest, the action sickly sweet like perfume left on a tacky, bloated corpse — and then he walks away. He leaves Sam, dreaming black dreams on the ground, just outside of the impala. Baby does not protect him when one of Abaddon’s followers finds him. Baby does not scream for help or look for Dean when the demons drag Sam’s unconscious body away.When Dean leaves Metatron’s burnt-out husk, his bones screaming ecstasy from the kill, he finds Sam gone.“

As for my thoughts on dysfunctional wincest…I’ll put them below the cut so people can skip that if they want.

I started watching the show as it went on the air, so I have had 12 years to mull over all sorts of relationships, etc. Below are my thoughts on wincest in fanon. I am by no means saying it exists in canon or should exist in canon. These are simply my opinions. 

Wincest, to me, was there from the start. You’ve got the father (and one day I will sit down and write out my take on John) who raises his sons as soldiers (I know Sam described them as “warriors” in the pilot, but I suspect the word choice was intentional by the writers. There are rightfully all types of negative connotations to the phrase “child soldier”). Nevertheless, this is how they were raised.

The sons were never given the time or permission to form outside attachments with all the moving around John put the family through. They were taught at a young age to lie, and later to cheat and steal via credit card fraud and pool hustling at the very least (a reason the whitewashing of John’s character in these last few seasons irks me. “I raised you right” was John’s motto? Really? However, that is a discussion for another time)

Dean was given the heavy burden of raising his brother. John stripped him of his childhood and drilled into him to always “take care of Sammy” from a very young age. And that is where I see the seeds of wincest, with the older brother having proprietary feelings for his younger because John placed Sam (literally and figuratively) in Dean’s hands. And, at his end, John placed Sam’s life once more in Dean’s control by urging him to save or kill his younger brother while leaving Sam in the dark about what he knew.

John emphasized family first according to his rules and did not allow them to leave (except, of course, he was allowed to go off and not only father another son, but let that son have the life, including “normal” dad, Sam and Dean ached for). The price of leaving the family (and for college, not to run off to deal drugs, etc.)? Excommunication from the only family/support system Sam was allowed to have. Having made his sons so dependent on the family unit, I wonder if John secretly thought Sam would eventually cave and come crawling back to them (my speculation - nothing in the show overtlypointed to this).

For me, that sealed the deal that Sam and Dean were much like two people trapped on a deserted island, or like siblings trapped in an attic with a parent that was only sporadically present - ripe breeding ground for incestuous thoughts and feelings. No, I don’t for one second see it as a healthy relationship, because the boys were never allowed to know healthy.

Furthermore, Dean was always the controlling partner. I would say to the point of obsessiveness, which is understandable given the pressures that were placed on him by John. In the first season, we get to see Dean isolating Sam from the life he was building outside of the “family”. In “Skin”, he sort of mocks Sam for staying in touch with his friends, making him feel guilty that he is dishonest with them and agrees when Sam rather incredulously asks if he is supposed to just cut them out of his life. By the end of that episode, Sam is resigned to no longer really staying in touch. But Dean, like John, gets to live by different rules. We discover Dean did have a relationship with Cassie while Sam was away, going so far as to break that unspoken rule the family had about not revealing the hunting life to people they aren’t “saving”. That backfired on him, with her ending the relationship. When they meet up again in the first season, he promises to come back to her even though she doesn’t believe they have a chance. He never does return and even ignores Sam’s offer of staying there longer (Sam wanting Dean to have that life he himself had tried to fashion is once again echoed in the promise he extracts from Dean in Swan Song. Notice that when Dean returned from Purgatory [when he was thought dead], he harangued and punished Sam verbally and emotionally for trying for normal once again).

So, the show continued its slow reinforcement of the boys never having successful relationships outside of their tiny family. Sam “fails” at love when almost all his significant others die, and Dean “fails” at love when he is either rejected by them or he feels they are unsafe knowing him (in the latter, he makes one of his unilateral “I know what’s good for you even though this will take away some of your autonomy” decisions and has Lisa & Ben mindwiped. foolscapper did a dark fic au on how that choice played out in the end…ouch)

To me, there is so much fodder to play with in fanon for a twisted, unhealthy relationship with a dark, controlling Dean. Although I read very little written like that, it is my favorite wincest headcanon. This is not to say I don’t enjoy a romanticized version of wincest (because I do very much and it is usually my preferred reading), but, to me, the show enforces an unhealthy, push vs. pull relationship between the two that they will never completely resolve.

As an aside, I also find it almost humorous we all refer to them as “the boys” when they are men (if you take into account their age), as though we subconsciously acknowledge they have not grown up into adults in the conventional sense of the word and probably never will.

They truly are the lost boys doomed to never leave Neverland.

[gh0stlyfixation]

A hole

Requested: love your blog and I seen your taking requests. Can I get a one with kol? You can decide how it goes as long as it has kol

@michaeladmorris

Your heart beat was irregular. Atrial Septal defect was your medical diagnosis as a child, you basically had a hole in your heart. You were also struggling to carry your unborn child from a one night stand. You knew of the super natural world. You were human though but you had a family full of witches. The gene happens to skip you. You werent the luckiest of people. You never had luck

You had a date for surgery finally set up in two months, that was until you had gotten pregnant. You whole life was waiting for the moment that you could walk for miles and not be in pain but once again, your luck wasnt so strong. You were happy to become a mother but frustrated that the father wasn't in the picture and that it was happening now.

So, today you would go to the doctors and see what options you had while being pregnant and to see if you could even handle carrying a baby for nine months. The park in New Orleans had always surprised you in the fall. Leaves were all sorts of colors all on the ground blocking most the pathway. the cool air on your face made your body relax. You didn't think it would be possible to carry this child and you prayed you could. Deep in thought on your walk caused you to bump into a man.

"I'm so sorry, I was just in a deep thought and didn't realize where I was going." You said quickly, running out of breath.

"It's okay love. I'd be careful talking so fast, you are already out of breath. Are you okay?" He asked.

He was worried that in just a short sentence you struggled to breathe. "I'm fine." You said bringing your head up to look at him. He was handsome.

"My name is Kol," he said with a smile.

"Y/N, nice to meet you." You said. Kol stepped a little closer hearing two strange noises from you. He knew one was a babies heartbeat but the other did not make sense to him. He was worried again.

"Are you sure your okay?" He asked

"I promise I'll be fine. I'm headed to my doctors right over there actually." You said.

"Let me walk you think, its the least I could do after bumping into you. and I live in that big building right next to it so its a win-win for me." He said with a smile. You nodded, "How is it a win-win?" You asked with a giggle.

"Well, I get to walk with a beautiful girl and my house is right there." He said. You blushed and began to walk as he followed beside.

"So what is this appointment for if you don't mind me asking." He said, he wanted to know why your heart sounded different.

"I have a heart defect, a hole in my heart and blood can travel across the hole from the left upper heart chamber to the right upper chamber and out into the lung arteries. So talking fast, as you saw, can make breathing hard. Same with walking or any sort of movement. Normally as a baby, it will go away but I have shit luck so here I am." You said with a shrug.

"Can't you have a surgery?" He asked. He was intrigued.

"Funny story actually, I was scheduled for surgery two months from today but I had a one night stand and now I'm pregnant and I'm gonna see what my options are." You said.

"You mean like abortion and all?" He asked with a frown

"Basically, but aborting this child isn't an option." You said firmly.

He smiled, "I'm glad to hear that. I say becoming a mom is pretty lucky." He said with a grin

You thought for a moment, he was right, “I am lucky to be a mom, but unlucky that it's happening now, with no father. I'm an unlucky person. If luck does happen then I will be surprised.”

You arrived at the building doors, "well I hope all is well. If you ever need me, You know where to find me." Kol said pointing at the building he mentions he lived in.

“Thank you." You said with a smile.

----

7 month later

"If I die, you promise you'll take care of my little girl? To love it as yours?" You asked Kol, holding tightly on his hand

"I promised you this six months ago and I still promise you six months later and forever. You will not die, not over my dead body. Plus you had some of my blood in your drink." Kol smirked

6 months ago you and Kol became close, he was the best friend you've had. Since him, your luck has sky rocked. Him telling you he was a vampire didn't shock you. He was the one most shocked when you told him you knew and that it didn't bother you.

"I was born into a line of witches, I just never got powers."

"Wow, your luck does suck." he joked

You were seven months pregnant and your body was finally ready for a surgery and you Baby was healthy enough and if need to be removed she would have a good chance at surviving, for you, unfortunately, have a 50 50 shot.

The surgery could take a turn just like all surgery's. Kol was confident enough that you would survive but even more confident with his blood.

"Really Kol? You had to spike my drink?"

"What are best friends for? Your not gonna miss her first words, first step, first boyfriend who I promise not to kill and first everything."

"You sound like her dad, not uncle." You said with a tease.

Three hours into the surgery you lost a significant amount of blood and due to that, your baby was born while you laid with an open chest. Kol did nothing but worry even though he knew, either way, you'd wake up.

"Kol Mikaelson?" Asked the doctor looking for him.

Kol stood up and walked to the doctor, "The baby was born at 8:42. She's healthy, breathing is a little off as expected. Y/N lost a lot of blood but she's stable in ICU, you may see her." Kol smiled and followed your doctor to the room.