#i'm running out of asks i'm scared don't leave me to make my own choices

[its-all-papaya]

oh!! i LOVE the fostering puppies idea! (and how could i forget about THE bed sharing snippet you wrote, like?? hello??) since you said we could send more - 🖤 darks and i don't know if it counts as angsty but maybe comforting the other after a nightmare? proud of you, keep going with the chores!!

sheets are out of the dryer, whites are in the dryer, and first load of darks is in the washer. that is pROGRESS. (there is definitely another full load of darks left though my washing machine is small)

↠ please make me do my chores

i saw lando norris with a puppy and said "how can i make this about oscar?" fr. idk if that one's going anywhere, but it takes sooooooo little to get me to open up a word doc these days, who's to say.

LISTEN. perhaps the real angst is the hurt/comfort we pretended was angst along the way. and i LOVE a nightmare trope (it also pairs deliciously with only-one-bed, conveniently). i feel like it would have to be lando, mainly bc i can't stop fking torturing that man, but like. one of those nightmares that's not even so scary as it is like... disorienting? makes you feel Wrong inside? like you can't sleep again bc you don't want that squirmy icky feeling back? and sleepy warm oscar just wrapping bby up in his arms all nice and soft and real, you know how it is. if it's not getting-together-only-one-bed, it's gotta be established relationship so he can kiss lando's forehead one thousand million times and say "i love you" over and over so even if lando can't fall back asleep, he's at least got that as his freshest memory instead of whatever happened In His Head.

okay, sick, let's keep going!! thank you for these!!

[hedgehog-moss]

Ant lovers, this is not the post for you, I'm sorry.

I have a big anthill in the worst location, between my house and the greenhouse, so that the ants are invading me on two different fronts! Over the past two months or so I've tried a lot of methods to make the ants feel unwelcome, from the humane Earth Mother approach to more aggressive ones, but nothing worked. Flooding them with water. Then boiling water. Dish soap. Vinegar. Diatomaceous earth, which usually solves just about every problem. The ants did not care. I tried asking, then suggesting, then bargaining, then insisting, then threatening, then

Sorry, ants. You should have taken my threats seriously.

I meant to wait until everything was fully consumed before extinguishing the fire, but then I realised I was out of dog food (when you buy one of these 20kg bags of kibble you always feel like it'll never run out and then it does in the most unexpected and untimely manner, every time). I had time to pop by the store before it closed, and by this point the fire was just a few embers left at the bottom of the tragic moon crater that used to be a magnificent ant palace. You can see my chickens keeping an eye on it from above:

I fully trust my chickens but still, before I left I went to tell the carpenter working in my barn today that I've been burning an anthill, the fire is almost out but could he glance out the window every now and then while I'm in town, and maybe go and throw a bucket of water if he sees my house engulfed in flames? I'm just going on a quick, half-hour errand.

He agreed, so I left.

I ran into the librarian at the grocery shop, who of course invited me over for a cup of tea. It's genuinely impossible to say no to such offers—I mean, you say no and then you end up at the librarian's house having tea anyway. You'd think the possibility of my house and llamas going up in flames if I don't go home to monitor the embers would be a foolproof excuse to get out of a tea invitation, but there are no excuses. The librarian wanted me to taste the giant cookie she baked and she wanted to talk about something stupid our president said or did recently and I had no choice but to follow her.

But it's okay, the carpenter and the hens are on top of the situation!

Still, I felt antsy (sorry) as I sat in the librarian's kitchen and watched her feed Pandolf cookie crumbs. (She had some crumbs set aside for her own dog, but her dog is tiny and scared of Pandolf so she remained at the other end of the kitchen, intensely interested in the unattainable cookie crumbs, mentally willing Pandolf to disappear from her kitchen, vibrating with despair, the picture of anguish.)

I tried to use Pandolf as a pretext to cut my visit short, but I had zero cooperation from my traitor dog. "We've been gone a while, he probably needs to pee!"

The librarian asked me about the carpentry stuff going on in my barn right now and I didn't want to start a whole new conversation which would inevitably lead to half a dozen anecdotes about construction work, when I'd already had such trouble wrapping up the let's-trash-talk-Macron conversation (it's not that I don't want to trash talk Macron. But my house was burning, maybe.)

I tried to point out again that my house was probably ashes by now and the librarian said serenely, "Well, your carpenter will feel obligated to hurry up and finish the job much faster if you have no house anymore and must move into the barn."

I agreed that there's an upside to everything, but still. I had to go.

Just as I was leaving the librarian's house, I saw the carpenter's car entering town. I waved at him and he stopped and opened the window and told me everything was going well, and I said, "And the fire? It must be out by now."

"What fire?"

He had absolutely not checked the fire. (He was standing next to a noisy machine when I made my request so it's possible he didn't hear me well and figured I was checking on his work and just went "Yeah, all good!") (I'm trying to be fair)

And yes, okay, it was just a few embers at the bottom of a pit with heavy, wet winter earth all around, but I'm a pessimist so I threw Pandolf into my car and drove home at full speed. For some reason what I pictured during this quick, worried drive home was ant payback. A long line of determined ants stretching from their ravaged anthill to my house, each one of them carrying a tiny burning twig. I don't think two chickens would be enough to suppress that.

When I reached my dirt road, I couldn't see my house from afar but could see a plume of smoke in the middle of the woods. It looked pretty small, but still, I was relieved when I got closer and found that the smoke rose from the exact location of the anthill and nowhere else.

I'd taken precautions, like wetting the earth around the pit and choosing a day when some rain was expected in the evening, but a lot of forces conspired to ensure the embers were left unattended, from a forgetful (or confused) carpenter to Pandolf's love of cookie crumbs and the librarian's inescapable friendliness. (She whatsapped me to ask if my house was on fire and I said (jokingly) no, but no thanks to you!! And she was a bit contrite and said, it's Macron :( we spent too long on this topic... And I said no I know, of course I blame Macron and she sent me a handshake emoji)

The ants were not in an avenging mood btw, they were teeming around the crater looking quite defeated, it made me sad. (But I hope they're defeated.) I didn't throw my bucket of water over it straight away because I was a bit fascinated by the inside of the anthill, from up close it looked like the Mines of Moria.

I crouched down next to the ants and we wordlessly watched the last embers slowly die as night fell over the pasture. It was very atmospheric until Pirlouit started braying with absolute fury because it was almost dark and his evening hay was still nowhere to be seen.

[gguk-n]

Safe Haven (Carlos Sainz x Reader)

Thank you for the 200 followers. I'm having a lot of fun writing. Hope you guys enjoy this celebration post!!

Summary- Meeting Carlos was the best thing to happen to you.

{Reader's POV}

Ever since Carlos and I had gone public with our relationship; all the people I had avoided informing of our relationship had found out from the news. It was hard to miss when the world like to talk about who the girl was hanging on to one of the hottest F1 driver was.

The one person I had avoided telling about my relationship with Carlos the most was my own mother. Our relationship was always a tough one; she never could accept my choices or decisions. I've lost a lot of partners because of her. Either she would convince me or them that we weren't meant to be; and the next day I was crying on the bathroom floor.

I met Carlos after a particularly bad break up where the guy cheated on me because my mother said I was cheating on him and he should get me back. I really loved him but I felt like the stars had aligned when I met Carlos at the Real Madrid match I was dragged to by my roommate who was tired of watching me mope. The match wasn't very memorable but the guy I was sat next to was. I didn't know he was some formula one driver; all I knew was he was some hot Spanish guy who's voice made a shiver run down my spine. We exchanged numbers at the end of the night and stayed in touch for a while before we could meet up for a date. The date was beautiful and magical just like the fairytales.

We'd been dating for almost 2 years when I finally agreed to go to one of his races. I had moved out from the town that held me back and far far away from my mother. I felt like I was invincible at this point. I guess I forgot what she was capable of. The moment my face was plastered all over the news, my phone wouldn't stop ringing. I was scared. Carlos didn't know the extent of my hurt and why I avoided my mother.

Until a few days after the race, Carlos was out cycling with his friends and I was busy making cookies when I heard the door ring. Thinking it was Carlos, I opened the door; only to be met with the one person I was trying to run away from. "What are you doing here?" I asked, a tremble in my voice. "I heard you got yourself a rich and famous boyfriend. Won't you introduce me to him?" she asked while trying to look behind me. I tried to close the door but she was strong and walked right in. "Can't believe you actually found someone, gullible enough" she sneered taking the whole house in. My hands were shaking and there was a lump in my throat. "The house is big and looks expensive. You must be giving him a good reason to keep you around." she jeered. "Can you leave?" I asked, unsure of anything. "I could but then I wouldn't get to meet this boyfriend of yours, now would I" she replied taking a seat on the couch.

"Why are you here?" I asked, finally finding some strength. "Isn't it obvious? You got rich and famous and forgot your poor old mother who raised you?" she said solemnly. If I didn't know better, I would've been fooled. She leaned back on the sofa, "Come sit darling. It's your house after all" she said, patting the space next to her. I quietly took my place on the sofa next to hers. "I'm hurt. I see you after years and this is the kind of welcome I get" she sighed. "What do you want, now?" I asked more boldly. "I don't get what he sees in you" she started avoiding my question. "You're not pretty or petite like those models, or have money or fame that you can offer. Must be the sex. Am I right?" she asked. I was disgusted at what she said. "Good thing you learned how to please a man. The previous one had to find solace in another woman's arms because of you" she tsked. "He wouldn't have, if you hadn't lied" I spat. "I was only looking out for him" she smiled. "Carlos won't want you around once I'm done talking" she smirked. "He's different, he loves me." I cried out. "Oh dear, all men are the same. They'll leave for a better thing any day." she replied.

As if on queue, I heard the door open and Carlos called out, "Carino, I'm back and I have your favourite cheesecake from that shop you love." I sat there with bated breath. The moment he came in view, I quickly strode towards him. He had placed the cake in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me, giving me a quick peck. I turned towards my mother and introduced him to her. "Babe, this is my mother. Mom, this is my boyfriend, Carlos." I said. Carlos sensed my unease with my posture to the way I was shaking slightly. He placed a hand on the small of my back and raised his hand to shake my mother's. "Nice to meet. Mrs Y/L/N. I've heard so much about you" he said. "Sadly, I haven't. You'd think that after you grow, birth and raise a child they'd care about you at least. But she left me to rot" she fake cried; the crocodile tears ready to fall. My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt weak and a part of me was scared that what if he listened to my mother and then what. "Mom, you should go, we have somewhere to be." I said, standing my ground. "What a shame? I was hoping to have lunch with you. Carlos, sweetheart, if she ever troubles you; give her a good beating, she's quite docile. I've let her loose and look at the trouble she is causing us both." she said, shaking her head. I felt like throwing up. Carlos was shocked, "Why would I hit her?" he asked. "It's ok darling, all righteous men hit their wives to keep them in line. I mean if you'll make this whore your wife that is" she snickered. "Y/N isn't a whore and I do plan on making her my wife" he replied disgusted at what my mother said.

"I would like it if you would stop disrespecting my girlfriend and leave right now." he asked politely. "Where would the fun be, if I left?" she asked. "Please leave before I call the police" he said sternly. I was shaking violently at this point, all those memories, resurfacing. Thankfully Carlos was able to get her to leave. When he came back after locking the door, I crashed in his arms. "Are you ok, hermosa?" he whispered. I started to cry, "Please don't leave me. I don't know what I'll do without you. I love you so much" I cried out in one breath, holding his shirt tightly. "I will never leave you, hermosa" he replied now carrying me to the sofa. We sat down in each others embrace while I cried my heart out. His shirt wet from all the sweat and my tears.

After I had calmed down, "I didn't know it was this bad" he whispered. "She's the reason my last boyfriend cheated on me" I mumbled. "Well, he was stupid. Good he left. That way I found you." he said while smiling. I finally smiled at him for the first time since my mother came. "Don't listen to anything she says. She doesn't know me, she doesn't know us. I love you so much and I would never let anything happen to you" he comforted. I gave him a hug, burying my face in his neck. He placed me on the sofa before getting up to go to our room. I thought he was going to get changed but instead he came back with something in his hand. "I had elaborate plans that my sisters were helping me in. But this is a better time then any." He said, while getting on one knee. My hands were on my mouth. "I love you since the day I first saw you at the Real Madrid match. I'm so happy that we were sat next to each other. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honour by marrying me?" he stated. "Yes" I croaked out, giving him my left hand. He got up and kissed me. "I'll make sure no one can hurt you ever again. Not even your mother" he said giving me a kiss again. I smiled into the kiss wrapping my arms around him, knowing I was finally safe. "My sisters are gonna kill me, I asked them to plan such an elaborate proposal" he laughed. "I think they'll understand" I said, smiling at him. "Yeah, they love you more than they love me anyways" he chuckled. I was happy I thought while looking at the ring on my finger.

[daceydeath]

Screeching Tires and Blood Stains

Pairing: Mafia Jongho x Reader Word Count: 3k Genre: Mafia Romance Warnings: 18+, MDNI, Swearing, Violence, Blood, Dangerous Driving, Explicit Activities, Drinking

Coming face to face with the realities of Jongho's criminal life had not been how you expected your night out together to go.

"Where is Jongho?" you begged, gripping the seatbelt so tightly that your knuckles were beginning to turn white.

"He'll be fine" Yunho stressed his eyes firmly on the road "you will be too I'll get you back safely".

"I'm not scared for me Yunho" you whimpered, not being able to focus on anything outside of the car, the scenery passing too fast for you to focus on. Jongho had ordered Yunho to get you in another car and get you back to a safe house as fast as possible. You hadn't even had a second to ask what was happening or even kiss him goodbye. Now you weren't sure if you were ever going to see your fiance again. The last sound you had heard other than the screeching tires as Yunho floored the engine was the sound of a scream which made your blood run cold.

You had known the life he led was dangerous, you had cleaned blood from his clothes more times than you could count and changed dressings on wounds at least once a month, but this was the first time you had actually come face to face with the danger he surrounded himself with everyday. Yunho often acted as your bodyguard. He was a gentle giant when it came to you and his loyalty to Jongho was unwavering so naturally Jongho trusted him to protect what he deemed most precious to him, you.

"I know, Jongho is going to be fine, he's a tough fucker" Yunho smiled wryly finally slowing the car now that he deemed it safe. "It's always a bigger deal if you are with us when something happens".

You hummed in understanding but the fear was still firmly entrenched in your chest like a lump of ice freezing you from the inside. The scenery was still passing your window in a blur, Yunho's foot still firmly on the accelerator not taking any chance that someone would follow you back to Jongho's apartment. The tire screech that followed you into the undercover parking garage was almost deafening no doubt leaving rubber in a thick layer on the smooth concrete as he finally hit the brakes before lifting you from the car and running into the waiting elevator only placing you on your own two feet when it started it's climb to the penthouse floor. He led you into the hallway nodding silently to the two men who guarded the entrance to the actual apartment, the message you didn't know officially but you had an inkling just watching the two men tense and take a more aggressive stance.

"I'll get you something to drink" Yunho smiled tightly, sitting you on the sofa and moving towards the drinks cart to grab you your standard tipple of choice.

"You're making me drinks? How bad is tonight going to be?" You sighed bitterly, your heart in your throat, looking into Yunho's eyes hoping he could see that you were demanding the truth from him.

"It could be really bad" he frowned, sitting down opposite you, pulling his hand gun from its holster and laying it on the coffee table "Jongho didn't see this coming tonight, I don't know what will happen". His candor was unusual. Normally he would soften news for you to prevent you panicking.

"You should be out there with him Yunho" you urged chewing your lip nervously "I'll be fine here, there's guys out the front and Jongho taught me to shoot" you looked at him knowing that if you could get him to go back your man was more likely to come home to you.

"He ordered me to stay with you so I will" he reminded you kindly before moving to take your hand  in his. "If this goes to shit you will be looked after. I gave Jongho my word and he's given clear instructions".

"What the fuck does that mean?" You refuted angrily pulling your hand away from his as you heard loud yelling from the hallway outside. Whipping your head towards the sound with wide eyes, before a heartbeat later you found yourself pressed face first into the plush carpet Yunho pressed against your back, his long arm extended pointing his gun towards the sound. The front door burst open revealing Mingi and San, two of Jongho's enforcers, dragging a blood soaked Jongho into the apartment swearing loudly and still shouting at someone behind them.

"Fuck Yunho" San shouted as he spotted Yunho's gun trained on them “we don't need anyone else getting trigger happy tonight”.

"What happened?" Yunho grunted standing quickly, pulling you up with him, and moving to help haul Jongho's pained form onto the dining table making him breath heavily and grunt in protest.

“Were you followed Yunho? Did they see where you brought her?” Jongho growled looking at his friend.

“I got her away clean, man, you know I will keep her safe for you” Yunho replied solemnly.

"We were double crossed" Mingi spat through his clenched teeth, helping to get Jongho's shirt off of him while you stood motionless in shock beside the couch. "One of the soldiers was a plant".

"Was? I'm taking you fixed that problem?" Yunho smirked, helping to hold Jongho still while Mingi got his shirt and tie off the blood still flowing from his arm now running into the floor beneath the table staining the carpet bright vermillion. The front door once again opened as a man you know only as Doc rushed in followed by another man carrying a large medical crate.

"Is it a through and through?" Lee barked, opening one of Jongho's eyes wide to check his pupils, then felt for the pulse in his neck.

"Yeah doc, he's lost a lot of blood but he's still breathing" San replied swiftly, tying a tourniquet around Jongho's upper arm to stem the bleeding once more.

"Right get a needle in him and get some blood started" he ordered as the nameless man did as he was told.

"Will he be alright?" You finally managed to ask your voice faltering. Jongho hissed as the first needle entered the vein in his opposite arm and doc began probing the open wound in his upper arm.

"Of course" San reassured you "Doc will get him sorted out then if needed we will get him to a hospital but it's just a bullet wound" his smile was tight but he was trying his hardest to sound calm and in control. Jongho met your eyes for the first time since he had just about thrown you at Yunho screaming at him to get you out of there.

"San has got a few scratches on him. How about you help clean those up and get some clean clothes for me?" Jongho urged nodding at San and Mingi who nodded back in an unspoken agreement.

"Sure" you stuttered, walking towards the bedroom to get some clothes for at least Jongho and San. "I can do that".

San followed you, grabbing the clothes you offered him and heading into the bathroom to clean himself up, while you sat on the bed opening the first aid kit that you kept in the bedroom. San returned a few minutes later wearing sweatpants and no shirt, the small wound on his arm obvious but insignificant. 

"Sit San" you tried your hardest to not let the shake in your voice obvious, following your wishes he did, letting you tend to the small graze that he didn't even seem to have noticed before Jongho had sent him with you.

"You're doing great" he murmured, pulling on a T-shirt and placing his hand on top of your head. "I'll swap with Mingi and you can look after anything that's on him". San picked up the clothes for your boyfriend and left to fetch Mingi.

Being left alone you took the chance to quickly change your own clothes, dropping the brand new dress you had worn onto the pile of clothes San had left on the bathroom floor. You would have to make sure they were incinerated later but for now you would wait for Mingi to change to another set of sweats and shirt sitting beside you on the bed.

"Ready for me?" Mingi asked softly trying to not startle you as he stepped into the room.

"Go clean up and I'll clean up anything you have that needs tending" you nodded letting him step into the bathroom with the clothes you had given him. You couldn't stop thinking about the sight of Jongho lying covered in blood on the table, how murderous he had looked being dragged by his friends into the apartment and what Yunho had said. What would you do if it did go badly? you weren't sure you could live without Jongho and would you even be allowed to just continue with life with all the things you knew and had seen in your time with him.

"Your thinking too hard" Mingi sighed sitting beside you on the bed "he's going to be fine, it's not life threatening" he gave you a small smile as you stood looking him over. Mingi has three small cuts that didn't even need dressing and a dozen bruises coming up so you carefully put some ointment on him before allowing him to finish dressing himself.

"Can I come out and see him again?" You asked meekly, putting away the first aid supplies.

"Course, docs got him hooked up to blood and saline so he should be back to normal soon anyway" Mingi grinned, escorting you out to where they were. You could hear hushed whispers as you stepped out of your shared bedroom but with Mingi's hand on your shoulder you continued to where they were still treating Jongho only he was now sitting in one of the dining chairs whilst Yunho cleaned the blood from the table.

"My love" Jongho sighed, his voice hoarse but still definitely loud enough for you to hear properly.

"Jongho" you sobbed, taking the hand closest to you and squeezing it.

"Hey love, no tears I'm fine" he tried to chuckle.

"Fine? You were just dragged onto your apartment and put on the dining table with blood pouring out of you!" you scoffed emotionally trying to not let the tears in your eyes escape your waterline and trying your hardest to resist slapping his shoulder.

"Doc has patched me up" Jongho smiled cupping your face with his other hand not noticing the dried blood all over it until it was against your skin.

"You scared me half to death" you pouted watching his eyes crinkle in a soft smile and doc removed the cannula that was no longer needed from his arm.

“That's why you love me though'' he grinned cheekily knowing you wouldn't argue you were just happy that he was fine. “You boys go home, get some rest and we will reconvene tomorrow to sort out what needs to be done”. You watched them all nod and one by one leave with Yunho being the last to go, his hand squeezing Jongho’s shoulder firmly before he let himself out.

“I'm sorry your pretty dress is ruined my love” he apologized genuinely, taking both your hands in his and kissing each of your fingers. “I'll buy you ten more to replace it”.

“Let me get you into bed first” you chewed your lip tiredly “you need rest”. He stood up easily, letting you pull him carefully behind you to his bedroom, sitting him down on his side of the bed letting him get comfortable against the headboard before you went back out to turn off all the lights. You returned to him smiling crookedly at you, his hair tousled from running his hand through it. Slipping the sweatpants you had put on off you were left in just one of his oversized t-shirts and your underwear.

“Do you need help getting into bed handsome?” You tilted your head as you crossed the room to him, noticing his eyes roaming up and down your body.

“No but I have had a thought” he started his soft eyes meeting yours while he cupped your cheek with his hand “I want you to move in here with me, I want to come home to you, I want to know you’re always safe”.

“I thought you wanted me to keep one step away from this life?” you furrowed your brows slightly even though the corners of your lips turned upward.

“I did but now I want you with me always” he admitted pulling you in to kiss you passionately, even in his injured state he easily maneuvered you into his lap pressing you against him and holding you in place with his hand on the nape of your neck.

“We can’t you’re hurt” you whispered against his lips, feeling his hard chest against your own, your hands bunching up his shirt to expose his flesh to you.

“I’m not that injured my love” he murmured back lowering one of his hands to squeeze and tease your tits making you whimper and shuffle in his lap “please let me touch you” he continued pressing his hips up against your barely covered crotch, you dropped your forehead against his shoulder letting him do whatever he wanted in that moment letting small noises leave your lips with each movement of his hands. Kissing his neck softly you felt the vibrations from his quiet groan through his skin encouraging you to keep kissing him.

“You’re so amazing letting me touch you, letting me love you” he rasped, swallowing hard and moving his attention to your hips, gripping them tightly and pressing you against his hardening dick helping you grid against him the way he wanted. “You going to let me fuck you yeah?”.

“Yes Jongho” you whined, his fingers brushing against your covered clit only to pull away again to help you lift yourself enough for him to pull his now weeping cock from his pants so that there would be nothing but the flimsy material of your underwear between you. Continuing your grinding against him he let out a low groan from deep in his throat moving your underwear to the side to easily slip himself between your folds to cover his length with your essence before gradually entering your tight hole and allowing you to sink down at your own pace, splitting you open and stretching you until you were so full you didn’t think you could possibly take anymore of him. 

“Just a little bit more my love” he grunted, not moving his hips to let you control your own pace.

“So big Jongho” you moaned softly, not stopping your legs from sinking you down further on his cock. You heard him grunt as you finally pressed hips against his pelvis, the delicious mix of pleasure and almost pain making your head swim. Jongho’s head fell back against the bed frame with a soft thunk, his hands gripping your hips, his fingers digging into your skin. You began to roll your hips again unhurriedly enjoying the feeling of him inside you, his hands on you, his voice surrounding you as you began to find your leisurely pace. Your hands on his chest you leant forward to press your lips against his neck nipping and carefully sucking small love bites on his skin marking him lightly as yours and only yours as his grip on you tightened no doubt leaving his own marks on you for you to find in the morning.

“Fuck I’m so in love with you” He moaned his breath coming out in soft pants and grunts as you continued to ride him. 

“I love you” you mewled the pleasure flowing through you making you move more desperately his whimpers making you need more as the image of him still covered in blood entered your mind making you feel everything so much more intensely bringing tears to your eyes your rocking hips moving faster as your got more emotional “I love you Jongho”. The first tear falling from your eyes onto his neck mingling with his sweat and making his skin even saltier against your tongue.

“I got you love, I’m here” he grunted loudly his hands now moving your hips as you began to lose your rhythm his hips coming up slightly to meet yours “Fuck my love I’m here, I’ll always he here he ground out as your walls started to flutter wildly around him.

“Fuck Jongho…Jongho” you cried coming hard around him, your walls milking his seed from him as he followed you with his own release. Slumping against him you continued kissing his neck lazily breathing in his scent as your eyes began to droop slightly. You both sat in silence, your bodies still connected as you came down from your highs only moving when Jongho helped you to lay beside him, your thighs burning too much for you to move by yourself gracefully.

“I know I scared you tonight my love” he started brushing his fingers against your back as you laid curled up against him “I’m sorry”.

“I know it’s your life Jongho, I’ve known for almost as long as we have been together. It’s a risk I knew existed but I never thought would happen in front of me. Is that naive?” You asked honestly.

“There will be retribution for what happened tonight so hopefully it won't happen in front of you again but I can’t promise it will never happen again” he answered truthfully “But I will protect you always and Yunho will take care of you if anything ever happens to me so you will always be safe”.

“I love you Jongho, I’ll get my stuff together to move in at the weekend” you grinned against his chest. Feeling him silently chuckle.

“I’ll let the guys know they will be moving your stuff for you then”.

A/N: Thank you for reading as always your support means the world to me as always I appreciate every like, reblog and comment my beautiful lovelies xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz @armystay89 @damnyouficc @roamingpolar @tara-skyhold @bakedlilgoonie , @krishastumblernow , @mrsseals16 , @fawnpeaks @leeknowinggg @uno7 @tanzen-ist-gold

[akookminsupporter]

Namjoon gave a good interview to Vogue Spain and in it he said a few things that I thought I'd share with those of you who may not understand Spanish.

This was at the end of the article but I want to write it first:

One thing that needs to be made clear about this album is that, no matter how much the rumour mill is trying to spin it, it is by no means the end of the successful band. "Oh, I'm not leaving BTS. Absolutely not. This is the first time I'm launching a solo project like this, so I'm trying to stand up and take my first steps. But I'm ambitious and I have willpower. So I don't want to miss the opportunity to do both. So I will try my best not to lose control and steer these two ships at the same time. A lot of bands split up and fall apart, but I hope that doesn't happen to BTS. I just love the music, I love my job, I love the band members and I love myself. If I can keep both projects going, I think it can be something legendary in the long run".

Other important parts of the article:

"The k-pop industry hasn't stopped growing since we debuted with BTS [in 2013]. It's become a lot more complex and has brought a lot more people into its structures. I think there are a lot of lights, but also some slippery shadows. Many of us started our careers very early as a group: we slept and lived together as teenagers. We became a real family, which is great, but this culture has also affected me a lot, because sometimes I find it difficult to be treated as an adult who has autonomy in his decisions. I'm perceived as just another cog in the crew, in the context of a mass phenomenon",

Did you ever feel like you were getting completely lost in this delirium of success? "I used to think so, but the funny thing is that I am fully aware that it was my own choice to devote myself to the k-pop industry. Nobody pushed me into it. But yes, I have lost myself at times. Although perhaps saying this is an excess of 'self-empathy'. There is no answer. Except that, if k-pop is about recharging the batteries of a mass audience and I'm responsible for doing that recharging, then I have to keep my feet firmly on the ground. As an adult, as a musician and as a human being. And these ten years of my career have helped me define who I am and learn to love myself. But I'm still in that process, you know? All these internal struggles will be recorded on records and videos," he explains.

"Music is really necessary for the world, but, when it comes to my music, sometimes I feel like I'm producing something unnecessary. If I were to die tonight, I don't think anything would change. It might matter to some people for a while, but a farmer or a street sweeper is more relevant to the functioning of society. When I ask myself about the role of our generation in historical terms, when I look at all the digital platforms and communities out there, I am overcome with confusion. There are a lot of people who don't want to think. They have frenetic lives and turn to music or television to escape, so the last thing they want is someone trying to lecture them from a pedestal. In that context, I wonder how I can make my music matter. I haven't found an answer yet, but I keep trying to bring my own perspective to it.

As to whether he is afraid that the army he has on Instagram (42.4 million followers) might one day turn against him for a silly mistake or a blunder, RM answers bluntly. "Yes, it scares me. It scares me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When I was younger I tried to come across as a cool guy who doesn't give a shit what other people think, but I don't think that's right anymore. I care about the publicity dimension of my career and the influence I can have on others. It stresses me out, yes, but I think I can handle it. That's why I don't retire or do things like go out and drink the night away and then drive drunk. I'm human, I can make mistakes, but I will do everything in my power to be the best version of myself. One of the keys is to treat this job for what it is: a job. I don't think artists have any special rights or status.

Note: if you would like me to translate another part of the interview, let me know.

[thezombieprostitute]

Panic Attack - Part 2

Summary: Your ex decides he needs to talk to you. Your friend, Walter Marshall, has other ideas.

A/N: Reader is plus sized. No other descriptors used.

Word Count: ~1.1k

Warnings: Abusive ex, Implied violence, Panic attack. Let me know if I missed any!

Part 1

It's been a few months since your panic attack that introduced you to Walter. Not wanting to appear too needy you limited yourself to just an occasional check-in text every week. Walter would always gently guide the texts into a conversation about your shared interests and the two of you really got to talking.

Sometimes, after chatting, you would cry from relief. You're not scaring him away. He doesn't downplay your interests as “childish” or “immature” like Bryce, your ex, always did. He was polite, even funny, about disagreements in canon. He really helped you feel safe talking about what you like. You weren't used to that.

You were feeling pretty good about yourself overall and it really helped you get through some rough days.

But nothing could help you prepare for Ransom showing up at the bookstore where you work. Ransom and Bryce had been friends forever. If he was here, Bryce was likely nearby. You try to head to the back office but you hear Ransom calling your name. Your manager has been on everyone about not ignoring potential patrons so you take a deep breath and face him.

“Mr. Drysdale,” you nod. “How can I help you today?”

“Oh good,” he smiles, mockingly, “you remember your place.” You take another breath to steady yourself. “Believe me, this isn't my first choice either. Bryce needs to talk to you but due to legal reasons, he needs an intermediary.”

“I have no interest in talking to him,” you reply calmly.

“Yeah, the restraining order made that clear. Still can't believe you got that. It's not like he ever actually hit you or anything,” Ransom scoffs. You struggle to control your breathing, fighting the tears. “Anyways, he's looking at being cut out of the will. But since his father always liked you, he figured you showing up with him to the old man's birthday party would help him secure his place.”

“No,” you reply simply. The shorter, more concise an answer you can give, the better.

“I'd reconsider,” Ransom growls. “The lengths someone like Bryce will go to ensure he's in the will? I could see him doing some...bad things.”

“His relationship with his father is not my problem,” you reply. “Now please, either purchase a book or leave.”

Ransom snorts, “I'm not buying this trash. But don't say I didn't warn you.” He turns and heads out.

You almost running to the break room, tears pouring down your face. You want to call Walter, ask him to help you calm down, but he's a police officer. No doubt he has more important things to take care of. You'll wait for tonight, your usual texting/call time.

Walter's phone starts chiming with the ringtone he has reserved for you.

“Hello, Sugar,” he answers with a smile.

“W-W-Walter,” you stutter, making him frown. “He-he's here. Bryce. He's, he's outside my door. Please help.” You're whispering into the phone and he can barely make out what you're saying but it's enough for him. Especially with the loud banging in the background that he can only assume is your ex trying to force his way into your apartment.

“I'm on my way,” Walter assures. His voice is calm, concealing the burning rage he's feeling. As he keeps talking to you as he gestures for a couple other officers to follow him. “Take a breath for me, Sugar,” he gently orders you over the phone. He hears your breath shaking and he continues, “grab the pepper spray and lock yourself into a room further into your apartment. Wait for me to signal the all-clear. Understood?”

“Y-yes, Walter.” You hang up and get moving. The panic is telling you to shut down. Just accept the abuse. The only way to get Bryce to stop hurting you is to let him tire himself out. But you've been working so hard on getting over these kinds of stress responses. He doesn't own your life any more. You do.

Doing your best to ignore his yells of “open the damn door” you grab the pepper spray out of your purse. The only room in your apartment with a lock is the bathroom so you head in there, locking the door and pushing the bathmat underneath to make it a little more difficult to open.

You can still hear the banging and, while you can't make out the words, you can still hear Bryce's yelling. You don't realize you've started rocking. You brain is in panic mode and you can't think past the impending pain. The punches to your stomach, your arms, places where you could hide the bruises. The promises of worse if you ever told.

The commotion outside suddenly gets louder and you curl up into the fetal position, covering your ears. You're not sure how long you stay like that, waiting for the pain.

There's a gentle knock at the bathroom door and you squeak in fear. “Sugar?” Walter's voice gently calls through the door. “Sugar? Are you in there? Are you okay?”

You lift your head a little, “Walter?” Your voice is barely above a whisper but he breathes a sigh of relief at hearing you.

“Yeah, Sugar, it's me. Can you open the door for me?”

“Bryce?”

“He's in handcuffs in a squad car outside. It's just you and me in the apartment.”

Slowly, almost painfully slowly, you get up, remove the bathmat and unlock the door. Walter wants to open it immediately but it has to be you who opens it. He doesn't want to scare you worse than you've already been tonight. You crack the door open and peek out. You see Walter's familiar broad frame, curly hair and beard, concerned blue eyes and open the door the rest of the way. You throw yourself at him, bringing him into a hug that he's only too happy to return. Your tears are flowing freely but from relief instead of fear.

He gently pats your head as he holds you, whispering to you about how brave, how smart, how quick you were with everything. He never stops reassuring you, even when your crying is too loud to hear him. His arms feel so safe, his voice so calming. It isn't long before you've calmed enough to gently pull away and thank him.

“If you're willing,” he starts, “I'll stay here and sleep on your couch.”

You shake your head, “I don't feel safe here right now. He knows where I live, that means his friends do. I...I don't want to be here for a while.”

Walter nods, “if you're up for it, you can pack a bag and stay at my place. And no,” he stops you before you can say anything, “it won't be a bother. At all.”

You hug him as more tears of relief pour out. “Thank you, Walter.”

Part 1

Taglist: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @peyton-warren; @ronearoundblindly

[canirove]

Friends, lovers… and an orange | Chapter 3

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

Adele had been on her daily run for less than twenty minutes, when she noticed that a car was following her.

"Shit, fuck" she said under her breath, looking for a place where she could hide or ask for help. But she was in a residential area, so she sped up until she made it to the closest open business she could find: a flower shop.

"Hi, good morning" she said, trying to catch her breath. "Could you please do me a favour?"

"Of course" the woman from the shop smiled.

"Could you check if there is a grey car waiting outside? I think they've been following me."

"Oh dear" the woman said. "Wait here. I'll go outside as if you've asked for some of the flowers I have there."

"Thank you" Adele replied.

"You were right, there is a grey car outside" the woman said when she walked back into the shop. "I saw a man leaving the passenger seat, nod towards here, and then talk to the driver."

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit."

"It's ok, I won't leave you alone" the woman smiled again. "Come to the back of the store with me. I'll make you a cup of tea while we wait for the police."

"Thank you very much, ma'am" Adele said while trying to contain her tears.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"And?"

"They are gone" Luca said, sitting next to his sister. "I'm pretty sure the police scared the hell out of them."

"Good" Adele said. "They deserve it for doing the same to me."

Paparazzis. The men who had been following her, were paparazzis.

Turns out that the girls at the restaurant where she and Mason had had dinner, the ones she swore had said their names, recognized them the moment they walked in and had spent the whole night taking photos of them and posting them on social media, the press writing articles about it not long after. And if you only saw the photos, they did look like a couple on a date. The smiles, the way they were looking at each other, Adele touching Mason's hand...

"Is there anything else I could do for you?" the woman from the flower shop offered.

"Oh, no, don't worry. We are leaving" Adele said. "But thank you very much for your help, the tea, the company... You are an angel."

"Just doing what anyone would do" she smiled.

"I'm not so sure of that" Luca said. "But thank you for taking care of my sister."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I can't fucking believe it!"

"Mase..."

"No! They followed you! They harassed you! They crossed so many lines!"

When Luca and Adele had made it home, Mason was already there, pacing around the living room. And when he saw her, he had ran towards her and hugged her in a way he had never before, completely catching her by surprise.

"But now it is over" she said. "They know that if they do it again, we will call the police and they will be in trouble."

"Yes, them. But what about the other photographers? What if they do the same? This is not ok, Addie. It is not."

"What should we do, then?" Luca asked. 

"Ignoring it like everyone has suggested us hasn't worked, so it's time we take matters into our own hands."

"Mase, what are you going to do?" Adele asked him while watching him furiously type on his phone.

"End this" he grunted.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I know it is early for Christmas or my birthday, but I already know what I want as a gift: for the press to stop harassing my friends. Do you think that will do anything?" Jourdan asked Adele over the phone.

"I don't know" she sighed. 

That had been the message Mason had posted on his Instagram stories and twitter account, and so far, people were going nuts about it. Them, and his agency. They hadn't liked that he had done something like that without consulting them first, but he didn't seem to care.

"When are you coming back home?"

"In a couple of days when Mason is done with his job. His agency booked us the tickets."

"Is that wise, tho? Traveling together after everything that has happened?"

"I don't know" Adele said again. "I honestly don't know what to do anymore, what is a good choice or a bad one. But if there are paps at the airport, at least I know I'll have him by my side."

"Addie..." Jourdan chuckled.

"What?"

"That sounded as if... As if you are starting to feel something for him."

"What? No! We are just friends!"

"Yeah, yeah. But maybe this thing about people believing that you are together is starting to like... rub off?"

"Jourdan, no. We are just friends."

"Ok, ok. Just friends" she repeated. Though she didn't sound too convinced.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I wish the flight had been longer" Adele yawned, resting her head on Mason's shoulder while they waited for their luggage.

"You shouldn't have slept that much. Jet lag is gonna kick your ass" he laughed.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Just try not to fall asleep here, ok?"

"I don't think I would be able to even if I wanted to. What is going on?" she said, turning around to see what was causing all that noise.

"Fuck" Mason whispered. The paparazzis. They had found them and were inside the airport, security trying to keep them away.

"What are we going to do?"

"Mr. Mount? Miss Turlington?" a security guard said next to them. "Please follow me, I'll get you out of here."

"But our luggage..." Adele said.

"Don't worry about that now, Miss Turlington. Please follow me."

"C'mon" Mason said, grabbing her hand and starting to walk. 

"Please let us through. Please" the man said while trying to push the photographers away. They had followed them after seeing Mason and Adele leave, and there were so many of them.

"Mase..."

"It's ok, we are almost there. I've got you" he said, giving her hand an encouraging squeeze. He was walking in front of her, protecting her from everything and everyone. If he hadn't been there, Adele was sure she would have not survived it. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Addie, are you sure you are ok?" 

"Yeah, yeah. For once I'm not complaining about being jet lagged." Because it meant spending most part of her day sleeping and not having to leave her house and face the paparazzis waiting outside. "How is Milan?"

"Beautiful as always" her mother Elizabeth said over the phone. "But I was thinking... Why don't you come to Paris with me? We could have some time together like we used to."

"I don't know, mum..."

"C'mon, Addie. You used to love spending time with me during fashion month! And it will help you distract yourself a bit."

"I'll think about it" she said. 

Adele had always loved being backstage with her mum during fashion shows, getting to see how everything worked. And more than once, she had been asked to walk. But unlike Elizabeth, she hadn't been born to wear heels. 

"Ok. But think about that hot chocolate from Cafe Angelina..."

"That's cheating, mum" Adele chuckled.

"But if it convinces you to come with me, then it will be worth it."

"Let me call Mase first and ask him what he is doing. If we both are in Paris at the same time..."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I'm skipping Paris, I have a shoot in Italy for the perfume I told you about. So go have some fun with your mum, don't worry about me."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure" Mason smiled over facetime. Though it wasn't his usual smile, the one that made his dimple pop.

"Mase, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I am. Why?"

"I don't know. You look a bit... Off."

"That's this phone's camera. I think I need to get a new one."

"Ok..." Adele said. But for some reason, she didn't believe him.

"You have to promise me something, tho."

"Something like what?"

"One, that you will eat some chocolate macarons for me."

"I will" she chuckled.

"And two, that you will enjoy Paris. Wear something fun, take as many photos as you can, attend some parties with your mum... Don't let them ruin it for you, Addie. Do you promise?"

"Promise" she smiled. 

"Great. Now I better go, my agent is coming."

"Wait, have they... Have they found out yet who tipped the paps at the airport?"

"I gotta go, Addie. Bye" Mason said before hanging up, leaving her thinking that something was definitely going on with him.

[imraespace]

CHAPTER 09: YUJI'S BROTHER

JUST THE WAY THINGS GO || MEGUMI X READER

The sound of a door opening behind them scared the life out of them, heads turning towards the sound, hearts racing but..

"Y/N?" Inumaki asked, calming down.

You noticed that not only your friends but Nobara as well are all in the office.

"Did you all get in trouble? Why are you here?" You asked, walking up to them.

"Why are you here?" Maki asked, ignoring your question.

You walked towards a pile of paper then picked it up.

"My aunt wanted some student files and told me to get it.." You mumbled.

You decided to not question them anymore, leaving the room with a warning.

"The principal is returning soon, so maybe you should leave soon." You ended, leaving the room.

The others looked at each other then decided to run out the office, leaving the papers there.

The bell rang and everyone made it to their classes, but Nobara stopped Yuji before he could enter.

"We need to ask your brother some questions." She simply said.

"What? Why?"

"He may know something, let's just go to class."

──────────────

You stayed back in class, finishing up some notes while your friends all left in a hurry making up some excuse but you told them that it's okay.

You packed up your books and made your way into a certain classroom, your aunt told you she had to leave for a while and won't return until later in the afternoon, leaving you with the only choice to hide away with your homeroom teacher.

You made it to the history classroom, slightly opening the door and was greeted with the sight of your teacher writing work on the board and a certain white haired male.

Their heads turned in your direction, which caused you to look away.

"You can come in Y/N." Suguru told you and you did as he said.

You sat on one of the desks, pulled out your headphones and decided to listen to music.

Satoru looked at his friends for answers and Suguru explained.

They left you alone, wanting you to be comfortable in your own mini world.

──────────────

"Megs we have to leave for a bit." Nobara told the male as they all stood up from their desks.

Megumi looked up the duo with a slight bored look on his face.

"It's okay I was heading to the library anyways.." He mumbled, grabbing his bag and began to exit the classroom.

Both Nobara and Yuji looked at each then raced out the classroom.

They all joined the others, everyone in the cafeteria sitting where people rarely sits by, with Yuji in the middle with his phone out.

He scrolled through his contacts, looking for his brother's own.

When he finally did, he called him and everyone remained silent.

Suddenly a voice was heard.

"Hello? Yuji?"

They all looked at each other then back at the phone.

"Hey Cho, I have a question for you." Yuji asked him.

"Question? Okay ask away."

"Do you remember about that incident that happened when you were still in the school?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"I want to ask you some questions about it."

The phone went silent for a while, everyone sharing glances and small whispers were heard among the group.

"Focus on school Yuji, later we can talk about it. I'm guessing your friends want to know as well so just make a group chat or something, just don't focus on that right now."

The group, who was now busted from being a secret thanks to the whispering, celebrated in silence.

"What a nice brother.." Nobara mumbled.

"Thank you." Was the last thing they heard before the phone went silent, signaling that he ended the call.

──────────────

The rest of the day flew by, everyone has left the building, besides you and a few other teachers including your aunt's friends.

"Must suck being stuck here huh?" Satoru joked, looking up from his phone.

You sighed in response, resting your face in your palm.

"You have friends right? Why don't you hang out with them during lunch?" He asked, trying to start up a conversation.

"They do their own thing and I don't mind, though it is a bit lonely sometimes." You mumbled.

"Why not make new ones?" Suguru entered the chat, finished erasing whatever work he had on the board.

You thought about what he said for a while, which caused you to remember a certain someone.

"Maybe I should.." You mumbled to yourself.

Satoru pulled out a deck of uno cards from who knows where.

"Let's play until Shoko comes back!" He said, placing the cards on your desk as Suguru joined you both.

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MASTERLIST | <-PREVIOUS // NEXT->

TAGLIST: @deezy12299 @polarbvnny @fxriixq @mentallyunstablemanlover @baku-boneless @evinvevin @zhochikennugget @saesofficialwife @k1y0yo @frumira @nylories @jayathelostdragon @ashfrommyfire @br66klynbaby @luvkvni @we-loveebony @ire-exe @pompompuriina @vivi-loves-penguins @starszns @iluv-ace @fuyuzemi @sleepytoges @rzcnlb (OPEN)

(if not tagged, your profile didn't show up. sadly☹️)

──────────────

note: more choso next chapter🤭

[lilisgardensblog]

"In due time."

Wasn't it so convenient- you, neuvillette and an empty court room?

What seemed like an usual,boring afternoon in Fontaine, turned out to be the most exciting day you've ever had at work. Or in your life, for that matter.

You walked to the Palais Mermonia as usual to assist Monsieur Neuvillette since you were his new secretary. It wasn't a hard job but.. it wasn't an easy one either. The thing is it didn't come with a particular set of rules or any particular tasks for that matter. You were working for a week already, not sure if you're doing things right or not. He's always buried in paperwork or running around doing some errands, which probably were your job. But you didn't think Neuvillette knew that, leaving you to sit on the couch sipping tea in his office all day.

Deciding to take matters into your own hands, you go to see Neuvillette in his office only for the nice melusine outside to let you know that Monsieur is not in his office at the moment but you're welcome to wait. You smile politely and refuse the melusine's offer to go look for Neuvillette by yourself. As his secretary, you were supposed to have his schedule, buy his lunch, help ease his work. But all this needed communication between the two and right now you don't even know where he was. Walking around all over Fontaine you finally found him, at the Opera House, sitting in his chair and looking over an empty court room. "Monsieur?" you whisper gently, not wanting to scare him by accident. Neuvillette jumps a little at the sudden noise then salutes you and invites you up, beside him.

"What troubles your mind, Monsieur?" He lowers his gaze, thinking before answering you. "This...is where I got my powers back, fully restored. And... I can't help but wonder..." He looks you in the eyes before asking "Am I making the right choices? Am I leading the people of Fontaine right?" his gaze is filled with doubt and he almost looks scared. You take a step towards him and taking his hand, you answer " I might not know the pressure of being the Iudex, but I know for sure that it's okay to feel scared or uncertain. It shows how much you care for your people and rest assure that you're making the best decisions. You're intelligent, highly educated and you learned to understand humans better than they understand themselves. And this is why I'm here, Monsieur. To help ease your work, to share your burdens and make sure that at the end of the day you're more at ease and relaxed." He gently smiles as you feel the atmosphere changing, realizing you're still holding his hand. Clearing your throat you add "Ahem, but in order to do that, we need to communicate. I need you to speak with me and I think this moment was a great first step. The next step should probably be you giving me your schedule, Monsieur."

Now you made the stoic Iudex actually giggle as he nods in agreement with all that you just said. "I appreciate your help and the fact that you were willing to take this job. You were the only one to show up at what was supposed to be an interview." This time it was your turn to giggle, unsure what to say, but Neuvillette wasn't done. "I'm glad it was you."

Thinking for a second, he continues "Maybe I should interview you since you're not from around here. Where did you say you were from again? Liyue? And I need a list of your previous jobs along with other qualifications you might have." You turn around on your heels ready to go, giggling that only now after a week he is interested in your qualifications.

Neuvillette catches your wrist and you turn around to look at him confused. His eyes are mesmerizing, ocean blue that you could get lost in even with a compass. A strain of his messy caught hair on his face, begging you to caress his face and put it behind his ear. "Monsieur..?" you ask uncertain and regretting immediately when he moved his warm hand away. "Pardon me, but you just left my questions unanswered and I have to admit that you fascinate me." Smiling you take a small step forward and say "In due time." And turn around,leaving Neuvillette more confused than ever "I will answer all your questions in due time, Monsieur. But i believe it's time we head back and you need to introduce me to your- our work."

He catches up to you in two steps, offering his arm for you to take "Let's walk together. It's more pleasant this way and we can have a little conversation on our way back." His expression is almost as stoic as ever, but there's a hint of softness in his gaze that feels meant just for you that warms your heart a little.

Smiling you nod and accept his offer, ready for the scandal the two of you will stir all around Fontaine.

[bangtaninborderland]

Risk It All (27)- Temporary Goodbyes

Genre: Chishiya X F!reader | eventual smut | angst

Warning: none for this!

A/N: ignore me spam posting these 😭

Prev | Masterlist | Next

It had been four days since AN  and Kuina had arrived, you'd spent the first catching up, the second discussing the borderlands, and the third making a run to the closest store which went surprisingly well considering  Chishiya had to explain the way from home and the fourth dragging Chishiya from bed to join the land of the living once again.

His wounds had healed enough to walk around, barely....

"I said no Chishiya." You slammed the cupboard door. "It's too dangerous."

"If I don't go my visit is going to run out." He retorts. "There are no choices here."

You huff, blowing a strand of hair out of your face. "We don't even know if we need visas anymore."

"I'm not risking it and I know you won't either." You know Kuina and An can hear everything, it's not like the walls are thick but you're thankful they let you both have your privacy. "We don't know when the next game will start."

You pull out a packet of rice and pour it into a pot. "Don't use terms like 'we' when you decide this all on your own."

"I did but you shouldn't expect any different." You can practically hear him shrugging. "I have to leave today."

"You can't even walk let alone win a game!" You shout, the bag of rice ripping open and spilling everywhere. "Fuck."

"Let me help." Chishiya says, limping over to you. "Just sit do-

"Stop trying to baby me! I can handle a bag of spoilt rice Chishiya. You can't handle an adult conversation where you discuss something as important as joining another game yet you can help me clean up unimportant messes?"

He frowns. "That's not what you're mad about."

You know it's not. "Whatever just go away."

"I'm leaving to enter the game today." He reminds you.

"I know."

"Are you going to join?"

You shake your head. "I don't need to, not yet."

He nods. "How many days on your visa?"

It hadn't been something you'd begun to worry about, the time was more than enough. "I think 11"

"I'll be fine." He mumbles.

You hate that he seems to understand why you're upset. "I know you will."

"You're scared." He points out as though it's not obvious.

You forgo cleaning the rice in favour of pushing your way into his arms. "I'm terrified, what if you don't come back?"

"I will." He reassures you, his hand hesitantly brushing against your waist. "Don't think about pointless things like that, if I die you just keep going."

"Don't say stuff like that!" You smack his arm, tears threatening to fall. "You can't die Chishiya."

"Why?" He asks, pulling back a little to look at you.

The words are no more than a whisper but you knew he heard them considering how close your bodies were.  "Because I need you."

He laughs, shaking his head. "You don't need anyone, I don't need anyone, you want."

"Fine then I fucking want you okay. Is it so bad I want you to be safe?"

"I will be."

It's easy to ignore the way your nose grows stuffy as you shed a few tears. "You don't know that."

"I do."

"How." You mumble into his chest.

He looks the the ceiling as though genuinely considering his answer. "Because you don't know how to fix the power generator if it goes out and I'm pretty sure if it does you'll die which although seems great because I'll never have to hear you complain again is more trouble than it's worth considering the fact there's a great chance you'll follow me to the afterlife, which by the way I don't believe it, and you'll continue to be just as irritating there too."

You push him away in favour of going back to clean the rice. "I should have let you bleed out on the doorstep.

"You wouldn't do that." He laughs

You ask him. "Why are you so sure?"

"Because I fucking need you." He imitates you.

It's almost like a reflex when you throw the broom at him. "Fuck you."

"Can't, don't have condo-"

Kuina pushes past Chishiya, opening up the cupboard containing the canned food. "This looks fun but I'm hungry."

Chishiya glares at you whilst you hold back a laugh, your chest shaking as you try to be quiet.

"Can't wait to leave." You hear him mutter as he sits down at the table.

Kuina looks at him before pointing to the hall. "Door is right there."

"Great, now I won't get lost." He thanks sarcastically.

You watch them bicker as you tip the dirty rice into a bag, a smile on your face as you force yourself to forget the fact that in a few hours, the house that had become somewhat of a temporary home would be lacking one crucial person.

Lunch passes by as no more than a blur, the food you'd helped Kuina make sitting practically untouched on your plate by the time everyone else had finished. "You weren't hungry?" An asks, taking your plate as you'd asked.

"Not really." You force a smile. "I'm going to lay down for a little I think my head is starting to hurt."

You don't wait for a response from anyone before you pull yourself up, walking directly to the bedroom and closing the door behind you.

It turns out that forgetting Chishiya would be gone was harder to forget than you'd ever imagine.

You don't ask who it is when there's a knock on the door, your instincts know who it is before they walk inside. "You're being a crybaby."

"Fuck you." You know it is probably ineligible from the way your face is buried in the pillows that you and Chishiya share but you don't care. "Go away."

The bed dips as he sits down."I'm not going away, not until later."

"Stop making jokes." 

"Look you're right, I could die but I won't and if I do you'll be okay. I told you not to fall for me, not here but you didn't listen and this is what the outcome is. I won't baby you and tell you that it's going to be fine because we both know what could happen but I'd rather not leave here with you being sad and depressed." You force yourself to look at him despite how awful you must appear.

"Because you'd struggle in the game if I was sad?"

He snorts before schooling his face when he catches your expression. "I wouldn't let it affect me so no but afterwards it would be annoying."

"If there even is an afterwards." You say aloud with it thinking.

"I haven't lost a game up to now and I won't anytime soon so stop being ridiculous and come and show me how to play this stupid card game you kept mumbling about ." He pulls the blanket off you.

You manage to smile at the way he remembered the conversation you'd had two days ago. Chishiya, still unable to get out of bed, you'd wanted to try and keep him company, but despite your 30-minute pleading session for him to let you teach him a few of your favourite card games he had refused.

"Chishiya?" You grab his hand before he opens the door.

He spins on his heel to face you. "Yeah?"

"Please don't die on me."

"I won't." He smiles, pulling the door open.

Kuina and An are already sitting around the makeshift table, the deck of cards in the middle with various snacks dotted around the floor.

You take a seat on one of the pillows, Chishiya sitting beside you. Kuina catches your eye, mouthing an "Are you okay?"

You nod with a smile, despite knowing you looked sad. You wanted to enjoy today, even if it was for a short while you could pretend like everything was normal. "Isn't it morbid playing card games considering where we are?"

You laugh at the question An asks as she shuffles the cards. "Not really, I think it's kind of ironic."

"Idiotic more like." Chishiya scoffs.

You and Kuina both roll your eyes at the comment, An seemingly unbothered as she hands you the pack of cards to which you deal out equally.  "So the name of the game is called cheat but some people call it-"

"Bullshit." An finishes.

You raise your eyebrows at her. "You know it?"

"Of course I do." She laughs. "I'm the best at it."

"I doubt it."

You both laugh, as Kuina and Chishiya stare at you both in confusion. "The game also has another name, some people refer to it as "I doubt it."

"Ohhhhh!" Kuina claps. "Now I get it."

"Okay forget this im going to sleep." Chishiya makes to stand but you pull him back down by the pocket of his pants.

"Sit and shut up." He raises his eyebrows in something akin to shock before huffing and sliding back down into his previous position. "So as I was saying, the player to the left of the dealer, which would be Kuina, starts by placing between 1-4 cards face down in a discard pile in the centre. The player must state what the cards they have placed down are but they do not have to tell the truth. They do however have to keep the value the same. For example, I could say I have the 3 kings but place down 3 of the clubs... are you all following?"

You wait for all three of them to say yes before continuing. "The other players can call "cheat" or "bullshit if they think the player is lying about the value of their cards."

"So what happens then?" Chishiya asks, looking at his cards.

"Well, I'd say Kuina, for example, were to say that if you were to call cheat you would have to show your cards to everyone. If Kuina was right you would have to pick up all the cards in the centre, then it would be Kuina's turn to go. If Kuina is wrong, the person on the left of the player, which would be me, will go next."

"And if no one calls the bullshit thing?" You almost choke at hearing Chishiya cuss but you hold it back.

"Well I would take my turn but I must declare the value of my cards to be only one up or down from what you have said yours is." You answer him before turning back to Kuina and An. "For example, Chishiya says his cards were kings. I would have to say mine are queens, kings or aces."

Kuina nods enthusiastically, smiling at her cards. Her body angled away from the rest of the table. "I get it, so how do you know who the winner is."

"The person who gets rid of all their cards first is the winner."

Chishiya hums. "Who's going first?"

"An?" You offer.

"Sure." She smiles, placing down one card. "I have the 7 of diamonds."

"Bullshit." Chishiya spits with a grin the second she finishes her sentence.

You can't stop yourself from laughing at how his face falls when An turns over her card, the 7 of diamonds. "Don't forget to pick it up."

"Go away." He huffs, picking up the card as though it's tainted.

The game passes like that, thankfully no arguments arise despite a near miss when Kuina calls Chishiya a liar because "you're a bad liar your face looks weird when you lie." Only for him to respond with "Your face looks weird all the time but I still believe you when it's necessary."

You'd had so much fun playing, the memory of your sister beside you as you silently remember the way you used to help her cheat at the game against her friends. She would always call you her eyes.

"I have to leave soon." Chishiya whispered as he pulled you aside, Kuina and An still at the table packing up the cards. "I need to be there before I miss my opportunity."

"I know but can't you stay just a little longer?" You ask, fighting the urge to lock him in the bedroom and prevent him from leaving.

"I can't risk not getting a place in the game. I'll be back but I have to leave soon."

"How soon?" You don't need him to answer, the sickening feeling in your stomach tells you what you need to know.

He looks to the floor. "In the next thirty minutes."

You bite the inside of your cheek, not wanting to cry. "Okay."

"Fuck." He huffs, grabbing your wrist. "Come with me."

You let him pull you into the bedroom, waiting until he closes the door to speak. "What's wrong?"

"I'm going to come back but if I don't the generator won't hold out with all three of you using it for an extended period of time. If it comes between saving yourself, Kuina or An you know what to choose."

You ignore the subtlety of his message. "You'll come back it doesn't matter if the generator won't work."

"I will but if I don't."

"But you will." You insist.

"I will."

"Chishiya?" You whisper, taking a step closer.

"Hmm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

He takes a step closer, closing the already small gap between you. "Are you incapable of making your own decisions?"

"No?" You shake your head.

"Then don't ask."

If you could freeze a moment in time this would be it, his hand resting against your hip, albeit awkwardly. His lips pressed against yours, your body ignoring the need for oxygen by supplementing it with a need for him.

He is the one who breaks the kiss, his eyes mapping out your face before smiling a little. "You'll be fine."

"You have to come back."

His tone was definitive. "I will. I should leave now, don't come out until I leave. I'll tell Kuina to come in here." 

You so badly wanted to beg him to stay, the fear that he was walking into his death was almost crushing and despite how final the words felt you'd hate yourself forever if you missed an opportunity to say them. "I love you, please be safe."

"Tell me when this is all over." He places a light kiss on your forehead before extracting himself from your hold and leaving the room. You watch as the door closes behind him, the silence in the room is deafening without him.

You tried so hard to ignore the sound of the front door opening and closing, so so hard, but you couldn't, you couldn't stop yourself from hearing him leave nor stop the tears you'd been holding back since early morning.

He was gone and you, you were truly realising just how lonely the Borderlands were.

[carefulfears]

why is iwtb scully's movie?

the whole thing is so stiff and cold and lifeless and she's just moving through it like an open wound. she has so little control over anything, including her own choices. she's not getting anything that she wants. she's not being heard by anybody, from her god to her boss to her man. there's such a thick layer of catholicism and "god's will" over the film and she's just squirming inside it, rather than rising to it like she used to.

mulder is barely in this movie, and when he is, it's through scully's point of view. it's agents in her workplace asking if she knows where he is. it's the way she takes painstaking care of opening and closing the gate. it's the way she looks almost afraid to walk into her own house, slowly moving through the entryway, staring at the door to his office. it's the way she looks at the back of his head, and then through his lame jokes. what's up, doc? i'm fine here. i'm happy as a clam.

it's the way she sighs when she tells him she worries about him, like she's surrendering. the way she gets on the helicopter. the way she jumps when he comes near her in the snow, then smiles when he tells her she did good, then melts when he says he wants to help these people. even though she wants him back in the house, tells him he's done his part, he doesn't have to stay.

it's the way he gets up to shave when she says his beard scratches her. when they argue outside in the field, the first thing she says is "stop." you're right. this is my fault. i got you involved in this. i have been through this too many years with you. "you cannot save her, not now and not ever."

the whole movie is a showcase of a part of scully that is so integral and makes me so sad. she is a walking failure. all that she wants to do is keep everybody safe, be the first mate, and she can't do it. she begged mulder to get out of all the "isolation" and work this case, and now she can't take it back. can't make him stop. and it's her fault. this little boy at the hospital is dying and she's trying to find a hail mary on google. she's subjecting him to painful treatments and admitting through tears that she's putting him through hell because she doesn't want to give up, she wants to believe it is god's will. his parents say that if only she were a mother, she'd understand, and all she can do is stare at the floor.

she tells mulder that she's leaving, she won't be coming home, and then walks through the hallway later to hold his hand when everybody dies. that's the moment that really gets me here. the way that he spends this whole fucking movie rattling on manically about how they can find this woman and she's definitely alive and they're gonna save her, like he always feels and always does. and then they open the cooler and her head is inside. it is so relentlessly punishing. he pulls his hand away.

but i think the moment that makes me the saddest is when scully finds her car flipped over the side of the road and she finds his cellphone covered in blood and she really starts panicking in a way that i don't think we've seen before. i've talked about this a little bit in the past, but this type of thing used to be common for them. he used to run off and get in crazy trouble constantly. but like she says so many times, that's not her life anymore. it's been six years since she grabbed him and ran. they haven't been separated in six years, she hasn't not known where he is in six years. she calls skinner to come get her and he can't calm her down. there's something so frantic about it.

and this movie ends exactly how it fucking began. nothing has changed. i love what a big role the snow and the cold plays throughout the whole thing, because this film is completely frozen in ice. she walks into his office and stares at the back of his head. what's up, doc?

she said she was leaving him but he got lost and she got scared, so she stays and she stays and she will stay for years. and she knows that doing this surgery on this kid isn't the right thing, she says she's having doubts. and he tells her that if she isn't sure just come home. that they'll get out of there. just me and you. the last line of the movie is her beginning the procedure.

[storiesundercandlelight]

I think it would be interesting to explore pre-canon Jonathan Reid! Maybe something about him and his partner before the war?

This is so interesting!! I hope I captured Jonathan alright! As I stared this I had so many ideas that they all fought each other for the chance to be the one I went with 😅 in the end this one won! I veered off canon a bit towards the end.... *cough* Elizabeth just doesn't exist in my world

You knew he'd follow you upstairs, the attention would get to him soon enough, all the praising and compliments on his work would slowly but surely wear him down. You hated these parties, obligations to attend because of your parents, but you would never turn down the opportunity to be around Jonathan.

Neither of you had let it be known that you were together, the idea of giving up this little secret of yours was too difficult to let go of, knowing full well that both yours and Jonathan's family would be all over it in a heartbeat. Asking questions of when. When is the wedding? When will you have children? When When When? Neither you nor Jonathan wanted that just yet.

Besides, there was a certain thrill to sneaking off, hiding behind closed doors and shared glances across a room that no one else noticed. You sat down on the window ledge in the upper sitting room you had found the door to, the sounds of the party downstairs muffled by the closed door only briefly loudened again when Jonathan slipped in.

"God I can't stand that woman" You chuckled, knowing full well you'd ignored Jonathan's pleading look of 'save me' that was thrown your way just before you raised an eyebrow at him and walked upstairs to hunt down a quiet spot. "You are merciless for leaving me like that"

"Well I didn't want to give us away" You said innocently.

"Mm, perhaps there is some error to our choice on that, if everyone knew then I could easily use you as an excuse to avoid yet another conversation about how I'm getting on in years and should really find myself a nice girl to settle down with, especially the many daughters who's names I don't even register enough to remember"

"Such a hard life you live Dr.Reid!" You both chuckled as Jonathan sat down beside you, pulling you close to him as you both looked out the window to the dimly lit gardens outside, a few party goers wandering the courtyard. "I hate that you're leaving"

"I know, I can honestly say I would rather attend a hundred more of these parties just to stay with you" Jonathan sighed, his hand mindlessly stroked along your own as you relaxed into him, willing your emotions not to surface again like they had before. "I won't be gone long I suspect. They just need help treating wounded soldiers, they're overrun"

"I just wish it wasn't you, any other doctor would be preferable"

"I'm sure there's another wife out there who would be saying the same if it was another doctor"

"But I'm not your wife"

"Not yet" You looked up at Jonathan, his lip was tilted up in a small smile you couldn't bring yourself to match. His hand gently brushed a wayward strand of hair from your face. "You will be, I'm coming back"

"But how can we be sure? What if something happens?" You could feel your chest growing tighter at the thought of it.

"I'll be huddled up in some dusty medical tent, I doubt I'll see any of the action" Even Jonathan could hear the lie in his voice, truth be told he himself didn't know what to expect, the very idea of going to France both scared him and filled him with a sense of duty that he couldn't ignore. "I'll write you sappy love letters, you'll be sick of me by the time I return home" You chuckled at that.

"I will be sorely disappointed now if I don't receive those letters. I'll need something to laugh at while you're gone"

"Such cruelty, you'll break my heart"

"Oh well we can't have that, not with you running off to war and all"

"Certainly not! You can make it up to me"

"Oh? How? Is this your not so subtle attempt to get me into a compromising position?"

"Well I haven't failed with that so far" You playfully hit Jonathan who laughed and pulled you closer against him. "Promise you'll marry me when I come home?"

"I hope you have a ring in your pocket" You heard Jonathan huff out a laugh but the smirk on his face wasn't quite as full now. "I promise" You turned to look at him fully, taking a moment to look at every detail of him, you were sure you knew every inch of him perfectly now but still, in this moment you just wanted to lock absolutely everything about him into your memory.

"Did that count as a proposal or will I have to do it again?" Jonathan's attempt to lighten the mood was tinged so blue with sadness you almost didn't want to answer, but with a deep breath you smiled back at him, this wasn't the time to dwell on the future.

"I suppose so... not quite as elaborate as I'd have expected...although knowing you as I do I can only imagine something... clinical? Medical? Hmm...perhaps you could have put the ring in a pill bottle? No?"

Jonathan rolled his eyes at you before leaning close and capturing your lips with his. You both held on as if your lives depended on it, as if any moment some god awful person was about to burst into the room and throw Jonathan on the next boat out of here. You suddenly felt such a sadness for all the many women who'd had to say goodbye to their loved ones before you. Such a sudden sense of being shoved into a club none of you wanted to be in, a club for lonely women awaiting the return of their men... or of the telegram to say they wouldn't be coming home.

The very idea had a tear running down your face, one that Jonathan wiped away gently with his thumb. He held your face still a moment, perhaps taking his own mental image of your face. "A few months... then we'll be together again... probably wishing we could both go back to war to avoid our mothers organising the wedding" the smiles shared between you now were sad ones, ones that wished to laugh it off but couldn't quite life the veil of grief you already felt at being pulled away from each other. Normally you would be checking the clock, seeing how long you could drag out before having to reluctantly return to the party before anyone noticed you were both gone. But tonight? Tonight neither of you could bare the thought of moving just yet, the thought of time standing still just a little longer was too tempting. The thought of just pretending for a moment that the coming days weren't actually coming was too precious to care about returning to a world where you would be split apart.

________________________________

It was only now that Jonathan allowed himself to even think about going to your door. To show you what he had become. This monster that had consumed him.

A part of him wondered if word of his return had reached you yet, he hated that the last few weeks had been nothing but chaos for him. Yet you were all he thought about when the night began to fade into dawn and his body began to shut down in it's new unnatural way.

A part of him wondered if he should avoid you, perhaps he should leave and pretend to have died. But he knew too many people had seen and spoken to him now to be able to pull it off.

So many visions of your face flashed through his mind, the disgust, the horror and fear, the hurt in your eyes. Jonathan found he couldn't even imagine an outcome where you would welcome him back into your life once you found out what he has become. Another part of him couldn't bare to put you in that position in the first place, to ask you to live with him the way he is, a creature of the night, destined to watch all of his loved ones grow old while he lived in limbo.

All the dinners he wont spend with you because he's out scavenging for skall and rat blood. The very idea of you being privy to that information made Jonathan want to throw up.

He wondered if you still had all of his letters... he still had yours by some miracle, he'd spent hours digging through that god awful pit he'd been left in looking for them... the tied together stack finally in his hands again though they were mostly ruined from the rain.

The warm lights of your home were there, the dark wooden door begging him to knock. He knew you were awake, his new senses drew his eyes up to the second floor where he knew you were sitting in your room. Your heat beating gently, he wondered how that rhythm would change when you opened the door and saw him.

As Jonathan stood there he wondered how many more times he would find himself like this...wondering if now was the right time to knock on the door.

[gothic-thoughts]

Smart Choices

Levi Ackerman x Black Fem Reader Angst

MafiaAU, MeetUgly

CW: shooting, threatening, kidnapping?, laid back Levi, Reader speaks Japanese (dw I gotchu😉)

Word Count: 1430 (give or take)

My guards manhandle the little bastard into my office and to her knees before my desk, leaving her helpless with nothing but a glare in my direction. She struggled against the tape around her wrists and I walked around my desk to lean against the side opposite of my chair, looking down on her with slight amusement.

"Took you long enough~" I hum, squatting in front of her.

"Careful sir, she's lively."

"Oh, I know. I'm quite the fan of liveliness."

She suddenly breaks through the poorly fastened restraints, jumps up, and runs for the door. Before her fingers could even grace the metal of the handle, Silas grabbed her, making her turn around but in the same second, my worker was shot with his own gun. She seems to be in shock, the gun shaking in her hand as he slumps to the floor, holding his wound.

Welp, not my fault he left the safety off, basic gun safety. Maybe Mark will do better. He stepped up from behind and smacked the gun out of her hand before tightly grabbing her by the neck watching sadistically as she scratched at his wrists and forearms.

"No... no..."

"Guess I should've warned you not to run from me. Although, that's usually a given."

"Don't...let him kill me." She choked out making me raise my eyebrows, "You...kill me. N-not... some low... life."

"Hm, interesting." I snap my fingers, "You heard the lady."

He releases her and drops his hand at the same time, making her buckle to the floor as air rushes back into her lungs with loud coughs and gasps. Mark grabs the back of her shirt and drags her back to my feet. I crouch down and cup her jaw, forcing her to look at me to watch the fear in her soul, but it wavers. She's not scared, or at the very least she's ready to die.

"Heh..." I push away her jaw, "Such a pretty thing, but such sticky fingers."

"If you're gonna kill me then do it."

"Eager too. Mark."

"But sir--"

I pull out my gun, "Leave in a hurry or a bag. Your choice."

She remains silent as my dumbass of a goon rushes out of my sight, closing the door behind him. I continue to observe her, analyzing everything from the disheveled clothes to the bold look in her eye. What am I going to do with you?

"Anyway, you don't seem scared of me," I rest my gun on my desk, "Hell, I'd go as far as to say you're ready to die, woman."

She raises her eyebrow, "Woman?" That was hot.

"Well I don't know your name and you seem stubborn enough not to tell me so I'm gonna call you what you are; a woman."

"Hmph."

"And I'm guessing you know what my name is."

"Levi." She rolled her eyes, "Everyone around here knows your name; I meant your real name."

"That is my real name. You know who I am and still stole from me in my own club?"

Her boldness finally fizzled out somehow when she looked to the closet door to avoid my gaze. Finally, I was starting to think I lost my edge.

"And that is my real name."

"And if I don't?"

"Humor me. Now answer my question; you said you wanted me to kill you; what are you escaping?"

"Nothing. And even if I was, I wouldn't come to you if all people."

A loud and sarcastic laugh erupted from my chest, "You put your life on the line to rob me, that's desperate. You want, no, you need something, whether you like it or not."

"Shouldn't I be asking you that since you're pressing me for a couple hundred dollars, Mr. I-have-and-own-everything?"

"You killed two of my men before being strangled back to your place so I want to know what would you need that much money for that badly."

She stayed silent and hung her head knowing I wouldn't let her go without a response. She probably even thinks I'll kill her if I don't get it. She looks at me with tears swelling around those beautiful eyes.

"My ex owes a loan shark."

"Okay? And?"

"He's only my ex cuz I found out he put his contract in my name."

My eyebrows furrow and my jaw drops. How dare he? After I deal with her shark I will deal with him personally. Until then, she's gotta stay with me, where else will she go? I'd have to give her money to pay the shark and her rent anyway. Fine. I stand up straight.

"Get up."

"You're letting me.... go?" She asks standing slowly.

"Where is he now?"

"Hopefully dead." She growls, "We had a huge fight and I kicked his bitch ass out."

"Wonderful, very proud, but I meant the loan shark."

"I don't know, I don't keep tabs on her unless she calls looking for her payment."

"Ah, a woman shark. That narrows it down." I watch as she curses herself in her head, "What's her name?"

"I don't need you to--"

"You're welcome to stay with me as well."

"I am not living with you."

"I live in a mansion and I run a yakuza. You'll barely see me unless you really want to." I wink, "Name please."

"I don't need you to protect me!"

"I'm sure you don't because you're oh so very dangerous." I roll my eyes, "But if I don't, you'll either end up in deeper debt with a hospital bill or found at the bottom of a river. So, again, loan shark's name, from the top."

She sighs heavily, "Ymir."

"Ah, haven't heard that name in a while. I'll deal with her myself as well then."

I turn to walk back to my chair when she grabs my arm firmly and pulls me back to her. I raised my eyebrow and ogled her a little, acknowledging how quick she stood up and grabbed me. Not even a little fear. I mean she did steal from me already, but it's kinda hot.

"Tell me why you care so much."

"Let's just say that I like you, how's that?"

"Bullshit."

"Too bad you don't have much of a choice. Now, would you like to go?"

"Go wh--?"

"My house, genius."

"I never agreed to--"

"Either I take you in my sports car or a guard can take you in a van. Your choice."

"Are you serious?"

"Totemo(Very)."

She scoffs before storming over to the door and standing next to it. She takes my keys off the wall and throws them at me to which I catch it and smirk at her once more before walking over and opening the door for her.

"Good choice."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the car, she's quiet and looking out the window at every building, street lamp, and illuminated sign we zoom past at 70 mph. My gloves squeak slightly as I realigned my hands on the wheel to turn down a darkened street, catching her tensing up in my peripheral vision.

"Relax sunshine, we're almost there."

"Not really something you wanna hear from a yakuza boss in the dead of night, so thanks for that."

"It's not my fault we found you at night. Oh, I never caught your name woman."

"Stop calling me that."

"Noted, you like sunshine better."

"What!? I never said--"

"You got a name or not?"

She paused, sighing heavily. "It's (Y/n)."

That is...really nice actually. "Wasn't expecting that. You're a foreigner or is that your--?"

"Sore wa watashino onamae desu(it's my name)."

"Alright, alright. I'll dead this convo right there cuz you still seem like you hate me besides me helping you out."

"Oh please, there's always a catch. There's something you're not telling me. You probably want to sleep with me in return."

"Well, of course I do, you're hot. But I don't want to in return for anything. Maybe I just want the feeling of waking up next to someone pretty. Hopefully more than once."

She gasps and quickly looks out her window completely silent while I park in my garage.

"Must Yakuza members be so outta pocket?"

"Only thing that keeps us respected. Now come on, I'll introduce you to the butler and get you to your room."

"My room?"

"Oi, don't get sappy on me, sunshine. It's just a guest room."

Bold of her to assume because she didn't wanna see me that I didn't want to see her, so she'll be sleeping in the guest room closest to my bedroom.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Things They Carried: Final Part

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: Cole is back in Dean's life, not to kill him but to ask for his help. A worm is making its way through people and eventually through Cole, giving you the perfect opportunity to get the chaos you're craving.

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

There is a fireplace in the living room of the cabin that Dean wants to use to get it hot in here, but there is no wood available. The only wood available is out back in the shed.

"Go get some wood," Dean says to you.

"No. You're the one who wants to save him. You do it."

"Fuck, Y/N! There's no way I'm leaving you alone with him!"

"What, do you think I'm going to kill him?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Dean, if I wanted him dead, he would be."

"Go get the wood," Cole says to Dean. "I'll be fine."

"Yeah, he'll be fine," you smirk.

Dean has no choice but to go a few yards away from the cabin where the shed is. As soon as he leaves the cabin, you stand up with a smirk. This is just what you are looking for. You rub your hands together and close your eyes to focus. When you open them, they're bright red with magic. You create a ball of red magic and shoot it outside the cabin into the darkness.

"What are you doing?" Cole asks.

"Bringing you something that will make you feel better." Less than five minutes later, a ragged-looking man walks into the cabin. His hair is long and tangled, he has an overgrown beard, his clothes are torn in most places, and he walks with a slight limp. You grab the man's shoulder and push him toward Cole who catches him before he can fall. "Kill him."

"Excuse me?"

"You're thirsty, right? I say skip a few steps and go right to the source you're craving. Kill him before I kill you."

"No, I'm not going to kill an innocent man!"

Your eyes shine bright red just as his eyes do. You're manipulating his mind without even lifting a finger. God, you love magic.

"I said kill him."

Cole grabs a knife from Dean's stash of weapons and turns to the man who is clearly scared. Cole tries to resist your magic but you're too powerful for even the toughest of minds. Dean walks in right as Cole raises the knife, and he drops every piece of wood he's holding.

"Stop! What are you doing?"

Dean runs over to Cole and grabs the knife from his hand, pushing him away. Cole knocks into the table and falls on his ass, and that's enough to break him out of his trance. Dean drops the knife and walks over to you with an angry look on his face.

"You're not doing this here." He grabs your shoulders in a tight grip and pulls you into him. "Not now. What the hell is the matter with you?"

You turn to look at the stranger who looks around in a confused daze. Your eyes shine red as does his, and he grabs the knife Dean dropped on the ground. He stabs himself in the neck where his carotid artery is, and he falls to the ground in a pool of his own blood. You push Dean away from you and grab his jaw as tightly as you can. He struggles to get out of your grip but you hold him close so he can't.

"Just because I'm legally married to you and you're the father of my children does not mean I won't hesitate to put a bullet through your head. That's strike two. Don't let it get to three."

You shove him away from you and go back to sitting on your fur throne. Dean rubs his jaw where your fingers just were, but he stays silent. He knows better not to challenge you right now. You look down at the dead man at your feet before looking at Cole. He's staring at the blood with a hunger he's trying to fight.

"You know, for whenever you're feeling thirsty," you smirk and cross your legs once again.

"Cole, don't do it. I got the wood. You're going to be okay."

Dean grabs pieces of wood and throws them into the fireplace. He grabs the kerosene, douses the wood, lights a match, and throws it on the wood. Dean's phone rings and he looks at you with tears in his eyes. He hates leaving you alone with Cole knowing what you just pulled but he has to take this call.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take, Sammy," Dean sniffles and turns so you don't see his tears.

"What happened?"

"She killed someone. She lured someone here with her magic and wanted Cole to kill him. She did it instead. She... How I can still pretend that she's my wife? I honestly don't know if she's past saving."

"We're going to get her back. You heard Cas. You're doing everything you can to help her."

"Yeah," Dean scoffs and wipes his tears away.

"How is Cole doing?"

"We're dehydrating him. Sweating out the worm. Everything has a weakness, right?"

Dean thinks about you and wonders if you have a weakness. You're not afraid of anything. You don't have emotions to make you afraid. Maybe it's not about targeting your feelings. Maybe it's about targeting your magic. All magic has a weakness. He has to figure out what it is.

"Yeah, if it works," Sam says, bringing Dean back.

"Do you have a better idea?"

"Yeah, l do, Dean. We know how to end this."

"Yeah, plan 'B' for 'bullet', but we're not quite there yet so just hold tight. How's Jemma?"

"She's barely holding on. Look, Dean, Kit is gonna come to and when l got here, it was bad."

"We're on the clock. I got it." Dean looks at Cole who is shaking from how hard he's fighting the urge to grab the dead man and drink his blood. "Hey, don't focus on that, man. You're doing great."

You get up and grab a water bottle from the bag. It's lukewarm but you use your magic to make it ice cold. You open it and take a swig, making sure to gasp in pleasure from the sensation.

"Damn, that is good water. Do you want some?" you ask and hold it out to Cole.

Dean slaps the water out of your hand and it goes flying across the room. Cole watches it hit the wall, and you smirk at Dean.

"My dad had something inside him, too, right?" Cole asks and looks up at Dean from his spot on the floor. "Do you think this is what he felt like when he turned?"

"Maybe. I mean, he was human before he was a monster."

"I get it. I get why you did it, Dean. My dad wasn't my dad anymore. If l go down that same road, I want you to do that to me, too."

"That road? That means giving up. If you think that's where you're headed, then you've got it ass-backward. You're gonna fight harder than you ever have. Do you understand me?"

You grab another bottle and drink some of it, making sure to tip your head back so Cole can watch the water go down your throat. His hand twitches and he immediately stands up. He walks past you, steps over the dead man, and sits down in a wooden chair.

"Dean, will you do me the honor of tying me to this chair?"

"Yeah."

Dean walks over to him and takes some rope out of his stash. As he's tying him up, Cole looks over at you and the water in your hands.

"Do it," you whisper, barely audible.

Cole punches Dean in the face and jumps up from his seat. He lunges for the water in your hands, and you all but hand it to him. Dean lunges for his friend and fights for the bottle of water. Cole gets a gulp before Dean is ripping the bottle away from him. He pushes Cole to the ground and takes out his gun.

"Come on. We both know you're not gonna do it," Cole laughs.

"You are gonna sweat this one through."

"I can't, Dean!"

"Yes, you can. Listen to me. Yes, you can. Think about your family, hmm? Your wife and your kid. Do you hear me?"

"I appreciate the talk, coach. Honestly, all l can think about is slicing your wrist and drinking you like a fountain. Guess that makes me a monster, doesn't it?"

"Don't make me pull this trigger," Dean begs.

"You want blood? Dean is right there. He's for the taking so take it," you say and step out of the way. "He won't shoot you. Right Dean?" You look at him and smirk. "You won't move a muscle."

"What are you--why can't I move? Y/N!"

Dean tries to move his legs to run but can't. He tries to move his arm to get the gun away from Cole but can't. Cole gets up on shaky legs and Dean starts struggling against your magic. Cole takes a step toward Dean but stops. He tips his head back and you and Dean can see the Kahn worm slide up his throat. Cole chokes and gags until he spits out the worm onto the floor. Knowing Cole is going to be fine, you release the hold you have on Dean, and he immediately stomps on the worm to kill it.

"Yay, everyone is saved," you say sarcastically and sit back on the fur chair. "Except for that guy."

"Are you okay?" Dean asks, choosing to ignore you for now.

"Yeah. Thank God. Thank you," Cole sighs in relief.

Dean pulls out his phone and calls Sam.

"Sammy, we did it. Cole's alright. Get Kit over here as soon as you can."

"It's too late."

"Awh, Kit died. Too bad for you," you say and get up.

Cole looks distraught at the news, and he looks at Dean to see if it's true. With one nod of his head, Cole buries his head in his hands and cries. Sam makes it back to the cabin where he and Dean start putting the tools and weapons back into the car. Cole, after having a moment to himself and after calling Jemma, joins them outside.

"Hey, Cole. Listen, for whatever it's worth, I really wish it hadn't ended this way," Sam sighs.

"Yeah, me too, Sam."

"Kit was going to kill her."

"I know. Jemma told me everything. A soldier goes crazy and attacks his wife. She had to kill him or at least that's the story that she's got to tell. I guess I've seen it all now."

"Some. Not all."

"I just want to go home and see my family. I want to thank you, Dean, for keeping me standing." He looks into the cabin through a window and sees you watching them. "You had some obstacles but you did alright."

"Don't worry about her. We'll deal with her. You take care of yourself, you hear?"

"I will but I still hope I don't see the three of you anymore. No offense."

"None taken," Sam chuckles.

Cole gets into his jeep and takes off down the road, and you leave the cabin to join the brothers' side. Sam sighs and slams the trunk closed.

"Don't blame yourself for Kit, man."

"I can't help it, Dean. It feels shitty."

"I know it does."

"I tried. I really did. I just couldn't save this one."

"You know, you can do everything right, and even still, sometimes the guy still dies." Dean looks at you and he sighs. "Start her up. I'll be right there."

Sam takes the keys and gets in the passenger seat while Dean walks over to you with angry eyes.

"Come on, Dean. What did you expect of me?" you chuckle.

"I don't know, Y/N. I don't know who you are anymore. In fact, I don't want you in my life until you're back to normal. What you did today was out of control. You are becoming what we hunt!"

You can't help but laugh at him. His bravery amuses you. You step closer to him so that your toes are touching, and you lose your smile to show him how serious you are.

"What are you going to do about it? What power do you have over me?"

Dean leans closer to you.

"I'm gonna find that cure and shove it down your throat."

"You do that and I'll still be soulless. I'll find those children of ours and skin them alive in front of you. Stop looking for the cure. I don't want it. It's you or them. Pick one."

You shove your shoulder into his shoulder as you walk past him toward the car. You slide into the back seat and put your headphones on, a clear sign that you don't want to talk to anyone. You put on the loudest song you own and stare out the window. Dean swallows down his fear that you'll hurt his children to spite him. He gets behind the wheel and starts the drive back to civilization.

"Hey, I might have found something on the cure for the Mark," Sam says after an hour of driving. Dean looks into the rearview mirror to see you with your headphones on and playing a game on your phone. "It could help."

"Sam, we have checked every website, okay? We've checked it twice. Sammy, when we work a case, there's always that point when we have to face the truth, right? Even if we don't like it. Well, the truth is there's no way around this. We saw what happened to Cain, okay? I'm not happy about it, but l have to move on." He looks at Sam with tears in his eyes. "I am begging you, Sam, okay? Please drop it. Please."

He'd never be able to live with himself if his children got hurt because of him.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[imminent-danger-came]

https://www.tumblr.com/acoraxia/751189590385328128/i-do-want-to-like-macaque-but-the-way-the-only?source=share

I feel like this post is wrong, and not just bc I love macaque, just the shadowpeach relationship and the parallels they provide to other relationships and macaque parallels to other characters feels like such a vital part to lmk as a whole. But I'm not good at words, so asking for your imput

I don't want to, like, "gossip" behind anyone's back or anything, so I'll open this up to a discussion with @acoraxia! Hello, how are you, I hope you're having a good day.

(Here's the post if others are interested in readin' it!)

Now, I love Macaque, and I think he's one of the most important characters in the show. I presume "theater kid antics" is referring to Macaque's dramatic nature, but I'd hardly call that his defining characteristic. Macaque is a loser: he's spiteful, he's selfish, he's cowardly, he's paranoid, he's god awful at communication, he's obsessive (particularly over Wukong)...but we've also seen the ways he can put the world/others above himself (3x13, 3x14, 4x10, 4x14), and how he's capable of self-reflection and overcoming his past hurt/hatred ("Wukong was on a path of self-destruction...we all were"). We're, dare I say, at a point now where I'd even call Macaque reliable, in his own way. He'll show up for MK & Wukong, he'll "stick his neck out" for them, and I'm honestly so proud that he chose to stay till the end in 4x14 (versus his choice to run in 3x10). It's wild to me that he's the only 3 of the monkeys who has actually had a positive character arc, but that's just where we're at currently.

I think the claim that you could "remove him from the story and it wouldn’t change much" is greatly downplaying Macaque's role and importance to Wukong, both narratively/thematically and as a character. DBK and Wukong weren't close, but for Macaque, Wukong was his entire world. He (along with Wukong's fear of mortality) was the reason the great Monkey King reached for power in the first place. Both DBK and Azure had their own goals outside of Wukong (not that DBK particularly cared for SWK anyways)—what's important about Macaque as a character is that his motivation and loyalty was only for Wukong, and not towards any greater purpose or goal. Macaque and MK are very similar in that way: neither of them have lofty aspirations, and they are completely content with "quitting while they're ahead" ("Why didn't he just stop, right here? He was already so much stronger than anyone ever needed to be" ; "You're the one who wouldn't quit while we were ahead!"). Both hate change, and both have been hurt by their belief in Wukong.

I'm admittedly a bit...I guess confused, by this opinion, as entire episodes (1x09, 2x07, 3x04, 4x10, 4x11) are centered around Macaque and his relationship to both Wukong and MK. Macaque is there to show us the ways in which Wukong has both abandoned and hurt the ones he loves; he's a very important foil to both MK and Mei, as well as other characters like Azure. That's Monkie Kid's main theme right, the fact that you'll hurt your loved ones and they'll hurt you, but you love and care about them anyways (I have a whole tag around lmk's hurt/pain theme, for those interested).

Let's look at a few examples of this, particularly involving Macaque, Wukong, Mei, and MK:

Macaque: "Come on! Show me the real Sun Wukong! The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me, but you're scared of hurting some kid? Pathetic!"

(1x09 Macaque)

-

Sun Wukong: "STOP! If you hurt that kid I'll-" Macaque: "-What. Make things worse for MK?"

(3x09 The King, the Prince, and the Shadow)

-

Mei: "Time and time again I've watched you put MK in danger leaving him to figure out EVERYTHING on his own. Don't you realize you're hurting the people who care about you the most?"

(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)

-

MK: "Until I know what I am, what my destiny is? I can’t risk hurting the people I care about—the ones I have left."

(4x08 The Brotherhood)

-

(the 3x10 and 4x08 ones are direct parallels in particular, which I know I never shut up about them, but they're so, so important to understand for the Monkey's (+ Mei) arcs.)

In seasons 3 and 4, both MK and LBD have posited that no matter what you do, whether or not what you think you're doing is right, it all leads "to pain". That's an extremely consistent thread throughout the entirety of the show, going as far back as 1x01 ("Whenever I try to do anything, I just gunk everything up!" -> "No matter what I do, it’s going to lead to pain [...] it doesn’t matter if I want to help people or not! Everything I do just- it just makes things worse!"). While Wukong never wanted to hurt his loved ones (for the sweet sweet "This isn't what I wanted!" Azure parallel), he did. He's a very flawed Monkey, but he does try and he has changed for the better, and that's what's important, right? That's something even Macaque has understood by the s4 special ("Monkey King really was a bad guy?" "That's what I believed...what Azure would have you believe. Then, he met him: the monk.")

You can't really...pawn-off Macaque's role onto other people. Structurally, we needed a tragic best-friend character who was deeply wounded by Wukong in the past, who has then come to accept/forgive him (for the most part, give-or-take). That way, you can have someone who has seen/experienced Wukong's flaws then defend him, both for MK's sake and in contrast to Azure having a literal world-ending breakdown over (his crush on) Wukong. DBK can't be that character, Azure can't be that character, and the Mayor is a much weaker antagonist for s3, unable to provoke MK + the main gang in quite the same way—as well as being completely removed from the themeing and Wukong's hero/warrior dynamic.

Macaque, as demonstrated in 2x07, views the "hero" as someone who leaves, someone who abandons their friends to the shadows. MK completely up ends that world-view in 3x10, refusing to abandon Mei "when she needs" him ("We're heroes! It's what we do!"). It's literally one of my favorite scenes in the whole show, and it completely hinges on Macaque being there and then leaving (much like Macaque's arc hinges on Mei being the fourth ring).

I'm just like...I personally can't imagine a version of lmk where Macaque isn't there to be a foil to both MK and Wukong. I rewatched Shadow Play just yesterday, and that episode is so delightful, let me tell you:

"Welcome, viewers, to a shadow play the likes of which have never been seen! It follows the tragic tale of a legendary Warrior, and how those who bring light into this world inevitably bring darkness to those they hold dear..."

Ah you mean like...hurting the people you care about the most, perchance.

2x07 parallels 4x02, especially between the shadow-lamp itself and the scroll—while Wukong's MIA, Macaque regales his memories of Wukong, imprisoning MK's friends and forcing MK to fight "dark" versions of them? Sound familiar?

(familiar tales...new adventures...)

Which, that's a bit of a tangent, but I do think it demonstrates the ways in which Macaque is important to the foundation of this story. MK and Wukong, Wukong and Macaque, MK and Mei...those are the core dynamics of the show for me, you know. If Macaque wasn't there, I quite honestly don't know where we'd be

[delusionalfanficwriter]

vaccine

The emergency department was in chaos, with COVID cases pouring in at an alarming rate. Dr. Elena Rodriguez, despite her recent bout with the flu, was back at work, determined to do her part in the battle against the pandemic. She had been taking various supplements in an attempt to bolster her immune system, hoping it would compensate for not getting the COVID vaccine.

Amid the controlled chaos of the ER, Elena's attention was drawn to the medics rushing in with a critically ill patient. The report sounded grim, and Elena immediately sprang into action.

"44-year-old female. O2 saturation at 80% with a nonrebreather. Hypotensive and tachycardic. Positive COVID test two days ago. History of cardiac issues," the medic reported.

"Get her in room two," Elena commanded, her medical instincts kicking into high gear.

However, her authority was challenged by a familiar voice. Maya, her girlfriend, had appeared on the other side of the patient, her worry evident in her eyes.

"Dr. Rodriguez, get someone else to handle this case," Maya urged, her voice filled with concern.

Elena, focused on her patient, responded firmly, "Lt. Bishop, with all due respect, you are in my ER, and this is now my patient."

Maya wasn't one to back down easily, and she stepped closer to Elena, speaking in a hushed tone. "Elena, please, find someone else. You haven't had your vaccine, and you just recovered from the flu. You can't risk it."

Elena's determination to fulfill her duty clashed with Maya's protective instincts. She sighed, trying to keep her emotions in check. "Maya, this is my job. We're short-staffed, and I'm covering half the floor alone. Now, please, leave so I can get back to work."

“We are not done with this conversation. I’ll see you in the morning.” Maya huffed in frustration but knew that pushing further in the midst of a medical crisis wouldn't help. Reluctantly, she walked away, leaving Elena to focus on her patient.

As Elena continued to work tirelessly through her shift, her mind kept drifting to the impending confrontation with Maya and Carina. She wasn't looking forward to returning to their home, knowing that her decision to prioritize her work had caused tension in their relationship.

When her shift finally ended, Elena had a choice to make. She could either go to her own home to avoid further conflict or return to Maya and Carina's house, where they would undoubtedly have a difficult conversation waiting for her. With a heavy heart, she chose the latter, realizing that avoiding the issue would only make things worse in the long run. Elena's shift finally came to an end, and the exhaustion weighed heavily on her shoulders as she left the bustling emergency department. She knew there was a conversation waiting for her at home, and she couldn't avoid it any longer.

As she entered Maya and Carina's cozy living room, she found them sitting together on the couch, their expressions a mix of concern and frustration. They didn't waste any time in addressing the issue at hand.

Maya spoke first, her voice tinged with worry. "Elena, we need to talk about this. You can't keep putting yourself at risk by avoiding vaccines."

Carina nodded in agreement, her concern matching Maya's. "It's not just about you, Elena. We're in a committed relationship, and your health affects all of us."

Elena sighed and sank into a nearby chair. She knew they were right, but her fear of needles ran deep, and it wasn't something she could easily overcome. "I understand your concerns, but you have to understand how hard this is for me. Needles terrify me, and I've managed to avoid them for so long."

Maya reached out and gently took Elena's hand. "We know it's not easy, Elena, but your health is non-negotiable. You've already faced one major health scare with the flu, and we don't want to go through that again."

“Elena. How can you take insulin but still be afraid of needles?” Carina genuinely asks. “I just don’t understand.”

Elena inhaled deeply, “I don’t know. There’s something subconscious about it. I guess because I was taking insulin injections from such an early age on a regular basis it’s like brushing my teeth but vaccines just terrify me and I can’t tell you why. It doesn’t make sense in my head either.”

“Okay. How about if you have me and Maya for support? Would you be willing to try?... Please?” Carina practically begs hoping the woman would budge. Elena’s face contorts and she bends her head down putting it in her hands.

“Don’t make me, please.” Maya and Carina watch tears stream between their girlfriend’s fingers and their heart ache not wanting to force her into anything but they are just looking out for her. Maya held Elena close, her embrace filled with warmth and understanding. Carina gently lowered Elena's trembling hands, their touch gentle and reassuring.

"Elena, we're not trying to force you into anything," Maya whispered, her voice filled with empathy. "But we're genuinely concerned about your health, especially with the ongoing pandemic. You've already taken insulin injections for years, and we know you're incredibly brave. We just want to be there to support you through this."

Carina added, "We love you, Elena, and we want you to be safe and healthy. We're not asking you to do this alone. We'll be with you every step of the way."

Elena's shoulders shook as she tried to hold back her tears. Their love and concern were evident, and she knew they were right. Her fear of needles, while deeply rooted, couldn't be allowed to jeopardize her health, especially when she had two loving partners by her side.

With a sigh of surrender, Elena nodded, her voice barely a whisper. "Okay, I'll try. But please, promise me you'll be there with me."

Maya and Carina exchanged relieved glances, their hearts filled with love for Elena. Maya kissed the top of Elena's head, her lips brushing against her soft hair. "We promise, Elena. We'll support you through this, no matter what."

Carina added, "You're incredibly brave, and we're so proud of you for taking this step."

Elena called her primary doctor that morning to book an appointment for the afternoon. She decided to try to get all the shots she was due for in one appointment. She would rather be done all together than come back. After the call, all of them showered and decided to sleep in before they had to go to the appointment.

“Amore, it’s time to get ready… Amore?” Carina wrapped her arms around Elena in bed. “I know you are fake sleeping.” Carina is only met with a hitched breath that transitions to rapid breaths. “Hey, none of that. Everything is okay. Deep breaths.” Carina turns the woman to face her to see tears streaking down her face.

“Let’s sit you up,” Maya comes out of the bathroom watching the events unfold. “Follow my breathing, babe. It’s okay. Inhale. Hold. Exhale… Inhale. Hold. Exhale…” Maya repeats it a few more times, getting Elena’s panic attack settled before it even starts.

“I’m… I’m sorry… Please… I don’t want to go. I don’t want to.” Elena’s raspy voice cried out.

“How about we just change and get into the car and decide from there? This way if you do decide to go, you’ll be on time,” Carina logically thought out in hopes Elena would agree which she did by nodding her head.

They get up and ready in minutes before making their way to Carina’s car. Maya opted to sit in the back with Elena knowing one of her love languages is physical touch and it was pretty obvious how nerve-wrecked she was. Elena tried her best to be as composed as possible not wanting to burden Maya and Carina much more as it is but she just couldn’t hold herself together.

Maya and Carina kept glancing at each other through the mirror and both had reservations if this was too much on the woman they loved. They didn't realize just how deeply rooted this fear was and how hard it would be to actually get her to the appointment. They’ve talked to each other about ways to ease Elena into this whole process but they all revolved around therapy, which Elena refused, and just ripping the bandaid. It was going to be rough either way but they just didn’t realize how bad it was going to be.

As minutes ticked by and the closer they got to the doctor’s office, Elena was beginning to unsettle underneath Maya’s hands that rubbed her thighs and hands trying to relieve some fear.

“We are here,” Carina announces, putting the car in park and turning back to her two favorite women. Elena’s head snapped up as her thoughts made her lose track of time. She was here. She was about to get her shots. Surprising both Maya and Carina, Elena hops out of the car and the other two are quick to follow when they see Elena dry-heave over a patch of grass they parked by.

“Oh, babe. Get it all out.” Maya rubs Elena’s back as Carina puts her hair in a makeshift bun. “It’s okay. We are here with you. We got you.”

“All finished?” Carina questions minutes since the last dry heave episode. Elena nods her head and accepts the piece of gum Carina extends to her.

“Thanks… Guys, I don’t think I can do it. It’s too much. My head feels lightheaded and I can’t control my thoughts or breathing. This is a bad idea.”

“None of that. “ Maya grabs the woman’s cheeks gently. “Look at how far you’ve come. I think getting her might be the hardest part and that is done. When we are inside just keep your eye on me and Carina. We will hold together when you feel at your weakest. We have you, Elena.”

That was enough reassurance and motivation to get Elena through the doors of the doctor’s office and eventually inside an examination room.

Inside, the nurse prepared the vaccines, explaining each one to Elena. As she approached with the first needle, Elena's heart raced, and she clenched her eyes shut, gripping the sides of the exam table tightly.

Maya and Carina watched with concern, their hearts aching for Elena. Maya whispered, "It's okay, Elena. We're right here."

Carina added softly, "Just one at a time, love. You can do this."

With their words of encouragement, Elena braced herself for the first shot. It stung, but it was over quickly. She let out a shaky breath and opened her eyes, her hands trembling. Carina leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Elena's forehead, offering comfort.

The nurse administered the next shot, and Elena winced again, but she was determined not to back down. She had come this far, and she couldn't let her fear control her.

Maya held Elena's hand tightly, her eyes never leaving Elena's face. "You're so brave, Elena. We love you. Keep taking deep breaths."

Carina added, "We're proud of you, Tesoro."