#i'm running in circles at this point

[sleepy-aletheas]

Well, about Penacony and the Dreamscape:

So, I chatted up Micah in Dreamflux Reef to get a sticker out of him, and got the fun fact that he is long dead! Which answers my previous question of how can Clockie be 500 and yet Mikhail was still kicking. He wasn't, not physically at least.

Which makes me wonder: Are the majority of people in Penacony just memoria of the deceased clinging to the present? I would assume a good chunk of outsiders are actually just there temporary for a visit before going back home, but are all natives just...not real? Maybe a few, but the rest is just an echo of someone that once was, or even is a collective or subjective memory of a person, like we saw with Lesley Dean through his obsessive fans, or of Coty by the obsessive desire by Morris? There is also Alley's twin sister Quinn that was accidentally killed by Alley.

Also through McCoy's clockwork quest, we find out what the Family members are willing to do to climb the ladder to reach the top. He killed his own siblings after all, and they were stuck in the dream as Memory Zone Memes ever since.

So, really, Penacony is shaping up more as a place of regrets and guilt than sweet dreams the more I talk to the NPCs. We get people that run away there to fulfill their life ambitions, that get to be healthy, that live past their deaths, that can be in relationships with people they never had...Many don't sleep for recreation, but for the escape it allows them.

And since I think SoulGlad is very suspicious, be it the original version or the one in the present, it's a hunch that the reason it's so addicting is because the more one indulges in it, the more they get tied to the dream and become one with it. Since the original SoulGlad made by Sousa had a now extinct ingredient of dreamleaf, who's to say that maybe during the prison times, SoulGlad was made as an escape to a better existence than what they got? It wasn't like they suddenly started collectively dreaming; it was gradual, building up.

And Micah did say when I asked him now about how hard it is to live in Dreamflux Reef, and he said something along the lines of "It is bearable, even if we have to fight the nightmares", so the whole Clockie Nightmareville and Dreamville make so much more sense - we got the "Real Penacony" in Dreamflux Reef where everything is so dreary, and then we get the "Penacony, Planet of Festivities" that are the twelve dreams.

This is just my elaborate way of asking: Is Penacony dormancy at its core? Is it the ideal escapism that people seek? Is that why the Family tries to hide the truth about Penacony, so that people can keep feeding the dream with their existence (as in, if they come near Penacony, then technically, they leave an echo in the memoria, and that just adds more fuel to it)? What is the deal with SoulGlad anyway?

(Maybe I'm going insane, that is also a possibility. Maybe I'm overthinking this. I mean, I will keep doing that, but, it's something to keep in mind for my yapping.)

[automatonknight]

here's the prick i was talking about^ i have so many thoughts and notes about him but they're mostly incomprehensible so when i organize maybe them i'll post them who knows

[see-arcane]

NEW CLIPS NEW CLIPS!!! 🦇

[bitegore]

ok this isnt meant to be a dig or anything but it's always really funny to me when people like just cracking 30 are like "omg you're in your early twenties, you're a babyyyyyy"

babe you're like barely 30, you're a baby too. You're a blink and a half older than me. I spend too much time around people over 50, the difference between 23 and 33 is a few years at a job and a little more distance from living in your parents' house but it's like, nothing. the gap closes every time you breathe and every time i move. the difference between you and me is like one-fifteenth the difference between you and my dad's friend Joe or whatever. don't worry you'll get to live more life too, but don't kid yourself.

and this is doubled when it's coming from a 25-year-old currently experiencing a crisis of age because they're soooo old, they're 25, the horror! You are twenty-five. We have an age difference of three years. Your concern over this is embarrassing for you and highly entertaining for me. But like don't kid yourself here. You are 25. You are a like a fucking baby to me.

[bonetrousledbones]

its not unusual at this point for me to go several days and occasionally weeks without posting here BUT this time i'm going to have a good excuse and her name is hurricane helene and she sucks and i hate her

[chiarrara]

at this point I don't see a path for Chelsie to get voted out. If Leah/Angela wins DE HOH, no matter the combination on the block 2-3 votes will always go against whomever is against Chelsie.

The only way Leah/Angela could get Chelsie out in the Double is if they flip Kimo and Rubina over the next two days and I don't think either of them has the social capital to do that.

Something big would have to shift or else Chelsie's path to the final 5 is laid out unobstructed for her and it only gets harder from there.

[honey-skulls]

HUGE VENT

I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen

My routine these last two weeeks has been:

-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep

-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw

-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am

I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍

Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore

Silence is actually worse than loud rooms

It's driving me insane

It's so loud

[moe-broey]

Fuck it my brain feels super clogged so I'm posting my agenda with little to no context + one doodle idk if I'll color but I kinda want to but I kinda don't LMFAO

(wips I'm hoping to return to ect ect, just a few snippets from a larger Thing)

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

If your HOF/Hawke/Inky couldn't romance their usual partners, who would they choose instead?

Oof, this is a hard one.

Tabris/Alistair, Hawke/Anders, and Lavellan/Cullen are such an integral part of my canon run that I can't imagine them romancing anyone else. Like, it feels wrong to imagine them not ending up with their respective partners.

But, for the sake of discussion, I'll do my best to answer.

Rose is probably the hardest one because she and Alistair, and their romance, are so intertwined with everything that happens in DAO that I feel like she'd remain single if he wasn't an option, y'know? Her other options are Leliana and Zevran, and I can't see her going with either of them.

Leliana's sweet and Rose likes her a lot, but she's a little too into the Chantry. That's something I see Rose having a problem with; she's not exactly shy about telling off the mothers, sisters, and templars, or pointing out how they mistreat elves and mages.

Rose and Zevran are friends but I've never viewed him as an option for her; after everything Rose goes through in her origin, his openly sexual nature is just a major turn off for her. He calls her a sex goddess in their first conversation and that's just not it. They don't even start to become friends until after she tells him to stop looking at her that way and he respects her wishes.

Plus, Leliana and Zevran lack the shared experiences of being a warden, Ostagar, having to deal with the blight from the very beginning. That's something only Rose and Alistair have and that's what separates him from the others as a love interest... so yeah, Rose would be single, me thinks.

As for my Hawke, Ed's gay so if he can't be with Anders, his only other option is Fenris. I've romanced him before and enjoyed it, so I think he and Ed could work out... though again, it's a similar problem I have where Ed's relationship with Anders is so crucial because Anders saved Carver's life in the deep roads... y'know, Ed's brother who he cherishes above all else. Kind of a big deal. A huge factor in bringing them together.

Ed and Fenris always worked better as friends but out of everyone, Ed's the one I could actually imagine with someone else.

Finally, there's my Lavellan... once again, Ash ending up with Cullen is a huge deal for the narrative of DAI. I've talked about this before, but how I play DAI is my Lavellan is actually Surana from DAO. She and Cullen knew each other and maaaaaybe had a thing... but because Duncan didn't show up, she escaped the circle with Jowan. After he died, Ash joined the dalish, changed her name, and ended up at the conclave... where she and Cullen reunited and proceeded to have hardcore ex vibes the entire time they're at Haven.

If they decided that they're never getting back together, I think Ash might've ended up with either Josephine or Solas. She views Sera as more of a little sister and a friend. She likes Blackwall but he's not her type. The Iron Bull romance progression doesn't suit her even though she admires his intelligence and strength, she's just not up for a friends with benefits turned romantic relationship.

Ash always craved knowledge, and when she was in the circle, she knew the game that she needed to play in order to survive and come out on top... her pride and inability to see when she's wrong led to her downfall with Jowan. She needs someone who she can challenge and who challenges her, both without backing down, on a variety of topics; she needs an academic, I guess?? But she also needs someone who isn't afraid to humble her. Cullen, Josephine, and Solas all fit this in different ways.

I'm more inclined to push her toward Josephine though... I don't think she would've handled the Solas break up well at all.

[vulturevanity]

Fundamentalist christians don't care if something is a lie as long as it isn't "unbiblical".

[meichenxi]

ATTENTION: MXTX BOOKS ACQUIRED!!!!!

!!!! yes!!!!! you heard that correctly!!!!!  I now have copies of TGCF and MDZS in traditional chinese, vertically laid out, plus a whole bunch of other books!!

(I have just returned from taiwan; it was by far not my only purpose in going, but I also decided to stay four days extra at the end after my friend had left just so I could go a-hunting.)

I am. so unbelievably excited. and especially because, with never having a) looked at these books in chinese, b) never having read anything beyond a few lines in traditional, and c) never having read vertical formatting, they are....readable? not with a dictionary on kindle or pleco like I’ve done before to make sense of things, but readable cover-to-cover without a dictionary at all. 

that is a HUGE step for me. reading has always been a bit of a mental block and with the traditional especially and the formatting I was very much expecting it to be a strugglebus situation and don’t get me wrong, it requires a good fucking deal of mental concentration and yes, I do occasionally run my finger down the page to not lose my place like an old person, but...I’m reading them

in the last four? three? days, I’ve read, as of right now, 68 pages of tgcf volume one consecutively (as in, just from the beginning) and over 90 pages in total (+ the pages I read for the scenes I like and skipped to). and it’s so FUNNY!!! I had honestly forgotten. I’m laughing out loud at points!! I read extremely quickly in english, and also have a terrible memory, which combines into flying through books and never having any idea what happened in them - reading more slowly I feel like I can enjoy what is going on more, and appreciate just honestly how funny the writing is. it’s hilarious. xie lian is such a moron (affectionate). ‘next time, if you have to throw something, throw me and not the food, ok?’ what a loser!!!! what a guy!!!!! 

so, 68 pages in, now for an honest appraisal of where I’m at.

first, formatting. 

 the vertical layout - look, going to be honest, I kind of hate it. I’m not used to looking up and down and feel like I’m bobbing my head, and it makes scanning a line more time-consuming. on the other hand, I can feel a massive increase in speed and comfort from even when I started three or four days ago, so I think it’s a matter of practice. I noticed also that when I went to the bookstore I still have the completely hilarious and useless habit of tilting my head to look at the books. the titles of which are written vertically. 

second, traditional. 

I am reading a lot slower than I do in simplified and horizontal laid-out texts, which is not surprising. the traditional is the biggest stumbling block definitely - but it’s not as big actually as I would have thought. I’ve been picking up frequent very different characters with two or three repetitions; not enough to internalise them and read them as seamlessly as in simplified chinese, but enough to look at them, even when it’s a little jarring, and go ‘oh, that means this’ in my head. I have found that I tend to subvocalise more with a) the increase in very different traditional characters, and b) the difficulty of the text. when there are simple conversations or directions I don’t subvocalise at all, which I consider generally speaking to be a good thing as it improves your speed of reading. when there’s a lot of mid-frequency fairly different characters (i.e. ones that I have picked up in these few days but aren’t common enough to be every two lines, and that I still very much have to think about), I subvocalise a LOT. when the characters are ones that I think I probably don’t know in either traditional or simplified, or there are a lot of very confusing descriptions, I don’t subvocalise at all, even if I could by phonetic components. I just - vibe. which brings me onto the next part. 

reading traditional - the brain feeling. 

I CANNOT describe how strange it is to read traditional and how wonderful an organ the brain is. it honestly feels like magic. if you’re still reading at this point and I’m not just shouting into the void, you probably know that I can’t handwrite in chinese to save my life - what that means practically for character recognition is that you could ask me to name the components of a character I see 100000 times a day and I couldn’t do it. it’s all subconscious. I have NO memory or understanding of what radicals are used where at the best of times in simplified chinese, and it’s all done via The Vibe. 

this is EVEN stronger in traditional chinese. I have not really ever deliberately learnt or consumed any media in traditional apart from a few characters you commonly see written or appeared when I have done a little bit of Classical chinese, like 馬，為，無 etc. I also got up to about halfway through the hsk1 course on skritter for a while on one of my endless attempts to learn how to write - so that gave me characters like 歡，對，甚麼 and so forth. in total that’s....still not that much. the VIBES I get when reading, though - incredible!!!!! I see these characters (not just ones with components that are predictable in traditional forms, but fairly or very different ones) that I have no memory of ever seeing before in my life and go, oh, that feels vaguely like this one. and then I look it up and I’m right. 

some of these are things of course are not objectively difficult - if you know the two components, you can go, oh, those are the two traditional versions of the components and so stuck together is the traditional character. but since I don’t consciously know the component parts off the top of my head of more than about 12 simplified characters (rip), this feels like utter magic. I have also been guessing quite a lot based on context and radicals.

I also know I probably HAVE seen some of these characters before at some point, I just don’t remember. nevertheless. it feels amazing, especially with the ones that are not predictable and are totally different. it’s a very bizarre experience. the coolest part though is the ability to remember new characters without looking them up or ‘learning’ them - a large majority of the traditional characters I can know recognise have genuinely been learnt over the last three days. if I see them for a second or third time - they’re mine now. and that is very cool and comes with practice and NOT anything innate blah blah because when I first started, I remember looking at characters over 20 times and still not being able to remember if I had even SEEN them before, let alone what they mean. so that ability has improved a huge amount, and I think reading and learning new words within the context of that book is mostly to thank for that. 

(not really relevant to any of the above, but reading in a foreign language is so interesting, because you really notice the vocabulary the author uses again and again and again more than in your native language. for instance, mxtx is constantly saying 这下. also 莞尔 as a word for smile - xie lian is CONSTANTly 莞尔一笑 . those are the two I’ve noticed a lot so far.)

overall then:

there are plenty of individual words I don’t know, but it’s usually clear what they mean in context, and when I know I’m reading a description of someone’s elegant fingers that's all you really need to know. none of it has affected my reading experience enough to make me physically put down the book and open pleco. 

I haven’t needed the dictionary for anything so far that I can’t get from context or memory of what happens. this means that I am Reading It Reading It, as opposed to Pleco Reading It or Kindle Reading It. which feels like a huuuuuuuuge milestone and difference and you know,,,honestly tearing up a little bit!!!!! because it’s so cool and I never thought I’d get here!!!!!! 

----

with all of that in mind, my plan for reading these is just...go from cover to cover with the first volume of tgcf, but let myself - since I know the story - jump around to read and re-read the bits I like reading. I want to get at least through the first two books of tgcf before I try to tackle any of the other books that I have bought. I’m not stopping to learn vocab really without the dictionary as most of it hasn’t been necessary so far and would interrupt the reading flow, but sometimes if there is a word I have seen 238290 times I will. I have only done this a few times, however, so I think for pulling vocab from this book I will have to do it separately - i.e. choose a passage I like and write down all the vaguely useful / fun words I don’t know. 

I have also got mdzs. now. the thing here is that...I love tgcf, but I’m not as precious about it as I am about mdzs. I have also NEVER read mdzs in translation because I have hated all of them so much, so I want the first time I read it to be as smooth as I possibly can, and to get as much impact and beauty and *shakes fist* as I possibly can. so...I might put it off for a while, maybe another 6 months or so whilst I improve my reading and traditional recognition skills. we’ll see. I don’t want to dip into it in the same way, and I feel like I want to use tgcf as training wheels first. we will see!

updates soon!!! big excite!!!!!!

[kosmiccarma]

Karmaaaa since we were talking about self ship, tell me about yours!

lovely sera ty for asking!! ✨ [putting this under a read more bc I like to ramble haha]

I’m gonna break this down into jjk!self and selfship!! [gotta precursor this with @/killalluchihas' / @/grilledsquids' good vibes/bad juju fic is what started this whole collective brain exercise since the first couple chapters and I've been ruminating over taking bits and pieces of world-building concepts and crafting a sort of canon divergence au? while still holding onto canon's hand very gently. and all of this is open to changing ofc] ✨

jjk!self: basics: vivi, caucasian, mid 20s, they/she pronouns

country/faction: american sorcerer, pesters her personal auxiliary manager to take on missions/contracts internationally.

I headcanon that a certain majority of american sorcerers (depending on region) hand out binding vows like candy (which is mostly seen as an archaic practice linked within traditional roots / ties down their jujutsu sorcerers like cattle for slaughter depending on vow rules / also ties into how far they've gone into education for jujutsu society / various accolades that build up over their career get them fairer rates for vow rules). background: - height is 5’6”ft / 167 cm. - true neutral <3 - latin designation: 6/6 or VI/VI (read as 6, 6) - they live in no-man's-land aka florida, which has a separate function as a peninsula for america's barrier upkeep and linked ley lines. - innate technique is called chimera (shapeshifting the physical form to whatever the mind can conjure; form changes slightly depending on which nickname is being used at the time; has a partial transformation running at almost all times, cannot transform into anything from blocked memories or anything that breaks binding vow rules). - picked up RCT healing at a young age (due to the inherent healing properties of IT), was her ‘calling’ card. however has never gone through schooling to become a doctor at any point in time; therefore ‘healing’ is split between the physical mind/body and the cursed spirit/energy, and is entirely learned by firsthand and battlefield experience. - knowledgeable about international jujutsu society cultures and practices relating to healing, therapy, and contingency planning. - currently an independent front-line illusory scout and battle medic. - has her own personal auxiliary manager on call 24/7. they report to them for correspondence and mission updates/statuses back home, the only way to not be under higher-ups jujutsu society’s thumb entirely. - race-tracked through jujutsu schooling to get it out of the way. doesn’t agree with the black/white thinking that most under jujutsu society live by. is considered an ‘outcast alumni’ because of this. angers their own higher-ups because they prefer to work with auxiliary managers vs sorcerers on rotation. - pen pals with yuki tsukumo <3

binding vow(s): so far vivi has 3-4 binding vows, as follows:

#1. binding vow of never using her true name (purposefully forgot it and any relation to the name and family line, extending to forgetting family members, basically jujutsu society's version of a reverse witness protection program linked back to user). all names given are nicknames for different people. vivi is the most common one. also uses their call sign / latin designation: 6/6 or VI/VI, usually just for bureaucracy purposes. in return, coupled with loss of memories of [redacted], gains binding vow #3.

#2. binding vow of picking up languages easily when carrying a rune necklace (cursed tool) that stores said languages overtime. has to wear the necklace for at least 12 hours per day for it to be viable. suffers from dyscalculia in return.

#3. binding vow of the usage of ‘blood circle’ cursed technique (was gifted by a dearly departed friend. exchange is having memories of them erased from the mind entirely).

- user-based AOE (that cannot be turned off completely; rule 1). - anything outside of the circle has a 50/50 rate of getting hit. - anything inside the circle (besides the user; rule 2) has a 100/0 rate of getting hit. - certain variables nullify the terms (user has to consciously be aware for the nullification to work, rule 3. ie. gojo’s infinity still working within the inner circle’s space). - personal auxiliary manager has a bound machete to be used as a special grade cursed tool, which is the main weapon to be used. however, can use other items as long as previous rules are withheld.

#4. [redacted] ✨ selfship:

honestly for selfship reasons I think they gojo and jjk!vivi get on each other's radar by yuki's interference (let her have a bigger roll in this, gege did her dirty).

after a few missions together with yuki in america spread out over a year, and with vivi's insistence that they want to go abroad for missions, yuki's like "y'know one of the big hot shots in japan-" "the cult guy?" "HAHA. no. uh, not him." and then from there it's vivi and their manager getting on a red-eye flight to scope out the japan's jujutsu scene and get into contact with their jujutsu schools of overlooking any missions as an international support-based unit. and then it's working with different teams and then boom battle healer AND an illusory scout for top squads? say less. naturally gojo gets curious of how many missions have been completed lately with little injury and no deaths and goes to investigate. from there it's a cat-and-mouse game of vivi dodging gojo, their manager updating them on various factors back home, and trying to learn through the grapevine whether yuki needs to join her to beat in this damn cult leader whose minions keep popping up at the oddest times. ✨ that's all for now!! ty for reading if you've gotten this far <3

[showmink]

officially halfway through the fic recs yous sent me

[arcadian-vampire]

Nervous giggles

Even more nervous giggles

There are so many professional paintings here, so many technically advanced, highly impressive works, and I'm just like [slaps some crayons down] y- yeehaw,,

I'm keeping the Escape Motions site Exciting. keeping it Interesting and Ridiculously Colorful

[homunculus-argument]

Character idea that I had at some point: A dance teacher who had to give up his own highly promising career as a performer after an injury, and now makes his living giving lessons to children. He comes off as stern, serious, and frighteningly strict, and even some of the parents have a hard time believing that the kids genuinely like him and enjoy the lessons. Which, to be fair, are frightening to watch with no context of what this is about.

The children go through their practices with downright eerie, automation-like, coordinated synchrony, with stern and focused looks on their faces, while the teacher circles them, observing and correcting, brandishing his cane like a weapon and every once in a while dramatically lamenting about how "you little vermin can't do anything right", and occasionally the music stops and the only sounds coming from the studio are of kids running and screaming while their teacher bellows about teaching them a lesson.

This, however, is all just method. He started the first lesson with the children by proposing a game: How about they play flea circus, where he is the cruel evil ringmaster and they are all his poor suffering little fleas. One of the girls starts crying, protesting that she doesn't want to be a flea. Well, how about mice? Mice are cute. The children accept these terms, and ever since they've spent dance lessons playing Evil Circus.

For reasons beyond adult comprehension, children of a certain age really love playing pretend in a setting where everything is Dark And Horrible And The Worst, and Evil Mouse Circus is exactly that. And whenever he picks up that the kids are starting to get too genuinely nervous or agitated, that's when he goes "that's it I'm going to beat all of you" which is their cue to take a break to run around screaming, while he chases them. He won't catch them and isn't even trying to, the kids just need to let the nervous energy out.

It looks horrible to an outside observer, but the kids are having an excellent time playing circus mice.

[edenslice]

unless its graduation im not stepping foot in my uni dawg i have my eyes trained on the college i'm transferring to