#i'm offended that i can't see this live though *cries*

[wylanslcve]

Oh I’m going to be absolutely INSUFFERABLE when the promo videos start coming through.

[jazeswhbhaven]

He Can Match Your Freak | Asmodeus Selfie Spoilers

OKAY sooo FINALLY I'm posting this lol it's probably going to be like two parts maybe??? Let's see how this goes because I'm learning to not post thousands of screenshots unless it's relevant.

First. I'm skipping the prologue because most have seen it, and I'm doing a different thing with that anyway.

SOOO it's gonna be a crash course ya'll with jumping right in when MC is in his room about to get them cheeks clapped.

He wants to know more about MC because of what he's heard and well he wouldn't be wrong here. MC apparently is quite the deviant. And you can tell the writers tried to describe him as majestic and breathtaking as possible because the way MC sees him is similar to how they see Leviathan.

Until they said this mess.

G I R L WH A T

Even Asmo was like ???? But he has a sense of humor so he just laughed it off which I mean okay yes as if he would care about that phrase being weird.

But MC out here actin' up once a g a i n. lol

But also they mention his body odor keeps wafting over in MC's nose clearly yeah because not only them pheromones' but uh anyways we'll get to that part later

And MC was just like covering their nose and is like "this is dangerous" and for me ya'll?

I'd be afraid to offend him by saying he smells ripe which I'm sure he wouldn't be offended because I'm not sure what would offend him at this point in time.

So big boi puts a sigil on MC's body similar to a womb tattoo which is why he said "be surprised you aren't pregnant" but this symbol makes you into his "female" no matter the gender. He goes to say it nicely that you're his "virgin" though.

And with that, most of what's happening is that MC is feeling the effects of Asmo without him even doing much of anything just yet. The feelings of having climaxed multiple times over, hazy, losing your goddamn mind.

That sort of thing.

Baby I would have cried on the spot. What do you mean be your companion?

Yup he asked MC to not only be his one night stand but to basically be his and that he thinks he could fall in love with them.

He says that he can fall in love at first sight despite his reputation. And also he mentions MC is his third love. First was Solomon (rejected him and wouldn't tell him who it is he was in love with) and two his late wife who was a witch and it's their children/descendants who are the Unholyc that inhabit Earth.

I'mma be honest with ya'll I didn't finish Lovely Unholyc because I was mostly interested in William, there was no route for him at that time so I just kinda dipped, tried again and then dipped lol

oh btw he apparently just straight up wanted to yap about him clapping Solomon's cheeks and getting his cheeks clapped back and how many damn positions they did and I'm trying to wrap my head around what the fuck they did because at one point surely they were on the ceiling or floating mid-air, like I don't even know

But his wife who chose to live on Earth and grow old and die normally put a curse on his soul. He can love and fuck whoever he wants and should never be lonely but he can't have any more children. If he does, they die, and he dies along with the partner he made them with. (the fall of the house of usher vibes)

AND let me just say? That woman did the world a favor because he has a breeding kink. We'd have a whole universe full of little Asmo halflings running around. So either it was her being possessive or just her sparing the world of that burden then yeah thank you for that because phew.

i don't need no babies anyways

And he says the same thing like "Oh we can leave other things other than babies, like photos of us in a mess" meaning he really meant when he said he wanted to participate in the contest.

I mean he would have won so I think it's fair to give the others a chance. Lol

So things are getting hot and heavy now and he's wondering why MC is holding back. Honestly I'm like huh he did say that he turns you into a virgin and not everyone is confident when being presented with the chance of a lifetime to fuck the embodiment of lust.

But at the same time I mean...MC this is your element and you are pretty much striking out. (not to him but to me you are)

SO I complied all of these because this is important. Asmodeus is literally combining all of their philias and using them on MC and he's quite good at it. And well, why wouldn't he be?

And he even goes to strangle and lick up MCs tears?

Yeah we know what he's about.

His tongue did what now?

his tongue did what now

his tongooooooooooooo

Anyways I short circuited there because everything about him is just driving me nuts.

MC even said they were coming by him just kissing them and I'm like hold up??????

I fucking bet.

Okay ya'll picked the nastiest ass stuff for him to mention but I get it. Congrats if ya'll have things you're self conscious about during sex Asmo's your demon because he literally won't care and will still be turned on.

Ayo.

Moving on....LMAO

And uh...Asmo was licking MC's snot and spit off their face and they came again.

I'm drowning in a sensory nightmare why is he so h o t but this is nastttyyyyyy

"I can always go hard whenever I feel like fucking the opponent"

Sir what? He just be sayin' anything

But he does ask MC what do they want...and they just smack the fuck out of him so there's that. Lol

I would tell him I'd very much like that mouth on the kewchie. I don't even need anything else just his mouth. His jaw probably can go for days.

Now MC is making deduction here that Asmo is the king of lust and seduction and can pass this feeling on to others. He's dangerous this way.

Now Asmo how do you know that.

Tell me sir HOW (I think I know the answer....but I'd be hella surprised that Belphie would let him hit unless he was watching him...)

But mostly what's happening is that MC is feeling what Asmo feels basically the same spiel as the other kings except with him it's intense to the point where they are quite literally about to pass the fuck out. And Asmo ain't about to stop momentum so you better stay awake MC.

NOW YA'LL.

Bullet point times:

MC has climaxed pretty much several times and they haven't even fucked properly yet

But wait, their clothes are off and....

Bam they notice that Asmo's cock is pretty much halfway in their hole and they haven't even noticed

All he did was push himself to the hilt and MC squirted ya'll

So there's that.

But the womb tattoo is doing it's job because now the climaxes are back to back, and I'm just wondering how the hell MC is still mentally there because I'd be a babbling mess.

Yes daddy.

he makes me SICK (lovingly)

But also they mention the liquid he was feeding MC had a horrible smell and I'm just like oh fucking gawd please get rid of my sense of smell before sleeping with him because I would not make it. Why is everything having to do with him smell so much? LOL

LMAO

MC was begging for his dick and Asmo is like, baby it's already in are you okay?

I'm crying

Yeah remember those memes about people getting high and saying they were vacuuming the dishes?

I imagine that's what it's like having sex with him. One minute you're on the bed next you're in another dimension, floating, transcending, melting, legs bent in impossible shapes. Indeed I am mopping the lawn.

He even mentioned they've done it like six times already and he's just getting started.

with a face like that? phew.

Oh so he does have a good pull out game.

btw the visual for that???? GAWDDDDDDD -> look here

So let me back up a bit and mention that MC was feeling insecure that since they have been doing it for quite some time (2 days I think?) they thought he wasn't satisfied. Nah he was just savoring the moment. He could come at any time. ANd when he does? It's alot and from his horn and everything. Cum fountain.

And best part? No refractory period. He's already hard and slamming that thang back in.

Also he mentions here that there's a smell, and he's getting really worked up.

Yeah he's tearing that up. Like it's overtime ya'll.

There's purple smoke and a erotic aura in the air, he's grabbing and biting down on the back of MC's neck to claim them? Oh he's going in.

Alright here we go.

And just so ya'll know...sorry male MC players....the same line is used in ya'lls version too. No change.

This is the point where I would of preferred perhaps something else be said entirely instead. I know the majority of players are women/non-men but...I can see someone playing and getting side swept like?????

But anyways let's move on past this point

Until the room stank is an understatement.

But anyways, while MC is trying to somewhat calm down, Asmo is still trying to keep the momentum. And MC starts trying to have a normal conversation and figuring out why devil's fear him the most.

But also mentioned they wanted to shove his nasty, greasy, bodily fluid covered hair up their hole. E x c u s e the fuck outta me?

AN Y W AY S

Mc figures that the reason the devils fear him is because of this. Imagine falling for someone like this? Who is nothing but the sole reason existence of lust and temptation where you could fuck for hours and reach pleasure centers unknown and yet have that all be taken away when he leaves? There's no love? No sweet nothings? Just being used up and tossed without any direction and you're just in the dark?

welp.

But Asmo does offer MC some comfort

He tells them that he's back in Hell so he will be around more often. It won't be painful, that it's okay to start slow and that MC would wait for him when he's ready to fully accept his feelings. He could fall in love with them not that he was already in love with them. But with how he's considering him as a companion, how he's biting and claiming them, the amount of time he's spending with MC.

mind you he left Phenomenon on the floor the moment he entered the meeting room so I imagine they weren't fucking for very long at all. I imagine all of his sessions with others are "quick" and for those he really likes they last longggg like days.

Not mention he on that yandere vibes....telling MC he'd lock them up in a cage but he'll deal with it for now.

And apparently when he gives a sincere command, it must be followed. So MC basically ends up getting dressed, not whining about leaving, and all that good stuff. A true dom in that sense.

Also he mentions that when he's nearby MC will just get turned on automatically. "Your body will scream that your man is here"

why is that so hot?

So MC is back in Gehenna and this is when Asmo starts reminiscing about Solomon who predicted that he'd see MC in the future and that he would know that he feels at the moment for Solomon is not 'love'.

I wonder if Asmodeus was just helplessly losing himself for Solomon, and pepaw clocked that and was just telling him to chill on it for a bit. Although it is fucking WI L D to me that he is going to try this again with his friend's descendant..."hey I'm a friend of your grandpa...soooo yeah let's fuck and fall in love"

Sounds weird when I put that way huh? lol

Also since we're at the end I'd like to highlight some personality things about him!

He plays too much: Taking a photo of himself and MC sleeping and sending it to Satan knowing he'd storm immediately to the room

He doesn't have self doubt, he is very much full of himself but is considerate of his partner given the circumstances

He is not into aftercare, he claims that part is included during the sex, if sex is over then it's over

He doesn't shower ya'll. Like at all. But he oddly keeps his nails clean and that's about it? He seems to be obsessed with sex funk

He really likes Mammon. Like a lot. But he does that thing where he's like "Nah I want him to want me so I won't give him what he wants" lol okay

He fucks pillows, pretty much inanimate objects if he feels like it

He has a sense of humor

Romance is not absent, it's just tricky for him since all that's all his brain is "breed breed breed breed sex sex sex breed breed breed oh lets pause for a break sex sex sex kissing sex sex breeding biting"

He loves his children though. He really is a fatherly devil. He beams about his kids and this is a moment where you can catch him not being sexual

It comes to no surprise that he doesn't like the idea of sharing his favorite person but it has me think that his style of relationship is that he's monogamous but if you want to occasionally bring someone to "play" with he won't mind as long as it's discussed and he gets to fuck them too

He's got a one track mind, but it's not like he can't carry on a conversation

Now for my

T H E O R I E S

Asmo is older than all of the kings, but younger than Lucifer

I am reaching in the dark but it seems the only King he's had sex with or has watched have sex is Belphie

He's only in love with MC because he's taking a opportunity that wasn't given to him with Solomon

There's most likely a loophole to his curse that his late wife left on him but he simply chooses not to break it

If the Kings fight together along with Asmodeus, the war would be over, and if we ever get a final battle chapter it's going to be MC who is the missing "key" and the one who figures that out is Asmo because he spent so much time with Solomon

We may get a cameo from one of his children in the story

Asmodeus is possibly capable of lying and just hasn't revealed that to anyone. I say this because if he was one of the very early devils created he is the exception to the rule. So there could be some secret he knows.

BUT wow it seems that I have compiled ALL of this into one post. YAY FOR ME. Now there may be more little blurbs popping up as I remember them but for nowwwwww~ Thank you for reading, hopefully you grabbed some snacks, and ya'll are amazing. Feel free to let me know ya'lls thoughts if you haven't said already on our stinky hot devil man <3 lol

[luxaryllis]

hi!! if you're accepting requests rn could you pls write just pure angst of azul with a younger sibling who he was super close to before, but when their parents got divorced they grew distant bc the sibling went to live with their dad instead of with him and his mom. then a few years later sibling ends up attending nrc and azul recognizes them and is excited to talk to them again only to discover that they're not the same as before.

rlly loved your scared younger sibling fics. they gave me chest pains bc of how damn sad they were. keep up the good work :)

Brother Knows Best

Note: OMG!! What is this!? I, Lux, FINALLY finishing something and posting it?! Has a miracle truly happened?!

Anyway, I'll just write the sibling of this one as a year younger than Azul, and the sibling was also be an octopus merfolk. I'm going to mention the reader having interests in some stuff, so please don't get offended if it doesn't apply to you. You can always just replace the traits I put as a trait of yours!

And imma just use Ashengrotto as the family name, cuz idk if Ashengrotto was the last name of Azul's bio father, or step-father, or the maiden name of his mother.

Warning/s: Parents divorcing, Split custody, Angst, Spoilers to Azul's backstory and past, Spoilers to Azul's Ceremonial Robes vignettes, Reader is mentioned to have somewhat similar features to Azul (specific features aren't specified), Tell me if I missed anything

Full post under the cut!

-----

"Big brother! Why are you crying?" A slightly smaller mer-octopus swam closer with a concerned expression.

Azul, who was hiding in an octopus pot, looked up to his sweet and innocent little sibling. The 7-year-old boy's eyes soften, and Azul knew that it was only a matter of time before his baby sibling, [Name], would go through all the bullying and teasing as well.

But Azul didn't want that. He wanted [Name]'s cute smile to last forever. He wanted [Name] to not have to see and experience the horrors of simply being themself. He wanted to protect [Name] from everything and everyone who dared hurt them.

Azul's heart squeezed in his chest as he realizes that he can't. He can't protect [Name]. Azul couldn't even protect himself! He truly was... a weak, dumb, slow little octopus...

Tormented by his thoughts, Azul continued sobbing, hiding further into the octopus pot, hiding his chubby face from his little sibling.

"Don't look at me!!" Azul cries out, accidentally spitting out ink from his tentacles, staining the waters around them. The mess caused Azul to cry even more, the ugly black liquids reminding him of what the other kids told him.

[Name] frowns softly, they didn't know why their big brother was upset. The younger mer-octopus moves closer to the octo-pot, trying to coax their older brother to come out.

"Zul-ie.. what's wrong? I don't like seeing you sad..."

Upon receiving no response, the younger child purses their lips in a pout.

"Come onnn...! Mom and dad made dinner! They made fried chicken! Your favorite!!"

---

"Big brother!! Look, look! Wanna hear this song I learned on the piano?!"

Piano keys played a gorgeous melody under [Name]'s fingers, and Azul watched with wide eyes full of wonder and pride. Azul felt a small sense of envy in him, but he couldn't find it in himself to acknowledge the jealousy, because Azul was too proud of his younger sibling to do that.

And yet...

As [Name] learned more and more, Azul couldn't help but feel... left behind.

As though [Name] doesn't need him anymore.

But... but that isn't true right? [Name] needs Azul... right...?

As days and years pass by, nagging feelings of envy and worthlessness bubble up in Azul as he watches his sibling shine.

'I should be proud of them,' he thinks to himself as his mind wanders while he was studying.

---

'Mom and dad don't love each other anymore...'

Those were the thoughts in the two siblings' heads while they listened to their parents argue for what felt like the umpteenth time. And today, it seemed as though everyone in the house had finally had enough of the screams and shouts.

Around a month or so later, the Ashengrotto family were in court, for a divorce trial. It was a somewhat long process, but the judge's words hit the two children like a truck.

"Mrs. Ashengrotto is to be given custody over Azul Ashengrotto. Whilst Mr. Ashengrotto is to be given custody over [Name] Ashengrotto."

When the Ashengrotto family split up, Azul and [Name] were desperately trying to stay together. It went to the point that their parents had to pull the crying siblings apart because [Name] and their father had to leave.

"Big brother!!! NO!!"

"[Name]!!! Don't leave me please!!"

---

"DON'T LEAVE ME!!"

Azul wakes up with a start, sitting up from the bed with wide eyes and heavy breathing. His hair was frazzled in a bedhead, and he quickly looks around.

The Octavinelle Dorm Leader recognizes his dorm room, and breathes a sigh. Not one of relief, but one of exhaustion. Azul reaches to his bedside table and takes his glasses, putting them on as he checks the clock. 5 am.

Next to the clock, Azul sees the small picture he placed. A family picture of him, his mother, his father, and his younger sibling. It was taken before his parents had divorced. When they were all happy...

Azul stares at his younger sibling in the picture, yearning to see them again. He reaches out a bit, but stops himself and shakes his head. 'Now is not the time', he thinks to himself. He shakily stands up and starts getting ready for the welcoming ceremony of the new first years of NRC.

Azul leaves the room and passes by Jade and Floyd's shared room. The house-warden could hear Floyd's complaining through the door and he sighs, knocking on the door and speaking.

"Floyd, would you stop complaining? Jade and I have to get ready for the Welcoming Ceremony, and you and the others have to start preparing for the welcome party for our new first years."

Almost immediately, Floyd replies with a slight whiney tone. "Says the person who wasn't wrung out like a rag for some lotion! I can barely walk!!" Azul could almost hear the pout in Floyd's voice and sighs in exasperation, listening to Jade trying to calm his brother down.

Deciding to leave the twin eels alone, Azul starts to walk away and head to the Lounge to make sure the preparations are going smoothly. As he walked, his mind can't help but wander to thoughts like if he and his own younger sibling would have a similar dynamic to Jade and Floyd. Hm, or would their dynamic be more like Idia's and Ortho's? Likely not, perhaps.

These thoughts weighed in Azul's mind, and he feels himself shaking his head, trying to rid himself of those thoughts. He hasn't seen his younger sibling for a long time; but Azul certainly hopes that [Name] didn't have such a drastic change like he did.

For some reason, Azul couldn't bear the thought of his previously happy-go-lucky and outgoing [Name] to be anything else other than such a happy mer-octopus. It was wishful thinking, but what kind of older brother would he be if he didn't wish only the best for his younger sibling?

---

When the time came for the Welcoming Ceremony to begin, the Housewardens (exceot for Malleus Draconia, who likely didn't receive the invitation, Azul thinks) were all lined in a circle surrounding the mirror, waiting for students to be sorted into their own dorms.

As each student was being sorted to their dorms, Azul takes the time to look at each student that seemed to catch his attention. None seemed very relevant thus far, maybe a few people he could exploit here and there.

"Next student!"

A student dressed in the NRC Ceremonial Robes stepped out of the crowd of the unsorted first-years. Their hood was on and casting a shadow down their face as they walked towards the mirror.

"State thy name." The mirror said when the student stepped up.

Suddenly, the student spoke a name that ran a shiver down Azul's spine. A name that Azul never thought he would hear no matter how much he wished to hear.

"[Name] Ashengrotto."

Jade raised an eyebrow and turned to Azul curiously, and some other students who recognized the last name also snuck some glances to the Octavinelle Dormleader. Azul could vaguely hear Idia's voice through the floating tablet, saying things like, 'Plot twist?!', but he paid no heed to it.

Azul's eyes were wide, and his mouth was lightly agape in surprise. His younger sibling... studying in NRC?!?

Questions ran through Azul's head in that moment. How is his younger sibling doing? Do they still like to play the piano? Or perhaps they still continued collecting those sea shells? Did [Name] still want to be a singer when they grew up? Do they still enjoy chasing their tentacles like a dog liked chasing its tail? Do they still have that same smile they always did; the one that brightened any room they were in and made their eyes glimmer like the stars land-folk liked to gaze at?

The Dark Mirror spoke again, "The shape of they soul is..."

Azul was beside himself with worry and anticipation. What dorm would his younger sibling be sorted into?

'Octavinelle, Octavinelle, Octavinelle', Azul chanted in his head, hoping for the Dark Mirror to sort [Name] in the dorm he was in.

"... Octavinelle!"

It took almost everything in Azul not to let out a sigh of relief, but he was celebrating in his mind. Suddenly remembering that he was the Dorm Leader of Octavinelle, he stepped up and made himself known to his beloved younger sibling.

Azul mustered up an amicable smile (and those who knew him were rather surprised at how genuine Azul's smile looked), and spoke. "Welcome to Octavinelle, right this way please."

[Name], not having realized who the person underneathe the hood was, nodded and walked to the crowd of Octavinelle students, waiting for the Welcoming Ceremony to be over.

---

After a rather tiring Welcoming Ceremony, with an entire fire getting started by a racoon-cat-monster named Grim, all the students (save for that one student who couldn't get sorted to a dorm) were allowed to leave and go back to their respective dorms.

The Octavinelle first-years were granted a delicious meal and celebration, and were all briefed on their duties in the Mostro Lounge. The entire time, Azul kept sneaking glances at [Name], which wasn't really left unnoticed by the twins or by [Name] themself.

Azul eventually mustered up the courage to approach his younger sibling and struck up a conversation.

"[Name], it's very nice to see you..! I'm Azul, remember? Your older brother?" Azul's voice was one of slight anxiety, did [Name] eveb remember him? It has been a while since they last even heard from each other..

[Name] turns to look at Azul and nods a bit, smiling a little. "Ah, right. It's so nice to see you again, Zulie."

Being referred to his favorite childhood nickname made Azul smile softly, but he couldn't shake off the surprise at seeing the change of demeanor in [Name]. Back when they were younger, [Name] was much more outgoing and enthusiastic compared to this [Name], who seemed to want to curl up in a ball when someone else tried making conversation with them.

Not even their smile fully reached their eyes anymore. Just what had happened to his beloved younger sibling in the time he was gone?

Internally hoping that his younger sibling hadn't changed too much, Azul tried to continue the conversation. "Ah, do you.. still play the piano?"

[Name] shook their head and smiled a little sheepishly in reply. "Oh, no I don't anymore. Atleast, not as often as before. I still play it occasionally, but I don't exactly find it as fun now."

"What about collecting sea shells? Surely, you still find that enjoyable?"

"Dad and I lived in a more colder part of the ocean, and there weren't a lot of sea shells to collect. So, no, not really."

"Ahh, I see... what do you like doing nowadays, then, [Name]?"

"Oh, well..." [Name] then proceeds to tell their older brother of their interests; though most (if not all) the things the younger Ashengrotto listed were things Azul weren't very interested in.

Regardless, Azul nods in understanding, trying not to mind how much his sibling had changed.

The next few weeks after that, Azul had found it hard to approach [Name]. Why? Well, maybe it was because of the fact that his younger sibling had grown rather attached to the Ramshackle prefect and a certain trouble-making trio (Ace, Deuce, and Grim).

Azul had enough of it, seeing his younger sibling get roped into trouble from their group of friends. When [Name] had came back to the dorm with the Heartslabyul's dorm leader's collar on them, Azul had to pull his younger sibling aside to talk.

"[Name], may I ask exactly why you have Riddle's collar on you? What did your friends bring you into this time?" Azul asked [Name] as they spoke in Azul's office. Azul was looking at his beloved younger sibling with furrowed brows and a scrutinizing expression.

[Name] replied, "It's a.. long story, big brother. Yuu, Ace, Deuce, Grim, and I were at Heartslabyul's Unbirthday Party. Dorm Leader Rosehearts got mad at us and collared us and kicked us out of the party because a rule was broken.."

Azul sighs in disappointment and exasperation. He can't believe his younger sibling associated themself with such troublemakers.

"[Name], honestly, why do you even hang out with such people?! They're getting you into trouble!"

[Name] tries to defend themself, "They don't mean to! And I can't just stand by and watch as my friends suffer on their own!"

Azul starts to get a little frustrated. Can't they see, those group of 'friends' as [Name] calls them are terrible influences. It's only a matter of time before they start using [Name] for their own benefit, Azul is sure about that. After all, [Name] has always been rather straightforward in the way that they won't hesitate to help (such values were strange to see in a school like Night Raven College). And Azul knew what happened to people like that; they get exploited, wrung out like a rag, draining them out until there's nothing left to give.

If [Name]'s friends were anything like the other students of NRC (like how Azul would treat his 'clients'), it would be so, so much worse for [Name]. Oh, Azul could practically see it now; it'll start small, like helping out with homework or lending some money. Eventually, it'll be like his younger sibling got the life and kindness sucked out of them, leaving them burnt out like a poor, unfortunate soul!

And Azul can't and won't let his beloved younger sibling go through that. He won't let [Name] fall from grace so terribly like the people who've broken their end of the deal with him.

And that is what Azul tells [Name] (leaving out the parts that paint Azul as the scheming businessman he is, of course) in an effort and attempt to dissuade his sibling from staying friends with their troublemaking friends.

"Don't you see, my dear sibling? They're only using you and their troublemaking schemes would run your student record through the mud. They're getting you involved in so much drama and troubles, and as your older brother, I'd hate for you to be surrounded by such terrible influences," Azul says.

[Name] frowns a bit. Azul worded it as though they hadn't done anything wrong, which wasn't all that far from the truth, though. However, [Name] also knew that Azul was thinking that they were being dragged against their will to help out, which they weren't.

"Big brother... I'm helping out willingly, because I want to. Besides, they're my friends. Didn't the Sea Witch always help other people? We're Octavinelle students, we must always follow the Sea Witch's values."

[Name] replies. The facts about Octavinelle and the Sea Witch were things that the younger Ashengrotto used to try convincing Azul to let them go.

Azul clicks his tongue, his eyes narrowing as he pushes up his glasses that were starting to fall a bit. "Then perhaps you should try getting better, more behaved friends instead of the ones you have right now. What happened to the well-behaved [Name] I used to know?" Azul mutters under his breath, but [Name] could still hear Azul's words.

[Name] frowns at the last question. "What 'happened' is that life happened, Azul. Not everyone stays the same! I've changed!!"

Azul, however, has difficulty getting behind the thought, shaking his head in denial, "Then change back!! [Name], I want the old you! The one who'd listen and trust me without a second thought! The one who was dependent on me! The one who actually made me feel special!!"

That was the last straw for [Name]. They have grown tired of their older brother trying to keep them the same as they used to when they were a child. Can't Azul just let go of the past? "Well that [Name] is gone!! I'm independent now, Azul! I'm not a child! Stop treating me like one!"

[Name] shouts in a burst of anger, before their eyes widen, not having expected themself to actually blow up like that. Not necessarily regretting it, though, the young Ashengrotto quickly turns away and leaves Azul's office, ignoring their older brother's shouts for them to come back.

---

Azul breathes heavily as he falls to his knees, watching as his younger sibling walks away from him, closing the door behind them. The sight can't help but remind Azul of the time when he and [Name] were separated; just this time, [Name] was being pulled away by their 'friends' instead of their father.

Azul can't believe this!! Did [Name] really just walk away from him?! After everything Azul did in hopes of having his dearest sibling back?! How dare they!

How dare they change! How dare they change so much to the point Azul barely recognizes them! How dare they move on from the past so quickly, as if it didn't bother them! And how dare they even think of choosing their friends over him!

How dare they make him cry! How dare they say words that hurt far more than when those pesky merfolk would bully him!! How dare they leave him there, with tears falling down his eyes and with a heart aching for family!

How dare they, how dare they, how dare they!!

Azul takes a deep breath of resolution, his eyes narrowing behind the glint of his glasses. Never mind, then. He'll show them, he just knows it.

Azul calls the Leech twins over to the office, preparing to make a plan for the upcoming exam season, a list of specific names he wants them to target.

He'll show [Name]. He'll show them that he's right. That big brother knows best.

[luveline]

i love how you write roan 🥹🥹🥹 what if she sees reader upset about something (sad song or movie? not something super serious) and she cries because you’re sad and she doesn’t want you to be

ty for ur request ♡ fem!reader

Eddie lavishes like a king in the corner of the new couch. This is the life, he thinks, the sentiment strengthened by your foot warming under his thigh and Roan's entire body stretched out in his lap. 

He tucks her hair out of her face and presses a soft kiss behind her ear. He loves movie nights. A bowl of jiffy pop popcorn with extra butter and milk duds cools to his left, your body screwed up in a shape to his right. You're so endearing he's stopped being surprised by it, and Roan's his eternal love —he has the perfect girls for company every single day. 

"Eddie?" you whisper.

He and Roan both look at you. "Yeah?" 

"Does the–" You cover your mouth so Roan can't see. "Does the mommy seahorse die?" 

"You've never seen this movie before?" Roan asks. 

You drop your hand. "Well, I thought I did, but I guess I fell asleep last time?" You speak with your face turned toward them but your eyes on the TV screen, horror dawning in the pinch of your brows. "No way. No way!" 

What follows is a few long minutes of absolute silence as the movie progresses. The mommy seahorse, who's been sick the whole movie, says goodbye in a burst of colour. Eddie isn't sure if he loves watching something this sad with Roan this small, but he supposes she'll feel much worse than this as life goes on. Still, he hugs her nice and tight in case she needs it. She's been known to cry at movies: she cries every time the Part of Your World song plays in The Little Mermaid. 

Eddie's cried a couple of times with her. 

He's a little surprised when she tears up, though. Looking down at her with pursed lips, Eddie rubs the length of her arm, silky pyjamas cold under his palm. "It's okay," he whispers, pulling her to his chest. "Don't be sad, Ro, it's just a movie." 

Roan shakes her head, her shoulders shaking as she crawls out of his lap and into yours. You let your knee drop to accept her. Eddie's slightly offended until the TV screen goes white and the tears running down your cheeks shine in clarity. 

"Baby," he says with a snort. 

You laugh yourself as Roan sniffles in your lap. "Hey, what's the matter?" you ask her. 

"You're crying," Roan says. 

"You're crying." You sniffle and wipe her cheeks with your thumbs. "We're silly, huh?" 

Roan isn't perturbed by the movie, it's your crying that's affecting her. She does as you'd done, wiping your cheeks dry with her hands before enclosing your shoulders in short arms. "Don't cry, mom. It gets better at the end of the movie. They find the starstone." 

You sniff and laugh, your foot shifting from under Eddie as you fold yourself around Roan, almost protectively. "Are you crying 'cos I'm crying? Princess, they're just movie tears. I'm a softie." 

"She's a huge softie," Eddie says, lost for what to do besides sit there and watch. 

"Are you okay?" Roan asks. 

"Baby, I'm fine. It's only a sad movie. I'm okay, I promise." You smile widely. "See?" 

Eddie decides nobody is in any real emotional distress, grabbing the popcorn bowl. "You know," —his words stagger as he gets distracted digging for milk duds— "we should start watching other stuff if you guys are gonna fall apart. You're gonna have headaches and I'm gonna have to take care of you both. We could watch one of my tapes–" 

"No, dad," Roan says firmly. "No way." 

"Which tape? I love you, Eddie, I really love you, but I can't watch your bootleg of Live in Irvine again this week. I'm all Metallica'd out." 

"Hey." He holds his hands up. "Whatever." 

You and Roan share a guilty laugh. "Maybe I could watch it one more time," Roan says. 

"You just feel bad for hurting my feelings." 

Roan shakes her head, dark hair bouncing around her cheeks. "That's not true, daddy." 

He puts the bowl of popcorn on Roan's play table and leans back, arms over the backs of the sofa with forearms hanging down, cool. He raises his eyebrows at his pouting daughter.

"I– I actually like Metallica," Roan says, an arm behind your neck, her cheek brushing your cheek. 

You make a pleased humming sound and nuzzle your cheeks together. "Me too." 

Liars. "So we can watch it tonight?" he asks. 

You whisper something in Roan's ear. 

"Um, no. Y/N's too sad from the movie. I think you need to make her feel better, with, uh…" You whisper again. Roan's eyes widen with understanding. "With The Little Mermaid!" 

"Oh, awesome, so we're gonna cry all night?" Eddie asks. 

He gets up to put it in the TV. You drag yourself to his side in the corner of the couch and the three of you smush together into a bundle of warmth under a big throw blanket. When Roan cries during Part of Your World, you shush her and dry her cheeks affectionately. Eddie can't help laughing. He loves you both, but you're such gigantic softies it's unreal. 

"Would you still fall in love with me if I could speak?" you whisper. On screen, Prince Eric tells Ariel she can't be the one after all, her voice taken by the evil sea witch. 

Eddie can't see your face, his head resting on yours. Each word you speak vibrates up. "Of course I would." 

"My pick up lines were half the selling point," you argue. 

You're a flirt sometimes, he'll give you that. "I'd love you even if you had a fish tail instead of legs. Eric doesn't know how good he's got it. I'd miss your voice." He draws a short line down your arm with his marriage fingertip. "But you'd still be my Y/N." 

"That's Disney cheesy," you say with a scoff. 

But. You weasel your arm around Roan's front to hug him, too. Gentle, you press a kiss to the slope leading down from his neck. His flirting was cheesy for sure, and it worked like a charm. 

[starstruckmoony]

style.

masterlist

pairing - sirius black x fem!reader

summary - you and sirius start dating after accidentally running into each other at a concert but confirm nothing, just to watch everyone lose their shit online.

trope/tags - band/celeb!au, instagram/social media!au, modern!au, fluff, terrible humour

word count - 1k

warnings - language

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, cissy_blck, r.a.black and 804,337 others

yourusername mirror's dirty but i felt pretty

7,164 comments

starmanblack damn smash

yourusername thirsty mf

starmanblack you're not wrong

cissy_blck i promise i'm cooler than your boyfriend

luciusssy i love you too bae

cissy_blck 🥰

bartyyy can you sign my house?

yourusername i'll see what i can do

lily_evans UMMMMMM MOTHER?

mmmckinnon mommy.

prongsyboy mama?

starmanblack PRONGS

user128836 i don't know the colour of anything

user702655 YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND????

user358991 sirius said smash and i agree

user073823 the only man we trust

user662627 i'm gonna clown so hard but why did half of sirius family like this post?

user491175 i almost sent a thirst tweet

starmanblack

❤ liked by yourusername, ev.rosier, marymacdonald and 799,853 others

starmanblack boyfriend vibes 😩

6,897 comments

yourusername very real

starmanblack i'm flattered

yourusername you better be

yourusername you still smell like horse tho

starmanblack go away

prongsyboy did you tell him i said hi?

starmanblack i got you his autograph

mmmckinnon you didn't even tag the photographer smh

starmanblack why are you offended in the name of the photographer?

mmmckinnon i'm just defending my wifey

casmeadowes i wasn't there???

user075764 DATE ME

user246766 you single?

user113388 he's dating y/n l/n

user300722 i volunteer to take your bf photos 🤚

user943534 CONFIRM THE RUMOURS I'M BEGGING

user855465 y/n has a boyfriend and you just put boyfriend in the caption so i'll live in delusion from now on

user464646 i wanna be a horse

prongsyboy added to their story

yourusername

❤ liked by starmanblack, pandorasbox, rjlupin and 844,008 others

yourusername london, i'm speechless. i had the most amazing time with all of you last night and i can't wait to perform for you again 💞 hearing you guys sing your hearts out with me was truly magical, thank you sooo much and i love love love every single one of you 💕 also! a special thanks that friend group from the first row who gave me a bunch of plushies, my heart is extra happy 😚

tagged ev.rosier

8,677 comments

starmanblack i was there, i can confirm

yourusername I COULDN'T SEE YOU IN THE CROWD AT FIRST AND I GOT SO SAD

starmanblack lol i love you sm

starmanblack my guitar fits your aesthetic nicely

yourusername i know right?!? me and her were meant to be

marymacdonald when i say best concert of my life i mean it

yourusername i don't deserve you

bartyyy first row seats hmghnhm 😩

yourusername perks of dating the photographer

ev.rosier you're welcome bartemius

user201010 i cried ugly tears

user927161 i formally apologise to the people who were near me 💀

user472738 ARE Y'ALL SEEING THIS??? THEY'RE DEFO DATING

user928312 YOU PLAYED MY FAVOURITE SONG AND I WASN'T THERE 😭😭😭

user446286 one of those plushies was from meeeee

user018381 lost my voice but it feels so right

starmanblack

❤ liked by yourusername, marymacdonald, lily_evans and 810,777 others

starmanblack ok.

7,995 comments

yourusername he loves you

starmanblack he bit my converse

yourusername it was an act of love

starmanblack AND HE STOLE ONE OF MY DOCS

yourusername IT. WAS. AN. ACT. OF. LOVE.

yourusername bet you deserved that

starmanblack you were just saying he loves me?

yourusername was i though?

vance_emm what in the gaslighting hell is going on above me?

r.a.black wdym? i'm loving it

user242539 i've yet to see a normal picture of this little guy

user301453 THE BICKERING LMAOOO

user463646 HELP HE'S VIOLATING YOU

user857433 he's in his reputation era

user302770 THIS DOG PLS

yourusername added to their story

celeb_gossip

♡ 37,022 likes

celeb_gossip a scandal is on its way! 👀 there's been word on the street that sirius black and y/n l/n have had a little something going on since the beginning of the year, and we are almost certain that this isn't just another case of senseless rumours. 🙈 other than constantly interacting with one another on social media, the two have been pictured entering l/n's apartment after what seemed like a romantic night out. 😌 several sources can prove that the couple has been caught in ways that scream everything BUT platonic, and we deem them quite credible. 😉 but in the light of all of this, the two singers haven't said anything. what do you think? 🤔 are they secretly together? 🤭 or are they secretly laughing at all of us? 😶 leave your opinion in the comments! 😘

12,558 comments

user438185 oH

user019570 EVERYBODY STAY CALM

user837999 i hope they sue you lol

user262626 they're defo laughing at us

user823715 THE POWER THESE TWO WOULD HOLD AS A COUPLE

user192072 LMAO THEY'D BREAK THE INTERNET IF THEY CONFIRMED IT

user137753 get a life wtf

user020191 pretty sure they're together

user647275 this is out of line

user244411 nah cause paps should be illegal

user302906 I NEED THEM TO SAY SOMETHING I'M LITERALLY FREAKING OUT

user522727 dunno but i want whatever they have going on

yourusername

❤ liked by bellatrixieb, cissy_blck, r.a.black and 855,006 others

yourusername tea pages are saying that i'm dating this weirdo 🤪

tagged starmanblack

10,675 comments

starmanblack people just love being funny

yourusername making me shed tears

starmanblack you could have found a better picture at least 🙄

yourusername fym? this is top tier stuff

starmanblack you're not getting your shades back

yourusername funny 🤣 i'll steal them back today 😐

vance_emm yeah and i'm a hamster

marymacdonald you kind of look like one though 🥺

mmmckinnon LMAOOOOO

starmanblack not you talking

mmmckinnon lmaoing ≠ talking

user283800 guess this confirms it ☹

user916373 WHY DO REG AND SIRIUS' COUSINS KEEP LIKING ALL YOUR POSTS THIS MAKES ME CONFUSEDDDD

user758234 does this mean you're free to date me?

user424116 YOU'RE TROLLING US

user021725 double meaning? (pls say sike i'm desperate)

user024477 calling sirius up rn

user555641 GUYS THERE'S STILL HOPE MAYBE THEY'RE JOKING AROUND

user828295 okay but does it actually matter 💀

starmanblack

❤ liked by lily_evans, pandorasbox, casmeadowes and 873,253 others

starmanblack feeding the paps

11,994 comments

yourusername bet they're still starving

starmanblack we should make out and post it

yourusername twitter will go CRAZYYY

yourusername we look dead tho

starmanblack i reckon it's the cheap wine

yourusername you calling me poor?

starmanblack 😇

prongsyboy i still don't get how or why you had my glasses

starmanblack aesthetic purposes

xeno_lovegood that's cute 🤩

starmanblack facts ong fr fr

cissy_blck reggie's sil

bellatrixieb i'm so jealous

user472721 I WANT

user882923 I CAN'T DECIDE WHO THE LUCKY ONE IS

user382541 NAUR STOP MESSING WITH US

user773724 WHATTGEDHQUXJQDJJQSJJW

user482972 OH MY GOD?????????

user362613 narcissa's comments making me all hopeful

user924474 I'M SO STRESSED

starmanblack added to their story

[mashpotatoequeen]

babies

Thinking about an AU where the Mysterious Benedict Society gets de-aged. Not for forever, but for a week or two. A world where these kids get to be loved and feel loved in times they maybe never got to, and just how special that would be.

I mean, this is a world where a machine is capable of sweeping away someone's mind and leaving them a stranger in their own heads for years at a time. It's a world with duskwort, which can knock out a village with nary a handful in the campfire smoke. It's not too strange or extravagant to imagine a realm where there's some machine or mechanism that can wipe away someone's years and leave behind someone not yet grown. 

Think about it. Kate- who gets shrunk until she's five or six, who is a vibrant ball of energy and is constantly climbing onto shelves and wriggling into unexpected corners for impromptu games of hide and seek. Reynie and Sticky chase her around the backyard and aren't sure if they should be offended or not that she's fast enough to keep them out of breath and struggling to keep up. Constance looks at her- this insurmountable girl she knows folded into somebody else, someone small, and can't quite figure it out how to interact with her, how to coincide them into the same person. Kate just takes her small pudgy hand in hers and drags her around the garden to look at bugs, laughing, and Constance finds it's not so different after all.

"Kate," Rhonda says, "Please, please come down from the ceiling fan."

Kate, slowly rotating and so happy about it, laughs madly. "Never!" she cries, curling around the big wooden panel and wheezing with joy. 

A little dazed, Number Two murmurs, "How did she manage to bring the ladder to the living room? We store it in the basement!"

Moocho whistles guiltily and walks away.

(I'm thinking of Kate being young, before the burden of being left behind truly settles on her shoulders. Who looks up at Milligan and cries out, "Daddy!" with her whole tiny chest, face planting into his knees and laughing uproariously like it's the funniest thing in the world. I wonder if he cries, this man who lived outside of himself for nearly a decade; a Kate who's five or six is still a Kate he never got to hold.)

(Kate wipes away tears with her pudgy fingers, and tickles him until he laughs.)

If Sticky shrinks, he becomes a little boy who hasn't yet learned the anxieties of the stage lights. He's a little shy, maybe, and quiet. (He was the sort of kid who didn't talk at all for three years and then burst out into full sentences.)  Regardless, he smiles more easily than any iteration of the boy they've ever known. Reynie holds him on his lap and they read books together, page after page after page, and wonders how anyone could make this small version of his friend feel unwanted. Kate carries him on her shoulders and races around the backyard with him clinging to her back like a tiny koala. Constance accidentally makes him cry, too blunt and awkward and unused to holding hands smaller than her own. They still get to be friends, though, after the learning curve. She just makes sure to be more gentle.

Sticky is adorable, by the way. He's iddy biddy and he's got round little cheeks and everyone's piling SO much affection on him. "You're so cute!" Kate enthuses, and cuddles him like a stuffed animal as he flails. 

Constance, watching this, crosses her arms and turns up her nose. "I'm cute," she declares, blustering. Mr. Benedict pats her head, fond, and she grumbles but doesn't pull away.

(I'm thinking of the Washingtons, picking up this version of their kid, and it feels like being deposited into the past. It must hurt to see someone so precious, and know that he'll go through so much, and in so many ways it will be their fault. Sticky curls up between them on their bed that night, and he's little, he's so small, and they hold each other's hands over his tiny head, and they whisper promises to themselves that they're going to be better, that their own Sticky will keep growing up and growing older and he'll always, always know that he's wanted.)

Reynie stumbles into being ungrown, and he's three or maybe four. He's got BIG expressive eyes and he's lived in an orphanage his entire life. Consequently, he hasn't been out much and absolutely nobody is familiar, leading to him spending the first few hours crying and hiding before they finally manage to coax him out with the cat the Perumals had gotten him. (They bought it when they had moved out of Benedicts' and into the house next door, because Number Two is allergic.) The cat gets lugged around by its armpits for the rest of the day, almost as tall as Reynie is, and purrs like a tiny motor boat the whole time. Number Two takes two Benadryl and doesn't complain. 

Kate is pleased to find that Reynie is much more enthusiastic about being thrown into the air or being turned upside down as a toddler than he is as a teenager, and takes full advantage of it the moment they're able to coax him into letting go of Moby Dick the Great White Cat. Sticky follows Reynie around and reads him books and lets him try on his glasses, even though they're too big and fall off his nose. Constance is determined to be his favourite, and piles him with snacks and red faced hugs and plays games with him and indulges his subpar poetry. Reynie's just happy she wants to be friends. He's never really had a friend before.

(Miss Perumal gets reintroduced to her son and it's like an ache reborn in her chest. She never knew her kid this young, was never able to hold him close to her chest and have him nap on her shoulder as she walks up and down the hallway. Reynie, hardly grown and already a little lonely, takes her face in his small hands and whispers, "You picked me?" like it's almost too good to be true. 

"Yes," she whispers back, and presses a kiss to his brow, to his cheek, to his nose. "Oh, yes, lovely one. Always.")

Constance, when she gets de-aged, becomes an infant. She's tiny, only a few pounds, her cheeks still red and ruddy and hair hardly a blonde wisp on her head. Her pinkies aren't longer than a nickel, and her toes no bigger than a bean. Everyone takes turns holding her, and Milligan and the Washingtons have to teach everyone how to support her properly in their inexperienced arms. Constance Contraire, for once, is not contrary at all and sleeps through everything quite soundly. 

She wakes up, occasionally, and they all hold little contests to see who gets to feed her the bottle. Rhonda's wins one and Constance flails until she can hook her fingers around one of her braids and settles again, content. Number Two, who is always awake anyways, holds her when Constance starts wailing at night and has a miniature staring contest with her tiny younger sister, wiping away milk and cooing about homemade onesies.  Everyone tries to avoid diaper duty. Nobody gets out of it.

"I think that Constance would like to climb a tree," Kate says, eyes sparkling, terrifyingly sincere and holding a baby carrier. Milligan manages to dissuade her, barely. 

Sticky, on his turn to hold baby Constance, looks bewildered the whole time. "It's crazy how you're going to grow up and become a whole entire person," he whispers to her when nobody's looking.  Constance throws up on his shoulder. Oddly enough, it soothes him.

At some point she ends up in Reynie's arms and he spends the whole time thinking very hard about how much he loves her, how special and wonderful she is, how lucky he's been to have her as a friend. He's not sure how her big brain works, this small. Maybe she can hear him, can understand it, but if she does she gives no sign. She falls asleep more quickly on his shoulder than anyone else, though, and he's secretly pleased.

Nicholas Benedict, several years away from since he's had to worry about falling asleep upon strong emotion, finds himself quite overcome upon cradling her tiny frame in his arms for the first time. He sits down rather abruptly on the couch, tears springing to his eyes, and smiles down at her guileless eyes. "Hello, my dear," he says, soft and gentle and sure, and presses his lips to her tiny palm. 

(Constance, who is so small as to be all instincts and wonder, feels loved all the way through.)

[vole-mon-amour]

3x11, part 8. A mix.

Ted is so stressed bc of his mom being there. :')

Beard smiling, and beard being best friends with Ted, and yeah. I love him.

All I can see is a man that is hopelessly in love but is doing his best at hiding it bc he's been through enough in his live, and has a lot of experience, and not a teenager anymore and can't act out on his feelings. He realizes that both of them have their own lives and responsibilities, but god, how much I want them to end up together. Ted is so oblivious.

TRENT <3

TAK. Why this again?

My boys men <3

This REALLY bothers me. I don't understand why they're doing this. In earlier seasons you could see that it's toxic and that Beard was unhappy. In s3 it's kind of "she's toxic & mean to me, but we make it work." Like... that's not okay. Somebody help him to get out of this abusive relationship and start trying to portray it as funny.

Parents. Most of them say that when you bring up therapy. "Let me guess, it's all my fault," they joke but they actually mean it. And if you say that yeah, some of it is your fault, they get very offended and defensive.

Is it though? Is it? Tbh, I think I dislike both, but my memories are more fond of You've got mail.

??????????? say WHAT again????????

Lmaooo. I've been there, mate. Not with football, with my fav musical band, but I absolutely know the feeling. The real stars of the show.

Jade watching Nate watching the match and then punching her boss in the jaw so he fires Nate and Nate goes back to coaching the team? Queen.

They fucking SHOULD. It would feel sooo gratifying.

Give me all the backstage shooting. Give it to me. We deserve.

The way they affected Roy, Roy affected them in return. :D What a show!

Please don't end, my fav show. I'm not ready.

LET'S GOOOOOO.

"And you may win the battle, but you will never win the war." This show is so wholesome. I totally cried. The music choice in every episode... My god. I need season 4.

The way they ended the episode? I don't think it's TedBecca. I think that, unfortunately, Ted wants to leave for Kansas bc of Henry. I don't want that very much, but I'll have to have what they give us.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Questions tag!

These got Long, so I'll do the tagging stuff up top!

Tagged by: @orionsdestiny

Tagging, under the express condition that you Want To: @sirenianheart @chasm-connected @blaackbiird @monstrousgourmandizingcats And anyone else who sees it and desires to overshare on the internet!

Are you named after anyone?: I'm not named after anyone, no, but I was named after the concept that I gave my mother "a wealth of faith" when she learned she was pregnant with me. (She was in a very rough situation and though I can't understand the mindset myself, I appreciate the sentiment that knowing she was going to have me gave her faith somehow.)

When was the last time you cried?: Does tearing up at songs count? I think it was at I Have a Right by Sonata Arctica on Friday. That song ALWAYS gets to me... (And I think the same day Spotify had shuffle'd up Worth It by Pop Evil, which ALSO always gets to me.)

But as far as ACTUALLY crying, with tears falling and everything, I think that was... when I cried at the last house meeting because I was talking about things that are kinda inherent to Me (speaking bluntly because speaking aloud doesn't come naturally to me and it's the only way I can get the words out, not knowing how to be Soft and Gentle, being frustrated with my disabilities and how I hurt people by accident because of these things, etc.)

Do you have kids?: No, and I have zero desire for them. (I have already decided that even if I do ever actually WANT kids--and I will never have a kid unless I have an Active Desire to Raise One and dedicate my whole life to this living creature--I will adopt. Between my health issues and emet*phobia, I am simply NOT going to risk pregnancy.)

Do you use sarcasm a lot?: Sarcasm? Why would I use that? It's not like it's my favorite form of humor or anything. /s

Seriously though, I do use it a lot around friends and when I'm feeling snarky. Like Eris said, I'm trying to cut down on it because I've learned that a lot of people are hurt or offended by it, even when I don't mean to be hurtful. (And sometimes I do. But a lot of time I'm being critical in a Playful way.) But it IS my favorite form of humor. And if I'm comfortable and in a witty mood, I will likely be making a sarcastic comment.

What's the first thing you notice about people?: Their emotional state, and whether my empathic senses are telling me they're being Honest about it or Putting Up a Front to Hide Things.

What's your eye color?: "Blue" officially, but mostly gray tbh. They look more blue when I wear black (which is most of the time), a LOT more gray if I'm wearing blue (which is a fair amount), and actually kinda green when I have blue makeup on.

Scary movies or happy endings?: Both, ideally! I like it when people have to WORK for the happy ending. My favorite stories ever are the ones that made me fear for the characters, but then gave them a happy ending. And I do LOVE horror! (Unfortunately the aforementioned emet*phobia means I have to be Very Careful watching scary movies though.)

Any special talents?: I think of myself as a VERY good writer! Especially with characterization and headcanon power, moreso for my OCs than canon characters probably, but I like my word choice and I like the way I adjust my writing style to suit the scene too. My poetry tends to have the same meter and rhyme schemes, and generally I don't capitalize on metaphor the way other poetic masters do, but I like my poetry pretty well too. I can sorta draw, and it's far more Expressive than Realistic, but I like my art.

I'm also rather skilled in pet care! I literally have veterinary training on a formal education level, I just decided not to go $120k into student loan debt to do it forever. :P That's another thing, I'm pretty damn good at budgeting! Let's see, also Asking the Right Questions to figure things out. I'm a practicing witch and I specialize in being eclectic! So there's a WIDE swath of different kinds I know about, even though I have my favorites. Same goes for meditation; I've been practicing that for longer than I've been intentionally practicing magic!

I'm also an empath, which is both a skill (interpreting what my senses are telling me) and an inborn talent (I have no choice in the matter; I did try to cut it off when it grew faster than my skill at shielding myself grew to the point of constantly overwhelming me in high school, but it made me feel suffocated). But contrary to popular stereotypes, that doesn't make me super emotionally intelligent. I know it's ~~cool~~ to bully people for this now (heavy sarcastic emphasis), or write it off as "honey you just have hypervigilance", but I was always an empath even before the trauma. And I actually Can't read body language. So like. Miss me with your skepticism, you don't know my life. What I lack in EQ though, I also have a special talent for facing my flaws and figuring out what work I need to do to work on them.

Where were you born?: Ohio, USA! I don't know why the whole internet hates Ohio, it's actually really nice in my part of it.

What are your hobbies?: Writing, poetry, witchcraft, and meditation all previously mentioned! I also love love LOVE music, I go to live concerts at LEAST once a year, theoretically I draw, I like learning everything I can about my hyperfixations, caring for my pets, kinda-sorta have houseplants (two spider plants by the kitchen window that I hijacked from the office spiderplant at work ;P), I'd garden if I had the time and energy, and of course, reading. I'm very slow unless something has All of my Absolute Attention and there are no other obligations to prioritize, but I adore it and I'll almost ALWAYS choose reading over playing on my phone when I have the free time.

Have you any pets?: Yep! Three diamond doves (wild-type Blue and his two white-rumped blue sons Silver and Ametrine), and two chinchillas (Dusty the mosaic and Sisu the TOV ebony). I'm considering getting a pigeon and getting back into planted fish tanks someday, but I'm holding off on those until I have more free time.

What sports have you played?: I played soccer for the city for two years? No sports other than that. I don't have that "competitive spirit", and I prefer solo exercise like hiking and swimming. (I have done horseriding as a random fun activity now and then, and I've... tried archery, the once. I have so little upper body strength I couldn't draw the bow and even though I was standing halfway up a driveway and the target was at the top, the arrow only went halfway there.)

How tall are you?: 5'4! (I used to think it was 5'3.5, because doctors can't seem to agree if my height is 5'3 or 5'4, but I had someone measure me and we both agreed I'm actually 5'4.)

Favorite subject in school?: Possibly English? Surprisingly I didn't like Creative Writing as much as I thought I would, because I don't like being told WHAT to write or HOW to write it. But I also really loved art, choir, Latin, and science! And in college, I ADORED anthropology and Comparative World Religions. I also really liked my etymology courses!

Dream job?: No job at all!~ If I was able to choose my office hours (i.e., not run myself ragged) and go to school for free, I think I would make a very good exotics veterinarian. Particularly for birds. But the reality is that would put me in debt for LIFE, and the hours are grueling, and though I think I could handle the emotional toll of seeing pets suffering and the occasional euthanasia, my emet*phobia makes v*ing animals a nasty trigger (part of why I'd want to work with birds tbh), and I CAN'T handle the emotional toll of people knowing their animals are suffering and simply not caring. (I loved working at the pet store, but I saw that so often it broke my faith in humanity for a little while.) Or they can't afford the treatment their dearly beloved pets need and the kindest option is to put them down to spare them the suffering of dying a slow death from it.

One of my dreams though is to found a charity to help people pay their vet bills! Other dream jobs include being able to make a living through translation (reality: incredibly unstable pay and having to self-market), or through some sort of neopagan spirituality (reality: there's very little money in that unless you want to publish a book through Llewellyn or something, which has a whole host of issues with misinformation and editing books to suit their perspective rather than yours), or travel (that COSTS money, not MAKING money), or breeding birds or chinchillas (very expensive hobby, and there's a reason most people do it as a HOBBY and not their primary income, because the customer base is unreliable and Taking Good Care of A Whole Lot of Animals is expensive, both monetarily and in time cost).

So ultimately, I do not want a job. Working on it, but that's gonna take a few years before I can ever get to the point of leaving the job world behind forever! My dream job is no job at all, and all the time and money in the world to travel and learn languages and own all the animals I can take care of and practicing my spirituality and being a part of that community to my heart's (and soul's!) content.

[crimson-calligraphyx]

4: Nowhere To Go

Tagged for @b3autifuldisast3r

Noah

Managing to get Oliva into my condo was a task of its own with how unstable she was on her feet. I don't know what compelled me to take her in, but I couldn't just let her sit there with a busted up knee, bawling her eyes out all night. She looked so vulnerable, and if something had happened to her after I saw her and chose to ignore her instead, I'd never forgive myself.

Once we practically stumbled into the living room, I sat her down on the pullout couch, her body dead weight as she sank into the cushions. I grabbed the blanket I had draped over the back of the couch and laid it on top of her. She smiles up at me lazily, clutching the blanket in her hands and brought it to her chest. I pursed my lips into a half-assed smile, placing my hand on her shoulder in hopes of getting my words through to her. "Do you need anything?" I study her face for a moment, watching her brows rise slightly, her eyes melancholy.

She removes my hand from her shoulder, squeezing it gently and pulls me to the left. "Stay," she begs, her voice cracking, "I don't...want to be alone." I frown for a moment, feeling a pang in my chest as I could recall feeling this exact way at some point in my life. I can remember feeling the hollowness to my core when I reached my lowest point. I gave her a sympathetic smile as I nodded and plopped next to her. Not knowing how to comfort her, I just started to rub her back, praying that that would soothe her—she huffs as tears start streaming down her cheeks. "I'm just...running in circles," she croaks, catching my eye. "What do you mean?" She takes in a deep breath. "One second I'm okay," she pauses, most likely trying to gather a train of thought. "Next I'm back to the start. I get better, then I spiral back... I can't get away from my own mind."

That was another blow right to my chest. "I'm sorry," I nod in understanding. "Me, too." She sniffs and chuckles, "Why did you...help me?" I sigh, "Unfortunately, I can relate to what you're feeling. I don't know exactly what's going on, but I... I don't like anyone feeling that way." I watched her lips tremble as she took in my words, her eyes glossing over with fresh tears. She lets out a single sob, suddenly wrapping her arms around my torso as she buries her head into my chest. I stiffened and raised my arms away from her body, unsure of what to do. Do I move her and potentially offend her or let her stay like this, even though this made me a little uncomfortable?

I could feel her warm tears start to seep into my shirt. I decided to let her stay like this; she clearly needed someone to listen. I let my body relax and started rubbing her shoulder, hoping to coax her into a more stable state. After a while of tracing circles into her shoulder, her cries start to dwindle and her breathing evens out. I felt myself relax a bit, relieved that she was beginning to calm down.

"Thank you, Noah," she mumbles. "Of course," I reply quietly. Her body starts to slide until her head is in my lap. I stiffened once more, my heart rate speeding up slightly. I haven't had someone sit this close with me in a long, long time, let alone someone I barely know. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to rid the anxiety that was beginning to spike. I keep telling myself that she's just drunk, that this is completely innocent.

I open my eyes and look down at her—she had fallen asleep. Her jaw slack, she breathed through her mouth deeply with a piece of her dark hair falling in. I smile to myself, chuckling as I pull the strand away from her mouth so that she wasn't inhaling it. I tucked it behind her ear, running my fingertips through the length of her hair. Even though Oliva was currently not in the best state, she was still...beautiful. Her skin was like porcelain; fair in color and smooth, not a blemish in sight. Even though I couldn't see color anymore, I could tell that she had that 'Asian flush' from drinking tinting her cheeks and nose. The fact that she was intoxicated and vulnerable, yet she still trusted me enough to fall asleep in my lap charmed me.

A few minutes pass when Nicholas made his way through the door, halting in his tracks when he takes in the sight of her passed out on my lap. I put my finger to my lips, telling him to be quiet, seeing him open his mouth, about to ask what was going on. Tediously, I managed to lift her head enough so that I could slip out from under her and gently put her head back down. She didn't move a muscle. I walk into the kitchen, Nick trailing after me.

"So, uh," folding his arms across his chest, he cocks his head in Liv's direction. "The fuck is going on?" "I found her crying outside and she busted her knee pretty bad," I tell him, looking over my shoulder to make sure she was still sleeping. "Is that the girl from the balcony earlier?" I nod. "Yeah, Olivia." He cocks a brow at me. "So, what made you bring her here and not back to her place?" I sigh, brushing my hair back. "She couldn't remember how to get home. She was pretty bad, honestly." I didn't want to get into the exact reason why I felt the need to bring her home and left it at that. He smirks and claps me on the shoulder, "You're a good man, Noah. You know that, right?" I chuckled bashfully as I nodded my head. "Thanks, dude."

After he retreated to his room for the night, I placed a few Advil's and a glass of water on the coffee table for Oliva.

Olivia

I opened my eyes to a room that I didn't recognize. I wasn't even on a bed; I was on a couch with a blanket thrown on top of me. Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I immediately regretted that decision as my head painfully throbbed once the blood rushed to it. My God, what the hell did I do last night? Where am I?

I took my time to examine the room that I was in. Over to the right of me was the front door, privacy windows on either side of it. On the wall to the left of it was some paintings that I couldn't quite make out due to my headache taking over my vision. In the middle of said paintings was a katana stuck to the wall for decoration—I wonder if it was real or just a replica. I continued to scan the walls; there was a bass guitar and an acoustic sitting in stands next to the entertainment center. I look in front of me, my eyes now landing on a glass of water with a few tablets placed next to it—whoever I went home with was very thoughtful, and I was extremely grateful. I popped the medicine in my mouth and gulped down half the glass of water, exhaling with satisfaction.

Once I finished drinking it, I placed the cup back onto the table, noticing the corner of spiraldown notebook underneath it. Curiosity took hold of me as I slid the notebook from under the table and flipped open to a page where a pen had been bookmarking it. I read the chicken scratch and immediately regretted it—it seemed to be personal, and it made my heart sink.

Was I not good enough? Worthy of being loved? Were you ashamed or just afraid? Well, when I've given up and all is said and done Will you just look the other way?

Half dead, barely breathing Fell apart just to keep my head up in one piece 'til I'm found Well, I'm sinking To the floor of the sea where you want me to be

My mind flashed back to a couple nights ago, the sight of a lanky man with long hair sitting at the bar, scribbling away in a notebook. I gasped and threw the booklet back where it was as I realized that I was in Noah's home. It saddened me to think about someone as sweet as him had been hurt badly enough to write lyrics like this. Who hurt him?

"Oh good, you're awake," Noah's voice startles me. "I made you some tea," he tells me as he places the steaming mug on the table. He sits next to me holding his own mug, sprawling out with one arm slung over the armrest, opposite leg lifted up so his knee was on the cushion, facing me. He takes a cautious sip of his beverage, careful not to burn his lips. I grin at him, leaning forward to retrieve mine before settling back into the couch. "How are you feeling?" He asks. I chuckle. "Like shit. What the fuck did I even do last night? My head is pounding and my knee is all bloody." He perks a brow up as he takes another sip from the mug. "You don't remember anything?" "No, not really," I say, shaking my head. "I remember seeing Darren, then you guys performing, and then...nothing." I sigh, "I'm sorry you had to see the hot mess that I am." "Don't be sorry, it happens. Kinda hard to run away from sadness when it runs in you. Sometimes it finds its way out at some pretty inconvenient times,” he's quiet for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it? It's okay if you don't."

I take a sip of my tea, actually enjoying the flavor of it for someone who doesn't like tea. I pondered on his question as I savored the flavor; there were notes of apple, with a tad bit of sweetness, possibly honey. It was soothing, actually, as I felt it radiate in my chest and warm the rest of my body up slowly. I held it in my lap with both hands, relishing in the heat it gave off, mesmerized by the steam swirling out of it.

"My dad is dying," I started off, clearing my throat. "He's got cirrhosis. When he was diagnosed, I met Darren. He was the best thing that had happened to me—or so I thought. He was there for me during the worst of it and kept me strong." I had to stop for a second, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Noah patiently waits for me to gather my thoughts, giving me his undivided attention. Replaying the past memories about my dad and Darren was extremely painful, and it always caused a vise to clench around my chest. I swallow the needles in my throat, "One day, I found him in our bed with another woman. They were both there last night, and it just brought everything back to me. The lying, the cheating, the deceit." I blink, tears I wasn't even aware of trailing down my cheeks.

Noah sets his mug down and inches closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He gives me a reassuring squeeze and then wipes one of the tears off my cheek. "I can relate all too well to this. I'm so sorry, Olivia." "It's not your fault," my voice shakes. "I know it's not, but I can still sympathize. I dated someone for a long time, and I was so infatuated with her that I didn't see the bad in her. She gaslit me, started to make me think I was crazy," he chuckles sarcastically. "She even convinced me that it was my fault my dad died." My eyes bugged out as I took in that shock factor, pulling in a gasp. "Obviously, it wasn't my fault," he continued, "I was eleven. We got in a bad car accident, and he passed from it. And then my mom died about five years later." Sorrow and sympathy plagued me, but I swallowed it down as I didn't know him well enough to know what to offer him. I looked up at him, his own eyes were beginning to fill up with tears. "Noah, I-I'm...I'm so sorry." He smiles through his tears, "Don't be. That's why I turned to music; to help me get these debilitating thoughts out of my head."

We sat in a comfortable silence for a bit, sipping on our teas as I processed what he had told me. He has been through his own definition of Hell and you'd never be able to guess it with how he projects himself. He seemed confident on stage. Maybe a little antisocial, but definitely a genuine and selfless soul considering he took care of me last night when he didn't need to. It seemed that turning to music really had helped him, and I'm happy for him.

"You know," I break the silence. "Sometimes I feel like I have nowhere to go when my thoughts take over. Vic is always working, and having to go down to the bar to confide in her just isn't the way for me to get these feelings out. I'm glad that you've found a way to cope, with your music and all." He chuckles humbly. "Thanks," he says softly, looking at me with a soft smile turning up at the corner of his lips. "If you want, I can give you my number if you ever need someone to talk to," he puts his hands up and reiterates, "only if you want to." I grinned, finding his timidness to be quite adorable. "Sure, that's really nice of you, Noah." I shifted, pulling my phone out of my back pocket, handing it to him. He dials his number so that he could have mine as well. "You seem like a chill person," he says as he puts my phone back in my hand. "Ever since you sat next me at the bar and bought me a drink, I was like 'damn, this girl is pretty chill. It'd be pretty cool if we hung out.'"

We both laugh. "Thanks," I say through giggles. "Oh, so that's why you brought me home. Is this your way of hanging out?" He straightens up, his eyes growing wide. "No, I uh..." he stutters, clearly embarrassed. "I just wanted to make sure you were gonna be okay, that's all." I nudge my shoulder against his with a smirk, "I'm just kidding, Noah. Words can't express how thankful I am that you were kind enough to do that." "Oh," he chuckles bashfully. "Well, anyway, I meant it. If you want to come hang with me and the boys while we're still in town, just shoot me a text. We're just a bunch of dweebs off the stage, I swear." I laugh, standing up to stretch. "Sure," I say as I walk towards his decorated wall. "Now tell me, is this thing real?" "What, the katana?" I nod. "Sure is. We went to Japan once and I had it shipped back here." "That's fucking sick. If you and the dweebs go back, I'm so going with you."

|Chapter 5|

[docholligay]

Fareeha Amari is now a canon lesbian I think this will please you

Love that everyone mentioned me in this

Okay, so a lot of this is for @seolh who asked for the tealdeer for the short story because she knows I hate myself and have no sense of fucking self-preservation even a little bit, even at all. Overwatch is EXTREMELY difficult for me to drag myself away from, even if at this point (in some ways because of something I am about to complain about) my Lena, Fareeha, Angela, etc, are all BASICALLY original characters with their own gifts and weaknesses and internal lives that the game and its surrounding media is not interested in. I still have feelings for it in a weird fucked up way. It's my toxic not-quite-ex

ANYWAY THAT BEING SAID.

Things I loved:

Pharah being gay, obviously. But I'm going to be honest here--at this point what BlizzOfficial does has no bearing on my characters as I see them.

The slight nod to Pharah being a by the book weirdo with her seatbelt still fucking fastened when the flight is in any motion at all. Loved that. Actually that was my favorite part of the story. Thought it was great.

Love anytime we use callsign vs first name as an intimacy identifier, though, it DOES bug me that we become intimate with Baptiste in *checks watch* 3 pages.

Did not like:

So a lot of the problem I have with the surrounding media is partly Blizz' fault and partly the way we have now constructed our interaction with media on the internet. The percentages of which I'm not sure. But the writing, the characterization is BLAND. There is not a single bold choice made with any character in this story. Before you say "But Pharah is a lesbian!!!" This is an American game made by Americans, mostly, for Americans, mostly. That is the cultural context of the game. Like it or don't, it is true. Pharah being a lesbian given the game demographics is not all that bold. I'm not complaining about that specifically. What I'm saying is: These characters are milquetoast as FUCK. You can't be opposed to how either Pharah or Baptiste are portrayed because they are portrayed in such a textbook inoffensive way that they can neither fail nor rise. This is by design. I am not actually blaming the author. I am sure she had a brief that said "Every character has to speak and behave like like a textbook White American lest we be branded bigots on the internet." But it's annoying, and I know OW has, historically, had a very very annoying fandom that has cried wolf so many times and had so much infighting and had some of the WORST FAITH ENGAGEMENT with social justice I have EVER fucking seen, to the point of me finding it EMBARRASSING, but. It still leads to me looking at Pharah and Baptiste and being like "I have no clue who these bitches are and becaus eI cannot hate them I cannot love them"

"I would have thought it was obvious. I'm not passing, am I?" this is a very very weird line. If you're gonna have Pharah talk like a fucking White Midwestern American 24/7* she's going to say something like, "Do I look straight?" or something. I'm not offended just confused.

It seems they've decided that Pharah did in fact grow up with Overwatch around her all the time despite Ana sometimes being an absentee parent, I guess? I know it's been ping-ponged for awhile, and I admit to disappointment that they came down on this side, not for the least of which reasons that it makes it disappointing that ...everyone else also abandoned her? She said she's hadn't seen Cole in years. Angela? Jesus Christ, how does this woman not have significant issues. (Oh right. Milqued Toast.) It also makes Fareeha/Angela a weirder thing for me, so I will put it out of my mind immediately.

*Obviously I do not love this choice, but I do think it's a fair one and I understand why it's made. Please keep that in mind when I rag on it, I'm not actually IN REAL LIFE mad about it.

[readychilledwine]

About CoParents:

Warning- Long post, and my thoughts are a little jumbled

I got accused of racism today over my Co Parents drabble featuring Eris and Cassian. I was also accused of alienating Cassian from his daughter, forcing her to grow up in a place known for racism and prejudice, ect.

And I just need to talk about it.

To address the alienation- I based the relationship between Cassian, Eris, and babygirl off of one I see in my everyday life between my partner's brother, his daughter, her momma and her significant other.

In my real life- Momma has primary custody of their daughter, and she has been with her significant other since their daughter was about 7 months old. She is 4 and views both of them as daddy. She gets sad when she leaves her "home dad" and mom. But that sadness is quickly gone as soon as she is with bio daddy (partner's brother.)

I based the communications and exchange on what I've watched between the two men in my life. The babygirl in my life is happy, healthy, loves both of her daddies equally, but like all Littles who have adult feelings, but do not know how to express them, she gets a little sad because she knows she'll miss mom and dad, even if she's super excited to also see biodaddy, and she cries leaving biodaddy to go back home. We've ALL worked our asses off ensuring she has healthy home lives, support from all of us, and she knows how loved, wanted, and supported she is (and she does.) I do not see a few little tears during an exchange as a sign of alienating a parent.

I also tried to make it clear she sees Cassian. The updates Eris gave him are SMALL. (She likes hot chocolate before bed now. Potty issues a lot of littles struggle with.) Eris calls Cassian her dad, which is NOT something people alienating a parent does. Eris told Cassian he had no doubts Cassian would take good care of her over the next 2 weeks, which is a sign of Eris supporting Cassian as a father. I had planned on doing the exchange back with Cassian in Autumn, returning babygirl to the reader, and meeting the babe.

But now we head into the racism part.

Being accused of being racist is a lingering ick, and I can't shake it.

I am active in organizations that work with BIPOC on educating people on racism, discrimination, and privilege. I work with law enforcement, medical, and fire teams regarding race sensitivity education. I am the dispatcher who also handles empathy training in our department. I pride myself on being sensitive, empathic, and educated on signs of racism and microaggressions.

I want to apologize if Co Parents came off that way to someone else, though. I want to apologize to anyone who may have been offended. It was not my intent at all as the writer, and genuinely, if I hurt you, I am sorry.

I'm debating on deleting Co Parents and being done with writing acotar characters as parents, especially in Coparenting situations and blended houses. I never want to feel as icky as I do right now, I will not be writing a follow-up to it if it does stay up, and I'm going to be done with the dynamic to prevent this from happening again.

I do also want to add-

I am fine with discussing and taking criticism for my writing. If it turns into a debate, though, and "let's agree to disagree," has been said by both of us, but it still turns into more digging and backhanded attacks, I make no promises I won't block you.. I want my blog to be a safe haven for myself and my followers. I won't allow someone to attack any of you or me here. I don't appreciate that at all. I was going to allow the comments to sit, but there's a line, and I felt it was crossed in this situation.

I don't know, friends. Feeling pretty icky.

[cuntylouis]

I mostly loved my trip to Spain but yesterday, the last day, something happened that really upset me and i can't stop thinking about it. I knew that the treatment of animals in Spain is often terrible (torturing galgo dogs, traditional bullfighting, massive numbers of abandoned dogs etc.) but i witnessed a situation that really made clear how casually cruel people can be. We were at the beach and there was a family nearby, man, woman and a bunch of kids. The man was snorkeling and caught something. He came back on the beach holding an octopus, or at least i think it was an octopus or something similar, i haven't seen them outside of pictures before. He carried it in his hands and showed it his to his kids and wife. He dangled and shook it. Then he went back to the water and we thought maybe he would let it go after that stupid exhibition tour but no, he just washed it and came back to dangle it in front of his family again. Then he went closer to water and started to rip off pieces of the still living octopus' tentacles with his bare hands and threw them in the water. At this point my mom interfered and went to talk with them with her mediocre english like 'it's an animal, it's suffering, is this legal', and the wife who spoke a bit english was all bright-eyed (direct quote) 'yes, yes, he's a very strong man!' It was such an absurd situation because they didn't even seem offended like you would expect, just kind of confused like they didn't even realize mom was upset and angry or what could possibly be wrong with what they were doing.

After a while the man stuffed the octopus in a plastic bag. I hope it was dead at that point but i couldn't see was it moving or not. I hope they at least took it back home to fucking eat it though i don't know why that psychopath didn't just fucking kill it quickly and felt the need to rip parts of it especially since afaik whole octopus is edible, i kind of fear he just threw it in the dumpster and this whole show was even more pointless than it looked. My mom and i both cried because the situation felt so terrible and there was nothing we could do. Nothing makes me more angry than people hurting someone vulnerable that can't defend themselves like children or animals, i felt so unimaginably angry that if i was holding something i think i genuinely would've gone and hit or stabbed that man or his idiotic wife. But afterwards i just felt sad and desperate. In my country some older ice fishers just casually throw the fish that are too small on the ice to suffocate because they don't really comprehend that fish are sentient animals. Maybe that family really didn't know that octopuses have highly developed nervous system and they feel pain and fear. Currently i feel depressed because i'm suddenly very aware of how this world is absolutely full of pointless suffering everywhere and little can be done about it, and people who are the only animals capable of complex analyzing of their actions and morals willingly choose to cause more and more unnecessary suffering out of indifference and selfishness. Maybe i'll feel better tomorrow but i just hate humankind and the whole world now. Rant over

[seekingthestars]

tagged by @koalammas!! thank youuu 💞

buckle up ladies and gents time for some rambles okay go

1. Are you named after anyone?

nope lol my middle name was going to be Rose after my great-grandma on my mom's side, but my parents didn't want to offend either side of the family by using a name from the other side of the family so they ended up opting for completely random names for me and my brother hahaha

2. When was the last time you cried?

around april 21 (friend's funeral, her brother was speaking during it and i did not keep it together)

3. Do you have kids?

nope! only my cat, who i love and adore with my entire heart, she is my sweet lil angel muffin

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

kinda depends i guess? sometimes?

5. What is the first thing you notice about a person?

ohhh good question hmm i guess if i'm just seeing someone in passing, probably appearance? otherwise how they interact with and treat other people.

6. What’s your eye color?

brown, but leans a little hazel-ey some days.

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

agree that i like satisfying endings that are also hopefully happy! but between these two options, happy endings, i cannot do scary movies or tv shows or anything, i get freaked out and then can't sleep lol

8. Any special talents?

i genuinely don't know L O L i don't know what would constitute a special talent??? i can memorize song lyrics pretty quickly and then they sorta embed themselves into my brain forever, does that count??

9. Where were you born?

southern usa!

10. What are your hobbies?

video games, watching movies/dramas (though i do not always have the attention span for it lol), reading, crafting (i like physically making things with my hands since i just do design on my computer all day for work! i like trying lots of different things, recently been trying a little bit of hand embroidery. also painting little ceramic figures and stuff like that), cosplaying. i've been trying this year to build taking a walk into my daily routine, not sure if i count it as a hobby or not lol

11. Do you have any pets?

my sweet sweet rileycat!!!! i love cats!!!!

12. What sports do you/have you played?

am not a sports girlie LOL i did tap/ballet/jazz for six-ish years when i was younger! in high school i took theatre classes and was in the plays/musicals instead of sports.

13. How tall are you?

5'4" which is like 162.5cm??

14. Favourite subject in school?

oh i love english, i always loved english. and math! i actually really loved math up until i took calculus. my calculus teacher was horrible, he made you feel stupid for asking questions and he intentionally made the tests too long to finish in a class period and made them extra confusing, it left me in tears more than once. cried at school bc i failed a lot of those tests. anyway i got a 5 on my AP exam for calculus (highest score) so i understood the material, my teacher just sucked and made me hate math after i'd loved it my entire life so ✌️

also loved my theatre classes in high school ahhhh

15. Dream job?

i think something working with cats / big cats / red pandas would be really fun. not a vet necessarily, i don't think i could handle it lol, but like a cat rescue or animal sanctuary maybe??? idk honestly

but yeah mostly agree with the "something that won't drain me and actually leaves me with savings and a will to live" answer. i like my current job/workplace/coworkers a lot more than my last job, but i still don't know if i'd want to be in this field until i retire, that's so many more years and clients sometimes make me wanna bash my head into a wall lol

i have a hard time with the ~dream job~ question bc i've just never felt like i had a "calling" or any overwhelming grand idea with what i've wanted to do with my life, i'm just vibing my way through somehow

Bonus: any significance to your blog's name:

NOPE lol when i was making this blog uhhhh 12 years ago everything that i wanted at the time had been taken and this was the only thing i could think of that i liked that was available and it was just something random 😂 i've thought about changing it but idk it's been too long now LOL

[kmp78]

"I have yet to meet one person who does not see his faults, yet forgives him for them, unlike you who prefers conflict, judgment, and hate. We choose to see him as a human who bleeds, hurts, and cries just like us."

I really like this. I think it sums up a lot about why we, at least for me, defend him against some of the stuff called out about him. He's so far removed from those of us here that I think often people start to look at him as an idea more than as a human being.

He's a "celebrity" like that's a thing and not a person. Does it come with money and fame and probably a lot of perks? Sure, it does. Another reason why it's so easy to disassociate with him. Doesn't really matter how he got there when envy and jealousy are involved, so who cares what he sacrificed or how hard he worked, right? He still shouldn't have been born pretty- then things wouldn't come so "easy" to him. Or why did he get enough talent that it could be split among 3 people? If not for that, clearly he wouldn't be SO famous...

Rich. Poor. Attractive. Ugly. Privileged or a nobody. We're all still just people. So he didn't tip for a $4 coffee. I almost didn't tip for my $40 haircut that I just got in less than 15 minutes of her time. He snapped at an extra on set one day. Have you ever bitten someone's head off over something stupid that had nothing to do with them or what they actually did? I sure have on more than one occasion because I bottle things up, trying to solve them myself and eventually snap. He doesn't owe me a VIP spot for enjoying his music any more than the next person, so if it's good publicity for him to pick someone who could potentially fill more seats that's just smart business. I'm not going to hold it against him just because I've maybe been a fan longer.

My point is I am far from perfect, so why shouldn't I show him some grace? I hope if I say something that offends someone that they don't hold it against me for the rest of my life. I hope I'm given a second chance if I've done something wrong. I can't fault him for doing human things when I do them too. He's not a messiah. He's not a king. He's an imperfect man who lives under a microscope, so his flaws are magnified more than mine.

What if he was just Ron, the neighbor down the street, who really dresses strange sometimes? Would you call him out in the town newspaper for being a weirdo? Or would you just shake your head and chuckle when he waves? What if he was your best friend, Nick, who does some seriously immature shit and hangs with your crowd even though he's quite a bit older because he doesn't really identify with his generation as well? You've been friends forever, and he's always just been one of the crew. You love him even though you sometimes want to shake him for his actions, no?

Strip away whatever privilege or notoriety that clouds what you see when you look at him and get the urge to heckle and name call and ask yourself how you would feel if every "JL" on this blog was replaced with your initials? Some seriously hateful, hurtful, nasty things. Wouldn't you hope that someone, anyone, would step in? He's been in this long enough that he probably doesn't read the love or the hate, but I'm compelled as another person who DOES read it, to step in sometimes and say stop. I'm not defending my imaginary best friend, I'm defending my own humanity.

You were good at something and really loved doing it. You worked hard, put in your time and you caught some good breaks. But now you're on everyone's radar. You can't leave your house without being photographed or followed. Every Nancy and Karen judges the way you look and dress, and they are NOT quiet about their opinions.

The thing you love doing is in a line of business that requires you stay relevant in any way you can, so you agree to interviews and try to share some things you enjoy with others. But because you shared pieces of you, now everyone expects you to share everything with full transparency. You're asked things you're not comfortable answering. People dig and pry any way they can to find out things that YOU wouldn't ask of them as complete strangers. And you better watch how you react because your responses are being scrutinized. So is your tone and your body language. Don't come off a bitch. Don't come off impartial. Don't come off overly enthused because that might be taken for flaunting or favoritism.

You have been so focused on this ONE passion that you've neglected to curate a personal life for yourself. People think you hate your family and that you have no friends. They're pretty close on the friends bit because you don't have the energy or time to keep a lot of friendships going, and you certainly don't have the time to add new ones!

Your love life sucks when you try to find anything serious. Are they with you for you? They go into it knowing soo much more about you than you do about them. There's that damn no time or energy for them problem again. You are so.fucking.over people in your bubble all day and aaallll the schmoozing you have to do that you're also pretty tapped out by the time it comes to them, so of course it eventually doesn't work out. You're a man, though, so don't let any feelings out about it. You can't be a pussy or a prick! Great, more photos of you as a couple are circulating. Rumors. Gossip.

You decide to just be a bachelor for a while. Not enough women? Must be in mourning over your past failures. Too many women? What a womanizing whore! The wrong woman? Now you're associated with something you don't want to be. You aren't looking for the long haul or anything, but again, do they want you for you? Or is it for 5 minutes in your fame or to "expose" you in some way? How are you supposed to form any kind of intimacy with anyone when you don't even know if you can trust them at the most basic levels?

Every action and choice we make has a coinciding reaction and consequence. Most of us are just fortunate enough that the world isn't watching us make them. He's not. He hasn't been for so long that he probably doesn't even remember what that benefit feels like. It has to be fucking exhausting and I don't blame him for not always being sunshine and rainbows to every last Jane he comes across. The same Jane who has an entire view of who he is even though they've never even met before.

I'm sorry if it goes against the main flow here. I DO enjoy the funny tidbits and the mix of opinions and the sharing of things from before my time. I just can't hate him or standby watching everything about him get bashed over and over again because behaviors and incidents that would be private in your life are not in his.

Here´s the thing tho: these anons are now claiming that he NEVER does anything even remotely douchey or bitchy, and at least some of them seem to actually now think that the old reports of his assholery are all LIES when absolutely everyone who was around back then knows how real his douchery was. 🙄

Tbh I think all these rageheads who refuse to see him as anything except the second coming of Jesus Christ are all newbies who have severe issues with accepting realities. 🙄

[musicmommy]

Andre Rieu as a Great Public Figure? Like Joan of Arc? French? Dutch? 🥴 🥲 🤒 😰 😨

I like Pierre and desired to been close, but maybe he's not an inclined line?

What about the Italians monitoring me in private? Marjorie thinks I'm ghey if I have anything to do with Andre?

I didn't do anything to Andre. I said I wanted to keep my "relationships" from the experiment. I can't experience one more let down, or else. I'm not ghey! I'm least ghey, not really like what his orchestra seems on the whole. I just seem to have for other reasons lost feeling for now and then I felt less like him because I was more like his son but less like him for no reason. He only give it to people other than me because of my mom's racial notoriety being a white looking Chinese almost..

...People say go see a doctor, I was thinking you need to be an RN. I should have thought to tell lawyers I was abused and unable to "work" and was cheated out of music school at 18.

His orchestra has respect sexually.

I bet people went haywire molesting over my Tumblr screenname, musicmommmy.

Andre Riue is nice, but if I am sad sometimes only purposely and feeling-wise evades/averts me.

So, his orchestra gets his 1950 cool and substantial/silly feeling, and I get tossed to Pierre and Marjorie. Have fun?? I saw it happen in one view of one slide, feeling bad now. So, I get Pierre, instead, when he has problems? and now Andre? Do I "get" Pierre in a good way? Not much is happening. Why are you advancing him on me as though I did something to deserve to be cornered by an inner madman jealous but on his best behavior? Are you offended or just were busy, getting your due pleasure? The world is you and you used me and it's better, but I cant live my life, since I was stolen from and otherwise these other reasons. I'm always in pain, used to having more needs able to be met but not all. I can't go out. Sometimes, is humble. I cried on my dad's birthday, whose only wish was to protect me- and my gramma that I be comfortable. So what if my life is over? Am I now alive to face certain torture? and a miserable old age?

Other people can attack him, and it's not his fault but I also have problems. I want people like Ellen to shut the HELL up that I can't think about him or whatever in August when tour takes a break! I can't have the rest of the world doing this. He was concerned, as others, for me, with the abrupt break.. and this just settles like no one notices or cares like I'm the nigger in the world.

[alwynwitch]

I love these quotes. Armand is so damaged. I feel at his core he doesn't know how to be a person. It's like he has no self in relation to another person, and so the other person also ceases to be a person, and becomes an object/tool of his own survival to not disappear into nothingness. He is not serving the actual needs of others, but his own need to serve (because he associates this with the fake sense of safety he had with Marius). To keep the other person in this position where he can perform this, he has to control and manipulate the other.

Though he already had cptsd, you can see these patterns developing in his relationship with Marius (I'm not an anti btw and Marius is even in my top 5 favorite VC characters, but he is very abusive).

'Ah!' [Marius] put his hands to his face, as though I had displeased him totally. I was at a loss. 'Master, if I offended, hit me, beat me, do anything to me but don't turn away. Don't cover your eyes that would look on me, Master, because I can't live without your gaze. Explain it to me.'

Because he is just a traumatized teenager (he couldn't even remember his own name or language), Marius is his only source of safety/his whole world/his god to which he clings. But it is not a stable or healthy source. So Armand is molding his whole being to keep Marius gazing at him so he can live in his light/meaning.

'Master,' I cried, swallowing my sobs. 'Are you happy with what you've taught me or not? Are you happy with what I learned or not! Don't you play with me over this! I'm not your puppet, Sir, no, never that! What would you have me be, then? Why this anger?'

Armand is not his own person, he just tries to figure out what Marius wants of him so he can perform this. But it is an impossible task, because Marius is unpredictable and contradictory, even violent.

[Marius] approached me and I shrank back, actually afraid. But by the time he struck me, hard across the face, he'd recovered himself, and it was just the usual brain-jarring blow. I accepted it, and then threw him one exasperated searing glance. 'You act like a child,' I said, 'a child playing Master, and so I must master my feelings and put up with this.'

They start joking about it, but I don't think this is funny. And Armand is right: he is not allowed to have a normal development, because he has to walk on eggshells to be the emotional comfort pet to Marius, a 1500 year old vampire man-child.

And without a sense of self, he cannot connect to others. This explains his interactions with Lestat and Louis. See his break-up with Louis:

'Louis,' [Armand] said now, lifting his head, his voice very thick and unlike itself. 'Yes, Armand,' I said. 'Is there anything else you want of me, anything else you require?' 'No,' I said. 'What do you mean?'

Performing his act of services is a way to not fullfill the actual needs of the other, but his own need to be needed (and feel safe). Louis doesn't even understand what he means, because he never asks for this.

His relationship with Daniel is very toxic as well, but it has this wonderful phase where Armand will get these intense obsessions and discover authentic curiosities and expressing genuine almost child-like emotions in Daniel's company. He is finally relaxing a bit and starting to learn how to be a person.

However, as soon as the relationship enters in a new more equal phase, Armand gets anxious again:

'I love you,' Daniel said. 'Are you certain?' Armand answered. It made him laugh.

It all boils down to this. Armand believes at his core he is unlovable. So he pushes Daniel away.

thinking a lot about this excerpt from the vampire companion after ep 3