#i'm not gonna actually consider this news so
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okay so I'm gonna try keep this brief so I'm not here forever, but here's the thing, this isn't new, actually people have tried using computers for therapy since the 60s:
Meet ELIZA
ELIZA is a simple computer program that responds to questions it is asked in a way meant to emulate a therapist, it did this so well, even it's creator was concerned at how quickly people started to empathize with it and consider it to not be a machine but a sentient being.
Humans are really good at recognising human like traits, and latching on to them, we decide that things with traits like us, are humanlike like us, similiarly, things that lack those human traits, will have their humanlikeness diminished.
This is great at finding likeminded tribes, terrible at identifying any sort of truth though.
To start my next point, I'm just gonna preface it with yeah therapy is good, therapists are good, it's not an easy job, and therapy with a person probably better than with an 'AI', but saying 'bots' (i don't think AI is the right description here,) can't help is just not correct, as measurably, they can, and do.
One of the advantages of therapy is having someone to prompt you to think in ways that you aren't used to, therapists can't peer magically into peoples minds, they are prompting the patient to express their experience, and try to help them to realize things they might not be aware of
"And how does that make you feel?"
Immediate follow up, obviously therapists do way more than this, this isn't gonna help everyone, and it isn't gonna automatically solve problems, but a lot of the time people just need help reframing issues into terms that they can understand and deal with, and bots can help with that.
Whether you think this is good/bad, right/wrong or useful at all is up to you, but ruling it out as being non-functional because "ai bad" is bad praxis.
sources:
guys. please
#i hate how buzzwordy everything is nowaways jeez#“oh it uses AI? Must be bad don't use it”#ELIZA#and again let's reiterate#a bot won't have the experience or competence to deal with everyone's problems#but a lot of peoples problems are simpler than they realize and having an external agent to interact with is enough to figure it out
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So, this week's episode...
[spoilers below cut]
I KNEW IT!!! I knew that one of the two episodes left of the year had to be a holiday one aha!! *LE GASP* does that mean the last one will be sonic 3?
*nods* respect 👏
A Christmas special with TARI, oooh! and noticeably a shorter one too, huh. alright, let's-a GOOOOOOOO
(the following is my live reaction:)
aww, look at Tari being adorable (see that's how you get me, have my favorite characters do cute little hops and my life is yours)
bringing back the side characters LET'S GOOOO
CLENCH omg you're back I hope you can stay for the whole episode
ooooh tari's christmas list just dropped. hmmm let's see...
Saiko = KFC Theme Guitar (honestly slay) Mario = Spaghetti Necklace (whether he's going to wear or eat it, he'll enjoy it regardless) Kaizo = Scythe Polish Luigi = Gardening Kit SMG4 = Body Oder Spray (my man can't catch a break, "he stinks" canon) Belle = Nintendo Switch Case SMG3 = Dog Grooming Kit (for Eggdog awwww) Melony = How to draw Manga book (nice callback to "SMG4 and SMG3 Shop For Cursed Items" episode for Christmas shopping) Whimpu = Glasses Repair Kit Boopkins = Body Pillow Cleaning Kit (...) Bob = Karaoke Machine (that's actually sweet considering he is a rapper and the obvious choice would be a gun or smth, tari's a good friend) Rob = Corn Keychain
the cliche superhero transition *wheeze*
can I just say I love the fit Mario has on
1920's spaghetti?
i did not expect to see Sonic 06 (foreshadowing, eh?) and as a sonic fan, i gotta respect the hustle
now, i know it's supposed to be disgusting and you obviously have to put gross things here to convey that but... there's that eye imagery again.... *flashbacks ensue*
oooh Christmas party! I wanna see that!
aww tari did get clench a glove, maybe she didn't want to spoil the surprise too soon
also let's take a moment for that board in the bg:
"Random Text Here Shameless Advertising Happy Birthday smg4!" then something signed by a "Fan"
gotta love the small details
gonna be using this as a reaction pic for now on
Mario, don't you guys have a basement? pretty sure no one will grab the bag in there
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG OMG THERE'S NO WAY THIS IS REAL THEY ACTUALLY USED CANTRO'S OUTFIT DESIGN FOR THIS EPISODE THAT'S AWESOME DUDE (am aware that the Team used the model before in a previous ep but it was only shown for a few seconds, this is BIG)
new merch, eh?
...i'll take your entire stock
Oh Tari, it's okay to say no. Four did ask if you had time
beautiful commercial....wha? Bob, da hell are you doing? oh the usual
charity? understandable, have a good day
PFFT HAHAHAHA that grenade bit somehow got me
oh Four somehow teleported outside, chair and all
*wheeze* the way they just latch on the back of the cop car like that
BOOPKINS? ...yeah I should've seen that coming. and he's on a toddler seat too
question for the people: is UNO a board game? if not, then boopkins, you got it wrong buddy
RIGHT NOW?! boopkins she's got her hands full
GEEZ even I'm getting stressed
gonna be real here: it was actually a good choice to have the plot at a faster pace just so we could feel Tari's stress rapidly building up
oh hey Meggy's matching with Mario (love that for the M&M siblings) but Saiko, girl, please get yourself a coat :( you're gonna freeze
OH GOD Tari, i need you to breathe please! all of this is stressing you out, it's okay to say no
...oh no
i can't look dude, i know Tari's technically fulfilling everyone's wishes but this isn't the way to go :(
C'MON TARI, HOPE YOU CAN MAKE IT IN TIME PLEASE
NO NO NO *flips table* oh poor Tari
OH NO CAN I GIVE HER A HUG PLEASE? *shakes my laptop screen* LET ME INNNNNNN
WTF NO SHE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS
TARI DON'T LISTEN TO THOSE VOICES IN YOUR MIND, YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND
...three? let me turn the brightness up
yeah that's Four's model but for some reason has Three's voice and line.... huh... (I'll come back to this later)
dude, i literally had to pause and leave the room
fuck you got me tearing up. Team, is that what you wanted from me?
no tari, it wasn't your fault :( you didn't ruin anything
YES TELL HER, SAIKO
STAWP I'M THIS 🤏 CLOSE TO FULL-ON SOBBING WTF
FAMILY IS FOUND 👏👏👏
...wha? Three?
wait, this whole episode was you were retelling what happened to Tari, to Eggdog?
...that actually puts things in a whole new context (I'll talk about it later)
*gets hit by the book*
AY Congrats to Mango for your art being featured in the end credits! 🎉 what an awesome Christmas gift from the Team honestly
.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.
This was a fantastic Christmas special! This really punched me in the gut (but in a good way). Everything, as always, was amazing. Excellent job, Team!!! Too bad Clench couldn't be in the whole episode.
Oh Tari, my girl :( I felt the emotional rollercoaster along with her and I just wanted to give her a giant hug.
Me 🤝 Tari → people pleasers with a dose of abandonment issues
Tari, I've been there and I promise your friends aren't gonna leave you. What you can offer, what you're able to, that is worth something. It doesn't need to be material, just being a part of their lives is enough. No matter how big, because to them, it could mean a lot more than what you think.
It's what I've been struggling too, that the people who have approached me only wanted what I could offer, but not as a person. And it takes time to heal and open up again to people who are worth opening up to, but you'll get there.
So, to remind you (yes, the one behind the screen): you are enough. We are enough. What you do, means a lot more to other people than what you think. You'd be surprised how much a second of your presence means to people, and they value that. It's why it's okay to say no when you aren't able to, they'll understand if they truly do care for you. I promise, time will come around for you to find the good ones.
That's why I love this show. It isn't just a "silly meme show", it's so much more than that. Yes, it does have its funny moments but it can be emotional, dramatic, exciting. And even relatable. That's the point of stories. Like I said countless times before:
Every story, no matter how outlandish it seems, is grounded in reality.
That's why I'm glad this was one of the last episodes of the year, to bring it all back that it's a story that we all can relate to in some way. That we aren't alone. Grab each other by the hand and take one day at a time.
Oh boy, sorry for that emotional stuff. Just wanted to bring some comfort 💙 With that, I'm gonna bring back what was the most interesting of this episode: SMG3
It wasn't until the very end that we realized this whole episode was Three retelling Tari's story not only to Eggdog but also to Terrance.
(If I remember the layout correctly, right in the same nook above the fireplace is where Terrance's photo is placed)
So, yes, he is reading a bedtime story to both of his sons. (just gonna cry in the corner for a second) He's such a dad 🥺
Anyway, i shall put my theorist goggles on:
Back in the part when Tari was too late to buy the Crew presents and the voices in her head were bashing her for failing, we have SMG3 for some reason come in:
To be clear, that's Four's model (notice the lack of chip of the cap) but Three is the one saying: "And I thought I was evil..." Other than being the narrator, Three wasn't in the story, so the question is why?
The obvious would be that the Team simply made a mistake and forgot that they placed this in. Ok, sure, that's if it was on accident. But what if they did it on purpose?
As Three stated in the episode "Trash Friends", he truly believes he's "the worst version of SMG4"
Think about it: the basic roles for them are Four as the hero and Three as a villain.
If Three was ever in an episode all of a sudden is because he is the negative force of the story. Recall back to the episode "Meme Hunters" when Three was forced to be "the conflict" of the episode.
Now, it may seem harmless but to him, he was afraid to be perceived as nothing more than "SMG4's cheap and worst copy"
And also in "You Used to Be Cool", people have noticed when he does lay back a bit from the usual villain/rival role and bash him saying, "This isn't you."
Hero or villain, you're seen differently by everybody
Then there was the whole "moral of the story" part:
Ofc, it's a whole thing that Three refuses time after time that he's not friends with the Crew
Now with the context that we have, we just got a peek into Three's fears/insecurities. Basically: if he opens up and accepts that he has friends, they might try and take advantage of him. So, what should he do? Close himself off, be an asshole, and deny, deny, deny.
Despite risking literally everything, INCLUDING HIS OWN LIFE, for them, he's doing this to protect himself from emotional harm when he's the most vulnerable.
There's indeed a trope that villains, especially redeemed ones, would have a sense of empathy of some kind. They know what's like to hit rock bottom, it's why they can empathize with the people who least deserve it, like Tari. (Even with Four back in IGBP.) So yes, as much as this is a story about Tari, it also relates to Three.
How can you have what you want when you're the one holding yourself back?
Three: "I also need love, understanding, and tenderness." [IGBP movie, Spanish dub] Three: " I just want the USB in that spaghetti in your stomach so I can use it to gain fame and love that SMG4 has too much of, okay?!" Mario: "...Is that it? Silly SMG3, you could of just told Mario instead of suppressing your inner emotions and your fear of being forever forgotten." [Trash Friends]
I mean, look at the last episode, he was so happy to know he got fanart.
The pressure he has, the role he has to play, what he's perceived as. It all affects him. Sure, he doesn't care that he's not perceived as the standard definition of a villain but he is really as human as he can be, with fears and desires.
Another way to see the "failure" part of the episode is that Three could never see Four in a negative light. Sure, Four has made terrible mistakes but past the YouTube Arc, Three has never seen Four as a villain (again, the role of the hero thing). Four is flawed just as he is, but since he's the one telling Tari's story, he replaces Four with himself in the narrative.
It's not confirmed it's because he cares about Four in this instant but it's obvious he has done it on purpose. All because that's the role he plays, one he absolutely fears, "an evil and worst copy of Four".
(For all we know, he might've altered some other things in the story we haven't even known about.)
AND the fact that he's telling it like a bedtime story to his son(s) as a warning, so they don't go through what he went through when he was younger (his whole parenting of reminding them that they're loved and appreciated for even the smallest things)
So, long story short: me 🤝 Tari 🤝 SMG3 → underlining abandonment issues
I've been noticing that a lot of points from past episodes are starting to resurface again (like IGBP) and I do hope we get to bring back what's going on with Three. Then, we might get Three having the same conclusion that Tari went through: as much as he wants to deny it to protect himself, he'll realize that it's okay to be vulnerable and have friends.
And he'd be surprised how much of what he did was valuable to them. That what he seeks is already right in front of him. After all, he's already part of the Crew :)
He would just have to let himself avert his view and see the truth.
#smg4#smg4 christmas special#smg4 spoilers#ink reviews#smg4 tari#smg4 smg3#smg4 mario#smg4 bob#smg4 luigi#smg4 saiko#smg4 boopkins#smg4 theory#puzzlevision 2#a snippet of why Three is one of my faves
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very important info 💯
#fnf#friday night funkin#fridaynightfunkin#phantomarcade art#nsfw?#fnf bf#fnf boyfriend#boyfriend fnf#mommy mearest#fnf mommy mearest#i'm not gonna actually consider this news so#not news#just dave fuckin around being silly
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i love reading haikyuu tiktok shipping discourse comment sections. it's so entertaining seeing so many people with such bad taste.
#it's always the exact same shit every time too#“name a ship everyone ships but you hate” and it's always kurootsukki oikage atsuhina and tsukkikage#like with the amount of times i've seen those ships mentioned in that context i'm starting to believe that NO ONE ships them actually#how is atsuhina hate so common when 2AM mac n cheese literally exists#everyone's excuse is always 1 of 3 things: “i ship kagehina” “i ship sakuatsu” or “they're just friends”#guys... i hate to be the bearer or bad news.... but all three of these things can coexist#you can ship atsuhina AND sakuatsu AND kagehina... AND atsuhina can be besties#i mean i'm out here shipping tobio with half the fucking cast#these aren't real people. it's all about what makes you the happiest at that given moment#today i ship tsukikage. yesterday i shipped kagehina. tomorrow i will probably ship yamakage. WHO GIVES A FUCK#it boggles my mind that there are people out there who won't consider any other ship because they've already set their mind on one#HAIKYUU HAS AN INSANE LINEUP. YOU CAN'T SHIP JUST ONE#i saw someone who was scared to admit they shipped suna and atsumu......... guys#it's not that serious i promise#ALSO THE TERUYAMA HATE I SAW#“they haven't even met” BOOOOOORINGGGGG BOO BOO TOMATO TOMATO#fuck it. i'm gonna start shipping kiyoko with kanoka. kanokiyo. my new otp#kanokiyoyachi. my new fave ship. 100k mutual pining hurt/comfort slowburn coming soon to an ao3 page near you#we need to release ourselves from the chains of hatred and start getting crazier with this cast#haikyuu has too much shipping potential for y'all to be shipping the same 5 ships#lets get poly with it. shall we?#THE KAGEHINATSUKKIYAMA GRIND STARTS NOW💪#ASADAISUGA GANG WE RIDE AT DAWN🗣️#ATSUHINAKAGE AND/OR ATSUOIKAGE BRETHEREN WE DEPART AT HIGH NOON🔥#FUKUYAKUKUROKEN SHIPPERS OUR TIME IS NOW🦞#sigh.......... you guys get it#volleyball guys
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Sam's blueberry pie 🫐🥧 Which he's, as per the running joke on this blog, just as normal as U◠꓃ ◕ U
#been trying to paint on this new tablet my brother got me and my heart immediately gravitated to food jaja#digital art is still so new to me and it's been fun trying to work it out!! my main respite is being able to work with colors comfortably :]#in traditional art it's really exhausting to color besides the splashes of color I like to do so I just. don't do it anymore#exciting things!! now I'm a bonafide traditional And digital artist. feels funky#anyway I've also been linking music in all my recent posts - which I'm gonna keep doing bc it's nice to brag about my music taste a little#NO idea if anyone actually clicks on them/listens to them but it's nice anyway :] I link the most relevant song to the piece#whether it's what I was mostly listening to while drawing/writing or the driving inspiration for the piece itself. fun fact if anyone cares#for this one I listened to (because I always tag the song name/artist):#delegation oh honey#and also red dead music/gameplay. funny considering huh#ANYWAY I'M DONE YAPPING. I had a lot to say today for some reason. ciao adios khodahafez antio au revior tschüss etc etc#digital art#morelikesin#my art#don't steal#original#finished#food
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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i've seen a few comments before (not on here, just in the past on other sites) frustrated and confused about why the oldest dream never talked to yoo joonghyuk. or anyone for that matter. why couldn't he just say something, anything at all? did he feel nothing as they suffered? couldn't he have helped somehow?
and there's a lot i could say about this and a lot of various layers and details and perspectives. but in the end it all comes down to this:
not a single one of us can talk to the characters in a book we're reading.
that's just how it works.
#beso babbles#orv#orv spoilers#(next part is just my rambling that could be ENTIRELY incorrect its 4AM okay ashdjfg)#in addition here's my hot take: i don't think yjh actually talked to od the one time he said he did#i think he is a little liar who thought the one reason kdj wouldn't kill him is if kdj thought it'd doom the timeline#and he thought kdj wouldn't feel assured unless some higher power than yjh confirmed it would be fine#so he LIED to get kdj to KILL HIM because he and kdj are BIRDS OF A FUCKED UP FEATHER#i'm not saying he lied about knowing the timeline would be fine without him. i just think he reached that conclusion through other means#like. its a perfectly reasonable conclusion to make if you consider that the cut film effect exists.#how are you gonna splice n dice different timelines if one of them doesnt exist anymore once yjh regresses? you CAN'T is the answer#so i think he could be sure the current round/timeline would be fine if he regressed into a new round/timeline even w/o talking to od#anyways. i could be 100% wrong about all that!! i likely am ashjdfg but it's. it sure is something to think about!
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the overturning of the law of daynos was kind of overshadowed by the complete clusterfuck (positive) that was book 3's ending, but can we back it up a second. they overturned the law of daynos. they didn't even really believe in overturning it, they just needed it to work one specific personal thing out. but that has massive ramifications. they showed up, decimated the current vané social structure and then left. can you imagine all the problems they left behind my god
#a chorus of dragons#mutuals I was gonna try to explain the law of daynos to you in the tags but I don't know if I have the space. i'll try to be brief#(it's imperfect the vané are complicated okay I'm fudging a few things)#law of daynos basically says once you die you are no longer legally responsible for the actions of your past life.#even once your soul gets transfered to a new body (VERY common. like everyone does it. its like faux immortality)#so any responsibilities agreements (like marriages) are void#but they overturned this law in book 3#meaning that now like their entire population's past lives are suddenly legally considered alive and valid#marriages are valid again. debts you owed are valid again. etc#because in this world dying is very different. and you can die and still be the same person#therefore death actually /shouldn't/ automatically invalidate marriages debts responsibilities etc#and the main characters didn't actually really beleive in overturning the law#they just needed to reinstate this one person to the throne via overturning it#so they did that. and completely fucked SO many lives in the process#and we simply. never see the consequences#the main characters have too much else going on that this clusterfuck doesn't come close to making the cut#but I keep thinking about it...
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The idea that Dancer didn't and couldn't have known that FCG was a person, and is thus absolved of any responsibility for treating them like an object comes up every once in a while, and, like. Folks. She knew FCG had enough capacity for thought to be worth lying to. She lied to him about having made him. She cannot have considered them basically a toaster. Like, are we imagining that Dancer is out here lying to Pussy the Second to make herself seem smarter?
She bought FCG and restored them, and knew from that restoration that a lot of the technology behind FCG was beyond her understanding. She knew FCG could talk and reason, which is something no automaton we've ever encountered is capable of (excluding aeormatons). She spent four years with him, watching him be very very noticeably different than other automatons. She didn't need to know that he was an aeormaton or what aeormatons were historically capable of; she had all the evidence she needed to understand FCG as a person, and she just didn't.
Like, I can fully believe that she understood all that, that FCG has the capacity to think and feel on some level, and just decided that none of that made them a person. Cause that's the way FCG has thought about themself since their introduction. They think, they feel, they want things, just not how a person would. Not important, not weighty enough to matter.
And I think that matters when thinking about her! Specifically when thinking about her relationship to FCG. Dancer fucked them up! She raised them, he didn't know any other life than the one she built for him till murderbot mode. And I do think she has some responsibility for that. I don't think you can just say that she didn't know any better. She knew a lot! And she could have sought out more information on ancient automatons and their capacities. And she didn't! She knew enough to know she didn't understand FCG and how they worked, and she just. Decided not to do anything about that. She just decided that the thinking feeling robot that she bought should just be a thing that she owns and makes use of, and who cares where it came from or what it might do in the future.
I don't think she's a monster or anything, but it's wild how allergic this fandom is to considering her to have profoundly hurt the person she BOUGHT AND OWNED. Particularly given how gung ho this fandom tends to be about characters having the right to enact bloody vengeance on anyone who has ever made them feel bad.
#i know some people have argued that Dancer didn't lie#and that FCG just assumed that she made him#and Dancer just didn't tell them that they were wrong or anything for ??? reasons#but that's fucking stupid#so I'm gonna assume it's not true until told otherwise#and it will be fucking stupid if it is true#Sam didn't come up with the 'dancer didn't actually make you' twist#Matt did#and can you imagine your DM just saying 'hey guess what this character in your backstory was totally unlike how you wrote them'#'i have not re-contextualized things and added elements that put a new spin on what you thought you knew'#'i have simply decided that your character always had access to this information and just didn't ask'#every explanation that I've read for how Dancer could not be responsible in some way for FCG's worldview is just#'Have you considered that Matt might be a shitty DM?'#and i have considered that#and i don't have any problem saying that something Matt wrote is shitty#maybe he did maybe he didn't#doesn't matter to me
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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Doubling up on my cosplay efforts and making that fish scarf and shirt and also that angel's crop top armour
#looking at the armour top pieces like. what is this 😭 considering fabric glue for it bc I'll need it for the helmet too#i am. not super satisfied with how the helmet is looking rn but i know everyone hates making it so I'm trying to not let it get to me#i need to finish the skirt pieces bc they're holding 90% of my pins rn and it's making cutting the fish shirt pieces harder#honestly excited to work on seb's coat bc i wanna add a billion pockets to it and actually use them#considering making like. tiny little files to keep on me and give to ppl who chat with me bc that would be kind of cute#thinking back hard to the pouf cosplayer i met while also dressed as Pouf who had a few sheets of butterfly stickers#and gave me some that i stuck on my con badge#i still wanna do gabe's swords. augh. i have the cardboard and enough vinyl for the sheaths..#hello. welcome to another installment of shai making financially irresponsible decisions-#i do have some uhhhhhh debt i would like to get resolved bc I'm putting money towards the new car#and found out how hard my credit has been getting hit when i saw the shit tier apr on the estimated monthly payments 😭#gonna circle around comms again after the con so i can try to get a better grip on it bc i have been trying to cut it down#wanted to do it this holiday season and then. tree branch car crush extravaganza happened#did find out i can save a decent amount of money by not just getting an oven bake meal every night and actually cooking lmao#I'm losing the plot in the tags here but uh. the hilarity and mild hypocrisy is not lost on me#shai speaks
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state of the Hazel: not doing too great. general summertime sadness combined with a recently passed cat of mine is not great for the mind. i'm gonna miss that big dope.
i'm getting a good sense for how i'm also feeling gameways, though it ain't much good news. getting back into Persona is feeling rough because i feel like i "have to" play it more than i "want to" play it, generally never great. i still really want to have played it and post the clips here, but given the whole moderation issues of this site, it feels like there's added pressure to do it before it's too late, whether or not "too late" is something i actually need to worry about.
as for more immediate issues, sticking to just Splatoon for so long is getting me into burnout phases. i can understand why, in the past few years, i've usually finished at least one or two pokemon monotype runs by August, maybe visit another game for a good while, but i've done neither this year.
i think playing a new game is probably the best way to get out of this funk right now, though. precisely, i think something i never posted here could work best, to help enjoy the posting process a little bit more too.
i did a whole shopping list in the tags sitting on this, but that'll do for this one. give myself a little time with something new, should be be fine.
#hazel talks#there's a sale goin' on the nintendo eShop... ah. not pikmin. i was hoping.#less on the grindy side. middling length- maybe 8 hours or so. Cuphead sounds about right actually...#Crash bandicoot games are on a pretty good sale too.#oh hey AI: the Somnium Files is like 8 bucks. not what i'm itchin' for but i'll pick it up now for sure.#sequel... eh 24. probably won't get much better for the next three years.#it's a 10GB and 12GB download but the 512 GB SD card says ''cute''#lmao yeah i'm typing this out so that i remember them all. this was set to go by 4:50 and then i went window shopping.#oh i forgot all about We Love Katamari reroll. new Mario + Rabbids. heard of Dead or School and Indivisible before. de blob.#ooooh been years since i thought about keeping an eye open for guacamelee.#destroy all humans made it to the switch? huh. i'd've seriously considered it if 2 was available. i actually remember playing that one.#i kinda want a fighting game... just got the urge seein P4 arena and skullgirls. goin' pretty cheap- though i prolly won't do online play#ok that's enough browsing. i'm leaning cuphead and katamari. ah and guacamelee's like five bucks i'll get that too.#and just so i have an option on fighting games... P4A as well.#at minimum the first two are gonna be priority for a little while.#love a good sale.
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i'm going to be gettin myself a gecko soon and the evil demon in the back of my mind has already started whispering to me that i should name it zote
#i've wanted a gecko for yeearrss. actually ever since I was a real young kid#i've always loved lizards . actually thought for the longest time i'd get a beardie#But unfortunately my dorm would consider beardies too big. and since whatever I get has to come with me to colleg#it's gecko time#i'm gonna be doing a bioactive enclosure too so you know what that means. Fuck yeah isopods (and springtails but. Isopods!!)#i've been doin plenty of research for this and I am very excited for a new little Guy. Said research is a PAIN though because good lird#trying to find a consensus on ANYTHING about gecko care is SOOO difficult. Everybody's got conflicting opinions#but I'm Workin Through it#anwyay that was clam's late night ramblings for the day. thank u#clamtalk
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So, I just know all of Tumblr was wondering, "hey, you remember that really weird ZoLaw fan with the annoyingly overly stylized post? I wonder if she's seen this and if she has any theories or thoughts, an observation or two?"
Well, allow me to set your wandering mind at ease, fictional Tumblr fan. The answer is: No. No, I really don't.
I have like three hundred.
[I also spent time just trying to track down as many translations as possible. Is Tera A Criminal's Daughter or The Daughter Of Thieving Bandits! These are CLEARLY separate things and can ENTIRELY change how her utter nonpresence in Zoro's life shaped him! Though I can take comfort in knowing that, regardless of what kind of crimes her father was committing they were more important than anything his daughter ever did in her entire life.]
And, hey, as might as well jump right into that whole mess.
1. Wait, Zoro's mom is dead? Thank goodness, I was worried Oda forgot one!
(AKA: Stop. Murdering. Moms.)
I'll go first, I don't mind saying when I was wrong. True, in the past I may have suggested that the vast majority of female characters in One Piece come off as ever so slightly, "leaning into sexist tropes with unadulterated joy; it's the misogynistic tropes equivalent of a child running naked through a grocery store. It's right there, everyone sees it, yet people shut up and continue shopping in part because, well, these days you just expect most people to cover that junk! What would you even say? And if you DO speak up and call out the inappropriate, be prepared for blank stares and tantrums; but THEY don't mind! THEY don't think it's wrong! You're just being mean!"
More or less a direct quote.
However, I see now that I rushed to judgement and the reality of the situation is far more nuanced. With that in mind, I was just wondering if someone could help answer some of the questions I have.
Like: Why does Oda believe that it's illegal for (maternal) female characters to survive other character's backstories?
More importantly, why hasn't someone just reached out to explain the misconception!? It can't be that difficult. If nothing else, just have a lawyer or judge or other expert in censorship on hand. Or is the one of those cases where back in highschool his friends made something up and then kept pretending it was real to see if he'd believe you and not only did he fall for it, it took over 20 years before he learned that, what, no that's not illegal. That would be crazy if it were an actual law. Cause you know, after the first 10 years I think yeah you have to just lean into it. Pretend it's a creative decision on your part and definitely not because you were terrified of being sentenced to a slow and humiliating public death.
Just to be clear that's definitely what's up, right? I mean, I'm struggling to think of another reason....able excuse why a story that I really enjoy keeps playing the same old sexist tropes cards again and again to the point of absurdity. It would just help if I had a valid excus- explanation. I almost mistyped the word explanation.
....
....
So I imagine it went like.
"That's the third mangaka they've had to Publically Execute this week!"
"They've started taking this law way more serious lately."
"This one really deserved it though! I heard his main character has a mother in her late forties!"
"That does seem old to have your first child."
"No, he's the middle of three and 22 years old. The story even has flashbacks of defining moments in his childhood and never once did she try to sacrifice herself for him, get murdered by his enemies, or die in meaningless unrelated accidents."
"Damn, that's cold to be there for all the protagonist core moments and not die and help him develop and grow a character? They must have a very antagonistic relationship. Is she actually the villain."
"Not that we know, and when they asked about this being a possible plot twist since - obviously if she's evil no laws are being broken."
"Well, of course, that's the whole reason Statue 2-dash-57 exists; if creators can show they have consistently been building up to a surprise twist then the female character in question can continue to live so long as she continues to be unrepentant and unlikable until the resolution of her arch by the protagonist."
"That's the thing! Under oath not only did man present no evidence to support her identity as a secret villain, he went on the record stating he wanted to depict their relationship as one of a normal modern 20 year old and his mother."
"That can't be true! What publishing company would even print that!?"
"It gets worse. I told you he was a middle child? Well, according to those who've read the actual manga, his younger sister was really sick as a child."
"Oh, well, at least-"
"It was just a fish allergy. She's perfectly fine."
"Sometimes I feel this law is unnecessarily harsh but.... Then you hear stories like that, and you realize that some people really are monsters."
#So this was going to be one post three parts (because obviously) then I remembered even people who have purposefully followed me hate that#I took into consideration that not everyone wants a unmountable wall of Zoro meta analysis on their dash so now its gonna be 3 post style#keeping in mind I've already written it all up and will just be posting them one after the other so effectively the same result#only with the illusion of my empathetic nature#I do have a lot of thoughts on what amounts to a very small amount of scribbled lines and a couple doodles#he literally didn't even bother giving Kuina's mom or grandmothers a name like they didn't even have a identity#In fairness there wasn't a need for them to have any kind of identities or individuality or identifiable features#everyone knows only one trait really matters when it comes to adult females: they go down#into the ground....as a corpse. After ensuring that their death would be the best way to help their children grow. As characters.#I'm joking cuz its funny. It's obvious why Zoro's mom got a name & description: she gave birth to a protagonist and not a human sacrifice#But have considered why those specific qualities are what he chose to define her by - she's fictional he could have made up anything!#I'll have to talk about it in the other posts I'm wasting precious tag room#one piece#roronoa zoro#one piece meta#one piece sexism#this post is not for everyone; actually its pretty much just for me#conversations with fictional people#more opinions than anyone asked for about subjects they don't even care about#Oh! I found the blogs new subtitle!#author gets sassy then preachy then sassy again and then swerves sharply to the weird#oh these tags are way too much#Zoro's backstory#Zoro family history#amusing musings#why am i the way that i am#three post style: part one!
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bad news: I'VE FUCKING EXPOSED MYSELF AS A SOUTH PARK FANFICTION WRITER TO MY PROFESSOR BC I FORGOT TO REPLACE STAN'S NAME IN THE VERY LAST PARAGRAPH HBGHBSDBGKSDBKJGBSKJBSKBBKSBGBBGIBI I'M GOING TO OFF MYSELF
good news: i got a 95 on the assignment
#viv writes#viv speaks#otp: i cant do it alone#stendy#sp fanfiction#i'm literally fucking crying#how to save myself from embarassment#bc i need it rn#i don't. think he got the clue.#but he might have considering for the make a fairytale exercise I chose stan marsh in sleeping beauty.#. awks#FUCK#can i just. die#nijsfdjingsnjigsdjifsd#i'll just. crawl into a hole#mr. altman DO NOT EXPOSE ME INFRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS I'M BEGGING ON MY KNEES SIR#our class reads all the new work before the lecture so we can discuss and critique#so i'm gonna. die if it's read#it's my stendy prompt 2 from stendy week that I made into 1750 words and changed names (exc. kyle bc it fit)#the total words for the actual work is 6k FJSNGNJN#BUT YEAH HERE I AM CRYING IN MY ROOM THINKING ABT HOW I FUCKING EXPOSED MYSELF JFDNGJKDFNKJND I'LL JUST DISAPPEAR
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