#i'm not even into kid fic

[mediocretosubpar-soup]

@jiangchengsjawline @whumpbby on a related note to this post, jc badgered by the world to stabilize ymj with an heir gets a magic baby!lotus and thinks, i don't want anyone else in my house. so, he conducts the energies for the magic baby!lotus via sandu and suibian. and never mentions this to anyone ever.

---

JL: who's the other parent?

JC (thinking of wwx calling him SLJ and addressing him like a stranger): he's dead.

---wwx finds out about the kid---

WWX: so tell your uncle wei, who is the brave woman who endured jc's noxious personality long enough to produce a baby.

JL (at least, 5 Jin disciples hiding behind him): this is a night hunt!

around them the forest is peaceful and very still, not even a cricket dares to chirp.

WWX (blithely): and what a great job you did all the ghosts have fled from the might of the jin sect. so let's catch up! who's the unluckiest lady of the jianghu?

the jin sect disciples huddle closer to JL.

JL (rising to his full height and pulling JGY's best customer service smile onto his face): if you are so interested in the business of yunmeng jiang sect, i'll be delighted to escort you there.

wwx, the coward, folds like a wet blanket. in the privacy of his own head, JL sneers at him. how dare wwx demand jiujiu's secrets when he's not even willing to face the man.

--- three months and a few days after the magic lotus has ripened into a human child ---

wwx crawls into lotus pier. the wards around the child's chambers are impressive. still wwx could break them, jc has never beaten him, after all. but if jc trusted him with the child, he would have invited him, wouldn't he have? (the invitation said lan sect + spouses, jc doesn't know wwx has been banned from joining the lans in a diplomatic function) wwx isn't going to disrespect jc's boundaries more than he already has, just a little, it's fine jiang cheng will never know. wwx places his gifts among all the other ostentatious presents from sect leaders far and wide.

when the baby learns to crawl and grab, she picks out a silly bamboo flute carved with all kinds of nasty lake critters, its tassel boring, mud colored thread. JL balks, how did such a shoddy thing find its way into the presents for the heir of lotus pier? until, he sees JC smile.

[krysmcscience]

The Lamb is malicious in a funny way and the Goat is funny in a malicious way. No, I will not elaborate.

Anyway, everyone give thanks to the Lamb for interrupting what was sure to be a very boring and patronizing PSA from their grouchy cat hubby. Truly, they are doing God's work. Granted, the Lamb canonically is God now, so, uh. Mostly they're just doing their own work.

Speaking of their grouchy cat hubby, yes this is absolutely still Narilamb, Narinder is 100% into his goofy-ass spouse always no matter what and we all know it, he just wasn't expecting his brand new adopted kid to share the same single goofy-ass brain cell as the Lamb. :)

[dukeofthomas]

"Jason just needs to see things from his family's perspective and understand how much they love him (despite them never actually communicating or showing him through their actions)" is out. "The batfamily putting a single bit of effort into understanding Jason and reconciling with him on his own terms" is in.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Can we talk about how Macaque sees what other people (LBD Peng Wukong) do and mimics them? Can we talk about how his whole thing in jttw is copying monkey king and trying to replace him and how LMK actually keeps that going but in the context of a performer? You can hear echos of the way Peng talks to Macaque in how Macaque talks to Mk during shadowplay and every other interaction before he starts to chill out. You can see and hear echos of how the Lady Bone Demon treats and speaks to Macaque in how he interacts with Mei and Mk and the rest of the crew during season 3. You can see the way he tries to mimic what he believes Wukong is until he realizes he's way off-base. You can see how he mimics Monkey King's cockiness when he needs to feign confidence. You can see the way he mimics those with power to show he has power. And when that performance ends... well, he's actually pretty chill. Look at him he's quieter and more chill, less broody, content with not being the main focal point when they're planning, he doesn't even argue with Monkey King during the season 4 finale at any point because the performance is over. i DUNNO I'M JUST THINKING AND I THINK IT'S KINDA NEAT I DUNNO IF THEY DID THAT ON PURPOSE OR IF IT'S COINCIDENCE I FEEL LIKE IT WAS ON PURPOSE IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

[newcathedrals]

sometimes I tear up knowing that most human beings on planet Earth won't read the greatest literature ever written (average Band of Brothers fic). I hope aliens are receiving internet signals and are enjoying the best of what the human mind has to offer (reading the top Band of Brothers fics on AO3)

[littlefankingdom]

The Batman fandom infantilizing a near 30 years old white man taking in a child, saying he was a brother more than a father as if he wasn't a full grown adult taking in a child he could have birthed, but parentifying a brown young adult taking in his brother pre-teen for less than a year, saying he was a father more than a brother (only a year is barely enough but ok), or saying he was more a father to his other brothers than Bruce, when he met them when he was 18 and 21 is making me uncomfortable, ngl.

Like, Bruce is a "kid" when he became Dick's guardian when he canonically was over 25 (he started being Batman at 25), and a brother to him when he raised him for 10 years (and Dick probably has not many memories from before Bruce now), but Dick is a "father" to Damian he only had as his charge for less than a year, half of which they were fighting each others??? Make it make sense???

[imminent-danger-came]

Alright, the traffic light trio dynamic, in my head

[mikakuna]

the way people care more about jason fighting tim than like any other rogue fighting tim during his robin run is...!

"they're brothers! jason is so horrible to attack his little brother."

aside from the obvious twinkification of tim, stop pushing the family narrative on two people who did not see each other as siblings at that moment.

[unicornpopcorn14]

One of the best teen!skk fic I've read is of both of them getting their wisdom tooth removed and I can't help but giggle every time I rmr it-

[sage-nebula]

It happened, as things so often did, like a bolt from the blue on one of Pacifica's rare days off from work at the diner.

It was the height of summer and so hellaciously hot, even for—no, especially for Oregon. Having lost access to the private pools and yachts after her father's investments into Cipher capital during Weirdmageddon four years prior, Pacifica found herself at the Gravity Falls community pool, lounging on a pool chair after layering SPF 50 on her skin, and silently telling herself over and over that it was always morally correct to block her parents' numbers on her days off, and that her father probably hadn't yet found where Pacifica's pet rescue opposum, Susanna, had hidden the bell yet, so there was no need to worry.

(Pacifica had rescued Susanna from the diner kitchen two summers ago, when she was fourteen. Susanna was technically a male oppossum, but something about him reminded Pacifica of Lazy Susan, so Susanna he was.)

But it was at that moment that deep laughter followed by a higher pitched "shut up!" and even more laughter from both voices broke through Pacifica's inner mantras. She opened her eyes to see that both of the Pines twins, having once again made their yearly visit to Gravity Falls, had also chosen to visit the pool that day.

Pacifica swallowed hard.

For all that she had tried to deny it even to herself in her tween and early teen years, by now Pacifica had long since accepted that she found Dipper Pines attractive. It was impossible not to, with the way he came back taller each summer, his shoulders increasingly more broad as he grew into the physique promised by his great uncles (or his Great Uncle Ford, anyway), a little stubble that he "forgot" to shave always left around his chin, and his sideburns. Oh, his sideburns. Pacifica hated how much she loved Dipper's sideburns. It was beyond cringe, and the only other living soul who would ever know about her crush was Susanna, but Pacifica Northwest did indeed have a crush on Dipper Pines. She knew, and accepted, this about herself.

But then, on that hellaciously hot summer day at the community pool, Mabel Pines took her sweater off right in front of Pacifica's eyes.

Mabel pulled her sweater up over her head, and it was as if time slowed down. Mabel's arms were just as toned and strong (if not maybe a little more toned, the way the sunlight hit her muscles) than Dipper's. She had been wearing a bikini under her sweater—a pink one decorated with stars that fit her perfectly—and her thousand watt smile revealed she'd finally gotten her braces off to reveal a set of dazzling teeth. And when she tugged her hair free from her ponytail, it swished around her in a cascade of long, brown waves.

Dipper had thrown his tanktop onto a pool chair, and Mabel followed suit, throwing her sweater and hair tie on top of Dipper's shirt. But as Dipper was in the middle of saying something (they were too far for Pacifica to hear clearly), Mabel whipped back around with devilish speed and shoved him straight in the pool.

Mabel laughed uproariously as Dipper came back up for air, sputtering water and shaking his sopping bangs from his eyes. But he was only off guard for a second, and Mabel's mirth kept her off hers for longer. Dipper grinned wickedly and snapped his fingers around Mabel's wrist, yanking her in headfirst after him. Just as Dipper had before her, Mabel resurfaced immediately, though she had to use both hands to shove her curtains of damp hair out of her face. But her smile was just as impish as Dipper's own, and within seconds they were splashing each other, shrieking and laughing as they caused the biggest ruckus the pool had seen all day.

And as she watched them play, the water making their skin glisten and their smiles making their eyes sparkle, Pacifica felt a swarm of butterflies in her gut and a flash of heat in her face that had nothing at all to do with the summer sun above. She curled in on herself in her pool chair, and tugged her sun hat down over her face.

"Oh no."

[talknerdytome18]

Friendly reminder that this blog doesn't support anyone who ships Max x Pip!

If you ship them, or even consider it a "dark romance", then get the fuck away from my blog.

If you come onto my posts saying, "You can't judge people for this ship! Just let people ship what they want to ship!!!", I'm here to tell you that I will judge you if come here supporting a ship that includes a canon rapist.

This blog will completely judge you for shipping Max and Pip. That's a disgusting ship. Fuck off and do not interact with me at all if you think it's okay to ship Max and Pip.

[gingermintpepper]

I would really like to read one piece of writing, amateur or not, that features Apollo and Zeus having a positive relationship. One. Any one. It could be 30 words long for all I care. I just need confirmation that one other writer actively producing content in the Greek Mythology sector doesn't think of Apollo as Zeus' toy, sexual or otherwise, or of Zeus purposefully surpressing Apollo because he doesn't want him to surpass his power, or of Apollo only being obedient to his father over all else because of fear and physical abuse, or of any other reason possibly invented except some sort of mutual understanding and respect.

It should not be this difficult to find content where they do not hate each other.

[eastbluecrewed]

things you can't get back

aka i've been waiting so patiently to see kidd get his ass beat by shanks (affectionate)

[jubilantmedusa]

Untitled Zukka Hurt/Comfort Ficlet #1 (because practicing drawing means I need to write little mini fics I guess...)

“You’re sick.” Sokka’s voice was as calm as the surface of water on a still night. Not a hint of accusation or contempt. No softness, no sting. Only observation. Reflection.

Zuko took a breath, deep to sooth his limbs that were threatening to shake. “I’m fine.”

Sokka frowned, and Zuko felt a knot form instantly in his stomach. His shivered, vision swimming as he saw the flash of another frown, superimposed. A different frown. Harsh. Sharp.

Sokka’s movements were calm. Fluid. Gentle as he raised his hand to Zuko’s forehead and pressed with just the right amount of pressure. “You have a fever.” Zuko felt his heartbeat pick up as Sokka’s lip began to curl, but as his expression settled Zuko realized that Sokka wasn’t angry, just concerned.

Zuko breathed deeply, pinning his arms to his sides before the other boy could notice that he was shaking now. Only, he must not have been fast enough because Sokka dropped his hand from Zuko’s forehead to grab Zuko’s trembling fingers. 

“Your hands are freezing.” Sokka hand tightened around Zuko’s as he pulled it upwards, pressing it against his mouth. Zuko couldn’t stop his hands from shaking even harder as Sokka’s breath warmed his skin.

—

“I can do that.” Zuko reached to grab his sleeping bag. “I’m fine.” Sokka lifted it over his head like they were kids playing keep away. Zuko huffed, crossing his arms, but let Sokka keep it.

“You’re not fine.” Sokka spread of the blanket. “How long have you been feeling sick?”

“Ugg.” Sokka paused. He looked up, holding  Zuko’s gaze until Zuko finally drawled, two days? maybe three.”

“Three days?!” Zuko felt his pulse quickening again, his shoulders bracing. “Why didn’t you say anything!” Even though Sokka’s voice voice was high he didn’t sound angry. In fact… Sokka’s eyebrows were scrunched, lips pressed thin. “You were training Aang this morning. Zuko, you shouldn’t be bending like that if you’re sick “ Sokka was worried.

“I’m fine.” How many times had Zuko said that now? “It’s just a fever. It’ll go away.”

“I mean, sure it will, if you rest. Can you, uh…” He gestured towards the sleeping bag, laid out and waiting.

“Oh.” It felt awkward to lower himself down when his legs felt so much like jelly, Zuko was sure it wasn’t graceful. But Sokka didn’t say anything, just stood there, eyebrow raised. Waiting. Zuko realized, then, that he was supposed to lay all the way down. So he did, somehow feeling boneless now that he wasn’t holding himself up. 

He blinked as Sokka settled a blanket over to his shoulders. It took Zuko and absurd number of seconds to realize that it was a blue blanket, one of Sokka’s own. Woven. Thick. Soft.

“Comfortable?” Sokka asked. When Zuko met his eyes he smiled.

It was nice, seeing Sokka smile. Zuko wanted to smile back, but he… there was a quivering in his stomach. Not sickness, just… waiting. “I’m fine,” Zukp said. When Sokka raised an eyebrow, he added, “I… feel fine.”

“I doubt that,” Sokka said.

“I do,” Zuko insisted. Yes, his body felt suddenly heavy. And his skin buzzed strange sensitivity that made event he gentlest touch feel like a scratch. But he was lying on his side, on something soft, and he was warm. “I… thank you.”

Sokka shrugged. “I didn’t do much,” he said. “Do you need anything else?”

Zuko thought for a moment. “Water?” He croaked.

“Coming right up, bud.”

Zuko let his eyes close for a moment, just listening to the sound of Sokka’s footsteps as he went back to the packs, the rustling of fabric as he was digging through something. Then there was a feeling, something hard brushing his fingers. Zuko opened his eyes to see a small, green glass. “A Ba Sing Se souvenir cup?”

“It was on sale,” Sokka said, chuckling. “Drink it. It’s medicine.”

“For what?” Zuko asked.

“The fever?” Sokka reminded him. “Do they… umm… not treat fevers in the Fire Nation or something?”

“Of course they do.” Zuko propped himself up just enough to tip the bitter liquid into his mouth before settling down again.

More sounds of shuffling as Sokka lowered himself, and then Zuko felt weight on his back as Sokka pressed into him, a hand settling itself onto his arm. Sokka’s touch was firm, but quiet. Soft. Sweet. “But not yours?” Sokka sounded sad.

Zuko swallowed. He remembered that feeling, tossing and turning as his skin crawled and his stomach churned. Waking up with a sweat drenched face but father still expected Zuko to do his katas. Run through his katas, go to school, sit up straight. There was punishment for slouching, even if he only slouched because he was shivering so hard he couldn’t mind his posture. “We were being trained to rule, Azula and I. Countries don’t stop because you have a cold.”

Sokka didn’t say anything, just started rubbing his arm. 

“You can rest now,” Sokka said after a while. “I can take care of you.”

Take care of him? Zuko tried to remember the last time someone had taken care of him. His Uncle had tried, of course, but Zuko had always pushed him away. He couldn’t let himself be seen that way - weak, sick. So he ignored the quiver in his Uncle’s voice when Iroh spoke to him from the other side of a metal door. And before that… before that his mother would, when father would let her. When Zuko was so sick that she’d block his bed with her body to keep father away, even if it cost her. Then sit with him and fuss his hair back with slender fingers.

“I’ll take good care of you,” Sokka said.

Zuko took a deep breath in. Not a sigh, just a breath, one to fill him up. He could feel his heart starting to race again, but... nicer this time, with Sokka so warm and solid against his back. He let the breath out. Slow. Controlled. Eyes still closed, he whispered, “Okay.”

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

There are only so many fanfics that use the entirety of DC as cardboard cutouts to prop up bat family characters that I can read before I go berserk.

I swear to god. Every character that has ever been shipped with a bat or coexists on the same team as a bat is owed an apology.

How many Young Justice fanfics that solely revolve around Tim must exist? How many Titans fanfics centered only on Dick? Why is it a herculean task to find a Justice League fanfic without Bruce as the main character?

And then even when you do find a fic that seems like it's balanced, everything still revolves around the bat. Like Kon, Cassie and Bart have nothing else going on in their lives except Tim and Tim's issues or thinking about Tim. Like Donna and Wally and Roy just cannot function if they aren't spending every waking moment thinking about Dick.

I'm... Guys. I'm at my limit. I swear to god. We need to make a Batman tag and surgically remove all these fics and quarantine them there. We'll keep the actual DC fics and they can do whatever the fuck they want in their own tag. It's getting ridiculous how hard it is to find fanfic that's actually DC related and isn't just 'The BatFam Show'.

[tonhalszendvics]

An Inheritance Cycle story I'll probably never write, but this sucker doesn't want to leave me alone. Long story short under the cut.

Selena was said to be a super spy/assassin type of character, except that people knew about her. I mean, Jeod did, and Brom was a very secretive guy, I am pretty sure that Jeod didn't hear about her from him. And then Galbatorix named his secret service after her, because there was fear connected to the name 'Black Hand'. Thanks, Selena.

Okay, so the AU goes like this: Selena is a super spy/assassin. Nobody knows, who is she, what is she doing, who is she working for. Some people suspect the king, but then she shows up and asks someone else for a favour in a name of a lesser lord or something. She is changing like the weather, nobody knows what does she look like exactly. Want to hire her for a job? Good luck. You were able to get into contact with her? Consider the job as done and yourself as absolutely poor, because even her smallest service costs a fortune.

And then Brom meets her. They don't tell shit to each other, for sure, but the spark is there. So, things are going on their way, Eragon is born, but in this AU, there is no egg-race, Selena just hands the kid over to Brom and says that he'll be more safe with him. Their meetings are scarce, but Eragon gets to know his mama.

Until he's around six or seven years old. Because then something happens in Uru'baen, there is a big boom and a shitton of dead people in the castle. The king and Morzan are furious. A blue egg vanishes.

Mere days later – too soon, so Selena was already on her way when that shit went down – Selena comes to meet Brom and Eragon for the last time, with her eyes blindfolded, because then she'll be able to say that she didn't see them. She tells Brom that she has a husband in Uru'baen. Her and Brom's thing started on the ground that she was missing the night-time company, but she started to have feelings for him. But now, she has to go back to her lord, whom she had sworn to. She has to, because otherwise her other son will be hurt. She doesn't say names. Brom knows, that it's too dangerous.

It also dawns on him that most of the information he's got from her was via her husband. That guy must be a big shot in the Empire. They promise each other that if the Empire goes down by a miracle or something, they'll meet in the end, and if they still love each other, they'll find out what the hell to do.

Then time flies and war-wise most of the canon happens. There aren't much from Selena, but she still succeeds telling this and that to the Varden via secret letters and always changing ways. She was able to hand over some top-secret, very valuable information to the Varden. The communication is one-sided, though, they cannot reach her.

A bunch of victorious Varden are cheering in the occupied capital, when the news come that after the king's death, Morzan put down the sword without anything. He even kneeled on the ground and let himself be tied up, while Brom was trying to avoid having an aneurism. I mean, Brom wanted to kill the guy since forever. Their epic dramatic duel, however, was nowhere near to the end, when the king died. And it wouldn't be honourable to kill a surrendered soldier, especially if his son returned back from the palace right in the moment when he wanted to behead him. Nahh, he has to be the bigger guy.

If Brom is not able to kill Morzan in the battle, then he'd do that through a trial. Everybody is very happy to attend and throw in their two cents, Eragon understands all the hatred, but he still feels very uncomfortable because of all that combined hatred. And Morzan doesn't say anything, he takes it without a word, maybe corrects people here and there when they mess up listing his sins.

And boom, there is Selena. She comes, bows, smiles to Brom then says to Nasuada, that she was promised amnesty for her and her family for her services, and his son is in big trouble because of the occupation, so if they would be so kind to provide her the needed document, she is off already, she and her family won't mess with their schedule for the rest of the day.

Eragon is obviously overjoyed, that A) mama is alive; B) he gets to meet his big brother. So he obviously prods everybody to hurry up with that amnesty.

Document in her hand, the ink still wet, she turns on her heels and in front of everyone, she asks Morzan, that what does he know, where is their son. And Morzan answers. Then with a word, loosens the ties on him, stands up, and when people draw swords, he adds in a mocking tone, that pardon, I was granted amnesty just now via my wife, and as you've heard, my son is in grave danger, if you'd excuse us. Eragon, dear boyfriend-in-law, want to come?

It takes three seconds for Brom to realise, that Morzan meant him, and then he has to try very hard the second time that day to avoid an aneurism.

Anyway, they go, get Murtagh out of that dire situation, because it turns out that little children are actually pretty cute and able to melt a war criminal's ice-cold heart, so Morzan was a good dad this time, and he and Selena were blackmailed with him. That trouble thingy back then, that separated Selena from the other side of the family was when the king found out that his general's heart changed, and that Selena was also a double-spy, so boom, he took Murtagh away, and suddenly the parents were absolutely A-class thralls again. Idk if Murtagh was even out in the battlefield this time, or every stuff he did was handed over to Morzan, while he was in house arrest somewhere. (Does he even know how to fight or is he Orrin No. 2 with all the science?)

Anyway, Murtagh and Eragon bond over dragons in zero second and decide it's the best for them if they just leave their parents to be. Brom needs a bit of time and a bit more cajoling from Selena to loosen up, but in the end they are a traumatised and super messed up polycule. Morzan regrets that in the moment he says something and Brom answers with a mortifying secret from their childhood. They might end up in a fist fight. Selena doesn't say anything to them (too busy getting slate tablets), because in the end they kiss (and she has to make fairths).

That was the AU in a nutshell. I hope this one will leave me alone now. :') Thanks for coming to my story night, take care!