#i'm not enough

[whatever228sworld]

I Ty myślisz że możesz mnie zranić?

Ziom dorastałam z ojcem nie mając ojca

[got2lovepetals]

In my dreams you want me. In my dreams you tell me you love me. You tell me to stay.

In my dreams I am enough. But I always wake up and you are always gone.

[maryjaneszombies-blog]

God I'm so fucking tired of people

[luna-spring]

not enough not enough not enough not enough not enough not enough not enough not enough

[girl-who-likes-waffles]

La amo demasiado pero no logro corresponder, no estoy a su altura, tal vez es demasiado para mí y yo soy muy poco, no tengo mucho que ofrecer. Ella tiene los sentimientos a flor de piel y a mí me cuesta sentirme viva. Yo la amo y quiero estar a su nivel, pero ella necesita a alguien que le pueda ofrecer lo mismo que ella da, que ame en grande como ella lo hace. Yo estoy demasiado muerta para eso y por más que lo he intentado no he podido. Ella es una flor que yo no quiero marchitar. Cuando una flor no florece, cambias el ambiente en el que crece, no a la flor. Ella merece muchas cosas, cosas que quisiera darle pero no puedo. Eso duele pero yo solo quiero verla bien, he visto su brillo y quiero que lo siga teniendo.

[sortofreflextion]

I know I like to dance because it has never been so difficult for me. Being difficult makes me a good ballerina.

I was a good ballerina.

Yes, I was good at what I did, nothing more than it was never noticed because I had to be good at everything I did, so just that I enjoyed it was overshadowed by pure perfection, perfection that only stayed in my house and outside, outside into a hole, from inside to outside there was never anything more than smiles agreeing to everything, nothing was ever expected from me but promises of a future like the best, after me there was never anything better. Nothing better than her.

Nothing was ever good. It is impossible to maintain perfection.

She at least told me that. She liked things to be disastrous in perfect harmony. One that only I was able to see. And I knew that only I was capable of seeing it because I never felt forced to do so. It was just there. And his presence made me feel more and more alive. I rose up higher than a grand jeté, I rose into the air with thousands of twists and counter-turns that made me vomit pink, blue, yellow, green and red butterflies, I became dizzy in the most tender and innocent way I have ever set foot in this world. Nothing was ever the same in this hole universe. She held me in a way that even she wasn't aware of how much it hurt me every time she let me fall. Not even an injury hurt that much. But they always told me that if there is no blood, the pain is not important. Furthermore, I didn't feel any pain when I jumped again. Everything turns pink when I see you again. Everything turns into summer.

Then I remember why I don't like the summer heat. A strawberry popsicle lasts until the rays hit it and fracture is inevitable. The fall and the sticky drips of summer with the tears it brings become inevitable and present in all the body that still remains on this earth.

Because That's it. A dancer is firm and does not take her feet off the ground, not forever. Always with head held high. Always firm. Always alone about something. And me, I was a good ballerina.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't know why I feel like crying if you're not with me. My birthday was never important, that rules out the fact that I want a party, am I asking too much when I want a hug of yours?

This sounds so human that it makes my chest clench. This is what she would have wanted. For the first time I'm going to jump out alone and say that I prefer to say that; I was just a good dancer.

Della.

Hopefully tomorrow you will still be in my mind and forever and ever I will remember you. This ballet dancer will love you.

[mentallyillastrophelfreak]

It's so hard to focus on writing an essay for English about gender equality when I keep getting confused about what my pronouns really are despite me being born a girl, or when I think of this girl from school and I keep getting this mysterious feeling that I'm supposed to be with her but I'm still so fond of the boy who sits right next to me but he has a gf and everytime I see him with her it pains my heart but I never let myself cry about it, then I'm also daydreaming about jegulus and wonder if I am enough to be someone's lover or am I even capable of being loved and be enough for them and my head feels so crowded that I wish there was an off button so I could have a moment of peace.

And my mom says that I'm the most normal person she knows.

[vissavin]

¿Será qué ya soy suficiente para ti?

[whatever228sworld]

Zawsze kiedy będziesz chciał dobrze wyjdzie źle,

zawsze gdy nie będziesz miał nic złego na myśli ktoś zrozumie Cię źle, zawsze gdy będziesz potrzebował bliskości ktoś się odsunie za to, zawsze gdy ktoś będzie jej potrzebował Ty nie zrozumiesz i się oddalisz w najgorszym momencie zauważyłam, że nie ważne jak zrobisz zawsze będzie źle,

i to nie tak, że każdy Cię źle odbiera to Ty po prostu jesteś zły przyznaj to w końcu samemu sobie niektórzy ludzie nie ważne, jakby się starali nigdy nie będą dobrzy.

[tapiokauwu]

I just want to be loved, why is it so difficult? Am I not pretty enough?

Who cares about you anyways, I hate you, I hate everyone who lives in this city! But whatever, I will still hurt myself instead of others and suffer because I think I'm a burden to everyone and I'm useless...

[m00nlight-raven]

i'm fading in front of you

and you just don't care

moonlight raven

[goghskypoestry]

:"Will I ever be enough?"

No.

:"Why?"

I see you smiling and suddenly it's the heavy rain of 15 minutes after the summer heat, that makes us realize how nature compensates. I see you, your eyes wide open, when you see the barista bring over your favourite cup of coffee. I see you burn everytime you've spoken for what you believe but the fire you create is never to burn but to warm skins and hearts alike, of the world's icy core. I've watched your tears fall, like autumn leaves do, and suddenly the ground I walk on does not seem so lonely anymore. I see your eyes narrowing when you laugh, still wide enough to find another universe where humanity is still celebrated. You see, enough is never even close to what you are or have been, or ever will be. You'll always be the glass of overflowing stars, burning and shining your way through every parched human you go to, and you fill them with love. But you, never end because no one can have enough of you. So you give, effortlessly and fearlessly.

- Daphnae, to every person who dares to love

[applyingpeace]

Life is revealing itself to be a cruel, sick joke.

No matter how much I strive for truth and good, I'm too tormented to succeed.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

that article going around abt firefox's new ad program is annoying bc it's phrased as though "mozilla has finally TURNED on its people and is SELLING YOU OUT for cold hard cash!!" when. that's not what's happening. it is specifically being implemented to discourage tracking behavior, and literally all the data they are giving to advertisers is aggregate and anonymized, which is like, the opposite of what that post wants you to worry about, lol

[mentallyillastrophelfreak]

my story pt.1

I used to have no friends at all cause I was always quiet and just watched. Now, the elders would ask me who I'm usually with or shouldn't I be with my friends that day – I either break down when I'm unwell, or just smile sheepishly knowing that I don't have any.

People would tell me that if I tried to open up more then maybe I wouldn't feel so lonely. I did try, though, once. It didn't go well. But then, I decided to try again. I said hi daily to anyone, or I try to smile even the slightest at people who actually acknowledge me. Then I tried starting a conversation with this guy who was feminine, but not gay.

Next thing I knew, I had friends. I connected with people. I enjoyed my time with them and looked forward to meeting up with them. It was nice. And I was always there to comfort them because they have crappy self esteem and have mental issues. I was their mom and therapist friend. It was nice. All was well.

Until I got sick, but I still went to school. I was so tired and I kept coughing and sniffling a lot. I was so tired that I couldn't talk to anyone, and even if I tried, it's so hard to even talk. I made an excuse to my feminine guy friend that I'm sick and that I won't be able to hang out with them properly for a while. He barely glanced at me or acknowledged me. It was fine. It's just probably my head messing with me.

The only person who ever forced a mutter out of me or even a half smile was the boy sitting next to me. I really loved him, like really loved him, but he was with someone else so I'm hopeless. He liked to annoy me and by doing that, it forces a smile out of me. But then again, I was barely talking.

Three days later, I was still sick. But I had improved cause I was actually smiling without any reason again. Until that afternoon my mood shifted and I lashed out on my friend by yelling at him to stop being a...you know. Then I made him cry. I. Made. Him. Cry. I was so freaking ashamed of myself and I tried to apologized but he didn't accept it. I hated myself so much that I went on complete silent and I didn't participate on my next class. The pain of my own words cut into every part of my body so deeply, especially my head. My head felt like it was being banged by a rock. Plus, our lesson was about self-consciousness. I hated the world and myself.

Then after that period, the boy beside me decided to annoy me again. I was staring outside, frowning, and you know what he did? He stared at me for a long time, then mirrored what I was doing; then when I looked away to look down on my hand, which I was writing on, he did the same. I noticed everything and I couldn't help but look at him, smile like a fool, and think "I love you so much dammit."

Until I noticed that I had difficulty breathing. I started rubbing on my chest cause it hurt and my breathing picked up. The boy noticed and asked if what was wrong. I told him I couldn't breathe and forced me to drink water. But it was getting worse. My head was racing with so many things I couldn't think properly. Then the pain was getting unbearable that tears started filling my eyes, and the boy had to call on our adviser, cause, gosh, I was crying.

They took both my arms, then I started hyperventilating. I gasped for breath as tears streamed down my eyes and all I could think of is holding on to the boy with me. They took me to the school clinic and was cold, stiff and numb all over. Before the boy left, I looked at him one last time and thought, 'im so glad that it's you who saw this.'

When I was alone, I left the clinic without anyone knowing then went back to the classroom. My mom found me and made me took a pill before she had to leave. I started crying again, and the boy listened to me ramble about random stuff. And this girl who's always quiet, was the only one who helped me too. And you know those other friends I talked to? Barely cared. Ignored me.

Then I start to wonder, 'was I just the second option?'

[nariarts]

Spent a ridiculous amount of time last night obsessively editing my hand written zines in Photoshop to take away any tiny blemishes so they were definitely readable.

Whatever. Understand or don't.