#nariwrites

[nariarts]

Spent a ridiculous amount of time last night obsessively editing my hand written zines in Photoshop to take away any tiny blemishes so they were definitely readable.

Whatever. Understand or don't.

[moon-seoul]

There’s so much going on.

Honestly, I can barely keep up😂

Lately, BTS has been a constant in my life. I’m not saying they are my entire reason for existing...but their constant presence in my social media feed has been preventing me from going INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE (brownie points if you get my ref aha.)

Life has been extra tough, but of course I am TOUGHER.

[unabashedlyimportantanchor]

4-13-15, Things I Never Told Him

It really all started two years ago. I was trying to get through a bad break up, but I was still in love with him. I didn't, I couldn't, be with him anymore. Not again. I was sick of the lies and cheating and the depression I couldn't escape. My ex, he represented my depression, a human embodiment of depression. My depression had baby blue eyes and mouse brown, curly hair and a sideways smile that never looked just right, which was why I loved it. But that sideways smile never showed and those beautiful eyes never shined and that curly hair never had volume. I found someone else, who looked exactly like my depression. Except this depression had rough hands, a deeper voice, brighter eyes, and I fell in love again, all over again, with his mysterious ways and veiny arms and smirk of a smile. I loved his voice, how it softened around me. I loved how I finally felt safe in someone's arms, in his arms. But that was two years ago, and I now realize that I fell in love with him. I got over my depression with his help, and he didn't even realize what he was doing for me. Honestly, it took me five months after I'd first met him, and we'd stood together with mutual friends, to even speak to him. When we'd stand, elbows brushing, all I could do was listen to him, just listen to his voice, glance at him and hope I would say something to him one day about how much I loved his voice. the first time I had ever spoken to him directly was when he walked away. I got brave, and I aimed to grab his arm.. It was his hand, for the record. He stopped and turned around, raising an eyebrow at me, giving me his little half smile that turned to a smirk. Of all things to say, I chose to ask if he wanted a smarties. At first he declined, and my racing heart paused for a moment. I tried again, asking if he were sure, and this time he took a few and thanked me. My heart paused again. All I could say was 'yeah', and I made him laugh. My God, I knew deep down I was in love with his laugh, and I wanted to tell him so badly it hurt. I walked away quickly instead, scared of messing it up, That was the first time my heart palpitated, because of this seventeen year old boy with a smirk and blue eyes and stubble on his chin that had a gap in the middle. Of course, I didn't know what it was called at the time, but just ten months ago I became so comfortable with him that I almost cried in his arms just after class. My heart palpitations progressed to be worse and he held me until I internally freaked out. I realized how close he was holding me and how his head was resting on mine and his hand was rubbing my back soothingly. He was murmuring into my hair how I'm okay, I just need to calm down. I told him I had to leave, which was the first lie I'd ever told him. I had stopped letting anyone hold me like that, until him. We had a falling out, some few days later, for some reason I can't remember and he won't tell me. My depression came back, my anxiety became worse, and my inbox was once more full of my depression. I found comfort in him and he asked me to wait for him, until he got back from some sort of Military school. I promised I would, and I regret it now, because now I realize that there was never a chance or hope of me getting back with it- with him. Not as long as Ryan was around, whether we were fighting or not, because really? There's no magic in a breakdown, darling.

[nariarts]

the house i used to live in

[nariarts]

Sixty Ton Angels

collage without text under the cut

[nariarts]

Feast

For Zine-o-Ween! Absolutely botched tearing an A5 fold and ran with it.

[nariarts]

The Internet Cafe in the Back of the Video Rental Store

For Zine-o-Ween!

[nariarts]

The Eagle

Had a post-it. Didn't wanna do a standard zine fold. Counting it anyway based on Vibes.

[nariarts]

Paraffin.

For Zine-o-Ween

[nariarts]

Letters to People I Don't Talk to Any More

[nariarts]

In The Mirror

For Zine-o-Ween

[nariarts]

thinking about the art of reclaiming slurs, and how much things have changed in around 40 generations, and how much things have stayed the same.

i would have been called ergi back then much as i am called contemporary slurs today. but now, i see both sets of words, and i have no impulse to 'defend my honour'; i am, and to be is an honour in itself. i may not have had the ability to do that way back, but i have to wonder if any of my ancestors did, privately, feel as i feel.

[nariarts]

I Am Not Afraid.

putting on a brave face through some ongoing trauma. aren't we all.

[nariarts]

Sometimes you gotta set your zine on fire for full effect 👍

original scan where you can see the burns clearer under the cut

Used pink paper to back it to give it more contrast as I knew I was gonna make it greyscale for printing

used a lighter and a stick of incense so i had a little bit of control for parts where the text needed to still be legible

[nariarts]

Gods Get

experimenting with bound zines. this one's 1 sheet printed front and back, cut in the middle so it's a6

^ zine and my new bestie the long arm stapler

[nariarts]

Parasite.

for Zine-o-Ween. absolutely atrocious fold but i was doing it behind a stall when i was selling at a convention so we work with what we've got