#i'm literally not even that mentally ill
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I'm so tired of having psychiatry appts every week whefieowhoiefhoe every week she's like how have you been and I'm like I've been the same and she's like have you been anxious or down at all? and I'm like girl that is my personality so yes djfiwodfhjowhfowidfhoi like I promise I'll alert you if I suddenly am a calm happy person
#like i'm really fine i'm not like that unwell#but have I been anxious AT ALL ??? yes obviously ??#and have I been down? idk!!!#like idk!!!#i don't know how happy I am expected to be!#diary#i want to stop meeting every week but i am trying a new med so like I kind of get it#but also what if I just shoot you an email if I feel literally anything new#and then we can meet#real sick of shelling out 50 bones week after week to report that i still have the same personality i've had since i was born#do you know how many enamel pins I could buy with that money??? several!!!#honestly getting several enamel pins in the mail every day would ABSOLUTELY do more for my mental health than these appts do#and then we always get into these huge existential topics that i'm already addressing with my therapist#yknow the therapist i also see every week#i'm literally not even that mentally ill
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I think if Rise Mikey ever met the 2012 turtles he'd die from how emotionally pent up they are
#The funniest thing about this comic is that this was something my old therapist actually said to me#I'm not even exaggerating#I was literally told by a licensed professional I was the most mentally ill person she's ever met#And honestly that's hilarious to me#I think I deserve a trophy for that or something#tmnt#rottmnt#mikey#Michelangelo#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt michelangelo#2012 leo#2012 Leonardo#leo#leonardo#tmnt 2012#➼ Artworks#➼ From the cage#➼ Blue turtle inner workings#➼ Leo being a hazard saga
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me stubbornly forcing myself to drink green tea and rest from my THIRD COLD THIS MONTH
#i am so fucking tired of being ill#is it not enough that i have a chronic illness and chronic pain condition all the time anyway???#ughhh#i'm grateful because i at least managed to get to (most) of the gigs i wanted to this month#but other than that i've literally just been stuck in bed unable to do anything and my brain is starting to melt with boredom#idk how i can still not be well enough to write or absorb myself in reading a good book or fanfic or even be on here properly#but my brain feels like MUSH and it's so frustrating#i miss my little four walls men so much 😩#i miss being able to see the sky and see my friends and taste the food i eat#sorry i know i'm complaining#i just needed to vent for a moment#it's been such a shit few months anyway and i was already in a really rough spot with my mental/physical health for a number of reasons#so this just feels like the last straw#universe please let me feel a little better soon#i have things i want to do and people i want to talk to and fics i want to write#oh how nice it must be to live in a body that isn't constantly impaired in some way 🤦♀️#lulu posts
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#do you people read aoex with your eyes closed?????#if i see one more 'yukio is the worst brother ever!!!!' i'm going to go insane#he's literally 16#like god forbid a child makes a mistake#god forbid a child breaks under the weight of expectations#like what do you even hate about him????#the fact that he's mentally ill????#that he's been in exorcist business longer than rin????#'b-but he held a gun to rin's head'#he was literally going through a mental breakdown#i am going insane#i am the ultimate yukio defender#that's literally my son#i think youngest siblings should break down and go insane more often actually#aoex#ao no exorcist#blue exorcist#yukio okumura#okumura yukio
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101 - a dummy's guide to loving and becoming human again
#it's been literally 1 day since ive started thinking about these two and i'm severely mentally ill#do they even have a ship name. i saw 'crowclock' but surely we can do better.#limbus company#yi sang lcb#dante lcb#limbus company fanart#strbylmn art#i. WAAAAHHH WAHHHH#hear me out. yi sang has self worth issues and sees himself as less than human. and he easily develops attachment to inanimate objects#dante struggles to form proper attachments because they don't know what the normal pace for forming relationships is. and they hate being#seen as less than human. so we run into this crazy ass relationship where dante likes yi sang for how human he is and yi sang likes dante#in part because of their head. so they love each other despite neither of them seeing themselves in the way the other sees them.#DOES ANYONE HEAR ME. AAAGHHHHHHHHHH#also supreme amount of gender fuckery as a result. GOD. I'VE MADE MYSELF MENTALLY ILL
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What are they writing?? Nothing good probably
But like what if they all brainstorm songs together and they're just being goofy and silly and 🥺👉👈 HAHDRNAKO
Ft. Two hypothetical new band members Lucas (From the pilot) and Sam(oc)
Just some silly characters explorations
#shred force#my art#nordic bunny#I want to put them in a blender#They make my head spin#Literally I'm so mentally ill about them#I have comic ideas and everything#What even are exams#I'm going to kms
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#I don't understand how mentally ill people claim that they hate work#And don't come out of literally every single shift with about 5#with every single new shift with about at least 5#000#New thoughts about how wrong this all is and how detrimentally painful it is and why#I've literally started writing a multi-million word along philosophical rant#to certain fictional characters that I pretend are my partners because I'm in so much pain every day that I have so much to say#that not even ranting about it on the internet comes close at this point#it relates back to that whole philosophy about how mental illness naturally creates creativity#because I'm not even meaning to write this damn novel or philosophical paper.#it's just the fact that I literally have to or I feel like I'm going to implode
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i can't lie i get so annoyed when i see ppl claim to idolise female artists like sylvia plath, fiona apple etc. but then actually idolise the exact aesthetic the artist has spent their whole career warning everyone about.
#it's always the self-proclaimed 'coquette girlies' too#'hehe i love fiona apple... i'm just a girl..... i need a big strong man in my life because i'm such a helpless poor frail GIRL'#like have u even LISTENED to what these ppl preach......#same w/ the ones who go on about 'i'm so sylvia plath because i'm mentally ill but in a cutesy and girly way'#as if one of her most famous poems isn't literally about how disgusting her mental health problems make her feel#like if u took one look at any of her work u would realise she is NOT about any of that#sylvia plath#fiona apple#lana del rey#gothihop speaks
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N*loth is literally prime NPD representation and that's just how it is. Dat's just how i feel . if iiiiiii hear anyhing ab him needing to be humbled or put in his place i'll just tear my hair out right here and match his look. not even trying to lift him up or defend him i'm just defending the mentally ill skajrim characters nobody wants to understand,
#text#literally sick to my stomach from people sayin that shit omfg#no i'm exaggerating but be serious#my sk*rim NPD trifecta is n*loth + s*ddgeir + m*raak#s*ddgeir is the one you all should be humbling cause he's just gay (derogatory)) and materialistic#i swear n*loth didn't do anythign to any of you people he doesn't even like fancy stuff even tho he has the bag#people see a smart bih with a rocket science degree and just wanna say she needs to be '' '' put in her place '' '''#my hyper sk*rim character rambling. .. but seriously tho...#i think 2 this site its: traumatized character = 'sad wet cat'#intimidating woman = 'MAMA DOM'#and character with blown out ego = 'actually pathetic'#like i'll start swinging idc#m*raak is a good personification of NPD cause he doesn't wanna believeee there's someone better than him in his 'skill'#notice how he's Always throwing shit on U for no reason#he's so mad. lols#the entire DB DLC is about m*raak's NPD and how it consumed him. very artistic..#but n*loth i find to be extremely realistic even in the little things#how his NPD isn't an escape from anything but just pillars of his existence#+how his ego doesn't help w/ not caring about wat others think about him.. he neeeeds that validation to feel good 2#but not to survive. his Ego can carry him on it's own#i'll defend n*loth's mental illnesses with my life idrc abt m*raak's diagnosis tho just cause he annoys me from the gameplay LMFAO BYE#if i sound crazy when i post shid likethis it's cause you don't LOVE sk*rim like i do.........rubbing my temples
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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npd + rdr culture is seeing people call dutch a narcissist and going "YEAA KING he's just like me ong" and then promptly realise they're actually insulting him with the word 'narcissist' & i proceed to backpedal ...
#i have no idea how familiar the rdr2 fandom is with personality disorders?? ive seen a lotta ppl be positive with them. like “they're just#like me bcs they totally have x y or z!!“ which is fun to see#but ive also seen a LOT of people throw around the word narcissist as an insult as if it isn't an actual mental illness ppl can have#yikes ... embarrassing 😨😨😨#anyways dutch SOOO has npd (& other things too but that's not relevant for this post)#DUTCH IS A NARCISSIST !!1!!!1!2 :D (stims & dances bcs i'm tired of seeing narc used in Always a demonising way)#rdr2#dutch van der linde#rdr#npd#narcissistic personality disorder#he's just like me 🤩#when i was still in my “i literally can't be a narc because i'm literally perfect” phase i literally hated dutch and i hated him even more#bcs of how much i related to him#the urge to say “— i'm not abusive!” so ppl don't get the wrong idea vs hating to need to constantly make it clear that npd ≠ abuse & i can#talk abt his npd & relate to it without the Other Stuff™#i once saw a meme abt dutch's narcissism & loved it so much before proceeding to realise it was made by an ableist#ableism tw
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using "sanity" as a stat that lowers... great, so hopeful. what an accurate and not outdated concept.
oh look, now some of you are making higher aggression and scary monstrousness go hand-in-hand with lower sanity... "insanity 100%"... wow so suprised, truuuly an improvement from all those shitty "character go INSANE AND KILL BC INSANITY = VIOLENCE" you used to make all the goddamn time.
#sarcasm post#mlp infection au#mlp infected au#ableism#sanism#ableist tropes#losing “sanity” doesn't have to mean being an aggressive and/or scary monster#mlp#mlp fim#shout out to you all who DON'T lean into this bullshit for your au's#the “less sane = more violent and aggressive towards others” stereotype LITERALLY GETS MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE KILLED.#you CAN lash out during a breakdown#but portraying those of “lesser sanity” as agressive mindless monsterous creatures to be terrified of?#IMPLYING THOSE THINGS GO HAND-IN-HAND?#i'm sick of it!!!!!!#even if we're “going ins^ne” we're still human beings#and the mlp cast is just human beings shaped like animals
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Is there such a thing as high on pain? Yeah, I'm high asf rn. I be swaying with the pain like imma solid stoner.
Like life is good, man. Me and my boy(pain) out here getting turned up like tomorrow ain't shii.
#i mean literally#I'm so high rn I can't even compose a proper sentence#chronic fatigue#chronically ill#feelings#migraine#actually ill#mental health#healing#burnout
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A question.
We're in a situation where there is no more Fao and Finn.
Shiv has left, taking Fao and Ely (epoch's, but too much to talk to both of us), and leaving all our fics frozen still.
As mentioned previously, you can find shiv on ao3, but all of my work has only ever been on here.
Would people be interested in a rewritten situation where the Daniels etc remain (but without Fao obv)? Fao left in prev works but removed from future? Leaving the blog frozen with no changes or additions? Completely new characters on a new blog that has zero to do with the boys?
If anyone has any tips etc, they'd be appreciated.
#ev posts#faofinn breakup#this isn't how i expectedly the blog to go ngl#but i also didn't expect to be split up either tbh#we've got five years of writing every single day behind us#but now I'm not allowed to even message every day#hell even any week#shout out to mental illness for ruining my life again#ironically enough it wasn’t my depression that broke the straw#but i did try and off myself the same day shiv broke up with me lmao#and not a week has gone by without a tragedy#I've had too many deaths in the family#and three prealerts#two resus stays#and another three admissions#and not one of them was for my bloody mental health#it's literally a broken heart#they've actually genuinely considered it and it blows my tiny medical mind.
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Huh. If my life was a quote, it'd be "one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune"
#quote from MLP:FIW#sorryyyy been kinda angry about my step family all day#sorry but im so tired of my Stepmom acting like she raised decent kids#my step brother is like 25 and living in my dads home. hes unironically an andrew tate fan and treats his very disabled girlfriend like shit#step sister always got compred to my sister who's the same age and put step sis in the light every time EVEN THO MY SIS WAS LITERALLY BETTER#<- like grades n shit#also both step sibs are gross. never cleans up ever. step brother and his gf are banned from the basement#step bro went to juvy when he was 16 and step sis had a trial last year and almost went to jail#also step sis has mono and would rather die than cover her mouth#i feel bad for SB's girlfriend because she has no other support system and sometimes it feels like SB or SS is trying to kill her?????#my dad threatened to kick out the adults if the house is dirty (adults being SB. SBG. SS. My sister. Aunt.)#My sister does SO MUCH HOUSEWORK and nobody cares and im mad#also bullshit rules recently have made my potential eating disorder worse#i don't think its healthy to rather starve than wash a dish but i actually have cried several times over this#not to mention how much i accidentally starve myself#also our food has been less and less because I don't know what I'm allowed to eat anymore because of my step family#also i have to share the smallest room with my sister. its okay tho ilh and i wouldn't want to get rid of her#sometimes it feels like my stepmom doesn't like me or my sisters because we're “weird”. childish interests and artistic#she lectured me about having missing assignments and I started crying#i said i just forgot to turn in some before the deadline and she called me lazy#<- Oops! so close. its actually THE MENTAL ILLNESS#my sisters and i feel like shit#i feel like my safe space is with my oldest sister.#and you all too! i love you guys#i just feel trapped. trapped by my step family. trapped by my own mind.#i was just starting to feel free from the burden of school and she just made me feel more stressed.#i didn't want to study because she killed the little motivation I had#Spanish exam is now “Fuck it we ball”#sorry for the personal post
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have a lead on a subaru for approximately $2000 going to look at it tomorrow. i don't want a car but people are telling me i should check it out so i guess i will. i've always felt destined to be a subaru owner anyway
#no idea of any of the specs lmao it's just some coworker of the person whose horse i took care of selling it#it sounded like she wasn't even sure he was selling it so like what are we even doing. but whatever#i also don't have $2000 obviously and the thought of driving again makes me want to throw up lol ❤️ but i do want to move somewhere else#like somewhere in the woods away from people. of course not the most public transport conducive environment#i'm literally panicking over the thought of driving it around the block or whatever. lmao i will straight up get lost#kind of feeling like i'm way too stupid and mentally ill rn to be driving also#me
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