#i'm like. 40% done with things
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might i interest you in a preview of the fates mod i've been working on
#nothing is final#i will fix the hood#i'm like. 40% done with things#that may be too generous i'm not actually planning that far ahead rip#it's only just now at a point where i'm willing to share anything#lmk if you're interested in the premise#motivation to finish is always good#this is super self indulgent though#fire emblem#fire emblem fates#fe14#robin#robin fire emblem#fire emblem awakening#mod#revelation#selena#severa#revelation robin
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I can't be trusted with colors.
#artists on tumblr#digital art#illustration#fight club#fight club 1999#tyler durden#the narrator fight club#marla singer#went crazy with this#been thinking about him in the last period#honestly looking in the mirror and imagining him telling me “you're literally me” makes me go through weeks like a blast#not in a loser way but in a girl way iykwim#I'm literally tyler durden if he was 17 and went to school and was a girl#once again work doodles turned into a full piece#this whole thing felt liberating to do#I've spent all week doing short animations working with 40+ layers while this was done only on 3#also included the narrator and marla cause i love them#martyryo
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There are two wolves inside me. One wants to embrace a new hobby in dance so I can be active and feel elegant and graceful and strong. This wolf wants to try something new and exciting, finally indulging in something I've always had an interest in.
The other experiences such frustrating emotions on a near daily basis that I want to go back to boxing, which is arguably easier to break into since I've already done it before. This wolf doesn't think of elegance, she just wants to fuck shit up until her body's so overworked and warm it fogs up car windows without having to do anything but sit inside.
Which one do I fucking feed??
#t. lee woes#like. do you know how hard it is trying to start something new that you've never done at all ever before??#and you've got no mode of transport until december - and ONLY if things go well#and now you're contemplating ways to mkre regularly earn a bit of money to afford the classes since paying weekly means my income#would wind up like $9 a fortnight since $40 would be spent by the end of each fortnight#it wouldn't necessarily be stagnant but it's not a desirable position to be in#I still have stuff saved up in a jar but I'm always hesitant to dip into that stuff#originally it was going toward a violin and lessons for that but I'm putting it off in favour of something a bit easier to dedicate time to#boxing is easy. in fact I could get support from my fam for that cause they like it#they don't see the point in dancing but I really want to at least try it and I'm worried about affording each term if I do end up liking it#also I already have boxing gear from before#but I'm hesitant about boxing at the moment for a lot of reasons I can't quite articulate but weirdly might have something to do with#internalised misogyny and biases... which is WILD cause my dad supports women learning martial arts#I can't do karate though I tried that and the class drove me a little insane#and it doesn't push you the same way boxing does and I really like to be pushed#if I don't leave sweating and hot and lungs and muscles aching then what's the point?? I can do mediocre exercise at home#and find more intense martial arts classes that also teach other kinds of self-defense#it's like... ehhhh#anyway but also I want to do something that's for fun that isn't so Serious Fight Mode#hence dancing#but I can only afford one not both and basically I'm grumpy today cause I was gonna trial a dance class - got ready and everything - but#my ride was suddenly unavailable. and I still can't stomach public transport. nor am I good at navigating it#it feels so different here compared to where I used to live - and I knew trains better not buses
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I've come back to Time and Again... it's a threshold day miracle!
#IT'S NOT DONE YET#yes I've been droning on about it forever and no one cares anymore very boy who cried wolf#apparently I mostly needed a deadline and new lightbulbs#but i remember why I abandoned ship#cosplay updates#time and again cosplay#I've been talking about it for long enough though like damn#not actually threshold for once#but it is our high holiday and usually I would point to a Christmas miracle no matter the time of year#ignore the wrinkles the iron lives on the other side of the house and the ironing board is disintegrating#the colors look so saturated :/#I have a week and part of the roadblock is all the other projects I wanna do#my very cool 40 year old yardstick gave me a splinter#yeah I'm doing another so that I can go meet Kate Mulgrew it's a whole thing
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oh, how i love you, adhd medication. took a short release a few hours ago because i couldn't stop watching BTVS and i haven't done anything in three days so i figured it couldn't hurt and now i'm sitting here thinking about the big picture and art i want to make and what i can get done right now to make my life easier this week.
#sb and l rambles#adhd is probably the cause of like... half my problems#i need to do the homework for the class i'm TAing and fill out a self-assessment and possibly buy tickets for a dance show this weekend#all of these things will take like 10-40 minutes. i can just do them today and then they'll be done#and make a plan for what work i'm going to do this week.....#and i can do it! and then i'll be less stressed!
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Frustrating when a VC-funded company gets credit for being the "first" and the "leader," when they had a sub-component demo the same week we had a full-system demo. Like, we are easily 5-10 years ahead of them, it's ridiculous; their approach isn't even yet proven to work. But they get science youtubers talking about them.
Because they're VC-funded, they have a marketing/press department.
And because we're an employee-owned company working off of government contracts, well, most government contracts get slapped with an ITAR label (an old Cold-War-era law saying basically sharing scientific information counts as illegally selling arms/munitions). So if you want to publicize your work, including your company's products, you have to appeal that label. (Universities have specifically negotiated a blanket exemption, so if you spend your whole life in academic science you might never even know about this.)
(My previous employer filed those appeals several times a year in order to do press releases and publish journal articles and apply for patents. I think every single information-release appeal they filed went through, because there's no reason any of this stuff should be labeled as arms--it's literally the same stuff universities are doing. My current employer is afraid to, which I think is wrong-headed; at worst they'll just say no, and anyway, our non-restricted competitors are giving fucking lab tours to youtubers.)
#these restrictions mean you also can't have employees on visas working on these projects#my previous employer tried to appeal that too and failed--they were only able to appeal the dissemination of information part#so we had locked labs that my international coworkers weren't allowed in#(one got a green card and was allowed in eventually)#ironically the VC-funded company is doing it the same way I did it in my PhD thesis#two other people at the company did this stuff in their post-docs#all of us are over 40 (one guy is over 50 I'm pretty sure) so this is not a new technique--I got two MINOR papers on it 16 years ago#the MAJOR papers are like 25 years old#and we're all convinced it's NOT the right approach#granted the technique we are using is about 30 years old#in my literal thesis defense one of my committee members asked why I was using the technique the VC companies are now using#and if I had done the math to prove it was superior to the older technique#and I was like--everyone knows the new technique is superior that's why it's trendy#and my advisor (who was a genius) said the same thing and that it wasn't a fair question#but the guy who asked it was an ancient theorist who REALLY knew what he was talking about#and in retrospect he was completely right--I should have done the math comparing the techniques and the older technique IS better#a few weeks into my job here I did the math and found that if you use the BEST version of the new technique--one that only one group#has demonstrated can even be done and they didn't get all the way to the point of demonstrating an application like this#and you assume some generous efficiency numbers#it breaks even with the old technique#that's not what this VC group is doing so... not a chance lol
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Actually Dream and Delirium are fun to draw together because Dream is very easy to draw and Delirium is still Delirium no matter how many times I get bored with the style I picked for her and change it midpage
#this is my way of saying i'm making a continuation to the feverdream comic#it's become too long#i'll probably post it on ao3 when it's done kind of long#idk if i should Post it here in chunks or if i should wait till the whole thing is done tho#which is anywhere from 20-40 pages depending on how long i'll keep feeling like a person
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Sticky notes are like the greatest thing ever and I legit use them every day because of how often I think about something–and then COMPLETELY forget about it a couple hours later. Planners and notebooks just don’t work the same for me, it’s gotta be sticky notes for me baby. Here’s my collection, and there are even more near my bookshelf I use as bookmarks.
See you tomorrow at noon! :)
#MarbarTattles#sticky notes#the main use? writing down chores....bleh xD#but hey I'm 40% less likely to forget and 20% more motivated to actually get things done if I write my list every morning before work
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youtube
Three Caballeros scene near the finale. I hope whoever the 1944 art director was knew that they permanently imprinted surrealism inside my 3 yr old brain...
I'm still blown away by it's bold use of animated color. This segment in particular is massively influenced by the Mexican surrealist movement that started in the 1920s I think.
#i'm so glad the new ducktales brought back panchito and jose#i am also so thankful for the tumblr (and pixiv) artists for drawing them in big poly love haha#video#los tres caballeros#the three caballeros#disney#in the youtube link the poster has a bit of a historical song analysis in the video description about Tehuantepec history in Mexico#been thinking a lot about Mexican surrealism of 1930s recently.. Frida Kahlo is coming to my museum soon..#when i say i am a fan of golden era disney over renaissance disney i mean this kind of surreal shit...#i know they do live performances synced to fantasia but i think they ought to do that for three caballeros..#(i am well aware that 40s era disney has done things wrong but idk i think the abstract animation is charming#((i've always been curious about other reactions to the film. I'm from texas and only half mexican so my opinions are likely skewed#I do wish they picked more of a range of actors/actresses ..
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Everyone tell me how cool I am and how good of a job I did please and thank you I want to wake up to nice messages. I'm so so brave I feel like I just had an insane day and I need external validation
#i finally did one of my late essays#20% docked on it but the pass mark is 40/100 so we are Good#even if i get a 50 i'm fine and surely this is at least a 50#like it cannot be worse than the last thing i handed in and that was 50-55#anyway yeah i did it!! yippee!!!#so i'm going to go enjoy my well-deserved 10 hours of sleep#see you a 6pm! (yeah it's 8am. sleep schedule who. i'm a vampire we said)#the monster gave me a headache also i think :( i don't like that#BUT. essay done. tomorrow. special considerations for the last subject#and then next week i have a few days to do captions but that'll be easy#the annoying bit will be explaining why i did things the way i did with the correct vocabulary#but. we thrive. we move. we ball. i can do it (kinda)#we're limping along but it's fine i'm almost done#the finish line is close. we're getting there#and next week i get to make my lil guy kiss the vampire for my enjoyment. all will be well#wow i have a ramble tag now#england adventures
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Speedy Alfonse update. Who gives a shit
#fire emblem#feh#literally probably the stupidest thing i've ever done in feh HAHAHAHAHA#he's literally so gimmicky now. ESPPPP w close call AND the canto sword like. it's SO funny#fuck your superpowered arcane weapons. i'm making him a hit and runner.#BIGGEST unfortunate thing is that he has to have fury to even HAVE 40+ spd. which is like. The Standard nowadays#for like reasonably fast units.#so EVEN w the superboon in speed and EVEN w the weapon refine into speed he. still needs help. to be on even footing. stat wise.#let this be a lesson in how in feh you can do whatever you want forever. it may not be optimal but it IS funny.#fe alfonse#my builds
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major pet peeve is putting a limit and expressing it with the more plain non-reactive language I'm capable of and the other person victimizing themselves, making a spectacle of self-pity and giving excuses as to why they behaved like that while NOT agreeing on not doing the thing again.
#giving excuses just means that she thinks that what she said was ok so she will do that again#I don't care if it was ok or not I only care about my limits#I genuinely don't understand why is it so hard to accept a limit. We are not supposed to understand each other automatically#misunderstandings happen all the time and generally they are not a big deal#anyway I'm not showing my behind the scenes art and thoughts to her again#'I don't want to hurt you again 😭' wtf that was awkward#I'm not hurt just annoyed like I want to take a plane to kick her ass#SHES ANSWERING MORE ANNOYING THINGS RN. I'M DONE LOL#I feel like I'm pausing my adulthood to try to understand this 40+ year old woman
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^- !!!!
And that's everything in the queue! AND I've only got, like... literally two or three things I owe on other sites too? So with things as low as this, I'm gonna start the queue rolling: first post will emerge about this time tomorrow.
I make no promises that I'll completely keep on top of things, but I'll do my best to do so ^^
#ooc#WOOOOO! :D#blog update#I'm just relieved and thankful to have been able to get these all done honestly ! :D#I also have another drawing meme request that I'm sitting on#but that's a whole other thing to RP replies so I'm not gonna count it here#but still will try and do it over the next few days ^^#(pssst I'm still accepting things for that meme by the way...!)#There's like 40+ things in my queue so it's gonna take a while for them to come out#so don't worry if something I owe you doesn't show up immediately; it's getting there slowly! ^^#Thanks once again all for your patience with me!
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girlies i miss rping
#oh the things being an adult does...#i don't feel different from when i was 16 but so much has changed#some for the better#others...#i don't know if i can say it's really for the worse#but i haven't rped much since i moved from home#miss that#yet it feels so hard to return#what do the people i used to write with think of me?#who are these newer folk?#I'm sure they're nice but i've never stopped being shy and easily frightened#so here i am#awake at 1:40 am and wondering what i've done to myself to make it like this#to make myself feel like a stranger in groups i used to be so close knit with#or. at least i thought i was
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#having a day full of mixed feelings#I suppose this is how life goes#I'm officially done with my Bachelor's degree as of today#obviously I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment and I was excited to be celebrated today#it was a long and difficult road and there were many times where I didn't think I'd live to see it through but I made it#I'm the first person in my family to get this degree and I was really looking forward to having today be my day#I had a really lovely morning and then things kind of waned#there were a few arguments. someone I spent the day with repeatedly made negative comments about something I care about#it felt awful. I know it was intended as more of a playful jab than anything but I directly asked for the comments to stop and they didn't#it especially hurt that it was a fandom thing and the person is so invested in their own fandoms yet they felt it fair to step on mine#even though I've never done that to them#then people kept talking over me and acted like I was wrong for trying to interject to finish my own sentences#also as I said in the last post I was deeply upset by how my family members spoke of my 12 year old cousin#she's just a kid and some of our close family members have such a nasty opinion of her. she's so young and she's had a rough few years#but it seems like no one except my brother and I are willing to give her any grace#I think everyone else has forgotten what it feels like to be a kid and feel as if the world is against you#on a more positive note. I had a decadent slice of chocolate cake. it was heavenly#unfortunately I was really too in my head to fully enjoy it#literally every day for 3 weeks I've been talking about the lunch I planned to have today#I knew exactly what meal and dessert I wanted from the restaurant. it's my absolute fave and isn't available at any other local restaurant#I was totally starving by time we got to the restaurant. we were out all morning and I ate a tiny breakfast in anticipation of this meal#when we got there we found out they removed what I planned to order from the menu. I was devastated.#I know it's stupid but like this was the one part of my day that I've had planned for MONTHS and I've been thinking about it for weeks#we had a 40 minute car ride where I mentioned my excitement for the food no less than 10 times so this crushed me#also I'm just really picky in general and typically restaurants only have one or two things I'm able to eat#I offered to just eat the dessert while everyone else ordered food because they were all really hungry too but they wouldn't allow it#we left the restaurant and I still feel horrible for walking out. if I had known the item was removed we wouldn't have even gone there#it happened so recently though and I feel dumb for not even thinking to check the menu online beforehand#so we went to another restaurant and I barely ate anything and now I have no appetite for dinner and I feel bad for ruining the afternoon#even though it's my day and my celebration and I feel like I'm entitled to a slight amount of unreasonableness
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best friend who conveniently lives two doors down from my house: *buys a PS5* me:
#it's OUR ps5 now#she doesn't know what she's done lol#ofc I'm not going to be insufferable about it. she's asked. i havent even said yes yet#its a mutual agreement that certain games are going to be an US thing#and that i get top spot on the player 2 list#bc she is amazing and wonderful and i love her very much#we don't get to spend a lot of time together purely bc there's nothing to do in this town. and she's often tired from work#but this is a good excuse to chill together and actually do something together#instead of just like. existing in the same space scrolling though socials#I'M ECITED#i just need to find a way to get my hands on red dead 2 now. THEN i will be incredibly insufferable for the 40+ hours it will take to finis#but the dark pictures games a first#*evil laughter*
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