#i'm learning soooooo much

[inniave]

getting into sewing is so rewarding. i saw a dress that looked so cute & comfy and went "i bet i could make that" and then i made it !!!!!!!!!

[shenzaibird-art]

So here's actually the first pic I drew of Verloren after the redesign headshot! That means this pic is almost one year old now, what!! A lot of things bother me about it because this actually started as a "quick sketch", and also I still hadn't figured out his shapes back then. Also maybe it's because I've stared at this pic too much since it's been my desktop wallpaper since last July lol

---

Alone

Story-text under the cut because it's kinda long

As Verloren had killed the king and every person who would have been a candidate to replace him, the responsibility for ruling the kingdom now fell upon him, a responsibility that he did not wish to take, for he never had any interest in ruling. But if there was no way out of being king, he thought maybe he could use some help, so he turned to Sellatrix, the only person he ever trusted and the only one who didn't hate him. They had been very close, and he considered her a true friend, or perhaps almost something a little more than that. So in a move surprisingly daring even for him, he asked Sellatrix if she would like to be his queen.

Sellatrix was conflicted. It was difficult for her to deny her feelings for him, and the two of them did make quite a pair. But the pleasant moments they once had, like playing games or talking under the moonlight about the most random things, now felt like something of the past. After all this spilled blood, all the victims he made and all he was yet to make, she knew there would never be peace again. There was no place in his future for things to ever be as they once were.

So betraying her own heart but following the wiser path, Sellatrix refused Verloren's proposal. She realized then that there was nothing left for her to gain by staying around him, as he was now like a broken image of a person once dear to her. So one day, she said her goodbyes and left the castle to go live in the forest near her hometown, to be away from the rest of the world for as long as she could.

On the day of Sellatrix's departure, Verloren watched her leave in a gryphon carriage as the sun went down, hoping she would change her mind and turn back. But she never did. That night, as the moon rose into the sky, Verloren felt more lonely than ever before. In his quarters, he reflected upon all that had been happening, and all that was lost.

Verloren leaned against his desk, going over his thoughts, his claws sinking into the wooden surface. How could things have fallen apart so suddenly? This was not how it should have happened. The enemies he made, the bloodshed... none of it should have happened. But it did. And now he had to deal with what was left.

Sellatrix may have been the only friend he ever found, but he could not allow himself to lose his way because of her absence. She was just a person, and he had never needed anyone before. There was his research to be done and enemies to destroy.

But for that one night, despite how much he tried to deny it, Verloren felt an immense void creeping up where his heart should have been.

[a-tale-of-legends]

Beryl team concept.....Chat I think I'm cooking.

[rurpleplayssims]

When you're trying to complete your AC story but you're having too much fun playing Skyrim...

GUILTY! 🤣

In fact, I'm actually waiting for the latest release of Kaidan Immersive Features which has loads of new dialogue and NPC conversations. Naturally I already have the female character I'm going to play already thought out. I was doing a load of random screenshots whilst installing LOADS of texture replacement mods and caught this stunning pic.

[transbeamrooikat]

(wip) Party and Ghoul doodle that might turn in a scene in the comic I'm making but who knows

originally kinda made this for the cringetober prompt 'niche interest' but I liked the scene enough that I wanted to spend more than a day on it lmao

[slumbering-shadows]

I keep discovering all these awesome recipes that sound so cool and delicious but I am limited by a lack of cooking knowledge, a slim grocery budget and a stove that makes me ill and I think that's incredibly homophobic of the universe. Let me make chicken feta spinach burgers and potato salad. I am tired of microwaved food.

[fiona-fififi]

...

[danceandsing]

maybe I'm like physically ill considering how severe the pain is when the Tylenol wears off.

[charmikarma]

sometimes i remember karkat isn't the most popular homestuck character and i'm like. how???????? he is the littlest fucking guy. he's so funny and he has the most charming character arc. guy who seems like a total ass who is literally always angry eventually turns into guy who cares soooooo much. probably too much. guy who has all the romantic theory and none of the praxis. guy who wants to be so important and in charge but then realizes being that kind of sucks. he's kind of like me in that way. guy who literally cannot express himself normally because he'd get killed instantly. guy who needs to learn that his friends care about him no matter who or what he is. guy who deserves to trust someone for once in his life. man i love karkat. what a little dude.

[headspace-hotel]

i promised myself "before I go back to school in the fall, something HAS to get better. SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER."

and i made the appointments, had the conversations, I spent hours wringing my brain out googling discussing with friends and family, thinking of SOMETHING, ANYTHING i could approach disability services about now that my previous suggestions had been shot down, and i went there with a list and i was like "hey is there ANY of this stuff you can do to help me" and basically? No

i asked "maybe i could have few extra excused absences so I can rest when i'm overloaded" but the lady was like Well we couldn't do that because you would miss the material in class

I asked "maybe i could have limited group projects so i don't have to be working on something with 4 other people every single day because social interaction is really tiring" she was like Well we can't do it if it would change the course substantially but we can ask that professors tell you if there's going to be lots of group projects so you can drop the class

I asked "maybe i can do in class writing assignments in a separate room so it will be less stressful" she was like well what if we couldn't guarantee that another room would be available where some one could monitor you

This is after the possibility of a partial course load was shot down (i could request it because of 'extenuating circumstances' but there's no guarantee it would be approved, and anyway i don't even know if it would fucking help) and several other things

Going back to school is just weighing on me crushing me. The past two semesters I have been so unrelentingly exhausted, miserable and alone. I hated my classes SO much and spent so much time crying.

All my classes are stupid busy work , just like worksheets that are like "do all these tiny little steps" that micromanage you painfully as if you can't be trusted to have your own independent thoughts" while the professor sits on their phone.

The grades are made up of a thousand tiny bullshit assignments that you have to remember at the right time, if you know the material and even care about learning it, it doesn't even matter.

I took a PLANT science class last semester that I honest to god hated so much it took all the strength in my body to even go to class. I LOATHED it and I got a C in it even though it was highschool level crap and the assignments were so restrictive that they basically punished you for being passionate about anything, I would try to be creative or dig more deeply on things and my classmates (it was always a mother fucking group project because the professor didn't want to fucking lecture, just give us something to kill time like we were fucking preschoolers) hated it because creativity or thinking outside the box would always make the assignment harder for everyone and I would fuck up the grade and it made me feel so ashamed

Same class where the professor said "you can tell this is a peer reviewed journal article because it's written in two columns along the page" like what. What. Huh. What.

There is so little flexibility too like the requirements are so specifically made to "mold" me a certain way. No one sees anything I have already learned or is interested in my potential and ability and passion and keen interest that i HAVE IN ABUNDANCE by the way, and the classes are so boring and passionless

I approached a lady in the arts department about an independent study involving natural plant fibers but she was like "no sorry i only work with seniors and you would have to take these 2 of my other classes"

There is so much more that's stupid and dysfunctional about this college that is too specific to discuss with privacy online, but let it suffice to say that it's a school that wants the reputation of being really challenging and rigorous soooooo bad but it actually just has 1000 inflexible requirements that eliminate everyone's free time and assigns metric tons of tedious busy work, because being "hard" means our academics are "rigorous" right? but the quality of the academics is not good, the classes are not engaging or encouraging you to think more deeply they are just painful.

And no one, fucking no one in these classes is engaging with the work with any energy or passion or enthusiasm, the professors can't get a discussion going, everyone is just staring like a bunch of zombies because their classes r like the equivalent of two full time jobs so of course no one can Engage Deeply with them they have no fucking energy

the food is like eating out of the garbage. they reheat the same pieces of pizza over and over until they're like dried out and leathery like something from a pharaohs tomb. they have bagels kept in a box and they're so stale you can't even bite into them. I got sour, rotten milk from the milk machine so many times my stomach eventually couldn't take drinking milk from there at all.

i hate, hate, hate, HATE that place so much i start crying every time I try to make plans for fall because there is so little fucking joy in my life when i'm there it's like being trapped underground.

[intimidatingpuffinstudios]

God, I got SO much written today!! I just got in the zone and couldn't stop!!

Soooooo much interaction with EVERYONE, it's really healing my soul 😭❤️

Especially seeing how everyone is developing, their personalities and their behaviors...

Morkai is trying so hard to reign in his temper, to listen instead of talk, and stop being afraid to show his affection in more obvious ways.

Straasa is allowing himself to experience his more intense, "negative" emotions. Grief, anger, all the wild hidden things.

Daelynn is slowly returning to her mischievous, carefree ways while also being fiercely loyal and more mature and mindful.

Eledwen, finally free, and learning to speak up more because she can feel that she is loved, valued, and will be listened to.

Manerkol finally realizing he doesn't want to fight anymore and that he's more willing to compromise if it means he gets to have you.

Sielthan recovering parts of themself and taking a leap of faith with the MC that is so tremendous but that the MC doesn't even realize is such a big deal.

I'm just...

I can't handle how much I've grown to love all of them. 🥹🥺

[gleefullypolin]

The hypocrisy on fandom's reaction of "fell too soon" for friends to lovers

I find it very RICH on the fandoms reaction to S3 and the he "fell too soon" for Penelope. I mean honestly it is a bit spit in your face fantastic the way certain parts of the fandom are wretching on themselves to make that point.

"He didn't like her in season 1." I'm sorry, Can't hear you over "I'm to escort Miss Featherington to the floor" in EPISODE 1. That's what a friend does when a bitch spills her drink on a girl you were having a polite conversation with. Or how about hanging out with her laughing and gossiping like silly goofballs on the side of the dance floor, didn't see him doing that with other people either. Because they were FRIENDS.

"There was no build up previously to show there was a level of friendship there where he saw her any differently than a sister." Ok children...lets move to Season 2. We can talk about the race track and how they spoke about his travels which was very comfortable and very much NOT like a sister. They had an ease, like people who, oh I don't know, had been communicating personally all summer long via letters. And then lets go to Edwina's night where he shares with her that her letters allowed him to get in touch more with HIMSELF. something also so very personal he would not just share that with anyone. (I'll get to this in another point)

"He just suddenly likes her after he kisses her." Big ball of monkey shit here. Colin Sensitive Bridgerton was getting to know himself back in Season 2. He told Pen as much when he gave her the "You are Pen" line. And yes we all gasped and grabbed our pearls at the You are not a woman line, but it was not meant as an insult. Colin inserts his foot so many times throughout the seasons, you would think he could run a mile with his head. He simply means that she is such a dear friend to him he could not forswear her from his life. He has put her in a different category all together in his life. He makes this point when talking to her about Cousin Jack. He calls her constant and loyal and makes mention that their relationship has been so natural to him. He also just soooooo easily makes mention to HER MOTHER that he's been talking to her about things that would make other women blush. Like he doesn't even see it himself that she's just a totally different place for him. He didn't have to kiss her to like her. He already did.

"It all just felt too rushed." I could go on about how they had conversations about their purpose or lack there of, in season 2, more than once might I add, conversations that you would not normally have with members of the opposite sex. The fact that he has told her and proved that he would look after her, he has called her special to him. He has had feelings for her for seasons. Don't get started about the longing stares, they have been there since season 1. You have to actually open your eyes and look at them. Yes there was the whole infatuation of the Marina thing. Of course there was. But if you look at his mannerisms during the entire thing, it screams at you the difference.

But dare I say the biggest and most annoying hypocrisy of them all is that this build up of 2 seasons of them growing friendship, talking and learning about each other, developing feelings for each other regardless if they know what they mean... suddenly is rushed. BUT when compared to other seasons where a brand new face appears and we are to believe that in a weeks time our beloved character is now madly, deeply in love with this person and YOU BUY THAT WITH ALL THE SUGAR IT COMES WITH! Burning for you and Bane of my existence and all????

At the end of the day...live in your trope. I sat through those seasons. I cried through their HEA, I was happy for them. You can dislike the characters for other reasons. Dislike how they wrote parts of the season, don't like the plot points but don't make the excuses above that don't add up.

If you don't enjoy my trope, fine. But please, in the nicest possible way, shut the fuck up.

[highlynerdy]

"I do it because I want to protect him from the world, and sometimes from myself. I want to tell him every secret I ever had, and yet I never want to make him choose, to see the hurt in his eyes, to put this, too, on him. I want-I want so many things. Sometimes, I just want."

Turning The Page by @queerofthedagger / art by @schweetheart

I started this fanARTifact in July 2021 and finally, finally finished it in September 2024. Click below to see so many more pictures and read probably too much about the project.

This project was a LABOR OF LOVE because y'all...I failed so, so many times during the making of it. I had grand dreams of all the things that I was going to do and learn and every single time I tried something it was like the universe telling me to go ahead and go fuck myself, we're not doing that. But it's done and I'm pleased with it. I hope Mona and Schweets are. Let's talk about the process.

I read this story back in July 2021 when it came out and immediately wrote @schweetheart on July 23, 2021 to ask if I could use her art for the back because it was such a crucial part of the story.

She graciously allowed me to use it, and even sent me a high res file so I could have the portrait of Arthur printed on art paper.

THEN. My brilliantly stupid self decided that just making the book wasn't enough. I mean, I had already done that for Arthur's journal back in 2020 and I am nothing if not a nutter about learning to do new things, especially for my fanARTifact series.

SO. I'm going to learn to make paper. Yeah. Totally a reasonable escalation in terms of new skills, right?? ......... Nope. I bought a small 5x7 mould and deckle to practice with and some cotton linters to make the pulp. Twas. A. Failure. I didn't have a press or the felts or the sizing needed to make the paper actually, ya know, usable. This was the first time I put the project down for a while.

Moving on to another new skill in late 2021, I decided that I wanted to make the walnut ink myself. Luckily, I was part of a pigment subscription in 2020 (that is a hell of a nerdy statement, even for me) and had all the supplies in my art studio to attempt this endeavor.

I didn't fail this part! Fucking huzzah for small miracles. Now I had two small bottles of black walnut ink to use for the calligraphy that I wanted to do for some of the excerpts. Except now I was stuck again on the paper making part so I put it back down again for an eternity.

Picking it back up in late 2022, I asked Mr. Highlynerdy to make a custom size mould and deckle for me so I could have long pieces to fold for my signatures. It was his first time doing anything like this but he's a buddy and a pal and gave it a try. Surprising no one if you've read this far, we both failed this part. Even now, I'm still not sure we succeeded but eventually we did get something workable. And considering professional mould and deckles cost in the hundreds of dollars...yeah, it'll do.

It took a hot ass minute for me to feel ready to attempt the paper making again but once I was ready, I ordered wet, pre-beaten pulp from Twinrocker. A very curt man on the phone helped me figure out what I needed and added internal sizing to the pulp I ordered. I didn't take pictures of any of the paper stuff because it was very messy and annoying. Once again, Mr. Highlynerdy helped me rig up a drying box with tri-wall cardboard and ratchet straps and a box fan. Once the paper was dry, I used a gelatin mixture to paint on external sizing. Since I'm primarily a painter, I needed the paper to be able to handle ink, paint, pencil. Sizing paper is the only way to do this, but no worries, I won't go further into the nerdy details about this.

Once the paper was ready, I decided to sew the text block. Here's another part where I failed YET A-FUCKING-GAIN. I talked before on Arthur's Journal post about how books were very, very rare in the 6th century (Arthurian period), but BBC Merlin is soooooo anachronistic that it's fiiiiiine to just do what I wanted. HOWEVER. I did want to try to do visible spine binding. But. Unfortunately I had gone ahead and used all of my paper to bind the text block as if I was going to case it in. FUUUUUUUCCCCCK. It's fine. We're fine. Come on, brain. What can we do.

Well, what we CAN'T do is use a piece of leather from my large remnant that I bought for my first journal because someone - FUCKING ME - measured and cut the last piece NOT TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THE WIDTH of the text block. So now it doesn't fit. And refusing to buy a new piece of leather I'm forced to pivot once again.

I decided to cut the leather spine even shorter, buy some wood pieces and sand them, paint them a matte black, and then glue the leather to those pieces. Cool cool cool. We're moving on. I tested a lot of different glues for this and good ol' super glue ended up being the clear winner. Cue putting this project away again for a whiiiillle.

In October 2023, I decided to pull it out again and do the calligraphy and drawings I wanted. This story has so many gorgeous parts but I finally decided on the first page, the last page, and the page about Gaius.

I mixed my handmade walnut ink with my beloved Finetec gold and used the quills I bought from John Neal Booksellers to practice my Uncial. I shouldn't have been rusty after lettering an entire fic for this fanARTifact, but I was.

The little dragon was inspired by medieval manuscript dragons I found.

Narratively, I loved the idea that Merlin's writing would start off soft and delicate and become stronger by the end of the journal. Also, I loved that the end word "WANT" would be just gold because the ink blend changes throughout. Something magical or whatever.

This part needed tears. They might have been real ones...

Annnnnnnnd, the project was put down again until a few days ago when I decided, after getting back into Merlin fic, I needed to buck up and finish it.

I did so many tests for the cover. I tried embossing, carving, and debossing and hated all of them. I settled on painting it with acrylic paints in the shape of a Celtic knot sort of pattern. I originally wanted to do a triskelion but after reading a bit about how some asshole groups have co-opted the symbol for shitty purposes, I decided against it. It's a mix of black and gold and it's hard to capture the depth of it through photos...eh, I did what I could.

Still. Something wasn't quite working with the brown leather and the black covers with the new symbol so I broke out my matte black leather paint and decided to go all black.

All I had left to do was glue in the text block and it would be done! And that still took me a few days to work up the courage. The book opens nice and flat, which will be good for me as I will use it as a sketchbook.

Sitting here, on September 1st, I have completed a project that taught me many new skills and also taught me a lot about humility and perseverance. There was no way I was going to abandon this project, and maybe I should have started over many of the times, but I am quite in love with the final result and I just hope that it does it's inspiration proud. Thank you @queerofthedagger Mona for all you create and share with the Merlin fandom, and thank you @schweetheart for allowing me to use your gorgeous art.

Also, you may see quite a few other fanARTifacts in this photoshoot because I will use any opportunity to show them off lol.

If you read to the end of this, you deserve a cocktail and a cookie. Thank you. 💛✨✨

[eternalsa2z]

Book Club

So a while back me and the girlies had the greatest idea. We wanted to start a book club! To read really important feminist pieces, have deep discussions, and really connect with each other and understand our own identities.

Things were going super great but things really kicked off when someone suggested a book called 'Pink Power'. It was kinda odd - very pro-femininity, almost hyper-feminine bimbo stuff - but as we read more it was clearly a commentary on feminism and our ability as women to choose our own paths in lives. It was great!

We liked it sooooo much that we started reading more by that author. Things like 'Plastic is Fantastic', 'Shop 'til you Drop', and 'Who Needs To Think?'. I'm pretty sure there was some deep messages in them, but everyone was just OBSESSED with the great pictures in them. So many cute outfits, hot body modifications, and overall great models of this feminist ideal!

I think it was around this time that we changed up what we read. A lot less novels and more shorter magazines. Like fashion pieces or gossip rags. Oh and we reeeeeeally let the wine flow during our get-togethers. It was soooooo nice to just laugh and giggle and talk about cute looks.

By now we've kinda given up on reading - big words are kinda hard and our heads hurt after thinking for too long. The only thing that interests us is picture books with salon hairstyles or bimbo fashion outfits. But true to form we still get together - for brunch!

The assignment is always to just put together the cutest 'Pink Power' outfit and we spend alllll afternoon complimenting each other on our choices, sipping mimosas and snacking on apps, then gossiping about our latest enhancements. Honestly I'm sooooo glad we set up our club. I've totes learned a lot about myself and how I LOVE being a bimbo trophy doll!

[snuffysbox]

I'd encourage you not to feel bad about posting art because of AI. If people repost your art- they could already do that. If people make their own art in your style- they could already do that. Reposting and straight ripoffs were shitty things to do then and still are, but AI didn't really change anything.

Making good AI art, like making any good art, takes a good idea of _what to make art of_ and _what makes it look good._ you're very good at those things and you make great art! so nobody can just replace you with AI. whether an AI learns from your stuff only matters as much as whether other humans learn from your stuff.

This is truly very kind of you and I do find it encouraging to hear, don't get me wrong, but I wanna clarify that this is less about me feeling down about potentially having my art style be trained on and honestly more about just like... lamenting the general shittiness of the late-stage capitalism of the internet in 2024. I've shared my art online since the early 2000s, I've seen every previously safe space for artists get restructured in order to satisfy partners and investors who don't actually give two shits about creatives.

And I also wanna note that I don't think you can't really compare reposts/ripoffs with AI. Scraping content for datasets is theft on a massive scale. The turn-around time for generating AI images is lightning fast, that's why it's flooding the internet so rapidly right now. Even if the majority still holds the opinion that AI images can't compare to human-made art, enough people and corporations out there are soooooo eager to cut corners and sooooo ready to tell artists that it's an inevitable evolution and we should all just ignore the unethical practice this shit was built on.

So, it's just mostly venting. I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said. I'm just tired.