#i'm just thinking of people like myself who maybe can't read the little text on smaller gifs

[morelikesin]

The amount of ideas I have that I'm too embarrassed by so I never post them. Sliving 🩷

[starryeyedjanai]

bad boys do it better

rated: teen | @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt: modern au tags: dating apps, innuendo, bad flirting read on ao3

✿

Eddie finally opens Tinder after downloading it in a fit of desperation.

He's tried everything but these stupid apps—bars and clubs and pottery classes and rock climbing—trying to find someone he can connect with.

But he's mostly found guys that string him along with whispered sweet nothings and half-promises they don't intend to follow through on.

So he makes his profile and then promptly fumbles and drops his phone because— no fucking way.

There's no way this is real life.

There's no fucking way the first guy to pop up is Steve fucking Harrington, his unfortunate and longest lasting crush in high school.

He picks up his phone and sees Steve's face staring back at him, unassuming, a bright, cheery smile on his face.

Steve, 28 2 miles away "Hope you like bad boys because I have it on dvd and vhs" Interests: baseball, basketball, live music, movies

He taps to get to the next photo and lets out a shaky breath—the shorts of what can only be his Halloween costume are so short, exposing hairy thighs that Eddie wants to sink his teeth into.

The next photo is a snapchat picture of him grinning wide, cradling what might be the world's ugliest dog, the text across the screen reading my nephew is so handsome 🤩🤩🤩.

The last is an obligatory shirtless mirror pic, not showing off washboard abs, but the soft, toned skin of his stomach.

He closes the app, sets his phone down, and breathes through his nose.

This can't be real, right? In what world would Steve be the first person in a sea of profiles in San Francisco of all places?

Eddie expected him to chase after Nancy Wheeler when she went to Boston, but he didn't stick around long enough in Hawkins to find out if they ever rekindled their will-they-won't-they relationship.

Maybe he's just visiting. Maybe he found his match and just forgot to delete Tinder. Because there's just no way Eddie has this kind of luck.

He opens up Instagram and searches for Steve and finds him right away because they're probably still Facebook friends.

He scrolls through his profile and deflates a little, because all of the pictures on Tinder are from his Instagram. Which means it's probably much more likely that someone is catfishing using Steve's pictures.

Because the Steve from high school wasn't into men. And he's hot enough for someone to use his pictures to scam people or whatever.

He opens up Tinder again and his thumb is swiping right before he thinks about what he's doing.

It's a match!

Okay, now he knows it's a catfish. Or maybe it's a bot.

There's no world in which Steve Harrington would swipe right on him in the twenty minutes it's been since he created his account.

He types a message to "Steve" saying so are you a bot or just a catfish?

He doesn't get a response right away, so he clicks out of the messages, looking at profiles of what are hopefully actual people he can connect with.

His phone buzzes when the message from Steve comes in.

Hi3 Eddiems, cl!ck th3 linkin my proffile to . achat I am waitin9

He rolls his eyes and goes back to perusing profiles. It's not like he thought it was really Ste-

His phone pings with another message and he clicks back into the chat immediately.

That was a joke. There's not even a link in my profile

Eddie's heart beats a little faster, his fingers typing out a response.

So a catfish then?

Why do you think I'm a catfish?????

Because I know the guy in those pictures and there's no way hes into men. That guy was a jock extraordinaire in high school and very straight

You're awfully judgey for someone who was so anti-conformity in high school. Whos to say I haven't changed?

Or like, learned new things about myself?

Eddie's breath stutters in his throat.

Also you didn't really know me since we never talked.

Okay, I mean. It's pretty easy to guess that I was counterculture in high school by looking at me. So I'm still on the fence about the catfish thing

How about we meet up then? So you can see me in all my nearing-30 glory

And watch bad boys on dvd and vhs with you?

Dude, I am not inviting you to my house on the first date

That's a third date kind of thing

Oh yeah? Is it a back-to-back feature? We start with the vhs then move to dvd?

He can't believe he's entertaining this. A catfish wouldn't offer to meet up unless they thought Eddie wouldn't call their bluff. He kind of wants to see where this is going.

No see, we start with the dvd playing in the living room and then when we inevitably start being bad boys🥵 in the middle of the movie, we can pick it back up on vhs in my room later

To be clear, we stop the movie, right? I'm not sure bad boys has a soundtrack meant for the kind of activities we'd be doing

Oh for sure. I'd even put on my "let's get it on" playlist. As a treat.

Eddie can't help but grin. Even if this guy is a catfish, this is maybe the most fun he's had talking to someone in a long time.

Are you serious about meeting up?

Uh yeah, I can't have you thinking I'm a catfish forever

What's your favorite brewery?

Cellarmaker

Wanna do tomorrow afternoon at like 2 when it's not busy?

That sounds perfect

He isn't sure if it's really Steve or if he's going to be met with someone else or stood up, but at least he'll get to drown his sorrows if it doesn't work out.

Well—he's unsure until he gets the 'stharrington started following you' notification on Instagram a few minutes later.

He screams into his pillow so loud his neighbor thumps on the wall.

[noiriarti]

Just Practice: Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Modern Best Friends AU) Ch. 4

NSFW!!!!!!! Literally so NSFW!!! MDNI! Summary: Anakin is your best friend, the one person you can't survive without, and you're about to go to different colleges. You bring up your worries about your inexperience and he offers to help. Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x AFAB!Reader Word Count: 3.5k CW: usage of 'good girl,' degradation (usage of 'slut'), rough sex, lots of masturbation, p in v sex, overstimulation AN: OMG it's done!! The last chapter of the best friends AU! I'm considering adding a bonus chapter of the reader trying anal with Anakin for the first time, so let me know if you'd like to see that! As always, requests and asks are open!

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, [Ch. 4], Bonus Chapter

Chapter 4: Olives and Mushrooms

You gripped the note in your hands, almost crumpling the worn paper, and you could hardly believe what you were reading. 

Since we were kids, I've considered you my closest friend. Someone who made me me. I started listening to Fall Out Boy because you did, I peel bananas upside down because you showed me how, and I only eat pepperoni pizza with olives and mushrooms because you've ordered it so much that it grew on me. I treasure you your friendship so much, and those feelings have been changing since we were younger to something more romantic. I don't know when it started, but when we kissed, I knew I loved you too much to not tell you. I've been finding myself wanting to hold your hand or kiss you all the time. You make my life so much better, and I want to spend all my time with you. Not telling you that has been torture, because you've been on my mind every minute of every day. Ben has been telling me that I stare too much at my phone, and it's only because I'm looking at texts from you or thinking about what I want to say to you. Being with you is all I've been looking forward to since we separated.

The truth is that I'm terrified to say this, so I needed to write it down. I'm scared you'll feel too weird about this, which I would understand, but I'm also scared that we just won't work out if we try. That's why I'm happy that the most understanding person in my life is the one I'm telling this to. If anyone could make it work, it would be us. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so I want you to know that I'll respect whatever you say. If you're interested, I would love to go on a date and see where this goes. Will you go out with me?

Your breath caught in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. There was no way this was real. That Ani, your Ani, loved you back, was absurd. You'd sooner believe that he was playing an elaborate prank on you, but the writing was so sincere, so sappy, it could only have been written by your Ani. You looked up at him on the bed, scrolling on his phone and tucked into the covers, the boy you knew and loved. His smile when he saw something funny, and his quick fingers as he texted someone, probably his mom, back. The face you had dinner with frequently. The one person whom you wanted more than anything to love you the way you loved him was the person who wrote this letter to you, so sweet and sincere.

But why was it crumpled up like that? Discarded? Did you mean that little to him? Was it just something he was going to say if he needed to? To get into your pants? You imagined him writing the words out and keeping it in his bag in case you hesitated. He, of all people, would know that telling you he loved you would get you to do anything for him. The thought sent a cold stab into your heart. It couldn't be. Ani was so loyal. He'd never do that. Never. But you also would have said the same thing about him kissing you three weeks ago. And the way he treated Padme at the end of their relationship, so detached, so uninterested in her messages... Maybe you didn't know this side of him that well at all. You had to give him a chance to explain. To tell you that you were just being paranoid. Your throat felt tight as you tried to say something, but your voice came out laced with your doubt and fear.

"Anakin, what the fuck is this?" He shot up from where he was sitting on the bed, suddenly jumping and rushing over to you to snatch the paper from your hands. When he reached you, he was desperate and panicking, the fear rolling off him so strongly that you could practically feel it.

"FUCK, fuck, don't read that. Don't. Please," he begged you as he ripped the paper away and crumpled it in his hand. His eyes were wild, defensive, and you didn't understand why. If he had really meant to tell you, why would he freak out now? Unless he never meant to say anything unless he needed to.

"Were you ever planning on telling me?" The words came out gritted, sharp like a knife piercing through his skin. He visibly flinched, and you realized you had probably hit the nail on the head.

"It doesn't matter," he muttered as he looked away. The lines of his jaw were set, and you saw a muscle flare as he clenched it. Even now, you wanted him desperately. You barked out an angry laugh.

"Oh, it doesn't matter, does it? You loving me doesn't matter?" The words came out sharp, angry, scalding, like a brand on his skin. He recoiled as if struck, immediately getting defensive. His handsome features twisted, then unclenched.

"It's not like that, I-you-" he stumbled over his words as he put his hands in his air, getting frustrated with himself. He threw his arms down by his sides, then pointed a finger toward you accusingly. "Well, were you ever planning on telling me about Jake?" 

"Jake? What the fuck does Jake have to do with this?" You balked and scoffed. Both of you were raising your voices at this point, and neither of you would deescalate any time soon.

"Well your roommate obviously thinks he has something to do with it," Anakin gritted out bitterly. The temperature was rising in the room, tension growing between the two of you.

"Anakin, stop being jealous over a guy I've spoken to literally twice! I don't love him, I love--" But then you stopped yourself. He was driving you crazy, and you almost blurted out something that you shouldn't have. "Whatever."   "No, finish your sentence. Finish it. Now." He was furious, almost looming over you with his broad frame. His rust-colored hair flew in his eyes as he yelled out the words, casting shadows in his face. You knew what he wanted and the words flew out of your mouth without any defiance.

"I love you! Obviously, dumbass! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His face fell at your admission, but then he snapped back at you.

"Cause I thought you were dating some fuck named Jake! And that you didn't want to be more than friends! You literally said we could never date to Ahsoka, like, three hours ago, remember?" His voice was hoarse from yelling. A flare of pleasure curled in your stomach at the thought that he was jealous of some random guy just because he paid attention to you, but you had to make the point that of course you couldn't say you liked Anakin to Ahsoka while he was right there. How stupid was he?

"I just said that because I thought you didn't like me like that!" You yelled back.

"Well, I do!"

"Okay!"

"Okay!" The two of you sat silent, fuming at one another. Anakin was still panting from yelling and looked so incredibly fuckable while shirtless that you almost kissed him right then and there. Then, sometime when the beating of your heart dropped to normal levels and you stopped, the realization hit that oh, Anakin was in love with you. You'd just been fighting about it, but you didn't really comprehend what that meant in your clouded anger. It meant that every time he called you baby in bed, he meant it. It meant that he didn't just want to practice. It meant that you two could be together, finally more than friends. The warmth you had felt before was growing, filling every part of your soul and bursting through the uncertainty you had about him. Anakin loved you. And this was probably the best day of your life.

"Anakin, say it, please," you begged. You wanted to hear him say it, not in anger or frustration, or in some hidden note, but out loud. To make it real. He had softened since your fight, and approached you with that same gentleness you loved. His strong, warm arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his embrace again and leaning his forehead against yours.

"I love you," he whispered tenderly. His blue eyes shone with affection, just like they had for years. It was perfect, so sweet and honest, just like your Ani. The silence sat between you for several long seconds, each moment intensifying the stares you were giving one another. You weren't sure which one of you moved first. Your mouths crashed together with enough force to pull a groan out of you as he kissed you fiercely. Your nails dragged down the warm skin of his bare back while his hands found your hair. Still kissing you frantically, Anakin pushed you against the wall by the bathroom and pressed your bodies against the cool drywall. A moan ripped out of his mouth against yours as you bit his lip brutally, pouring all your anger and desire and love into your movements. You kept teasing him with your tongue, swiping it across his lips or touching it to his, and he had enough.

"Get on the bed before I make you," he growled. 

You were still wearing the lace bra under your sleep shirt, so you threw the old tee off on the way to the bed, leaving you in just your bra and shorts, with nothing beneath them. When you saw he was close, you grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down onto you, settling himself between your legs. Soon, you felt the hardness you knew well grow and rut against you. Anakin's mouth on yours was demanding and muffled your moans as you thrust your hips up to meet his. He broke off from you to trail sloppy kisses down your jaw to your throat, which finally led to him sucking a mark into the crook of your neck. His teeth scraped against the sensitive skin and you gasped. He obviously enjoyed the sound and smiled against you. You got the sense that he was devoted to making you feel pleasure, lapping up every sound and word as his reward. All he wanted was for you to feel as good as he did, latched onto your neck.

When he pulled away, his face shone with pride at the dark mark he had left on you. He loved making you his. He immediately went further down to your bra, kissing over the top of your breasts and occasionally teasing you with his tongue. You sat up for a moment, during which you could see the visible panic in his eyes that he had done something wrong. You unclipped the bra from the back, letting it fall. He grinned widely at you, like it was his first time seeing a girl naked. Well, half-naked, you thought.

Anakin immediately resumed kissing down your collarbone, finally getting where he wanted. When his lips connected with your nipple and you felt his tongue dart out, you moaned obscenities into the quiet room. There was no one but the two of you in the world. Emboldened, his teeth scraped your nipple while his free hand went to pinch the other, hard, shooting pain and pleasure into your core. He alternated between the sting of his pinches and his soothing tongue as you keened out his name over and over. You would never get tired of saying it. By the time he had left marks all over your chest, you were sure the neighbors would report you to the building manager. 

"I love you," you whispered when he gazed up at you with his eyes.

"Don't tell me that now," he grunted against your nipple. A breathy laugh escaped your chest.

"What? Why?"

“Makes me want to wreck you.” The way he bit it out, with so much mischief in his voice, made you want to see him try.

"Then do it," you teased back. God, you loved that smile. You slipped your thumbs beneath the waistband of your shorts and pulled them off. Having someone see you completely naked for the first time was terrifying, but Anakin looked so hungry and reverent that it soothed the fear. He kissed his way down your stomach to your pussy, only stopping to groan when you wove your hands through his soft hair and pulled.

His lips finally met your desperate clit, still sensitive and swollen from your orgasms earlier. You moaned his name loudly, in almost a yelp, and he kept moving his warm, wet tongue faster, faster against you. Everything slid together so perfectly, moistened both by his spit and your wetness, that you were finding yourself get close faster than you would have expected. You tilted your hips up to him, spreading your legs even further. A finger poked at your pussy, and you jumped a bit in surprise before you felt it slide in with ease. You weren't just wet, you were practically soaked. His spit coated your inner thighs and probably the lower half of his face, but he was unrelenting. It started from your toes and cracked like a whip through your body. Your mouth gaped open in a silent scream as you came on his face and clenched your legs around his head.

While you came, he focused on fingering you and found that place that made you let out a whine while he pressed it during a particularly strong aftershock. You were panting and sweating like you had just played one of Anakin's games for him. On top of that, you were sure your hair looked messy and foul and distinctly unsexy, but he pulled himself off you and told you otherwise. 

"You look beautiful, darling," he said in pure worship as he caught his breath. His chin was covered in a thin sheen of spit and your juices, which made your pussy constrict on his finger again.

"Think you can manage one more for me, baby?" You nodded. Yes, you would do anything for him. You would walk over glass to please him right now. He dove back in, tongue consistently stroking your oversensitive clit in just the right way. You squirmed under his head, pulling your arms off his hair in your movements. Shit. This wasn't going to be an easy orgasm. He used his hands to grab your wrists and hold them down as you shook and moved under him. It was clear you weren't going anywhere. Everything hurt in a delightful way, especially your clit, which was begging you to pause. This time, it was softer, more effort for you. You clenched your stomach and bore down on his fingers, desperately wanting to cum. 

The sweat dripped down your forehead, and you felt it coming. It washed over you in warm waves, a weaker echo of the previous ones that day, but much more draining. Your head was soft and fuzzy, all about Anakin. He was all there was to you, right now, in the euphoria. His strong arms, lifting you up, kissing your cheek, telling you how good you were, that you were his good girl. When you felt more present, there was one thing you desperately wanted. To be filled. Your pussy had felt his fingers and wanted, needed, more.

Anakin had positioned himself above you, keeping his hips distinctly far from you to give you a bit to recover, but busied himself by kissing your face and whispering sweet words in your ear.

"Hang on, baby," he said as you started pawing down his chest to pull down his pants and grab his cock, trying to get him to line up and slam into you. He slid out of the flannel, then pulled out a condom from the pocket, and rolled it on.

"But Ani," you whined, thrusting up into his thigh. You needed him.

"I know, baby. I know. I'll take care of you as soon as I know you want this," he said. You nodded, swallowing down a pinch of anticipation.

In his eyes, you saw him, all of him. The shouted insults when you beat him at Mario Kart, the sweet kisses. His nose going red and runny from the cold in your snow fort. The sardonic eye roll he gave when he was furious at you, the way only you could make him, and the grin he gave when he got a good grade. His voice when he whispered to you that he loved you. He was made up of these tiny little things, little bits of starlight and darkness, all shoved and compressed to make one man. Your Anakin.

"Ani, I love you. So much. And now that I know you love me, there's nothing more that I want than to do everything with you. So stop worrying, and just fuck me already." His smile was everything.

Anakin pushed into you slowly, letting out a soft grunt when he first felt your heat around him, and it was obvious he was holding himself back for your sake. He was so big, so thick, that when you thought there couldn't possibly be any left, he just kept getting deeper. He bottomed out inside you and paused, but you jerked your hips up, wanting him to move, fast, slow, anything. Anakin took the hint.

His thrusting was fast, precise, just like him. You swore you could feel the ridge of his cock as he moved within you, but your pleasure-induced babbling drowned out everything else.

"Fuck, Ani, shit that's so good, fuck me fuck me fuckmefuckme fuck your little slut!" You realized what you said with a little gasp. It wasn't intentional, but fuck it felt good to say. Anakin was clearly surprised, but quickly cast you a hungry grin. He loved it. 

"So you want to be fucked like a slut, huh? Turn around. Now," he growled as he pulled out of you, grabbed your hips, and whipped you around. You barely landed on your hands and knees when he slammed into you again, and you let out a keen. Anakin smacked your ass before setting a consistent, punishing pace, letting small grunts and groans drop from his lips as he got closer. With the angle of your hips, he was hitting the same, deep spot within you over and over, and you practically couldn't close your mouth.

"Fuck yes, fuck me like a slut, fuck me, yesyesyesyes," you chanted as he grabbed your hair and pulled. The feeling was just like earlier that night, when he fucked your throat, but he was harsher. Your scalp stung so perfectly, adding to the overwhelming array of feelings. Even though you wanted to, your pussy couldn't squeeze out another orgasm. It was just too much. Anakin was feeling it too, and his sounds got more frantic along with his hips. In a few seconds, he leant over you, teasing your ear with his pants.

“I don’t-- I don’t think I can last any longer, fuck, baby, your pussy is too good,” he breathed. He sped up, snapping his hips into yours erratically as he moaned your name and came. His jaw flexed, his brow furrowed, and his eyes clenched through it. When he was done, he pulled out of you slowly, tied off the condom, and tossed it in the trash by your bed before returning to give you some love. He drew you to his chest, scratching your scalp and kissing your forehead, until you both were almost asleep. Anakin prodded you into using the bathroom and brushing your teeth before you passed out.

This time, when you came back from the bathroom, there were no more discoveries, just Anakin in your bed, exactly where he belonged. He pulled you in with his strong arm, pressing his chest to your back as you both drifted off.

When you woke up, you thanked your lucky stars Ahsoka hadn't come home yet, because you were butt-naked and sprawled on top of Anakin. It took a moment to register that Anakin, your best friend, was in your bed, and then another to realize that, oh yeah. He was your boyfriend now. For the rest of the weekend he acted just like you thought he would, getting you dinner and holding your hand. You also bickered and told each other all the stories you had missed. You had become romantic partners, but you were still best friends at your core. Not that much had changed, really.

When he left, the loneliness and homesickness of being at college was lighter. You knew, standing by the train platform and waving at him through the window, that he would be back. Over and over again you would come back to one another, until you could finally be together again. As you braved the crowds of Grand Central, trying to find your way to the goddamned subway, your phone pinged. 

Anakin: Coach just told me I'm playing Princeton next weekend Anakin: Well I'm really bench warming Anakin: You should come visit Anakin: Cheer me on Anakin: Only 1 hr by train

You: I'll get tix

Anakin: See you there baby

You smiled to yourself and walked back to your dorm.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Tag List (let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future works!): @doblasftcisco @aliciaasky @cultofsin @avalovesjoe1 @akixxrafiiy @princearthur4 @sythethecarrot @jackie-on-the-loose @throughparisallthroughrome @rhiannonhippiegirl

[flame-shadow]

A breakdown of my quirrel!nosk comic from last year (original post here) since I like doing breakdowns and talking about my process, and I know at least some people like reading those things. :)

First of all, a little background. I made that comic in an evening with just a pencil, a black marker, two grey markers, and a yellow-orange marker. (All markers had a thick tip and a thin tip, and all were water-based markers, so they don't blend like alcohol markers, but they can still be layered to affect the values) I had a text post from @g0at0ad saved in my drafts that said "gotta say. massive missed opportunity to not have nosk mimic quirrel to lure the knight into its lair." and finally, I had an idea for how to illustrate the reveal and felt I had a decent idea for the nosk's design.

I wanted to follow the same encounter order as the game provides, and by happy coincidence, I realized that the route from first sighting to nosk den includes the hot spring, so it made perfect sense for that location and the real Quirrel to appear in the comic.

Ghost spots a Quirrel-like figure in the darkness in the first panel, and then as the path continues and drops into the hot spring, there's (real) Quirrel, so clearly that's who Ghost saw a minute ago. Yay, friend! And since Quirrel explores around, it's not strange that Ghost would spot him again in an area not so far away, though it's odd how he got ahead of them. Perhaps a different tunnel? And it seems like Quirrel wants to lead the way to something, so Ghost follows, until- That's not Quirrel.

In addition to the potential of a reader already knowing the game's locations and recognizing the path to the nosk's den, there are other visual clues that subtly communicate that something might not be right. I made it so every panel but the hot spring one has black silhouettes encroaching on the space within.

The third panel is the mildest one being encroached upon because Ghost doesn't yet feel like something is off (still reassured from seeing Quirrel in the safe hot spring) but the trap is coming together. The existence of the spider web in the corner is a nod to the trap because it's a common visual symbol for being trapped.

Also note how both the first and third panels have some safety via straight panel edges. Contrasted with the fourth and fifth panels which have no straight edges as Ghost cannot escape and there is no safety.

Another subtle reinforcement of danger vs safety is how the use of black is very limited in the hot spring panel. It's a brighter room mechanically, yes, but it's also a Safe Room. The only black is Ghost's void parts and a thin outline around Quirrel (and also a bit of shading on his arm that I did out of habit before remembering that I wasn't going to use black to shade him here, oops!)

And, note that in the only panel with Real Quirrel, he isn't framed against a darker shape in the background.

Okay, and finally, I will share a bit about the nosk reveal panel and its design...

This pose and angle are dramatic and all, but they're The Worst for showcasing the actual design of the nosk! Just a complete mistake on my part that I did my best to roll with, since I didn't realize until too late how I'd messed myself up.

Which happens! I don't always get it right, and especially when I'm working traditionally, there's a point where I can't go back, so I just have to make do with what I gave myself. :) I don't hate what I have here, but I have been dissatisfied with it ever since I drew the lineart.

A thought I have had since then was that maybe I should've drawn it larger, to be more threatening? Maybe a different pose to show off the side-body frills? I explored a couple ideas below, but honestly, I think the whole panel would have to be reworked to get it right.

Making sure that the background frames the nosk effectively would be one of the main things I'd redo, but I'm getting tired and don't feel like drawing more, so I'll just leave it at the nosk replacement sketches.

And since I don't think I did a good job with displaying the nosk's design effectively, I quickly sketched some of the features to maybe show them off a bit better.

I like the gimmick of the nosk turning its head, so I pretty much always maintain that with my nosk designs. This one is no exception. Quirrel's head and face become the cranium and upper jaw while Monomon's mask becomes the lower jaw - the extra length causes an underbite. I've always been a fan of when people add a veil hanging from Monomon's mask while Quirrel is wearing it, so that's where the frills come from. ("Why didn't you include the veil in your Quirrel drawings, then?" I hear you ask. And honestly..... I don't know! That could've been an oversight or it could've been deliberate and I just don't remember my justification. That happens sometimes XD)

Anyway uhhh yeah! I think that's it. I like making comics. I like thinking about nosk. Tadaa~

[loveswrites]

Is love enough? Poly Joe x Love x reader

Poly! Joe Goldberg x reader x Love Quinn

Time it took me: 5 hours spread out a few days

Word count: 1058

I asked you guys on a poll if you guys would like a poly xreader with Joe and love and you guys definitely did! So Let me know how you guys like it! The closer I got to the end I was thinking about making this one into a mini series! As I could do a lot more with this one! Tell me if you'd like a part two!

When you finish reading tell me. Do you think love is enough?

Love <3

"Depression makes you do crazy shit Joe!"

"That doesn't make sense, Love! just accept the fact that you killed her for no reason but the fact that you can't control yourself!" Joe yelled at love with wide eyes. 

"I can't control myself? I can't control myself?! You were the one obsessing over yet another woman! What did you expect me to do?! We have a family!" Love yelled back at Joe with tears in her eyes. But they weren't tears of sadness.

"Babes? What's with all the yelling what's going-... on.." You questioned coming down the stairs but paused seeing exactly what the yelling was all about.

"What happened?.." You whispered. On the ground all you saw was blood and the body of some blonde. 

"What are you doing here!?" Love and Joe yelled in unison.

"You told me to come pick up Henry so you could finish on some things- What happened!" You yelled, snapping out of your explanation of your presence.

"I- I she fell-" Love attempted to say but you quickly cut her off.

"Into an Ax!?" You yelled.

"It was an accident!" Love tried defending herself.

"What the fuck! What the actual fuck? I- Where is Henry?!" You yelled out looking around the dark basement for the child you came to pick up.

"He's over there he is fine!" Love gestured to Henry who was literally a baby in a corner.

You watched as Joe paced the floors as you could only assume he was thinking about what to do about this.. situation that lies in front of you three.. and a half. 

You Joe and Love were in a relationship together. It was a loving happy relationship you felt secure in some aspects of it. Besides that fact that you never knew if the police would show up at your front door and arrest you was all. It was one of the things that made the loving happy relationship feel a little less secure. Also with love's impulsive behavior and Joe's constant need to have a new fixation every other month put a damper on the relationship at times. But none of that stopped you from loving them both. And them loving you. 

"You said no more. No more killing. No more death. A fresh start and a New beginning. And Joe you no more.. obsession plus the killing also." You whispered shifting your eyes between you two lovers. 

"How can neither of you keep your promise?" 

"I haven't killed anybody!" Joe yelled.

"But you stalk! And you creep! And you lie and cheat on both me and Love! Why?! Why are we not enough for you? I keep your secrets, I'm there when you're scared! When you're scared that you might do another bad thing! And you Love I'm there for you every sleepless night when Joe is gone! We were all supposed to be happy here! But since we're all killing and lying, I'm going to tell the truth I hate it here! I hate the suburbs I'm a fucking city girl I don't belong here yet I am trying to adapt for you for you both because I love you! You both ripped me apart from a city that I loved so much to lie in a house with two people that I thought loved me more than I loved that city just to feel like some neglected piece of trash! I hope to God Henry never feels like this- Oh wait he probably already does since he's facing a corner chilling in a room with a dead body!" You screamed with so much pent up aggression you snatched up the baby carrier that held Henry.

"Pleas-" Joe started but you cut him off without turning to face them.

"Don't call me, don't text me. Fix your mess then maybe me and Henry will come back." You said causing panic to rush through both of their veins.

"Maybe?!" Love yelled her eyes widening. 

"What do you mean maybe?! I love you, there is nothing that I wouldn't do to make you stay!" Joe yelled.

"Shut up." You said, shaking your head as you walked up the stairs leaving the bakery. 

When you've been in a relationship with basically two insane people you learn when their threats mean you harm or not. In that case Joe threatened you out of fear. Not anger. He was never angry at you much. He got mad at Love more than he would you. Him and Love fought more than you, him and love ever did combined. Which you couldn’t lie was understandable because seeing that their habits could land us all in jail. You’ve never killed anybody but that still doesn’t make you a good person. 

You’ve lied for them. Threaten people for them. Even though Joe and Love do their best to keep their dirty habits away from home, it’s inevitable that one of those habits will come knocking on your front door. You’ve helped with the..bodies. So no matter how sick it makes you or how bad you feel about it you are and will forever be an accomplice to their crimes for no other reason than the fact love makes you do crazy things. 

When you got to your car you went to buckle Henry into his car seat. He was crying. You almost missed that.. How could you miss a screaming baby? As you tried to zone yourself out of your deep thoughts about your two loves you tried calming the only love that mattered right now. You found it hard to do this as tears rolled down your own face. Who was going to calm you down with their love? As you shhh henry to calm down rocking him in your arms on the side corner of the bakery you started to think what if this was all?

What if this was it? 

What if all your life now consisted of was lying, hiding, running, crying, screaming, fighting, shovels, dirt and muddy midnights. But at least you had your two lovers by your side, That’s all that matters right? Could the love between three people be enough to grow into a happy family?

Getting into the driver's seat you started the car. And as you drove away from the bakery you couldn’t help but think, is love enough?

[lokorum]

Hi, I have been following you for some time and just read you also have cats. Can we see them or can you tell us about them? I love seeing people's cats but can't have any since I'm allergic.

oh gosh, this is like the ultimate-nicest-ask any person could ever recieve and i still made you wait for the reply, im so so sorry!! classic case of unlucky timing happend - your ask came on the next day after one of our cats had to be put down through euthanasia. im only now feeling like talking about her, hope you'll understand <3

also warning: someone here is obsessed with their cats so prepare yourself for a lot of pictures!!!

so this is her, our obachan that was somewhere around 16-17 yo at the moment of her death (no one knows how old she was for sure, and we called her a necromant bc doctors predicted her death like 10 times and she lived and lived and lived. our friend said that everytime death came for her she just stared at it with her unblinking eyes, forcing it to leave lskdjflkdsjf)

near the end of her life she had no teeth, progressing cancer, brain tumor that caused epilepsia but she still was the god's smallest gremlin, (and the most adorable too) creating havoc everywhere she went

the other cat that we adopted is this little goofball

she literally found us on the street near our home back in ulan ude and just followed us there asking food. she was our neighboors cat, but they left her behind after moving, saying some bullshit like they coudnt catch her (while she was activelly asking to be held when she came to us. she was pregnant too, and very, very anxious)

she is the most shy cat i ever met; text book wall-flower, but now after almost 5 years together she is much more brave!! tho she still scared of blankets and towels for the reasons that makes want to return back to uu and violently kill her previous family

also can anyone tell me what is this

and heres our first cat and the only one we havent adopted from the street but from a different family!! she is the youngest and the cheekiest little seagle that loves to terrorize everyone and since she is very very cute - she gets away with it every time

she also is notoriously hard to catch in a photo, and when we finally able to - she is just chilling in the most bizzare places like in the freezer

on the toilet cistern

on the computer box

on the bysicle seat

inside the drawer inside the box

on the bench

inside the cat bag

i found one (1) picture of her in the bed and it looks like this

like almost anyone who has cat family member - i could talk about their little habbits for hours but i think what i already said is too much so im putting myself on the leash here lkjsdflkjasjd thank you so much for listen to my rumblings!!! i cant deny it feels kinda healing to talk about all of them now and that happened thanks to you @dabenport so sending you a lot of hugs!! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ also i have allergy on cats psldkf;sdkf;lkd;lf so i hope that maybe one day you'll be able to find less allergic cat friends to share your life with!!! im sneezing a lot but its worth it

[boba-beom]

All your posts are making me like 🫠 I think I reblogged all three keke

I need to shout about this... In the Miracle tiktok where Taehyun is dancing while SoobKai film with ILLIT... I don't know if he's eating or chewing gum but it looks like he's chewing gum and why is it so attractive to me. Now I've combined this with basketball Taehyun, thinking how hot it would be to watch him doing a solo practice, shooting and doing dribbling drills while casually making conversation with you, chewing gum the whole time. Am I crazy? Maybe, because before now, I'd probably say gum is gross.

WAIT but now I'm imagining this scenario is the first time you hang out after he sees you fraternising with the enemy (Yeonjun) and he's trying to act like it doesn't bother him that you gave him your number, only that you were clapping for the wrong team OKAY stop me and my imagination 😅 I love Taehyun

and I love you, so glad to see you're still around 💕

CEE I love you too! and I'm happy to see you around also <3 you have no idea how much I've been giggling to myself from your tags hehe :> thank you for the rbs and reading your reactions were fun too 🤭 and you saying that I make sport-centric fics fun for you to read is truly a huge compliment to me omg, I always get nervous because I'm not 100% sure about what I'm writing most of the time, so thank you ilysm 🫶🏼

ALSO reading this made my jaw drop because you're literally onto something with that omg. I noticed that too during soogyu's tiktok with ILLIT— it's the way taehyun does it so nonchalantly with the subtle chewing and it is kinda hot. I used to find people who do that quite obnoxious lmao, but like I can't stand if they're really smacking their gum, ygm? ANYWAY—

jealous bsf!taehyun x gn!reader, dialogue heavy

okay so, the first time you and taehyun hang out after the game is a couple of days later. he'd agreed to hang out with you at the park since you both had checked the weather in advance; it was sunnier than usual. you both decided to meet each other at your regular spot and you're not surprised to find taehyun already there, sitting on the grass and on his phone. usually he'd notice you when you walk up behind him, but it was almost like he'd purposely ignored you and waiting until you had to announce that you were there.

"tyun?" you sit beside him slowly leaning in to give him a usual hug when you greet each other but he gave you a lazy side hug. damn. "been waiting long?"

"no."

that's all you get? he pockets his phone, palms against the grass as he leans back chewing his gum nonchalantly and looking at the busy field in front of you. there seems to be a group of high schoolers training for soccer.

"um, are we good?" you ask quietly, heart pounding in your chest and a little afraid for the first time in forever.

he hums, eyes focused on the ball being passed from player to player.

"yeah, why wouldn't we?" his voice monotone but knowing taehyun, that was normal. "how's yeonjun. are you guys like text buddies now or something?"

now that wasn't what you were expecting. well shit. taehyun's mad and you don't know if that's all he has to say about it.

"no, tyun. he didn't even call me so I don't even have his number. I'm assuming he's busy is all. I wasn't really expecting much." you nudge his shoulder playfully, craning your neck in attempt to be in his visual field, but to no avail, his vision doesn't budge. you sit back in your original position, also watching the ball from afar. "does it bother you?"

you best friend scoffs, apparently he finds something humorous that you possibly missed.

"it doesn't. why'd you even talk to that guy anyway, you know he just does that to boost his ego because he lost the game." taehyun finally turns his head to look at you and you look at him within a fraction of a second, eyes holding eye contact for the first time that day.

"I'm sure he had good intentions-"

"good intentions." taehyun scoffs again, almost chuckles after he repeats it again. "that guy never has good intentions, ___. and I thought you were there to support me, then I catch you clapping for his three pointer."

your stomach churns a little from the guilt. you didn't know he saw that. and what do you even say? you thought it was impressive? you had a feeling yeonjun shot that shot for you?

"don't even try and think of some lame ass excuse because you know damn well I can tell when you're not telling me the truth." his voice assertive but his gaze on you softens, wanting you to be comfortable with him like you usually are.

you let out a deep sigh.

"he looked at me before that moment and I assumed he did that to impress me..." your voice trails off, trying to look at taehyun through your peripheral, not wanting to look at him directly. "I don't know tyun, he seemed pretty genuine and he's kinda cute too."

after explaining as honestly as you could, the air was filled with a short silence between the both of you and distant shouting and birds flying by.

"I can be kinda cute too." taehyun grumbles under his breath and you swear it wasn't some sort of auditory hallucination. that is what you heard, right?

"hm?" you turn to him, tilting your head to the side waiting for him to hopefully repeat himself.

"why'd you want him when I've been here all this time." his rhetorical reply left you blinking a couple of times, processing what exactly he's inferring. "in short, you have me. and I have you."

your chest starts heaving slowly. taehyun, your best friend, really said that. his fingers gently caresses yours, also supporting your weight on the grass while you both lean back.

the train of thought in your discombobulated mind is disrupted by him calling your name, now in a softer tone.

"so, what do you say? I'm willing to risk this friendship and try something more with you, ___. if you let me."

his says his confession, almost as if he's been yearning for you to be his for a while, but is it wrong that you still can't stop thinking about yeonjun?

"taehyun," you sit upright, holding his hand in yours. "I'm going to be honest with you, but promise me don't get mad."

the hope in taehyuns eyes disappears, feeling his heart sink to his stomach ready for your rejection. he nods.

"I love you, and always have, but that's because you're my best friend. and at the moment, yeonjun left quite the impression on me so he's still on my mind, but there's nothing much that helps him in his favour."

"so what you're saying is?" your fingers interlock with his, your thumb rubbing the back of his.

"is that I'm willing to try this with you, because, unlike you," you tease, "I like to give people chances."

you prod at his side as he exhales and rolls his eyes playfully.

"I couldn't risk you being whisked away before I even made a move on you." taehyun defends himself the best he could.

"no but really, from time to time I have felt like I've loved you more than a friend. so that's why I want to try, but can we take it slow?"

"yeah, of course. I'll just have to push yeonjun out your thoughts first." his comment makes you laugh.

taehyun's singular dimpled smile returns and it's contagious, he has you smiling back at him too. you didn't realise when you two ended up sitting closer to each other to close the gap, but you took the opportunity to lean your head on his shoulder.

"and you are kinda cute."

© BOBA-BEOM ; all rights reserved. do not repost, copy, alter or translate in any way or platform.

[ednygmasbowlerhat]

this is a long rant about accidentally dating people for aros/aces/aroaces that i don't expect people to read but i need to scream this into the void

ok so i'm 100% sure i'm aroace like i'm 20 years old and have never in my life been romantically or sexually attracted to anyone no matter how hard i've tried and like cognitively i know this. i'm out to all of my friends (my family doesn't know but they're homophobic so that's a future me problem anyway...) and most of my friends are queer so like they know what aromanticism and asexuality are and it's just like a thing i know and everyone knows about me. so like if i know that i am aroace how come i can't emotionally accept it? this requires a bit of a storytime but basically last year this girl who i was sort of friends with but not close with confessed to me that she had been in love with me for the better part of a year and she was like "i know you're asexual and that's fine i just wanted you to know" and first of all i don't think she comprehended that the part of my sexuality that made me not want to date her was the aromanticism not the asexuality but that's not the point. the point is that i was like "yeah i mean i've never felt that way about anyone but i like you as a person and would be happy to keep getting closer with you as friends" because like i wanted to let her down easy and that was the nicest way i could think of so then we like hung out a little more after that one-on-one which we didn't used to do because we only knew each other from classes and band but like it was fine she was nice and we were friends and like somewhere in the back of my head i was constantly thinking like maybe if i get to be really close friends with her to the point where we're basically dating then i will realize romance isn't that bad and be able to date her and like stop being aromantic. like i wasn't thinking that through consciously but i did know that i haven't emotionally reconciled what being aroace actually means for how my future is going to look so i know that's an issue that i have to work through and that i'm still working on accepting my sexuality. anyway all this to say that i was basically trying to subconsciously convince myself that if i tried hard enough i would be able to make myself fall in love with this girl.

anyways summer happens and we're texting but we don't live near each other so whatever and then we come back to school and she's like inviting me to do one on one stuff all the time like i put together a bunch of her ikea furniture for her new apartment and like after band she'd ask me to get dinner just the two of us stuff like that and one of these days at the beginning of the semester we're hanging out just the two of us and she's like "so what are we because like i'm falling more in love with you and i don't want to make you uncomfortable but i really want to be more affectionate with you?" so i was like "well i do like hugs and physical contact and stuff so i guess i'm ok with that" and from then on she was like very pda with me and kissing me on the forehead and always hugging me and like i genuinely do like physical touch but like she clearly thought we were dating and one time referred to me as her partner and i was like "woah." so anyway we're i guess accidentally dating at this point for like 3 months and then like a month ago she's driving me home and out of the blue she goes "what would it take for me to convert to judaism?" and i was like why? i didn't know if it was like a curiosity thing or like a relationship thing because in like september she asked if it was ever a possibility that the two of us could get married and i thought she was joking so i said no you're not jewish (like there are obviously so many serious reasons why i can't marry her like i don't love her but whatever i thought she was kidding) and she was like "i'd convert for you because i'm in love with you and i was thinking about it" and i was like holy shit wtf i need to get out of this car right now but like i couldn't so i'm fully sitting in her passenger seat stammering and not knowing what to say because i don't want to hurt her feelings but i don't feel the same way and yeah eventually i get home and i basically run away. she texts me like immediately after and is like "sorry if i freaked you out" and i was like no you're good but inside i was freaking out.

so anyway i try and ignore how uncomfortable i am because i have to interact with her in band, and then about a week later, she sits me down and is like "hey so i want to ask how you've been feeling about us because you've been acting weird" and i tried to be honest and say that i thought i could force myself to love her but i just can't and to me that was basically like me breaking up with her but to her apparently that was just an instruction to continue as usual i guess. so after that i started avoiding her because i wanted her to understand that i didn't want to be in this relationship with her but she like wasn't getting it and she was still like coming up to me and touching me like i was having a conversation with one of my friends and she walks up behind me and just starts picking the like fuzzy bits off of my hoodie and i literally flinched away and said stop without even looking at her and the friend i was talking to looked so concerned but she just kept standing behind me without touching me. then later that day she came up to me again and was like "are you mad at me" in front of a group of like 5 people and i was like "i'm not mad i just need space" and she keeps being like why so i just walked away because we were fully in public and i didn't want to say anything. so that night i send her a long text where i basically apologized for being rude and set my boundary that i needed space from her. for further reference i have a really bad history of being unable to say no in a lot of really serious ways that i'm working on in therapy but this was something that she knew about. she knew that i say yes to things i am not ok with because i have severe issues with conflict and have put myself in really uncomfortable and sometimes very dangerous situations just to avoid saying no or hurting someone's feelings. all of this to say it took a lot of time and work for me to set a boundary with her and tell her i need space because it is super intertwined with my trauma and mental health issues. she replies to me like 2 minutes later just saying something along the lines of "i'm so mad at you because you lied to me for months and it's a huge problem for our relationship if you can't be honest with me." i just replied ok because whatever but in my head i was like i don't exactly think i was lying to you and also i never agreed that we were together and even if we were i just dumped you so wtf?

anyway we still see each other at band stuff and she's always giving me dirty looks and someone at a party told me that she's been telling everyone i led her on which like i'm not surprised by because it was unintentional but i do agree that i led her on like i knew how much she liked me and i didn't put space between us maybe because i liked the attention or maybe because i thought i could force myself to like her back or maybe because i hate saying no but whatever the reason i feel really bad for hurting her. and here's the thing: this isn't the first time i've accidentally dated someone or led someone on for an extended period of time. i just don't know how to stop. i don't know how to force myself to emotionally accept that dating is not for me and that no matter how hard i try i will probably never like someone the way she liked me. also like am i actually in the wrong here? because all my friends are saying she's in the wrong, but i think this is all my fault but my friend said that her accusing me of lying is like calling someone a liar when they come out to you because they were lying to you the entire time before they came out about their sexuality. also a different friend keeps saying that it's her fault because i never gave her consent for a lot of the stuff that happened but like i never said no so idk. this might be like just insane ramblings at this point i just need to get this out of my head so i can study for finals.

if you read to this point literally why but thanks i hope you're doing ok and if you're aro/ace/aroace you're super awesome and valid

[tessenpai]

Kono Oto Tomare! Chapter 128.5 Scans and Rough TL

Disclaimer: Please DO NOT use this translation to make your own TL of the chapter!! The KOT TL group works very hard to give you the most accurate translation, that does as much justice to the original script as possible. This is a ROUGH translation. That means is faulty and there must be mistakes in certain places. This is just for impatient people like myself to get a grasp on what is going on in the chapter! You can REFERENCE my TL if you want to discuss the chapter but never USE it as it was your own.

Scans: (I recommend the use of an adblocker to avoid NSFW content) https://klz9.com/jxsh-kono-oto-tomare-raw-chapter-129.html

Page 1

Isaki [thoughts]: On my 27th winter

Isaki [thoughts]: My father passed away.

Side text: The story of how Chika and Isaki met...

Gen [memories]: If something were to happen to me...

Gen [memories]: Please take care of Chika.

Isaki [thoughts]: ---To me

Chika: Whatever. I don't care.

Page 2

Chika: I don't give a shit what you think of me. Not anymore.

Side text: When his grandfather died, his heart did as well---...

Isaki [thoughts]: He left only one request.

Chapter title: #ex [first light]

Page 3

Isaki [thoughts]: ....Whaaa---... No no, you can't be serious... This? You left this to me??

Gen [memories]: His eyes have been full of kindness lately.

Isaki [thoughts]: Where??

Isaki [thoughts]: Those are not the eyes of a child. Normally, it would've been impossible.

Isaki [thoughts]: Something like this... I've never even raised a child before, this is way out of my league---...

Isaki: !!

Isaki: Eh? Wai- Where are you goi--

Chika's father: Leave him!!

Isaki: Still...

Page 4

Gen [thoughts]: I leave it to you.

Isaki [thoughts]: Really, you ask too much...

Isaki [thoughts]: Wow.

Isaki: Excuse me, could borrow an umbrella?

Employee: Go ahead.

Isaki [thoughts]: He couldn't have gone too far yet but... Where should I even look for him?

Isaki [thoughts]: In a place that looks unsafe?

Page 5

Isaki [thoughts]: What should I do if he got in a fight again?

Isaki [thoughts]: There he is...

Isaki [thoughts]: For now, let's just call out to him. He will probably reject me but... Wait, if I get rejected, is there anything I can do after that? We've just met, so... The most practical thing for me to do would be to go back and call my brother.

Page 6

*No text*

Page 7

Isaki: ....Oh. Um...

Isaki: ...

Isaki: ...Do you know who I am? I'm your father's younger sister.

Isaki: Dad... Did Grandpa ever tell you about me?

Chika: ...

Isaki: About my brother... I think he's just a little bit preoccupied right now, so… maybe you should talk to him when he's a bit calmer and...

Chika: It's fine.

Chika: I really couldn't care less about that.

Page 8

Isaki: What? But...

Isaki [thoughts]: He was crying so hard just now...

Isaki [thoughts]: ...Ah.

Isaki [thoughts]: ...I see...

Isaki: You... Truly loved Grandpa.

Page 9

Isaki: I think the time Grandpa spent with you was really fun and joyful to him.

Isaki: I think you made him happy.

Isaki: For being with him until the end... Thank you.

Chika: !!

Page 10

Chika: u... ugh.

Isaki [thoughts]: ...Aaah.

Isaki [thoughts]: Can't do.

Isaki [thoughts]: I definitely

Isaki: Chika

Page 11

Isaki: Come live with me

Isaki [thoughts]: I can't leave this child alone.

Isaki [thoughts]: ---That was

Page 12

Isaki [thoughts]: The beginning for Chika and me.

Isaki: We haaave arrived! This is my humble abode--!

Isaki: The bathroom is over here--- And over there---

Isaki: Who would've thought you could do that...

Chika: What?

Isaki [thoughts]: He is surprisingly well-behaved.

Isaki: Here, this is my room---...

Sfx: Clack...

Page 13

Isaki: If you enter, I will beat you up ☆

Chika: ...

Isaki: Next up is the living room.

Isaki: And finally-- Your room!!

Sfx: Ta-daaaan

Chika: ...

Isaki: You got nothing to say about it...?

Chika: I'm fine just with a place to sleep in.

Isaki [thoughts]: I was just kidding... I planned on partitioning the living room to create a room for him but...

Isaki: ..............Whatever, I guess.

Page 14

Chika [Sfx]: Look around

Isaki: Hm? Are you looking for something?

Chika: ...I was just thinking that there aren't any kotos around here.

Isaki: Aah.

Isaki: I used to play it a little a long time ago. Now, not at all.

Isaki: My job is related to events so I sometimes get exposed to it from time to time.

Chika: Hmmmm.

Isaki: What, did you want to play the koto?

Chika: Nah, I can't play.

Isaki: Is that right? My fathe... Grandpa told me on the phone before

Isaki: "Chika played the koto!" He was so happy when he said that.

Page 15

Isaki [thoughts]: ----Ah.

Chika: ...Hmmm.

Isaki [thoughts]: His eyes light up as soon as Grandpa is mentioned

Isaki [thoughts]: That's probably his true self...

Sfx: Ruuumble

Isaki: ...Did you hear that?

Chika: ...Well, yeah.

Isaki: That's because I'm hungry. It's almost six, let's have dinner.

Isaki: What do you want to eat? We can go eat out or order delivery---

Chika: I don't need anything.

Page 16

Isaki: ...What?

Chika: Food, I mean... I'll be fine even with little food.

Isaki: What are you even saying??

Chika: It's enough if you just lend me a place to sleep.

Chika: I don't plan on coming for anything except to sleep.

Chika: Today I will also go somewhere else until night hits.

Chika: About my clothes... I would be thankful if you let me leave them here.

Isaki: I will make it.

Chika: ------Eh?

Isaki: Today, Isaki-sama, for your well-being, from the bottom of her heart, will cook for you. So eat. Until there isn't a single crumb left.

Page 17

Isaki: Right now, the only things I have in the fridge are water, alcohol, and snacks. I gotta do some shopping.

Chika: Eh? Wai-

Isaki: Ah, are you coming with me?

Chika: If there's anything you need, we can buy it.

Chika: ...Well, no ...There's really nothing.

Isaki: That so? Well, just stay at home then.

Chika: !

Chika: ...

Isaki: What, you coming then? Is there something you want?

Chika: ...There's nothing, really...

Page 18

Isaki [thoughts]: Yeaaaaaah, I don't get it.

Isaki [thoughts]: He is following me, but he is so far away.

Isaki [thoughts]: Well, you know? Of course, right? From a junior high school student's point of view, a woman around 30 years old is considered an old woman, right?. I'm sure it's embarrassing to walk around with one, right?

Isaki [thoughts]: I totally bought too much.

Isaki [thoughts]: Whatever--- It's just a 5-minute walk...

Sfx: Grap.

Page 19

Isaki [thoughts]: Oh?

Isaki [thoughts]: Ooooh...?

Isaki: Wai- At least let me carry one of those.

Chika: ...

Isaki: Hey!

Chika [Sfx]: Power walking

Isaki: Wha-!?

Isaki: Wait right there! Hey!!

Isaki: Don't ignore me!!

Isaki: Listen here!! I get that you don't want to walk with me but

Isaki: That kind of thing is still hurtful, you know!? I'm grateful you are carrying the bags, though!!

Page 20

Chika: Ah, no.

Chika: That's not... it.

Isaki: Come again?

Chika: ...Did you see how it ended up? Gramps house, I mean.

Chika: It'd better for you not to be seen around me.

Page 21

Isaki: Are you underestimating adults?

Isaki: Gramps house? Yeah, I took a good look at it with these two eyes. It was the worst among the worst.

Isaki: I think the people who did that are really shitty kids. And you're a fool for hanging out with them.

Page 22

Isaki: When I first heard about the incident, to be honest, I was super pissed with you.

Isaki: I thought it was too much trouble, I wanted nothing to do with it.

Isaki: But once I actually met you, you were only a child crying for the death of his grandpa.

Isaki: You have reflected and regretted. But you are still someone who hasn't learned how to look forward, at all.

Isaki: Don't you dare try to put yourself in front of me to try and protect me.

Page 23

Isaki: There's no way I will run from some brats who try to belittle my nephew.

Isaki: I will use my power as an adult to turn the tables on them-

Isaki: So you can rest at ease, and walk beside me. And every day, you can come home normally!!

Isaki: Do you understand!?

Page 24

Isaki: Come on, let's go.

Chika: Carrying it like this is embarrassing....

Isaki; Oh, is that so? Let go, then, and let me carry these heaaaavy bags all on my own.

Chika: Ugh...

Chika: ...

Page 25

Isaki [thoughts]: That night

Isaki [thoughts]: For the first time in several years I cooked

Isaki [thoughts]: A fucking disgusting A slightly different curry

Isaki [thoughts]: Chika did exactly as I told him.

Isaki [thoughts]: And didn't leave a single crumb.

Page 26

Isaki [thoughts]: He is more honest than I thought.

Isaki [thoughts]: And he is extremely clumsy.

Isaki [memory]: ----Eh? You don't want to go to high school and want to start working directly instead? Is there a work you are interested in?

Chika[memory]: There's nothing like that but, normally I would have to pay rent, and earn my living. I wanna pay for it.

Isaki[memory]: What, now?

Isaki[memory]: Your father will be paying for all your expenses, isn't that obvious?

Isaki[memory]: You don't want to depend on your father?

Chika[memory]: Ugh...

Isaki[memory]: Well, is not like I don't understand where you are coming from, but.

Page 27

Isaki [memory]: If there's anything you can use, use it.

Isaki[memory]: If you can rely on something or someone, do it.

Isaki[memory]: There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Isaki[memory]: For once, forget about things like money and whatnot. Just think about what you want for yourself.

Isaki[memory]: But if after that, you still want to work, then I will support you.

Chika [thoughts]: ...What I want for myself...

Chika [thoughts]: ..............

Chika [thoughts]: I have no clue--... I don't have a hobby or any kind of special talent. Nothing.

Page 28

Chika [thoughts]: ...Truly. I really have nothing.

Chika [thoughts]: Nothing...

Gen [memory]: Chika!

Isaki [thoughts]: I'm home---

Chika [Sfx]: Stare

Isaki: Eh? What is it? You are scaring me.

Isaki: What, did you break something?

Chika: I didn't break anything.

Isaki: What is it, then?

Page 29

Chika: .....

Chika: Ther-

Chika: There's something I... Want.

Isaki: ! What is it?

Chika: ----------

Chika: Pi- picture...

Chika: I want a picture.

Chika: ....Of Gramps.

Chika: I

Chika: Don't have even one... so.

Page 30

Chika: If it's not doable, that's fine.

Isaki: Eh- no-! It's totally doable!!! Pictures, huh! I will bring them over!

Isaki: These are albums.

Chika: Are these all Gramps'?

Isaki: Well, there are also other family members in them.

Isaki: You can grab whichever picture you like.

Chika: ...Thanks

Chika [thoughts]: Oooh...

Page 31

Chika [thoughts]: Around this age, I can already tell it's Gramps.

Chika[memory]: Koto club? What's that, a club where you play koto?

Gen [memory]: Yeah. I was the founder of the Tokise Koto Club!

Page 32

Chika: ---...This.

Isaki: Hm? Ahhh, that's a picture of when the Koto Club was first founded.

Chika: ...Does this club

Chika: Still exist?

Isaki: If I remember correctly, it's still there, but----

Gen [memory]: Do you want to give it a try?

Gen [memory]: Haha, you are pretty good.

Gen [memory]: You actually seem pretty talented.

Isaki [memory]: "Chika played the koto!" He was so happy when he said that.

Page 33

Isaki: -----...

Isaki: Did you find what you want to do?

Page 34

Chika: I wonder if it's too late for me to aim to go to high school.

Isaki: Well, that depends on how much effort you put on i---

Isaki: Wait a second!! You have to submit an application form for the entrance exam! When is the deadline!? It's already December!!

Isaki: Will we make it on time?

Chika: I will go ask Tetsuki!!

Isaki: Eh? Who is Tetsuki!?

Chika: It's ok! I will make it on time!! If I tell Tetsuki, it will be fine, for sure!!

Isaki: Ok, but who is Tetsuki!!??

Chika: Uh... I

Chika: Will go to Tokise and

Chika: I will join the Koto Club Gramps created!!!

Page 35

Isaki [thoughts]: Thank you, Dad. For leaving a light for Chika.

Isaki: That's great!!

Isaki: Well then, from now on, it's full-time studying!

Chika: Starting tomorrow I will ask Tetsuki to help me study, so I will pass for sure!

Isaki: What the hell is a Tetsuki!!!???

Side text: I hope this sound reaches the heavens----...

Isaki [thoughts]: Chika won't lose sight of that light, and this time I will be right beside him.

Isaki [thoughts]: Please, look after us.

---Kono Oto Tomare! will continue in the next issue---

[violetasteracademic]

I hope the translation won't let me down.

I've only been in the fandom not long ago, but in that time I've been shocked by the amount of hate and criticism towards Elain. I have my own "why" for in this regard. But what do you think?

Is it that she's is not courageous enough by the modern trend of female protagonists? Or is it that she's just not worthy of Azriel? I've had many discussions about this, as well as many discussions about why I believe Elriel is endgame.

Hello friend! The translation was perfect!

I must disclaim that this is 100% an opinion post. I stay as far away from Elain hate as humanly possible, and I do not want to seek out or share screenshots of upsetting things I have read or seen. But- I had a similar experience to you. I finished House of Flame and Shadow and noticed so many little Elain coded details throughout and hints for Elain and Azriel. I became so outrageously hyper fixated, finally joined the online fandom and, well...

We all know how that story ends.

I do think there are a couple of different things at play. Some are completely benign, some are sinister. Some reflect deeper parallels of unhealthy dynamics that many women and female identifying people live every single day. I have friends that are some of the best people I've ever met that either don't like or aren't obsessed with Elain, and their reasons are fair. There are women who dislike Elain for violently misogynistic and saddening reasons that are unfair. The reasons are vast and wide. But I'll start with the easy stuff first.

Benign reason number 1: Elain is extremely subtle in the books. There is not a single person I know (myself included!) that fully picked up on everything in a first read through. My first run, I didn't even ship Elain with anyone. I mean, this was years ago and I didn't realize we were supposed to be shipping anyone with anyone. I didn't know she'd be getting a book, I was just reading and vibing with the story at hand. I didn't dislike her at all, but I also didn't catch much of her development. Then on a second re-read, once I was very much aware she was getting a book, I was like OMG! Az and Elain are obsessed with each other and look at all these little cool details about her and now I can't wait for her story!

The same thing happened to my best friend who just read the books for the first time last month. I asked what she thought about all the sisters at the end and it was: Loved Feyre. Hated Nesta until her book. I don't really have an opinion on Elain yet because I feel like I don't know enough about her. I think that's probably the most common reaction.

Then, like many of us, she tried to move on to a different book series and was like- nope. It's not hitting, just gonna reread ACOTAR. All of the sudden she's texting me going- wait, Madja said a mate would know what was wrong and Azriel was the one who knew- does that mean Azriel and Elain are mates somehow? I totally missed that before. Is L/ucien's eye broken and he needs to get it checked out and that's why he's seeing a mating bond? (Yes that was legit her theory and I'm obsessed with her for it.) Wait- Elain stepped OUT OF A SHADOW? How did I miss that? Did Azriel help her? Can she use his powers? Wait- Elain is taking lessons in stealth from Azriel and the wraiths, is she gonna be a spy? Allllll of this happens on a second or third read through. There are a massive number of people that do not frequently re-read books or have not read ACOTAR more than once.

There are also a massive number of people who don't read novellas in any series, not just SJM. People widely say it's okay to skip ACOFAS. This feels like a crime, but I myself have skipped novellas in other series.

25 percent of readers skip prologues. What!?

Elain is subtle. She is going to get missed by a large number of readers who skip novellas, who maybe would skip a prologue, who read or listen at a very surface level and don't deeply process everything they are seeing or hearing. I think this is really common, especially in areas where people are just trying to have fun and be entertained. But I think, outside of the microcosm of the most aggressive fans online, this is probably the most common thing happening. People haven't noticed her yet. They don't see her. They don't get her. But they *see* and *get* their favorite men or G/wyn.

But once you see Elain, it's like the storm clouds break and angels sing and you realize what a deep, nuanced, and fascinating character she is and how INSANELY epic her story stands to be. And then you probably go talk about it on Tumblr every day and write hundreds of thousands of words about her in fanfics (if you are me.)

Bummer but still benign reason number two: So many us are Elain, and that can have a negative impact when it hits too close to home. Elain represents a lot of emotional, domestic, and mental load labor. With the addition of her visions, I cannot even imagine her mental load. I had a very beloved friend explain to me: I am Elain. I don't want to read a book about myself. That doesn't help me escape.

I am Elain as well (in large part but not entirely) and I see the potential in her story and connect with her deeply. But I understand this sentiment. I can't say for sure, but I think a lot of people who are Nesta's for example realized they were after her book and had to actually see her journey before they could identify with it. Mirrors are uncomfortable if you don't like what they are reflecting. I think these women who feel like Elain hits too close to home in a way that makes them feel on edge *might* change their mind after her book, but if not, that's okay.

I remember during the peak of the pandemic all of these COVID movies started coming out and many TV shows were incorporating it into their story lines. I was so stressed out and traumatized that I was like- why would I watch a show or movie about a global pandemic killing millions of people with a virus I'm terrified of while I'm living it. I intellectually understood that many people felt it could not be ignored, or they were processing it by making art about it. But I did not want anything to do with COVID movies or shows. It was too close to home. I could not indulge in entertainment about something that was too real at the time. Some women feel this way about Elain. She is almost too real to them and hasn't had her chance to become more than the quiet girl who gardens and bakes and self isolates while her own family expects that she isn't strong enough to handle anything. So this I understand.

Now for the sinister reasons. I could write a dissertation about the internalized misogyny, the sexism, the insidious vitriol towards characteristics that are considered feminine and the veneration of characteristics that are traditionally masculine. But if there is one thing that I would do anything to heal in our society that hardly ever gets talked about, it's this: The world can only handle one type of woman at a time. In books, in movies, in celebrities, women are treated in lather/rinse/repeat cycles. Jameela Jamil does some incredible work breaking down the "life cycle" of women in media consumption.

Women are treated as trends. Our bodies. Our hair. Our face shape. Our personalities. And when one type of woman is on trend, all other media representations will try to ride those coattails instead of asking society to enjoy or at the bare minimum tolerate a variety of women. I have seen this cycle play out over and over and over again.

I'm going to hold your hand when I tell you this- but Bella Swan and Alina Starkov are the same character in different fonts. In the early 2000s the popular YA ingenue archetype literally had to be a mousy brunette that was kind of socially awkward and not very noticeable, not that pretty, ect ect. That was required. They were trying to tap into the antithesis of the "popular girl" whether it was a high school romance about humans and vampires or a Ravkan war. People could not tolerate YA female leads as being too pretty or too good at everything or even socially adept. They almost had to get the attention of boys for no discernable reason. *eyes roll into back of head and drift into space*

Celaena was groundbreaking for her time. Please understand I am not saying SJM was the first or only one to do it, but it is still to this day historic and iconic to have a fucking hot young woman lead a YA fantasy series that loved pretty clothes and spending her money on perfume and lingerie and in general looking good when she wasn't assassinating people. That was not accepted on a large scale. For years female YA leads were not allowed to be too pretty or interested in feminine things. Then Celaena Sardothion was like- no shit all of these ungodly hot men are simping after me because I am ungodly hot.

Female characters have been archetypes for years. Men as well, but the difference is that when you hit the level of massive popularity that only some book series hit, only one type of female character can be popular and tolerated at a time en masse. Once the masses grow sick of it, they'll replace her with someone else. The cycle of replacing women plays a huge role here. Elain is not just disliked. She is being actively replaced.

And listen, Elain is not the only character that faces sexism in the fandom. All of SJM's women are separated into archetypes: the soft and unassuming types like Elain and Elide and Yrene, who are not warriors but strong in other ways. The Nesta's and Manon's and Lidia's. We break women down and categorize them to the point where we also start to assign belief systems to ourselves and others based on what type of woman we like.

As someone who pretty much loves all of SJM's women, I can't spend a single day in this fandom without seeing a think piece on how if I like Nesta it means this, this, this, and this about me as a human being. So although I think Elain takes a lot of hits, it is disingenuous to say that when it comes to women despising certain archetypes and only liking one at a time, Elain is not the only one who suffers.

Which leads me to my final point- Because Elain hasn't had her book yet, all of her stans are based on her perceived potential, whereas the other female characters have already shown us their potential. And en masse, women, unlike men, have to show why they are worthy and likeable first. *Eyes still rolling through space* Feyre, Nesta, G/wyn, Emerie, Amren, Mor, all the women in the ACOTAR universe have shown us what they can do. For many, they have shown us what is inside their minds.

Because Elain is a seer, and SJM has called her a walking spoiler, she was unfortunately primed to not give us as much as she could have to win people over to her potential story. And as far as the shipwars, people just don't care about Elain as a character the way that do about G/wyn, who has quite literally already climbed her mountain. Who has had a full story told. Who has gotten the chance to speak fully and truthfully on her trauma and the things that were done to her and how she overcame it. And because people also unjustly hate Morrigan, they don't realize that G/wyn is to Nesta what Morrigan is to Feyre. The women who were brutalized and harmed in unspeakable ways, but through their own journey of strength, helped the protagonist find her own strength.

Based on SJM's formulas, I think we'll get a pretty big reveal of trauma Nuala and/or Cerridwen have lived through as well, and they will help Elain find her strength by being a beacon for her the same way Mor was for Feyre and G/wyn was for Nesta.

And then there is the final reason, which is just terrible freaking timing. At this point, Elain has been on the page for over eight years and we are still waiting to fully see who she is and what she is capable of. That is a long time to wait. I believe a decent majority of SJM fans are more accustomed to high output romance authors, and less accustomed to fantasy authors that take decades or longer to finish their series. This is not a judgment at all, just based on my seeing a lot of people say they haven't picked up a book in years and then they picked up ACOTAR and now they are on booktok which is just like- consumption consumption consumption.

Elain has now had eight years to consistently be the most subtle character on page, while the two men she is in a love triangle with have developed absolutely rabid and feral obsession. (I include myself in this statement. It's not normal or chill how I feel about Azriel.) And then before Elain got the opportunity to have her book, a side character in her sisters became more beloved than her because it locked into our subconscious societal act of replacing women. And now even that character will have lived for at least four years, giving people way too much time to obsess and let their negative feelings towards Elain grow and grow and grow because she's either "in the way" of their favorite man ending up with a woman they like or "not being nice enough" to the man they are obsessed with.

*My eye roll is still travelling through space, avoiding an asteroid belt as it reaches the edge of the Milky Way*

I will admit that 8 years is a long time to have created such a build up around Elain's situation which has taken the driver's seat over her personal journey and character. I don't like it, but I also don't think it's completely shocking that it happened.

This is how women are treated. And it's not even just the characters, it's the authors. For fucks sake, do you know how many times I have seen a headline or comment that says Rebecca Yarros is going to dethrone Sarah J. Maas as the queen of romantasy? Like- what the fuck? Are we seriously saying there can only be one massively commercially successful female fantasy author at a time? Even though RY and SJM literally could not be more different as writers. There is hardly anything at all to compare between them.

That's exactly what people are saying.

Because people can only tolerate one woman at a time. SJM isn't writing fast enough or posting on instagram enough? Replaced. Elain hasn't done enough yet and revealed her character quickly enough before her book with Azriel? Nope. Replace her. I like G/wyn better. Replace, replace, replace.

Meanwhile George RR Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, Brandon Sanderson, and Scott Lynch just get to chill and vibe and take all the time they want and no one is threatening to replace them with another man. Their male characters get to live as long as they want them to and do whatever they want, good or bad, and audiences are not looking for a "better male character" or love interest to replace them with.

The only solution to this not continuing to happen is by not treating women as trends and only tolerating one type of woman at a time or only one woman's success or personality at a time.

It feels very, very far away.

And now I'm sad.

Sorry if I made you all sad.

I can't wait for Elain week tomorrow either way! 🥹😭

[deadpool15]

A game of teasing

What's there to be sad about in life when you managed to bag a gorgeous, adorable, tall golden retriever as a girlfriend. Exactly I win bitches, Zamora wins again hoes. Laying in bed while thinking about my baby, Haechi. She is most likely stuck in practice right now. Wolf'lo has been training hard ever since then got invited to SWF2. It was kinda new to all of them, with them obviously being amazing in dance battles, though choreography was a whole other story that I won't get into right now.

So, after waking up this morning to those most amazing orgasm, might I add. I sat here contemplating, should I be a good girl or just add a little spice to her say. "I mean, she is probably so bored and missing me so much right now. Therefore she won't be anything but happy. Then again, she might come out home all mad and shit, but either way, I get what I want. So it doesn't matter. " Welp, there goes that good girl bullshit for the day.

So, I jump up running to my closet with a wicked smile on my face. She is gonna love this so much. I grab one of Haechi's shirts and take off everything else. Then, I ran back out of my room, getting everything in place. To those of you who are able to take good ass pictures with no effort, I hope you get sent to the deepest pit in hell. Literally fucking witchcraft. I grab my ringlight last to take a couple with it, then a couple without. Nudes are all about the detail, baby. Then, I sit directly in front of the mirror with my legs open, giving her a nice view if you know what I mean.

" I'm such a thoughtful girlfriend. I would kill to marry myself." I sit there adorning the photos and pick out which ones to share. "Got to make sure she gets a good show, not too much, though she can come home for the full thing." I send all the messages while saying, "I miss you so much baby", yea that's gonna get her. I lay back down, waiting for my evil plan to take effect and laugh.

While I was sitting in the studio, I got a message from my girlfriend. "Look at her all love struck," I hear Halo telling the entire dammm world. And try to cover up my blushing face while opening up my phone. It's barely been a few hours, and she already misses me, "Wow, she just can't get enough of me, huh? Maybe one day you guys will be able to experience these feelings, you know." I say all cocky while looking at my crew.

I go back to looking through my phone scrolling on Instagram. Oo right my baby sent me a message, I'm so forgetful it's literally sad. I open up my messages and see her text. Aww, she misses me. I knew it. Then I scroll up, and my fucking jaw drops. Omg. I log back out and log back in to make sure I'm not seeing anything. Then I see it again. "Why is she fucking doing this to me?" I sit there with my jaw clenched staring at the photo. How the fuck is she so wet? I almost forget I'm in a room full of people until I hear Halo tell everyone breaks over.

Haechi- You think that shit is fucking funny, huh? I'm gonna be back home in a couple of hours and your ass is mine.

I heard a notification pop up on my phone and stop reading the book that I had picked up while I was waiting on Haechi to reply. I quickly read the text messages and smirked just the reaction I wanted. Actually, what if she breaks me. "I didn't really think this through, did I?" Well, it's too late now. Now or never. I open up the camera and pose while lifting up my or her shirt technically to reveal my pierced nipples. Then reply back.

Zamora- I was just trying to give you some motivation, baby. Show you how much I love you. Can't wait for you to get home, that is if you can keep up.

I look at the message before I send it and just stare at the screen. Before I know it, my finger has already hit send. "Maybe I took it too far. She is totally gonna break my vagina." It's fine. I don't mind not walking. Ok, I take it back. I'm scared now.

Haechi- I'm on my way, had to leave work early since my girlfriend is such a fucking slut. It's never enough for you, is it. Eat you out this morning, and you still pull some shit like this. Call out from work tomorrow. You're gonna be busy. I'll make sure of it.

[girltalkcollectives]

Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You Back

This entry is from an old relationship

Have you ever felt like you're the only one trying in a relationship? Like you're pouring your entire heart into something while they're just... there?

I'm sitting in my car right now, typing this on my phone because I can't be in my apartment. Because he's there, probably not even noticing that I left an hour ago. Probably hasn't even looked up from his game to realize I'm gone. And the worst part? I already know when I go back, I'll act like everything's fine.

It's such a specific type of heartbreak - loving someone who doesn't love you back but stays anyway. Because that's the thing: he stays. He's still here. Still says "goodnight." Still goes through the motions. But that's all they are - motions.

I keep a list in my notes app of all the signs I try to ignore:

How he takes hours to reply to my texts but I can see him active online.

The fact that he hasn't said "I love you" in months, just replies "you too" when I say it.

How he only wants to see me when it's convenient for him.

The way he talks about his future without mentioning me in it.

You know what the worst part is? I'm not even angry at him. I'm angry at myself. For staying. For making excuses. For thinking maybe if I love him hard enough, he'll start loving me back. For becoming the kind of person who checks their boyfriend's likes on Instagram at 3am, looking for signs of what I already know.

Tonight he asked what I wanted for dinner like everything was normal. Like I hadn't spent the whole day crying in my car because he forgot my birthday. Like he hadn't introduced me as his "friend" at last week's party. Like I haven't been dying inside every time he pulls away when I try to hold his hand in public.

My best friend keeps asking why I stay. I wish I had a better answer than "because I love him." But that's the whole stupid truth. I love him. I love him so much it physically hurts. I love him even though I know - I KNOW - he doesn't love me back.

Do you know how pathetic it feels to plan your whole day around someone who probably doesn't think about you at all? To get excited when they text you first, only to realize they just need something? To lie awake at night wondering what she has that you don't? (Because there's always a "she" - the one they like on every post, the one they talk about a little too much, the one they light up around in a way they never do with you.)

The dumbest part is that I keep waiting for some big dramatic moment. Like maybe one day it'll get so bad that leaving will feel like the only option. But it's not big dramatic moments. It's small things. It's a thousand paper cuts of indifference.

It's the way he doesn't ask about my day.

It's the half-hearted hugs.

It's the "maybe next time" when I suggest doing something together.

It's the way he can go weeks without seeing me and it doesn't bother him at all.

It's how he never puts his phone down when we're together.

It's the fact that I can't remember the last time he was excited to see me.

My mom always said you should be with someone who loves you as much as you love them. I used to think that was just something people say. Now I understand. Now I know exactly what she meant. Because this? This isn't it.

But here's the really messed up part - I'm still hoping things will change. Still analyzing every tiny gesture for signs that maybe he's starting to feel something real. Still trying to be the perfect girlfriend, like if I just try hard enough, he'll suddenly realize he loves me too.

I know how this ends. I've read this story before. I'm not stupid. I know he's never going to wake up one day and suddenly love me the way I love him. I know I deserve better than someone who makes me feel like an option.

But knowing you deserve better and actually leaving are two very different things.

So here I am, sitting in my car, writing this post. And in a few minutes, I'll go back upstairs. He won't ask where I've been. I won't tell him I've been crying. We'll go to sleep on opposite sides of the bed, and tomorrow we'll wake up and do it all again.

Because sometimes the hardest part isn't loving someone who doesn't love you back.

It's knowing they don't love you back and staying anyway.

[aspd-culture]

I apologize, i know this is a “culture is” blog but i was wondering if you had any tips on unmasking? Its a huge struggle for me and its effecting my treatment and mental health severely.

This culture is blog definitely is in massive part a place to ask and answer questions too, no worries at all!/gen

The biggest thing for me that helped was first working on the masked piece that told me I was supposed to give a fuck about what people thought of me. I learned that manually over a long period of time, having next to no sense of embarrassment as a child and early teen. I found that once I got back to "I really don't give a fuck if you like me or think I'm a shit person or what, and if you think I should be constantly putting on some act for you, then you're an exhausting person and I'm glad to see you leave my life so bye", the rest of unmasking has come easier.

The second biggest thing builds on this; making sure you're not filling your life, especially your personal relationships which are supposed to be caring, supportive, and filling your battery vs draining it, with people you can't unmask around. Massive red flag if they can't get past the easy symptoms like flat affect and need for emotions being clearly communicated after a conversation or two and maybe some reassurance if they are more sensitive or have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. If the people you value push you to hide your disorder, you will no matter how hard you try not to. ASPD makes us cling tighter to bad people sometimes, because we know that we hate the social dance of trying to find someone else even remotely trustworthy, let alone that we can tolerate spending time around. This goes 10x for any Exceptions.

The third is letting yourself get a little angry. You shouldn't be spending your energy trying to hide symptoms you never asked for and that hurt you more than anyone else. This disorder doesn't show up without the failure of *at minimum* a few adults in your life for many years without resolving it. If they don't like you being like this, then maybe they should have done their job. It isn't your job to hide their mistakes. It isn't your job to hide their *failure* to do a simple job of keeping a kid safe and secure. If you look up the percentage of needs being met that leads to a secure attachment style (which ASPD is not compatible with), you probably will find the getting mad portion of unmasking pretty easy. The bar was in hell and the majority of the adults supposed to take care of you in your childhood played limbo. That's worth being upset about.

To be clear, this isn't the go ahead or encouragement to get violent, abusive, or destructive, but if your symptoms are inconveniencing someone vs hurting them, then fuck it. You deserve to breathe and just *be* sometimes instead of starring in Normal Person, Director's Cut all day every day.

Once I got those things under my belt, most of the rest of unmasking for me has just been reminding myself that I will burn out if I keep making myself fit in a box that does not fit me. It was not my choice to end up a square while everyone else is a circle, and no matter how much it might bug anyone, that won't make a square fit through the circle hole.

Just in case no one else in your life says this to you, I will. You deserve at least some amount of time - and while sleeping does *not* count - without the mask at least some of every day (with maybe exceptions for like the occasional holiday with family or work trip or anniversary or something) without masking. There are plenty of symptoms of this disorder that do not cause harm to anyone, they just don't like it because they aren't used to it (for example flat affect) or because it causes them to have to put some effort in (for example, needing to communicate their emotions vs playing a bs game of Guess Who? with the clues read in a language you don't understand). Those symptoms can and should be unmasked sometimes.

Plain text below the cut:

This culture is blog definitely is in massive part a place to ask and answer questions too, no worries at all!/gen

The biggest thing for me that helped was first working on the masked piece that told me I was supposed to give a fuck about what people thought of me. I learned that manually over a long period of time, having next to no sense of embarrassment as a child and early teen. I found that once I got back to "I really don't give a fuck if you like me or think I'm a shit person or what, and if you think I should be constantly putting on some act for you, then you're an exhausting person and I'm glad to see you leave my life so bye", the rest of unmasking has come easier.

The second biggest thing builds on this; making sure you're not filling your life, especially your personal relationships which are supposed to be caring, supportive, and filling your battery vs draining it, with people you can't unmask around. Massive red flag if they can't get past the easy symptoms like flat affect and need for emotions being clearly communicated after a conversation or two and maybe some reassurance if they are more sensitive or have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. If the people you value push you to hide your disorder, you will no matter how hard you try not to. ASPD makes us cling tighter to bad people sometimes, because we know that we hate the social dance of trying to find someone else even remotely trustworthy, let alone that we can tolerate spending time around. This goes 10x for any Exceptions.

The third is letting yourself get a little angry. You shouldn't be spending your energy trying to hide symptoms you never asked for and that hurt you more than anyone else. This disorder doesn't show up without the failure of *at minimum* a few adults in your life for many years without resolving it. If they don't like you being like this, then maybe they should have done their job. It isn't your job to hide their mistakes. It isn't your job to hide their *failure* to do a simple job of keeping a kid safe and secure. If you look up the percentage of needs being met that leads to a secure attachment style (which ASPD is not compatible with), you probably will find the getting mad portion of unmasking pretty easy. The bar was in hell and the majority of the adults supposed to take care of you in your childhood played limbo. That's worth being upset about.

To be clear, this isn't the go ahead or encouragement to get violent, abusive, or destructive, but if your symptoms are inconveniencing someone vs hurting them, then fuck it. You deserve to breathe and just *be* sometimes instead of starring in Normal Person, Director's Cut all day every day.

Once I got those things under my belt, most of the rest of unmasking for me has just been reminding myself that I will burn out if I keep making myself fit in a box that does not fit me. It was not my choice to end up a square while everyone else is a circle, and no matter how much it might bug anyone, that won't make a square fit through the circle hole.

Just in case no one else in your life says this to you, I will. You deserve at least some amount of time - and while sleeping does *not* count - without the mask at least some of every day (with maybe exceptions for like the occasional holiday with family or work trip or anniversary or something) without masking. There are plenty of symptoms of this disorder that do not cause harm to anyone, they just don't like it because they aren't used to it (for example flat affect) or because it causes them to have to put some effort in (for example, needing to communicate their emotions vs playing a bs game of Guess Who? with the clues read in a language you don't understand). Those symptoms can and should be unmasked sometimes.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

If Ganondorf was lying to anyone during that Wind Waker speech, he’d be lying to himself. The gerudo desert was indeed harsh, and Hyrule sucked during his time, but legit everything he did in Ocarina of Time is completely unjustifiable, except for the murder of the King of Hyrule. The man sat in luxury for 7 years with monsters surrounding the land, while his people remained in the desert. Yet at the end of the day, he believed that he had every right to do all of that.

Self-justification isn’t a trait that’s outright noticeable with Ganondorf, but Wind Waker puts it out in the open and shows that yes, the self proclaimed “King of Evil” truly believes he’s deserving of the world, and that his circumstances justify his crimes.

I feel like the fandom misses that while Ganondorf may not be this complex 5d villain, he still carries an interesting amount of traits like this

Hey, thanks for the ask!! I'm sorry, I haven't slept in over 24h and felt particularly rhapsodic today so uhhhh sorrryyyyy for being cringe about my little guyyyyyy (and the approximate use of English language that might ensue)

So yeah, I think there's absolutely a huge part of that, trying to make sense of the violently absurd situation he found himself in, a monster and one of the last people who remembers Hyrule and how it was destroyed, and rationalizing to himself why it is not meaningless.

I have to say, not to be uhhh a parody of myself, but I think it could be a little bit more complicated than that (all of it being interpretations of the text that I don't think canon entirely backs always, but my point is that it could be read out of it).

If Ganondorf wanted any meaningful chance to reshape his own reality, then there's no doing that without access to the Triforce. If he had wanted to go for the King's head and nothing else, he would have been stopped immediately by everybody who do have access to shards of the keys to the Sacred Realm (not to mention how trigger happy Zelda was about wishing ????? something to the Triforce about erasing him in some form). I don't think it would have been reasonable to aim for anything but the Triforce as a military goal --not to mention that his beef is half with Hyrule, and half with the Goddesses themselves for considering the gerudos beneath them in some form and for some reason (which becomes even more apparent and deranged in Wind Waker, as part of why he can't let go of Hyrule in my opinion is because their intervention was so violent he simply cannot wrap his head around it and, as usual, Will Not Be Defeated >:((( because he's that kind of bitter little shithead, which I uhhhh relate to a little too much maybe). And then, well. You can't exactly ask for the Triforce and be nice about it, right?

I'm not saying he wasn't gleefully horrible about it the entire time, but I can absolutely see a case of him being self-centered enough to see each of his actions as the necessary (or righteous/vengeful) next step to get closer to his goals, and one thing leads to the other, and after seven years of strife, well, the kingdom you wanted to rule is a pile of rubble, ash and misery you enforced at every step, and oops! You have alienated absolutely everyone who aren't your weird moms!

There's a ton of things to say about the many interpretations that could be made of his relationship to the gerudos so I won't over-expand on that, but, uhhhh yeah he probably used them, or at the very least ruled them with an iron fist to enforce his own power he believed unquestionnable (even if the goal was genuinely to do things for their sake, which in my opinion could still be argued --Hyrule is a big nightmare place during his reign, but the Valley is the only location basically untouched with arguably Kakariko after all).

To be honest, I think TP Ganondorf is more accursed with a sense of self-justification than WW Ganon, who has a surprising amount of clarity on his own motives (to restate my tags on a post I just reblogged: I don't think "I coveted this wind, I suppose" is particularly self-pitying, it's soberingly self-aware if anything). TP Ganon is the one who's obsessed with divine purpose and considering himself a weird take on the Chosen One.

But yeah, I think... To be completely honest, I sometimes feel like Ganondorf's potential (!!! not actual execution, very important to draw this distinction) is just kind of too large for the IP that birthed him? The full breadth of his complexity cannot be explored in a setting that demands he merely generates a simple conflict that doesn't seriously question the status quo while everything about him inherently begs for it (and I love Zelda and its simplicity and what it does, to be very clear!). Like, I know this is just me justifying my own investment to a degree, but... his relationship to the gerudo culture, his relationship to gender, to divinity, to fate, to self-definition, to absolute resistance grinded down to the point of absurdity (but at the same time, what else is there to do)... like all of this absolutely has potential to be large and epic and breathtaking, but. Nintendo needs to preserve the statut quo. And Ganondorf just cannot express all of these themes without having this simple world literally collapse around him.

This is what I find incredibly compelling about this dramatic disaster of a guy. And the very media that suggested all of these contradictions and inner conflicts (without necessarily understanding them at first I think) is now fighting tooth and nail against what it introduced, what he can embody and once questioned (in WW most potently) for the sake of Hyrule's moral balance, backpedalling into a state of simplicity that just never truly existed to that degree before --partially, in my opinion, because this conflict is scary to face heads on without taking significant artistic risks I am not confident we will ever see again, to be uhh less than optimistic.

So yeah! He isn't that complicated as the villain of the children video games for sure!! But. As a character, there's so much there, just sitting right under the surface.

[puffyducks]

DCRC Week #24 (Part 2)

HAPPY (late) THANKSGIVING MY FELLOW AMERICANS 🦃🦃🦃 and if you're not American uuuh happy normal day. Today we're reading The Terrible Turkey! (do I really even need to say who it's by or can you fill in the dots based on the thumbnail panel)

I think I've mentioned in passing on here that I regularly volunteer with a waterfowl rescue, coming close to 3 whole years now! And though we specialize in waterfowl we take in just about any animal in need (including donkeys, emus, peacocks, guinea pigs, bearded dragons, you name an animal we've probably seen one). Anyways all this is to say that I have spent A LOT of time around turkeys and they're quite wonderful birds! In celebration of our little feathered friends I will be sharing some COOL TURKEY FACTS throughout this reading (highlighted in red text in case you wanna skim through for exclusively the cool turkey facts). Anyways back to the reading-

Donald why are you complaining that is a fucking STEAL (remembers inflation is a thing) oh right.

I'M NOT PAYIN FOR NO DAMN TURKEY GET MY CIVIL WAR ERA BLUNDERBUSS

Oh ok he has a whole little outfit that's a little... extra. But you know what I support him.

Speaking of wild turkeys actually, we're comin in hot with our first COOL TURKEY FACT!!!

COOL TURKEY FACT #1: There are wild turkeys. I cannot believe I am having to say this but after having a few conversations with my classmates in person most of them seemed surprised to learn that, yes, there are in fact wild turkeys living in the majority of the United States! I don't know why people find this surprising but apparently there are people that assume they're an entirely domestic animal. WRONG! Wild turkeys have roamed North America for millions of years and they're not going anywhere!

Despite Donald's hopeful thinking here he unfortunately brings us straight up to COOL TURKEY FACT #2: One of the most noticeable differences between domestic and wild turkeys is that domestic turkeys are fucking HUGE!!! (as seen in the photo below taken by myself, the bird on the left is from a meat factory while the one on the right is a wild rescue)

We made those things BIG because we want them for MEAT!!! Donald can certainly find a wild turkey to cook for thanksgiving but it's not going to be anywhere NEAR the size you'd find at a grocery store, sorry bud.

They sat alone for a total of like 10 minutes and then were like "this is BORING let's go fuck around with unca Donald" I love these little shits

I don't even know what the point of tricking him is, you guys know he's trying to find YOU a thanksgiving turkey right 😭 if he gets no turkey we get no dinner tonight bro

Hey look, a real turkey! That means it's time for COOL TURKEY FACT #3: Donald is short as hell. Okay maybe that's not a turkey fact but you saw the picture I showed earlier, right? Wild turkeys are SMALL. And look at this one compared to Donald!!! This panel hereby proves that Donald is 8 inches tall. (I can't even say this size comparison is entirely inaccurate compared to real Pekin ducks. And they're some of the larger ducks too!)

You see that dangly bit above the turkey's beak there? Well COOL TURKEY FACT #4: That part of the turkey is called the SNOOD. Yes really. A turkeys snood can actually droop higher or lower depending on the bird's mood. A short, pointed snood indicates stress, while a long and dangling snood means the bird is relaxed!

What a smart plan! Surely there's no way this could go wro

OH NO

Anyways COOL TURKEY FACT #5: Turkeys have a series of air sacs across their body that they can inflate to make themselves look bigger. Males often do this as a way to display dominance or (you guessed it) to win over the females. This is also partially what gives turkeys the appearance of being so big and round! The turkey pictured on the left here is one with all his air sacs fully inflated, but the one on the right represents what a turkey actually looks like when in a relaxed state.

COOL TURKEY FACT #6: Turkeys CAN actually fly! And they use this skill to roost in trees for the night. So Barks got this part correct :)

HOORAY HE GOT THE TURKEY!!! Time for a delicious and fulfilling meal!!! Surely there is no way this could go wrong.

JUST KIDDING BRO COOKED AN EAGLE 💀

Anyways with all my cool turkey facts out of the way I just wanted to share my favorite bit from this story, and it's actually this tiny detail allll the way at the end of this version of the carl barks library book.

THIS STORY IS FROM 1947, DONALD IS GOING TO JAIL!!!! SEE YOU LATER SWEATY

[dotthings]

Here's the thing. While it's great to encourage an environment where different approaches and nuanced variances on the canon are welcomed and prompt more discussion, there comes a point where chronic negative misreadings set in, and it becomes an echo chamber. Projections. Bad faith readings. People unable to discern themselves from the characters' pov. People unable to discern between their fears on what the character's intentions/motivations are vs the character's intentions/motivations. Not all of this is on purpose. But there are some truly nihilistic, chronically negative takes, and bad faith takes, and this is something that has eaten the fandom since the beginning of the show. I'm referring here to something different than people getting pissed at a particular episode or arc--spn is imperfect and sometimes it is an aggravating text. There has to be room for criticism, and space made for people to disagree.

But room for criticism and space to disagree doesn't mean having to throw the doors wide open to every chronic bad faith, nihilistic, or highly negative reading that comes along.

There is such a thing as a canon and throwing spaghetti at the wall, and protecting it under the idea of "interpretation," when that is protecting chronically negative, worst faith readings heavily based in projections, isn't how media discussion actually should work. It gets to the point where certain chronic uncharitable readings get popularized and it results in a miserable environment where anyone who sees it differently gets driven out of fandom space after fandom space just for not hating the way others hate. It's not joyful. It's stressful.

It's not about Dabb era. It's not about S15. It's not about The Trap. It's that I've had to see this in spn fandom over and over and it's been there since Kripke era.

Just pulling out one example. The discussions over The Trap. Most takes, chronically, since that ep aired, have tipped over into either far too blaming about Dean, or far too blaming about Cas. I'm not sure which character has in fact gotten the worst most chronic unjust reading, I just know I've witnessed it in stereo, from the Cas stan side against Dean, from the Dean stan side against Cas.

It's nails on a chalkboard reading some of those takes. It was back when those seasons were airing and it is now, 4 years after spn has ended. It's a record scratch on the canon song, over and over and over. It's chronic.

And it is wrong. I'm just going to say it. Both sides have been wrong. And they are wronging both Dean and Cas and they are wronging the story told by a whole team of writers who cared about the story and the characters. I actually don't care that much what people think of me. I do have a right to assert myself there, and defend myself, but that isn't what this is about at the core.

I can't just shake this off.

Dean and Cas both deserve better and the story deserves better. They're both deeply complex characters, neither is a villain, neither is [insert whatever bad faith unfairly harsh distortion of their canon selves one side or the other tripled down in clinging to this time].

I have to triple underline how CHRONIC THIS IS. (Not just on Dean and Cas).

It's been in every era of SPN.

But right now late SPN is still a hot topic, it's the most recent, its ramifications are still rippling, it comes up most often in my orbit and pocket of fandom.

I am consciously trying to keep my own bitterness about the "antidabbnatural" chronic takes contained so it doesn't distract from the actual reasons I'm here and what I want to focus on, but sometimes it is really hard, it's like I'm never going to escape from it, and like, of course, people are allowed to be angry, at the characters or the creative decisions, but at a certain point it tips over into chronically nihilistic negative hot takes that leaves little room for anything else.

Maybe people who came in late also don't know just how bad it got during the airings of those final seasons, how much hatred there was, how many attacks there were on good faith meta writers.

I don't have spoons for it any more, so I insulate myself and curate really strictly. Even with all my curating, it's not enough. It's a cycle that's inescapable.

Can't do anything about what other people do or what their takes are on the canon, this isn't a tone police or oppressing people or saying they can't post whatever the heck they want. I'm saying I'm allowed to have feelings about it and react to chronically negative takes.

I also am fed up with people having to apologize for liking S12-15.

Anyone who doesn't like that I actually appreciate the work of the writers room and the end results that wound up on screen, that I don't hate that era, that I've had my own grievances with it, but also have with Carver era, Gamble era, Kripke era, is just going to have to cope.

And let me make this completely clear: Dean is my favorite. He's been my favorite since episode 1 aired. Dean's been the character whose pov I consider first since the beginning. That doesn't mean I don't relate to or feel for Sam or Cas's pov, this is me being realistic and honest about being a Dean fan--not in the sense that I only care about Dean, in the sense that Dean has been my heart center of this show, and the most dominant lens of my entry point into the story. Not the sole entry point. But my heart center. I've been an spn fan for almost 20 years. Dean is my very favorite. That doesn't mean I have to throw other characters under a bus and capitulate to what bitter Dean stans think I should capitulate to.

And one of the reasons I like the final seasons is Dean's arc.

It is because of Dean. It's not despite how Dean was treated, I like it anyway. It's because of Dean. Because of his storyline. Because of the compassionate, painful arc the canon took him through.

I have seen "antidabbnaturals" go off on why they hate those seasons and they shout about how Dean was portrayed, treated, and depicted, and it puts flames on the side of my face because they are being reductive and insulting. Not the canon. Stans. Or it's Dean stans or it's Cas stans, going on another bashfest against Cas or against Dean.

But I want to make this absolutely clear, my so-called "apologism" for those seasons isn't about Destiel. It's because Dean's story, most of all, that I find it compelling. There are things I wished had been done better, or more completely, things that got short-changed. Mostly that concerns the ending, and I'm also not saying there are no problems at all. But I'm absolutely exhausted from seeing Dean's arc attacked by "Dean stans" and I'm exhausted from the cycles of Dean bashing or Cas bashing and exhausted from writing/episodes I really love being ripped to shreds, chronically. Non-stop.

It went on for four seasons in a row of non-stop hate and 4 years after spn ended I recently got a reminder it's all still out there. It's not that everyone involved was being that chronic or that hateful, but there's always an inevitable chain reaction and it brought the old hatred to the yard. I had to block more accounts. I'm just so done with it.

Anyway, this is my personal perspective. What people do with it isn't my problem. But I really needed to say it.