#i'm just still SO UPSET about this
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i've sat with the episode for two days now, and i'm still just genuinely so disappointed and bewildered by lottie's suggestion that they sacrifice one of the survivors. as presented, lottie's reasoning for the need to offer one of them to the wilderness is because they're all struggling as adults. just struggling, not facing any real and true dangers like the threat of starvation they were facing in the wilderness. she wants one of them to die - the very thing she wanted to prevent natalie from doing A WEEK AGO! - so that the other 5 survivors' lives get a little happier.
sacrificing one of them so they can all eat in the wilderness makes sense. it's an ugly and brutal choice, but it's understandable. lottie's plan is not. and the thing is, they did have an opportunity in this episode to justify lottie's 2021 suggestion, and they just...didn't. because, presumably, the reason for lottie making the suggestion in 2021 falls under the reason the ritual began in 1997. but we didn't get to see that ritual discussion.
understanding their motivation for the sacrifice is crucial. it's been crucial for the past two seasons, it's been what we were building to, and it's the bedrock of their new religion. we know they needed to eat, and that the sacrifice was a practical one. but how did they decide that one life was worth more than another? that a group of lives were more valuable than one? philosophy nerd misty was in that room; did she explain the different schools of thought? did they decide that the overall health of the group was more important than a single life? did they decide that the group as an entity needed to survive? and what does "survive" mean? physical satiation? emotional stability, making a choice they could all live with? did they discuss their possible future selves? the idea of happiness, since that's essentially what lottie is pitching in 2021?
lottie's whole pitch is that they need to do this - LITERALLY DIE - to survive, so that is exactly what they needed to define in the ritual discussion for this episode to make sense. and they didn't.
#yellowjackets#yellowjackets spoilers#anti yellowjackets#yellowjackets meta#i'm just still SO UPSET about this#i feel so incredibly ROBBED of what should have been the most important scene of this entire show#(also please do not comment that it's because lottie's mentally ill - that's a narrative copout and she'd still have REASONS for her choice#even if those reasons don't hold up - we got no reason and that's my beef)#meta#~#mine#wordles#(also this is not anti lottie to be clear. i'm all for her making a bad choice i just hate that they didn't DO THE WORK for it)
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“hold” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 488 words
this, but make it jegulus (i tried to get it as close to the original as possible)
Remus is sitting in an armchair doubled over with laughter. Sirius has fallen out of his chair and is cackling on the floor with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. Regulus is sitting on the couch trying his best to stay composed. And James in standing in the middle of the room with more passion and fire in his eyes than Regulus has ever seen.
“Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!” James is shouting.
“James—” Regulus tries to calmly interrupt.
“HOLD ON!” James looks pointedly at Regulus and his eyes look like they’re going to literally pop out of his head. “Her sister was a witch, right?” Regulus is trying so hard to hold back his laughter. “And what was her sister? A princess! The Wicked Witch of the East, Reg.” James is yelling, not unkindly just very passionately, looking directly at Regulus and nodding his head aggressively to emphasize every point.
James starts pacing in genuine distress. Sirius is rolling on the floor holding his stomach and laughing so hard his entire body is shaking. Remus has his hands over his mouth, which is doing absolutely nothing to contain his laughter.
Regulus stands up to meet James in the middle of the room. “I’m gonna stab him.” He mumbles under his breath, which makes Sirius laugh even harder—if that’s even possible.
James whips around to face Regulus. “You’re gonna looks at me and you’re gonna tell me that I’m wrong? Am I wrong?” James asks emphatically.
And the thing is—James is, in fact, very wrong. “It’s my favorite—” Regulus tries to interject but can’t even get a word in.
“She wore a crown, and she came down in a bubble, Reg!” And that proves absolutely nothing.
Regulus knows he’ll never get James to listen to him. “I’m not fighting with you.” He shakes his head, chuckling fondly.
James makes his way out of the living room. “Grow up!” He says over his shoulder.
“I’m not fighting with you.” Regulus says again.
“Grow up.” James seems to be losing steam as he leaves the room.
“Get educated!” Regulus yells then flops down on the couch and finally lets his laughter out.
Eventually Regulus, Sirius and Remus’ laugher fades into soft chuckles as they calm down and take several deep breaths to compose themselves.
It’s a few minutes later when James appears in the doorway with a sheepish look on his face—that Regulus thinks is adorable. He slowly makes his way over to the couch and sits down beside Regulus. He’s quiet for a few moments then turns slightly to look at Regulus.
“I’m not really mad.” James says in a small voice. “And you know I love you, right?”
Regulus chuckles fondly and takes James’ face in his hands. “Yes, I know you love me, Jamie.” He leans in to kiss James softly then pulls back the tiniest bit. “But you’re still wrong.” Regulus whispers against James lips.
#i couldn’t help myself#this was so funny to me - i was giggling the entire time i was writing it#but i'm also sleep deprived so maybe i'm just tired#i think reg and james would definitely have arguments about nothing like this#because they’re both so stubborn and can never let anything go#but even if it’s not a real argument james can never stay upset with reg#so he’s always the first to cave#the guy says ‘i'm gonna stab him’ which is obviously so very reg#i have no idea what this argument was about but reg loves the wizard of oz and wicked so he’s clearly correct regardless#wicked is still rotting my brain#i know this was ridiculous#i might write a real one after i get some sleep and i can think more clearly#i go to sleep now - good night my friends#regulus loves james#james loves regulus#jegulus#jegulus microfic#jegulus fanfiction#marauders fanfiction#regulus black#james potter#marauders#james x regulus#regulus x james#marauders era#harry potter#dead gay wizards from the 70s#starchaser#sunseeker#jeggyverse microfic
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This has been one of my favorite 1633 photos for a while now, and i think i just figured out why!
Look at Max's hands
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Does anyone else remember the show "Pushing Daisies?" Of course you do, this is tumblr. There's a scene where Ned the baker and Chuck are walking, and because they cannot touch (for plot reasons), they hold their own hands clasped together behind themselves. I wish i could find the image, but i don't need to—look at Max's hands
I wonder sometimes if Max does this kind of thing unconsciously to accommodate Charles and his cat-like avoidance of touch. Max is forever hovering, waiting for an opening to clutch an arm or that curve where the neck meets the shoulder or a hand. Holding his own hands, waiting for Charles to reach out for his first
#oof hello just making myself upset on a monday morning about Max being So Freaking Tactile and still so careful with Charles#he's so desperate to touch!!#and skittish avoidant Charles breaks his own boundaries with Max!!! he does that with So Few people!!#he pulls in close and bumps shoulders and touches Max's arms and hands and chest and winks and grabs at him when Max makes him laugh and#maybe i'm just not looking in the right places but i don't remember him acting that way with anyone??#Max and Charles have somehow folded themselves over the years into the perfect shape to be comfortably close to each other#I'M SO UPSET#lestappen#1633#3316#charles leclerc#max verstappen#i'm certain someone has made this exact point about this exact photo already but. my feelings are Very Big about this rn
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I LOVE Teen Stan and Ford, it’s sad they don’t get drawn enough, so thank you so much!
Does Ford ever help Stan when he gets overstimulated? Or maybe when he has a rage response and suddenly starts crying and calls himself stupid?
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Here's the other post with Ford
#I am once again asking someone to write me a fic about these two posts. pretty please 🥺#this took me way too long to think off#the dialogue was escaping me#if you can guess what the book he's reading is... you won't win anything I just think it would be cool#maybe Stan got upset about his grades. or a boxing match ir something#sometimes I too bite myself. not deep enough to draw blood but enough to bruise. it's gotten better over the tears but still#now and then...#anywayszzzzzzzz#ask#anonymous#gravity falls#stan pines#stanley pines#stanford pines#ford pines#teen stan#teen ford#art#fanart#traditional art#watercolor#the last few drawings came out so nicely#both of them are emotionally constipated in their teen years (and onwards honestly) so instead of addressing the crying they ignore it#they pretend it never happened#btw here you can see my (successful) attempt at putting Ford out of the picture so I don't have to draw more#comic#long post#look at their socks#I forgot the 's' in 'books' I'm so stupid god
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Okay, let's finally talk about EPIC's Apollo
I feel very compelled to say, first of all, that I do not dislike Epic. In fact, I am very fond of Epic and have been following its production and status very eagerly! I attend all the launch streams, I watch all of Herrans' update videos; I am, at the end of the day, a fan and I want it to be known that my words are spoken out of love and passion as much as they are spoken from a place of critique.
So really, what my problem with Epic's Apollo?
In the briefest possible terms; the choice to have Apollo be defined by his musical aspect in God Games is thematically strange. And not in the 'oh well in the Odyssey, Apollo was important to Odysseus and his family so it's weird that that wasn't kept in Epic' strange, strange in the sense that Odysseus' character arc since My Goodbye has been getting more and more obviously Apollonian and so it is positively bizarre that when we get to meet Apollo, the god seems entirely disinterested in him and his affairs. So much so that he is not even defined by any station that would indicate that he has been watching over and protecting Odysseus and his family.
What do I mean by 'Odysseus has been following an Apollonian arc'? I'm so glad you asked!
Remember Them is the last song in which Odysseus explicitly uses his sword until Mutiny where he must use it to defend himself against Eurylochus' blade. He uses it to help enact the plan to conquer Polyphemus and, due to Polites dying in that battle, Polites who wished for Odysseus to put the blade down entirely and embrace a post-war life, Odysseus also retires his sword. This is an action that symbolically separates him from Athena - and the image of Odysseus as a traditional warrior set for him in Horse and Infant - as much as My Goodbye physically separates him from the goddess and her war-ways - from this point onwards, Odysseus will no longer be leaning on Athena's wisdom or methods to solve his problems. Likewise, he will no longer be able to rely on her protection.
Odysseus thusly solves most of his upcoming problems through diplomacy and avoidance. He approaches Aeolus - a strange and ambiguous god (both in gender and in motivation) and appeals to them for help. Circe too, he approaches not with wishes to conquer or for revenge, but for the safe returning of his men and an alternate way forward. In all of these scenarios, there is some Apollonian element which is subtly interweaved alongside the influence of other gods; it is with a bow and arrows that Polyphemus' sheep is slain (and thus it is this Apollonian element which is at the root of Odysseus' spat with Poseidon), it is a vision of Penelope that warns Odysseus that his men are about to open Aeolus' wind-bag, Circe's peace offering to Odysseus is to refer him to a prophet of Apollo who has since died.
In this way, Apollo is walking alongside Odysseus for all of his journey after Athena departs - even in the Underworld, he is guiding him. It is Tiresias' proclamation that is the last straw for Odysseus, it is by the power of a mouthpiece of Apollo that Odysseus decides to embrace his ruthlessness. It is with the bow and arrow that Odysseus subdues the siren who sought to trick him, likewise, Odysseus does not attempt to undermine or escape the fate of paying Scylla's passage price - he knows of the doom about to befall the six men and quite unlike the rest of the journey until this point, he does not fight against it. This all comes to a head on Thrinacia where it is a blade which sacrifices the sun god's cow and brings destruction upon the crew once more.
My point with all of this is that when I heard the teasers for God Games years ago, it made perfect sense to me that Apollo would be Round One - he is not Odysseus' adversary and has no reason to oppose Athena's wish to free him. From other teasers about what will happen in the climax of Epic, Apollo will still be walking alongside Odysseus - it is Apollo's bow that Penelope will give the suitors to string. Likewise, it is Apollo's bow that will prove Odysseus' legitimacy and identity. That bow will be the power by which Odysseus hunts his adversaries and cleans out his palace - it is Apollo who is the avatar of Odysseus' ruthlessness, not Athena.
So tell me, truly, what was the point of having Apollo raise a non-argument in God Games? Why have him appear unconcerned, aloof and slightly oblivious? Why have him appear in his capacity as the Lord of Music at all?? And if the intention was never to make Apollo an active player in Odysseus' life like he was in the Odyssey, why keep Odysseus as a primary archer?
The answer of course is that Apollo is inextricable from the fabric of the Odyssey - his influence and favour exudes from Odysseus just as much as Athena's. In Athena's ten year sulk, it would have been Apollo who kept Telemachus and Penelope safe. It would have been Apollo protecting Odysseus from Poseidon's gaze as he travelled the seas (according to the Odyssey anyway)
Forgive me for not being excited about something that I thought was being purposefully set up. I was extremely ecstatic about all of the little Apollonian details that litter the sagas because I know where this story ends up (loosely) but all God Games did was reveal that maybe those Apollonian details were not intentional at all, but merely the ghost of the Apollo who persistently haunts those he favours, even if he cannot explicitly come to their aide in an adaptation.
#ginger rambles#apollo#odysseus#epic the musical#athena#This of course is not mentioning the whole 'in the Odyssey the suitors have been explicitly praying#for Apollo to kill Telemachus so they can have free reign and Apollo is just going 'what's that? I'm sorry I can't hear haters' thing#I'm actually so disappointed by Apollo in God Games because I truly did believe that it was leading up to Apollo and Athena#BOTH being by Odysseus' side in the end#I really like the fandom view that Apollo used the sirens as an excuse because he has nothing against Odysseus#but in order for me to give that any merit there would have needed to be something in the text itself to support that#And Apollo only has the three-four lines which like - in and of itself is crazy#I really wish Apollo and Hephaestus had full verses like Aphrodite/Ares#Or at least a back and forth like Hera#The milquetoast Apollo who is apparently upset about murder but then only took a light rebut for him back down#I'm sorry have you not seen Apollo when he's mad about murder before? He's not that reasonable I promise you#I'm just not going to talk about him being mad about the sirens specifically if I think about that too long I'll get hives#Looking very forward to when Penelope finally gets her song 😭😭😭#Cannot believe you still don't have your song debut my queen the Odysseus economy is also in shambles
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Every time I see someone earnestly say that Carver hates Hawke, I have to exercise such restraint to not scream.
Every day I get closer to writing a deep dive about him because that's my guy. He's so interesting. He feels so much. He tries so hard when talking to the other companions and some of the dynamics he has with them are so good. He can be so fucking funny and sweet and awkward. He so badly wants to be wanted and appreciated and to protect everyone he loves.
Carver Hawke, they could never make me hate you.
#da2#carver hawke#i may have stumbled across someone complaining about how mean carver is to hawke and the companions and i just... huh??#whattya mean?? first of all if you're upset about companions being jerks to each other then boy do i have bad news for you#about the other companions--if you want 'mean' then put anders merrill and fenris in a party together#hell if you wanna see 'mean' then look through aveline's companion dialogue--she straight up calls merrill stupid to her face#and secondly carver is not MEAN... the only companion he's hostile toward is anders and that makes sense#and don't get me started on carver and hawke he does NOT hate hawke even if he's a templar and at full rivalry#hawke can be the worst piece of shit to him. max out his rivalry. leave him behind where he becomes a templar.#just say the worst shit to him and he will never betray you. he will never agree to kill hawke for meredith. ever.#but reminder that a warrior/rogue hawke has an option to let circle bethany die when siding with the templars#JUST SAYING#one day y'all.... one day i'm gonna write it and then what? WHAT THEN??#also yes... I'm replaying da2 now. i'm still in act 1 so i have hawke siblings on the brain so...#apologies in advance for not shutting up about them
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when i see aa fans not even giving aa5 and 6 a chance it's just so. sad to me. like you can never know what your opinion on something is until you give it a try and why wouldn't you do that for a series you love? i understand that pre-AJ trilogy remaster it was more difficult to play 5/6 but that's also not the case anymore since they're now on all platforms
it's especially bizarre when it seems to be purely a fandom echo chamber perspective like.. aa5 and 6 have the same metacritic score as aa3, one of the most beloved games in the fandom. aa5 is the highest rated aa game by famitsu. i know critic scores are rarely the best indicator for a game's quality but these games don't even have mixed critic/audience ratings and yet they're treated like the worst things to ever happen to the series by large groups of fans?
and it isn't like the older games don't have parts that are heavily criticized but for some reason flaws are just. impermissible for these two games. i don't know it just sucks i wish more people would trust their own judgments instead of blindly following others... everyone has different tastes and will experience things differently!!
tl;dr can you at least hate on aa5 and 6 after playing them. PLEASE
#satsusays#also like as a famously 2d -> 3d transition hater i think aa is really one of the least heinous that i've seen.#i still have issues with how some of the older characters look in 3d but it feels like they made it up with their new ones#also i want people to buy the games if possible but i will literally share links if people need them#(it'll have to be by dm i'm not putting it out in public)#idk being an aa6 fan just feels so stupid sometimes. 'what's your fave aa game' oh yknow the one you didn't play#anyway every time i see aa6 chars left out in a group pic an angel dies </3#i don't want to keep thinking/talking about soj negativity but like i think people who don't want to try it at all make me more upset#if i can make even ONE aa fan pick up aa6 i will be happy o<-<
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I love three houses discourse because I'm pretty sure everyone just picks their route based on which house leader they're the most gay for and then tries to defend their pick by pointing out the other sides's war crimes via twitter memes. Reader, all four of them do substantial quantities of war crimes. So many. We're just here because the woman with Issues and a big fuck-off axe said so, and then we gotta justify everything she did in the name of dismantling the class system. I mean, I'm here for that, but you could also try justifying Charm Man uses poison and perfidy to try to stop racism, A Sad Little Meow Meow gives no quarter instead of doing therapy, or the Thicc Pope tries to bring back her mom via human experimentation, depending on your tastes
#This is 100% swinging at a hell of a hornet's nest#Do I tag it?#Yeah fuck it we ball#fe3h#fe16#edelgard von hresvelg#claude von riegan#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#rhea fire emblem#I should probably clarify that I love all of these characters quite dearly#Well except Rhea#I think she's a good character but I'm not feral about her like Edelgard or charmed by her like Claude or desperate to save her like Dimitr#discourse#edelgard discourse#Edit: I actually don’t care about 3H discourse either way lol#there’s plenty of interesting shit to talk about in this game#also I get that the people who say “x did war crimes” actually don’t mean “this was bad because it violated the Geneva Convention”#but any time I see something about how many war crimes someone did (usually Edelgard or Dimitri) I just think:#“Hah it’s a war crime to deploy Cyril to rescue Flayn because he’s still 14 then”#also I got into this game because someone told me ‘so there’s a gal with an axe and trauma’ and I booted it up#and I have a friend who likes Rhea despite his moral reservations solely because ‘she’s hot tho’#and that’s also really funny#point is I don’t really wanna participate in most fe3h discourse cuz I have shit to do but this post isn’t meant to be a dunk on anyone#I’m not upset when I see it; it’s either funny or fine or sometimes right#I’m just gay for Edelgard and amused by the idea of applying the Geneva Convention to a world where it Clearly Isn’t A Thing
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Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - Traverse Town
#kingdom hearts dream drop distance#khddd#traverse town#scenery#my gif#trying my hand at giffing the worlds of this game despite the lack of a first person view (something i'm very upset about)#so i have to obtain and edit these shots in a very awkward manner#all while constantly being shoved around by my dream eaters#i'm so serious when i say making this set was really really frustrating lol#i can't find a free roaming camera mod or anything else that would be helpful for me#but i'll keep at it because i love looking at still shots of video game environments#and being able to share it with other people who enjoy it too#ANYWAYS traverse town is so beautiful in this game they added so many gorgeous areas with pretty glowing lights#i like the wacky whimsical mail room too and how there's this entire secret workshop hidden beneath that weird mailbox haha#the world really does feel magical and dreamy especially with its updated music#just realized the stars in the first gif are moving which is strange
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My brain whenever I hear that Cavill is the Witcher and cannot be replaced:
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#srsly#my brain saw this s2 promo and took it too seriously#if you don't want to watch Hemsworth#that's okay#if you want to continue watching for whatever reason#that's okay too#i'm just sick of people constantly demonising s4 when it's not even filmed yet#let people who still enjoy the show enjoy it#y'all had one and a half year to be upset about this#it's time to move on to fandoms and shows you actually enjoy instead of hating people for enjoying something you don't#the witcher#the witcher netflix#twn#jaskier#jaskier the bard#joey batey#geralt of rivia#mine#note: this post was made cause joey batey as jaskier is my light and joy#and i'm so happy that i'll get two more seasons with him!
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What Bellamy Blake deserved: NOT FUCKING THAT
#he didn't even get buried y'all#his body was left to rot Inside sanctum and the other's barely even mourned him#that's just so fucking disrespectful to his character and to bob In general#and It just goes to show how little jrat cared about his cast and his fans#this Is In honor of the fact that It's been over four years since bellamy died now#four fucking years and I'm still not over It#I don't think I ever will be tbh#because since glenn & chris died In both twd & ftwd and before s4 of tua came out-#there had never been a character death that has greatly upset me as much as bellamy's has#he deserved to fucking live y'all#he deserved to make It to the end more than any other character on that whole damn show#and I will always be bitter that he didn't#rip king we still miss you <3#bellamy blake#the 100
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No more t*ckling scenes in media. PLEASE
Why is it the ones that circulate always sprinkled with an unhealthy amount of *weird*
Or is it just me because I'm hyperaware of seeing my own interest on the big screen
What happened to lighthearted pokes in the sides why is it so deeply non consensual or used in a way to make fun of it.
Like PLEASE be fucking normal about it!!!! Whether it's as a kink or not don't make it weird 😭😭😭😭😭😭
#ofc some people love that sort of thing and whatever thats great for them#but what about ME huh!?#the boys will still have the most sickening one for me personally#but the OTHER one I saw from a different show circulating#the anxiety I got- through the ROOF#anyways I'm probably being dramatic but it upsets me that they cant just be normal about it#we get it- people hate being tickled#but what if they didn't 👀#nah those people don't exist#im not asking for characters to love being tickled#im asking for not a dan sch*der esque portrayal of sonething I just so happen to like#and also as an aroace can we maybe have some platonic t*ckles pwease
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Abuse, Silence, And Why Kevin Can Fuck Himself
I recently finished watching Kevin Can Fuck Himself on Netflix, and, aside from being the most brutally honest portrayal of domestic abuse I have ever seen, I discovered a beautifully written examination of narrative as power and silence as abuse and how this manifests in our larger culture.
Without going into too much detail, the show is filmed in two distinct styles that are interleaved throughout each episode to tell a cohesive story. Allison and Kevin’s relationship as seen by the rest of the world is told through a multi-cam, laugh-track sitcom that depicts a very typical “goofy husband, shrewish wife” mainstream comedy. Allison’s life through her own eyes is told through a single-cam drama/thriller about Allison planning to murder Kevin to escape his abuse.
It’s an absolute masterclass in screenwriting, but more than that, every episode explores the difference between truth, fact, and reality, and how none of these things are quite as much or as little as story. But while the process of transforming the chaotic and plotless reality of life into a story is as involuntary and essential as breathing, misogyny and the degradation of women is just as ubiquitous in our society, and a story that exists at the expense of another person’s lived reality is a refutation of their humanity.
It's also just a great show for anyone who likes to engage with history (or reality TV or true crime or “real life stories” in general), because while we have to tell ourselves stories about her own lives, we have to tell ourselves stories about other people as well. Eternal silence is narrative death, and the perpetual silence of an unspoken narrative is often the last death we can visit on someone whose story we’d rather ignore.
I also pulled up some books – Lolita and Disgrace – that dealt with similar themes, but from the perspective of the abuser. And what strikes me the most is that, across three beautifully written stories about narrative and silence within a culture that normalizes abuse, Allison, who began her story within a state of narrative death, was the only point-of-view character who had any chance of surviving.
One of the main themes of Kevin is that a compelling story is often a story that reinforces what we already believe or like to believe, and while the story may be factual and true it often also exists at the expense of someone's lived reality. The exact same series of events can be a silly joke or a harrowing tale of abuse depending on the lens through which we view it, but historically we've only been willing to see the multicam, laugh track, sitcom perspective on unbalanced relationships.
The alchemical process of turning a series of disjoint facts and experiences into a narrative creates something new and compelling, and erases much of what previously existed. In this way, it’s entirely irreversible. We spin our experiences into a very thin thread, a story we can tell ourselves that elicits something within us, something we need in order to live with the complex, uncertain, and unsatisfying reality of life. In think in many ways the thing we elicit in ourselves is truth. But truth is both more and less than fact, often more a reflection of our own beliefs and desires than the events of our lives. And in telling that truth we may never stray from the facts, but we almost by definition cannot give voice to another person’s reality.
There's a scene in season 2 of Kevin when Allison is hit by a door – a la the classic excuse – because of Kevin’s carelessness. And while he absolutely did not hit her, the way it's written is such an incredible allegory for how Kevin has curated their story and curated their friends' and family’s perceptions of their story such that even if she tells everyone the exact, unvarnished truth of what's happening to her and begs for help, they will only be capable of seeing the laugh-track, sitcom, “Kevin is a harmless goofball and his wife is a total shrew” perspective on the events of their lives.
As so often happens with abuse, their friends and family saw Allison being hurt because of Kevin. But the alchemy of creating a narrative around Kevin and Allison is irreversible, and the series of events they witness can only be spun together to a joke, an accident, a silly, childish mistake. Allison’s reality, Allison’s pain and fear, is completely elided. Like a lost sound in the middle of a sentence, her experience goes silent, and their larger understanding of her relationship never has to change. And you feel so acutely how Allison lives her entire life in that silence.
Storytelling is human, it’s essential, there’s no other way to engage with our own lives. And it’s not lying. It’s never lying to tell the truth. But it doesn’t reflect every reality, either, because another person’s reality can’t be reflected within our own narrative, because that’s what it means to be another person. To spin two different threads.
And because narrative is the essential process by which we understand our reality, denying someone their own narrative, or denying that this narrative be heard, is inherently abusive. To allow someone a voice is to give them humanity, and to suppress it is to strip that humanity away.
Disgrace, by J.M. Coetzee, follows the story of a professor, David, who rapes a student and then fails to protect his daughter, Lucy, from being raped by intruders in their home. He destroys his daughter’s life – not through failing to protect her, but through twisting her rape into a story about why the rape of his student wasn’t wrong. The main theme of the book is generally considered to be exploitation, but Coetzee doesn’t deal with the exploitation of the rape. That’s too direct, too immediate, too easy for the reader to understand as misogynistic and wrong. Rather, Coetzee delves into “the innocuous-seeming use of another person to fill one's gentler emotional needs” (Ruden).
The rape is how we understand David as a fundamentally exploitative person, a person who denies others their humanity by converting them into a vessel for his own desires, who erases their voice in order to speak through them and give himself the things he needs. And that’s how we recognize that the way he absorbs and claims the stories of his daughter and his student is another kind of violation of their humanity. Another way of turning women into vessels for men’s pain and fear and need.
What’s fascinating is that David's student finds her voice – files a complaint against him – and is eventually able to continue with her life. The woman he raped is less damaged by him than his own daughter, because she was the woman he couldn’t permanently silence.
In Lolita, another brilliant novel about abuse, dehumanization, and storytelling, Humbert turns to the reader at the end and says, “Imagine us, reader, for we don’t really exist if you don’t.”
It’s not that Humbert knew he was fictional, but that he knew everyone was fictional. Believed the entire world only truly existed in his own mind, because anything beyond that was irrelevant to his needs. He coped with the collapse of his ability to dehumanize Dolores (who he called Lolita) by demanding that his voice be resurrected. Demanding immortality. Demanding his narrative exist in another person’s world, and thereby be given the existence and humanity that Allison and Dolores and Lucy and David’s student were denied.
Pushing his needs, finally, onto the reader, because we are the only person he has left, and a person like him can only exist through the use of another. In that way, Humbert was powerless. In that way, Kevin and David were powerless, too.
In Disgrace, David’s dream is to write an opera, and at the end of the book he realizes he’ll never finish his magnum opus. He’ll never be able to terminate the process of converting himself, his world, into a story. But he does learn to decenter himself in that narrative. And it’s when he loses all fear of death, and any conception of the self, that he gains the ability to give dogs – who he generally equates to women – a voice within his opera, his life’s work.
It’s in death that we discover our true unimportance as human beings, that we learn to let go of vanity and our conception of the self entirely. And David had degraded women so thoroughly in order to justify how he used them to meet his own emotional needs that it was only in losing all value for his own life that he could gain the ability to see them as equal voices. To actually put those voices into his own life story. It's at the cost of himself that he allows other people to truly exist, in the death of the self that he finally allows the world to exist outside of himself. It’s almost a positive character arc. Almost.
When Kevin finally loses the ability to abuse Allison, he, like many abusers, loses all desire to live. His world was built on a structure of superiority and inferiority, on beings and vessels, on the inherent value of men and the inherent meaninglessness of women’s lives. The system on which he based his entire reality has been destroyed by Allison’s declaration of the self. And, if he was a being because she was a vessel, then in losing the ability to treat her as a vessel, to fully and completely dehumanize her, he has lost his own humanity.
It may be perfectly summed up here: “Become major. Live like a hero. That's what the classics teach us. Be a main character. Otherwise, what is life for?” (Coetzee).
If you’re not to be a main character, if there indeed is no split between major and minor characters, between people and the paper dolls that populate their story, between living beings and the vessels into which they pour their need – what is life for?
Nothing. At least, not for people whose narrative must exist at the expense of another.
And that’s why I say that only a narrator like Allison could survive this kind of story. Despite beginning her story trapped in eternal silence, her reality fully elided no matter how immediate and obvious it became, Allison was the only point-of-view character of any of these three stories who didn’t establish her power through the degradation of another. Who didn’t conceptualize the world via being and vessels. Whose narrative didn’t exist, by necessity, at the expense of another person’s humanity. Whose thread could exist in a larger tapestry without destroying her sense of self.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s not generally a likable character. She’s misogynistic, cruel, selfish, jealous, desperate, afraid, and in pain. Like anyone in an abusive relationship, she’s not at her best, and she’s often pushed to do things that are ugly and disturbing because she’s simply been pushed too far.
But, for me, the power in her character is in how her last scene never felt like a final scene. Her story didn’t have to be killed, her conception of the self didn’t have to be killed, in order to reveal the brutal reality of stories twisting and intertwining without any inherently superior truth or narrative among them. Allison’s story was one of declaring herself. And that’s why it didn’t feel like it ended at the end. Instead, this felt like a beginning.
#this is probably the most egregious 'post that no one asked for' that I've ever written#but man this show HIT me y'all#and then I went back and reread parts of disgrace and that hit me too#it also made me reconsider my online presence and how I myself engage with narrative in the very small little world I'm a part of#I caught some shit a while ago and made a conscious decision to never comment on the narrative around mental health#and to be clear I was just talking about a general narrative in society at large I wasn't bringing up anything specific or attacking people#more how larger social narratives filter into and sometimes come to define individual stories#but it was upsetting to people and I figured instead I can just try to express a compassionate perspective on the mentally ill myself#but now I wonder if I've gone too far#idk without naming any names I'm getting unblocked by people who should definitely still find my mindset intolerable to their worldview#and I don't blame them because we all have reasons for the things we believe and we're all just doing our best#but it's a canary in the coal mine#it makes me think I've become so focused on not ruffling feathers that I'm tacitly approving some disturbing beliefs#and I think I could have happily ignored that if I hadn't just watched this show#posts that no one asked for#kevin can fuck himself#kevin can f*** himself#op#longer rambles
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Still fascinated by how much hate Mitsi gets for the whole "dead fem-coded loved one backstory" thing and all the hangups surrounding that when Purple's mom is arguably a much more egregious instance of the thing everyone is upset about Mitsi for but she ultimately got a pass because...idk, she was The First?
#animator vs animation#animation vs minecraft#avm shorts#avm#ava 11#ava11#this is me analyzing the fandom as much as it's me analyzing the actual series#idk maybe I'm missing something but I just#find it interesting that Mitsi gets all the vitriol seemingly just because she's the newest example#because when you look she's not the worst example at all#and part of me thinks that there's some underlying misunderstanding here#like. I get that everyone's mad she got fridged.#but the way some folks talk it's like they think her dying was her only contribution to the story#and that's not the case at all#she has so much more going on than Purple's mom did#she's a narrative foil and a character foil. she serves a thematic purpose as well as a plot one.#it's because of her that Victim was able to connect with anyone else. he loses touch with their community once she's gone.#Rocket was her idea! it exists because she wanted it to!#and now when we look back at the last two episodes we can see her haunting the narrative#we only learn enough about Gold and about Purple's Mom to make us sad for King and for Purple when they die#but we don't really miss them ourselves#because they don't really exist outside of King's and Purple's pasts#Mitsi feels so much better integrated because she exists in the story as more than just part of Victim's story#and her influence on the story doesn't end with her death#but it feels like people believe that her dying for Victim's backstory negates everything else she does for the story#and that's the only thing they see#but I'm wondering if she's the target of everyone's upset not just because she's the third backstory-death#and not just because she's only the second overtly fem-coded character and both died in their introductory episodes#but because there WAS more to her...so people are upset that she STILL died for someone else's story?#maybe
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bestest snorbino
#do not look at his claws i know they need trimming#he just hates the claw clippers and i got a dremel grinder for him but we're still working on being normal about that#he isn't aggressive but he will mouth at it and pull his paws away a lot and i'm slowly getting him used to it with positive reinforcement#i think he is expecting it to apply the pressure that upsets him about clipping so hopefully he'll get it's just a little scratchy soon
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Something I find fascinating about Wandee Goodday is that no one has kissed yet (I know Ye and Cher have kissed but...) Like not a full on make out session despite having an established couple in the show that they could be using to show us kisses. But we get no kiss sex scenes from Yak and Dee and soft, somewhat chaste scenes from Ye and Cher. We all know both couples are fucking. But the lack of kisses where normally the show would have one couple more active in that department tells me how important kissing is to this story.
Dee has stated that it's silly but he doesn't want to kiss unless he loves that person and is serious with them. But the entire show is respecting the no kiss rule which tells me that it's not silly. The entire show is respecting Dee's boundary here. And yes, Yak and Dee have come so close to kissing so many times, but they haven't. Dee has always pushed him away and Yak has always respected it when he does.
It makes me wonder what's going to happen once the main couple does eventually lock lips. Will that open the floodgates? Will the audience get to see both couples kissing then? Or will it continue to withhold that specific moment of intimacy. There's something the show is saying about the expected parts of intimacy being taken for granted and also deserving of privacy and that's up to the people in the relationship.
Kissing can be an act of love and desire, but what the show is saying is that it is not a requirement for those things. I can be completely talking out of my ass here, but something about this is really sitting with me. Not only do we get Plakao as ace representation, someone who wants a partner to cherish and be cherished without sexual expectations, but we also get the show reinforcing the ideas that love comes in all forms with so many different acts and different people are comfortable with different things. And all of that is okay. And all of those boundaries are worthy of being respected. Regardless of societies expectations for what it means to be in a relationship and be physical, whatever is right for you is right and isn't that just beautiful?
#wandee goodday#wandee goodday the series#wandee goodday series#i've been thinking about this since last week#but then we got those scenes with ye and cher this week#which is a whole other discussion that i'm sure it will take me a whole other week to really process lol#but there's something about ye being tired and cher being insecure but obviously the love is still there#idk but i will be so entirely shocked if gmmtv tries to convince me that ye who is head over heels for cher#would even entertain the notion of cheating#when he's probably just stressed about his brother and his gym and their finances and that's affecting how physical he is#when he's clearly normally very touchy and cher likes that despite his protests#so when that stops and cher doesn't understand why i can see how that can cause some pause#but those two displayed good communication this episode despite cher following ye#cher was comfortable enough to tell ye he was upset and what he thought was going on#but if this show tries to convince me that they actually have issues because ye is cheating then i will simply refuse to believe it
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