#i'm just so bad at describing myself lmfao
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updated my theme and added a link to my about in my bio btw
#doing this instead of a pinned post#sorry mobile users i think it will display ok#i'm just so bad at describing myself lmfao#once is enough#alex lore
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into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.
the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the witch.
for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.
the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.
but they were never whole to begin with, were they?
qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.
olly says nothing.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#sorry i wanted to make a new post for my fic since the first illustration is new.#*stands in the middle of a desolate field in the pouring rain* Please Read My Tale...Blease..Oh god please..*collapses to the ground*#someone asked if there's spoilers in it. Um...yes. Sorry...it's about everything#maybe i should describe it more? it's about qifrey becoming more and more disabled - as i feel is his canon trajectory#and both of them processing the choices that have been made. it was necessary for me to explore this in order to fully understand orufrey#and for them to have the cathartic conclusion-that's why this is important to me for my witch hat fanwork making life. this connects it all#and having dived into qifrey's mind and lived through oru's feelings i was able to get to a place that is possible for them.#the hit/kudos ratio is so pathetic idek what happened. ppl opening it realising its long and saving it for later or just bailing lmfao#idek any more i hate advertising my writing i hate trying to get more ppl to read my long fics it's so hard 🥲#i'm so much prouder of this than my art...i was able to sink deeply into the orufrey feelings i had always wanted to fully explore#so. it's there lol.........i reread the date/kiss segment today after trying to forget about it thinking maybe the fic is just BAD lol#and like.....nope! i like it very much and this is what i was trying to get across. and it's always there to be read by anyone who wants to#and i will always remember the bliss i felt while writing when i was just lost in their world and living as them. dear GOD i love them.#i'm grateful to myself that i put in the work and love to make this so that i can always come back to it. i wanna illustrate scenes properly#but i'm never satisfied with drawing things i've written because i just can't capture the vivid experience in my mind. maybe one day.
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false-ren dynamic in today's stream, short summary:
we start off with false lightly roasting ren about not getting a kill and ren doing his speech (for what must be the 7th time) about how he won't kill false because she's his homie. talked about protecting her and said "my false" and how he's retiring from reaping.
AND then bdubs and xb respectively came along to lure/bribe ren, to which false started yelling in all caps (she has the caps privilege in ren's chat) about him being a traitor. she offered to outbid bdubs and xb (by offering 90% of the prize). but ren wasn't looking at chat. and ren's chat was like NOOOOO REN don't betray false 🥺🥺🥺
so ren is utterly useless and pathetic as a reaper and she doesn't care too badly until he talks with someone else and suddenly she jumps in, guns blazing, yelling about how he ditched her or something lmfao. she calls him a meanie.
at one point i sent a chat about how ren is going to accidentally kill her while he's trying to save her and she replied with "this, without him trying to save me" 💀 incompetent doggy
then we have the iskall-bdubs-ren whatever the fuck it was. ren created an interesting metaphor for iskall's new nether portal- he described it as going on a date with someone and decided to call off the date because of a "swollen" and "pulsating" zit on her forehead. (phrases that also appear: "booty that won't quit" "junk in the trunk" and something about bdubs making him "a little excited). then he talked about how he ordered sweatpants but it didn't fit and he had to pull them up to his nipples (?). and a bunch of other weird shit.
anyways false was still in chat sending out facepalm emojis and telling chat to close their ears and run away and leave. it got bad enough that she was like "i'm logging on just to throw myself off a cliff" "this shouldn't be live. like what" "it's like watching a car crash" "OH GOD" "i'm building a zit so they won't come near me" "going to overthrow him". meanwhile chat was pleading begging sobbing for false to log on and do something, anything. kill him. shut him up. and false was like i don't wanna go near them you should be the ones helping me chat 🥺.
but in the end, our brave warrior false logged on, sent a single message about thinking of the kids, then logged off. they all ignored her. and she was like "chat i tried".
that was how chat and false sat through like an hour of the most insane twaddle. and he was like "this is why i'm still single" 💀 a chatter was like "there are still ladies in the line" and false was like "after that? D:" and then chat was like "the line has been emptied"
several hermits raided ren after that, including iskall, cleo and joe that i remember of, and ren apologised to false for all the lad talk and.... 🤡. yeah. but quite a lot of hermits did have ren's stream running (iskall, joe, cleo, stress, doc, and ofc false)
anyways it's funny how false has become the spokesperson for ren's chat and we were ALL begging her to stop him. and ren really was like "i'll never hurt false" and then proceeded to get instantly swayed. "tempted by the devil". ren, please. think of your poor chat.
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Both James and Snape were assholes and her being one of their closest people indicates she wasn't great or kind. She probably was pretty shallow with her morals. When I said she was classist I was pointing at her SWM moment where she threw a classist insult. When I said she was immature I was pointing at her having a baby in the middle of war and two years into a relationship. When I mentioned she was judgemental I meant her jumping to conclusions during her Snape interactions. Like when she said he should be grateful that James saved him - she said that just because she heard her friends saying it without caring about the other side. And when I said she was a social climber I pointed at her marrying a rich pureblood - the guy who bullied her ex best friend. It is obvious she saw the benefits of marrying a rich guy who could protect her as a muggleborn, despite knowing how awful he is. But like I said she justified it by thinking "atleast he doesn't use the dark arts". Hope you understand my perspective now.
Both James and Snape were assholes and her being one of their closest people indicates she wasn't great or kind.
do you think so? you don't think it's possible for people who are kind to have friends who aren't or haven't always been great people? 'She was probably pretty shallow with her morals' lmao where? why probably? She criticised and eventually dumped Snape because he was doing things that went against her morals, as she should, and she started dating James when he 'deflated his head' and dedicated himself to fighting for a cause that she believed in. I think she was understanding, understanding of the fact that people have the potential to be good, rather than shallow. But you've obviously jumped to the worst conclusions about Lily, for your own reasons I'm sure.
When I said she was classist I was pointing at her SWM moment where she threw a classist insult.
what classist insult? about snape washing his pants u mean? hahahhaa. honestly fair like he should be washing his pants and honestly after he called her a slur which is much much worse than this idk, like I can't bring myself to feel that bad about this haha. Idc go off Lily. She's much worse and more insulting to James anyway.
Look, I understand your perspective, I just think it's really, really unfair. And you're projecting a LOT of your own conclusions onto Lily, again unfairly. Where is it stated or even remotely implied in canon that "it is obvious she saw the benefits of marrying a rich guy who could protect her as a muggleborn, despite knowing how awful he is." lmfao. This is such a reach. It's so incredibly misogynistic to assume, based on nothing but your own weird beliefs, that she married James because she was a gold digger lmaoo.
If she hated his guts and married him out of some weird obligation why was she described as 'alight with happiness' at her wedding to him instead of looking scared and worried or regretful or conflicted or whatever. Everything we're shown about Lily and James as a couple points to them being in love with each other. There's 0 evidence for Lily being a gold digger. Girl stop it lmao
The only thing here I can see a bit (and only a bit) of truth to is that I do think Lily has a bit of a righteous streak, and possibly can be a bit judgmental at times. However, I think it's completely fair for her to judge Snape for the actions she brings up in Prince's Tale because they're worthy of judgment. I judge him for them too. Like it's just not that bad and nowhere as near as terrible as you're making it out to be.
immature I was pointing at her having a baby in the middle of war and two years into a relationship.
honestly I'm not going to fully get into this, like let's leave aside the fact that a 20 year old is pretty obviously going to be immature, but to be perfectly honest, based on the fact that you clearly see Lily as a shallow morally bankrupt gold digger I don't feel unjustified in suspecting that this, too, is rooted in misogyny and lack of empathy for women.
tl;dr no I still absolutely disagree with you.
#lily evans#girl enough. mb it's not lily who is immature#like is it just me or is the whole blaming her for having a baby kind of.... it's sus af#women have had babies during wars and other difficult situations for the whole of history#would you also blame poor women for having kids when they might not immediately have as many resources?#do only wealthy happy women in first world countries deserve to have kids? worth thinking about.#like maybe it's not a good idea on an INDIVIDUAL level but that's#a) not our business b) not fair when we consider that women have historically been obligated to have babies#and that access to abortion is still both socially and legally limited to this day#if you can't think or empathise with why a young woman in the early 80s might choose to go through with a pregnancy#an early 80s under thatcher...#SORRY the more I think about this the more it annoys me. i'll go and answer some more pleasant asks#lily#replies
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1! 5! 9! and 25! *wink wink*
Lmfao, you stay asking multiple ones! Lmfaooo, making me work on my day off, I see you! 😚🥲
1. Song of the year: It's Full of Life by Christine and the Queens. It was my top song for Spotify Wrapped because UGH. That song just GETS meeee 😭🙌🏽 and don't let me be at peak high and that song hits? Ugh, ill be in shambles.
5. Tv show of the year: TOUGH. But I'd have to go with Found on NBC. Idk what I was expecting going into it, I just knew that I love Shanola Hampton from Shameless and the concept was dope.
But??? This show gives just the right amount of dark content that doesn't cross any of my boundaries. I am OBSESSED with the way Shanola plays off of Mark. That show gives me fn lifeeee.
I also love that she's a dark skinned actress lead who's outfit never fails, she's smart, capable, and can still be vulnerable. That's so fn rare. Ugh. Idk if I want Sir to keep playing with her or what, but I be tuned in 🙌🏽
9. Best month for you this year: OOF. Idk. Most of my months are pretty bad, but I'd say October. Which is wild considering I had something to do every weekend this October. I'm a home girlie 👏🏽 but, I did so many things outside my comfort zone.
I wore a dress and actually felt pretty for once. I danced with my bf at a wedding. I went to a comic convention and saw an old friend. And most importantly, I finished a book!
I had written and released a terrible thriller when I was 18 lol. I just knew my writing career would take off then. It took many, many years later to figure out what I want and what kind of stories I wanted to tell. Many years to realize that writing is for MEEE. And now I have a real book to show for it, that I'm proud of, and I'm proud of myself for not giving up like I usually do.
25. Did you create any characters this year? Describe one: I did! Zora Underwood. She's my little bean and I love her.
All of my writing has a piece of me but Zora felt the most like me. The book is part meta, part combo of every Soft Black girl I've talked to, been around, or aspire to be. People may think she's directly me and that's okay. Why shouldn't she be lol.
She's the piece of me I wish I was braver to be like growing up. She's the piece of me I wish more people saw and openly accepted. She's the piece of me that deserves a good life, good friends, and an amazing boyfriend. She's the piece of me I needed to heal before I could grow and accept that I am who I am and I love me. She's the piece of me I needed to write and love on and fill me with confidence to keep going. Keep fighting.
She will.*always* have a special place carved out in my heart. God willing, I'll be 80, still writing, still thinking about Zora.
#megaminds asks#this got so sappy 😭🤣🤣🤣#whewwwww#sweet moot#lawdt#mega behind the blog#behind the megadome
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fic writer interview
i was tagged by the luminous @energievie & @suzy-queued to fill this bad boy out! i remember doing this last year too, how fun! 🩷
1. How many works do you have on AO3? I've got 20 on there now!
2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 143,320
3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? kinda raw, float, cinematic, and i'm your warm receiver, watching. the four after kinda raw are all pretty close together in terms of kudos, but kinda raw has a lot more kudos than the one after it and i don't understand why. i have written better fics lmfao! y'all are just nasty. and honestly i appreciate that.
4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? i try to always respond, but sometimes it gets away from me! i just really appreciate people taking the time to leave a comment, and i want to show that appreciation.
5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? i don't think any of mine have been angsty!
6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? they're all happy, but it might be you outshined the best there was just because of the nature of the story. soft dads, seen from mickey's perspective as he grows into fatherhood over the course of a year, but also so, so plotless. soft!
7. Do you write crossovers? no and i doubt i ever will. one of my very favorite conversations though is when my husband and i insert characters from other media we like into star trek tng or ds9. it's so dumb and so funny. lmao what if i wrote it
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? yeah! once, on one of my favorite fics, ligature. they told me i should sterilize myself because i'm glorifying abuse by writing bdsm, it's a good read
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i almost exclusively write smut! nasty and loving. i don't know how to describe it but whenever i think i've written something disgusting i inevitably get comments about how sweet it is. which, yeah, it's not like they're mutually exclusive ways to fuck. so yeah, sweet and dirty husbands
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i don't think so! i mean i hope not
11. Have you ever had a fic translated? nope!
12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? i haven't, but i've collaborated on a couple of projects with my dear friend @heymrspatel! i wrote and she made art for cinematic and honeycomb. cinematic was more julissa making art for parts i'd already written, but honeycomb especially was a collaborative process with the way that a bunch of what i wrote was based on things that julissa was visualizing for her art, so parts of it did feel like co-writing. it was the most fun i've had working on anything!
13. What’s your all-time favorite ship? don't make me choose between the angel who fell in love with a faithless man, and the closeted thug who fell in love with the kid who had it bad for him and ultimately had the most satisfying ending. destiel and gallavich are both such incredibly compelling ships!! aahhh!!
14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? if there's something i'm not going to finish, it's generally because it became something i didn't want to work on anymore.
15. What are your writing strengths? describing physical sensation and emotional impact, dialogue
16. What are your writing weaknesses? exposition
17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i like evie's idea of just indicating that they've switched to another language without actually writing the language out
18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? gallavich
19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? i really want to write destiel smut. i think the nonhuman element could be fun to play with. i've read a lot of grace sex and that shit is soooooo. hot. i want to try my hand at it.
20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? this changes so often! one i come back to a lot is chapter two of 2022's kinktober collection, the prompts were wax & "yeah, that's it baby, just like that" and i wrote some wax play and i suppose cockwarming although it's not tagged as such. i also really fucking love lush, it's inspired by one of julissa's pieces and it's drunk lovemaking and breathplay. i also need to shout out a newer one, beauty in simplicity from this year's kinktober collection. mickey getting his ass eaten on the kitchen table. there's three fics! i don't care!
tagging @howlinchickhowl @whatwouldmickeydo @whatthebodygraspsnot @gallawitchxx @ohkate @sam-loves-seb @sisitrip @crossmydna @thisdivorce @mmmichyyy @arrowflier if you guys feel like playing 🖤
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https://www.tumblr.com/youremyheaven/753050746623262720/the-13-feminine-seduction-archetypes-quiz-women
150 questions is insane 😭😭 but i did it all anyway and im a kibbe r i think and honestly… something about this quiz healed me because there was one qns that asked if older women instinctively mother me nad i always felt not feminine again (oh oops hi im the anon that shares the same placements as your mother again 💗💗) and as a child i guess i was seen as very young and small and sweet and a nerd so it was easy for them to take care of me
but when i grew older i felt more out out of place and not as feminine or liked because older women wouldn’t instinctively take care of me the way they did with my other friends and such and i was always seen as more mature and capable of taking care of myself (internally im 8 years old though) and even when they kinda did it was awkward and i felt too much and out of place and it didnt always feel natural with most
when i was got the mother archetype i was kinda 🥹🥹 because ok maybe other older women might make me feel a little bad at times but maybe because im busy mothering others more
🥺🥺bestie
u over here having realisations upon realisations
Wait you're the Mother archetype, so are you a Sensualist?
Omg you being Venusian and a Kibbe Romantic IS SO PERFECT,, Venusians have the kind of fleshy boneless body that Kibbe Romantics are said to have (obviously not every Venusian will look like this tho)
In this video, Claire mentioned how Purvashadhas have a very soft curvy body but i think it broadly applies to all Venusians
youtube
I do think we switch roles throughout our lives and through different friend groups 🧐 I feel like I'm the more mature, big sister type friend among certain ppl but if you ask others, they'd say that im babie and I naturally switch to a more relaxed and annoying younger sibling vibe among them.
I think you just haven't met the kind of people who'd baby you tbh but I promise they're out there for sure!!! It's not some innate unworthiness, I just think it's a relationship dynamic thing tbh
Like there are people who believe I'm a highly serious, uptight, goody two shoes bc they've only ever seen me like that and our dynamic is such that I can never let loose around them??? But there are others who are genuinely surprised that I have brain cells at all. One time I called a friend of mine for help with something and he started describing everything in such micro detail like he was talking to a 5yr old (not patronizing or anything, just genuinely breaking things down in the simplest way) and I'm like damn wow he really gets me bc i genuinely wouldn't understand any of this otherwise lmfao 😭😭😭 some people overestimate my abilities when even if I look put together, I still could use their help lmao
I hope you mother others but also get to relax and be babied bc u deserve it 🥰✨
I'll call you Mother anon now bc you share placements with my mom AND it's your archetype hehe 🤭😂
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tagged by the brilliant @jamiesfootball and the stunning @lady-of-the-spirit and the gorgeous @abubblingcandle! thank you all for the tag MWAH <3
1. how many works do you have on AO3?
11
2. what's your total AO3 word count?
120,102
3. what fandoms do you write for?
ted lasso (quick everybody act surprised), daredevil (i WILL get back to that fic i prommy), thor & loki, and uh. i haven't posted anything yet but somehow succession got me to care very deeply about billionaires so. watch this space............
4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?
It's the Great Father's Day, Ted Lasso (ted lasso)
It's the Great Valentine's in May, Colin Hughes (ted lasso)
hear you calling from some lost and distant shore (thor & loki)
and do not recognize us as we pass (ted lasso)
It's the Great Moving Away, Sam Obisanya (ted lasso)
5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?
I DO. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE A LIE AND THAT IS BECAUSE IT IS. i have been woefully bad at catching up with responding to comments........... however i will fix this once school gets out.
6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
hmmm. despite the fact that my fics tend to be Incredibly Angsty, they almost all end with deep and abiding sappiness. i suppose at the moment the sun is only a God if you learn to starve has the angstiest ending, although that's mostly just because it only has the one singular chapter atm.
7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
probably It's the Great Father's Day, Ted Lasso! i love that ending very very much.
8. do you get hate on fics?
thankfully not yet!! pls be nice to me im This Tiny (i am not short at all) (be nice to me anyways)
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?
i have not! maybe one day, possibly, but i'm very [blushing] about writing that right now lmfao.
10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?
i haven't written any crossovers before! i tend more towards AUs (as we can attest)
11. have you ever had a fic stolen?
as far as i'm aware, nope!
12. have you ever had a fic translated?
no but if anyone ever wants to, i'm so incredibly down for that
13. have you ever co-written a fic before?
no! BUT! i would LOVE to! come to my dms and let's brainstorm.
14. what's your all-time favourite ship?
all of my favorite characters/therapy. tbh.
15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
i will finish every WIP i've posted a chapter of because i will. this is my Brave Face Mantra. in terms of ones i want to finish in my head.... the ted lasso s3 fix it will hopefully eventually happen but not for A While.
16. what are your writing strengths?
hrm. hrngh. i hate complimenting myself. people have told me i have a good grasp of character voices and also prose? so? [throws that at you and runs away]
17. what are your writing weaknesses?
i am THEE absolute worst at describing settings/environments. i'm not a visual reader at all which translates into not being a visual writer and it's just. urgh. HELP.
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
hell yea! most of the characters i've written for so far have been mostly english-speaking, but for characters who are bilingual (dani, sam, richard) i try to include phrases in their native language they would use. if i were to ever write a lot of dialogue in another language, i'd probably give an in-narrative translation, or just stick 'em in the end notes.
19. first fandom you wrote for?
when i was 12 and infinity war came out i was so distraught that i wrote like 10 fix it fics and none of them will ever see the light of day.
20. favourite fic you've ever written?
and do not recognize us as we pass & find a new place to be from! yes i cheated and chose two.
tagging! not sure who has and who hasn't done it yet so! @altschmerzes @jamietarttsnorthernattitude @iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid @thirteenemeraldcats @nativestarwrites @orbitalpirate + absolutely anybody else who would like to participate and use me as their tagger! MWAH <3
#tag game!#i think it's very funny that my charlie brown series takes up more than half of my most-kudosed works#i cringe about them sometimes but also cringe is dead.#so!#sid speaks
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here's the TOOL album ranking as promised!!
this took a lot of listening cause none of them are like exceptionally bad or anything so it's hard to choose lol
1. Lateralus
okay i know u ranked this 5th and that's valid but it's easily my favorite lmfao i love everything about it
2. Undertow
groovy n raw. i instantly liked this one
3. 10,000 Days
the lyrical themes and overall sound are great. some of the songs are unnecessarily long for me but it's whatever
4. Ænima
i should like this more but something holds it back for me it's weird. maybe i just need to listen to it more
5. Fear Inoculum
just doesn't captivate me like the other albums and the pace is way too slow for me i'm sorry haha
this was fun!! i never comprehensively listened to their catalogue like this and i know some of these will stay in rotation for a long time :3
HAIIIII sorry for being so late 2 answer this my brain hasn't been cooperating >_< seriously though it makes me so happy that u went n listened through their albums to rank them too :3
and oh my GOD I KNOW RIGHT??!??! it isn't easy to rank TOOL albums because they're all fucking phenomenal, like even though i ranked it how i did, each album was just as amazing as the last. i'd just as easily switch their placements around, depending on my mood. they're kind of all in competition for first tbh...
Honestly though i really did enjoy Lateralus, i can completely see how it'd be ur #1 :3 most every song on there was nothing short of perfection. (which sounds insane to say given where i ranked it but again, each album is so sensational that even with me putting it last, i still believe it to be outstanding) what was ur fave song on it!!!!!!
YESSS UNDERTOW IS FUCKING IMMACULATE i can see how it'd be ur 2nd fave :D seriously it's everything 2 me i could probably talk someone's ear off about how much i adore it but. i will abstain.....
the songs are super long so being put off by that is completely understandable, i get u ^_^ <3 tbh though that's something i tend to enjoy, it means there's more of a song that i love c:
honestly it isn't for everyone, you don't gotta force yourself to like Ænima if it just doesn't click!!! it has a more like, abstract sound? experimental? idk how to describe it but either way, it's def fair to not like it as much as the others. i grew up listening to it bc my dad would put that album on in the car when i was a kid which is prob why i like it GHJKDSFLG
again, definitely can get why this one was last :3 it has a different sound from the other albums (though, they all do differ from one another) it's more,,, i hate to repeat myself but experimental? i'm so bad with music terms despite loving it ugh -_- it's got a different vibe from other tool albums which im struggling to elaborate on but. anyways i get why it'd be last on ur list!!!
listening to everything tool's made has been my favorite thing i've done recently n im glad u could enjoy it as well ^_^!!!!! <3 right?? doing it all at once is a very enriching activity :3 i'd also love to hear which songs were your favorite!!!! no pressure tho ofc
#leo answers#pals#hexedvampire#long post#<- so ppl can blacklist etc#n forgive me if the formatting of this is dogshit; as soon as i numbered this it made it look like This which was annoying lol
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Hiii robin! If you're cool with it, I wanted to ask, is there a certain moment with your selfships when you realize you ship with them, or is it a slow process that just kinda happens?
hi romy!!!! ❤️
tbh it kinda depends and i'm not always totally sure LMAO i'm a little all over the place with it. like a lot of the time i have a hard time deciding and i'm trying to create a classification system in my head akfjofijwe tho it probably shouldn't be that deep my brain just loves to cling to systematization and gets frustrated when it can't properly execute it lmfao. but anyways i shall try my best collect my thoughts and describe how i perceive my tendencies!!
i'll put it below the cut bc i always ramble lolol
there are definitely some ships where it was more of a slow progression and i had to eventually be like "yeah okay this is what it is" because it was getting to the point where they weren't going to leave. i could easily envision more in-depth scenarios between them and myself and/or lore that just seemed to naturally spring up and i just kept thinking about them all the time.
i'd say megumi is a good example of the slow-burn. he honestly wasn't the kind of character that heavily struck me when i first watched the anime and started reading the manga; in fact, i recall being like "oh great, another little hateful emo boy" LOL (historically they're not usually the type i'm drawn to). but i got to know his character better over time and realized that like. damn. i have rather intense feelings about this guy adjewoijfwof
toji and jean were a bit more on the "slower" side of development as well i suppose. and not "slow" in the sense it took several months or years or anything (i've only been self-shipping for about a year) but it was something i had to ease into a bit more i guess.
i actually hated toji at first but then the daddy issues kicked into overdrive and i eventually started catching feelings LMFAO and jean was my first self-ship ever. he's the first one where i felt comfortable enough to imagine myself with someone like that <3 i hadn't really truly done anything like that in years, but i loved his character so much that i was starting to actually insert myself in reader stuff rather than completely detaching like i used to. i could see myself with him.
suga, on the other hand, was the kind that hit me like a freight train. maybe it's because i'm more comfortable with self-shipping now, but it was easier for me to realize it and take it to self-ship level pretty quickly. not only was i obsessed with him from pretty much the first fucking moment, but the subsequent relationship daydreams have been insane LOL i mean i gave it a little bit of time because i hate the idea of being overly impulsive and irrational due to infatuation but uh. i fucking love him lmao
katsuki is..... *sigh* idk. he also kind of hit me like a freight train, at least with the daydream scenarios and whatnot, and i was hoping and praying it was just a phase (still kind of am) but i guess i've sort of accepted that it's not. or it's at least a longer-lasting phase than most lol idk. but i can't stop thinking about him and i'd rather just go ahead and call it a self-ship instead of continuing to try and wait it out or deny it. the brainrot is bad
ANYWAYS sorry for being unable to shut the fuck up as per usual lmfao but yeah!!! i tried to give some examples of how this shit works in my mind. right now i guess i'm sort of organizing things by how regularly/consistently i think about a character over time and with what degree of ease i imagine myself with them in several scenarios, but this is by no means the sort of parameters i think everyone should use when it comes to this. people should do whatever the fuck they want i just take shit too seriously sometimes and wish i could be more chill actually instead of trying to create a classification system for everything in my brain 😃 but here we are
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just finished watching that 2 hr colin ross lecture about DID and it was so good. i had no idea schizophrenia used to encompass DID when it was coined, but it makes so much sense with the name "split mind" and why people mix them up all the time and also why we were suspected to be psychotic at first. it's just scary that modern psychiatrists still can't tell the difference. we really recognised the struggle of "not fitting in any diagnostic box" (what multiple doctors have told us) because our symptoms seem kinda psychotic at first glance if you don't know much about traumatology
it's really wild hearing someone describe a patient with DID and relating so much to it, when you're used to being told by doctors in your life that you're such a weird case and maybe you have thing unique disorder that hasn't been described in literature yet. it's scary because DID is so common compared to what doctors suspect. i have very clear symptoms of being traumatised, i openly tell them i have complex childhood trauma, yet they think i can't have a trauma disorder or at most they might say bpd. i'm so obviously fragmented!! there's a reason i was all over the place symptom-wise when i was hospitalised for depression!!! some days i seemed not depressed and other days i almost killed myself because i'm dissociative!! like i didn't know back then either, but doctors should have noticed. they should have screened me for dissociative symptoms!!! they should do that with all patients, especially when they are fucking hospitalised!!!
i have switched to child alters in front of my psychologist before and she just wanted to see me "do that voice again" while i was so fucking scared because i didn't know what was going on. i know she probably said it to see if it was voluntary that i could change my voice, but it felt so humiliating and like i was a circus freak the way she asked. like she already knew it wasn't voluntary and it was a response to being triggered in therapy because we talked about my childhood trauma!!! she'd said she knew it was an automatic reaction i had to being triggered, still she said i didn't have "real flashbacks" so i didn't have ptsd and it was all just bipolar, which it turns out i don't even have!!!! lol she ended up giving up on me and passing me on to some other therapist, but man... she made me almost kms so many times lol i know she didn't mean to, but she was so fucking bad at her job imho
it was so fucking funny to have entered the clinic in 2018 with my own personal suspicious being that i have cptsd, then getting told no i don't until late 2023 where my 2nd therapist asks me if i know about cptsd and that i seem to have it BITCH I KNOW LMFAO I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS BUT YALL GASLIGHTED ME INTO THINKING I COULDN'T HAVE IT AND TOLD ME I WAS PSYCHOTIC AND NEEDED ANTIPSYCHOTICS, ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND MOOD STABILIZERS AND DIDN'T LISTEN WHEN NONE OF IT WORKED!!!!!
man.... and now im waiting like 69 weeks for my next psychiatrist bc i gave up on that shit clinic, who didn't want to transfer me to their trauma department because i didn't have war or service related trauma..... even though i found out they also treat other cases than that............ this system is a fucking joke. also the 69 weeks is not for a specialist, this was just the quickest i can see a psychiatrist without trying to kms and being involuntarily hospitalised. i'm just gonna see some normal psychiatrist and idk if she even believes in DID bc i didn't get to talk with her, only her secretary. so maybe when that year and three months have passed i find out she only knows how to diagnose anxiety and depression <333 or maybe she's homophobic or transphobic, bc that's something i've also experienced! <3333333
man.... i was brutally abused by my family and neglected by the system since before i was born and now im just.... stuck here with an illness there's a cure for, but with no access to it!!!! and it's not like i haven't tried getting help - i've been in and out of psych treatment from age 14-27!!! i've read up on shit myself bc here doctors just say "idk take this pill and stfu, hysteric woman" like i've been misdiagnosed so many times now.... at least im almost off all of my psych meds now! like they are good for some, but i was literally just fed pills for shit i didn't have and when i wasn't feeling better, they just upped the dose and told me i'd be more unstable without it when this doctor had never seen me without it and i've been on it for like a decade, still super unstable <3
long rant/vent lol but idk man it's just nice getting some of this out of my system
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Random WIP Ask Game ⌛️📚💖🐀🔎🖋️
⌛️ - how long have you been working on this WIP
HMMMM if it's a random WIP....i'll talk about "All My Symmetry" for a second, which was the project I started for myself for funsies. It's been in existence since September 27th.
📚 - Is this WIP part of a series or a standalone
Technically a series. It's part one of two parallel fics that I'm writing to mirror two different ships and where they entwine and then diverge.
💖 - what is your favourite moment in this WIP
I write a very tragic scene where Charles gets onto Max's private jet, and is just a sad wet cat the entire time, and it's very lovely and also very sad and even though it's quite short, it's very compelling when you consider the backstory.
🐀- Name three reasons why this WIP is great at being romance.
Longing and pining
Detailing a childhood rivalry that becomes something so much more
Protective and adoring characters
IDK honestly, I'm bad at this kind of thing lmfao
🔎 - Is there a phrase/word you know you use too often? Will you change it in editing?
Sharp, probably haha. Will it change in editing? Maybe, maybe not. Depends on if I ever finish it, and if my eventual beta reader decides it needs to come out or not.
🖋️ - Describe your WIP in a single, terrible sentence.
Sad twink ends up in D/s dynamic with mentor, looks like kicked puppy, becomes teammates and lovers with childhood rival.
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*coughs awkwardly* I love the apocalypse horsemen so much. . . thank you for the crumbs neon. . .
I am currently half asleep while writing this but I couldn't wait to write this so anyways
I LOVE THE HORSEMEN SO MUCH???? THEY ARE SO INTERESTING??? SO CUTE???? JUST. . .EVERYTHING !!! IF THAT MAKES SENSE, THEY INTRIGUE ME IN WAYS I CANNOT DESCRIBE, LIKE I SAID THEY ARE JUST SO INTERESTING AND SO MUCH THOUGHT WENT INTO THEM, SO LIKE I'M HERE TO BEG FOR MORE CRUMBS /SILLY
EXCUSE ME CHAT. . .IK I ASK FOR CRUMBS SO CHARACTERS A LOT SO SORRY MAN
Like for real if there is anything you are willing to share about them then I am willing to listen because HOLY. . .
Just them. . .they are just THEM. . . so silly
Curse you neon and your silly blorbos !!!! /J /LH
Honestly I'm blaming Paris anon for all of this, this is their fault and I stan by that. . .thank you Paris anon ig. . . /hj
Have a good day / night neon :)))) take care of yourself you are so important *Points at you* your reminder to treat yourself to something nice
-Ulysses loving anon
THANK YOU.... RAGHGHHH 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 IT MEANS SO MUCH YOU GUYS LIKE MY GUYS SO MUCHH........ 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 its alright if you ask for em (i suffer through terminal please ask me question infodumps so its greatly appreciated lmao...)
they're just really fucked by the narrative lmfao... none of them really have agency, even if they want to (and um. their fate is pretty bad in pink overkill lmfao........ since they're the main antagonists in that one)
war and famine are so embedded into the systems they're in that everything they do is intentionally or unintentionally for the system (for war that's being a magical girl, for famine that's being chronically ill) war doesn't really mind it, they're a people pleaser, but famine is very bothered by it but is told they have to be a martyr for others.
conquest and death try their best to go against the system (conquest outwardly speaks out and tries to not get too into the magical girl systems of being marketable but ultimately still finds himself needing to, death just believes working harder and more will eventually get them out of this situation and thinks she's only playing into over-consumption for the short term when it's really just a snippet of the rest of their lives)
+ after making a contract to be officially magical girls working for the capital they're separated for most of the year, aside from collaborations and forced celebrity sightings together (so they try their best to squeeze as much time together in these times, but more often than not it doesn't really pan out well)
SOME SLIGHTLY MORE LIGHT HEARTED FACTS ABOUT HOW MUCH PEOPLE ADORE THEM, they're literally everywhere, everyone luoves them, and they have 500000000 merch and collabs all the time. literally evangelion merch levels of consumerism
like look at these highly marketable bunnies. don't you want to buy them. i know you do
some individual stuff about the horsemen:
war is very insecure, they really do need external validation from people and their attachment to a certain person shifts and they live in perpetual hell
conquest is so tired of being alone, but he doesn't know how to talk to others and not be alone so he just isolates and watches from a distance (war usually still drags him into things and his happiest moments are from then)
famine is so selfless, willing to self harm if it means others will be happier. they're overtly aware of how privileged they are to be alive bc of their wealth... it's a heavy guilt they hold
death is, in all reality, very selfish. she only really cares about a few people (the horsemen) and disregards everyone else, she may act cordial and passionate about helping others, but that's just
SDFJHNVFCVHBJHNK THE FAULT LIES WITH PARIS ANON!!!!!!!! /JJJ bringing the silliest blorbos to town........
thank you! i will treat myself to some snacks :D
#noodle doodle#oc#neon's sketchbook#neon tedtalks#novaturient#ask#four horsemen of the apocalypse#four horsemen#war#conquest#famine#death
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The day of travel I had today is indescribable and the only thing that could possibly have made it even more un fucking real is if it were preceeded by the 3 days I had prior lmfao how do you describe "from never missing a flight to missing three in one weekend" and "three two hour naps over three days, and also trying to be normal at a funeral" and also "how many times can myself and each member of my enormous extended family, and any combination thereof, get trapped in an elevator" do you call your mother if you get trapped in an elevator on her birthday? Opinions may differ! and "I was so deranged at the funeral I at first genuinely thought my father's estranged brother was the ghost of my grandfather's brother who was there to attend his funeral" and also "I can still sight read hymns? I didn't know I could do that but I guess I'm the song leader of this cry party now" and "mathematically, how many distinct times in any given recurring 25 hour period is it possible to experience nicotine withdrawal, to really maximize suffering both physical and mental" and also days are 25 hours now and also I just came back from a 59 hour long single day and I had an asthma attack in an airport so bad my mouth tasted like it was flooding with blood and I actually thought it might have been a real heart attack the chest pain like a fucking knife my lower jaw cramping my legs shaking at the limit of my physical strength trying to stay upright trying to seem normal while asking a gate agent if I could still get home somehow or what, the fucking denver airport designers revealed now to be supervillain level cruel (I have long suspected this) I think my blood pressure is like 12/140 and my veins are pooling so bad ive got these crazy perma worms lookin ass vessels visible in my arms and hands, tried to see if compression socks would help and they did but I just noticed they also literally friction burned a huge portion of my leg hair clean off lmfaooo, each day of travel meant to be ~8hrs and getting home at 5pm, but turning out instead ~17 hours and got home just recently to feed the animals and am waking up for running off to class in around 4.35 hours from now. I'm not letting myself get mad at myself for taking like two hours to relax while awake for the first time in days and days. My blood is a thick soup in my eyeballs, in this house we call that shit "Saturday disease" 🤕🤧😵💫
#aaugh#personal#you know thay scifi concept of like. what of you just dissolved all the molecular bomds between atoms#thats whats happening in my brain#inverse of “so tired i became temporarily neurotypical im having only one thought at a time”#instead its . i call my adhd thinking “spiderwebbing” etc . like if someone vacuumed that spiderweb#thats how my thoughts are going#goodnight 🫡
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deeply disappointed in myself i'm sorry in advance 🩵🩵 trying to form questions in my head as i type this like ?? wgat was that key doing in us but that'll probably be revealed in the next part ?? unless im an idiot and phel just got 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 like that 😶🌫️ sorry but i need him to get mc pregnant RIIIGHHHTTT NEOWWWWW 🙏🙏🙏 i beg of you please js put it in i'm so sorry i'm down bad rn but uh anyway !!?##]^ i anticipate what u have in store for pt 3 too bc anon had the right idea omg .. pregnancy ,,, repopulating the clan uchiha style u have my heart . AND MC MY SWEET ☹️☹️ so kind despite literally . being a captive ⁉️⁉️😭 free my girl (lying through my teeth btw, need to b stuck there forever). ALSO HELLO WHO WASHED US 😨😨 was it phel or some other lunari but oh my god , during that scene!!!!!!! the way u describe everything (vag😍) is mmmphhkjgf all i can do is gush over ur writing w no shame bc i need phel so bad, uhh chp dedicated towards eating mc out ?? ur insane actually. i love u sm ☹️☹️ the language n atmosphere lord save me bc what do yoy mean these rn't canon descriptors of lunari grounds, if riot isn't putting in the work then we hve writers like you god bless ☹️
also . LMFAOOO LOSER 😭😭 idiot stuck in the bath (need to b in there w him), oh and was it the noctum rhat paralysed him (he can paralyse me from my waist down 🩵) ? silly question but im a lil deranged rn after reading that my bad . mc was honestly such a sweetheart though, for treating him so well but we'll ignore the prior murder attempt. can't lose a baddie tonight ykyk ‼️‼️ what would happen though if . mc committed to it though err would phel just be a goner considering his state in the bathtub n all 😭
thats it from me rn bc it's late !! 🦦🩵
LMFAO! i loved reading this omg.
OK SO--yeah phel was just being a weirdo and decided to 'hide' the key inside of mc, cause why not.
ALL YALL WANTING BABIES WITH THIS MAN HAHA. hes literally insane. and you know what? VALID. but i'll be upfront and say it won't be happening in part 3, soowwwyyy. </3
also phel 100% washed mc. like, he literally made sure that mc had a warm bath, to the point he let the water get cold for himself. and well, yeah, he's a DUMMY who ran out of time before the side effects of the noctum completely started fckin up his insides and got trapped suffering in a cold bath HAHA. i also hc that there's no way this man ISNT dying every time he consumes it. and this mf knows it and will do it till he legit dies and alune knows this too. [*insert tragic bad ending here*]
and we actually aren't at a lunari camp just yet!!!! mc really is just in a tavern in like a neutral territory/town rn. and dont you worry, you'll know when we do get there, because in my mind, the place is GORGEOUS. like a freaking jeweled city inside the mountain and its BREATHTAKING. MAGICAL. STREAMS LOOK LIKE STARTLIGHT. FLOWERS ARE BIOLUMINESCENT. THERE ARE POCKETS OF MOONSHINE IN DARK CAVERNOUS ROOMS WHERE THE LUNARI BATHE COMPLETELY NAKED AND BOND AS FRIENDS/FAMILY/LOVERS. i rlly dont fckin know i wish riot would give us so much more lore to their territory. for both solari and lunari honestly. but yeah, we'll know soon enough!
and uh yeah if mc committed we wouldn't have a part 3 LMFAO.
once again, ty for the lovely msg anon!! <3<3<3
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thanks for reminding me i can manifest them to be chill- i way too used to my strict parents lmao
THE JOJO REFERENCES GOES HARD FR
i haven't catched up with hxh manga but i did finish the anime and basically killua split up to protect alluka and gon wanted to meet his father so they technically couldn't stay together, there's a possibility that they won't appear in the manga again :((
don't blame me😭 the first thing i saw about kny was that episode and nezuko (there was so many nezuko edits oml), but first episode was like a 50/50 for me?? i'm pretty sure it's because i used to watch like really dark magical girls animes when i was younger and my cousins always made me watch the final destination series with them🧍🏻
OML TOJI I REMEMBER READING THE MANGA AND WANTING HIM AND MEGUMI TO MEET SDCNKSDJFBS and yuta is the literal definition of looking like a cinnamon roll but can actually kill you
I DON'T BLAME YOU ABOUT THE PROMISED NEVERLAND CUz Isabella's jumpscare in the first episode was😭😭🖐🏻 and yES PLS GIVE BUNGO STAY DOGS A CHANCE!
KATEKYO HITMAN REBORN?? I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET BUT MY COUSIN WATCHES IT A LOT
there's something so scrumptiously delicious about main characters who are weak but are actually strong and just humbles the people who underestimates them, like, sLAY
my sister recommended me mashle! it's on to watch list since i'm planning on binge watching animes in my waiting room and PLS TELL ME THAT ZOM 100 IS FINALLY COMPLETED, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO BINGE WATCH IT SINCE LIKE LAST LAST MONTH
i'm currently watching the apothecary diaries! It's so refreshing because the female lead is so smart and pragmatic, like she doesn't give a sht about the male lead and just loves medicine and poison tasting so much😫 the only thing i dislike is how she's being forced to be the male lead's partner but the plot is still good heheh
🐧anon
no problemo 🕵️ gotta help the homies out. everything in life is a jojo reference, even jesus.
oml nO wait I watched the whole HXH manga and know they split up I was just acting delusional 😭 and uGh I hope the manga gets finished one day... The creator has bad health-- wait a damn minute I can just manifest his health back wtf am I sayin' 🧐
PFFFTTT what a wild read— and oh god no don't even talk about final destination to me, I cannot drive on the freeway normally sometimes bc of that shit, everytime I see a truck with like oversized loads (especially the fuckers with the big ass steel poles on the back of them) I always get chills, even though I know nothing is gonna happen to me cause I said so 🧍
toji didn't even remember he had son.... deadbeat dad type beat. yuta and rika deserve better ngl
isabella and that other maid... they are nightmare fuel. and yes!!!!!! I will absolutely give it another chance for the adorable tiger boy with the fruity little haircut!!! bingeing anime in yer waitin' room??? bruh that's literally so big brain wtf I low-key wanna shift to all my favorite animes one of these days 🕵️ but I have this underlying worry about the version of myself being left behind to do my dirty work lmfao
also- katekyo hitman reborn! is super good, but I will say that I have been rewatchin' it for a sense of nostalgia on and off whenever I have time and god the first like--- 20 episodes are fuckin' cringe but the main character's awakenin' is satisfying 😭 he's like the og deku
I have no idea if all the eps have been posted for zom 100 !!!! I will check for you today if I remember--- I haven't had time to check after watching like the first three episodes on crunchyroll—
OooOo an anime with a strong female lead!?!?! I would absolutely eat that shit up oml gobble gobble gobble— ew that plot sounds cringey. man, I really want an anime with a stoic, underestimated female lead whos like majorly asexual... wait 🧍 hold on, I basically just described saiki k... I NEED A FULL THIRD SEASON OF THE DISASTROUS LIFE OF SAIKI K.
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