#i'm incapable of being normal about this

[despite-everything]

when i tell you i screamed...

[eurodynamic]

SKELLY, Training Dummy Hades (2020)

SCHELEMEUS, Training Master Hades 2 (TBA)

[burst-of-iridescent]

zuko and katara’s narrative symmetry drives me insane every time i think about it, actually. you rise with the moon, i rise with the sun; her power waning as his grows, and vice versa. zuko becoming disillusioned with the fire nation as katara learns the truth about the evil that exists within the other nations. how they both orbit around the avatar, the emblem of all their hopes; katara pulling aang forward to his destiny while zuko pursues on the other end, driving him onwards. the way their parallel lines intersect at the end of every season before diverging once more, each one only able to rise when the other falls. circling one another, so close yet so far, until they finally come together in the agni kai, two halves becoming whole at the crux of their individual arcs and their journey together — balance forged in sacrifice, an eternal push and pull finally brought to stillness. and all of this beautifully personifying the show’s most fundamental themes in the process. how the fuck were they not canon.

[diazisms]

buck knows it can't be that big of a surprise to anyone, not really. not when he's only ever laughed at the jokes, never corrected anybody. he's half dreading it, telling the team. they're his family. they mean everything in the world to him, but, god, what if they knew. what if they knew all along this part of him that was too dark to look at, the dusty corner of the attic no one ever even shines a flashlight on in fear of what they'll find. it's not that buck decided to shine a flashlight, either. it was more like watching eddie smile at tommy and laugh at his (frankly very unfunny, thanks) joke made the whole room flood with bright, fluorescent light. it was kind of impossible to keep his eyes from drifting to it. to that attraction that was always there, always buzzing just under the surface of his skin.

sometimes he wonders if all the scrapes and cuts and scars, all the time he purposefully threw his body against the asphalt weren't just to get his parents attention. maybe he thought if he could give it a way out, the thrumming would leave and his heart would settle.

he spent an hour this morning and two hours last staring at himself in the mirror, repeating the word over and over and over. he spent the night before last avoiding his reflection altogether, terrified he wouldn't recognize the man looking back.

like it's some shocking revelation, this, and not the slow build of realization that's been coming for as long as he can remember.

and that's the thing, right? because buck can't blame his friends if they all laugh and pat him on the back and say i knew it, because it's not like he was totally unaware either. purposefully ignorant? yes. oblivious, though?

probably not as much as maddie might think.

his plan is to not say anything. to hold the word close to his chest for as long as possible but it's like his friends have fucking phd's in how to read him and his body language, and they're gently poking and prodding and pleading for him to open up.

hen's eyes are brighter than normal and chimney's smile is earnest and bobby's got his 'caring dad' face on and eddie's so beautiful when he smiles at him encouragingly he almost screams.

the words spill out before he can stop them. i'm bi. buck's eyes screw shut.

a hand falls lands on top of his, fingers squeezing. when he looks up, hen is grinning, and, jesus fuck, she looks so proud of him. buck didn't consider that as a possibility. that people would look at him with pride. that they'd thank him for his vulnerability, for trusting them, that he'd get pulled into teary eyed hugs. it's not some sort of new phenomenon — evan buckley assuming the worst — but it catches him off guard more than it usually does.

eddie hangs back. buck feels his absence like someone carved the emptiness out of him. he's on edge, a weird, jittery distance between the two of them for the rest of the shift. buck doesn't run into the fire without gear and let the flames overtake him but it's a near thing. eddie keeps looking at him, though. like there are words he doesn't know how to form and it makes something bubble in his chest. not quite hope because buck's not foolish enough to assume eddie would ever want him like that. the way buck's starting to realize he does.

and, oh god, does he.

but then the day ends and buck's lacing up his sneakers in the locker room and eddie's dressed but he's lingering, checking his watch thirty times in a minute. chimney heads out, pats on their backs, a wink and wide smile in buck's direction. buck gets up, throws his bag over his shoulder.

eddie stutters in his movements like he doesn't know if he's gonna allow himself to follow through with them, but then strong arms are wrapping themselves around buck, holding him so tight it almost feels like he can't breathe.

somehow, inexplicably, it also feels like he's exhaling for the first time.

"i'm proud of you, buck. i love you, you know that?" eddie says as they pull away, words a little awkward with their disuse but so genuine his heart twists painfully in his chest.

yeah, buck wants to say. almost does. but not how i want you to.

[a-tiny-sloth]

the dreamer trilogy really went "wouldn't it be fucked up if you had real, tangible proof that without your childhood trauma you could be happy? like, wouldn't it be fucked up if you made a copy of yourself but deleted all the childhood trauma and then that copy was capable of living a happy, independent life while you're constantly on the verge of dying and miserable and drowning in self-hatred??" and i'm just supposed to live w that

[vowofbrotherhood]

assorted mcyt sketches

[pelipper]

Kenshi using his telekinesis to lift up and bring Johnny Cage closer to him so he can give him a big smooch.

[blackkatmagic]

There are some characters I'm insane about, and some I don't have particularly strong feelings about. And then there are the ones I think I'm normal about right up until I engage with them again and I'm suddenly catapulted headfirst into a riptide of insanity that's been lurking, unnoticed, right below the surface while I fooled myself into assuming my emotions about them were within normal human limits.

[fannyyann]

this is what fics are made of (MIN @ FLA | 1.19.23)

[incesthemes]

i can't stop thinking about the first episode of season 6, when sam tries to convince dean to come with him, to come back to hunting. he says "it's just better with you around, that's all." it's an interesting line because sam is soulless, obviously. and even though he doesn't understand the details yet, he knows something's wrong with him.

"it's better with you around" he says, citing dean's compassion and care for others as the reason why. and how interesting is that? sam's working with plenty of other hunters who still have their souls—they're all more than capable of caring about the people they save. but sam needs dean specifically. he knows he's missing something, and he sees dean and recognizes that something in him. even cold and calculating and unrelentingly logical, sam recognizes that dean, alone, can "complete" him, give something back to him that he's supposed to have.

in episode 8 he tells dean he "needs his help." he doesn't elaborate; he never explains what he means by that. he has a whole family of hunters who'd be willing and able to help him, but still he needs dean. even without his soul, his hyperrational mind knows he needs him.

soulless sam isn't capable of caring about dean. but he doesn't need to care to know they need to be together, no matter what—to know dean is good for him, dean completes him, dean needs to be there for him.

it's like a sick reversal of season 1. sam drags dean back into this life because he can't keep going without him. because he needs him. because when you think about it logically, and sam has no other choice, there was never any other option for them.

[bekolxeram]

I really hate to be the bad news bear, but Tommy didn't fly that plane in 2x14, I've written a piece about that C-130 belonging to CAL FIRE a couple of months back. To make up for it, and continuing on the topic about helicopter vs airplane pilots yesterday, here's some headcanon:

Tommy dated a CAL FIRE air tanker pilot.

He's fighting a particularly bad wildfire, when the fuel in his helicopter runs critically low, he has to land the bird at a nearby CAL FIRE facility, and there he meets his C-130 pilot.

Mr. CAL FIRE shares Tommy's passion in flying, they have that same sparkle in their eyes when they look to the sky. But unlike Tommy, who has to observe his surroundings and look down for a place to safely land at all times, Mr. CAL FIRE always look up and ahead to the future. He's bright, funny, kind, optimistic, always ready for the next adventure. Being with him feels like the September sun gently hitting Tommy's face.

Tommy has been playing the field, experimenting, since coming out some time ago. While all that was fun, he can't help but feel unfulfilled and lonely, when he comes home to an empty bed after a brutal shift. He wants to settle down with someone, and this time he can really see a future with Mr. CAL FIRE.

But the reality is, firefighting pilots work long, unconventional hours. Tommy works a traditional 24/48 schedule, but Mr. CAL FIRE works 10 days on 5 days off during wildfire seasons. They don't get to see each other often, and when they do, Tommy is content with relaxing and healing from his previous shifts with the man he loves, but Mr. CAL FIRE always has that itch to explore the world, to go on an adventure. Then they start drifting apart, loneliness starts growing again in Tommy's heart, while Mr. CAL FIRE feels suffocated, tied down.

One day, Tommy gets that same warm feeling of sun shinning on his face again. Only this time, he's at the airport, watching Mr. CAL FIRE fly away into the sky. He realizes it's time to let him go, to let each other go.

It hurts to end things with him, but Tommy also feels relieved. He likes guys who are basically sunshine personified, but maybe they're not what Tommy needs in his life, maybe they don't need Tommy in their lives, dragging them down.

Then one day, his old colleague at the 118 asks him to steal a helicopter and fly into a hurricane in the middle of the night, and Evan Buckley walks into Harbor station...

[viperwhispered]

Oh no I'm supposed to work but my brain was like "Oh but consider getting corrupted by Jamil" and like 😳😨🤔🤩

Hasdfghh the concept is so vague but just the vibes of coming to agree more and more with the things he does (and supporting him in his right to wrongs and, just)

And before you know it you've gone from being all straight-laced and stuff to just the schemer power couple

how much you'd still be under his thumb is left to your personal preference I guess tho I'm more thinking of him pulling that side out of you rather than just "puppeting" you or anything

There goes my concentration I guess

[it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined]

is Farscape the sort of thing that takes a few episodes to find its groove? should i be patient if we're not besties right away?

(i'm prone to snap judgements and don't want to make a mistake here)

Ahhhh so Farscape can be a WILDLY interesting study in complete contradictions. I agree with everything Cat Valente says is brilliant about it in this thread and this very long and detailed essay about why you should watch Farscape and yet also I will sit there fast-forwarding great chunks of season one especially because the quality control from episode to episode is so wildly variable. When I say variable, I mean some episodes feel embarrassingly amateur at times, especially after twenty something years of higher budget, vaguely more evolved TV SF. Occasionally it doesn't know what show it's trying to be, or what show it was the previous episode. It has a terrible weakness for bad puns in episode titles. It can be trite. It can feel weirdly childish, for a show that is frequently about aliens fucking. It's really really very silly on occasion and I have a particularly very low tolerance for second hand embarrassment. Farscape can be frequently embarrassing, but the fact I'm still flailing about it after twenty something years despite that is kind of significant.

Because when it's good, it's so incredibly fucking high quality excellent. It's got all the chemistry, all the high stakes heists and the high melodrama sacrifice, all the dealing with grief and trauma and how do you deal with a legacy of repeated genocide and fascism. Everyone is a space criminal on a stolen sentient prison ship. What the fuck even is the greater good. How do you deal with being a parent. Most of the cast are emoting through inch thick layers of foam latex and the other half are wearing fetish gear (OR THEY'RE PUPPETS. OR CGI ORGANIC SENTIENT SPACESHIPS), but they're really fucking good at said emoting and it's still heartbreaking. It's been twenty years and I will still start crying if I so much as hear the season three version of the theme tune (oh god the theme song evolution).

The silly episodes throughout season one are even weirder because it does pretty much find its feet straightaway with the pilot ep - it's snappy and emotional and charming and clever, and yes the tropes are there but the tropes didn't have quite the same level of tired significance back in 1999? I watched that first ep and was cackling over how fucking fantastic it was. It was such a refreshing change in 1999 that it sailed me through any of the occasionally dodgy stuff that followed.

It's also very very... Aussie, which to me covers a lot of the humour and the sheer demented glee of what the creators wanted to run with? The cast has chemistry, in spades, and the characters flirt and fuck (and... one of them is a hot blue zen plant priestess who orgasms in bright light. Obviously.) and everything is just a little bit.. extra. It has an episode where everyone is a loony tunes cartoon. It has an episode inspired by A Clockwork Orange. It has small stabby robots. It's squelchy and makes fart jokes ALL THE TIME (mostly because one of the main puppets is a former emperor who farts helium and okay yep it's pretty funny. The other puppet is wise and kind and troubled and possibly complicit in war crimes. This fucking show I can't even).

...I'm just going to apologise for this essay, and say probably go read the Cat Valente thing because it includes much more key whether you should in fact watch Farscape information such as:

“They’re all gonna be Australian or Kiwi! Except for one guy! It’s basically gonna be a tour of Sydney’s underground club scene, even for the smallest parts! And I mean that, everyone is going to be wearing leather BDSM gear 24/7, even the heroes. I’M TELLIN’ YA WE GOT MAGDA SZUBANSKI! THIS THING IS GOLD! Literally, the whole color palette is like really gold. With most of a Crayola box taped on top of it. SPACE IS AUSTRALIAN NOW. ALL OF IT. DEAL WITH IT.”

there will be an almost unbelievable amount of goo involved. Like if there is a Goo Department, and anyone is left over after Nickelodeon’s job fair last week, we need all the goo.”

“Because of all the sex and violence that just barely doesn’t cross the decency lines we’re still kind of feeling out right now?”

“That, too. But mostly because we need all the makeup and then after we’re done turning regular humans a TON of nutbar colors, everything else is going to be just…dripping. All the time. Just drenched in slime. Good slime, bad slime, it will constantly be hard to say. But it’s like Coco Chanel always said, before you leave the house, look in the mirror and upend a bucket of colorful sludge over your head.”

[politemagic]

Just casually dropping this here, because your fic touches on that too 👀

This part of TØP's Fall Away:

I'm screaming submission and, I don't know if I am dying or living 'Cause I will save face For name's sake Abuse grace Take aim to obtain a new name And a newer place But my name is lame I can't walk and I ain't the same And my name became A new destiny to the grave

- in relation to Jericho / Take Aim / Descending, and the implications of Sleep taking Vessel's name and erasing his identity to make him Theirs.

Okay that's it byeee~

DARYA I AM SCREAMING TØP X THE HAUNTING OF SLEEP MANOR?????????? this has the gears in my brain whirring so you're getting some insight into the Sleep lore of my au 😇 (spoilers for chapter 4 if anyone has not read it)

first of all, Fall Away will be added to my playlist immediately because this entire section is just. fucking spot on. but especially:

and my name became a new destiny to the grave

so I have always been fascinated by the fae, and so when Trish says “You’ve given him your name, haven’t you?” in ch. 3 it was very much based on the legends of giving them your name gives them power to control you to some extent. and as Charlotte reveals in this new chapter, Sleep needs to consume human energy in order to re-enter the mortal world and reclaim the power He once had. by becoming the True Vessel of Sleep, Vessel has damned himself to be given over to Sleep, he is the final piece of His puzzle.

until I wake I, dine on old encounters

this line from Jericho is precisely what inspired me to go so hard into the Sleep lore in this fic!!!! I cannot tell you the rush of euphoria I felt seeing you point out Jericho specifically because it's so heavily embedded in my plan for this story. Sleep is the thing that keeps the ghosts in the house, they can't move on to the Beyond because they no longer have control of their soul, Sleep does.

He came to all of them as they were dying and convinced them that He could help them (much like he has done to Vessel by offering this place of solace). part of why all the ghosts are spaced out the way they are is because that energy can only sustain Him for so long, depending on their strength. so He is, quite literally, dining on old encounters. and the line "you taste like new flesh say my name again" is in direct connection with Sleep's intentions to consume Vessel.

you led me on when the moment is perfect I will fire and forget til we both lay broken

this line from Take Aim I feel like sums up Vessel's feelings towards Sleep (not quite yet, but he's on his way there). if III's response to this revelation in chapter 4 wasn't enough evidence, the vessels feel deeply betrayed by their deity. Sleep is waiting for the perfect opportunity to consume them, but their allegiances are slowly shifting. they have spent so much of their lives now channeling all of this power and energy into Sleep, yet now they know that they've been led on by His false promises. they are starting to question if they should allow this being to have reign over the mortal world. Sleep lost His power initially by being forgotten, yet they have reminded the world of His existence... hm.....

okay I simply cannot resist so SLIGHT SPOILER WARNING!!!!! (I feel like most of you could imagine this is where I'm going but either way you can skip this next section)

you come crawling back to me but I'm already on the ground and we all know that talk is cheap so come on and save me now

this line from Descending, looking through the lens of this au, comes from Sleep to Vessel. He has seen Vessel fight back against Him before, yet he always comes back. Vessel feels torn between wanting to save himself and this deity he has given everything to. when Vessel first turns his back on Sleep, He is furious and wants to hurt Vessel (I WON'T spoil how. I will exercise restraint) in an attempt to get Vessel to come back to Him. but Vessel's actions have already hurt Sleep and His power (hence, already on the ground) and the "talk is cheap" refers to the warnings of the ghosts. He is trying to coax Vessel back into His service, trying to get him to take those last steps so that Sleep can be "saved" and return to full power.

SPOILER OVER!

til I let you fall, ah (why don't you just say what you wanted to say?) I've been left no choice (why don't you just say what you wanted to say?) don't you see that? (why don't you just say what you wanted to say?)

this is between Sleep and Vessel. Sleep is trying to explain to Vessel that He has no other choice to return to His power except for him. He's waited centuries, feeding off the energies of others however He can, but the True Vessel is the last missing piece. Vessel, trying to be reasonable (because he's hurt 🙁), wants to know why Sleep wouldn't just tell him the plan. beneath the part of him that feels betrayed that Sleep had planned this for him all along, he can't help but feel hurt that Sleep didn't think he was loyal enough to follow through with it. I think, if Sleep had told him what He needed, Vessel wouldn't have fought it, honestly.

✨anyways✨

there's a little a lot Sleep Manor lyrical interpretations for you🥰

[lexicals]

I need to get a badge that's just "please talk to me about fibrecrafts and ttrpgs but ONLY if you're prepared for a conversation lasting upwards of 15 minutes which I will probably dominate unless you stop me"

[captain-hen]

why are people worried over a character that got ten seconds of screentime and her supposed on screen love interest can't even bother to even talk about the relationship aside from a sentence meanwhile is being marketed up the f'n ass with his best friend and being teased as getting together with said friend.

Like i'm telling you get the party details ready cause Marisol is bones probably very soon.

okay, well, first of all, no one is teasing that buck and eddie are gonna get together. the actors or showrunners have literally not said any of that. we can't help what journalists say for the sake of their clickbait articles, but we can do the bare minimum of understanding what it is and what it isn't. while ryan and oliver have admittedly said more than we expected about buddie, they still haven't said anything concrete, and their remarks shouldn't be taken as them 'teasing' the ship. they literally cannot do that. they cannot tell us any more than this, either. they will get in trouble.

aside from that...the 911 fandom wouldn't be the 911 fandom if didn't periodically freak out over things that don't matter