#he needs to care about dean no matter what the cost is. he needs to love him again

[incesthemes]

i can't stop thinking about the first episode of season 6, when sam tries to convince dean to come with him, to come back to hunting. he says "it's just better with you around, that's all." it's an interesting line because sam is soulless, obviously. and even though he doesn't understand the details yet, he knows something's wrong with him.

"it's better with you around" he says, citing dean's compassion and care for others as the reason why. and how interesting is that? sam's working with plenty of other hunters who still have their souls—they're all more than capable of caring about the people they save. but sam needs dean specifically. he knows he's missing something, and he sees dean and recognizes that something in him. even cold and calculating and unrelentingly logical, sam recognizes that dean, alone, can "complete" him, give something back to him that he's supposed to have.

in episode 8 he tells dean he "needs his help." he doesn't elaborate; he never explains what he means by that. he has a whole family of hunters who'd be willing and able to help him, but still he needs dean. even without his soul, his hyperrational mind knows he needs him.

soulless sam isn't capable of caring about dean. but he doesn't need to care to know they need to be together, no matter what—to know dean is good for him, dean completes him, dean needs to be there for him.

it's like a sick reversal of season 1. sam drags dean back into this life because he can't keep going without him. because he needs him. because when you think about it logically, and sam has no other choice, there was never any other option for them.

[gremlin-girly]

Flufftober Day 14

@flufftober

Prompt: Mundane AU

Alt Title: One Piece at A Time

Pairing: Mechanic!Dean Winchester x f!Reader

Tags/warnings: Dean being Dean tbh (big ol' warning there), FLUFF, meetcute (I really like these apparently ahaha), Dean is a Mechanic, Sammy Stayed in law school :), John is still dead (I still hate him), Reader knows nothing about cars, 2nd person (female  Reader – use of "lady" once), tattooed! Dean, this is 10000% a grumpy x sunshine now that I think about it

Summary: You have car trouble and head to the nearest mechanic, Singer & Son, where your grumpy mechanic gives you an earful for not taking care of your car.

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: I may or may not have scared my own mechanic with these things. Mechanics fear me. And if you know Johnny Cash, you'll recognise the title of this piece!

Prev | Next | Masterlist

Nothing in particular made you choose Singer & Son Garage as your new mechanic of choice. Reviews were good and it was near your house; you were sold. When you had left your car with the wizened Bobby singer, he had told you that your car should be ready in two days.

That was four days ago.

It was only supposed to be an annual check-up, ensuring everything was in working order. Which it was - when you'd left it at the garage. It drove nicely from point A to B, other than the strange rattling that had started a month ago (or the weird noise when you'd use the wipers). So, when you rang the garage on the afternoon on the 4th day, you certainly weren't expecting to get gruff, clearly annoyed answers from one of the mechanics.

"So... is the car okay?" You asked nervously, beginning to worry about the cost to fix or if there was a scam taking place.

“Yeah. You could say that. “ There’s a scoff and you can practically  see the eyeroll on the faceless person on the other end of the line.

"Uh... Okay? When can I pick it up? " You frown into the phone, unsure what he meant but bit back an indignant huff.

There's a pause. “This evening, if you want I guess. Look lady - I don't know what you did to this car but there's a lot of work that needs to be done. " The voice's annoyance seems to grow but you can't fathom why. “You’ll need to come down so we can discuss what needs done and book it all in.”

Your frown deepens. You weren't well-versed in cars and you were so far out of your depth you weren't sure if you were being ripped off.

"Uh. sure. Just give me a time."

“16:45 work?"

You check your work calendar. "Yeah. "

There's a grunt of approval. "Alright. See you then. "

 The phone clicks off and you're left staring at your phone in disbelief. You even blink a few times at the black screen of your phone. What crawled up his ass and died? The car was okay - that's all that mattered.

You sigh, mentally preparing for your bank account to break.

At 16:40 you wander into the garage, poking your head into the small office. Bobby Singer looks the exact same as he did four days ago, just in a different colour plaid. He's still tired-eyed with a phone pressed to his ear, hidden behind a mountain of paperwork. You give him a small wave and a smile when he glanced at the doorway.

He put his hand over the phone and waved you in. "Hey, again. Here for your car?"

You nod and wring your hands awkwardly. You feel like you're in the principal's office about to get an earful. Bobby gives you a short smile before speaking into an intercom.

"Dean, customer here to collect."

Silence.

“Dean,” He says a little louder. “Customer here to collect."

More silence.

You look around the office sheepishly when Bobby sighs.

"Sorry Sammy, your brother's not answering. Give me a sec,” He says gently into the phone before yelling into the intercom. "DEAN!"

His sudden yell made you jump half an inch into the air and he shot you an apologetic smile. Whoever Sammy is, he must be saying something to Bobby because he huffs into the phone. "He's playing his damn music to loud. Again.”

There's a clang of metal and the gruff voice from earlier calls out from behind you, causing you to turn. “Yeah?"

Stood leaning against the door is probably one of the most attractive men you've ever seen. He's wearing a white tank although you're not sure why; he's covered in grease and oil head to toe looking like a dishevelled dalmatian. His strong, tanned arms are littered with tattoos and your eyes trail to his ringed hands that are wiping a wrench clean with a dirty rag, that he then tucks into dirty blue overalls that have the arms tied at his waist.

Bobby nods in your direction and in a sarcastic tone says, "Customer."

Dean’s  green eyes cast a glance at you quizzically like he'd forgotten you were coming. Then he looks like he's about to roll them as he realises who you are. “Follow me.”

Dean leads you out back, where ACDC is playing from an old, beat-up greasy radio. You try not to stare, occupying your mind instead with trying to spot your car. It's like a car graveyard; tens if not hundreds of cars in various states of repair are scattered around the lot.

Your nervousness grows the more you walk until you see your car. Or more accurately, what's left of it. It's on a jack and one of the wheels is on the floor. It looks okay, all things considered. You guess that Dean must have been messing with you.

"It's fine!" You say, relieved. Dean shoots you a glare.

"It's not fine." He grunts. "Your suspension is rusted on the front and back, two of your tyre treads are below legal limit, one of your reverse lights is out and the rubber on your windscreen wipers is missing."

You stare blankly at him. "Meaning..."

"Meaning," Dean continues. "Your car should not be on the road."

"Ah," You say, dumbfounded. It was working four days ago just fine, and you tell Dean as much. He just scoffs.

"I don't know how that car did not blow up on you." He crosses his arms across his chest. "There's a lot of work that needs done."

Now your nerves were waking up again and spinning into a frenzy. "H-How much are we talking?"

Dean scratches the back of his head and heaves a sigh, looking thoughtfully at the skeleton of your car. "Maybe a grand. Could be more, depending on parts."

You almost swoon at the price. It was cheaper than buying a new car but that was the kind of money you did not have at hand. "Could I just get.. five hundred dollars worth of repairs?"

You look hopefully at Dean who frowns and then sighs. "Some of the repairs are a quick fix. If you're willing - I could show you how to fix 'em. That'll knock down the price."

You're so happy you could cry. "Thank you so much. That - That's really kind." You give Dean a grateful smile but he turns his head away from you quickly, clearing his throat.

"We'll get it done one piece at a time." He reassures you, voice slightly less grumpy. Only slightly.

"So... can I take it home?" You ask curiously, bouncing your foot on a tyre.

"No, I can't let you leave in it because it will fall apart." Dean huffs. "Sorry, but you'll be without the car if we're doing it bit by bit."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." He huffs, scowling at you.

Walking everywhere would be good for you. It was better than being down a whole grand.

"Look, I can drop you home since you came all the way here. I needed you to see what you'd done to the poor thing." Dean starts to walk back towards Bobby's office, you following his lead.

"I can walk." You insist, eager to not piss Dean off anymore than he already seems to be with you. "It's not far I swear."

Dean still huffs. "No, I'll drive you. Bobby'd kill me if he knew I let you walk home in the dark anyway."

You open your mouth to argue, but he gives you a steely look that tells you he isn't up for debating you; it's happening whether you like it or not. You smile awkwardly and mumble your thanks, adjusting your bag on your shoulder as Dean grabs a set of keys.

"C'mon, we'll take Baby."

You're brows furrow slightly, unsure whom he's calling baby, but teeter behind him.

Baby, as it happened, was a car.

You pull a face but as you drift by the sleek black exterior and peer at the black leather seats, drawing a short breath of awe.

Baby looked sexy.

You can't ever recall thinking a car looked sexy, but Baby was. Especially with Dean in the driver's seat. You slide into the passenger side and close the door with care, terrified to be too rough. Baby smells like car oil and pine and unlike Dean she is pristine. You buckle up and place your hands awkwardly in your lap as Dean turns the key. Baby's engine doesn't roar to life like your hunk of junk - she purrs - setting a steady rumble as Dean's strong arm reaches behind you so he can reverse out of the parking space carefully.

"Do you mind if I...?" Dean points at the car radio once on a short stretch of road and you shrug.

"Go ahead."

Dean turns the dial and Led Zepplin fades in through the speakers. You tap your foot along to the beat, you don't know the song but you do recognise it. After a few moments, you can hear Dean humming along to the lyrics, checking his mirrors at a junction and you bite back a smile. When he wasn't being such a grump, he was actually kind of cute.

The car ride was mostly silent until you got to a busy stretch of road and some asshole just had to dangerously cut up Baby, narrowly missing the car by a few centimetres had Dean not swerved. However, as Dean swerved, you'd slid down the seat and knocked into his shoulder with a squeak of surprise.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean yells at the driver, laying on the horn. He looks down at you worried. "You okay?"

You blink up at him, wide-eyed with slightly dishevelled hair. Your heart is racing fast from the near-miss but when your eyes lock with his, heat rushes to your cheeks and you can't seem to sit up fast enough.

"S-sorry. I'm alright." You clear your throat and give him a sheepish smile but he bursts into laughter. "What?"

Dean points at his cheek, snickering. "You have some oil on your face."

"I do?" You pull down the mirror and inspect your face and sure enough, there's a big black smudge on your cheek. The oil from Dean's clothes must have rubbed off when you knocked into him. "Oh, Goddammit." You rub at the smudge, only making it worse.

"Hey, stop that." Dean tuts, glancing back over at you from the road. "Dish soap and water'll make that come right off."

"Oh - thanks. Ah! This street right up ahead. That's me."

Dean grunts and nods, turning into your street gliding up to the curb outside your house. The engine cuts out and on autopilot you unbuckle yourself. Dean watches quietly but doesn't say anything.

"Thanks again," You say, hand on the door handle and flashing Dean a smile. "I don't know how I could repay you for my car."

His cheeks flush pink. Usually, this was where he'd flirt shamelessly, but something about you had his chest feeling tight and his stomach rolling. He finds himself thinking about how you were looking up at him when you'd knocked into him and how his heart fluttered. How he'd willingly offered his unpaid services to fix your car (even if you were supposed to help). How he'd nonchalantly decided to drive you home in Baby of all the cars on the lot. Dean swallows thickly.

"Maybe... dinner?"

"Dinner?" Your eyebrows fly up and you stop opening the passenger door. You falter for a moment before smiling at him, blush back in full force. "Uh, yeah, sure. I'd like dinner."

Dean's hands grip the steering wheel tightly, turning his knuckles white. He nods and struggles to find his voice for a moment.

"When's good?"

"Tonight's good. Or Friday." You say watching him with a small smile. He looks like he's not used to asking someone out on a real date. You decide to help him out a bit. "There's a really good burger joint on Winston Street. We could go there."

Dean’s eyes glitter when he looks over at you, breaking into a grin. "You mean Diego's?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Best burgers I've ever had." You tilt your head slightly at him. "You been before? We could go somewhere-"

"It's my favourite." Dean interrupts. "I'd love to take you there."

Your heart thunders and you nod, beaming at him. "Alright then, it's a date."

"It's a date." He says, a smirk twitching on his lips.

Once you and Dean have said your goodbyes and you're safely tucked against the wood of your front door you slump against it sighing dreamily. Friday couldn't come quick enough.

[thefirst3chapters]

Thinking about the car accident aftermath in "Teach Me Tonight" again:

Luke is understandably all over the place in the episode where Jess is sent to town. He's simultaneously buying Frosted Flakes and explaining to a skeptical Lorelai that all Jess needs is someone to "give him a little space" and "treat him like a man." Luke resists Lorelai's overreactive but not entirely unreasonable questions and advice until he responds to Jess's defiance and declaration of not wanting help by pushing him off the bridge. Then, he goes right to Lorelai as he panics about not being cut out to raise a kid (he's made a big mentality shift here!) because of having "no patience for jam hands." She reminds him that Jess isn't a toddler, but this situation is going to take work.

Fast forward to "Teach Me Tonight." The first two things Rory tells Lorelai over the phone in reference to the accident are "I need you to be calm" and "I'm alright." Rory has already buried her own reaction and is trying to put Lorelai at ease as much as she can; for not the first or the last time, she has to be the more mature person in their relationship. Lorelai demands that Rory have extra tests that the doctor didn't recommend, and then she leaves Rory at the hospital to hunt Jess down. It isn't Lorelai's intent to make Rory carry both their emotions by herself, but that's what ends up happening even though Lorelai is extensively focused Rory's physical injury. It says a lot about how Lorelai and Rory function as each other's peers and as each other's parents. The only person who will offer advice that matches the injury Rory actually has, listen to how she feels about the accident, and validate her perspective is Luke.

When Luke finds Jess hunched over on the bridge, Jess doesn't say anything about his own safety or ask Luke to stay calm. He just says, "I made sure she was okay." This is of course reflective of how much Jess cares about Rory and how devastated he is about her getting hurt, but it also strongly suggests that it doesn't even occur to Jess that his own well-being would matter to Luke. One could understand why Jess might've thought that way; Luke is openly, sometimes extremely, protective of Rory and continues to be when Rory is years older than Jess is here. He confronts both Dean and Logan unprompted on Rory's behalf. He wants to intervene when Rory decides to leave Yale and maintains a warm relationship with her even though he avoided addressing Jess's school/work situation directly until he kicked him out and later yelled at him for returning for his car. We know what's in Luke's heart here, though, because he just explained it to Lorelai at the cost of their relationship. He won't rest until he knows both kids are okay.

Luke could've in this moment screamed at Jess for being reckless with Rory, damaging property, smoking, and throwing a wrench in his friendship with Lorelai. He could've demanded that Jess be a man and stick around to repair the damage and face the wrath they both know is impending. He doesn't do any of those things, though. He sees how anguished Jess is and realizes now that he shouldn't have to be a man quite yet. Luke offers the precious comfort of immediately believing that Jess took care of Rory with "I know you did," and that's that. Of all the choices Luke could've made here, he chooses a quiet sort of mercy, so there they are in calming silence with their matching postures and green jackets and emotional repression in the same place where Luke shoved Jess into the water months earlier. Yes, there's an argument to be made that Jess going back wasn't the right way to handle this, but at the same time that choice has incredible compassion behind it.

The variety of parent/child relationships on this show is just so fascinating; it's a snapshot of families living in the same time and in the same place, and no two dynamics or perspectives on how a child should be raised are the same. These relationships are all deeply flawed and are sources of immense harm at times, but they're grounded in so much love.

[boywifesammy]

i feel like the boys’ representation in “it’s a terrible life” is a really accurate and insightful look into how they work on an Instinctual level.

at first it seems like just a funny bit for dean to be the one dismissing the ghost thing, but dean wesson actually fits perfectly into dean’s personality. i mean, think about it. hunter dean is OBSESSED with the job. he lives breathes and sleeps hunting. he’s proud of who he is and what he does, and he enjoys being a part of something. this episode shows how that’s part of dean’s intrinsic personality. he needs order. structure. discipline.

sam is mischaracterized as ‘the emotional one’, but i think dean’s a lot more of a romantic than him. he likes the idea of a stable life, whether that’s hunting or a cushy corporate job. he wakes up at 6am everyday, has a distinct routine and a circle of friends. he does herbal detoxes and drinks frothy rice milk lattes.

life is a package for him. dean likes fitting in. he doesn’t like breaking status quo. he instinctively looks to blend in, whether that’s in a corporate environment or with his father and other hunters. dean likes the idea of family. connection. he needs people, people who are familiar and trustworthy. he’s very community/family oriented. he’s not a lone wolf.

but sam on the other hand, he’s intrinsically in tune with weird frequencies. he’s strange and he picks up strange things. he cares about people and appreciates connection but he values himself and his gut instinct more. he loves sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong. he doesn’t give a fuck about blending in. he didn’t as a hunter so he sure as hell doesn’t in a goddamn tech support cubicle.

sam straight up tells dean that everything about this feels wrong. and you can TELL that dean feels it as well. sam tells him that he thinks he should be doing more, it’s in his blood, he hates everything about this fake life. but dean deflects. no matter how uncomfortable he seems he pushes it down in favour of predictably and routine. even if deep down, he knows its wrong, it takes him a lot more time than sam to admit it.

this shows that sam is more than ‘hunting bad’ and dean is more than ‘hunting good’. it was never about hunting. sam refuses to turn a blind eye. he WANTS to rebel. it’s his nature. he instinctively looks for things that don’t line up and he calls that out. he doesn’t care about the backlash. dean needs stability. he needs people. he needs to feel like he’s a part of something. it’s why he brushes off that feeling of wrongness so quickly at the beginning of the episode, because he’s willing to overlook some of the bad for the benefits.

it’s just like how hunter dean is willing to defend john, defend the grisly violence of hunting, and convince himself into thinking this is his only choice. sam refuses to do that. he instead latches onto that feeling of otherness and rebels even though it costs him family and familiarity.

[samsflannel]

if supernatural was like.....a normal show, they could have demonstrated character growth for Dean by having him move past the whole "I have to protect Sam because it's my job" into a healthier relationship where he's less overprotective, gives Sam more autonomy, etc. The schema of John that Dean had - the caring father, the loyal husband, the righteous man - that entire illusion shattered very early on in the show, and it had everything to do with John's resignation about Sam's fate. Theoretically, if Dean outgrew John's ideology, that should have also shattered the illusion that he needed to protect Sam no matter the cost.

But it just, like...made him worse? Instead of realizing, "hey, the role that my father assigned to me was never necessary, and it's also a very unhealthy way to live," he doubled down on his concern for Sam. Instead of trying to get better, he internalized it. He saw how much it upset Sam, but instead of backing off, he just pretended to loosen the leash. Nobody was coercing or convincing him to do that.

On the surface, it looks like Dean had some character growth re: their codependence. But, I mean. The look on his face when he was dying in the barn says it all. He was so happy to die, because he was relieved that Sam would live. His dying speech had nothing to do with himself and everything to do with Sam. He spent his last few moments trying to protect him from grief, of all things. Grief was the kindest thing that he ever had to protect Sam from, and that was what made Dean's death merciful.

[jackles010378]

The Wrong Winchester

Dean Winchester X you

Dean gets jealous when you and Sam pretend to be a "couple" on a case.

No warnings needed 🥰

Y/N and Sam had always been close. They worked together as a seamless team on all their hunts. But when they were assigned a case that required them to go undercover as a couple, things became a little complicated.

The hunt seemed straightforward initially. A small town had been plagued by strange disappearances, every victim having been snatched away from their homes without a trace. The only lead they had was that the disappearances were happening exclusively to couples. To make matters even more complicated, the victims were all reported to have been last seen kissing their partners.

Y/N and Sam devised a plan to pretend to be a couple and lure out the creature responsible for the kidnappings. They hoped to catch it in the act and finally put an end to the town's nightmare. But what they didn't anticipate was the jealousy that would awaken within Dean. Sam had found the case, y/n sitting by him reading a book on sirens. She perked up when Sam was reading the article he had found about couples vanishing at the same spot. Curiosity peaked in them both, so they decided to investigate.

They didn't want to involve Dean in this hunt. They had just gotten him back after Micheal had taken possession of his body, so Sam thought it would be best he rested up. Unbeknownst to them both, Dean had been standing in the doorway and overheard everything. He marched over to them informing them he would be going on the hunt with them, stating that "someone needs to cover their asses" just in case they get taken too. In reality Dean was upset you didn't want to couple up with him.

As Y/N and Sam prepared for their undercover mission, Dean couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy deep in his chest. He had always had a soft spot for Y/N, his feelings going beyond friendship, but he had never found the right moment to express them. And now, seeing Y/N cozying up with Sam, pretending to be a couple, ignited a fire within Dean.

The mission was in full swing when Dean's jealousy started to consume him. He became overprotective, constantly watching their backs, trying to keep them safe. He couldn't stand the sight of Y/N and Sam getting closer. It was tearing him apart, but he couldn't let them see his inner turmoil.

One night, deep into the mission, Y/N and Sam went to a secluded park where the latest couple had gone missing. They knew it was risky, but they had to follow the trail. As they crept through the park, they heard rustling in the bushes. Without thinking, Sam grabbed Y/N and pulled her close, pressing his lips to hers in a desperate attempt to maintain the facade.

Dean was just a few steps away, observing the scene with a mixture of anger and heartbreak. Consumed by emotion, he rushed in, ready to defend his friend and brother. But his hasty actions only confused the creature, allowing it to escape with Y/N and leaving Sam struggling to make sense of the chaos.

Desperation filled Dean as he chased after the creature, determined to save Y/N at any cost. Finally, he caught up with them in a dimly lit warehouse. With adrenaline pumping through him, Dean fought tooth and nail, eventually overpowering the creature and freeing Y/N from its clutches.

But as he cradled Y/N in his arms, her unconscious body limp against him, he couldn't keep his feelings hidden any longer. Tears welled up in his eyes as he whispered heartfelt confessions, not intending for Y/N to hear. He poured out his love for her, begging her to wake up and realize how deeply he cared.

To Dean's surprise, Y/N stirred in his embrace, her eyes fluttering open. A faint smile graced her lips as she looked up at him. She had heard every word. The moment was surreal, and the weight of all the unspoken emotions lifted from both their hearts.

Days later, back at the bunker, Y/N plotted a surprise for Dean. She knew how much he loved his "Dean cave," his personal sanctuary filled with all his favorite things. With a touch of high creativity, Y/N transformed the Dean cave into a romantic hideaway, complete with candles, their favorite snacks, and a cozy atmosphere.

When Dean walked into the room, he was taken aback. The sight before him was beyond anything he could have imagined. Y/N had gone above and beyond to create a perfect date night for them. Happiness swelled within him, knowing that the woman he loved had reciprocated his feelings.

As they settled down for their date night, Dean couldn't help but marvel at how life had changed. The pretend couple act between y/n and Sam had led to real emotions being uncovered, transforming Dean and y/n's friendship into something deeper and more significant. And as they enjoyed their evening together in the Dean cave, they knew their journey had only just begun.

TAGLIST: @k-slla @cevansbaby-dove @kaleldobrev @janineb86 @deans-daydream @alternativeprincess94 @nescavaneck @angelbabyyy99

[queen-of-deans-booty]

I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here: Final Part

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.3k

Warnings: canon angst and violence

Summary: Sam is suffering the effects of the Trials, and it’s up to you and Dean to save him no matter the cost.

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated.

x

You make sure no nurse or doctor comes in while Ezekiel is examining Sam. He places his hand on Sam's chest and he looks inside to see how much damage he has sustained since stopping the trials.

"Are you still able to cure things after the fall?" Dean asks.

"Yes, I should be, but he's so weak."

Dean's phone rings, and he answers it when he doesn't recognize the number.

"Who is this?" His face changes into something you don't recognize, and he motions for you to come outside with him. You bring your kids with you because you don't trust this angel around them. "Cas, what the hell is going on?"

"Castiel? Where are you?" you ask once Dean puts him on speakerphone.

"Metatron tricked me. It wasn't angel trials. It was a spell. I wanted you to know that," he sighs.

You can tell in his voice that he feels so bad about all of this.

"Okay. That's great, but we've got ourselves a problem."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Sam. He's--"

Dean cuts himself off because he can't bring himself to say the words.

"He's dying, Castiel. At first, he was okay, and now he's not. We've been praying to you all night. Where are you?"

"Metatron took my grace. I'm no longer an angel." He gives you a moment to process this before continuing. "Don't worry about me. What are you doing for Sam?"

"Uh, everything I can. There's actually another angel in there working on him right now," Dean says.

"What other angel?"

"His name is Ezekiel. Is he a good one?" you ask.

"Ezekiel. Yes. He's a good soldier. He should be able to help until I get there."

"No, that's not an option. Do not come here," Dean shuts him down. "There are angels out there. They came here looking for you, and they're pissed."

"Not all of them, Dean. Some are just looking for direction. Some are just lost."

"What are you talking about?" you ask.

"I met one. I think I can help her."

"No, Cas, I know you want to help, okay? I do, but helping angels is what got you in trouble in the first place. Now, I'm begging you, for once, look out for yourself. Until we figure out what the hell is going on, trust nobody."

"And do what? Just abandon them all?" Castiel sighs.

"Castiel, listen to what we're saying. There are thousands of angels out there looking for you, and you're human now. That means you bleed, eat, sleep, and all of the things you never had to worry about before."

"I'm fine, Y/N."

You're about to argue some more when the hospital starts shaking as if there is an earthquake.

"What the hell is going on?"

"What's happening?" Castiel asks.

"We have more company. Please, just go to the Bunker and we will figure it out together, okay?"

Dean hangs up the phone, and both of you rush into Sam's room.

"Is that one of yours?" you ask about the hospital shaking.

"Yes, they're trying to secure a vessel. We need to move."

"No, if we move him, he dies."

"If we stay, we could all die."

"Not if we ward the room," you suggest.

Dean grabs the first marker he sees and starts writing Enochian symbols on the walls to keep out the angels trying to come for him. Soon, he has this entire place locked down with symbols so that they can't get inside even if they wanted to.

"So, as long as these are up, no angels are coming in, right? No one's coming out. Are you gonna be okay with these?" Dean asks the angel.

"I'll manage." Ezekiel winces and flinches from a noise you and Dean can't hear. "They're here."

"Okay, you two stay in here and take care of Sam. I'm going to evacuate this hospital. Do not open this door for anyone but me," you say in determination.

"Let me go with you."

"No, Dean, stay here and protect our kids." You turn to Ezekiel with narrowed eyes. "Save Sam."

You kiss Dean quickly before slipping out of the room. The windows on either side of you shatter into tiny pieces, causing the glass to fly toward you. You run down the hallway and protect your face, but every window you pass explodes and sends glass your way. You reach the fire alarm and pull it so that everyone can evacuate the entire hospital.

"Everybody out! Now! Get out!" you yell at everyone.

You rush to the nurses' station and see a woman on the ground. You hold your hand out for her to take, and you help her to her feet.

"Are you okay? You need to get out of here."

You turn to see a man in a farmer's outfit stalking toward you with an angel blade in his hand. You step between him and the woman to protect her, but before you can do anything, the woman punches your head from behind and grabs your throat. She lifts you off the ground and glares at you.

"I'd rather not."

You smirk at her just as your eyes glow bright blue, and you send a blast of magic out from all sides of your body. Both angels are knocked off their feet, and you take off running toward Sam's room which is still warded. The female angel uses her powers on you, and you're slammed into the wall to your right. You groan in pain when your face connects with the shards of glass protruding from the frame of the window.

"Let me make this easy for you," she says as both angels walk toward you. "Tell me where Castiel is, or Sam's gonna wish he were dead."

"Good luck getting past the warding."

"Don't worry, we will." The male angel breaks the glass around a fire axe, and you know he's going to use it by breaking down the door. The female angel hauls you to your feet with fire in her eyes. "When we do, I'm going to strip off all his skin along with that husband of yours and your kids, and you're going to watch."

"Bite me, bitch," you growl.

The female angel punches you to the ground, and you laugh at her attempt to intimidate you. You turn and smile at her with bloody teeth, but you're not fazed by the injuries. You spit out the blood and go to stand up, but the female angel moves to kick you in the stomach.

You grab her leg and slam your elbow down on her kneecap, effectively breaking it. She falls to the ground in a cry of pain, and you crawl over to her and place your hand on her forehead. Your magic kills the angel inside, and her eyes and mouth shine bright with white light. Once she is dead, you look over at the male angel who is trying to break the door down with the axe.

The angel sees his dead friend on the floor, and he figures if he kills you, then he can get inside the room without anyone stopping him. He yanks the axe out of the broken door and stalks over to you.

"Wait, wait, wait," you pant, and he pauses. "I'll tell you where Castiel is. I just have one question for you."

"Ask," he glares.

"If Heaven is locked, then where do you go when I do this?"

With your magic, you create the angel-banishing symbol before slamming your hand onto the symbol. The angel's eyes widen as he is banished from the hospital hallway. When the white light fades, you're alone in the hallway. Joanna's cries can be heard from Sam's room, so you scramble to your feet and enter his room.

"Baby, I'm okay." Sam's monitors are beeping very loudly, and you know that he is dying quickly. "What the hell is happening?"

"This just started. With the warding, I'm afraid I'm weaker than I thought," Ezekiel sighs. Dean grabs the same marker and starts crossing off the symbols to give the angel his strength back. "I'm so sorry, Dean and Y/N."

"No, we had a deal! I fight, you save! Save him, please," you beg.

"I would if I could. I'm afraid it's too late."

"Are you kidding me? Are you saying there's no way to save my brother's life?"

"No good ways."

"What are the bad ones?" You and Dean make eye contact, and he sighs. "We're out of options here, Y/N. Good or bad, let me hear them."

"I cannot promise, but there is a chance I can fix your brother from the inside."

"From the inside? Do you mean possession? You want to possess Sam?" you gasp.

"I told you, no good options."

"The only way he can is if Sam says yes. How can he say yes if he won't wake up?" you wonder.

"Sam would never let an angel possess him. He'd rather die," Dean sighs.

Ezekiel, despite the pain he is in, gets to his feet. He waves his hands over the monitors which silences them.

"I'll give you two some time alone with him."

He starts to walk toward the door, but before he can leave, Dean stops him.

"Wait... If I consider this, and I mean consider it, I need you to tell me how bad he is."

Ezekiel walks over to Sam and places a hand on his forehead before touching Dean's. You place your hand on Dean's shoulder so that whatever Ezekiel is doing to Dean, he'll do to you. Much like the last time you went into Sam's head, you're transported from the hospital room into a cabin of sorts.

You're inside Sam's head, and he's not alone. You and Dean walk down the hallway and peek inside the living room to see Sam talking to Death himself.

"I must admit, when I heard it was you I had to come myself."

"I bet you get off on this," Sam scoffs.

"Perhaps, but not in the way you assume. I consider it to be quite the honor to be collecting the likes of Sam Winchester. I try so hard not to pass judgment at times like this, but well done."

"I need to know one thing." Sam takes Death's silence as a sign to continue. "If I go with you, can you promise that this time it will be final? That if I'm dead, I stay dead? Nobody can reverse it, nobody can deal it away, and nobody else can get hurt because of me."

"I can promise that."

Ezekiel removes you and Dean from his head since he doesn't have enough juice to keep you in there. Sam is ready to die. He is going to die, and his nieces won't get the chance to get to know him.

"What the hell are you doing, Sam?" Dean sighs.

"Dean, if you don't want him to die, then Ezekiel has to do this. It's your call. He's your brother," you say softly.

"How will it work?"

"Mutual benefit, I suppose. I heal Sam while healing myself."

"What happens when he is healed?" you ask.

"I leave. It's the best of a bad situation."

"Even if I said yes, it doesn't mean shit. Sam will never say yes, not to you."

"He would say yes to you," Ezekiel says. "All I need is a yes from you, and let me do the rest."

"Yes."

Ezekiel closes his eyes as he concentrates on talking to Sam. You're not sure what he's doing to him, but before you know it, the angel is expelled from his former host and into Sam.

"Come on, girls. We're leaving," you say knowing Sam will wake up.

The man who used to have Ezekiel in him collapses to the ground, and at the same time, Sam wakes up. In order to escape and not have to deal with the authorities you know are coming, you need to leave right now.

As soon as Sam is safe to walk on his own, you three escape with the kids before the authorities can come. The doctors rush back into the hospital to tend to their patients, but they don't pay you any mind.

"So? How's it look in there?" Dean asks.

"Not good. There is much work to be done."

"He's going to wake up, right?" you ask.

"He will."

"So, when he does, is he going to feel you in there?"

"He will not feel me, no. There is no reason for Sam to know I'm in here at all."

You and Dean look at each other in confusion as you reach the car.

"You have to be joking. He needs to know you're there."

"What will he do if you tell him he is possessed by an angel? Without his acceptance, Sam can eject me at any time, especially with me so weak. If Sam does eject me, he will die."

"Fine," Dean sighs, "we will keep this a secret for right now. Only until Sam is strong enough to be on his own. As for him being in a hospital, I'll have to figure something out."

"I can erase it all if you like. He will not remember any of this."

You hate lying to Sam especially when he doesn't trust you and Dean completely anyway. You know he will be pissed about this, but you don't have any other choice. You need Sam. Your kids need him. Dean needs his brother.

After everyone gets into the car, Dean makes his way back to the bunker. It's well into the night when you get to the halfway point, and that's when Sam wakes up. He is not Ezekiel, but Sam.

"Where are we?" Sam gasps, jerking awake.

"Whoa, Sam, take it easy," you say from the back seat. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Like I slept for a week."

"Well, try a day. You've been out since the sky was spitting angels."

"What the hell happened?" he groans.

"What do you remember?"

"The church, feeling like shit, the angels falling, and that's it."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Have you been driving around with me passed out for a day?"

"Oh, I mean, I stopped and let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures. Nobody got too handsy," Dean jokes. "I knew you'd pull through. I meant what I said at the church. You're capable of anything, Sam, and hell if you didn't prove me right."

"Good," Sam nods. "We got work to do."

You sigh and lean your head on the back of the seat. Something's telling you having this angel inside Sam isn't the best idea.

x

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[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

Sam's self-righteous speech to Crowley when he was trying to kill Crowley using Rowena's hex bag was just not it

I thought it was fair for Sam to rant about how upset he is that Crowley killed those he cared about. But that whole spiel about Crowley's good not mattering? That talk about Crowley being a monster? It would be a fine speech if Sam applied that to himself. It would be okay if Sam also considered himself to be a monster. It would be okay if Sam also thought his good did NOT matter. If Sam wasn't such a hypocrite that speech would be fine

Hell remember when Demon!Dean said this to Sam?

Don’t be so full of yourself, Sammy. ‘Cause, see, from where I’m sitting … There ain’t much difference from what I turned into to what you already are.

And

I know what you did when you went looking for me. I know how far you went. Crowley told me all about it. So let me ask you … which one of us is really a monster? Hmm? Starting to come back to you now?

And

Who cares what you meant?! That line that we thought was so clear between us and the things that we hunted, ain’t so clear is it? Wow. You might actually be worse than me! I mean, you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work.

Then lets not forget Soulless Sam's crimes. If being souless is a justifiable excuse then so is being a demon. Both soulless and being a demon have very very very similar effects on the person's ability to feel empathy. If Sam's good he did matters even after his crimes soulless. If Sam isn't a monster even after his crimes soulless then Crowley is the same because being a demon is very very very similar to being soulless in terms of empathy

I think what Crowley did as a human was really terrible and he doesn't get the "was a demon" excuse BUT we all know that Sam was NOT talking about human Crowley during his rant while he tried to kill Crowley so that's not really a factor in this post

I love Crowley and I do think he needed to be told off BUT I don't think Sam hypocrite Winchester was the right person to do that. You know the person who had a right to call Crowley out? His son Gavin. If anyone had the right to rant and rave about how terrible Crowley was it was Gavin. Sam hypocrite Winchester can eff right off

[orsonke]

if you’re hearing ARE YOU SATISFIED by MARINA playing, you have to know ORSON KE (HE/HIM; TRANSMASCULINE) is near by! the TWENTY TWO year old NHL PLAYER has been in denver for, like, NINE MONTHS. they’re known to be quite INTENSE, but being AMBITIOUS seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble CHELLA MAN. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those RESTLESS FINGERS, FEELING THE BASS IN YOUR CHEST, WELL WORN JERSEY/HOODIE COMBO vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RIVER NORTH ARTS DISTRICT long enough! 

BASICS

full name: orson ryan ke

age: twenty two (born august nineteenth)

gender: transmasculine

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: gay

ethnicity: chinese, ashkenazi jewish

nationality: american

occupation: left wing for the colorado avalanches (nhl)

BACKGROUND

grew up in minneapolis to divorced parents, who were the most incompatible people ever, though it was only really started to show when they had orson. they disagreed heavily on how to raise a child, and ended up splitting when he was only three years old. his whole life was spent in two deeply different worlds.

his mother, a criminal lawyer, believes that "you don't need to be your child's friend," and so never attempted to connect with him really. she pushed him hard in school, sports, music, but never showed much care into who he was, or if he was okay, believing that you should never settle, always striving for more no matter the cost, and so ended up being very critical in everything, even the things he did well.

his father, on the other hand, had never been the driven sort, a trust fund baby who was perfectly content living on other people's coattails. he was more focused on his own life than really being involved in orson's. more casual friends than father and child, only showing a polite interest in what he was doing. when the going got tough, his father was more likely to leave him to figure it out for himself, if he even realized there was a problem at all.

it seemed that no matter what he did, he couldn't satisfy either of his parents, who both saw a reflection of the parent in him. seeking approval elsewhere, he started playing hockey when he was ten. it was a godsend, and not just because he was talented on the ice. a community of people who needed him. his parents didn't get, his father was never a sports guy, and his mom thought he didn't have the focus to commit to a sport.

orson has spent his entire career trying to win their approval, not that he's realized it. ever hungry for success, part of why he's become so good is that feeling that things he do are never good enough. he's always training, often at expense of any sort of social life.

this became clear during college. scouted by university of michigan, he spent his four years in college either training or studying (since his mom would never accept anything less than dean's list). when most people were discovering themselves, he was dedicating himself to his craft.

last summer he graduated, promptly joining the colorado avalanches. in a completely new place, with a completely different team, orson is painfully aware of how lost he feels outside of hockey. filling his time outside of it with elaborate parties, meaningless flings, he puts on a front that is very different than who he really is, but there are times where he feels like he doesn't know who that person really is.

PLATONIC

orson is very social, though not always the most friendly. he can be a little full of himself, but if you can stomach it, he's a pretty good friend. an extrovert, he prefers to be with other people than by himself, so he's always spending time with one friend or another (when he's not spending time with the team). however, he's not very good at letting him get close to him, and very rarely talks about what's bothering him. this leads to some (most) friendships feeling superficial, though he wants something deeper.

ROMANTIC

in short, orson is terrible at relationships. past the casual stage, he is far too focused on his career, and can be inadvertently critical of his partners. in the casual stage, he can be a fun partner, though again not very serious about the relationship, or even the other person's feelings.

ANTAGONISTIC

orson can very an abrasive personality, seemingly arrogant and unconcerned with other people. those not charmed by his smiles or talents or wealth find him annoying, two dimensional, and a vapid athlete. always defensive, orson doesn't try to win over those who don't like him, preferring always to poke the bear and win.

MISCELANOUS

orson is deaf, with 40% hearing loss. he wears hearing aids, and can speak, but also uses asl

very, very competitive in literally everything. the kind of guy to race you to the end of the street for literally no reason.

very into fashion, but mostly streetwear. more money than sense, he sometimes wears the ugliest outfits you've ever seen but swears they are fire

[samanddeanloveeachothersomuch]

Dean. The person who I walked towards first and was my first word. Who taught me how to read and write. Who always comforted me after nightmares. Who always made sure I was given food, clothes, and everything I needed before he worried about himself. Who always made my well-being, whether it be emotional or physical, his top priority. Who tried his hardest all throughout our childhood to juggle being a good son and raising me and always picked me in one way or another. Who often listened to our dad for me, because he didn't want to be sent away or knew that going against dad's orders had gotten me hurt before and he never wanted it to happen again. Who never treated me like a burden or responsibility when I took his childhood but instead protected me because he chose to, not because he was told to by dad. Who protected me from any threat from bullies to supernatural creatures. Who chose to hang out with me over girls or going to parties. Who tried his hardest to give me a real childhood by letting me believe in the Easter Bunny until I was twelve, protecting me from hunting for as long as he could, and letting me participate in theater and coming to my shows when no one else would. Who let me be different and tried to support me even though the thought of me leaving for college was painful. Who never abandoned me and always came back. Who tried to safeguard my innocence and helped me have a more optimistic view of life. Who never gave up on me and always forgave me no matter what I did or how badly I messed up. Who never tried to change my more caring and gentle nature. Who let me cry and fall apart and let me have chick-flick moments when I needed them. Who I've always looked up to and counted on and always call on when I'm hurt or in trouble. Who has always tried to fix everything for me. Who has always seen me more pure and good than I've ever seen myself. Who has always done whatever was necessary to bring me back no matter the cost. Who has never lost faith in me. Who has chosen me over everyone and everything including the world. Who feels guilty every time I get hurt. Who was always there for me no matter what. Who would let the world burn for me and would burn the world for me. Who has always calmed me down. Who feels my pain so much it becomes his pain. Who has gotten me through every loss because as long as he is alive everything will be okay. Who has always brought me back to myself. Who has seen me and excepted me in every state. Who is the only person I've ever fully trusted. Who saves me. Who is my everything and reason for living. Who is my Heaven. Who has gotten me through everything in life no matter what it was. Who has never let me down. Who puts me above his own life and well-being. Who has always been proud of me. Who is my best friend, brother, and soulmate but also my parent. Who raised me. Who loves me and forgives me unconditionally. My big brother. Dean.

[peacespun]

there was blood on his hands.      literally and figuratively.      he bleeds from open cuts over his arm from scraping against sharp metal in the rubble.     it runs down the palms of his hands,      over busted knuckles and the wounds over his fingers as he dug and dug and dug.      it soaked him down to the bone,      that figurative kind.      so many had followed him into this battle and never made it out.     he made the call and thousands answered at the cost of their lives and he couldn't bring any of them home.      he couldn't bring dean home.

and that was what upset him the most,      there was nothing left to bring back of people he cared most about,      those who would haunt his dreams.      poe was there for days combing through the wreckage for survivors,      for anyone.     for dean.      he looked through everything,      in places he knew that nobody could have survived,      and found nothing.     part of him knew it was a lost cause at the start,      but he had to try.      dean wouldn't give up on him.      he owed him that much.     in the end,     it didn't matter what he wanted.     he already stayed for a week longer than he should have,      with the crews who picked apart the fallen starships for spare parts,      the ground crews who spent day and night in the rubble looking for anything or anyone they could,      but he didn't get to stay despite his protest.      none of them did.      poe was ordered back to ajan kloss and the remaining crews were pulled out of exogul against general poe's order to stay.      he was drowning in his grief.      he wanted one thing.      one thing to bury,     to give dean the peace he deserved.      exogul was abandoned.

each day was harder than the last.      they held a funeral.     names and faces of those lost in the battle were displayed with holograms across a large room.      it still felt empty.      there were no caskets,     nothing to bury.     nothing save the memories and names carved into a plaque that would inevitably be placed with the rest of their fallen.     he knew many of the faces that hovered over each cold piece of metal.      some he shared laughs with,     some he looked up to in many ways,      others who guided him and allowed him to stand where he does now despite its weight.     leia.     but it nearly killed him to look at dean's,     he almost couldn't meet the hologram's eyes when he looked up at it and saw him:   brave jedi.      and worse,      he could have sworn that he looked back at him.     then there was nothing holding him together anymore.      he cracked.      poe was supposed to speak over them,       to the crowd that mourned the loss of friends and family,      but he couldn't...   he couldn't say goodbye.

it got worse as the days went on,      none of the other generals entertained him long enough for him to plead his case.      we cannot bleed resources,      is what they said in the beginning and certainly what they believed now.      poe tried all that he could,       each reason he could think to go back.       he had half a mind to steal an x-wing,      his x-wing,      and go himself.      but he knew that he couldn't,      not really and not because he cared about the consequences of uncleared missions.      if he found dean and,     by some miracle,      he were to be alive,      he wouldn't have the means or the resources to help him survive the trip back home.      he needed a doctor,      medicine,      a team to be with him in case they did find him.      or anyone else.      but convincing others of survivors after all this time,      especially considering the elements on exogul,     proved fruitless.      poe was seeing more of dean everywhere,      hearing him speak to him somewhere between dreams and waking hours,     beg for him to come help him.      it only fed his need to find him.

it took longer than he wanted,      weeks after the last time they met,      but poe finally managed to convince at least one of the other generals to free him of responsibilities for a day,      all he asked was for a day,      so he could go back one more time.     i need to bring him home,      he'd said,      please... i won't be able to sleep until i do.      he recognized that it was out of pity that any one of them let him go,     pity and probably annoyance,     but poe didn't care because he took his last chance immediately after being released.     

just as he doesn't care about the blood on his hands that makes it a little harder to grip over certain surfaces,      how he nearly slips when he descends deeper into the rubble because he lost his grip for a moment.      the team that he brought with him were several paces behind him,      as well as the doctor who shouted for him to wait for them as he continued ahead.     he couldn't wait.     he doesn't know what it is but he feels drawn forward,      can almost feel something guiding him,     as if he knows exactly where to go.          "   dean's down here,      i know it!   "          he has to be.

and he was.      exactly where he knew he would be.     there is a flat spot beside him where poe finds himself kneeling,      gently reaching to cup deans cheeks in both of his hands.     he's in an awful state,      poe can barely recognize him with the color almost gone from him and blood still marking his skin.      hot tears are spilling over his cheeks,      he brings himself forward to touch his forehead to deans.         "   you're alive.   "         it sounds like disbelief at first,      but then he says it again and its more sure,      something between a sob and a whisper.         "  i found him!   "         he called to the others.     the first of which to come through the hole poe had wriggled through had been the doctor,      who quickly shrugs off his bag and gathers everything he needs.

"   i found you,   "          he says gently,      placing a kiss at the crown of his head.          "   you're coming home.   "          then he is more or less shoved out of the way when the doctor comes closer to start his work.      poe does what he can for him,      what the doctor requests,      and the rest of those that followed behind them had started to clear a path to get dean out.    it took some work and more than a few cuts and bruises along the way back out,      but they got him.      he was safe,     he was going home,     and poe would never once leave his side.     from the time he found him,     to getting back onboard the ship,     to getting him to the hospital where he would be treated for injuries and the state he was in from exposure,      poe never left.       not until he was forced to by the medical staff who separated them before poe could follow behind him through the surgical bay.      then it was another waiting game.

the hours ticked by like centuries.      one,   then two,   then four...   all he could do to keep himself from going insane was pace.    up and down the hall,    circles around the ward over and over again.      people tried talking to him,      he was almost sure,      but he kept chewing on his nail,      absent,      pacing.      before the nightmare was finally over and a doctor approached him slowly,      chart in hand.     he explained the details of deans condition,     the surgery and how well it had gone,       the complications that arose and how from this point forward,      "he should heal nicely,   all things considered.   but take it slow with him,   he's going to need a lot of rest."

the next words to fall out of his mouth after that had been:   can i see him?      to which the doctor nodded softly and led the way.      the room was quiet save for rhythmic beep of a monitor somewhere,      the shuffle of poe's own feet against the floor when he moved to a chair at dean's bedside and rests.      he certainly looked better than before,      the color was slowly coming back to him.

he doesn't know how long its been now.      a few hours,      a few days?     could it have been weeks?      poe didn't rest as much as some may have wished for him since bringing him here.      it didn't matter that he was safe,      that he was in the best hands that poe could think of,    the fear in him that all of this could've been no more than a dream wouldn't allow him to shut his eyes.      he was alert and watching the steady rise and fall of deans chest from moment one,    waiting for this exact moment to happen,       when @bledgrace starts to stir.

poe leans forward in his seat and gently traces his thumb over deans knuckles.      his hands have been bandaged since coming home from exogul,      a nurse had helped him with that when he was waiting for news about dean.     there is a long but careful sigh in relief that escapes him,    just before he leans more and gently places a kiss over deans fingers.          "   hey tiger.   "

[hekate1308]

Present Blessings, A Drowley Advent Calendar, December 22

Masterpost

Read it on AO3

Unluckily, but perhaps unsurprisingly, Dean soon found a new way of coping with the knowledge that he would probably never use the wings he was trying to earn, or at the very least not voluntarily.

Maybe Crowley should have foreseen this, but in truth, he for once had not cared to wonder what was going on, and instead gone with his gut, which he really should have knowns was not a good idea…

God damn it, but it had felt good to make Dean smile.

Not that it mattered.

And so, he came into the kitchen the next morning to find breakfast already done – in itself unusual, since he liked to chat with Crowley while he cooked – and instead focusing on a notebook lying in front of him. Crowley had quickly realized that he preferred those to any other devices, which was more endearing than it should be.

Dean was also wearing a suit like he would for work, as opposed to the t-shirt and jeans he preferred at home. (Crowley’s home. Obviously).

“Good morning” he said carefully, since he had no idea what was going on.

“Good morning” Dean replied, and for some reason, it made a shiver run down his spine. Not because his tone was impolite, or because he was unfriendly – no, it just felt as if Dean was… cold. Yes, cold. Just focused on moving on and getting things done.

Crowley knew that attitude. Admittedly, he himself had shown it several time in his life, and it had ultimately cost him more than it had been wroth it.

“SO here is the plan” Dean then announced and he feared the worst.

“Seems to me like you and Gavin are getting along already, so that’s not my problem anymore” and just like that, Crowley knew this had not been Dean’s idea. This didn’t fit with the angel he had come to know at all. Granted, he could just have pretended that he was interested in humans and life in general, but that didn’t seem right to Crowley – no, this was Dean pretending, he was sue.

“so now…”

“We should have breakfast” he interrupted him.

Dean stiffened. “Angels don’t need sustenance.”

Now he most definitely knew he was pretending, because Dean loved food, especially food he had cooked himself. “Somehow, this has never stopped you before.”

“Yes, but it should have…”

And just like that, he guessed. He couldn’t have grown up with his mother and not known. “Has John been in contact?”

Dean wouldn’t meet his eyes as he said coldly, “I don’t know what you mean. Now, another necessary thing for a functional human being is a roman –“

Apart from the fact that he was not interested in a romantic relationship – if one didn’t count – but no – he wasn’t going to – he wasn’t – this was clearly not an option why was he even – he had to focus. Focus on Dean. That was probably not the healthiest thing to do either, but right now, he had an angel in a crisis on his hand, and that was what mattered. “So what did he tell you?” He had often found that, even if people denied something, when once confronted with it properly, they were more than likely to tell the truth because they had no idea what else to do, and not everyone was automatically wired to lie like Crowley himself. He simply supposed that angels weren’t, either.

And he was right. Dean’s shoulders slumped and he very quietly said, “I thought – I thought if I told the truth, I might… well… you know… I figured… points for honesty, or whatever you want to call it.”

Yes that was all nice in theory, and one liked to believe it was true, only it rarely ever was, was it. Because in the end, people tended to react negatively to things they didn’t want to hear, and the truth was very often one of those things.

“But he just – blew up on me.”

And that was another story that was all too familiar. Blowing up on someone, accusing them of ruining the plans one had laid, and then perhaps drunken screaming about their father and what –

This wasn’t about Crowley he reminded himself. “And I assume he instructed you to keep to the original plan from now on?”

Dean nodded miserably. “I didn’t even use salt for this” he said, indicating the omelet, “Because John said it’s not supposed to taste nice.”

So Crowley decided at this very moment that he had enough of John, and that it was perhaps time to treat Dean to something nice (again, he very much wouldn’t think about why he wanted to do any of that). “Let’s go out for breakfast, then.”

Dean raised his head. “But we’ll be late for work.”

“Well, work isn’t everything.”

Did he just say that? Fergus Crowley? What in –

“Alright, then.” And Dean actually smiled at him. “Just a moment – “ And he snapped his fingers returning to his beloved t-shirt and jeans combo.

Crisis averted, it seemed.

[shallowseeker]

So, @dawg-motif I've been thinking about stitching your Nature and Nurture and Greed threads together...

Emotions are the ammunition to Jack-as-WMD

Yes, Jack is the Chicken and the Snake, and that dual nature contributes to his Greed and ability to act on that Greed in a way that feels almost like rigging a casino. (We see other cosmic beings associated to gambling houses: Chuck is associated to casinos, Amara likes keno, and Cas likes riverboat gambling.)

So, Jack's Nature is the Snake, and the snake eats and acts in accordance with its Nature, but it's his Nurture gives him things to care about so very, very deeply.

The circumstances of his birth are isolating and tragic, and that makes him both hungry for love and ruthless when it comes to protecting those he cares about.

I think the tragedy of this is that his Nurture is giving his Nature things to come unhinged about, and that's how you get things like Jack choking out a minimum-wage gas station worker.

///

I think too about Dean lamenting in vintage SPN, that "the things he'd do to protect Dad and Sam scare him sometimes."

Cut to Good Intentions, where Cas casts off his coat of humanity, to tell Donatello, "I can't let you hurt the ones I love. Not again."

Emotions give you a lot to lose. They bring out the best in you; they bring out the worst in you.

///

Loneliness is the Worst Torture Imaginable

If Jack is greedy like the Snake, then he wants the Chicken's Earthly delights in an Immortal way. He doesn't want to be alone, ever. It's the immortal's dilemma: What's the use of being a cosmic being if he's going to end up alone?

The mortal changes irrevocably when he finds something to live for, in rebellion of his impending doom. But maybe the immortal changes irrevocably when he finds something to die for, in rebellion of his horrific endlessness.

Despite having experienced humanity, Jack is definitely embodying the dilemma of the immortal here.

///

You're all I have

I think Jack's outsider status exacerbates this, because he just doesn't have a lot outside of hunting.

He laments in 13x06 Tombstone:

JACK: No, you don't… Every time I try and do something good, people get hurt. I thought I was getting better. I'm not… I don't know what I am, but I know I can't make the world a better place, not like this. I can't even do one good thing. And I know that if I stay, I'm gonna hurt you. All of you. And… I can't. You're all I have.

And in 14x14 Ouroboros:

JACK: What is the good of having these powers if I can't help the people that I love, if I can't help them when they need it? CAS: Jack -- JACK: It's selfish of me not to. ...

ROWENA/MICHAEL: You think you can match me, boy? This power you have now -- it's nothing, just a crutch. How dare you! Burning off your soul? You'll run out soon enough. JACK: It's worth the cost.

//

And it's not for lack of trying. He tries to make friends and winds up stabbing one of them in the gut. He goes to a hotel in Dodge City, and Hell sweeps in behind him and kills the attendants that had served him, just weeks later.

Hell and Heaven have both been on ass from the moment he was born.

///

But ultimately, he is become like Claire Novak, re: Jody's fears for her in 11x12 Don't You Forget About Me:

JODY: You know I've got nothing against hunting. But if she's hiding in it, because she doesn't have anything else? I'm just - worried about her being so alone. [DEAN nods, looking wistful.]

///

When backed into a corner, Jack bites

Due to the circumstances of his birth, Jack's world is small, and to make matters worse, its members are cursed. Its inhabitants are incredibly vulnerable due to their bondage in service of entertaining cruel, divine entities.

And so, he consumes himself, giving up his ability to love in a desperate attempt to keep everyone safe, greedily herding everyone into his chosen safe harbor.

But as a result, he's damaged irrevocably. In an echo of MoC!Dean, MoL-brainwashed!Mary, demon-blood-infested!Sam, and Godstiel, he risks destroying the very things he'd sacrificed himself to protect. The Ouroboros is the divine consuming the soul.

He becomes the Ouroboros.

hi shal !!! so I was thinking about ouroboros (daily occurrence) and realized that the snake/chicken symbolism for jack destroying his soul could also double as symbolism for his choice to kill Michael. for starters, Cas says the story is meant to be a cautionary tale about greed, before leading into their conversation about dealing with loss; Jack pointedly says he hates to think about losing Sam and Dean, and that having to cope with their eventual loss sounds awful to him. and then it segues into him making the extremely impulsive and dangerous decision to destroy his soul and save them, despite being constantly told of the consequences and risks posed by his soul depleting.

within the episode, the chicken/snake symbolism is framed as — “Is Jack the chicken hard boiling her own egg to save the other ones, or is he the snake eating an egg out of his own nature and hunger and choking on it?” — but I think it can also be interpreted as “Is Jack killing Michael because he wants to save his family, or is he killing Michael because it’s a natural compulsion to kill,” (especially considering that Jack hates Michael with a soul-burning passion).

feel free to let this marinate, I know it’s a lot to drop on you suddenly and I know you’ve got things going on that are far more important! (saw in another ask you’re headed for another surgery, so good luck and good recovery! ཐི❤︎ཋྀ)

Conversations about Loss

I love that conversation between Cas and Jack. When Jack spirals, the 🎶musical track even goes off-key,🎶and it's very unsettling indeed. Jack is tortured by the thought of losing his family. ->"What's the point of being a cosmic being if everyone I care about is just gonna leave?"

Aside// Another interesting facet of that conversation is that, although Cas is gently preparing Jack for the inevitability of loss, he won't even allow himself to go there about Dean, not really. -> "So when Dean wakes up -- and he will wake up -- we just have to remember to appreciate the time that we all have together now."

///

Nature vs Nurture

To your larger point, I think what you're asking is if I think the chicken/egg/snake analogy can be applied to a cosmic thread of Nature Vs Nurture, right?

I think yes.

This is a thread that was introduced with Jack in his very first episodes, with Donatello (13x02):

DONATELLO: Ah. The nature versus nurture conundrum. DONATELLO pats DEAN and SAM’s shoulders.] Oh. Speaking not as a prophet but as a scientist, I don’t think teaching him is in the cards. It’s like asking a lion not to be a lion.

Again, in Meredith's scripted version of the human-angelic divide in Good Intentions (13x14 script only):

AU ZACHARIAH: Jack is the key to the other side. It's just-- humans, have such a primitive response to fear. Maybe he takes after his lesser side--

Again, in Meredith's scripted version of the Cas dialogue in Good Intentions (13x14 script only):

CAS: The only way I was able to outmaneuver him and escape was by trusting my instincts, relying on my angel nature, instead of pretending to be something I'm not…

And then there's Bobby talking about how angels, forces of Nature and emanations of War, are destined to turn on humans (13x14):

BOBBY: Look, Mary, when this all started, when Lucifer and his demon army rose out of Hell, we thought the angels were on our side. But one by one, they turned on us. He will, too. It’s just a matter of time.

///

The hard thing, the ugly thing

I'll add to this later, but I'm specifically thinking about how Cas moves to "do the ugly brutal things, so Sam and Dean don't have to." He consistently positions himself as the one who is more willing to do the necessary evils that even they cannot stomach.

Jack is a step above that, but he too moves to shield. He leans into doing the hard thing, but at the expense of his own self and family life. It's a metaphor for war, and how that sunders you from a life of love and comfort.

We get this echoed at lower levels, too, how Sam and Dean do the "hard thing, the ugly thing," so human civilians don't have to. (I believe it's a quote from Atomic Monsters in season 15, but I don't have that on hand).

They're each on their own level of war within the cosmic hierarchy. (Ordinary life -> Hunting life -> Men of Letters life -> angelic war -> archangels & gods)

///

The nature of the Ouroboros

I think all of these conversations can be applied to the nurture versus nature dilemma, as well as the chicken/egg/snake one.

Jack is characterized by a dualistic nature: he's both predator and prey, angel and human, heavenly and primitive, lion-coded and nurturing. I think he absolutely struggles with simultaneous bloodlust and the need to protect.

The war within leads to this tendency to self-annihilate, I think. He's not just the chicken or just the snake; he's like the ouroboros itself, eating its own tail in perpetuity as a doomed immortal, dying and coming back to life, like a zombie.

I'm reminded, too, that Jack's quintessential fetal episode (12x19) is filled with circle motifs, like Cas using his hand to complete Dean's circle. But Jack is intrinsically a complete circle without any aid from others; he's Heaven and Earth.

I'll ponder on it over the next few days and get back to you, but above are the motifs that come to mind when trying to stitch these two concepts together!

///

addendum:

Greed

PLACEHOLDER from comments @dawg-motif:

oh I also forgot to add, if this was meant to be a story of greed and jack IS meant to embody the greedy snake alongside the chicken, could him destroying his soul to save or “keep” his family be the greed in question?

REFERENCE: The story of the chicken and the snake:

Noah: Have you ever heard the story of the black snake? Once there was a crafty black snake who kept eating this poor chicken's eggs. She couldn't watch them all the time, you see? The black snake would wait until she was gone and then slide one of the eggs into his mouth and crush it in his throat. Now, this went on until there was only one egg left. But when the chicken left that egg, just for a moment, the snake swallowed it up. But for some reason, he couldn't crush it in his throat. The chicken had hard-boiled her final egg just to choke the snake. And the snake died. Castiel: Why are you telling this story? Noah: [ Chuckles ] Because I can't quite tell if he's the chicken or the snake.

///

Jack: What does it mean? Castiel: It's a story about greed mostly. But I guess it's also -- it's also about being willing to give up the thing you love in order to kill the thing you hate. Jack: He said that he didn't know if I was the chicken or the snake. Castiel: Does that -- Dean. (Just then Jack and Cas hear noises and find Dean in Sickbay tearing it apart)

Is the story of the chicken and the snake really about greed, or is it more to do with the specific type of hunger? That is, it could be about the hunger needed to stay alive and keep your loved ones alive, and so it leads to a kind of warped altruism.

Greed is defined as the immoderate love or desire for riches and earthly possessions. A person can also be greedy for fame, attention, power, or anything else that feeds one's selfishness. As a deadly sin, greed is believed to spur other sins and further immoral behavior.

We recall the words Cas has about famine from 5x14:

SAM: I thought famine meant starvation, like as in, you know, food. CASTIEL: Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something--Sex, attention, drugs, love... DEAN: Well, that explains the puppy-lovers that Cupid shot up. CASTIEL: Right. The cherub made them crave love, and then Famine came, and made them rabid for it.

TBD // discussion

[softie-rain]

Prom?

pairings: jason dean x gen!reader

warnings: mention of murder, allusion to domestic violence and jokes about suicide

summary: it's always been a dream of yours to go to prom with your boyfriend, and when you finally get one you think your dream will come true. Too bad your boyfriend is Jason Dean.

a/n: is this going to get not even one note because it's jd and i never wrote about him? yes. do i care? no. i loved writing this and i will write more even if you don't want bye

please forgive me if it's a bit out of character

Any spam likers will be blocked. If you like what you read, REBLOG.

Dating someone like Jason Dean wasn't easy. At all. 

There were days where you two would simply hang out together in your room, just laying side by side on your bed talking about nothing. 

Other when you'd hang out in his room, planning murder. It may have sounded weird, but it was fine by you as long as you knew and agreed who he was killing. 

Then there were some days, the worst, where JD would come to school with small bruises on his arms and/or face. "He did it again?" You would try to ask him, fully aware of what his father did to him. 

"Did what?" He always acted like you didn't know anything. He wanted to keep you safe, at any cost. And so you simply smiled tenderly at him and kissed him just wanting him to feel loved, knowing how much he needed that.

But no matter what day it was, a good or a bad one, of one thing you were sure: he hated prom. You made this discovery when you brought up the subject a couple of weeks ago, since that event was coming around a few days, thinking it would have been a cute idea to go together.

He bursted out laughing. 

"You're so funny y/n, love." He suddenly stopped running his hand through your hair and looked seriously at you. "You were kidding right?" You shook your head and tried to hide your disappointment as you answered him. "Obviously I was joking. Us? Prom? Please." 

You had already asked your mom to buy the dress. You wanted to bury yourself alive. 

"Just to know… Why don't you wanna go?" You asked, and he scrunched his nose. "It's stupid. Prom is like a celebration of Hell that someone decided to call school, where a bunch of horny teenagers just decide to dress up all cool to forget their problems by grinding on other horny teenagers like it's dirty dancing or some shit." You nodded. You didn't agree with him, going to the prom with your date has always been a dream of yours.

And you knew it may have sounded childish, but you didn't care. I mean, everyone loves to go to Prom right?

Not JD. 

Now, you had no idea if he noticed your slight sadness at his answer or if he didn't, but you never spoke about it again. Until today at least.

You were walking out of school, when Veronica surprised you from behind. "Guess who?" She said, in a high pitched voice. You chuckled. "You turned into Heather, Veronica?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe. So… What are you wearing next Saturday?" She winked at you. Saturday. Prom. 

You gave her a look that spoke more than all the words you could have used. "JD doesn't want to uh?"

"He literally cried from how hard he was laughing. Jason Dean. Laughing."

"C'mon, he did laugh at other times."

"I know. That's not the point Ronnie." 

She gave you a sympathetic look. "I'm sure you'll do something just as exciting." You raised an eyebrow. "Highly doubt that. For Mr. Dean, it's just another normal day." 

"Ah, I thought my ears were ringing." 

Your boyfriend appeared, hugging you from behind. "Hey JD." You said softly. "Well I'm leaving you two alone. I'll call you later y/n." Veronica left and so there you were, standing in front of your school with Jason. "Come on, I'll give you a ride home." He took your hand and, without waiting for an answer, he led you to his bike. 

The ride was silent and comforting. It always was with him. He had the gift of being able to put you at ease whatever you did together. Then suddenly, he stopped. You were at the 7/11. Typical. "Wait here. Cherry?"

"As usual." 

You weren't mad that he didn't want to go to the prom. Really, you weren't. Dating meant that both the partners needed to be happy, and if going made JD sad or uncomfortable, in some way, then you had to come to terms with it. Besides, who said that you couldn't dance alone, on your own? 

Maybe you could go on a date. Planning something special, like a pic-nic or- "y/n?" You turned around when you heard Jason calling you. When you saw him, he was helding a white paper, written in big font: PROM? 

Your eyes widened, not believing what you were reading. You kept staring at him and the paper for at least ten minutes, until he spoke. "I think you need to give me an answer, love." You were speechless. "I don't understand, I thought you said… I thought you… hated it." You stuttered, unsure of what to say. 

He rolled his eyes in a playful way. "Oh trust me, I still do. I think it's a stupid thing to do, and if it was for me I would never go. But I know you do want to." You put on a look to tell him that you didn't, and he was imagining it. But he knew better. "Y/n please, I know you. Going to that ball would make you the happiest you've been in a while. And if in order to make you happy that means I have to sacrifice one night and go dancing in the gym, then so be it." He put down the paper and offered you the slushy he was helding with one hand. 

"So here I am, asking you to come with me in front of the most romantic place I know." You chuckled, and he grinned in response. "Yeah, I'd really like to go to prom with you." He smiled and leaned in to kiss you.  

You happily reciprocated it, more than happy to have someone like JD in your life.

Finally he brought you back home, and when you offered him to come with you he declined. "You probably have a lot of shopping to do anyway." He winked at you, and he was about to leave when you stopped him. "What made you change your mind?" You asked him. He looked at you for a moment, then lifted his hand to caress your cheek.

"I'd literally do anything to make you happy. You always take care of me when I don't even ask for help, when I don't want it. But you don't care, you keep helping me and cover my bruises in the most caring and affectionate ways. Going to Prom is the least I could do for you." You were fluttered at his explanation, and terribly happy that he appreciated it when you helped him after the bad days with his father, when you spent the whole time thinking it annoyed him. 

He smiled and leaned in to kiss your cheek. "Besides, it's really no sacrifice if I do it with you. I'd enjoy even dying, if it was with you." You raised an eyebrow. "I mean, once I would enjoyed that alone too." He chuckled. "But I'm not so sure about that anymore. You finally gave me a reason to stay alive." 

You didn't know what to say and so you just hugged him, hoping he wouldn't reject you knowing he wasn't exactly the hug person. 

"I love you Jason Dean. More than I can express with words." 

You could feel him smile as he hid his face in your neck. 

"Love you with all I have, y/n." 

[jackexmachina]

Sam & Castiel + Guarding

image description: scenes from “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” “My Bloody Valentine,” “Family Matters,” “Survival of the Fittest,” “Torn and Frayed,” “Road Trip,” “Stairway to Heaven,” “Let the Good Times Roll,” and “Absence.”

4x07: In their motel room, Dean stands next to Sam and says to Castiel, “So this is about your buddy Lucifer.” Uriel is facing out the window, across the room, and he responds, “Lucifer is no friend of ours.” Dean eyes him warily, and clarifies, “It’s just an expression.” Castiel walks back across the room, standing between Uriel and the Winchesters, and he says, “Lucifer cannot rise. The breaking of the seal must be prevented at all costs.” He glances between Sam and Dean as he says, “You, um. Both of you– You need to leave this town immediately.”

5x14: Sam moves from behind Castiel to between him and Dean, saying, “Dean, enough!” Also frustrated, Dean asks, “What?” Sam responds, “You just punched a cupid!” Dean says, “I punched a dick!” Sam glances back at Castiel, exasperated, and says, “Um?”

6x07: Dean has Sam tied to a chair after beating him, and asks angrily, “And it never occurred to you that there might be something off about that?” Castiel also watches Sam, and walks between them as Sam answers, “Of course it did, Dean, I– I just never told you.”

7x23: Castiel stands in his hospital scrubs and trenchcoat, saying, “Can we please just leave it at that?” He avoids eye contact, but Dean watches him and says, “No. No, we can’t. We can’t ‘leave it.’” Sam moves between them slightly, trying to interrupt, “Dean...” But Dean ignores him, continuing, “Nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!”

8x10: Dean glares at Sam and Castiel, saying to Castiel, “I told you we didn’t need him.” Sam rolls his eyes and turns away, as Castiel straightens up, annoyed. Castiel says, “We need everything, Dean.” Then he addresses both of them, continuing, “And I need both of you, as you say... To stow your crap. Can you do that?”

9x10: Castiel stands in front of Sam on a bridge, Dean is on the other side behind him. Castiel tells Sam, “It’ll take time to fully heal you. We’ll have to do it in stages.” Sam nods a little, not making eye contact with either of them as Castiel speaks, then Dean approaches. He tells Sam, “Alright, let me hear it.” Castiel glances between them, concerned, but then turns to walk a bit away.

9x22: At Castiel’s angel headquarters, Dean yells at Castiel, “You did nothing but lie to me and Sam about it, the whole damn time!” Castiel looks at him, frustrated, and Sam interjects, “Can we, uh– Can we take this somewhere else, guys?” The three of them walk into Castiel’s office, and Sam says, annoyed, “Will you stow the baggage, Dean?”

13x23: Michael from apocalypse world walks confidently out of the gas station, saying, “Hey, fellas. Miss me?” Sam and Castiel get up, standing against the Impala.” Castiel slides his angel blade from his sleeve as if he will advance to fight Michael off, but Sam quickly grabs his arm to hold him back saying, “No, no, no, no, Cas! Don’t!” Michael calmly says, “No, Cas, do. Please.”

14x18: Castiel tells Dean, “I failed you. And I failed Jack.” He pauses and continues, upset, “and I failed–” Dean turns to him furious, interrupting, “No, no. Don’t even say it. Don’t even say her name!” Sam moves between them, putting out a hand, quietly saying, “Dean...”

[holylulusworld]

Devil in the sheets

Square filled for @samwinchesterbingo​: Angst

Title: Devil in the sheets

Summary: You and Sam share a past…

Pairing: Sam Winchester x fem!Reader, former Soulless!Sam Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, mentions of sex, mentions of character’s death, sexual harassment, almost violence, possessive Sam, a hint of fluff, implied smut

Sam Winchester Bingo masterlist

“Sammy, why don’t you talk to her? Y/N looks like she’s about to cry all the time. Christ, it’s been almost a year since you are back to normal. You’ve got your soul back, act like it,” Dean complains about his brother’s behavior toward you once again. 

“Dean, I just can’t,” Sam sighs deeply. “Y/N and I, this is a closed book. I found her while being soulless. All we did was fuck and now, it feels like I must take care of her. This is no foundation for a relationship.”

“I didn’t tell you to marry that girl,” Dean gets louder, he angrily points at the room he offered to you when they found the bunker. “I want you to talk to her. Sammy, since when, are you a coward? If you want to be only friends with her, fine by me.”

“She’s a liability, is all,” the younger Winchester pinches the bridge of his nose as he tries to find the right words. “If not for our past, I’d gladly let her go.”

“Sonofabitch, Sammy!” the elder hunter grunts. “She was your girlfriend for over a year. I don’t fucking care if your relationship was strictly physical. You should feel responsible.” Dean throws his hands up, grunting as his brother doesn’t give in. “I need a drink…”

Dean storms off, muttering under his breath as you sink to your knees, sniffling silently.

You were about to leave the room to look into the latest case Sam found. It was a stupid coincidence that you heard their conversation and now, you doubt you’ve got a place in Sam’s heart and home.

A liability, that’s all you are to Sam Winchester.

Not a year ago he promised you to never let you go and to protect you at all costs. 

He found you in times of need. Your father and you got kidnapped by a nest of vamps. Yeah, vampires. Who would’ve thought there are still bloodsuckers out there? Not you and your father. That’s a matter of fact.

Sam found you hours after you had to watch the vamps suck your father dry. His screams still haunt your dreams, and you’ll never forget his last words.

“I love you, butterfly,” your father whispered, eyes trained on you while the monsters ripped him apart. Somehow your father had faith and knew you’ll going to survive this night.

He wasn’t wrong, though. Sam Winchester and his grandfather stormed into the abandoned house, killed the vamps, and got you out before they could even touch you.

That night you cried yourself to sleep until Sam stormed into your room, barking at you. It sounds odd, but his rough treatment helped you feel better. 

The hunter decided you will stay by his side. He never asked you to stay, though. Sam said he wants you to stick around, so you stayed by his side until his brother came back into the picture.

Dean was the one telling you that the Sam you got to know, and love isn’t himself. Your Sam was only a shadow of the man he used to be before he jumped into the pit.

“Dean, wait,” you sit on the floor and lean your back against the door as Sam calls for his brother. “You’re right. I should talk to Y/N and tell her how I feel about our past.”

Sam hurriedly follows his brother to talk to Dean again while you try to not make too much noise. You start to cry, feeling lost for the first time since you lost your father.

“Y/N?” Dean strolls into the kitchen, sleepily rubbing his face. He wanted to grab a midnight snack and now, he runs into you sneaking around the kitchen to stuff snacks into one of your duffle bags. “Hungry too, huh?”

“I—” you bite your tongue. Dean is a nice guy and you don’t want him to feel bad. His life is tough enough. He doesn’t need a whiny girl telling him about her feelings. “I will take my life back into my hands.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” the hunter cocks his head. He glances at your packed bags, knowing exactly what this means. “You want to leave.” He says, eyes saddening as you nod.

“I lived here for far too long, Dean. I’m thankful you took me in and let me stay until I was ready to leave,” you nervously chew on your lower lip. “It’s time to say goodbye now. Don’t worry, I won’t hunt on my own. I’m not a hunter like my father.”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to move out,” Dean takes a step toward you. He approaches you like a wounded animal, hands raised and voice soft. “If you want to go only as Sammy changed…” he trails off.

“I heard what he said this morning,” you admit, shrugging as a gasp leaves Dean’s lips. “He’s right. The Sam saving me is long gone. Our relationship was far from perfect, but it was real to me. I had hoped your brother and I will find a way to—” sighing deeply you shake your head. “This all doesn’t matter anymore. I’m ready to move on.”

“Y/N,” Dean tries to stop you from leaving, “maybe you should talk to Sammy. He’s not going to let you go. My brother is stubborn, but a good man.”

“He’s a very good man; one of the best I ever met,” you give Dean a sad smile, “but he’s not the man I fell in love with. Believe it or not, the other Sam made me feel loved and wanted…”

Dean carries your bags toward the garage. It’s all he can do. You made up your mind and there is no stopping you from leaving. “If you need help, give me a call. Don’t be shy.”

“I got an aunt in New Orleans,” you say. “I think I’ll move there and try to live a normal life. I was my dad’s research expert all my life. Now it’s time to find something new…”

You didn’t make it far. The car you borrowed from Dean broke down in the middle of the road and you were stranded in Lebanon once again.

Luckily Donnie, the bartender of the local bar, was driving home late at night. He offered a ride and the spare room above the bar to you. In return, you work as a bartender and waitress at the bar to help him out.

“Another one,” one of the regulars flashes you a toothy grin. He’s a harmless guy but boy, that man can drink. “Did I tell you lately that Donnie is not half as pretty as you are?” 

“Yeah, like five times,” you chuckle at his flirty mood. “And did I tell you lately that you are a damn attractive man for your age?”

“Sweetie, I’m seventy-four,” wiping the counter you listen to Morty’s rant, “but my wife treats me like a child. I come here every Saturday night to drink her away.”

“Aw, that’s not nice to say, Morty,” he nods, still, he downs another drink. He groans as the burning liquid runs down his throat. 

“We’ve been married for fifty years, sweetie. When I lost her four years ago I believed that my life ended too,” you frown deeply at his words. If his wife died four years ago this can only mean… “I know you believe I’m crazy. Everyone does.”  He shrugs.

“Do you still see your wife, Morty?” Morty lifts his gaze from the empty glass in his hands to look at you. 

“Yeah. She tells me to eat healthily and call our son. Sometimes I feel her stroke my cheek. Last week she was lying next to me in bed, wearing her favorite dress. It felt so nice…”

“Looks like she still cares about you, Morty,” you pat his hand. “How about you go home and tell her you love her, and that you miss her. Eat healthy and call your son. It will help her move on.”

“Move on…” Morty nods. He’s unsure if he wants his wife to move on. It feels like she’s still around and he doesn’t want to lose her for a second time. “Maybe you’re right, sweetie.” He groans when getting off the bar stool. “Have a good night, pretty girl.”

“You too—” you give him a soft smile. “Be careful out there…”

A few hours later the bar is almost empty. You are busy cleaning the counter when the door opens again only for Sam Winchester to step inside the bar. 

“Damn, no—” you move to the other side of the counter to pour another drink. “Stay away from this side of the bar and leave, Sam.”

“What did you say?” the guy slurs. “How about you give me another whiskey and stop talking.” Sheesh, some guys should learn some manners and stop drinking. “Hurry.”

“Sure, Sir,” you grit your teeth but turn around to get the bottle of whiskey. You stretch your body to reach the shelf only to feel a hand slap your ass harshly. You shriek, startled you drop the bottle, making a mess on the floor. “What the fuck!” 

Donnie stumbles toward your side of the bar counter at the same time as you turn around to backhand the guy slapping your ass. “What? If I see a nice ass, I want to feel it up!”

“Hands off,” the guy ends up pressed against the nearby wall. A wall of flannel holds him there, grunting as the man struggles against his strength. “Who gave you the right to touch my girl? She’s mine!”

“Sam?” you’re a little confused at Sam’s reaction. No, to be honest, you are completely taken aback. The Sam you knew would’ve been even rougher with someone putting their hands on you. He was a man possessed. But this Sam, he doesn’t even like you…

“You will never touch a woman against her will again, got it?” Sam barks at the man, making the poor guy flinch. “Get out of here and do not forget to pay for the bottle she dropped because of you!”

“Yes—Sir,” the man throws his wallet at Donnie. “Take what I owe you, Donnie…and a huge tip for the lady.” Damn, Sam Winchester surely can make a grown man sweat.

“Y/N,” Sam drops his hands to his sides as you run out of the bar to hide in your room. “Fuck…”

“You should talk to her, Sam,” Donnie offers a stern look. “If you mess with my best employee, you are not welcome here anymore, just like your brother.”

“What do you want here, Sam?” you watch Sam sneak into your room with the spare key Donnie gave to him. “I’m out of your hair, just like you wanted…”

You refuse to look at Sam when he sits on the small table in your room. “I-“ he shakes his head. “I messed up big time, Y/N.”

“You are telling me, Sam,” huffing you glance at his long legs, biting your lower lip, chewing on it. “Maybe I’ll lose my new home and job because of you now.”

“That’s not what I meant, but you got a point there,” he gets up to walk over to where you are standing. His large hands wrap around your arms, making you whimper as you remember the way Sam held you down to fuck you senseless.

You drop your eyes to look at his hand around your left arm. “What do you mean?”

“I pushed you away because I remember everything I did to you,” he clears his throat, wanting your attention. You immediately whip your head towards Sam’s, looking at him. “I was scared and confused.”

“You feared what, Sam? I…I don’t understand. You didn’t do anything wrong back then,” you shake your head. “All you did to me was consensual. I,” you giggle, eyes dropping to his large hand still holding your arm in a tight grip, “I like it rough.”

“Damn, can you just not?” he drops his hands to move his fingers through his shaggy hair. “I was…I mean. All my life I believed that I’m all vanilla and now I got this urge to bend you over the table and take you like a slut, Y/N.”

"So, you are surprised you are a devil in the sheets?" smirking you watch Sam swallow thickly. “That’s the reason to push me away and hurt me? Well, I  can tell the other you wasn’t a kind or sensitive man, but he never hurt me only to hide who he really is...”

"I want to fuck you like he did," he purrs, eyes dropping to your heaving chest. “But I don’t want to hurt you or go too far...”

“Please do—Sam,” his nostrils flare and he can feel his cock swell in his pants when you look up at him, lips parted and eyes wide. “Please…”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to hold back if you let me have my way with you. Shit, kitten…I want to fuck you into obedience and wrap my hand around your throat,” Sam pants heavily when you slowly go down on your knees to move your hands over his long legs up to his fly. “Y/N…”

“I’m still mad at you for ignoring me but—” licking your lips you look up at Sam, “if you fuck me like promised I’ll consider forgiving you…”

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