#i'm honestly so tired
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it's so crazy functioning because one week i only get the school reading done, another week i practically only read, like, actual literature and not philosophy, then another week my only success is to truly catch up on music practice - like, yeah, okay, i can manage one of these tasks at a time. but the idea is that i should be doing all of that weekly, daily, regularly with no breaks, and i can only manage like, two of the three and even then i am risking a bottle of whiskey and brand new scars 😐😑 i don't see what my fucking problem with being a real person is but genuinely i cannot fucking do it, i keep falling back on everything, i don't know how to manage
#i can NEVER read enough and watch enough movies AND do all the required reading for philosophy#AND practice enough at the same time#in the same days#like ever#and also manage not to get drunk or hurt myself#hang on actually think of functioning healthily as another of the tasks#and it's really like#there's four#i can do a maximum of two in a week#so yeah i can practice enough and read philosophy#but then i won't get any reading of my own done and i will probably have an awful breakdown#do you see what i'm getting at?#there's so much that goes into being just a normal functional human being and i#i don't know how people do it#i have no idea#i'm honestly so tired#mine#tw: sh#i fucking guess??
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i woke up with another headache. it's not as bad as it could be. maybe i just need to eat something.
#i'm honestly so tired#feel like i'm making this shit up#i feel like i make a lot of shit up about mmyself#depression anxiety adhd and ocd all of that shit#i feel like it's all made up#like a part of meknows it's not and i do need the medication i take for it#i think#ugh fuck this im so tired#❝ ও rants დ „
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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REVERSE SONAMY
I feel that there is a bit of confusion in regards to the ever-popular "Reverse Sonamy" trope fans are hoping to see in Sonic Movie 4. Every time I bring it up, I get this:
"Well, I want Sonic to like Amy, but I don't want her to be completely disinterested in Sonic!"
Actually, this isn't a misunderstanding of Reverse Sonamy. This is a misunderstanding of actual Sonamy. This is for one reason:
SONIC LIKES AMY. It is confirmed. It is teased, and the whole "dating" thing probably won't become canon until I'm 100, but Sonic being romantically interested in Amy IS a thing.
Reverse Sonamy is the same thing, but flipped. Sonic is more open about trying to gain the affections of Amy, who is interested, but is too shy/has more important things on her mind.
#i'm tired of having to explain this#but i still love you 🧡#and honestly I'm just happy to see Sonamy fans so vocal#sonamy#reverse sonamy#movie sonamy#movie sonic#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#sth#sonic x amy#amy rose#sonic movie 4#sonic movie universe
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so, i saw this in tags to a very nice reply from @matcha-milkies
and i thought it was far too funny to not draw
do with that what you will
#i feel like after this bill would like#idk#make ford cry just to drink his tears#sounds like somethin he'd do#anyways#married life#is a very good fic#i love it more than i thought it would honestly#not usually into fics with 'dead dove: do not eat'#but my curiosity won and i'm glad it did!#also#if it looks like shit#im sorry#im so tired#digital art#art#gravity falls#bill cipher#ford pines#gravity falls stanford#billford#stanford pines#toxic asf#toxic#toxic billford
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#so unserious 😂💖
#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#loki#lokiedit#marveledit#and in doing so is actually the most serious of them all which is why he's a master at the craft 🥰#the chimp documentary still has me on the floor though god i love owen so much#honestly need to study him under a microscope lmao there's no one in existence more fascinating and his choices elevate every scene#for my anon who wanted some panel gifs! apologies that the quality is obviously rough but this was my fav available moment 😂#as usual their improv saves lives i'm never getting tired of them discussing how much they added to the show#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs
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I was going through my art folder again and I saw one of the oldest wof stuff I've ever drawn (the fourth one ever I think?) and I redrew it! I love Turtle and I just took this excuse to draw him again
#What's this? two cinnamon posts in a week?#I got so tired of reading about molluscs man#so many snail shells and clam shell hinge types#I finished my notes and run to look for something to draw#I feel like I'm redrawing my stuff recently#but honestly it brings me joy so why not#I have this one drawing I'm constantly thinking about redrawing#the oldest wof drawing I've ever done#it's actually on tumblr it's the one with blue and orange rainwing#but I don't know if I'm ready for it yet#anyway Turtle#I love turtle and my design for this dude#also I took my old anemone design and gave it more jellyfish-ness#I feel it suits her vibe and also anemones are cnidarians too so it makes sense to me#wings of fire#wof#dragons#wof turtle#wof anemone#seawing#cinnamon's doodles#wof fanart
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ngl, considering that i've started seeing posts of "it's been almost a full year of genocide", i'm really dreading seeing what people will post on october 7th this year. i know that they are going to ignore the massacre and the hostages, that they will ignore that israel hadn't retaliated yet on october 7th and that they won't leave any space for jewish and/or israeli victims and won't mention the global rise of antisemitism since the attacks
#jumblr#i/p#honestly i will probably just. take a day off social media#the takes are going to be so rancid i just know it#when will this war be over#i'm so tired of seeing hatred and racism and lack of empathy for the victims (from both sides)
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Hello, don't mind me, I just need to vent for a second.
First off, I just wanna say, as an aroace person on the ace-spectrum, feel free to ship Alastor all you want. Ship him with anyone. Have fun with it. Sex repulsed. Non-sex repulsed. Grey-ace. Demisexual. Pure unadulterated smut. Whatever, have at it. I love that shit.
Just please do it without infantilizing ace-aro people.
The amount of art, fics, and takes I've come across that's so patronizing to Alastor and his sexuality. Thing's like Alastor venting to Rosie about his feelings for a character with the caption "Alastor feeling love for the first time." Or Alastor wanting to have sex with a character and having feelings about that, and someone commenting "That's called a boner, sweetheart. That means you like them 🤭"
Like??? Like do ya'll not see how patronizing that sounds? Being ace-aro doesn't mean you don't know your own body. It doesn't mean you don't understand the functions of your body.
It doesn't mean you've never experienced intense emotions. It doesn't mean you've never experienced love before.
And, look, I know these are meant to be jokes. I know. People are joking. I laughed at the first few I came across, too. It's not meant to be harmful or condescending; no one means it that way. But there's been so much with such...bad takes recently, and I don't know about any other ace-spec people (I don't speak for all ace-specs. Hell, there are probably other ace-spec's who don't mind, enjoy it, or are making content like it themselves. I just speak for myself) but GOD it's getting uncomfortable.
Alastor is in his late 30's-early 40's in human years. That is the established age range we have for him. Do you really think that he'd go that long without ever experiencing "love?" He went through puberty just like everyone else, do you think he doesn't understand his own body???
Being asexual, or sex-repulsed, or touch-repulsed doesn't mean you automatically don't explore these parts of yourself. It doesn't mean he's never, once in his life, touched his own dick, or pussy, or whatever genitalia you're giving him. He can still very well be a "virgin" (which in and of itself is a social construct) while also knowing his body and confidently handling any "sexual needs" he has.
Do you really think he doesn't know what a boner is? That in all the years he's been alive and dead (on Earth and in Hell), he wouldn't have experienced these things once? (And you know what? Maybe he hasn't! Perhaps there are ace's out there like that! But you're telling me he doesn't KNOW what that is??? Really???)
Ah, no, it's all because he just hasn't found the right person yet, right? It's not until Lucifer/Angel Dust/Vox, whoever found him, and they gave him these feelings, and oh no, poor Bambi is feeling twitterpated and horny for the first time, isn't that romantic!
Honestly, not really. It just sounds like the same, stupid shit ace-aro people hear from family, friends, and acquaintances about their sexuality. You know, the tried and true: "Oh, you just haven't found the right person yet. You'll want all that eventually, you'll see😊"
Do you not see how frustrating that is?
Look, I am all down for Alastor exploring parts of himself. I want him to navigate different relationships, feel them out, figure out what kind of relationship he wants and what he's okay and not okay with doing. But there are ways to do that without treating him like a little UwU silly baby boy who doesn't know his own body, or his own emotions, or his own relationships with other characters. Like he needs someone to teach him about himself.
How about instead, he finds someone he feels comfortable exploring these elements with? Instead of them "teaching" him how to fuck, or masturbate, or whatever the hell you want to call it, they're giving him the room and safe-space to explore it at his own pace??!!
It comes across as someone who isn't on the ace-spectrum "teaching" an ace-spec character about their own sexuality which puts such a gross taste in my mouth. Or, at least, that's how it comes across to me.
And the thing is, I know people aren't going to stop. I know they're going to keep infantilizing Alastor and his aro-ace identity, and I wasn't originally going to make this post, because you can't control what people do in fandom.
So this is mostly just a post to say: HEY! Hello! Ace-aro person here! I hope you all are having fun and I love that you're exploring Alastor's asexual/aromantic identity! Especially those who may not be in the ace-spectrum themselves, as you're learning about us and our experiences! That's awesome! Can we just do that while also treating Alastor like the adult he is? Can we do that without being infantilizing and patronizing about his sexual identity? Please?"
That's all I really wanted to say. I just needed to get this off my chest instead of letting it fester. This isn't an attack on anyone, this is just the perspective of an Alastor multi-shipper who loves exploring his relationships with other characters (sexually and non-sexually) and deep-diving into the dynamics of the show.
Thanks for reading.
#there are so many different ace-aro's with so many different experiences#im sure they all don't share they same feelings as me#but while I wasnt originally going to post anything cuz i don't want to rock the boat#i came to the realization that HEY! Im ace-aro too! I can't control what people do but I can offer a different perspective#honestly I know the best I can do is block and move on#I just wanted to put this out there#im tired of Alastor being infantalized#I'm tired of asexuality and aromansticm getting infantilized#its grating on me more and more#siigh#thanks for reading anyway#asexual#asexuality#aromantism#aromantic#aroace#acespec#asexual alastor#asexuel#aromanticism#arospec#allastoredeer thoughts#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#the radio demon
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*looking at isat ss discord* my power of being silly got out of control
or how I tried understanding rpg maker basics by literally trying to do one (1) thing I really wanted to see ever since seeing Loop unused sprites lying on wiki months ago
the reason I mentioned isat ss discord was simply bc guys were the first people who saw me trying to draw close to pixel sprite face sprite for Loop to,,, do something at some point just to see how it works
and nope I'm not making this into anything, but I really like the fact that I managed to do this
(now with video post edited into this sentence!)
#the Start and the Epilogue is still planned as a visual novel in my head#I got myself rpg maker to make my thing later which is entirely not related to isat (I already showed my OCs involved in that)#isat shitpost#isat spoilers#isat#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat head housemaiden#that one post about voices difference in isat really helped as it is a bit confusing otherwise#I learn by taking apart stuff - that's how I learn#and how I analyze too#break down the character break down the game to the point of literal out-of-bounds make it all make sense in your head#as my head REALLY likes to complicate AND simplify things#basically this was both#also I have a newfound admiration of rpg games as planning ALL this is honestly so cool#like you need to have EXTREMELY clear picture of what you see otherwise it'll break and you won't be able to fix it properly#also Loop's sprite was flying for so long before I understood the problem and it was funny as hell tbh#also they're not in my Seafoam design bc I was... honestly a bit too tired to make new sprites#so I jsut changed soe details on the ones I already looked over and called it a day for now#I'm sleepy and this silly thing took me 3-4 hours and it's like 3 seconds long#but to be fair I was confused for first 2 hours#anyway shout out to isat ss discord and a happy Loop Wednesday (it's 1 am of 5th so it IS a Loop Wednesday)#not art#sillied too hard#I also accidentally softlocked myself by putting Loop nest to Head Housemaiden so they're a bit futher from her#two hats spoilers#I FORGOT that tag
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Update...
Sorry for being inactive for a while. Life has been hectic to the point where I just haven't had the energy and time to draw things. But I have a few WIPs that I want to finish and hopefully show you guys soon.
Yes, the last two are gijinkas (and I have more)
#ruubesz talk#ruubesz post#godzilla#godzilla x kong: the new empire#ultraman#ultraman rising#gijinka#human design#sorry for being inactive#iv'e been awfully busy#and just stressed#and tired in general#honestly haven't had the time to do stuff#which sucks#for you and me#and i'm sorry#hope you guys understand#i'm trying to balance my work#hopefully i can start drawing again#i'm just so tired rn#life sucks#anyway i will be back just not sure when#but I really do wanna share these wips soon#sorry abt the long ass tags#have a good day folks
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Are you alive? Is 2025 your date of death? We miss you mate
HI!!! OKAY SINCE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED AND I GENUINELY DON'T WANT ANYONE TO WORRY (especially with how the year is kicking off) I'll say it-
I AM ALIVE!!!
I know it's been a long while, and I apologize for that!! I didn't want to start off the year this way, and actually wanted to start it off with a one shot (and the one that was supposed to come out on Christmas, along with the remaining chapters of the red dawn and so on) but I'll be honest and say that I got distracted, caught up in one too many things, and fell out of DC for a hot minute before crawling back like a man starved.
I've missed you all so much, and for the past few days have been trying to get those things I mentioned together so that I can finally have something up again! Even if I've royally failed the challenge back in October, those last chapters will and are still uneditied and basically made on a time crunch. The oneshots are getting done as we speak, and Chapter 4 is in the works :]
If it sounds like a lot and absolutely insane, that's because it is!! I'll be honest and say that I'm more excited for other projects then what I'm currently working on, but am focusing more on getting things done because you all deserve that and especially for all of your patience and kindness! I know I've said it before, but the Not Series really isn't my best work, and I don't think it will be, but even then I still want to produce a Chapter that you'll enjoy - but if anyone sees a decline in quality (despite the first and 2nd chapter essentially being written in one sitting and posted on the same day), that's probably why!
I do have some updates regarding some of the fics I said I was planning on writing, with the biggest update being in regards to "Ghost" as I've essentially almost rewritten the entire plot at this point, but I'll get there when I get there.
Nevertheless, yes, I am still alive! Even if you probably won't hear too much from me until those couple of things get done, I'll try to multitask and such as much as I can! The way of how I post things may be a little odd, but it'll mostly be with when I get them done, and with all the time I have at the moment - well, I might actually be able to meet my own deadline this time around... even if that new years oneshot is already 13 days late, and I'm not going to talk about the rest of the stuff I have to work on.
Regardless, rest assured! I'm not dead yet, and progress is being made! ... And what better way to show that then being late once again! LOL
#talking daydreams#yandere batfam#not series#the red dawn#batfam oneshots#trust me i cannot believe how late i am either#but at this point i'm tired of it and just trying to get things done#i don't want to produce something half baked either but i am trying my best to keep things fresh and interesting as well#i will say that the oneshots do get a little dark tho!#and so does the red dawn but that's a given considering how that little series is going#again i know i failed that challenge without a doubt#and honestly writing 5 whole chapters in 5 days was crazy enough#especially with how my writing style is#not to mention the ideas i come up with#but again i want to try and keep things the way they were supposed to be initially#the not series is going to be rushed#that i will admit#but its also so that i can focus on stories i feel are more interesting#and have actual substance and effort put into it#that isn't to say that i don't like it#it was just a rushed idea i put out haphazardly and am following with an equally rushed out story#and i feel like you guys definitely deserve better then that#besides#i have plenty of other ideas for neglected readers that are - in my opinion - much more interesting anyway!
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The whole "breasts shouldn't be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!" can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.
Like, why's it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It's true that breasts aren't inherently sexual, but they aren't valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn't have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn't always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.
#feminism#dysphoria tw#your body doesn't need to have an Intrinsic Worthwhile Purpose so that you can live without fear#and it is fine if people say this to criticize the way breasts are overly sexualized and fetishized or what have you...#...but i encourage people to not see this as an end-all-be-all argument#because this opens discussions about how we politicize bodies and how we interpret them#i see overlap between this and the way trans bodies are politicized and policed honestly#and i guess personally i'm just so tired of the idea that to be safe your body Must Have A Good Reason To Be#and i fear this may reinforce the idea that we Must Serve Purposes and Be Useful and Used#ask to tag (genuine)#and what would this say for childless people? or people who cannot bear children? if they have breasts are they 'useless bodies'#because i have seen the ways some people's bodies are treated when they do not 'work PROPERLY' and that scares me#it scares me to potentially start treating people with different bodies as Defective and Unworthy and Unproductive#and i don't always trust when people latch onto purpose-driven arguments for human bodies that it stops at that y'know#have seen some discussion amd whatnot so 👍#is it now time to clock put and be a silly goose yet?
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Things batfam stans need to leave behind in 2023:
Jason's Lazarus pit rage
Thinking Tim's parents were horribly abusive and hated him
Only caring about Stephanie in terms of her relationship to another person (ex: Tim's bestie/ex/gf or Cass' gf/bestie)
Treating Jason or Stephanie like they're stupid
Feral Demon Child Damian
Permanent sunshine boy Dick Grayson
Any "[blank] was the real violent Robin" discourse
Really just any reducing or sectioning of certain traits to certain batfam members and not allowing other characters to exhibit those same traits (ex: see sunshine Dick Grayson)
But also stealing traits from other characters and projecting them onto someone else (ex: Jason getting Dick's personality in fics. He is not the same type of big brother Dick is canonically)
Purposefully mischaracterizing characters for angst (ex: Dick sent Tim to Arkham, my beloathed. also again see Tim's parents)
Trying really hard to nuclearize the family. They are an unconventional family for many reasons, and that's why they're interesting.
"Alfred solos the batfam"
Making Duke "the normal one" and completely forgetting to give him an actual personality.
Cass using sign language because she can read body language (note: does not apply to YJ Cass who has damaged vocal chords)
Cass being used as a prop for her brothers
Tim being weak, woobified baby
Feel free to add on ~~
Don't send hate over these things because idgaf, they are harmful mischaracterizations, and many are built on total ignorance and often racism, classism, ableism, and sexism.
#I know there's 7 million other things that NEED TO DIE but honestly why am I still seeing that in 2024#I'm so done with the constant mischaracterizations and made up au bullshit that people will argue is canon when they don't like any media#and I'm saying any because some of y'all won't even watch cartoons or play video games#and at least have the balls to admit it and not screech every time someone tells you something isn't real#or thinking that it's 'hate' and 'not letting people enjoy things' when you get basic information wrong about a character that you don't kn#and AGAIN THERE'S SO MUCH BIGOTRY THAT Y'ALL ARE BLIND TO BUT SWEAR YOU'RE BETTER THAN DC#Even some dc writers understand that portraying Damian as an uncontrolled feral child is rooted in racism#that boy is a PRINCE AND ACTS LIKE IT#I can go on forever#but yeah I'm just tired of this shit#batfam#batfamily#bat family#alfred pennyworth#nightwing#dc robin#dick grayson#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#I would add the coffee thing but that's too obvious#cassandra cain#cass cain#stephanie brown#batgirl#the spoiler#barbara gordon#oracle#duke thomas#the signal
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I am SO grateful that ed and stede exist as characters exactly as they are. I'm so grateful for these two men who are traumatized and messed up and struggle to even like themselves, who are terrible at communicating, who make enough mistakes between the two of them to fill an entire ocean. I am so grateful to watch them struggle and be seen and be loved and reach out for the things they want and are maybe starting to believe that they deserve. I'm so grateful that the show lets them fall in love and get together exactly as they are, that it doesn't say they need to wait until they've become some unattainably perfect version of themselves before they have permission to have that. i am so grateful for ofmd
#ofmd#there are no other shows like this one#I'm so tired of media that repeats the same idea that you need to hit a list of predetermined therapy milestones (determined by who???)#before you can fall in love#I'm honestly tired of fic that does this with ed and stede too#because guess what#you can live in the 21st century with access to therapy and dsm diagnosis and a bunch of different medications and you can be doing all the#right things and still be a trainwreck!!!#putting in the work doesn't mean you're gonna become perfect and never have problem again any more than falling in love doesn't mean you'll#never have problems again#I'll forever be crying on my knees levels of grateful for the unique writing on this show#for saying that it's okay you can be a mess you can take one step forward and three steps back and you'll still always be deserving#of love and grace and forgiveness#you don't have to do anything to deserve you deserve it just because you exist#i love this show with my entire heart#alex watches ofmd
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