#i'm having the world's stupidest problems

[gideonisms]

The last time I got a bit drunk I started doing my dishes and messaging everyone I knew. I was having 3 conversations at once and finally accomplishing a task I'd been putting off all day. how does THAT work. I'm inventing new unique ways to be a failwoman (gender neutral)

[pro-sipper]

I'm truly convinced that antis think anyone under the age of 18 is a drooling baby in a sandbox. They infantilize kids of every age to hell and back to the point where I don't even believe the "children" that they think they're protecting exist anywhere outside of their own minds.

That person pretending to be an 8 year old commenting on the explicit fic? Who apparently thought an 8 year old couldn't spell "can" or "was" but left in "subsequently" without a problem? It isn't even worth saying that no child would type like that.

Listen, I've spoken to kids before (because people of all ages exist in the world and - surprise! - you have to interact with them because DNIs don't work in real life) and if you told a real human 8 year old that you were spending the weekend partying it up at Luigi's mansion with Optimus Prime and Batman, they would look at you sideways before telling you, in a tone of voice that makes it clear they think you're the stupidest person on earth, that none of those people are real.

[mcflymemes]

CHALLENGERS (2024) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary.

who says i want somebody to be in love with me?

i don't want to fuck you to prove a point.

fuck me because you want to.

are you gonna do it or not?

tastes even better than it looks.

i just told you i missed you.

i really want to kiss you right now, but i'm worried that if i try, you'll think i'm the worst friend in the world.

you know, it hurts me sometimes how little you believe in yourself.

decimate that little bitch.

let's be honest, you gotta feel bad for the kid.

you're not a spring chicken anymore.

dude. he's a pancake. you're gonna flatten him.

how's this feeling?

we're ready for you.

so obviously this isn't the result you wanted today.

you choked.

i don't want you to embarrass yourself.

i'm just a little rusty. it's a confidence thing.

get your fucking confidence back. i can't do it for you.

i'm so sick of you using this as an excuse to have a fucking meltdown.

you said we could watch a movie.

you're evil.

i'm gonna quiz you on it tomorrow.

sir, i don't know who you are.

i don't think we have much more to talk about.

i haven't spoken to you in five years.

i was just taking a little nap.

move, or i'm calling the cops.

you were really something back then, huh?

we always talked about how amazing it would be to win this together.

i'm a crazy person.

any predictions about how that's going to go?

can you do me a favor? can you not, like... demolish me tomorrow?

shut the fuck up.

if it matters to you so much, i can just give it to you.

i need it to look like i really beat you.

don't guilt me with your dying grandmother.

she's the hottest woman i've ever seen.

you were... fucking incredible.

baby, we've got to get going.

i'm not going to that party.

are you that threatened by me?

we can't both just go in there, dicks swinging.

i'd let her fuck me with a racket.

hey, do you smoke?

of course they will remember you.

see, that's your problem. you think you're like an artist or something.

you just want to win because you love it when people tell you how talented you are.

are you on facebook?

i told you tennis was boring.

you just got this crazy look on your face.

are you on a date?

i don't kiss and tell.

why did you want to have dinner with me?

i think you might be the worst friend in the world.

i didn't know you were so concerned about my feelings.

of course you still have a thing for her.

we just had what i'm assuming is the best sex of our lives.

i fucked your brains out?

what do you think you need? a cheerleader? a fuck buddy? a girlfriend?

you're talented, you're charming, and you've got a big dick.

excuse me for inconveniencing you.

don't expect to sleep here tonight.

stop going easy on me.

i'll be whatever you need me to be. i'll fuck off if you want me to.

i need you here, actually.

you're referring to when i declared my love for you.

you're not in love with me anymore?

i've been dreaming about this for five years.

i'm gonna propose something to you, and it's gonna make you angry. it's gonna make you very angry. but you have to hear me out, okay?

i'm finally ready to listen to you.

how dare you fucking ask me that.

do you think it's cute what you're doing? do you think it's funny?

that's the stupidest fucking thing i've ever heard.

i've always wanted you.

you didn't do anything to me. i did it all to myself.

i think i've reached the limit of my willingness to have this conversation with you.

do you understand how embarrassing it is that you're here?

you've never beaten me.

tell me it doesn't matter.

will you just hold me?

i'm not here to fuck you.

i miss watching you play. you were so beautiful.

[ckret2]

Ages ago I made a post about what Ford thinks about Bill (in a billford context), and I've had an infodump on what Bill thinks about Ford floating on discord for months, and an ask finally prompted me to post it, so here ya go:

If asked why he likes Ford, Bill himself claims that Ford overthinks everything, but in such fun, interesting ways, and Bill likes the way Ford thinks about things.

But really, Bill overthinks everything too; it's just he overthinks social things. He's always calculating how to persuade, control, manipulate people. He never has a conversation that isn't a chess game, it's exhausting and he won't even admit it's exhausting. When's the last time his top priorities weren't either "how do I convince some sucker to make a portal" or "ugggh I'm so SICK of the PORTAL I'm gonna THROW A PARTY and NOT THINK AT ALL"

Whereas Ford is guy who'd hear someone say something incorrect and bluntly go "no you're wrong" and accidentally offend the hell out of them because he's SO excited to share this fantastic information they don't know. The social world DOES NOT EXIST for him until he's reminded of it.

And so he's free to turn all his brainpower instead to. Like. The environmental impact of barf fairies on fern fertilizer or whatever.

Bill knows Everything™ but he's gotten tired of doing anything with that knowledge. They're all discrete points of information to him. He doesn't have time to muse over things, he's got an inventor to manipulate at 11pm and then a party to get to at midnight. He's never once in his life thought about the impact of barf fairies on the local flora. But he does happen to know the plants in that part of the woods are more acid-resistant and wow is that why???? He's never even thought to think about that before. Thousand year mystery that Bill didn't even notice has been solved.

(On the other hand "Ford doesn't think to think about the intricacies of social interaction" is also part of what makes him so easy to manipulate, he's so much more inclined to just accept at face value a friendly offer of assistance on a big academic project. Sure Bill's helping for the sake of scientific advancement in and of itself, why wouldn't he?)

Bill wants to just, fling random facts at Ford and see if he can think up connections between them. Go nerd boy go nerd boy go

"... So there you have it Ford, that's the problem you'll have to overcome with adapting alien machinery to human fuel sources, now I wanna hear YOUR thoughts on how to overcome that problem." "Well—" talks in an uninterrupted stream that by thirty minutes in has drifted over to the history of kerosene production, which he read an interesting book about between semesters in college— "... I've gotten off topic, haven't I?" "No no, I think you're on to something. This is how brainstorming works, free association of concepts. Keep going."

Ford in the morning: "... oh no I didn't let my muse get a word in edgewise for the rest of the dream, i didn't bore him did I?" Bill: "damn, I never noticed the patent process for hurricane lamps was so contentious. There's little dramas everywhere"

When things are going well, their relationship is,

Ford: "I just wanna hear Bill teach me things about the multiverse forever."

Bill: "I just wanna hear Ford think deeply on any topic that crosses his mind forever."

Both of them when they're in peak harmony: excitedly jabbering at each other at 200 words per minute about the stupidest topic you've ever heard, but you'd need a phd in at least two fields to comprehend it

That's love!!!

Ford, having historically been socially shamed: "... am I being weird?"

Bill: "💕❤️💓yeah❣️💖❤️‍🔥"

Sometimes I think about Bill watching Ford in his sleep and being in awe at this human-shaped genius: you with your beautiful electric mind, packed into this soft flawed uneven body. one would never know it from the outside—but you're in there. This genius with a mind like a galaxy. ... and he's like, growing hair and stuff. wild.

[janelovxx]

Tanjiro Kamado Boyfriend Scenarios ♡Love Language (♡

Fluff

Tanjiro Kamado x Reader

✧⁠*⁠。✧*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*

Dating the selfless, the greenest flag, and a slayer who's constantly in danger got to be the most amazing and stupidest thing you have committed to at the same time. His kind hearted nature never fails to amaze you but it comes to the point where it is frustrating because of his selfless nature. But are you wondering how he shows his affection to you?

✧⁠*⁠。✧*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*

✧He's your boyfriend? YOU ARE SO LUCKY THEN. What green flag? He's not just a green flag, He is the whole damn forest! His haori is green, he is just such a green flag!

✧ You're wondering what is his love language? HE HAVE ALL OF THOSE. He doesn't prefer any love languages. He does all of them!

✧But if he notice that there's love language that you prefer? He'll take note of that and focus on that even though he rather does all of those languages because he knows you deserve the world.

✧Your love language is words of affirmation? He'll shower you with the most kind, gentle, and compliments!

✧ "You're beautiful as ever!" "Your hands are really cute! Let me hold!" "Wow [Name]! You're really amazing, aren't you?"

✧ You prefer act of service? He's willing to be your slave then!

✧ "Let me do that for you, [Name]!" "[Name], Can i help you please?"

✧ You love quality time? He'll spend his rest days with you and nezuko! If nezuko is sleeping, then you get all of his attention then!

✧"Let's stay a little more longer please?" "Nezuko is sleeping and I want to spend my time with you, [Name]!"

✧You like physical touch? No way! He likes it too! Being safe in your arms or reverse gotta be his priority after a long day of training.

✧"[Name], Can we cuddle before sleeping?" "Can I hug you please? I'm kinda tired.."

✧ receiving gifts is your affirmation? No problem! Though he prefers giving you handmade gifts like letters and paper flowers! He genuinely believes that handmade gifts are made with heart and love and he'll never fail to put effort on little gifts he'll always make at night.

✧ "I hope you like this ..I just made this but i hope you appreciate it!" "[Name], this is not much but here- Don't read it yet though!"

✧⁠*⁠。✧*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*⁠。✧⁠*

After a long day of harsh and demanding training, Tanjiro wants nothing but to be in your presence once more. He knows you won't be back before him, so he patiently waits for you after your training.

Once you arrive, he immediately hugs you, wrapping his arms around your waist and snuggling on your shoulder.

"welcome back! [Name]!"

After settling both on your futon, where Nezuko is asleep just beside the two of you. Both you and Tanjiro lay down as you cuddle to him. He's caressing your cheeks, staring in your eyes, pouring his love for you.

"You're really stunning... beautiful..How can I get so lucky to have you?"

"How can I get so lucky to have you!"

"No, You!"

"No, You!"

You both laughed at the stubbornness of the both of you as you smile at each other.

"I'm so lucky to have you, [Name]."

[beanghostprincess]

I feel like the minute Luffy gets a crush on someone he panics and straight up hates it. It's like why am I acting so weird like it's just Zoro/Saji/ usopp!!! Every time they compliment them or smile at them, he has to cover his face with his hat. He starts laughing like an idiot and makes terrible comebacks. All of his confidence and stupidity turns into awkwardness and self-consciousness. He's straight up not having a good time.

Luffy would kill himself on the spot. He instantly just jumps into the fucking sea.

Zoro: Something something, of course, my captain Luffy: I- Haha. My heart is beating funny. Haha. Give me a moment, Zoro! <3 *literally just jumps into the water* Nami: LUFFY WHAT THE HELL??? Luffy: Glupglupglupglup

He knows what a crush is, he's not stupid. He just doesn't fucking want it because he doesn't know what to do with so many overwhelming emotions so he genuinely goes to Chopper to make it go away. Chopper is confused af because he genuinely doesn't know what a crush feels like exactly and he thinks Luffy is going to die of a weird illness so he PANICS. And if this happens casually when Law is around (make it around wci), he can't just take it anymore:

Law: Luffy, for the tenth time, you're not fucking sick. You just have a crush on your cook. Luffy: Torao you're the worst doctor in the world!! You're wrong!! I hate this!! Law: Yeah, well, people normally hate it. Deal with it. Why am I even helping you here- Luffy: MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!! Law: I CAN'T MAKE IT GO AWAY YOU FUCKING MORON THAT'S A YOU PROBLEM. IT'S NOT A MEDICAL CONDITION. Luffy: Then take my heart and just??? Throw it away??? Law: I am going to kill you with my bare hands. Luffy: Please? :( Law: Luffy, I swear to God-

The poor thing is so lost and he gets really overwhelmed by absolutely nothing. Like. Genuinely nothing- And the girls are always there to help him out, but sometimes it's just such a funny sight.

[Luffy sitting with Robin on deck and watching the crew just do their things. Usopp practicing his aim and new inventions in front of them] Usopp: Hey, Luffy! Check this out! *does the stupidest most sexiest thing in the whole world because he just looks hot af when he's shooting at stuff* Luffy, blushing uncontrollably, covering his face with his hat and dying from a heart attack: Jndjkandeuiwbkwendknjdkjs *Incoherent noises* Robin: Are you alright, captain? Luffy: Make it stop, Robin :( Robin: Haha, I'm afraid I can't do that. Usopp: Luffy??? Robin: He says it's really nice!

And a little bonus:

[Red Hair pirates and the Strawhats finally meeting and throwing a party together] Luffy: And then Zoro cut that guy in half like it was nothing! It was the coolest thing ever, right, Zoro? Zoro: I would go to hell and back for you, captain, and that's the anecdote you tell him? Luffy: I- It was a really cool fight! Shut up, captain's order! Don't say things like that! Zoro: Mm. Shanks: Oh. *Turns to Beckman* When were you gonna tell me the kid is down bad for his first mate? Benn: Congratulations, you got one out of three. If you guess who are the other two, I'll let you drink more than usual today, captain. Shanks: *Blushes uncontrollably* Chopper: Oh no!! You're sick too??! Shanks: What do you mean, funny reindeer? Chopper: Luffy does that when he's around Sanji a lot!! Shanks: :) The other is Black Leg. Benn: Not fair at all.

[bloggingboutburgers]

I don't think it's really a holdover when having kids is still technically an "important" thing to do for your own survival. I live in a first world country but your kids are still the primary people responsible for taking care of you in your old age, and the more of them you have, the better it is for everyone involved to split the around-the-clock care duties and expense. If you don't have kid then you better be rich, or else you are screwed. And even then, not having a next of kin to make decisions for you at that age if you lose the coin flip and get dementia is a real problem. I'm anxious about this, being someone who is an only child currently dealing with two aging parents all by myself, and knowing I will not be having any kids of my own and probably no partner, either. Society is harsh on the elderly and that needs to change for us to finally be truly free of the unnecessary pressure to procreate.

That's very true. It's a horribly cold conendrum that goes down to the stupidest meanest instincts of mankind, it seems. Society is harsh on the elderly and won't bother with them, so kids are made not to be their own people, but as a monetary and care-giving safeguard for the elderly... It's cold. It's seriously cold. And it's 100% fair to dread that upcoming left-to-one's-own-devices mentality. It's pretty awful because nobody wins with that kind of systemic thinking.

[vividvivy]

HELLO VIVY!!!! I WISH THAT YOUR WORK WILL GET THE LOVE IT DESERVES! It's nice to see you here! <3 Congratulations!

I was just gonna ask if you have any headcanons about Fredrinn from mlbb? If you don't know anything about him its no problem you dont need to answer, most of the players are not interested in him 😭

THE HEADCANON CAN BE ABOUT ANYTHING! Anything you have in your mind! (Theres no enough content about him im hungry) HAVE A NICE DAYYY (*´︶`*)ฅ♡

Notes: Aaaah my first MLBB request omggg!! But fr!! Fredrinn is such an amazing character, it's such a pity that most aren't too interested in him :( Also, the layout is so ugly oh my gosh.

Character: Fredrinn Vance

Genre/Type: Headcanons

Fredrinn Vance

Fredrinn is a man known for being an excellent appraiser. He is capable of determining the worth of something with just a quick glimpse. 

He is also known for his realistic and candid behaviour.

May appear scary to most, but in reality, he's really goofy and impulsive with people he's close to!!

Would call you up saying he has an amazing idea, but it's the stupidest, riskiest, and most unnecessary mission he planned for funsies.. There's actually something to gain in it but he's gonna GATEKEEP THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF IT AND HE'LL BE REALLY CHEAP WHEN COMPENSATING YOU

Actually pretty nice and socialises, but he scares people when he "looks for friends."

By nice, I meant he'd do you lots of favours, but he'd count every single one of them, and you'd end up owing him a lot since he also added an interest that you were also not made aware of.

^ Remember the time he helped you pick up something you dropped? Yeah, that wasn't for free. Yep, no, nuh-uh, you owe him now.

His views and morals are pretty complex.

Is against House Vance's greediness, but at the same time, he also likes having money and property. 

If you actually ask him for something, he's only down if the money's ready.

Sometimes he actually acts decent, though, and will get you something or do something for you without charging you a month's worth of rent. 

^ Kinda rare tho

I don't know about you guys, but I feel like he'd be the type to think he's smart and "act smart," when in reality he's unironically one of the dumbest dumbfucks to roam the world.

His fridge is almost empty and he has weird eating habits.

He thinks he's hot shit when, in reality, he's a goofy hypocrite at times..

Wants to be serious and promotes seriousness, but would dogshow and embarrass you in front of people for his own entertainment. 

He sometimes, unironically, does the strawberry cow skip. LMFAO I'M SORRY FOR THIS ONE

Once tripped while trying to walk cool when he was younger.

His jokes have such bad timing that it makes your head hurt sometimes. 

VERY DRAMATIC, THINKS EVERYTHING HAS A HIDDEN MEANING AND THAT PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO BEEF WITH HIM. 😭

[thestrangestthing89]

It's not an apology, it's a clarification. He very directly says "you misconstrued what I said" a thing multiple people around here have been trying to say for months. He said this exact same thing in an Instagram post he made a few months ago but people lack the reading comprehension skills to follow something like that. So he said it in a TikTok video again only some people are still not understanding. And it's because they don't want to. (He has recently taken his Instagram post down, I'm guessing because he is getting relentlessly harassed.) The truth of the matter is that many people didn't take the time to understand basic facts about this situation (like what the word Zionism actually means) and the result was that a lot of misinformation spread because people were desperate to make sure their followers knew they were The Most Progressive and The Most Anti-Racist. They did not talk about this issue in a way that was culturally sensitive. They made assumptions about Noah based on anti-Semitic stereotypes and I don't even think they realize they are doing it because, again, they aren't well-informed. But every time someone twists the word Zionism to mean "pro-genocide" and makes the flying leap that anyone using that word is laughing at people dying they are falling into the stereotype that Jews are bloodthirsty. Anytime people say that any Jewish person has the wrong information in this situation and needs to education themselves about their own culture, they are believing that Jews can't be trusted. They did all of these things to Noah and they did it very easily because they are ignorant. These people essentially turned into an angry mob. I can't even count the amount of comments I saw that were basically "I hate Noah too!!! Wait, what did he do? Someone tell me!" They piled on because their peers were doing it and not because they had any clue what the problem was. It was the cool and trendy thing to do so they did it. And they deluded themselves into thinking they were saving Palestinians in the process when they actually didn't do shit for anyone. The only problem is that the people who did this didn't take the time to inform themselves before piling on. Noah didn't apologize to them because he doesn't have to. They owe him an apology though and I think the ones with larger followings are responsible for a lot of this and imo are lucky they didn't get sued for defamation. He didn't do any of the things they are accusing him. They decided for themselves what he thought and believed based on very little information and they have no right to do this to anyone. They seriously think Noah is responsible for single-handedly killing people. He's not in the military or a politician. He didn't even endorse anyone who did. This whole situation is the stupidest fucking thing in the world. They are more outraged over the bullshit they made up about him the actual political situation and it's because they don't actually care. They are using Palestinians as an excuse to say hateful things, but they aren't helping them at all. I don't think Gen Z-ers are realizing that everyone older than them is getting increasingly more concerned about the way they go about their political activism. It's a serious problem and this current political situation only highlighted problems with them that had been occurring for a while now. Relentlessly harassing any Jewish person online for not speaking exactly to your liking isn't activism. Threatening to kill people who disagree with you isn't activism. Trying to ruin someone's career because they didn't act like your parasocial bestie isn't activism. Spamming the comments of everyone's posts with Free Palestine isn't activism and it sure as hell isn't what spreading awareness looks like. That requires being well informed first. Not to mention learning how to have difficult conversations without screaming hysterically at people and shouting that they must be pro-genocide/racist/misogynist/homophobic every damn second just because they said something you didn't take the time to understand.

They need to learn to ask for a clarification before assuming the absolute worst about people. They do this to people in the fandom constantly and it's why no one decent posts here regularly anymore. They are ignorant, plain and simple. But they are so desperate for peer approval and for people to think they are the best activists ever that they don't realize how much damage they do when they behave this way.

The people still pissed at Noah were always going to be. They were always going to pick him apart because they are anti-Semitic and they made that very clear. All he is saying is that people need to understand that both Jews and Palestinians are human and stop taking sides. A thing that anyone with a shred of human decency has been saying for months. The people who haven't been saying this tend to be very young (teens and early 20s) and it's because they fell for a lot of unverified information on TikTok - something that is concerning a lot of people given that it is an election year in the US. All anyone had to do here was listen and they didn't. They are too busy trying to be morally superior to anyone to bother having an actual conversation. They still aren't listening. There was nothing wrong with what Noah said here either. But people are determined to believe that he was laughing at people dying when he wasn't. This literally never happened. They just heard a word they weren't familiar with a jumped to awful conclusions. It's not their place to educate anyone on anything. They are not qualified to do so. And I wish people were smarter about who they were reblogging and weren't so desperate to get more followers by jumping on the bandwagon. They cause so much drama in the fandom constantly by acting like this. This is just the latest example.

The people who think it's now suddenly ok to be violent and homophobic towards someone just because they perceived that person to do something they didn't like, were waiting for an opportunity. They wanted to be horrible and they think they got a reason. They didn't and there is never a reason to behave like this. But it did reveal just how many people in this fandom are horrible human beings. The people who weren't saying this directly were still agreeing with those people and were not better than them. It should have set alarm bells off in their heads that the only people who agreed with them were being vile. That should have been the first clue they were on the wrong side. I wish people learned to think for themselves better. They were clearly jumping on the bandwagon and didn't understand what was going on. And I stand by my comment from a few months ago, we would not be dealing with relentless drama in the fandom if the show had a higher rating. And I do think they need to focus more on their original adult audience again. Most of us do not feel comfortable posting regularly in this fandom when it got taken over by kids who don't understand any of the things they are upset about, but they are upset with everyone and everything constantly. No one came here to babysit.

[summer-nights19]

Omertá part 3

Romeo Scorpius Lucci x fem reader Part 2

Part 4

As you were eating breakfast in the cafeteria the morning after your deal with Romeo, your phone buzzed from a message notification. Trying not to sigh, you opened it. Who could be bothering you this early in the morning

Unknown number: This is Romeo. Come to my office immediately after finishing breakfast so we can discuss your work for the next week.

You: Ok. How did you get my number ?

Romeo: I'll explain later. Stop wasting time and hurry up.

You put your phone back in your pocket, growing increasingly exasperated. The day had barely started and you already had a feeling it wasn't going to be an easy one. Unfortunately, it couldn't be helped, so after finishing up your coffee, you headed back to Sinostra and straight for Romeo's office.

Once you reached the door, the usual guy standing on guard waved you in dismissively. You assumed Romeo had informed him you'd be coming ahead of time.

"You're late, Y/N. In the future, if I call you to my office, I expect you to be there within five minutes of me sending the message,"

You tried to keep the irritation out of your voice. After all, this was still the man who could technically decide to kill you at any point.

"Mr Lucci, this campus is enormous. Unless I somehow develop the ability to teleport, how am I meant to go from one place to the next in five minutes,"

Romeo glared at you. Looks like you weren't the only one who was irritable in the mornings.

"That's not my problem. Also, it's Fico. I despise being addressed as Mr Lucci- it was my father's title, and I share nothing in common with that WTWUT,"

"WT what ?" What was it with this man and abbreviations ?

"Wall to wall useless trash, obviously," Romeo rolled his eyes at you as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and you sent a sharp glare in his direction.

"From my experience, Mr Lucci, all men of your ilk are the same. If you want to be called by a different title, you'll have to prove that you're different,"

Gritting his teeth, Romeo scowled. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him clenching his fist around his expensive fountain pen.

"You'd do well to remember that I can still do whatever I want with your life, Y/N. Keep talking back and you'll see what happens,"

Glowering at him, you took a seat at his desk and decided to leave it at that.

"Why did you call me here ?" You tried to keep your tone as calm as possible, which was no easy task. Apparently, the Sinostra vice captain could get under your skin just as much as you could his.

"I'm here to discuss your work for today. If our agreement is to amount to anything, you should try to become familiar with how the Casino works. We still have an hour before we open officially, so read this,"

Romeo reached under his desk and took out a thick, leather bound notebook, which he thrusted in your direction. As you skimmed through it, you frowned.

"What is this ?"

"The full record of business activities, investments, costs and profits for the last six months. I'd recommend you read it before you start working,"

"Before ?? You mean I'll be doing something other than studying this tome all day ?"

Romeo sighed, and he glared at you as if you'd just asked the world’s stupidest question.

"Obviously ! You will experience all the positions in our casino. In the morning, you'll do all the front of the house work - that includes card dealers, cleaning, and waitressing. Then, in the afternoon, you'll experience some of the less ... public positions with a few of my underlings. You'll just be picking up cargo and dropping something off to a customer, so even you could manage that,"

You looked at him, trying to work out if he was joking or not, but when you met his gaze, his face was completely deadpan.

"You're trying to say that I need to do all that work today ? That would take like eight employees !"

Romeo slammed his hand down on his desk, causing piles of documents to collapse and flutter to the ground.

"Be silent ! If you want to live, you'll follow my orders,"

Taking a deep breath in, you looked down at the notebook and started to study it. There was no point in delaying the inevitable. You saw Romeo smirk to himself out of the corner of your eye as you started skimming the notebook, but you decided a reaction wasn't worth the effort.

After about half an hour of silent study of the records, you cleared your throat.

"Mr Lucci, I think I've located a potential issue. A lot of your slot machines have people winning too frequently, so you're not really making much of anything from them. If I had to make a rough estimate, I'd say halving the odds would maximise your profits. Also, with the roulette table-" you completely lost your train of thought as you noticed how Romeo was looking at you. His face was almost the same unreadable mask he'd worn last night, but now, he looked kind of interested, maybe even a little impressed. You could see a smirk forming on the corners of his lips.

"Keep going, BB. For once you're saying something of value,"

Deciding to ignore the jab, you resumed your explanation of how he could tweak the casino games to maximise his profits,trying to give him rough estimates where possible. By the end, he was fully smirking, and his face almost seemed to have lost some of that coldness.

"I knew you could be useful if you tried hard enough. Good girl,"

You felt your face heating up as he praised you, so you decided to avert your gaze. Maybe you were coming down with a fever after the stress of the last few days.

"Also, Y/N, you should take this. I can't stand seeing your hands in such horrible shape," This time, Romeo took out a jar from one of his desk drawers and placed it next to you.

You looked down. It was luxury hand cream, imported directly from Italy. Trying not to laugh, you thanked Romeo and put it on your bag. He did seem like the kind of person who would want to get everything from back home, no matter how expensive and impractical.

"Maybe I do have a last bit of advice, Mr Lucci. You should stop spending so much of your earnings on fancy trinkets and reinvest some in your casino," this time, you were the one smirking, your eyes glinting with silent laughter as you finally looked up at Romeo.

"I also have advice, BB. Keep such useless and ridiculous insights to yourself. Now leave, they're expecting you at the roulette table in five minutes,"

Rolling your eyes, you slung your bag over your shoulders and walked out of the office, mentally preparing yourself for the start of what was sure to be a very long day.

Masterlist

[hellobitchlet]

Thoughts on Kinich's quest:

- from the moment the quest started, where Kinich revealed that Trindad wants to kill the Mountain King, and Paimon and Traveler immedietaly went to "Oh no! Killing = bad!", with no mention of Enjou or Ajaw whatsoever, I knew this quest wasn't going to be as good as I hoped. I don't know why I had hope in the first place.

- I like Kinich accidentally entering a beastly rift and doing his own research on abyss stuff, without automatically knowing the names for things like most characters. It was pretty neat to watch him explain beastly rifts to Traveler and Paimon while referring to riftwolves as "purple dogs". It made me feel like I understood how his brain works a little better.

- actually, the funny thing about Kinich, as a Natlan character, being the one to do this research is that Natlan is the nation that is at war with the abyss. Like. This is literally the only nation where it would make sense for the average person to know what riftwolves are. This isn't reeeally a complaint, I just find it funny.

- I'm really not a fan of how killing the Mountain King was automatically seen as bad despite their suffering bc tradition is 'more important', but to be fair to the main conflict, it would've been much worse if we were supposed to see Trindad as a bad person. The writers didn't villainize him for not wanting his people to die bc of a tradition, and his point of view was treated as equal to the npc's that Traveler and Paimon agreed with, and that is pretty good for a Genshin npc.

- though, I am a little suspicious about how they're suddenly willing to do this for a light skinned npc, when Mualani's quest villainized a brown skinned npc in the same update.

- I do actually like the Turnfire Night plot. One of the only things I like about Natlan is that it combines the abyss lore and nation world building more than other places. I just feel like the writers can't decide whether they want Kinich to be morally gray (sending the MK to the ABYSS just to avoid killing it to Avoid Drama) or have great morals like the rest of the cast (Traveler and Paimon being so focused on killing = bad that they don't have a problem with this).

- I am extremely annoyed at the fact that a decent chunk of this quest was spent helping npc's and giving Traveler over-the-top praise while Kinich did the actually important stuff. I don't care about these guys! I care about Enjou and the abyss! This isn't even about the turnfire night! We already do this kind of stuff in every single world and archon quest, for fucks sake!

- why do we learn how Kinich and Ajaw met from a random npc? Who just brings it up out of nowhere?? Why??

- it's not that important I guess, but Kinich calling Paimon gentle natured was the stupidest thing ever. I can forgive him bc he's comparing her to Ajaw and hasn't seen her be bitchy yet, but please don't tell me that the writers actually see her like that. She's an asshole.

- in comparison to the Turnfire Night plot, what little we got of Enjou and Ajaw was suuuuper interesting. I am loving whatever they have going on (and Ajaw's lore overall), and I wish we got more of it instead of fooling around with less important npc's. I am very glad that Enjou is back, but that makes it sadder that he's probably going to be forgotten about again.

- it took me a second to realize that his name changed to The Thing Calling Itself "Sanka". That's a neat little detail.

- "cliche, I know - the hero's trusted partner sells him out to the Abyss in a shocking act of betrayal. Cue bad-guy speech and drawn-out death sequence..." "Abyss Boarding School" "I could never beat you in a straight-up fight, but when it comes to running away, I won't lose to anyone" Enjou I love you.

- my favorite part of this entire quest is probably the fact that Enjou now, officially, has a relationship to a playable character other than Traveler. And man, is it a fun one. Deadpan, serious Kinich caught between silly little assholes Ajaw and Enjou both wanting to take his body is really fun. If Genshin itself refuses to expand on his relationship to Ajaw and Kinich, then I better see the fandom doing it instead.

- back to the Turnfire Night stuff, it's convenient that the Mountain King isn't corrupted anymore and decided to live. I wonder if the ending was just done like that bc the writers weren't sure what to do with a story where one side isn't necessarily wrong. Overall though, it's not that bad, just boring.

I'm enjoying making these overall thoughts posts. Maybe I should make more? There's no guarantee of me doing every single archon quest and story quest, though. Especially when I'm focusing on both Genshin and hsr.

[team7-headquarter]

Naruto and Sakura are so babies to me BECAUSE they are fucked up off-putting little menaces.

They're the same and it's so funny how they can't recognize it. There's literally no reason for it, there is no connection between them except that they are both protagonists so the story went "Listen, I'm gonna make a pair that is sooooo ridiculously enjoyable to watch because they are sooo weird."

They listen to voices in their head?? Canonically? Both of them were bullied as kids for not being like the rest?? Naruto has freaking whiskers and Sakura pink hair!!! They are so bright and colored it's like a joke to know they want to be ninjas!!!!!!!! They are impossibly loud and bitchy, always up to beat anyone including kids and old people, don't hold back when it's time for mean comments or rejecting people they find ugly or weird, share a total of zero braincells between them sometimes, refuse to see themselves as being less than other people—

I genuinely laugh so hard with them. Remember that time after Kaguya got sealed when Naruto and Sakura panicked over how they'd go back to the real world? They had just saved the world and somehow still had time for their silly antics.

Their summons are (let me check ...) MULTIPLE frogs and a giant snail that can divide into many little versions of herself. They got those summons from their mentors, who happened to be an old man perverted to no one famously known for his erotica writing and a woman known by all for her alcoholic tendencies and being a giant loser that refuses to stop gambling.

You need more convincing? Okay.

Naruto and Sakura are a little perverted as teens and spend 70% of the manga crying. They are so lame in some of their speeches, epic losers from the very beginning because they were the dead last shinobi and kunoichi of their class. When they face a problem, their solution is "I'll beat it up with my own hands". Them in Naruto classic? For sure the stupidest duo around.

Half (or more) of their plans are the worst plans ever and the rest miraculously work so well you have to admit they were cool. They are obsessive and short tempered and even when they are the strongest shinobi and kunoichi duo around, you can't trust they will complete the mission without making it worse first.

... I correct it, they will make it worse first.

On the other hand, you have to win their respect, because they sure as hell won't give it to you out of the goodness of their hearts. They are the best representation of the Will of Fire of the younger generation. No one ever thought Naruto would befriend Kurama like he did, no one ever counted on Sakura becoming a world renowned medic nin, no one thought they would reach that far. They're naive to a fault and they don't fit the shinobi life at all and if they weren't the protagonists, they'd be the first to die or something, but they are the mcs and they are absurd as they come.

I love them sooooo much for all they are and all they are not.

[sweetmariihs2]

WE NEED TO NORMALIZE SEEING ADULTS WITH TOYS IN OUR EVERYDAY LIVES

Collectors are supposed to let their toys in shelves at their homes, but honestly, I still like to "play" with toys to this day and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean, what's the problem in being passionate about an interest? It's okay to collect figurines and dolls but it's not okay to show them publicly? Why can't I bring one of my monster high dolls to my highschool just for funsies? Can't I just show it to my friends?

Some time ago I was very excited about restoring my Buzz Lightyear doll and brought him to school to show his progress to my friends. Everyone who saw him had a fun time playing with his voice box and movements, and honestly, in my case, holding your favorite character in hands feels very nice. Everytime we had to walk I just said "hold on let me bring him with us" and we just chuckled and took care of him like he was a baby, lmao. I love ficcional characters and having an hyperfocus on a character I own a doll of makes me not want to leave it at home, you know? I tend to express this passion through backpack pins about my interests and tons of keychains made out of small toys, which is the only way people don't judge an adult having toys.

I know that adults with toys in the world's view look "stupid", and I think that's the stupidest thing ever. Many neurodivergent people use toys as a way to regulate themselves. Many adult people sleep with a childhood teddy bear to this day. And it pisses me tf out the fact that I'm supposed to leave the stuff I like on the shelves to collect dust just because I can't bring them with me in fear of public judgement, because even though we try to ignore it, we know that judgement feels terrible.

[mueritos]

Hi, Matteo! So, I have just about the stupidest question to you as a fellow transmasc artist/creator: whenever I find myself trying to create a female character, I end up struggling with forming the idea of her personality and motivations etc in my mind, and then when I try to sort look at the character from different angles to 'get' them, boom! My hand slips and they're genderfluid now, or nonbinary, or transmasc, or transfem. The point is, they're never a cis woman in the end. No issues with male characters, cis or trans. Is this a common experience for other trans/nb creators? Or is it a 'default misogyny instilled in us all by society' thing? I just want to be able to create female characters too! and I kinda feel like an asshole for not being able to. So, I'd love to hear your thoughts on that!

this isn't stupid at all! first of all, it's entirely fine if you only want to draw and create trans characters. It's also okay that you have preferences toward certain characters. I hilariously fall into this same problem of struggling to make female characters, because my attraction toward men makes me want to always create gay/MLM centered stories. My brain is giving very much "no women no girls this is...The World of the Gays" image. But here's the thing, what you draw and what you choose to invest your creative energy into doesn't say anything moral about you. I would say things start becoming more complicated depending on the intentions behind art, how characters are depicted, and the harm it may cause to others (example, racist depictions of characters, colorism within art, etc).

However, it sounds like you do want to make female characters, specifically cis female characters. I struggle making cis female characters too, and i don't know if you relate, but after many years of being forced to be a Girl and to be Feminine, I now avoid situations or things that make me feel like I'm going back to GirlMode. But, it's important to remind ourselves that this avoidance can become maladaptive and prevent us from opening ourselves to new experiences. You're not an asshole, and clearly you care enough about making diverse art because you're trying to seek different perspectives.

my thought process when making female characters is essentially the same with all characters, but there are many characters I have intentionally chosen aspects of themselves that i do not relate to to push myself. It sounds like you need to make a decision to keep a cis female character and protect her from your transgender mind beam haha. Give her something you relate to, like a hobby or a lived experience or an outfit you like, and perhaps it can help alleviate any feelings of wanting to push your connection to her through shared transness. Another thing you can do is base her loosely off a cis woman in your life! I've done this before and it prevents me from changing her gender, mostly because I feel like it would be disrespectful to make them trans if they're based off someone I know haha. Or, if you still want a trans character in proximity to her, give her a trans friend, sister, cousin, partner, or enemy! That way the dynamic is not just based on their relationship, but also their different genders :)

also, don't worry if you're being misogynistic or not. every character you make may have some form of a stereotype or some "problematic" aspect. I have a cis female character who falls into the "wants to get married and only things about men stereotype", but she is brave and often far more driven than the men and women in her life because she cares about the man she loves (enough to break from her social status and become a fighter to save him). I ALSO have all kinds of trans characters I created just to lewd them up, and I know for sure there's probably someone out there wagging their finger at me and saying i'm "fetishizing" trans people. I also like to draw the occassional cute girl because I think women are beautiful and I admire the ways I see the women in my life carry themselves. My point is, characters are flawed because WE are flawed and we internalize a lot of messaging from the world. as long as you are seeking our ways to re-learn messaging and incorporate that into your work, you're doing enough. There exists no perfect squeaky clean un-problematic non-stereotypy character ever, because we all aren't squeaky clean un-problematic non-stereotypy people.

hope that helped ^-^

[scenetocause]

⭐star⭐

ah thank you anon!!! i'm gonna do climb up to your lips because altho i already did the logan ask i have an embarrassing number of thoughts and feelings about. my own fic. good god. but specifically about girloscar and i've been really fighting the urge to write a bit from her perspective because it's unnecessary authorial indulgence but also whatever, doing it for free aren't i.

Oscar's going to fucking die. They can't seriously be making them play Twister, this is like some sort of torture. The team shouldn't be torturing them, they're meant to be driving F1 cars soon. If she DNFs this weekend it's absolutely on marketing.

She says it to Mark, who tells her it's just a bit of fun, mate. Don't worry, he's probably shit at it. Which tells her Mark doesn't know anything about Lando Norris because the guy can contort into a shapes Oscar's never seen before but now very much haunt her dreams even when he's just meant to be sitting in a press conference chair.

It's not fair, being given a hot teammate. She could've had someone weird and awkward like Esteban but the need for a seat, to secure her future, was too strong to worry about the other side of the McLaren garage until she was there and it was suddenly her problem.

Lando's really nice, too. Helps her out, isn't anything like as annoying as she'd expected him to be. He's taken to spending meal times with her and giving her bits of his food and things, probably because he's a fussy little bitch but Oscar still appreciates it. The company, the way he doesn't seem scared of her being a girl, the sort of sad illusion he could be her boyfriend or whatever.

Logan says it's just teammate stuff, that him and Alex do that kind of thing, too. But Oscar's pretty sure Logan's never had Alex bring him a hot chocolate and a brownie just because it was a bit chilly in the sim room that morning. She doubts Logan is having to play Twister with him, either because Williams is a humane team with sane people doing their PR.

Sweating her way through a game of who can look the stupidest between her and the world's hottest, bendiest man has got to be some circle of hell. At one point she somehow ends up having to stick her arse practically in his face and she wishes she'd worn jeans, even if that might make it even worse, just in case he can see her whole bush up the leg or something.

When she admits she's in a world of trouble it's not just because she has no idea where her left foot can go now. Trying not to look Lando in the face is fruitless because he's giggling and keeps wriggling around, getting her attention so she'll laugh with him. Maybe it's awkward for him, too, having some girl he'd rather not touch having to climb all over him.

She knows she doesn't have a chance with him, that he's just being friendly. Lando dates models, influencers, whatever. Pretty, little girls with long hair who tell him he's big and strong or something, not someone taller than him. She can compete with him, not instagram hotties.

It's fine. Oscar could probably get her own instagram hottie if she liked. Or some guy who worked in finance, could look after her future. Handle all that shit, probably be nice enough to her. Mark was suggesting it the other week, that that'd be a good way to plan things out and Oscar's practical enough to know it makes sense.

It's just that she's being really stupid about being in love with Lando Norris. And guys in pinstripe suits make her pussy dry up.

Wanting things comes naturally to a racing driver. And usually there's a set way of getting them: be good enough, win. It's just that she's not going to magically become half a foot shorter, skinny and with a lingerie deal any time soon, so that's not an option.

"You're not putting your foot between my legs." Lando's blushing, mouth wet and panicky-open, like he's going to make one of those screeching noises she shouldn't find cute.

Conceding is the only option. Because Lando's not just laughing, his voice is a croak and he looks - obviously, he's not but - like he's turned on. Like Oscar could push him back onto the mat and kiss him and he'd wriggle and moan just as much as he is now. Like he'd want her to touch him and she knows he doesn't, would probably freak out if he knew the way she thinks about him.

(face down in a pillow, getting fucked raw, that flush high on his skin while he's making all his weird, whining noises and begging to come, still begging for her to hold him afterwards so she can stroke his sweaty curls - it's started invading her thoughts at the worst times, like right now)

Limbo is even worse. She's shit at it and he could probably get under something an inch off the ground. It's awful, Prema challenges were never like this; she might not know how to cook eggs but at least Rob didn't, either.

Lando's clearly insane because he's won both the first rounds, has got this challenge in the bag, except he makes the third one all or nothing. By this point, Oscar had figured it'd probably be slime wrestling or something equally awful but instead they get to sit down and play jenga like relatively normal people.

He absolutely lets her win. Which is shit, as she explains to Logan later.

"I think he just wanted to get away, y'know? Like, obviously he doesn't want to spend time with me, that's fine."

Logan raises his eyebrows, fringe standing on end where he's been running his hand through it. "Didn't you just say he followed you to your driver room and talked about Halo for twenty minutes?"

"Well, yeah but I think he was just hiding from Sophie." And they'd had hats to sign, so it sort of made sense to do it together.

Logan sits back, stretching his legs out in front of him and crossing his arms. "You know how many times Alex has been in my room?"

The fuck would she know that. "No?"

"Zero. Nada. Zilch." Logan looks smug, for some reason. "I've never been in his, either."

"So?" Clearly Williams have different rules. It's not like they're in Logan's room now, sitting out on the patio in front of the motorhome nursing sparkling waters.

"I am just saying," Logan's grinning, like he knows she isn't going to listen to him and thinks it's hilarious. "That doesn't sound like a guy who doesn't want to spend time with you."

[lordmartiya]

Unexpected Guest

Hi, @professorducc, I'm your Secret Santa for @mlsecretsanta. Here's my gift to you, the story Unexpected Guest.

Marinette didn’t understand what was happening, and most importantly why. It wasn’t unusual when Lila was involved, but this time it was far more than usual. “Why?” she asked to the brunette now helping her pack. “You’re going to be a guest, and that means for the time being you’re basically family I can have dirty thoughts about.” Lila replied. “Simple as that.” “Yes, but-dirty thoughts?!” “In case nobody told you, you’re hot. An annoying santarellina that doesn’t know how to pick her battles, but a hot one.” “If that’s your idea of flirting, it’s not working.” Marinette replied, telling herself the heat she was feeling in her cheeks was from embarrassment. “And I mean why you’re taking me in while-while…” “That’s my mother’s idea. I guess it paints the embassy better, the consul helping the granddaughter of an Italian citizen in her time of need. And for what is worth, I hope your parents recover and someone finds that driver and feeds them their own license.” That was the problem. Her parents had been hospitalized after being hit by a car, and with Nonna Gina being around the world and her grandfather legally inelegible due what he called “the stupidest thing I ever did” Lila’s mother, the consul and acting head of the Italian embassy until Papillon was dealt with and the French government came back with the ambassadors and the nuclear codes, had stepped in, taken over guardianship for the time being, and was having her move at her home on the other side of Place des Vosges.

  “This is the guest room, and here the current Wi-Fi codes and how to get through the security jamming. Once you’ve used them throw the paper in the incinerator chute.” Lila said after showing the rest of the apartment to her new roommate and handing her the passwords for the week. “If you need any help, you only have to ask.” “The what chute?” Marinette asked. Of course, she had no idea how diplomats’ family lived. “Welcome to the world of diplomacy, full of secrets to be kept through lies, deception, and even destruction at times. It’s one absurd world, to the point I have no idea if my mother was joking when she told me of the Japanese “troubleshooter”, if you get what I mean, that poses as a diplomat and always wears a plushie rabbit mask – though if I actually see him, I’m leaving before he starts weaponizing macarons and firing lasers from the eyes.” Marinette was bewildered. Good, the phantomatic Usagi-sensei would keep her mind off the event long enough to get Alya her security clearance and get inspected to visit her friend.

  “You had to get a security clearance?!” Marinette asked her best friend once she arrived. “Yeah… Fingerprints, a background check… And then they checked me and the package as if we were suspicious at an American airport, only they didn’t assume I was guilty until proven otherwise.” Alya confirmed. “They even complimented me for the brand of bug detector.” “Just… Let’s use it, I’m not trusting Lila until I verified she hasn’t bugged the room.” Turned out Lila had bugged the room. As in she had put a single bedbug-shaped listening device on the desk, near its receiver and a note saying “Satisfied?”. “What is she planning?” Marinette wondered. “Maybe nothing? I mean, she’s actually doing what she said she’d do.” Alya pointed out. “And if she had bad intentions, she’d have already stolen the Box. Marinette had no counter to that. Maybe she was actually being sincere. She could even ask her what her grandfather’s problem was, if the security was like that then it was likely on file.

  “Sorry, what?” “Your grandfather got arrested with a fascist group that was preparing a coup over EU membership.” Lila explained, having seen too much weird stuff like that to bat an eye at what she had just read. “Apparently it was more a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time so he got a suspended sentence, but he still followed a friend there and thought what they said made sense to him until they started talking of armed action and it made rethink his life. Still better than my great-granduncle.” Lila didn’t really want to share that, but Marinette was a guest and someone she admired and she wasn’t letting her in the dumps for her grandfather having been an idiot. “What did he do?” Marinette asked, taking the bait. “Officially? Nothing, he was just the podestà of Brescello until 1945. But if you read between the lines, you’ll get why right after the war the town’s archpriest and the local Communist leader ran him out of town. But I hope you aren’t assuming that person’s actions decide who I am, just like Roland Dupain’s idiocy doesn’t decide who you are.” Marinette could read between the lines. Her expressions made clear she didn’t know what a podestà was in context, but an archpriest and a Communist leader running someone out of town back then said more than enough. And her guest got the message. That was enough for Lila, who grabbed her copy of one of the old spirit cultivation texts Chloè found, hoping that her study would help her in her attempt to settle the score with Ladybug.

  Marinette had thought to stalk Lila. She had been acting weird, and with everything that had happened in their past she decided to find what her cute host was up to. She had not been expecting to track her and Chloè to a catacomb right on the city’s Dragon Vein (or ley line, as they were called by Western mysticists) – and tapping into it with a Wellspring. A place perfect for all types of Spirit Cultivation, to the point that if she had access to this “La Plage”, as they had named the catacomb, she’d have broken through and obtained unrestricted use of a Miraculous months ago. Still, she first had to ask one thing: “Where’s Sabrina?” “Certainly not in a section of the Catacombs closed to the public.” replied Chloè. “You think I’d bring the daughter of an archer here?” Right, stupid question. “What does archery have to do with this?” Lila asked. “That’s what we call our cops.” Chloè answered before turning to Marinette. “As for you, what are you doing here?” “I… I was just curious, Lila acted so weird and-” “Ugh! Don’t tell me that Andrè’s orange and green ice cream was actually a sign!” “No!” came the denial, with Marinette wondering why she felt her cheeks heating up just as she looked for something, ANYTHING to distract the blonde and the (pleased?! Seriously?!) Italian. Wait. The Wellspring! “By the way-“ “Don’t change topic.” Lila interrupted. “I’ve heard about the ice cream, but it seems there’s more about it than I thought.” “That can wait, Dupain-Cheng’s distractions are always useful.” Chloè pointed out. “I take you were talking of the Odic Magnet?” Marinette would later learn her scream of horror started a new legend about the Catacombs. “You went by a biomagnetism design?!” she whispered in horror. “So?” Marinette didn’t answer. She just pulled her phone (somehow that area had excellent reception) and called Big Sister Fei. She was the single best Cultivation expert Marinette knew of, and she wasn’t going to let the two accidentally give themselves the same kind of imbalanced qi-induced insanity that by now Paris’ favorite terrorist had to be in the grip of.

  Lila didn’t like being in debt. That was why she had resolved to find a way to repay Marinette for saving her sanity and possibly soul. And while normally she’d be happy for a chance, this was just too weird. “Ch’hai detto?” Lila asked, slipping in her native Romanesco dialect from the surprise. Luckily, it was very close to standard Italian and her interlocutor was fluent in that. “I said, this is the perfect chance to deal with Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” Gabriel repeated. “She’s weak and vulnerable, and you are in the perfect position to insure she won’t recover.” “With all due respect” that is none at all “she’s become inoffensive. Wouldn’t be more practical to make her an ally?” “I’m not taking risks. Finish her off. Frame her for theft, or something. Make sure she won’t have the ability to corrupt Adrien, your job depends on it.” “Very well. I know what to do.”

  Marinette couldn’t believe what she was hearing in Lila’s recording. Neither could Adrien. “How did you record this? Father has a jammer in his atelier.” he pointed out. “Tape recorder, too primitive to be affected.” Lila replied. Her recorder did look weird… But if Gabriel was doing this – “And before you ask, he’s got nothing to do with the crash, mom checked.” “Now what?!” Marinette shouted. “If he hates me, he will-“ “He will un cazzo.” Lila hissed as she put her hand on Marinette’s. Something she found oddly comforting. “This isn’t about planning a counterattack, it’s about planning how to deal with the aftermath once the Caramba have Carambed him.” “What?” Adrien asked. Marinette, on the other hand, understood Italian slang enough to realize what would happen. Though she wondered if it was legal. Then Lila’s phone signaled it had received something. And once she looked it, she laughed Volpina’s laugh. “Well, they Carambed him faster than expected.” she said as she forwarded the message. “Did you know I have Ladybug’s number?” Marinette knew, she had given it right after Chamele-oh. Oh, no. “Marinette, why are your earrings flashing?” Lila asked.

“So, let’s resume everything.” Lila said once the consequences of the Carabinieri detachment of the embassy putting Agreste Manor under full surveillance and catching a charged Akuma coming out had unfolded. “Gabby was Le Papillon, his minion Mayura, and they started hunting the Miraculous down to revive Adrien’s mom after she got nearly killed by a broken Miraculous and it didn’t dawn on them they could just Akumatize Adrien, who’s also Chat Noir and a Sentimonster because in his own words “adoption is for peasants”, with the right powers to do the job rather than alter the fabric of the universe. Something we’ve proven is possible by giving the Butterfly Miraculous to this Socqueline so that she could have you heal your parents and then have Adrien heal the minion and his mom – who the police are currently holding for questioning about a few weird incidents.” “Yes.” Marinette confirmed, her face indecifrable. “You are also Ladybug, and the whole reason of the initial accident is that back then Adrien’s involvement in anything made you lose more braincells than Alya did back then when Ladybug was involved.” “Yes.” “You have some explaining to do. Seriously, why did YOU wear such a plain” and sexy “costume?! I thought you couldn’t possibly be Ladybug because you have a fashion sense, and she obviously didn’t!” Marinette’s face showed her relief. The fool. She had only a few days before she got back home, and Lila was going to tease the everliving everything out of her new romantic target friend while she could. She didn’t know what the future held, but it was clearly brighter than either of them expected.

Author notes

There’s an Easter egg in this story. Yes, I did what I did. No, I’m not telling you what I did. But if you got it you’re probably laughing your ass off. Lately I got interested in the Spirit Cultivation genre, that draws heavily on Daoism… And as it happens, the show in general and the Chinese Miraculous Box in particular are easily tied to it, allowing me to actually fill the gigantic plot holes of Lila and Chloè’s character arcs: in the effort to get the power to survive the perceived threats they Cultivated themselves into villainy, with Chloè becoming more selfish and Lila getting so engrossed in her lies she thought it was a good idea to create multiple fake identities (and achieving the magical bullshitting power to convince two women she’s their daughter). I also had fun getting in some Vitalist idea to connect.