#i'm having such a good time with my awful barbies

[doomedlightningshard]

and as i watched from underneath i came aware of all that she dreamed the little foxes, so safe and sound they were not dead, they'd gone to ground

[havenesc]

i wish i had an actual question to ask but. i just keep rotating horse girl rancher jason in my head like......... you got it. how does it feel to be SO right <3 sooo if you wannaaaa, i'd love to read any hc or thoughts you might wanna say!

(the jason rancher au)

hiiiii anon!!! i'm so happy you're enjoying rancher au and i'm always happy to yap :^) i figure i'll talk my shit about horses -- i'll have official designs later when i have More Time but for now!! my thoughts!!

Blue is Jason's borrowed horse, a blue roan foundation-bred QH. He's an honest worker and he rarely complains; he's the ideal ranch horse, though not the fanciest with all the neat little polished buttons. Nobody really Actually Believes Jason when he says he knows how to ride, and Blue is the babysitter that won't get him absolutely murdered on Day 1. Blue doesn't mind -- he's good-natured about mistakes Jason makes, and Jason is very careful when he's aware of them. Blue's biggest vice is personal space and using Jason as his complimentary scratching post, which Jason actively encourages. (Note: generally not advised.)

Barbie is Laura's god awful meaner than Satan, probably-subsists-off-of-Devil's-Claw-Supplement mare. She's a wild mix of Appaloosa/Thoroughbred/Percheron, so she's stout but a little fucked up proportionally. She's a dark bay blanket appaloosa pattern. She hates men. She has mauled cows. She has torn down fences and gone after other horses for their food. She is the buffer in between the guys tagging a calf and an aggressive mama cow. If anybody else had her bill of sale, they would have taken her to the dog food plant already for a more purposeful meaning in life, but Laura is Insane about this horse. That's her pretty princess, you bitch. If anything happens to this mare Laura will kill everyone in the room and then herself.

Toast is a fancy little cutting-bred QH gelding that Goose has as a sale project. He is very young, barely-broke, and thus a coward -- if you don't ride him every day he gets cold-backed and will attempt to murder both himself and whoever climbs up on him. He's genuinely trying to learn how to be a good ranch pony. He's also very succinctly named Toast because he's a little sooty buckskin. Goose is adamant that he's only keeping him for the year to put the miles on him, but he is so damn endeared by this little horse that everyone is calling his bluff.

Scout is Kacey's QH/Thoroughbred cross, or an Appendix! She's a classic brass chestnut with four white socks and a cute little snip, and the sweetest beanie baby in the barn. A goody two-shoes, lowest on the pecking order. She's very tolerant of Kacey's bullshit when it gets boring on cattle drives and she's one of those horses that you can let anybody climb up on her. She's very green, like Toast, and still watchy/spooky, but she's also the kind of horse who will put her head in your lap and stand there for hours. She's everybody's dream horse and the guy who sold her to Kacey is still mad he let her go.

Cisco is old man McLaren's somewhat-green QH gelding. He's a buckskin tobiano with a little bit of an attitude problem, but not in the "I'll kill you and your whole fucking family" way like Barbie -- he just wants to know you mean what you say and you're willing to put the work into the partnership. He can be stubborn and has a pretty high self preservation and he, god love him, does NOT like Jason. He wants nothing to do with that dead-but-not-dead guy. Jason will never ever be able to catch him if he's in the field; the one (1) time he does, you best believe he's colicking.

[cryinhell]

No one asked, but here's my updated top ten hellaverse ships (both canon and not)

10) Stella x Striker

What can I say? I love an evil couple. I think these two look pretty hot together, and it's interesting how Striker seems to respect Stella despite hating blue bloods. These two aren't canon, but I wouldn't mind if they were

9) RadioRose

Despite having mixed feelings on Alastor, I think these two are just so cute. Either as a couple or just queer platonic partners, I don't care. Rosie seems to be the only person to make Alastor genuinely smile, and she's the only one who can touch him. There's a special bond there I really like

8) Verosika Mayday x Wally Wackford

So this is the biggest crack ship on this list, but I think in theory, it's so cute. I really want Verosika to be happy, and Wally, despite being a bit of a scammer, is really sweet. I'm totally cool with Verosika ending up with Barbie as well, but I slightly prefer Wally. I wonder if they will have more interactions in future episodes.

7) Fizzmodeus

Is this controversial? Probably. I know Fizzarolli and Asmodeus are so loved in this fandom, so putting them at number 7 is awful...but they aren't my favorite. I do like them, and I think they're really cute! I just have ships I like more, but that doesn't take away how sweet these two can be. Sometimes obnoxiously sweet heh. So yeah, no disrespect to these two

6) M&M

So these two were at first kinda meh for me, but over time, I've grown to love them. They have a pretty healthy relationship, and I always hate when someone bothers Millie for marrying Moxxie or saying Moxxie isn't a good enough husband. These two clearly love and respect each other and clearly grow together with every episode.

5) Staticmoth

Like I said, I love an evil couple. Valentino is a monster, and Vox is deplorable. That doesn't stop me from loving them as a couple and thinking they are cute. I think they both should die, but also would be sad cause come on, they're cute together.

4) Cherrisnake

I love Sir Pentious, I love Cherri Bomb, so obviously, them together is a fun pair. I shipped these two before the show came out and was so excited to see Pen having a crush on Cherri. They kinda remind me of the early versions of M&M, but they need a lot more time. Cherri isn't ready to accept love, and Sir Pentious is well...in a different world. I can't wait to see these two develop and become an actual couple.

3) Adamsapple

So this and Lucilith could be here. Lucifer being happy is the main objective, and its Adamsapple is so fun. They clearly have a history, and there's a lot of feelings. If Adam comes back in season 2, I'd love to see this be fleshed out. I doubt they'd be a couple, but maybe friends? Who knows. I'm fine with this one not being canon, and just something fun in the fandom

2) Stolitz

Stoltiz is pretty important to me because it really got me involved in the fandom. I've been watching Helluva Boss since the beginning, but episode one of season two had me from casual watcher to actual fan. Blitzø is one of the characters I really relate to, and Stolas is just a really well written character. I love the development of these two and they are worth waiting for. I really gotta draw some fanart of them because they are everything

1) Huskerdust

Are you surprised? You must be new. These two are my everything and all time otp in the Hellaverse. I've talked so much about why I love them, and I will continue to do so until I can't any longer. Angel and Husk are not only my favorite characters individually, but their growing friendship and eventual relationship are just so ughhhh. I love these losers, and they will always be number one.

Thanks for reading my nonsense

Have a good one 💜💜

[starberry-cupcake]

GUESS WHO'S BACK IN THE HOUSE???

I don't know how frequent these will be but I'm gonna try to pick this back up now that, at the very least, I am done with having to read stuff for mandatory academic reasons.

But before I go back and start over with chapter 33, I'm going to do a little recap of where I think everyone was when I left them, as far as my own notes and my memory allow. I'm probably going to make less sense than before now that I had a 5 month hiatus and I'll probably guess even less of what's going on, but such is life.

This character recap should be read with this song in your head because that's the energy I picture.

she's going through it

doesn't remember shit

thinks ortus was her cavalier

is constantly targeted by alleged gideon aka ortus the first

who actually also told her how to defend herself from him (them? he said "us") (use blood, not bones, of course)

is seen as "lyctor lite" because her cavalier slurping thing "didn't work"

(we think this might be good because of gideon reasons)

improved her necro abilities to "make up" for it

can't really hold the sword

everyone expects her to die

I think she's stronger than they think and that's their mistake

sent letters to herself that she hasn't yet fully read

like I made these recaps that now I'm re-reading, life parallels

gave yandere twin her arm back with necro sex or something

is dealing with an inner chad who is as difficult in death as in life

misses her sister who she thinks is still alive

I also think she's alive

got a new arm through necro sex or something

is kinky as well as yandere

thinks too highly of augustine

wants to be a good lyctor

has issues with her self-perception because she was always the ignored twin, even if she had the necro abilities

sleeps in a room with a lot of nudes

wanted to kiss harrow but was rejected (the second time, the first time was some harrow conspiracy theory thing)

I hate this guy

is very bad at his job

or very good, if his job is to be awful

supposedly he's gonna be killed, but so far no results on that front

had a thing with ice cube barbie aka AL aka annabel lee, allegedly

undetermined what kind of "thing" that was

gets into orgies with his lyctors, apparently

is always reading stuff

has created a system to destroy planets and their energy

this has brought them issues

who would have thought

there are now energy things that are wanting to destroy them

they killed some but have, I believe, 3 still trailing them

claims that what they did was a good thing

doesn't take responsibility for things that are clearly his fault

isn't disturbed by harrow's origin story of baby blending in a necro magic bullet to make her

probably because he has committed genocide himself

is also being hated on by a bunch of rebels whose leader disappeared about 20 years prior

my running theory is that gideon's mom might be related to that

aka Senior Chad

don't like this guy

he's training yandere twin, if we can call it that

dislikes mercygirl a lot but isn't above getting dirty with her and the emperor

you can't convince me there weren't other ways they could have distracted him, but he went for that, so

wanted to help kill alleged gideon aka ortus the first

thinks too highly of himself

explains things in a convoluted way

is treated very poorly

can help people with wounds

thinks harrowcita is very smol and always claims her to be younger than the last time

was involved in the plan of getting emperor reverend doctor john Distracted with Capital D to get alleged gideon aka ortus the first killed

idk how much she knew of the plan before getting into it tbh there wasn't a lot of discussion prior

insists she's not moving not!dulcinea

argues with people all the time

his name is up for debate at this point but I'm sure it's actually gideon

may or may not be involved in things beyond the planet situation

seems to be sort of possessed or something because, in a moment of maybe lucidity or not wanted to protect harrowcita from "us"

maybe he's not the kind one, maybe it's his cavalier, but idk

is probably who the note in book 1 was referring to

wants to kill harrow to protect the emperor, apparently

was about to be killed by not!dulcinea (who doesn't get a section but is STILL wreaking havoc because nobody listens to me)

harrowcita saved his life like in toy story 3 with the incinerator

was seen doing Stuff with not!dulcinea prior to this

emperor john alluded that he may be aroace though

we stan him for that

doesn't get along with the rest

also we stan him for that

has been trying to kill harrowcita the whole time

we don't stan him for that

aka AL aka annabel lee, I think

it wasn't stated but that's what I'm going for

is the body that was in the locked tomb that harrowcita saw

but now is haunting harrow and going around with her but only she can see and hear her

her eyes though are like gideon's maybe

harrow claims to love her

she's also present in the gideon-less past we keep seeing as well

we don't know much about her but if the emperor imprisoned her, we're on her side

canaan house but with a lot of events differently set

starting with gideon not existing and ortus being harrow's cav

ortus is also in a polycule with the fifth

dulcinea is the real one in this one and protozoa is alive

regina george twin was pushed to her "death???" by mayonneise uncle, before he also threw himself

palmolive and camilla are dead in this one

the second house has 1 alive and 1 dead

abigail seems to know a lot of stuff

maybe hadn't she died immediately, book 1 would have been shorter

everyone keeps saying "is this how it happened?"

IT'S NOT

harrow reads a note only she can see that keeps getting longer about someone ranting to some guy and there's a potential triangle situation going on and also eggs

I'm thinking it might be a fertility thing but idk

there's a waker/sleeper that behaves like a slasher villain

it's hidden in a coffin nobody can open and kills with a rifle

it also has a gideon-like sword?

not sure how this connects with what's going on in the emperor's bolthole because not!dulcinea doesn't exist in this one, apparently

even though camilla is very much alive and slaying and palmolive is currently a skull in a bag, I'll leave that for the next recap once I've caught up with the entire chapter

[thats-ill-eagle]

HELLUVA BOSS DEVIATING FROM ITS ORIGINAL PREMISE FUNDAMENTALLY DESTROYED THE SHOW

So, it has already been discussed many times in HB critical community that HB deviated from its premise after S1 and that anyone with an once of media literacy can tell that you can't describe it in any way other than horrible writing.

Now, I'm going to ask you this for a second - imagine that you haven't seen S1, the pilot or read the premise of Helluva Boss anywhere. Imagine that you watch all (available) episodes of S2 and are asked to write a premise about it on some movie review website. How would you briefly describe what happens in S2?

Oh, you can't or are having major trouble doing it? Don't worry, you are not media illiterate, my friend. That is the case because IT'S LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL WHAT HELLUVA BOSS IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT ANYMORE.

There are many flaws that your writing could possess - inconsistent characterization, too fast/slow pacing and so on. However, they do not automatically derail your work. It is very much possible to recognize those faults, learn from them and do better in the future.

But the premise of your work is its literal BONES. You build up the plot and characters based on it. You just can't expect your show to be good, if you tear out its basis. Of course the pacing, character development and how plot points are wrapped up in HB is horrible - how can anything function without the very thing that holds it all together?

And I MEAN that the premise of HB completely disappears, not shifts or changes. Like, seriously, what the hell is HB supposed to be about now?

Stolitz?

Their interactions indicate zero meaningful development and are tediously spaced out to the point that it's hard to care about their relationship. It is made even worse by the fact that Stolas, just like in S1, still keeps pressuring Blitzo, despite him being clearly uncomfortable.

Blitzo making amends with people he hurt?

Even ignoring S1's nonexistent buildup of this plotline (Blitzo looking at photos on his phone doesn't count, since it's literally the ONLY moment that barely suggests it), there's no buildup in S2 either, when it comes to both Barbie and Fizz. It is certainly not helped by the fact that Barbie just vanishes after Unhappy Campers and Blitzo and Fizz's beef is resolved in a single episode.

Any other plotlines of S2, like Fizz's job, Crimson, Striker, or Stolas and Stella's separation are just too small or insignificant to be considered part of the supposed premise, INCLUDING the assassination business, which arguably takes up the least amount of time of aspects of the show listed.

It's no surprise that Helluva Boss is slowly crumbling. At this point, it's just a paralysed zombie who completely forgot what it once was. And it's damn sad to watch, because the show comforted me during some dark times and, despite Viv being an awful person, I truly hoped for HB to be great.

[callsignfate]

Valeria x chaotic wife pt. 2

(I had a lot of fun writing the last one, and people seemed to like it, so here's Pt. 2.)

Part One/ Part Two/ Part Three/ Part Four/ Part Five

Part Six/ Part Seven/

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N: My stomach hurts.

Valeria: What have you eaten today?

R/N: Energy drink and air.

Valeria (tired of your shit): GO EAT SOMETHING, AND IM NOT TALKING ABOUT SWEETS OR THE SAME MEAL YOU EAT EVERYDAY. TRY SOMETHING HEALTHY.

R/N: ...no

Valeria: ...run.

R/N sprinting away: WAIT, I WAS KIDDING

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N bursting into Valeria's office while she's in a meeting with a few men: VAL!

Valeria: I'm working. Can't you see I'm in a meeting?

R/N: I can, I just don't care.

Valeria: ...

R/N: Anyways, I found this.

Valeria: ..is that a puppy?

R/N holding up a puppy: I've named them Noir.

Valeria: You can't keep a puppy h-

R/N: I WILL RUN AWAY.

Valeria: ...fine.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N walking silently with Valeria as she talks on the phone: ...

Valeria finally hanging up: You were about to combust having to be silent, weren't you?

R/N: THE BRAIN NAMED ITSELF, ALL OF THE BODY PARTS, HUMAN BRAINS NAMED EVERYTHING.

Valeria: (muttering under her breath in pure annoyance)

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

Valeria: You're only a brat because you didn't have a safe space growing up where you could say no and still receive the affection you needed.

R/N: IM JUST TRYING TO ENJOY MY CEREAL!

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N: I'm attention starved.

Valeria: I asked you to move off of my lap so I could work 5 minutes ago.

R/N: But, you were busy all day yesterday.

Valeria: ... I don't have time for your mommy issues right now.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

Valeria (walking by the stairs talking to her men): I don't care, just get the job fucking done. Now-

R/N (falling down the stairs because she got excited to see Valeria): SCNSOSJWNDJEKE OW.

Valeria (who just watched you fall down the stairs into one of her men that was at the bottom): I need better baby gates.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N: Honestly, I would say I listen pretty well

Valeria: I wouldn't say that.

R/N: I LISTEN!

Valeria: Go drink water, eat something that isn't your safe foods, and spend 10 minutes outside.

R/N: ... I listen sometimes.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N: I would die for you.

Valeria: I'd rather you didn't.

R/N: I'd live for you.

Valeria: You lived before me.

R/N: I'll go drink a glass of water.

Valeria: You really do love me.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

Valeria: I need to do some things, that you can't be around for.

R/N: ...Okay, I'll find something to do.

Valeria: Good, I'll be back in a few hours.

R/N: HOURS?!

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

R/N who forced a few of Valeria's men to see the barbie movie with her while Valeria was out: Wasn't that really good?

The men agreeing because they are scared of R/N and Valeria: So good!

Valeria: ...why are they all dressed in pink and holding popcorn?

R/N: We watched the barbie movie together!

Valeria: (muttering under her breath in Spanish as she waves her men to go away)

R/N pouting that they have to leave: Awe my forced friends.

♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤~♤

[arczism]

I have a question for you. I saw this post on my feed https://www.tumblr.com/arczism/767406042232602624?source=share (very nice by the way, I love the detail. I don’t have the ability to describe my full awe right now so *insert extremely poetic prose about your awesome artwork) I was wondering how you managed to make the characters feel like they have weight. In the image, it genuinely looks like Zoro is pressing into/onto Sanji, and Sanji is pressed into the bed. I don’t know how else to describe it. They feel… real. Like if I actually tried holding the image it would feel like tiny people were inside. Do you have any tips on drawing how people fit together without making them seem like plastic Barbie dolls placed on top of each other? (In way less metaphorical terms, how do you draw a human like their made of meat, blood, bones, etc?)

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to reply. I'm not the best at explaining, but I’ll give it a shot. Just so you know, I’m not a professional artist, I’m self-taught too, so I don’t really feel like I’m in a position to give advice, but I can try to explain my process. Just keep in mind that it works for me, and I could be totally wrong!

Drawing bodies interacting with each other is hella tough, but it’s just like any other skill. At the end of the day, we only get better at art by practicing and observing. That’s how I see it.

I use a lot of references when I draw. Like, A LOT. Expression references, pose references, anatomy references, color schemes, lighting references. I usually go all-in when creating a piece, making a little collage with inspirations and references before even starting. Then I just build on it over time (which is why it takes me so long to start comms </3).

Another super helpful thing for me was studying, breaking down pictures, and tracing. Painting over pictures helps with learning and understanding how bodies work and interact.

You gotta be careful, though—sometimes it can make your art look stiff, so try to add some movement where you can. Hair is always a good place to add a bit of flow! Also, look for clean, simplified shapes.

So yeah, no secret to it, I just use tons of references (because I’m still learning too) and practice a lot </3 From my experience, that "plastic Barbie" look usually comes from not feeling comfortable with certain angles or perspectives, but that definitely improves with practice, too, so no worries!

[miidnighters]

It's my birthday ! To celebrate, I wanted to put together a little shout out of people I love because it's the most surefire way to get compliments back in return (I'm kidding!). Thankyou so much for writing with me and mashing our barbies together and making this hellsite such a fun place to be.

Also, seeing how this has changed from my last shoutout at Christmastime - notably, the people I tagged as "people I love who I don't write with very much" but who now I write with or talk to every day lmao.

Please let this have tagged everyone I wanted to tag

@92328

I love u so much. U know I do. I love all the random questions u ask and ur request for Isaac Facts and the fact that you refer to Morgan as "Nora's Husband" and the way you wanna lock Flynn up in a tower to keep him a baby forever. Never change lmao.

@bloodykneestm

Bender ur characters are chefs kiss and our dynamics are chefs kiss and I get such a huge smile whenever I see u in my notifs (either here or on disco). I love the things we come up with together.

@cigarettesandcoffee

My darling! I know you're not writing a lot atm but it makes my day whenever we chat and whenever you pop up with some random love. All of our pairings are so good and I can't wait to see what we cook up for the others.

@draconisa

I know you're ALSO not writing a lot atm but Dany and Isaac have my whole heart plus everything that we're doing on the multi for everyone there like. My brain is still stuck on Harts and Vasile like. Does it get any better?

@epistrefei

HELLO. ARTEMIS. WOW. I am so in awe of the original spin you're able to put on such a well-known character - and it's not just Artemis and Billie, it's Barty and Flynn, and watching what you do with Zahrosa and so many others.

@exquisitexagony

Sami is my baby. The relationship they have with Flynn and Bella (or Bella and Arthur) and all the others is so special to me, as well as everything we have going on your other blogs (Callie and Shimi, for example? Yes).

@fangmother

Rainer is who I want to be when I grow up. If I could be half as confident and gave less fucks. I love seeing all the wild shit she gets up to and following her different relationships with people who have been in her life for varying lengths of time.

@freekzout

What can I say about the freekz? Callie and Funke's relationship is so special to me BUT also the friendships we've built? Lu and Ruth? Flynn and Ruth? Bella and the both of them? Not to mention your other blogs - Bella and Connie in particular.

@inrovina

Every relationship my characters have with Xeno is SO special. Flynn and Lake are SO special. I'm so excited for what other shenanigans they get up to and all the potential new stuff we're doing on your multi !

@kurjaks

I need to put this man in an enclosure and study him. I love him so much, and I love the careful way you've crafted him, and the truly unique way he carries and conducts himself. PLUS the way we chat ooc? Peak.

@mystiika

Every one of your muses is a darling to me. We've started creating such interesting relationships between a few of our muses in varying stages of romance or friendship and I cannot wait to do more with you.

@recitedemise

Every time I see you in my notifs I know I am getting fed the Good Shit. You have such a way with words and what we've crafted between Gale and Callie is really something special to me. Plus to varying relationships w Harts and Bella? Yes.

@sorrowsick

There is no muse of yours that I don't love down bad. We have some truly batshit stuff going on and I know that I can always come to you with the wildest ideas and we can make it work. I am truly your biggest fan.

@soulmissed

August is the only child character I write with and I think that says something bc it's hard to write a child without them being too much of a caricature and it's hard to build relationships without them being one-note but you so it SO well, so we have such beautiful ties.

@starlyht

One of the true lights of my life I adore seeing u on my dash and in my notifs. We have some great ties between our characters and I truly love seeing your thoughts on lycanthropy or drow society or whatever takes your fancy.

@stcllata

I love that every pairing we toss together just seems to Work lmao. Whatever the situation, whoever the muse, we can always put them together and come out with something good. And by good I often mean shippy but like. Who's gonna tell us no?

@tewwor

I am so in awe of your mind and your worldbuilding, and I am so lucky to be able to play in these spaces you've built. I love the relationships we've built and I love that we can throw different characters together to see what sticks.

@vitalphenomena

I say this with the UTMOST affection but this is the most messed up roster of characters I've ever seen and I adore writing with them. I adore exploring all the different facets of their characters and how my characters interact with their struggles bc they're NOT perfect.

@whileurmine

If I see a man over 30 on my dash, odds are it's you. I love your roster and I love our OOC hate sessions and I love that we can both puck up and put down starters like nothing. Whether it's something established or a new idea we can always put a pair together.

@yxkanna

I know you're ALSO not writing atm but I have to let you know how much I love you and your babies. Not just Nick but all of them. We have some really interesting dynamics both platinic and romantic and I can't wait until you're back to pick them up.

And then of course some other shoutouts of people I don't love any less but perhaps don't write with or talk to as often <3 (which should change, honestly. Come yap w me <3)

@abysswarden | @berylcluster | @bucketkicked | @byanyan

@coastercrushed | @corsey | @cragsnow | @demonstigma

@downspirals | @fvzzyelf | @godstrayed | @hegrudges

@idnull | @kxllerblond | @lcngdays | @nabaidhean-neonach

@platiinums | @pohlepen | @redemnation | @strszyga

@withbeasts | @xinxiins

[ch3rryjampi3]

"Oh my good looking boy."

Trans! Katsuki x Fem! reader

This was inspired by a song called: Good Looking by Suki Waterhouse

Ever since Katsumi was a little kid, He always knew he never wanted being a girl. He hated it, he hates wearing stupid dresses, he really hates playing with stupid ugly dolls and barbies. He hates it. He hates being a girl.

He hated his whole appearance that he overcomes it by bullying others. Especially Deku. "Look at how so fucking pathetic you are shitty quirkless Deku!!" He laughed as he poured everything out his bag, dropping it in front of him. "Poor Midoriya..."

It has been a routine of his. Reflecting his struggles to others. Maybe he acts all tough and all but deep inside, he's scared or maybe pathetic. Hah!! Pathetic?! He's not pathetic!! He literally has you!! His girlfriend that loves him so much and someone he's trying to hide cuz your both....girls.

"Hey Kats!! Ya ready to go?" You asked your girlfriend as she met up with you in the hallway. "Yeah. Let's go." You both then starts to head to the gates. You invited him to a sleepover since its weekend tomorrow, also to spend time together.

You both had stopped by at his house so he could pack his belongings for the weekends,he shouldn't have since he can just borrow some of your stuffs but he's stubborn so you just let him. "Katsumi!! Your staying at Y/L/N's house again?? Ugh just be home before Sunday night okay?? My little Prince-"

"I will I will!! Shut up!!" He yelled as he slammed the door shut. The ash blonde sighed deeply as he walked besides Y/N, an arm around her shoulder. "Does your Mom and Dad okay with me always staying at your house in the weekends?"

"Yup!! They couldn't care less plus, they're mostly not at home during weekends since they're busy." He nodded. "So basically, I'm your roommate during weekends?" He asked, raising a brow. "Maybee but you love staying with me!!" You exclaimed as he softly smiled.

"Just let me do your makeup!!" "Hell no!! Get that thing away from me!!" You've been wanting to give him a makeover but he kept on resisting. You knew he disliked makeup but you wanted to give him a makeover, to make him look more handsome than he already is.

"I'll treat you tomorrow on that ramen restaurant you like!! Please?!!" You pleaded, desperately wanting to give him a makeover. "I- ugh!! Fucking Fine!!" He said giving up. He don't wanna miss the opportunity of getting free food, even tho he knows he can afford it on his own.

"Yayy!! Okay so just stay still..." Few minutes had past and your done with his makeup, you fixed his hair abit to look abit shorter and you looked at your final work with awe. "Now look Katsu..."

"Holy shit...I look so handsome." He said, looking at his reflection in the mirror. He looks like his father but with his mothers hair color and eyes. He was in awe. "You always are." You said, smiling on how happy your boyfriend is.

"One day, maybe you can tell everyone on who you really are." You said, hugging him from behind as you kissed his cheek. "My Good looking boy."

A/n: I'm sorry if its bad!! I really tried my best 😓😓 I apologize also if it's not really Trans!! But I hope you guys like it!! Reblogs are appreciated 😚💕

[theadhddimsenion]

Some incorrect quotes by me.

Blitz and Charlie's meeting after mastermind and Charlie's failed attempt to rebrand i.m.p as something less murderous.

Blitz: look princess we've got to make a living and frankly I could care less about helping a bunch of dipshits who already blew their chances suck face with your crusty grandpa some day! No offense Anthony.

Angel: none taken.

Blitz: besides just think of it as new clientele for you little hotel thing!

Loona meeting fizz.

Blitz: loonie say hello to your uncle fizz.

Loona: uncle fizz?

Uncle fizz: *jumps out of nowhere making a strange sound and doing a weird squidward dance*

Loona: *screams and punches hin away*

This next one is set after Barbie and blitz sorta reconcile at least to the point where she doesn't hate him anymore but still can't look at him without having flashbacks so they are still apart and is trying to take loona on her idea of a "girls night out with her auntie barbie". It doesn't end well.

Loona: barb.

Barbie: auntie..

Loona:*slightly annoyed* auntie Barbie. Do really think this is a good idea?

Barbie: of course fucking not that's why where doing it!! Jimmy the big stuff!

Sinner jimmy: on it!

Loona: *about to say something but Barbie cuts her off*

Barbie: yes he's 18 I'm horny not a predator.

Loona: *while watching in fascinated horror as Barbie does curious amounts of drugs* ok but I'm not sure this is what my dad meant by "family bonding time".

Barbie: *not hearing her* I learned this trick from angel dust himself check out. *faceplants into a block of cocaine and starts rolling her head in it*

Barbie: aw yeah here we go bitches!!

Loona: *tries to scoot away as her auntie starts rambling about how both her brother and her did angel dust and how that was a funny coincidence*

Barbie: before I'm so high I can't form coherent thoughts I should probably tell you that I spiked your drink with houndsbane.

Loona: *does as spittake* WHAT!?!

Barbie: *on the verge of being to high to think properly* relax below 8 grams and you'll just be in the clouds for an hour or two.

Loona: *already beginning to trip balls* you really are my dad's sister aren't you?

Barbie: yep!

What fizz and Ozzie where doing during sinsmas.

Fizz: Ozzie your sweet but this is getting ridiculous. *cut to fizz under a pile of expansive gifts*

A few quotes from my oc Finn the infestor!

"Uuuhhhh fizzy clown dude! I found your limps you uh want them back?"

*Fizz glaring at him*

"I'm sensing a maybe?"

"Hey it's not millie's fault she's inbreed!" *millie punches him In the gut*

"ARRRGGHHHHH!!!! CLORIENIE! IT'S IN MY GILLS AND IT BURNS!!!!"

"SWEET LADY LEVIANTHAIN A TALKING HOUND!"

"Can't most hounds do that?"

"Fucking what!?! What other lies have I been living!"

While battling his uncle Ronaldo inside of blitz's mind.

"No! Not the gilly willy!!! Anything but that!!!"

Moxxie awakens to find that it wasn't blitz in his room this time.

Moxxie: sir I though you said you where going to st!

Finn: oh hey little dude just so you know you where having the dream about your parents bring murdered and I had the late night munchies so I came in for some late night snack and boss man was here an hour ago said he had to remove all the hidden cameras.

Moxxie: WHAT!?!?!?!??!?!!!!

[shinyzango]

Just curious, opinions on the different nutcrackers that you know of from all kinds of media and stuff?

Sorry if anyone asked this before I wouldn't know

Love your art and characters by the way keep it up!

Hohohohohohohoho, we be opening the Pandora Box here. Not that I'm complaining~

So, this is going to be a very long post as I've seen a lot of the movies. I also have a couple books which I can give my opinion, and I'm familiar with various apparitions in videogames and such. So yeah this is going to be a loooooooong post.

So buckle up, grab a drink and enjoy the ride into my personal madness o7

[ CAREFUL, VERY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT ]

So, let's start with movies as those are easier to grab and talk about for me. I'm gonna go with their year of release ot keep things organized.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Shchelkunchik (1973)

Small silly dramatic guy, I like him! The animators did a great job animating his design and make him incredibly appealing. As for his human appearance, eeeeeh I don't really care for him. Definitely a shock the first time you see it lol But yes, adorable silly guy

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Nutcracker Fantasy (1979)

Li'l guy. It is Sanrio so it's bound to be on the cute side. The Nutcracker itself doesn't do much in the movie, but as for Fritz himself, I... honestly don't care about him. He looks pretty, but personality wise he needs to work on it pff Idk he just comes out as plain and a little arrogant... Still a fine fellow, though.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Nutcracker: The Motion Picture (1986)

One of the two ballet-based movies I've seen, and definitely the better one of the two imo. And good lord I love this guy. He may look terrifying but good lord if he's silly. And I actually don't mind his human appearance as simple as it is. Silly man, this one.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Nutcracker Prince (1990)

HIM. MY BELOVED. THE GOOD LAD. Definitely my favorite, and not because this was my most beloved childhood movie. He is such a sweetheart with a hint of awkwardness but who can still kick your ass. And the final scene in the castle in the Italian dub is just *chef kiss* 10/10 lad.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Nutcracker (1993)

The other ballet-based movie... it's just Macaulay Culkin. And his nutcracker costume looks hideous lol. Nothign to say. Surprisingly, he's not the worst one.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Nuttiest Nutcracker (1999)

Ripoff Ken. He is incredibly dumb, and a tiny bit of a freak, but could be worse honestly kdjng They did Barbie before Barbie did it lol that's p much it.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Barbie in the Nutcracker (2001)

THE OTHER GOOD LAD. I love Eric so much he's such a sweetheart wanting to fix his mistakes. It's so easy to root for him. As for his human appearance... he's just Ken skjngf 10/10 lad #2

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Nutcracker and the MouseKing (2004)

Oh boy what to say about this one. Very hateful in the first half. At least he learns and becomes bearable at the last third of the movie. But I do like the nutcracker form, they made the blocky design work as well, like later on it's actually very nice to see him move. Still, horrible personality. Needs a slap in the face.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Nutcracker in 3D / Nutcracker: The Untold Story (2010)

Hellspawn. Nightmare fuel. Abomination. Who the hell approved to that design?? And why did they pitch up his voice like that?? At least the kid playing human NC is not as bad, but good lord. 0/10 Just burn that puppet with fire, please.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

This one just pisses me off. This one had so much potential, and the actor is actually good. It's just the way his character was written that is dog awful. They made him basically a dumb side character who barely does anything despite everyone in the movie treating him like he's a big shot. And the the fact that this was made by Disney just makes this worse. Just so much lost potential.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The Nutcracker (???)

I actually don't know who made this movie or in which year, but I do like this one. The movie is comedic so he's a bit silly, but he's still quite enjoyable. And for some reason he reminds me of Waluigi.... Still, silly guy.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

That's all for the movies. There are a bunch more that I've missed or that I can't find anymore so my list of opinions on them is not complete. But one day...

---

As for other medias, hm... I have a couple books that are just the original story by Hoffman and the retell by Duman (of which I don't have much to say) and the graphic novel by Natalie Andrewson.

He's just a li'l guy, silly kid but enjoyable.

---

Lastly, while there are no actual nutcracker based games, I do want to mention a few skins and characters I am aware of for the hell of it. I'm pretty sure I will be forgetting some but eh.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Terraria

Silly guy that speeeens. I wish I didn't have to kill them skgjfn.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Overwatch

As much as I now despise Overwatch for many reasons, I still love Zenyatta's nutcracker skin to death. Look at this silly guy. Definitely my favorite skin in the game.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Saints Row IV

SR4 had a Christmas themed DLC, and among all the xmas reskins of the enemies, one was the terminator-like enemies being turned into Nutcrackers. And their design look so sick.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Fortnite

I don't play Fortnite, but I do have to admit that the nutcracker guy looks neat. The crazy look fits the look quite well. If I would ever get in there (I doubt it but still), that would definitely be the skin I would use.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Lethal Company

I don't play LC neither but I've seen videos of the nutcracker enemy in action, and yeah he looks silly. I love how he moves around.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

That's all of the apparitions that I can think of. I'm also aware of the point-and-click game made by Big Fish Games, but I have not played it myself. I really should do that one day...

---

Aaaaaand that's a wrap. I'm definitely forgetting a nutboi or two somewhere but these are all the ones I can think of at the top of my head that are officially published and all.

If we start talking about folks in social medias I've come to know over the years... I'm gonna be here for 3 months trying to talk about them dkjfgn

Well, hope you enjoyed this personal spiraling into nut madness :V

[sweetmariihs2]

A rant about girlhood, autism and growing up: feeling like you didn't grew up enough.

I grew up and I still love childish things. I love dolls, I love cartoons, I love girlish music and clothing, I love fictional characters, and overall I love the overall girlhood experience. But it's not the "I've grown up and I'm trying to get back to it" kind of thing that we always see on social media, what I mean is that I never really grew up. The years have passed since I was a little girl and I still love Barbie and Disney, but not as in a way like "I'm an adult, I consume adult content, and every now and then I watch some animated films, I admit that I like them, but I still live a more mature life", but rather "I never stopped being who I was as a child". All my tastes are still the same. I don't balance mature TV shows/content with cartoons, I only watch cartoons... most of the time.

I'm going through a transition phase now into adulthood... high school is about to end and everyone around me seems to have matured more than I have, even the girls who are known for listening to Lana Del Rey and wearing Coquette fashion, which is a group I fit in with very well too. Apart from the girls who are practically adults (and who already have a romantic and financial life, speak in a mature way, and are already considered women) I also feel more immature than the girls I identify with the most due to them liking "immature" things.

I feel mature enough to think and make responsible decisions; I have a lot of emotional maturity and people tell me that I give great advice. But at the same time, on the other hand, I run to my room full of objects from my childhood and spend some time reading, talking, and listening to music about characters from media that are mostly made for children.

One good thing about still loving the exact same things you loved as a child is that you will always have the same things from when you were little today, and you won't get tired of them. The bad thing, however, is that I feel weird about not "growing up." I guess liking these things is a part of me, but at the same time I can't help but feel like the gap between my childhood and adulthood is sometimes too small. I hear people talking about growing up, talking about the infantilization of my generation, I see others who used to be like me now being very different and it's a natural process... but is it infantilization even when I'm just being myself? What would be "infantilization" about my tastes in the eyes of others that to me are just part of who I am as a person? I don't see myself not liking my favorite genre of movies, clothes, music, art, just because I decided to "cure" myself from a supposed "infantilization". I do wonder if I'm unwell for loving the stuff that I love... but it's in a "am I ill for being who I am?" kind of way. It must be awful supressing what is in your heart because people see it as an illness.

I am responsible with my words and behavior and I often see "mature" people making decisions that to me are immature, like being impulsive. It's like I'm somewhere in between maturity and childishness and I get pushed back and forth by people on both sides of the way; I don't fit in with either one, but sometimes I do, for a short period of time until I get pushed back to the other side again. Too mature for children and too childish for adults.

I constantly feel nostalgic about things I used to like, and I feel like the line between past and current tastes is very thin at this point in my life. It confuses me and I think about people's words about growing up, but how can I grow up if I'm already mature and that's who I am? When I was a child I expected to grow up and turn into an adult adult, like if this would just happen naturally. Now I grew up and turned into an adult version of the tiny version of myself. Still and adult, still me, but not normal enough for others, apparently. Sometimes I feel melancholic because as a child I was free to like the things that I still love today without any judgement... well, sometimes. Let's not talk about bullying.

I watch Toy Story, I sometimes feel the urge to play with my toys, I feel like carrying them around with me like a child, but I fight the urge not to do it because I have to adapt - or rather, be an adult.

The fact that I'm autistic (I was diagnosed at the beginning of the year) also probably plays a big role in this, which is another situation that I've been balancing throughout all these years, as I was very normal for the weirdos and too weird for the normals, making me not fit into any of these boxes and consequently just being excluded from social groups for being too weird and being deprived of possible support and inclusion for being too normal. The fact that I hyperfocus on "childish" topics says a lot about my life and the media I consume, because suddenly my mind is completely occupied with things like Sofia The First, and I externalize this a lot. I collect children's magazines of this show, I want to have the toys, I want to dress the toys in clothes. It's normalized on the Internet for people to be from fandoms considered childish, the problem is that I'm often seen as childish even by them. Making a friend who likes The Amazing Digital Circus and having to explain to them that I'm genuinely very passionate about Sofia The First always provokes laughter and I have to laugh too and imitate a "hear me out" behavior in order to be socially accepted. "You shouldn't adapt to please others! Be yourself!" Unfortunately, this is how it is to be yourself in today's world, using tactics to remain true to yourself while acting like it's no big deal until that friend gets used to you like this.

Being an artist is also something that seems to be involved. I like animations to dissect the characters and understand the artistic choices in the writing, design, soundtrack. I don't just like a character or a work, I open it up and analyze every aspect because I love art. When I get a doll in my hands I look at its proportions, design, color palette, I know its backstories, fears and character development within the work they were in. I genuinely love listening to Disney songs, Barbie songs, My Little Pony, and even cringy anime rap... The fact that I am an artist and hyper-focus on animations and love having collectibles (mostly toys, since they are programs for children)...

You know that scene in Toy Story 2 where we see Jessie's owner, Emily, grows up and left her childhood behind, and in the end she gives Jessie away with her toy collection? I feel like I'm an Emily who grew up and kept loving horses and Jessie. I grew up, but I'm still the way I am, and even though I like that, questioning it makes me a little dysmorphic...

People talk about it like it's a defect, and point fingers to other who do the same to say that they're infantilizing themselves. To a point that when I go to the mirror and when I see myself I wonder how did I grew up so quick. I wonder if the problem is my body growing too fast or my maturing process being too slow. But I matured, I think mature, I just love childish stuff, and this makes me overwhelmed. I want to be who I am but being who I am makes me confused and insecure. "Am I doing the right thing by... being myself?" "Am I mentally ill for staying like this, acting like a child even though I'm a grown up?" "Do I even act like a child? I know that I don't, that's not it." Could my desire to be able to carry a toy around with me be related to autistic people having stuffed animals/objects to regulate themselves?

Sometimes I feel the urge to put a doll in my bag and carry her with me throughout my whole day, touch and admire her closely when bored, look at the fabric, paint and sculpt and then have fun taking pics of her doing different activities just seems so nice. I sometimes wanna have awkward conversations and talk about my silly little cartoons like I'm a child talking with not so many social norms like adults usually do. I wanna sit and watch my favorite genre of media, animation, without being whispered about or laugh at; and by that I don't mean someone who watches cartoons sometimes, I mean someone who only sees that stuff. I want to dress up like a princess and make tea parties because I love the simplicity and innocence about those things. Gosh, I'm even waiting for my little cousin to grow up just little a bit more for her to be able to play with dolls with me, cuz I want to go back with playing with them and there is not even a single living soul in my whole social circle that wouldn't judge me if spoke about this!!!

I feel like I'm a little girl in an adult body sometimes, but I do feel like an adult too. I don't understand if I'm like this because I'm autistic, I'm an artist, or if I'm doing something wrong, like infantilizing myself. I don't behave like a child, and I don't do anything for anyone, I enjoy my tastes for myself! The feminine urge of being confused and happy about yourself at the same time. It's a real struggle.

[queen-erika-the-songful]

My personal ranking on the Barbie mermaid movies

(These are only a few thoughts I have about each of these so feel free to ask questions if you want)

6. Barbie: Mermaid Power - I mean come on I'm sure even the ones that love the DA-verse can agree with me that this one absolutely sucks. Terrible worldbuilding and lore that contradicts the movie it's supposed to be a sequel to. Songs that are super hollow and generic. Garish animation. The story had WAY too much going on to fit into the runtime. The only thing positive I have to say is that I liked the little girl mermaid being disabled and having a prosthetic fin. Too bad she's wasted in this!!! Awful awful awful no contest the worst one. Literally don't bother watching.

5. Barbie Fairytopia: Mermaidia - Sorry but I find this so weak as a mermaid movie. For starters, we only see 3 mermaid characters (Nori, Nalu, and the fake Delphine) and then a bunch of random sea creatures. Then there's Elina, who becomes a mermaid, but it's out of desperation and she's miserable literally the whole time until she gets her wings back. Then Delphine.....god just read this post to see why I hate her as a character and as a plot point. She brings down everything. Also if you think about it too hard (like I do) this is really only "half" a mermaid movie since Elina is still a FAIRY and still spends about half the runtime as such. The most this one has going for it is the VERY pretty animation and Eric Colvin's irresistible music. I'm honestly thinking about just making one of those "ambience" videos for myself where I just have the prettiest scenes and music all montaged together. Definitely not my favorite of the Fairytopia trilogy, nor my favorite of the mermaid films.

4. Barbie: Dolphin Magic - Even though I'm sick of the DA universe, this is a fun short romp. The whole "befriending a magic friend" thing reminds me a little of Aquamarine, just not as good. I think the runtime really harms this one, especially with pacing, but I guess this isn't really a "movie" so much as a 1-hour special, which is what all the DA movies really are. Anyway, I like Isla but I wish we got to know her more. She has a cute design. I also like the scenes where she teaches Barbie how to swim like a mermaid. It makes me want to hop in the pool and do the same. A cute but just "okay" mermaid film.

3. Barbie: The Pearl Princess - I think this one has the prettiest and most "underwater" animation of them all. I adore the soft colors and the lighting and all the little bubbles and things floating around. I wasn't too keen on Lumina at first, but then thanks to this confession from back in 2018 I've headcanoned her as autistic for several years now so that's neat. The other characters are also quite charming, especially the friends she makes in the salon. They all make up for the somewhat "meh/average" story. It's very enjoyable!

2. Barbie in A Mermaid Tale 2 - This was such a great sequel to an already great movie. it expanded the lore of the original in a way that raises the stakes and makes sense (well, mostly, but that's a post for another day). Merliah and Kylie's development both as a team and as individuals are done very well. Same goes for Merliah and Calissa learning to see each other's point of view. The ending and lesson are good too. Merliah giving up her shot because she's already fulfilled by doing her duty was a great choice. Awesome movie!

1.Barbie in A Mermaid Tale - How could it not be this one?! The lesson is amazing, the blending of classic fairytale tropes with a modern setting work excellently, the animation and colors absolutely pop, and the main character's journey is awesome. I love that Merliah initially wants nothing to do with all the magic mermaid stuff and goes on her journey out of selfishness but develops a sense of responsibility and justice, helping her blossom into a princess. And no character is wasted here - everyone does their part to do something. That's not always the case in a Barbie movie (like the random Kelly girls in Princess and the Pauper) so it's good to see here. The soundtrack is full of fun songs as well! I like putting them on when I'm in a summer mood. This one is just a delight to put on each and every time. My pick for the best of them all!!

[delucadarlingwriting]

Vampire Divorce Court - The Real Monster is the Friends Who Divorced Us Along the Way

[drags self in] I did it...

Life has been a bit all over the place. I've had this one written for a while, but I've been letting it marinate because I wasn't super happy with how I had it. I did make a few little revisions tonight and I like it more now, but I do still find there's just....there's SOMETHING here that I want to wiggle around into a better configuration.

Maybe I'm just craving a Farah/Adam scene and have yet to really write one. Making a note to self to add one in soon.

Summary: Farah doesn't know what to make of Barbie, but sometimes the best way to see inside a wasp's nest is to hit it with a baseball bat at Mach Fuckthousand.

First | Previous | Part 9 | Next

word count: 2,221

***

Book 1, Wayhaven, Marty’s Outdoor Store and Bike Rental

Wayhaven is completely, ridiculously boring. Alaska wasn’t exactly much better, but the lack of humans meant Farah didn’t have to think so hard about pretending to be human. Wayhaven has enough humans around that Farah’s always got to be thinking about which behaviors are too strange for humans to shrug off. It’s totally exhausting.

At least the store they’re in now isn’t super busy. The owner is around, he’d poked his head out when they came walking in, only to tell Kira to knock on his office door when they want to check out. Then he’d disappeared inside said office, followed by the sounds of a TV coming through the door. Other than that though, it’s just Farah, Kira, and Barbie in the whole store.

Apparently, this store is meant specifically for doing stuff outside, liking hiking and fishing and stuff. Farah still can’t get over how much stuff there is on Earth. It seems like humans are always buying things. She goes to a display of sunglasses, spinning it around until she finds a pair of dark aviator style sunglasses. Her reflection is grinning back at her in the opaque lenses.

“Are you going to get anything?” Kira asks, appearing beside her. Farah looks around at the various displays of clothes. Mostly a lot of boring shades of orange, brown, and gray, unflattering fits, and that awful plastic fabric that makes the worst sound imaginable when it touches itself. Farah wrinkles her nose.

“Nah, I think I’m good,” she says. Kira presses her lips together, but Farah can feel the humor radiating off her.

Even if Wayhaven isn’t Farah’s favorite place, Kira’s definitely worth sticking around a while longer for. She’s even called Farah her friend a few times.

“I feel very much the same,” Barbie says from a few feet away as she picks through a shoe display the same way one might pick through a bush for scorpions. She holds up a pair of chunky brown boots and sighs. “None of these are very…in line with my style.”

“It’s not really about style though, is it?” Kira walks over to help Barbie, Farah hanging back to casually continue browsing the sunglasses. She meant what she said about not buying anything though. If she did buy sunglasses, she’d have no excuse to steal Adam’s, which would really kill one of her favorite sources of fun. Looking at the sunglasses does give her the excuse of not helping with Barbie’s current dilemma though.

While the past few days have been absolutely mindnumbingly boring with basically nothing to do other than hunch over the same old files and pictures again, Farah hadn’t really jumped at the opportunity to accompany Kira to help Barbie find clothes for their upcoming hike through Wayhaven’s vast woodland. Normally she loves a side quest on boring missions, especially with someone fun like Kira. The addition of Barbie definitely put a damper on the prospect though.

Apparently, Barbie hadn’t bothered bringing anything other than two pairs of heels, several tight dresses, and a few suit jackets for this trip. Not that Farah has anything against her sticking to her personal fashion style. None of Unit Bravo (save Adam) really has anything that would be particularly outdoorsy either, but none of them would be thrilled to run around outside in one of Barbie’s usual outfits. Seeing Adam’s expression as Barbie explained they’d have to wait for her to find new clothes before the outing she’d demanded to go on was really freaking priceless. She laughs to herself even now just thinking about it.

Though Barbie has provided Farah with a bit of unintentional entertainment, Farah doesn’t really know what to make of her either. Farah had opinions on Barbie before they met, based on what she’s been told about her. The woman herself hasn’t done too much to disprove what anyone has said about her. Adam finds Barbie irritating and egotistical, but apparently his opinion on her has been exactly that since before she left Mason. Nat likes Barbie, but sort of diplomatically avoids actually saying much about her. Mason doesn’t talk about her at all. He doesn’t really like when anyone else does either.

“These should be suitable,” Barbie says, twisting her heel around to look down at the clunky brown boot wrapped around her foot. Her nose is wrinkled, because it’s a truly ugly shoe. She then looks up and around. “I suppose clothes will need to be next.”

“Sure you don’t want to do some shopping too?” Kira asks Farah playfully. Farah grins.

“Nah, I couldn’t step on your fun,” Farah says with a laugh. Kira gives a shake of her head, then goes off to link arms with Barbie, leading her over to the pants. Farah follows, because she’s supposed to, but also because if she has to babysit their special little human, she may as well get a better read on Mason’s ex.

She knows how everyone else feels about Barbie, but Barbie…well, she’s a bit of a tangled mess. Or…Less of a mess and more like a beehive, zipping around looking for a bear to sting. It’s hard to get past all the buzzing to figure out what’s going on past it.

What she did to Mason was pretty awful. There’s a lot that can get under his skin, but very little that inspires actual hurt. He doesn’t care about most people enough for that. So what is it about Barbie that let her wiggle in so close to his heart? And why would she break it?

There’s a low buzz from behind, and Kira says, “Oh, this is Tina.”

“Duty calls?” Farah asks, turning. Kira, phone in hand, gives a tired sigh and smiles, then jerks her thumb behind her.

“I’ll just be over there to take this,” she says. Then haltingly, she adds, “Maybe help Babs? She seems to be struggling.”

Farah’s expression falls. “Oh, uh. Yeah.”

Kira swipes a finger across her phone to answer, then hurries away as she says, “Tina? Everything okay?”

Technically, Kira isn’t in charge of Farah. She doesn’t have to help Barbie. There’s not exactly anything else to do though, and listening in on another report from the police station sounds even more dull than watching Barbie move hangers on the same rack again.

As she approaches, Barbie pulls out a tan button up and hums.

“The green one you just had is better,” Farah says, causing Barbie to yelp and drop the shirt. She lays a hand over her heart, which is beating almost as fast as it should now.

“Good Lord, don’t sneak up on me,” Barbie chastises before bending down to retrieve the shirt.

“What, you didn’t hear me?” Farah laughs. Humans not hearing, sure. But Barbie’s just about as much a vampire as any of Unit Bravo.

“Clearly not,” Barbie grumbles, returning to her slow, slow, slow shopping process.

“Is it because you don’t drink blood?” Farah asks. The metal hanger Barbie’s sliding makes a gut curdling skreeeeech.

“…Probably,” Barbie replies, a twitch forming near one of her eyes. Farah tilts her head.

“So why don’t you then?” Farah asks. Barbie pauses. “You know. Why don’t you drink—”

“Has no one told you to mind your own business before?” Barbie hisses. Farah grins.

“Sure. I’m terrible at it though. I heard you are too,” Farah says with a chuckle. “Though, that was before your grand transformation.”

“Grand is a word for it.” Barbie shudders. Farah frowns.

“Surely being a vampire isn’t that bad,” Farah says. “Do you just refuse to drink because you want being a vampire to be a terrible as possible, to justify what you did to Mason?”

The buzzing of Barbie’s emotions turns into a low roar, crackling with electricity that leaves a tang in Farah’s mouth.

Barbie slams the hanger in her hand back onto the rack, turns to Farah, and draws herself up to her full height. She is tall, but it’s still not terribly intimidating considering she looks like a stiff wind would crack her into a hundred pieces. Not to mention she has to pause to push her fake glasses up her nose.

“Stop talking about Mason,” Barbie demands. “Stop asking about me being like this. I don’t have a problem with you yet, but you are on your way to creating a problem.”

This feels like vindication, at least a little bit. Barbie’s been so detached about everything, especially about Mason, or least seemingly so. Now she’s being sort of honest. She cares somewhere in there.

“You definitely do have a problem with me,” Farah points out. Barbie frowns, ready to argue. “I mean, I’m a monster too, aren’t I?”

That comment has stuck with Farah since they first met, and though she’s tried to move past it, it just won’t dislodge no matter what. So many people see Farah that way, and her team, without even getting to know them. Just because of what she is. It doesn’t feel any better coming from another vampire.

Barbie flinches back, then growls.

“Yes, yes you are,” Barbie says. “A monster. Just like Murphy. Just like Adam.”

Something snaps in Farah at that. “Just like you.”

“Exactly!” Barbie yells.

The already quiet store goes absolutely silent. Even Kira, who was in the middle of a sentence on the phone, cuts herself off.

Barbie’s chest is heaving. There’s an odd, crazed look in her eyes. She slaps a hand over her mouth and turns away, but not before Farah catches sight of her fangs. Either Farah really managed to piss her off, or she has absolutely zero control over them. Either seems pretty likely.

A long, slender hand lands on Farah’s shoulder, giving a light squeeze.

Nat says, “I think that’s enough.”

“Yes, it is. I apologize,” Barbie says, the words muffled against her hand. She takes in a shaky breath. “I’ll be over there.”

She goes off, high heels clicking off beat. Farah watches, frowning still as she shakes Nat’s hand off. Nat sighs.

“Farah, please don’t antagonize Barbie about this,” she pleads.

“She isn’t even trying to cope with it,” Farah says. She shakes her head, then looks up to Nat. “Was this how she was about vampirism when she and Mason were married? Like, before?”

Nat shakes her head, sadness clinging to her like raindrops. “No, it isn’t. She used to be fascinated by vampires, along with any other supernatural beings.”

“Makes sense,” Farah says with a sigh. “I doubt she’d have been so tight with you guys otherwise.”

Nat makes a soft noise of agreement. “I didn’t…She’s changed a lot, since then. If I’d known the state she’s in, I might not have suggested we ask her for help."

“Should she go back to France then?” Farah asks. A brief feeling of concern floods her, taking Farah off guard. Maybe she shouldn’t be surprised. Sure, Barbie’s cold and mean and hurt her friend, but…she’s clearly really going through it. Being here doesn’t seem to be helping. Nat turns and Farah follows her gaze, all the way to where Kira is standing with Barbie, a hand rubbing her back gently as they talk. She could listen in if she wanted, but Farah focuses instead on Nat.

“They’ve bonded quite well,” Nat says with a small, tight smile. “Barbie’s hard to dislodge from the people she cares for. I doubt she’d go back even if we told her to.”

“It can’t be that hard,” Farah says pointedly. Nat shakes her head, but doesn’t fight her on it. Farah’s not really keen on arguing anymore either. “Well, at least I can say I don’t blame Barbie there. Kira’s pretty great.”

“Yes, Kira’s wonderful,” Nat agrees readily.

“Do you think that’ll be a problem for her fiancee?” Farah asks. Nat scoffs and waves a hand delicately as if to shoo the very notion away.

“I highly doubt Kira has eyes for Barbie,” Nat says, a little too quickly. Farah grins, but suddenly Nat is refusing to look at her.

“Right, because she’s got them for someone else,” Farah says. Nat doesn’t respond. Fair enough. Farah gives her a break, if only because that whole thing is probably going to get really messy. Well, it would, if they weren’t leaving Wayhaven as soon as they track down Murphy.

A pang of sadness has Farah blinking hard; she doesn’t actually want to leave. As boring as this town can be, Farah has gotten used to the dynamic Kira brings to the team. She likes seeing their detective every day. Kira even likes some of the same TV shows Farah does, and it’s WAY better watching stuff with someone else than by herself. Plus, she’s funny and tough and great to hang around. It’s going to really suck not seeing her anymore.

“I’m gonna miss her,” Farah admits. Nat puts an arm around her and draws her in close.

“It will certainly be hard to say goodbye,” Nat says, sounding melancholic. “It’s for the best though. She deserves to live a normal life. Once she’s safe, it’s best if we leave her to it.”

Farah leans against her, wondering how many times Nat has told herself that in the hopes of believing it eventually.

[starberry-cupcake]

Hello, I haven't had time to read as much as I would want but I'm here with an update regardless, because if I don't keep these constant, I'm gonna forget things and this, so far, seems like a book in which I don't wanna forget things.

previously, in harrowbean the ninth:

this happened

currently, after "parodos" and ch. 1:

so I'm making up a timeline in my head with the information at hand

which is never straightforward

that'd be too easy, here in tlt we like to be kept on our toes

we like to be punched in the gut when we least expect it

so get ready for bad math

this would probably make our good friend palmolive atreides weep

I'm sorry palomilve's force ghost, I'm doing my best

SO

the first entry was the night of the emperor being terminated

the "parodos" bit (we'll get to that) is 14 months before the emperor is snuffed out

ch. 1 is nine months before the emperor kicks the bucket

I believe act 1 is going to be happening around that time, since ch. 2 seems to be following without another indication

because of what happens in "parodos" aka flashback, aka prologue 2: elecric bogaloo, we can attempt to estimate when the events of gideon happened

harrowbean tells ortus in the flashback that he's gonna train with aiglamene for 12 weeks

let's assume that's kind of the amount of time gideon trained, plus the time it took harrow to plot how to girlsplain, gatekeep and gaslight gideon into it

the only one girlbossing here is camilla, I don't make the rules

so, if gideon and harrow were ready to leave the ninth somewhere around 2-3 months after the flashback, it'd be circa 11 months before the events in the prologue

and ch. 1 starts 9 months before the events in the prologue

so gideon might have happened somewhere around 11-10 months before the prologue

I can't tell how long they were in canaan house (it felt like 12 years and 5 minutes at the same time) but I think about a month is mostly right, given that once bodies start dropping, things are all happening together

all of this is relative, since time in space is ????

but I need to do this for my own peace of mind

if you give me time measurements I'm gonna measure, ok?

I need to organize things

I know I will end up making a graphic at some point I just know it

this is what I get for calling palmolive a turbonerd

ANYWAY, MOVING ON

or, moving back, since we're in prologue 2: electric bogaloo aka flashback time

here we have ortus (the one we knew, not the one we will get to know, according to the characters list) telling harrow he doesn't wanna go to the field trip

this is ortus

if you're wondering why I don't nickname ortus, I'll repeat myself but "orto" means "ass" where I'm from, so that's enough to remember him by

harrow is like "I know you're underqualified but we're understaffed, so it is what it is"

the important part is that harrowbean says she sees the barbie in the freezer walking about

like a ghost or whatnot

she refers to her as "the body" and I assume that's barbie in the ice cube because someone reblogged my recap where I mentioned her and tagged

ever since then I've been wondering why she was referred to as The Body and now I'm gonna assume this is it

so harrow tells ortus he needs to hide the fact that she's mentally unstable

[non funny side note: masking is unbearable and it's awful we live in a social and cultural environment where we feel pressured to do it, especially when you're an adult having to fulfill expectations of supposedly "age-specific" activities and responsibilities, it's exhausting and I cried about that in therapy a mere week ago so, hitting hard, this bit

don't let people make you feel "less than" because the way in which you navigate the world and your experiences is different from what's expected in some theoretical socially constructed category

and fuck everyone who, in order to put people down in arguments online, ever make fun of those who aren't mentally, economically or socially as independent as what the category of an adult is supposed to be to them

argue with concepts, argue with opinions and facts, don't tear people down in the name of "moral upper hand" by telling people they're losers for needing help

side note done]

so, harrow entered the whole canaan thing not only carrying the weight of her house, her family and her entire people

she also came into it believing she's not mentally sound and seeing The Body walking around unnoticed by other people

whether or not her visions are mentally unsettled or something that actually happens because she opened the tomb, just the whole situation of her birth is enough to make anyone collapse, so we got you, harrowbean

we're here for you

and all that without mentioning what it'd be like seeing your girlfriend cavalier impale herself in front of you

I'm taking liberties with the 'girlfriend' bit but idk

so, next we know, 5 months have passed from that and harrowcita is struggling in her new environment of the clown emperor's ship

she is made to carry gideon's sword and she can't

she can't seem to know what to do or to communicate with said knowledge and she's throwing up a lot

WHICH IS GREAT!!!!!

I mean, it's not great that she's suffering

but it's GREAT because if she can't communicate with gideon's slurped soul, maybe it means gideon's soul has not been slurped AT ALL

more fuel for my wishful thinking of gideon's soul returning to her and getting regenerated and saved and being alive

I also like very much this situation in which harrow sees the sword as personified and they hate each other without gideon

it's like prim's cat in the hunger games with katniss

but with an inanimate object

I'm really liking that dynamic

is like they both miss her and can't relate to each other

ALSO barbie body ice cube is still there

just chillin' and being silently supportive, I think

not sure what her deal is but what if she's not the bad one here? because this emperor kind of sucks tbh

not in a 'he's evil' way but in a 'idk if he know what he's doing' way

I don't know about this guy tbh

so we're leaving off with harrow being mentally and physically struggling, ghost barbie roamin' the rooms, voices of people organizing stock and gideon in my head like this, walking in limbo to get back to us

also, another day without camilla

I thought I wasn't gonna have much to say and this is so long, I'm so sorry...

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

hi! i love your hcs for ken!! can you do hcs about what ken would be like if i got sick/if the reader got sick?

Awe thank you!

Note: Both are humans in this (with Ken's transition to humanity being very recent, like a few days in)

......

Ken has been to Doctor Barbie for injuries, although he's never been sick.

He's seen other dolls go to her for colds, stomach aches, etc. and they're "healed" right away (ie "in the time it took for me to say that sentence, you're already cured!").

After he goes to live with you in the Real World permanently and becomes human himself, he's been contemplating mortality and discovers that sickness is dealt with differently here, both of which stress him out.

He tries not to bother you about these thoughts, however....

Until one morning he wakes up to see your side of the bed empty, finding you in the kitchen wearing a mask and looking rather lethargic.

He's confused and pouts that you didn't give him the usual good morning kisses, wondering if he did something wrong.

"Are you feeling okay, babe? And what's with the mask?"

"Oh, it's just so I don't sneeze over everything, Ken.." You answer with a stuffy nose and sore throat.

"...what do you mean? Why do you sound like that?"

"I caught a cold at work, and-"

"Wait, you're sick?!!!" His eyes go HUGE and he's very much panic-striken, insisting you go see the doctor.

"I'm fine, honey. I just need to rest-"

"No!! We need to go right now!! Where are your car keys???? I'll drive us!"

"Ken. You don't have a license. I promise it's just a simple little cold.....if you don't believe me, you can Google it."

He takes your words seriously and searches up symptoms and causes of the common cold..

However, he goes a bit too far down the Internet rabbit hole, and now he's fully convinced that you're gonna die if you don't see a doctor.

He just starts crying, clinging to you like it's your last day on earth, and his anxieties over human mortality eventually spill out as you hold him.

Obviously, asking him to keep his distance from you was impossible at this point.

He's a mess, but fortunately you're able to stop his blubbering, explaining that a common cold isn't going to kill you, and that you have remedies here at home to treat it.

Once Ken calms down enough to listen, he'll retrieve whatever you needed. Medicine, tissues, pills, pillows, etc. Anything to make you feel comfortable.

Throughout the day he asks if you're absolutely sure you don't need to see a doctor.

He can and will cuddle with you despite your initial protests, nuzzling into your chest as you're laying on the couch/bed together.

"Can I kiss you? Please?"

"...Ken, I don't want you to get sick, too." You shake your head, feeling guilty when you see his puppy-dog eyes staring up at you. "I promise you don't wanna feel this way-"

"But I wanna share in your suffering." He insists. "If I'm gonna be human for the rest of my life, I might as well experience this at least once."

You eventually give in and pull your mask down, allowing him to kiss you as he pleased.

Spoiler: Ken gets a cold a few days later and whines about it the entire time, but you help him through it. Just as he helped you.

He still thinks it's worth it.