#i'm having delusions rn

[sargewood]

my day with all the "james vowles being a terrible team principal, logan being treated like shit as usual" nonsense that's going on

[skipblebee]

And I love you love you love you, no it's not so hard to tell And I love you love you love you, is it obvious to everyone else?

Petrigrof fluff for the soul because I NEED it before the finale

[specshroom]

Just failed my driver's test :(((((((

Anyway, completely unrelated but

♥ Choso would hug you while you cry about failing your driver's test.

♥ He understands how pent up emotions and stress would cause an outburst. He doesn't think it's weak, he finds it endearingly human.

♥ Even if you feel ridiculous and childish he doesn't think so. He just holds you until you calm down a little. He'd stroke your hair and softly say things like "It's alright", "It's okay, you just got nervous".

♥ He'd kiss your forehead and when he feels how hot it is, he'd get you some cold water and headache medicine.

♥ He'd be so kind and patient. He'd feel honoured that you'd be so open to showing your emotions around him.

♥ If we're talking about no Au/ canon Choso he'd probably unintentionally make you laugh by saying something like: "I don't even know what a driving test is so it can't be that important."

♥ If we're talking Normal AU Choso then he'd say something like "At least I still have an excuse to drive you around :)"

♥ He tells you the story about how Yuuji almost crashed the car when he did his driving test and jokes that you couldn't have done worse than Yuuji.

♥ You wouldn't need to explain much to him, he'd just let you cry and sleep it off with your head laying on his dampened shirt. He doesn't feel the need to rush you and he'd let you tell him about it when you're feeling better.

[keeps-ache]

need to be exploding something but i Can't for some reason. just Can Not. my ability to do is just. Nay

[delta-lethonomia]

sometimes I read over my notes for For All The Wrong Reasons and just go: why is so damn dark. where did this come from. why??

and then I remember my childhood fixation on silent hill 2, 3, and 4 and it all makes sense lol

spoiler alert: Scratch was the villain all along!!!

[frightmeister]

thinking about this idea for josh's gf i've been stewing on for a bit now and like i plan to be so brave and not actually incorporate it into his canon here because i can't keep having these hyper important npcs built into my muses' histories, like if i wanna do that i gotta think of a plot and just do a fucking fanfic. no one wants to read about my fucking oc bullshit, especially when it can never be all that relevant to anything going on here skldjghldsjgfhds

[sylhea-raemi]

the nero and airi connection is so important it's not just bcs theyre my faves

[suguwu]

and if i said i was writing for crepus...what then. what then.

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

When you need a reality check but nobody's awake <3

[crow-talks-hockey]

do you ever think about those that remain. do you ever think about how one of the best and most competitive athletes in pro sports, his best defenseman and close friend, and his other half and monster in his own know exactly what it is to win. three times actually. and do you think about the two that joined them and stayed. do you think about the seemingly fragile boy grew to play top line every night and be loved by his city. about the boy who goes forever underrated and under appreciated for the things he does. about the those five that stayed and that know. that know what it is to win. and now, must learn, again, to lose.

everyone else says they come here because pittsburgh is a winning city. that it's an honor to play with the big three, and that it becomes even more incredible to play with guentzel and rust too. but they don't know. how could they? they weren't here in those golden and black and white days. they weren't around to play with hornqvist, kessel, sheary, hagelin, cole, maatta, kunitz, daley, murray, dumolin, flower. they weren't around, really, truly, for those two cups in 2016 and 2017. they just don't know, and that's ok... but sid does. geno does. tanger, rusty, and guentz do. they remember. and that makes all this only hurt more.

it is the joy of winning that makes the losing so much more difficult. to know you have been there before, but that it may never happen again.

and do you ever think about those who never wanted to leave? that were torn away? do you think about flower, about dumolin, about all the others? do you ever long so badly for something you never experienced (what's up new pens fans <3 also older fans, im jealous of you but in a good way) that it hurts? do you have to remind yourself to just enjoy those big three and their "eldest daughters" while you can even when they lose but in reality you just don't want to because you just want to win. because it sucks losing and in some small way, you know how they feel out there on the ice each night. longing for something that might well be completely unachievable. do you think about that?

[euclydya]

ok mAybe if the body goes to bed i get to Not be ehre anymore. that would be swell i think this brakn has Net Zero Information on what i Used To Know like An hour ago. fucked up honestly. sidenote the fuck do you mean my life is a video game here. fucked ul to be real.

[defrogatory]

can't believe i started to have a psychotic episode at work today wtf !!!!

[rachymarie]

I was innocently searching the WorldWideWeb for "how to keep rambling to a minimum as a schizospec" "how to minimize rambling as a schizospec" (let's face it, no matter how efficient or inefficient of a googler i am, it is just hard to find actually helpful results on schizospec things, period. Beyond the usual outdated info from Healthline, WebMd, and even the NHS. Somehow, dare I say it, AI overview has actually been more helpful in that regard??), and came across this comment.

feel kinda offended as someone who is not actively in psychosis but is prone to ramble. I think even my thoughts back when I was going into my first and only psychosis had value and are still reflect issues relevant in my life that meds etc etc couldn't solve.

So (and forgive me for using this analogy for the thousandth time lol) it was like simply slapping a bandaid on a deep festering wound and hoping it would magically resolve itself, despite needing surgery to address the root cause. The root cause being the deep social issues in society that often lead us to psychosis in the first place*, such as: ever-widening rich-poor gap, poverty, mental health stigma, ambulance at the bottom of the cliff healthcare models, housing instability, power imbalance, lack or erosion of employee rights, patriarchy, etc etc (a whole host of issues really)

Tho I admit they may have some grain of truth in that if the person is in deep psychosis in my experience some of what I said probably didn't make a lot of sense to others. At least it made sense to me i guess, and i have explained a lot of the reasoning behind my delusions, thoughts, and spoken words since "recovering".

But like there were a few times that I said things that reflected things going on around me accurately that made mum laugh because I was just saying something that was actually happening. Example: apparently one nurse inappropriately asked me this leading question of: "are you hearing voices?" And I said "yes". When pressed I said "mum's voice" bc she was right there in the room and had been actually talking lol. She made a complaint abt that actually.

Another was the "operations building" - i had a delusion abt there being an operations building outside over yonder where they took ppl from mental health ward to perform evil surgeries on us. Well upon hearing my limited words expressing about that, mum was thinking "this girl has got so many screws loose I don't even know where to begin"- until she looked outside to see, lo and behold: a massive building opposite the hospital labelled "Operations Building".

Whomever smart cookie thought of the idea to place that one right outside the psych ward windows beats me lol.

So we're not actually completely "out of touch" with reality and what is going on!! In fact I provided an insight into the poor planning of building placement lol. Also I was very wary of the tank we passed on one of our group walks up a hill, bc brain decided it was the tank that Elisa Lam died in (despite this being in NZ lol) so that was kinda my brain warning me not to climb up there I guess

*And rarely actually ever get solved

[mzyraj]

Early morning thoughts, still ruminating on that video from the other day, but shout out to that time I possibly got psychosis during the Duke of Edinburgh award camping thing and was terrified and convinced I was gonna die in that field if I stayed, so I bailed and my best friend of the time broke up with me for being 'selfish' because I left

[sadfraudfrogs]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa