#I saw a post about a 14 year old trans girl who got killed

[sadfraudfrogs]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[ashwithapen]

poem #8

(this one is a long one and comes with a list of TWs, so the actual poem is below the cut. this one is also a lot more prose-poetry/slam poetry-esque than my other stuff :thumbsup:)

TW for school shootings, trans genocide/transphobia, abortion (mentioned), police brutality (mentioned), suicide (mentioned).

the thing about TikTok written 4 april 2023

y’know, i only opened this app because i saw a clip somewhere of one of my favourite bands. the singer made a joke in Scotland last night, and surely someone had to have posted a better-quality video on TikTok.

it was the first thing i saw when the app loaded, because they just know me so well. i watched it and saved it so that i can watch it again as a distraction or something later. but then i made the mistake of scrolling.

the next thing i saw was a 5-minute video about how people my age and younger were screaming for their lives just across the pond outside of government buildings. they are desperate not to be killed in their classrooms, desperate to live through this semester, desperate to be heard, but the suit-wearing rulers shuffled through their 1000-person sea, one foot at a time like it was dark and they couldn’t see the people my age and younger lining the walls, holding their signs, screaming for change. i watch it, and i have to keep scrolling.

some video about all the shit you can buy for just 8 USD from a gas station in Japan. i don’t watch the whole thing; i keep scrolling.

someone with a cool haircut is sitting on the floor of their bedroom, crying. the sound playing is saying something from a show i haven’t watched about a storybook fox who is sick and tired of living in a hole. they are crying, the tags say that they are trans, and they are crying. their bio says they are just 14, that’s three whole years younger than i am and something in me surges because that is my sibling whose name i don’t know and that i may never get to because the threat of genocide has them, 14, crying on their bedroom floor. not tonight, i think in silence. i do not want to cry tonight. and so i keep scrolling.

and the next video is an indie artist who didn’t exist a year and a half ago, but even so, their new single that when viral drops in a few nights so i follow their page and i hold my breath: should i scroll again? i do, i don’t learn.

and there’s a joke i don’t get with the loudest fucking noise i’ve ever heard. it makes no sense, i scroll again.

oh look, a 9-year-old girl who got shot when she went back to pull the fire alarm so her classmates would know to run. run. run. her face is the centrepiece, her smile from an earlier date something i need to learn to shake off by tonight. i can’t even imagine what being her might have been like. i scroll again.

a cover of a song, sung atop guitar chords; another joke that the comments don’t explain to me either; another reminder of the imposing genocide; abortion bans are being enforced; they’re using force against unarmed protesters again; a poem spoken to me by a person named Lee; more tour clips to distract me; some statistics about teen suicide rates rising in the States; and one of those checkpoints that tells you that it’s time for a break. stand up, stretch, get some water. the song playing low in the background is one i’ve heard maybe a hundred times by now, but i do as i’m instructed, and i take a deep breath.

my curtains are open and i can see through my window. i remember the song i started writing the other day about how people like me seldom live long enough to see their hair turn grey. i remember how i couldn’t finish it off because something salty and wet rubbed the ink off my page and i closed my book and i pretended that i wasn’t upset, like how, in an hour from now, when dinner is served hot in front of me and they ask me “how has your day been?” i will pretend my phone is not heavy in my pocket and that the kids' shouting isn’t plaguing me and that trans people aren’t losing their right to exist and be free and that a girl half my age wasn’t shot because she got unlucky one day.

and i regret opening TikTok every time that i do because i always fail to miss all those kids i heard dance on here. instead, i get singers on stages and artists who speak and kids who know how to barricade doors with desks and bookshelves and how to defend themselves with their trendy metal water bottles, and news about the latest legislation passed that ensures that more kids will be forcefully born into a cyclical mess where they don’t get to grow up without routine checks as to whether they can tell apart a juice box pop and a gunshot.

and there are not enough words to tell you all the things i have heard scrolling through TikTok, where the mothers are gentle with their children until they go to sleep, because then they take off their soft tones and don their broken voices, screaming out in hopes that their kids won’t have to.

it has to be a phenomenon: the ability you need to grow by my age if you want to use an app as unsuspecting as the sound of a clock, TikTok. if you cannot master empathy and apathy and the way in which you must be able to switch between one and the other at the littlest flick of your wrist because what’s funny one minute must always precede the latest tragedy, death giving way to a joke and a smirk from a pretty girl in a skirt whose page a month ago was all about ways you can help in Ukraine, but clearly, she has become a master of this miracle.

and at the end of it all, when it has been hours of hearing about Neo-nazis and the generalised patriarchy and the right or wrong ways to raise bread yeast, i think three things:

one: a simmering roll of “wow”. both my empathy and apathy have been expended, and now, i have nothing left to give.

two: i am never coming back here again, like a hotel where they promise a rest, a break, a chance to get away from your day-to-day stress. one star.

three: oh look, my band said something funny again, and god, i could use a distraction.

[psychoticwillgraham]

long ass fucking emotional post about what it means to make it to my 28th bday under the read more

also making two bday playlists for myself: a funny one and an emotional one celebrating my journey so far. I know, 28 doesn’t seem like an important birthday, but for me? it’s everything. from something who planned to die on its 16th birthday to now, has been a hell of a journey. the vast majority of it has been heartbreaking, but through all the new trauma and old, I’ve become a much different person. i used to be a hermit basically, a high school dropout who wouldn’t talk to anyone irl and even barely online. then, the glee fandom (for all its evils) happened for me and I got to meet an Australian person irl, someone who flew all that way just to meet their weird little klaine mutual, at just 14.

then, I discovered cosplay and conventions, and in that process, the beginnings of my personal identity. I’d already been struggling with severe self harm and the realization that I was some kind of queer (initially a lesbian, then a trans man within the span of less than a year), and cons gave me a place that I could dress however I wanted, act how I wanted, even get lost in acting as the character im cosplaying. I didn’t have to be a girl, I could be a boy (which I did, and used the excuse of cosplay to get my mom to buy me my first binder, but after that she caught on), I could be everything, I could even be nothing. That was my outlet creatively which would eventually lead to my drag career once I turned 21, which was an impossible dream for 16 year old me since I thought I’d never make it to that age.

unfortunately, I met my major and longest abuser (for at least 9 years who continues to be in my life bc I can’t let go) at a con around this age (16). that would set off a 9 year period of sexual abuse, grooming, and rape, that I still struggle to recover from bc it was all I knew until I was 25/26. I’d never had a relationship with a man that wasn’t abusive in some way, and still haven’t. that’s a whole other post for another time when I can handle it better.

but over that period of time, I consumed all drag related media that I could and eventually responded to an open casting call for local drag performers, pretty much anyone who’d ever wanted to do it. most of them had already been part of established local ish drag families, except for me. I literally started from jack fucking shit and I was almost too scared to perform every time I did. I’d been in theatre, but I was always in the chorus and could never get the courage to actually be on stage in any kind of speaking role. but then fast forward to age 21, where I worked the grind for 5 years up the local drag hierarchy, even though I’m still being discounted on account of me being afab and a king, im more of the ‘underdog’ in ppl’s eyes. ppl love me and want more of me, but the current ones on charge just don’t. im still gonna work the grind until I get where I want to be.

but through drag, I found myself. i became an entirely different person. im miles more social than I’ve ever been, im light years more confident, and learning to assert myself. it was like a rebirth for me and I will defend this art form till my death.

i beat alcoholism, the thing that nearly killed me several times, most notably in 2019 when I was so far gone that they didn’t think even activated charcoal would work. thank god it did but if I’d had just one more glass of straight vodka or two more acetaminophen I’d be dead. and if I hadn’t told mom about what I did when I did, I would’ve also been dead. even five minutes later and I would’ve been dead. y’all I was legit about to be coded when they gave me the charcoal, and I did have a near death experience (i hovered above my body and saw the harsh hospital lights above me and they were extra bright, but I wasn’t being forced to go, I didn’t hear God or anything at all, i just hovered there for about 30 seconds and went back to my body) which I’ve suppressed the memory of until now.

I’ve come such a long way from that, and from my horrible childhood, and yes I was thrown off guard from grandma’s death, and I consider everything before that my old life, and everything since a second rebirth, like I have an entirely different life. it’s still haunting me every single day and it does whenever I go past her closed off room, and I still feel her very presence in this house and with me everywhere I go.

things have been immensely difficult, but I’ve survived, and yes I’ve come out a completely different person, and I’ve changed. but we all change through life and I was changed by my grandmother’s love for me and her presence from the very day I was born, and changed by her death. it’s been a change for the better, and she can rest easy knowing that I’ll never forget her or how fiercely she fought for me through my addiction when everyone including my psych team gave up on me and were about to just let me drink myself to death, but not her.

she let me lay on her floor every night and rant and talk about literally anything and everything, would share her saltine crackers and tootsie rolls with me so I’d have at least something to eat even if it was nothing substantial. she insisted that if I drank, I had to drink in her room so she could watch my every move since she was terrified of me dying alone in my room. if I passed out there (which I did most nights in the later stages of my addiction), she would do all she could to make me a bed out of blankets on the floor, even when she couldn’t walk anymore, so that I wouldn’t be sleeping on the hard, nasty carpet.

she gave me a place to just be, and I still think she’s the only reason I’m still alive.

because of grandma’s love, I’m still standing here today, a completely changed person, but at least I’m still alive.

i planned to die at 16, then 18, then 21, then 25, and then at 28. but I’m still here, against all odds, and I’m so grateful that I am.

here’s to the rest of my life, a very long life.

[im-like-if-a-girl]

*THE* mean-girl-dean-girl's Supernatural reboot MEGAPOST!

I'm gonna stick a little "keeping reading" here because hoooooo boy, this is a very long post.

Let's start with

Plot

Season 1

Dean kills John while they are out on a hunt in a crime of passion, but Dean doesn't remember because he blacked out. Cue Dean going to Stanford to get Sam and tell him "Dad's on a hunting trip... and he hasn't been home in a couple days."

The audience doesn't know what happened to John, but slowly figures it out with Dean and Sam as Dean slowly remembers what happened that night.

The entire first season, the boys are following the trail John left and fighting monsters as well. They find out Dean was with John, Sam realizes Dean has an unreliable memory, they have heart to hearts about their childhood and the fire, they find John's body, "how could you kill Dad?" but maybe Dean didn't kill dad, whooaaaaaa, misdirection.

It was actually good ole yeller eyes (Azazel) and he made it look like Dean killed John.

Okay, now let's move on to the first episode

Not sure how the opening would work, I would like the story of the fire to be revealed over the course of the first season, but maybe the opening scene could be a little bit of an establishing character relationships and backstory, idk, I haven't thought that far yet.

I'm thinking maybe it's like, Dean gets back to a motel room covered in blood and he listens to a voicemail on his phone from John saying he was on a hunt or something, I don't really know lol.

HOWEVER

I do know that after the intro rolls, we get a scene of Sam waking up to his alarm and "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton starts playing.

Y'all know where this is going.

Cue a montage of Sam's normal Stanford college life (him sitting through lectures, walking through the campus with friends) spliced with scenes of Dean absolutely slaughtering a nest of vampires (or some other monsters, whatever works best.)

But

Now onto

Characters!!! (And descriptions)

Dean Winchester

Some lovely person on this site made edits of Dean with platinum blond hair and it made me feel some kind of way so we're doing that, homie's gonna have platinum blond hair

Side note about the hair, later when the brothers are running from the FBI he dyes it a dirty blond/light brown (insert jackles hair color controversy here) as a disguise.

He also gets tattoos because we were robbed.

Speaking of tattoos, concept: when Dean comes back from Hell, all of his tattoos are gone. His body is a clean slate, devoid of tattoos, scars, etc. So he gets his tattoos done all over again, which he doesn't mind because he made some bad, drunk tattoo decisions in his youth.

(And before you ask, yes, he does get one for Cas, either a bee or Cas's name in enochian, something cute.)

Dean goes to therapy after Sam gets sent to the Cage.

It's actually court mandated because he got in trouble, lol, he would never go to therapy on his own.

Along with the hair, Dean gets to be the grade A twunk we all know he is.

Sam Winchester

His hair gets longer in every scene he's in

No jk, but imagine

King of Microaggressions

Sam starts off like the sweetheart he is in season 1 but in later seasons he starts enjoying killing a little too much...

It's that demon blood, ba-by!!!

He brings up issues of morality to Dean, i.e. killing monsters who aren't hurting anyone. (Yes I know this is contradictory to my previous statement, but these two facets of Sam can and will coexist.)

Sam and Jess's relationship is explored further, meaning we'll need to start with a different inciting incident, but that's fine, I think everyone can agree fridgings are *(thumbs down)*

Sam doesn't truly know what happened the night of the fire until later, and then he understands why Dean is so protective of him.

Jess

She gets to live beyond the first episode

She is also trans

No, I don't feel like I have to explain myself and I won't 💜

She urges Sam to join Dean in a search for their brother, kind of gets pulled into the hunter lifestyle by association lol.

She dies on a rusty nail after fighting vampires on a routine hunt with Sam

No jk!!!

But imagine....

She's amazing and I love her and Lucifer also uses her as leverage against Sam and possesses her because I think that'd be cool.

She supports Sam 100% and also she and Dean are buddies, pals if you will.

She meets Cas Thee El and immediately she Knows, that is a homosexual.

She dies still so that we can have a Saileen Endgame but she's not dying the first episode or in a fridging. Not on my watch.

Castiel

He gets to keep his raw, light-fixture-exploding power.

I want more of that "I pulled you out of hell, I can throw you back in" energy except over dumb shit like Dean not cleaning up after himself.

He looks like a Dilf in every scene he's in, yeah, that's right, dilf with a capital D for *(GUNSHOTS)* *(gets sent to horny jail)*

Claire

She gets pink hair

And more time with Cas

And maybe a nose piercing

Feel like she should be able to kill a couple angels onscreen, punch a couple homophobes

She gets to meet Jack and teaches him swears and fun slang words.

She deserves it.

Jack

I says "that's my baby and I'm proud."

Jack starts off as a baby, but like Amara he grows up super quickly.

Like, baby to 11 year old in a couple days or less.

This is because Jack's emotional age on the show is on par with that of a 5th grader.

It's at this point when he's a young kid that he runs away from the Bunker and shenanigans ensue.

It's also at this point that Dean threatens to k*ll him.

(Still not sure if I want that in my Supernatural (threatened infanticide? In my Supernatural? It's more likely than you think) but we'll see. We'll see.)

Throughout a majority of season 13, Jack is like an 11 y.o. kid

Season 14 he's like a 16 y.o. teenager

Season 15 he's 21, you get the picture.

Listen, I love Alex Calvert a lot. He's great.

But Jack is a child and should be a child.

Kelly Kline

Kelly, baby, stay right where you are, you're perfect.

Eileen

SHE DOESN'T DIE

SHE GETS TO BE IN THE FINALE BECAUSE SHE'S AMAZING AND I LOVE HER.

BLURRY WIFE WHO? I ONLY KNOW SAILEEN ENDGAME!

She teaches Claire and Jack swears in sign-language. Castiel is not impressed.

John

J*hn W*nchester stans, DNI.

He's dead.

We only see him in flashbacks and only sometimes hear his voice in voice overs.

He's not "down the road" from Dean in Heaven, in fact he instead gets to wander around in some Purgatory like Hell for the rest of his time :)

People who get to say "fuck" on the show:

Cas (but only Once)

Jody

Bobby

Now onto other things

I want more of

Ghostfacers

(they need more screentime because I love them)

Dean/Benny

We know they had a thing.

They definitely had a thing.

Demon Dean

Again, I feel like more should've been done with this. All that build up for what, 2 episodes? was not utilized well at all.

Dean's Bisexuality

Straight Dean truthers DNI, my Supernatural is a show about love and being true to yourself

You think Supernatural is a show about 2 straight brothers fighting monsters?

Naw bitch, this is a show about the Gay Experience

He will get to have relations with men on this show.

Of course, only after John dies does he, y'know, display it. Maybe he kisses Cas on his dad's grave just to fuck John over, make him roll in grave.

We all agree John would be/is a homophobe piece of shit, right?

Okay, glad we're on the same page.

Dads

3 men and a baby with Jack is what I'm saying.

I love it when the Trio are father-figures to younger troubled characters they see themselves in, even better if it's like reluctant-but-loving father figure, oh, that trope gets me every time :'^)

Dadstiel and DadDean are my favorites, but I like it when Sam plays "Uncle Sam" to kids too lol.

"Fellas, is it gay to want a tight knit family with your husband, his son, his vessel's daughter, your brother, his wife, your cop mother figure and her wife and their adopted daughters? Asking for a friend."

Garth

Biggest flaw of Supernatural was underutilizing Garth.

I will never not be bitter that Garth was only in like, 7 episodes out of the whole 15 season series.

Every episode with Garth gets immediately 5 times better.

I love Garth.

Follow ups on characters who had entire episodes featured around them and then just... vanished???

This is mostly about Jesse, the magic kid whose imagination ruled an entire town like, his daddy was a demon and nothing came of that kid??? Only one episode about him?? No follow up???

KID CAN MANIPULATE REALITY AND WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A FOLLOW UP ON THAT?????

Uh, there was that one episode with Ennis the guy whose girlfriend was killed by a monster? I think?? Who we never see again, that was weird.

Tamara from season 3, episode 1.

And of course-

Cassie

She was so cool, and then we never saw her again :////

She gets to be a badass.

Religious imagery

As a former Catholic school student who has become for the most part, disillusioned with religion, religious imagery in TV shows like Supernatural make my brain go "brrrrrr."

Fun episodes!!!

Like, after season 6 or so, there's a drop in funny episodes

I'm talking Changing Channels, The French Mistake type stuff. (Scoobynatural is an outlier and should not be counted.)

So anyway

In my version we would have more fun episodes

I'm thinking

GENDER-SWAP EPISODE, BABY!!

(why they didn't do that in the original, we'll never know.)

An episode where Dean gets to wear eyeliner

That's it, end of post.

I want less

Racism

Yeah I feel like this is self explanatory, nearly every reoccurring character in SPN is white, and black side characters normally die in the episode they first appear in, or they'll be featured as a villain (Uriel, Raphael, Billie, etc)

Also there's a lot of... uh... asian fetishism featured in the show (what with "Busty Asian Beauties) that's really gross, also Kevin was a bit of a stereotype...

Also also it's super yucky how they kill the gods from other religions like???? Uh??? That's super disrespectful, let's not do that????

I know Supernatural is like, inherently racist because monsters are a separate race that are seen as some dangerous "other" that must be eradicated by hunters in a form of genocide-

Okay we won't get into that but

Still

Stop killing all your POC

Fridgings/Unecessary murders of female characters

I know Supernatural starts with a fridging, so this will be a hard thing to remedy, but

One death that really pissed me off was the death of Charlie

Yeah, that was pointless and we're not doing that. Charlie gets to live and be an awesome aunt to Jack.

And also Claire

Charlie Bradbury Superiority

Charlie and Garth get to meet because they're nerd/geek solidarity.

British Men of Letters

I fucking hate these guys

They're "litcherally" the worst.

The worst part is that the actors they have playing the British AREN'T. EVEN. BRITISH.

And you can tell

Uh, and that's all for now, I'll add more later.

tag list for people who liked my "if this post gets one like I'll post my SPN reboot masterpost" post.

@darianyunidi @sarasidlesaid @crazybananaalpaca @playfulpanthress @ultfreakme @fififeelsmellow @heller-char @luna8eaton @princessmeganfire @insanebot109 @queenofnightsnow @mongoose-underthehouse

Thank you for the support, hope the wait was worth it.

[igirisuhito]

Hi! I’m bidoofgodofdestruction. I want to say that I’m so sorry for having spread false rumors about your fic without reading it. That was wrong of me and stupidly transphobic. You don’t have to forgive me, or even respond to this, but I’m sorry to you for making accusations. Have a good day.

Hi Bidoof. First of all, I'd like to thank you for the opportunity to freely talk about some issues near and dear to my heart. I want to expand on how problematic these kinds of actions are. Why am I making an example of you in particular? Well, to put it simply; you annoy me. 

(Just so you know: Bidoof's “unpleasant run-in” with me was me telling her that she shouldn't judge writers for what they write. You can see my exact post linked here) Is there anything wrong with venting on your blog about a fic you weren’t fond of? No, not really. Begging people to send you asks to feel better? Annoying, but, whatever. Putting said vents in the fucking TAGS? Yeah uh, don’t do that. I would have preferred it if you directly messaged me to voice your qualms on my “Tags” (no, she didn’t even read the fic!) but you can’t, because you have me blocked. Actually, I even have you blocked, hence why you had to send this anonymously. Instead you yell out into your little echo chamber to get the approval from like minded followers on how gross my “Tags” are. If said followers hadn't said anything, you wouldn't have felt any remorse. You blocked someone trying to explain to you that you cannot judge the fic by its tags alone. Shout out to Nanacka, by the way. Absolutely lovely artist. 

Judging a book by it’s cover aside, I wanna talk about why this exact kind of thing is so problematic. How looking at LGBT content with a significantly more critical eye is killing content for LGBT people. 

You guys remember Dream Daddy right? The game that people criticised so harshly, not because of the plot line or the story or the art, but because of the way it portrayed it's little gay universe? Receiving criticism over being unrealistic, or appealing to female masses, even having uncompleted work in the coding dragged out and judged. That criticism then extended to fanartists, and eventually hype died out for the game because people were afraid of making content for it. 

Who would want to make an MLM dating game after seeing a reception like THAT? Have you noticed how every other queer visual novel-esque dating game that has come out since gives you the option of a cishet relationship? And how most of them don't receive the same criticisms Dream Daddy did? 

There's also the issue with calling things "gross and fetishistic". With criticising content because it may cater to fujoshis. You see, the inherent TERF rhetoric with calling women consuming queer media "gross and undesirable" aside, some of us gay men just want that? Sometimes as a mentally ill gay man, I want to read about an unhealthy relationship between my two favorite characters. This doesn't mean I like them any less. I'm exploring something I wouldn't want to explore in my real life. These aren’t real people, this is a fantasy I can explore through fiction, experiences I can connect to.

I have healthy relationships in my personal life, and I have had many that weren’t. The ability to explore these themes in a safe place, to be able to self analyse, is a critical skill and I think something everybody should indulge in. It has helped me to learn how to identify abusive behaviour before it has grown out of control. Being able to see characters I relate to go through similar things to what I have is important to me, and in my opinion, vital to good representation. Not everyone goes through trauma gracefully.

Like, do you know how much fanfic involves gay men having sex without any prior preparation? Yes, it can lead to misconceptions, but doesn't that more point to flaws in our education system? It is not my duty to teach the underaged child reading my fanfiction, written for adults, that perhaps they should wear a condom. 

I've gone way off topic. I just, never expected this to be the fic that got me squinted at, you know? A fic about two boys with vastly different sexual experiences fumbling around each other trying to figure things out. This is severely wholesome. 

You may think you are being a good ally, defending the rights of a transgender character. Their right not to be lewded or fetishised or used as a plot device. But in doing so, you risk belittling the experiences of trans people who relate to said character. Or shit, in this case, even, the trans author who wrote said character based off their own experiences! But you wouldn't know that, right? You didn't even fucking read it. You read the content warnings and drew your own conclusions.

Which brings me back to Bidoof, and her desire to constantly dictate what she sees in fandom. She defends it by saying "oh this is my comfort ship you're ruining my comfort ship". That's ridiculous for a multitude of reasons, people are comforted by vastly different things. You are comforted by your favourite couple holding hands, I am comforted by my favourite couple tearing each other apart in a toxic relationship I am so glad I would never be a part of. We are different people with different tastes, you cannot control fandom. 

And girl, leave Red the fuck aloooone omg. Don't think we don't see your vagueposts when you put them in the fucking TAGS!! You vagued about her in a server that she was in and then were shocked when she saw it. Everytime you say these things, they get back to the person. Every single time. My friends reached out to me about this, mutuals/acquaintances reached out to me, even people I've never spoken to reached out to me. 

I've seen you vaguepost about a 14 year old in a server she shared with you. In my eyes, knowing you are an adult, that's detestable behaviour. You're a hypocrite and a bully, acting as though you're doing the right thing because people have the "wrong opinions" telling people to "act normal". Seriously you can't see for a second how blatantly horrible that sounds? 

I'm just going to say, please don't send Bidoof hate. That's not going to solve anything. My fic is fine, I will survive, and I'm grateful to have actually seen her apologise, even if I do not forgive her. I'm honestly more angry over the fact she thinks it's fine to continue to be such a bully, or that she's justified in doing so.

Sorry to have made you "ill" with my wholesome trans porn. Don't worry, you won't have to see any of my "nasty" stuff in the tags from now on. 

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Date: Wednesday, August 14, 2019 Time: 11:56 pm

I’m curious. Does anyone look forward to reading my letters? -calls out- “Anyone?” -dead silence emits so deafening, I stop talking-

So.. I was reading letters I have sent you. And, shit. The people who take the time to read these letters must think I am selfish.

All I talk about are men, my attraction to men, my desire to have a girlfriend, or whatever.

Which, if y'all know me, you KNOW, I’m going to get back to it.

But for a short bit, let’s talk about things that aren’t guys or girls.

Here are a number of facts about me you, Charlie, and other people reading this may not know about…

I’m very unsatisfied with my weight. I weigh about 195 pounds, and am working to drop to 120 pounds. I don’t feel attractive in my skin. I can’t see my vag anymore.

I haven’t orgasmed ever. I am 24 fucking years old. Why the fuck haven’t I cum yet? God..

Happier topics, Mare. Okay. There is this app I use called SLOWLY, where you create a username, and bio about yourself. You can start sending letters to people across the world. I’ve had letters coming in from China, India especially, the U.K., Australia, Taiwan, Russia, Portugal, tip of Africa. So many letters. And, you do get standard. ‘Yo baby. Send me nudes.’ This one guy got clever and asked me for nudes in Morse Code. I kindly sent him back to go fuck himself. The only person who gets to see my beautiful breasts is me, and the barren vag, cause I swear to myself, I never ever see Nic. (<– Sorry. No talk of guys for the next few paragraphs). The issue is.. like, there is an option where you can send three letters at a time. With an intro letter. One night, I thought it would he fun (WORST. MISTAKE. EVER.) to send 15 letters. (Keep in mind about 4 of the many letters I have sent, do I keep up a regular correspondence with. So, add 15 potential regular friends, and you have a recipe for disaster). Omgosh, Charlie + readers: I never have time to respond to these letters. Damnit, me. Why the fuck did you do that?

Okay. I started a new job. Yeah. You heard right. The ever so fucking afflicted depressed, intoroverted, frustrated, book crazy, bisexual who cant hold down a job, found a new one. Through a temp agency. I work with ______ _____ ____, at _____ _____, which is just 10 minutes from my house. The job is way better than the piece of shit I put up with for 6 mths. I love the different calls we get. But the mother fucking training at this call centre was mother flipping shit. There are so many 'processes’ you have to remember when helping a 'guest’ with a request that I want to cry. (I hope I keep at the job). Please fucking pray for me.

Did you know I didn’t always used to curse the way I do? Throughout high school, I would only curse when I would get hurt (like for example that time an anvil crushed my toe. Lol. This totally didnt happen. Though, this one time. I cut myself on this chunk of thick glass from a broken lamp at 12 urs old, that I was taking to the dumpster. It sliced my thigh, blood was gushing out I imagine. I started screaming. My mom, uncle, and cousin freaked the fuck out. I obviously lived to tell the tale. Y'all should see the scar.) And then I was influenced by boys (since I only hung out with guys through the last two years of high school) to curse. And now, I can’t seem to stop.

I make weird posts on Whisper. My username is ______ For anyone who wants to chat with me about my crazy life, follow me on ____ at @_______. Lol. (I hope y'all know when I include the blanks I’m being funny).

What other facts to share.. I made a friend on Slowly, but work really got me busy, plus I am always freaking tired. I didn’t respond for nine days with a letter, and I noticed she deactivated her account. It really hurt. Her name was Becca. She was trans, but didn’t tell her crazy conservative family. 19, super sweet. Liked video games and Eminem for a bit. I seriously miss her.

Other facts.. Did I mention (no, of course you didn’t mention Mare. All you ever talk about are failed relationships, current relationships, or almost relationships), I’m looking to learn Italian AND Spanish? Of course! Why the hell wouldn’t I try to influence my American self with my Mexican self? (Totally Hispanic in case y'all cohldn’t guess. My mom says I speak Spanish like a white girl. Well, shit… Time to go to Mexico and get ridiculed for being too white and not knowing Spanish or customs) Joking aside, I’m looking forward to teaching myself Spanish and Italian. (Don’t tell the family, but I prefer Italy over Mexico).

Y'all ready to get to the real reason why y'all stick through my letters?

Nic doesn’t want me to explore my bi side. Ken hasn’t been on Skype for a month. I miss him.. (Great, conflicted Mary is back again). Did I mention that today is my 3rd year anniversary with the Nicholas? Totally is. What did we do to celebrate? I woke up at 5 in the morning, waited for him to show up at 6, and ate tacos in my apartment parking lot. Then, I went to work, and he went home to sleep. We are going to Bastrop for the weekend which is just 20 minutes from my grandparents. Maybe I should go visit. (Why the hell don’t I call my family? Am I really that fucking self absorbed? Family trumps dudes any fucking day..) and I hope the trip is nice. I just texted him like 45 min ago of us drifting apart. Because… he will talk about things that seriously, Charlie, I could give two fucks about, then we will talk about ice cream, for example, and he goes off on a tangent about something little do with ice cream. Sometimes, I feel like I guilty stay with him because I do fucking love him, but I could be holding myself back from experiencing new things.

I want to write more. Bare with me for a moment, Charlie. Okay, I’m back. (That was a second break, in real time in case y'all were wondering)

My thoughts aren’t flowing as well. I wish I knew a friend who was bi or a lesbian who would like to explore with me. And not have it change things.

So, I have a shit sleep schedule. I’ll come home at 5 ish in the evening. I’ll sit in traffic for twenty min. Come home. Eat something. Fall asleep by 7. Wake up at 10, and stay awak indefinitely. Then wake up at 6, and start over. (What is wrong with me?)

Oh. More breaks from relationship shit. I saw a therapist. Three visits. It was nice. His name is Tim. (Had to stop because I literally have no fucking time to see a dr anymore psychologist or medical, because my schedule is a fucking bitch). He graduated from Harvard! That is awesome. His attire was well groomed, always. I never told him he intimidated me because of that. But he was a nice guy. Time to go to psychologytoday.com to look for weekend available therapists who take my insurance. I hope if I am to become a psychologist, that I’m a tiny better than Tim. He was lovely, I was just unnerved by someone focusing such time on me. But, that is kind of what he is paid for? So….

Oh. Have I mentioned at all to you, Charlie about how I want to start a YouTube channel? I want to read stories I find on the internet. Annnd, I’m pretty excited. I get my mic maybe with next weeks paycheck.

I feel like there is more to add. For anyone you may have lost touch with over the years, Charlie, does the thought of that person and the memories you shared together ever make you cry? I found a CD an old friend left to me for my birthday. And it broke my heart that we aren’t close anymore. I feel like I .. let my true relationships go in my worst state of mind.. And, I miss her so much. It really really hurts. I’m crying just thinking about it.

Also, I’m not sure if I mentioned, there are rare cases where I will laugh so hard at something I found to be funny, that I make others worried or uncomfortable. But the laughter turns to sobbing (sobbing such as my mom dying, or my brother getting hit by a car, or someone killing me) just as severe. I tried asking like crazy, and no one seems to know. That is, until a month ago, a friend from the meetings I go to (please tell me I’m not so vapid that I forgot to tell you I go to Monday meetings with DBSA for my depression) showed me what I have.. which I forgot the name of. But it is a treatable condition. Something to do with sensitivity.

I can’t hear well out of my right ear. I need to see a doctor.

Thanks to those who stayed with me this far.

I hope to have more news on my relationship status.

I seriously have like two friends on Tumblr. Why do I use this app again?

I love you, Charlie

Always,

Mary

[telling-our-stories]

Coming out stories

A heads-up. These are the original stories, however, they are anonymous. This wasn't intentional, I just screwed up and didn't tag. These stories, aren't mine, so if I've posted yours and you want it taken down. Please, just ask me.

Alright.

I am tired of people who are against the LGBTQ+ community. Its alright to have an opinion. It is not alright to put people down for being themselves. The first pride was a riot, a fight for what they believe in. I'm trying to do the same. I'm trying to gather the stories of the fallen, the ones who are still standing, the people who are willing to fight for everything they are. And I am fully willing to take a stand and fight to prove we exist. To prove that we're here, and we aren't backing down.

Hello, my name is Dustyn. I'm here today to collect stories from the LGBTQ+ community. There's a lot of people who are against us, which is exactly why we need to stand our ground. I'm not asking for a fight, I'm asking for your stories. My story is not yet finished, though I'm a bisexual trans male. Our stories are important, because they show who we are and how far we've come. I've struggled a lot in my life, but I've made it. So have others. Here are some of those stories. We'll start with mine. I've gone through many identities, mostly trying to figure myself out. I'm still doing that. My family doesn't accept me for me, but I have many friends who do. There are so many accepting people in life, and I appreciate all of you who are proud to be who you are. Whether closeted or not, you are all valid and amazing.

"Hello my name is Melissa and i am bisexual. My family didn't really have a harsh reaction to it other than the fact that they didn't understand it at first. That was most of my trouble was people saying that bisexual wasnt valid. Im sorry mine is so short but i think the moral is that you are valid. No matter what you identify as on any spectrum in the LGBTQ+ community. Also even if your outside of the LGBTQ+ community and your just an ally. We love you and you are all valid.”

"Salutations everyone. My name is Talan. I am non binary, panromantic and i am currently between asexual and demisexual. I was raised in a very christian household where my mother and father had very strict beliefs. They believed that being anything but straight and to me being anything other than my assigned gender was a sin, and many people still say that to me. When I came out to my dad he flipped, he took me out of school for a year and put me in online school. During this time in my life I had reached a dark time where i thought that it was never going to get better but trust me it does. I am still living with my dad who does not accept me and at this point we don't talk that much, but it does get better. We have gotten to the point where we can have a civil conversation with each other and im back in school. I have an amazing girlfriend and multiple qpps who i love very much. Everybody at school is very loving and supporting. Remember that family is not chosen for you, you make your own family. If you ever feel down than just know that there are so many amazing and kind people in the world who love you for who you are, no matter what that may be. You are loved."

“I'm glad you reached out to me, anything to help people understand more about the LGBTQ+ community. I am 19 now and I came out to my family at the age of 14. My parents were the typical ones who said it was just a phase and it would not last but here I am five years later and I made it through. There was a point where I had no one to turn to but then i met my amazing boyfriend. He helped me through the good and the bad and showed me that there were things to stay for. I am now in college and pursuing a career in photography at the University of Arizona. I hope that could help a bit!”

"Okay. Well. My coming out experience was definitely not expected in the slightest. I was in the 5th grade. Realizing that I liked both boys and girls was quite the revelation. I had a lesbian friend who was the first ever gay person I met or knew. I remember being backstage of a show I was in and just crying through the words, "I know I'm supposed to love guys, but I love girls too". After that. I didn't tell anyone else, until 6th grade. I was a track meet and a group of people I sat with was talking to my lesbian friend about kissing. I forget the exact conversation, but I spoke up and said I would kiss her. A Christian girl in my class was nearby and heard. She was disgusted. Therfore by the end of the week, I was completely outed to my entire school. It was ugly, but it got better over time I guess. I'm a junior in high school now. I have yet to come out to my parents, but at least I know that I am finally comfortable in my my sexual orientation and gender identify (demigirl, which I didn't figure out until a few short months ago)."

"Hey, I haven't actually come out to everyone yet but I have told a few people and all of their reactions were positive "oh you're bi? cool" and that was it. No "so do you like me?" or anything which was super great. So I was "straight" and when I heard about the LGBT community I was "straight" for about another five days. I did some thinking and realised I'd actually liked girls before, and shortly after came out as bi to a few of my close friends at the time. They were all supportive, bar one who said "you're just looking for attention lmao".Coincidentally, she had also come out as pan and had received the usual "you're attracted to pans?". I go to a Christian school, so it would be pretty disastrous if the news leaked out, but naturally it did. Not everyone knows, maybe about 10% of my grade. I suspect some teachers found out about how some people were LGBT (not many though, there's about 5 of us), because our dean of year gave the "you're too young to know that" talk. Mostly at school we get sheltered from all LGBT news and details at all, and my parents hadn't told me much about it either, even though they are supportive and would be okay if I came out as bi."

"I'm bisexual. I first came out to my elementary friends over the phone 3 years after we went to different middle schools. They were mostly all so accepting and I was so overwhelmed I hung up on them. I spent a few minutes laying on the ground clutching that phone to my chest, I'd never felt so loved. I cried and cried and cried because these people atleast the ones who accepted me see me different now but are okay with it. Two years later, now, I still haven't come out to my parents. I still need a few years but I'm a little bit more open at school now most of my friends accept me. Others were cut off, I can't do that with my family so they still don't know. Not as if they would take me seriously either way. I want to get past college get a place a stable life then maybe I'll be ready, just maybe. Thank you for listening to my story."

"I was surrounded by my Uncle and his husband for years. I always knew that gay people existed. When I was younger I never thought anything different of myself; I thought I was one of the boys.

 It never really clicked that I was the only one who saw it that way.

When I was 7, my mother and sister suggested I take dance I shot them down saying "that's for girls."

They didn't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what came over me in that moment either but I know it felt right.

As myself and the people I knew grew up I realised I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I tossed it up as your typical dislike.

~every girl went through that at my age didn't they~

All the girls I knew were so happy that they were becoming women and I just sat in the back wondering why I didn't feel the same way.

I still didn't get it.

Once my depressed state got worse I decided to read into ways to love yourself and your body.

I started taking selfies, dressing up, wearing heels and makeup, forcing myself to sing even though I hated the way I looked and sounded.

It got worse.

I broke down when nobody was looking and acted like it was fine; like I wasn't praying that whatever I was feeling would go away for even a second.

And one day I looked in the mirror and I thought "this isnt right. This isn't me. This isn't what I want. Who in the hell is that person staring back at me?"

And I accepted it. That I would never be who I should be. That I would never be happy. Because nobody would love me. Nobody would want me. And nobody would accept me. Because if I was happy then that meant my family wouldn't have had the little girl theh thought they had gotten.

And up until recently no one knew that I broke down every night, that my thoughts got so bad I wanted to drown in my own tears so that maybe it would all be over. Because to me coming out to them was worse than death.

And here I am years later. My family knows but they don't care. They don't try to comprehend that this repression it kills me all the time. So I gathered my money got myself exactly what they told me they would never let me have and I lie. I go behind their backs and I live like the man I really am online. I bind my chest and I hide from their sight and when they ask I say it's just their eyes.

Because if they knew - if my mother knew - they would rather me suffer day after day than be who I am."

"heyo, i read your post and id like to put something to it.

i am a part of the community, havent came out to my parents yet, because i know for a fact id be sent to a psichologist or thrown out. but i am me online

an old friend of mine is a trans guy and found me a few weeks ago. he said he saw that i support LGBT+ and it was so comforting for him. a friend who i haven't talked with for 9 years!after he told me that he lost half of his family for being himself, his dad ignores him since, but he has a boyfriend and got his life together

and that i could be a little comfort for him is really nice. even the people who are closeted can be helpful in the community."

"Well, my mom took it well. I had gotten stuck in my closet and then she got me unstuck and I told her I was queer.

My brother, we were sitting in the car and he told me he always knew, but I had to keep it a secret from my dad or else bad things would happen.

My friends hugged me and started to use my name and pronounsSo coming out to my dad and stepmom, it wasn't even a coming out but a forced outage.

They took my phone away the night of a Panic attack that I still have nightmares over and searched it. They read all my messages.... everything.

I wanted to scream for it to stop, but I knew it wouldn't. They told me that they loved me, but I had to stop being me and I have to go back to being a girl who was cishet

But once you have a taste of freedom of who you really are, you can never go back ...I couldn't hide again. I just had to wait till I could spread my wings and be free somewhere else."

"Ok so for the thing you tagged me in, I don’t exactly have a coming out story yet, and I’m not sure of my identity entirely. I’ve tried out tons of labels and am sticking with queer at the moment just cuz it takes the stress off of picking an extremely definite word to describe me. I came out as queer last year, but I don’t consider it a coming out story because 1) I only told my friends and not my family, and 2) queer doesn’t completely define me. In real life, I’m doing my best to go back in the closet, but I think my “friends” may have told other people who spread rumors around my school, so it’s been difficult. A bunch of people make random references to me liking boys (I’m amab) and it made me uncomfortable enough that I started telling them I’m straight. I’m planning on staying as far in the closet as possible until people get more accepting and I understand myself fully."

"It's not a coming out story (mostly) but it's a realization of sorts.

Yesterday our Social Studies teached asked us to form groups and discuss a contemporary issue that we would present at the front in a few minutes. Long story short I suggested LGBT+ community and rights, which my group mates accepted. I live in a really conservative country (with at least 81% of the entire population identifying as Christians) and that's an extremely taboo topic. It ended up leading the teacher asking us to raise our hands if we believed the lgbt community should be allowed Civil Union, not considering religion an all. I was so afraid to raise my hand, but it was what I believed in and I couldn't live with it if I didn't show it, so I raised my hand. I didn't really do this as a member of the community, I wasn't thinking of myself. I was thinking of a world where this is accepted in my country, where I can go outside and be open and love whoever I wanted to, and I guess the idea of standing up for what I believed in was what pushed me to do that. A big majority of the class was against, and I was just so afraid even though some small logical part of me knew they would not do anything.Today, our Civics teacher had us grouped again to make a live news report and once again, my group (international news) got assigned lgbt+ community because of our listed problems yesterday. I suggested interviewing a member of the community and basically came out to two people I knew were trustworthy (nearly all three other members in that group but thank God I think the third one did not hear) and we agreed that I could be used if I only had my voice recorded and edited to not sound like me. Just a few hours ago I found out that one of my classmates, who I thought was a nice sweet boy, turned out to be a big homophobe. "Sodom and Gomora and Liberals are teaching unnatural things" kind of guy.I guess that broke something in me, because another thing I was really passionate about for when I grew up was this certain job, though no one supported me. I used to want to do that so much the idea of anything else repelled me, sometimes the idea of the other more "acceptable" jobs brought me to tears. Somehow this one admission that I thought everyone should have the right to at least a civil union and finding out my classmates didn't believe in that crushed something in me hard enough that I lost the passion to do that job I wanted. It makes no sense how this connected with that apart from the fact that neither are things I have been or would be supported on, but I guess seeing that this world isn't really safe made me lose hope.I felt scared to raise my hand, almost like I was actually coming out (which I now realize I'm absolutely never doing to many of those people) and the realization that some place I thought was a safe space for me, because all of those people in that class, I thought I could trust them. I've been with them since before I could spell "friend" correctly, they're family to me, I believed I would be safe and accepted, and then came to find out that wasn't quite the case...But well, basically I was terrified then crushed to find out that I could have outted myself to a group of people who would not take my news lightly

Found out some people I thought were friends thought people like me were broken

Found out some people I used to have the biggest crushes on didn't even believe in letting people have a civil union."

"I’m very excited to see brave people like you ready to start a revolution, so I thought I’d share my, sorta, coming out experience.

So I have divorced parents meaning I’d have to come out to four parents. This happened mainly last year. I was pretty sure I was bi, (tho I now identify panromantic demigirl) I knew my dad and stepmom would be great with it, and they were. But when it came to my mother, well, she wasn’t really homophobic, but she had different ideas about how a gay person should behave. She outed me to her after overhearing a convo with my friends. She then told me I was too young, and gave the “its a phase” talk. She knew I was fairly open about it because I lived by a motto to “be so myself that other people feel brave enough to be themselves too” But she believed a gay person should keep it a secret. Nowadays I don’t believe in the process of “coming out” I am open about my sexuality and gender but I don’t do formal coming outs. I always believed that if straights don’t have to, neither should I just because I ��don’t fit a default” My mother wants me to come out to my stepfather even tho he already knows. I thought sharing a coming out story that also showed you should never feel obligated to come out. My mother guilt trips me about it, but I remain rooted in my beliefs that I shouldn’t have to come out, which I think is valid.

Hope my story can help anyone and just wanna say you are so so valid, amazing and powerful and should never feel pressured to be open if you don’t want to. Long live the revolution!!!🏳️‍🌈."

"Hello! I read your post about collecting LGTBQA+ stories and I thought Id share my brief experiences as a bi girl from Germany ^^

Tbh I never made a big deal about coming out, as I personally feel it goes to show that we're revealing a wierd secret, and Id like my sexualtiy to be something normal, not a main identifying characteristic. And everyone of my friends or classmates that I mention it to appear to have no problem with that whatsoever, and as far as I know Im not percieved as predatory either.

My family, however, is a whole different matter. While Im sure that my mums side of the family would be perfectly fine and my parents know already, when youve heard your fathers parents talk about eastern europeans and other immigrants using only slurwords and your uncles parents have expressed their absolute disgust about seeing a gay couple enjoy a nice picnic at the park, you get very cautious about who you tell. Especially since I dont want to put the supportive family in the position of having to consider whom they can talk to about this.

Another thing that Ive noticed after my exchange year in Sweden and seeing my first pride, though not having the time to attend, on my way there in Copenhagen, is how little support my country gives to this community from a social perspective. At my swedish school, all the teachers had a rainbow keyband from a *seminar about LGBTQA+ people*, something Im sure Germany would never do, and all of them kept it. There was no question whether you support us or not, it was an acceped part of social life and no big deal; we even did a private introduction round for pronouns!

And then I came back here. During pride month, there were no rainbow decorations, the most I saw of a parade was two discarded paper flags on the ground afterwards. When I vented about this to my ally friend, she only said that "some people and companies just like to stay neutral". Try all of them in Germany, but sure.

I know our community has come far, but I can also see that it isnt fsr enough, and that is the fight I am still fighting.

Hope this helps ^^."

"Alright. Mine isnt that interesting but I'll do my best :)

I came out as bisexual when i was in the sixth grade. It wasnt a huge deal to my mom. She said okay and we went on with our lives. Around the end of that year, i told her i thought i was trans and she said i wasnt. I came out to her again six months later and she said the same thing. There was a lot of yelling. Mind you, she isnt transphobic at all. The third time... she was so done with me. She yelled and so did i. It took four different times for her to accept me, and even then, i had to do the last time over text because i was scared of her reaction."

"So, my name is Ell. I identify as queer and demigender. I don't know what to say here really early than it's important to find others like you when you're not as close to your family as you used to be. Because of your identity. My family is more accepting than most, but still. The community online is so so important to me, and this project makes me really happy. So thank you. "

"I was at sea world and my mom was in the car I was talking about how my dad was super homophobic. My mom says that my dad acts like it’s a disease I said will if it is then I have got it, My mom is understanding and says that she will love me no matter what."

"So, I’m non-binary and bisexual. That’s a big no-no in a latino family like mine, it’s always grow up, get married with the opposite sex, and have kids. I don’t know why I felt that I could just say anything to my mom one day and she immediately objected. “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian or just confused? You can’t like more than one gender. Also, what’s this about a non gender? You’re either a boy or a girl, that’s it.”

Thankfully after a lecture and me apologizing (though I did nothing but tell her more about me) she let the subject go. I’ve never told my dad because I know mom just will get in the way and say I’m lying again, but at least my friends are understanding and almost completely LGBTQ+."

[dykeabetic]

gail's ocs :^)

a masterpost of my ocs because im on mobile and my oc page is outdated

cain ornigana

aka cain gilmore

there r so many cains because i use them as an insert LMAO so this will be generic info that fits most of them.

agender (they and sometimes he pronouns)

bi and mlm

mixed cuban/brazilian/white

most cains are in their mid-late 20s/early-mid 30s. there is one version of them (the original, actually) who is 18.

has anxiety, adhd, depression and insomnia, along with type one diabetes because i give them everything i have

very kind and passionate! often very emotional. loves their friends so damn much.

#cain ornigana; #cain gilmore; #runner 5; #courier six

aerial whitton

there are like.... 3 versions of her rn lol!

cis girl (she pronouns)

bi

mixed black/samoan

around the same age as cain..... the original is 17.

autistic

super sweet and full of life! also really loves her friends. literally wants nothing more than for the people she loves to be happy! :^D

#aerial whitton; #lone wanderer

keira lowenfall ornigana

technically not my oc, she actually belongs to amanda, @kid-icarus-uprising-addict, but i stole her so shes mine now. originally amanda's d&d character. she and cain are a package so if cain exists in a world, keira's probably there too

also keira lowenfall gilmore, keira whitton ornigana, etc. she always has a lot of names.

girl, probably (she pronouns)

doesnt know what her orientation is, doesnt care. shes too young and has more fun things to care about

8 - 13 years old depending on the source.

in d&d, she is the run-away child of some nobles, and was adopted by cain and their husband. in my original works, she is cain and aerial's daughter. she is very excitable and hyper, always moving, very sweet but also very blunt!

#keira lowenfall gilmore; #keira ornigana

quinn marton

trans girl (she pronouns)

lesbian

black

18

literally so wise, very kind and gentle and always gives good advice. wants to make the world a better place.

#quinn marton

autumn primrose alvarez

cis woman (she pronouns)

bi

mixed white/peruvian

in her 30s

very kind but takes no shit. a very loving but will throw hands if youre not careful! would kill for her friends and family

#autumn primrose

yivian schmidtz

not cis (they/she pronouns)

queer/gay (doesnt know if shes into dudes or not. she might be!)

white

19

adhd and type 1 diabetes

loves to party and have fun. very nice. good to rant to, very ride-or-die. loves to make friends!

#yivian schmidtz

hira karki

cis woman (she pronouns)

lesbian

nepali-american

20

amputee; has a prosthetic arm

i just made her so im still making her personality! shes yiv's gf though

riley winters

a final fantasy vii fan oc; i have an original story for her too though

trans woman (she pronouns)

lesbian

mixed filipino/white

in her 30s

has adhd and cystic fibrosis

literally the physical embodiment of stereotypical adhd --- very energetic and excited and passionate! a joy to be around and talk to.

#riley winters

ahn "stella" duong

transfem and nonbinary (they pronouns)

lesbian

vietnamese-american

in her 30s

disabled and in a wheel chair

very fun to be around, nice and has a great sense of humor! loves their friends, loves to give hugs

#stella duong

april adams

nonbinary (she/they pronouns)

lesbian

white

15

adhd and probably other undiagnosed things

april is the angriest fifteen year old that you will ever meet. she's like those mean goth girls from like 80s movies. if you gain her trust and love she will kill for you. as of now the only person she loves is my brother's oc june, her girlfriend! can see ghosts, and is easily possessed

#april adams

june rosewood

like i said, june is my brother's oc! but im putting her here just because

trans girl (she pronouns)

lesbian

mixed japanese/white

14

june is very very sweet! kind and gentle, june is a ray of sunshine in contrast to april's constant gloom. her kindness and authenticity can make just about everyone love her -- hence her winning even april's heart! has visions of the world ending, and can see ghosts.

#june rosewood

august "auggie" francis

another oc my brother and i share

cis boy (he pronouns)

gay

deceased; died when 14; a ghost

auggie is a sweet but very anxious and timid boy. gender nonconforming. does not remember anything from when he was alive. can be seen by april and june; really likes them, but is very intimidated by april, who does not like him.

#auggie francis

caelyn valya

caelyn is a d&d character i made but havent used yet! she's a spring eladrin (an elf who was born in the faewild) and a ranger

cis girl (she pronouns)

lesbian

she's the child of sun elves so she has light brown skin. also, since she was born in the faewild, she's covered in green freckles

in her early 20s

adhd

caelyn spent all of her life in the faewild, where her parents were in hiding. because of this she is a bit sheltered and niave now that she's in the material plane! she's VERY sweet, a bit too trusting, and incredibly excited to be somewhere new. (you should ask about her knives)

#caelyn valya

kahayag nakamura

ok tbh..... kahayag is a minecraft oc. im still trying to work out what i want her story to be but i always saw minecraft as some post-apocalyptic world or something so im thinking she's one of the few survivors of the apocalypse

nonbinary woman (she / they pronouns)

lesbian

mixed filipino/japanese

19

i mean..... she survived the apocalypse so like..... shes probably got something

kahayag lives on her own with a dog in the middle of nowhere in a world where humanity is basically extinct. before the apocalypse, she was known for being nice, cool, and funny. now she doesnt talk much, but would still do anything to help her fellow man!

#kahayag nakamura

i have..... many more ocs, some of which are on my oc page (their info might be incorrect though), but these are the ones im gonna want to talk about!

edit 11/28: added hira!

[lord-knightmon]

Gogogogo more headcanons! (Heck, other anime only characters too??)

SURE SURE, I’ll cover some main ones but so the post doesn’t get too long I’ll do 4 headcanons each :O

Fumu:

in human terms, she’s in the 14-16 year old range

visits Curio frequently to help him and learn more about Cappy culture. if you can’t find her in the castle or reading outside she’s probably at Curio’s

likes to mount butterflies as a hobby. she has all of the ones in her current collection labeled. despite this, she never kills them herself, she only mounts ones she’s found.

trans girl. you probably saw this coming.

Bun:

about 10-11 in human terms, though he tends to act a bit younger sometimes

talented in several sports, though he prefers soccer above all

as much as he acts like he doesn’t like learning, he does enjoy listening to Fumu’s lectures sometimes. it helps him calm down some days

by choice of his parents, he grew up learning violin along with Fumu, and surprisingly he’s far more skilled at it than her. the truth of it is that he practices when no ones around because he enjoys having something that he’s good at that his sister isn’t. he likes showing off, even if its not at something he’s really interested in

Sword:

has an interest in history and likes to read up on all the places he’s been on his travels with Meta Knight before they all settled in Dreamland. picked up reading about Dreamland’s history once they settled.

hot headed, very much so. acts decently around Meta Knight and most other people in the castle, but behind closed doors he’s easy to set off

more or less the musclehead of the two. does all the heavy lifting while Blade does the planning

used to be incredibly arrogant until he began working for Meta Knight. over the years he’s learned discipline and how to humble himself and its helped him be far less reckless and more thoughtful about his actions

Blade:

specializes in weaponry and enjoys collecting various swords and other such weapons. would love to take up blacksmithing so he can make his own weapons, but never really has time

very studious. spends a lot of his time alone reading and studying anything he can, though he prefers sciences, mostly engineering.

snarky when you least expect it. Sword talks over him a lot, but when he does get a chance to speak there’s always at least one, very subtle snarky comment

despite being more of a follower than a leader, he’s more than capable of taking charge when he needs to and often will be the first to step up in a crisis if Meta Knight isn’t around

Escargoon:

trans man. you all saw this coming.

actually went to college and has an actual doctorate. notice they originally called him “doctor” at the beginning of the anime (at least in the sub)? that’s why.

supports his mother by sending her a cut of his salary, despite the fact its not much. no matter how much he makes, it goes to his mom. he’ll support her no matter what.

while I do headcanon he’s gay, I don’t headcanon him as having a crush on Dedede. he’s just a suck up

Sirica:

older than Knuckle Joe by a bit. in human terms she’s about 16-17

learned sword fighting from both her parents, though she taught herself how to properly use a gun (or whatever that thing she has is)

got her gun sword rocket launcher thing as a “mysterious gift” from a stranger. said stranger also told Sirica lies about Meta Knight in order to get her to hunt him down and kill him (or to kill Sirica when she tried to claim Galaxia, but either way it was a win for Nightmare)

never has been the studious type, but she enjoys listening to Fumu talk about history and science

Knuckle Joe: (he’s not anime only since he’s a game enemy, but he’s my boy so I gotta)

about 14 by human standards. he’s bab

lived with and was raised by Jecra’s family until he left to hunt down Kirby. after his first appearance in the anime, he went back home and let his family know he was going to follow in Jecra’s footsteps. he’s a good boy and didn’t just take off without letting his family know what he was doing.

based on another headcanon of mine about who he was raised by, Joe is proficient with weaponry as well as hand to hand combat. he just prefers to use his fists rather than some piece of pointy metal

I headcanon that the symbol on Jecra’s shield and pendant is his family crest, meaning Joe more than likely owns something of his own with that symbol on it.

I could go on about Joe but I’ll stop there so I don’t get carried away hah

Garlude:

sword lesbian. I’ve talked about her being a lesbian before but I’m serious.

had a wife who was the one that raised Sirica

the jewel she wears is part of her culture, its a symbol of her prestige as a warrior and something frequently seen on people from her home to signify that they’re soldiers. the color indicates rank, hers indicating her rank as a top tier warrior. it also can act as a way to channel strength and helps make attacks stronger. fashion and function.

is more or less the voice of reason for most of the GSA. Sir Arthur often consults her for guidance when it comes to battle plans and she’s looked up to as the “mother” of the GSA. she likes helping others so much, she’s a sweetheart who cares to much about everyone for her own good

[unorthodoxsavvy]

Taggity-Tagged

Wowie so I got tagged by my friend Ginny, or @dead-nightingale to answer these 92 truths about yourself (myself). And at the end I’m going to tag 25 people.

Here we go!!

THE LAST

1. Drink: Hot Chocolate

2. Phone Call: My boyfriend last night

3. Text Message: “When I was trying to fall asleep last night, Cece was walking on my side and trying to find a spot to lay down on me. And then this morning she laid down on my stomach and I was petting her.” from my boyfriend.

4. Song You Listened To: I’m listening to “Wanting More” by Memphis May Fire.

5. Time You Cried: Sunday. 

HAVE YOU EVER

6. Dated Someone Twice: No, haha, no one makes that mistake twice

7. Been Cheated On: No

8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It: No.

9. Lost Someone Special: Yeah. On my birthday.

10. Been Depressed: My entire life??? Okay, kidding. But yes, I have PDD.

11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: No, I don’t drink.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. Metallic silvery-blue.

13. Black

14. Aqua

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made New Friends: Only like 50, give or take.

16. Fallen Out of Love: Yeah, but not completely, and I was still willing to try and right myself because I know it was all just because of the amount of confusing things going on at the time.

17. Laughed Until You Cried: Probably?

18. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: Yeah, and I thought it was fucking hilarious.

19. Met Someone Who Changed You: Yeah................................. let’s not talk about that right now

20. Found Out Who Your True Friends Are: This year was the year of finding out who my true friends are lmao. And sometimes I was wrong. I’m glad my real friends pulled through despite my doubts about them.

21. Kissed Someone On Your Facebook: The day I own a Facebook is the day I’ll send myself to a Nunnery. 

22. How Many of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know in Real Life: Seriously? Let Facebook burn in the pits of hell.

23. Do You Have Any Pets: Yeah, I temporarily have a pet cat, I have an old doggo some of you might know named Bailey, I have Marian, of course, my gecko, and a fish named Vic. We used to also have Kellin but we don’t have Kellin anymore.

24. Do You Want To Change Your Name: Yes. My middle name can burn in the puts of hell next to Facebook. 

25. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: Shit what did I do? Uhhhhhhhh.... let me ask my boyfriend. Well he doesn’t know either. OH! I remember: I made a weird cake with cookie dough and stuff and we had other cake and I went to Boston for a Teen Author convention and also my mom’s best friend died and I cried on my boyfriend a lot. I think I kind of blocked that day out of my memory.

26. What Time Did You Wake Up: 8:30ish

27. What Were You Doing at Midnight Last Night: Watching Gintama lmao

28. Name Something You Cannot Wait For: WARPED TOUR, PRIDE, and LOCAL AGRICULTURE FAIRS! And for me to actually get a job.

29. When Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mother: Between 10-11 last night.

30. What is One Thing You Wish You Could Change About Your Life: Getting a job :’) plz someone hire me :’) I know I’ve only applied like 2 places but like c’mon

31. What Are You Listening To Right Now: Chemical Kids and Mechanical Brides

32. Have You Ever Talked To a Person Named Tom: Yes, I have. 

33. Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves: People flirting with other people and me whoops. Me flirting with other people. Myself. People. Trump. The not-so-slow decline of humanity. My own saltiness rn.

34. Most Visited Website: Google

35. Elementary: Like elementary school? There was cool art on the pillars outside the office. I met my best friend there and had my first kiss in elementary school. Someone threw a brick at my friend’s head. I was smol and had long blonde hair. Someone who I’m now friends with pushed me and I fractured my wrist and the school told me I was exaggerating and didn’t even tell my mom what had happened and she said that when she reached for my arm to like help me out of the car I would pull away and finally she took me to the doctor’s and found out and she was pissed at the school. I got stuck in the playground. Field Day was fun. I miss the sketch playground they had.

36. High School: 

Freshman Year

What to heck I actually have friends, I’m popularish? People don’t treat me like shit? Boys are flirting with me? I have drama? What? I’m so confused. I’m going to just stick with playing with the animals in the barn and crying over the fact I forgot to put my seatbelt on the first time on the tractor. The Golden Trio. 

Sophomore Year

First real boyfriend

Traumatic experiences ----->emo

Junior Year

I’m emo

DNT TOUCH MEH

I LIKE GIRLS??????????

Wow that fanfiction though

Wow I have a crush on a Trans Guy? Guess I really am bi

Wow I’m dating a Trans Guy (it needs to be caps in my head, sorry lol) Guess I am bi but also can we appreciate what a cute fucking bean he is???

Omg! Full time Natural Resources Student! The Dream Come True!

Depression

Anxiety

Senior Year

I hate you all

I hate you too Emory

If you don’t want to hang out with me that’s fine but don’t expect me to hang out with you.

Wow all my friends desserted me.

What friends

Oh those friends

Yeah they aren’t my friends today

Wow I’m some elite choir student

My choir teacher is still sketchy af

My natural resources teacher is actually letting us pick him out an outfit to buy at GAP.

My natural resources teacher’s wife is actually letting us browse for like an hour and 45 minutes in Barnes and Nobels looking for That Gay Shit

We didn’t find That Gay Shit but I bought a Fun. album and DAPGO so that’s pretty much the same thing

I’m pretty sure we all just outted ourselves to our teacher’s wives

Wow I’m making an album

Wow I’m not taking any real classes I’m just passing the time cuddling dogs

Wow friends from Freshman Year throwback

California is Gay

Boston wasn’t supposed to be Gay but we snuck into Pride

I cried a lot during graduation because at that point a bunch of people were horrible to me and I couldn’t take it anymore but then also my teacher got me a scholarship and I cried during that too

Let’s party and stay up at school until 5:30am

37. College/University: What’s college

38. Hair Color: 50 shades of cool colors but not green

39. Long Hair or Short Hair: Shorter than a Corgi’s tail

40. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Yeah, and I really wish I didn’t.

41. What Do You Like About Yourself: Gay

42. Piercings: Over my needlephobic body

43. Blood Type: Does anyone actually know this? I’d kill someone before I’d let them near enough to me to find out

44. Nickname: Savvy

45. Relationship Status: (If you didn’t get this by now, I’m dating @ancient-hero)

46. Zodiac Sign: Libra af

47. Pronouns: She/her

48. Favorite TV Show: Fairy Tail

49. Tattoos: I waaaaaaant but neeeeeeeeedles

50. Right or Left Hand: Righty

FIRST

51. Surgery: None

52. Piercing: Ears in 3rd grade

54. Sport: Dance

55. Vacation: Gosh idk I was probably still in the womb

56. Pair of Trainers: What? How about first pair of Converse? I like that better. My first pair of Converse was in like 6th grade and my friend was like “ohmigod, how have you never owned a pair of Converse before? They’re your shoe.”

57. Eating: What does this even mean?????? How about this: the first time I ate blueberry pie, it was heavenly and I was in Maine and now I love blueberry pie.

58. Drinking: Let’s talk alcohol.I said I don’t drink, and that’s true. My first alcohol was this year, my mom gave us champagne. That doesn’t count as drinking, we all know that.

59. I’m About To: Keep writing this post. And doing all the other tags I’ve been tagged in, and then try and schedule them so I don’t flood people with useless info about me. I might take a break though because I’ve been here almost an hour.

60. Listening To: Bulls in the Bronx.

61. Waiting For: A Sign A Job Me to stop catching feelings Warped Tour

62. Want: Warped Tour!!! (And more specifically to actually know bands and songs playing more than I do now. I’m trying to crash course myself in bands like a week before again)

63. Get Married: YES YES YES

64. Career: Music Video Producer and Storyboarder and Filmer

YOUR TYPE

65. Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

66. Lips or Eyes: Eyes

67. Shorter or Taller: Ahhhhhhh I’ve had a bit of both idk which one I like better maybe shorter cause I’m short anyone “tall” towers over me

68. Older of Younger: Older 

70. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: ??? A girl is a girl?? A boy is a boy?? I don’t like buff people? I like squishy people??

71. Sensitive or Loud: Both! I want both, dammit! I can’t take just one or the other, it won’t work.

72. Hook Up or Relationship: I wouldn’t know.

73. Troublemaker or Hesitant: Once again, both. Either of a lot is too much. I feel like most people I’m comparing are polar opposites and that’s why things haven’t/aren’t working.

HAVE YOU EVER

74. Kissed a Stranger: NO BUT I WANT TO (just not while dating anyone)

75. Drank Hard Liquor: Still no

76. Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: Who owns a pair who hasn’t? If you own either you have.

77. Turned Someone Down: Lmao no

78. Sex on First Date: Nooooooooo

79. Broken Someone’s Heart: Once again, hasn’t everyone? And if they haven’t, they will.

80. Had Your Heart Broken: Once again, hasn’t everyone? And if they haven’t, they will.

81. Been Arrested: No, but had the cops called on me, yes.

82. Cried When Someone Died: Yes, on my birthday, in my kitchen, on my boyfriend.

83. Fallen For a Friend: I don’t fall for anyone seriously who isn’t a friend.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

84. Yourself: Yes.

85. Miracles: Yes.

86. Love at First Sight: It’s called lust, look it up.

87. Santa Claus: No, sorry.

88. Kiss on First Date: Sure, that’s cute.

89. Angels: No

OTHER...

90. Current Best Friend’s Name: Olivia. Best friends since Kindergarten. Just with a few gaps and rough patches.

91. Eye Color: Blue

92. Favorite Movie: Stand By Me

Wow I need a break before I even tag anyone.

Okay, so after everyone’s read through all this nonsense, here is to whome I bestow this task:

First off I probably owe @ancient-hero to be tagged since he’s mentioned so much.

@articulate-mess, @teatowelhowell, @sleepyphil, @danisthirsty, @weirdkidstories, @fondan, @pocketcow, @memory--ghost, @mymagnificentself, @gods-not-on-a-flatbread, @cushionstaxk, @xloonaticbloodx, @liabilitylester, @kendellisnotonfire, @smoltheatrekid, @softcharizard, @vgetables, @thebookofmadison, @infidany, @i-craft-ladders, @alecdoesnotmakepie, @astonishowell, @deadpan-trashcan @smolphaniel

Wow, okay, cool. Obviously if you don’t want to do it I’m not going to fly to you and kick down your door and make you. So, have fun, do the thing if you want, sorry if not, and have a nice day!