#i'm gonna tag it here so it's all in one place
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ghostie-jakxy-gray · 20 hours ago
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First off all the love to the above @witchyravenarts <3! Awesome person and awesome writer all around!!! (but also how dare you make me to pick a favorite fic of mine TT)
If I Haaaaave to pick favorites:
1. The Rat That Feeds The Rattlesnake (Hadestown x Content SMP)
Part of the larger Gut and Idyll series that Morgana mentioned above, but pretty self contained entry point to the main series; also one of the longest fics I've actually finished. I love it so so so much. Basically, Folly gets yoinked into Hadestown plot and she and Rat and Lux have to figure out if there's a way to be un-yoinked.
2. A Cultural Study of Akliss Burae and the Assumed Fears (original)
otherwise known as the fic that taught me ao3 hyperlinks lol; a mini little character-study I did on one of my OCs as part of their culture and race. Copious amounts of linguistic finnicky translation stuff for my conlang also included, but I like it a lot
3. Study Of A Body As A Haunted House (proprioception invents a mouth) (Arcane)
Part of my OC-gets-isekai'd series, and one that almost certainly won't be finished for a While, but I really like the way I go about detailing thought processes in here. Plot is- OC and Viktor share a body, have to get through the Arcane main plot in spite of this.
4. Gods With Many Faces (fractured and repaired) (original)
two gods who were broken by the universe and broke it in turn make friends and meet up in a tree. Idk man, I have my pantheon and I love them so much.
5. Why We Build The Wall (Hadestown x Three Houses [malloy] )
Currently writing this one, it's part of the prequel-era Gut n Idyll, and it has The Lesbians. It's also hopefully not gonna be seven billion k long, and doesn't need that much if any prior knowledge to hop in on. Also, it'll introduce you to some actually awesome musicals.
~
As for other people's fics? (aside from those already tagged - go read those as well, they're Fun with a capital F.)
1. Dreaming Of Sunshine (Naruto Self-insert)
Holy mother of hell, this one is long and glorious and technically still updating, and so good I read the whole thing twice despite basically never going on ff.net. Brilliant brilliant brilliant, and the recursive community on ao3 is just the funniest best people ever? Cannot recommend this enough.
2. May Death Never Stop You (JJK x MHA)
Once again an insanely long isekai but this time it's Gojo Satoru reincarnated as Todoroki Touya. I am only in one of these fandoms but goddang if it hasn't hooked me since the start. It's long and fulfilling and has the sweetest of politically-relevant romance and I love it so so damn much.
3. Safe Place (Detroit Become Human)
... or just in general anything by AsexualofSpades but this is a fav of mine. Don't be fooled by the title tho, it's prominently Hurt/Comfort. Just a sweet little tidbit on some fool androids getting traumatized by - and then untraumatized by - their dad.
4. For A Diamond Is A Marveled Thing (Steven Universe + others)
Genuinely the fic that most impacted how I write fanfiction. In that it is a Massive Sprawling Everything of a fic/series, weaving together anything and everything that can and should fit together, with some sections being small little poetic snippets of info and others being long plot-heavy things filled with triumphs and pitfalls and comedies and resolutions. It's permanently unfinished, but honestly I don't mind, the world created is cohesive enough it can stand alone.
5. A Twin Of Light (Dream SMP)
Best consumed in small bites. It's dark and awful in that cathartic way that I love so so much when I'm in the mood, and even when I'm not honestly. Basically the Streamers get yeeted into a realistic (for given measure of realistic) DSMP and have to con their way into not being killed. Follows the Fucker; but at this point I'm counting it as taking the character played in the internet-divorce to read fic of him. Anyway, there's something hypnotic about this fic. It's horrible for my mental health but I also want to curl up inside it and stay forever, exactly like the characters therein. Beautiful beautiful beautiful can't recommend enough, unless you are in any way not mentally prepared. (also it's a long mfer, but what of my favorites isn't)
Tagging:
@campfire-octopus @aoipuff @
... I genuinely don't remember which of y'all that I follow/follow me write fic, so anyone who sees this consider yourself welcome to join the bandwagon!
fic authors self rec! reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love!
thank you for tagging me @mangostarjam 🩷
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is it casual now? (hinata shoyo)
notes: probably my favorite shoyo fic I've written, there's just so much of how I imagine him to be in this one and idk I just love the charming, flirty, kind, slightly possessive picture of him I painted here
surreal, but nice (miya osamu)
notes: I wrote it for bloomy's romcom collab and it was sooo much fun to put osamu in a notting hill setting! I still wanna write a part 2 really bad
like real people do (itoshi rin)
notes: I'm really happy with how the dialogue/dynamic in this one turned out, I got to balance sincere love, angst, complicated sibling relationships and hopefully gave rin a break lmao
et nunc et semper (aiku oliver)
notes: ancient rome au is so special to me! I also really love the dialogue, settings and dynamics in this one. I thought no one would be interested enough to read it but everyone has been so immensely nice
should've known better (rengoku kyojuro)
notes: hurt quite a lot of people with this one, sorry! I still adore it
rain is bad luck (shinazugawa sanemi)
notes: my first tumblr fic!!! also first fic I wrote in english :')
all eyes on you my magician (jjk various characters) (dark content)
notes: the secret history au my beloved!!! dark academia my most beloved!!!!! I love this one so much despite the heavy content, this fic probably has my favorite gojo
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no pressure tags: any writer who wants to join + @strawberrystepmom, @nagumoan, @heavenlyakin, @tohruies, @lvmimis, @kweenkatsuki-fics, @gojoest, @yuujispinkhair, @ms0milk, @comatosebunny09, @chimielie
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abyssyby · 1 day ago
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ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ author’s note — two birds on a wire
( ⸝⸝•ᴗ•⸝⸝ )੭⁾⁾ hello!
if youre here right now, you might be seeing this before two birds on a wire or after. if you haven’t read it, this author’s note might contain spoilers. this fic took me a while to write and as i finish, i can’t help but feel sentimental about it so i wanna talk cuz im gonna miss it (high chance i might snowball more emotional branches to this story in time n im being dramatic, but rn this is my baby)
two birds on a wire was supposed to be a crackfic bc i was frustrated with sylus’s cards coming home to me @ hard hard pity. mentioned here to rng anon (HI RNG ANON ILY!)
so it was an “ok u made me anxious pulling and failing, im gonna make ur kids follow u to a mission” and it was supposed to be him just scolding the boys & showing them what papa does for work. and the boys kinda going “cool! papa cool! i love papa >0<.”
but then it didn’t even get to that point because the moment i wrote Lucian sneaking up on him on his very dangerous flight on his way to his very dangerous mission on this secluded island of thieves and snakes— I felt the fear. the immediate clicking in sylus going “this is my son. this is my son and right now he is in danger.”
and the snowball started there— sylus wouldn’t be thrilled, he’d be mortified. scared out of his wits that he was innocently followed by his boys to just spend time with him, not knowing the stakes they’ve raised by being there.
and then that was a whole exploration of how sylus might handle this situation given who he is, what he's dealing with and who he's dealing with. how he would need to be the ruthless man at work, but also just papa so as not to traumatize his children to oblivion. how this event— the thought of losing his most precious boys to him despite success and victory, but the what-if that haunts him— would shatter him body and soul because he can't, he cannot have love taken away from him again.
and then like magnetized blocks, everyone just started falling apart— you who lost them in the first place, kieran and luke who were also supposed to be watching them and the little twins who, now realizing what they just walked into, were the epicenter of the earthquake.
as i wrote, i saw how this family would have had the dynamic of desperately trying to hold each other up while helplessly falling apart— and that's where MC/you/mama shines, as that broken savior, despite being weakened and battered by the events at hand, you— beloved, mama, boss hunter— still show up for them all. BECAUSE LOVE>??!!??!
it was a very challenging and stimulating process to get working on, but I'm hoping i did it well enough to showcase each one's nuances & complexities. and my most important hurdle when writing: giving each character their own texture and voice. so this was a super enjoyable study on how to do that (was not fun i cried real tears)
anyway, if you've read it and you're here— thank you so much. i am forever and always grateful for people giving my stories a chance & endlessly appreciative of your time reading them. especially this one, since it's longer than the rest.
if you haven't and you're considering to— I hope you like it!! I appreciate you as well.
All the kind comments, replies, tags, reactions, reblogs, etc. that let me know how the work was received are never taken for granted. i see you, i appreciate you will all my heart. you all make my days & weeks, and i hope my stories do the same for you in return.
thank you, stay safe & kind, dunno why this is ending like a love letter now, but much much love.
ʕ⁠っ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠��⁠っ ♡ urs
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rad3oachwastes · 3 days ago
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AU info below the read more !!! Cause it's a little bit.
OK so! I finally made the first little intro to my AU I've had... plotting. I don't wanna get into all of the details right now, because I have plans to post more, but here's just a history on it.
So, first off - this is, quite simply, just me getting INSANE brain worms where I just really wanted my faves to interact soooo hence the Sunstorm and Bumblebee cross. These two page-things take place after the war has ended, and the Autobots have won. Though, small things pop up here and there, which means that someone has to handle it. The autobots say "make a little team of people to go out and make sure people aren't dying or being weird" and Bumblebee is apart of it. Blah blah, words get around, spooky lab in the hills... and there is an irradiated weirdo living in a tube.
The art isn't crazy impressive cause I wanted to make the first ones quickly but maybe they'll get better, who knows! I'm gonna just tag this as Radroach AU for now cause I can't think of anything creative. Lmk if this is actually interesting or not please. I might just be the brainworms monster
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seventh-district · 5 months ago
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Dying Star
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In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
- - - - - - -
Sam’s words have been weighing heavy on your mind ever since you discussed your shared future and the various forms it could take. You didn’t realize just how heavy they were until it all came spilling out of your tired mind on a late night spent together beneath the stars.
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Pairing: Sam x Darlin' / Reader
Word Count: 4,053
Contains: [angst] [a dash of humor] [a hint of chubby!Sam bc i like 'em strong and soft] [crying] [cuddling (dub-con cuddles with Quinn in the past & consensual ones with Sam in the present)] [emotional hurt/comfort] [implied/referenced dub-con sex (nothing graphic) (in the past between Darlin' and Quinn to be specific) (refer to my Ao3 notes for further explanation)] [mentioned Quinn] [not quite Dissociation i guess but Darlin' does zone-out/get lost in thought more than once] [pet names (Darlin' (obvs.) and honey)] [Reader is Darlin'] [Sam wears a cowboy hat bc i said so] [some passive suicidality from Sam if you squint (hell, maybe you don't even have to squint)]
A/Ns: Well, well, well, here I am, the person who said they wouldn't write any Redactedverse fanfic. I recently felt a mighty need to expand upon the blurb I wrote in this post, and I'm braving my fandom anxiety by sharing it here. pls be nice 2 me abt it
Timeline-wise, this fic takes place sometime after the ‘Talking About the Future With Your Vampire Mate’ audio but sometime before their presumed eventual departure from the house that William gave Sam, given that they've already had the 'turning' discussion but are still on the same roof in this fic.
This is a songfic, inspired by and quoting verses from 3 songs. Those being:
‘Dying Star’ by Ashnikko feat. Ethel Cain
‘Fix What You Didn’t Break’ by Nate Smith
‘No Plan’ by Hozier
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The roof of Sam’s house is far from a ‘cushy’ place to relax. But as you lie here next to him under the stars, a knowledge settles within you that you wouldn’t trade the rough shingles beneath you for the softest mattress in the world. Not if it meant there’d be anyone other than him lying next to you.
Some people might counter that it’s an easy thing for you to say, given the number of nights you’ve thrown a balled-up shirt onto one end of a worn-out couch and called it a bed. But some people don’t know you as well as they think they do.
You’ve known luxury. Quinn might’ve been just as content taking his fill on a seedy motel bed as he was wrapped in silks at a Hilton, but he knew how to play up the luxe when it served him to do so. And in the early days as he worked to lure you in, it did. Plush sheets and expensive drinks helped to soften the preordained blows and dull the imminent pain that your nights with him held.
Once you’d latched onto the bait though, he let the act drop one piece at a time, like props collapsing on a stage. After all, what was the point in all of those frivolities when you both knew what you really came to him for? It wasn’t to be wined and dined, it wasn’t to be dressed up and shown off, and it wasn’t even to be slowly stripped of it all, laid out across the rolling clouds of a pillowy mattress.
It was to be used. Tranced. Restrained. Bitten. Drank from. Choked. Hit. Edged. Denied. Made to writhe and whine and bleed and plead. Plead for more, for less, for nothing, for anything. Anything to quiet your mind and fill the ever-expanding void inside you where you suspect love was supposed to live.
That’s what you both really wanted.
At least, that’s what you told him you wanted.
That’s what you told yourself.
You only got what you asked for.
To your right, Sam stirs, stretching gently with a yawn. The soft noise he releases as he does so reminds you of where you are, and you trace back through your thoughts to find how you got so lost.
…Right. Luxury.
While your relationship with Quinn certainly changed over time, you never forgot what it felt like in the beginning. 
You remember nights laid next to him, body sore, mind quiet. Quinn’s idea of aftercare was lacking to say the least, but you had nothing better to compare it to at the time, and you’d take what you could get. At least your head felt empty, and the bed was soft. Exhaustion would pull you under soon enough.
The mattress, sheets, and pillows enveloping you were likely worth more than you even made that past month. ...Or several. You found that display of luxury hard to be impressed by though, when it wasn’t the type of comfort you’d been seeking.
As Quinn shifted in his presumed sleep, pulling you in tighter, you didn’t fight it. You found yourself unwilling to fight anything he did, like his mere presence was enough to drain the fight right out of you. You told yourself that you were okay with that. Because you wanted it.
Lying there with your head on his bare chest, you took a deep breath and told yourself that you liked the stench of cheap cologne, poorly masking the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath. You silently told yourself that you liked everything. You liked the pain that he chased with hints of pleasure. You liked the loss of power, the way you couldn’t fight back if you wanted to once he looked you in the eyes. You liked all the things he said, no matter how much the truth might hurt.
He was right, you supposed. Your desires, the things you craved, the depravity that you so enjoyed, wasn’t normal. It was uncommon, unusual, and in the eyes of some, unfathomable. To possess such dark desires, there must be something truly broken inside you.
How lucky you were, to have found someone willing to indulge you. Someone that could give you everything you wanted, and be so kind as to keep it a secret too. He promised that word of the things he did to you, the things you let him do, would never get out. You remember the way he held your hand as he told you, falling for the guise of sincerity in his eyes. You remember his warm smile, and his razor sharp teeth.
You remember seeing that exact same smile on his face through one-way glass as he sat across from Sam and told him everything.
You stood in that room and thought back to those nights of luxury. To the feeling of his nails ghosting over the freshly healed punctures in your neck. To the way he held you against him. You remember laying there, lifeless, feeling like prey playing dead. Afraid to move, afraid to disturb him. But why? He hadn’t threatened you. He never told you that you had to stay. He never said that you couldn’t move, or pull away. So why did you feel that way?
As you stood, helplessly witnessing hours of his slander in that interrogation room, you understood. Your rose-tinted glasses had long since shattered, and you saw that smile for what it was. It was the smile of a man playing a dangerous game, brimming with satisfaction, thinking he’d won.
The radio near you begins to crackle, static obscuring the hosts voice as they announce the upcoming song. Sam doesn’t even open his eyes, just raises a hand and reaches out, blindly adjusting the antenna of the old device.
You’ve teased him for holding onto it for so long, as he is wont to do with damn near all of his possessions. But as you watch him deftly extend and angle the antenna with practiced care, the response he once gave you proves itself true once again.
“I don’t wanna replace it, Darlin’. It’s not broken. It just needs someone who knows how to make it sing again.”
The static clears, and music flows through the radio’s old speakers once more.
You watch Sam return his hand to its prior position beneath his head, acting as a makeshift pillow of his own. The way he’s lying has his hat pushed forward, and it’d be doing a damn good job of shielding his face from the sun if it weren’t somewhere around midnight at the moment. Still, it suits him somehow, despite its lack of any practicality. All he’s missing is a stalk of wheat between his teeth and a tree to lean against and he’d be the spitting image of the cowboy he swears he isn’t.
His other hand rests on the soft curve of his stomach, rising and falling again as he breathes. He’s the image of peace in moments like these, and you’re drawn to it like a moth to flame. Maybe one of these days you’ll find some of your own, but for now you’re more than content to bask in his.
As you admire him, he takes a slow, deep breath and you mirror it on instinct. The grounding practice helps you leave your mind and return to your body, if just for a moment. In doing so, you realize just how tense your ruminations have made you.
You relax your hands, releasing the blanket beneath you from your iron grip. You brush your palms over it, worried that you’ve torn the fabric once you realize that your nails had halfway shifted to claws. You don’t fret much over damage to your own possessions, but this blanket is Sam’s and you’d hate to ruin it. Though, you suppose he doesn’t prize it too much or he wouldn’t have laid it out here across the roof in the first place.
“If I buy somethin’ it’s because I wanna use it. Now quit frettin’ and get over here.” You recall what he told you earlier as he patted the blanket next to him in invitation, and you smile.
Doing a small stretch of your own, you release the tension in your shoulders, turning your attention back to the stars above you. For a while, you let the soft music wash over your tired mind.
“I asked him not to kill me politely. He drained my magic core, bottled up at the source. I washed up on the sea glass shores. I’m nobody's captive.”
In spite of your best efforts to relax, you’re still subconsciously futzing with the loose threads of the old blanket beneath you.
You’re made aware of it when Sam reaches a hand down, gently laying it over yours and effectively stilling your anxious motion.
“Burning like a dying star, invasive weeds rooted in my heart, set in a crooked trajectory. The journey here was hard, I was almost pulled apart. Trying to leave his orbit took what’s left of me.”
You flip your hand over beneath his so you can hold it properly, lacing your fingers together.
For reasons beyond your understanding, emotion tightens your throat, the threat of tears pooling in your eyes.
…You must be more tired than you thought.
As minutes pass and one song fades into another, your gaze dances across the blurry, scattered points of light in the dark sky.
“You were the star in the pitch black, shine the way on the way back. Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers.”
Sam’s always been so much better at identifying stars and finding constellations. But as the music plays, you begin to see one of your own.
“Picked up the towel that I threw in, took in a heart that was ruined. Showed me the past ain’t a tattoo, loved me even when you didn’t have to.”
“Sam.” You squeeze his hand to get his attention.
He squeezes back in acknowledgment. “Hm?”
“I want you to look at something.” You swallow back the emotion that tries to seep into your voice, but it catches his attention all the same.
He leans up and lifts his hat from his head, setting it aside near the radio. He then reaches to turn a dial back, lowering the music’s volume to give you his full attention.
You release his hand, raising yours up as he turns back to face you. You don’t say anything at first, nearly too lost in your own mind to realize you need to actually voice your developing thoughts.
"What—what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"
Your hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in your line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above you. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."
Sam does his best to follow your less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', your pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along your exposed wrist where your sleeve had slipped back, he takes your hand in his again and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"
"That's you." You say, matter-of-factly.
"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.
"Mhm." You nod with finality, blinking slow.
Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting you. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."
You scoff. "I am being serious."
Sam stifles a laugh. "No—no I mean—like... what's another name for it... Oh, it's also called the Dog Star."
"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."
He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but you cut him off before he can start. "But no. No, this isn't about me. That's you."
He decides to play along, finding something endearing in your overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"
Your frown is audible in your voice as you latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"
He smiles at your over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, honey, I promise."
You huff, but begrudgingly shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention.”
Sam’s brow furrows as you continue to explain, realization setting in that you really are being serious.
“I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...And there you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places and people that I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, at Wonderworld, surrounded by the ghost of him. Your warmth, your presence, your aura—even with all of your walls up, you outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me home."
In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand squeezes yours tight, his urgent tone pulling you out of your thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"
You look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, faint shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.
You reach out, pulling him down into you. He falters for a moment at the sudden proximity, but quickly embraces you in turn. Burying your face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear your words, muffled against the thick flannel, but his hearing catches them just fine.
"Don't burn out too quickly. Please. I still need you here. I don't—I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
The words feel like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, but with it comes a flood of emotion they’d been holding back. You cry harder into him, and as much as it pains Sam to witness, he lets you feel it, for as long as you need.
Your fear of losing him manifests itself physically, nails curling and sharpening again. When he feels them prick his skin through the fabric of his shirt, he calls your name but doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leans further down into you, letting his weight ground you. “Darlin’, I am right here. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
As you eventually cry yourself out, enough wherewithal returns to you to realize that you should probably release the poor man from your grasp, and the awkward position you pulled him into. When he pulls away enough to see your face, you notice a string of snot running from your nose to his shirt collar. Quickly batting it away out of embarrassment, you cringe, voice thick as you apologize. “Eugh, gross. Uh… sorry. About that.”
He shakes his head, laughing good-naturedly as you wipe at your nose with your jacket sleeve. “It’s completely fine, honey. After all, I’ve been covered in plenty of your, uh… various fluids before. When you come from my line of work, this is child’s play.”
He leans to his right, reaching back and pulling—of all things—a handkerchief from his jeans’ left back pocket. You laugh at his words, and at the sight, but with how congested you are it turns into more of a hacking cough than anything. Accepting his offering, you blow your nose into the black patterned fabric.
As soon as you can speak somewhat clearly, you can’t stop the teasing remark that slips out of you, gesturing with the wad of fabric in your hand. “You know, you really aren’t beating the cowboy allegations with stuff like this.”
He rolls his eyes but his soft smile remains. “It’s a practical thing to have on me, ‘allegations’ be damned.”
You shake your head with a smile of your own, but don’t disagree. As you’re visibly unsure what to do with the dirtied fabric, he takes it from you, setting it aside. “I’ll toss it in the wash when we go back inside. Along with my shirt, and…” He eyes you for a moment. “…that jacket of yours too, given how long you’ve probably been wearin’ it.”
Normally you’d argue that it hasn’t been that long, but come to think of it, you actually can’t recall when you last washed the thing.
Reaching up and rubbing your temples, you already regret your crying fit as a headache begins to set in. “Fuck, Sam... I’m sorry for… whatever that just was. I don’t know what came over me.”
His expression falls into something serious again. “You never need to apologize for feeling. And it certainly seems like… you needed to feel that.”
You nod quietly, but don’t elaborate, prompting him to question you gently. “Darlin’. What was that about? The—the askin’ me not to leave. Are you… afraid that I’m gonna leave you?”
You close your eyes, weighing out your response. “…Not in the sense that you’ll break up with me or something, no.”
His gaze narrows and his head tilts as he rolls your answer over in his mind. “If it ain’t that, then—” He remembers how you mentioned ‘forever’ and cuts himself off as the puzzle pieces start coming together. “Oh. …Oh, Darlin’, no.”
You open your eyes to watch as he shifts from leaning next to you, moving to sit up beside you. “Is this about what I told you, when we sat up here and had our uh… turning discussion?”
You hate to admit it, but you nod in confirmation. “…It’s your choice, Sam, and I never want to take that away from you. I shouldn’t have said what I just did, I—I don’t want to make you feel guilty, or like you have to stick around for my sake. But I’d be lying to you if I said it hasn’t been playing on my mind. The thought of you… leaving. Like that.”
He reaches up, running a hand through his hair. “I… think I maybe should’ve been a bit more clear, when I said that. Because I wasn’t talking about any time soon. I didn’t want to give you the false impression that I plan on sticking around for centuries, but… I also wasn’t trying to imply that I’ve got plans to do it next week either.”
You bolt upright, voice cracking. “Next week?! I sure as shit hope not!” You grab your head, pain flaring and suddenly dizzy from the quick shift in position.
He places a hand on your shoulder to steady you. “I’m not, honey, I’m not. Did you catch the rest of my sentence? I’ve got no plans to leave this world any time soon. I promise.”
You groan, head pounding. “I heard you, I did, I just—fuck, I don’t even wanna think about you leaving so soon. Here I am, stressing, thinking I’ve only got—I don’t know—some odd years left with you, and…” You sigh, trailing off.
Sam stays quiet for a minute, letting the crickets sing.
Eventually, he interrupts their chorus. “…Can I get closer to you?”
You nod. “…Please.”
He closes the gap between you, carefully wrapping a strong arm around your curled shoulders. “You’ve got way more than a couple years. I promise you that.” Your tension begins to ease a bit as he clarifies. “You… you’ve helped me find a life that I actually feel like livin’ again, for the first time in a long time. And I want to experience it with you for as long as I can.”
“…Really?” Your voice sounds so small, so unsure, so… unlike you when you question him that he wants to kick himself in his own ass for the role he unintentionally played in making you feel this way.
“Yes. Really. I mean—” His voice takes on an edge of humor. “If you decide to set your sights on the year 3,000…” He shakes his head. “I don’t know about that. But as far as the 21st century is concerned? …I think I’d like to see it through. For as long as you’re there to see it with me.”
His words cause fresh tears to well up in your eyes, and you sniff in an attempt to hold them back. The sound catches his attention, and he leans forward, thumbing across your warm cheek. “…I’m makin’ you cry again…”
You shake your head, clearing your throat. “No—No, it’s okay. It’s good. They’re… they’re good. It’s… relief.”
He breathes out a relieved sigh of his own. “Yeah?”
You nod, leaning into him. “Yeah.”
As you rest against each other, breathing in the cool night air, you nudge him with your shoulder. “Can we… lay back? For a bit?”
He squeezes your arm in gentle confirmation. “Of course.”
He twists and reaches back to straighten the wrinkled blanket beneath you, before laying out across it himself. The radio crackles as he turns the volume back up a bit. Watching him with tired eyes, you smile at the sight of him patting his chest in habitual invitation.
“Sit in and watch the sunlight fade. Honey, enjoy, it’s gettin’ late. There’s no plan. There’s no hand on the reign. As Mack explained, there will be darkness again.”
Curling up against his side and laying your head on his chest, you release a heavy sigh when his hand comes up to rest on your shoulder. As his fingers press rhythmically into the tense muscle beneath them, you breathe in his scent. Black coffee and wildflower honey… he smells like home.
“Your secret is safe with me, and if secrets were like seeds, when I’m lyin’ under marble, marvel at flowers you’ll have made.”
You reach your hand out across his broad chest, slipping beneath his open flannel and sliding down to rest on his waist. He sighs, relaxing further beneath your touch.
“My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand. That’s how I know now that you understand.”
Yeah, you’ll take this over ‘luxury’ any damn day.
“There’s no plan. There’s no race to be run.”
Laying there with him, listening to the low hum of the radio, the moment grows so comfortable that you almost hesitate to break it.
“The harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the song.”
“…Sam?” You whisper into the night.
His hand sweeps across your back before returning to your shoulder. “I’m here, Darlin’.”
“There’s no plan. There’s no kingdom to come.”
You smile. “I… I’d like to be there, to be here, to see it through with you, too.”
It takes him a moment to recall exactly what you’re referring to, but when it hits him he hums a low understanding tone, clearly pleased. “Then let’s see where it takes us, yeah?”
“But I’ll be your man if you got love to get done.”
He presses a soft kiss to your temple. “We’ve got plenty a’ time.”
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A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my extensive notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. My Sam & Darlin' Playlist My Sam Playlist My Darlin' Playlist My Sam & Darlin' Moodboard My Sam Moodboard My Darlin' Moodboard Header Image Credit: Gage Smith on Unsplash
#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted fanfic#redacted fandom#sam collins#samuel collins#redacted tank#fanfiction#fanfic#my writing#one of my last Redacted posts didn't make it into the tags. which wasn't a big deal since it wasn't something important#but i spent some real time and effort on this fic so if tumblr yeets This post into the void i Will cry. and then painstakingly repost it#i've got big feelings about Sam and y'all r gonna see it whether u like it or not /lh#anyways hey this fic was unexpected. and much like Midnight Hour the production time was relatively fast thanks to the power of Fixation#i was gonna post the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding and then work on a Boothill oneshot and then maybe the [N]MbD New Year's fic#but i've been feeling Some Kinda Way lately and i guess i needed to project it onto Sam. so this fic took precedence#i humbly offer my first contribution to the Redacted fandom. pls don't attack me if they're OOC /hj#i'm out here doing my best to walk the line between canon compliance and self-indulgence#also i know that bright thing in the header image i used can't be Sirius. it's gotta be like. a planet i think? not sure which one tho#i've never even seen a planet that bright but my sky isn't all that dark so maybe they Can look that bright in some places#idk. the image description on Unsplash doesn't say. but 'planet' is in the tags so that's my guess#the only thing i've seen be that bright in the night sky 'round here is military flares. but maybe it's to do with how the photo was taken#a n y w a y s point is. the star Darlin' sees isn't That bright but the photo was too fitting not to use
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cappycodeart · 6 months ago
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I got tired of circling back to frustration over my nitpicks on the f&c series so I OC’d my boy. Whoops. 😅💦. I'll still post stuff in the future about the AT version because I still have a lot of doodles I haven't posted yet and doodle ideas I want to draw!!... Buuuuuut in the meantime my brain gears have been turning hardcore over incorporating this version into my OC-verse... he's a silly astronaut now <3
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summergoodwife · 3 months ago
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Gonna say it again, "Just stop consuming the genre" is THE WORST POSSIBLE RESPONSE to someone complaining about the lack of representation in their preferred genre!! And "Consume other stuff too" is not much better!!! I don't care how much you think varying media consumption is a Good and Holy lifestyle, not everyone wants to do that! There is no obligation to do that and there should not be! Because it's fucking entertainment. It's not a college major.
And! And and and. I would be remiss to not point out that when you tell someone, "If you want well written (minority) just get out of (genre fandom)" you are, regardless of your motivations, rhetorically aligning yourself with the exact same bigots who just want the pro-representation crowd to shut up and go away.
#I don't know how people can say “shonen is written for teen boys so obviously you're the idiot for wanting good rep from it”#as if teen boys don't also deserve stories with well-written diverse casts??#as if the poor reactions they often have to diversity are just inherent to their boyish nature and not a result of a widespread lack of rep#as if diverse casts in popular media aren't A PROVEN WAY to reduce implicit biases against groups of people on a very large scale#you people are dogs. how can you unironically say “this genre was made for teen boys so everyone else should stfu and gtfo”#and not immediately see that you've just aligned yourself with the actually bad people in the fandom#these stances also perfectly miss the point of “I love this genre and want to see a flaw in it corrected” because they are overwhelmingly..#...written by people who do not love the genre in question and are not interested in loving the genre#like yeah ultimately I understand that most of these posts don't give a true shit about helping people find rep in media#their main purpose 99% of the time is to publicly gloat about their supposedly superior media fixations#It's a real autism on autism violence (internet style) so I find it contemptible in a way that pulls all the muscles of my face downwards#“haw haw read another book (the ones I incidentally find engaging) and stop reading your dumb idiot books (the ones you find engaging)”#you can actually shut up tho that's the thing#you can just not say anything and make the world a better place Luigi Marioparty style#it's a wonderful strategy to use#if you've read through all these tags then 1. I thank you and 2. I have a little request if you're willing to give me more thought & time:#try to pay close attention the next few times you're talking about broad media fandoms which you aren't a part of#watch those little twinges in your chest and ask yourself#“is what I'm saying true? do I actually know enough to say that? what is the point of what I'm saying here? what do I want these ppl to do?#I think we all get caught up in Media Gloating sometimes#if you find that your thoughtless comments become concerning after you put thought into them#maybe it's time to not make them#or to even (as a totally random example) make a post arguing AGAINST those comments#because guess what? your bad take there was probably not yours alone; I'd wager 1000 other similar people have made similar takes#but they're not all gonna reflect on that unprompted; that's where you can come in#shonen#lgbtq representation#female representation#representation in media#queer representation
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breadwheathead · 28 days ago
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gotta go harvest my celery or whatever I planted in tunnel town
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melverie · 1 year ago
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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theha1rarch · 10 months ago
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it's literally 2 am & no one's around but i plan to write tonight. life's just been busy lately & also struggling with the weird feelings i talked about in my previous posts/posts last night (all deleted bc i don't like keeping negativity on my blog, i save the nice words), but i really do want to get some done tonight & i'll probably be up for quite a while. steve is staying my current most consistent muse & i wanna get shit going, i know things have been piling up. sooo yeah <3
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front-facing-pokemon · 2 years ago
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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ying-doodles · 1 year ago
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my brain is running a million miles a minute rn
help
#ying rambles#let me try to just spew out my ideas in here so i'm not making so many individual posts#uh let's see#i wanna make an underwater version of void ying (my main sona rn)#where instead of having stars all over there's little fish? and they're wearing a clear raincoat and boots#i wanna draw myself in little outfits again (like those old wardrobe memes that are like pjs casual formal etc)#i need to actually sit down and draw new pfps for main and spam cause i'm tired of my current ones#it seems like the reverse absolutes are winning the poll so i have to come up with an archangel javier design (not that hard actually)#but i want to try to draw his rainbow wings in that piece?? maybe??#and then there's the turnaround i just talked about that i have to figure out#cause that's like what. 4 frames if we keep it simple (front left back right). or 8 if we do quarter turns (so many angles..)??#and then there's the drifting closer comic that's in second place in the poll#i have a vague idea of what i want it to look like but i need to sit down and sketch it to actually figure it out#and then at some point i need to figure out what the fck i'm drawing for the tged zine#cause i don't actually know what i'm gonna do yet (but i have until june to think on it i guess)#and. and...#... i think that's everything?#no there's still a lot of other stuff i wanna do but these tags are so long by now..#if you read them all uh good on you i guess?#i gotta go to bed i need to cease thinking-
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bitchthefuck1 · 1 year ago
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I will never understand the fanfic impulse to take characters with thee most coo coo bananas codependent/nuanced/toxic/insane relationship and turn them into love interests #1 and #2 in a generic romance novel. like what is even the point anymore
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iceeericeee · 1 year ago
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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mrnnki-img · 1 year ago
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goodbye
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pardonmydelays · 2 years ago
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HOW WAS IN THE HEIGHTS!?!?!??!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!
also im back <3
i have so many things to say and i'm not going to say anything now, because i have to collect my thoughts first. let me just say this will be the longest essay you've ever seen.
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whelpimnauthuman · 2 years ago
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You know you're getting old when you're thinking about flooring
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