#i'm gonna tag it here so it's all in one place
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onlyangel4 · 3 days ago
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onlyangel4 1k event - P4. YT22. SMAU.
trope: secret long term relationship
pairing: yuki tsunoda x fiancé!reader
faceclaim: kiko mizuhara
1k event
y/nprivinsta
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liked by y/bff, yukitsunoda, alexandrasaintmleux and 102 others
tagged: yukitsunoda
y/nprivinsta: this year was my third summer break as a wag and i have to say it was the best one yet
view all 41 comments
yukitsunoda: i fucked it for myself i'll never top this
y/nprivinsta: gonna have to think outside of the box baby
y/bff: i haven't stopped crying since you facetimed me
y/nprivinsta: i love you so much
alexandrasaintmleux: we need to go out and celebrate
iamrebeccad: i'm coming
flavy.barla: and me
francisca.cgomes: me too
pierregasly: so happy for you both
y/nprivinsta: thank you pierre!
landonorris: omg the shortest couple in f1 are getting married
y/nprivinsta: you really have the attitude of a six foot man
alexandrasaintmleux
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liked by flavy.barla, iamrebeccad, charlesleclerc and 1,202,009 others
tagged: flavy.barla. iamrebeccad. francisca.cgomes. lilymhe.
alexandrasaintmleux: ladies night
view all 32,101 comments
flavy.barla: the best night ever
alexandrasaintmleux: even if we did lose y/n for a hot minute
user1: who tf is y/n
iamrebeccad: love you all
lilymhe: the best night out in a long time
user2: so we know they are all wags but who is that other girl
user3: the logical side of my brain says just a friend but the delulu side of my brain makes me think maybe we have a new wag
user4: i need to know who that other girl is
y/nprivinsta posted a story
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written: watching the whole f1 community blow up trying to find out who i am has me giggling
yukitsunoda: they are guessing that you are a wag for literally anyone but me
y/nprivinsta: yeah i read an article that i'm lando's secret girlfriend
f1updates
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liked by user6, user7, user8 and 45,283 others
f1updates: so lando was just questioned about the girl, y/n in alex's new instagram post and his reaction is the funniest thing ever
interviewer: "so is it true that you have a new girl in your life"
lando (confused as ever): "what? wait you mean y/n"
*he started hysterically laughing*
lando: "no me and y/n are not together, jesus christ you guys need to stop believing everything that you see on twitter, you are going to get me killed"
view all 4,211 comments
user6: that response makes me think she is deffo a wag
user7: but who is she dating lando
user8: y'all need to stop being so fucking nosey
y/nprivinsta posted a story tagging yukitsunoda
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written: last dinner with my fiancée, here's to many more with my husband
alexandrasaintmleux posted a story
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written: the last time i posted this girl f1 twitter almost went up in flames
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f1updates posted a story
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written: guys an interviewer just asked yuki if he did anything exciting with his summer break. his response was "well i got married" AND THEN HE JUST WALKED OFF
yukitsunoda
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liked by y/nprivinsta, pierregasly, alexandrasaintmleux and 1,002,932 others
tagged: y/nprivinsta
yukitsunoda: introducing y/n tsunoda, the love of my life
view all 176,384 comments
y/nprivinsta: i love you more than anything
yukitsunoda: more than sakura
y/nprivinsta: know your place that cat is my child
pierregasly: the best wedding ever
yukitsunoda: do you even remember it, you were so drunk
landonorris: i still can't believe people were shipping me with your wife
yukitsunoda: count your days norris
user9: holy shit yuki married a BADDIE
user10: omg they have a cat that is so cute
∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘
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minimomoe · 15 hours ago
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How to Train your Demon
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Pairing: trueform! Sukuna x Fem Reader
Summary: Life has all kinds of wins and losses. You don't know which category to put your new demon husband in though.
Tags: MDNI!, red string of fate trope, true form sukuna, librarian reader, soul mates, reincarnation, accidental summoning, love at first sight (but it's one-sided (until it's not)), Sukuna is demon, but he's v much in love, smut and stuff eventually i guess....
AN: Thank you for sticking along to the end!! This story is now COMPLETE. I'm glad I have added some silly (and sexy) fluff to Sukuna's tag.
Part: I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X. XI. XII XIII. (completed)
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Throw the Rules Away
~A few years later~
You flipped through a thick binder of tattoo designs as you leaned over a wooden counter. The soft buzz of needles vibrating came from the corner of the shop, and scents of disinfectant and mint filled your nose. You stopped at a page with an intricate crescent moon, tapping your finger over the page. 
“Finally gonna get something?”
Choso Kamo materialized in front of you, wiping his hands clean with a towel. He was teasing you, looking at the page himself and nodded approvingly. Instead of his usual two ponytail hairstyle his hair fell just above his shoulders with strands of his bangs falling into his eyes. You made a face and smiled. 
“Maybe. You know I hate needles.” 
“So you got your husband to work at my tattoo shop that you visit almost everyday,” he snorted. 
You tapped the temple. “All part of my master plan. If I do want a tattoo, Sukuna will do it for me,” you laughed. “Speaking of him, is he almost finished?” 
“Yeah, he should be cleaning up now,” Choso said. You waved you off so you could go to Sukuna’s station. He was doing just as Choso said he would be– wiping down the client chair, putting ink back into their baskets, shoving things back into their places. You have never been able to sneak up on Sukuna, his senses were too sharp, but it didn’t stop you from trying. You managed to be a foot away from his body when his hand shot out from behind to drag you close to the side of his body and you chuckled. He spun you around so that you would sit on the vinyl chair and you swung your feet above the floor. 
“No kiss?” You pouted. “I guess today wasn’t a good day.”
“How needy,” he shook his head. Sukuna’s large hand cupped your chin to tilt your head up. His tongue swiped over your mouth before sliding inside, and his lips moved against yours until you were clutching the front of his t-shirt, your head spinning from the lack of oxygen. He moved down to your jaw and neck and you gasped. 
“We should stop before Choso accuses us for fucking in here… again.” 
“Let him complain,” Sukuna said. His hand went under your shirt, tickling you until goosebumps riddled your skin. His hand covered your breast and you moaned louder than you meant to even with your lips pressed tightly together. You tugged at the short hair at Sukuna’s nape, not sure if you wanted to push him away or urge him on. 
“Okay, okay let’s slow down,” you breathed out. You baited Sukuna in despite knowing his high sex drive, and you didn’t know how much restraint either of you had left. It was hypocritical of you to say given that he stood between your legs that were wrapped around his waist. “I promise we will continue this later. You just cleaned up this place,” you laughed. Sukuna removed his face from your neck and stared at you with heady eyes. It made your stomach flip over but you shook the thought of continuing out of your head. “I promise, you can do whatever you want when we’re at home.”
“Whatever I want?” He said with a raised brow. 
You bit your lip mischievously. “Sure, why not? You know, I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo myself, but I don’t think I want one in a place where everyone can see. The quicker we get out of here, the quicker you can tell me the best place for your eyes only.”
Sukuna didn’t want to wait any longer. You were nothing but a tease and he would play along. There wasn’t a part of your body that he doesn’t know extensively, and he planned on marking the most private parts with his tongue and teeth before the needles. He threw your squealing body over his shoulder, grabbing your purse with his other hand and made his way to the front of the parlor. 
“Put me down!”
“I hope you guys didn’t do anything in there even if you cleaned up,” Choso scowled when he saw the two of you. 
“She never lets me do anything but my patience is running thin,” Sukuna rolled his eyes to Choso. 
“He’s joking, Cho. I wouldn’t dirty up your studio like that,” you mumbled, still over Sukuna’s shoulder. You shimmied out of his hold and Sukuna was quick to steady you on the descent down. Once you were on your own two feet again you hooked your hand in the crook Sukuna’s arm. 
“Good. At least one of you has manners.”
“I try for the both of us,” you wave on your way out of the building. Sukuna catches the keys that you throw in your direction with ease, and you sit comfortably in the passenger seat while he takes you home. Somehow you managed to get all the paperwork needed for Sukuna, or more accurately, Uraume did all the heavy lifting, and he was now a full fledged member of society. Getting him to work with Choso was a happy accident. Sukuna admitted to you that he did his tattoos himself, and it made the gears turn in your head. Choso didn’t ask any invasive questions, and was glad to have extra help. Choso told you that Sukuna was popular with the ladies even with his bluntness and clear rejection. The thought of it made you smile. Try all they might, other women didn’t stand a chance with the dark magic and centuries of affection between you and Sukuna. 
“Remember when you tried to kill the mailman?” You pointed at the delivery truck that was stopped at the same red light in front of you. Sukuna smirked, fond of the memory as well.
“I protected you, did I not?”
“Oh yeah, for sure. Everybody’s terrified to leave a package on the front door now.”
“A job well done then.”
“I guess so,” you giggled. You gazed out the window and sighed at the setting sky. “It’s starting to get dark early. The sky is already pink like your hair.” You had said it so softly Sukuna wasn’t sure if you had meant for him to hear it. Your face was completely turned from him but you traced your fingers down the veins of his right hand in your lap. It amazed Sukuna how you echoed yourself from years ago. You were the only person who ever saw beauty in him or compared him to the mundane. Many people said his name as a curse, he preferred it that way, yet you said it like it freely, often with a smile tugging your lips. 
“Choso informed me that he will be going on vacation soon,” Sukuna said, tasting the new word in his mouth. “Should we travel soon ourselves? Do you still enjoy the ocean?”
You whipped your head around and your eyes lit up at his question. “I love the beach.”
“Then we will go,” he nodded. “I will take care of it.”
“Music to my ears. Just let me know when I have to take off work.” You pressed a kiss on his cheek. The action made the tips of his ears flame despite the fact that he has and will do raunchier acts to you. A very long horn interrupted your lovestruck staring contest to remind you that you’re holding up traffic at a greenlight. Sukuna glared at the driver behind who promptly stopped their honking and you snorted. Sukuna’s hand remained in your lap until you returned home.
“Hey honey,” you sang to Cleo who purred against your feet as soon as you opened the front door. “It looks like I left my music playing by accident. At least you weren’t bored.” 
You picked up her and spun her around to the beat of the song. It ended with a flourish, and so did her patience to be carried. Cleo hopped out of your arms and disappeared behind the couch. A new song with a melancholic melody started and your eyes brightened in Sukuna’s direction. You held your hand out for him to take.
“Dance with me?”
You positioned his hand on the small of your waist then clasped the other one tightly. You were expecting awkward shuffling to ensue, but Sukuna led the dance far better than you imagined, guiding you around the open space of your living room with ease. 
“My baby, my baby. You’re my baby, say it to me,” you hummed along.”I usually only sing that part to Cleo but you bumped her out of her spot.” 
“The cat will be fine,” Sukuna grinned. Never would he have thought that being called someone’s baby would give him such joy. Cleo would have to understand. “You like this singer. We should have her perform here.”
You paused your swaying to give him an incredulous look. “Here? In the living room?”
He stared at you like it was a normal luxury to spend money on. Times like these reminded you that Sukuna hasn’t been a constant fixture in your life as much as it felt like it. Even with all the catching up he has done, tiny, humorous remarks always fell through the cracks. 
“I don’t think she does house calls… but we can go to her concert. We’ll put it on the list of all the things you have to experience.” 
A new mark on Sukuna’s finger caught your attention. You turned his hand over to get a better look, and your breath caught once you saw that he had tattooed your initials on his ring finger. It was peeking out from beneath the silver wedding band that you two had bought a year prior, in the same sharp style that matched everything else on his body. 
“Well now you have to tattoo me!”
A wicked grin cracked Sukuna’s face. He laid you down on the couch, nudging your legs open with his knee. You rested on your elbows as you watched him rub his hands up your thighs. There was hunger mixed with admiration in his eyes. You tugged the belt loop on his pants so that he would fall right on top of your face. You rubbed your nose on his cheek before he leaned down to whisper in your ear. 
“Let me find the perfect place to mark you as mine.”
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Thanks for reading loves!! lemme know what ya think xx
Part: I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X. XI. XII. XIII.
M.list || Twitter || Ao3
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i-am-grell · 3 days ago
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Let Us (Anime) Poll
As I mentioned, since the winner of last poll is short and still airing, I'm getting this poll ready now.
If you're new here, I watch anime, but I don't make choices - you do.
As always, propaganda* (*yapping) below the poll. You can reblog to yap in tags, recruit/annoy your followers, whatever. You do no have to know me, follow me, like me, or like/know/have watched any of the shows to vote.
Propaganda:
Pokemon - Pokemon has been in the polls before, but to catch up anyone new: years ago, I watched a straight shot of Kanto -> Sinnoh (including movies), and stopped right at the beginning of Unova. This poll option will count for Season 14 - Black & White, and any movies that take place chronologically in that period.
One Piece - I've met Nico Robin, and I am so excited to simp for her more. This poll option will count for Seasons 5 and 6 (ep 131-195) of One Piece and any movies that take place chronologically in that period.
Sailor Moon - I'm running out of Sailor Moon theme song lyrics. There really aren't that many Sailor Moon theme song lyrics. This poll option will count for Season 2 - Sailor Moon R.
Kamisama Kiss - WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME THAT MY MAN J MICHAEL TATUM IS TOMOE?? I know there's some dedicated Kamisama Kiss fans on this website and y'all need to work your magic here. (This isn't me influencing the vote, this is just me being a J Michael Tatum enjoyer.)
One Punch Man - I don't know much about One Punch Man aside from what's very blatantly implied, and frankly some of the best shows you've all voted for me to watch have started with titles that basically say it all.
Kuroko's Basketball - I summoned the Kuroko no Basketheads (idk what you call yourselves) last time it was in a poll, so good luck friends. I know I will simp for green-haired glasses guy, the only character I have actually seen from this show.
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safetycar-restart · 2 days ago
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So I was doing a deep dive on your account cause your stuff is gold 👌🏻👌🏻and I found this post
https://www.tumblr.com/safetycar-restart/716054638514896896/hey-shels-i-hope-you-are-feeling-much-better-now
And the farm au! Oh my god it lit up my brain like nothing else… and cause I too love angst…
Bunny Charles and Arthur being used to being spoiled bunnies, living the high life, all luxurious life but then their dom realized just how needy and dependent and expensive keeping two bunnies are and they do the equivalent of dropping them off on the side of the road in a box… so now poor bunnies are out in the cold harsh world and just don’t know what to do…
They just start walking back in the direction of home because maybe Dom made a mistake? and forgot them? But it’s a long cold walk and when the sun sets they see a warm light in the distance - your little cottage and farm, gardens full of yummy food and a welcoming warmth.
You wake up to two bunnies curled up in front of the fire place, covered in dirt with tear tracks
Or maybe you have a stall in the local farmers market and one day you hear just gut wrenching yips coming from the nearest alley and when you check it out — cat!max is there hiding and nursing a broken tail. Maybe his dad was yanking on his tail as a punishment and it broke/sprained it and max lashed out and ran away. Obviously you can’t leave poor kitty by himself, so you grab some of your supplies and spend the day slowly getting max used to you to allow you close enough to bandage his tail up. When you finally do that, he’s just curled up in your lap purring and out of his mind on catnip and genuine love and care and he just follows you home when you go to leave
Or maybe your farm is in an area with a lot of hunters and you’re taking a small hike cause it’s a gorgeous day for when you hear pained howling. Wolf!pierre and Carlos are caught in a bear trap or up a tree in some netting and it looks like they’ve been there for a while. You quickly get to work in getting them free and coax them to come to your house to fix them right up.
Or maybe you finally feel that you’ve settled nicely into your new farm and decide that it’s time to think about finding a hybrid for company. Maybe it’s luck or maybe it’s fate but you meet the pair of cat!oscar and dog!logan - they’ve bonded and won’t be separated but everyone they’ve tried stay with only wanted one not both…
(Like I said ☺️🙈 this ask sent like fireworks through my mind (love love love your writing!!!) -🦚)
I've had this ask in my askbox for months and oh my god every time I read it I get obsessed. I hadnt answered it yet because I knew I needed to set aside quite a bit of time because I knew this would be so long 😂
Here is the link to the original post so you don't have to search the URL, I'd suggest giving this a quick read for context if you're confused. It's very short but does explain it all :))
Right okay so the general premise is this: you own a farm in the hybrid!au with all sorts of drivers that come along and join. We can do this as a poly type thing or we can do it just as you run a farm and one driver comes along, whatever you guys would like to discuss! I think I'll tag everything with 'farm!au' but then also add 'poly!farm!au' to any posts that involve any sort of poly situation.
All of the stuff discussed by the anon above are just so so so perfect!!!! I'm gonna discuss each idea in a bit more detail each under their own heading and then we can go from there :))
BUNNY!CHARLES AND BUNNY!ARTHUR:
Aw poor little bunnies!! My immediate thought was that maybe their original caretaker/owner had died and they were handed over to whoever their dom has chosen and that was very much the wrong choice. They do try to get along with their new caretaker, of course they do. But bunnies are by far the most high needs of all hybrids, they're social creatures and they need constant attention or else they'll get sad and lonely.
Maybe bunnies need attention from people who are not bunnies as well? They need caretakers who are gentle and attentive and when their new person cannot do that and they start acting out (they can't help it!! They want attention!!), yeah they end up on the side of the road.
I definitely think for these two you wouldnt even get an option. You sort of just walk into the living room and two bunny hybrids are sleeping next to the fireplace.
CAT!MAX:
I love the idea of finding Max outside somewhere like at a farmer's market. I think maybe his dad left him there not to abandon him but to teach him some sort of lesson? Max is just curled up trying to keep quiet and waiting for his dad to decide he's had enough punishment and come fetch him. You manage to convince him to come home with you, promising him that you just want to get him into some nice clean clothes and get a good meal in him and then you'll call his dad for him.
Except well... Max feels so safe with you? He keeps on forgetting himself and purring or gathering blankets. He's never felt this warm and cared for. You offer to let him stay the night and the next morning you're supposed to call his father like you promised but well... Needless to say that never happens.
WOLF!CARLOS AND WOLF!PIERRE:
I feel like these two would have started out as enemies but they were forced to stay together? Like maybe they got separated from the rest of their pack and only had each other. They became much closer and got used to just the two of them. They don't trust anyone else. They manage on their own and are almost feral?
But then one of them gets caught in bear trap. The one not trapped tries to free the other of course but they can't. It's the fear of losing their only person that leads them to come into your yard. Maybe they had seen you quite a few times? Like you live on the boarder of the forest and they often see you walking in your garden and in the forest and you always seem calm, so the one not trapped comes to find you.
You follow him to the other one and help free him. They try to scurry off but the one is too injured. You convince them both to come back with you and let you care for their injuries. And they just never end up leaving?
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seventh-district · 2 days ago
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Dying Star
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In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
- - - - - - -
Sam’s words have been weighing heavy on your mind ever since you discussed your shared future and the various forms it could take. You didn’t realize just how heavy they were until it all came spilling out of your tired mind on a late night spent together beneath the stars.
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Pairing: Sam x Darlin' / Reader
Word Count: 4,053
Contains: [angst] [a dash of humor] [a hint of chubby!Sam bc i like 'em strong and soft] [crying] [cuddling (dub-con cuddles with Quinn in the past & consensual ones with Sam in the present)] [emotional hurt/comfort] [implied/referenced dub-con sex (nothing graphic) (in the past between Darlin' and Quinn to be specific) (refer to my Ao3 notes for further explanation)] [mentioned Quinn] [not quite Dissociation i guess but Darlin' does zone-out/get lost in thought more than once] [pet names (Darlin' (obvs.) and honey)] [Reader is Darlin'] [Sam wears a cowboy hat bc i said so] [some passive suicidality from Sam if you squint (hell, maybe you don't even have to squint)]
A/Ns: Well, well, well, here I am, the person who said they wouldn't write any Redactedverse fanfic. I recently felt a mighty need to expand upon the blurb I wrote in this post, and I'm braving my fandom anxiety by sharing it here. pls be nice 2 me abt it
Timeline-wise, this fic takes place sometime after the ‘Talking About the Future With Your Vampire Mate’ audio but sometime before their presumed eventual departure from the house that William gave Sam, given that they've already had the 'turning' discussion but are still on the same roof in this fic.
This is a songfic, inspired by and quoting verses from 3 songs. Those being:
‘Dying Star’ by Ashnikko feat. Ethel Cain
‘Fix What You Didn’t Break’ by Nate Smith
‘No Plan’ by Hozier
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The roof of Sam’s house is far from a ‘cushy’ place to relax. But as you lie here next to him under the stars, a knowledge settles within you that you wouldn’t trade the rough shingles beneath you for the softest mattress in the world. Not if it meant there’d be anyone other than him lying next to you.
Some people might counter that it’s an easy thing for you to say, given the number of nights you’ve thrown a balled-up shirt onto one end of a worn-out couch and called it a bed. But some people don’t know you as well as they think they do.
You’ve known luxury. Quinn might’ve been just as content taking his fill on a seedy motel bed as he was wrapped in silks at a Hilton, but he knew how to play up the luxe when it served him to do so. And in the early days as he worked to lure you in, it did. Plush sheets and expensive drinks helped to soften the preordained blows and dull the imminent pain that your nights with him held.
Once you’d latched onto the bait though, he let the act drop one piece at a time, like props collapsing on a stage. After all, what was the point in all of those frivolities when you both knew what you really came to him for? It wasn’t to be wined and dined, it wasn’t to be dressed up and shown off, and it wasn’t even to be slowly stripped of it all, laid out across the rolling clouds of a pillowy mattress.
It was to be used. Tranced. Restrained. Bitten. Drank from. Choked. Hit. Edged. Denied. Made to writhe and whine and bleed and plead. Plead for more, for less, for nothing, for anything. Anything to quiet your mind and fill the ever-expanding void inside you where you suspect love was supposed to live.
That’s what you both really wanted.
At least, that’s what you told him you wanted.
That’s what you told yourself.
You only got what you asked for.
To your right, Sam stirs, stretching gently with a yawn. The soft noise he releases as he does so reminds you of where you are, and you trace back through your thoughts to find how you got so lost.
…Right. Luxury.
While your relationship with Quinn certainly changed over time, you never forgot what it felt like in the beginning. 
You remember nights laid next to him, body sore, mind quiet. Quinn’s idea of aftercare was lacking to say the least, but you had nothing better to compare it to at the time, and you’d take what you could get. At least your head felt empty, and the bed was soft. Exhaustion would pull you under soon enough.
The mattress, sheets, and pillows enveloping you were likely worth more than you even made that past month. ...Or several. You found that display of luxury hard to be impressed by though, when it wasn’t the type of comfort you’d been seeking.
As Quinn shifted in his presumed sleep, pulling you in tighter, you didn’t fight it. You found yourself unwilling to fight anything he did, like his mere presence was enough to drain the fight right out of you. You told yourself that you were okay with that. Because you wanted it.
Lying there with your head on his bare chest, you took a deep breath and told yourself that you liked the stench of cheap cologne, poorly masking the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath. You silently told yourself that you liked everything. You liked the pain that he chased with hints of pleasure. You liked the loss of power, the way you couldn’t fight back if you wanted to once he looked you in the eyes. You liked all the things he said, no matter how much the truth might hurt.
He was right, you supposed. Your desires, the things you craved, the depravity that you so enjoyed, wasn’t normal. It was uncommon, unusual, and in the eyes of some, unfathomable. To possess such dark desires, there must be something truly broken inside you.
How lucky you were, to have found someone willing to indulge you. Someone that could give you everything you wanted, and be so kind as to keep it a secret too. He promised that word of the things he did to you, the things you let him do, would never get out. You remember the way he held your hand as he told you, falling for the guise of sincerity in his eyes. You remember his warm smile, and his razor sharp teeth.
You remember seeing that exact same smile on his face through one-way glass as he sat across from Sam and told him everything.
You stood in that room and thought back to those nights of luxury. To the feeling of his nails ghosting over the freshly healed punctures in your neck. To the way he held you against him. You remember laying there, lifeless, feeling like prey playing dead. Afraid to move, afraid to disturb him. But why? He hadn’t threatened you. He never told you that you had to stay. He never said that you couldn’t move, or pull away. So why did you feel that way?
As you stood, helplessly witnessing hours of his slander in that interrogation room, you understood. Your rose-tinted glasses had long since shattered, and you saw that smile for what it was. It was the smile of a man playing a dangerous game, brimming with satisfaction, thinking he’d won.
The radio near you begins to crackle, static obscuring the hosts voice as they announce the upcoming song. Sam doesn’t even open his eyes, just raises a hand and reaches out, blindly adjusting the antenna of the old device.
You’ve teased him for holding onto it for so long, as he is wont to do with damn near all of his possessions. But as you watch him deftly extend and angle the antenna with practiced care, the response he once gave you proves itself true once again.
“I don’t wanna replace it, Darlin’. It’s not broken. It just needs someone who knows how to make it sing again.”
The static clears, and music flows through the radio’s old speakers once more.
You watch Sam return his hand to its prior position beneath his head, acting as a makeshift pillow of his own. The way he’s lying has his hat pushed forward, and it’d be doing a damn good job of shielding his face from the sun if it weren’t somewhere around midnight at the moment. Still, it suits him somehow, despite its lack of any practicality. All he’s missing is a stalk of wheat between his teeth and a tree to lean against and he’d be the spitting image of the cowboy he swears he isn’t.
His other hand rests on the soft curve of his stomach, rising and falling again as he breathes. He’s the image of peace in moments like these, and you’re drawn to it like a moth to flame. Maybe one of these days you’ll find some of your own, but for now you’re more than content to bask in his.
As you admire him, he takes a slow, deep breath and you mirror it on instinct. The grounding practice helps you leave your mind and return to your body, if just for a moment. In doing so, you realize just how tense your ruminations have made you.
You relax your hands, releasing the blanket beneath you from your iron grip. You brush your palms over it, worried that you’ve torn the fabric once you realize that your nails had halfway shifted to claws. You don’t fret much over damage to your own possessions, but this blanket is Sam’s and you’d hate to ruin it. Though, you suppose he doesn’t prize it too much or he wouldn’t have laid it out here across the roof in the first place.
“If I buy somethin’ it’s because I wanna use it. Now quit frettin’ and get over here.” You recall what he told you earlier as he patted the blanket next to him in invitation, and you smile.
Doing a small stretch of your own, you release the tension in your shoulders, turning your attention back to the stars above you. For a while, you let the soft music wash over your tired mind.
“I asked him not to kill me politely. He drained my magic core, bottled up at the source. I washed up on the sea glass shores. I’m nobody's captive.”
In spite of your best efforts to relax, you’re still subconsciously futzing with the loose threads of the old blanket beneath you.
You’re made aware of it when Sam reaches a hand down, gently laying it over yours and effectively stilling your anxious motion.
“Burning like a dying star, invasive weeds rooted in my heart, set in a crooked trajectory. The journey here was hard, I was almost pulled apart. Trying to leave his orbit took what’s left of me.”
You flip your hand over beneath his so you can hold it properly, lacing your fingers together.
For reasons beyond your understanding, emotion tightens your throat, the threat of tears pooling in your eyes.
…You must be more tired than you thought.
As minutes pass and one song fades into another, your gaze dances across the blurry, scattered points of light in the dark sky.
“You were the star in the pitch black, shine the way on the way back. Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers.”
Sam’s always been so much better at identifying stars and finding constellations. But as the music plays, you begin to see one of your own.
“Picked up the towel that I threw in, took in a heart that was ruined. Showed me the past ain’t a tattoo, loved me even when you didn’t have to.”
“Sam.” You squeeze his hand to get his attention.
He squeezes back in acknowledgment. “Hm?”
“I want you to look at something.” You swallow back the emotion that tries to seep into your voice, but it catches his attention all the same.
He leans up and lifts his hat from his head, setting it aside near the radio. He then reaches to turn a dial back, lowering the music’s volume to give you his full attention.
You release his hand, raising yours up as he turns back to face you. You don’t say anything at first, nearly too lost in your own mind to realize you need to actually voice your developing thoughts.
"What—what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"
Your hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in your line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above you. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."
Sam does his best to follow your less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', your pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along your exposed wrist where your sleeve had slipped back, he takes your hand in his again and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"
"That's you." You say, matter-of-factly.
"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.
"Mhm." You nod with finality, blinking slow.
Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting you. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."
You scoff. "I am being serious."
Sam stifles a laugh. "No—no I mean—like... what's another name for it... Oh, it's also called the Dog Star."
"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."
He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but you cut him off before he can start. "But no. No, this isn't about me. That's you."
He decides to play along, finding something endearing in your overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"
Your frown is audible in your voice as you latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"
He smiles at your over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, honey, I promise."
You huff, but begrudgingly shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention.”
Sam’s brow furrows as you continue to explain, realization setting in that you really are being serious.
“I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...And there you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places and people that I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, at Wonderworld, surrounded by the ghost of him. Your warmth, your presence, your aura—even with all of your walls up, you outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me home."
In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand squeezes yours tight, his urgent tone pulling you out of your thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"
You look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, faint shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.
You reach out, pulling him down into you. He falters for a moment at the sudden proximity, but quickly embraces you in turn. Burying your face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear your words, muffled against the thick flannel, but his hearing catches them just fine.
"Don't burn out too quickly. Please. I still need you here. I don't—I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
The words feel like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, but with it comes a flood of emotion they’d been holding back. You cry harder into him, and as much as it pains Sam to witness, he lets you feel it, for as long as you need.
Your fear of losing him manifests itself physically, nails curling and sharpening again. When he feels them prick his skin through the fabric of his shirt, he calls your name but doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leans further down into you, letting his weight ground you. “Darlin’, I am right here. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
As you eventually cry yourself out, enough wherewithal returns to you to realize that you should probably release the poor man from your grasp, and the awkward position you pulled him into. When he pulls away enough to see your face, you notice a string of snot running from your nose to his shirt collar. Quickly batting it away out of embarrassment, you cringe, voice thick as you apologize. “Eugh, gross. Uh… sorry. About that.”
He shakes his head, laughing good-naturedly as you wipe at your nose with your jacket sleeve. “It’s completely fine, honey. After all, I’ve been covered in plenty of your, uh… various fluids before. When you come from my line of work, this is child’s play.”
He leans to his right, reaching back and pulling—of all things—a handkerchief from his jeans’ left back pocket. You laugh at his words, and at the sight, but with how congested you are it turns into more of a hacking cough than anything. Accepting his offering, you blow your nose into the black patterned fabric.
As soon as you can speak somewhat clearly, you can’t stop the teasing remark that slips out of you, gesturing with the wad of fabric in your hand. “You know, you really aren’t beating the cowboy allegations with stuff like this.”
He rolls his eyes but his soft smile remains. “It’s a practical thing to have on me, ‘allegations’ be damned.”
You shake your head with a smile of your own, but don’t disagree. As you’re visibly unsure what to do with the dirtied fabric, he takes it from you, setting it aside. “I’ll toss it in the wash when we go back inside. Along with my shirt, and…” He eyes you for a moment. “…that jacket of yours too, given how long you’ve probably been wearin’ it.”
Normally you’d argue that it hasn’t been that long, but come to think of it, you actually can’t recall when you last washed the thing.
Reaching up and rubbing your temples, you already regret your crying fit as a headache begins to set in. “Fuck, Sam... I’m sorry for… whatever that just was. I don’t know what came over me.”
His expression falls into something serious again. “You never need to apologize for feeling. And it certainly seems like… you needed to feel that.”
You nod quietly, but don’t elaborate, prompting him to question you gently. “Darlin’. What was that about? The—the askin’ me not to leave. Are you… afraid that I’m gonna leave you?”
You close your eyes, weighing out your response. “…Not in the sense that you’ll break up with me or something, no.”
His gaze narrows and his head tilts as he rolls your answer over in his mind. “If it ain’t that, then—” He remembers how you mentioned ‘forever’ and cuts himself off as the puzzle pieces start coming together. “Oh. …Oh, Darlin’, no.”
You open your eyes to watch as he shifts from leaning next to you, moving to sit up beside you. “Is this about what I told you, when we sat up here and had our uh… turning discussion?”
You hate to admit it, but you nod in confirmation. “…It’s your choice, Sam, and I never want to take that away from you. I shouldn’t have said what I just did, I—I don’t want to make you feel guilty, or like you have to stick around for my sake. But I’d be lying to you if I said it hasn’t been playing on my mind. The thought of you… leaving. Like that.”
He reaches up, running a hand through his hair. “I… think I maybe should’ve been a bit more clear, when I said that. Because I wasn’t talking about any time soon. I didn’t want to give you the false impression that I plan on sticking around for centuries, but… I also wasn’t trying to imply that I’ve got plans to do it next week either.”
You bolt upright, voice cracking. “Next week?! I sure as shit hope not!” You grab your head, pain flaring and suddenly dizzy from the quick shift in position.
He places a hand on your shoulder to steady you. “I’m not, honey, I’m not. Did you catch the rest of my sentence? I’ve got no plans to leave this world any time soon. I promise.”
You groan, head pounding. “I heard you, I did, I just—fuck, I don’t even wanna think about you leaving so soon. Here I am, stressing, thinking I’ve only got—I don’t know—some odd years left with you, and…” You sigh, trailing off.
Sam stays quiet for a minute, letting the crickets sing.
Eventually, he interrupts their chorus. “…Can I get closer to you?”
You nod. “…Please.”
He closes the gap between you, carefully wrapping a strong arm around your curled shoulders. “You’ve got way more than a couple years. I promise you that.” Your tension begins to ease a bit as he clarifies. “You… you’ve helped me find a life that I actually feel like livin’ again, for the first time in a long time. And I want to experience it with you for as long as I can.”
“…Really?” Your voice sounds so small, so unsure, so… unlike you when you question him that he wants to kick himself in his own ass for the role he unintentionally played in making you feel this way.
“Yes. Really. I mean—” His voice takes on an edge of humor. “If you decide to set your sights on the year 3,000…” He shakes his head. “I don’t know about that. But as far as the 21st century is concerned? …I think I’d like to see it through. For as long as you’re there to see it with me.”
His words cause fresh tears to well up in your eyes, and you sniff in an attempt to hold them back. The sound catches his attention, and he leans forward, thumbing across your warm cheek. “…I’m makin’ you cry again…”
You shake your head, clearing your throat. “No—No, it’s okay. It’s good. They’re… they’re good. It’s… relief.”
He breathes out a relieved sigh of his own. “Yeah?”
You nod, leaning into him. “Yeah.”
As you rest against each other, breathing in the cool night air, you nudge him with your shoulder. “Can we… lay back? For a bit?”
He squeezes your arm in gentle confirmation. “Of course.”
He twists and reaches back to straighten the wrinkled blanket beneath you, before laying out across it himself. The radio crackles as he turns the volume back up a bit. Watching him with tired eyes, you smile at the sight of him patting his chest in habitual invitation.
“Sit in and watch the sunlight fade. Honey, enjoy, it’s gettin’ late. There’s no plan. There’s no hand on the reign. As Mack explained, there will be darkness again.”
Curling up against his side and laying your head on his chest, you release a heavy sigh when his hand comes up to rest on your shoulder. As his fingers press rhythmically into the tense muscle beneath them, you breathe in his scent. Black coffee and wildflower honey… he smells like home.
“Your secret is safe with me, and if secrets were like seeds, when I’m lyin’ under marble, marvel at flowers you’ll have made.”
You reach your hand out across his broad chest, slipping beneath his open flannel and sliding down to rest on his waist. He sighs, relaxing further beneath your touch.
“My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand. That’s how I know now that you understand.”
Yeah, you’ll take this over ‘luxury’ any damn day.
“There’s no plan. There’s no race to be run.”
Laying there with him, listening to the low hum of the radio, the moment grows so comfortable that you almost hesitate to break it.
“The harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the song.”
“…Sam?” You whisper into the night.
His hand sweeps across your back before returning to your shoulder. “I’m here, Darlin’.”
“There’s no plan. There’s no kingdom to come.”
You smile. “I… I’d like to be there, to be here, to see it through with you, too.”
It takes him a moment to recall exactly what you’re referring to, but when it hits him he hums a low understanding tone, clearly pleased. “Then let’s see where it takes us, yeah?”
“But I’ll be your man if you got love to get done.”
He presses a soft kiss to your temple. “We’ve got plenty a’ time.”
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A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my extensive notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. My Sam & Darlin' Playlist My Sam Playlist My Darlin' Playlist My Sam & Darlin' Moodboard My Sam Moodboard My Darlin' Moodboard Header Image Credit: Gage Smith on Unsplash
#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted fanfic#redacted fandom#sam collins#samuel collins#redacted tank#fanfiction#fanfic#my writing#one of my last Redacted posts didn't make it into the tags. which wasn't a big deal since it wasn't something important#but i spent some real time and effort on this fic so if tumblr yeets This post into the void i Will cry. and then painstakingly repost it#i've got big feelings about Sam and y'all r gonna see it whether u like it or not /lh#anyways hey this fic was unexpected. and much like Midnight Hour the production time was relatively fast thanks to the power of Fixation#i was gonna post the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding and then work on a Boothill oneshot and then maybe the [N]MbD New Year's fic#but i've been feeling Some Kinda Way lately and i guess i needed to project it onto Sam. so this fic took precedence#i humbly offer my first contribution to the Redacted fandom. pls don't attack me if they're OOC /hj#i'm out here doing my best to walk the line between canon compliance and self-indulgence#also i know that bright thing in the header image i used can't be Sirius. it's gotta be like. a planet i think? not sure which one tho#i've never even seen a planet that bright but my sky isn't all that dark so maybe they Can look that bright in some places#idk. the image description on Unsplash doesn't say. but 'planet' is in the tags so that's my guess#the only thing i've seen be that bright in the night sky 'round here is military flares. but maybe it's to do with how the photo was taken#a n y w a y s point is. the star Darlin' sees isn't That bright but the photo was too fitting not to use
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formosusiniquis · 3 months ago
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🪱 Wiggle Wednesday🪱
Thank you @paperbackribs who tagged me last week, I saw it while I was in class and immediately forgot until I saw people posting their things today. But I'm always excited to share my current brainworms
This is a scene from a fic that I pick at every now and then, so it's basically always on the brain. It started as something about Lucas and Steve and trying to explain away the slight anachronism of Steve (popular and rich) being in Nikes before Jordan made them cool (thank you Air) and it has turned into something much more about Lucas and also his Mom relating through a shared love of basketball and Steve is also there.
It’s a Friday night after the end of the world, and strangely Lucas is at a basketball game.
Or maybe it’s only strange because it’s so normal.
A Friday night in a small town and there isn’t much to do except support the home team. Only Mom won’t watch football, she calls it barbaric, so she reserves all her team spirit for November when basketball season starts. Lucas’ skin itches a little under the Hawkins Tigers shirt he’s wearing, as he’s pretending to be normal when a couple weeks ago he learned monsters were real. What can he do though? Mrs. Byers has Will on house arrest, Mike is still mourning Eleven, and Dustin hasn’t been allowed out since Will’s Lazarus act.
Maybe he’s being too sensitive. Steve is here, who Lucas mostly knows from Mike complaining about being Nancy’s stupid boyfriend. Steve is playing like everything is fine, even though Lucas knows Steve knows. He heard whispering about it with Nancy when he went to the bathroom the last time he was at Mike’s. But Steve is smiling as he paces down the court. Miles better than the other players around him, when Steve has the ball Lucas feels like he does when he’s watching a real basketball game on the couch with his Mom.
If Steve can act like things are normal. If he can sink three pointer after rebound after assist, maybe it’s okay that Lucas is wearing his Tiger green. He floats down the court and everyone cheers. But no one cheers right. When #21 Hagan gets a rebound off of Seymour’s best player, a girl’s voice screams so loud it makes his throat hurt. No one cheers that way for Steve. It’s just excitement for the game, not for him and the way he is playing.
When the game ends, Hawkins 73: Seymour 42, and the crowd storms the court Lucas stands by his Mom in the bleachers. She hates feeling the push of the crowd against her and as he gets older, and people’s hands get rougher, he’s starting to understand. He’s too old to be caught standing by his Mom though. After everything, he knows better than to move too far away from her; going to the game with your Mom is one thing, being the kid getting called out over the intercom because she can’t find you would be life ruining.
Lucas watches the thinning crowd while he waits. Parents and girlfriends crowding their sweaty players. He doesn’t want to get caught looking at any of those boys for too long now that they aren’t playing. He isn’t sure why. So he keeps looking for something familiar.
Steve is standing beside a short, dark haired man who’s got what his father calls a beer gut. He doesn’t look anything like Steve, but he’s also the only adult anywhere near him. He’s the only person at all that’s really near Steve. They’re talking excitedly about something. He claps Steve on the back and whatever he says next has Steve looking down toward the floor.
“Is that Steve’s dad?” he asks his mom before thinking about why that might be a weird question to ask her.
“Who?” The way she says it makes him sure she hadn’t actually heard the question. She’d caught a name, when he interrupted her conversation with the lady next to them, but not enough to answer. It’s a free chance to drop the issue. To say sorry, never mind, and go back to watching people move on the floor below them.
“That guy,” she slaps his hand down as he goes to point. “The guy next to Steve, number 8, is that his dad?”
“How do you know him?” The question, instead of an answer, startles him enough that he looks at her instead of Steve. Stern, he knows he doesn’t want to lie to her, but he also isn’t sure how to say that this random high school boy saved two of his best friends’ older siblings' lives.
“He’s Nancy’s boyfriend. Mike talks about him.”
If he’d just waited. He would have gotten his question answered without asking Mom. They both watch as that man says one more thing to Steve, shakes his hand, and walks out of the gym. “I don’t see Nancy here.” Because they both know he doesn’t really need his other question answered anymore.
“I don’t think she really likes sports.”
Mom sucks her teeth, a judgmental tchk that has heat climbing the back of his neck when it's not even for him. "Well that's a shame, he's a good player." There's finally enough space on the floor that they could leave. He wants, desperately, for them to just go cause something about this conversation is making him feel guilty again. "Do you want to to say hi?"
There's nothing he wants less than that. Lucas thinks if he has to go up to this guy, who went toe to toe with a monster, while his mom trails behind he'll die. Lucas thinks if he says hi to a guy who has only seen him maybe twice in the context of Mike Wheeler's house, and has to sit there while Steve blankly accepts his congrats he'll melt into the floor.
"Can we just go home? I still have homework."
And some tags to @fuctacles, @cauldronoflove, @thefreakandthehair, @stevespookington, @stevieharringtonwifeguy
@eriquin, @grasslandgirl, @augustjustice, and anyone else who wants to play!
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cappycodeart · 6 days ago
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I got tired of circling back to frustration over my nitpicks on the f&c series so I OC’d my boy. Whoops. 😅💦. I'll still post stuff in the future about the AT version because I still have a lot of doodles I haven't posted yet and doodle ideas I want to draw!!... Buuuuuut in the meantime my brain gears have been turning hardcore over incorporating this version into my OC-verse... he's a silly astronaut now <3
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secret-citrus · 1 month ago
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Twenty Years (1790 words) by TheGeekySquirrel Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Trolls (DreamWorks Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Branch & Floyd (Trolls), Branch & Bruce & Clay & Floyd & John Dory (Trolls), Floyd & John Dory (Trolls) Characters: Floyd (Trolls), Grandma Rosiepuff (Trolls), Branch (Trolls), John Dory (Trolls) Additional Tags: Movie: Trolls Band Together (2023), Floyd Needs a Hug (Trolls), Childhood Trauma, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Floyd Goes Gray, Angst, Angst and Feels, Hurt No Comfort, Kismet Mentioned, Backstory Summary: We know what happened to most of the brothers after they walked away. But where did Floyd go? Why didn't he come back? Do we know that he didn't go back? Maybe there's a past yet to be unfurled, a story left to be told.
Hey y'all, I'm gonna start posting this Floyd fic I've been working on for a while. No set schedule at the moment, but I do have the next few chapters ready to go. They should be posted once a week until I run out of material. Okay, thank you, please enjoy!
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front-facing-pokemon · 1 year ago
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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melverie · 7 months ago
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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theha1r · 4 months ago
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it's literally 2 am & no one's around but i plan to write tonight. life's just been busy lately & also struggling with the weird feelings i talked about in my previous posts/posts last night (all deleted bc i don't like keeping negativity on my blog, i save the nice words), but i really do want to get some done tonight & i'll probably be up for quite a while. steve is staying my current most consistent muse & i wanna get shit going, i know things have been piling up. sooo yeah <3
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ying-doodles · 7 months ago
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my brain is running a million miles a minute rn
help
#ying rambles#let me try to just spew out my ideas in here so i'm not making so many individual posts#uh let's see#i wanna make an underwater version of void ying (my main sona rn)#where instead of having stars all over there's little fish? and they're wearing a clear raincoat and boots#i wanna draw myself in little outfits again (like those old wardrobe memes that are like pjs casual formal etc)#i need to actually sit down and draw new pfps for main and spam cause i'm tired of my current ones#it seems like the reverse absolutes are winning the poll so i have to come up with an archangel javier design (not that hard actually)#but i want to try to draw his rainbow wings in that piece?? maybe??#and then there's the turnaround i just talked about that i have to figure out#cause that's like what. 4 frames if we keep it simple (front left back right). or 8 if we do quarter turns (so many angles..)??#and then there's the drifting closer comic that's in second place in the poll#i have a vague idea of what i want it to look like but i need to sit down and sketch it to actually figure it out#and then at some point i need to figure out what the fck i'm drawing for the tged zine#cause i don't actually know what i'm gonna do yet (but i have until june to think on it i guess)#and. and...#... i think that's everything?#no there's still a lot of other stuff i wanna do but these tags are so long by now..#if you read them all uh good on you i guess?#i gotta go to bed i need to cease thinking-
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swallowedabug · 2 days ago
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Opeth : The Last Will And Testament (2024)
Artwork by Travis Smith, band photography by Terhi Ylimäinen
#keios#vinyl tag#opeth#finally got this boxset <333#apparently i got it earlier than the ones they're selling in finland#'cause the owner of my local record store said the boxset is probably gonna come in stock only in like a week...#i kinda accidentally ordered mine from germany 'cause when i first saw the ad they weren't even selling this in the finnish online stores#so i just assumed it wouldn't even be available here#when i checked the next day (after already having placed my order) surprise surprise it was available here too lol#so even though i had to wait a while to get this delivered i still got it faster than if i'd ordered it from a finnish store... wild#every time i went to pick something else up from my local record store#the owner was always saying how many times he'd already listened to the new opeth - last time it was four lol. and i'd only heard it once#and he was praising the sound quality of the vinyl (he said he had the silver variant)#but he hated how much of a hassle it is to read the liner notes - they're those three spirals of text 💀#he said it's probably åkerfeldt's sense of humor lol#i know they've had other vinyls where liner notes have this cursive font which is just impossible to read...#but anyway! i love this boxset. especially the fountain pen. have to try and actually write with it#already had an opeth coin lying around somewhere - it's from the sorceress boxset i think?#oh and i did finally listen to the vinyl! lol#it sounded amazing - even though the records were a little warped it didn't affect the sound quality at all#i still need to listen to the surround mix!! my old av receiver isn't even atmos compatible but i hope it doesn't matter#i haven't even checked if there's a 5.1 dts mix availabe on the disc... probably not#i only have a 5.1 setup and i'm never gonna get more channels#i don't have the money or the space for more speakers lol#but i'm really excited to listen to more vinyls 'cause i just updated my vinyl preamp and finally bought better speaker cables for my mains#and i have so many new records that i've only washed but never listened#like the new mars volta reissues and the two latest gojiras#and obviously i need to listen to tlwat - i've now only heard it twice. not nearly enough times to wrap my head around all of it#there's so! much! going on in some of the tracks (complimentary)
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bitchthefuck1 · 9 months ago
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I will never understand the fanfic impulse to take characters with thee most coo coo bananas codependent/nuanced/toxic/insane relationship and turn them into love interests #1 and #2 in a generic romance novel. like what is even the point anymore
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varjopeura · 22 days ago
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#okay no it's not the darkness getting to me there is a real life thing occupying a lot of my brain space#and idk if there's anything to be gained by speaking it out loud into the void but at the moment it's the only thing i Can do#i don't even have to click the 'post' button if i don't want to#but yeah. yesterday got the news that my mom's husband is dying. had a surprise heart attack and he's not gonna make it#just feels super fucking weird#personally i never really liked him at all so it's not like i myself necessarily have to grieve. never was that close with him#but like. oof this is going to be hard for my mom. and i'm super worried about how she's going to survive#but there's nothing to DO about it really. she wanted to have some space to come to terms with this on her own#and she has a strong support network of friends in her city. while i'm on the other side of the country#and don't even know what i could do to help if i was closer to her. i just. like. what can you even do in a situation like this?#just feels weird to Not do anything when i know how huge of an impact this will make for her entire life#she'll probably have to move to a different place too#and there are people there to help her. people with more life experience. people who probably know more about grief than i do#i just. i have no idea how one handles something like this. except for being there for her when asked#do eldest daughters have some sort of universal responsibilities that i'm just not aware of?#it feels kinda horrible how this is constantly circling back to what can *I* do and what must *I* do. how *I* feel#i'd never ever ever make things this much about me in any other setting than my own tumblr blog. in a tag whisper i'm not sure i'll post#but yeah all of this is eating my brain in a very weird way. an odd sort of limbo where it feels like there should be something here#it'd certainly be easier if i had any sort of relationship with the dead person myself. if i had something to grieve myself#now there's just a feeling that something Should be here to feel. and the knowledge of how hard this must be for my mom#ahhhhh idk none of this makes any sense i'm just speaking in circles and everything feels bad#it's bad and horrible and i don't know how to process any of this and i'm stuck in my brain and can't DO anything#there's nothing i can do to help my mom at this exact moment when she wants to be left alone with her thoughts#and i can't do anything else either because all of this feels like a heavy black cloud fogging up my brain#can't concentrate on anything at all today#not fun. not cool#sussitalk
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iceeericeee · 1 year ago
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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