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Geology and the World of Cars: Part 1
Ask and ye shall receive. We're gonna discuss geology, y'all!
Because there's a LOT to unpack, here, I'm gonna do it in parts, and I'll provide explanations as we go. I'll be tagging all of these posts with "WOCgeology."
One of the big things I want y'all to take away from this is that all rocks on Earth fall into one of three groups depending on how they form: Metamorphic, igneous, and sedimentary.
Metamorphic rocks: Form when a rock is altered by high temperatures, and/or water, and/or high pressures without melting.
Igneous rocks: Form when rock is heated to the point of melting (becomes a liquid) and allowed to cool.
Sedimentary rocks: Form when a rock is broken down chemically or physically (weathered), and the pieces/ions move to a new place (erosion/transportation), stop moving (deposition), and solidify (cementation and/or compaction and/or crystallization--but at temperatures outside of those what would melt or metamorphose)
I'm gonna start with metamorphic because I could only find three examples: The mountains near Thomasville, GA (Cars 3), Gasket Geyser at Piston Peak National Park (Planes Fire and Rescue) and the Himalaya Mountains (Planes). There might be more, but I gotta do a re-watch of all media with my geology lenses on. If I find more, I'll add them to this post and reblog it. :)
The mountains around Thomasville were very clearly modeled after the Great Smokey Mountains, a sub-range within the broader Appalachian Mountain Range. Compare the image below of the GSM in North Carolina to the thumbnail at the top of this post.
Metamorphic rocks need high temperatures and pressures in order to form...and the geologic forces that create non-volcanic mountains are perfect for that.
These are the conditions that we're talking about:
This image above has a lot of stuff going on...but it's got some useful takeaways. First: Metamorphism occurs over a WIDE range of temperatures and pressures. Second: different T and P regimes create different types of metamorphic rock. Third: The parent rocks, themselves, have unique compositions that react to changing T and P in different ways, creating unique mineral assemblages ("facies"). Fourth: Metamorphism has limits. If rock gets too hot, it melts. If it's not hot enough or if the pressures aren't right, the parent rock won't change at all.
So...how do we change T and P?
The Earth's core is hotter than the surface. The rate at which the temperature increases with depth is called the "geothermal gradient." The deeper you go the hotter things get. Pressure, called "lithostatic pressure," also increases with depth. If molten rock or really hot water touches existing rock, the heat from either is enough to alter it (contact and hydrothermal metamorphism, respectively). Geysers, like Gasket Geyser in Piston Peak National Park, are places where hydrothermal metamorphism can occur. Fun fact: the hot water fueling geysers is generally heated by molten rock deep under ground...so it's not all that uncommon for hydrothermal and contact metamorphism to occur in the same area.
But...consider this satellite image of the Appalachian Mountains from space:
How did they get so squiggly when they're solid rock (and were solid even when they were being metamorphosed)?
The Earth's surface consists of large slabs of rock (called "plates") that are in constant motion. They are pushed and pulled by the rocks deeper down. At that depth, the rocks behave more like dense putty (tho not actually liquid) that moves up and down, heated by even hotter rock and metal deeper within the Earth. Wherever this "putty" goes the overlying rocks have no choice but to follow. The chemical composition of the plates varies from place to place, and depending on the type of rock and the way the plates interact along their boundaries, you can get everything from giant mountain ranges (like the Himalayas) to lush, volcanic islands (think Japan).
Nearly a billion years ago, various types of rocks began colliding with the eastern cost of ancient North America, resulting in a series of mountain building events that would go on to create a giant mountain range, stretching from modern Newfoundland in Canada to northern Georgia in the US. The rocks caught up in the middle of these events became warped and twisted forming metamorphic rock. They likely had a "coating" of sedimentary rock, however, once the mountain building processes stopped, water, ice, and gravity began to gnaw away at them, leaving behind their metamorphic skeletons.
You can think of the Himalayas as a newer version of the Appalachians. They're still growing as I write this, as rocks from the Indian Plate are smushed against rocks from the Eurasian Plate. Because the mountain range is so young, the "coating" of non-metamorphic rocks (sedimentary, in this case) is still present along some parts of the range, though they have been tilted and bent.
Real Himalayas
The Himalayas as depicted in "Planes."
The Planes movies landscapes are a LOT more stylized than what we see in the Cars movies. Even so, they definitely captured the look of the range, and there are even places where you can see some layered sedimentary rock (as seen from snow laying in lines along the layers), like you see in the real Himalayas!
One thing I will note, here, is that the Appalachian mountains stop well north of Thomasville, Georgia (Smokey's hometown). In Cars 3, the area around Thomasville is more reminiscent of what you'd see in Kentucky or North Carolina. One of the images below is a screencap from Cars 3, the other is an actual photo taken in Magoffin county, Kentucky; can you tell which is which?
It's clear that they definitely wanted this rural, hilly aesthetic, but official artwork from Cars 3 (the poster below is is hanging up in the Cotter Pin) puts Thomasville in GA and not in NC.
More to come in part 2. :D
Thank you for reading!
#world of cars#cars#cars 2006#cars 3#cars 3 (2017)#cars fandom#cars movie#cars pixar#disney cars#pixar cars#disney planes#planes fire and rescue#planes#piston peak air attack#piston peak national park#gasket geyser#geology#metamorphic rocks#geology in cinema#pop culture geology#appalachia#appalachian mountains#himalayas#rocks#WOCgeology
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Watcher 1-1
Part Four
Call this shit the silly before the storm because they're getting SILLY!!!
Warnings!: The 141 will be criminally stupid, fumblers, all of them. Death (canon-typical), Violence (canon-typical), loss of limb (no, I won't tell you who yet >:), but I will cover the symptoms as well as possible) They do get kissy, but no smut (that I'm writing, but it's very much implied).
"This is Firecracker, completing final equipment check."
You can hardly keep the tremor from your voice as you grin into the radio, finally wrapping up your very first official mission on the 141.
It went just as it should have, a quick in and out, with the exception of a small gash on your thigh, an order not followed quickly enough from Price's end that left you in the hot seat. Ghost was watching your six the whole time, just like he'd promised on the fly in.
He'd said I always will, sergeant. Something in your gut squeezed when he did, but you ignored it.
Now, that skull-masked Brit sits across from you in the big belly of the helicopterâa stupidly pretty Pave Low that Nikolai was flying, as per usualâand you see the fabric rustle a little on his cheeks.
Like he's smiling.
Before you can really ponder that, or why it makes you want to see it again, Johnny is attaching himself to your side, waxing poetic about how good ye were, leannan, I knew we were right to go wie ye.
You grin wider than you would like to admit as you shove him lightly, one hand right on his waist to hold him at least a little further back, to pretend you weren't stupidly fond of him already, like he hadn't proven himself to be a wonderful teammate and... fuck, a good friend to boot.
Helping you unjam your gun, correcting your posture with a sort of gentleness you never knew you were deserving of.
Of course, thoughts of Johnny always bring thoughts of Kyle, too.
You can see him there, sitting next to Price, looking like an outside observer, like he's just passing by.
It makes you frown.
"Gaz?"
His head perks, stupidly pretty brown eyes locking onto yours without a moment of delay, always at the ready.
Goodness, you're terrible for finding him so pretty.
"Fuck're you sitting over there for? With the geezers? Did we suddenly get boring or something?"
The toothy grin you give must be enough to prevent the individual wrath of both your lieutenant and captain, because when Price gives you a look, Simon taps his thigh, just once. John huffs, but relaxes again, still looking squarely at you with something sharper than before in his eyes.
When you look away, slightly unsettled, Kyle's there beside you too, and you gladly pull him in to your little predicament with one very clingy Scotsman.
Yes, you're all grown adults. Does that make tussling in seats that should only be sat in any less fun?
Absolutely not.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're not exactly sure why or how you let this happen.
All you're fully aware of is that Johnny and Kyle managed to drag you out to an actual bar to celebrate.
It's a small spot, but cozy and playful, balmy in atmosphere with some temptingly good hip-hop that you don't quite recognize, but listen to anyway.
Kyle sits on the end of the booth that's pressed to the wall, Johnny on the other side. You pick the wall, get a good look at the men before you.
Johnny's wearing a nice deep red shirt, unbuttoned enough to show off the glint of dog-tags on his pale skin, and the fabric of Kyle's thick cargo pants brushes against your thigh, forcing you to swallow as you smile.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most of the night, the chatter is sweet, you'd be hard pressed to understand how you got here.
Something is roiling in your gut, but it's most definitely not the shot you've just knocked back, it's hotter.
Johnny's since taken up his place by your side, already flushed from how tipsy he is. You're gonna need to flag a cab home, all three of you, considering Kyle was just as blasted as the two of you, even if he's drinking you and Johnny under the table. you have no idea how he does it.
"Fuuuuucckkkkk..."
You groan as the sting of alcohol wears away to leave the bitter taste of the shot itself. It's not worth how bad your head is going to hurt tomorrow morning, but the way Kyle's looking at you is.
His eyes are terrible in the way they make you desperately try not to shiver, a beautiful brown yellowed to a lovely syrupy color in the warm lighting of the bar.
Before you do something stupid, or worse, say something stupid, you force yourself to comment on the shot instead.
"Is... is this 80 proof, Kyle?"
Your voice is tripping over itself a little, tongue slowed in your mouth until its motions are clumsy. You know he hears you, and you know he understands by how he swallows before meeting your eyes, opening his mouth to reply before he's cut off by a slightly pink Scotsman.
"Och, feckin' naughty dog, aye? Wha' do ye think we should do wie him, Firecracker?"
Johnny's breath is right against the column of your throat, teasing at the side with a warmth it has no right to have. A hot shiver grips you by the base of your spine, and you can feel your breath get caught in your throat for just a second too long.
"Johnny, you're-"
"I ken. Jus' havin' a wee bit of craic, tha's not a crime, is it?"
You're too focused on the blue-eyed menace to spot how hungrily Kyle is looking at the pair of you, the way his hand reaches out until it's holding you by the chin, gently guiding your face up to his.
"You know, you do things to people, Firecracker. He's just returning the favor."
His voice is ever so slightly lower, a little blurred by the liquor, but fuck it makes you swallow all of your pride anyway.
"Do I really?"
You're trying so hard to tease, you really are, but even you can catch how breathy you sound, and you can see Kyle's plush lips turn up at the corners, you watch him lean down until there's barely any space between your faces.
Maybe it's habit, maybe it's a mindless craving, but your head tilts to the side, and you watch him chuckle.
That's all that you can really see before there are lips on yours.
He's so warm, you can taste the sweetness of his old scotch when he parts his lips, tenderly traces his tongue on the seam of your own, like you're something to be revered, durable but deserving of good treatment.
You can feel your cheeks flame with color so fast it's nearly dizzying, every single system of your body lighting up as your gut flutters and your brain shuts itself off, focused entirely on the sensations that envelop you.
Johnny's at your back now, so very close to kissing at your neck, his breath ghosts over your pulse, and the feel of a strong body behind you makes everything double, forcing a muffled groan that Kyle eagerly swallows up before pulling away.
"Shit. Johnny was right."
Truth be told, Kyle had held his reservations about this. But having you there, flushed and hot and swollen-lipped from his kissing, he's struggling to think of any of those reasons.
Instead, he cradles your flushed face in his hands, and you spot him leaning down to peck Johnny's lips, too.
"You're gonnae be good, leannan, I cannae wait to have ye."
Johnny isn't as gentle as Kyle, you can feel his eagerness in the way his teeth catch a little against your skin before he really plans to, kissing and nibbling at your flesh as he suckles on it.
Kyle's grinning now, and he presses another kiss to the corner of your mouth, playfully licking into you with an energy that makes you want to sob.
It felt so wonderfully good. Terribly good, it makes you grip at his shirt, trying to pull him close enough to get a real kiss.
You can feel him smile against your lips, shift enough to give you what he knows you need.
It's wonderfully filthy, hot and heavy and you know you won't last much longer.
Johnny and Kyle know this, too.
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#x reader#tf 141 x reader#john soap mactavish#kyle gaz garrick#kyle gaz garrick x reader#john soap mctavish x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#angst#x gn reader#laswell cod#kate laswell#implied neurodivergent reader
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taking the question in good faith, I will answer in good faith. saw people are being assholes in the reblogs about misha's appearance, which is bullshit, regardless of my feelings on him as a person.
appreciate the points above and will add some thoughts of my own. I went into the show knowing destiel was a huge and popular ship, but not knowing much else. I watched the show in a relative bubble over a year plus. I was already deeply invested in sam and dean's canonical relationship and the wincest ship side of things by the time castiel showed up. I had a friend that was waiting to hear my thoughts on him and it took me a long time to even have an opinion. and by the time I did, it tended toward negative. I liked when he was snarky and powerful but his characterization flip flopped all over the place episode to episode the longer he was on the show. as I was writing up my little recaps I would often boggle over how the show would talk about how dean and cas were best friends and so close, but I (and might be bold to say we the audience) never saw it. he just wasn't around much! supernatural, when it wants to make a point or a parallel, is not subtle about it. it will beat you over the head with their point. I guess the only thing they were hammering home to me was, we aren't gonna take the screen time to show it but these guys are tight, trust us! it was weird to me.
I wrote about my reaction to 15x18 here which was basically where flying fuck did that come from
the longer his character stuck around, the more it reminded me of derek on teen wolf. a fan favorite character that it felt like they didn't intend to have on the show for very long and didn't know what to do with. but the teen wolf run was much shorter and hoechlin left. and I also found some similarities in how popular the ship sterek was, they were similarly working with crumbs of canon. but I didn't see that fandom get weird about it the way certain factions of destiel fans did. maybe they did and just weren't as loud? or since I wasn't around when it was at its peak I didn't see it? but I never got the impression there was this full court press by some to convince people that the ship had roots in canon people were just missing.
I was really soured on supernatural fandom in general by how loudly anti-wincest a lot of people are, I used to go scrolling through the main tags and regularly bump into wincest dni on, you know, gifsets from the show. which is strange and also like okay, yeah. message received, I don't want to be feeling shitty and unwelcome just trying to look around. I understand it's a squick for some people, but I've never been around a fandom that was so loudly hostile to a ship unprovoked.
and equal opportunity souring, within non-destiel fans there's people that hate one of the brothers, making arguments how canonically abusive one of them is, etc. I think that's what a lot of it comes down to for me, headcanon being stated as canon fact. there's always wiggle room in interpretation but so many things are so far outside the show I watched, I just get all riled up which helps no one so I stay away from most show/character discussions at this point.
and if I wasn't already soured on destiel enough, some of things misha has said downright left me appalled. the "balls deep" homophobic cw bullshit comment, joking about jensen's "bdsm paraphernalia." I personally think if most anyone else on the cast talked like this at cons, they wouldn't be invited back. but I guess it's okay with everyone involved or whatever is going on there, so I just try to avoid misha related content in general.
it's a bummer that I'm missing out on destiel fic because there's so much of it, but I wouldn't be able to enjoy it.
I was rereading my sterek bookmarks recently (my personal favorite ship on teen wolf is scott/stiles but there's very little of it comparatively) and now that I'm out of the thick of my tw fixation period, I notice how out of character they often need to push to make the story work. and that's totally fine and cool, but the way my brain works, I'm much more interested and invested in the ship that I see reflected on screen. even while actively wanting and looking for the sterek potential in the show, there just wasn't much of it. that was the one thing that did surprise me, how little fans were working with. I love the creativity and the way they've made so much with so little.
so I'm sure I could have enjoyed destiel fic at one point in the same way I did sterek if I was never exposed to spn fandom outside of AO3.
these days I make stuff for fandoms and read fic, but otherwise don't really engage with other people's stuff. I follow a few spn people that I know I vibe with, but that's about it. I'm too literal minded in some ways and inflexible about certain things, it's just best I stay away from most stuff.
and I usually avoid engaging in this type of post too but guess I had some things that have been bubbling around my head for a while that I wanted to get out
Non Destiel Shippers, what stops you from shipping them?
What are the reasons you don't ship them? Im just curious, not looking for a fight.
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Dying Star
In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
- - - - - - -
Samâs words have been weighing heavy on your mind ever since you discussed your shared future and the various forms it could take. You didnât realize just how heavy they were until it all came spilling out of your tired mind on a late night spent together beneath the stars.
Pairing:Â Sam x Darlin' / Reader
Word Count:Â 4,053
Contains: [angst] [a dash of humor] [a hint of chubby!Sam bc i like 'em strong and soft] [crying] [cuddling (dub-con cuddles with Quinn in the past & consensual ones with Sam in the present)] [emotional hurt/comfort] [implied/referenced dub-con sex (nothing graphic) (in the past between Darlin' and Quinn to be specific) (refer to my Ao3 notes for further explanation)] [mentioned Quinn] [not quite Dissociation i guess but Darlin' does zone-out/get lost in thought more than once] [pet names (Darlin' (obvs.) and honey)] [Reader is Darlin'] [Sam wears a cowboy hat bc i said so] [some passive suicidality from Sam if you squint (hell, maybe you don't even have to squint)]
A/Ns: Well, well, well, here I am, the person who said they wouldn't write any Redactedverse fanfic. I recently felt a mighty need to expand upon the blurb I wrote in this post, and I'm braving my fandom anxiety by sharing it here. pls be nice 2 me abt it
Timeline-wise, this fic takes place sometime after the âTalking About the Future With Your Vampire Mateâ audio but sometime before their presumed eventual departure from the house that William gave Sam, given that they've already had the 'turning' discussion but are still on the same roof in this fic.
This is a songfic, inspired by and quoting verses from 3 songs. Those being:
âDying Starâ by Ashnikko feat. Ethel Cain
âFix What You Didnât Breakâ by Nate Smith
âNo Planâ by Hozier
The roof of Samâs house is far from a âcushyâ place to relax. But as you lie here next to him under the stars, a knowledge settles within you that you wouldnât trade the rough shingles beneath you for the softest mattress in the world. Not if it meant thereâd be anyone other than him lying next to you.
Some people might counter that itâs an easy thing for you to say, given the number of nights youâve thrown a balled-up shirt onto one end of a worn-out couch and called it a bed. But some people donât know you as well as they think they do.
Youâve known luxury. Quinn mightâve been just as content taking his fill on a seedy motel bed as he was wrapped in silks at a Hilton, but he knew how to play up the luxe when it served him to do so. And in the early days as he worked to lure you in, it did. Plush sheets and expensive drinks helped to soften the preordained blows and dull the imminent pain that your nights with him held.
Once youâd latched onto the bait though, he let the act drop one piece at a time, like props collapsing on a stage. After all, what was the point in all of those frivolities when you both knew what you really came to him for? It wasnât to be wined and dined, it wasnât to be dressed up and shown off, and it wasnât even to be slowly stripped of it all, laid out across the rolling clouds of a pillowy mattress.
It was to be used. Tranced. Restrained. Bitten. Drank from. Choked. Hit. Edged. Denied. Made to writhe and whine and bleed and plead. Plead for more, for less, for nothing, for anything. Anything to quiet your mind and fill the ever-expanding void inside you where you suspect love was supposed to live.
Thatâs what you both really wanted.
At least, thatâs what you told him you wanted.
Thatâs what you told yourself.
You only got what you asked for.
To your right, Sam stirs, stretching gently with a yawn. The soft noise he releases as he does so reminds you of where you are, and you trace back through your thoughts to find how you got so lost.
âŚRight. Luxury.
While your relationship with Quinn certainly changed over time, you never forgot what it felt like in the beginning.Â
You remember nights laid next to him, body sore, mind quiet. Quinnâs idea of aftercare was lacking to say the least, but you had nothing better to compare it to at the time, and youâd take what you could get. At least your head felt empty, and the bed was soft. Exhaustion would pull you under soon enough.
The mattress, sheets, and pillows enveloping you were likely worth more than you even made that past month. ...Or several. You found that display of luxury hard to be impressed by though, when it wasnât the type of comfort youâd been seeking.
As Quinn shifted in his presumed sleep, pulling you in tighter, you didnât fight it. You found yourself unwilling to fight anything he did, like his mere presence was enough to drain the fight right out of you. You told yourself that you were okay with that. Because you wanted it.
Lying there with your head on his bare chest, you took a deep breath and told yourself that you liked the stench of cheap cologne, poorly masking the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath. You silently told yourself that you liked everything. You liked the pain that he chased with hints of pleasure. You liked the loss of power, the way you couldnât fight back if you wanted to once he looked you in the eyes. You liked all the things he said, no matter how much the truth might hurt.
He was right, you supposed. Your desires, the things you craved, the depravity that you so enjoyed, wasnât normal. It was uncommon, unusual, and in the eyes of some, unfathomable. To possess such dark desires, there must be something truly broken inside you.
How lucky you were, to have found someone willing to indulge you. Someone that could give you everything you wanted, and be so kind as to keep it a secret too. He promised that word of the things he did to you, the things you let him do, would never get out. You remember the way he held your hand as he told you, falling for the guise of sincerity in his eyes. You remember his warm smile, and his razor sharp teeth.
You remember seeing that exact same smile on his face through one-way glass as he sat across from Sam and told him everything.
You stood in that room and thought back to those nights of luxury. To the feeling of his nails ghosting over the freshly healed punctures in your neck. To the way he held you against him. You remember laying there, lifeless, feeling like prey playing dead. Afraid to move, afraid to disturb him. But why? He hadnât threatened you. He never told you that you had to stay. He never said that you couldnât move, or pull away. So why did you feel that way?
As you stood, helplessly witnessing hours of his slander in that interrogation room, you understood. Your rose-tinted glasses had long since shattered, and you saw that smile for what it was. It was the smile of a man playing a dangerous game, brimming with satisfaction, thinking heâd won.
The radio near you begins to crackle, static obscuring the hosts voice as they announce the upcoming song. Sam doesnât even open his eyes, just raises a hand and reaches out, blindly adjusting the antenna of the old device.
Youâve teased him for holding onto it for so long, as he is wont to do with damn near all of his possessions. But as you watch him deftly extend and angle the antenna with practiced care, the response he once gave you proves itself true once again.
âI donât wanna replace it, Darlinâ. Itâs not broken. It just needs someone who knows how to make it sing again.â
The static clears, and music flows through the radioâs old speakers once more.
You watch Sam return his hand to its prior position beneath his head, acting as a makeshift pillow of his own. The way heâs lying has his hat pushed forward, and itâd be doing a damn good job of shielding his face from the sun if it werenât somewhere around midnight at the moment. Still, it suits him somehow, despite its lack of any practicality. All heâs missing is a stalk of wheat between his teeth and a tree to lean against and heâd be the spitting image of the cowboy he swears he isnât.
His other hand rests on the soft curve of his stomach, rising and falling again as he breathes. Heâs the image of peace in moments like these, and youâre drawn to it like a moth to flame. Maybe one of these days youâll find some of your own, but for now youâre more than content to bask in his.
As you admire him, he takes a slow, deep breath and you mirror it on instinct. The grounding practice helps you leave your mind and return to your body, if just for a moment. In doing so, you realize just how tense your ruminations have made you.
You relax your hands, releasing the blanket beneath you from your iron grip. You brush your palms over it, worried that youâve torn the fabric once you realize that your nails had halfway shifted to claws. You donât fret much over damage to your own possessions, but this blanket is Samâs and youâd hate to ruin it. Though, you suppose he doesnât prize it too much or he wouldnât have laid it out here across the roof in the first place.
âIf I buy somethinâ itâs because I wanna use it. Now quit frettinâ and get over here.â You recall what he told you earlier as he patted the blanket next to him in invitation, and you smile.
Doing a small stretch of your own, you release the tension in your shoulders, turning your attention back to the stars above you. For a while, you let the soft music wash over your tired mind.
âI asked him not to kill me politely. He drained my magic core, bottled up at the source. I washed up on the sea glass shores. Iâm nobody's captive.â
In spite of your best efforts to relax, youâre still subconsciously futzing with the loose threads of the old blanket beneath you.
Youâre made aware of it when Sam reaches a hand down, gently laying it over yours and effectively stilling your anxious motion.
âBurning like a dying star, invasive weeds rooted in my heart, set in a crooked trajectory. The journey here was hard, I was almost pulled apart. Trying to leave his orbit took whatâs left of me.â
You flip your hand over beneath his so you can hold it properly, lacing your fingers together.
For reasons beyond your understanding, emotion tightens your throat, the threat of tears pooling in your eyes.
âŚYou must be more tired than you thought.
As minutes pass and one song fades into another, your gaze dances across the blurry, scattered points of light in the dark sky.
âYou were the star in the pitch black, shine the way on the way back. Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers.â
Samâs always been so much better at identifying stars and finding constellations. But as the music plays, you begin to see one of your own.
âPicked up the towel that I threw in, took in a heart that was ruined. Showed me the past ainât a tattoo, loved me even when you didnât have to.â
âSam.â You squeeze his hand to get his attention.
He squeezes back in acknowledgment. âHm?â
âI want you to look at something.â You swallow back the emotion that tries to seep into your voice, but it catches his attention all the same.
He leans up and lifts his hat from his head, setting it aside near the radio. He then reaches to turn a dial back, lowering the musicâs volume to give you his full attention.
You release his hand, raising yours up as he turns back to face you. You donât say anything at first, nearly too lost in your own mind to realize you need to actually voice your developing thoughts.
"Whatâwhat're you pointin' at Darlin'?"
Your hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in your line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above you. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."
Sam does his best to follow your less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', your pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along your exposed wrist where your sleeve had slipped back, he takes your hand in his again and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"
"That's you." You say, matter-of-factly.
"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.
"Mhm." You nod with finality, blinking slow.
Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting you. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."
You scoff. "I am being serious."
Sam stifles a laugh. "Noâno I meanâlike... what's another name for it... Oh, it's also called the Dog Star."
"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."
He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but you cut him off before he can start. "But no. No, this isn't about me. That's you."
He decides to play along, finding something endearing in your overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"
Your frown is audible in your voice as you latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"
He smiles at your over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, honey, I promise."
You huff, but begrudgingly shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention.â
Samâs brow furrows as you continue to explain, realization setting in that you really are being serious.
âI... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...And there you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places and people that I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, at Wonderworld, surrounded by the ghost of him. Your warmth, your presence, your auraâeven with all of your walls up, you outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me home."
In the back of your mind, you recall something you once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can still see a star that's already burnt out, because its light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
You remember Sam's words, once whispered to you on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
You think about dead stars.
You think about time.
"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand squeezes yours tight, his urgent tone pulling you out of your thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"
You look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, faint shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.
You reach out, pulling him down into you. He falters for a moment at the sudden proximity, but quickly embraces you in turn. Burying your face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear your words, muffled against the thick flannel, but his hearing catches them just fine.
"Don't burn out too quickly. Please. I still need you here. I don'tâI don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
The words feel like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, but with it comes a flood of emotion theyâd been holding back. You cry harder into him, and as much as it pains Sam to witness, he lets you feel it, for as long as you need.
Your fear of losing him manifests itself physically, nails curling and sharpening again. When he feels them prick his skin through the fabric of his shirt, he calls your name but doesnât pull away. Instead, he leans further down into you, letting his weight ground you. âDarlinâ, I am right here. Iâm not goinâ anywhere.â
As you eventually cry yourself out, enough wherewithal returns to you to realize that you should probably release the poor man from your grasp, and the awkward position you pulled him into. When he pulls away enough to see your face, you notice a string of snot running from your nose to his shirt collar. Quickly batting it away out of embarrassment, you cringe, voice thick as you apologize. âEugh, gross. Uh⌠sorry. About that.â
He shakes his head, laughing good-naturedly as you wipe at your nose with your jacket sleeve. âItâs completely fine, honey. After all, Iâve been covered in plenty of your, uh⌠various fluids before. When you come from my line of work, this is childâs play.â
He leans to his right, reaching back and pullingâof all thingsâa handkerchief from his jeansâ left back pocket. You laugh at his words, and at the sight, but with how congested you are it turns into more of a hacking cough than anything. Accepting his offering, you blow your nose into the black patterned fabric.
As soon as you can speak somewhat clearly, you canât stop the teasing remark that slips out of you, gesturing with the wad of fabric in your hand. âYou know, you really arenât beating the cowboy allegations with stuff like this.â
He rolls his eyes but his soft smile remains. âItâs a practical thing to have on me, âallegationsâ be damned.â
You shake your head with a smile of your own, but donât disagree. As youâre visibly unsure what to do with the dirtied fabric, he takes it from you, setting it aside. âIâll toss it in the wash when we go back inside. Along with my shirt, andâŚâ He eyes you for a moment. ââŚthat jacket of yours too, given how long youâve probably been wearinâ it.â
Normally youâd argue that it hasnât been that long, but come to think of it, you actually canât recall when you last washed the thing.
Reaching up and rubbing your temples, you already regret your crying fit as a headache begins to set in. âFuck, Sam... Iâm sorry for⌠whatever that just was. I donât know what came over me.â
His expression falls into something serious again. âYou never need to apologize for feeling. And it certainly seems like⌠you needed to feel that.â
You nod quietly, but donât elaborate, prompting him to question you gently. âDarlinâ. What was that about? Theâthe askinâ me not to leave. Are you⌠afraid that Iâm gonna leave you?â
You close your eyes, weighing out your response. ââŚNot in the sense that youâll break up with me or something, no.â
His gaze narrows and his head tilts as he rolls your answer over in his mind. âIf it ainât that, thenââ He remembers how you mentioned âforeverâ and cuts himself off as the puzzle pieces start coming together. âOh. âŚOh, Darlinâ, no.â
You open your eyes to watch as he shifts from leaning next to you, moving to sit up beside you. âIs this about what I told you, when we sat up here and had our uhâŚÂ turning discussion?â
You hate to admit it, but you nod in confirmation. ââŚItâs your choice, Sam, and I never want to take that away from you. I shouldnât have said what I just did, IâI donât want to make you feel guilty, or like you have to stick around for my sake. But Iâd be lying to you if I said it hasnât been playing on my mind. The thought of you⌠leaving. Like that.â
He reaches up, running a hand through his hair. âI⌠think I maybe shouldâve been a bit more clear, when I said that. Because I wasnât talking about any time soon. I didnât want to give you the false impression that I plan on sticking around for centuries, but⌠I also wasnât trying to imply that Iâve got plans to do it next week either.â
You bolt upright, voice cracking. âNext week?! I sure as shit hope not!â You grab your head, pain flaring and suddenly dizzy from the quick shift in position.
He places a hand on your shoulder to steady you. âIâm not, honey, Iâm not. Did you catch the rest of my sentence? Iâve got no plans to leave this world any time soon. I promise.â
You groan, head pounding. âI heard you, I did, I justâfuck, I donât even wanna think about you leaving so soon. Here I am, stressing, thinking Iâve only gotâI donât knowâsome odd years left with you, andâŚâ You sigh, trailing off.
Sam stays quiet for a minute, letting the crickets sing.
Eventually, he interrupts their chorus. ââŚCan I get closer to you?â
You nod. ââŚPlease.â
He closes the gap between you, carefully wrapping a strong arm around your curled shoulders. âYouâve got way more than a couple years. I promise you that.â Your tension begins to ease a bit as he clarifies. âYou⌠youâve helped me find a life that I actually feel like livinâ again, for the first time in a long time. And I want to experience it with you for as long as I can.â
ââŚReally?â Your voice sounds so small, so unsure, soâŚÂ unlike you when you question him that he wants to kick himself in his own ass for the role he unintentionally played in making you feel this way.
âYes. Really. I meanââ His voice takes on an edge of humor. âIf you decide to set your sights on the year 3,000âŚâ He shakes his head. âI donât know about that. But as far as the 21st century is concerned? âŚI think Iâd like to see it through. For as long as youâre there to see it with me.â
His words cause fresh tears to well up in your eyes, and you sniff in an attempt to hold them back. The sound catches his attention, and he leans forward, thumbing across your warm cheek. ââŚIâm makinâ you cry againâŚâ
You shake your head, clearing your throat. âNoâNo, itâs okay. Itâs good. Theyâre⌠theyâre good. Itâs⌠relief.â
He breathes out a relieved sigh of his own. âYeah?â
You nod, leaning into him. âYeah.â
As you rest against each other, breathing in the cool night air, you nudge him with your shoulder. âCan we⌠lay back? For a bit?â
He squeezes your arm in gentle confirmation. âOf course.â
He twists and reaches back to straighten the wrinkled blanket beneath you, before laying out across it himself. The radio crackles as he turns the volume back up a bit. Watching him with tired eyes, you smile at the sight of him patting his chest in habitual invitation.
âSit in and watch the sunlight fade. Honey, enjoy, itâs gettinâ late. Thereâs no plan. Thereâs no hand on the reign. As Mack explained, there will be darkness again.â
Curling up against his side and laying your head on his chest, you release a heavy sigh when his hand comes up to rest on your shoulder. As his fingers press rhythmically into the tense muscle beneath them, you breathe in his scent. Black coffee and wildflower honey⌠he smells like home.
âYour secret is safe with me, and if secrets were like seeds, when Iâm lyinâ under marble, marvel at flowers youâll have made.â
You reach your hand out across his broad chest, slipping beneath his open flannel and sliding down to rest on his waist. He sighs, relaxing further beneath your touch.
âMy heart is thrilled by the still of your hand. Thatâs how I know now that you understand.â
Yeah, youâll take this over âluxuryâ any damn day.
âThereâs no plan. Thereâs no race to be run.â
Laying there with him, listening to the low hum of the radio, the moment grows so comfortable that you almost hesitate to break it.
âThe harder the pain, honey, the sweeter the song.â
â���Sam?â You whisper into the night.
His hand sweeps across your back before returning to your shoulder. âIâm here, Darlinâ.â
âThereâs no plan. Thereâs no kingdom to come.â
You smile. âI⌠Iâd like to be there, to be here, to see it through with you, too.â
It takes him a moment to recall exactly what youâre referring to, but when it hits him he hums a low understanding tone, clearly pleased. âThen letâs see where it takes us, yeah?â
âBut Iâll be your man if you got love to get done.â
He presses a soft kiss to your temple. âWeâve got plenty aâ time.â
A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my extensive notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. My Sam & Darlin' Playlist My Sam Playlist My Darlin' Playlist My Sam & Darlin' Moodboard My Sam Moodboard My Darlin' Moodboard Header Image Credit: Gage Smith on Unsplash
#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted fanfic#redacted fandom#sam collins#samuel collins#redacted tank#fanfiction#fanfic#my writing#one of my last Redacted posts didn't make it into the tags. which wasn't a big deal since it wasn't something important#but i spent some real time and effort on this fic so if tumblr yeets This post into the void i Will cry. and then painstakingly repost it#i've got big feelings about Sam and y'all r gonna see it whether u like it or not /lh#anyways hey this fic was unexpected. and much like Midnight Hour the production time was relatively fast thanks to the power of Fixation#i was gonna post the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding and then work on a Boothill oneshot and then maybe the [N]MbD New Year's fic#but i've been feeling Some Kinda Way lately and i guess i needed to project it onto Sam. so this fic took precedence#i humbly offer my first contribution to the Redacted fandom. pls don't attack me if they're OOC /hj#i'm out here doing my best to walk the line between canon compliance and self-indulgence#also i know that bright thing in the header image i used can't be Sirius. it's gotta be like. a planet i think? not sure which one tho#i've never even seen a planet that bright but my sky isn't all that dark so maybe they Can look that bright in some places#idk. the image description on Unsplash doesn't say. but 'planet' is in the tags so that's my guess#the only thing i've seen be that bright in the night sky 'round here is military flares. but maybe it's to do with how the photo was taken#a n y w a y s point is. the star Darlin' sees isn't That bright but the photo was too fitting not to use
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𪹠Wiggle WednesdayđŞą
Thank you @paperbackribs who tagged me last week, I saw it while I was in class and immediately forgot until I saw people posting their things today. But I'm always excited to share my current brainworms
This is a scene from a fic that I pick at every now and then, so it's basically always on the brain. It started as something about Lucas and Steve and trying to explain away the slight anachronism of Steve (popular and rich) being in Nikes before Jordan made them cool (thank you Air) and it has turned into something much more about Lucas and also his Mom relating through a shared love of basketball and Steve is also there.
Itâs a Friday night after the end of the world, and strangely Lucas is at a basketball game.
Or maybe itâs only strange because itâs so normal.
A Friday night in a small town and there isnât much to do except support the home team. Only Mom wonât watch football, she calls it barbaric, so she reserves all her team spirit for November when basketball season starts. Lucasâ skin itches a little under the Hawkins Tigers shirt heâs wearing, as heâs pretending to be normal when a couple weeks ago he learned monsters were real. What can he do though? Mrs. Byers has Will on house arrest, Mike is still mourning Eleven, and Dustin hasnât been allowed out since Willâs Lazarus act.
Maybe heâs being too sensitive. Steve is here, who Lucas mostly knows from Mike complaining about being Nancyâs stupid boyfriend. Steve is playing like everything is fine, even though Lucas knows Steve knows. He heard whispering about it with Nancy when he went to the bathroom the last time he was at Mikeâs. But Steve is smiling as he paces down the court. Miles better than the other players around him, when Steve has the ball Lucas feels like he does when heâs watching a real basketball game on the couch with his Mom.
If Steve can act like things are normal. If he can sink three pointer after rebound after assist, maybe itâs okay that Lucas is wearing his Tiger green. He floats down the court and everyone cheers. But no one cheers right. When #21 Hagan gets a rebound off of Seymourâs best player, a girlâs voice screams so loud it makes his throat hurt. No one cheers that way for Steve. Itâs just excitement for the game, not for him and the way he is playing.
When the game ends, Hawkins 73: Seymour 42, and the crowd storms the court Lucas stands by his Mom in the bleachers. She hates feeling the push of the crowd against her and as he gets older, and peopleâs hands get rougher, heâs starting to understand. Heâs too old to be caught standing by his Mom though. After everything, he knows better than to move too far away from her; going to the game with your Mom is one thing, being the kid getting called out over the intercom because she canât find you would be life ruining.
Lucas watches the thinning crowd while he waits. Parents and girlfriends crowding their sweaty players. He doesnât want to get caught looking at any of those boys for too long now that they arenât playing. He isnât sure why. So he keeps looking for something familiar.
Steve is standing beside a short, dark haired man whoâs got what his father calls a beer gut. He doesnât look anything like Steve, but heâs also the only adult anywhere near him. Heâs the only person at all thatâs really near Steve. Theyâre talking excitedly about something. He claps Steve on the back and whatever he says next has Steve looking down toward the floor.
âIs that Steveâs dad?â he asks his mom before thinking about why that might be a weird question to ask her.
âWho?â The way she says it makes him sure she hadnât actually heard the question. Sheâd caught a name, when he interrupted her conversation with the lady next to them, but not enough to answer. Itâs a free chance to drop the issue. To say sorry, never mind, and go back to watching people move on the floor below them.
âThat guy,â she slaps his hand down as he goes to point. âThe guy next to Steve, number 8, is that his dad?â
âHow do you know him?â The question, instead of an answer, startles him enough that he looks at her instead of Steve. Stern, he knows he doesnât want to lie to her, but he also isnât sure how to say that this random high school boy saved two of his best friendsâ older siblings' lives.
âHeâs Nancyâs boyfriend. Mike talks about him.â
If heâd just waited. He would have gotten his question answered without asking Mom. They both watch as that man says one more thing to Steve, shakes his hand, and walks out of the gym. âI donât see Nancy here.â Because they both know he doesnât really need his other question answered anymore.
âI donât think she really likes sports.â
Mom sucks her teeth, a judgmental tchk that has heat climbing the back of his neck when it's not even for him. "Well that's a shame, he's a good player." There's finally enough space on the floor that they could leave. He wants, desperately, for them to just go cause something about this conversation is making him feel guilty again. "Do you want to to say hi?"
There's nothing he wants less than that. Lucas thinks if he has to go up to this guy, who went toe to toe with a monster, while his mom trails behind he'll die. Lucas thinks if he says hi to a guy who has only seen him maybe twice in the context of Mike Wheeler's house, and has to sit there while Steve blankly accepts his congrats he'll melt into the floor.
"Can we just go home? I still have homework."
And some tags to @fuctacles, @cauldronoflove, @thefreakandthehair, @stevespookington, @stevieharringtonwifeguy
@eriquin, @grasslandgirl, @augustjustice, and anyone else who wants to play!
#wiggly worm wednesday#stranger things#lucas sinclair#sue sinclair#Steve Harrington#technically I have included Sonny V.accaro in this#and now that we're in tag territory i'm gonna spill the details of my special hcs#1 and the foundation of this fic: steve is so good at basketball he was part of vaccaro's hs basketball swag program#which if you haven't watched air which i did really enjoy#he would give free nike shoes to hs basketball players that he thought would make it big hoping to build brand loyalty and establish nike-#-as an actual competitor to adidas and converse which they weren't at the time#i tend to base the actual hs stuff in my st fics on my parents experience given that they were in small towns in the general area at the-#-time that canon takes place so for reference my dad played hs ball and the whole team wore converse as their uniform#i do sincerely believe that steve was good enough at basketball pre-concussions pre-upside down that he could have been v successful#hc 2: sue sinclair played womens basketball in college#we're playing fast and loose with the timeline visavis sue btw#but if we streeeeetch it to its full potential she played in the national tournament pre wncaa i did research for the record#hc 3 which is implied here: bi!lucas with a crush on steve always always#also sorry for the strays nancy i love you#maybe one day you all will get to see the rest of this fic
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I got tired of circling back to frustration over my nitpicks on the f&c series so I OCâd my boy. Whoops. đ
đŚ. I'll still post stuff in the future about the AT version because I still have a lot of doodles I haven't posted yet and doodle ideas I want to draw!!... Buuuuuut in the meantime my brain gears have been turning hardcore over incorporating this version into my OC-verse... he's a silly astronaut now <3
#pulling a 'my oc koz lord of vampires' with this one bc I simply do not care anymore. If I'm gonna be insane I'm gonna be blatant about it#but ok. ok. listen. In my complete defense. I got tired of reading all the bad takes on simon. I was getting TOO angry.#especially with how the series handled the situation so insensitively#and I was like. well. actually that's kinda unhealthy pal maybe we should back off. and that's what we're doing#still love the character ofc!! I just don't have the capacity to fully explore an AU from AT's perspective without getting angry at it#fun fact I made Itchy as a self indulgent AU to vent/cope in the first place... so I kiiiinda knew this was coming the moment I made him#like... whatâs more self-indulgent than taking him out of the source material for funsies? do u get me? <3#this is surprisingly not the most self indulgent thing I've done. but it's pretty darn close#anyways no I'm not tagging him on main that's my oc now. clearly. sgweats. beards him. see? that's ichabod. clearly not simon /hj#I made a kin onion a while back and tried to grab some influences from other characters so I hope that helps a bit#some of his story beats will line up with simon's ofc but Itchy's supposed to mirror Fern so it's nice to give him some space from simon#ok no more rambles I guess here come the other tags#digital art#original character#original stuff#ichabod zymmynz#flat color#2024
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowooâ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. soâ to you guysâ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autisticâ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needsâ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokĂŠmon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of âwhy should i keep writing if apparently no one caresâ eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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it's literally 2 am & no one's around but i plan to write tonight. life's just been busy lately & also struggling with the weird feelings i talked about in my previous posts/posts last night (all deleted bc i don't like keeping negativity on my blog, i save the nice words), but i really do want to get some done tonight & i'll probably be up for quite a while. steve is staying my current most consistent muse & i wanna get shit going, i know things have been piling up. sooo yeah <3
#( a pathological people pleaser // ooc )#(literally steve is just - he found his place & he's not leaving it -)#(even when i tried writing on the halloween blog the other night - WITHOUT writing on here at all - it felt off - so i didn't really post#anything -. still keeping that blog as semi active but yeah)#(i'm thinking abt two of my girlies tonight - logged into the one's old - keep considering a dual muse blog for them - but then steve remin#s me i probably realistically cannot manage that right now with his loud ass so :shrugs:)#(anyways i'm here & gonna do shit if anyone is actually reading this & reading these tags hi hello i love you <3)
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my brain is running a million miles a minute rn
help
#ying rambles#let me try to just spew out my ideas in here so i'm not making so many individual posts#uh let's see#i wanna make an underwater version of void ying (my main sona rn)#where instead of having stars all over there's little fish? and they're wearing a clear raincoat and boots#i wanna draw myself in little outfits again (like those old wardrobe memes that are like pjs casual formal etc)#i need to actually sit down and draw new pfps for main and spam cause i'm tired of my current ones#it seems like the reverse absolutes are winning the poll so i have to come up with an archangel javier design (not that hard actually)#but i want to try to draw his rainbow wings in that piece?? maybe??#and then there's the turnaround i just talked about that i have to figure out#cause that's like what. 4 frames if we keep it simple (front left back right). or 8 if we do quarter turns (so many angles..)??#and then there's the drifting closer comic that's in second place in the poll#i have a vague idea of what i want it to look like but i need to sit down and sketch it to actually figure it out#and then at some point i need to figure out what the fck i'm drawing for the tged zine#cause i don't actually know what i'm gonna do yet (but i have until june to think on it i guess)#and. and...#... i think that's everything?#no there's still a lot of other stuff i wanna do but these tags are so long by now..#if you read them all uh good on you i guess?#i gotta go to bed i need to cease thinking-
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I will never understand the fanfic impulse to take characters with thee most coo coo bananas codependent/nuanced/toxic/insane relationship and turn them into love interests #1 and #2 in a generic romance novel. like what is even the point anymore
#i don't just mean 'bad' relationships that they're trying to romanticize or sanitize; this happens all the time with 'good' relationships#with some funk or flavor to them where they sand off all of the things that actually make them interesting and compelling#and you're just left with this bland ball of nothing like they're generic couple no. 4 in a clothing ad#like girl why are you even here then?? what was the appeal for you that made you want to write about these people in the first place???#you've taken all the flavor out???#it always reminds me of that one screenshot someone took of a tag on a succession fic that was like 'logan is a good dad au' and its like#okay well why are we here then? like that changes so much about the characters and the story (and also like the entire point#the show is making about power and abuse) that you might as well write about literally anyone/anything else bc you're sure as shit#not writing about these characters anymore#and like. there's nothing wrong with enjoying bland or formulaic romance i'm not gonna find you and come to your house#but if that's what you're into then why do you even like these people???#to be clear i don't mean 'take them and place them neroses and all into a suburban home to watch them chew the wallpaper and#confuse their neighbors' that's completely different
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#okay no it's not the darkness getting to me there is a real life thing occupying a lot of my brain space#and idk if there's anything to be gained by speaking it out loud into the void but at the moment it's the only thing i Can do#i don't even have to click the 'post' button if i don't want to#but yeah. yesterday got the news that my mom's husband is dying. had a surprise heart attack and he's not gonna make it#just feels super fucking weird#personally i never really liked him at all so it's not like i myself necessarily have to grieve. never was that close with him#but like. oof this is going to be hard for my mom. and i'm super worried about how she's going to survive#but there's nothing to DO about it really. she wanted to have some space to come to terms with this on her own#and she has a strong support network of friends in her city. while i'm on the other side of the country#and don't even know what i could do to help if i was closer to her. i just. like. what can you even do in a situation like this?#just feels weird to Not do anything when i know how huge of an impact this will make for her entire life#she'll probably have to move to a different place too#and there are people there to help her. people with more life experience. people who probably know more about grief than i do#i just. i have no idea how one handles something like this. except for being there for her when asked#do eldest daughters have some sort of universal responsibilities that i'm just not aware of?#it feels kinda horrible how this is constantly circling back to what can *I* do and what must *I* do. how *I* feel#i'd never ever ever make things this much about me in any other setting than my own tumblr blog. in a tag whisper i'm not sure i'll post#but yeah all of this is eating my brain in a very weird way. an odd sort of limbo where it feels like there should be something here#it'd certainly be easier if i had any sort of relationship with the dead person myself. if i had something to grieve myself#now there's just a feeling that something Should be here to feel. and the knowledge of how hard this must be for my mom#ahhhhh idk none of this makes any sense i'm just speaking in circles and everything feels bad#it's bad and horrible and i don't know how to process any of this and i'm stuck in my brain and can't DO anything#there's nothing i can do to help my mom at this exact moment when she wants to be left alone with her thoughts#and i can't do anything else either because all of this feels like a heavy black cloud fogging up my brain#can't concentrate on anything at all today#not fun. not cool#sussitalk
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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goodbye
#rnn.img#proshipapril2024#proship april#teen titans#there was originally gonna be more going on here but I had trouble figuring out how I wanted to tackle this one#also please forgive the comically small blaster. I already had to make it bigger compared to the sketch jdidiejd#the way I draw hands said no giant blaster for you#I think what I'm bothered by is the shading?? but eh. they can't all be winners#also the post editor is losing its mind rn and wants me to be able to italicize tags. lmao#I love the apprentice two-parter so much. tiny me was obsessed#the scene this is based on is up in multiple places but I didn't link it bc there's some really bad strobing in a couple of shots#but also! woo. not posting at 1am this time sjdijddj
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HOW WAS IN THE HEIGHTS!?!?!??!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!
also im back <3
i have so many things to say and i'm not going to say anything now, because i have to collect my thoughts first. let me just say this will be the longest essay you've ever seen.
#i am speechless now#too many emotions at once but i know you all are wondering if i liked it so spoiler here: i loved it more than i thought i would#and i will tell you more in my essay so idk when but honestly i hope i'll be able to write it tomorrow#also i'm so happy you are back cause i missed you <3#(also i'm gonna tag this as my countdown because i want all those posts in one place)#i saved every letter you wrote me*#it won't be long now*
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of âas soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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