#i'm gonna die soon
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I love drawing clouds~
Inspired by @philipsue_art from Instagram
#art#artist#my art#digital painting#digital illustration#digital art#quick sketch#1 hour drawing#castle#clouds#i love drawing clouds#fluffy clouds#amateur artist#noob artist#practice#i'm gonna die soon#artwork
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i actually changed the whole fucking color palette of the drawing oops
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She told me lies to calm me down. I'm fine.
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it's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
inspo credits to "Veil" by @/_K0TTERl_
toga ver
#gonna post the toga ver soon but this already took 4everrr#this actually looks so different on here than on my laptop I'm gonna cry#i love them so much I'll die like actually#bnha#mha#bnha fanart#my hero academia#togachako#toga#togaraka#toga himiko#himiko toga#uraraka ochako#ochako uraraka#uravity#cw blood#my artwork
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AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
#i'm gonna die#I'm totally done for#can't stop screaming#they better reveal the PV soon#ikemen series#ikemen villains#cybird ikemen#jude jazza#ikevil#ikevil jude
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Bobby took a look at Buck and went "my kid now" and Chris took a look at Buck and went "my Buck now" this wee woo show gonna kill me
#edmundo diaz if you don't get your shits together soon and kiss that boy I will do things unspeakable#yes i've started the firefighters show i just got passed the tsunami ep i'm gonna die#911#evan buckley#buddie
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Okay, a while back I saw a bunch of stuff on here of people shipping Alice and Gwen and I was like "eh, that's fine." I could see that, and I wouldn't be mad if that happened, but not my #1 OTP or even favorite ship in the show.
But oh my gosh, episode 23 where Alice comes in about to tease Gwen again and banter and bicker like they do but she sees her CRYING (also Gwen???? Stoic/no emotions Gwen??? Crying????) and immediately stops, makes Gwen coffee, tells her a stupid funny personal story to take her mind off crying, and helps her pick up the broken mug pieces. I'm fucking hyperventilating, they're so cute.
If they get together, I wouldn't be mad :)
#the magnus protocol#tmp#tmagp#tmp 23#tmagp 23#dyhard#alice x gwen#alice dyer x gwen bouchard#alice dyer#gwen bouchard#but i've also seen people guessing on here that alice is gonna die in the season 1 finale which I haven't watched bc I'm super behind#but I sure hope that doesn't happen#She's my favorite character soooo#Alice dyer my beloved <3#And Gwen#my probably soon to be beloved <3
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bf!gaming headcannons!
you decide to have a game night with your dear boyfriend, but you two just end up falling asleep while playing stardew valley...
bf!gaming x gn!reader
author's note: HERE IT IS!!!!! i was bored so i wrote this lol i love him sm he's adorable. judging by my last gaming hcs, you guys liked them! so i decided to do another one cuz why not🤷 anyways i hope you enjoy<3
-you came to his house to stay the night, to have a game night as planned
-he greeted you and already took you to his room
-(he had 2 pcs in his room because one of them was for you to use<3)
-so after chit-chatting a bit, you got into your chairs and turned on the pcs
-and you started with some roblox.
-then you played some minecraft.
-and then decided to end it with stardew valley.
-playing in co-op together.
-"where are you right now, by the way?" gaming asked you suddenly.
-"uhh at ginger island, why?" you replied.
-"are you busy- well- can i come?" he corrected himself.
-"yeah sure, i'll wait for you infront of the volcano." you yawned at the end of the sentence.
-"alright, sleepyhead." but he yawned as well.
-so you two laughed a bit.
-finally, he got to the front of the volcano, seeing you there, he stood next to you
-"so, what did you want?" you asked, looking at his pc for a second.
-"i brought you something!" he exclaimed and...
-boop!
-you had the wedding ring in your inventory!
-"aww... gaming..." you smiled at him.
-"for you." he smiled widely.
-"thank you..." you chuckled as you rolled your chair next to his and leaned your head on his shoulder.
-"you're welcome..." he said as he kissed the top of your head.
-with that, you yawned again, causing gaming to yawn again too.
-"i could fall asleep right now..." you mumbled against his shoulder.
-"then do, my love, i'll...yawn i'll get you to bed..." he reassured you.
-"alright... goodnight..." you said, closing your eyes and resting fully against his shoulder.
-"goodnight..." he replied.
-but instead of getting you back into bed, he was too sleepy.
-so the both of you ended up falling asleep on the chairs like that, with stardew valley music playing in the background.
-that was sure a good night...
~~~~~
i did it🥳🥳
feeling too depressed atm so idk what to do next😞 BUT I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE DOING GOOD‼️
i'll see but anyways thanks for reading<3
#genshin#genshin impact#genshin headcanons#genshin imagines#genshin impact headcanons#genshin fluff#gaming genshin#genshin gaming#genshin impact gaming#gaming genshin impact#gaming x reader#gaming#gaming x gender neutral reader#gaming x gn reader#gaming x you#i feel like i'm gonna die soon but also i know i'm not gonna die idk i don't wanna live#· nyx's genshin hcs *.✧
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the scotty and cthylla car crash chronicles
based on this part in the cradles choreography
it surprised me so much when i played it for the first time i wanted to laugh so badly what is she making him do 😭😭😭
#just dance#just dance fanart#scotty#cthylla#trashcan#i know pedestrians cant be on freeways i just really wanted to make that joke#let me have this#anyways#they're both so adorable. i cant stop drawing them#i love drawing cthylla she's so cute she's just like a kirby character#one eye? kinda creepy? kinda cute? such a kirby thing#can someone ask the ex loremaster abt scotty and cthylla i'm dying to know whats going on here#if this storyline never gets finished im gonna die btw#gotta be patient. the just dance 2025............ it's soon#3rd one is an old drawing btw dayum i dont draw them like that no more
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well that's fucking awesome. all of the damage russians have done to our electric infrastructure can be repaired in one year minimum. IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE TAHN ONE YEAR TO REPAIR ALL OF THE ELECTRIC STATIONS RUSSIANS HIT WITH THEIR MISSILES. AND WE AIN'T EVEN TALKING ABOUT CIVILIAN OR ANY OTHER INFRASTRUCTURE. ONLY ELECTRIC ONE. MORE THAN ONE YEAR. AND WE ARE STILL NOT STRUGGLING ENOUGH IN ONLINE PEOPLE'S OPINION. FUCK OFF
#like look I'm just a guy who fucking wants to relax on my summer break and enjoy the last months of being unemployed and careless#and all I fucking get is “the electricity will soon be out” notification on my phone#LIKE OKAY I FUCKING GET YOU YOU ARE USED TO US FUCKING STRUGGLING AND I MAY BE SEEN BYPER PRIVILEGED FOR COMPLAINING#BUT IT'S SO FUCKING EASY TO JUDGE SOMEONE WHILE YOU FUCKING HAVE EVERYTHING I CAN EVER DREAM OF (basic human needs)#like YES THERE'S AN ONGOING WAR IN MY COUNTRY AND I KNOW IT. BUT WE DIDN'T CHOSE TO LIVE NEXT TO FUCKING RUSSIA#we just want to live safely and have access to the most basic things that many people all around the world take for granted#we want to feel safe on our land#we want to stop fucking worrying that the next building hit by russian missile will actually be ours because no one is safe#and still I fucking see those fuckos online telling me how we “don't act like people who live in a country that goes through a war”#well I guess in that case we should all stop buying food and clothes to be REAL people who are suffering from a war#like you for real?? you gonna fucking make us give up the only sourse of distraction and dopamine we can get?#you fucking judging people for buying stuff because “you shouldn't buy new things#there's an ongoing war in your country“ you fr?? so like what we all shall fucking give up and die??#buying new things often gives people some dopamine which actually helps to stay somehow stable (as sane as it's possible)#or do you want us to be a fucking nut-state? idk some mental-case-state. fuck off#stand with ukraine#russia is a terrorist state
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#david dastmalchian#knights vs samurai#i feel like i'm gonna die i love him so much#congratulations king#i'll read it as soon as i can
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ALMOST DONE WITH MY THESIS!!!
So i haven't been able to write...like at all and I'm experiencing the worst withdrawal symptoms.
Anywaysssss... Hope i get through this... Cy'all on my next post ig...
#update#school#thesis#school work#pain#I dont wanna continue this thesis#I'm gonna die soon#ooga bogga
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gayboys in the apocalypse whatever will they do!! rudy (top) belongs to me and luca (bottom) belongs to @mojaves :]
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree;
@jacobseed, @swordcoasts
#7 days to die#art#art:rudy#art for others#nuclearocs#nuclearart#background painted from photo reference by yours truly as well ^_^#ok so listen. 7 days to die is one hell of a choice to make ocs for but hear me out. i got 600+ hours in that game and dragged red with me#it's finally releasing officially soon as well btw!! leaving alpha after a decade#red and i are busy building a big maze for zombies that keep spawning within the walls of our blood moon base#so naturally we decided to project that onto some guys from our brains. rudy has existed for longer already but i'm reworking him#anyway hi :] i'm gonna try and draw more ocs from my roster rather than just the same 4 guys over and over again#so if that's not what you're here for feel free to opt out of the taglist that's totally fine!!#and on the other side of things if there's a specific oc of mine you'd like to see drawn at some point do let me know ^_^
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my thing about izaya is that he's so strange and weird and i love that so much. i didn't want to ramble too much in the notes of that poor person's post but i find the way he speaks and the words he chooses so interesting so let me ramble a little bit. this may or may not even be coherent so bear with me here im just going to speak my thoughts.
ok this got really fucking long and all over the 0place so im putting this under a read more sorry.
so i have volume 9 of the novel in both english and japanese. i only have two novels in japanese and that is this one and yuuyake wo. so i'm pretty crazy about this izaya speech analysis shit. anyways i was rereading thru the jp ver the other day just to compare it to the eng and i kinda realized that like.
a lot of people you can separate their speech in either formal and informal speech right? someone like shizuo speaks really informally and uses a lot of rough, dragged-out versions of words and stuff (しゃーねえ vs しょうがない) and then someone like shinra who speaks in a ton of yojijukugo and generally sounds like a nerd emoji gijinka.
izaya on the other hand rly... doesn't fit in either? i mean sure he sounds like another nerd emoji gijinka but it's kinda different. it's not so much the words he speaks but rather the intonation and his tone...
and he has his moments where he speaks pretty seriously and whatnot of course, but in general he just... doesn't sound very human when he speaks? i don't know if that's a conscious effort or not. is it his attempts at distancing himself from his own individual humanity? or is it just because he's a weird guy? i dunno. but it's interesting nonetheless.
one thing i will note though is that despite his somewhat inhuman speech patterns, it's also pretty...dramatic? to the extent where it's really exaggerated but also very cute and charming. (this part is important.)
i think a lot of what makes izaya's speech so weirdly inhuman is because he doesn't really use a lot of slang or similar lingo that people his age would typically use. i know mikado said in the novels that he doesn't really try to fit in with his age group's fashion sense either so it makes sense but still. he's like an old hag it's so funny. and it's because of that that when he says stuff like 'i don't get all hot and heavy over headless women' or whatever he said to celty it's really amusing to me because like... why is the strange man saying this?💀
another example i kinda giggled about on my twitter when i read it it's not even crazy and i sound corny and cheesy and stupid but theres this scene in vol 9 where izaya messages celty for business and hold on let me just put it as a quote.
he sounds so old saying 'video game' like 😭 idk it's just funny cause he barely even knows anything abt games like bro knows nothing im crying
in the jp hes like 「…ゲーム中なのかい?」 and then when celty tries to explain herself he says 「何を言ってるのか、良く解らないんだけど」 and im rly bad at tling parts of sentences and stuff but just know that the way he words it makes it sound like this gif to me
i love both versions i think the original jp makes him sound like hes so lost and confused (hence why pw gif cause lord that man always looks lost LMFAOOOO) and then eng tl just blunt ass "I don't know what you're talking about." makes him sound like full on hag 😭😭😭
OMFG WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THIS FUCKING SCENE WITH SHINRA ITS SO FUNNY.
first i think it's funny the translation has izaya say fuck here cause he very rarely swears and i did read this one thing about how he only swears when his mask slips so to me this is like genuine bewilderment that he cant even hide LOL. second why is he so excited to hear about 'whatever sexual fetish' shinra has im crying he's so damn nosy . okay but this is not the funniest part let me add that now.
???
ehy the hell is izaya orihara talking about foot fetishes???😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im crying bruh i was so flabbergasted when i read this i was like WHAT did he just say? he says it in the jp ver too which just makes it even funnier. this goes back to what i said earlier but i always get so amused when izaya has something to say about sex or whatever cause he's so fucking weird and unsettling why does he know that
(i mean i also get so hard i nearly pass out thinking about izaya tlaking about sex but thats probably just a thing with my heart condition and stuff)
oh also another scene i think is really cute and amusing and funny is back when shinra was first still trying to get izaya to form the bio club w him.
1. shinra is funny as fuck in this scene but also izaya's "Hmm. Can I punch you?" made me havbe a good laugh. in the jp he says 「んー。殴ってもいいのかな?」 which is pretty much the same thing just with the intonation of like 'hmmmmmmmmm should i hit u or not...' sorry like i said im just bad w explaining this stuff. but i felt the need to point it out not cause im one of those annoying ppl who praise the original jp ver and reject translations and localizations i just think it's important for izaya specifically cause i love him and i want to analyze his speech patterns as best as i can.
i was going thru the novel just now for other stuff i wanted to mention and i forgot abt this part but it's so funny.
'Let's not get hasty. Type calmly, please.' its not even funny or nothing i just find it so amusinf whenever he talks like that💀 i will say though the english translation kind of makes him sound more weird and inhuman than the original. that line in the original was basically just him telling her she needs to calm down enough to at least type properly LOL. idk if im just being nitpicky cause this is izaya tho so feel free to ignore that. fwiw i like the eng tl bc while it's a different intonation than the original japanese ver i think if he did speak english it would probably sound smth like that anyways.
this too made me laugh like ??? seriously he is really nosy when it comes to people's intimate affairs. in the jp ver he calls them an 'intimate couple' which just is like .. ok bro💀
does anyone else see my vision of izaya getting cucked by celty (does it count as cucking when celtys the one dating shinra) while he looks sad and pathetic and miserable that he never decided to shoot his shot w shinra back in the day
if i were commenting on the actual stuff going on in this scene rn this post would be a lot olonger and even more terribly all over the place so im just gonna focus on how i think it's funny izaya says 'easy, man...' this is like one of the only times his words are somewhat natural and sound like smth you would hear someone else say. in the jp ver it's 「おいおい…」 which is somewhat less out of left field in terms of coming from izaya but still it's pretty surprisingly normal. i have to wonder if in that moment he's too worried about shinra to care about keeping up appearances.
this is just random and me making fun of izaya as usual but why the hell does he weigh himself after his showers💀💀💀 it's cute and endearing and only adds to his strong gap moe but still... it's strange...
speaking of cute things this is from a volume i forget but he says this one phrase a couple of times and it is just both really cute and also kind of idk... saddening. one of the times i can remember he says it is when namie was making fun of him or something and he replies 'Don't tease me. I'm only human.' or something along those lines and it's like . hm. ok.
i think it's cute he says 'dont tease me' a few times cause eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (trying to ward off severe brain damaged incoherent thoughts) but 'im only human' is like... are you really? even after you try so hard to escape your own humanity and individual self so much... im going to try and give my thoughts on it here but this is just based off my hc that izaya has bpd so yanno. im basing a lot oif this on my own experiences sorry. i do that a lot. (gestures over to all the posts i make abt fob/mychem fan izaya)
when it comes to just straight up acknowledging his humanity izaya has no problems with this because 'sure, i'm human. isn't that obvious?' is probably something along the lines of what he thinks. it's easy for him to just say that because it's just that. it's just words. it holds no real meaning and shows no true insight into how he actually perceives himself. but when it comes to actually having to come face to face with his own humanity and the fact that yes, he is only human, it's a lot more difficult because now it's out of his control. i wonder also if he has problems with perceiving his own self.
i say this a lot but i truly do believe izaya is so so so beautiful and i love him so much. also i just saw a funny post on twitter so i wanna say this here idk if yall know this but izayas actually a latina hes got chismosavirus❤ ok thats all i have to say sorry for rambling so much
#my media literacy suddenly skyrockets when it comes to izaya#anything else im like zzzzzzzzzz as soon as its time to talik abt izaya im like I'M UP !!!! 💯💯💯💯#but ya this isnt meant to be like anything crazy or nothing i just felt like talking abt izaya and some stuff in particular i found amusing#sorry if i sound stupid in some spots im trying not to just add 20 skull emojis or crying emojis and make fun of him#it's either that or im trying not to sexualize him#it's a battle. it's prety hard.#theres a REALLY easy joke i could make there but im not going to . im gonna be mature .#ok sorry thats all i dont have enough energy to think anymroe#i started new meds today and my heartds feeling a little funny so imight die after posting this</3#mine
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happy fourth of july to fall out boy fans, sufjan stevens enjoyers, and the city of versailles
#explanation in case anyone needs it. they both have songs called fourth of july and both songs have lines referencing versailles#fall out boy#fob#sufjan stevens#anyway. did you get enough love my little dove why do you cry#and I'm sorry I left but it was for the best though it never felt right my little versailles#and I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it I just got too lonely in between being young and being right you were my versailles at night#if you even care#tell me what did you learn from the tillamook burn or the fourth of july we're all gonna die#it was the fourth of july you and I were fireworks that went off too soon and I miss you in the june gloom too#IF. YOU EVEN CARE
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s3 episode 11 thoughts
dare i say it… new favorite episode?
whatever expectations i had, they were blown away. usually the episode after a two episode arc feels weird and stiff, but this? this hit every box on a checklist i didn’t even know i had.
i’m bouncing off the walls right now. i'm pacing my room and mumbling to myself while gesticulating wildly. i am filled with an energy that caffeine has not ONCE given me. and it's called "your character, that is so near and dear to you, got an episode dedicated just to exploring their inner life and workings and belief system and faith in God and the world". try it if you get a chance.
so let us begin. let me give you my verbatim notes, so you can watch the excitement grow.
oh boy! oh boy oh boy! i am excited! and i know by now to not expect any real continuation from the last episode, but i’m still excited because the last two were so good! and this one is like… good omens? with a kid that can start the end of the world?
wow. never have i thought to myself, how would mulder and scully handle biblical revelations? but here i am. wondering it.
hope the kid is chill. hope he has good vibes. mulder will like him anyway because he’s actually a huge softie but still better if he’s got good vibes.
we open on a sermon. the priest or pastor- depending on the denomination- whatever his title is, he is talking about faith. saying that miracles are real. and now he’s shaking and moaning. is this one of those churches?
OH HE’S BLEEDING from between his knuckles like some sort of blood wolverine. people are looking at him, thinking, what is going on? and this is something i am also wondering. maybe it was fake though…. little capsules in his hands, maybe???
he’s dabbing off his makeup now. as a man enters his dressing room. saying that some people really do believe. but he’s being weird.
and then this guy escalates to murder. and when he touches this pastor he’s burning up??? huh??? a firebender?? in pennsylvania??
THE INTRO WAS DIFFERENT AGAIN THIS TIME. WHY DOES IT CHANGE. i have come to know these beats VERY well!! they are like a heartbeat to me. you cannot simply alter them as you see fit!
scully looking at the body of the dead pastor/priest, talking about how it looks like rope burns around his neck. mulder crouching VERY close by.
HEHEHEHEHE mulder is like “he was bleeding from his hands like the crucifixion” and scully goes “stigmata?” heheheheheeeee i’m blushing
(talking about belief systems is apparently a way to my heart? like c'mon, tell me how you understand the universe and which elements you surrender to knowing that you will never comprehend. you look cute while doing it)
no wounds on the hands, though… so mulder licks the blood. and i froze JUST as scully makes this horrified face... i’m CRYING. yes, it is fake blood, and yes, he has some on his lips and teeth, and yes, its adorable. but what a risky move!
ohhh he was wearing a sugar pump sort of thing! yum yum. couldn't be me, i'd be slurping that.
so mulder has been tracking religious murders related to stigmatics (excellent word!)
scully’s talking about how certain people believe at any given time there are 12 stigmatics in the world. and they represent the 12 apostles. and i’m blushing terribly.
nods solemnly. i am learning a lot about myself through this show.
scully you are so preeeeetty.
okay, cut to elementary school in ohio. kevin is blowing spitballs. his teacher is bullying him into doing math on the board. when all of a sudden, his hands start bleeding!! and we see that he has the holes!!!
he’s in the nurse’s office still when mulder and scully show up. damn how did they get to ohio that fast… OHHH they had put out an FBI alert and maybe this happened more than once. yes, this is exactly what is explained mere moments after i made the initial comment.
so it happened BEFORE, and they assumed it was an incident of abuse, but it wasn’t proven. still, his dad was institutionalized after saying Kevin was chosen by God. okay! things escalated.
scully is talking to the boy. she feels his forehead and says he feels feverish. okay doctor!! and she says he is very brave. queen. smart and kind.
mulder is meeting kevin’s mom. explaining that he might be in danger from a religious fanatic.
oh! the thermometer in his mouth broke. straight up exploded. hope that was fake mercury in there.
they’re going to put kevin back “into the shelter” which i feel like would make him an easier target for a serial killer?? but on the off chance it WAS his mom, it would make him safer. so mixed feelings here.
mom yells at the teacher, teacher says she loves her job, and mulder has this excellent smile. then waves scully out to leave. it was kinda funny to me for some reason, the waving her out. quite domestic.
mulder thinks the kid did the cuts to himself to get his father back. hmm. not buying it. so they go to talk to kevin's dad.
dad claims the forces of darkness have been watching kevin. in the great war between good and evil. he’s really talking to scully and he says they just “come full circle to find the truth”. she says dude idk what that means?? and he says “you will” okay... i’m creeped out a bit!!!
kevin is back at the children’s home. telling a bunch of other kids scary stories. and he seems to be explaining a scary guy who is walking into the building as the storytelling goes on. just as the scary guy enters, all the kids leave. scary guy is looking at the wounds on kevin’s hands!
soon after, mulder is with the group of children who saw the guy. we learn here that mulder is 6 foot 1. which is very funny.
kevin was abducted by the fellow it seems he was describing before his arrival!!! and his mom seems to blame scully. she looks really upset.
they see the drawing that they think does not look like a real person, and kevin’s mom is like it’s owen, who did the yard work.
so it’s owen time. he’s carved noah’s ark and he has kevin. but he says he can’t let him go home. because it isn’t safe. he refers to himself as kevin’s guardian angel. hmm. that makes me suspicious.
owen grabs a shotgun when a car pulls up. but the agents get him to put it down and scully is on a quest to find the little dude. and he was there… but now he isn’t?
so owen says God asked him to protect kevin.
OH ANGRY MULDER IS GONNA QUOTE SCRIPTURE AT YOU!!!!! now give him some DAMN ANSWERS!
owen is like, well YOU believe, don’t you scully, because you have that necklace on. he’s calling her a BAD CHRISTIAN??? the audacity….
then owen gets up and JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW??? and runs away??? somehow??
(mulder jumped down from the porch to chase owen, and his big coat floated around him like a cape... i giggled)
now where did this dude go...?
kevin made it home!!! he’s yelling for his mom. she doesn’t seem to be there, but someone rang the doorbell. and we only see a quick glance but it LOOKS like the killer!!!
who burns off the doorknob with his firebending!!! so yes, it is the og killer from the start of the episode! he comes in and asks for kevin. saying he knows he’s here.
mom, now would be a good time to roll up with a gun.
he picks up a family photo and sees kevin in a picture then checks the closet to see if he’s in there but kevin is in the hamper. and the hamper is bleeding!!! dead giveaway.
but owen rolls up just as the firebender guy opens the hamper, and starts fighting for him!! so kevin is making a break for it!!!
he runs and runs and RUNS INTO MULDER!!!! scully is telling him that he will be okay.
they only find dead owen. no firebender.
and kevin asks scully if she was sent to protect him… she does not seem to know what to say because. do you mean like by the government... or jesus?
autopsy time!!!! she’s talking into the voice recorder like always. it always gives vlog energy. anyway, his body looks very much alive. despite the very much dead thing.
mulder interrupts this. and scully asks him to SMELL the dude. he obliges. with only a smirk!
scully says he smells a bit… floral.
OMG!! OMG I RECOGNIZE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. they talk about it in the brothers karamazov, how a holy body is said to stay intact and even smell good when it ought to be decomposing. so the real question is: is she imagining it?
i mean, she is the body expert. so i’d want to say no. but also, this dude was playing with her head. so it’s hard to say. i'd think she would identify the body correctly no matter what, but a little smell hallucination thanks to the power of suggestion cannot be ruled out in any situation.
AND SHE TALKS ABOUT IT!! apparently it is something you learn in catechism. okay, well i just picked it up from that summer i got through that book, but we all learn somewhere. mulder is like “you’re serious?” and i feel he should be encouraging this open discussion rather than ridiculing it. AND SHE STARTS NAMING SAINTS IT HAPPENED TO!
mulder is saying that those things didn’t really happen, and i’m not taking this from alien man.
mulder has transitioned into listening mode now. OH! SCULLY! she says:
“isn’t a saint or a holy person just another term for someone who’s abnormal?”
“do you really believe that?”
“i… believe in the idea that God’s hand can be witnessed. i believe he can create miracles, yes”
“even if science can’t explain them?”
“maybe that’s just what faith is”
YES! YES I AM CHEERING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN. we were owed a scully-centric episode, and never did i even THINK we would get something so aligned with my interests that we’d start exploring her religious beliefs and how that intertwines with her faith in science and her work. that sounds like something i’d write a fic for because it’s hyper specific to my interests. but no. this is CANON!
mulder is saying that she shouldn’t get swept up in these things (and how ironic that the roles are reversed! it’s exquisite. we’ve found his weak point, he’ll believe in anything but a Christian God)
scully is lost in thought. taking a deep breath. steeling herself.
pause. it’s a scene change. but mulder has a pencil in his teeth. it’s adorable, really. he takes it out to write something.
they pulled prints from owen’s neck!! burned right onto the skin. and they found who did it!! the man i was previously calling the firebender, his real name is simon gates, one of the south’s wealthiest men, arrested 3 years ago on a DUI.
so then he went to israel, and this is how i learned of something called “jerusalem syndrome”, where people come back from the holy land with religious delusions. i have not heard of this before. but it could be a motive. except for the whole burning fingerprints into necks thing. i'm unfamiliar with any sort of place turning you into prince zuko.
okay, so someone saw kevin with his mom the same time he was seen with a social worker??? doubles?? twins??? ghosts??
kevin and his mom are on the side of the road with a broken down car, when who pulls up but SIMON!!
she asks what he wants and he says “i think you know”, then kevin makes a break for it.
now. can an old man outrun a child? children have small legs, but boundless energy.
BUT HE’S RUNNING?? AND ANOTHER KEVIN GETS OUT OF THE CAR??? to talk to his injured mom. then running kevin DISAPPEARED!!! AND MOM HITS THE DUDE WITH A CAR!!!
sadly, it wasn’t out of excellent aim that she hit him, but rather because she had her face smacked into the ground by simon and was concussed or something similar. she drove into a ditch.
NO!!! KEVIN IS SAYING SHE DIED BECAUSE OF HIM. DEATH??? I JUST THOUGHT WE WERE DEALING WITH CONCUSSION HERE?
i guess it can be a quick trip from one to the next. but i'm sad for poor kevin.
scully is near him, telling him she promises she won’t let simon hurt kevin. OH LORD, YOU GOT HER PROMISING THINGS, SMALL CHILD.
he doesn’t want to go back to the shelter. and she says he doesn’t have to. are they going to take this small child for a bit….?
she avoids mulder’s gaze when telling him she wants kevin to come with them, saying she is not getting personally involved, but like mulder is gonna complain having a kid around.
(he actually didn't seem to have his typical instincts kick in today. how curious...)
and turns out simon rented the car under the name of one of the devil’s disciples. yikes!
so creepy simon is watching this go down despite being hit by a car.
back to the motel. scully is running kevin a bath and sees he has a big scratch on his side. from the crash… or?
mulder is fake pouting. “you never draw my bath” JCHDJSBJSND
she’s freaked out because she knows that cut was NOT there before. OH? is it the jesus spear thing??
she is busting out her theological training- he could be in two places at once, like st. ignatius! and mulder is talking about how it was all a metaphor, that bible. mulder, if you are dismissive ONE more time...
OH, I GASPED AT THIS NEXT PART. HOLD ON I NEED TO WRITE THIS DOWN:
“how is it that you’re able to go out on a limb whenever you see a light in the sky, but you’re unwilling to accept the possibility of a miracle, even when it’s right in front of you?”
“i wait for a miracle every day, but what i’ve seen here has only tested my patience, not my faith”
“well, what about what i’ve seen?”
UGH. how PERFECT is that dialogue!!! how brilliant is that exchange!!! why is what she has seen less believable than his x files and aliens and beasts? he spends so long looking to his own stars that he’s forgotten others can form constellations as well. and how often does the narrative favor him, his thoughts running like a prey animal, chasing and chasing any sort of lead. why can’t she have something that cuts her to the quick just as deeply?
sure, science is great, science is the building block of her reality. but you can’t change the way you grew up, either, the pattern recognition, the fear of the divine. and she’s never had trouble balancing the two, we just haven’t had a reason to see them interact before, because she generally compartmentalizes the day to day world and the spiritual- and how many of us can say we do the same? probably most, if we believe in anything at all. but then it comes straight to a head- and after she has been through so much as well, losing her dad, her kidnapping, her coma, losing mulder and her job (which luckily came back), losing her sister forever- is it selfish to want there to be a caring force out in the universe?
but on the flip side, that means that there is real and genuine evil, forces of the devil and hell- unless you think it’s poetry, like mulder does. but wouldn’t that explain all the suffering she’s been through? the horrific things this job has showed her? and wouldn’t it be worth it in the end to go through that all if you know it was to be defeated?
okay i just spend so long typing that up the screen went dark. SORRY SORRY I’M COMING BACK I PROMISE!!! I JUST GET EMOTIONAL.
NOOO! a weird noise was heard, so mulder kicks down the now locked door where kevin was supposed to be taking a bath. AND THE WINDOW WAS MELTED OPEN!! so scully basically comes face to face with the evil that must be real if miracles are as well. oh! i’m eating this up.
but she promised him he would be safe! so this is not looking good!
she wants to go talk to his father again. and mulder doesn’t want to, but she is NOT taking no for an answer.
kevin’s father is not coming up with an answer. the doctors have increased his meds and he’s very foggy.
she asks again about the full circle to find the truth thing. and she runs out, in a daze.
mulder gets a call that there has been a simon spotting, but she doesn’t hear; she’s pointing at a recycling bin, saying that it’s arrows that form a circle. she thinks he’s at a recycling plant; he thinks he’s at the airport.
mulder asks if she thinks she’s the one that was chosen to protect him. and she says she doesn’t know; her voice cracks as she says that if she’s wrong, she’ll meet him at the airport. OH! religious burdens, the divine pressure of fate. he watches her leave, looking troubled.
at the recycling plant- and simon IS there, saying kevin has to die, for everyone, so the new age will come. and his hands are bleeding again. all the others were false.
SCULLY AMBUSH!!! but simon is taking him into a recycling chopper. AND HE DROPS HIM IN!!! we see chopping occur!!! but it was SIMON AND NOT KEVIN THAT WAS CHOPPED!!! kevin caught himself on the ledge!!!! she pulls him up.
he says he knew she’d come, and they hug so so so tight, and she places a kiss on his head when she’s holding him, and i’m gonna cry like a baby
when they’re getting him around to leave, she says that maybe she’ll see him again sometime, and he says that she will.
and scully looks like she’s crying- i don’t think she is, but she puts her head in her hand- mulder comes in and asks if she’s okay. she says she thinks so, and he holds out her jacket to put on. it might have been the most tender thing i have ever seen. he says they need to go make a statement; she asks him to do it alone, she has to go run an errand.
again, she mostly avoids his eyes. but he agrees, and goes to make the statement alone. he doesn't press.
AND SHE GOES TO CONFESSION???? FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS??? she starts talking about not being able to discuss something with mulder. she asks about miracles; if she was seeing things when it comes to saving kevin, or if she was imagining them.
she doubts herself because mulder didn’t believe them!!!!!!!!!!! and usually he believes without question!!!
maybe they weren’t meant for him, maybe they were meant for YOU, he says. and she asks if this was to bring her back; he says “sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth”
and it makes her afraid!!!! that god is speaking but no one is listening!!!!
WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS EPISODE. NO. NO, HOLD ON I’M GONNA LOOK THIS UP.
KIM NEWTON. KIM. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS ME ON THIS PLANET. NO ONE ELSE DOES.
wow okay. i’m going to be pacing my room about this for 100 years. there are going to be think pieces about this, from me, for the foreseeable future. i’m losing my MIND.
i don’t think i could have cooked up a more perfect episode if i had tried. something centered on scully entirely (mulder has had his fair share of attention), something about faith, something where she questions what she holds close and why she holds it close and what it means that she does so at all. what it means for there to be human good and human evil and divine good and divine evil. how god speaks to people and how we listen. or hear things that he didn’t say, like simon did.
holy FUCK i literally could not think of anything better. and i have SO much to say. i already SAID SO MUCH, too. like i’m seriously bouncing off the walls right now. whatever love i had for scully before just quadrupled- and who knew this was even possible??
for things to be reversed, for mulder to try and talk her out of a belief, how bizarre that must have felt to him, and how cold it felt. how he just couldn’t see it, how his not being able to see it drove her to doubt herself, how she must doubt herself already, but that sprung everything to the surface. how she doubts that god would use her. and use her for good.
but still, despite his lack of understanding, despite his trying to get her to think rationally- he is there for her, even if he doesn't get it, even if he could have done better. the way he held her jacket while she processed everything, the way he didn't question her needing time for herself. somethings are best left unspoken.
lord, i’m gonna have to stop there because if i don’t. i just might never shut up ever ever ever. and i still need to proofread all my raw notes, and i’m sure i’ll think of something else to say.
i started this episode AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO LMAOOOO i just had SO much to pause and observe and say which is NOT a complaint in the slightest.
wow. new fave episode i think. i’ll have to add it to the list.
please let me know what you thought- are there any other scully truthers out there who lost their minds over this? did you like the episode? is it disliked and i'm strange for going on such a ramble? did you have trouble reconciling faith scully and science scully? personally i don't, but i could see how some people might. did you find mulder too dismissive? or did you think he was trying his best? some combination of both? did scully protecting that kid make you emotional? please, spill EVERYTHING. i always want you to spill everything, but now so even more than usual.
#so here we are a full two hours since i started the episode and i still have a million things to say#but my laptop is gonna die soon so maybe that's a sign#ugh mulder was so puzzling to me in this episode. he pushed back on her but i think he realized he had overstepped when she said#“what about the things i've seen” i think that put things into perspective for him#i think he realized that this is a two way street when it comes to convictions#and honestly he probably hadn't given any thought into her beliefs before beyond the necklace and the science and the#sort of “it's best not to ask” mentality. he doesn't seem like he chats about personal philosophy. philosophy yes but not personal#i do think he learned a lesson here. not to invalidate her emotions and experiences and upbringing#at least i hope so. it seems like he was trying at the end even if he was confused#and you don't HAVE to get it. you never have to get it. you just have to see that something is important to someone you love#and that is enough to know something is worth respecting#man. i tired myself out with this one but i'm sure i'll think of a million other things to add when i fall asleep#ah well. i can make many posts on one subject!#my day was otherwise pretty unremarkable so good to have something to stand out about it#juni's x files liveblog#3x11#the x files#txf
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