#i'm going to college next year
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I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you’re an adult, right? If what you really want is a ranch internship, then just do it. Live your own life. Why bother to “pitch” it to your dad when you’re already grown?
I mean. You know how it is with parents 😔 I'm only 21 and still live with him so it's like. For the most part I can't just start making moves without at least telling him about them b/c I feel like you can't just approach your dad one day out of the blue like. Well I got an internship in Montana so I'm leaving ✌ bye
#mailbox#/nm btw#+ to be honest. irl I'm so embarrassed of the cow autism/autism in general i guess#that Ive never really brought up the fact that I even *like* cows . let alone would like to pursue that as a career#coming out of nowhere like :) I would like to be a farmer and not an artist . like i've been planning to for the last 20 years#-would admittedly sound really stupid/childish#so ngl I'm not even putting much hope into it.#i would guess when i inevitably bring it up it's going to be like#well. you clearly still need adult supervision so i'm going to pick which college you're going to . and then you'll pick a normal career#or alternatively and possibly more likely. I'll be guilttripped into living with him well into my 40's#and still be a 'freelance artist' for the next 2 decades and nothing will change . yay
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congration
you done it
#collapses to the ground and turns into 32 perfectly cut tomahawk steaks on impact#today was. a lot of things skjdflgjdfgh#i didn't think it was possible to pull your pectoral muscles just. sitting down.#but i guess that's what happens when your college packs you guys like sardines for the ceremony#i'm still not free yet ! ! ! !#i have a major portfolio project to finish (unrelated to degree) ! ! ! !#but the longest leg of the journey is finally complete and will ensure i can at least get my foot in the door now#god though. i'm tired. i've been at this for like 8 years now.#what pursuing a degree part time while working and also dealing with sudden trauma will do to a man#also weird to think that i am just. no longer a student now.#i'll be a student again in like 2 or 4 years when i go back for my next degree but like#damnb. ya boy graduated college.
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if they do senior year brennan should make the bad kids deal with freshmen. a pass-the-torch plus leave-this-place-better-than-we-found-it thing will be cute but more importantly making these specific weirdos babysit will be a hoot
#fhjy#not art#the ones in the team going to college will be staring at a fresh face like wow. I'M gonna be like that in a year#actually. bonus if a freshman party mistake them for plotting some deeper conspiracy and#follow them around being annoying. bonus if that does actually tie back to the main villain somehow#this season we got PC Party But Evil what if next one we get Party But Small And Annoying. thats all thank u#in my heart I believe we can pull off a baby peanut move. cmon team
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love my friends but it's so exhausting having to explain to them over and over i can't even dream of travelling to rio for a weekend because i'm literally going through the thoughest time finacially and that i still have a whole year to finish paying for my phone
#they live with their parents. one of them doesn't even pay for college#i have to pay rent. thankfully i have a scholarship. but i only have myself!#i know i can be overly cautious with money but oh god!!! i don't even know if i'm going to have a job next year#and if i don't have a job i have to come back home like there's not even an option#i'm constantly unstable and stressed over bills :(#i wish i could even dream of travelling#but i don't even let myself wander like that because i know it's just not possible
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trigun college!au where knives doesn't think you're good enough for vash, and hates how close the two of you seem to be getting as your friendship develops. so of course the obvious solution is to fuck you within an inch of your life on a semi-regular basis so that you don't get any ridiculous ideas about trying to date his little brother.
#no one is online and therefore i'm allowed to post this#nai wanted him and vash to go to a better more prestigious school#but vash's heart was set on this one#so he followed (with the obvious intention of convincing him to transfer somewhere more respectable after a semester or two)#you and vash meet at frosh week and have a few classes together#and knives resentfully watches as the years pass and you ingratiate yourself further and further into his brothers life#he waits until you're at a party one night to put his plan into motion#finding you in a dark corner when you FINALLY leave his brothers side for more than a few fleeting moments#and he corners you with his big BIG frame and has every intention of questioning you and YOUR intentions with regards to vash#but you're blinking up at him with slightly intoxicated doe eyes that make him uncharacteristically hesitate#next thing you know he's dragging you into some random room at the stupid house party he never even wanted to attend in the first place#and the rest they say.... is history#(plot twist your friendship with vash is completely platonic and you've had a crush on nai all along anyway)#trigun college!au
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I am still unclear if this is appropriate timing or if we good or not lol
#lead of the project just threw on the discord a big speech starting with “I'm sure you all heard the news by now''#but like bro no we did not it is in fact a holiday even :|#my instinct when I opened it was to copy and paste it elsewhere because I could feel it was about to get deleted and it did. of course I'm#not showing it to anyone but if my coworkers didn't catch it I'll have to raise an eyebrow monday and ask about it#I did get a feeling during the last meeting when he mentioned not having done the documentation yet for the next thing we were making#I was like hm... that should probably be done by now but still caught me off guard ugh#if I actually go back to no income I'm gonna have to stay in shit college conditions and my end of year plans are gonna change :/#oh well life of a contractor
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I keep drinking coffee thinking it's gonna make me Productive and then instead of doing the work I actually have to do I just compulsively make spreadsheets :(
#my homework is. not done#but!!! i just realized if i take 2 spanish classes i can have a russian/spanish major instead of just russian#(it's complicated but this would leave me with: double major languages and history with a joint major in asian middle east studies)#(plus a minor in religious studies and concentration in islamicate studies)#first i gotta: relearn spanish for like the third time#but it's ok i'm hopping thru spain in less than a month so i should proooobably do that anyway#man when i was touring colleges my mom was like really dismissive about the idea of double majoring and now i'm here like#How Many Things Can I Stack Up To Get Big Number On Transcript#aaaaaaaand because of ames requirements i did the dumb thing and ended up learning persian while my spanish is still kinda iffy#итак совершилося то что я пытался предотвратить as they say#so i'm just gonna have to study two languages at once next semester... or just keep going thru the cycle of relearning them abt every year#my russian is a big girl it can survive on its own but i now gotta feed the babiessssss#tho ig what this kinda cyclically learning and forgetting spanish has taught me is like#languages are less like babies and more like those lil desert plants that wither up when they don't have any water#they might look dead but they're nearly impossible to kill completely#and will bounce right back after a lil care n patience. i just gotta like.... water em#the one thing standing in my way is ideological opposition to my spanish textbook#i have to pay $200 for access to a *website*#*i don't even get a book just a shitass ebook*#but it's ok one of the spanish profs likes me i think? i think she would let me skip the intro lit class#only problem is it was Genuinely Hard for me to follow along when i audited advanced lit... 90% of the class was heritage speakers#tho ig like. having taken a class meant for native russian speakers should help w learning to survive that kinda thing#genuinely i think i can do it#just gotta make that my goal. study. do it for zapata#and if i wanna go into translating... having good spanish should help right? like if i finally get b2 spanish?#yeah. if i could do kazakh history for native russian speakers i can do spanish lit for heritage spanish speakers. it's equivalent enough#but ok i'm gonna visit my buddy in spain who did nearly the exact same shitass majors combination as me#tho i think he did spanish/arabic for his language major and just Happens To Also Be Fluent In Russian cuz he's Like That#it's ok he's two years older than me i have two years to become that cool#he can tell me what to do
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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i have too much ambition and yet not enough passion i think
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#like where am i going... where will i end...#it's been a weird 2 years since i graduated college that's not even that long of a period of time#yet it feels like forever#i need to care about something again ☹️#hopefully from now until the end of next summer i can feel like I'm working towards something concrete#and i need to do so much more for myself
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listening to ASMR again, WHY DO THEY KEEP KILLING OFF MY FAMILY??? WHAT DID THEY DO?? THEY COULD BE ALIVE? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT YOU JUST KILLED THEM OFF FOR FUN???
#radioislisteningtoasmragain#also sidenote getting REALLY into hero villain dynamics and I'm literally about to break out my villain oc and put her in a story here#i swear once I get over my weird social anxiety thingy I will BE UNSTOPPABLE#I WANNA BE ONE OF THOSE WRITERS WITH THE COOL OCS THAT PEOPLE LIKE RAAAAA AAA AA A A A A A A A A A A A A A A#SOMEDAY MY TUMBLR WRITING PIPE DREAMS WILL COME TRUE hopefully I gotta get my shit together soon because apparently I'M GOING TO COLLEGE???#the fact that I'm likely going to be a BUSINESS MAJOR SICKENS ME no offense to business majors but I have not heard good things#I'm taking my GED this year and then college next year i think but uh I'm shit at studying#I genuinely think something's wrong with me because WHY CAN'T I STUDY LIKE A FUCKING NORMAL PERSON#and I can't even ask for help because I SHOULD KNOW THIS BUT I DON'T#I'm smart I know I'm smart I just can't BE smart school wise anyways#aAA A A A A A A anyways enough with the tag rambling back to cleaning my room because it's starting to look like an episode of hoarders#and I need to snip that hoarder mindset in the BUD because its not healthy#I'm gonna take a nap after this
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am i going to be okay
#i. don't know.#things get worse every day#the next 4 years were always going to be crucial for me#going into them with the constant threat of parents AND the government is. terrifying#i don't have a tangible support system. i'm all alone.#i'm scared i won't be able to escape. and that i'll be trapped like this forever.#pigeon coos#delete later#just getting away from these people is going to be difficult enough as it is#but with the way things are going it looks like i won't be able to start hrt or get my name changed safely or any of that#not for the next 4 years. maybe not for a long while after.#my sanity and life entirely depend on being able to transition in college#ive been stretched thin pretending to be a cis girl for all this time#the prospect of having to keep up this facade pains me#so much#the dysphoria physically hurts
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feels good to figure out the trajectory of my life
#anyway i'm looking into enrolling in secretary school next year#technically the course is ''administrative assistant'' but that's just a fancy way of saying ''secretary''#only 1000 total for a 12-month course in an area i can see myself thriving in?? why did everyone pressure me to go to college???#also i set up a birth control prescription but that's tmi#point is. it feels good to take control of my future.#now if only getting a legal name change weren't such a hassle UGH
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number of outfit items i am (currently) emotionally attached to and am (currently) extremely aware of the previous existence of, which have since mysteriously vanished (so far): 3
#thoughts from hel#one top and two hair accessory#where ARE THEYyyyyyy if i never find that top again i guess it got eaten by the fucking wash at college :(#the hair stuff i'm kinda really confused by bc i'm pretty sure i explicitly left them at home but they are Nowhere to be Found#i also don't know where another pin went but i don't care as much about that#my mom asking me where my long sleeved shirt went after daycare when i was like 7 or so years old and me going man idk#and her getting very sad about it and being continuously sad about it for the next 15 years sticks out in my mind#but besides that#i'm ngl i do usually find things (or maybe i don't and i just forget about them)#but i Feel like i do. exceptions made for group socks those don't count#group socks are picked off by the cosmos in a routine offering but results in minimal effect on my lift#life*
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📖
📖: If you had to remove one book from the series, which would you choose?
ive talked about this before but Unraveled.
it's such an obvious cash grab, if you're writing a long series you cannot switch POV ten books in and write a .5 book that's not how it's supposed to work. its bad writing. she's obviously stretching out the series to make money, it feels like it's gonna be a plotless book with maybe one or two plot points that really don't need to be in a separate book. I genuinely feel like she's actually gone down in the target age. because originally while said 8 to 12, the first book had children being kidnapped and tortured and addressed grief and adoption in like a genuine heartfelt way. it felt more like a book for 12-14yos. with what being posted about unraveled it really feels like a book for middle schoolers which I understand is the official target age of the series but it wasn't always like that, a good children's book can be enjoyed by adults, and kotlc is no longer like that.
on top of that the series has been going down in quality since nightfall. she had a chance to save it with Stellarlune, because everyone was cutting her slack for having babies. but it just got worse. The thing is she's a genuinely good writer you can see that in the first four books which is why I'm so disappointed in where the series is going.
#I really would rather her take three years to write the next book#instead of just pumping out books every single year#you know?#I need you to understand I genuinely enjoy kids media#so this isn't just like a I'm a college student now and I'm not in the target age#i was watching a peter rabbit show for 5yos at 12 because i enjoyed it#I was watching Wild Kratts at 14#Target ages don't matter to me#it's the quality of the media#and keeper has been going down in quality#it will always have a special place in my heart but I will not be buying the next book#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#thanks for the ask!
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meeting w the transfer admin went well!
#day was off to a not perfect start w getting locked out lmfao#but it's been good from there#got a lot of questions/concerns answered and some good recommendations for paths forward#he's going to make me some official sort of like... plans for pathways with the bshs/bshp programs based on things we chatted abt#(that will hopefully reduce my time needing to be full time @ the campus to potentially just 2 years)#I'm gonna probably ask some more questions and maybe specifically ask the programs i'm interested in about advice for me getting accepted#I think i might apply to a community college by the end of spring and start taking some courses over the summer and see how things go#i need a lot of chemistry and physics and health terminology classes so#will be good to come in with that foundation of the reqs#I might do some campus tours this spring as well lmfao. get the whole rundown#esp since the campus is an hour drive from where i (currently) live so it'd be a bit of a jaunt#ahhh somehow i feel less nervous!!#the guy seemed pretty like... confident that I should be an okay fit even from such an unrelated field#obv dependent on how the prereqs go because it's a really rigorous course load and clinical load#but if i can get those prereqs finished all of my prior degree credits should transfer and basically cover all of my gen ed/liberal ed#so i'll really only need the last 2yrs of courses#yippee wahoo yay#this is all just super dependent on how those prereq classes go and whether i have enough of an aptitude in them to not only pass#but pass with high grades and not struggle too much comprehending the material#but hey one baby step closer :)#also like damn they structure their courses really well#they let people usually re-take quizzes because their focus is on students actually learning the material#not just the 'pass fail' bar for entrance into degrees that most unis use the courses for#personal stuff#i need to get some uhhhhh nicer looking business casual clothes asap#cause i only have like. flannels. funky button ups. black shirts.#and i only have jeans...#hahah oops....#i'm excited idk. what i do next is still pretty open but it feels good to narrow down at least an option or two that feel like. feasible#my heart still like
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UGH I'm about to fill out one of these college forms and just get to the point whete I graduate early 🤞🏽
#theyve been sending these shits to my house since first grade GO AWAY#everytime i remembered I'm actually a certified gifted kid i die a little inside#but then again haha HAHA i have a bunch of colleges i can go to and i could graduate next year#haha im intelligent 🫵🏽#im just burnt out 😔#which is why conan gray is my spirit animal hes for all the burnt out gifted kids‚ ive heard
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