#i'm going to college next year
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congration
you done it
#collapses to the ground and turns into 32 perfectly cut tomahawk steaks on impact#today was. a lot of things skjdflgjdfgh#i didn't think it was possible to pull your pectoral muscles just. sitting down.#but i guess that's what happens when your college packs you guys like sardines for the ceremony#i'm still not free yet ! ! ! !#i have a major portfolio project to finish (unrelated to degree) ! ! ! !#but the longest leg of the journey is finally complete and will ensure i can at least get my foot in the door now#god though. i'm tired. i've been at this for like 8 years now.#what pursuing a degree part time while working and also dealing with sudden trauma will do to a man#also weird to think that i am just. no longer a student now.#i'll be a student again in like 2 or 4 years when i go back for my next degree but like#damnb. ya boy graduated college.
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if they do senior year brennan should make the bad kids deal with freshmen. a pass-the-torch plus leave-this-place-better-than-we-found-it thing will be cute but more importantly making these specific weirdos babysit will be a hoot
#fhjy#not art#the ones in the team going to college will be staring at a fresh face like wow. I'M gonna be like that in a year#actually. bonus if a freshman party mistake them for plotting some deeper conspiracy and#follow them around being annoying. bonus if that does actually tie back to the main villain somehow#this season we got PC Party But Evil what if next one we get Party But Small And Annoying. thats all thank u#in my heart I believe we can pull off a baby peanut move. cmon team
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trigun college!au where knives doesn't think you're good enough for vash, and hates how close the two of you seem to be getting as your friendship develops. so of course the obvious solution is to fuck you within an inch of your life on a semi-regular basis so that you don't get any ridiculous ideas about trying to date his little brother.
#no one is online and therefore i'm allowed to post this#nai wanted him and vash to go to a better more prestigious school#but vash's heart was set on this one#so he followed (with the obvious intention of convincing him to transfer somewhere more respectable after a semester or two)#you and vash meet at frosh week and have a few classes together#and knives resentfully watches as the years pass and you ingratiate yourself further and further into his brothers life#he waits until you're at a party one night to put his plan into motion#finding you in a dark corner when you FINALLY leave his brothers side for more than a few fleeting moments#and he corners you with his big BIG frame and has every intention of questioning you and YOUR intentions with regards to vash#but you're blinking up at him with slightly intoxicated doe eyes that make him uncharacteristically hesitate#next thing you know he's dragging you into some random room at the stupid house party he never even wanted to attend in the first place#and the rest they say.... is history#(plot twist your friendship with vash is completely platonic and you've had a crush on nai all along anyway)#trigun college!au
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listening to ASMR again, WHY DO THEY KEEP KILLING OFF MY FAMILY??? WHAT DID THEY DO?? THEY COULD BE ALIVE? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT YOU JUST KILLED THEM OFF FOR FUN???
#radioislisteningtoasmragain#also sidenote getting REALLY into hero villain dynamics and I'm literally about to break out my villain oc and put her in a story here#i swear once I get over my weird social anxiety thingy I will BE UNSTOPPABLE#I WANNA BE ONE OF THOSE WRITERS WITH THE COOL OCS THAT PEOPLE LIKE RAAAAA AAA AA A A A A A A A A A A A A A A#SOMEDAY MY TUMBLR WRITING PIPE DREAMS WILL COME TRUE hopefully I gotta get my shit together soon because apparently I'M GOING TO COLLEGE???#the fact that I'm likely going to be a BUSINESS MAJOR SICKENS ME no offense to business majors but I have not heard good things#I'm taking my GED this year and then college next year i think but uh I'm shit at studying#I genuinely think something's wrong with me because WHY CAN'T I STUDY LIKE A FUCKING NORMAL PERSON#and I can't even ask for help because I SHOULD KNOW THIS BUT I DON'T#I'm smart I know I'm smart I just can't BE smart school wise anyways#aAA A A A A A A anyways enough with the tag rambling back to cleaning my room because it's starting to look like an episode of hoarders#and I need to snip that hoarder mindset in the BUD because its not healthy#I'm gonna take a nap after this
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feels good to figure out the trajectory of my life
#anyway i'm looking into enrolling in secretary school next year#technically the course is ''administrative assistant'' but that's just a fancy way of saying ''secretary''#only 1000 total for a 12-month course in an area i can see myself thriving in?? why did everyone pressure me to go to college???#also i set up a birth control prescription but that's tmi#point is. it feels good to take control of my future.#now if only getting a legal name change weren't such a hassle UGH
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📖
📖: If you had to remove one book from the series, which would you choose?
ive talked about this before but Unraveled.
it's such an obvious cash grab, if you're writing a long series you cannot switch POV ten books in and write a .5 book that's not how it's supposed to work. its bad writing. she's obviously stretching out the series to make money, it feels like it's gonna be a plotless book with maybe one or two plot points that really don't need to be in a separate book. I genuinely feel like she's actually gone down in the target age. because originally while said 8 to 12, the first book had children being kidnapped and tortured and addressed grief and adoption in like a genuine heartfelt way. it felt more like a book for 12-14yos. with what being posted about unraveled it really feels like a book for middle schoolers which I understand is the official target age of the series but it wasn't always like that, a good children's book can be enjoyed by adults, and kotlc is no longer like that.
on top of that the series has been going down in quality since nightfall. she had a chance to save it with Stellarlune, because everyone was cutting her slack for having babies. but it just got worse. The thing is she's a genuinely good writer you can see that in the first four books which is why I'm so disappointed in where the series is going.
#I really would rather her take three years to write the next book#instead of just pumping out books every single year#you know?#I need you to understand I genuinely enjoy kids media#so this isn't just like a I'm a college student now and I'm not in the target age#i was watching a peter rabbit show for 5yos at 12 because i enjoyed it#I was watching Wild Kratts at 14#Target ages don't matter to me#it's the quality of the media#and keeper has been going down in quality#it will always have a special place in my heart but I will not be buying the next book#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#thanks for the ask!
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UGH I'm about to fill out one of these college forms and just get to the point whete I graduate early 🤞🏽
#theyve been sending these shits to my house since first grade GO AWAY#everytime i remembered I'm actually a certified gifted kid i die a little inside#but then again haha HAHA i have a bunch of colleges i can go to and i could graduate next year#haha im intelligent 🫵🏽#im just burnt out 😔#which is why conan gray is my spirit animal hes for all the burnt out gifted kids‚ ive heard
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nooooooo i have work tomorrow cries and cries and cries and cries and cries forever
#teeth.txt#i over extended myself last week and have been feeling like a horrible beaft ever since#my bf has been very kind and patient as i refuse to leave the apartment or use any coping skills#i did both of those things today but it took some work lol#anyways i think probably going out an doing something all day even if it is working#probably good for me right now#oh god i haven't made egg salad for my lunches#ok dragging myself out of bed to do that in a few minutes i guess#anyways i kind of hate my job but it does pay me a cool $19 an hour which is nice#scared a little bit of getting stuck there forever but also i'm thinking abt going to trade school next year so u know. probably i will not#ugh graduating college kind of sucks. wdym everything is different now? wdym i have to think about my future?#anyways. just trying to save money rn i guess. i have more in my savings than i ever have before which is kind of nice#ugh also i have to think abt transition related things -_- that's soooo complicated and lame
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genuinely genuinely i have been like Thinking and reflecting on this a lot today i have mutuals who i have seen through major life events graduations and promotions and cross country moves and whatever and i think it's so beautiful how even though none of us really talk to each other directly we get to share our stories with each other that's what this is all about i think. just experiencing life with one another on the internet i get to learn so much from you all and i hope you from me as well
#pers#it's just weird because there are mutuals i met like in middle school and next year i'm graduating college. like some ppl on here know more#about me than my like irl closest friends. you all probably know more about me than the People i live with#i think about my mutuals when i'm not online sometimes i'll see something n go ohh xyz would like this. you know this site has impacted my#day to day life a lot and i think it's sweet. like looking in someone's window on the way home
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strong contender for one of the better Marcille panels in this penultimate chapter. literally what am I going to do without my monthly dose of cute Marcilles.
#my posts#dungeon meshi#I'm going insane I can't believe there's one one more left after this#like I love a series that knows when to end and I certainly wouldn't want it to go on any longer than the story requires#but damn dude I have been reading this since like late-ish 2014 I think#that was 8 years ago... I'd just barely moved several states away to go to college. the time. jesus#will absolutely hop on board for whatever Ryoko Kui decides to do next though
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you know the stress and anxiety is stress and anxiety-ing when, in a desperate effort to make you feel at least somewhat in control of your life, you wind up making a google calendar for next week that literally has zero free time in between because the only way you can calm down is if you have literally barely any time to tie your shoelaces
#caroline talks#anyways. did i really just snap and go 'STRUCTURE. I NEED STRUCTURE. I NEED TO CONTROL SOMETHING.'#and then block out my entire calendar for next week that's just 'YOU WILL STUDY X DURING THESE HOURS AND Y DURING THESE HOURS.'#yes. i did.#for better or for worse i've decided to channel somewhat insane high school caroline. and also somewhat insane freshman/senior year college#caroline. which is to say. very insane.#tired of joking 'haha. 18-22 year old caroline would probably beat my ass in two seconds.'#going to make it a reality. summoning the old gods again or whatever#(the old god being a very angry very determined very insane young woman who studied like her life depended on it)#(and maybe that is the case right now. IT'S FINE. I'M FINE--)
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Today is my birthday, so happy 15th birthday to me(I'm posting this on Oct.03), the crazy fan obsessed with MCR who hides a photo of Gerard under the pillow and kisses it at night (this is a joke don't hit me hahaha) I had a lot of lessons (two double Russian lessons is fucking crazy) so I'm just going to relax and listen to My Chemical Romance
#fuck my arm fell off aaaaaah why do they give us so much homework#I'm already teen and I'm going to college next year but I still feel like an irresponsible little bitch#shitpost#happy birthday to me
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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I've just been very happy these past few weeks. I'm really excited I guess 😅
#for no reason in particular#my mentor is treating me to coffee this week to celebrate#and i get to be a guinea pig to test if experiment runs smoothly#my other mentor has been helping me with grad school applications and it has just made things a lot more real to me#i will be going to grad school! i am being sponsored to do that!#neither of my parents even went to college#i'm going to be spending these next few days at my partner's place and we will binge dramas#idk. usually i'm so down this time of year#now it seems things are very hopeful#this blog is my personal journal sorry if you read all of this
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"Of course at some point, you can't plan yourself out of everything. I say it myself in the fic. You can do everything right and still have something happen. But...that applies in every aspect of life. The only things we can do on our end is be careful and mitigate the risk." Quote: You.
Take the Norway trip 😊
How dare you quote my own words back to me to make a point sksskfjkfjg
You're right of course. Or....I'm right???
Really, I need to get the wifi situation fixed again so I can use my laptop to do some proper research. I lose my mind a little just using my phone—it's harder to do comparisons and stuff. Then I'll feel a little more settled on a course of action and budget.
The other unmentioned thing is that I've been mentally planning it as a solo trip. Partly because I highly doubt I can get any of my friends to go. (I have other future trips in mind I would like to gently persuade them to join me on that I think they'd prefer, such as Japan.) My mom would go, she'd love to go, but also...I love my mother dearly but I am in my early 20s and weary of her coming along with me everywhere. I am more than experienced and independent enough to go by myself. It's my money, my time, my idea.
I'm trying to get more confidence doing things by myself. Like going to a concert alone if none of my friends like the music. Like solo traveling. I also want to convince my family that I'm not gonna inherently get kidnapped off the street if I dare to go somewhere alone as a skinny 5'1 woman you know??? I know how to be careful but there is a line between that, and depriving yourself of potential life experiences. Also I need to do something soon lest I one day just breakdown and start screaming "I'M AN ADULT!!" which is, you know, not something that screams "adult" lmao
Ahem. Anyway. Norway. Arctic circle. Northern lights. Reindeer. Fjords. Snow. Did you know when I re-downloaded Duolingo last year, it was still on a Norwegian lesson I was taking in 2015? I did not retain anything.
#somehow this rambling turned into resentment about independence lmao#this is what happens when you were NOT at all a rebellious teen and also lost all your college years to the pandemic#you start to get this simmering feeling of resentment of being sheltered#it's also like....the next closest person in the world to who i am IS my mom#i'm like a mini me of her. a copy#we have extremely similar taste in most things. books tv music interets travel etc#and my dad...? not so much.#so there's all these things i know she'd love but my dad's not gonna take her and if she doesnt go with me? she won't get to do it#which unfortunately makes me guilty about planning something like this as a solo thing#because her grandma was norwegian and she's always wanted to see the nothern lights. and me? i don't want her to go....#i tried to heavily encourage her to go visit england with my aunt and without me. like no please travel without me!#have fun without me! maybe see if your other friend who goes to italy all the time will let you tag along!#Wow.#we've deviated hard from 'i'm worried about norway being cold and slipping on ice' lmao#quara asks
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"Ah man, my dad's dead" me, just now remembering that my father is in fact, actually dead and has been for almost 3 years
#i was thinking about his family and talking to them about him and it just hit me that hes gone#that i don't get to talk to him ever again#that he won't get to watch my little brother get married next year. or even meet his fiancée#he won't meet my children that i want to have#he missed his first great nephew being born#he missed meeting my first boyfriend. and my first heartbreak when i found out he was married and lied to me the whole time#he's the reason i had a mental breakdown and can no longer leave my house without having a panic attack#his genetics are why i have such deep depressions and go days at a time without sleeping because I'm manic#from my height to my gray hair to the shape of my face are all his#the autism and the bipolar disorder and even the pcos and insulin resistance. all from him#that my siblings and i are closer than anyone else and would do anything for each other is because he taught us to be#that i never got my college degree and now live in abject poverty are also partially his fault#since he died I've been angry and bitter about him. but also full of grief and i want nothing more than to see him again#i still don't know how to live with him gone. my world shattered and fell apart the day he died. what am i supposed to do?#how to i go on without him? how do i deal with his sisters without him. how do i deal with my mother without him? how?#this got a lot sadder than i anticipated it was supposed to be a funny post and the grief overtook me#i started crying and im laying down so now there are tears in my ears and i can't hear#fuck#dead dad club
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