#i'm going through my inbox in case you haven't noticed

[thesovereignsring-if]

Major Update: To move forward is to take a step back.

Hello everyone, it's been a while. I hope you're all doing well. I'd ask that you read this to the end because some major changes will be in the upcoming update.

TLDR: You will need to start a new save file for new update (this weekend) otherwise there will be very noticable issues down the line.

I can't recall the last time I made a post or an update like this and frankly i'm scared to check . I've been struggling with writers block with the end of Chapter 1 and my small bouts of depression did not help one bit, so I had to take a step back and re-examine the narrative. If you ask me what the problem was, i'd say that perhaps I rushed too quickly into the main story, when I needed a little more foundation to stand on. After a few months of deliberation, a solution has been found. And I think everyone will like it. There will be no major rewrite of any sort, I think I would cry if that were the case.

Instead we going going to have a second prologue. This means that Chapter 1 will be inaccessible until the second prologue is complete. I'm very sorry that things have to be this way, but I do no see any other option for the story to continue forward in a satisfying way.

The second prologue will take place a few months after the first prologue during the Grand Festival of Eostre. This will be the first year you'll celebrate without your mother, at the very least you will have your friends and family with you at the time.

What to expect in the first half of Prologue 2:

Up to 13k words of new content.

Spend some time with your family.

Looooreeee & tea.

Meet Lior the Grand Cardinal of the Church of Eostre. The leading religion in Nibelheim.

Choose how to spend your free time at the festival in 2/4 possible routes. Route A: Alberich & Finny, Route B: Sieghardt & Thea.

(The last two routes will be added in the next update: Route C: Lynnette, Erik & Daria/Darius, and Route D: The Empress, King Lugh & Duchess Neaera)

Erik has a younger bastard half-sibling named Daria(f)/Darius(m). ( I will address them as Dara for short.) The final romantic interest, gender selectable. Even if you do not choose Route C, you will meet them later on in the second half of the update.

Fixes + Updates:

Character Creation has been updated and streamlined. (Gender/Pronouns and Sex are separate categories for both adult and child character creations. Attributes chosen during Child Character Creation will be stored as different variables in the event I choose to do anymore flashbacks later on in the story.)

Please note, that choosing after your sex (as an adult) I will assume your character will have the corresponding equipment down there.

Music Credits have been updated.

Minor adjustments to the colour of the UI, if people have any sort of colour theme they wish to see, I'll be more than happy to add them.

That is all for now. I hope the year has been kind to everyone so far. I haven't gone through my inbox yet, but I've seen glimpse of people's support it goes a long way. I sincerely do no think I'd come back if it weren't for the fact that I'd feel like I'd let everyone down. I will be making a patreon post after the first update goes live to talk about the new update and exclusives later.

Thank you for reading and enjoying TSR over the past year. It's means a lot to me and let's hope things will be better moving forward.

See you <3

Lili

[pizzaronipasta]

READ THIS BEFORE INTERACTING

Alright, I know I said I wasn't going to touch this topic again, but my inbox is filling up with asks from people who clearly didn't read everything I said, so I'm making a pinned post to explain my stance on AI in full, but especially in the context of disability. Read this post in its entirety before interacting with me on this topic, lest you make a fool of yourself.

AI Doesn't Steal

Before I address people's misinterpretations of what I've said, there is something I need to preface with. The overwhelming majority of AI discourse on social media is argued based on a faulty premise: that generative AI models "steal" from artists. There are several problems with this premise. The first and most important one is that this simply isn't how AI works. Contrary to popular misinformation, generative AI does not simply take pieces of existing works and paste them together to produce its output. Not a single byte of pre-existing material is stored anywhere in an AI's system. What's really going on is honestly a lot more sinister.

How It Actually Works

In reality, AI models are made by initializing and then training something called a neural network. Initializing the network simply consists of setting up a multitude of nodes arranged in "layers," with each node in each layer being connected to every node in the next layer. When prompted with input, a neural network will propagate the input data through itself, layer by layer, transforming it along the way until the final layer yields the network's output. This is directly based on the way organic nervous systems work, hence the name "neural network." The process of training a network consists of giving it an example prompt, comparing the resulting output with an expected correct answer, and tweaking the strengths of the network's connections so that its output is closer to what is expected. This is repeated until the network can adequately provide output for all prompts. This is exactly how your brain learns; upon detecting stimuli, neurons will propagate signals from one to the next in order to enact a response, and the connections between those neurons will be adjusted based on how close the outcome was to whatever was anticipated. In the case of both organic and artificial neural networks, you'll notice that no part of the process involves directly storing anything that was shown to it. It is possible, especially in the case of organic brains, for a neural network to be configured such that it can produce a decently close approximation of something it was trained on; however, it is crucial to note that this behavior is extremely undesirable in generative AI, since that would just be using a wasteful amount of computational resources for a very simple task. It's called "overfitting" in this context, and it's avoided like the plague.

The sinister part lies in where the training data comes from. Companies which make generative AI models are held to a very low standard of accountability when it comes to sourcing and handling training data, and it shows. These companies usually just scrape data from the internet indiscriminately, which inevitably results in the collection of people's personal information. This sensitive data is not kept very secure once it's been scraped and placed in easy-to-parse centralized databases. Fortunately, these issues could be solved with the most basic of regulations. The only reason we haven't already solved them is because people are demonizing the products rather than the companies behind them. Getting up in arms over a type of computer program does nothing, and this diversion is being taken advantage of by bad actors, who could be rendered impotent with basic accountability. Other issues surrounding AI are exactly the same way. For example, attempts to replace artists in their jobs are the result of under-regulated businesses and weak worker's rights protections, and we're already seeing very promising efforts to combat this just by holding the bad actors accountable. Generative AI is a tool, not an agent, and the sooner people realize this, the sooner and more effectively they can combat its abuse.

Y'all Are Being Snobs

Now I've debunked the idea that generative AI just pastes together pieces of existing works. But what if that were how it worked? Putting together pieces of existing works... hmm, why does that sound familiar? Ah, yes, because it is, verbatim, the definition of collage. For over a century, collage has been recognized as a perfectly valid art form, and not plagiarism. Furthermore, in collage, crediting sources is not viewed as a requirement, only a courtesy. Therefore, if generative AI worked how most people think it works, it would simply be a form of collage. Not theft.

Some might not be satisfied with that reasoning. Some may claim that AI cannot be artistic because the AI has no intent, no creative vision, and nothing to express. There is a metaphysical argument to be made against this, but I won't bother making it. I don't need to, because the AI is not the artist. Maybe someday an artificial general intelligence could have the autonomy and ostensible sentience to make art on its own, but such things are mere science fiction in the present day. Currently, generative AI completely lacks autonomy—it is only capable of making whatever it is told to, as accurate to the prompt as it can manage. Generative AI is a tool. A sculpture made by 3D printing a digital model is no less a sculpture just because an automatic machine gave it physical form. An artist designed the sculpture, and used a tool to make it real. Likewise, a digital artist is completely valid in having an AI realize the image they designed.

Some may claim that AI isn't artistic because it doesn't require effort. By that logic, photography isn't art, since all you do is point a camera at something that already looks nice, fiddle with some dials, and press a button. This argument has never been anything more than snobbish gatekeeping, and I won't entertain it any further. All art is art. Besides, getting an AI to make something that looks how you want can be quite the ordeal, involving a great amount of trial and error. I don't speak from experience on that, but you've probably seen what AI image generators' first drafts tend to look like.

AI art is art.

Disability and Accessibility

Now that that's out of the way, I can finally move on to clarifying what people keep misinterpreting.

I Never Said That

First of all, despite what people keep claiming, I have never said that disabled people need AI in order to make art. In fact, I specifically said the opposite several times. What I have said is that AI can better enable some people to make the art they want to in the way they want to. Second of all, also despite what people keep claiming, I never said that AI is anyone's only option. Again, I specifically said the opposite multiple times. I am well aware that there are myriad tools available to aid the physically disabled in all manner of artistic pursuits. What I have argued is that AI is just as valid a tool as those other, longer-established ones.

In case anyone doubts me, here are all the posts I made in the discussion in question: Reblog chain 1 Reblog chain 2 Reblog chain 3 Reblog chain 4 Potentially relevant ask

I acknowledge that some of my earlier responses in that conversation were poorly worded and could potentially lead to a little confusion. However, I ended up clarifying everything so many times that the only good faith explanation I can think of for these wild misinterpretations is that people were seeing my arguments largely out of context. Now, though, I don't want to see any more straw men around here. You have no excuse, there's a convenient list of links to everything I said. As of posting this, I will ridicule anyone who ignores it and sends more hate mail. You have no one to blame but yourself for your poor reading comprehension.

What Prompted Me to Start Arguing in the First Place

There is one more thing that people kept misinterpreting, and it saddens me far more than anything else in this situation. It was sort of a culmination of both the things I already mentioned. Several people, notably including the one I was arguing with, have insisted that I'm trying to talk over physically disabled people.

Read the posts again. Notice how the original post was speaking for "everyone" in saying that AI isn't helpful. It doesn't take clairvoyance to realize that someone will find it helpful. That someone was being spoken over, before I ever said a word.

So I stepped in, and tried to oppose the OP on their universal claim. Lo and behold, they ended up saying that I'm the one talking over people.

Along the way, people started posting straight-up inspiration porn.

I hope you can understand where my uncharacteristic hostility came from in that argument.

[nogenderbee]

I had it written on my requests list but I couldn't find it inbox so I'm guessing I deleted it by accident... but to avoid situation where someone's request was not fulfilled, I decided to do it just in case! Hope you like it!

Also I think I kinda messed up Rui and Kanade but it still seems to have sense soo... I'm leaving it...

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔽𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗-𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕞 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Haruka, Airi, Tsukasa, Rui, Kanade with reader who fakes their high esteem

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ can be read as both fluff and platonic

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @bleachtheidiot @prsk-krow @badwhole @yulikesminori @toyaswif3y @indi-has-fallen @modyuki @hakulivesformusic

✧ Haruka is well too familiar with faking your true feelings, so of course she doesn't want you to go through that

✧ as an idol, she fant show ant moment of weakness or sadness, she has to always smile no matter how rough it is so I feel like she could recognize you faking something when you two got to know each other more

✧ she began to explore that topic mor and eventually figured out it's tou self esteem, you're always so sure about you self and yet, your moves show a lot of doubt...

✧ that's a skill she's a little happy she got, she's good at figuring out what others really feel just by body language

✧ she'll do her best to make sure you're not forcing yourself into anything and tries to make the conversation go that way, so you wouldn't feel forced to take you high esteem

✧ it may take some time untill you tell her about it willingly but she doesn't mind waiting

✧ she'll do her best to help you gain some real confidence as you go or at least to be the safe place for you when you don't have to pretend. Not that much at very least...

"You're doing great! I adore the way you're doing it, really. Would you mind teaching me?"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Airi is a bit similiqr to Haruka wit this, she also has some experience with pretending to be someone else

✧ but she definitely has a bit less of that experience, that's why she doesn't see right through you

✧ she may eventually drop some comments like "You don't have to force yourself" but trust me, those are simply lucky guesses, she just noticed you don't seem so fond of the idea, she haven't actually figured out you're taking your self-esteem

✧ if this actually throws you off and you stop pretending, she quickly gets a grab of the situation and does her best to comfort you

✧ but if it doesn't and you'll stick to your faking, she won't even noticed! It's safe to say she only does once you tell her about it

✧ now she feels bad for just leaving you like that so first thing she does is assuring you that you're not as useless as you may think

✧ she has experience with kids so even if you two wouldn't be so close, she can still sweet talk you. But usually she'd prefer not to and speak only from heart!

"I know what you're thinking but know I don't agree with that. I think you're extremely important person."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Tsukasa's self-esteem didn't came from just anywhere, believe it or not, he had to work pretty hard for it and probably fake it momentally too

✧ with that, he recognizes you're problem rather easily, but somehow he thinks it's your way of learning how to really love yourself so he decides to just support you of it!

✧ whenever you drop a line of how great you are, he'll immidietly agree. And on daily basis, he'll drop a compliment for you!

✧ he'll probably eventually approach the topic of self confidence training and that's probably how he discovera you're not exactly faking your self-esteem as confidence training...

✧ it's safe to say, this boy is absolutely stunned, he didn't expect that someone as great as you could have these problems!

✧ now that he knows you lack self confidence, he does his best to help you with it

✧ except a compliment at leady once a day and him initiating mirror practice for you. It might be a bit awkward at first but it gets funnier with time

"Hello Y/N! I love your hair today!"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ somehow Rui immidietly understands why you may not be yourself so openly

✧ are you scared of others judging you? Well... he knows something about it so maybe he can help!

✧ if you're close with each other, I'm sure he'll notice ocassional breaks in your behavior, figuring out there's something more to your personality than you let it show. That's also how he figures it out so quickly

✧ he'll pay close attention to your behavior from now on, trying to figure out what distracts you enough so you'd let go of pretending, don't get him wrong he's happy if you're confident but not when you're just pretending

✧ he doesn't directly confront you about it but he'll definitely bring up the subject eventually

✧ but it's obvious he can't hold it in forever and eventually brings it up only once, if you tell him to drop it then he will, but if you don't...

✧ now you have person who literally texts you "good morning beautiful/handsome" and "goodnight, take a rest you deserve", it's sweet but it's just like mom texting you sometimes ToT

✧ he'll also compliment you in person but not too much, not wanting to make you uncomfortable or seem like it's forced

"How are we doing today? I see you're in high mood and that's good! Remember to give some self care to yourself after school today too!"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Kanade has pretty good intuition when it comes to others mental so I'm willing to think she'd figure out something's off about your behavior but will simply choose not to pry

✧ she'll simply try to give you her best comfort and patiently wait for you to come to her on your own and tell her about it

✧ if you decide to keep it to yourself, there's nothing more she can do than respect that

✧ but if you do tell her, she'll listen to your problems and reasons with kind gaze and after it she'll even do everything she can to help you with your problem

✧ she sees lots of similarities between you and Mafuyu so it's very possible she'll give you the same advices or try helping you in same or very similar way she did to her

✧ of course she's aware everyone is different but trust me when I say those repeating methods only last for some time as soon enough, she thinks of some ideas that are for you only

✧ once she sees progress, she'll continue doing what worked and won't forget to give you a bit of praise and express how proud she is of you for showing your true self more

"I'm glad you're truly yourself now... Remember, don't pay attention to what others say about you."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

Affiliation with @virtualbookstore

[violetasteracademic]

Hey bestie, was just wondering when chapter two comes out 🙂‍↕️ been refreshing ur page once an hour for dayyyyyys. 💓

Hi my friend!! So funny you should ask, it will be ready to go up by early evening tonight! I will let you know as soon as it is posted! (I'm in US central time zone. So about 6-7 hours from now)

I'm so honored and delighted to have you reading the new fic 🥹 I don't like to share toooo much of my personal life on here because this fandom is sadly not always kind to artists and writers when it comes to the hostility of the ship wars, but I do want to give a heads up that A Court of Twisted Fate will not be coming out *quite* as fast as Golden Doe in a Valley of Shadow. I blacked out and wrote almost 100k words of Golden Doe in a total disassociative bender in under a month and a half while I was in between homes, closing the final chapter of my old life after a long fought for divorce, and set aside my 10 year long business and career. I was in a weird little vortex and could easily get a chapter out every few days. I want to be honest with myself and all of you that I will not be able to match that pace right now without massively sacrificing on quality and thorough edits!

If I haven't said it enough, you guys truly have no idea what the response to Golden Doe meant to me. Writing that fic helped me survive a very difficult time. I had never written a fic before and didn't even have an ao3 account, I had to wait a few weeks to be allowed in. I had no idea anyone would read it, and sharing that story wound up being one of the most special and joyful times of my life, which seems impossible when I look back on what I was going through! I just... Thank you. I don't know what else to say. Thank you a million times, every day, forever.

I am starting life completely over in a new city and a 1940's bungalow that has had a few catastrophes since moving in 🫣 I'm hard at work job hunting in this nightmare economy and fixing up the urgent items in the house! So it's a different kind of busy filled with lots of fear and anxiety and mental exhaustion. Thus, I'm also trying to give myself lots of time to heal and recover. I'm hoping for a chapter once a week this round, but I might need some grace for up to two weeks!

This might be a good opportunity to answer some other questions I've gotten. Some have noticed the new rating is M instead of E. There WILL still be smut, but this is more of a dark and spooky old school style slow burn and very story forward. And while I hesitate to say the spice will be more vanilla, it is not as kink forward as Golden Doe! It will still be spicier and more detailed than what SJM would typically write (y'all she's tame in my book) but a different style. That being said, the piece is not finished. Sooooo.... 🦇 we'll see if kinky Azriel body snatches me again and demands that the spice be freakier and more frequent. In which case I'll update the rating.

Golden Doe started as an M rating and 15 planned chapters, and we all saw how that worked out!

I'm pushing myself to create a unique world and characters that are not just a carbon copy of Golden Doe in a Valley of Shadow. Of course, it is still canon Elain and Azriel! But I'm focusing on different sides of them. I hope you all enjoy it just as much, but if it winds up not being your vibe, do know I have a few ideas bouncing around for Golden Doe continuations, additional Elriel fics, and my inbox is always open for ideas and prompts/requests!!

[alisonwritesimagines]

One of the Best Dads ~Marc Spector and Steven Grant Imagine~

Requested by anonymous:

Hi! I saw you were taking requests for Marc Spector/Steven Grant. And I was wondering if you could write a oneshot with them and a F!Reader, where they’re married and just had a newborn baby. Just a simple slice of life type ordeal (with a sprinkle of angst, where Marc worries he’ll be a bad father, and Steven and the reader reassure him that he won’t be).

Summary: Now that your son is here, Steven is thrilled but Marc has an insecurity that can be reassured.

Author’s Note: Kinda still on baby fever because of my boyfriend who helped me take care of my niece and nephew during a family outing. I'm pretty sure many people thought they were ours because we were having a "race" to the restaurant my family was at.

Reader’s Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: just insecurities from Marc, there's a baby in this fic in case people who don't like kid fics, mentions of childbirth, Layla doesn't exist in this fic sadly

Side Note: This is a secondary blog. If you comment a question down below, I will not answer since this is not the main blog. Please send the question to my inbox if you want a response back!

Do not repost this anywhere!

The moment you gave birth to your son, there was one thing on your mind. Sleep. You had endured about thirty hours of labor before finally popping out your little one. So when you finally got home, you slept like you were dead.

"He's so tiny," Steven said as he held onto his son. He smiled down at his son as he slept soundly in his arms. "Marc, you wanna hold him?"

"I'm good buddy," Marc told him through the mirror. "You enjoy this."

Though it took a while to understand Marc and Steven. But once you understood how it worked and how you are able to love them both equally, you were glad to be with the two. After you had gotten married to them, you had brought up the idea of having a child. While Steven was thrilled to have one, Marc had his doubts.

It wasn't the fact of having a child that scared Marc. It was the fact of him being a father and whether or not he would be a good dad was what scared him.

It didn't take a lot for you to notice that Marc hadn't held your son since you had given birth. When your son was sleeping, you decided to corner Marc.

You spotted your husband sitting on the couch, sitting as he watched something on the television.

"Marc?" You asked.

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you?" You asked.

"Of course. Is there anything wrong?" Marc asked you.

"Kinda. Why haven't you held our son?" You asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why haven't you held our son? You always have Steven hold him but never you. What's wrong?" You asked.

"It's nothing," Marc tells you.

"It's not nothing. You should be able to hold our son. What's wrong?" You asked again.

"I said it's nothing, Y/n. Please, just drop it," Marc said before getting up and walking out.

Marc headed into the bathroom before locking the door behind him.

"Why won't you hold him?" Steven asked Marc through the mirror. Marc stared at his reflection with an upset look.

"It's not what you both think," Marc said.

"Y/n loves us all. She just wants to see us happy but she wants to see you holding our son for once. Why can't you hold him?" Steven asked.

"Because I'm scared. After what I've been through, I'm afraid of hurting him," Marc said.

"You don't think I was scared at first either? I was worried I was going to drop him but I didn't. It's scary at first but once you hold him, you realize that you'll do anything for him," Steven assures Marc.

"I can't. Not right now at least," Marc said before leaving the bathroom.

Your body was still tired which didn't surprise Marc when he saw you knocked out in bed. Steven felt tired too so he couldn't switch with him even if he wanted to.

He heard your son start to cry out, making Marc look over. He knew that you shouldn't get up, knowing that your body was still tired. Marc got up quickly to calm the baby down.

"Hey, buddy. Please don't cry. You're going to wake your mom up," Marc tells him.

He watched as his son continued to cry a little more. Marc let out a sigh before picking him up. Marc had watched you and Steven many times hold and calm you son down.

"Hey. It's okay. You're okay," Marc tells you.

Your son eventually calmed down when he felt Marc holding him. Marc stared down at his son before breaking into tears. He sat on the bed as he held onto him.

"I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to refuse to hold you. I just... I was afraid of hurting you," Marc said. "I love you so much and I promise I'll always keep you safe."

"Marc?"

Marc turned around to look at you. You sat up from bed, looking over at him and your son. Your eyes were droopy from your tired state.

"Go back to sleep. I got this," Marc assures you. You smiled tiredly before lying back down.

"Told you, you got nothing to worry about," you tell him.

"I know you did. Both of you," Marc smiled at you.

[neonbutchery]

You not seeing mystra as evil despite grooming someone just BC her victim is a man is uh a red flag ngl

okay i'm going to turn off anons for a while so this will be the last thing i'll say about this. if you do want to have a discussion about this, i'm open to having it as long as it's earnest (which judging from the tone of your message, isn't the case).

number one, the post about the evil bg3 character hairstyle was meant to be a joke. i know that saying "bro this is just a joke" is a crappy defence sometimes, but i never aimed for serious character analysis in a joke image i made in 20 minutes that came from me noticing a funny pattern.

number two: i haven't done the gale romance nor played through the gale origin. all i know about gale's story is what i've experienced through a tav that didn't romance him, so it's very likely i missed some of the content related to his story. that being said, i've seen both "mystra is evil" and "mystra isn't evil" thinkpieces, so i honestly didn't want to get into this discourse since i have zero to none knowledge about gale's wider backstory and mystra's wider dnd lore. if i had included mystra as a villain i would've probably gotten people contesting that, too, so i decided to just put her in a category that wasn't "100% maliciously evil villain". she absolutely did harm to gale, and i'm not denying that. i'm just not comfortable making a clear judgment on if she's irredeemably evil or not.

you want to go back to that image? fine. i included cazador and mizora, both of whom have male victims (astarion + all of the other male spawn, and wyll). mizora's abhorrent treatment of wyll is especially dismissed by the fandom as something that's not that serious anyways, too. are also you going to jump into the inboxes of every single person who's ever made "step on me mommy mizora" jokes and accuse them of also not caring about male victims?

finally, number three: i really don't appreciate the implication being that i condone abuse/grooming if it's directed towards men just because of a shitpost i made. i'm sorry, but you don't know nothing about me nor my personal life nor my relationships, and i don't think that making wider judgments on internet strangers based on a single meme about fictional characters from a fictional world is something that you should be doing. i can't tell you how to think, and if you're weirded out by my take (which, i reiterate, isn't even a serious character analysis) that's completely fine! feel free to mute me or block me or unfollow/unfriend me if you're one of my mutuals. i won't even hold it against you, since i know that everyone's triggers and squicks are different. but what i don't appreciate is you coming into my blog and accusing me of being a grooming apologist based on only one tumblr post that wasn't even about mystra's relationship with gale on the first place.

again: if you want to actually have a serious discussion about this, you can go off-anon and dm me. if you want to accuse me of something as heavy as being an actual abuse apologist, say it with your whole chest. have a nice night, afternoon, or morning, wherever you are.

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

So, uh... this post was answering an ask, but then the saving glitched or something and now the post is in the drafts but it no longer has the ask in it, but the ask isn't in the inbox either. So I don't know if it vanished completely or if it will appear in this post upon posting. And perhaps more importantly, I don't know if the asker will get a notification when I hit post. I guess this is a good moment to ask you all to please avoid asking questions anonymously if possible, so I can reach out if need be (especially considering the months I tend to take to answer, har har).

Well, great, my quest to write a brief post is off to a great start. Oh, I know!

*ominous clattering sounds*

So, ever seen Speed? The movie, not the phenomenon. I haven't, but from what I heard, it's a movie where a bus driver finds out there's a bomb that will go off if they go slower than 50mph. I've gotta see it just to find out what prompted that, did a passenger get frustrated with how slow it- see?!?! I'm doing this again! But no more, thanks to this nifty device I've fitted, that will blow up if this post's word count reaches 2000 words. Yes, that's a pretty high bar, but you know, we tryna stay alive, like Wyclef Jean said. Wait, no, I don't think he ever actually says the song's title in the lyrics. But surely he mentioned its title at some point, right? I'm doing it again aren't I. What was the question anyway?

Do I- Okay, let's not repeat the "do I have thoughts on that" line. Last time it didn't end well.

But yeah, of course! I wrote about the Corolla previously, and who could forget the first mass production hybrid car?

Well, most of the people who drove one, probably - and likely even some that are currently involved in driving one. And, as I went over, I think that's to Toyota's credit.

Now, in my post about hybrid powertrains (definitely a recommended read to anyone who's giving a shit right now) I forewent one of the few important distinction between an F1 car's KERS system and my mom's Toyota - since the former can never run purely on electric power it's a mild hybrid, whereas Toyota's Hybrid Synergy Drive (HSD for friends) is a full hybrid system since it can. So essentially the reason her Toyota is not like an F1 Ferrari is that it's more capable. (And also it burns down less.) So the car could be using only the electric engine, or only the combustion engine, or both, or energy could be getting generated through regen braking or even by the engine(???) and I'm not even sure that's it. There's even a little animation you can toggle that shows you what the drivetrain is doing and what energy is going where. And I always thought that was a bit of a test-drive-only gimmick, not realizing that in my reaction lay proof of the system's brilliance: you don't ever really notice nor care what it's doing! Thanks to the smoothness of a very clever CVT made of planetary gears that I vaguely assume I understand, you barely ever feel any of those goings on. Aside from shifting into B when you need engine braking -even that a very smooth affair- all you ever experience is the variation in noise from the silence of EV mode to, should you ever be so unlucky as to encounter a road that points up...

(credit to @ggrtl1)

The HSD system now being in most of Toyota's range makes it easy to forget how it was a Prius exclusive for the longest time, and how starkly the Prius stood out when that was the case. But if we look back with that in mind, the Prius being an environmentally conscious choice that doesn't actually require you to have a clue about shit, and a car that almost actively dodges your attention, it's clear how it immediately became extremely popular… almost as much as it was maligned.

Car enthusiasts, as I already went over (oh sorry, I'd already linked this one), hated the Prius with unfathomable passion. I grew up in car meme circles and counting the jokes at the Prius' expense was akin to counting your breaths. To this day you can probably spot peeling "Prius repellent" stickers atop the exhaust pipes of the most insulting trucks of the Walmart lot. And really, I think there's more to why than what I talked about. For one, the Prius's architecture and marketing attracted and created drivers without much eagerness to get out of their own way, and by extension the cars behind them's. But really, people hated on Audi drivers tailgating and BMW drivers being seemingly unaware of the turn signal stalk's presence, and that never translated into cheering at pictures of M3s and RS4s engulfed in flames. There also was the idea of the Prius driver as someone eager to rub their environmental consciousness in your face - and I believe that gets closer to the point, but again, however much you can hate a driver, that doesn't really translate into hating the car with such memetic reliability that a key mechanic in my favorite gaming series ever involves finding pink Priuses and blowing them up.

It's something about the car itself. Or rather, what it represented.

I believe the Prius was the vegan of cars.

It was never just about what it did or how, but about how its existence implied that our way of life (in our case our acoustically, socially and environmentally obnoxious gas guzzlers) was bad, was wrong. It was an attack on how we rolled. And so we attacked back: "No, fuck YOU. You're nerdy, and uncool, and boring, and ugly. Go die." And really, it's interesting how those were the angles the Prius was attacked by - even though it was clearly never concerned with being cool or exciting to drive and, if I do say so myself, the Prius never looked that bad in the years when that hate developed.

I mean, even this interior is neat if you ask me!

Really, I think the reason those angles were chosen goes beyond the car. Nerdy, uncool, boring, ugly. What image does that conjure up?

Exactly.

And just like that emoji, those are comebacks you huck at someone who's getting in the way of your good time. But how did someone else's car get in the way of our good time? Simple: by highlighting the problems with our good time. Again, the vegan of cars. And just like them, this opposite faction was also seen as a threat. If this view wins, we feared, our vehicles for The Good Time will get banned or canceled or neutered beyond recognition. We were arguably living through the start of such events and they did get worse with time.

But still, our approach was misguided, handling serious environmental issues with the same maturity of children being reminded of their homework by their parents. The solution was not to try and boo the issue away, as though a relative handful of enthusiasts could drown out environmentalism, but to recognize that our smaller number and the masses' different priorities could have been assets: get out of this tunnel vision whereby everyone needs to have what you like and let others have a Prius; hell, encourage others to get a Prius, because the more people buy fuel efficient cars on their own accord, the less governments will feel the need to force them to do so with bans! Because bans? They SUCK. Not being able to use your car or go some place no matter how much you're willing to pay and how many hoops you're willing to jump through SUCKS. And it's unfair to everyone: the greener choice should be the better choice, because if not you're short changing people, and that betterness should be communicated well to the people, so they know they're not getting short changed. At which point you wouldn't need a ban anyway because the only people who wouldn't pick the greener thing of their own accord are us, the handful of weirdos who'll gladly stick with something worse for The Experience™, whose impact will be too small to be worth restricting everyone's freedom over.

We were too few to matter, but instead of using that as the asset it was we fought against that idea. And that's understandable: we all like for our opinion to be popular, we all like to push people to be more like us because we like the idea that it's a good thing to be the way we are. So it's tough to embrace the idea that the fewer people like us there are the better. And perhaps we were too proud to admit that our passion really is problematic at scale and thus have that conversation altogether. Or we just didn't feel like dealing with that problem. Again, kids not wanting to do homework.

But now that half of all Toyotas sold (in the U.S. at least, but that's always been the cultural trends dictator anyway) are hybrids, funnily enough, it all seems okay. I mean, whose vitriol is being spent on the Corolla Hybrid? And it's not because the Corolla name did get slapped onto enough different cars that eventually it landed onto something with some enthusiast cred...

...because that never made enthusiasts hold the "normal" Corolla in any higher regard than 'boringly sensible, nondescript transportation only ever interesting as a way to justify any unwise sportscar purchase of a similar buy-in price' ("Can you believe I got this V10 twin turbo Audi RS6 for the price of a new Corolla?", usually said a month before the first night spent under a bridge). And even if it did, it would be all the more reason to curse the HSD powertrain for "ruining" it, or whatever. People don't hate on the RAV4 Hybrid, the Sienna Hybrid, the whatever Hybrid nowadays. (Or maybe they are and I'm just hanging around more mature people now, but I do feel like a cultural shift has gone on.)

Is it because hate struggles to spread itself too thin, especially across vehicles whose hybridness isn't their whole personality as the Prius's was? Maybe, but I doubt it looking at all the positive sentiment around the fifth gen Prius, surprising a glowup as it may have been.

(Y'ain't really fuck with me way back then girl

how 'bout now)

It could also be that a threat is often worse than the event itself, because focusing on a threat makes it feel like an all-encompassing hypothetical that must be avoided at all costs or how will we manage, but when we live through it it's just one of the many things going on in our lives, and we find out we manage just fine. Many cars we barely cared about to begin with are hybrid now, so what. Those seeking to avoid hybrid powertrains just... do that. Some cars are canceled, so we buy used or look elsewhere. That Prius was not a harbinger of doom, just a precursor of a trend that it didn't cause, and didn't really kill us all. But maybe it's the move that we're currently fearing will kill us all, electrification, that has not just shifted attention away from hybrids, but framed them more positively by comparison. But perhaps there's an even bigger, show-stealing enemy, doing what we feared hybrids would do and what we're fearing electrification will do: SUVification. Sure, people raged at things like the Honda NSX becoming a hybrid or the Mazda MX-5 announcing electrification, but travesties like the new "Capri" really make that rage look silly, as if we lost the focus of what was really vital, like i did with the word count oh no

Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question: if you liked this post, you might like those - or the blog’s Discord server, linked in the pinned post!

[edsbacktattoo]

HI BESTIE COMING IN TO MAKEOUT WITH YOU RN. HOW ARE WE DOING??? I'LL GO FIRST: SO SO FUCKING UNWELL <3 JSDKLSDHJKL

But also your tags on my analysis,,, 👁️👁️

I have Since Shifted on things a little bit after making that post, because I've seen others point things out, as well as noticed differences myself.

SO I'M COMING IN TO TALK EVEN FURTHER ANALYSIS WITH YOU BECAUSE SHDJKSDSK YEAH THE MAN IN THE FOREST OKAY OKAY SO-

There's speculation right now that the man in blue in the top picture and the man with his back to the camera in the bottom picture are the same person. And the current speculation I've seen right now is that it's fucking Hornigold.

But I also wouldn't be surprised if it's like, some other sort of threat too? Like some sort of British Admiral or someone else out to get the lot of them? Or maybe they're entirely different people shdjks BUT I'M LEANING TOWARDS THERE BEING SOME SORT OF CONNECTION,,,

Because like, the Wee John shot comes right before Ed's barrel shot. So I'm like 👀👀👀

BUT REGARDLESS, LOOKING DIRE/DRAMATIC FOR A FEW REASONS.

I was so ~*~swept up~*~ by the beauty that is Wee John in drag in that first shot that I didn't really pay attention to the surroundings. If you look closely, it doesn't really look that much like a party anymore, but some sort of hostage situation/attack. Or maybe it WAS a party, but then whoever the hell that is crashed it.

Because Wee John's hands seem to be bound, someone appears to be tied to the mast, Roach looks like he's having a Bad Time in the foreground, etc etc.

And I THINK it's the Revenge? So like, they were partying, and then chaos ensued, or something along those lines.

AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT LIKE...

Ed looks desperate, man. And the lighting and his costume/makeup all match up. And because he's wearing the fucking pearls, and has his hair back, and doesn't have his makeup on, this makes me think that ALL of this is in the latter half of the season.

His desperation also makes me think that whoever the fuck THAT is captured/did something bad to Stede. Like maybe...

Whatever led to him screaming like THIS. ((I know there's a high possibility it could be something funny like a crab getting a little 🍆🦀 or something equivalent. BUT ALSO, WASN'T A TORTURER CAST?????))

Anyway, TLDR, they were trying to have a nice party, whoever the fuck that is crashed it and fucked with the crew and/or did something horrible with Stede, and Ed is fucking PISSED ABOUT IT.

((dude if that is the case, and like, they haven't fully made up, yet ed goes absolutely INSANE trying to protect stede??? that's one of my favorite tropes so i'll be in the Ground hope you know that))

anyway kiss kiss smooch smooch rolling into my grave <3

JODI JODI YAAAAAAY I ALWAYS LOVE LOVE LOVE WHEN YOURE IN MY INBOX!!!! it means i’m in for a good time! and MY GOD did you deliver!!!

i’m obsessed with this theory! i think you’re right - this very well could be Hornigold, which would explain Ed’s desperation and unease. It would also explain the barrel situation. “He treated us like dogs — worse than dogs.” Maybe this is finally his chance to get back at this prick.

In terms of the party on the Revenge:

Talent show? 👁️👁️

Maybe they’re finally doing what they were going to before everything went to shit. It would explain Wee John in drag! Maybe Hornigold seizes the The Revenge midway through? This also means that this could happen post reunion, which explains the pearls and the hair tied back.

I can’t recall if it was a torture or an executioner that was cast! Does anyone have that info hiding anywhere? You could be right about that too Jodi! Hornigold’s taken Stede captive and Ed has to get him back even if they haven’t made up yet, or something along those lines.

WAIT! What if the beach gunfighting scene is them returning to each other after all that?

UH OH

If I think about this any more I’m going to die 😌👍 this response was not nearly as coherent as what you’ve presented here, but we’ve been in the clown car together since the start so I’m starting to think we could communicate telepathically at this point.

[imagineee-123]

I saw your post about opinions on ai art and thought I'd give you my opinion. As a young artist, I despise it. I worry that my peers and the generations below me will see ai art generators and think 'why should I spend years learning to draw when I can just press a few keys and have what I want in seconds'. I worry that companies will use ai art and not tell anyone about it. I'm tired, I'm so tired of seeing wonderful drawings online and then having to go through their profile and zoom in on all the drawings to find ai type flaws. It feels like an insult to hundreds of years of culture and hard work.

I feel like a lot of the psychology behind ai art bros (not including companies) isn't 'hahahaha I'm going to steal art and put it through a digital meat grinder to make what I want and they can't stop me' instead, most of them believe that it's transformative, that it's ok to make and profit off of other peoples art as long as it's transformative and artists have created transformative work for hundreds of years so it's ok for them to do it too. I honestly believe that there will only be massive public backlash once ai starts digging it's claws into film and song, since only then will influential people start worrying about their jobs. (Actors, songwriters, ect)

Although I definitely do see hope. Even though many artists are giving up and leaving the internet, things like nightshade are being made, some ai users are tired of the ai not generating what they want and taking on art, ai companies are losing money because in a case of pure irony, even with subscriptions, their users don't want to pay them and their stocks are sinking. This is arguably the biggest art event in all of history, but I believe that maybe we can win it to an extent. Ai art will never fully disappear, that's just how it goes, but we can still put regulations on it....so yea. That's my 5 cents, sorry if I clogged your inbox, have a nice day/night

I really appreciate your reply! This is definitely a unique take. I really like how you mentioned the view from the other side when it comes to individuals and AI, I don't see people talk about that much.

I've sadly heard of/seen AI advertisements and such from major animation studios and even a prestigious school (Disney, A24, and Gobelins is what I'm referencing here), along with Starbursts using AI in an ad, and Airheads holding an AI movie competition. A recently trending TikTok audio is also an AI generated song (how the hell you spell chauffeur). But.. I've seen plenty of backlash for some of these things. I do agree that, unfortunately, we all have to wait for those in influential positions to care before anything changes.

I haven't seen too many people talk about AI in a more hopeful manner, but I do admire that. I don't think AI art will "kill" art in its entirety just for the reasons you listed towards the end. At the moment, AI is kind of a buzzword or hot topic, so there's a lot of attention to it. It'll eventually lose a lot of that spotlight focus over time. All we can do is speak our minds and protest in the ways we can while we await regulations around AI "art".

There's so much to discuss about this topic, and I really appreciate different opinions about it being shared. It does help me better understand the topic and think of things I probably hadn't noticed about it before. I love having conversations like this. Thank you for reaching out and replying to my post!

(Completely unrelated sidenote. It was like 12 a.m. when I wrote this. Spelling is hard when you're tired hdhdhudjwiw)

[scouts-mockingbird]

Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome

I made a post earlier with some little jokes about the things I've noticed since adjusting my meds, a thing I am doing under the care of my provider, not just willy-nilly. Still, I was told that going off Escitalopram (Lexapro) would be very minor. I might experience some nausea or mood swings, but that would only last a couple days and afterwards I would be feeling fine, espcially because the other antidepressant I take will still be doing its job.

I don't think my doctor was lying, but by god was she WRONG. I'm writing this not as a warning, but just as an informative post about my personal experience with ADS, a thing that, again, I was not warned about at all. I only knew to look it up because I'm a mental health professional, but I had NO idea what the physical symptoms were.

"Don't go off your meds," they say, and they cite anxiety, mood swings, self injury or suicidal ideation. Since I wasn't worried about those (again, I'm still on another antidepressant, and my symptoms are managed with therapy and other stuff) I was told I'd be fine.

I have been dizzy every time I've moved, even just turning my head, for the last three days. I experience intense vertigo, so much so that I've had to stop going up or down stairs. My head feels like a salt shaker. There are tiny grains of sand in there, rattling around and making it hard to think (I don't know how else to describe this, but from what I've read, it's common with ADS). I haven't kept food down except water and tea for two days.

And there's the insomnia. It's brutal. I haven't slept more than two hours a night for four days straight. I haven't gone this hard since I was in college, and my body is not equipped to recover from this anymore. Add to that that I can't take time off of work right now? A disaster.

I'm not trying to frighten anyone away from making changes to their meds, I'm trying to expand out on WHY people are always saying "don't quit your meds". I like good strong reasoning when people are telling me not to do things, so here's a good reason. Your body might feel terrible.

(because this does not happen to everyone! I'm in the lower 25% of people who go off ordinary doses of lexapro in experiencing these symptoms to the degree that I am)

You want to know what else? We don't know how long this will be happening to me. It might be over in a few days. It might last three months. No one has done longitudinal studies on ADS (at least that I could find).

So yeah, research ADS, tell people it exists. Don't quit Lexapro without talking to your doctor and warning the people closest to you, just in case. And if you're going through this, or have gone through it, feel free to expand on your experience in my inbox or comments. I'd love other perspectives

[dark-pink-fantasy]

Hello! I am the anon who said that I admire your dedication and also have started a blog to archive fanart of TWST. I wanted to say that I've been reblogging some posts from your blog, you'll see me in your notes in a couple of days when the queue catches up. I think I have in my blog a few cerisennes art that you haven't reblogged here (sorry if I'm mistaken, I'm still going through your posts), in case you want to look them up! Also, some of the posts that you reblogged from apparent "inactive" accounts are people who are still here but changed their urls, in case you weren't aware (I can tell you which ones I found). Lastly, now that I saw it on desktop, your blog's theme is super cute! Although it works a biiit weird but nothing too terrible. Also the fanart that you comissioned of Floyd with you matches your blog a lot now that I see it! It's so cute haha. Well that's it, sorry for such a long message ;v; keep doing great!

Helloo! I HAVE seen you and I’m glad you’re enjoying some of the deactivated posts here. 🥰 I have noticed that some people have relocated to new blogs under different urls, but of course that wasn’t until much later when I reblogged a good bulk of it. So thank you for offering to tell me.

Cerisennes art…hmm that sounds familiar idk if I do have them on here but I’ll check.

For my Tumblr website….yeah it’s def not the best for deactivated posts so I recommend the mobile version on Tumblr if people want to access them😭 I’ve had this layout before I converted this page strictly for deactivated content so it’s not the best medium for computers.

ALSO YES that commission with my OC and Floyd matches the Frutiger aero theme! I’m glad someone noticed!❤️❤️❤️

I apologize for not being as active anymore since I started my RAD schooling. And my schedule is filled with studying 24/7😵‍💫

But LiKE, REBLOG, AND COMMENT TO YOUR HEARTS CONENT. Because I loved these creators before they deactivated, and it’s a shame that some people in the TWST fandom won’t ever be able to see these blogs when they were active.

Thank uu again for leaving me a comment in my inbox! I’m happy to see people interacting with this blog still.

edit- cerisennes is actually cerisenes on my blog, I'll link it at the bottom if this is the right person.

[barbiesdiaries]

HI BARBIE ! i'm veronica and welcome to my barbie world blog. thank you for taking your time to read these. i'll try to keep them as short and concise as possible. you see, lately i've been struggling with editing carrds and gsites and ending up not liking them, which kind of affected my musing. luckily, these should be available to properly read for everyone and there are no aesthetics for me to worry about.

INSTRUCTION NO. 1 : the basics i do not tolerate hatred, abuse, discrimination nor bigotry in any shape or form. you keep your beliefs and i keep mine. but for the love of god, just be kind. if you have personal issues, seek professional help, don't project it onto others.

INSTRUCTION NO. 2 : following

if we are following each other, you have the right to interact with any of my content, yell at me in private, send me anything your heart desires or tag me in posts. if i haven't followed you back, it's either because you are not over the age of 18 or i simply do not know much about the fandom. if you decide to break mutuals, please hardblock. if you don't do it, chances are i will private message you or send you a message through your inbox to make sure it wasn't tumblr glitching as always.

INSTRUCTION NO. 3 : writing i can write anything from one-liners to novella, but you don't have to match my length! also, if you reblog meme prompts and you notice one that sounds like something barbie would say to your muse, feel free to tag me as if i sent the meme! i will also go through my mutuals list and make one-liners in case we haven't interacted in a while or, if we just became mutuals. just to get things going!

INSTRUCTION NO. 4 : triggers

all triggers will be tagged as TRIGGER TW/. keep in mind that this blog will contain mature themes that are meant for adult audiences. the following triggers and themes will be present on this blog : drinking , drug use , slurs , smoking , violence , blood , anxiety disorder & other mental illnesses. i will try to tag everything but keep in mind that this blog, although inspired by all barbie canon matieral is headcanon based and my take on all characters i write are heavy.

INSTRUCTION NO. 5 : credits ♡️️️️️️️️️️️️️ icon psd is a mix between enchanted by waatsoned & mortal soul by sbcoloring and jeeperscreepers80 ♡️️️️️️️️️️️️️ graphics psd is a mix between dionysus by robinklocksley , the little mermaid & wednesday by olympiaes ♡️️️️️️️️️️️️️ text png from textstudio ♡️️️️️️️️️️️️️ header png from kallumlavigne ♡️️️️️️️️️️️️️ all other pngs you see on either blog were found on the internet and had no visible creator to credit. if you find i use someone's creation please do let me know so i can tag them properly, thank you!

[sleepinglionhearts]

I love your whole Kana army. Could I ask for a sketch of a Leo!Kana? I can imagine him being stubbornly shy with resting annoyed face and snuggling up to daddy lol

Well, I suppose if Takumi!Kana has been drawn, it was only a matter of time before someone asked about a Leo!Kana.

He is probably every bit as sweet as Takumi!Kana, except he has the resting annoyed face problem and constantly has Forrest chasing him down with a hairbrush.

[just2bubbly]

He had failed Cinder, he promised to talk to everyone to be together and they did not approve of their commitment so he had to marry someone else and not the love of his life

Masterlist

Hmm, so I know I have taken literally forever to answer this request and my apologies for the same but I finally wrote it and shall be replying for the other pile of requests resting in my inbox for over a year now- and I feel like cheering on myself cuz yea (wohoo! 😍 finally out of my writing block) Thank you so much anon for this heart breaking request, it was fun to write and I didn't really write anything drastic for I have to write multiple other break up fics for our lovely pair of royals. Still, a fair warning to keep a box of tissues close by in case you feel the need to use them.

Better Fates, Worse Futures!

Ship: Kaider

Words: 1.1k

Genre: Angst

A/N: Timeline set post-break up.

Cinder's Perspective:

"Are you happy, Kai?", she prompted.

She wanted to know if he was drowning in the same misery just like her or if had he moved on and found someone else and made love to her-- the very thought brought a pang of jealously but it was the bitter truth. Kai was no longer hers. His happiness was not the same as hers- not anymore.

"Do you have to ask, Cinder?" He sighed.

"I want to know."

"I'm not sure, sometimes I feel happy- other times I feel guilty and when I don't feel these two emotions I feel regret over the possibilities of the future." A future- our future together was left unsaid. A fantasy never becomes a future- a cyborg never married a prince and a love story never had a happily ever after.

"Well, I can understand-"

"You don't really, Cinder. I gave my word to you and later broke it. I betrayed your trust in the with form and I'm so sorry, you didn't even get a chance-"

"Kai, it's all things of the past now, we both have moved on and I guess it's better if none of us brings our past together up." Moved on- her foot, she had placed the order for the 'Cinder and Cinnamon' cologne that he uses just again yesterday for she missed his smell.

"I'm happy to know that you're happy."

"Who said I'm happy?"

"I just assumed."

"I'm doing better, yes. Better than last year but I'm not happy. I haven't been happy in a while now. Honestly, happiness is overrated." She retorted.

"Happiness is a shitty feeling."

They sat in silence waiting for the other world leaders to show up. Cinder tried to break the awkward silences with more awkward questions. Had Iko been present here she would have strangled her- not that it won't be justified.

"How is governing going?"

"Hectic per se, but it's okay. I'm used to it."

"Expected from the best diplomat in the world," She praised without thinking through.

"Well, he failed at one thing he wasn't  supposed to so what's the use?"

"I don't think he failed. He tried his best but fate had better plans for him."

"What's better than you, then?"

Now that caught her off guard: 'what was better than her?' Had she been asked this question 10 years ago, she would have sarcastically replied, "What's worse than her?" 

However, Kai made her feel like she was the best thing in the world for over 9 years now. She asked herself, what's better than her? That was a little bit narcissistic to say, that she was the best thing that happened to Kai.

But in the stars' reality, what was better than them being together?

Although, it had taken a lot of effort to convince herself that she was dating The Emperor Kaito of the Eastern Commonwealth in the beginning, once her mind had absorbed this piece of information- She had never really thought of an alternative future where they won't be together.

Being without her was better than being with her, in multiple ways as well. She had noticed the breakdowns, anxiety issues and skipping of meals, dark circles under his eyes in the last days of their relationship. She had tried to reach out, to help him and soothe him but there wasn't much to offer when she was the 'misery'. The guilt ate him up and in the end unsaid bitter words and broken promises resulted in a turmoil of holding on and letting go. There wasn't much to hold on to, to begin with- a love of two royals against the prejudices of million citizens. Alas, the majority wins and heartbreaks happen and the royal lovers pretend to be strangers.

She replies to his question at last, "In the eyes of the million, I assume it's Ms. Chen Daiyu."

"Cinder, I'm just seeing her as a public stunt- My Inner Circle thinks it's the right time to get married and I'm unable to oppose it. I'm not willing onto this."

Chen Daiyu was all that she had seen all over the news for the last week. Too bad her newsfeed was really in her own retina scanner otherwise should have broken every other screen showing the two lovebirds and the speculations of their engagement and all the times they were seen together. 

"Engagement doesn't seem like a publicity stunt to me, Kai."

"Cinder, it's not what-"

"Please, Kai. Don't pity me now, I'm happy you have found your one." She said rather too bitterly, he didn't deny the claim not like she expected him to.

"I did find my one. I found her and loved her and lost her to my shortcomings. You are my one, Cinder. You always will be."

What episodes of 'Heartbreak and Confessions" was she walking into? Iko loved that drama when exes met after some years and confessed about how they were still in love and just bullshit happens and they get back together.

They were Kai and Cinder, just ex-lovers still in love with each other. Even if their eyes shone with devotion for each other and their hands longed to hold each other, the burden of royalty broke a bond of 9 years, in months- in seconds at last. In the end, it was a simple 'I can't take it anymore' that forced her to leave and him to stop trying. Talking with him, she realized it was necessary to break ties and be actual strangers than just pretend to be one. It was going to hurt a lot and she would feel numb and heartbroken when she would see him with someone else, married and happy. Yet bitter pills need to be taken to cure the ailment.

Rising from a seat, she said, " I was the one, Kai. I'm not your future anymore. Ms. Chen Daiyu seems like a lovely lady. I wish you happiness with her. You can ask Torin to seek me when all the world leaders gather on time. It was nice talking to you. Take care-", she was thankful she couldn't cry, "- Congratulations."

She walked away. He didn't stop. Her words were the final closure for both of them- she was allowing him to move on just as much as she was allowing it to herself.

Her grief came back six months later- this time it was in the form of a wedding invitation.

__

Thanks for reading! That's all for today, I hope you like it- and I'm seeking validation so leave a lot of kudos, likes and comments!!! :)

Taglist: @gingerale2017 @slmkaider @salt-warrior @cinderswrench @cindersassasin @impossiblesuitcase @linhcinder686 @kaider-is-my-otp @greenalmond @kaiderforever @deprivedmusicaljunkie @cosmicnovaflare and lemme know if anyone wants to be tagged.

[thatincorrectquotegeneratorguy]

We Need A New Management System

The Incorrect Quote Generator has a problem. Currently, the amount of items in the inbox (2000+) is so much that scrolling to the bottom of it in order to process them chronologically (meaning the items are processed in the order they were recieved) is significantly slowing down the rate I can go through them. Because of this, I've decided that some significant change needs to happen both in order to deal with the current backlog and to prevent a backlog from building up this mcuh again.

Don't worry. No changes will be made before consulting the community. I currently have some possible solutions in mind which will be discussed here and I will soon make a survey in order to see which one is most preferred.

As I see it, there's two problems that need tobe dealt with here. The first is how to deal with the backlog itself. My ideas for this are as follows:

1) Delete all of the messages in the inbox. This is the quickest option, though it will unfortunately mean many submissions and bug reports will be deleted. This may not be the worst con though since most people who are watching for their quotes to be added will probably be willing to resubmit it, and bugs that are consistent across multiple users will likely be reported multiple times.

2) Close the inbox (meaning do not accept more asks or submissions) and do not open it again until all of its contents (all 2000+ of them) have been processed. This will leave the suggestions closed for a very long time, but none of its currently existing contents will be left unnprocessed.

The second problem is preventing a backlog like this from building up again in order to prevent long backlogs from slowing down additions to the generator.

1) Implement a monthly inbox clear (meaning all items within the inbox will be deleted once a month). Every time this happens, it will be announced. This will mean some items won't be processed, but, similarly to option 1 of the above problem, this might not be much of an issue. This will also allow the inbox to be permanently open.

2) Implement a system where the inbox is left open until 100 items accumulate. Then, close te inbox, process the items, and open the inbox again. Rinse and repeat. This will mean all contents of the inbox will be processed, but the inbox might not always be open.

3) Process items from the top of the inbox rather than the bottom (meaning items will be processed by what has most recently been submitted rather than in chronological order). This will not actually prevent backlogs, but it will prevent backlogs from slowing down processing of quotes. It is likely that many items will go unprocessed and this may encourage spam (if I'm being honest, it's my least favorite option here, but I figure it's only fair to put all the cards on the table). However, the inbox will stay permanently open and there will likely be a shorter time interval between submissions being sent in and being processed.

Some people might suggest getting others to help with the generator. This is not an option. In order to do that, I would need to give other people access to my perchance account. This would make my email available to those people and I'm not going to deal with the potential of someone leaking my email and getting spammed with suggestions about the generator in it.

Now, you might've noticed I mentioned a survey. I haven't yet made it because I'd like to give this community the chance to give their ideas in case there's some great solution I'm missing. Please tell me these ideas in comments or reblogs on this post. Do NOT put them in the form of asks or submissions. Do NOT try to PM me. I have my PMs closed to discourage people from sending me weird shit and sending your ideas into your inbox will only make the backlog longer.

[halsteadlover]

The Departure part II

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested: highly 😂

• Warnings: mention of rape and death, some curse words.

• Summary: A case you're working on leads you back in Chicago and it's harder than you think when you still haven't forgotten your past.

• Word count: 4864.

• A/N: so this is part 2 of "The Departure" imagine so if you haven't read it yet here's Part 1. This is the SHITTIEST things I've ever written and I'm sorry in advance for this, I really hate it 😭. My inbox is always open feel free to ask me anything or if you want to just talk ❤️ love you all thank you so much for your support, to every single one of you! 💞

Los Angeles was fantastic. When you left you certainly didn't expect to settle in so well and in such a short time.

It had been about seven months since you left Chicago and you couldn’t deny you missed it like crazy, you even missed the almost unbearable winter. Your work was taking up most of your time and you hadn't had any opportunity to go back there.

For this reason when a case you were working on brought you to Chicago you were over the moon to go back and being able to see your friends and family again. Of course, you were as happy as you were nervous and the reason was only one.

Jay Halstead.

You hadn’t talked to him since you broke up months ago, his betrayal still in your memory. You had decided to cut all ties with him and that’s why you didn’t answer any of his calls during the time you were in LA.

A mix of emotions ran through your body when, after placing your suitcase in your hotel room, you arrived in front of what was once your workplace, the 21st district. A feeling of anxiety gripped your stomach but at the same time god how much you had missed that district.

You took a deep breath, whispering to yourself a ‘you can do this’ looking at the building one last time before stepping inside.

“Always stuck between paperwork huh?” you said as soon as you approached Trudy. Her hair was shorter but she always had the same bored frown on her face. She put the pen on her desk and a look of shock appeared on her face as soon as she saw you.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed, approaching you and holding you in a hug that you immediately reciprocated, a huge smile on your face “It’s so good to see you how are you? You didn’t come once since you left!”.

“It’s so good to see you too Trudy, I wanted to come but work is exhausting, how are you? How are things here?”.

“I’m fine but it’s not the same without you,” she said, making you laugh. She was so exaggerated sometimes “You’re back to stay right?”.

“You wish,” you teased her, giggling when a sad expression appeared on her face “That’s why I’m here,” you said, raising your hand and showing the dossier you were holding “Voight is waiting for me.”

“Is it that bad?”

“It’s always bad.”

“Right,” she said, returning behind her to her desk “I’m gonna buzz you up then.”

“Thank you Trudy,” you told her with a smile “Oh and you look radiant more than ever!”

“Get out of here!”

Returning to Intelligence after so long was an indescribable emotion, you didn’t realize you missed it so much until you came back. The team was there, each of them with their heads on their desks as they worked. “Oh so you pretend to work from time to time.”

You let out a laugh when the others looked up at you, shocked and surprised to see you there. Kim was the first to get up and hold you in a warm hug. “What are you doing here oh my god I can’t believe it!”

“Damn guys I really missed you all” you said with a heart full of joy as you hugged everyone. It was nice to know that the bond that united all of you was still as strong as before.

“We talked three days ago why didn’t you tell me you were coming back!” Kevin asked, an arm around your shoulder as he held you close.

“I wanted to make a surprise.”

You spent the next few minutes talking to your old colleagues but couldn’t help but notice that not everyone was there, Hailey and Jay’s desks were empty. You didn’t know how to feel, whether relieved or not that he wasn’t there and you couldn’t help but wonder how you would react to seeing him, which unfortunately would happen sooner or later.

“Look who’s there,” you heard your old boss’ voice behind you. Hank was standing outside his office, a smile on his face as he watched you talk to the others.

“Sarge,” you greeted him with a smile as he gave you a small hug.

“It’s good to see you kid, how is LA treating you?”.

“It’s amazing, Major Crimes Unit is great…”

“Better than us?” Antonio asked with a raised eyebrow and a sly expression on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.

You let out a chuckle. “No one is better than you guys.”

You kept chatting for the next 10 minutes, updating you on the various changes and news. You didn’t realize how much you missed everyone, even Voight’s constantly irritated expression. It only took a few moments for you to go back to joking and laughing like the old days, as if that time spent away from the team never happened.

But a voice brought you back to reality, that voice. Hearing it after so much time was like getting punched in the stomach and it was incredible how after months it did the exact same effect to you as before and you hated it, you hated this feeling.

You initially didn’t have the courage to turn you head, because you weren’t ready to see him, to look him in the eyes again, those green eyes that had done nothing but torture you even in your dreams in the past months. But you couldn’t help it and the instant your eyes met his there was silence, or so it seemed to you.

The grip in your stomach had become even tighter and you could hardly breathe anymore. In that same instant you realized it. You realized you had not forgotten him how you thought you did, or rather, you hoped, you realized that overwhelming love you felt for him was still there, despite months having passed, despite all the attempts you had tried to move forward.

Jay Halstead was there, more handsome than ever, and nothing had changed, neither the effect he had on you, nor the way he made you feel breathless, how he made your heart beating so hard it seemed to come out of your chest, nor the way he made your knees weak.

His green eyes stared at you wide open in shock, with so much attention because he was afraid this was just a hallucination. Jay froze completely in place as he walked up the stairs and saw you, unable to utter a single word or make any movement. His muscles were paralyzed and although he seemed to be in a trance state, his seemingly ‘calm’ figure and expression didn’t reflect at all how he felt inside him. God, he was pretty sure his heart exploded in his chest.

You were there.

You were really there.

There were so many things he wanted to tell you but his brain had gone totally blank and as he kept staring at you he couldn’t help but realize how fucking much he missed you, how good you looked, fuck, you were so beautiful. He noticed how you changed your hair color, it was darker and shorter to shoulder height. You were also thinner. Weren’t you eating anymore? Was it because of him?

That moment of silence which seemed to last an eternity was broken by Hailey who, as soon as she saw you, immediately ran towards you and hugged you, forcing you to look away from Jay who was still standing there, at a distance, looking at you with a devastated expression on his face.

“Oh my God Y/N I’m so happy you’re here! I missed you” Hailey exclaimed as you too returned her hug, a totally fake smile on your lips.

“It’s so good to see you Hailey, how are you? I missed you too” you answered and she broke away from the embrace, looking at you from head to foot as if to analyze how you are. You were trying not to look at Jay, but it was so hard, especially when you felt his eyes piercing you.

“Tell me you’re back to stay please.”

Your smile faded a little and you shook your head slightly. “Just work…”

“Talking about work,” Voight interjected and you were never so grateful for his interruption “Y/N is here to solve a case which is related to what we are currently working on and therefore there is no time to waste. You want to do the honors kid?” he continued, turning to you.

You nodded and he made room for you to position yourself in front of the whiteboard so that you could look at the whole team. “Thanks Sarge. So… I’ve been with my team on the trail of a serial killer for months now. He attacks by raping and killing women and he has a very specific type, they are all between the age of twenty and thirty, all brunettes with brown eyes and all single and wealthy. He has killed five women so far including the Chicago victim, with undefined time intervals, the first two victims were killed within two months of each other, the last three in the last month and at this rate if not captured, there will be soon another victim and we cannot allow it. This man seems to be a ghost, he left his DNA on all the victims and so far we just know he’s a white man between 30’s and 40’s.”

“He’s not registered, he knows we can’t identify him,” Antonio continued as he read the case file you handed him and you nodded, sighing.

“Have you found any suspects?” Kevin asked.

“No,” you replied, looking up at him. “We found some but the DNAs didn’t match so we released them.”

While everyone was discussing the case Jay couldn’t hear and understand a word of what you were talking about, he was just leaning on his desk, not participating in the conversation in any way, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes on you. He couldn’t take his eyes off you and god how much he missed the way you talked, gestured, the way you held your hands on your hips or how you ran them through your hair when you were frustrated.

He was still so shocked you were there.

It was as if he was trying to imprint all those little details into his memory he hadn’t had a chance to see during those months. But the truth was Jay hadn’t forgotten a single detail of you, in the last few months his mind had done nothing but go through every single moment he had with you, he hadn’t been able to forget you, to let you go.

As the day went by, working again with the unit turned out to be more and more difficult and the cause was only one. You didn’t know what made you initially think it would be easy to work so closely with Jay, you just knew the longer hours passed, the harder it was to ignore him.

You certainly didn’t notice the glances he sent you, the way he looked at you and in other circumstances you might even have liked it, but at that moment all you wanted to do was run away, lock yourself in your hotel room and cry your eyes out, because the memory of that woman in his apartment was still clear and vivid in your mind.

That same evening you were sitting on your bed, your legs crossed reading all the paper regarding the case scattered on the mattress, when the sound of someone knocking at the door caught your attention. You sighed, not expecting anyone, and got up to open the door.

You expected any human being in front of you, but certainly not Jay. He was standing there in front of you, his hands tucked into his trouser pockets and a totally shattered expression on his face. Your heart skipped a beat and you were ready to shut the door in his face when he snapped it to a halt by placing a hand on it, you from closing it.

“What do you want” you blurted out, irritated, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I need to talk to you…”

“I don’t have anything to say,” you interrupted “Go away now.”

“Y/N I just need five minutes. I know you don’t want to talk to me and you don’t have to, just listen to me… Please” he begged with an expression that almost broke your heart. God you hated so much the effect he still had on you, how he made you feel, but you knew you had to be strong, you didn’t have to give in.

“Don’t you understand when I speak? I don’t want to hear it. Go. Away.” you said in a firm, angry tone, a tone that didn’t reflect at all the storm you felt inside. You didn’t give him time to answer that statement since you closed the door again, this time successfully. You sighed deeply and were about to sit back on the bed when his voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Y/N please I’m begging you! I need to talk to you and explain everything happened! Open the door!”

You didn’t respond, remaining silent as you tried to suppress what your heart was saying and instead think with your head because, fuck, if you had to follow your heart you would have already dived into his arms.

“I know what you think happened but I didn’t cheat on you, I never cheated on you. That morning you came to my apartment… It was my cousin Desirée, she was here in Chicago and she came by to say hello… I swear Y/N, you are the most important thing in my life I would've never done this to you, you have to believe me!”

Your mind was trying to process those words and before you could even understand what you were doing, you had already opened the door again. “What?”

“I didn’t cheat on you, she was my cou-…” you cut him off, completely losing your mind.

“And you’re telling this now?! You made me think for seven months that you were with someone else!”

“I tried to tell you but you blocked me everywhere…”

“Jay don’t try to justify yourself! You had the chance to tell me that same morning but you preferred to be dumbfounded like an idiot!”

“Would have made any difference?!” he exclaimed aloud, walking into your room and closing the door behind him with a thud.

“Yes Jay! Everything would have changed! For fucks sake that morning I came to tell you I wanted to stay, that I was going to refuse the job! You ruined everything!”

Jay was silent for a few seconds and turned away from you before running his hands over his frustrated face. He was aware of this, he just let go the best thing that had ever happened to him and it was only his fault, he didn’t try hard enough to try to make up for it.

“Why didn’t you fight for us? Why did you let me go Jay?”

You had tears in your eyes and it didn’t matter how much you tried to hold them back because you didn’t want him to see you weak. When he turned back to you and saw the devastated look on your face, your eyes red and shiny from tears, it was as if a hundred knives had stabbed him at the same time. He hated seeing you like this and he hated more he was the cause of your suffering.

“I never let you go Y/N, you’re always here,” he murmured, pointing his heart. “Would you have let me fight for you?”

You thought about his question for a second and that silence of yours was the answer. In hindsight probably not, especially since you thought he had cheated on you.

“Maybe we weren’t meant to be together, maybe it’s better it went that way” you mumbled, staring down, unable to look him in the eye. You didn’t even believe those words, dammit, god only knew how bad it hurt you to just say them because, you really thought Jay was your soul mate.

Jay frowned hearing those words of yours. “No, no, no, don't say that...” he hastened to say and in doing so he took a step towards you which was followed bye one of yours too. You wanted to stay away from him, you had no idea how you would react if he touched you or even approached you. Perhaps, you were just afraid to find out because you already knew you would give in immediately.

Jay swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to ignore the tightening in his heart that had caused him to see you walk away from him. “We were meant to be Y/N, you know this, I know this and the whole word knows it!”

“No we weren't Jay! Things would have been different otherwise we would still be together!”

“Why don't you even give me a chance to give it a fucking try!”

“A chance?! Do you listen to yourself when you say this bullshit?! Based on what was I supposed to give you another chance? After seeing you with another woman in your apartment?!” you angrily snapped.

“I told you how things went Y/N for fucks sake! She's my cousin, I would’ve never betrayed you!“

“You betrayed my trust Jay! Now I know she is your cousin but I didn't know then! In these seven months in which I have done nothing but cry for you I didn’t know! Do you have any idea how the fuck it feels?!”

“I'm so sorry…” he said trying to get closer.

“No! Stay away from me!”

Hearing you say those words was more painful than Jay ever expected. He was the person you went to when you were sad and tried to escape from the world, when everything seemed to be a disaster, but now he was the reason of your pain, the person who you ran away from and that made him feel awful, God how painful it was.

“I should've told you before, I shouldn't have left you with this thought all this time and I'm sorry Y/N, you don't know how much... There is no excuse except I'm a dickhead, the last thing I wanted was to make you suffer…” he talked, in a lower and calmer tone of voice.

You let out an ironic chuckle, then quickly wiped away your tears. “Yeah…”

Jay sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair and a few moments of silence passed before he spoke.

“I tried.”

“Tried what?” you asked as you saw him sit on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his head down.

“To talk to you… I came to Los Angeles almost two months after you left. I would have come a lot sooner but I thought it wouldn't be a good idea because you would still be so mad at me and probably would’ve bit my head off, so I tried to give you some time and space, you know, to let you get you through it, get you through anger so when we talked you would be more lucid and maybe we could try to fix things…” he said, your heart pounding as you heard his words “I came at the police department and you were entering right at that moment with a man and you were joking and laughing, obviously you didn't see me so I left…”

It was difficult for you to try to process what Jay had just said. Had he really gone to LA and left right away?

When Jay noticed your silence, he kept talking this time looking into your eyes. “I know I have no right to ask you this but... Is he... Are you with him?”

You almost burst out laughing. “Are you talking about Matt?”

“I don't know his fucking name and please answer me, I need to know.”

“I should do as you did, keep you in the dark and leave you in doubt for months.”

Jay sighed, looking away for few seconds. “Yeah I probably deserve it.”

“Will you leave me alone if I tell you?”

Jay looked at you with his green piercing eyes of his for a moment, a serious expression on his face. “No.”

“What do you mean no?”

He stood up, carefully taking steps towards you. “I mean no Y/N, I won’t give up. I don’t care if he’s your damn friend or boyfriend or whatever the fuck he is, I won’t let you go this time, I’ve already made this huge mistake and it won’t happen again. What we two had, what we two have, we will never have it with anyone else and you know this, you can’t deny it. We are made for each other, we are meant to be.”

“Jay…”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same Y/N, tell me you’ve forgotten me and haven’t thought of me in these months, tell me you don’t love me as much as I love you because I’ve never stopped even for a second. Tell me you don’t feel your heart pounding and goosebumps when you think of me or your stomach in turmoil because that’s exactly what happens to me when I think of you,” he paused, taking another step towards you and shortening the distance between you two “I fucked up, in the worst way and I will spend the rest of my life making up to you. I was an asshole I know, I didn’t support you when you needed it and I made you suffer and, please believe me, I will never forgive myself for this. There was no day I didn’t think about you and what a stupid I was for letting go the one person who ever really made me happy... I’m so sorry baby and I know these are just words in the wind for you because the damage is now done and I cannot go back unfortunately. But I can promise I'll try, I'll do everything to get you back. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me Y/N, I don’t want to be without you, not anymore.”

Jay’s hands were resting on your cheeks but you weren’t able to formulate a single thought that made sense, let alone try to push him away.

“Please don’t cry” he whispered, wiping away your tears you didn’t even realize were running down your cheeks.

Smelling his scent again after so long was an unparalleled sensation and you didn’t even realize how much you missed him, how much you missed having him so close, his hands touching you and how he made you feel this way home and safe. You knew it was wrong, you shouldn’t let them get away with it so easily because only you knew how much you had suffered in those months, but that moment every rational thought was adrift and you couldn’t help but listen to your heart which was screaming his name.

“I can't go on because you are always and constantly in my head, I can’t even look at someone and not think what it would be like if you were with me. I was against long-distance relationships but after being without you and feeling what it means I don’t want to live this ever again, I never want to not have you in my life Y/N again because it was devastating as cheesy and absurd as this sounds. I prefer to live a long distance relationship with you rather than having someone else here it’s not you…” he continued to talk “Please tell me you don’t want me anymore and…”

“I do… I do want you Jay and you know no one will ever be able to take your place but these words will not fix things, I need to know you will be there for real, that you will not get tired of this distance. God knows how much I wouldn’t be able to relive everything I’ve been through in these months again. You said it yourself, Los Angeles is not around the corner…”

“Do you really think after being without you I would let you go again? Did you even hear a word of everything I said?” Jay asked in a joking tone as he continued to stroke your cheeks with his thumbs “I want to be with you and everything that entails, if to get you back I have to do every single day back and forth to LA fuck I'll do it, I’m serious Y/N. I believe in us, what the two of us have is something beautiful and special, I don’t want to give up in any way and I think we can do it if we want and fuck if I want to.”

“I’m scared Jay” you confessed in a low, faint voice. Jay hugged you, without warning, completely taking you by surprise. He held you like he had never done before, with so much force. He didn’t want to let you go, because he was afraid you would leave again, that he would never have a chance to hold you again. He tried to enjoy every single moment and every single second and while his arms were around your body and his nose in your hair as he inhaled deeply that scent he had missed so much, you could no longer hold back the tears and you too found yourself returning that hug, almost taking his breath away.

“I know my love I know,” he murmured, leaving you a small kiss on your forehead before hugging you again and holding you tight “I’m so sorry, I’ll fix it, I’ll do anything for you to forgive me and trust me again, I promise.”

“God I hope this won’t be a mistake.”

Jay suddenly broke away from that hug and looked at you with a huge smile on his lips and his eyes sparkling. “Are you telling me you’re going to give me a chance?”

You tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach . “I haven’t decided anything yet let’s just… Let’s take things slow. If we have to try again, I want us to start from scratch, all over again.”

“Absolutely, yes, yes, yes! Anything you want,” he mumbled happily, still smiling “So I’ll have to take you on dates at expensive restaurants and buy you new jewelry.”

You let out a giggle and for the first time that day you felt lighter. “Oh you’re gonna regret this, I’ll make you run out of a dime.”

Jay laughed, pulling you back into a hug, one hand resting on the back of your neck as he stroked your hair, the other wrapped around your shoulders. “It will always be worth it,” he murmured. “But you still have to answer my question.”

“What question?”

“Who was that guy?”

“Just one of my many lovers.”

Jay snapped away from the embrace, watching you in total shock. “What?!”

You tried not to laugh, keeping an expression as serious as possible. “Yeah.”

“Y/N. Are you serious?!”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” you asked with a raised eyebrow and arms crossed over your chest. Jay looked at you in silence for a few moments, jealousy already eating him alive.

“Relax he is just a member of my team” you said after a while, rolling your eyes and giggling when you saw him breathe a sigh of relief.

“I was already regretting not killing him when I had the opportunity,” he said and something told you there was a grain of truth in his words. Jay grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to him, placing his hands on your cheeks and looking at you so intently that his eyes alone made your legs feel like jelly. “Fuck don’t do this to me ever again. You’re mine Y/N, only mine.”

If Jay hadn’t kept you on your feet, you would most likely have collapsed to the ground and never regained consciousness. God how did he always have that effect on you? What kind of witchcraft had he done to you?

“This is just the beginning Halstead, I’m planning to take revenge one way or another.”

A small grin appeared on Jay’s lips. “I deserve it, I’ll take every shot promised.”

His fingers continued to caress your face, gently placing a lock of hair behind your ear that had fallen out before his eyes.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you whispered as he continued fiddling with your fingers with your lock of hair.

“You’re gorgeous,” he said looking at you with so much love and adoration “I love this haircut and the color, they give you a lot.”

You blush, like every time you did when he complimented you.

“Fuck I missed this, I missed you so much” he whispered, hugging you again, and it was amazing how a single hug of yours was enough to make him feel good, to make him feel light-hearted and happier again.

Tag list: @hereforhalstead, @upsteadlovingheart, @stephanie708, @morganupstead, @nevaehstreater18

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