#i'm genuinely so upset right now
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NOOOOOOO NOT LAUKS AS WELL????? I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WOULD DO THIS TO US
#it's 3:49am i just woke up and felt a sudden urge to open tumblr bc something felt wrong#I CANT BELIEVE ITS BC THEY TRADED MY BOY#so soon after ully too#they're gonna send me on a killing spree the way things are going#don sweeney better fucking RUN#i'm genuinely so upset right now#NOT MY LOTR NERD :( THEY CANT TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME#WHO THE FUCK IS SUPPOSED TO BE SWAY'S EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BOY NOW????#pat pls give him so many hugs he lost his two boyfriends in the space of a week#AND WHERE IS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PERSON????#bruins i'm so mad at you right now!!!#biggest sad hours ever#julian.txt
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CLARA PLEASE PLEASE CLARA NO NOT YOU NOT YET NOT NOW OH MY CLARA WHY PLEASE NO PLEASE
#I'm ugly sobbing at 6 in the morning over this#I was RIGHT to keep putting this off I was RIGHT to be afraid#I have not been this attached to a companion since rose#not even the ponds as much as I loved them#I knew I was gonna be distraught but. oh god. I thought the rocky start I had with her would've softened the blow#it didn't. it's not#sorry that clara doesn't get an full fuckin novel over her leaving like rose and amy did I don't have it in me#I'm genuinely so upset right now#clara oswin oswald I love u I love u foreva#let me be brave#be a little proud of me#FUCK!!!!!!!#I can't fucking take it man I can't oh I can't oh#I do not know when I am going to finish the last two episodes#oh. oh. my clara#I feel physically ill over this I love her so much#clara oswald#doctor who
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I'm sat in my kitchen crying my eyes out.
I went to see Barbie last night and I just honestly don't think I'll ever recover from America Ferrera's speech near the end. I've never seen anything capture what it is to be a woman so succinctly.
Bits of her speech resonated more with me than other bits, and I'm sure that was entirely the point. That *every single* woman could relate to at least one part of that speech. Now matter how seemingly perfect they are.
Then, as if to prove my point, I was scrolling Facebook and came across this cursed image.
The OP was, of course, a man. And here is his "idealized" vision of a woman - posted in a page run by and for her fans - who is truly beautiful, inside and out, and yet who has suffered horrific misogyny and ageism from the entertainment industry. They've literally taken a woman in her 50s, who is, by any accounts, utterly stunning both inside and out, and turned her into "Stereotypical Barbie."
And this is why I'm sat here in my kitchen, crying my eyes out. None of us are free from those burdens.
#barbie#barbie movie#melissa mcbride#I'm genuinely so upset right now#you all know how much i adore her#idealized?#to who?
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I'm so mad that post was misinformation because there is actually an EXTREMELY important conversation to have about the production schedules artists are forced into. There's no need for exaggeration, the conditions are bad.
I work for webtoon. My publication schedule is weekly. While publishing I'm required 10-15 pages a week. Fully colored.
This means I'm finishing a 150 page fully colored graphic novel every 10-15 weeks.
When my comic is not updating, I am not getting paid. Any time writing, editing, or off is out of my own pocket. I don't get healthcare. They do not provide any assistants. They expect me to promote myself; they chose to deprioritize me before I even launched and gave me an end date half a year in. I never had a chance.
And this is the industry standard! Every company has artists forced into crunch hours, overtime, and burnout. Artists are literally dying early due to it. So many of my friends can't afford to go to the doctor.
It's unsustainable and untenable, and it's also the expectation our audiences have.
If we want to have this conversation, there's plenty of conversation to be had with the realities of the situation. It's bad as is.
#and people get mad at us about 'short updates' lmfao#the companies are absolutely abusing our passion and our desperate situations#but readers genuinely offer little to no grace#if I am going to be able to leave#then the conditions for me to be able to leave need to exist#and they just Dont right now#I'm not making nearly enough to pay my bills without webtoon#I NEED the job#I dont have a car#I cant fucking afford one#I can't drive anyway#I NEED TO WORK#THIS IS MY JOB#I want to leave I'm being mistreated but I CANT!!!#anyways. whatever#I'm so fucking upset that someone just idk spread misinformation#and now the conversation is about like nooo she was under the same shit conditions as everyone else#she's just a really good writer#like okay that's awesome and I'm really glad#but WOULDNT IT BE NICE IF SHE WASNT ALSO OVERWORKED?#AND ALSO IF GOOD WRITERS WERE ABLE TO WRITE WELL WITHOUT HAVING TO BE OUTLIERS???#god it makes me so so so mad!!!!#fucking ruining a really important conversation to have!!!#we're mistreated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we just are!!!!!!!!!!1#I'm not paid enough to build the savings to take risks!#this 6 month break was EVERYTHING#I NEED to start working to pay my bills now#like it's over I ran out of time#its heartbreaking#I hate it here
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Blank Scripts AU OCs / Self Insert participants!!
Hey guys!! Just giving you a quick update that I'm still working on it! :3
I know some people are still waiting for their characters to be drawn and this is just an announcement to tell you guys that I'm still actively working on them! But I'm also working on other things [both IRL and my own projects] so progress is really slow uwaah 〒▽〒
Expect the illustrations to come out slowly! Please be patient with me!! 🙏 [Expected time for another illustration to come out is 1 month for each finished drawing.]
I've also been working on an animation too. Achromatic Loop AU viewers where you at?
↓ [LIST OF USERS I MADE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT FOR!!] ↓
@ask-the-gold-bear / @reader-writer-combo / @iyuray / @thenamesmobu / @test-url-please-ignore / @adventurecrimez / @tumbling-turmoil / @idunnowhattowriteheretbh / @commit-behicular-manslaughter / @felonius-glitch / @toon-topaz / @villiun / @thechaotichorselord / @altyem / @stylus427 / @employee052 / @how-is-this-taken / @juaneloriginal / @limelemonleaf / @wingedecho / @nineparlor69
I haven't forgotten about you guys <3 don't worry!!
#tsp blank scripts au#anyway ARGH I'm so upset that I can't just sit down and draw them in one sitting#I don't have anything bad going on IRL btw. I've just been taking care of myself some more and improving my bad sleep and resting schedule#you know just actually participating in life again instead of rushing myself to make one fully rendered drawing after another#so yeah it's been pretty chill lately :3#I've been having a lot of exciting ideas lately and I'm actually actively working on a new animation right now#AHH I'm genuinely excited to show you guys when it's finished#tsp au#tsp self insert#tsp oc#blank scripts self insert#blank scripts oc#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tsp#tspud#kat talks
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what the fuck do you mean they didn't animate the panel of rinnie showing off his horrible posture and his chipmunk cheeks are you kidding me
#i was waiting for that :(#AND THE PANELS OF ANGRY CAT RINNIE ??????#genuinely so upset right now#LIKE WHY ???#they gave iga*uri an anime only but they didnt animate panels that were IN THE MANGA ?????????#whoever decided that i wish that they sweat until their clothes are dripping wherever they go#AND I HOPE THEY STINK TOO !!!!#never mess with a rin fan >:[#AEOUDFHVISRUDFJCGXVBUICFEJDKX#I'M SO UEHDFIUJAHESDUIFJCLAKHFDXK#man#sigh#BIG sigh#kinda don't want to watch the anime now </3#mannnnnnnnnnnnnn#sorry for being dramatic i just love that panel so so much :(#miro's diary
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Just a quick reminder (especially if you're a teenager) because my friends recently have started "diets" which sound pretty harmful actually: especially as a teenager or child you are Expected to eat lots of carbohydrates and also likely fats and glucose and gain calories so that your body can properly build itself!!! Please don't do harmful diets no matter how skinny or pretty you want to be!!! Being pretty means NOTHING if you're not healthy!
#text#Now I am German so I can't fully translate it correctly and we've had this topic in biology only but I've picked up some stuff anyway#It genuinely hurts me because to me they are some of the most WONDERFUL friends out there and I don't know if not eating all day except-#Once and then it's a relatively small portion will help at all#Especially my one friend who's already skinny since the start#I'm a bit scared for them because I've heard before how diets can be super harmful especially to teens and the extremes that they're-#willing to go to are so insane to me#I'm not a biology teacher or anything but it still upsets me when I learned that eating right is healthy#I hope nothing bad happens to them they are my entire world ♥️♥️♥️#mental health#erm im gonna Tag this with some stuff to be easier filtered#diets#this might count as disordered eating but I can't be sure because I have no idea what they really do at home#Sigh
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How genuinely fucking sick in your rotten heart do you have to be to not only be intimidated by queer children, but to hurt and even kill them.
You're grown ass adults who are terrified of CHILDREN. That's the most fucking pathetic thing I have ever seen. Take your own advice and "grow the fuck up, snowflake."
#vee vibrates#youth liberation#youth rights#RIP Pauly and all of our queer youth who deserved so much better in life.#Shit like this makes me want to fucking strangle my father for formerly contributing to this fucking nightmare on the political scale.#If I get anybody coming at me for this post I will fucking nuke you into orbit with my blockhammer. You don't have ANY right to speak here.#Especially the very people I'm talking about. I hope the snowflake comment hurts. Your egoist ilk can't stand talkback.#child death tw#child abuse tw#child murder tw#queerphobia tw#transphobia tw#transmisogyny tw#homophobia tw#Just making sure nobody else gets as upset as I am because wow. Genuinely want to fucking maul Pauly's killer(s) right now.#Not even kill. No no no no no. My dear friend Death is too good for you. You deserve to live with the consequences for killing a CHILD.#death tw#murder tw#abuse tw#“Dear friend” is such a funny thing to say to someone you're about to oblirate honestly.#obliterate* fuck sorry still super mad
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Me watching as the canes post “thank you” to each player that leaves the team: THATS ENOUGH SLICES😭😭😭
#genuinely not ok right now#like I'm actually so upset#welcome back gostisbehere tho#nhl#nhl hockey#carolina hurricanes
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spinarakis we won but at what cost
#genuinely so upset right now#spinaraki i love you my perfect doomed yaoi#i'm so fucking sad#spoilers#bnha spoilers#me.txt
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a truly terrible idea has latched hold of my gremlin brain which is, buck and tommy do break up so that buck can pursue eddie because either tommy thinks buck is in love with eddie or buck feels like he should be with eddie because everyone else keeps suggesting there's something more there BUT buck/eddie getting together changes their dynamic so much that neither of them are enjoying themselves (and they're worrying about losing what made their friendship so special because of all the changes to the dynamic) AND buck and tommy keep hooking up [air quotes] platonically (with tommy stumbling into inconvenient feelings and pining pathetically for buck while fucking him) while buck struggles to sort out intense feelings toward eddie (which obviously have to be romantic of course) vs. his calm, more settled feelings toward tommy (they're not as intense as his feelings about eddie so they can't possibly be romantic) blah blah long story slightly less long but buck realizes he's been in love with tommy the whole time and was having trouble separating strong but platonic feelings for eddie from his romantic feelings toward tommy and then tommy's like "newsflash asshole i've been in love with you the whole goddamn time"
i'll never write it because it's irredeemably stupid and i value my peace but it IS sitting in my hindbrain tormenting me right now
#thank you for coming to my ted talk#i'm not tagging this bc i don't want it showing up in any show or ship tags but...............................#terrible evil plotbunny free to a good home#nobody ever writes about the friends who get together bc 'why not everyone else already thinks we're dating' and then it doesn't work out#because the dynamic changes SO MUCH that you're not sure if it was such a good idea in the first place#now add a third person to the mix that you like but aren't sure how you feel about them#not sure if eddie would be aware it's casual and non exclusive or if there'd be miscommunication leading to angst#honestly this is just me venting my frustrations with those breakup fics masqueraring as b*cktommy that have tommy#graciously sacrificing himself on the altar of b*ddie's true love and stepping aside magnanimously#that's not interesting to me to read even as a b*ddie shipper#if buck and tommy have to break up let it be real and messy because real people are real and messy#let tommy fight for buck even if it doesn't end up working out#let buck and eddie feel guilty because buck did genuinely care about tommy and eddie does like him as a friend#let tommy cut both of them off because even though he likes both of them he still has feelings and it hurts seeing them together#let tommy be petty about showing off a new love interest or fwb and how much happier he is with this guy than he was with buck#let buck wonder if he made the right choice or not bc he didn't ever want to hurt tommy#he only convinced himself tommy would be completely fine with the breakup because he needed him to be fine so that he could do it guilt fre#let eddie wonder if they made the right choice or not bc while he finally has what he's wanted for years it did hurt someone he really like#maybe it'll all work out in the end for buck and eddie AND tommy but i just want it to feel real and not overly polished and sanitized#and no one is hurt or upset or petty or flawed#anyway#i like mess#don't @ me#i might have to write this now but i don't want to be chased off with pitchforks and torches#text#shut up giallos
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The physical pain I feel because one of my favorite bands of all time that I've wanted to see for like 20 years is coming to my city next month and there's no conceivable way I can shell out the money for TWO tickets because concert ticket prices have become so fucking outrageous and we are literally one somewhat large inconvenience away from homelessness lol.
#they are the only band that i've wanted to see my whole life and haven't#and i wanted to take my mom because she loves them too and the other band they're doing the show with#i know this is like. incredibly insignificant. people are dealing with so much right now#i shouldn't be upset about a concert when i can't make my car payment and our house doesn't have heat lol#but this like. genuinely digging at my mental health#it's just the combination of everything. i feel worthless and dumb and the world sucks and everyone is miserable and suffering#and i can't even pay to forget reality for two hours#it's never going to end#anyways#i'm fine lol i just want to scream and cry because joy and fun are locked behind a paywall
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happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3
now, because i'm curious:
#to hell and back again#i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :')#anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags:#1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now-#mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol#2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much#(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME)#3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down#i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up#but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor#and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own#and then had to go to work right after that#so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad'#so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags#idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts#anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike#byler
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:(
#got pulled over.#for speeding apparently but I mean I was just going with the flow of traffic so#but anyway it was extremely scary and I'm basically still crying#truly a supremely bad experience#i mean the cop was fine like he was perfectly pleasant and just gave me a warning#so it went as well as it could have#but im just a nervous wreck so it was genuinely very upsetting.#also im all sweaty i guess from nervousness but also it's spring#and as soon as the weather gets above 70 im sweating like its a sauna.#all in all having a really bad time right now
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look, my dad is not a perfect man and he's not faultless in how disfunctional my parent's marriage is but at the same time I've been watching my mom bully him my whole life and now that my man-hating oma is living there with them it's even worse because now they tag team to make him miserable and it makes me so fucking angry
#text post#don't reblog#my mom had to borrow our car to take her dad to an appointment bc he can't get in any of the other vehicles#so she came over to drop it off and then walked next door to my aunt's house so they could go to a concert#and my mom's sitting in my kitchen on the phone with my dad informing him that once again my oma hired someone#to come do major work at the house (this time trimming all the trees) and he's not allowed to get mad#and my dad is just quit on the other line and then asks 'they're not doing anything to the apple tree right?'#bc genuinely i know my dad is upset they're springing shit on him without asking for his input again#but i also know the thing that would send him over the edge is the apple tree bc he loves that thing#and my mom just starts SCREAMING at him on the phone and then hangs up before he can respond#and then she starts yelling about him to me#and I'm sitting here like 'why the FUCK do you and oma keep doing this shit to him?'#i would never fucking do that to my partner#and now my dad's gonna go home and he's not gonna have anything to do and he's gonna feel like shit all night alone
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I swear I've gone through every emotion known to man.... (And then some) today...
#spiteful angry a little happy and proud judgemental upset sad mourning#the list can go on#its been a day#my thoughts#mom went to detox today and will be in recovery for a month#i already feel lighter with her gone#but conflicted because i wasn't there for her#but i couldn't be because she wouldn't let me#and genuinely i didnt want to be because she was simultaneously never there for me#but shes done more for me than i ever could've asked in some ways#but i also never asked to be born wish i was never born and feel like ive never belonged here#like i was meant to be aborted but was born instead#and yet despite it all I'm angry at the world for the cards she was dealt#for the way she was treated as a child#and the way no one was there for her and moved on pretending like all was fine#(some generational trauma she picked up and carried over)#upset at her siblings and friends for never being there for her like she needed (but i also understand that she pushed everyone away and im#In the same boat as them in that sense#but also shes my mother and im her child and shes never been there's for me so how could i possibly know how to be there for her#i hate being understanding because white hot anger and hatred is easier#so much easier#ignorance is bliss frfr#part of me is also proud of her for finally doing this#scared that she might get mistreated at the facility furthering her trauma scared of her relapsing and what that will look like#wanting to be a support fixture for her when she comes back at the end of the month but realistically knowing i cant#spiteful because where is her support system right now? everyone has failed her#spent years enabling and ignoring her#i hope she has a support system or can curate one because it cant be me#it just cant#mother wound
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