#biggest sad hours ever
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NOOOOOOO NOT LAUKS AS WELL????? I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WOULD DO THIS TO US
#it's 3:49am i just woke up and felt a sudden urge to open tumblr bc something felt wrong#I CANT BELIEVE ITS BC THEY TRADED MY BOY#so soon after ully too#they're gonna send me on a killing spree the way things are going#don sweeney better fucking RUN#i'm genuinely so upset right now#NOT MY LOTR NERD :( THEY CANT TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME#WHO THE FUCK IS SUPPOSED TO BE SWAY'S EMOTIONAL SUPPORT BOY NOW????#pat pls give him so many hugs he lost his two boyfriends in the space of a week#AND WHERE IS MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PERSON????#bruins i'm so mad at you right now!!!#biggest sad hours ever#julian.txt
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this is getting out of hand…
#left the time and my phone battery level in the screenshot cuz i think they add to it#it all started with me agreeing to go to a house show this weekend so my friend wouldn’t be sad#and now i’m driving an hour round trip tomorrow to pick up the biggest belt buckle i could find on the local market#you just never know how things might play out - truly#this is actually all part of a greater scheme to make sure people know i’m transmasc#but i think i’m mainly going to convey that i’m insane#thank god i’m not the dd for this… this only works if i’m at least a BIT tipsy#(to be clear - my outfit has NOTHING to do with the show’s theme lmaoo)#(i will never ever wear my cowboy boots in relevant situations… that’s illegal)
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Where else am I gonna rant if not to a group of random strangers that barely know me, right? So ofc I'm gonna rant here cuz these people have no idea who tf I am.
....turns out I have no words to explain how I'm feeling right now so I offer this emoji instead: 😔
#so i went to this 18th birthday aka debut of my friend and tbh its the first debut ive ever been to and i was rly looking forward to it#plan was to enjoy with my friends and all and i was also planning to get some ideas for my own debut whoch is two weeks after hers#tbh my debut is the bday that ive been looking forward to for basically my whole life cuz the other important ages i did absolutely nothing#for my first bday i was literally in the hospital so nothing there. in my seventh bday i cant even remember what happened. we went swimming?#so the 18th is what i always dreamt of. ive already told my moms this a couple hundred times and ive already thought out how i want it to go#then at the party i observed everything and i realized a lot of things. firstly that shit is expensive. while we used to have the money#no we dont and thats all just in the past now. second thing which i find the most disturbing is the amount of people#the debutante invites the special people in their life and while yes i do have those i dont think they can even reach the proper number#and also i rly cant see myself in that position yknow? being the center of atteaction with people telling you nice stuff abt how they like u#so thats made me quite sad that the bday ive always wanted is never gonna be mine. my biggest TOTGA...#at this point i just wanna spend my whole 18th wallowing in self pity and sadness. while i know my friends love me i dont rly think they#love me to the point of throwing me a lil party of our own like we did earlier this year to ine of our friends. im the spare friend i guess#and plus when i got home my paretns arent even talking to me or looking my way if not scolding me or getting mad at me#well IM SORRY i also didnt want to get stuck in the fckin road for A WHOLE HOUR while waiting for a ride home#and IM SORRY that im just wearing jeans to a debut. this is my frist fucking time going to a debut so how tf would i know???#plus a lot of people were just wearing casual so wtf 😒#all in all im sad and i want to go die
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Boston night 1 vs. Boston night 2
#my biggest glow up ever ????#i haven’t slept yet i still have another 2 hours before i’m home#so totally worth it#i fucking love this man#i fucking love this tour#i’m so sad it’s fucking over#that’s a lot of fucking before 10am#i love you all#i need to sleep so bad#l#fitfwt#fitfwt: boston#mine
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Reblog wth your biggest comfort character and favorite image of them. I'll go first!
#ray tpn#tpn#the promised neverland#ray the promised neverland#I LOVE RAY IT'S SO UNHEALTHY#Ray is the cure to all depression anxiety sadness and world hunger#I love ray u live him too#These are three photos because I love him too much#Rayrayrayray#Biggest comfort chacter ever#free therapy#I could talk about him for. Hours you couldn't get me to shut up unless you use force#HIS EXPRESSIONS AFTER THE ESCAPE >>#REEEEEEEEEEE#ok I'll stfu#Comfort character
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one of the things that will forever hunt me and make me feel bad about myself its the fact that I know the whole fcking backstory of the "I dont fit in and I dont wanna fit it, Im weird, Imma weirdo, have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on?" scene
I feel so bad, like I cant believe it, like people dont have to know I watched it when it came out but I know it and I feel sorry for my soul
it really gets me down
(sorry for the multiple missspelled words in the tags, Its late and I didnt doble check and Im tired and I dont think I cant re write all of that)
#like Ive been watching fcking tiktok compilations on youtube which is sad enough but everytime that clip comes out I feel such sorrow#I want to die#I mean cry#I want to cry#I feel so bad for myself#I cant believe I liked that#riverdale#jughead jones#being a riverdale fan back in the day its my biggest darkest secrets#it will haunt me forever#if someone ever gives me the chance to erase something from my brain I will not hesitate Ill beg them to delete any detail of riverdale#thats coming from someone who stopped watching after episode 3 of season 3 maybe#like you know that scene from stranger things where theyre burning the upside down tunnels thats what I want them to do in my brain w river#“i wish I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things” but its riverdale#its not a break up its just deep deep regret and hours and years of my life I'll never get back and will haunt me forever#like that episode of Sonny with a chance where they go to public school#thats how riverdale memories make me feel#one of the scenes that will haunt me forever its Betty seeing her mom and sister about to burn her niece and nephew for a ritual#and thats bc I decided that was my last straw and ran away as fast as I could from that show and now I'll never know what happens afterward#trapped depressed ansious thats how that Sonny w a chance ep & Riverdale make me feel#also strime cringe#like Cherryl pigblood Josie stalker ???? WHY DID NOBODY EVER TALKED ABOUT THAT EPISODE AGAIN???? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??#THAT LET ME DEEPLY DISTURBED STRIMLY SCARED#AND THE GUY NEVER HEARD BACK FROM JOSIE BC CHERRYL TOLD HER HE DID THAT? AND SHE KEEP BEING FRIENDS W CHERRYL#The fact that they used to air this episodes at the same time that in the US but in my country it was between 12 & 1 am#I HAD TO GO TO BED AFTER THAT!
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being on the aro spectrum would be a lot easier if being single wasn't made to feel like a literal death sentence
#mm yeah. ramble ahead. warning: it's sad hours#the way the “how long have I got these ppl” was like my biggest fear for a while and still kinda is when I think too hard#the “second best” thing op describes is the worst of it#bc when you're particularly close when they get a partner it's kinda like “ok what does this mean for you and me bc this is grey area"#and I've never been sure how to bring that up because it implies that there's smth romantic about my friendships when there's not#it's just when there's not a romantic partner in the picture it's whatever you and your friend are comfy with and think is platonic#and when there is one it's... well a lot of times they'll gravitate to their partner instead or it won't be clear what's still acceptable#sometimes being very close friends with allo people can feel like living on borrowed time and it's not their fault but it hurts#and I'm defo not perfect w/ it either half the reason this is such a big fear is bc of allonormativity being entrenched in my head#and not really being able to let go of thinking of things with that internalised heirarchy no matter how stupid I think it is but ughhhhhh#but uhhh hey prev my beloved mutual if you made it this far you wanna move in together and live together forever and ever haha jk unless...#I'm being so serious when I say you will always have me /p
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If I Was Your Boyfriend
"If he was your boyfriend, he would give you the actual world. Sadly he is just your best friend with the biggest unrequited crush ever."
Pairing: Jungkook x f.Reader
Genre: Unrequited Crush!AU, Idiots in Love!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Slice of Life, Fluff, Romance
Warnings: OC is scared of a bug (me fr), he kills it for her, he would do anything for her, yearning, unrequited feelings (? mhhm ?), listen. he may be a lil bit dense when it comes to reading signs jsjjss bless his heart, i need him as my boyfriend, so much tension between them, jsjsjs this is pure torture i want them to kiss!!, brief mention of adult toys, miscommunication because he suuucks at love confessions, protective & slightly jealous!Kook, he is the greenest flag though like seriously, the happiest end hihi, the inspo was seven mv kook, she is shorter than him because i have the hugest size kink with him and this is so self-indulgent <3, once again i need him as my boyfie
Wordcount: 10.5k
a/n: sometimes i have ideas for one specific trope without wanting to write the whole book lmaooo, so enjoy this lil slow burn fluff scenario which is so self-indulgent and fanfiction coded. also, it was inspired by a real life event where i found a bug in my bed and i had to kill it on my own :( i was being very brave about it 😔 ps: this is very unrealistic 'cause like why would you only be best friends with HIM? that wouldn't be an unrequited crush if that was me. happy birthday to kookie 💛
The call comes around two at night. Jungkook picks up with the first ring. He was working out before that.
“Hello? Are you okay?” he asks, resting his head against the edge of the sofa as he is currently sitting on the floor. He was doing sit ups before that, trying his hardest to regulate his sped-up breathing right now.
“Kook, please help me.”
Jungkook sits up straight.
“Where are you? Are you safe?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s following me. I locked it inside my room but I can still hear it.”
“Stay with me, I’m getting dressed”, he says, jumping to his feet to hurry to his front door.
“Please hurry please. I’m so scared.”
“I’m coming, don’t worry. Are you home?”
“Yes. Hurry please.”
“I’m coming, stay strong. Yeah?”
“Yes, thank you”, you say and end the call.
Jungkook curses, shoving the phone into his pants pocket. He puts on his jacket as he runs down the hallway and puts on his beanie once he is inside the elevator. He is restless in the small space, wishing for it to go quicker. It’s too slow.
“Come on, come on”, he stresses it, knowing that it is fruitless.
You are his best friend. Well, at least that is what you would call him. Best friend. Jungkook sees so much more in you. His best friend, his person of trust, his crush. He would never tell you his feelings because he doesn’t want to make it awkward. But if there were no consequences for speaking up, Jungkook would tell you that you are his dream girl. You are funny, sweet, caring, talented, intelligent, wonderful, perfect, amazing, beautiful, pretty, stunning. Yes, Jungkook thinks that you are all of these things and more. When he is close to you, his heart races and he wants to keep looking at your face. When you are sad, he wants to make you happy again and when you smile, he wants to keep it on your face. When you aren’t with him, he misses you and when you are with him, he hopes that time stops passing. You are the person he updates on the most mundane of things and whose text messages always bring a quick flutter to his chest. Your voice is the voice he could listen to for hours and your face is the face he doesn’t get tired of staring at when you and he video chat late night till you and he both run out of things to say. And at the same time, you are the person with whom Jungkook never runs out of things to talk about, if he didn’t have to breathe, he would continue to babble to you until your ears wore off. Jungkook swears that if there were no consequences for his words, he would tell you all of this.
But alas, there are consequences and so Jungkook is left keeping his true feelings hidden.
The outcome of tonight’s phone call obviously wouldn’t have changed whether or not he had romantic feelings for you. Jungkook loves you as a friend as well. And he will always be there for his friends. Especially when they are clearly scared by something.
Jungkook rings your bell. You open the door as if you were waiting for him, grabbing him by his wrists to drag him inside. Jungkook’s entire body flutters at the feeling of your touch.
“Finally you are here. Come in quick, please”, you tell him.
You must have been sleeping already. You are in your pyjamas and have no make-up on. Jungkook swears that you have never looked more beautiful before.
“What happened? Did someone break in?” he asks instead of telling you that you are beautiful.
“Worse.”
“Worse?”
“Kook, there is a huge bug in my room. Please kill it.”
Jungkook stops in his tracks. You call him over for that? You stop when you feel his strength all of a sudden, looking over your shoulder. He has his right brow cocked up.
“What?” you stress.
“You give me a heart attack for that?”
“What? Of course. It’s a bug.”
Jungkook sighs in annoyance, “seriously?”
“Yes, seriously.” You round him to shove him by his back. “Kill it for me, please Kook.”
“Fine, I’ll kill it”, he gives up and groans, letting you shove him to your bedroom. Jungkook would never dare to think this way, but right now he wished that you were shoving him to your room for something else. Nothing dirty of course, just cuddles. Lots of cuddles. He would literally trade both his kidneys so he could hold you in his arms until you fall asleep just once. He would make sure that you were warm and that you felt safe in his embrace. He would kiss your face and tell you sweet nothings like how he thinks of you when he listens to love songs and how he wishes that it was you and he whenever he sees a romantic scene in a movie.
God, Jungkook is so done for.
“Where is this stupid bug?” he acts annoyed to make the yearning a little easier. It is difficult when you have your hands on his back and they are so, so warm.
“In there.” You open the door carefully and look around. “Follow me”, you say, tiptoeing into your room.
Jungkook follows you, smiling fondly. You are cute when you are acting like this.
“Where is it?” he asks, trying his hardest not to think about how he wants to snuggle you for being cute.
“I don’t know. It was right there when I last saw it.”
“Maybe it’s already gone.”
“No, it was-”
The bug flies past you, you scream instantly, jumping at Jungkook for help.
“The bug! Eeeek Kooook! I hate bugs!” you squeak, hiding away in his chest.
Jungkook hopes that you can’t feel his racing pulse, because it is racing. You never touched him like this before, let alone snuggled so close to him.
Act cool. Act cool. Act cool.
He wraps one arm around you, patting the back of your head.
“There, there you big baby”, he teases.
“I hate bugs so much”, you whine, snuggling closer.
He glances down at you, feeling every beat his heart takes.
Act cool! Act cool! Act cool!
What if he wrapped both arms around you? Would that go too far? He wouldn’t mean anything dirty behind it, he just really wants to hug you and feel you melt in his arms.
“Kill it, Kook please”, you whine and move your head so you were looking up at him. Your eyes lock.
Jungkook bites down on his tongue, forgetting to breathe for just a few moments.
ACT COOL! ACT COOL! ACT COOL!
What if he cupped your face right here and now to kiss your nose and cheeks and forehead and chin and lips and eyes? What if he did that?
“Please kill it.”
“I am, you gotta let go for that”, he gets out, surprised at how normal his voice sounds eventhough he is currently losing his mind.
Please don’t let go. Please don’t let go.
You let go. Disappointment from his side. You hide behind him and grab his waist for moral support. Butterflies in his tummy, his knees buckle a little. Holy moly. Holy moly. Wow. Oh wow oh wow oh wow.
“You’re seriously so brave for this”, you tell him.
“Yeah, yeah or maybe you’re just a scaredy cat.”
He has no idea how he is able to talk properly right now when you have him literally messed up.
Jungkook inches close to where the bug is sitting on the wall while his thoughts and heart are racing. He has to act nonchalant about the situation. You are only holding him like this because you are scared.
“Do you have a shoe?” he asks you, hating his hand for shaking when he presents it to you.
You bend down and take off your right slipper, “will this do?”
“Perfect.”
Jungkook takes the slipper and carefully moves closer to the bug. Your fingers tighten on his waist.
“Careful now”, you comment.
“I am” he gets out, concentrating vigorously. He can’t mess up now, you are counting on him.
“Almost there. Almost there”, you cheer him on.
Jungkook slams the shoe down. The bug has no chance of escape. You scream.
“Gotcha.”
“Did you get it? Is it dead? Kook, is it dead?”
Jungkook lifts the slipper and looks at the squished bug on its sole. He shows it to you.
“Dead.”
“Yay, it’s dead. Ew how nasty, you can see the intestines.”
“Right. Give me a minute, I’m cleaning it.”
“Use acid for it. Just to be sure it doesn’t come back.
He chuckles, “sure, I’ll use acid.”
He leaves you in your bedroom to hurry to the bathroom.
Your apartment is familiar to him. He spends a lot of time here. Mostly to chill on your couch and watch shows with you. Sometimes you also cook dinner together and then eat it by the table, while other times you do a workout together. Seriously, you are his fucking dream girl.
One time as you and he were cooking together, he needed something from the shelf above you, but you couldn’t step away from the stove. So he got it while you were right in front of him and his chest brushed against your back and he swears that he heard your breath hitch for a moment. Jungkook wanted to hug you back then. When you later that evening turned to let him taste the cooking only to use the same fork to taste it yourself, Jungkook almost kissed you.
One time when you were watching a show, you got cold hands and Jungkook offered to warm them for you. He didn’t think you would accept, but you did and so he ended up with your cold hands under his hoodie as you warmed them up on his skin. Jungkook swears that he wanted to pin you against the sofa and kiss your cute face back then.
One time when you were doing a workout together, you struggled with a movement and asked him for help. He ended up having to hold you by your hips as he guided you through the movement. He wanted to flip you and kiss you senseless back then.
He never felt like this before. He was scared of these feelings at first, but now he can’t get enough. You are a foodie, a romance lover and a lover for couple workouts and it’s so impossible for him not to be in love. You are seriously his dream girl. There is no fucking way around this.
Jungkook knows that tonight will be such a memory as well. the kind of memory which tingles, but which also makes him regret that he didn’t act differently. When you cuddled into him, he wanted to hug you properly. When you grabbed his waist he wanted to turn in your grasp and kiss you against the door. But he knows that he can’t. He would ruin what you are having and he could never get over this heartbreak.
Jungkook looks at your toothbrush as he cleans the shoe. Sometimes he thinks about how it would feel to be represented in your bathroom as the second toothbrush right next to yours.
Jungkook bites down on his tongue, burning holes into the empty space next to your toothbrush. He would put so much effort into taking care of himself so you could always look at the best version of him. He would do skincare nights with you. He would try out hair masks with you and rub body lotion on the spots you can’t reach. He would brush his teeth, floss them and use mouthwash religiously just so his kisses would always taste good. He would do all of this if it meant you had an attractive boyfriend.
Jungkook looks away. He is doing it again, he is getting delusional. He shouldn’t do that. It isn’t his right.
He turns off the water and leaves the bathroom so he could return the slipper to you.
You are in the kitchen, looking at him instantly.
“Is it gone?” you ask him.
“Yup, it’s gone. Your slipper.”
“Thank you seriously. You just saved my life”, you say and lift a bottle of his favorite beer. “Thank You Beer?”
He shakes his head, “I need to drive.”
“Okay. Then a Thank You Water?”
“Yeah, I can drink that.”
Jungkook accepts the offer because he can stay with you longer that way.
“Coming right up. Get comfy in the meantime.”
Jungkook waits on the sofa, but stands up when you come inside the room. He accepts the water and sits back down. You plop down right in front of him, pulling your legs onto the pillow. Your knees are almost touching the side of thigh.
“You seriously saved my ass tonight. I was already in bed when I felt something tickle my arm and then I turned on the lights and it was right on my arm. I screamed so loud, you have no idea.”
“That sounds traumatic.”
“It was traumatic.” You shudder. “I hate bugs.”
Jungkook laughs softly.
“What? Are you laughing at me?”
“No, just laughing ‘cause I agree. You really hate bugs.”
“I do. Awful things, seriously.”
He laughs and you laugh as well. Your eyes meet again. He takes a sip of his water then asks a question which scares him a little.
“Why did you call me?”
“Why not?”
“I, I mean”, he stutters, feeling his heart do somersaults.
“You were my first thought. It’s probably because you’re always keeping me safe.”
Jungkook swears he wants to kiss you right now. He is the first person you think of when you need help. He is your safe person. Wow, wow, wow.
“Is that weird to say?” you ask him shyly.
“Not at all”, he gets out in a terribly hoarse voice.
“Okay phew. I knew that I could count on you.”
Jungkook gives you a smile. One you retort with a vast glance at his lips.
Jungkook brings the empty glass to the kitchen to clean it after he finishes it. You follow him.
“You don’t have to clean that”, you tell him, trying to reach for the glass but he moves it away.
“I got it”, he assures you, looking at you over his arm.
You and he are so close again. He can’t stop looking into your eyes. He knows that he is delusional, but in his mind, your eyes are so bright when you look at him. But it’s not real and he is acting stupid when he is staring like that. He turns his head away, blind to the few more seconds your eyes seem to linger on his face.
“What were you doing when I called you?” you ask him, watching his hands as he washes the glass.
“Working out.”
“Really? At this time?”
“That’s when I get energised.”
“Of course you do. What were you doing?”
“Just stuff on the floor.”
“Nice. Like push ups and stuff?”
“Yeah and sit ups.”
“That’s cool.”
He has his back turned to you, putting away the glass. He is wearing a white oversized shirt, but the movement makes it stick to his body, showing not only his skinny waist but also his built, muscular back. His shoulders grew so much over the past seven months. (Seven months ago was when you decided to download a dating app and told Jungkook about it. Jungkook started working out harder since then.)
He closes the cupboard and turns.
“Something wrong?” he asks, somehow oblivious to your stares.
“Nothing, no uhm.” You look to the side. “You probably wanna leave now?”
He doesn’t want to leave.
“If you still need me here, I can stay”, he offers.
Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.
“Really?”
He nods his head, giving you a sweet smile with teeth. He would do anything for you, even mess up his sleep schedule.
“Maybe there is another bug, you know?” you say, playing with your own fingers shyly.
His heart is jumping in joy. He can stay longer.
“That could be possible, yeah. Should we check?” he offers as calmly as possible.
“Yeah, please.”
Yay! Yay! Yay!
“I know I sound so stupid.”
“You don’t. Come on, I’ll check.”
You and he go to your bedroom together. Jungkook wants to hold your hand, but knows that he can’t. You close the door to your bedroom. His pulse flutters for a moment. In another lifetime, this would be the moment you pull him into a kiss. But Jungkook knows that stupid things like different lifetimes are stuff of movies, not reality.
He has to act as your best friend who doesn’t have a crush on you if he wanted to or not. He lifts your blanket and shakes it out.
“No bugs”, he comments.
“That’s good, yeah. I should probably check the pillows.”
You crawl onto bed and make it your job to flip each individual pillow. Jungkook looks at you for a moment. He hates that things like different lifetimes are stuff of movies. Because in a different lifetime, he jumps onto bed with you to hug you. He listens to your giggle and makes you giggle even harder by tickling your sides.
You, oblivious to his longing stares, flip yet another pillow.
“No bugs here, thank god. I probably sound insane to you, but I’m actually so scared that there’s a whole bug family in this room.”
“You don’t sound insane. I’ll take care of them if we find them.”
“You’re seriously my hero.”
Jungkook is thinking. Maybe he could still make you laugh, he thinks. Not by showering you in skinship, but differently.
“Hey, check this out”, he says.
“What? Did you find another bug?!” you gasp, whipping around instantly.
“I’m a bug. Bzzz”, he says and jumps onto bed, flapping his arms as if he was a bug flying.
You cough out air, following it up with a loud laugh.
Jungkook flops onto his back and wiggles his limps.
“Now I’m flipped onto my back and can’t get up”, he says, squirming from side to side stupidly. “Help me. Bzzzz.”
You laugh to the point it becomes just a little ugly and way too loud. At least you would call it that. Jungkook calls it the most beautiful sound he has ever heard. He loves to be goofy when it means that he can make you laugh. Some people call him childish and tell him to act his age, but Jungkook doesn’t care about these people because you love the way he is. You always smile and laugh so much when he gets goofy and childish and it is so worth every rude comment he gets. One time, he played around with a snapback hat, acting silly with it until you cackled loudly. Another time he showed you a card trick with goofy sound effects, basking in the giggles you gave him. He knows that he looks stupid in these moments, but he would literally turn into a silly jester if it meant that you could laugh just one more time.
“Help me, I’m a bug and I can’t get up”, he whines dramatically.
“Wait, I’ll help you”, you joke and place your hands on his torso. One on his chest, the other on his stomach.
He tenses up like a board of wood, forgetting all about being silly. His limbs drop, as does his heart. You are touching him! This never happened before when he acted goofy. What should he do? What is the correct reaction to this?
“Why are you such a heavy bug? I can’t flip you”, you are still being playful with him, but Jungkook can’t find humour anymore. He is starstruck.
He chuckles deeply, letting out a breathy, “yeah.”
You glance at him. The second your eyes meet, his heart is racing. You are so fucking beautiful.
“Heh”, he lets out and places his hand over yours, eyes flitting to your lips unknowingly.
“Hm”, you let out, studying his gazing eyes. Your lips feel kissed just from his look.
“Mhm”, he hums and smiles, shimmying his head just a little closer to you. He feels your minty breath swirl over his face like this, squeezing your hand in reaction. What if he just did it? What if he just kissed you right here and now?
Your smile falls.
“Sorry”, you whisper, pulling your hands back and sitting up.
Jungkook gasps for air, coming back to reality. What was this moment? Is he going crazy? Why would he do that?
Your eyes meet for a brief second then you look away again, rubbing the side of your neck.
Jungkook sits up, “I should, uhm, probably check under the bed too, right?” he tries to change topics and rolls over to stick his head under the bed. He might die of heart palpitations.
There are a few boxes under the bed, some shoe boxes and an exposed adult toy. Jungkook does a double take. Oh god, panic.
Jungkook shoots back up, staring at you with big eyes.
“What?”
“You uhm…”
“What?” You crawl to the edge and bend down to look, shooting up again within a second, “What did you see??”
His entire face flushes, he looks to the side instantly, right hand coming to rub the side of his neck. Your entire face feels on fire, you want to die on the spot.
“I, I didn’t see anything I swear”, he stutters.
“Kook, please don’t remember this”, you insist, shaking him by his shoulders.
“It’s seriously fine”, he assures you, panicking so so much.
“This is so embarrassing.”
“No, it’s okay. Sorry for invading your space like that.”
“I’m actually gonna cry, please don’t remember this”, you beg him.
“I didn’t even see anything”, he lies, feeling his heart give up. For real, it will give up. He feels so guilty. You are so upset and uncomfortable and it’s all his fault. “I’m sorry.”
“No you, I guess, I don’t know, I just”, you stutter, unable to form any coherent sentences.
Jungkook feels just as awkward as you, suddenly needing to stand up.
“I think I should go”, he says.
“Really?”
“Yeah, it’s getting late.”
“Oh, yeah. Totally.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. You fucked it. You are internally panicking, blind to the fact that Jungkook is panicking as well.
His face is so red and it’s making him scared that you can see it. He doesn’t want you to think that he is imagining you like that, because he really isn’t. But for just a second it crossed his mind and it managed to dye his face so red that he feels like crying. Of course he wants to stay with you. Of course he wants to spend every single second of this night with you, talking and laughing and looking at you, but he might not be able to get rid of this blush right now. He needs to leave.
You follow behind him, panicking more and more. You let him put on his shoes and his beanie, you watch him close his jacket unable to say anything. You swear that you always clean up after yourself, but you were busy this morning and forgot to put it away after sanitizing it. Jungkook was never supposed to see it. Not him. Everyone but him.
“I’ll text you once I’m home”, Jungkook tells you.
“You’re not disgusted now, are you?” you finally get the scary words out.
“What?”
You are both dragging out the inevitable.
“I don’t know, just…I tried the dating app stuff. I met people, you know?”
Jungkook feels like dying when you talk about this stuff. He stands in the apartment complex hallways, looking at you as you tell him about your hook ups and he wants to fucking die as he does. He has been loyal to you ever since he started this stupid crush on you. Of course he knows that it is impossible of him to expect the same from you. But he has been so fucking loyal to you that you literally broke his heart seven months ago when you told him about your newest download. He wasn’t strong enough to get over his crush, so now he dies all over again each time you tell him about your hook-ups.
“And it just felt weird. I couldn’t do it”, you confess.
“Really?” suddenly what happened before is wiped from his mind. You never went through with it? His loyalty was reciprocated? Jungkook knows that he is being so delusional right now and yet he still hangs on to your every word like a worshipper of your syllables, staring at your lips as you talk.
“Yeah, but I still have needs, you know? Oh god, why did I say that? This didn’t make it better. Just forget I ever said anything.”
“I, I didn’t hear anything”, Jungkook stutters, feeling weak-kneed. The wall between him being a good person and a reckless person is as fragile as a sheet of fresh ice. One wrong step from you and he might actually confess how he really feels.
“Okay good, let’s keep it at that.” You push at his chest. Jungkook swears he actually whimpers as you do it. “Go home and let us forget about all of this, please.”
Should he do it? Should he be reckless?
You step back, now standing in your apartment.
Do it! Open, mouth!
“Text me once you’re home, okay?”
“Okay.”
No! This isn’t the right thing to say! Be reckless!
“Thank you for tonight, sleep tight.”
“Sweet dreams.”
Tell her! Fucking tell her!
The door closes.
Jungkook falls out of his fearful trance, gasping for air. His heart tells him to knock for another chance, his mind tells him not to. He turns and leaves, hitting his own head as punishment for being the most stupid person that ever existed. Tonight could have gone so well. He could have had more time with you, he got the confirmation that you never tried the dating app thing, he had everything and he has to ruin it by being a creep. Why did he look under your bed? That’s where most people store their sexy stuff. Why did he have to make you uncomfortable? What if you never want to see him again? What if he ruined your friendship without ever doing the one thing he always wished to ruin it with? In his dreams he always ruined it by confessing his feelings, but his reality was because he was a creep.
Jungkook cries in his car on his way home. He forgets about texting you and spends a sleepless night regretting his choices.
Maybe he did fall asleep, otherwise it would be impossible for his phone to rip him awake the next day. He barely opens his puffy eyes at first, but opens them widely when he sees that it is you calling him.
“Hello?” he picks up hastily.
“Oh thank god. You didn’t text me last night and I was worried.”
The text! Jungkook slaps his own forehead, sitting up straight.
“I’m so sorry, I…”
“It’s okay, I already had a gist that you forgot”, you assure him, “do you have time?”
“Of course, what’s up?”
“You know, uhm.” You laugh in embarrassment. “Last night was a mess, wasn’t it?”
“No uhm, it’s fine.”
“You wouldn’t be down for a grocery trip with barbeque and beer afterwards, would you? My treat, as an apology for traumatising you.”
“Of course, I would. Today?”
“Yes, in like two hours? I’ll get off work soon and could go straight to the store.”
You and Jungkook often go grocery shopping together. You already have a favourite store to go to. Jungkook loves these moments. He loves to carry the heavy bags for you and get the stuff you can’t reach. He loves to push the cart while you tell him about your day and then load the groceries into the bags with you. In another lifetime, you and he push the cart together and he steals kisses between aisles. In another lifetime, he holds your hand and the bags in the other. And in another lifetime, you and he go to your apartment to cook dinner for date night on the couch. Jungkook really wishes to live a different life sometimes.
“Two hours sounds great”, he agrees in a cool voice even if he wants to squeal. He gets to go grocery shopping with you! How amazing!
“Nice, then we’ll see each other there.”
“Yes, we’ll see each other. I’m really excited for it.”
“Me too. See you later, yeah? My boss is coming back.”
“See you later. Good luck at work.”
“Thanks, Kook. Bye bye.”
Goodbye, my everything, my dream girl, my love. He thinks.
“Bye.” He says.
The phone call ends. Jungkook drops back into the pillow and lets out a yelp of celebration, following it up with excessive kicking and punching of the air as well as squeaky giggles.
He didn’t ruin everything and he will see you in two hours. Today is the best day of his life! But wait! Jungkook gasps and jumps out of bed.
“I need to get ready! Shower and wash my hair and pick an outfit! And do my skincare and brush my teeth! There is so much to do, oh god” he talks to himself, running through his apartment.
You are pacing in front of the store. Jungkook isn’t late, you are just early. Early enough to become painfully aware of your nervousness. You wonder how it will be between the two of you after last night. You could barely fall asleep because you were so embarrassed. Work didn’t distract you either, your thoughts kept repeating what had happened last night. You hope that he doesn’t look at you differently after what he had to see. It would literally ruin you.
Jungkook is your best friend. But if someone asked you honestly, you would say that he is the boy of your dreams. He is everything you ever dreamed of and everything you will never be able to have. He is too perfect for you. If there were no consequences for your actions, you would tell him how you really feel. You would tell him that you think that he is the most attractive man and person you have ever seen, that he is the kindest soul with the sweetest heart. That he is talented and amazing and the funniest person ever. And that you feel safe with him.
You would tell him that every time he comes to your place or you to his’ and you spend time together, you wish that it was a date instead. You want to tell him that every time your bodies touch, your heart jumps out of your chest. You want to tell him that you keep repeating all the moments with him over and over again and that sometimes at work, you text him because you can’t stop thinking about him. You also want to tell him that you thought about killing the bug yourself before deciding to call Jungkook just to have him close.
And the worst of it all? You want to tell Jungkook that the only reason why you downloaded the dating app was to get over your feelings for him because you knew that someone as perfect as Jungkook would never want to have you. But actions have consequences and so you call him your best friend whilst secretly wishing for him to just be reckless and kiss you.
Jungkook appears on the horizon, swerving through the crowd in a stoic expression. Your heart speeds up instantly. He is wearing black pants with a stripped shirt and a black jacket today. His hair falls on soft waves, his skin glows in the sun. He is so dreamy and handsome.
His eyes find you in front of the store, his face lights up and he lifts his arm to wave at you. You wave back, bouncing on your tiptoes. He saw you! He is waving at you!
He hurries through the crowd faster than before, reaching you within moments.
“Hey there”, he says.
“Hey”, you tell him and give him a hug.
Jungkook short circuits. He gets no time to react before you already step back again. You just hugged him. Holy moly, wow.
“Sorry, was that not okay?” you ask, studying his frozen features.
“What?” He flinches back to life. “No, it was amazing, I mean, it was okay. I uhm, I have this for you.”
He lifts a bouquet of sunflowers.
“Sunflowers? For me?”
“Yeah, I saw them and thought of you.”
“You did?”
You accept them with shortened breath and a quickened heart. You are currently screeching inside. You feel on cloud nine.
“A-as a best friend of course, because we’re best friends.”
“Oh. Yes.” You clear your throat. “We are. Thank you for the friendship flowers. I’ll put them in water once I’m home. Hopefully they’ll survive till then.”
“I’m sure they will. That’s why I put the paper towel there.”
“I know, I saw. That’s so clever.”
“Yeah, thanks.” He does a little twirl so he stands next to you, hands stuffed into the pockets of his pants in a cute way. “So what do we need? Any particular groceries in mind?”
You and he start walking to the store. He opens the door for you, holding it until you are inside. He follows and goes straight for the carts. You are next to him.
“Yes, I’m out of multigrain rice so I’m buying all of them to make my mixture again and I wanna stock up on udon because they have a sale going on.”
“Neat, a sale. I’ll get some too”, Jungkook says, leaning his elbows on the cart as he pushes it. “I wanna see if they have the lychees again. They were so yummy last time.”
“They were. Especially with that sauce you made.”
“I can make them for you again.”
“Really?”
He nods his head, “sure, you could come over Saturday and we’ll watch a movie. I heard that there’s a few new movies to stream.”
“I should be free on Saturday.”
“Nice, then you’ll come over.”
You and he exchange a look, breaking it quickly to look at opposite sides. Unbeknownst to either, you are both panicking. Jungkook is so excited to have you come over but is also terribly nervous about the aspect of it. You can’t wait to visit Jungkook but are also scared of the yearning.
A moment of silence where you each fill the cart with stuff you want. You and Jungkook always fill up the cart together and then separate the groceries afterwards. In another lifetime, you don’t need to separate the groceries. In another lifetime, you share the same bag and fill the same fridge to cook from the same pots and eat on your shared couch whilst a show was running.
“How was your day?” Jungkook asks because other lifetimes don’t exist and in his real life, the only shared thing he gets with you is time.
“It was okay. Yours?”
“I woke up like two hours ago.”
You chuckle, “of course you sleep while I have to work my ass off.”
“Hey, I’m on a well-deserved break, I earned the night owl lifestyle”, he throws back, making you laugh with it.
“I’m not saying anything against it. I need a break soon.”
“Is work stressful?”
“Yeah, quite. There’s been lots of new projects coming in.”
“No, I’m sorry. If there is something I can do, let me know.”
You look at him.
“I will, thank you.”
In another lifetime, you would hug his arm and rest your head against it and you would tell him that you don’t mind a stressful workday when it meant spending time with him afterwards.
Jungkook meets your eyes. His heart flutters nervously, speeding up more when you look away. If he was your boyfriend, he would hold your hand and tell you that you looked beautiful after a long work day.
“I like the way you did your hair today”, he says instinctively. He has no idea why he said that because he never says stuff like that to you. He panics because of it. His tongue worked quicker than his brain.
You reach up to feel your hair, “you do?”
“Yes, it fits you really well.”
“Thank you”, you murmur and cross a corner without warning, leaving him alone for a few seconds.
Jungkook follows after you hastily, confused as to why you so abruptly fled. Oh no. He went too far with the compliment. He definitely creeped you out again.
You are squatting down in front of the grain section, reading the labels carefully. Jungkook parks the cart next to you, standing still. He tries not to, but still looks at you. You shift your eyes to him, widen them and look away again. Jungkook swears he might cry. He made you uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry for saying that. I, I meant it as a friend.”
“Hm? Ah, it’s okay. Thank you for saying it, I liked it”, you say and stand up, filling the cart with the grain. Jungkook’s heart flutters happily. He didn’t mess up. Yay!
“Got everything you wanted?” he asks.
“Yep, except black rice. Do you see it somewhere?”
“Up there”, Jungkook says, pointing at it. The lower racks are empty, only the racks which are clearly for staff to reach so they could refill the store are stacked with the rice.
“Nice.” You try to reach it, but fail. “Kook, can you get it?”
“Sure, let me”, he says, stepping right behind you to get the rice from the staff rack. His chest brushes against your back. You gasp. He feels dizzy, but acts nonchalant.
“There we go your….rice”, Jungkook says, eyes flitting down to you looking up at him. He didn’t even realise that you turned.
There is almost no distance and so Jungkook tries to step back to be respectful because friends don’t stand this close. You grab him by his jacket, making him gulp and panic greatly. His left hand grabs the edge of the shelf, his chest lifts in a deep gasp. You are taller today because of the shoes you are wearing. The shortened distance between your lips is making him dizzy.
“About last night”, you begin, but he interrupts you before you apologise for something you have no reason to.
“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have snooped, I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t snoop, I just…I clean up, I was just busy and forgot and I”, you exhales deeply, “I’m not making it any better talking by about it, am I?”
He laughs softly and reaches down to cup your hand, caressing your knuckles softly. The lines blur more and more. You both feel weightless. You can smell his cologne like this, he can smell your perfume. It’s like you are high on each other.
“If it makes you feel any better, I have some toys too”, he says, making your eyes widen. You look to the side and let out a giggle. Jungkook knows that it is of shy nature and so he giggles with you. “Did that help or did I just embarrass myself for nothing?”
“No, it helped.” You meet his eyes, fingers squeezing his jacket.
Jungkook holds his breath, fingers tightening on the shelf. He is being so greedy. It’s so unfair to you.
“I, uhm.” He clears his throat and slips his hand from the shelf to present the rice to you. “Your rice.”
“Oh? Thanks, uhm, put it in the cart.”
He steps back. Your hands slip from his jacket, his fingers stop holding you. They tingle in the memory of how it was to cradle you this way. His thoughts are racing, trying to calculate the weight of his confession. If he confessed, what would he lose? Your friendship, your time, the movie hangouts, the cooking together, the shared workouts, your texts and calls and video chats. All your laughter and smiles and giggles. Jungkook gulps. The loss is too great. He can’t confess. Nope, never.
He grips the cart and pushes it, hoping that walking it off will help with the heart palpitations. You walk next to him, resting your hand on the metal cage part of the cart.
“Did you sleep well last night?” he asks you.
“Can I be honest? Not really. I was so embarrassed.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m just awkward.”
He chuckles, you chuckle with him. You give him a glance.
“I think I don’t have to ask you if you slept well at night because you never sleep at night.”
He laughs, you do as well.
“That’s not true. I can sleep at night too, I simply choose not to. Oh wait. I need buckwheat noodles.”
You and he stop in front of the section. You stay by the cart while Jungkook browses the options.
“Should I make you makguksu?” he offers mindlessly.
“Today?”
“Yeah.”
“So you don’t wanna go for barbecue and beer?” You chuckle and nudge his arm, sending tingles all over his skin. “Did you already forget again, you doofus?”
“I might have.” He gives you a sorry, cute smile.
Jungkook makes you laugh with it.
“Kook, you little scatterbrain you”, you chuckle, leaning into him.
Jungkook leans closer, placing his arm around your waist without touching you. In another lifetime, he would close the last distance. But not in reality. He looks at your lips, asking himself why you seek him out today and why he takes the chances so greedily. He shouldn’t do that. You are just friends, nothing more.
“Uh, sorry”, you say and step away again.
Jungkook gulps, gasps for air. He doesn’t understand what today means, but whatever you are doing is actually messing with him. He hasn’t been able to breathe properly ever since that hug you gave him. You seem so clingy, but he doesn’t understand why.
You grab the cart and push it.
“I think I have everything I need. You?”
“Yeah, yeah sure”, Jungkook stutters, stumbling after you like a lovesick puppy. He doesn’t know where to put his hands and so he ends up stuffing them into his pants pockets while his eyes are glued to the back of your head. He is seriously under your spell. Every part of him.
You load the groceries on the conveyor belt together and then load them into separate bags. You pay for all of them and wish the cashier a good day. Jungkook carries the bags like always, while you are allowed to walk freely with the bouquet of flowers cradled in your arms.
“I’ll pay you back at home”, he says, swerving outside as you hold the door open for him.
“Today’s on me. As a thank you for yesterday and an apology.”
“What? But I bought so much”, Jungkook gasps, pouting sadly.
“It’s fine. I have money.”
“But-”
“No buts. I’m paying.”
Jungkook pouts, huffing out air in defeat.
“Fine, but I’ll pay for your stuff too one day.”
You chuckle, “deal.”
You and he walk together.
“You should really start accepting when I offer. It’s not a competition.”
“I just feel uncomfortable making you pay.”
“Why?”
Because you’re his dream girl and you should never have to pay for him. He should be your wallet whenever you are out together, he should fulfil your every wish.
“I don’t know, just so. You work so hard for your money.”
“You work just as hard”, you say and chuckle. “Kook, you’re so competitive.”
Jungkook smiles, shaking his head in defeat.
“I guess am.”
You grin, hugging the flowers tighter. With a little skip in your steps, you close the distance. Just enough that one small movement would be enough for your arms to brush.
Jungkook glances at you. You are gazing at the flowers, smiling so brightly that your nose scrunches up. He could swear that your eyes are sparkling.
The lines blur again. He wonders if it would be okay for him to be a bad person, if he was allowed to slip his hand into yours even if you never gave him consent for it. There is not much he can still take.
You lower your nose into the flowers and smell them, closing your eyes in a happy squint. The metaphorical glass of how much Jungkook can take floats over.
He says your name and knows that the next words are coming out of him before he can think them through.
“Yeah?” You look at him.
He is nervous and scared, but still talks, “can we talk about something?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
Panic. His situation finally sunk into his consciousness.
“I uhm…uh…I have a crush on someone.”
Microexpressions wash over your face. Shock, surprise, disbelief, jealousy, hurt, friendliness. A smile curls your lips. It doesn’t reach your eyes.
“Yeah? It’s about time you do”, the words and your voice carry a hint of teasing, but most of all forced friendliness.
You lower the flowers, carrying them in one hand by your side. They look sad like this. Jungkook doesn’t notice because he is staring at the road in front of him because otherwise he would pass out in nervousness. He is almost twenty seven, but feels sixteen again.
“She’s like really, really great and awesome and amazing and wonderful and so kind and perfect”, Jungkook continues, heart racing to the point he feels dizzy. He saw this kind of confession in movies. He always thought that it was so cute when the guy did it. It isn’t obvious enough to ruin everything just in case you didn’t feel the same, but it is still cute enough that you can’t help but be giddy.
“Mh-hm”, you hum, nodding your head.
“And I keep thinking about her. She is so pretty when she laughs and I love being in her presence. She likes my jokes and she always makes me laugh in return. Yeah…”
“That’s great.”
“Yeah, she is so great. I really wanna ask if she feels the same.” Jungkook falters in nervousness. He is going to ask the question. He is so scared. “If you were me, what would you do?”
You take a deep breath and release it loudly, “I don’t know. I haven’t had a crush in so long.”
Jungkook falters, heart tightening. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Oh. This is bad. This is really bad.
“Ah, I see.” He gulps.
“But let me know if you figure it out. Then we can go on a double date.”
Wait. Wait. This is bad. Double date? This is so bad.
“What do you mean?” he asks weakly.
“You know, you and your girl and me and my boy.”
“You have a boy?”
“Yeah, soon. I’m talking to this boy on the dating app. He is very cute.”
“But…didn’t you say that you gave up on the app?”
“No uh…no, it’s just that I only talk to this one boy now.”
Jungkook bites back tears.
“I see.”
“Mhm, yeah. Let’s go on a double date.”
No. No this is all wrong. No this isn’t what was meant to happen. No.
“Please.”
Jungkook doesn’t even realize that he begged out loud until you look at him in question.
“Please what?”
You and he stop. Strangers stream past you like you and he were two rocks in a river. You are facing each other, so close yet so far away.
You lied to him. There is no other boy. There never was and never will be. But there will always be other girls for him while you stay his best friend. Lying is all that you have at this point.
“Please what?” you repeat the question.
“I…” Jungkook breathes. “I…nevermind.”
Silence. Your eyes are locked so deeply that the world around you is blurry.
“Okay?”
“Mhm yeah.”
His jaw tightens and he breaks the eye contact, looking to the side with his tongue in his cheek. He seemed angry. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t feeling angry yourself. You turn away from him and continue walking. You don’t want to be next to him right now. It hurts to only stay his best friend.
He looks at the back of your head and how it becomes smaller and smaller from distance. He doesn’t understand you. He thought that the way you looked at him in the store meant something. And yet all this time you had another boy. He feels so betrayed that for just a second, he considers walking the other direction and leaving you to wonder where he went. However, two things hold him back; his competitiveness and his honest feelings for you.
He won’t stay your best friend any longer. He just decided that. He is going to fight for you, make you fall for him and forget all about the stupid boys you meet on this stupid dating app. He is better than any of them. He could treat you better, make you laugh harder, give you better hugs and kisses and provide you with afterglow so addicting you will get hot cheeks at work just thinking about it. He is your best friend, goddamn it, and he knows you better than any of these strangers ever will. And he is not going to lose you to some boy.
He jogs to catch up with you, calling your name with a certain harshness.
You turn. Your eyes meet. Jungkook’s brain short circuits.
“What?” you ask him, sounding small because of being called so harshly.
“I, I was just wondering, uhm, should we get ice cream after?” he asks because he panicked.
You shrug your shoulders, “I guess.”
“It’s on me, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Jungkook inches closer, saying your name softly.
“What do you want?”
“I messed up before.”
“What do you mean?”
“I, I just. I thought that I was doing a good job, but I think I made you think something else.”
“Jungkook. I had a long day, please don’t talk in riddles.”
“Don’t date other boys.”
“Excuse me?”
Jungkook gulps, panicking because of your offended and harsh tone.
“I, I, I just”, he stutters, widening his eyes.
“No. What do you mean? I can date who I want.”
“I know, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that, oh god, I meant that I don’t want you to see other boys.”
“Huh?”
“Ah no, wait.” He slaps his own forehead. “Wait.”
You cross your arms in front of your chest, “what makes you think that you can tell me what I can or can’t do?”
“No I didn’t mean it like that. Wait just give me a moment, please I’m panicking.”
You purse your lips, studying his face intensely.
“Are you also so nervous?” he asks.
“What’s with you all of a sudden?” you ask him, honestly worried. His face is as red as ripe strawberries.
Jungkook closes the distance and takes your hands, eliciting a gasp from you. He squeezes them gently, staring into your eyes as deeply as possible.
“This wasn’t how I always imagined this to go, but I can’t stay quiet anymore. ___, the girl I have a crush on is-”
“Seriously?”
You and Jungkook turn around at the angry voice next to you.
“Suho? What are you doing here?” you ask.
“Who’s that?” Jungkook says.
“Kim Suho. I met him on the dating app. We went on like one date a month ago”, you explain and slip your hands out of Jungkook’s hold to turn to the other guy, “what are you doing here?”
Jungkook stares at him darkly, clenching his jaw. You told him about this dude in passing. He hates him so much, hating him even more now that he interrupted this moment.
“That’s what you’re going with? Seriously?” Suho throws back.
“Yeah, you-”
“What the fuck are you doing with him? I told you to stop being friends with him, didn’t I?”
Jungkook looks at you with big eyes. You never told him that. You always said that you lost interest in Suho because of different hobbies, but never mentioned that he could have been the actual reason.
“And I told you that you can’t tell me what to do. Jungkook is my best friend and I won’t give him up for a man.”
“Yes but I wasn’t any man, I was your man.”
“Huh? No you weren’t. We went on one date and you totally lost it when I told you that I had a male best friend.”
“Because he isn’t just your friend. You’re in love with him.”
Jungkook swears that he passes out standing up for a second. Feelings? You have feelings for him? Did you tell Suho that or is he assuming because he is one of those weird men that think women aren’t allowed to have male friends? What does all of this mean?
“What?” You laugh nervously. “No? Of course not.”
“Oh don’t be ridiculous. I followed you from work and through the store. I saw everything.”
“Huh? What?” you gasp, hurrying to Jungkook instinctively because you know that he will keep you safe.
“Dude, what the fuck? You creep, stay away from her”, Jungkook says harshly and steps in front of you, feeling the fire of protectiveness start to burn in his chest.
“I saw what I saw. You have feelings for each other”, Suho says, pointing an accusing finger at you and Jungkook.
Jungkook and you exchange a look.
“No I…”
Suho scoffs and looks at Jungkook.
“And you? Gonna fucking pretend that you’re just friends or should I start punching you?”
“Dude, I’ve never even met you”, Jungkook defends himself, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“I’ll still fucking punch you.”
“Don’t you dare”, you hiss at him.
“Shut up, ___.”
“Hey, don’t talk to her like that”, Jungkook speaks up loudly, making himself bigger. He doesn’t care when people are aggressive to him, but he cannot accept aggression towards you.
“Or what?”
“You wanna find out? Don’t talk to her like that.”
Suho rushes to Jungkook and pushes at his chest. He thought that he could move him, but he can’t. Jungkook just gawks at him in utter surprise.
“What are you doing?” he asks confused.
“Why aren’t you budging? Fall over you idiot”, Suho growls and tries again with all his might.
Jungkook takes a small step back but then stays unmoving.
“Dude, seriously. What are you doing?”
Suho growls and punches Jungkook. Except that he is so bad at it that Jungkook can easily dodge him. He reacts calmly to the aggression, redirecting Suho by turning him and giving him a gentle push away from him.
Suho stumbles and whips around.
“You-”
Jungkook steps closer, “give it up, man.”
Suho shifts his attention to you, pointing his finger at you. He tries to get to you by swerving past Jungkook, but the latter steps in front of you again, stopping Suho with a firm hand on his chest. He didn’t show it, but the contact was definitely made with strength because Suho stumbles back from it.
“I said. Give it up. I’m not gonna repeat myself again”, he warns. For just a second his voice was deeper than usual and his eyes darker. You can’t stop staring in awe, feeling so attracted to him that it is difficult not to grab him right here and now.
Suho ignores him, talking over Jungkook’s shoulder.
“It’s over. I’m breaking up with you.”
“Huh? We weren’t even together in the first place?” you say very confused.
“Yes, well…. Now it’s really over. And just so you know, I’ll block you on everything.”
“I mean, okay.”
Suho turns and runs down the street clumsily.
A moment of silence. Jungkook turns to you. He is ready to take you into his arms if you need support.
“Everything okay?” he asks hesitantly.
“Honestly? I couldn’t care less about this tantrum. What the fuck was that? We went on one date and it sucked ass. I mean, who in their right mind expects someone to give up their best friend? I don’t even know this dude.”
“Would you have done it if you liked him?”
“What? No, of course not. I like you, not him.”
“What?!”
You look at Jungkook with big eyes.
“I, I mean…” you look at his lips and Jungkook finally notices.
Holy fuck. Suho was right.
He drops the grocery bags and closes the distance, cupping your face. To his delighted surprise, you practically melt into his hands, gazing at him with dreamy eyes and your fingers closing around his wrists greedily.
“Was he right?” Jungkook asks, looking between your right and left eye. “Do you have feelings for me?”
“I’m scared”, you whisper.
“Scared of what?”
“You are so perfect and I’m not. I don’t want to know how you feel about me, so just…let’s just forget about what happened please.”
“You’re not perfect? What the fuck? You’re literally perfect. If someone’s unworthy, it’s me.”
“What?”
Jungkook gulps.
You touch his chest.
“Kook, what?”
“You’re my fucking dream girl, ___” he finally confesses and now can’t be stopped, “I get excited when you text me and get sad when I don’t hear from you. Each time we hang out, I kinda wish that we somehow magically end up together. I repeat every little touch and shared laughter and look. Sometimes I can’t fall asleep because of you, but wish to do so because in my sleep I can meet you in my silly, wishful dreams. Do you have any idea how in love I am with you?”
“Are you serious?”
Jungkook nods his head, forcing your tears to finally flow. He gasps and begins wiping them away instantly.
“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry, I promise I won’t try anything. You, you won’t lose your best friend.”
“I’m just happy. So happy.”
“You are?”
“I feel the same for you. I have done so for a long time.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” You sniffle. “You’re my dream boy too, Jungkook.”
“Oh my god. Oh my god! Yippie!” he exclaims and overtaken by happiness, he swoops you off your feet to twirl with you, making you squeal happily as you hold onto him for dear life. Strangers definitely look at you weird, but you couldn’t care less. They are non-existent for you and him. He likes you and you like him back. This day is the best day you and he ever had.
He sets you down after the twirling, cradling your face so he could hold it still for way too many kisses. He gives you kisses everywhere except your lips, making you giggle and laugh and tingle the entire time.
“I’m so happy, you’re so pretty and perfect and amazing and pretty and amazing and I’m gonna kiss you there and there and there and oh my god you’re so perfect, I’m gonna kiss you there and there, wow oh wow…” he babbles between kisses, truly sending your heart into overdrive.
He probably would have continued his babbling for hours if you hadn’t stopped him by lacing your fingers in his hair and pulling his mouth into a kiss.
“Andmhgmh”, he lets out, gawking at you first before the realisation of his situation sinks in. His knees buckle, his left hand grabs your hips and his right hand cradles your head, eyes falling closed. He is kissing you. He feels weightless, floating in time and space. His heart races so much that he feels it throb against his ribcage, the butterflies in his stomach are unbearably exciting. He dreamt of this moment a million times before, fantasised about it twice as much and yet he still wasn’t ready for it. Your kiss is like heaven on earth. He swears that he gains new life through it. He wants to kiss you until his lungs run out of air, but you break it.
“Was that okay for me to do?” you ask him shyly.
Now it’s his turn to spill tears and for you to wipe them.
“I’m sorry, I should have ask-”, you don’t get to finish your sentence, getting kissed again by Jungkook.
“I’m so fucking happy, you have no idea”, he murmurs, showing you his feelings one deep kiss at a time. “You taste so good.” Kiss, oh so deep. “Your lips are so soft.” Kiss, the kind which makes your knees wobble. “You’re perfect, you’re so perfect.”
You giggle, gazing up at him droopily. Jungkook giggles as well, peeling his eyes open to gaze dreamily. You and he cup each other’s faces, resting your foreheads together.
“I’m happy.”
“I’m happy too.”
“Wow, I’m so happy.”
“Me too. So happy.”
You giggle together, swaying from side to side. Nothing, truly nothing, has never felt as right as this.
“Were you trying to confess to me before Suho interrupted us?”
“Yeah.”
You giggle as you talk, “you were really shit at it. I thought you were talking about someone else.”
“I know, I panicked so bad. I was so nervous”, he is giggling too, “are you actually talking to another boy?”
“Of course not, you doofus. I lied.”
“Oh my god, I’m so relieved”, he gets out and sweeps you off your feet again, carrying you under your butt. He twirls with you, smiling up at you as you squeak and laugh with your head thrown back.
“Jungkook stop please, I’m getting dizzy.”
He sets you down, but keeps touching you, seeking your closeness by rubbing his nose against your cheek. He is so close that the sunflowers are getting squished between you and him. It is a price you sadly have to pay in exchange for finally being able to be glued together.
“I’m so happy, I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Kook. So like barbeque and beer? Is it a date?” you ask.
“It’s the datiest date that has ever dated”, he says, making you giggle because he is so cute and funny and you like him so, so much. He giggles with you because you are so perfect and perfect and perfect and he likes you so, so much.
“I feel like we have a lot to talk about.”
“Yeah, oh god.” He kisses your cheek multiple times. “You have to tell me all the thoughts you had when we hung out. Were you also so giddy, oh god, I was always so giddy and I kept looking at you because you are so pretty. Were you looking at me too? And, and did you also wish for me to be reckless? I always wanted you to just kiss me. I’m talking so much, wow, I’m so happy.”
You giggle, cuddling into him, “you’re the cutest person ever. I can’t wait to tell you everything.”
You nudge him to leave, but stop when Jungkook exclaims a loud “wait!”
“What’s wrong?”
“The groceries. I almost left them here”, he says, bending down to get them.
“Oh god, you’re so cute”, you snicker, hugging his arm and nuzzling into him like you always wanted to do.
#jungkook fluff#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook romance#jungkook scenario#jungkook oneshot#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#bts fluff#bts romance#bts fanfic#bts fanfiction#bts oneshot#bts scenario#bts x reader#bts x you#bangtan fluff#bangtan fanfic#bangtan romance#bangtan fanfiction#bangtan oneshot#bangtan scenario#bangtan x reader#bangtan x you
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ੈ✩‧₊˚ TWENTY THREE MISSED CALLS — G. SATORU
☆ sum. you had always nagged to your boyfriend satoru to answer his damn phone. it’d always go straight to voicemail—you told him in your own words, ‘toru, what if something ever happened to you?’ but this time, it was far too late.
wc. 1.7k tags. gn!reader, angst, nickname(s) 'baby, angel.'
an. idk how to write angst much but i was sad so came up w this. merry christmas :)
“hey heyy, it’s satoru. uh, you’ve reached the—eheh what does that lady say again…? you’ve reached the voicemail box of.. gojo satoru. leave a message after the beep, beeeeep. heh, bye.”
such a dork.
you lost count of how many times you listened to that automatic message over and over again. the playful cheekiness in his voice, you could just see his smile. the dumb dimples that poke out against both of his cheeks whenever he grinned.
a cute dork. your dork.
besides that though, it’s been at least twenty three times of you ringing him, but to no avail. each time it went straight to voicemail—sucking your teeth in confusion, you started pacing around your bedroom. it was christmas morning, and gojo promised he’d be here before you wake up.
he couldn’t be…
no, he’s gojo satoru. he always wins, right?
right..?
the more you waited, the more impatient you became. the room grew colder and colder, despite the heat being turned on. you sat on gojo’s side of the bed, inhaling his scent, as if he was here right now.
he’d always fill up the room with his loud cologne scents—you’re always telling him how it’s too strong and he always kisses your cheek, muttering, “eh really? i don’t smell it that much, baby..”
the scent was always sweet, a mixture of cinnamon and multiple other spices—you glanced at the roségold alarm clock that rested against your nightstand, the time reading six thirty am.
he still wasn’t here.
it was hard to not overthink, think the worst, gojo was always so good at calming your nerves. you’d be one to constantly overthink. his trick to stop that was to simply hold you in his arms, stroke your hair and tell you in a soft cheery voice, “hey angel, everything’s gonna be okay. i’m okay, we’re okay.”
but again, he still wasn’t here.
gojo mentioned to you before he left last night around midnight he had to ‘take care of something’ — his code word of he’s about to go into battle or fight, but he didn’t want you to worry about him.
that’s the very last thing he wanted. and if anything, he always assured you he’d be okay. even if he was beaten to a pulp by his enemies, he’d always return back home to you with that stupid lovable grin on his face.
so what made christmas day any different?
you swallowed the thick, nonexistent lump in your throat, trying to snap out of your deep melancholy thoughts. dragging your feet,
you rubbed your eyes from the sun just barely shinning through the curtains scattered throughout the house.
with a soft sigh, you made your way towards the christmas tree — the pretty lengthy tree the both of you decorated together last minute, a tiny smile went on your face at remembering how gojo kept accidentally breaking all of the ornaments, so he had to constantly keep buying new ones.
lights, glimmery multicolored lights, a plethora of ornaments and a pretty sheeny star sits at the very top. you sat on your knees, before glancing down at the various presents — one caught your eye, it was a tiny box. a velvet heart shaped box, and gojo told you it was the biggest surprise yet.
you paused, glancing down at your phone that was about it to die soon, wondering why gojo still hasn’t returned any of your calls.
he’s been gone for hours, and the knot in your stomach continued to tighten—it felt like something inside of you was squeezing, tugging you from the inside.
was this what a gut feeling feels like? something was telling you, screaming at you that something wasn’t right.
with shaky hands, you went to his contact for what seems like the millionth time, staring at the image that was his picture, him and you.
the both of you were being goofy, it was a old polaroid picture a few years ago of the both of you during your birthday.
he spoiled you so much that day, but as always he never forgot to repeat how much he loved you.
the phone rang three times and your mind pretty much knew mentally he wasn’t gonna answer, it was a bit foolish for you to continuously keep trying. but something in you told yourself, it’s satoru. he’s gonna answer. anything to reassure yourself, this happens a lot — gojo’s the type of person who always has his phone on silent, or he says he’ll call you back but ends up forgetting.
after a few rings, the same automatic voicemail plays, and just hearing his voice again, no matter how many times — it never fails to make your heart swoon.
“hey heyy, it’s satoru. uh, you’ve reached the—eheh what does that lady say again…? you’ve reached the voicemail box of.. gojo satoru. leave a message after the beep, beeeeep. heh, bye.”
you intake a sharp breath, closing your eyes before bringing the warm phone up to your ear, pressing it against your cheek before speaking in a voice.
a voice you hardly recognized, “…toru?” and you were on the brink of tears, it was easy to hear and you tried not to let your emotions get the best of you but at this point..
was it really worth holding on to?
fifteen long seconds passed and you forgot the phone was still in your hand.
you sniffled, gathering yourself briefly before continuing in a soft drowsy voice, “h-hey, um. i don’t mean to blow your phone up but, you aren’t responding and i’m getting kind of scared. are you okay?”
you pause again, feeling the sting of tears nearly escape through your eyelids before you squeeze your eyes shut, lightly squeezing your left thigh to prevent any more emotions from revealing themselves.
“i um, just wanna say i love you, and i hope you’re okay. i didn’t wanna open my gifts until you got here but you’re taking forever..”
and you manage to crack a tiny smile that purses against your lips—yet after a while, it fades and your heart feels like it’s just walking on egg shells. “but anyway, yeah. i love you satoru, text or call me back so i know you’re alright, please? and just get home safe okay? bye.”
you hung up the phone and a single tear ran down your cheek.
so much time had passed, and he still wasn’t here. it was nearly seven in the morning now, and your dumb curiosity got the best of you—you wondered what gojo’s big surprise gift was.
he wanted you to wait to see your reaction, but you were just so curious, so enthused.
you started to peel the pretty striped velvet wrapping paper off, one at a time, it was neatly wrapped with a perfect red and blank bow tied on the top.
once you opened it, it had a tiny black box, and your eyebrows raised, a note sticking out the side. grabbing it, you revealed it and it read in neat handwriting:
“hi baby!! merry merry christmas, i’m kinda tearing up while writing this, and i know i know you probably just wanna see the gift but first read this ‘kay? just wanna say i love love you so much, and i’m so glad we’ve been together for almost four years now. you mean everything to me, you’re so sweet and kind, always there whenever i need to talk my feelings out, or even if i just need to lay on you and fall asleep. but anywho, you know who loves you? this guy! hopefully i made you smile as you read this, im probably not at home yet but ill be back soon. don’t worry your pretty little head, alright? i love you baby, merry christmas from your honored one, xoxo.”
tears were in your eyes—and it was like you could hear him, he was right, you did manage to smile. sniffling, you placed the note aside before opening the small black box.
once you pulled the top back, your eyes widened, seeing a small coruscating ring. your heart sang, blinking twice to make sure your eyes weren’t playing tricks on you.
gojo was planning to propose..?
the ring was so pretty.
various scattered crushed up like pearls around the top, and once the tears started, they kept streaming down your face. you quickly pulled it out, sliding it on your ring finger and it was a perfect fit — in a frail sob, you mumble, “y-yes, i’ll marry you satoru.”
yet — that’s when you wake up, finally snapping back to reality. confused with tears still streaming down your face, burning.
“satoru?”
no answer.
you get up from the bed, your eyes widen before you look at your right hand — and the engagement ring was still there. a sigh of relief exits your mouth, and that’s when you make your way towards the kitchen.
nothing to worry about, maybe you just fell asleep while opening the gift. yeah, that had to be it.
although, the atmosphere of your house felt different. taking a quick glance in the living room, the christmas tree wasn’t there anymore, it wasn’t snowing, and it was almost as if you lived by yourself.
“satoru?” you called out again, before pulling out your phone — scrolling towards your messages and your heart suddenly sank. the last message you sent him was two years ago, a subtle ‘satoru, it’s christmas and you’re still not here? are you okay?’
christmas…?
you pulled a tab down on your phone — and the date read march 17th. approximately two years later from when you last sent that message, and you were so confused.
but the further you scrolled down, you saw messages from others, sending you their regards and condolences for your loss….loss?
the recent message was from geto — and your last reply was, ‘thank you, i’m doing okay. i just still can’t believe he’s gone.”
. . .
you felt sick — tear after tear racing down both sides of your face before coming to the sudden unfathomable realization.
gojo never came back home for one reason and one reason only. he died a painful death those long two years ago, even though he swore he’d come back to you on christmas.
perhaps everything was all a lie.
sometimes people don’t win all the time, not even the honored one, the love of your life, gojo satoru.
#★vegasbaby.#gege made me do it 😔#gojo x reader#gojo x you#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk angst#gojo angst#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fluff#satoru gojo x reader#jjk fic#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#jjk spoilers#gojo x y/n#jjk imagines#jjk drabbles
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OT 13 : edging vs overstimulation — nsfw
Seungcheol : overstimulation. honestly, i feel as if he’s the type of person to use it as a punishment. ya’ll would probably go through like a hundred different positions and he’ll make you cum with every single one before he can switch to the next. would hit you with that faux sympathy and imitate a pouty face when he slows down to check on you. when you say you’re okay, he’ll slam back into you again. won’t stop until you use your safe word, but will take a break if you really need it. needs to see your mascara running, desperate doe eyes, and fucked out expression the entire time.
Jeonghan : edging. oh baby, good luck with this one. A MENACE. would probably do it for hours until you’re crying and a babbling mess. he lowkey gets off on how pathetic and dumb you get for him. likes being begged, so he might gaslight you into thinking you don’t want it as much as you say you do which will make you even more desperate. the type to use anything from his tongue, to his dick, to toys — you’ve grown to hate vibrators overtime. also another one who would fake being sympathetic and imitate your sad face. he would probably play dumb like “what baby? why are you crying?” he’s a meanie overall, and will do it just for fun but he’ll make you feel good so don’t you worry your pretty little head.
Joshua : edging. he’s honestly such a sweet and caring person, but he’s also friends with jeonghan and apart of the 95’ line so what do you expect. some days he would choose to be nice, but other days he would decide to be a tease. honestly, not that bad though. he would only do it for a little while before deciding you’ve had enough. lowkey likes it when you cry. he has the biggest hands in seventeen so he utilizes them a lot, especially when it comes to you. enjoys the way you clench around them whenever he stops. he definitely takes time to examine your face which a teasing smile and ask you “what’s wrong,” even though he knows he’s being an ass.
Jun : edging. tbh, does it just to laugh and be a little shit. will be fingering you, pull away really quickly and look back up at you with a smile on his face. will probably be like “ha, you thought,” or “gotcha.” let’s out the cutest giggle whenever he does it that sometimes it’s difficult for you to be mad at him. does it a few times before you smack him on his shoulder and threaten him with no pussy for a week. will definitely let you cum after that.
Hoshi : overstimulation. HOSHI IS A MUNCH AND NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. would probably choose to live between your thighs if you let him tbh. def eats pussy like he’s a starved man and it’s his last meal he’ll ever have. probably enjoys it more than you do. you can push him away all you want, but he’ll come right back (will literally beg you if that’s what it takes, he loves pussy). main dancer and his stamina is insane, so he doesn’t mean to overstimulate you really, he can just go for hours. you would definitely have to take breaks in between rounds with this one.
Wonwoo : edging. finds it amusing. might tie you up, just to keep you still whenever he decides to go to town on your pussy. he’ll shoot you a little smirk from time to time which will end up pissing you off because he def knows he’s being an asshole. prefers to edge you with his cock, he likes the way your pussy flutters around it whenever he stops. also, his favorite time to do it is whenever he’s gaming. he’ll have you sit on his cock and have you do all the work while he plays a video game. it’s only when your whines start getting louder and movements start to get fast when he’ll place a firm hand on your hip and hold you in place. loves when you look at him all teary eyed, but still promises he’ll make you feel good after. no one said how long his game was gonna last though so good luck.
Woozi : wild card. depends on what HE feels like. you have no say. you just shut your mouth and look pretty for him. if he’s stressed he’ll edge you, but if he needs a mental break or something, he’ll overstimulate you. will definitely happen in his studio the most, just cause that’s where most of his stress leads back to — writing and producing. enjoys cockwarming while he works, but if you’re being stubborn and moving too much, he’ll decide to fuck and overstimulate you. will be like “i thought this is what you wanted baby? couldn’t stay still cause you wanted my cock so bad hm?”
Dokyeom : overstimulation. he’s just happy to please overall. also another one that doesn’t mean to overstimulate you. he just wants to make you feel good and when you try and push him away, he just might look at you with puppy dog eyes. also loves when you sit on his face, he feels like he can be as messy as he wants. asks why you’re crying, but not in a mocking type of way, he just genuinely doesn’t know that it feels too good that it’s getting hard to hold yourself up. it’s a good thing he’s strong.
Mingyu : overstimulation. i feel like he has an oral fixation and cures it by eating you out tbh. this big and beefy man specifically loves it when you sit on his face. if you hover over him for a second too long, he’s pulling you down and holding you in place. obviously he’s ridiculously strong so when you try and pull away, he doesn’t let you. will gaslight you into thinking you can take one more, even if it’s the hundredth time and you’ll agree just because it feels too good to say no. will cage you in with his arms and fucks you so good you wouldn’t be able to utter an audible sentence. likes when yours eyes get all dazed and it looks as if there’s not a thought in your head. he’ll be on a mission to make you squirt.
Minghao : edging. says that you need to practice patience ???? might use it as a learning experience for you ???? might make you want to kill him after ???? lmao. i feel as if he’s more likely to deny your orgasm completely than to edge you. like he would edge for a bit, but overall wouldn’t let you cum. he says it’s to learn to be more patient, but really he just enjoys how desperate and whiny you get after. will definitely fuck you nice and good when y’all get in bed for the night. might tease you by edging you once, but when tears start to brim your eyes, he’ll let up. just, be a good girl for him and don’t piss him off.
Seungkwan : edging. honestly, he’s sweet with it. will check in on you often and make sure you’re doing okay. seungkwan’s favorite way of edging you is by literally having you grind on his thigh. he enjoys how easy it is to get you off and likes to see his skin coated with your slick. also, he def knows his quads are strong af so why would you not wanna ride his thigh? will mutter words of encouragement and praise, even when he stops your movements. knows that him shaking his leg really helps so he’ll stop moving altogether when he feels like you’re getting close. a sucker for your tears so he might give in if you play your cards right.
Vernon : honestly, whatever you want. goes with the flow and the mood. vernon is the type of guy who might let you take the lead. if you wanted to dom for the night then okay. if you wanted to fuck in a bathroom then okay. if you wanted to be edged or overstimulated then he will help you. won’t do it as a punishment, but it’s also not something that he thinks of. you might have to bring it up or give him hints before he can act on it. you might also have to control it so like when you think you’re gonna cum you might have to push him away, or if you want to be overstimulated, just take the lead and hold him close.
Dino : overstimulation. another main dancer right here. he has a lot of energy in him. you would want it as much as he’s happy to give it though. y’all are definitely the type of couple to fuck like two bitches in heat. he would be on a mission to either see how many surfaces y’all could fuck on or how many rounds he’s capable of going which will therefore lead to you getting overstimulated. honestly, doesn’t mean to overstimulate you he just gets a little excited. will apologize after and be so soft with you though so it’s okay.
#seventeen smut#seventeen imagines#seventeen x reader#svt smut#svt x reader#seventeen angst#seventeen reactions#svt reactions#svt imagines#jeonghan x reader#seungkwan x reader#seungcheol x reader#joshua x reader#hoshi x reader#soonyoung x reader#jun x reader#junhui x reader#jihoon x reader#woozi x reader#wonwoo x reader#seokmin x reader#dokyeom x reader#minghao x reader#mingyu x reader#vernon x reader#dino x reader#chan x reader#svtswhorehouse#mingyu smut#scoups x reader
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.
#.#not me angry crying at 12.30 am no sir could not be me#im so annoyed#i made it very far through this terrible cursed day of the year#spent the last several hours in isolation skipped dinner#and i have to persevere through this headache because i have been waiting on someone to get back to me on something#theyre several hours late on the call and when it finally happens its less than 15 minutes and essentially covered nothing important#i got out of bed for this#on the worst day of the year#i would like to be put into a coma now please 12 years would be good#12 years and one month so that i dont wake up in bloody march#today may have been the worst day of the year but the rest of march still sucks too and im not looking forward to it#im honestly not even crying its just that frustrated 'i almost started crying but immediately lost the sensation' kind of hell#like a lost sneeze#i cant even go to bed now between this headache and the fact that i put off chores to take this call so now i have chores to finish#gosh i hate ranting on tumblr it just reminds me of why i left tumblr the first time around#but i have literally no person on this earth i can rant to anymore and i get reported whenever i rant on facebook#which is the biggest joke ever by the way how dare i be sad on the boomer website clearly i must be reported#its not even like a useful kind of reported all that happens is i get an annoying 'people are worried about you have you tried therapy#kind of message that doesnt tell me who the alleged worried people are#times like this i feel like i should put in more effort to make friends but ive grown so use to this sense of never venting to real people#that im pretty sure i could make 100 friends and id still never vent to them#especially since in all of my most recent friend groups the people liked to vent to me but never let me vent to them#id get therapy if i werent in america but i am so vague posting on tumblr is unfortunately all i have left to turn to#i just want march to be over and for all this stress to finally go away#i want to have something constant in my life again so im not continuously trapped in this hell of other people making my life choices#i especially want she who will not be named to stay as far away from me and my life choices as possible but that is a wholeee separate rant#maybe if i read something sad and go cry in the shower ill calm down#neo rambles#neo rants
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Do you take this pebble?
Bucky barnes x fem!reader
this was written quickly because if i didn’t do it now i never would so sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. also i suck at using punctuation so ignore that too!
——————————————————————-
“Hey what’s wrong, Doll?” Bucky asks as he walks into the bedroom to find his best girl crying.
“Penguins” She mutters out and Buckys face turns into a perplexed expression.
“Penguins?” He asks as he scoots onto the bed to get closer to her, laying a hand on her thigh.
“Did you know- did you know that the male penguin will scour the area for the perfect pebble to present to the female as a way of proposing? If she says yes they mate for life.” She starts crying again and Bucky tries holding back his laugh because he thought something had upset you but no you’re crying over penguins.. He moves a bit to accommodate you on his lap, your head on his chest as he rubs his hands up and down your back to soothe you.
“This is ridiculous, i’m ridiculous. Sorry” You apologise for being overly dramatic and Bucky shushes you, you’ve always been emotional and the smallest thing, sad or happy can set you off. He finds it endearing how much you feel.
“It’s okay, baby” He kisses the crown of your head “It’s not ridiculous” He reassures you. The two of you lay there for awhile in each others embrace.
____________ The next morning _____________
After the whole debacle of your emotional breakdown over penguins last night Bucky and you both woke up and got on with your regular activities, him going out to run some ‘errands’ that you apparently weren’t allowed to join him on.. so you tended to some spring cleaning of the apartment.
A few hours later Bucky returns.
“Hey Buck, I missed you” You approach him and wrap your arms around him as he returns the hug, he has a bag in his hand.. a suspicious bag..
“I got you something” He says and you automatically smile, he always thinks of you when he’s out, whether it be him bringing home your favourite treat or a bouquet of your favourite flowers.
“Yeah..? What is it” You beam excitedly and he laughs at your eagerness. You both walk to the kitchen where he sets the bag down on the island.
“Close your eyes and put your hands out” He says and you give him one last suspicious look before you listen and close your eyes. It’s then you hear him go into the bag and get something out, a few seconds later something is placed in your hands, it’s weirdly heavy.
“Open them!” He’s got a bright smile plastered on his face anticipating your reaction.
You open your eyes.
“A pebble?”
“You know how you were telling me about penguins last night..” He jogs your memory and it instantly works because you’re putting it down and jumping into his arms.
“OH MY GOD BUCKY YOU GOT ME A PEBBLE!” He laughs at how adorably excited you are. Eventually he manages to pry you off of him.
“It’s not just any pebble.. break it open.. theres a pretty crystal inside” At this your eyes brighten up, you pick the pebble up and put it on the chopping board and use a hammer that’s meant for meat to break it open. It takes a few tries but eventually you get it open and see what’s inside and pick it up.
“A diamond??” You look at it absolutely baffled and turn around to ask Bucky what it’s all about but stop in your tracks at the sight before you.
Bucky on one knee. Bucky on one knee holding an empty band, looking at you with the most love stricken eyes.
“Accept my pebble and do me the honour of being my mate forever?” He is smiling so big and you stand shocked as tears escape your eyes.
“Bucky..” The biggest grin breaks out on your face.
“What do you say, doll? Will you marry me? Be my penguin partner forever and ever?” He doesn’t get time to prepare himself for the way you launch yourself at him fall to your knees in front of him and wrap your arms around him so tightly
“I take it that’s a yes?” He himself is tearing up now and you lean back to look at him unable to form words simply nodding as tears stream down your face. He takes your hand and puts the band on it.
“Well need to take it back to the jewellers so they can put the diamond in” He starts to explain but you shut him up with a kiss that tells him all that you couldn’t say.
“Bucky Barnes I won the lottery with you” You say cupping his face and kissing him again.
“Doll you have no idea the way the universe answered my prayers by allowing me to find you.” He mutters out as he starts to properly ball and you both cried and kissed and hugged and started dreaming of the rest of your lives
reblogs appreciated if you liked it!
#bucky barnes#writerblr#avengers x reader#bucky barnes x reader#avengers#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes drabble#bucky barnes headcanon#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky barnes fanfiction
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the starks (cregan, robb, jon) headcanons
cregan who loves to be soft with you, loves to look in your eyes and hold your hand when you’re fucking. he’ll kiss every inch of your body, tell you what he loves about you, praise you to high heavens even when his pace is making your head hit the wall. he worships you night and day.
cregan who can be mean when he needs to be, usually you’re testing him on purpose or plainly asking for him to be rougher, he’ll always prioritize your safety and make sure you know to stop him if he goes too far
cregan who treats you like royalty after, he knows he’s bigger and stronger than most men, in many ways ;) , but he’ll be at your beck and call after leaving bruises on your skin from how hard he clutched your waist to drive you down onto him when you tried running from his girth, or gripped your thighs as he kept them open till your third orgasm was running down his chin
robb who is almost always fast and rough, he rarely has time to spare so when he does get some time with you alone in his tent he’s making it quick and dirty
robb has you coming undone on his fingers first of course, bending you over the planning table and making sure you’re well prepared and dripping before he takes you. he’s rough and passionate, pulling your hair, maneuvering you to his will and of course you love it
robb who always makes sure you come first, unless you’re under the table sucking him off between meetings that is. even then he’ll try and coax you to give him a taste and prop you up on his desk as he makes you gush onto his tongue while he sits like the king he is between your legs
robb who loves you endlessly and will always listen to your desires, even if he wants nothing more than to fuck you both dumb, he’ll treasure the times he can look into your eyes and get lost in the love there
jon who always wants you, it’s his constant state of being, any sign from you that you need him he’ll jump at and give back tenfold. (the biggest service dom in the world fight with the wall). in the beginning of your relationship he would get hard from a look alone and you had to adjust to his insatiable sex drive.
jon who could eat you out for hours and would much rather drink from you than touch a drop of water ever again. who loves when you tug at his hair when he’s down on you, he’s instantly groaned into and getting firm. when you’re in pain, when you’re sad, when you’re angry, when you’re just bored, jon will want to distract you. fucking you deep and slow, fast and rough whatever you need
jon who sometimes can’t control himself, especially when he’s nearly lost his life, and he’s fucking into you and breeding you again, and again, and again until his eyes look more black than anything else and you’re crying from overstimulation. he’s lost count of how many times he’s come nevertheless how many times you have and he can’t scratch the itch that he has to have you forever.
cregan, robb, and jon who live and die by “wear whatever you want i can fight”
cregan, robb, and jon are by nature protective and possessive but they never let bleed into controlling you, they only want you to be safe and no one dares to try anything when they’re over your shoulder, intimidating any and everyone possible
cregan, robb, and jon who can smell other people on you, chalk it up to the wolf ancestry, and immediately get irritated that anyone would dare get close to you, they need you to smell like them or just yourself. it’s something primal they don’t even realize until you’re coming back smelling like rancid fruit, nothing like your usual scent or their own. they’re on you in moments, holding you close and rubbing against you like a feral wolf
oh my god i was possessed by a horny demon writing this in one fell swoop
#jon snow x reader#jon snow imagine#jon snow smut#hotd smut#hotd#got imagine#got smut#got fanfiction#robb stark x reader#robb stark smut#got headcanons#hotd headcanon#cregan stark#cregan stark x reader#cregan stark smut#glossgojo
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jj maybank’s hot and confident baddie!gf hcs ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
navigation . outfits . masterlist . rafe version .
ꨄ︎ this man is head over heels for you, kissing the ground you walk on type of energy. golden retriever & black cat couple. his friends frequently joke that you wear the pants in the relationship but he doesn’t care about anyone’s opinion— he feels like the luckiest man alive. “i’m her bitch? hell yeah i am.”
ꨄ︎ he feels so proud when you stick up for him, especially against the kooks. he’s ready to fight anyone that disrespects him but before he gets the chance, you’re already putting them in their place. he proudly watches you with the biggest smile on his face, letting you do your thing. “that’s my girl.”
ꨄ︎ doesn’t mind being submissive for you in the bedroom. calls you ‘mommy’ sometimes and lets you take control whenever you want to— it’s so fucking hot to him. he loves it when you praise him while you’re rocking your hips back and forth on his cock, whispering in his ear what a good boy he is.
ꨄ︎ he’s completely obsessed with you. always taking candid pictures of you and setting them as his lockscreen. his instagram page is filled with you as well, whether it’s the two of you together or just you alone. he’s literally your biggest fan and hypeman. “turn your head juuuust a bit to the left mamas, need to get that highlighter on camera.”
ꨄ︎ this man does anything for you. and with anything i mean anything. you ask for it and he will get it, no matter what. “oh, you think that puppy is cute? alright, ma’am. gimme three… maybe four working days and a puppy will be delivered right to your door step.” “j, that’s not wha-“ “sssh, just lemme make my girl happy.”
ꨄ︎ poor baby gets so sad when you get attention from men. he refuses to talk to you for an hour and will pout and sulk all day with his arms crossed. “he totally wanted to fuck you babe” “don’t be stupid, he was the goddamn waiter!” “so? doesn’t mean he didn’t wanna fuck you. did you see the way he looked at you when he served us those burgers?!”
ꨄ︎ you’re very protective of him and you make sure luke won’t ever lay a finger on jj again. jj spends most of his time at your house because he feels so at ease there, but if he needs to grab something from his house, you always go with him. if it escalates, you will have jj’s back before it gets out of hand. "listen, 'cause I'm only gonna say it once. touch him again and you're gonna be in big fucking trouble, got it?”
#❥ ari’s works#baddie!reader & jj#jj maybank#jj maybank smut#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank hcs#jj maybank headcanons#jj maybank headcanon#jj maybank fanfic#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank x you#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x female reader#jj maybank x fem!reader#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank concept#jj maybank blurb#jj maybank drabble#outer banks#obx#outer banks jj#jj maybank fic#jj maybank drabbles#jj maybank concepts#jj maybank brainrot
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"do you like me?" "nope."
gojo satoru x reader summary: even yuuji realizes that gojo has a crush on you, but you're oblivious as ever w/c: 1.1k tags/warnings: ft. yuuji and megumi. fluff. super light angst. lots of banter. a lil mutual pining. yuuji and gojo being chaotic. gender neutral reader. a/n: not sure how this turned out, but it was fun to write! masterlist check out my latest work for gojo here
"(l/n)-sensei!!"
you're trying to relax and really, fifteen minutes is all you want, but these days that seems impossible.
you turn your head toward the sparring field just in time to see yuuji fly into a tree about 30 yards away. megumi is already on the ground struggling to get up.
meanwhile gojo is prancing, literally prancing, in the opposite direction. you walk toward the group with a mixture of annoyance and disappointment playing across your features, all your hope for some peace and quiet crushed.
"that was awesome!" the pink haired boy shouts from amid a mess of leaves and branches.
gojo gushes over the praise, his hands pressing against his cheeks. "thank you, yuuji! it's nice to know someone around here appreciates my unmatched strength."
"i don't remember offering to be a part of the demonstration," megumi grumbles, finally rising to his feet.
his demeanor is less than pleased and you glance at him sympathetically before turning to gojo. "you do know that you're an adult, right? like, as in, a fully grown man."
"(y/n)-chaaaaan, you're always so mean to me," he whines, grabbing your hands dramatically. "what have i done to deserve such cruel treatment?"
"today or in general?" you pretend to think for a second. "i seem to remember you waking me up at seven this morning so that you didn't have to go to your meeting with masamichi-san alone-"
"he was mad at me for skipping the last one i had!"
"-and then you hid my phone for almost an hour because i wouldn't give you my last candy bar-"
"i was starving, (y/n)-chan! it wasn't my fault, you know that!"
"-and then you destroyed that tree, which i really happened to like by the way."
his gaze flickers toward that direction, the splintered wood a sad remnant of what it used to be, then throws his arms in the air. "this is so unfair!"
"(l/n)-sensei! did you see?" yuuji calls out, already fully recovered and bounding toward you.
"i sure did." you chuckle at his tattered clothes and unfazed attitude.
"what'd ya think?"
you really can't bring yourself to scold him, not with all the excitement in his voice. "oh, it was certainly something."
"did you hear that, gojo-sensei?" yuuji lights up.
megumi disguises his laugh with a cough. "i don't think that was a compliment."
the boy visibly deflates so you ruffle his hair. "it was pretty cool, i just don't want you getting hurt." that earns a grin, to your relief.
"so i get yelled at, but you're nice to him?" gojo pouts indignantly.
"yes."
"ugh! this is killing me, (y/n)-chan!" he announces before promptly knocking you to the ground, the action something between a hug and a tackle.
"gojo, get off of me!" you yell, though there's a hint of laughter in your voice.
"i can't! not until you forgive me!"
your giggles ring through the air, music to gojo's ears, and your hands push him away as he tries to tickle your sides. you look like two kids, rolling around in the grass and shouting at one another.
yuuji leans in toward megumi, his voice hushed as if he's about to reveal the world's biggest secret. "i'm starting to think there's something going on between those two."
his friend looks at him as if he's grown a second head. "you're just now noticing?"
~~~
you're making dinner in your apartment while gojo sits on the kitchen floor, his legs splayed out and taking up nearly half of the small room. his blindfold had been discarded at one point or another, something he made a habit of doing when it was just the two of you.
"what are we having tonight, chef?"
"me? i'm having braised chicken thighs. i'm not sure about you though," you tease.
you didn't invite him to dinner, he just kind of followed you back to your place after sparring practice. you don't really mind, you never do, not that you'd ever admit it out loud.
"you wouldn't give me your candy bar and now you won't have dinner with me either? today is the worst! is this still about the tree? i told you i was sorry-"
"geez i was just kidding!" you cut him off. "of course you can have some, but only if you get the flour off the top shelf for me."
"i guess that's a fair trade," he reasons, rising to his feet lazily.
the cabinet is just to your left, so his body presses into yours as he reaches up, the contact making your heart flutter.
"thanks," you exhale when he sets it down within your reach.
he doesn't return to his sitting position, just leans against the counter and watches you carefully stir the ingredients in the pan.
"do you like me?" he inquires suddenly.
"nope."
"hm, do you like like me?" he suggests, a small smirk playing at his lips.
"gojo, that's honestly defamatory."
he rolls his eyes playfully. "c'mon, be serious."
"you be serious," you challenge the usually facetious man.
"i am."
resting your spoon on the pan, you turn to face him, unsure if he's just messing with you like always. the room is silent, save for the faint popping of oil, as he waits for you to say something.
"why do you wanna know?"
"'cause i like you, why else?"
your hands gather the fabric of your apron nervously, crumpling it between your fingers while you avoid his gaze. his words strike you as entirely implausible. after all, he's gojo and you're, well, you.
"you... you shouldn't joke about stuff like that."
he laughs at you and it breaks your heart a little, but then you feel two lithe hands on either side of your face. "(y/n), look at me."
you do, albeit apprehensively, and his eyes bore into your own with an intensity you aren't familiar with. it makes your knees feel weak. a smile tugs at his lips before they capture your own, the movement slow and soft.
your fingers reach up to wrap around his wrist, an attempt to steady yourself against him, before one of his hands travels down to your hip and gives it a light squeeze.
you taste so sweet, feel so perfect in his hands, that gojo kicks himself for waiting so long to kiss you. his lips move to the corner of your mouth, across your cheek, then begin to work their way up your jaw. he hums against your skin, satisfied with the breathy noises he's pulling from your throat.
then, the smell of burning invades your senses and you pull away from each other with wide eyes, exclaiming in unison. "the food!"
#m!writes#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru imagines#gojo#gojo x reader#gojo imagines#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk imagines#gojo fluff
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pairings: Onyankopon x black!reader
warnings: beach sex, fluffy
a/n: this was something i quickly put together bc guess what y'all. a bitch turns 22 today!!!! AHHHHHH. ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ we'll see if im sober enough later to share some pictures, but i do hope yall enjoy this fic. she's very cutesy
Birthday wishes
Loved. That's the feeling coursing through your body as the ones you loved sang you happy birthday. Your cheeks hurting from the attention and laughter due to Jean and Eren's off key singing.
Looking up from the dessert decorated with flames your eyes scanned the tent before landing on him.
The single dimple decorating his left cheek was prominent as he happily sang along with the group. The most handsome smile being sent your way as your eyes locked, giving you a full display of his gold grills decorated with your initials on each upper canine.
To say Onyankopon was a good boyfriend was an understatement. He was everything and more when it came to your wishes in a man. He was respectful, kind, passionate, extremely handsome, and the most caring man you had ever met.
Birthdays had never been your thing due to something always going wrong leaving you sad at the end of the night. However, with Ony he made it his mission to have you feel properly celebrated, always leaving you feeling like a princess by the end of the night.
Throughout the entire 3 years of your relationship, he seemed to make each birthday better than last. This year being a surprise trip to Bora Bora.
Forcing yourself to break eye contact with him you looked back down at the dessert just as the song ended.
“Girl, make a wish. I'm hungry” Sasha blurted out immediately, earning a chorus of laughs and a light shove from Mikasa.
Quickly thinking of a wish, you lightly blew out the candles and basked in the cheers and applause sent your way.
After hours of having all attention on you, there was finally a time when you and Ony could run off together.
Silently the two of you walked hand in hand as you listened closely to the crashing of the waves.
“You having a good day?” He broke the silence once no longer in the eyesight of your friends
“I am” You smiled brightly as you stopped to admire the sunset “I can't thank you enough for doing this, Ony”
A small chuckle escaped him as he stopped to look at you.
Unable to tear his eyes away from your face as his heart melted at the glow the orange hue dancing on your face gave you.
God, you were just so beautiful to him. The way you smiled down to the way the soft breeze lightly blew your sundress was enough to make him fall in love all over again.
“Don't thank me, princess. You deserve this and more” He voiced as his large hands gripped your waist, a gentle hum leaving him as he finally felt satisfied with the feeling of your body flushed against him.
“I’d do anything for you. I'm just blessed to have you in my life” He admitted, voice softer than before.
Leaning down his lips brushed over the sensitive skin of your neck before trailing up to lightly place a kiss on your lips
Before you knew it you were staring up at the colorful hues of the sky as he delivered slow and passionate strokes
“Ony” You mewled softly, nails scratching across his back as he practically laid on top of you.
"Mhmm?" He murmured, his voice vibrating against your neck before lifting his head to stare into your eyes
There was nothing you could do but drown in those chocolate brown eyes. Complete bliss surrounding you as the waves seemed to time perfectly with his delicate movements.
“I love you so much” You finally gasped out. Voice wavering due to the intense amount of love and pleasure coursing through your veins.
“I love you too, mama” He whispered, strong arms reaching down to hook under your leg, giving him a better angle
The moment was perfect. The crashing of the waves, transition into nightfall, and grunts that slipped past Ony’s lips
You weren't exactly a true believer in wishes but at this moment in time you were the biggest believer of all.
#ITS VIRGO SEASONNNN#anime x black!reader#aot x black reader#black reader#aot x reader#attack on titan#chubby reader#aot smut#aot onyankopon#ony x black reader#onyankopon x black reader smut#onyankopon x reader#onyankapon#aot onyankopon x black y/n#aot onyankopon x black!reader#onyankopon smut#onyankopon x black reader#onyankopon x black y/n#onyankopon x chubby reader
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