#i'm fine over here
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
ever since i saw the official art of elidibus playing the piano every time a piano track comes up in the ffxiv ost i have a bit of a breakdown imagining him sitting alone at a long untouched piano in fake amaurot playing these pieces he can't explain knowing and doesn't remember learning but knows all the same.
i'm so damned normal about elidibus.
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm completely normal about @omkdear's prewar OC. COMPLETELY. NORMAL. Everyone meet Agent Bishop, and proceed to be just as normal about him as me. Now you too can spend your day staring at this smug bastard in a daze wondering why you get nothing done!
No? Just me? Ok, fine.
I actually own this shirt (I'd say I wish I was kidding, but I don't, because I fucking love it).
Ko-fi || Commission info
#hpysprkl draws#commissions open#apple pencil mercenary#i'm FINE over here#honest#i'm so normal about him#artists on tumblr#fanart#deacon#fallout 4#fallout#fallout fanart#digital art#digital drawing#digital illustration#procreate#fallout oc#fallout art#fallout 4 art#oc: agent bishop
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
was this anyone else's first thought, or
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#anglerfish#YES hiking jade let's GO#send him up the mountain to look at some funky mushrooms#love how delicately he's holding his lantern with his little pinky out#ooh la la monsieur mastermind#now what are the odds we're getting gargoyle-club malleus next#probably not good but LOOK let me DREAM#i also very much want the equestrian club. GIVE ME HORSE BOYS#actually just give me everyone i want to see everyone#man though the june schedule looking pretty light over here in jp#which always makes me think something big is coming up...#whenever they pull a training camp on us it instantly sends my brain into overthinking mode#chances are good it's more main story though!#we've been averaging every-other-month story updates for a while now and the consistency is nice#i'm still not over the eight months between the end of episode 5 and the start of episode 6...#(IT'S FINE i want them to take all the time they need! i am just impatient)#(i will happily wait but i will be rolling around on the ground the entire time)
6K notes
·
View notes
Text
May your hardened heart be woken By the soft and distant song Of all you left here unspoken All the shards we keep stepping on - Take this body home Take this body home Call the wind, and let her know Take this life outgrown Take this broken soul Call the stars, call them all And take it high, take it far, take it home
#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#bingqiu#sqq#lbh#scum villain#heard the song Take This Body Home by Rose Betts and it nearly took me out at the knees#it really really suits sqq's self-detonation in hua yue city right? i'm not the only one feeling this?#considered adding some literal shards for them to be stepping on - since sqq's sword explodes - but i couldn't quite make it work#anyway this has been playing like a music video in my head for the past couple days highly recommend listening to the song#if you haven't heard it before#can't get over the absolute dissonance between how sqq views this scene and how everyone else must feel about it#like to him he's just completing his plan - hopefully keeping lbh from destroying a city with energy imbalance and escaping The Plot#nbd! he and sqh have planned it all out it's FINE :) off he goes!#meanwhile everyone who loves him - including lbh who worked years to get back to him and is trying to work through a lot of grief#and resentment and doubt and longing and... - watches him DIE in FRONT OF THEM#just collapse while coughing up blood sword disintegrating energy completely consumed#like holy hell sqq could you traumatize the people around you any more???#no wonder lbh went a little bit crazy after that like my man was already not in a great place but what the fuck#lbh watches his shizun presumably sacrifice himself for him ONCE AGAIN like after he's finally Gotten Strong his shizun is STILL#coming to harm in an effort to make up for his shortcomings#my art#most of the time out here drawing what amounts to muppets and then sometimes i get the urge for this and just need to cover everyone in blo
438 notes
·
View notes
Text
He lends very well to dramatic lighting
Comm for @cannibal-crxw :D info here
#fennec.art#my art#dsmp fanart#cquackity fanart#cquackity#commission#commissions open#you may assume im a cq main but I'm not rly. assigned cq artist by the masses lol#the design was provided by the commissioner btw. delightful#speaking of which amazing experience all around a joy to work with thank you sm!! ^^#its so hot in here my dudes it was fine for a few days but summer's rly hitting<- guy who explodes ppl with his mind when a little sweaty#<- also guy who gets his dad's genes and thus sweats buckets all the time. its so over guys#anyway yapping over school is done!!! peace and love on planet earth xoxo
569 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hear me out. I know it's unlikely that Ratio would ever have been foolish enough to directly get taken in by a scam, but considering that we know:
One of the groups specifically tricked by Kakavasha before he joined the IPC was the Intelligentsia Guild
What he tricked them about was Tayzzyronth's Swarm remnants, the exact same thing we see Ratio investigating in his very first appearance in the game, and
The researchers were described as "extremely cautious"
I am surprised that "Ratio was at least somehow connected to the Intelligentsia Guild team fooled by Kakavasha before he was ever even a Stoneheart" isn't more popular with the Ratio and Aventurine fandom.
Like imagine being Dr. Ratio. You tell your colleagues, "This seems like a scam. Are you sure you should trust this 'local guide' you've made contact with? Tell me about him. A picture? Does this even look like an Egyhazan native to you? I won't save you fools from making idiotic decisions." (You end up having to clean up the aftermath of their idiotic decisions anyway. There is sand in places on your body you didn't even know existed before this. How mortifying for the Guild. For you, by association.)
Then, next thing you know, you get a mission briefing slid across your desk from your IPC connections. They want you to work with their new Stoneheart. You open the packet to see... that little bastard with the enthralling eyes who had your moronic colleagues scrambling in the dirt on a backwater planet for months. Apparently he's made a career out of fooling you your supposedly competent guildmates.
You run off to confront him. You never met him personally back then, but you deserve compensation for the idiocy you were subjected to nonetheless. He deserves to know how much of a pain in the ass he's been in your life already without ever having met your eyes--
He proceeds to shove a gun into your hands and tries to make you an accomplice to a suicide. Apparently, this is normal behavior for the man now called Aventurine. Somehow, it's supposed to prove to you that he is a sane and reliable individual.
Absolutely nothing in your life has been normal since Egyhazo.
You would like to have mundane problems, sometimes.
How do you keep ending up in this beautiful manic clever conman's orbit, and why, like binary stars, can you not escape the gravitational pull?
#honkai star rail#aventurine#dr. ratio#dr. ratio x aventurine#ratiorine#aventio#golden ratio#there's too many ship names I don't even know anymore#I just kind of love the idea#of Ratio having H I S T O R Y with Aventurine#before Penacony even goes down#and like#he's salty about it#but Aventurine has so many bigger issues in his life#the people involved on Egyhazo don't even really register#so he's like 'Another guy who dislikes me on principle'#'Fine I can handle this'#meanwhile Ratio is over here comparing their lives to quantum entanglement or something equally nerd-yearning#Ratio: Like mutualist symbiotes I continue to find myself inextricably mired in your schemes#Aventurine: Honestly I have no idea what you're talking about but feel free to keep going#also I'm aware that Ratio was mostly interested in Ruan Mei's ability to create a faux emanator#and not the Swarm itself or anything#but shush#let me have this
661 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wei Wuxian eats a watermelon. Yep!
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#nothing out of the ordinary here. Just good fandom fun#Watermelon discourse has been going on and I want to let people know where I stand.#This came about because I wanted to experiment with translating the (traditional) PD-MDZS style to a digital format#and while sitting there thinking of what to draw...my inspiration came to me.#This is the equivalent of sneaking vegetables into the spaghetti sauce but its important to get your gotdamn veggies#I'm not very good at organizing my thoughts (evidence: the tags of every post on this blog).#but please do not look away from this moment in history. One person cannot solve it and no one expects you to.#Even if it is just spending time doing some research on the situation and history. Or boosting posts that are more articulate#Any action helps! ANY action! Everyone has a different level of capacity for this and that's okay. Anything is fine. Dont let it be nothing#Anyhow. did I like doing this digitally? Yes but its mixed. It was faster but also spark the same joy I usually get while drawing#I will have to get over it very quickly though. You will all see why in a few days
941 notes
·
View notes
Text
fatt pin-up week 2: intimacy
a room & a bed
version from before i started messing with the bg & overlay colors (<- what a pain!!!). i like this one too.
#rosa art#palisade#art#fatt#friends at the table#phrygian#also someone in bed. decide for yourself who...#fatt pinup week#i'm really trying to mostly have fun with these.#messing with colors still takes some time...#which includes spending a reasonable amount of time on it. taking shortcuts. not focusing on details too much#lately I'm really interesting in using different brushes in the same picture to contrast stuff. worked out well here I think#the blanket is from a. weighted blanket website. i sketched over it & then painted the sketch#I can't do folds that well on my own. not yet.#i had a very specific vision for this that's not quite realized.... that's fine though i can try again#i'm not planning to stop drawing phrygian any time soon. + i wanna get better at interiors generally
121 notes
·
View notes
Text
not sam saying lestat wouldn't mind putting glitter on knowing they were about to show a teaser after the panel in which lestat has glitter on...
#interview with the vampire#sam reid#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire lestat#just over here short circuiting but it's fine i'm fine
155 notes
·
View notes
Text
Drawing Pav every day until he's playable: Day 181 (final)
Sooooo uh.... I thought for a while about what to do with this blog going forward, and to put it simply I just don't have the motivation or time to continue with it. Mostly the motivation part tbh, I'm sure I could keep truckin on if I really wanted to, but this blog was always a product of unadulterated hyperfixation for me, and I kinda realized that forcing myself to continue when I don't get any enjoyment out of it anymore isn't really gonna do anyone any good.
I'm sorry I wasn't able to reach the blog's ultimate goal (something something the journey is better than the destination idk), but I'm glad to see that people took on the role of making Pav playable before Miro even did. In a way he already IS playable, which is absolutely amazing!
Even though I'm not continuing this blog anymore, I had a lot of fun while I was here c: Thank you so much to everyone who gave me kind words and who sent asks, I'm sorry I wasn't able to get to all them!
I wish the absolute best to @dailyhenryk for continuing the ritual of daily funger npc blogs, y'all got this!!
If you're looking for more daily content of Pav, I'd highly recommend giving @pavdaily a follow if you haven't already, I seriously love that blog so much.
Ok ok rant over, take care everyone!! <3
-dailypav
#daily pav#i didnt quite make it to 200 days as i hoped but I'm honestly fine with that#if i ever feel like drawing pav again I will probably post very occasional things here#but i'm not super sure how likely that'll be#i could honestly rant for a while about how i feel about him as a character and how that shifted over time#but perhaps thats for another day and another place
153 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyone else here think about Laios/Shuro/Kabru or is it just me
#listen. listen. labru AND laishuro are equally hilarious and both have so much “sir you have a crush on that man” energy#dungeon meshi#labru#laishuro#what would their ot3 ship name even be? laishubru? kalairo? idfk man I just think kabru has a crush on laios & laios has one on shuro#and eventually they can all figure it out and kiss about it#both kabru AND shuro genderbend art from ryoko kui has them be into/dating laios that has to mean something!!#marcille would be the biggest supporter of laishuro too cuz that means he's finally over falin lmao. she's petty like that and I love her#this ot3 has ONE fic on ao3 lol. I'm in the trenches here#edit: it's crucial kabru is transmasc btw. the other two cis or trans hcs are fine but it's non negotiable for kabru he is always transmasc
184 notes
·
View notes
Text
watch now on prime
#leon's assigned instagram sales pitch being the part where they talk about how boring they are and how in love he and connor are...#i'm fine it's all fine#mcdrai#leon please#the rituals are intricate#connor please#i still can't get over the gay awakening photo footage my GOD#the shot of leon watching connor at that first practice...#also so much THIGH here and the content for the foot guys#rich texts#why did tumblr nerf the qualityyyyyyy
119 notes
·
View notes
Text
pour one out for the legend
80 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ok so we get this
and this
And I proceed to spiral about colour theory and costume theory and end up writing and expansion to this post I made about Buck in yellow ochre!!! Sorry y'all, you know what that means - my unhinged colour theory and costume meta's are Back!!!
Lets start by revisiting all of Bucks previous yellow ochre wearing shenanigans!
3x06 the yellow ochre sweater he wears when he gets sent home by Bobby - this does after we see Buck and Eddie making up with each other - a moment when we see Buck learning more about himself and growing (read becoming less self-centred and understanding the concept of being part of a team and recognising that he needs to be better about stepping in with Eddie!)
4x02 - Yellow ochre jumper - first in a video chat with Maddie, Chim and Albert, but then more importantly, when he is in his therapy session with dr Copeland - the whole ‘I hide my true feelings from others’ moment - yet another moment of Buck recognising something about himself. I think this is the most key scene in Bucks yellow ochre wearing - more on that in a bit.
4x03 Bucks yellow ochre t-shirt - a t-shirt that matches the shade of the jumper from above, and a moment when Buck confesses to Maddie that he’s in therapy - about being sad and lonely and wanting to be ‘finer’
4x04 - the yellow knit sweater from 3x06 is back (yes it is the same sweater) and this is when Buck has his entire life upended and he finds out about Daniel (kicking us into Buck begins)
4x11 - Buck talks to Maddie and Josh about Sue’s hit and run, then talks to Taylor about Sue. This one is a much brighter yellow than the ochres we’ve seen up to now, but I’m including it because I think its relevant to Bucks arc here (also because it connects into the next time we see Buck wearing yellow - the will scene) the concept of being hit with information that leads to Bucks growth and the nature of most hit and runs not being solved, the perpetrator never being caught and therefore not getting closure on something (this is super relevant I promise!)
Then we have 4x14 and two yellow ochre tops - the first is the sweater, this one is trending more towards orange brown, but its still in the ochre wheelhouse! this oe is all about communication - mostly at Buck - Taylor telling him how stupid he was for climbing the crane, receiving a phonemail from Ana to tell him Eddie is awake, facilitating communication between Eddie and Chris and then Buck communication himself - thinking it would’ve been better if he had been shot. Directly communicating to the audience (as much as Eddie) the inner monologue of Bucks own opinion of the point of his existence.
Then we get the beloved will scene and Buck wearing a yellow ochre shirt, still lighter than the other yellow ochre we’d seen up to this point, with the exception of the previous one which is brighter still. again this is mostly about people communicating at Buck rather than him being the communicator - much like with the previous Jumper. It somewhat plays into the concept of Buck being a passive part of his life rather than actively living it - Kinda hard to explain at this point without the context of the costumes from s5&6. I also want to point out Taylor is in that dark green again here - in the scene when Buck opens the door to the Diaz house.
5x03 gives us Buck in that same shade of yellow ochre (bear in mind we haven’t seen him in any other colour between the will reveal and this scene (beyond uniform!) and here we have Buck pushing Eddie and communicating without actually giving much of himself away - yes he uses himself as an example, but he doesn’t actually open up about himself all that much (this is important - its not the time for that and it provides space for Buck to continue his internal monologue about his self worth) after this he goes home to his loft and we get him communication to a Taylor who isn’t actually present in the space - a symbolic scene that shows that he gets just as much from her absence as her presence (a play on the idea that Buck can communicate better with her when she isn’t actually present compared with when she is - its a juxtaposition of the scene from earlier when they were in bed together and she didn’t listen to anything he was saying, or his wants/needs)
5x04 a scene at the Buckley-Han apartment where Buck isn’t communicating with Chim - Chim is very much communication with Buck about his despair over Maddie leaving - Buck obviously knows where Maddie is at this point, but he diocesan’t take the opportunity to communicate effectively with Chim. so This is yet another example of Buck failing to communicate, while some one around him is clearly communicating and this scene has the addition of secrecy thrown into the mix.
Then we have 5x14 - this one is a bit less obvious - its the yellow ochre and black plaid jacket - its an outlier in that its not solid yellow ochre, but it is again a scene where we get communication - this time BUck is actually the one to do some communicating, but like pretty much always, we don’t get him pushing too much and we see him continuing to deflect from making things about himself - he’s desperate to talk about the shooting and its impact on him, but Eddie resists and Buck backs off. the check here is a nice addition because it shows the concept of cross purposes, but also there is less yellow than in other outfits - the black seems to be ‘devouring’ the yellow - almost like a play on the idea that this was Bucks one big chance to communicate, but he doesn’t take it.
That is the last time we see Buck wearing yellow ochre until the end of season 6 - 6x15 and his date with Natalia to be precise! we’re back to that same shade of yellow ochre and once again we have Buck communicating - but its very much playing into what Natalia what to hear. I don’t doubt that BUck wants to talk about his death and resurrection, but we don’t actually see the conversation beyond the superficial overtures Buck makes. This plays into the suggestion that its about him trying to impress Natalia rather than actually about what Buck needs or wants to say. Its once again Buck communicating without actually communicating. something Eddie picks up on in the later graveyard scene and tries to provide the space for him to open up - which Buck doesn’t take.
The theme continues with the the next Buck/Natalia date in 6x17 - yellow ochre once again, this time an open shirt - again its that same shade, and we see a continuation of the Buck communicate via deflection technique he employs - this scene, like his previous date with Natalia, is more about her and the writers showing us her hang ups/ insecurities than it is about Bucks - beyond showing us that they aren’t actually all that compatible - its kind of framed in the same way as his previous relationships (especially Taylor) - Buck playing into what he thinks someone wants him to be rather than being who he actually is.
This concept is something we see in pretty much all of the previous scenes where Buck is wearing Yellow ochre, this desire to be what people need him to be rather than who he actually is. there are a couple of exceptions - the first time we see Buck in yellow ochre is probably the only instance where we see Buck being somewhat honest with himself - there is an element of him playing the role he needs to to win back Eddies friendship, but I think its coming from a genuine place and is born out of a real desire to be better - he really did learn his lesson. The fact that the next time we see the yellow ochre used is in his therapy session scene where he literally states that he hides his true feelings from others is a big giant yellow ochre flag waving around telling us that when we see Buck in yellow ochre he will be playing into that idea - and that’s then how it transpires in every subsequent scene where he is in yellow ochre.
Which brings me to this new still
no one can tell me there isn’t an air of conflict about that scene - the dark cool tone of the image suggests a coolness to the room - that idea of the cold shoulder or the temperature dropping when there is conflict between two people. their body language is also adding to that vibe - Chris turned in on himself, not sat with Buck, the space between them.
Whatever this scene transpires being about, based on what we've seen with Buck wearing yellow ochre, we can assume its going to continue to play into this idea of Buck not being fully truthful with people and fitting into the role he thinks people want him to pay rather than being true to himself.
I do want to add to this theory by looking at Christophers shirt as well. The grey/ yellow combination is a bit reminiscent of Breaking point (the episode that really is the gift that keeps on giving) becasue we get Chris in grey and Eddie in tan - that is yellowish toned whilst not actually being yellow
There isn't a good screenshot of them together, but the placing of Chris and Buck in the new one has echoes of Eddie and Chris in that scene (one that is interestingly enough playing into the idea of changing family dynamics, but also the moment before and the one that happens afterwards at Bucks loft, directly placing Buck into a parental role (as an aside the idea of Buck being a miracle worker plays into the theme of Eddie looking for magic, just saying!))
Anyone want to play a game of whose shirt does this look like??!!!
Oh you do! well what if I leave these two pictures just here...
yes, yes that is a Chris sized version of that shirt - you know the one Buck was wearing when he and Taylor talked about complicated family dynamics and about telling 'other peoples stories because I hate telling my own' you know that scene about playing a part and not being yourself around people you're supposedly close to! Yes That scene - or how about the scene which happens to be the last time we saw Buck in Chris's bedroom, where Buck talks to Eddie about complicated family dynamics, about needing to have the right outfit on for the occasion, the scene where they talk about retirement, oil and Buck is playing with a dinosaur! yeah see where I'm going with this! Chris wearing a grey shirt that similar to Bucks is Paralleling those scenes - so playing into the idea of history or of thing being outdated and needing to change, of dressing for the occasion (an allegory for playing a role - to fit in to whatever environment you're in rather than being your true self) and most importantly of complicated family dynamics - suggesting that there may have been some change in the dyamics - perhaps this will play into the will (also colour paralleling the will scene as Buck is in yellow ochre and the breaking point scene with Eddie in a yellowish colour and Chris in grey) and perhaps Chris discovering Buck would be his guardian in the event Eddie isn't around. I mean we'll have to wait and see for the actual context, but I will eat my hat if the season 7 scene isn't playing into Buckley-Diaz family dynamics in some way!
Back to this still
I keep flip flopping on if its Buck or Bobby, but right now the lack of grey hair is making me lean towards it being Buck.
This is a still of the back of Bucks head from his coma dream for comparison (blurry as hell as he's not in focus but it looks enought like the same shape of hairline and of Olivers ear for me to feel like its more Buck than Bobby!
I think the shirt is what is throwing me off though because its just so not a typical Buck shirt (excepting coma dream Bucks!).
I've gone back through my notes and I just can't find any examples of Buck wearing this kind of patterning or shirt before, the closest we get is that hideous shirt he is wearing at the hospital after Kameron has given birth
The only thing I can do is scream into the void about check theory because check does't bode well for people - they always end up in the middle of the drama (see my check theory posts linked on my pinned post for more) and while they come out the other side (99% of the time) Buck in check for that scene in 6x18 pretty much doomed his relationship with Natalia (its specific to her and not C&K's baby as Buck wasn't wearing it when he delivered it!) and as that shirt in the still is very un Buck like, has not only yellow ochre in it, but also its a white base (and we all know buck in white is a bad sign!!) and its check patterned - my theory is that this scene is connected to Natalia in some way - either Buck is not being true to him self in more than one way - that things are going to/have come to a head for their relationship (my kingdom for a reverse of Buck to Eddie about Ana in 5x03!!!) and lead to a pretty big change in some way (fingers crossed for Buck to end it and then finally break down and deal with his trauma!!!)
Some other things about that shirt - I've brightened it up in the picture below - the colour combination - the green blue and yellow ochre are giving me call backs to coma Buck (another reason I think it might be connected to Bucks unresolved trauma around his death and Eddies absense in his dream)
Then there is the burgundy stripe in combination with Eddies hand placement and the fact Eddie is wearing a denim shirt - its very Tsunami call back (even the white plays into this as well as Buck was in white when he saved Chris) -
I'm quite probably clowning hard at this point, but the fact we've got Eddie in denim again (not something he wears all that often) in a scene where he puts his hand on Bucks shoulder in that way and with his Christopher watch so very prominent - we'll I might be feeling a certain way about it.
It would make sense to play into that story arc - after all - the opening of season 7 is very much centred around a big water based disaster - its got to bring up a few things for the two of them. If it is related, Eddies Denim being darker at this point would be a nice play on things - the idea that there is more deepness - more depth to his relationship with Buck than there was in early season 3 (it even calls back to flash back Eddie in 3x16 - he is wearing dark denim when him and Shannon fight and Chris wakes up)
Ok thats enough rambling from me! Hopefully i have made a tiny bit of sense! of to go back to screaming in the void now!!
tagging a few people who might be interested! @extasiswings @copyninjabuckley @oneawkwardcookie @spotsandsocks @mandzuking17 @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @theladyyavilee @mistmarauder
#I'm being totally fine and normal about this#I missed writing about colour theory and costumes!!#We back baby#kym costume meta#costume spiralling#colour theory#kym colour theory#911 spoilers#911 abc#evan 'buck' buckley#eddie diaz#christopher diaz#is it buck is it bobby? who knows!!#but I think its Buck!#buddie#I'll be over here spiralling!
261 notes
·
View notes
Note
please... Make Sure Tails Was Alive, And Replace him To Amy Rose, Not Tails. he Was A Kid, Kid Characters Never Deserved To Die, They Are So young, Especially Tails, He Always Still Young Boy, And I Wanted To Take Sure, His Alive...?
OR ELSE.....!?
Hey your comment under my comic was pretty vile. This one is too. Normally I like to give people's intentions the benefit of the doubt when sending me iffy messages, but the two you've sent have just flat-out sucked.
If you can't handle your favorite fictional character dying in a fan work, don't read it. Simple as.
"Kid characters never deserve to die" [proceeds to recommend I kill a different kid character]
"Or else" wow, a threat! What a great way to convince me to suddenly change a story I've already fully plotted out because you personally don't like a Very Important part of it.
Catch this block.
#doomlazy#asks#I don't normally block people unless I feel it's absolutely necessary but hey wow wow wow I did feel it was necessary THIS time#for anyone wondering about the aforementioned comment. don't worry about it. But if you're truly curious big big Suicide TW#also wishing death on Amy because “Tails is just a kid” bro Amy is *12* like at that point that's just straight up women-hating.#anyway! I'm doing fine! don't worry about me like I'm ALL good over here but this fella's getting a big ol blockerino
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
55 notes
·
View notes