#of Ratio having H I S T O R Y with Aventurine

[starcurtain]

Hear me out. I know it's unlikely that Ratio would ever have been foolish enough to directly get taken in by a scam, but considering that we know:

One of the groups specifically tricked by Kakavasha before he joined the IPC was the Intelligentsia Guild

What he tricked them about was Tayzzyronth's Swarm remnants, the exact same thing we see Ratio investigating in his very first appearance in the game, and

The researchers were described as "extremely cautious"

I am surprised that "Ratio was at least somehow connected to the Intelligentsia Guild team fooled by Kakavasha before he was ever even a Stoneheart" isn't more popular with the Ratio and Aventurine fandom.

Like imagine being Dr. Ratio. You tell your colleagues, "This seems like a scam. Are you sure you should trust this 'local guide' you've made contact with? Tell me about him. A picture? Does this even look like an Egyhazan native to you? I won't save you fools from making idiotic decisions." (You end up having to clean up the aftermath of their idiotic decisions anyway. There is sand in places on your body you didn't even know existed before this. How mortifying for the Guild. For you, by association.)

Then, next thing you know, you get a mission briefing slid across your desk from your IPC connections. They want you to work with their new Stoneheart. You open the packet to see... that little bastard with the enthralling eyes who had your moronic colleagues scrambling in the dirt on a backwater planet for months. Apparently he's made a career out of fooling you your supposedly competent guildmates.

You run off to confront him. You never met him personally back then, but you deserve compensation for the idiocy you were subjected to nonetheless. He deserves to know how much of a pain in the ass he's been in your life already without ever having met your eyes--

He proceeds to shove a gun into your hands and tries to make you an accomplice to a suicide. Apparently, this is normal behavior for the man now called Aventurine. Somehow, it's supposed to prove to you that he is a sane and reliable individual.

Absolutely nothing in your life has been normal since Egyhazo.

You would like to have mundane problems, sometimes.

How do you keep ending up in this beautiful manic clever conman's orbit, and why, like binary stars, can you not escape the gravitational pull?

[shroomiethefrogwhisperer]

Aliens And Chocolate

in a previous post, I stated that the only species that can eat chocolate safely is Humans! And we love our sweet, cocoa-y bars of the brown/white/black goodness.

but the thing is, everywhere else in the universe, it’s a carefully controlled, highly illegal substance. For some alien species, like the Penaconians and the Ahlmiws, it’s a hallucinogenic, intoxicating drug with severe side effects. For others like the Aakij and Zbbrk, it is a deadly poison.

The thing is, the illegal chocolatiers of the universe have refined their craft, and humans like it more than the chocolate we have. So you have groups of humans who go around to dealers, buying chocolate off of them for their hefty prices. And most aliens don’t know that humans are impervious to the dangers of cocoa! And the humans don’t know it’s illegal, so they’re not even trying to cover it up!

So, you know, there are thousands of intergalactic human criminals who are unknowingly on the run from the space police.

in a galactic jail somewhere

Burakkjian Serial Killer w/ a body count of 5000+: so, what’re you in for?

Literally just an average, everyday human: possession of highly illegal drugs and murder weapons

BONUS:

Karen, eating Nutella straight from the jar:

Steve: *chomps on Hershey bars*

Moss, elegantly eating ferrero rocher like the absolute royalty they are:

Zzgnaru: these are my idiots

Sunday: …they should all be dead or high

Boothill: Yeehaw they fuckin should

Ratio: the odds of them surviving are slim

Sampo: W H A T A R E T H E Y D O I N G A R E T H E Y S U I C I D A L S H O U L D I B E W O R R I E D

Aventurine: Oi, Karen, gimme

Karen, not really paying attention: sure

Ratio and Topaz, in unison: NO