#i'm far too much of a human disaster to ever make the first move

[skylarmoon71]

Human Optimus Prime (Transformers) - (AU) Oneshot

"The war is over, you don't have to keep looking out for me." 

You watched the Autobot above you, his optics blinked, and he shifted on his feet. Not sure how to respond to your words. 

"You can't be certain the danger is over." 

Through all the battles, life was finally settling down.

Most of the Decepticons were gone, the ones that survived were in hiding. Far too smart to try and plan another attack. Some of the Autobots that were still alive were doing the same. You felt like you'd watch so much of them die. Jazz, Ratchet, you never really recovered. 

You suppose that was the reason Optimus felt the need to be constantly with you. Bumblebee was with Sam, enjoying his life. Peacefully. The remainder of Autobots were all leading very different lives from when they first started. Whenever there was a threat, they lend a hand to the government, but in the meantime, they were just relaxing. Something they hadn't gotten a chance to do fully since they crashed to earth that night. 

For some reason, Optimus took it upon himself to look out for you. So every once in a while he'd stop by to see how you were going, what you were up to. Being a sophomore in college, you were thankful that you were spending more time now on your studies to pursue your profession. In high school it was just one disaster after the next. Now, you could unravel and focus on regular things that college students stressed over, like midterms.

"I think I can handle any danger that comes, I've made it this far haven't I." You were sitting at the edge of the hill, just looking down at the city. When he buzzed by to check on you, he'd ride you to this spot, and the both of you would chat about everything.

You used to look forward to it, but now it was just an unwanted reminder. The main reason behind your refusal for his protection was the fact that your feelings for him had never gone away. In high school, you always thought it was a little crush. 

He was a giant robot who came from another planet and lived for who knows how long. You had no idea why you even fell for him. But the more you were around him, the deeper your feelings got. 

Two years of knowing him you finally confessed exactly how you felt, and his response was that although he was flattered, he could not return them. You cried for a week, but eventually got over it. Surprisingly you were able to salvage a friendship.

That was years ago though. You were on your way to start a life, one that obviously he didn't want to be a part of, at least not the way you wanted. You figured if you were ever to move on, you needed to start making an effort to get some distance. His constant visits weren't making it any easier.

"Is that the true reason you wish for me to stop watching over you?" 

His statement made your shoulder tense slightly. 

"What other reason would there be? " 

You needed to change the subject quickly.

"You can have a life here Optimus. All the other Autobots have, so can you. How are you going to do that if you're always around me."

"You are a part of my life." 

You clench your fists, refusing to let those words play with your heart.

"I can't be, at least not anymore." 

When you looked back at him, he looked a bit sullen at what you said.

"Optimus I..I lied all those years ago. I-I haven't gotten over what you said, or how I feel about you. I think it just got worse as the years went by. I'm in love with you Optimus..." 

You swallowed, because you knew for a fact that you were about to be rejected for the second time. 

"But I think if you just give me space...I'll find a way to stop feeling this way. So please just..don't come by anymore. For your sake, and mine." 

You stood from your spot, and Optimus was just staring at you. He didn't speak, didn't say anything. You didn't need words though. It was clear how he felt. 

"I want to go home." 

You didn't look him in the eyes, you really couldn't. He must have realized that you didn't want to talk about it any longer. With a short nod, he shifted back into a semi. You opened the door, hopping in and closing the door. 

As you sat there, you forced yourself not to cry. When he was gone, and you were back at your apartment, you would have plenty of time to do that. So you stayed silent, watching the trees and buildings as Optimus took off.

~~

"Optimus, are you alright. You look a bit distracted. " 

Sam's words caught him off guard, and he lowered his head at the male. The other autobots in the area stared. Even Bumblebee looked curious. It wasn't often that they saw their leader that way. He'd always been the one with a solution for every problem. Yet he looked like he was struggling with whatever issue he was going through.

"I believe I have...gained feelings for a human." 

Sam's eyes popped open, and from the side he could see Ironhide and Sideswipe high five. Crosshairs just sighed, running a hand over his face.

"Aww you sad sap, I knew that chick was bad news. "

Bumblebee's optics glowed. A song blasting from his speakers.

"Can you feel the love tonight."

Optimus just sighed, and Bumblebee titled his head. 

"What's up doc, you look a bit under the weather."

Sam could only manage a small smile. No matter how many years pass, Bumblebee's use of the radio always amused him.

"I'm a little surprised, I guess I always knew there was something between you two. I see the way she looks at you when she thinks no one is watching." 

Sam's comment gained a look from Optimus Prime.

"How long has she been giving me those looks?"

Sam now looked a bit nervous. 

"Uhh, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to ask about this stuff. Maybe you should just tell her how you feel and.."

"It's pointless. A relationship with a human, with (Y/N), it's impossible. She's a child and I'm a soldier. "

"She's not a child." Sam said it with so much defiance. "She's not a kid anymore, maybe that's why you're so blind. You're still treating her like a kid. She's a woman, Optimus. She should have a say, it shouldn't just be your decision."

"And as for your other problem, I think I have a solution for that as well." Ironhide pipped in.

"A solution.." 

Optimus asked with uncertainty. Ironhide didn't say much more, in seconds he was reverting back to a car. "Let's go, I've been waiting years to show you this!" It didn't take much convincing, they were all interested now.

*****

"A new professor in the department?" 

You nod at your friend, sipping from your coffee.

"Staff has been a bit overpowered. I only heard because I tutor in the evenings. The guy is starting today. Hope he isn't a douchebag like Mr. Renaldo. " 

You mutter.

"I hope he's a hottie, bet you I'd get an A on every assignment." 

You giggle, nodding your head. As strong as you were trying to appear, your conversation was still running over in your head. It irked you more that he just left, you weren't rejected this time, but you might as well have been, his inability to say anything felt far worse. 

"Did he really think I was gonna sit around waiting for him forever." 

He must have known deep down that you never got over him. This whole time it felt like he was unintentionally manipulating you. He didn't want a relationship, but you couldn't be with anyone else with how much you felt for him. Both options left you alone, unhappy.

As you stepped into your class, your new professor was already there. His back was turned, and he was scribbling his name on the board. You could see some of the females in your class swooning. You weren't blind, even from the back you could tell he was probably attractive.

You took a seat, watching the name he wrote out.

"Orion Pax. "

Kind of strange, but who were you to judge. It sounded a bit familiar though, like you'd heard it somewhere before.

When he turned, he was sporting a broad smile, that probably gave a few of the women a heart defect. All he was doing was smiling and you could physically feel the charm sparking off him. Dirty blond hair, emerald eyes, strong jaw, broad shoulders. The guy was a freaking thirst trap.

"You all can call me Mr. Pax. I'll be the substitute Anthropology professor. This department has been under a lot of strain, I'll be lending a hand. Please feel free to ask me any questions." When the girl behind you raised her hands, you could already anticipate the question she was about to ask. She crossed her legs, batting her lashes seductively. 

"Mr. Pax, just wondering, I've been falling behind and it would mean a lot  if I could maybe work it off with some.." 

She paused, licking her lips and leaning forward, purposely pushing her cleavage together. 

"Extra credit." 

You rolled your eyes, and your friend at the side of you sent a small snicker, making kissy faces.

"Why of course, Mr. Renaldo told me all about you." 

He reached over, picking up a thick stack of sheets, dropping it on the desk in front of her. 

"These practice tests should help get you up to speed. Anyone else?" you almost burst out laughing at the bewildered look on her face.

"Well if they aren't anymore questions, let's begin." 

You kind of liked his style. He was a thot destroyer, you could respect that.

With a disgruntled huff, she pulled out her books and you giggled, reaching a taking out your own as Mr. Pax started up the projector. 

"Open your books to page 51, Folklore. This is a topic that I think some of you may enjoy. We've all heard stories of Bigfoot, or the Lochness monster. These may be theories created by very creative minds, but there are some things out there that we may not all understand. Possibly even beings from another earth, wouldn't that be interesting." 

When he said it, you could have imagined it, but his eyes seem to land right on you. 

You shifted a little in your seat, dropping your eyes to your book. You could still feel it, his green eyes boring into you. Your grip tightened on your pen, and you released a shaky breath.

"What the hell.." 

Optimus was the only one who'd ever made you breathless with just one look. So why was this stranger emitting the same energy of the Autobot you were so hopelessly in love with.

For the remainder of the class, you tried not to react. At certain points he'd walk down the aisle when he was making a point. You kept your head down, eyes on the page. For a moment, he stopped, leaning over to see your notes.

"What language is that?" 

Your head raised slowly, and you cursed when you realized what he was staring at. Through the days you spent with the Autobots, you picked up on some Cybertronian. Optimus even taught you some words and a few letters. Unintentionally, you'd scribbled out Optimus's name on the side of your notes. You flipped the page, letting out a nervous laugh. 

"N-Nothing it's just a little doddle. S-Sorry about that. I-I have a really short attention span. "

"Are you implying that my class is boring?"

"N-No! Of course not I was just-"

"I guess since it's so boring, you won't mind staying back to do a little extra work." 

You could hear the little laughs from some of the students behind you.

"Am I clear?"

You nod. "Yes sir." So maybe you were wrong, he was a douche after all. You hated the smug smile he was now wearing as he looked at you.

"Mothertrucker."

So the class pushed on. Thankfully, this was your only class for the day. Unfortunately, you would have to spend it with Mr. Douche.

"I'll text you later, let me know how it goes with Mr. Pax." 

Your friend winked at you as she left, and all you could manage was a groan. He was gathering his files. "I have to drop these into my office, care to join?"

It wasn't a request, you knew that. So you just picked up your bag and followed him down the hall. 

The entire time you stayed behind him, determined to avoid eye contact or conversation. When you got to the door, he opened it. 

"After you." 

With a fake smile, you entered, and He followed right after. The clicking of his lock is what made your eyes narrow. You turned to him in question.

"I apologize for embarrassing you in front of the class, but I needed to ensure that we were alone. "

Just great, not only was he a douche, but he was a freaking creep too.

"Listen, you're cute and all, but I'm not interested. Don't even try blackmailing me. My grades are spotless. I'm not gonna be some booty call. If that's all I'll just be going." 

You gripped your bag on your shoulder, heading for the door. His arm took your wrist, and you dropped your bag, ready to fight if necessary.

"You don't understand." 

The blue light that circled around his eyes made your own grow wide. You clenched your fists. 

"Decepticon!!" 

Yanking your hand back, you raised your fists, firing a punch at his face. He jumped back in surprise, and you used the distraction to grab something to chug at him. 

The lamp on his desk seemed like a good choice. You ripped it off the desk, throwing it, and he dodged, raising his hands as you tried to run for the door. All you had a chance to do was place them on the lock, somehow he was behind you, and your breath quickened in fear. His hands came down on the door, caging you there, and you froze.

"I suppose I should be proud, you do handle yourself very fairly well." 

The change of his voice made you shiver. He sounded strangely like...

"Optimus..." 

You whisper. He just let out a soft chuckle, and when your eyes connected, that's when you knew. His orbs were still glowing a brilliant blue, the same sapphire light you'd seen for years.

"How...what..why are you..you're voice is.." 

You could barely get an actual sentence out, and he smiled at you. 

No wonder the name sounded so familiar, he'd told you about it once. He still had you pressed into the door. His hand came down, resting on your cheek.

"It seems even in death, Ratchet has been looking out for us. When he was still with us, he was looking into getting us to blend in with humans. He wanted us to be protected, especially when we were being hunted by the government."

"So he..he found a way to turn you human?"

"Yes, with the help of my lifeforce, Ratchet has modified a device to assist us. Ironhide had kept it for this very moment. He wanted us to use it when the war was finally over. So we could live in peace. "

He gestured to the watch on his wrist, and you blinked. Up close it seemed like a regular accessory, but as you leaned in closer, you could make out the blue light that mirrored the one in his eyes. The watch seems to be almost fused with his skin.

"Woah..." 

It was crazy, you would have never guessed.

"That's amazing, e-even your voice sounds different. You sound so..so.."

"American." 

He smirked.

"I suppose that was another advantage to his technology. "

"But how come you're teaching here! You need a degree and references and college."

"I'm very versed at manipulating data (Y/N)."

Right, he was an alien robot after all.

"Anthropology, it's a topic that mirrors the studies I did back on Cybertron. It reminds a little of my home. I downloaded everything on the subject into my drive so I could teach efficiently."

There was still the most glaring question.

"Why do all this. I-I thought I was pretty clear yesterday Optimus. I-I can't move on if you're always here. I'm done chasing after you. Now you're here at my college. Are you really that heartless! Why can't you just let me-" 

He leaned in, and you gaped when his lips pressed to your own. You struggled for a moment, trying to push him off, but he was stronger. You hated this, how easily he was able to make you feel so much. Closing your eyes, you gave in.

When you felt his tongue parting your lips, you responded, leaning tentatively into his body. He sighed, tightening his grip on your wrist as he kept your bound to the door. How do you walk away when his kiss felt like your own personal heaven. 

The minute his tongue touched yours, your knees almost buckled. Gosh, how many times did you imagine kissing Optimus. Who were you kidding, there was absolutely no way you could forget about him. Your free hand slipped into his hair, and you tugged, earning an appreciative groan from him. When he finally retracted, you were panting, and a bit confused.

Why did he even kiss you?

"I realized that up until now I've been doing what I can to keep you at a distance. It wasn't because I didn't return your feelings (Y/N). Through our years together, I've always felt drawn to you. I choose to ignore it because I know that I could not have a future with you. As an autobot, I cannot give you what you deserve. "

So this whole time he was just scared.

"It may be hard for you to accept my apology, even after I've hurt you so much for so long, but I would like a chance to be a part of your life (Y/N). I'd like to be in your future, if you'll have me."

He didn't even have to ask.

"Of course I'll have you Optimus, that's all I've ever wanted. " 

He caresses your cheek, and you're smiling a bit bashfully.

"How did you learn to you know..kiss like that.." 

He's now wearing a sly grin. 

"Instinct I suppose." 

When his thumb brushes your lower lip, you quiver, closing your eyes. You want nothing more than his lips back on your own. 

"Back in class, I was sure you'd figure me out. When our eyes connected you gave me that look, one I've seen you wear many times. I finally understand what it means. How foolish that I didn't realize sooner." 

You blush. So you weren't imagining that either. It's almost like you felt him way before you put the pieces together.

"W-We're going to have to be careful at school though. It'll be bad if someone caught us like this." 

You're saying this in hopes that he'll let you go so you can get your heart to stop racing. If he kisses you again, you might not have the will to stop.

"I'm a very careful person," He says smoothly.

"Optimus we-"

"It's Mr. Pax." 

You glare at him, and he's still smirking at you.

"Please, there's no way you're getting me to say that. "

"Really?" 

He says that it's almost like a challenge. This time when he moves in, his lips rest on neck, you pull in a breath, a bit surprised at the move.

"O-O-Optimus I'm serious we can't.." 

He nibbles at your skin, and you can't even bring yourself to finish the sentence. Now he's leaving open mouth kisses, and you're trembling.

"You smell amazing, taste even better.." 

He mumbles on your flesh. 

Your chest is rising with every quick strum of your heartbeat, and you try pushing your thighs together to elevate the pressure. But that just encourages him to lean closer, pushing his leg between your thighs. Where the hell did this side of him come from. He uses his hand to tilt your head to gain better access to your neck, and you moan when his kisses become a bit more determined. There will definitely be marks when he's done. 

"M-Mr. Pax.." 

You stammer out. He stops, pulling back with a grin.

"Was that so hard?" 

You're about to yell at him for his recklessness, but he kisses you once again. With a sigh of defeat, you fold. There's no use pretending you don't love everything he's doing. That's how it's always been.

A future with Optimus, you can't wait. 

[cow-tag]

Holding the universe in his arms/////Fuck it we ball jonatello fusion fic real

literally so fucking exausted i might not even continue idfk but i needed to get it off my google docs so i can continue or smthn idfk but here yall go enjoy

The crystal glowed with an eerie light, illuminating the room and reflecting off Donnie’s goggles. They carefully chipped a piece off and held it under a microscope, watching the colors swirl and change. It was unlike anything they had ever seen before, and it certainly wasn’t recorded in human history. ‘Makes sense’ they thought, huffing to themself lightly. ‘I found it on a crashed Kraang ship, so it’s probably some sort of alien material.’ 

The object glowed and almost pulsed. It was mesmerizing, one could fall asleep if they stared at it for too long. But Donnie wasn’t going to sleep. Not just yet. 

Now, Donnie should have expected what happened next. It’s rare they get a moment of peace with their family. But, surprisingly, the person that tumbled into their lab with a laugh and a shout was not an orange and green blur. Donnie looked over at the absence of orange for a split second, but immediately turned back when they saw the intruder. Of course he would bother them at this exact moment. 

“Heeeyyy, Stickmaster!! What’s that shiny rock ya got there?” 

Arnold Casey Bernid Jones Junior. The way Donatello got his full legal name is not important. What is important is the fact that he is their greatest rival. In love, in snarky remarks, in machinery, you name it. Except intelligence. They trump him on that topic. But either way, he has no reason to be here, and Donatello had no reason to put up with him. 

“Nothing you need to know about Puckhead, now get out of my lab before I lose a foot up your ass.” Donatello doesn’t move from their spot examining the crystal, not even when they hear a chuckle and a soft “Hot.” come out of Casey. He’s been doing that lately. He’s been.. Flirting. More so than normal. Which in and of itself is a feat, considering the walking pansexual disaster flirts with almost everyone he meets. No, the flirting is not strange. It’s that he’s been flirting with Donatello. An insane thing to hear, Don was shocked the first time they heard any words of romantic affection come from his mouth. But, alas, this is true. It started out small, just little “damn!”s and wolf whistle coming from the human. But it’s been escalating more as of late. Patting their shoulder and giving them a sly smirk, random offhand comments about their attractiveness, a couple sexual innuendos thrown in with their regular banter. Donatello hated it. They hated it so much, they hated the way their face flushed when he got close, hated the way their stomach flipped when he smirked. It was ridiculous, unnecessary, horrible, but somehow the best feeling they’ve ever had. 

“Come on, I just wanna look! Just a little peek?” Casey whines, slumping over Donatello’s shoulder. He was close. Too close. They could feel the warmth emanating from his body, feel the unnaturally loud thrum of his heart, could feel his hot breath on their neck. He was too close. Far too close. They shrug him off the best they can, which resulted in him groaning and spinning their chair, and by proxy, them, to face him. He steps back and crosses his arms, a slight pout on his tan, freckled face. It shouldn’t have been endearing. “Listen, Shit-for-brains, I have work to do. I need to study this.” They turn back, hearing another loud groan come from their ally. 

“Doonniieeeeeee, you’ve been in here for days! That's the whole fukin’ reason I'm in here, Leo told me to come and get ya before she came in to whoop your sorry ass into bed.” Donnie scoffed, of course that was why he was here. Their sister. He would never come in here on his own terms. 

[a small part of Donnie deflated at that last thought. They smack that part of themself upside the head, and focus on ignoring his presence.]

“Well, you can tell her that I am just fine staying where I am. I have been keeping up with my hygiene, and have been eating and drinking properly. There is no reason I should need to leave.” Casey barks out a laugh, pushing Donnie’s tools across the table to lean in front of them. “‘You can tell her that I am just fine staying where I am’” Casey mocks them with a high, nasally voice, adopting a smug, reserved look as he does so. “Bull! When was the last time you went out and ate?” He then yells, reverting back to his regular, loud voice. Donnie shrinks back just a titch at the volume, before scoffing and crossing their arms. “This morning.” They say, pushing the goggles up on their forehead. 

Casey raises an eyebrow. “And what was the date of this, ‘this morning’?” he says, eyeing them suspiciously. Donnie pauses. 

“April 3rd.” 

There's a moment of silence before Casey bursts out laughing again. “April 3rd?!? Dude, it’s the fifth today!” Donnie jumps back at that, rushing to their laptop to check the human’s facts. He was right. HE WAS RIGHT?! Donnie had been cooped up in their lab for two whole days?! They swear it hadn’t been that long! But the universe was against them in this. And apparently was hellbent on making it worse, because Casey then grabbed the crystal. “So, on account of this new realization you have just had,” He said, holding the glowing thing above his head in a ceremonial way, “I am going to confiscate this until further notice.” 

Donnie stood up and shouted, lunging for the crystal. He somehow managed to swerve away from them, laughing and jumping around. “Casey! I don’t know if it’s safe to touch! It could be unstable!” They moved to grab it again, but he was too quick. How was he too quick?! “I dunno don, seems pretty safe to me.” He runs the crystal from the middle of his thigh to the side of his collarbone, smirking the whole time. It pushes up the side of his hoodie for just a moment, putting his hip and lower waist on full display. Casey wasn’t likely to be seen without layers of black clothing, and Donnie was surprised to catch a glimpse of freckled skin before the hoodie fell back down. Apparently Donnie was Immensely tired, because not only was Casey faster than them, that last little trick he pulled was effective in slowing them down even further. They curse themself for being so easily flustered. 

Casey laughed at Donnie’s state, hopping back and forth around them. Crystal in hand, he was literally running circles around them. Donnie continued to try and fail to grab the crystal from him, resulting in the pair entering a sort of dance. Casey came close, Donnie lunged, Casey dodged and barked out a laugh. The crystal seemed to grow brighter in Casey’s grip everytime the two made some sort of contact, illuminating his face in an ethereal way. This was not helping Donnie’s case at all. At some point Casey started dancing around the mutant, his laugh filling the room with joy. Donnie hated it. He came close, grabbed their hand. The crystal grew impossibly bright. He let go, spinning around and around, dragging Donnie with him. Donnie was dizzy and annoyed. This was so ridiculous! He was messing with a potentially dangerous force, with no regard for his safety! And while this was no different than normal, it was endlessly infuriating. To top it off, Casey ended the spin with a dip, holding donnie in one arm and the crystal in the other. He held the crystal far away from Donnie, but the light still managed to reach his eyes. 

There was a moment, a still moment, where everything was calm. Where, for a moment, the light filtered through Casey’s fingers with an unearthly glow. Where, for a moment, Casey’s normally dark eyes seemed to hold an entire galaxy. Where his smile was as big as could be, missing teeth and all. Where his dimples indented his cheeks in a way that perfectly matched the splattering of freckles on his face. Where all the acne scars seemed like stars, light spots scattered across his face. Donnie saw themself in his eyes, along with the galaxy they held. Logically, they know it was just the reflection of light off their goggles. But, for a moment, it seemed as though they were peering into puddles of space. And, for a moment, Casey was just so impossibly beautiful that they could not stand to look at him anymore. 

Thankfully, the moment was ended by the pair being enveloped in white light, forcing them both to close their eyes. 

[With how observant they were, Donnie seemed to miss Casey’s flush as he dodged and weaved, seeming to miss how loud his heart was. They seemed to miss that Casey did not have a galaxy in his eyes, because he was looking at Donnie like they were his whole universe.]

[dreamerdoesthewritething]

[Part 7, with a time skip. AFAB Bestie x Leon continues to burn slowly, or will the jump in time change that? Who knows? Not me lmao. These things have a mind of their own. This might need a content warning or tags, but I'm not sure which ones, so ask me to tag anything you think needs to be, please and thank you < 3 ;3]

[Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4][Part 5] [Part 6]

The years fly by. Before you know it, it's already 2004. The world has changed, thanks to terrorist attacks of all flavors and natural disasters and, most simply, the passage of time. That's the thing about time. It keeps moving forward, and nothing stays the same.

Well, except your friendship with Leon, as far as you were concerned.

That's what you tell yourself. Best friends don't have to spend time together or call each other that often. They don't have to keep up with your life. They don't have to let you know when they're back from a trip overseas so you know they're still alive. They don't need to tell you they're coming over or warn you that they look like hell.

Of course, you understand why your friendship is so hectic, so unusual, so unpredictable. It's not by choice. Not yours, and certainly not his. You've known this for nearly six years now. He's essentially enslaved to the government in their war on bio-terrorism. You survive one such event, you're forced to face more, apparently. They forget you're human, use you as a tool, and then you die in the fight or lose yourself because of it, or maybe even both.

Leon only ever wanted to be a cop. A good guy, like the officer who saved him on the night his family was killed. He never asked for his first day on the force to be his last, or for a zombie outbreak, or for monsters that weren't just wicked humans to exist. He didn't choose this. This isn't living. This isn't even survival. This is weaponizing, dehumanizing. Taking the man out of a warrior so only the perfect weapon remains.

In these past few years, you came to a decision, one that would hopefully help Leon in escaping his horrible life and bring him back to one that's more normal, more safe, more domestic.

You went back to school, this time studying law. Were you planning on becoming a lawyer? Maybe. At the very least, you wanted to know enough about legislation that you could pull something together to file a lawsuit against the government for what they did to Leon. You kept this plan to yourself, knowing someone would try to dissuade or criticize you.

Leon especially couldn't know, not after what happened the one and only time you'd ever been taken into government custody. He'd never let you attempt this if he knew. So all you would tell him was you were in college, never revealing what you were studying by passing it off as boring stuff he wouldn't care about. He learned to stop asking, though you doubt he stopped being curious about it. You just hoped he respected your privacy enough to avoid using craftier ways to find out what you're doing. He wouldn't sink to the same level as the officials who spied on him, right?

Nah, he had too much integrity for that.

You might sometimes feel like you don't know him as well as you once did, but you know him enough to know that much.

-_-_-_-_-_-

Leon calls you one day out of the blue to tell you he's about to head out on a mission. He rarely ever shares this kind of information with you, so immediately you're worried why he's doing so now. He can't give you many details. All he can say for sure is he'll be in Spain looking for someone. If that's all, why is he calling? He's not sure. There's this feeling he can't shake, one that urged him to contact you, even if there's not much he can say.

Well, that's just great, you think sarcastically.

What can you do?

The only things you can think of are to wish him well and hope he makes it back in one piece, and that his mission is successful. Will he please call you when he's home safe? He hesitates to answer. And yes, you purposely used "when" and not "if," because he will make it back. He has to.

After a few more seconds of hesitation, he promises to reach out to you as soon as he's able, pending any paperwork or debriefings he would have to do upon his return to the States. He wishes you luck with your studies, remembering you have some important exams coming up in his absence. You're surprised. You haven't mentioned your schedule in months, yet Leon remembered that? The call is over before you can say anything about it.

That night is plagued with nightmares, much of which you don't understand. Dreams of death, parasites, black veins and blood red eyes, monstrous abominations...Where did such imagery come from? You've never seen anything like it. Has your brain been watching horror films without your knowledge?

The worst part is when your nightmares decide to either have Leon killed or turn him into one of the monsters. It's the stuff that has you jolting upright, your throat sore from all the screaming you were apparently doing. You wonder why your neighbors aren't banging on your door or calling the cops to check if you're being murdered. You don't remember everything of the dreams, as is the nature of them, but what you do leaves you with an upset stomach and no desire to try to sleep again.

These nightmares repeat every time you so much as doze off, warding off any chance of rest you have before your exams. You supplement with caffeine. Coffee, soda, energy drinks, you name it. Anything--legal, of course--to keep you awake. Everyone who knows you can tell you're not doing your best, but the side eye you give them through the dark circles causes them to think twice before asking about it.

The stress of every little issue in your life and his starts attacking. God, you just wanna tear your hair out. Or cut it all off. Or maybe dye it some ridiculous color and then cut it. You feel like digging your nails into your skin until you bleed. Or biting your skin until you taste copper. You want to just scream, but even the longest and loudest wouldn't be enough.

It's too much. It's all too much...

When you're not at work, in class, or doing homework, you're curled up on your bed in the dark, eyes wide open, on high alert. Why? If you knew that, you'd take care of the problem. You just feel everything and nothing at once. The silence is deafening, darkness suffocating, but noise and light won't make anything better. Why is this happening? Why can't you make it stop?

Leon has gone away on plenty of missions before. That's been his mandatory obligation since he survived Raccoon City. You've always been concerned. Hell, if you weren't, you would be a terrible friend and certainly couldn't call yourself his best friend. But this is new. This is sickening, debilitating, all-consuming. You fear the only cure might only be the man himself.

But what if he doesn't come back this time?

Or what if your nightmares are some kind of premonition, and he returns as a monster?

The very thought has you sprinting to the bathroom, collapsing on your knees in front of the toilet. Nothing comes of it, just dry heaves. It's still enough to knock the wind out of you. You fall onto the cold tile floor, trying to catch your breath. Where's rationality when you need it? Of course Leon wouldn't come back as a monster. He'd sooner--

No, you cannot let yourself think of that.

He already admitted to you in the past that he considered it before he met Sherry during the incident. In that little girl, he saw himself, and he found that he was in the same position as the officer who saved him on the day his family was murdered. If he was gone, what would become of Sherry? Yes, Claire was competent and cared for the girl as if they hadn't met just that day, but could she have protected Sherry from the government once they discovered she had the G-Virus in her? Even with her brother Chris, the BSAA golden boy, he doubted they could've kept Sherry from becoming a federal guinea pig...and eventually a weapon, like he was now.

Suicide is a last resort for a man like Leon. It would take a lot to make him turn the gun on himself.

Being infected and running out of options for a cure might be...

-_-_-_-_-_-

You black out, only aware of this because of the black sky on the other side of your bathroom window. Your body feels so heavy as you pick yourself up off the floor. Dread hangs in the air like a fog. How long have you been here, anyway? Logic would say only a few hours, but you've lost all ability to perceive time, so for all you know, you've been there for days. You should go downstairs and check the television to figure it out.

Walking is harder than it should be. It's like you're drunk, but also hyper-aware of every step and feeling weightless. Or maybe just lightheaded? You don't know. You didn't hit your head on the toilet or something earlier, did you? There's no pain or blood, so probably not. You should take a look at yourself in the mirror when you have a chance, which will be after checking the news.

Sure enough, you didn't black out for days, just a few hours. Breathing a sigh of relief, you quickly turn the television off again and head back to the bathroom to check your head for injury. You find none, but you hardly recognize yourself in your reflection. Only a day or so of Leon being gone on this mission and you look like death. If Leon does--

When! When Leon comes back...If he sees you like this, what will he think? Will he be reminded of how shitty you looked when you thought he was dead in Raccoon City? You feel almost as bad as you did then during that month of pointless grieving. You wouldn't want to remind him of that horrible time on top of the trauma he's no doubt suffering "for the people."

But there's nothing you can do to change your face. You don't own makeup, and even if you did, you wouldn't know what to do with it. You never bothered with that stuff. What was wrong with a natural face, anyway? You never minded the acne or blemishes or any of the shit that came with puberty. Leon didn't, either. He always commented on how pretty people were when they weren't trying to hide themselves behind artificial "beauty." It's why, whenever he flirted with anyone, he'd compliment people on their natural appearance, not something they were wearing.

But maybe times like these are exceptions to hiding. If you don't want to worry Leon if--when he returns, it would be helpful if you knew how to use those products to mask your troublesome features.

It's a moot point now, at this stage of your life. Twenty-seven is a bit late to be trying to learn a skill many girls pick up in middle school. It's also late at night and you're in no condition to be driving to the store or going out in general. You'll just have to accept this and hope you'll be able to sleep without dreaming at some point in the near future, which will hopefully be before Leon sees you again.

You get a sense of déjà vu as you hear knocking at your front door. As you go to answer it, your heart races, thumping so loud that it's soon the only thing you can hear. All the sick feelings from before come rushing in as your mind decides to keep pace with your heart. What if it's someone else coming to tell you Leon was KIA, or worse, infected with some new biological weapon that meant he had to be put down? What if it's someone who wants to hurt Leon and is targeting you to do so? What if it's just a pizza delivery boy who got the wrong house and you're getting worked up over nothing?

There's only one way to know.

Your palms are sweaty as you unlock the door and twist the knob. When you see the other side, it's like time has frozen, or maybe it's the two of you that have been frozen in an instant.

His name lingers on your lips, but you can't give it a voice in time. He's already moving in to wrap his arms around you, squeezing so tight, as if you might disappear. As if you might disappear. He's the one always leaving. You should be hugging him this hard, not the other way around...

Something warm and wet hits the back of your neck. Oh, no...Leon.

"You look like shit," he mumbles, no doubt trying to lighten the mood so you won't point out the obvious.

You give him a halfhearted chuckle, unable to find the words to respond. It's so like him to do this. He knows he looks just as bad if not worse but he doesn't want you worrying about him. Not any more than you have already.

You pull back from the embrace just enough to see the face he's trying so hard to hide from you. His bangs still block his beautiful blue eyes, but you can see the tears streaming down from them, the ones that hit your skin. With one arm still firmly around him, you reach up to gently wipe them away. He quickly snatches that hand, a little rougher than he meant to, only to raise it to his lips, softly pressing them against it.

"Are you okay?" you ask.

His voice is muffled since he doesn't release your hand. "I'm alive."

"Leon, that's not--"

"The mission was a success."

"Leon--"

"I'm still me."

In frustration, you start crying. He doesn't answer your question the way you want, but you know it's not his fault. He's not okay. He hasn't been in years. Because of that, it's enough for him that he's alive, successful, and still himself. You wish your standards for his well-being could ever be that low.

"Can I...Is there anything I can do for you?" you ask after a moment.

He gives you a weak smile. "No, sweetheart. Just...You're more than enough. All I need is sleep...and maybe a shower."

You had no plans on commenting on it, but it's true. Leon stinks. Smells like death. He's still in his tactical gear, which explains it. What, did he get off his plane or helicopter or whatever and immediately come here? Shouldn't he have gone back to base for debrief and reporting and whatever paperwork might need to be filled out? Or maybe he did all that and just...decided he wanted to see you as soon as possible?

You give your assistance without him asking. An empty basket for him to put all his gross clothing into. A fresh towel and wash cloth. Some clothes from nearly six years ago when you secretly had him living with you for roughly a week. He's gotten much more muscular since then, so everything's a bit of a tight fit, but he doesn't mind. Beggars can't be choosers, and he put himself in this situation, so he can't complain.

As you're about to direct him to your bed--you'd never ask him to sleep on the couch and the guest bedroom isn't ready for him--he says your name in that tone of voice. The one he uses when he needs your comfort. The one you can't deny. The one that has you crawling into bed before him and assuming a familiar position, letting him climb in and cuddle up beside you, resting his head on your chest as you begin to run your fingers through his damp hair.

"I've missed you," he says.

"I've missed you more," you say.

He chuckles. "Impossible."

You could argue, pointing out how much he's changed over the years while you've stayed relatively the same. You've missed him and you miss the person he used to be.

But you won't say that.

You won't say anything.

You just let him drift off to sleep in the comfort of your arms, feeling his heart rate drop and his breathing slowly turn to light snores. Your own eyelids grow heavy. You try to fight it since every time you've slept recently has been plagued with those horrid nightmares, but it's futile. Your fatigue has caught up to you and won't let you go now that Leon has returned.

And so, you sleep.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

You oversleep, in fact.

It's past noon when you finally open your eyes. You're alone in your bed, but not the house. The television is on and you can somewhat hear it through the walls. Not enough to understand what's being said, but enough to recognize the source of the sound. Groaning, you force yourself away from the sheets and onto your feet, heading out into the living room.

Leon looks better than he did last night, but it's clear he didn't sleep as well as you did. You have no idea when he left your side. It's not the first time he's come over to share your bed and then left it while you were still asleep. He has nightmares and memories that attack him almost every night, thanks to all the trauma the world has put him through, and while he used to be able to sleep through the night at your side, that's become more of an exception than a rule. His face lights up a bit when he sees you, which causes heat to rise into yours.

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty," he greets as you take a seat at the other end of the couch.

"Hey yourself, handsome," you respond in kind.

"I ordered pizza. Didn't think either of us would feel like cooking. Should be here soon. And don't worry, I paid for it."

"Do you have--?"

"Yes, I have cash for a tip."

"Okay, good. Just checking."

Leon has his arms resting on the back of the couch, stretched out on either side of him. You glance at them out of the corner of your eye, noticing the various scrapes and bruises that weren't there the last time you saw him. Gifts from his mission in Spain, you assume. You can't see much else of his skin since the majority of it is covered with clothing, but you imagine under his tee and pants is even more damage of both the temporary and permanent kind. He doesn't complain about scars very often, though, joking that he's fine as long as his face remains unscathed.

Spain clearly beat the shit outta him, but he was alive and in one piece and no injury was too serious to keep him away from you. You wonder how his enemies looked by comparison. You know, as in, "If I look rough, you should see the other guy." Of course, odds are his enemies are dead and in many, many pieces, or else you wouldn't have Leon in your living room right now.

It took a year and a heavy night of drinking for Leon to tell you what went down in Raccoon City. He has never told you about any of his other missions and encounters with B.O.W.s because he couldn't and because he didn't want to. Will this one be like those, or will it be like the Raccoon City incident? You won't know until it happens, if it happens at all.

A flash from your nightmares occurs. You swear you see black veins on the surface of Leon's skin on his arms. Eyes go wide and you nearly fall off of the couch as your body recoils from him by instinct. He loses his smile, instantly concerned. You look back at his arm to find it completely normal and breathe a sigh of relief.

"S-Sorry, I just...I had a bunch of nightmares while you were gone and I...I thought I was in one for a sec," you explain.

"Nightmares?" He knows you rarely have bad dreams. Last time he recalls you talking about having them was when you thought he was dead. "Was I...in them?"

You don't want to say it, so you just nod.

"Damn, I didn't realize I was that scary."

"It's not you. It's...my stupid mind being mean to me."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"You wanna talk about your nightmares?"

His silence is answer enough. You take a deep breath and slouch, keeping your eyes closed. It's not that you don't want to tell him or talk to him about it. It's just not the time. He came back only hours ago. What if your nightmares had some truth to them and upset him? You don't want to risk it. Not this close to his return.

In one smooth move, Leon puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you closer to him. It's so sudden and unexpected you don't even have time to open your eyes before it's over. Now he has you against his side, his hand idle by your hip, your head against his firm chest. You're so close to him you can easily smell your body wash on him, pleasantly mingling with his natural scent. His hold on you is tight, almost frightening so, but a light pat reminds you that he'd never hurt you intentionally. Even becoming a monster wouldn't change that...

Well, probably not, anyway.

"I'm here for you if you need me, sweetheart," he says, kissing the top of your head. "And even if you don't, I'm here, too."

"I'll always need you, Leon. You're my best friend."

He wants to joke about being your only friend, but refrains. You might not enjoy that one, what with how true it can be. To be fair, you are really the only friend he's had for his entire life, so he doesn't have much room to talk. You two are just a couple of lonely souls who find comfort in each other and very little else. He wouldn't have it any other way, if he's honest.

Without even thinking, Leon says, "I love you."

You think nothing of it, assuming it's platonic and somehow failing to notice how quick his heartbeat has become despite literally having your head on his chest.

"I love you, too, Leon," you say, and it's so casual it kind of crushes Leon's hopes and dreams.

Have you...finally gotten over your feelings for him?

Oh god, he hopes not.

But...

[the-nysh]

Time for some in-depth trigunbookclub notes! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ First story arc 'episode': vol1 ch00-04~

A bit of a late start but I'm planning to reread the series again with the overhaul translation, hoping to catch what I might've missed the first time around vs Dark Horse's. Paying attention with more informed, detailed thoughts and impressions from the perspective of already knowing what happens later in the story. Special thanks to cerealandchoccymilk's translation notes comparing to their japanese copy for additional clarity!

Flipping through these pages again, and gosh I'm already surprised at how much information's densely packed in here! (I...may have miscalculated how long these commentaries might take...) I've already made some notes for the opening ch00: 'High Noon at July' prologue, and I'm not sure how far I can sustain this same level of detail (maybe I'll surprise myself), but for now I'll try to focus on what else I can observe and talk about from the manga's first official story 'arc' - which lasts for the first 3ish chapters, corresponding to the 98anime's episode 5: 'Hard Puncher.' Stampede actually begins with this same story arc in eps1-2! :O In short, about the town suffering in decline from their malfunctioning Plant problems, desperately in need of money that Everyone (citizens, hunters, and outlaws alike) chases after Vash for the huge bounty on his head, until the Nebraska family shows up to escalate more trouble.

Yup, that's where the manga's story begins, as ch4 already speeds right on through to the Sand Steamer arc! (After a 2 week timeskip) Which the 98anime adapts later in ep7, and Stampede ep6! :O So the pace of the early manga is considerably much denser and faster, with plenty of details to note in between.

After the prologue sets the tone--ominously post-disaster with human survival and hope, ch1 opens with the iconic shot of Vash's Wanted poster. Many people have already noticed the...unusually vague and contradictory bits of information on him. So much is 'unknown' (note: Dark Horse lists an unknown birthplace while overhaul lists an unclear appearance) and yet...he's suspected to be the 'murderer' of someone with a fancy alias, as a 'young' (est age24) horrible killer who's also a pacifist?? 🤔 (How does that contradiction work out?) Who's believed 'capable' of mass destruction...and yet, there's nothing really conclusive he's indicted with here. Most of it feels like unconfirmed rumors and hearsay, so what's the actual truth? Who is he really? There's the additional tonal whiplash of seeing his ~smiley smiley~ easygoing (and old western themed) mugshot in contrast to the prologue's (sci-fi) bleak & desolate shot of a city that looks eerily destroyed by a post-nuclear bomb, released or shot from a clear direction leveled at ground zero. Something disastrously huge happened here to account for that ridiculous sum of $$60 billion on his head, with way more missing info than the suspicions he's listed for. Something doesn't add up here, so that's what the rest of the story's about--for us to find out~

First impressions of actual manga Vash (just from this introductory arc alone)....and he's a cute & silly little guy! :'D Whose attention is sharp and alert (he's definitely no idiot) to his surroundings sensing danger, with quick reaction times and even quicker resourceful fingers. A little odd and creature-y; how does he move that way and get himself into so many ridiculously contorted pretzel upskirt positions?! (Ahem: Nightow gives him all the 'fanservice' shots so the women don't have to; I respect that~ Hey, and why do the 4 buttons on his coat's collar keep mysteriously unbuttoning away in the breeze like that too, c'mon!!) Very animated and openly emotive with range, from the uwuest sad puppy eyes ever seen (accentuated with pretty corner lashes~) to flipping into irritation as someone who's not above using petty sass to make his points either. Oh he cries, both blubbering to himself about his own misfortunes and empathetic to others' pain, and oh he gets angry with dialed up severity too. And yet...he's a nice guy (who's gentle and considerate with women!!! 📣 with none of that 98 weirdness shown here at least, and easily makes friends with kids; all these are good signs) with an aloof air of mysterious distance, like he's a tired, traveling loner. Who seems like he'd just happily prefer to keep to himself out of trouble, simply trying to enjoy his meals in peace...until people rudely inconvenience him or interrupt his day with violent guns blazing!! D: Oh my god what an upsetting life (everyone's so mean to him~) give this poor guy a break with some actual Rest and peace please!

More in-depth thoughts from chapter 01: 'The 60 Billion Double Dollar Man' Immediately the setting is a very lawless, harsh place to live. With daily injuries and murder cases galore, where violence is so commonplace that even kids yearn for their own guns someday (wow D:) People might be cold and inconsiderate to others, cause everyone has it Hard here--everyday is a struggle, but the biggest telling observation -to me- is that no one is evil. :O Everyone presented this arc simply does what they must to survive, that resorting to violence (without malice) simply becomes a necessitated choice or way of life for many. :') That, in itself, clues me in that humanity is not evil, despite how it may appear. (I'll continue this more.)

I say this because the group of bandits who violently open fire on Vash in the diner, aren't there to hurt anybody else--they're only after his bounty (nothing personal), and in fact they assure the waitress they'll even repair the damages with that money later. Vash Notices(tm)~ Creatively resolving the situation thru non-lethal distraction, attrition, and his de-escalation + marskman skills using a child's toy. (So you see kid~ real guns aren't needed to win and save the day~) And I'm glad the overhaul translation made it clear the group volunteered giving up all their clothes & weapons to pay for the diner's damages as they concede defeat (that was...nice? of them), rather than simply walking away in humbled shame. Cause in the Dark Horse tl and old anime I didn't quite understand why they all suddenly stripped like that (to Vash's uncomfortable surprise: he didn't make them or expect they'd do that gesture either.)

We get some of our first classic Vash lines! yay~ Dark Horse kinda awkwardly botches his purple-prosey way to express his ongoing quest for 'Love & Peace,' so overhaul sounds more natural and faithful to the 98anime here: "[I'm a] hunter of peace, who continues to chase the elusive mayfly of love." (as opposed to a 'peaceful hunter' for the 'dragonfly' of love...which doesn't make much sense, since dragonflies are the hunters Dark Horse pls) Because striving for peace in this violent land is hard, and love itself (not necessarily 'romantic,' since familial and platonic kinds exist too) is as rare, short-lived, and precious to find here as a mayfly's tragically short lifespan...:') Man...

The whole thrifty 'price of one bullet for [insert any amount of food]' joke, cause whether pizza, pancakes (he ate those in the 98anime here), or donuts, his point still stands that choosing more food to live is more important/valuable than buying more bullets for killing & violence~

Violence which! He reasons that since no one likes to receive pain, he's decided to avoid any casualties. Apparently Dark Horse has the more accurate tl here, as it's about 'receiving' it: "pain isn't something anyone likes, right?" over rhetorically asking whether anyone can forgive 'doing harm' (overhaul). Because just SAYIN, as someone like him who personally KNOWS pain and what it's like to receive it etched all over his body, of course he'd feel awful and project empathize when others get hurt too. Never wishing they'd come to suffer the same as him. As long as he can help it, never again--whether that's to the pacifist level of preventing, stopping, relieving, or taking their pain upon himself in their place. But perhaps only lightly alluded to though or maybe I'm reading too much into his awkward sweating closed-off expression, since even he can't fully explain it yet; all the pain and scars of his past and the reasons why he refuses to kill aren't fully revealed yet~

...Oh my god, and we see our first official Plant bulb - which is so utterly bizarre to see it standing so bare and 'alone' surrounded by what amounts to only a roadside gas station & diner in the middle of nowhere. We know a single Plant can sustain a whole town..so why...it's almost like it was only recently 'dropped' (off the 'ship') or discovered as still active that civilization hasn't had enough time to properly settle around it...hmm.

But it marks the resting stop and first official appearance of Meryl & Milly! YES!! The girls show up in ~chapter one~ and are here to STAY, as important characters from beginning to end! 🎉 Meryl arrives with all the aura and swag of one whose larger than life ~presence~ belies her small frame. She's here for a reason, determined on a mission with a job to do, and has no time of day (she seems used to it as one who's experienced much of this before) for men who won't take her seriously or who make vulgar jokes at her (their) expense--thank you Milly's giant stungun for the karmic slap in their stead; don't dismiss, disrespect, ignore, or overlook these ladies, now!

I love that the moment Meryl's told the whereabouts of Vash, along with the wise advice to stay away from the current danger in that city--BAM she's already heading out the door (ditching Milly and their meal order?!) Reminds me how in the 98anime she ditched Milly in hot pursuit jumping off a tower wearing a parachute--like HELLO? Meryl pls! But here THEY'RE OFF~ on their way while Vash is...ulp, welp he's in trouble. :'D

Chapter 02: 'Looney Tunes' More worldbuilding's revealed to flesh out what we first glimpsed in the prologue: it's been over a 100yrs since humans crash-landed onto this desert planet and built up cities around the fallen ships, closely dependent on the viable technology brought within them. The first (!!) time the name 'Vash the Stampede' made history was once one of those major cities--lost July, was wiped off the map. Links are connecting, especially if he was deemed the prime suspect responsible for its sudden, unexplained destruction. The prologue said this disaster happened in year 0104, which matches being over a hundred years since humanity's 'arrival,' but just how long ago has it been since that incident? For Vash's name to build that notoriety for his bounty? For him to remain dangerously at large, yet uncaught, like a mysterious urban legend humanoid 'bomb.' The narration implies it's been a while for his story to be 'passed though the ages,' but we shall see.

But no time to ponder about that, because immediate tonal whiplash! Current Vash is in trouble and distress, running around dodging bullets, grenades, and the silliest cartoony hijinks imaginable for his life. Since after those first few guys in ch1, now the entire town knows who he is to be after his bounty too! aaaa~

Meryl & Milly are already here! (urgently, in hot pursuit to do....?) Meryl's pissed at how carelessly the town's handing all the chaos, as if they're all childish fools unknowingly playing with a nuclear warhead set to blow. (So interestingly, that's her first presumption about Vash; she's likely done her homework on July's historical disaster report.) Scaring Milly so much about the imminent danger (this town could be the next to explode!) that Milly stops, deciding she doesn't want to go anymore. :O Ah!! This interestingly reveals Meryl's likely the braver, more headstrong leader of the two, who seems to know what she's doing. Which is...wait, what does she plan to do here, exactly?? AAAAA!!! Bringing a megaphone into a warzone--alright, silly silly silly. She's SO silly, but so brave. And reckless. :P (Go Meryl~) Actually I like that she sees everyone here as humans first, who--she thinks, can still listen to reason even riled up in a mob. But even with her most ridiculously polite and ~formal~ way of speaking, you guessed it: the crowd pays her 'request' no attention. :'D (aaa! she's ignored; much woe and irony~) But whatever she has to say is so important that Meryl's determined and desperate to have her voice heard!

While wondering what on earth these two insurance ladies can still possibly hope to achieve here, now that the situation's chaotically escalated to the point the town chairman's called in the Nebraska family to pit against Vash...I'd say, in contrast to the town's many unsuccessful, over-the-top bombastic methods to catch him so far, I find it...very interesting that the ones who actually silently corner Vash (at gunpoint) are a room full of women. :O Interesting, very interesting~ (It seems the women in this story are the ones who can effectively get shit done~ So Meryl & Milly? Let's have faith to see what else they got~) As armed mothers, sisters and wives, prepared to do whatever it takes to get the money needed to save their kids and town from dying. So remember what I said about how none of the humans shown here are evil? Cause these women, and this whole town really, are just trying to survive (while resorting to violence); everyone has their own reasons to be after that bounty, with no personal malice towards Vash himself. :')

Vash of course, sympathizes with their terrible plight. And holy shit they said they lost 50 Plants?! (that's a shitton! D:) How is he holding himself together so well--ah, he is forcibly holding back his tears. :') BUT he's doubly conflicted, because he asserts he cannot afford to stop (as in, getting captured or killed) before he sees 'Him' again. (We know who that is, as there's only one stabby guy that could be.) The 98anime dub happened to mistranslate this line as 'the guy you're after' (who, the waitress!? she doesn't even know who [redacted] is!) so I imagine the subjects/objects were vague enough in japanese for that mistake to happen. Still, there's nothing else to really imply what Vash intends to do when he sees 'him.' Is it for revenge or something else he plans to do? It's unclear, aside from how clearly Vash gets angry and serious when it comes to 'him' (bonus: yes as suspected, Vash uses 'ore' as his personal pronoun like in the 98anime when it comes to topics about 'him' I'm glad to see those jp scans to confirm) That it must be something so personal/sensitive/grave enough that he realllllllly doesn't want to resort to shooting a room full of women when he's cornered (don't force him!!! pls he's already begging them not to make him do this), so that he can escape and continue his quest without dying early here. Whew... Fortunately no one has to make that difficult decision yet, because (unfortunately) the Nebraska's rocket fist breaks that building tension...and literally the entire room first.

Uhoh? But surprise!!! Vash is unharmed, gently holding the same waitress who'd just aimed a gun at him before, and somehow he managed to write a sassy "kiss my ass!!" returning message on Nebraska's fist--MULTITASK ahoy! (Also where did Vash grab that marker??? hah who knows~) But Milly's so worried at this point--and smothering Meryl from seeing anything, that 'bomb-kun' (Vash) has been provoked enough to explode! lmao :P (but will he?)

Chapter 03: 'Hard Puncher' Once again I need to appreciatively state just how gentlemanly and careful Vash is with these injured women; he fishes them out of the rubble and carries them all out to safety, one by one. Even Nebraska patiently waits, chilling there smoking a cig, for Vash to finish! They may be a notorious, haughty, and highly destructive family of outlaws, but see even the Nebraskas here aren't evil. :O Even when Vash moves away from the women to make space (and this is different from how the 98anime did it) Nebraska still faithfully aims at him, not them. But Vash needlessly dives forward to bodily shield the women from the exploding debris anyway! :O (In the 98 anime Vash was far away but Nebraska aimed at the women to force a lesson on him to make a choice, here interestingly not so; the women aren't helplessly made targets like that.)

Nebraska finds Vash's behavior odd, cause this is a duel - a quick draw match between a gunman and a cyborg's flying rocket punch (Nebraska himself is only after the bounty too for his own reasons; nothing personal.) So with Vash's own survival on the line, why would he continue to risk harming himself to protect others? Nebraska finds his actions wanting to save everyone hypocritical, and the Dark Horse tl seems to make more sense (closer to the 98anime's lines), when his reasoning's about 'his turn' to either be eliminated or become, either directly or indirectly, the killer (aka kill or be killed, even the choice with the whole trolley problem) when the time comes faced against an opponent who gives him nothing but trouble someday. So if Vash has survived this long unscathed (just think about him emerging from the July rubble...) then someone else must've already died in his place before (or so Nebraska thinks, he doesn't know Vash tries to find other creative ways to win without casualties, and gloats that today is that turn for Vash to die~)

But then...suppose Vash has killed somebody in his past before (remember the prelude about July 👀), wouldn't his choice to change and practice no-killing now be an active improvement over that - as a measure of growth or atonement? And not the same 'hypocrisy' Nebraska means? It'd become that way if say, Vash broke his current philosophy once it becomes impossible/unsustainable to uphold, and he had to kill again someday (as a choice, orr...forcibly no choice as even the women who cornered him this ch almost forced him a tough decision he didn't want to make) despite everything---ahhh, so then what does Vash plan to do when he sees 'Him' again? If Vash chooses to kill him then...whoopdeedo, Nebraska's hypocrisy point will be made. But anyway...

It's the first time we see Vash don his glasses when it's time to ~Get Serious~ for shooting a quick draw match (vs a rocket punch--note again, how Nebraska only aims for Vash, not the women, unlike the 98anime.) And here, Vash is still faster than his opponent!! Unloading multiple bullets that force the fist to veer off-course and miss him~ While aiming to break the cyborg socket of that arm for good measure so it can't be punched again. Interestingly a male citizen says Meryl's lines from the 98anime expressing awe understanding now why this skilled man is called 'Vash the Stampede.' But manga Meryl has none of that identity crisis confusion; she already knows who this Vash is and is determined to get right down to business!

Which is....? Calling for everyone to stop the fight!!! oh but it's already over~ I'm marking this moment down as the first time Meryl & Milly make eye contact with Vash--them awkwardly yelling from the rooftop of a building with the same diplomatic intent in their methods as Vash, by wanting to resolve things peacefully!!!!

BECAUSE!! Oh, you thought the girls were only here to be a slapstick comedy duo? SURPRISE!!! THEY WERE HERE TO SAVE VASH ALL ALONG!!! ;A; That important 'thing' that Meryl was so desperately trying to announce to everyone this whole time--but could never get her voice heard, was that Vash's bounty has been officially rendered null! Void, invalid, zero! Everyone had only been fighting, trying to shoot him dead, and destroying their own damn city for nothing! AHHHHH!! (I totally understand your anger/frustration here, Meryl--an authentic and capable short woman's struggle to be listened to and taken seriously! UGH! ;o;)

[But that's curious--why so suddenly NOW, or er, yesterday, did the government decide to call off his bounty? This is so sudden, and it's only in the first story arc too! Pretty sure his bounty remains active for much longer in the 98anime before his status changes later. So what was the most recent occasion or reason?? Especially if it'd been years since lost July happened to build his bounty, why is he only declared a natural/localized disaster--like that of an earthquake or typhoon, now? 🤔🤔🤔 As someone who can't be compared on the same level as other human criminals--wait, then hold up: how does the government, or the insurance company really, intend to 'control' or contain him then? By sending out two women?? To deal with the most dangerous non-human category risk alive?! Who sent them out here expecting them to make contact and negotiate or die trying right in the line of fire! Ahem.]

For what it's worth, Vash looks the happiest he's ever been seen so far, rejoicing that ~HE'S FREE~ from that marked life of running from everyone who comes after his head. :'D No more bounty to worry about means peace for real, right? Well not so fast!!! The girls are still here with a job to do. Bernadelli's 'typhoon' insurance premiums payouts are probably pretty damn huge to cover for all his damages all the time so...to prevent needless, costly risks and disasters from happening, they're here to ensure Vash doesn't get himself into any more trouble...by keeping him under their close watch: 24hr vigilant surveillance! 8'D (so he's not freeee~)

Considering how Meryl compared his risk factor to that of a nuclear warhead before, she's pretty damn bold and fearless!!! To waltz right up in his face, poking a finger in his chest, and offering him a gorilla grip of a handshake to officiate their first 'meeting' doing business with him! (Damn, girl!) Dark Horse's tl appears to be more accurate when she describes him having a 'chronic troublemaking disease' too. :P Hah~ She keeps her face tightly composed and 'professional,' but if she's this 'comfortable' to be in his 'dangerous' presence then...looks like she at least regards him--Vash the person, as human too. :'))

But instead of two insurance agents containing him for the benefit of their company and/or the government, it's more like Vash has gained two women bodyguards who're here to fend off any provoking or untoward attempts on his person. 😌 Anyone who doesn't like that and still wants to pick a fight with him (whoa mr Nebraska's not done yet!) can pack it up and go home!!! He's officially off limits! Back off, show's over! hahaha~ Cause the girls are armed (non-lethally! now doesn't that nicely align with his values) to defend themselves. He's quite a bit shook~ ;D

Chapter 04: 'Bang Bang!' starts transitioning into the Sand Steamer arc, but there's some aftermath details to note.

There's been at least a 2 week timeskip (Meryl says they've been here for over half a month) and the town's financial situation has been resolved thanks to the bounty on the captured Nebraskas covering for their needed money instead. (Ironically in Vash's place.) Vash's wanted posters are also starting to get torn down, since his bounty no longer applies. Meryl clocks Vash as an unbelievably nice/soft hearted person for offering the town all his credit and bounty money earned from taking down the Nebraskas himself. (Technically the girls subdued mr Nebraska at the end, but how sweet and generous of him~)

Still, since it has been a quiet 2 weeks without incident (what's happened in between now and then is anyone's best guess or anime filler territory~ but he HAS been a 'good boy' staying out of trouble if nothing's bad happened, right?) that Vash rightly has to wonder....just how long do the insurance girls intend to stick around him?? No time limit, or until their term ends, huh? D: Oh...well that's going to be a problem. (Knowing his lifestyle and quest to find 'Him' again...yeah, Vash can't settle in one place for too long, or risk those getting too close to him lest they get swept up in the danger...) Welp, since the Steamer's arrived, that's the perfect opportunity to begin his leave.

Hah! Meryl's so high-strung and on edge that Vash has suddenly ditched them, she rescinds her previous 'nice person' comment, thinking he's only playing 'nice' and innocent now to trick them and slip away. I...think she's jumped to some conclusions (cause while he is clever and skilled, his kindness isn't fake or trickery) just like Milly thinks he's transformed into a cat. :P

So relax, the Steamer doesn't even leave til tomorrow, he's only ~discreetly~ gone to reserve his spot, he's stayed here the whole time since they first met without randomly leaving them, and it's not like him (or at least, his manga self that is) to leave town full of his new friends made these past 2 weeks without saying goodbye yet, right?!

Cause he's already befriended Tonis! (Stampede reference! Rosa's name was also listed among the fallen women he rescued from the rubble.) And I'm pretty sure this kid is the same one who had that toy gun! He's totally a Vash fan now~

Also to note: it's the first time we see his travel duffel bag and cloak, and one of the Steamer's caravan guys keeps heckling Vash to hire him for their security. So much for him trying to keep a low profile. :P What's funny is that the insurance girls--with jobs, seem to have ran out of money these past two weeks while away from their office branches, yet Vash's 'finances' appear to be fine, even without the reward money he gave away.

I reckon that if the town has offered Vash free food in exchange for the generous blessing he's offered them, then I'm sure they've likely compensated him enough with means to pay for his passage on the Steamer, too. I mean hell, they've thrown him a whole lively going-away party tonight! While even going the extra mile to call in some expensive looking 'working' girls for his pleasure! :P

Now everyone and their mom has commented on him feigning drunken sleep as his way to 'politely' avoid it and turn them down. Apparently the original japanese line has him wondering whether it's a 'waste' (the 98anime has him wondering whether he regrets it a little) as depending on your interpretation, he could mean his choice (celibacy) is a bit of a waste when the chance is offered so freely, where he knows it's better that he shouldn't do/risk it despite how much he's possibly starved himself longing/craving for closeness, OR that he feels it's a bit of a waste for the town to have invited those nice girls all the way over here for the one thing he just can't give so easily (acespec lens). EITHER WAY, there's at least 3 narrative reasons why he'd choose to avoid getting too close/intimate with people like 'that' (for now): 1) his dangerous lifestyle--it's not safe to risk others he cares about; his distance protects both sides from further harm, 2) his scars--can't risk revealing those or their reaction to what he 'is', and 3) lifespan--uhoh spoilery, but still hurty for the gap between him and them. So he chooses lonely, sad boi hours in the dark... :'))

But what about the light? Check out what Meryl does during the party: sitting there watching him the whole time wondering about his ~mysterious~ ways. Even after another guy casually sits next to her wondering what she's doing. :P Her attention's still fondly on Vash. (MERYL I SEE YOUUUUUU!!!!) Especially after thinking he's a nice person, to thinking he'd ditched her, to seeing how he is now--having such a lively, open, rambunctious time welcomed among the town's celebrations. That the other guy supplies it's a wonder too--that Vash is getting along so friendly now with the same people who previously shot at him wanting him dead. :'D How accepting, how forgiving, how things change~

Final Vash notes on the Steamer: he still just wants peaceful alone time and Rest, despite how much others--like the caravan guy again, keep pestering him. :P He washes his hands after using the restroom! (Good etiquette!) And...his first pair of glasses barely lasted two chapters before they broke. :P Welp! He's off to befriend another lost 'stowaway' troublemaking kid...as the girls work their fare on board, blissfully unaware; just what can possibly go wrong~

[alchemiasart]

Do over

I think the most powerful thing I ever learned to do was to let go of pieces of story that didn't fit.

For so many years (drafts, volumes), I felt like I was betraying the spirit of my story - especially if they occurred to me spontaneously - by editing the crucial bits. I periodically produced brilliant snippets of prose and dialogue and exchange, and if they didn't fit the actual framework of the story, I would often abandon the story altogether for fear of having to "kill off my beloved."

(This phrase, "killing your beloved", has never been about characters exclusively, it's been about the pieces of the story or script or scene that you adore but just don't belong.)

As I work on my July book (my challenge now updated to trying to put out a book a month for a year), a story that I started several years ago as the first of a hard science fiction series, I am absolutely chuffed that I have not suffered any bouts of crippling anxiety or table-flipping rage at having to change fundamental pieces of the plot.

Not to give too much away, but "Lost Ground" is about a generational space ark with a human colony that ends up decelerating too soon and will ultimately miss its destination completely. This coupled with a rash of missing biomass creates a double-whammy of disaster. The story is about solving both mysteries and finding an alternative for the colony.

Now, here's the behind-the-scenes part: I use a lot of filler names and roles when I'm still in the process of flushing a story out, but sometimes my writer-anchor doesn't really want to let me update those bits when it's time to make them more interesting. I bullied it into submission this time (pun intended), and came up with these excellent modifications:

Changed the suite of directors from a total sausage-fest to a legally mandated distributed gender range, including intersexed and nonbinary people. (I'd like to think that future is cast in progressive thinking.)

Altered the descriptions of moving around the ship to reflect what would actually happen: a ship that uses rotary acceleration to create artificial gravity is not going to have windows that show the stars moving away behind them; the spin of the Drum will spin the stars so that the same constellations occur again and again, changing very slowly over time.

I decided that I also needed some cultural representation and decided that the Director of Reclamation who's job it is to handle expired bodies should absolutely be a total Goth. What other culture would maintain the appreciation of the macabre and the respect for the rites of death better than they?

Instead of relying on exposition at weird places, I invented a manual that provides excerpts of policy so that there's context for the decisions that seem obvious to the characters but might seem a little weird to the reader.

The fun part about this is that it's just the first story out of at least six that I've penned so far, following the colony aboard the Zarathustra through their trials and tribulations. The cast is massive, though, so I expect that there will be a number of short stories and spin-offs even before I get to the actual sequels.

But, I couldn't do it at all if it weren't for suddenly being okay with a little literary euthanasia.

[cyrusthedragon]

If you're miraxus and bicksanna fan, STOP FUCKING SCROLLING, i need to share smth!

Foreword:

I've been thinking about it for a while now so hell I know I'm freaking delulu ok but here is the thing: I like thinking about miraxus children who can do horrible things just because they have a holy amount of magic and can't control it properly yet. They're just children (I like thinking about miraxus having three kids, first girl, second son, and third girl) and it's kinda normal for them, but the third one...

The youngest daughter, fuckin' smoothie of her parents, multiplied by each other, is a DISASTER with a big no-no for magic. No magic 'till your eighteen birthday, young lady.

And there are little elements:

Since the middle and oldest are powerful (sister with thunder dragon slayer magic from her father, and brother with satan soul from his mother), the third one has everything IN ONE. UPGRADED. The mix of satan/transformation magic (pretty powerful on its own) and lightning magic gave her almost unlimited stamina and all abilities to change her magic by, for example, transforming it into speed, and being herself like lightning.

But that's not what I wanna say.

What I do want to say is that what if one day, examining her own powers, little brat will go too far and fuckING BREAK THE SPACE AND TIME CONTINUUM, so there we have a situation my brain is thinking about a whole month for now:

Mirajane and Laxus are on their fully deserved vacation, taking a break from their children, leaving them in the care of Uncle Bickslow and Aunty Lisanna.

With older siblings everything is fine, they almost are grown-ups, so they can take care of themselves and just chill or even take a few missions to deal with, it's normal for them, they're pretty skillful.

So the only thing Lisanna and Bickslow need to be worried about THE THIRD LITTLE PIECE OF SH- the third ten years old babygirl, with the angelic face of her mother, and the fucked up attitude of her father, brat it is.

Older ones do usually go on missions together, so the youngest is just with her uncle and aunt, but, if Lisanna is Responsible and Careful, Bickslow... poor man is doing his best, especially with the fem version of Laxus, who just doesn't really care about pretending to be a nice girl since mommy and daddy are no longer around and can't scold her (mommy) or make fun of her (daddy) for being rude.

And thinks now she can do whatever she wants.

Matter of fact, she is doing whatever she wants.

And she really, badly wants to know how fast she can run from her auntie and uncle, using her lightning magic to speed her up.

Turns out, she can be really fast.

They can't even come close to her speed.

Not to mention chasing and catching her.

So fast that suddenly the guild changes in front of her eyes, the familiar faces of guild mates, uncles, and aunties become younger, and someone even turns into a child.

Master Makarov didn't change tho.

And now Auntie Aska is a child, as well as Uncle Romeo is, Uncle Natsu and Auntie Lucy younger and without their wedding rings, Auntie Erza too, and her momma is...HERE?!

She did not quite understand what had happened, but seeing the shocked faces of the people in the guild, silently staring at her as if she were an alien when she was pretty sure she was human...Told her that she accidentally did something she didn't mean to.

Something for what not just daddy, but mommy too will definitely officially ban magic on her.

'The fuck just happened?..' she heard that familiar voice and faced her own father, looking much, much younger than she ever saw him, and then her mother's voice answered quietly in that still shocked silence: 'I... don't think, I know... Who are you, baby?'

So.

Now her auntie Lisanna and uncle Bickslow need to bring her home from another timeline, cus she accidentally broke the laws of physics and Moved Into the Past Thirty Years Ago.

Without dragging her older siblings into that.

Otherwise, their parents would be really...really mad.

You don't want to see Mirajane Strauss and Laxus Dreyar mad.

You don't want to see Mirajane Strauss and Laxus Dreyar mad cuz you didn't keep an eye on their children.

Ouuff...

That's all.

Thanks for your attention. I JUST NEEDED TO SAY IT. NOW I'M FREE. FINALLY. *ugly crying*

Check the tegs

[hawkepockets]

Hello I am secretly Zelda Lore Nerd and I must know your thoughts on like. The story progression and plot beats and how it's all put together in Twilight Princess because I've only ever watched playthroughs I haven't played it myself and I'm invested in your liveblogging of this now.

omg hi yaaaaaan

^ u n me rn

ok so im ONLY on the death mountain dungeon right but so far in terms of story structure & level design i love this game. i feel like it hits a real sweet spot of being a little perplexing but never punishing yk like u get to use your noggin but it’s easy to progress.

like i mentioned already i LOVED the tutorial ramping you up for a horseback adventure to hyrule castle as a human guy with a sword & slingshot and the power of speech only to take it all away with the wolf transformation and hurl you directly to the twilit castle so the journey you were promised is instantly fulfilled, and stolen, and given back much harder, darker, more complicated.

you haven’t spent much time with/as link atp but it HITS like. his screentime as a guy has been so well spent in establishing his relationship with ordon village, both animals & people, and hyping you up for him to prove himself and see the world in a way that he then isn’t allowed to. the transformation feels authentically violating—it’s fun to play as the wolf, but the first time you try to talk to a familiar npc and they scream, or to open a door and find it’s an unnavigable barrier to you in this form, the realization that just as link doesn’t know how to move through the world in this body, you don’t know how to move through the game without most of the mechanics you just learned… like it hits it hits!

the spirit cleanse 🐺 -> dungeon 🧍 -> spirit cleanse 🐺 -> dungeon 🧍 pattern works really nicely. keeps things fresh, means you didn’t really waste your time in the tutorial, and also alternates the dimly lit, easier but utterly lonely wolf phases with the brighter, more social and challenging human phases in a way that characterizes the twilight itself as a threat imo? it’s melancholy, it’s peaceful, it consumes without killing, it’s vast and feels like a natural disaster… but it’s also easier to reverse than more mundane instances of greed, corruption, and violence. the motif of link with and without a community is repeated over and over. it’s yummy!!

i like that the dungeons seem to have their own characters beyond just the set dressings too. the forest temple felt a bit like a memory pair matching game with a lot of backtracking to previously explored rooms with new context for what you found in there. the goron mines seem to be a lot more timing based, with a lot of speed checks and, so far, more linear forward progress. so the elemental character of each region goes into like. what’s the most challenging quality of each dungeon, instead of just everything getting harder across the board. wood & air for flow, growth, renewal, return. metal & fire for enthusiasm, impulse, persistence, and rhythm. YUM!

midna of course is a nonstop delight. it’s not always clear when she’s available to help mechanically, like it took me forever to realize she’ll only warp during twilight phases, but that’s ok—i’ve never regretted hitting the button to talk to her extra times. (ㅅ´ ˘ `)♡ to me, she’s the perfect fusion of TP’s dark and silly elements. it was love from the first time she yanked on link’s ears and told him to be a good boy. um. mm. hhehe.

literally my only game design complaints are that the day/night cycle isn’t explained in game and isn’t very intuitive (time doesn’t pass in every map), and since it does determine enemy activity & merchant availability i feel like that shouldn’t be smth you have to ask reddit for… and on the wii soooo many things are bound to the A button, and the console is NOT good at interpreting which function makes the most sense for a given situation. it makes some tasks a lot harder than they should be. ah well. forgiveable!

#1 best feature without contest or dispute:

that’s my 2 cents up to this point!

[theredtours]

Jingle Belle

With her hit album Red making her holidays bright, superstar Taylor Swift is looking at love--and fame--from both sides now By Shawna Malcom | Parade Magazine | November 25, 2012

"Need a shirt with my face on it? Taylor Swift is doing some Saturday afternoon shopping when she spots the tee, a cherry-red number that immediately takes her back to a much simpler time. "That's from, like, my 2006 tour," she says, running her fingers over its gently worn cotton. "That's... awesome."

The 22-year-old superstar loves pretty much everything about this particular Nashville shop, which sells vintage clothing, musical instruments, and a quirky curated selection of knickknacks out of a house with a wraparound porch where customers can take a break from browsing to sit for a spell. And with Christmas approaching, it seems like a promising place to start looking for presents. "I like to give gifts that remind people I know them," she says. "[Things] that I have a specific reason for giving them. I start thinking about it really far in advance."

In the back room, two men's sweaters catch her eye. "This would be baggy," Swift says, holding up a cream, cable-knit V-neck--but she doesn't seem to be shopping for a guy. "I'd wear it kind of off the shoulder."

Who says a girl can't holiday-gift herself? She certainly deserves it. Swift's fourth album, Red, is a blockbuster that moved more than 1 million copies in its first week, just as her 2010 album, Speak Now, did, making her the first female artist in Nielsen SoundScan history to hit that staggering mark more than once. Released last month, the boldly personal Red earned the six-time Grammy winner some of her best reviews yet, thanks to its lyrical maturity and ambitious forays into everything from earworm pop ("We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together") to U2-esque arena rock ("State of Grace"). Swift is no longer the wide-eyed country cutie pictured on that 2006 tour T-shirt; she's a savvy young woman who sees no reason to be boxed into any genre. "You have to force yourself," she says, "to evolve."

And how. The onetime outsider--a songwriting savant bullied by mean girls in junior high and overlooked by the guys she crushed on--has evolved into the ultimate insider, an entertainer Forbes ranks as the highest-paid celeb under 30 this year, with earnings of $57 million. She has more than 20 million Twitter followers, CoverGirl endorsed beauty, A-list BFFs (Emma Stone and Selena Gomez), and a couple hit movies (Valentine's Day and Dr. Seuss' The Lorax), and a growing list of high-profile ex boyfriends (including actors Taylor Lautner and Jake Gyllenhaal, musicians Joe Jonas and John Mayer, and, as breathlessly documented in the tabloids earlier this year, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s 18-year-old son, Conor). A performer who takes pride in being a role model, she will be honored next month by the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice & Human Rights for her commitment to social change, including advocacy against bullying and support for arts education and disaster relief.

So why can't Swift shake the fear that she'll somehow mess it all up? "I'm scared of this whole thing backfiring," she says. "Or chewing me up and spitting me out, and all of a sudden, I don't love it anymore."

She worries so much that, naturally, she wrote a song about it. "The Lucky One," a track from Red, tells the story of a performer that decides to walk away from stardom ("Chose the Rose Garden over Madison Square"). If someday it all gets to be too much, could Swift do the same? She doesn't have an answer for that, but she does know she puts "a crazy amount of pressure" on herself to keep topping her achievements. "My head's never really quiet," she says. "The only time I can get it to turn off is if I watch CSI or Law & Order, where I have to follow the crime. If I can't turn my head off during that, I know I've really got a problem."

"Nobody puts more pressure on Taylor than Taylor herself--in a good way," says Liz Rose, who has cowritten a number of songs with Swift, including the Grammy-winning "White Horse" and "All Too Well" from Red. "As amazing as she is now, she was that amazing at 14," Rose adds. "She's just a force. There are emotions you don't feel at 14 that you feel at 22, and her lyrics have grown with her."

Despite writing about it so prolifically, Swift claims not to know much about love. "I tend to think things are love and then look back and reevaluate," she says. How many times has she been in love? "I know how many people I've said 'I love you' to," she says. "I could probably count it up, but I don't feel like it.

"Part of me feels you can't say you were truly in love if it didn't last," she adds. "If I end up getting married and having kids, that's when I'll know it's real--because it lasted."

Trying to figure out which of Swift's songs are about which of her relationships has become a pop culture pastime. "When the guessing game starts, it's really funny," says the star, who always declines to name names (although Gyllenhaal is widely believed to be Red's central, fiery inspiration). "It's like, off to the races! I sit back and laugh and think, 'They'll never know.'"

Speculation aside, Swift's songs confirm that she has repeatedly felt burned. Blame it on the bad boys she often seems drawn to. "There's a really interesting charisma involved," she says of the allure. "They usually have a lot to say, and even if they don't, they know how to look at you and say it all. I think every girl's dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore."

She's the first to admit that her romances tend to develop--and end--rather swiftly. "I don't think there's an option for me to fall in love slowly, or at a medium speed. I either do or I don't," says the chart topper, who calculates that her longest relationship to date lasted six months. "I don't think it through, really, which is a good thing and a bad thing. You don't look before you leap, which is like, 'Yay, this is awesome! Let's not think twice!' And then you're like, 'We used to be flying. Now we're falling. What's happening?'" It comes with the territory when life moves as fast as it does for her, she adds. "I'm never in the same place for more than, like, three days at a time. Things can change from one minute to the next."

Not everything happens at warp speed though: "I don't get over people fast," she says. Nor does she expect to settle down anytime soon. "People think I want to get married really young--I don't know why. I'm a romantic person, but that doesn't mean I want to miss out on being in my 20s."

That includes making time for fun and snacks while writing songs. According to British musician Ed Sheeran, who cowrote Red's "Everything Has Changed" with Swift, a trampoline was central to the creative process. "We would take breaks in between lines of the song to bounce around and think of more ideas," he recalls. "Afterward she baked an apple pie. It was wicked."

For the most part, Swift has handled her first six years in the spotlight with a preternatural grace. In August, though, she hit a rare public relations speed bump--that Kennedy wedding incident, which she won't discuss ("It's been talked about enough")--and while she claims she doesn't read gossip about herself, she's now all too aware that everyone else does. "I don't know necessarily how much privacy I'm entitled to," she says when asked about the difficulty of living in the public eye, "but I know I don't get much of it. At the same time, I asked for this. I could be playing in a coffeehouse--I'd be happy doing that, [but] not as happy, probably. Knowing that people are going to hear the music I make is the most amazing feeling. Knowing that there are dudes waiting outside my house with cameras, hiding in bushes, is a less awesome feeling."

No one would accuse Swift, whose parents moved the family from Wyomissing, Pa., to Nashville when she was 14 so she could pursue a music career, of being ungrateful for her success. The loss of privacy, she notes, is "a small price to pay for getting to play stadiums." Still, there are days when she'd rather not deal with all that being Taylor Swift now entails. She travels with one or two security guards at all times because, as she puts it, "I have some crazies that are after me." As a result, she can't remember the last time she went anywhere by herself.

"I have some days where I get frustrated," she admits. "I kind of give myself this pep talk, like, 'Are you in the mood for lots of social situations and pictures? If the answer's no, stay inside.'"

Sometimes, just hanging at home with a little Chinese food and some crime-solving TV is exactly what she needs. "It's just like this sense of"--she exhales deeply--"no one is watching me, no one is asking me anything. It's calming."

Maybe one of these days Swift will get around to taking an extended break--although the mere thought turns the volume in her head up to 11. "If I took a break, would I stop writing songs so much?" she wonders.

Or maybe she'd wind up having even more to write about. Who knows? She doesn't--not yet. "I have so much to learn about life," she says. "I know nothing compared to what I'm going to know someday."

[theonceandfuturekingofalbion]

TEEN WOLF HEADCANON TIMELINE

Hitlers family was patriarchy hunter fam.

Hitler had illegit bebe (gerard) w french woman who was an argent during? End of? War

Gerard resented women being in charge over him.

Chris not vicious/bloodthirsty and brown haired.

Kate vicious/bloodthirsty n easily manipulated by daddy n blonde/blue eyed.

Didnt have much to do w allison cuz coloring and didnt display his desired vicious traits.

But was easily manipulated later so worthy of some time n attention when he had no kate. 

Gerard molested kate, turned her to pedo, groomed her

---

Talia--born 1960

Deaton--born 1963

Marin-- born 1975 (12 yrs after deaton)

---

Phoenixend--

I was thinking about your post with human papa Hale/Talia and it turned into a hc about them being the prototype sterek with Talia being this serious, regal alpha-in-the-making and this clumsy disaster of a human boy who's just a big ol' simp and was like "yeah I'm gonna marry that woman and take HER last name" idk i just had to share because your posts make my day

Ohheytherebigbadwolf--

That is my exact hc for them XD Like, Derek takes after his mom in more than just looks, aight?

Papa Hale wasn't even human-but-slightly-to-the-left like Lydia or questionably magical like Stiles, he was literally just Some Dude. Considering the decade in which he and Talia met, he was probably a stoner who was too blazed to be bothered by his gf turning furry. First time he saw her shift, he was just like, "Neato!" And Talia immediately went, "This one and no other."

Cue Nana Hale's well-meant parental despair like, "You're turning down eight suitors from established packs for that?!" Like, no, mom, you don't understand, he said my beta shift was neat and called my eyes pretty, and he thinks it's cool I can pick him up, I want this one.

Obvi, he quit smoking once Laura happened, but even then, he's just Chill. He vibes with the weird. He's like Gomez Addams. His wife is the most awesome wonderful fantastic woman ever and the greatest Alpha and the bestest mom, and his kids are just as incredible as she is, I love them so much, wanna see pictures?

---

NEMETON: northern California, Greenland, western Europe, Egypt (or Sudan), China, and Siberia in 6x16 map. Greenland, northern Africa, Toulouse in France, Zhengzhou in China, Logashkino in Siberia, and Brasília in Brazil. 

NEMETON--Mikaelsons tree was also nemeton

Nemeton--both deaton and alex argent cut Nemeton down for money and power

Talia's dad fought Alexander at Nemeton n bit but died, making Talia alpha, leading to Deaton able to convince her that if Nemeton was healthy n not corrupted the hunter wouldn't have gotten that far

Alexander argent bitten May 3, 1977

NEMETON--Nemeton a branch of world tree

According to Chris Argent, a Nemeton is a sacred space used by Druids for various rituals.

He says druids picked a large, older tree in a grove to represent the center of the world.

Many believed that cutting or harming the "world tree" would bring severe problems like fires, plagues, strife, “death and destruction of all kinds” to surrounding villages. (Visionary)

Druid Emissary Alan Deaton explains that the power of the Nemeton is like a magnet that draws supernatural creatures to itself like a beacon. (Alpha Pact)

WOLF--Wolves connected to world trees per spellwork from beginning to allow werewolf and not just wolf

WOLF--Full shift wolf is sign of punishment. Spell allowing human shift removed. Most cases.

WOLF--Will eventually lead to all wolf all the time if issues not corrected

WOLF--Wolfs must protect nemeton

NEMETON--Nemton murdered when cut down

NEMETON--Spirit of murdered nemeton is The Hollow. Needs to be moved sometimes. Requires symbolic sacrifice.

NEMETON: the tree should have grown back. It was deliberately NOT ALLOWED to over the years as we see example of when sprout is snatched on screen

---

What if Weres also came about because some ppl were closer to their spirit animals more than others and they eventually got so good at connecting that they took on traits?

As generations happened, it was typical for similar spirit-bondeds to become partners/spouses/whatev AND each generation the newest youngsters took the basics from the previous generations and added to it. Expounded upon it until eventually it became a part of their genetics? Like evolution, sorta?? 

---

Moms carry higher percentage likelihood gonna be born a were than dads do. Like 75 to men's 50? Ish?

---

Laura--born 1984

---

Jackson's parents run off road by hunters?

He was human kid of weres?

Peter n the woman in car are bio parents?

Talia chose Malia's name and adoptive family on purpose.

(t)ALIA/(m)ALIA T(ate)

She left what she thought was a clever fucking clue.

---

Argent pendant is hexed/spelled to enhance natural allure to hide the intensifying and ever increasing corruption of the wearers psyche. A sometimes slow process, the speed at which the malicious infection grows within is dependent on the size of the wearers naturally occurring unhealthy darkness. Also enhances supes naturally occurring desire for wearer but only if supe already has desire for wearer.

---

Deucalion--took out his 1st pack when marin in last yr college

prompted her choice of councilor/therapist masters while he healed/built new pack

then he killed 2nd pack and is how became alpha of alphas

Gerard placed spell on Deucalion via neurotoxin delivery system that had side effect of blindness when mixed with mt ash

---

The Beacon Hills Nemeton remained dormant, powerless for many years until Derek Hale killed his high school girlfriend Paige among the tree's roots. This unintentional blood sacrifice powered the tree enough to allow Druid Emissary Julia Baccari to survive after being attacked and left for dead by Alpha Werewolf Kali. (The Overlooked)

---

Stiles had boa constrictor as pet (mom prolly encouraged/helped)

Stiles n rents til claudia dies. (Second grade ish.)

Noah drinks.

Coworkers get him to stop.

Scott n sm Roxie dog, attacked by rabid doberman.

Roxie died to protect. Bloody leash in hospital.

Asthma attack. Likely had allergies as kid n stressful attack caused. Once happens, avalanche.

Scott n rents til stairs. (Elementary school.)

Stiles knew, so was after met.

McCalls divorce.

Scott lives with rafe.

Stiles n Scott 'bffs'--on stiles' side at least.

---

Hale wards didn't work against kate n hunters n arson n ill intent. Why not? Deaton's greedy, skeevy butt

Deaton helped hunters at hale fire

Peter hit with spell (while in house as seen in flashbacks) that initiated w/fire and ended w fire

Kept prisoner in his own brain, occasional slip out to plot for survival, reminiscent of stiles while possessed

Puppeteered, not in control, not technically a wolf so is how escaped fire w/mt ash AND why healing didnt kick in

FIRE--Wolfsbane was used in fire and held back healing as well

FLARE--Laura n peter had disconnect b4 fire so easy/relief to abandon peter

PETER--Nurse jennifer was assigned as nurse but practiced magic.

She was Deatons student?

Got peter and started using to power spells because werewolf stamina/energy and connection to Nemeton via hale blood pact with land and tree.

Like a battery

Then spelled his healing to suuuper slow?

tho inhaled wolfabane and mt ash in burns didn't help him either

PETER--Nurse jennifer sold permission for hunters to come trophyphoto peter

Perhaps kept dosed w wolfsbane to slow healing as well. Just to be safe.

---

Julia baccari did deer spiral to set up her own chess board for revenge

Was still in area all that time, but had to recover and then rebuild magic and sacrifice enough for glamour, but couldn't do in BH or would possibly prevent alpha pack showing up

Deaton alerts laura

Argents arrive for move prep

Argents house hunted (lol even houses aren't safe fr yhem) n xferred Allison before winter break so could start 1st day back of spring semester

Peter kills laura, not cuts in half. Is hunter MO

Argents check out hale property just to be safe

Find female body with werewolf claw marks

Cut body in half to make sure wont yurn

Leave to get Allison n move in

Derek arrives in bh

Jogger finds laura

gogo teen wolf power on!

Scott bitten cuz smelled like stiles and was also connection yo stiles

Peter chose lydia for banshee AND connection to stiles

Explains peter offering stiles bite--was lucid moment

Stiles' spark would have burned away yhe strings/the spell

---

Derek loves 90's alternative

---

Tyler Lockwood and danny mahealani are cousins

---

Advanced healing: each healing causes weres to age more, hence satomi's age looking the same and Peter aging so much in 6 yrs and Derek getting older in first season.

Which goes with power thing for mothers per later discussed cuz Malia

---

Kids didn't hafta drown for LOCATION spell

Power of three blood locator spell woulda worked

Supes can find Nemeton in supe-skin

---

Juliadarach burned all of spell, n mt ash out of Deucalion

neurotoxin was long gone/was just delivery system anyways 

---

Noshiko was over 800 yrs old when summoned nogi

Knew better

Doubtful 1st time noshiko did this 

Wasn't 1st time loved in all that time

What if nogi was influencing things before he got loose?

Like how it seemed nemeton was reaching out for stiles.

Deaton and/or Talia's actions/inactions?

It mite explain why nemeton didnt grow until that one tiny sprout that was pulled.

Nogi draining the power reserves

Why was nogi phys form a housefly when is a fox? 

Only oni were lightning bugs (agents of order)

Nogi was oni and she took his spark with way she summoned him, so altered him (Agent of chaos)

It's why he was attracted to stiles

Stiles is Spark

He kept saying 'nevwr trust a fox'

He was never in fox form (sorta makes sense tho cuz inhabited a non-shifter body) or w fox aura

Maybe nogitsune's hungers are determined by those who call them.

Like noshiko called one for fear, chaos and pain.

Maybe someone else would call one for plague-like reasons.

Maybe one is more of a burn it all type.

Maybe the foxes that are called are determined by who calls them.

Not like kira who was born by human ways.

But like noshiko coulda been called down by someone who had lost a kid or had a bunch of miscarriages n wanted to have a child.

One they wouldn't have to fear losing to death

Thunder kitsune level under celestial but related cuz made w human 'lesser' being

If had made kitsune with other celestial, woulda been celestial kira

Sooo what IF... Nogi was seen differently/understood

Fox: mischievous n clever n playful trickster rite?

But even tho they say he was the absurd age he was...

They also said kiras mom made him or summoned him or whatever rite?

So what if the way he was back at the camp and as voidstiles wasn't his natural behavior??

Im seeing a couple possibilities. It could be the WAY she did whatever corrupted or cursed or altered him. (My fave theory so far)

Or she had summoned him one way at the camp, and he woulda been back to himself when released later but absorbed all the negative/polluted magic while trapped?

Maybe by accident or maybe someone set it up that way

And the way he reacted seems rather self protective and kinda pissed off at the hand hes dealt while infected with dirty magic?

Or negative magic that clouds his thoughts or whatev?

So maybe he was trying to keep stiles safe and whole in the only way he could, with that white room?Maybe he needed stiles to figure it out n fix it? Its not like deaton wouldve if he was a reason for it.

And maybe the ones he killed he saw something in them that needed to die? Either because they were bad/evil or because the negative magic felt a threat from something in them?

If it was that he got tainted with the icky magic, maybe thats deaton related?

Like deaton felt the magic/power at the nemeton n thot that's where it came from but he was using nogi as a filter?

Like laundering money but filtering n 'cleaning' magic?

The stump gained further power when Scott, Stiles Stilinski, and Allison Argent performed a druid ritual to locate their parents.

The three students' sacrificial "deaths" fully charged the Nemeton and it is now broadcasting at full power to all the supernatural elements within the Teen Wolf Universe.

In More Bad Than Good, someone pulls out a freshly grown piece of the tree which causes fireflies to form into humanoid beings.

Noshiko Yukimura reveals that the ritual done by Scott, Stiles, and Allison did to power up the Nemeton also released the Nogitsune she had imprisoned there. (The Fox and the Wolf) 

Noshiko lied about their deaths powering up Nemeton

Doesn't make sense, as doesn't seem to have gotten any more powerful

Dr. Valack also explained that recharging the Nemeton also brought the Dread Doctors to Beacon Hills.

---

The Triskelion Box: Wood cut from the tree and objects made of that wood still retain some of the Nemeton's power.

Deaton used wood from the Nemeton to fashion a wooden jar, a cylindrical box, to hold Talia Hale's claws.

further proof he murdered the nemeton for his own gain

If Nemeton had actually been corrupt/needed cut down (even for natural reasons such as rot-tho pretty sure magic would keep healthy), you would NOT make magic powerful containers from it

At some point after that, the box fell into the hands of The Calaveras.

Derek, Peter, and Braeden find it hidden in a large chest made of Mountain Ash and filled with sawdust from the same type tree.

It is clearly stored in such a way as to keep supernatural creatures out.

The top of the cylinder is decorated with a carving of the triskelion (or Triskele) symbol, a popular werewolf symbol.

Inside there are five circular recesses, at the time of its discovery each held a single werewolf claw. (More Bad Than Good)

The box seems designed to be used to apply the claws as well.

Each claw sits in its own recess and when Peter's hand is jammed inside - it lines up perfectly to embed the claws under his own.

Because of the residual power, the box is used to contain the Nogitsune spirit in its housefly form. (The Divine Move)

---

So noshiko appears young in glashbacks rite? Then older during the show.

Ppl seem to think its weird but i think its cuz she had kira.

Similar to malias bio mom, power or something supernatural happens when they give life to a new supernatural creature

Like injuries that age them

Noshiko a liar 'fox n wolf don't get along'

her bestie was satomi.

She's almost as old as nogi and yet thought she could be possessed?

but if cant possess a werewolf then he cant possess her cuz shes a fox

Doesn't make sense

Had to be a human or non-shift/non-animal supe.

She woulda known that if she knew enuf to summon him

An oni is a kind of yōkai, demon, orc, ogre, or troll in Japanese folklore. Oni are mostly known for their fierce and evil nature manifested in their propensity for murder and cannibalism. Notwithstanding their evil reputation, oni possess intriguingly complex aspects that cannot be brushed away simply as evil. They are typically portrayed as hulking figures with one or more horns growing out of their heads.[2] Stereotypically, they are conceived of as red, blue, black, yellow, or white-colored, wearing loincloths of tiger pelt, and carrying iron kanabō clubs.[2] They are creatures which instill fear and feelings of danger due to their grotesque outward appearance, their wild and sometimes strange behavior and their powers.

They are predominantly male but can be female. Females becoming oni has been attributed to them being overcome with grief or jealousy.

Noshiko n nogi half siblings. He oni prince by parentage. She lesser creature by her parentage. But she has tails, able to call upon oni. Would know the secrets of how to steal his spark.

Plus why call specifically for possession of a 'demon'? Its not like she had never been in that type of sitch before in her almost 1000 yrs because humans are utter assholes.

And she didn't ever fall so hard in lurve before that at her age?

Also? Zero to defcon 100 million? Really?! 

Yes instinct is to survive, but human is supposed to only be a form she takes.

So she woulda been okay.

Plus, u dont automatically bring possession by a demon as ur go-to.

Oh and since she n satomi couldn't n didn't ward the Nogitsune, how did she know he was released?

Its not like the kitsunes are all magically lojacked to each other, which wouldn't matter anyway because he stayed in bh.

So did Deaton tell her he let him out?

Or did she realize how long he could be held for? 

His spark was dimmed n it brightened when he escaped?

Or it moved towards his direction?

And she was scared of him n scared to fight him. Why? Shes almost as old as him n they both in human form.

If u only have 9 tails and takes u more than 1000 yrs to get them (her box of tails only about half full) then why would u use up 2 at the beginning of a problem, especially to only get 4 oni

Plus the fact that all other kitsune seem to be both good n bad, so why wouldn't nogi?

There cant be a purely bad entity without there being a totally good entity.

Nature (even supernatural) doesn't work that way.

There is a balance.

Equal and opposite.

And we only have HER word she is celestial/heaven kitsune, which humans equate to good.

She didn't display much good tho soooo...

---

Claudia had magic

Her FTD a result of being born or newborn when Nemeton cut down?

1977 when cut down

Sheriff did 2 tours n was army ranger? I think?

They say his bday 65/75

1965 would mean he was 11 or 12 yrs older than her, but he seems guy who would've waited yo be older n settled before marriage/kids

Also works with the abuse he suffered. Lots of abused don't want kids or not sure they do

Def went to college after army tho

Is where/when met Claudia

She woulda been legal (if barely) when she n sheriff met n married

Then 26 when died, when stiles 7? 8?

It reached out and her gift activated

But it also damaged her n caused FTD or what looked like it. Whichever.

Maybe her power was linked to it? 

OR, when we think of how the nemeton reached out for stiles, it reached out for claudia, and in draining her magic or tainting her magic somehow (maybe because she didnt know she had magic) thems the results.

Claudia's "disease" and then death, and then the fire.

Would also explain why sheriff (deputy at the time)wouldn't look into fire further. Distracted by grief n drowning his sorrows

Unfortunately, FTD is also associated with a shorter lifespan. Average life expectancy is 7 to 13 years after the start of symptoms.

So its likely she already had symptoms when they met n he just thought of as quirks or never actually realized the difference cuz didn't know her before symptoms

According to the Sheriff in Alpha Pact, she died 8 years ago.

According to the file seen in Silverfinger, she died in 2004.

These two combined don't match up with the fact that it was still the autumn of 2011 in Beacon Hills when this information was provided.

If she had died at midnight on January 1st 2004 it would be just 7 years, 9 months at the time the Sheriff was talking to Melissa McCall and Chris Argent under the Nemeton.

+++(altho maybe sheriff rounded the time up, and maybe is why stiles was so eager to go out n look for body that night...was around that time)

We’re going with Claudia’s death happening roughly seven years before the events of Season 3, placing it sometime in 2004.

She died after suffering from frontotemporal dementia.

According to the Sheriff in Alpha Pact, she was hospitalized and Stiles was with her when she died.

According to the file seen in Silverfinger, she was suffering symptoms similar to those her son was experiencing during the first half of Season 3(b).

In Riddled - Stiles explains that she suffered from frontotemporal dementia, a shrinkage of the brain that leads to dementia and death.

If noah conjured claudia, does mean he has magic too?

Just unaware?

Maybe is part of reason his dad was alcoholic too? Magic they didn't know about n it had negative effects

Would also explain stiles' adhd if wanted to

Natalie (Lydia's mom) n Claudia bffs in school?

Claudia Gajos, the daughter of Mieczysław Gajos and an unnamed mother, who attended Beacon Hills High School in the same class as Natalie Martin. ("Relics")

She met Noah Stilinski and was engaged to him while they were still in college.

In 1995, they gave birth to a son, named after her own father and nicknamed Stiles after Stilinski's father, Elias Stilinski. ("Sundowning")

However, in 2003, Claudia was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, a fatal disease that caused her perception of reality deteriorate rapidly.

She soon began suffering from insomnia, an inability to distinguish dreams from reality, sleepwalking, sleep paralysis, irritability, and paranoia.

STILES--Claudia had gift.

Foresight?

Got sick, still got visions.

Saw stiles as nogitsune in future.

Is also why didn't always recognize him

This put a great deal of strain on both Claudia herself and her husband and son, especially when the dementia caused her to believe Stiles was trying to kill her. ("Required Reading")

What if claudia n the sheriff weren't on best of terms?

FTD has early symptoms years ahead of diagnosis rite?

And they are often wrongly called by other names til eventually they figure it out.

It can be pure forgetfulness, which can be a hundred tiny annoyances piling up.

Mood swings which are annoying and stressful.

And lead yo a diagnosis of bipolar, which is SO OFTEN a death knell for a relationship.

So it makes sense stiles was only kid.

Besides the fact that it turns out folks with higher iq scores tend to have fewer kids

Makes sense for them to have had him 1st and then all this comes more and more prevalent b4 they r ready to have 2nd, if theyd wanted. Which i kinda feel they wouldve.

So maybe they were on the outs, maybe considering splitting, maybe just going thru several rough times. Whatev. I mean, stiles doesn't get his ignore prob yil goes away from nobody.

And noah didn't go yo hospital when he was told to. Yeah, maybe he coulda pushed it away or vlown it off, but he also would've likely accepted it as a possibility and reacted, especially when his reaction to supernatural reveal is considered. 

It would also be another reason he would hit the bottle so hard.

Anger n guilt n frustration, along with grief n love.

All of that is more than enuf to drown out his kids needs.

Plus hes such a reminder.

Especially if he had found solace in the rough times by working more. So it had already become a coping mechanism.

She ended up dying in 2004 with her young son Stiles at her bedside while her husband, Stilinski, was dealing with a car accident victim at work; though the victim, a Banshee, warned Noah that he needed to leave right then if he wanted to be with her when she passed, he was a skeptic about the supernatural at this time and guessed that she was just delirious.

When he returned to the hospital, he found Stiles sitting in the hallway with his face in his hands, indicating that Claudia had in face died while he was at the crash site, just as the Banshee had predicted. ("Alpha Pact")

Stiles was 8 when she died

That hallucination of him accusing stiles coulda been all made up by stiles being so young n all the feels involved.

Or something that happened where Sheriff misplaced the blame he felt onto stiles cuz he couldn't face his own overwhelming feels.

Or a combo of the two.

It could explain why took him so long to move on. Also why he froze everything pertaining to claudia. Also why he holds her as perfect, tho she wasn't. 

Stiles would've seen her as a little kid sees their parent. Perfect and amazing. So not reliable.

And that sheriff had that version of claudia dreamed up when stiles was forgotten?

Especially when u remember most ppl r not perfect, even when they r dead n u dont wanna talk smack about em or u miss em.

---

Magic Stiles:

Ohheytherebigbadwolf--

They let him play with mountain ash one (1) time and then DROPPED IT AND I'M SO SALTY.

HE MADE A 50 FOOT LINE WITH BARELY A HANDFUL.

HE BROKE THE LINE WITHOUT EVEN TOUCHING IT.

Me--

Cuz he showed up WEREWOLVES by being cooler and more badass than they were when he was "just" a human. Now he can flex a magical Spark muscle based on *belief*?! Yeah, naw. They could not allow that to be followed through because obviously Stiles would have whooped the ass of whatever stupidfuck monster came by to fuck with HIS pack and HIS town... aaannnddd stoopid-dead-but-dont-know-it-yet said *what* about his boo and his dad? Smirking Stiles has 2 words for you: "Let's play." After all, have baseball bat and attitude, will travel.

Let's face some reality. Stiles believes he can protect all these supernats he has claimed as his...and He Does. He believes he can surpass human requirements for sleep and caffeine and superbraining with his fuckton sexy brain...and. He. DOES.

Do not doubt the Stiles. The writers Knew. Stiles woulda whipped the monsters and the town and the nemeton and the werewolves into shape and Derek woulda had no choice but to be Even More Blatant about his desperate NEED for some Stiles-lurve. God damn but I miss what an amazing damned show that would've been.

Stiles: This character is a f*king angel.

Sometimes comforting.

Sometimes protective.

Sometimes avenging.

Always beautiful.

Always luminous.

Always knows how to save your ass after he leads you to temptation.

Built completely out of "you may not understand my morals, but if you are Mine, you will always benefit from them."

Stiles is the person who will stand up to derek and argue and then immediately turn around and fling himself in front of the wolf without hesitation to save him

Also: i know what the stiles triplets would be nicknamed. Mischief menace n trouble

Further proof stiles is a supe? When he was forgotten he and peter and 1 other person (prolly another supe) weren't mindless zombies like everyone else

Paige n stiles related? Via Claudia? A cousin? Paige supe is why rejected?

[morbidshay]

5/24/24

Hi, good morning. let's just jump right in:

new rover house, old 1900 farmhouse ( do what you will with that info). It's gorgeous and large.

My first night here, my body received a fever and some other sickly ailments, but I prospered.

Tarot is so silly. Pulled the hierophant reversed - representing nonconformity to traditional views. I was able to apply that to my life in many ways. Just last night, my partner, was answering my daunting what if questions. I posed one to them after they mentioned liking me for me. I said that the concept of me is ever changing so how do they navigate that? they responded that we are made out of the same stuff, whatever god put in us or stardust, or just human, but its the same stuff. I couldn't register much of what they had said last night, but sitting here thinking of it, I am riddled with traditional views of love. I think it contributes to how I give and receive love. even though all of the examples from these traditional views end in disaster. point is - my love and I are anything but conventional, everything but traditional. We are here by going against the grain. anyway, words fail me, take what you can get.

I also pulled a burning bowl ritual from the self care deck and I found that interesting because a burning bowl is about letting go, and tonight is a full moon which is also about letting go. I just think things are so much more synchronized than I can even begin to understand.

oh my therapist dropped me. She asked me questions of basic human needs, are you eating, are you sleeping? I responded yes to most, she then said that I'm moving through day to day without crisis and congratulated me, then asked how I feel about still receiving services. I said I was good without. SO technically she didn't drop me but she gave me an out, I am not too upset because I do think we gave each other all we could give and it is time to move on.

I feel like I lack empathy or can only have bad feelings?

My favorite pastime of recent is convincing myself there are others in my brain and then completely denying anyone's existence at all, help.

I am weaning off of mirtazapine, tonight is my last night on half a tablet, had no issues so far. I liked that it helped with my depression symptoms but eventually the bad outweighed the good, by the three week mark, I get anxiety again and my huge appetite (uncontrollable) makes me feel sick.

I guess that is all for now, sometimes I want to go deeper and explain everything possibly going through my brain, but I would be typing forever. I would really enjoy knowing about your Friday? share with me? show me a doodle you doodled? show me your cat? talk about a new book your reading? I just want some friends lmao

[theb1tchywitches]

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to know better and answer the questions. Thank you so much for tagging me @sh00t  

1. Relationship Status: Forever alone

2. Favourite colour: blue

3: Top three ships: Oh god! How am I only supposed to choose three... Sansaery (Game of Thrones), Poison Quinn (DC comics) Carol Aird + Therese Belivet (Carol 2015, The Price of Salt)

4. Lipstick or chapstick: honestly I don’t use either, chapstick if my lips are really really dry.

Last song: Roaring 20s by Panic! At The Disco

6. Last Movie: I'm not gonna lie, the last movie I watched was Teen Titans Go! To The Movies with my younger siblings.

I’m tagging @throughthemirror-andbackagain @ouatlovr @thisisbitti @asocialjusticeleague @squirrelstone @amazoniandemigod @queen-lana-julia-cordova-decker @nico-and-karolina @diana-prince-s and anyone else that wants to do this!

[septemberrie]

Hi! I was thinking about blood witches and what we've been shown so far about them and I noticed that Sebastian didn't put his plan in motion until Rosalind "came back" and became headmistress again. This got me thinking (I haven't rewatched s2 yet so I could be missing some things): Sebastian knew Bloom had the dragon flame and was at Aster Dell and that Roz took her, but did he ever find out where Bloom was all this time or that she was at Alfea when Farah was still headmistress? If he did, was he already planning how to get the DF? I just find it interesting that while Farah and Saul were in charge of Alfea and for the short time Bloom was there while Farah was alive, Sebastian didn't make any moves against them. Was it because he still didn't know where the DF was? His quest (including the violent attacks to steal fairy magic) started when Roz returned or at least it escalated; did the BW fear Roz would get in the way of their attempts to bring back the people from AD? Did they feel threatened and thought she'd try to start a war so they decided to make the first move? Roz told Farah that a greater threat was coming, was she talking about Sebastian and the BW getting ready to attack or was she talking about a war SHE was going to start against the BW? It kind of feels like her mere presence served as a catalyst for this conflict.

IIRC Saul said that Sebastian helped imprisoning Roz, how did he help? Does that mean Farah and Saul told him what happened or did they just ask for his help and gave no explanations? Is that how the BW even know what happened at AD since there didn't seem to be witnesses/survivors? And how did Sebastian know that Roz killed Farah and where she was buried?

Also, did Rosalind leave Bloom in the 1st world to protect her from the burned ones, to hide her from the BW or something else? Because leaving a fairy who hosts such a powerful and unstable magic to be raised by humans while not knowing magic even exists was a recipe for disaster. I feel like she didn't want anyone to know where this great power was so she'd be the only one to control it.

(I'm so sorry this is a mess but I still feel like there were many plot points I missed when watching s2 😂)

BABE how did you know I was sick at home just itching to answer long asks 😌 thank you Caro 💕💕💕

"I noticed that Sebastian didn't put his plan in motion until Rosalind "came back" and became headmistress again." I think we can chalk this up to Bloom's transformation more than Rosalind's return. Both happened the same day but I think her transformation is what signalled to Sebastian that she was the bearer of the Dragon Flame. Maybe he didn't know she was enrolled at Alfea until then, which is why he didn't make his move when Farah was headmistress. So once he hears about Bloom, and then finds out Roz is in charge and thus has the Dragon Flame in play, he starts escalating and building his army because he knows that Rosalind is planning to revive her side of the war as well.

"Roz told Farah that a greater threat was coming, was she talking about Sebastian and the BW getting ready to attack or was she talking about a war SHE was going to start against the BW?" While she might have been hoping Bloom would believe it was only the former, I think she was inevitably referencing the latter, and in any case was using it as a threat "I know more than you, you'll never know as much as me so you better heed me because I know best."

As far as Sebastian helping imprison Rosalind, man that's some interesting fodder for fic! If Roz has always had a vendetta against Blood Witches then I imagine he was only too eager to help, zero questions asked. I think you're onto something, that that's how the BW found out about Aster Dell.

And I think you're bang on about Rosalind hiding Bloom. She was definitely hiding Bloom from everyone--BW, Burned Ones, even Farah, by placing her in the First World, so that when Beatrix got to Alfea and released Rosalind, the Dragon Flame would be primed and ready for Rosalind to influence, manipulate, and ultimately control.

What do you think? Anything I missed?

[katethebat]

Have you ever wondered why aliens never contacted us? Were we really the only ones in the universe? Maybe you've heard of this theory about advanced societies, how they'll create weapons and technologies that will inevitably lead to self-destruction, thus making impossible for them to meet similar or more advanced beings. We ruled out such hypothesis, humans made it this far, with all our flaws and wars; Why couldn't others?

That's why hope spread and we celebrate with all world saying "we are not alone!" when the newly formed UNCASE (United Nations Coordinated Alliance for Space Exploration) announced the discovery of alien structures outside our system. Now I'm here, on the first crewed ship to land on EP-2183, or 'Terra Dois' , a place that exhales desolation— in a way I've only felt in nuclear disasters sites.

"Captain, the scanners indicates no living creature other than local vegetation" the chief engineer says.

All drones are equipped with the same type of scanning devices, Earth operators must have known this... Why wouldn't they warned us?

"Mission hasn't changed. I'll take a small team to explore nearby buildings. Chief, you'll stay in charge of the ship." I say "Officers Williams, Dias, and Taylor you're coming with me. Full Explorer's gear. Understood?"

"Yes,ma'am" all three reply.

It takes our team a few minutes to get to the first building. A place of simple architecture, something close to 20th century utilitarian architecture. Nature claiming back the concrete, or concrete-like, walls. Initial feeling of uneasiness had only grew within me, you know when they say you can feel the horrors a place has seen, that is certainly true here.

"Depending on the tech and materials used, these walls could've hide their heating emissions from our scanners" Williams states.

"Our primary goal is establishing contact. Don't, under any circumstances, fire first."

The first thing I noticed as we enter the building is their power source must be a really good one. Everything seems to be working, lighting, automated doors, monitors. The main hall looks like it once was a beautiful library, only a handful of books in the shelves. When I grabbed one a note fell.

"Once the three moons were free/ When they stood beyond our greed/ Now we've reached the space/ Only to conquer what we've gazed/ The first divided to sell/ The second no tales tell/ The third in the great war fell" A voice echoes through the chamber, what I assumed was a translation of a poem in the note I now hold in my hands.

"Show yourself. Following the First Contact Code sanctioned in 2089 we attempt peaceful contact with extraterrestrial being, but if attacked we'll use lethal force"

"We're flesh and blood. Only memories, knowledge. We've learned your language from the machines you brought to our world."

"What are you?"

"Memories."

"You've said that, but memories do not speak."

"We are what your species call an Artificial Intelligence. A remnant of an old civilization."

We left our system, our home, aching for something to ease our loneliness only to be met with ruins. We were a little too late, arriving just in time to see the dust of an already moving train.

"But, where are you? Where are they?"

"We are here. This is our core. Everything in here is a part of us, we are its keepers, preserving History within our database. As for our creators, they no longer exist. War took everything from them, who they were, their beliefs, communities, land, their future, and, in the end, their souls. We preserve what they created, but their ultimate legacy was destruction."

If they were capable of creating so much, how could they not find a solution to conflicts. Humans didn't end all world's problems, but we managed to maintain civility. We've made alliances and treaties; yes, we fought three world wars, we also survived them, and grew stronger.

"Is there anything outside this system?"

"We don't know. Creators didn't reach beyond here."

Could we— Could we be the only specie to not destroy itself during conflicts? Was Humanity destined to be alone?

"Has anyone else made contact?"

"No."

When humanity enters the galactic stage we find that our history of violence is quite unusual, but not because we wreaked unimaginable death and destruction upon each other, but rather because we stopped eventually.

[hello-nichya-here]

Of couse your a Spike girl I should have seen it coming. When did you start liking him and shiping him with Buffy?

1 - Fuck you

2 - Don't be right, it's rude

3 - OF COURSE I LOVE SPIKE, DAMMIT!

Seriously, what's not to love about that walking disaster of a man? He's a dramatic bitch, is funny as fuck, can be surprisingly sweet, and he when he needs to move during the day time he just throws a blanket over himself and runs around hoping for the best while he burns.

But the main reason I like him is because he makes stuff happen. He shows up and almost immediately kills all the lose ends that went nowhere in season one (like that annoying kid that did nothing and was still around for no reason). He did more shit (both as a good guy and as a bad guy) in any of the episodes he had a chip on his skull that made killing humans physically impossible for him than characters like the Master did an entire season. He is legitimately threatening, while still being interesting and even likeable and sympathetic, because even without his soul he was clearly less terrible than the other vampires - he is everything the writers tried and failed at with Angel/Angelus (I'm still mad at myself for thinking they'd ever let him be anything but "the brooding, mysterious/boring guy." He was cool for like two episodes when he lost his soul and then went right back to being bland).

Spike was a complicated character, and that made his interactions with Buffy a lot of fun to watch, be it when they were against each other, teaming up, or hooking up. Plus, the actors had great chemistry that worked both for "love is making him see the error of his ways" and "they hate each other but the sexual tension is so strong they need to destroy an entire house while they fuck for the first time" (that was the best scene on the show, I don't care what anyone says)

And much like it happened with Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother, the writers bizarre need to punish him for shit they'd excuse the other characters doing only made me like him more. For real, Angelus being obsessed with Buffy and stalking her was played as both creepy because of the predatory way he acted AND tragic because we knew that his "human" side genuinely loved her, but Spike being obsessed with her is meant to be JUST creepy and "souless vampires can't love" even though they clearly can? And I'm supposed to side with Riley when he cheated on Buffy and then said "Forgive me literally right this second or I'll disappear from your life forever" like a manipulative bastard, but Spike holding her hostage so he could convice Druzilla he was on her side but actually just wanted to lure her in so he could kill her for Buffy as proof of love (which despite being fucked up would actually help her out) is proof he is "too far gone"? Angel murdering his entire family for no reason the second he became a vampire is forgivable since he didn't have his soul, but then Spike does bad shit and suddenly not having a soul is no excuse anymore and Buffy is "too good for him" when she wasn't too good for Angel? Fuck off!

[buddielove]

Hi! I'm a gay fan of 911 and I have a question about the whole Buddie fandom. As much as I like Buck and Eddie, it's frustrating that a HUGE part of the fandom is pushing for these two characters to get together instead of putting energy into supporting Hen & Carla and Michael & Dave. Not to mention Carlos and TK in Lone Star. Can you explain to me the appeal of wanting these two men together? Wouldn't it be more interesting to see two heterosexual males just be able to bond in a non-toxic fashion? That's something we don't get to see often on television.

Hey! This is MAD long lmao I am so sorry! You caught me on a day I felt like talking! Also this took like a year to answer you lolololol. This does have a few ʻhot takesʻ so please be warned! So like in this essay....

So first I am also apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, so I do understand how it could come across as a fetish or being non supportive of the current canonically LGBTQIA+ characters, however I think a lot of the interest around Buddie and the want for them to be confirmed as a couple is how they are being written. Me personally I knew since s2 e1 Buck and Eddie were written not as rivals but as two people who would eventually become friends, but it wasn’t until the Christmas episode with the elf assuming Buck was Chris’s dad and Eddie’s partner that I was like ‘hold on!’ because I was really hoping Abbey would return and I didn’t see Eddie as a possible Buck live interest because of that. The elf’s comment wasn’t played off like most other shows would (think Dean and Sam arriving anywhere in Supernatural) it made me go back and look at the other episodes to see exactly how Buck and Eddie were being framed/written. And as we have moved into further seasons I think there has been a shift in how Buddie is being written, in s3 it was very much like two people progressing into a deeper friendship then the blood clot/lawsuit gets in the way and they both have to deal with emotions surrounding that, then Buck’s response to Eddie being trapped (we see how is he when Boddy is trapped in a fire WITH A GUNMAN, it’s emotional but not to the point is is with Eddie), even the love interests feel very pushed on us and there’s so little banter between Buddie about their gfs and how they feel about these new beginnings. It feels off, not like a friendship in the slightest, more like two people trying to force something and not wanting to deal with any other feelings. Then when Eddie gets shot and reveals Buck is Chris’s legal Guardian in the event Eddie dies, that’s huge, and he did this after only a year of knowing Buck (I have friends with kids. I’ve known one of them for FIVE years, I’m at their house every week, the kid calls me family. I’m person #10 on the list of ‘who gets my kid if I die’, not #1 lol) It just feels like it’s all building up to something, and people are getting tired of waiting for that something! We’re all emotionally tired from the past two years, and probably from many shows queerbaiting us and this is something that could happen, seems to be something the actors are ok with and the fans want. So why do they keep drawing it out. This isn’t about us demanding they ignore the chance to write a healthy platonic male friendship, or forcing two characters to be gay, it’s about holding the writers to what they’ve implied and seeing what could come of it.

Also think of it like this; If Buddie is confirmed it will still be a good example of a healthy friendship which then developed into something else, like Booth/Bones! Showing the natural progression of friendship to relationship that happens a lot in real life. It’s two men who previously (on screen at least) have only been with woman, but now they have an emotionally connection with someone which they then develop and explore. This could be 911’s first nontoxic depiction of two gay characters coming together, because sorry not sorry the canon couples aren’t perfect (which does humanize them) but they also reenforce harmful troupes that plaque the LGBTQIA+ community, which I’m sure you understand: TK was a drug addict, who only got with Carlos at first cause he was hot and sex was TK’s new addition (all gay men are sex addicts who do drugs and sleep with anything that moves). Carlos was ashamed and wanted to keep TK on the downlow (poc gay men want to pretend to be straight but have free access to gay sex). Hen cheated on Karen seemingly the first chance she got (lesbians can’t handle monogamy when pushed, and cheat on their long term partners). All known and documented troupes that happen far too often.

I’m not saying Buddie is some gay jesus ship that’s gonna save the entertainment industry but if done right it could prove to be one of the few healthy depictions of two men getting into a gay relationship we have. If they plan it out correctly, show us the relationship development, like they did with Maddie/Chim for example, Buddie could be used as a positive example of a gay fictional relationship (I really could go into depth about this. I probably should tbh).

As for not supporting Hen and KAREN, or Michael and DAVID, I think fans do support them! The writers don’t. If you read fanfics Henren and Michael/David are featured heavily in many fics, and ik some people might say ‘well they’re only there so Buddie can talk about their gay side!!’ but both these couples have their own fans and fanfic tags! They aren’t just plot devices in Buddie stories. There is a huge side of the fandom that supports Henren and wants to see more of them and their family. Same with Michael and David, during the episode where Michael and Bobby team up to find that plastic surgeon who was working illegally many people where ecstatic that we were getting more Michael/David content and that David was getting more than a couple lines. But sadly it seems like the writers only want to delve into these story lines when they need filler, they even miss opportunities to include these other LGBTQIA+ characters when it makes sense;

(Someone came for me about this but I am going to bring it up again)

When Chris is sad and wants more human connection, instead of bring Harry + Michael/David and Denny+Nia+Henren back into the picture (and yes I understood at the time the pandemic was bad (lmao still is!!), but all the actors at some point would have/had crossed over into each other’s ‘bubbles’, so ALL the actors would have been exposed to each other so getting the children together with adults they had ALREADY been with during shooting wouldn’t have been a super spreader event) but instead they brought in Ana after only two on screen dates and pretended like it was a logical thing for someone who’s up to that point been extremely careful with their child.

They really could have pushed the ‘118 is a family!’ message here and included the canonically gay supporting characters, and the lesbian main character(s) but they did not and instead chose to push the Ana/Eddie coupling even though they hadn’t properly developed it yet. The writers themselves don’t seem to care about developing their canonically gay characters and including them more than they have to but fans are continuously developing Henren and Michael/David with hc and fics.

I’d like to use your logic against you for a second, in s1 we have a very healthy, platonic friendship between Chim/Bobby but that got written out to the point they are more like boss/employee unless the scene calls for them to seem closer, we now have Bobby and Michael friendship but again we hardly see Michael. On Lone Star we have Owen and Judd as a really, really good example of a healthy male friendship but we see Judd more often with Tommy now then we do with Owen, and in s2 it’s overshadowed by Owen trusting Charlie from Twilight and constantly getting fucked over! Why can’t the writter just be happy with these happy, healthy, emotionally well male-male friendship they’ve already included and expand upon them. There’s enough drama because the show literally involves burning buildings and people’s lives being at risk from some natural/man made disaster ever 12 seconds. Does it need to have so much interpersonal conflict and male peacocking??

[rubixfox-fanblog]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: General audience

Fandom: Apex Legends

Characters: Seer, Octane and Mirage. (and other legends.)

Additional tags: Seer Out of character

Words: 2864

Summary: Octane accidentally revives Seer with stim, instead of the regular syringes they normally use, and Mirage has to deal with both of them.

Notes: finally managed to finished my fanfic and gathered the courage to post it.... Enjoy!

Tumblr note: I got my inspiration from @sweetsoftandscared. You should definitely check them out!

"This is one of the worst ideas you had since the start of this match, Silva."

"Come on Amigo, that entire sneaky stuff got me bored. Even perfect boy here almost fell asleep. We all need some action."

"Speak for yourself, I was having the time of my life!"

~~~

Seer, Octane and Mirage ended up together as a squad in the dropship. Heaven knows why. It's a squad based on the amount of disaster, instead of skill, these three would bring. Especially octane and Seer, those two definitely had a history together. But no one knows (yet) why, Well Rampart definitely knew but she wouldn't tell anyone about them.

Their battle location this time was in Olympus and their dropship flew in at the Bonsai Plasa. Seer was the one who took the lead as jumpmaster and made sure he landed at the Oasis. Everyone else already jumped earlier or later so they got all of the world to loot or observe the area.

That's where it all went wrong.

After a few minutes of gathering guns and supplies, Octane got bored (like always.) and decided to take his own lead, running off to the place where small houses gathered, the place called estates.

Seer tried to stop him, because he noticed the heartbeats of at least 3 other legends. But Octane being octane, he didn't listen at all. Throwing his jump pad in front of the other two legends, who were chasing him, launching them both,unexpectedly, in the middle of a heated battle.

Two squads

Two whole squads.... Well basically one and a half, since there was only one of the three left. So that makes one and a third. I wait, one squad. (they downed the last one while they landed)

The three legends of the remaining squad seemed to be Revenant, Wraith and Loba. Who Already noticed them as they landed on top of the middle building.

~~~

"How about you two just quit whining and just go for it already, if we keep standing still we'll be dead in no time!" Octane responded as he bounces up and down.

A deep, disappointed, sigh escaped Seer's mouth as he pulled out his gun.

"I stay here. Mirage, create distraction but watch out for Revenant. Octane, do what you want." Seer didn't seem to try to give Octane instructions, he just let him wreck havoc so he could focus on his enemy's in front of him.

As they both took off and followed orders, Seer released his tactical called: focus of attention. The micro stones formed a tunnel straight into the building in front of him, revealing two of the three enemies they're about to fight.

Wait, two?

His slight distraction caused his downfall as he didn't notice that Loba used her jump drive. Her bracelet flew straight above his head and ended up behind him.

"I'm sorry, my love. But I really need to win this match. That tin Demon out there promised me that I could kick off his head if we win." Loba said and the moment Seer tried to turn around she already shot him a few times in the chest.

But Loba's action didn't go unnoticed because as soon as she downed Seer, she received a few bullets as well from Mirage, standing on top of the roof from the other building Seer focused his attention on.

"You're welcome." Mirage yelled.

"I downed Wraith, she was too slow for me to escape." Octane cackled as he returned from god knows where.

Revenant was the only one left.

Seer made his way down towards the ground, hoping Mirage would pick him up but at that very moment, Revenant's Tactical landed exactly where Seer ended up, underneath the stacked buildings.

Also Mirage apparently got hit as they heard the cracking sound.

"You gotta help him, Octane. I'll cause a distraction.". irage announced. He didn't get hit by the tactical bomb yet so his abilities still worked. Making sure Revenant would focus on him and his 7 other decoys.

Octane didn't hesitate and quickly grabbed one of his revive needles and stabbed directly into Seer's chest.

Wait a second.

Why did that needle say Simulacrum? Did he accidentally swapped the needles this morning? Was that the reason why Lifeline said he looked Healthier than before? So many questions, such a little time.

"I could use a little help here!" Mirage cried out, who's struggling not to get hit by Revenant's Longbow. Who's hiding in one of the houses behind them.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm com....."

Boom

A clean shot between the eyes ending Revenant's life in an instant.

"What in the name of..."

Did another squad that joined the fight? No, nobody was there except the three of them.

"What's wrong?" Seer said, holding a 301 assault rifle in his right hand, without a scope nonetheless while his left hand still got a hold of one of Octane's hands, pulling the downed man back on his feet.

"Did you just shoot him?" Mirage said.

"Why, yes. You needed some help right? So I provided that help."

Octane tried to pry Seer's hand open, but the taller man was holding it fiercely for somehow no reason.

"Amigo, please, let go of my hand. I don't think Che would be happy if I lost my hand as well. " He said, not paying attention to the kill at all.

Seer spaced out for a few seconds, staring directly at Mirage. Poor Eliot started to back up in response as he felt really uncomfortable right now.

Until he suddenly snapped back to reality and pulled away from Octane's hand. Then he decided to turn around and just started to run?

"The next ring is not far." Seer started. "Come, let's go."

Octane caressed his hand like it's been stuck in a bear trap and raised an eyebrow, underneath his goggles of course, as he watched his teammate run forward. Did the stim give him super sight? Or did it give him super focus? Whatever it was, Octane became jealous.

"What did you do?" Mirage suddenly asked , like he could see Octane's expression under his mask. "There's no way a normal human being could hit someone at that distance."

"I guess it's just luck, Amigo. Something you could use as well." Octavio clearly avoided the question. "Like he said, The ring's coming, try to keep up as well, 'kay?" He said and the another jump pad to catch up with Seer

"Wait, what?" Mirage said confused as he turned around and noticed the red wall of death coming up to him very quickly.

"Don't go without me!"

They finally managed to catch up with Seer, who stopped moving for a second, close at the Hammond labs. He rubbed his temple as he looked at Octane.

"You used the wrong syringe, did you now?" He suddenly said.

"Are you alright, Amigo?"

Seer didn't hesitate for a second and pointed his R301 directly at Mirage, who ducked away in an instant, just to shoot a legend who sneaked up behind him.

"I'm fine, totally. Nothing wrong with me at all." he quickly added and refused to continue at what he just asked. He didn't have the concentration at all to be mad at Octane right now.

"Dude! Watch out where you point that thing!" Mirage said, almost screaming as he panicked. "don't ever do that..."

Seer pushed his index fingers to his lips as an indication for Mirage to shut up.

"The two remaining legends are still on the other side of the wall. I'm going in." The taller Brown man didn't even wait for one then to make the first move, he just took off.... Again.

"phew." Octane let out a relieved sigh. Ignoring Mirage, who clearly looked at him like he saw water burning. "Let's go, we can't let him die alone."

By the time they catch up again, Seer was kneeling down by one the deathboxes, looting some ammo. Two innocent legends, slaughtered brutally by the new guy on drugs. Sounds like headline for the Outlands newspaper

"How even.... We weren't even gone for at least 5 minutes." Mirage said. "Octane, what did you do?"

"It was an accident, Amigo. Are you happy now? Lifeline and I had a drink together yesterday, probably one too much. I accidentally swapped the syringes this morning cause I couldn't think right." He finally confessed because he couldn't handle Mirage's annoying attitude anymore.

"Are there any side effects?"

"depends, want to hear the bad or the worst once?"

"The good once please"

"Side effects aren't really good at all, Compadre. It'll wear off after a while. Probably gonna take a few days but the most common side effect is not being able to sleep or concentrate, cause you know,.. It makes you feel energetic." Octane looked at Seer who's been looking at them both for a while now, moving his fingers rapidly up and down.

-The poor guy won't be able to sleep for the upcoming days.- Octane wanted to say, but he didn't because he knew Mirage probably wouldn't be able to stop talking if he had an antidote for the poison Octane pumped in the always so calm and concentrated Seer.

"Are you both good? There are 10 squad left. Let's go." Seer couldn't even think right at this very moment as the

stim probably reached its peak at this point.

"c'mon, we need to go. Before it wears off, better take the advance now we still can." Octane said.

"Does that mean I can get a kill too?"

"If you're fast enough, Amigo!" Octane said and took the lead this time. Mirage sighed, if only he was as fast as them. His legs were making him tired, trying to keep up with those two junkies.

-This feels wrong.- That's all Mirage could think of right now.

The ring chased them all the way back to the rift. The third round had been announced and the timer went down rapidly, close to round 4. On their way to the ring they took another squad down, but none of them seemed to be the kill leader. Somehow....

Seer got the most kills, logical right? He took down thirteen people. Octane got second place with 8 and mirage.... Yeah, he didn't even bother trying to keep up with those two anymore. He didn't even take the Stim, but he was already worn out mainly because of the constant sprinting. He even burned his butt on the ring because Seer and Octane pushed a squad on the edge of the closing ring.

"Only 2 enemy squads left.... Victory is nearly ours." Seer said as Octane used his Jump Pad to take both Mirage and Seer to the upper parts of the Rift. Being this high gave them the advantage to examine their upcoming enemies.

Besides Mirage acquired a fully upgraded Longbow, so he could see their enemies from at least 300 meters away. But the main reason he was using the Longbow, is because he could still keep an eye on both of his Teammates without moving a lot.

The drugs enhanced Seer's abilities greatly. His ears picked up the sounds of heartbeats even faster and his micro drones reached a distance even further than before. It almost felt like cheating. (Well it definitely was though, none of the legends were allowed to take any drugs, except for Octane, because you know, it's Octane.)

"6 enemies, North, not too far away, currently fighting each other." Mirage said as he loaded the Longbow, ready to Shoot one of them, while standing on top of the building.

Seer peaked through the scope of his R-301, Following the movement of what it seemed to be, Fuse. Who launched his knuckle cluster at one of the other legends he's been fighting.

"Let's go! It's not like they're going to commit suicide!" Octane exclaimed, injecting himself with the 40st syringe of Stim today. He threw his jump pad down in front of himself and used it to launch himself into battle.

4 legends closer to victory. Mirage wanted this to be over, this entire match pushed him to his limits. He doesn't care that he only had 2 kills, well of course he did, but he pushed that away for now.

Seer released his micro drones mid air, after he also used Octane's jump pad of course, to reveal the remaining enemies. Just before he landed, Octane already downed the last one of the other squad Fuse and his team were fighting.

"Knuckle cluster f'ring."

It struck Octane from behind and it stuck long enough to break Octane's shield.

"Shit." Octane growled. Seer heard his teammate being in trouble and quickly focused his attention on Fuse, who seemed to be amused and proud by his actions.

While Octane was trying to recharge his shield behind a MRVN, currently at top on one of the buildings from the Rift, Mirage noticed one of Fuse's teammates, down at the ground, tried to flank Octane.

Bloodhound, Mirage noticed, they only have to scan their area and they would be faster at Octane than mirage ever would be. So the man sighed and decided to take a gamble. First he shot Bloodhound, clearly cracking their shield, and after that he jumped in as well.

Bloodhound quickly turned around, trying to find the one responsible for their cracked shield. But before they took action, Mirage landed behind them. Not exactly behind but 50 meter away.

He tried to regain his balance, but....

"Alfather, give me sight! " Bloodhound suddenly said and turned around to notice Mirage's clumsy landing. Their eyes glowing red and quickly started shooting at the poor soul.

Mirage whimpered, trying to remain his cool, but he couldn't, every bullet he fired ended up in the gutter. But Bloodhound's bullets hit him one for one, almost knocking him. Luckily Octane finally finished up charging his shield and attacked Bloodhound upstairs. Delivering the final blow.

"Be careful where you walk, Amigo!" Octane yelled and threw a Phoenix kit towards the older man.

Seer seemed to have a hard time against Fuse. His quick reflexes suddenly turned slow and he barely found the energy to keep himself on his feet. Fuse took advantage of that, he swiftly moved out of the cover and readied an Arc star on his robot arm. Ready to shoot, but Seer just got enough power to release, his fast loading tactical and the micro drives escaped out of his chest device once again, canceling fuse abilities for a few seconds. Confusing the older men for a second as his arm wouldn't work

Seer's bullet struck Fuse right at his chest , to end the longest battle he had today. Then he collapsed.

"Is he dead?" Mirage boldly asked.

"Of course not, are you crazy, Compadre. " Octane muttered. "He probably fell asleep or something...."

"We have our Champion's!"

It seemed that Fuse and Bloodhound lost a teammate before the last ring closed, so they were unable to revive him or her.

"This was the weirdest match ever. I'm glad it's over..." Mirage sounded worried, and he has enough reasons to be worried. This was Obi's second match in the Apex game and recovering would surely be a drag.

"Come on Compadre, we won! Be happy!" Octane howled and quickly started to jump around.

--------

"So, Silva caused all of this, Huh. It was mu'h fault, i should've keep an better eye on him." Che rubbed her temple as she plays with a pen in her other hand.

After the games ended, Lifeline got called in to pick up Obi's lifeless body and brought him to the hospice on the drop ship.

"It isn't your fault, Aya. I was with him at the match, I should have stopped him earlier. Obi's going to be alright, right?* Mirage replied, standing next to Lifeline, who's scribbling some notes on her note pad about Seer's condition.

"He's going to f'ne. The only problem is that it would take weeks for him to r'cover. I mean, he can easily compete to the games again in just a f'w days. Stim is one h'll of a drug, if you ain't used to it, the side effects of it are terrible. He would still feel energetic but his stamina won't be able to deal with it, think of headaches, being tired all of the time, that surt stuff. He won't be happy when he wakes up."

"I see..." Elliot mumbled.

"Silva is at the Paradise lounge. Yuh should go there as well. Celebrating yuh win and all." Lifeline added. "I can't come, I need to keep an eye on the artist, yuh know."

Mirage wanted to ask if Che was coming too but she already answered his thoughts.

"Are you sure?" He asked to make sure he understood it right.

"Definitely! Now go, Witt. Obi will be alright as long he's in muh hands."

And so Mirage did. Without a doubt lifeline's care was the best of the outlands and Seer will recover as fast as possible. Ready to Lecture Octane about his wrongdoings. (or to kick his ass, just to show how disappointed he was.)