#i'm extra emo about them today so i had to | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

valeffelees · 8 months ago

Note

Oh do tell about that snowbaz au of yours 👀

I WOULD FUCKING LOVE TO, thank you so much tumblr user pidgelikethebird (and also my most beloved and loyal companion @drowninginships) for providing me the enrichment i need to survive the winter.

ok gimme a min here to turn my thoughts into comprehensible words. i'm gonna say right now: this post is gonna be a LONG one, but 10 out of 10 scientists agree you should read to the end.

so, if you didn't know, The Beauty Inside is a Korean romcom from 2015, based off an American short film of the same name; the orig short film i linked is an extremely quick watch (only 6 episodes, each one 4-10 minutes long) and i would absolutely recommend it, but the very basics of the premise is that: a man wakes up in his bed on his 18th birthday to find he's in a completely different body than his own, and every day since then, he wakes up as somebody new.

AND OBVS I JUST HAD TO FUCKING SNOWBAZ THAT, which is how my AU, titled In the Many Ways of Loving You, was born:

Simon Snow wakes up every day as somebody new; the only person who knows the truth is Penny, his best friend and roommate, since she's been by his side since it all began ten years ago.

he works on commission as a custom bookbinder—like, he has an Etsy or some shit, i dunno, some kinda online shop where people can commission him in a variety of ways to rebind their favourite books, either by paying extra for Simon to buy the book himself and rebind it from new and send it to them, or sometimes collectors will send their personal copies to him to have him rebind them, and he's very good at it, and N E WAY the point of this is that he has a small bookshop he's been going to regularly for the last eight or so years, because it's close to his and Penny's flat, and where the story begins: Baz is a new employee that just started working there about two weeks ago and Simon has a massive crush on him.

ok, now. day one: when we meet Simon for the first time, he wakes up and he's lovely and blonde and brown-eyed and ok, yeah, i've just made him look like Agatha bc i thought it'd be kinda funny, esp since Agatha's not actually in the fic otherwise.

and Simon has to pick up a copy of some random book from the bookshop today bc someone bought a custom binding of it, so he goes down and, as usual, since it's his job, Baz has to come over to talk to him and is like, "hey, can I help you with anything?" and Simon doesn't need any help bc he's been coming to this shop for years, but every time Baz asks he says yes bc he wants the excuse to talk to him, and on this day Simon is like, wait. i'm so hot rn. so he asks Baz out—

and Baz is like [finger guns] absolutely not.

and Simon is like 👁️👄👁️ welp i'm in fucking agony.

but whatever, fine. a guy like Baz is prolly already in a proper relationship, and it's always a bad idea for Simon to get involved with someone he has to see on the reg. he had to start going to a different coffee shop that's twenty minutes out of his way bc he went out on a great date with one of the baristas at his old spot and then obvs couldn't go out again after just that one time, and it made him super emo, so really, Baz saying no was prolly for the best.

TIMESKIP, it's been a few days and Simon has to go down to the bookshop again. but this time he's a bloke. and so Baz comes up to ask if Simon needs help and he says yeah, as usual, and the two of them end up having a bantery convo about the book Simon's looking for bc they've both read it and Baz hated it, but Simon loved it, and it's just very cute and casual, and then Baz is like. so, my shift ends in liiike... four hours. are you doing anything?

and Simon is like. OH. OH!!!

that whole "it's prolly for the best" thing? yeah, fuck that, that was Simon of the past, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about bc cute bookshop guy wants to hang out and so they go out and have the most fucking insane romcom date ever.

'cause you gotta remember, Simon only gets one real day with people, so he doesn't do like casual coffee dates or movies or whatever. they go out and like fucking B&E a museum after hours bc Simon knows someone like the janitor or something (i dunno) leaves one of the back doors unlocked so he can step out for a cig every few hours, so they sneak in and have the time of their life running around looking at art while trying not to get caught, and we're going to use the suspended disbelief bestowed upon us by the power of romcoms to pretend security cameras aren't a thing, and it is BRILLIANT. like, Simon and Baz have so much chemistry, and when the night ends Baz is just like all smiles and creased eyes and messy black hair and, breathlessly: "I want to see you again."

and Simon's heart drops. because he wants to see Baz again, too, but he can't. no matter how much he wants to, he can't. when he wakes up tomorrow he's going to be someone new, so he can't, he can't, he can't, he—

"Yeah," he says. "Tomorrow?"

SIMON NO!!!

"It's a date."

FUCK!!!

ok, so now we have a problem. Simon can't just stand him up, i mean he could but he doesn't want to, and he really does want to see him again, so he does the only thing he can think of: he stays awake. all fucking night.

Baz, the next day: "You look exhausted."

Simon, wired asf on caffeine and trying to be smooth: "Had someone on my mind all night."

and then they go have another wicked date, but i have nothing in my notes about what it is. oh, i have them living in Canada in this fic btw bc as a rule, if a fic doesn't have to be set in England, i move them to Canada for comfort. so i might have them go cliff jumping or something? who knows. we'll go with that for now.

cue the romcom montage.

[mother tongue starts playing SO DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME FALA AMO, JUST LET YOUR HEART SPEAK UP AND I'LL KNOW]

ok. post-date. Simon is so dumb and infatuated with Baz and does something only a boy who is dumb and infatuated and sleep-deprived would do in his situation, and he goes back to Baz's flat with him to "watch a movie", or in other words: the movie starts and then they prolly have sex, but in my notes this is written as "??? smash ???" so i guess it's kinda up in the air.

either way, Simon passes the fuck out at Baz's place bc he was properly exhausted by that point, and he wakes up to Baz screaming at him bc obvs he looks like a different person now.

Simon, half-asleep: [PANICKED FLAILING] BAZ IT'S ME!!! STOP THROWING THINGS!!! BAZ!!! IT'S ME, IT'S SIMON!!!

and Baz is like: WHAT THE FUCK

and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN

and Baz is like: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE

and Simon is like: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!

so, here's a detail from the orig film that comes into play here: in the orig movie, the MC keeps a video diary, logging every day what his face looks like, and in this, Simon does this on his phone and backs them up to his computer every hundred days, so he gives Baz his phone and tells him the whole story while Baz scrolls through these short like minute long videos of Simon on various days going, "Hey, this is me today. I have [this and such] thing to do, blah blah blah."

and the thing is, Baz recognises him in some of them. bc Simon is always coming into the bookshop. he stops watching when he gets to the day Simon looked like Agatha, and Simon has been quiet for a while at this point, just letting Baz process.

Baz: "I want you to leave."

Simon takes his phone without a word and goes. Penny picks him up on the corner a block over and drives him back to their flat. she doesn't ask what happened. she already has a pretty good idea.

when Simon's next commission comes in, he thinks about going to another bookshop, he really does. but this one is so convenient, esp since Simon can't drive bc he can't risk getting pulled over carrying a licence that doesn't have his face on it, and he's been going there for eight years and it's not like Baz will recognise him anyway.

so, to the bookshop he goes, but this time when Baz comes up to ask if he needs help, Simon is like, "haha, no that's okay," and goes back to looking for things on his own, and Baz kinda lingers awkwardly for a moment before going on his way, but then when Simon comes up to the till to pay for the book, Baz just stands there staring at him. and Simon is so uncomfortable, like, he just wants to leave—

"Simon?"

SORRY, YOU WHAT?

"What?" Simon gapes at him. "How did— how did you? But I'm—"

"Can we talk?" Baz asks.

"How did you know it was—"

Baz shouts over to the other employee on the floor that he's taking his lunch break, and Simon just slowly follows him out of the shop with the book forgotten, unpaid for, at the check-out.

and here's the deal, Baz liked Simon a stupid amount considering they'd only gone on two dates, but they were good dates, and Baz doesn't date much, so he's a bit hung up on just how much he liked Simon and the weird way shit ended, so he's basically like. i want to see it again. and Simon is like, see what? and Baz is like, you. the... whatever that you do, i want to see you change.

and that's how Simon ends up bringing Baz back to his flat, and btw: Simon has a rule about never bringing people back to his flat bc it's weird as fuck. his room is really tiny, and it's cluttered as fuck in a Howl's bedroom type way. he keeps to the same cheap, casual style for all his clothes, but he needs things in a bunch of sizes. shoes are a nightmare. he has to take care of his hair in a million different fucking ways. so he has the lives of a dozen people shoved into a room the size of a shoebox, and his mattress has no frame. that shit is just on the floor, so it takes up less space. and there's this mirror, a wide full bodied mirror, propped up against the wall facing the bed, so that the first thing Simon can do each day is roll over and look at himself.

Simon and Baz have supper together, they talk, they pretend this isn't weird as fuck and, even though it is weird as fuck, they still have so much chemistry, and this is a fanfic, so they just end up having sex again but it's supposed to be kinda emo and tender and look, it's what my heart wants, ok?

morning comes. Simon wakes to Baz's hands on his face. which is already and improvement compared to last time. Baz is looking at him very seriously, but also very like. softly. he's touching Simon's features, tracing them, and Simon is quiet for a very long time, watching him do this, until he's just like. what are you doing.

Baz: "Getting to know you." A pause. "Why does it happen?"

Simon: "I don't know."

Baz: "Are there other people like you?"

Simon: "I don't know."

Baz, sighing: "Well, what do you know?"

Simon: "That I'm still me. Inside, I mean. Like... if you had a book, and every day you gave it a new cover, the story wouldn't change."

Baz: "You must get lost on a lot of shelves."

Simon: "Yeah."

and from there, Baz is just a part of Simon's life the same way Penny is, he knows the truth, and he deals with it. for the first time in Simon's adult life, he gets to really date. he and Baz do a bunch of domestic shit together, for months, and it's so good. all of it is so good, all the time, and they fall so fucked up deep in love with each other.

(detail from this point that is relevant later: Baz and Simon make a game out of Baz recognising Simon at work on days when he hasn't seen yet what he looks like. Simon will come in and try to act like a stranger, but Baz can Where's Waldo him every time.)

but then Christmas comes. and Baz has to go home to see his family. and i don't have an exact idea of how this convo goes, only that it is not a fight of any kind, like, it is a normal convo about the holidays but Baz apologises to Simon during it for not telling his family about him, he says they'd want Baz to bring Simon home if he did (bc i just don't wanna fuck with homophobia in this so we've shot Malcolm with the ally beam) and he wouldn't know how to explain Simon's whole... thing to them, and Simon kinda realises that like. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz can bring home to his family. he can't ever be the type of boyfriend Baz gets to have a normal life with.

SO SIMON GHOSTS HIM.

like, Baz comes back from his family's place, annoyed that Simon hasn't returned any of his texts or calls, only to find that Simon and Penny have literally fucking moved flats in the two weeks he's been gone. and obvs he's fucking devastated and confused by this and desperately trying to get Simon to respond to him, but he won't.

Simon goes out of his way to find a new bookshop to go to, and that's the end of things for about a week or so, and i haven't actually decided what happens here exactly, but the general idea i wanna go with is that Simon goes to the bookshop Baz works at just for the sake of seeing him, checking up on him, bc he misses him.

but remember that game they played? so yeah, Baz walks up to say his usual like, "hey, can I help you find anything?" but he fucking clocks Simon after like ten seconds.

scene change: they're in Simon's new flat, like maybe Baz demanded that if Simon is going to break up with him he owes it to him to do it goddamn properly, but i dunno. details, details. but they end up getting in a huge fucking fight and Simon reveals the reason he ghosted Baz was bc he realised Baz can't have a real life with him and Baz is like:

"You don't get to decide that for me! You're still you, you're still lovely—"

"You don't even know what I look like!"

"I don't care what you look like, you fucking moron, I care that you're Simon Snow! There's a person inside you that exists every day, even when everything else changes, and he's lovely. I love him. The rest doesn't matter, how can you not see that? Stop telling me I'm not allowed to love you however you are, I'll love you a hundred different ways, Simon. Any size, any shape. I'll love you over, and over, and over. That's a life for me. A real life for me. You!"

and then Simon throws his arms around Baz's neck and hugs him like he needs him to breathe and Baz clings to his shirt and they're both prolly crying all loud and gross, but it's fine. they're gonna be fine.

the next day: Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck. "Like this one, then?" he says.

"Loveliest yet." Baz brushes his knuckles over the slope of Simon's shoulder. "Freckles, curls, broad shoulders... Mmm, maybe we should stay in bed today."

Simon laughs and rolls over to pin Baz to the mattress, grinning at him. he goes to say something, prolly rib at him the way they do, but as he does he catches his reflection in that mirror he keeps by his bed and he freezes.

"Holy shit!" he shouts, and shoves himself up onto his knees. "That's me!"

Baz rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes, I told you—"

Simon shakes his head furiously. "No, it's. Baz. I'm. Jesus fucking Christ, that's me. Baz, that's me."

Baz sits up slowly. "Do you mean—"

"Fuck, holy shit!" Simon grabs his curls with both hands. he hasn't touched these curls in ten fucking years. he looks older than he remembers himself, which is a given, but it's definitely him. his father's eyes, his mother's chin. the moles on his cheek, above his eyebrow, below his ear.

Simon freaks out in a way that kinda toes the line between being happy and being a breakdown, he throws himself at Baz, and they both fall back onto the bed and Simon is laughing and he's shaking and he doesn't understand, he doesn't get it, but holy fuck, he has his own face, he has his own body, he has his own hands. Baz pushes them apart so he can get a look at him, and Simon is actually kinda self-conscious when he does, which is a new feeling. he never has to feel self-conscious about anything, usually, since he knows every flaw or insecurity isn't really his, and will be gone the next day, but this is just... him.

Baz takes Simon's face in his hands and then, breathlessly, "Hello, Simon Snow."

AND THEN THEY KISS bc what else would they do here.

and uhh, yeah. so. Simon goes out to the kitchen where Penny is making breakfast and she loses her shit when she sees him. big hugs all around. Baz really does take the day off work to spend it with Simon, even though that just means lying around on the sofa watching movies while Simon works on his current rebinding commission. when Penny gets home that evening, they order takeaway and sit around the lounge room playing boardgames together until late, late, late into the night. Penny falls asleep in the armchair, and now it's 3-am.

Simon is tired. he's looking at the clock, sitting with his knees up and his arms around them, with Baz beside him. Baz has his forehead on his shoulder, an arm around his waist. he doesn't want to go to bed, because what if... what if it was only for today. how long will it be until the next time? what if there is no next time, what if, what if—

"We'll still be here," Baz whispers, exhausted. "And you'll still be you. No matter what, Simon."

and so they go to bed.

Simon wakes up to Baz's mouth on the back of his neck.

"Good morning, Simon Snow."

AND YEAH, that is the entire plot of my The Beauty Inside AU.

i told you this was gonna be a long one, but if you've made it all the way to the end of this mess, thank you kindly again for indulging me!

#ngl i wanted to sign up for the cobb with this fic idea really bad but at the time i wasnt confident i could manage #taking part in a fandom event. i might think about signing up for it next year if it runs again but who knows #thanks for hanging out!#snowbaz #ask #pidgelikethebird

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welcome-to-roomba-fazbender · 7 months ago

Text

HAPPY 5TH ANNIVERSERY TO

CHARLIE THE CURSED PHONE GUY

MAY HE STAY WITH US FOR ANOTHER FIVE AND BEYOND!

and now a special message from the man himself.

"Well, Well, Well... look how far we've come huh? Genuinely, honest... And Truly."

"Five years ago I was made and cursed the world of tumblr with my presence, time sure does fly! I've lost a few friends, but gained plenty more in return!"

"I wouldn't even be here today without them, now granted I'm not gonna name EVERYONE! But I am gonna name a select few and tell you how they've impacted me... AHEM..."

"First and foremost the man the myth and the legend the one who is the reason behind everything, the man where if he didn't exist I wouldn't exist!"

"Henr- ... we all know I don't mean him we're talking about real people."

"If your name isn't listed, it isn't because the mod dosen't care but it's because he's a dumbass and these are the ones that came up at the top of his head when writing this post, totally not a forth wall break."

@directdogman

"The Creator of the DSAF/Dayshift At Freddy's Series Direct Doggo himself, sure okay I was a late edition to the fandom.

but it is fully thanks to DSAF 3 and him that I even exist, what can I say about doggo other then what has been said before one thousand times? He is a man of many skills and many talents."

"He is creative, smart and genuinely an inspiration to everyone in the community of both DSAF and Dialtown... no matter how much time has passed, I will personally continue to respect the man I owe everything to him. So thank you doggo genuinely for your support and your amazing games."

@cook-ie-chip

"One of my oldest friends in the community, I've known you since almost the start! we have alot of memories together, some laughs, some cries! you also created my blue prints

(though in lore they were written by henry and will) let's look past that! You remind me of how things used to be a long time ago, and I'm glad to still know you even now."

"and with any hope I'll curse you for many years more."

@lazy-charlie / @chuck-the-fanboy

"I remember how we met, you found me and we both realized we had the same name, and so I decided to charge you extra for like a pizza party lmao."

"But ever since that day we have only grown closer and closer... to the point your apart of the roomba fazbender family [no you will get no discounts] ..."

"You've done so much for me over the years though, you helped create the Roomba's we have here today, you drew some of our lovely walrus friends!"

"AND ... ough... Okay Okay I'll be honest you made Chuck The Fanboy originally a joke just to tease me with, but over the years he's grown on me... DO NOT LET HIM HEAR ME SAY THIS, but he's like a lil bro... and if anything happened to him I'd be devastated."

@clownsuu / @not-robert

"... well well well if it isn't the shadow in black and the big buff zombie, what can I say about both of you?"

"Hmm... Clownsuu here teases me, has DRAWN ME MPREG, HAS DRAWN ME EMO, IS THE REASON WHY THE EVIL VERSION OF ME EXISTS!..."

"and yet life wouldn't be the same with out him, jack is... an anomaly someone I met because someone thought he was stealing me! HA no one can steal this perfect face~"

"Gotta say though, all jokes aside... life just wouldn't be the same without him, alot more boring you know? I must admit he is someone I will never forget, you've also drawn photos of a few of my walrus I still have hung up in my office, I appreciate you for absolutely everything you've done."

"And don't get me started on Robert that big buff baby, I've put him in just about every costume under the sun, and yet he still puts up with me and stays still no idea why. But it's because of him my restaurant has expanded so much, from a bowling alley, a karaoke bar and dumpsters full of meat."

"Don't tell Robert this he'd likely call me an idiot, but guy's one of my best friends genuinely thankfully he's immortal so I'll never worry about losing him but ... the thought still scares me."

"Never change Robert."

@weirdozjunkary

"You turned me into a furry... I got nothin else to say I just had to point that out."

"..."

"Okay, fine you did alot more then that, you introduced me to bedlam someone who can FINALLY truly be a sponge to my cursed and chaotic behavior, honestly I'd hope so considering he's the god of chaos."

"I only met him recently but I'd fuken fight his version of god for him ... seriously don't tempt me I will kick that old man's ass."

"I'm glad to have bedlam in my life and hope I know him for many years more."

@an-artist-place-for-extra-art

"you simp for the evil version of me I..."

"I have no words for you..."

"I just question... why?"

"though honestly? never change, I care for you just the way you are, your amazing."

"Alright, Alright enough of the mushy stuff and forth wall breaks it's messing with my circuits and servo's ahem..."

"The most important thing about this day is one..."

"I'm so fucking cool"

"two"

"I AM NEVER GOING ANYWHERE HATERS, FIVE MORE YEARS AND BEYOND OF ME!!!"

"and three... and most important lore wise"

"HAPPY 50TH ANNIVERSERY TO ROOMBA FUCKING FAZBENDERS!"

"50 YEARS THIS PLACE HAS BEEN OPEN WITHOUT ANY DEATHS JUST A FEW INJURIES AND I'LL TAKE THAT WITH STRIDE!"

"AS THE ULTIMATE FUCK YOU TO FREDBEAR'S AND FAZBENDER ENTERTAINMENT!"

"THE GUY WHO IS A LITERAL ELDRITCH HORROR AND EATS SHOES WITH HIS BOOTLEG RESTURANT LASTED LONGER THEN ALL OF YOU SUCK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

"... thank you... genuinely out of pocket with full seriousness..."

"thank you everyone for sticking around none of this would be possible without you, and I HONEST AND TRUELY can't wait for another five amazing years."

Moderator Monnie: And happy anniversary to everyone from me to all of you!

Have a fantastic day! and thank ya'll for reading!

#charlie the phone guy #charlie the cursed phone guy #dsaf #dayshift at freddy's #mod monnie #mod post #important #very important post #Happy Fifth Birthday Charlie!#Happy 5th Anniversary Charlie!#Happy 50th Anniversary Roomba Fazbender's (Lore)#Happy Fiftieth Anniversary Roomba Fazbenders (Lore)#Long post #Very Long Post #forth wall break basically the entire post lol

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bagely · 5 months ago

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SOMETHING ABOUT... SINCERITY

from my discarded university Au

Roier had been trying to convince him to join his language club for a week, which Missa saw as another silly excuse to skip a few classes for extra credit. All week she had been introducing him to member after member of his blissful club, and today was no exception.

"You're going to love this guy, he's kind of emo like you." Roier said, with that smile that wouldn't leave his face. "Ya'll get to listen to Green Day in the rain or whatever it is you guys do."

"It's alarming the endless new ways you find to insult me." Missa replied. "I'm not going to enter that stupid club."

"you are going to enter Cabron, we're all there, even your brother is in this club" Roier commented with an air of pride. "Do you know how hard it was to convince Spreen? This club has its things, you'll only see if you join."

"I don't want to join the weird social experiment Quackity is doing."

"Social experiment," He repeated as if it were a joke "Quackity can't even count."

Before Missa could reply into the room a person he hadn't seen before entered. The world felt on pause for about two seconds, as if reality would need a second to process his alluring aura.

He sat across from them with a captivating smile, Looking at Roier and then at Missa he introduced himself. "I'm Philza, nice to meet you.. uhm, Roier told me you were thinking of joining our cultural exchange club."

"I..." His mind debated for a second whether to accept, but I already had too many things on my schedule to also add, it wouldn't be a good idea. He simply had to turn down this offer. "Yeah, I'm thinking about it."

'Crap. I'm not thinking, I'm not thinking about anything at all. Why Missa, why' He thought, turning to look at Roier, and feeling like he read his soul Roier smiled, knowing that he won.

The conversation flowed pleasantly as his initial awkwardness was forgotten. Surprisingly his taste in music was indeed similar to Missa's as roier had said, though he still tried not to be persuaded by charisma alone.

"Oh, I must go now." Said philza shortly after they exchanged numbers. Missa nodded slightly disappointed, but Philza smiled at him that gesture infected Missa making him smile as well. "You do have a beautiful smile."

" Thank-what?" was all Missa could say before Philza left the room. Out of nowhere he became conscious of his own breathing.

"Are you joining the club yet?" Roier asked.

"No. Callate - I'm going to class."

Similar little incidents began to happen in spurts. It seemed that at every corner he met Philza, and at first all their conversations were casual almost as if this one himself forgot the ways in which Phil ended their conversations which was usually compliments from Missa's point of view excessive out of nowhere.

The strangest- and most frustrating thing for Missa was that nothing was happening afterwards. If he liked him, he just should ask him out or something but he didn't say anything apart from exaggerated compliments. he had even told him on one occasion, literally; "You're so funny, I have to go now. I love you." And then he was gone - who the FUCK just does that out of nowhere?!

He was starting to wonder if he had started dating at some point and for some reason erased all memory of that moment. Or maybe it was a strange way Roier was trying to manipulate him to get him into his club, which seemed more likely every day.

But there was nothing else to do but confront him. Yes, he just had to wait for the perfect moment.

That came soon enough when he was invited to a party at Quackity's house, to celebrate something from the club which meant Philza would be there, and also alcohol which would be good for courage. The time for the party was not long in coming, and upon arriving at the place he was greeted by Roier.

"Your absurd manipulation ends here." Missa said, as he entered the house.

"Yeah, whatever do you want alcohol? It's in the kitchen." Replied Roier ignoring him.

Missa felt surrendered and automatically went all the way to the kitchen where she grabbed some drinks that the host of the house was preparing.

"Missa! You came! You're finally joining the club?"

"It's not in my plans." Replied the black-haired man to Quackity as he continued to drink. He began to feel the alcohol rising in his head.

It wasn't long before he was intercepted by Philza after he went out of the house to the garden to try to get some air. Alcohol was not a good idea.

"Are you okay?" the blond said approaching him, and checking his face by cupping his cheeks. Philza let out a laugh " you're stunning."

Missa held his breath, staring at him. There was something about Philza that attracted him in an inexplicable way, like an irresistible magnet. Perhaps it was his warm smile, or the way his eyes sparkled with genuine kindness. Or maybe...

Shaking his head, Missa tried to dispel those thoughts. "Why are you always doing this?" he asked as he pushed Philza's hands away from his cheeks that were starting to turn red.

"What are you up to?" Philza asked with that smile that turned his stomach.

"You're confusing me..." He replied, but from his silence he sensed that Philza didn't understand what he was referring to. Which annoyed him. "Do you want a kiss or something? Am I hallucinating? Why are you always fucking flirting!?"

"Flirting?" He started laughing loudly Philza. Missa forcefully stomped on his foot. "Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I was just being sincere."

"Being sincere? Eres pendejo?" Missa felt his hair stand on end, and his face turn redder. Then he looked up into Philza's face who looked totally honest with what he had said. Then Missa started nodding.

"What, what's wrong?"

Missa said nothing and kept nodding as he entered the house again followed by Philza. "Roier!" He started shouting "¡Me uno al maldito club!"

#qsmp #pissa #qsmp fic #about something #Missa gave up #I love rescuing things from this AU

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melodygatesauthor · 1 year ago

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Okay guys, I can't believe it's been a full year since I published the first chapter of my first fanfiction story and I'm still going strong today. - (Side note...it was actually yesterday but I wanted to get all my fics posted to AO3 so I could get an accurate word count and tell you all what I've done so...it took me an extra day)

This is going to be a really long post, and I thank everyone in advance for reading all the way through if you make it. I'm taking a moment to allow myself to talk about my accomplishments over the last year, my goals for this next year, and gas myself up just a bit. As an artist, it's really hard to talk about myself in a positive light without being critical, but I'm going to do it anyway. No one asked, but this is one of the ways I wanna celebrate my ficversary so...I'm gonna do it lol.

My First Fanfic Ever

I'd like to start by sharing my beginnings with writing. If I really think back to the very first fanfiction I wrote, I thought it was a Gorillaz fic (which I still have a handwritten copy of in my closet lol), but it wasn't. I think the very first fanfic I wrote technically was a Pirates of the Caribbean fic when I was 11. I didn't even realize that's what it was, I just knew that I was SO into POTC that I wanted to write about it. It had just come out by the way, so I'm really dating myself. This was...2003.

We had this thing we had to do for school, it was like a writing assignment or something, one of those big ones that they gave you, a standardized whatever. I managed to find a way to spin it into a POTC related thing and I went OFF writing this story. It had its own twists and turns unrelated to POTC, but it was a fanfic through and through.

The Beginning of My Fan Art

When I was 12 I started listening to Good Charlotte, to a point that it was my entire personality. Everyone who knew me, knew I loved them. Every fucking art project I had in middle school (7th and 8th grade) was revolved around this band, particularly Joel Madden.

My love for them has come and gone, but I still remember how I felt at the time (not unlike how I feel toward Oscar Isaac now lol). I mean my art teacher literally had to be like "I want you to branch out, you can't make everything about them." And as an adult, I'm wondering -why the fuck not but- ...I digress.

The First Fanfic I Ever "Published"

When I was 12 (or maybe closer to 13), I became OBSESSED with the Gorillaz. When I say obsessed I mean...I listened to the album Demon Days on repeat until it fucking broke. I changed my G's when I would write by hand to match the G in their logo. I made tons of fan art and it was a damn vibe. This was the first time I really discovered fanfiction and learned what it was.

I remember reading one fanfic from some girl on this website (I'm really dating myself here, some of you will know what site this is...) Quizilla. Quizilla was THE site at the time (other than LiveJournal I think, but I never used LiveJournal and didn't know it existed at the time) for fanfiction and what you would now call "buzzfeed quizzes". This girl's writing inspired me to write my own fanfic, which I handwrote and kept in a green folder which, as I said, I still have to this day sitting in my closet.

My very first fic, and yes at 13, included some romance, some non-con (don't fucking ask me why idk even how I knew about that at 13. I was never exposed to this type of thing as a child fortunately) and other nonsense. I published it on this site, and it made me really happy. I don't remember if anyone ever read it or not tbh, but it will forever hold a place in my heart <3

My Best Friend/Emo Era

I met my best friend in high school when I was about 14. She and I are still close to this day. Not as close, but I can still tell her my most unhinged thoughts and she loves me regardless. We met because we both wrote fanfiction and lost our minds over the fact that we did. Thus started my emo era.

She was into My Chemical Romance, and I was into The Used. 2005 was a time lol. The two of us had either a binder or a composition notebook where we'd handwrite our fics and pass them back and forth between classes. I still have the ones I wrote tucked away in my house. When we'd read them she and I would leave little notes in the margins like we all leave comments today.

Most of these fics never got published, they were just for us to enjoy. I did, however, publish a fic when I was about 15, that I wrote to completion. Quizilla ended up going down, and most of us moved to Mibba.com instead, which is still a website.

Edit: I looked at Mibba, and it looks like the website is still there, but you can't search for anything, so Mibba is gone too. Not gonna lie, broke my nostalgic heart just a bit to see...Some fics I wrote on there will be gone forever. Maybe for the best, but it's still kinda sad.

The Avenged Sevenfold Era

When I tell you that Avenged Sevenfold has been my favorite band since I was 15, I'm dead ass. Are they the best band ever? Not by a long shot, but damn the way I still lose my shit over them is unhinged. Anyone who was around during this time fucking knows...they were fucking HOT. Matt Shadows really had the bulky but not shredded body type going on, they all kinda did, and I'm so here for it.

Why I'll never post any of the fics I wrote during this time, even if I get my hands on them...

I wrote them when I was 15, and I was writing about things 15 year olds shouldn't write about.

You don't know cringe until you've read those fics.

It's about real people and I'm not a fan of rpf anymore. I'm all for writing whatever you want and fiction being fiction but there's something that gives me the ick about real people fiction. No offense to anyone who writes it, that's just my feelings.

The way these guys had a hold on me for the next 5 years was ridiculous. I wrote about them a lot, by hand, on my laptop, however I could. I had so many unhinged ideas and stories it's insane. I loved every minute of it, and I always look back on this as my true start into fanfiction.

The End of an Era

All good things come to an end. After graduation, my best friend and I stayed in touch, but grew apart. I went to college and continued writing fanfic. I was pursuing a major in graphic design with a minor in creative writing. I was convinced that even though I was writing fanfiction, I was going to write a book too and it would be a bestseller.

As time went on, probably when I was about 20 or 21, I kinda stopped writing fanfiction all together. My friend wasn't really writing it anymore, and the community around Avenged Sevenfold was slowing down. I was also in the middle of a breakup and it was a whole thing, so I kinda stopped writing around this time.

I'd also, unfortunately, felt like fanfiction was for kids/teens, so didn't feel the need to continue writing anymore. I didn't want to seem like a loser writing fanfiction in my twenties...so I didn't.

For the record, you're not a loser for writing fanfiction. It's a very valid artform and it's fun. We only live for so long, so enjoy it doing what makes you happy, period. I'll probably be writing in my 50s I fucking hope lol.

Anyway, at that time, that's how I felt. I now know it's bullshit to think that way. So fanfiction fizzled out for me, and I kinda moved on to other things.

My Not-fanfiction Era

What was I doing instead of writing? Going through an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, working on trying to build what I thought was the 'dream' (marriage, kids, a house, e.t.c.), working and playing video games.

Fortunately that relationship ended. After years of therapy (which he told me I needed because he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy lol), I grew the balls to finally tell him to fuck off and leave. It was the best decision I ever made, especially considering this was JUST before COVID hit. I shudder to this day thinking about the fact that I was almost stuck in a house with that freak during lockdown.

When that relationship ended I moved back to Maine to be with my family. I missed them and had spent basically my entire 20s in another state with some loser.

Back to Fanfiction - Kylo Ren Era

So how did I get back here? How did I get back into writing and creating fan art? The truth is, a switch literally flipped in my brain over this guy right here...

I mean...

The funny thing is, I wasn't SUPER into Star Wars before this. I liked it, I'd seen the sequel trilogy in theaters, but to me it was just a movie series. I was literally watching a Sam Collins video on YouTube where he made fun of a Kylo Ren cosplayer's thirst trap on TikTok and was like...oh that's actually kinda hot.

Thought nothing of it though, just moved on with my day...until I dreamt about him too. And then I felt this spark inside me that I couldn't shake. I literally was like...👀 something is happening here.

So I remembered this feeling from when I was a teen and recognized the impending obsession immediately. I actually googled "is fanfiction still relevant" and "is it ok to write fanfiction as an adult?"

The short answers are - yes - and - of course it is -. This was how I discovered the VERY popular Kylo Ren fic Fix Your Attitude by Kassanovella. I read it in a matter of a week, and in that time I started writing my own fic. I also rewatched ALL the Star Wars movies, and then continued rewatching the sequel trilogy on repeat just so I could get Kylo Ren's character down. I wanted to make sure I captured his voice and personality perfectly. - When I say I watched the sequel trilogy 20 times, it's not an exaggeration, I had it on constantly.-

The fic I wrote was called, Yes, Master

The first chapter of that fic was published on 09/05/2022 (one year ago today), and the last chapter was published on 10/14/2022 with a word count of 100,701. Not only is it the longest fic I've written of all the fics I've done, but it's the one I wrote the fastest. I was posting a chapter a day every day until it was finished. I mean...I literally went OFF on this story. I was so proud of it that I went to lulu.com and made myself a physical copy of it that I intend to read as part of this celebration I'm doing lol.

Wondering if anyone would be interested in me revamping this story (rewriting and updating it) and posting here? I would definitely do it if there was enough interest.

I then wrote a sequel called By Your Side which taught me SO MUCH. Here's what I learned when creating this sequel...

Not everything needs a sequel.

Writing a chapter a day isn't realistic.

I should've planned a full outline before diving into this fic.

I'm not into pregnancy fics/domestic fics all that much as far as longfics go.

It's okay to genuinely dislike something you've written and you should try to learn from that.

By Your Side is still to this day one of my least favorite fics (if not my LEAST favorite). I am still proud of myself for finishing it, (it sits at a hefty 85,599 words). I don't have to love it though. I'm just grateful for what I learned in the process of writing it and proud of myself for finishing it despite being sick of it by chapter 8 and still writing 20 chapters after that.

I also wrote my very first Yandere fic, Just You. It's a bit darker, in my opinion, than The Fractured Moon. This fic was a blast to write, and it felt very freeing to write something so disturbing. It was fun to just let myself get into a dark headspace without holding back and not feeling bad about it. It was more

The Rainbow Six Siege Era

During my time writing for Kylo, I went back to a video game I used to play a lot, Rainbow Six Siege. My Oscar Era bleeds into the Kylo and R6S era a little but I'll talk about that soon.

The Siege fandom was an interesting one...one that I'll probably not go back to much, though I may still write a little fic for it here and there as I feel inspired to. I won't dive too much into this as I know most of you are Oscar fans, but I'll mention my accomplishments here and the things I learned.

I wrote another novel-length fic for this fandom called The Recruit and the Hunter which has another 83,888 words. I actually LOVE this story, and still look back on it fondly. It was a fun one to write, and I really challenged myself to write less smut for it, and I succeeded. It focused heavily on the relationship that built between the main pairing and in my opinion it's one of my better slow-burns I've done.

Why did I leave this fandom?

Well, I'm not going to throw shade, I don't like doing that unless I have to, so I'll keep it brief. The long and the short of it is this...

The readers were getting EXTREMELY demanding. I have comments on RATH of people saying things like "I'm going to be upset if you don't give us a happy ending" and "there better be smut or I swear...". It can get really discouraging as a writer when people seem to say "I love your fic but I'll only continue to love it if you do xyz." It puts us in a dilemma, and makes it hard for us to find a balance between providing fan service, and doing what's fun for us to write. It definitely changed the outcome of RATH and I'm not happy that I gave in like that.

The requests I got were confusing and downright weird. I didn't do some of the really weird ones, and I'm not meaning to kink shame, but it was just very niche things that I couldn't get myself into. I think part of why I felt obligated to provide fan service like I mentioned in the point above, and why I caved and wrote some fanfics for these more unique requests, is because this fandom is very small, and I felt an obligation to provide.

Some of the other writers in the fandom are fucking rude. I'm not going to mention names, like I said, but I had very poor experiences with several writers in the fandom, and since I was also integrating into the Oscar fandom at the time, I could see a stark difference in the way I was being accepted in one, versus the way I was being pushed away in the other. There aren't a lot of x reader writers in the R6S fandom, and I was one of them, and there seems to be some animosity between the people who ship characters, versus the people who write x reader and that's where this mistreatment came from. I don't know, I tried making friends over there, and felt like I was getting pushed out.

So anyway, it's not for me anymore, but I still think back to certain parts of it fondly, and I may write a little more here and there as I see fit.

The Oscar Isaac Era

This really is THE era, isn't it?

As I was working on the last 10 or so chapters of Yes, Master, and after my 12th time rewatching the sequel trilogy movies, I started to fall for Poe Dameron, naturally. How could I not? I mean look at him...

So I decided that I would give Poe a prequel to my Yes, Master story called One Hell of a Pilot. This fic was so fun to write, and it's how I became involved with the Oscar Isaac community in the first place. Immediately I started following Dee, and through her I found Mona, and it was just snowballing from there. Whitney and Romana were some of the first to follow me and my shenanigans.

In December, which is when I started writing One Hell of a Pilot, another novel-length fic that ended with 80,517 words, is when I started reading Dee's fics, along with Mona's and many others. I saw their interactions and felt excited by the prospect of making new friends who were just as into some of this stuff as I was. A place that I could be myself and lose my shit over this idiot and not be judged.

I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into.

It all started with a fic that Dee had written, I can't remember which one, probably a dbf!Santi fic, and I asked the innocent question of...

What movie is this from?

Oh shit...I didn't realize what the fuck I was getting myself into. After she told me it was Triple Frontier and I should watch it, my brother and I watched it right away. I told him a friend of mine suggested it. The way we spent the entire 1.5 hours laughing at how bad it was is still a memory I hold dear to my heart. I still didn't know at the time that this loser (Oscar my beloved) would hold a place in my heart from that day on.

My first Santi fic was a headcanon about Santi w/ a plussize reader that I called Preciously Plump. A headcanon that later got a full fic, appropriately named Preciously Plump the One-shot.

So then I read something about Moon Knight, and between Dee and Mona shoving me into it (peer pressure ftw) I caved and watched the show.

Phew...

That gave way to the first Moon Knight fic I ever wrote, How Unexpected which came out on January 3rd, 2023 of this year. I was sure that between Steven's adorable nerdy behavior, and Marc's tough exterior, I'd be head over heels for those two. I was nervous to even TOUCH Jake, because I didn't know shit about his character, and the last thing I wanted to do was write a character without it sounding like them.

I was also afraid at the time of writing the Moon Boys with DID because I didn't know anything about it, and I didn't want to misrepresent something like that. After some time went by, I got my bearings, and started working on A Bit Dodgy.

ABD is definitely one of the fics I'm most proud of. I had learned a lot from my past fics I'd written, Yes, Master, e.t.c., and figured out what it was that works best when I'm writing to not only keep myself interested, but to create a good balance between smut for smut's sake, and pushing the story forward.

When I first started writing ABD, I was sure it was going to be a 30-40 chapter fic, but as I started writing it more, I realized quickly that a lot of the chapters were just porn. Is there anything wrong with that? No...but as someone who's written nearly a million words in this past year, I don't feel the need to draw my chaptered fics out with smut just to say I wrote something x chapters or x words wrong.

That's why ABD ended up getting cut down SO MUCH from my original plan. I just made some decisions that I felt maximized the story more and used the smut as a major plot device, rather than the fic revolving around smut as the plot...if that makes any sense lol. I'm happy to say, that as of today, A Bit Dodgy has concluded, though it's the only fic I've ever finished with such a heavy heart.

I was an Oscar stan HARD after that, diving into Sucker Punch and other silly little movies filled with that silly little man whom I love so so much.

Statistics

Numbers aren't important when it comes to kudos (AO3) and likes (Tumblr) so I'm not focusing on those. What I am going to focus on...is my personal accomplishments. Like I said, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I fucking wrote A LOT this year, and I'm going to take a minute to pat myself on the back.

So NOT including my random blurbs (since I'm not bothering to cross-post those)...

My total word count from 09/05/2022-09/05/2023 is (drumroll please):

791,829 words

GEE

I had thought I would've hit a million by now but I am NOT going to complain. By the grace of the horny demon that runs the smut factory in my brain, I've written more than I ever even thought possible.

In the Moon Knight fandom alone, I've written:

238,950 words

I think the only fandom I've written more for is Star Wars, but I'd have to add it all up and I'm not doing that rn haha.

Just kidding it's:

368,566 words

----

I wrote 6 novel-length fics, a total of 147 works, MK holds the record for most fics I've written at a whopping 82 fics!

----

It's shocking to look back and see what I've accomplished, and to look forward to seeing what else I can do. I know that this next year I won't have the same word count, probably not even close.

I'm focusing a lot on drawing now as well as writing, plus I'm working on my first novel that I'd like to publish so things will definitely be slowing down. I'm going to continue writing, but the speed at which I churn out fics will be slower in the future.

In Conclusion

Thank you all for the support throughout this year. There's no way in HELL I would've had the drive and desire to continue writing if not for the amazing community (most the Oscar Isaac community lol) behind me. It's not just the kudos and the reblogs, it's the people who I've grown to know since joining the world of fandom.

I never had a ton of IRL friends, and I live alone (happily btw) with my dog. Being able to make some friends here that I genuinely call friends, not just people I know online, has meant the world to me. I would list everyone out, but I have a fear of accidentally forgetting to tag someone despite how much they mean to me so I'll leave it at...those people know who they are.

And to my readers (I hesitate to use the word "fans", that makes it sound so conceited), thank you to the moon and back. Without out, I wouldn't have had the drive to keep going. Kudos, Likes and Reblogs aren't everything, I can't stress that enough, but they do help keep the drive alive. (Particularly the comments). Without the little boost of excitement I get when I see that other people are just excited about what I'm doing as I am, I probably would've given up ages ago.

You all are the reason that this was even possible.

With all that being said, I have a small celebration planned that I'll announce later tonight. In the mean time, stay amazing. You keep supporting me, and I'll keep providing the fics that you all love so much

Love, Melly

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roirence · 11 months ago

Text

Just a lil update on my end, as I mentioned on Twitter already but I lost all my files recently (all my art from forever years ago as well as my incomplete WIPs and gift art from friends...everything.....) and I'm gonna do what I can to recover them but it will be a lengthy and expensive process. I have to dish out money to fix up my computer as well so I don't think i can post any new art anytime soon...luckily I finished all my obligations before leaving earlier last week.

I don't like talking about my personal business in detail but I've mentioned that I've had a few family emergencies recently with both my parents, my dad in particular is currently going through extensive physiotherapy right now and I am paying for what his insurance doesn't cover but it's been tough for me with a lot of things and just this adding onto it is...a lot...haha I am the one who supports my family the most financially so it's just adding onto my current struggles.

Sorry it's all depressing and emo stuff but I just wanted to let everyone know what was going on with me and why I've been extra slow with everything. I sent out all the spirit hunter and indie vtuber orders today as well and all the prsk orders will be handled next month most likely because there were some delays. I will update quicker on twitter about them later.

I'll keep doing my best but if you would like to provide a bit of support right now please consider getting me a ko-fi if you want too, no pressure to of course.

Thank you always for the support regardless, I'll get over it eventually it's just gonna be awhile probably.

#Roi rambles

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igbylicious · 5 months ago

Note

Hey might have accidently sent an ask prematurely ahem not at all embarrassing but you already know I'm writing this at an extremely late time welp this was always bound to happen (T.T) As I was saying... I bow at your brilliance, honestly. You did so well with yet another chapter of what I hope is a never-ending fic at this point because these chapters drops hype me up more than you could know.

HE'S THEIR SANNIE IM GOING TO BURST HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO MY POOR HEART. Also, I can't blame the reader for simping it's the san effect, really. And woo, the precious boy was doing so well. I just got so emo over it FOR NO REASON. well, the reason was because san was getting emo about it, and AS AN EMPATH- *gun shot noises*

I digress, weird sense of humour humor aside, I truly truly can't express how this chapter changed smth in my brain chemistry. I also love whenever we get mentions of reader having a ~body~ a very well loved one too!!

I'm wondering how much the fic changed from the original plan since you keep adding chapters. Like, was this play session already what you envisioned when you started your plan to write this? It's been truly so much fun to watch it evolve. Do the characters in your head influence the chapters, or do you just get inspiration and feel like it would fit them?? Also, do you ever feel tempted to write from woosan's pov?? Idk I'd like a tour of their minds too. I swear I can just keep pelting you with questions like this till my own fingers wear down from typing. I hope your pillow is always cool on both sides and for you to have a lovely day/night/week/month/LIFE. you deserve it!! 💚💚💚💚

lol dw abt the double ask! (≧◡≦) ♡ and sorry abt the tears and the extra laundry asdjkdaskjadsjk i am frantically handing you tissues (sorry i just hate doing laundry so much asdkjdaskj you’re on your own for that one 🙏)

NO BUT THE SAN SIMP EFFECT IS SO REAL 〒▽〒

Reader: hmm am i feeling a lil bratty today maybe? (¬‿¬ ) San:

Reader: …nevermind 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

(tho tbf there are ALSO plenty of San pics that make me want to misbehave real bad lol. the man’s got the range ♨_♨)

Woo was absolute best boi!!! listen i gotchu i get emo abt him too he just takes it all like a fucking champ and he trusts San SO much („ಡωಡ„)

omg putting the answers to your questions under a cut bc it got kinda long oop <_< tysm for giving me a ramble excuse!!! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

the basic scenario of reader and Wooyoung being tied up together is pretty similar to what i originally planned; but the *mood* of the scene is very different

when i first outlined the story, there was no non-sexual bondage; instead i had a vague idea abt Wooyoung still feeling guilty abt overstepping, and that he wanted to work out that guilt through bdsm.

so i had thoughts abt focusing the scene on San paying a lot of attention to reader while Wooyoung gets completely ignored as punishment — and he wouldn’t have permission to cum until she decided he deserved to uwu

but smth abt it all didn’t sit right w/ me from early on, and while writing the Woo/reader lunchdate i realised that she would 100% be uncomfortable w/ being used to punish Woo in *this* specific scenario since she has her own guilt abt that! (also; i felt like this’d be at a stage of their relationship that you gotta talk through some stuff, not fuck through it lol) so i pivoted, added the non-sexual bondage, and it turned into this!

(but if you feel robbed of some spicy moments now; no worries! Woo needing reader’s permission to cum & San ignoring Woo while he fucks the reader have been incorporated in the plans for different chapters (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧)

whether the characters influence the chapters; yes to some extent!

i really am a plantser at heart; i need to know where a fic is going & i need a few solid anchor points between beginning and end; but i also really need empty space to fill up details as i go along, which is usually influenced by what feels ‘right’ for the characters ♡

like; i knew from day 1 that Woo was going to break the no kissing rule, and i knew it would lead to a ‘conflict’ that’d end up strengthening their relationship, but i figured out the exact details along the way (again the their lunchdate did a lot of heavy lifting! writing that scene solidified SO MUCH for me abt Woo & reader’s deal)

now, abt Woosan pov…

the next chapter actually opens w/ San! (but um… you might not thank me for that >_>) i want to do a Woo pov somewhere too, which *might* also happen in the next chapter, but i’m still kindof feeling out what the best spot is ^^

(also i have like half a prequel drabble written down abt the first time Woo brought San flowers home from work (◕‿◕✿) i’m obv focused on the main story for now, but i’d love to finish that after the fic itself is done ^^)

ahhhhhhhhhhh sincerely thankyousomuch for all the amazingly sweet words and for letting me ramble!!! it’s fun to talk abt the ‘behind the scenes’ so to speak hehe („• ֊ •„)

#igby’s inbox #whiway #theoreticallymad

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fanfiction-artist-prototype · 3 months ago

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1,26 and 29 for the ask game!!! (You are a fantastic writer dearest mutual mine and I especially am looking forward to your answer on 29!)

Hi marie mutual mine!!!

Ooh I'm looking forward to answering these (did you like the extra angst in your ask box or did my app screw up and not send it to you?)

So, this is a fun one! I started writing when I was... uh... 7 or something i think? I'd play with all these cool dress up games and free flash character creators that had emo/scene music in them and write characters for them.

Then when I was about 10, I decided I wanted to be a writer and started writing more of my own stories and discovered fanfiction and basically realised that if I wanted a fanfic I really REALLY liked that had EVERYTHING I wanted I was gonna have to write it myself and so I've been writing fanfiction since I was 11!

Oh DEFINETLY! I've started a new WIP today (bringing that how many wips do you have ask you sent the other day up to a resounding nine!)

So basically, no spoilers but, I'm working on a fic where due to canonical dead parents and time travel someone gets confused for their own Father and the whole fic is basically just this one character trying to be like 'no guys, *I'm* the guy you think is my dad!!

And the specific scene I can't wait to write is when one of the characters first assumes the other is their own kid because they see how they talk and such during a fight and kind of go "Only X's kid would yap like that."

Woo okay so hm.

I'd say, the best advice I can give is that even if you're sitting there saying 'But I don't know *HOW* to write this specific scene!' just bullet point it.

Like you know you want SOMETHING to happen right? So break it down and then go from there. I'll make an example now! Say that we want a scene wherein a character starts a bar fight, but we have NO idea HOW to write it? We'd do this: -Bar fight happens (A starts the fight by punching B in the face) (They're fighting because B said something mean about C) (REMEMBER!!! B and C used to date and B is being a dick about it!!) (Maybe dialogue??? "wow big guy? you sure you're man enough for this?" <- maybe not?? is it cliche??) (A wins the fight but has a bloodied lip) See how in doing this we have a start and end of the scene and an explanation for how we've started the fight and hell we even know now that at least two punches need to be thrown and that more than likely there's going to be SOME kind of dialogue in there. From this point we can start turning our bullet points into concrete sentences.

So,

(A starts the fight by punching B in the face) (They're fighting because B said something mean about C)

becomes: "What, C leave you too? Told you they were just a catty little-" A wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the siren call of B's face to their fist, but they weren't listening all that well. All they knew, truly, was that the way B's nose audibly crunched under their fist when the two met was something he'd listen to on repeat.

And see I'm not someone who regularly outlines their works beyond the bare bones, but this can work for areas of you work where you need to skip and move onto the next section of the work or even when you don't know how to start something at all! Just having a list of random ideas to work from/compare to can make all the difference sometimes!

Ask Game

#mutual mine #ask game

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worldwidewebzy · 11 months ago

Note

Your art reminds me a lot of another GHS artist! They made a ton of awesome backstory hcs for the cast but I forgot their name :( Anyhow, what are your headcanons for the cat boy himself

Thank ya sm!!! (⋈◍＞◡＜◍)。✧ i try my best to have as much fun w/ my art :33 anyways glad yuo asked about my neko zombie headcanons its time to headcanon dump about this fucking cat :333

Young adult, he has aged during his years of being in the lost world btw (i hc guests can age!!)

Ofc though its gon CHANGE physically in the interp im not gon do that stupid thing where characters are aged up in media and all that rlly changes is they get taller and grow just the tiniest fucking facial hair or something like that

Neko Zombie autstic c-ptsd system collectively he/they/it + any cat themed neos blast

Speaking of Neko Zombie's system, he has UDD!!!!!!!!! 💥💥💥 they have two "main" alters. A host and cohost!

considering both alters have completely forgotten their names, Neko Zombie has basically become a "collective" name for them.

The host is y'know, Neko Zombie. The ambitious, rebellious cat deeply determined to help anyone achieve the goal he can never, get the hell out of Gregory House.

The cohost is a prosecutor, they are responsible for Neko Zombie's "wild facade". They are completely nonverbal, only making noises of that of a aggressive cat. completely driven by instinct, anger, and an overwhleming amount of fear. They are not evil, though. Only wanting to protect the body, and survive.

The host is a transmasc enby aro lesbian and the cohost is a triple a battery (AGENDER AROACE SWAG!!!!!!!!!!)

OK fanlore wooooo

The only surviving "child" of a family who gaved Gregory House some "competition".

..if competition meant trapping lost souls in a purgatorial hell of a hotel. He had second guest type situation. Being unwillingly transported to a hotel than just after you try to escape it you're just. Interrogated into the family like a fucked up toxic found family.

The competiting hotel in question, was definitely more professional and more fancier like then gregory house. I'm saying fancier as in your room would probably look like this:

Needless to say, of course having a more high quality soul-trapping horror hotel in the lost world would ring the alarm bells of any soul-hungry rat! Well, that's what Gregory Mama thought. Already keeping her eyes on her competitor, the final straw was when one guest got out of the hotel, had their existential crisis realizing reality sucks ass, and ended up going to the COMPETING hotel!

So, she decided to take matters into Gregory's hands.

Basically, think of the process of dissolving a company into another company.

Take that litreally.

After the competiting hotel was no more, and Gregory House ended up with a few extra rooms, Neko Zombie's family's souls and any guest originating from the dissolved hotel were took out and promptly eaten by Mama.

...Though, a be a cruel mix of pity and pettyness lead to Gregory insisting that the formerly human child of the Neko family be spared. Fast foward to today with the help of a young Clock Master and here we are today with one fucked up cat!

OKAYYYY now for just more headcanons. Uh he's white + native american 2 me :3

Ironically, they were very allergic to cats as a human. Most furred animals actually. So he would have pet turtles or a goldfish maybe.....

He ended up at the hotel sometime at the early 2000s. 2001 or '02

Having your eyes and mouth sticthed shut I think it hurt like high hell to talk or blink the first few days after?? Idk

Maybe as he aged he looked more like his modren design... With the emo hair in his SE design .......

ANYWAYS!!!!!!! Tysm again i love talking about my headcanons like alot

#Webzy answerz #Webzy ramblez #Neko zombie #gregory horror show

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mlobsters · 1 year ago

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supernatural s8e16 remember the titans (w. daniel loflin)

hint of leg, gasp

i've seen this painting before

why does this wackadoodle war room thing have a sink in it? other than give the ability to have dean walk in on sam hiding being sick

appreciate all the angles so we can set the extent of the set. she's fancy

DEAN So, no word from Cas, Kevin's taking his sweet little time, and you're acting cagey. We need a lead before I start climbing these walls.

scraping at the bottom of my brainpan to remember when we last saw cas and if we're reconciled or still mad

you're lookin extra pretty today, padalecki. i like the shorter side bang action

bird ate the liver ha ha so it is indeed gonna be a thing, okay

SAM Could be looking for a witch, yeah. You know what? He's parked here. He's safe. Maybe we should just get another room until we can figure this out. DEAN All right, but you're the one going full-cavity for the hex bag.

excuse me what

SAM Well, that's not – never mind. Um…We need to think. Dean, what do we know of that has Jason Bourne fighting skills, dies a lot, and has a history with violent women? DEAN I don't know – you?

all right that was pretty great. i'll take it!

before dean answered my thoughts were the old guard

first one because it's a pretty shot. second and third, dean with the death glare at the family

DEAN Okay, so who is this guy? SAM Best I can tell? Prometheus.

LOL okay. so *literally* prometheus

SAM I'm guessing Artemis, Zeus' daughter. She's been known to carry around weapons like that dagger. They're nasty. They'll kill Immortals dead.

need to add that one to the collection. this is silly

DEAN Wait. I'm sorry. You just discovered that you have a seven-year-old son, and you want to walk away?

jealous/projecting much

okay so i thought i knew her voice, she was in the replacements! big soft spot for football and football movies and this one doesn't age well (replacement players aka our heroes are scabs) however if you take that aspect away, it's sweet and funny and there was a line by gene hackman in it that was such a good visual for my perpetual anxiety

Jimmy McGinty: Like a duck on the pond. On the surface everything looks calm, but beneath the water those little feet are churning a mile a minute.

the replacements (2000) brooke langton as annabelle farrell

now i have soft feelings for this rando lady because of it lol

i really think being a fan of teen wolf was good preparation for these later seasons of supernatural. plot that makes me roll my eyes regularly, no problem. it's no ~75 year old computer behind a wall in someone's fancy lake house being the only thing keeping a hit list of supernatural creatures active

handy they had a magic trap for a god.

*nodding sagely* yes, longbow of diana, of course

SAM You know… I'm starting to think maybe I was being naive. DEAN What are you talking about? SAM When I said that I could just will myself into coming out of these trials unscathed. DEAN No, no, no. Stop with the sullen emo crap, all right? That's – you're not gonna die like Prometheus. SAM How do you know, Dean? Bobby, Rufus, now Prometheus – you think any of them chose death? No. The life chose for them. DEAN Yeah, well, you promised, okay? You promised to live a long, Clark Griswold life full of prostate exams and colonoscopies, all right? You're not welshing on that deal, not on my watch. If you die, it's gonna be because of something normal.

i don't understand the leap of logic to dying like prometheus but okay we're talking, that's always good. now would also be the time to say hey by the way i'm coughing up/spitting up blood

also dean, why don't you have to promise to live a long life (oh right because you won't)

DEAN Cas, you got your ears on? Listen, you know I am not one for praying, 'cause in my book it's... it's the same as begging. But this is about Sam, so I need you to hear me. We are going into this deal blind... and I don't know what's ahead or what it's gonna bring for Sam. Now, he's covering pretty good, but I know that he is hurting, and this one was supposed to be on me. So, for all that we've been through, I'm asking you... you keep a lookout for my little brother, okay? Where the hell are you, man?

💔okay so i'm glad dean is aware that sam's hiding that he's in pain/sick/whatever and just isn't pushing him on it. pullin out the little brother again so soon

(insert joke about dean begging here)

something about this mushy music has me feeling twilight or hunger games and i'm not sure which. ugh. bella's lullaby / rue's music (but that doesn't even have piano but it does have that plucked acoustic guitar like day before yesterday's s8e14 princess bride-esque music)

fucking fine, i listened to this again and the music is making me twitchy. why is it ringing this bell??? it's the little melody at the end around 30 seconds left. is it a theme used elsewhere in this show? is it just too similar to something else i'm thinking of? motherFUCKER. the score on this show is generally is such a nothingburger that it's in one ear and out the other for me.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 8x16 #andrew loflin #the replacements #spnhiky #hiky #brooke langton #spn musical score #spn mushy music

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fakeloveaskblog · 2 years ago

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(Hi, me again. Hats off to you Lukas for your incredible writing skills. I felt so happy for Remus when he was getting excited about T.)

Okay then, London it is! Let me know when you’re ready and we’ll be off.

Glow Eyes

(Aww thanks mdude C:)

After all of them had slept over at Remus' place Logan had been designated as head breakfast chef while Janus sat on a chair and handed him utensils every now and again. Remy was busy putting up post it notes reminding them and Remus to take their hormones every day next to the post it notes reminding them to take their meds. They had a giddy smile on their lips the entire time they were doing it.

Right when Logan was finishing an omelette Remus tried to casually walk into the room as if he didn't look like he'd put immense effort into looking as cool as possible.

"Oh girl you going to audition to be a reject emo band member" Remy asked sarcastically.

"Quite impressive how you have managed to own so many clothes with different clashing shades of green" Janus snarked in.

Remy leant closer to their friend and jokingly sniffed as loudly as possible next to his hair "Is that the smell left from a fucking curling iron? You already got the hair of jesus if he just kept being jewish. Girlie you aint gotta curl it more"

"Maybe I just wanted to feel a bit extra pretty" He pouted while crossing his arms.

Logan sat down by the table and said "Ah yes the classic burst of confidence after starting hormones"

"Truuuue girl. I have ben like tooots feeling my oats today"

Janus placed their hand next to Remus to whisper "You do look genuinely good by the way. We're just joking"

"I know"

After Remy had finished half a meal they pretended to gag a little "Starting to feel a bit nauseous. Is it like okay if I take he rest of the zanny to keep the withdrawl away?"

"The rest of the one you took yesterday?" Janus replied.

"Yeah"

"Just tell someone if you start feeling lightheaded"

"'Course"

Remy left the table and Remus waited a few minutes before excusing himself. He knocked lightly on the bathroom door and the door opened for him to see his friend rinse the remains of the zanny from the sink.

"Sooo" Remus leant against the doorframe to try and look suave "Since Jannie and Log is going on a day trip I was just wondering if you also wanted to do something today?"

"As long as it doesn't involve mud wrestling I'm like in" Remy replied with a smile.

"Cool. Cool" He blushed lightly "There's this art exhibition I've been wanting to check out if you wanna come along"

"Wouldn't wanna miss out on hearing my best girlie talk about some art shit I got no idea about" They jokingly cupped his cheeks before bopping his nose which made him giggle.

When they got back to the table Logan and Janus were practicing their british accents to each other while Lo was braiding his partner's locs into a braid. Jan's was surprisingly good only because they were doing their best impression of a posh british villain. Logan had somehow got so turned around he sounded italian if anything.

Janus put their favorite beanie on to finish of their look and Logan kissed them on the tip of their nose to make them smile.

"Hello ghost? We are ready to go to London"

"Let's hope that London is ready for US! Muhahahah!"

(You can write a cool teleportation description if you got any idea for how the ghosts do that. otherwise you can just make the remus remy date start C:)

#glow eyes #thanks for thw ask #sanders sides

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beloveddawn-blog · 2 years ago

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I sighed heavily, ran my hand through my hair, then ran *both* hands down my face, just to make sure my meanings was understood. "Look, dude, I have had A Day and I just really, *really* want a chai latte. Can we just... Let it go and I can get a drink?"

He eyed me suspiciously, and I could hear the group of teenagers behind me immediately start whispering to their phones about a 'bully finally getting his comeuppance'. I can't entirely blame them, both him and I look like walking stereotypes, him even moreso now that he had an eyebrow peircing and long, sideswept bangs. He looks everything like a former emo band kid and NOTHING like a maurading black sorcerer who summoned ancient evils to wreak havoc on unsuspecting kingdoms.

(Four FUCKING times, thankyouverymuch!)

He looked over my shoulder at them, then back to me with some of his old cruelty in his eyes. "Say you're sorry for Epaphra." He cooed, clearly basking in the attention.

That hurt. Even knowing it was meant to, I couldn't help the slight flinch. Despite that I felt a fire flare in me that I'd thought had been thoroughly doused in the waters of sheer *age*... But it seemed I still couldn't let him win. Couldn't just walk away.

Years ago I'd have leapt over the counter and throttled him where he stood for daring to speak her name, but in this new world that would be even worse.

"I'm sorry about Eprapha." I replied, my voice breaking on her name. I felt my eyes well up, but was able to reign myself in enough to not actually cry.

He blinked at me, clearly caught truly off guard for the first time since I severed the Bering Land Bridge so long ago. He turned to the young lady next to him in the shops apron and said, "A chai latte for..." He trailed off then, looking at me expectantly.

"Morris." I replied as I almost collapsed against the counter. "I shortened it long ago."

He nodded and turned back to the girl. "For Morris. And make it an extra large."

"Thank you." I gasped, almost giddy with relief. I had my card in my hand but he waved me off.

"Sit down before you fall down." He snipped, turning his nose up and dismissing me.

'He's cute when he sulks.' I found myself thinking, then blinked. Though I wasn't unfamiliar with the *concept* of him being attractive, he used to used seduction all the time as a manipulation tactic, I'd never previously considered it in relation to *me*. Usually when I saw him he was laughing maniacally and covered in blood, neither of which are things I'm into. Dazed, I wandered off to do as he'd said.

I was expecting to hear the purple-haired girl call my name, but instead some ripped black jeans walked into my line of sight and a cup was unceremoniously thrust under my nose. "Here." He snipped before pulling out the chair across from me and throwing himself down. He had his own drink in hand, and promptly pulled out and started fiddling with a phone. I started at him bemusedly. His eyes occasionally flicked up to mine before snapping back down to his screen. Eventually I noticed the faint blush rising on his cheeks every time this happened.

It was cute.

"Thanks, Tethra. I really appreciate it." I replied, chuckling as his face went pink and his shoulders hunched. I picked up my drink and took a slow sip, savouring the flavour and the memories it brought back. Nothing else ever worked to soothe like this did.

"Why chai?" He asked, breaking the silence but still not looking up.

"It reminds me of my time in India." I admitted, knowing the knowledge held no power anymore. "I lived there for... A time, years ago. Back when they thought I was albino, not caucasian. I travelled from village to village, protecting people from predators and administering medicine to the ill. It was where I learned to meditate, and where I calmed my temper. Usually I make it myself, as I find the process soothing, but today I just really needed a sudden slice of calm."

His shoulders hunched even closer. "And then I brought up Eprapha." He replied, contrition seeping into his voice. "I'm sorry, Morrigu. I won't lie and say I didn't mean it, but I truly didn't think it through when I mentioned her. I haven't seen you since Antioch, and I guess habit just got the better of me."

"She was pregnant, did you know? She had her own mystic powers, and we hoped -*I* hoped- she would be able to carry to term." I replied, rather than addressing his apology.

"And then I exploded a mountain on her." He continued, voice wretched.

"And then you exploded a mountain on her." I agreed, my mind playing back that frantic last day, where everyone was trying to get beyond the range of Vesuvius before it blew. I had climbed the mountain, searching for my foe and hoping to stop the destruction, and my beloved Eprapha... "She organized a fairly large evacuation of the poorer sections, but miscarried due to the stress and bled out. The caravans she commandeered and led left her behind as she lay there."

"I am *so sorry* Morrigu. I never... Well, I never counted the bodies I left behind, just gloried that they weren't mine. If I'd known at the time I'd probably have been worse, but ... It's been a long time since then."

My eyebrows rose in surprise. Tethra had never shown any hint of remorse before in the long millenia I'd known him... But also he was correct that we have been living for a very long time. My priorities had also shifted. Perhaps this was true for him as well.

What *happened* to you?" I asked, needing to know the cause of his change of heart. He went bright pink, then sighed and dropped his face into one palm.

"This is so embarrassing." He muttered, then raised his head to face me straight on.

Tethra was many thing, but a coward had never been one of them.

"Okay, so, due to a hilarious and involved series of cultural misunderstandings I... Set a despotic shogun on fire for disrespect and accidentally became the guardian kami of an isolated prefecture in Japan. And they REALLY loved me and it was REALLY... Nice. They still obeyed and worshipped me, but they did it with smiles and glad hearts. And at first it freaked me out so I ritualistically sacrificed the town's hero to scare them all back into proper terror. Buuuuuut it turned out that not only was he abusing his wife and kids, he was raping his wife's young sister who lived with them. While harping on how generous he was for keeping such a morally lacking young slut around. She cried tears of joy when I killed him, and named her baby after me. Kōki, for light, hope, and good luck. And then I couldn't just *leave*, he needed me! So... I stayed. And they worshiped me. And they *loved* me. And it was nice. I'd grown out of wanting world dominion, and I couldn't destroy a world with Kōki in it, so I just stayed. For... I don't even know, centuries? Then Shiroyama happened and I just.... Couldn't stay." He fell silent then, lost in his green tea and memories.

"Couldn't stand the final fall of feudalism?" I sniped, unable to help myself. He looked at me strangely, clearly wondering what was going on in my head.

"No? I cared about industrialization, not feudalism. It's a stupid governmental system. I understand why it developed all over the world, but I have no loyalty to it."

"Not even when it paved the way for your rise to power?" I asked, needing to know...

He laughed then, so long and loud it caught everyone's attention. Suddenly I was the one blushing, and he was wiping tears from his eyes. "What exactly do you think my Tragic Backstory™ is, you total dunderhead?"

I frowned at him, not sure where this was going. "You rode in with kings, alike in all ways. You spoke like them and sported like them and fell to their depravities. Your hands were always as soft as any noble. It was clear to all what class you were born into."

He was laughing again. "Yeah, no." He replied, smirking at me and taking a sip of his tea. "Though I'm glad to know I had you all fooled. I was a prostitute's bastard child, and was sold into slavery before my fifth year. I was passed around from house to house, my temper and wit always making me unwelcome, before I was bought by a noble with plans to sacrifice me to a demon. Which he did, don't get me wrong, but it turns out I had more rage and hatred packed into my small frame than his entire coven had greed. So the demon offered me a deal: he would give me the power to wreak my revenge on all who opposed me, and I would be the mortal instrument of his sadistic will." He took another sip of his tea. "It was actually a mutually beneficial arrangement, for as long as it lasted. By the time our pact was broken, however, I was powerful and cruel in my own right, so I just carried on."

"What broke it?" I asked, fascinated despite myself. He raised his eyebrow at me, making a face like I was stupid.

It was a face I had seen a lot.

"You did." He explained to me slowly, as if I needed the extra time to understand. "You drowned him. Him, the whole middle east, most of the rest of Asia. You remember? That dude with the boat and the zoo."

"Noah." I supplied, smiling myself. He'd been a gullible sort, and had truly believed me an angel of his God. He had *listened*, though, and at the time I hadn't had the breathing room to worry about accuracy. Or blasphemy. I was rapidly running out of both time and options, and him saving his family and his animals had soothed me somewhat.

I thought back to all the calamities we had created, all the pain and hurt I had caused in the name of the needs of the many, and that he had strewn about casually and with glee. Unable to help myself, I asked, "What do you regret the most?"

"Immortality." He replied, quick and decisive. "At the time I thought it would be grand to live forever and never know fear again, but instead I sit here, exhausted down to my very molecules, still able to remember the face of the man who pinned me to the alter and raised his knife. It's been long enough that his whole civilization has been forgotten, but because of one impulsive demand at twenty /he/ never will be."

I sighed, knowing exactly what he meant. "I hear you. I'm pretty sure the goddess who 'blessed' me," I stressed the air quotes, rolling my eyes, "Expected my boon to be to stay by her side forever. But I was also young and stupid and there were pretty girls everywhere. I asked to be able to defend my people for all time, instead. A noble cause, but exhausting. And the bloodline has spread so far that basically everyone is 'my people'. I can't escape it."

"So what do you do?" He asked, eyes shining with a sympathy no other person could offer, for no other person could truly comprehend.

"Oh, I'm a firefighter." I replied lightly. "I'm immortal, so burning buildings are fairly whatever, you know? And it's a physically demanding career, so every few decades I 'move back home' for 'health reasons', then quietly 'get sick' and 'die'. I actually move to the mountains for a few years to live in isolation and just *breathe*, then I pick a new town and do it all over again."

He smiled at me then, something softer than I'd ever seen from him before. "That's very you." He said, and it was the first time that sentiment from him had ever sounded like a blessing.

You’re immortal, and have passed the ‘hero’ phase centuries ago. You enter a small coffee shop one day to find that it’s owned by your millennia-old arch-nemesis. You really, really just want a chai latte though.

#natural disasters as implements of conflict #incorrect history #incorrect religion #look i mostly tried to be as respectful as the first two google hits would make me but thats not saying much #except the Noah thing #that one is just straight riffing on Christianity #i have no regrets #enemies to friends to lovers #slow burn #this is all you're getting of it because my computer's on the fritz #i typed this all on my phone #that i do regret #so one regret #my writing

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fledglingmaster · 5 months ago

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This heat has me rambling.

Although today is slightly cooler than yesterday, the heat is still very hard on the heart. The arrythmia is making it difficult to do anything. "Oh yes, I'm fine," I say face down on the floor. "Just missed a few beats and everything started fading out." Or I start choking because I got a few random extra beats and now I can't breathe. I'm exhausted from just being alive. (I did have half of a red bull the other night too I'm still recovering from. Someone ordered it for me and I couldn't say no. I normally avoid caffeine because of my heart. "I can't drink this." "Drink it!" "Okay." I don't fall to peer pressure, but sometimes I'm too polite for my own good.)

My cousin sent me a photo she took of us before emo night. How I remembered the pic, it was one of those I'd rather not see again. I don't like being in photos these days. I actively hide from cameras. I've had multiple people tell me how shocked they were that I was able to duck out of every photo for events. I'm hyperaware of cameras and phones and how in this culture everyone wants to take pics and videos. A bit ironic, Bleu loves being in photos...the vampire...he thrived in the myspace selfie days. He's a little stuck on himself. Not that he doesn't care about others, but he's very self-aware.

Anyway, as much as I hate being in photos, if someone asks to take a pic I will. I can ignore my discomfort for them. They want something to memorize that day or event. They don't care about how everyone looks. They want to remember the person. For them to be present. Denying someone that would be selfish. I've heard so many people say how they wish they had more photos with a person that has died. Moms saying they wish other people took pics of them WITH their kids and not just the mom taking them herself of the kid. Life is unpredictable and anything can happen at any point. So, if you're like me and avoid cameras. It's okay to do so, but perhaps break that rule every once and a while? Your loved ones will appreciate it. 💙 As someone who has lost many...photos help. They really do.

Now that we've sidetracked, back to the actual photo. (The thought train derails at times.) I'm shocked at how good it is! I mean there's only so much that can be done about my face without plastic surgery...but I don't look terrible. I also find myself looking at it and going, "that's me!" Instead of, "who's that?" I did lose some weight, but I have more to go. I think some of my more masculine features are standing out as I age. Also, I was happy, and I think that shows a lot. Not dead behind the eyes. If I wasn't concerned about staying slightly anonymous, I would post it. At some point I must have had a growth moment. All these years I've dreaded turning 30 and my 30's have been healing me. I really needed this. I was feeling horrible about my appearance recently.

#personal

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silentexplosive-diary · 9 months ago

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2/3

So my ex best friend came into my coffee shop today, so let's talk about her bitch ass :)

Not gonna use any names cos I'm not messy like that, but I am messy enough to talk shit about it.

So, me and this girl met back in sixth grade, so when we were about 11. I thought she was super weird because she had weird fashion (in my opinion) and hung out with the rest of the weird kids. And don't get me wrong, I was a weird kid too. I was just a different genre of weird. She was emo band obsessed weird, I was obsessed with Twilight weird. Somehow our weirds did not mix, I don't know why.

It wasn't until we were freshmen in high school that we met again in a class we shared, and we formed a friend group in that class, and eventually me and her just paired off together.

Our friendship lasted all through out high school, even when I dropped out at the end of junior year due to mental health complications. She was my only friend for a few years after that, the only person who bothered to stay in touch with me. She was there for me when I was hospitalized at 20 and came to visit me every day, if not multiple times a day. I even talked about marrying her at some point as like a platonic life partner or something because we were that close.

Then I got into an abusive relationship with someone when I was 22. They were 26 and used me to cheat on their girlfriend, and eventually just ended up dragging me along and cheated on me. It was a whole mess, and my best friend had my back all through it, even when I wouldn't listen to her and take her advice because I thought I was in love. I wasn't. I apologized multiple times over to her and thanked her for sticking with me throughout it all. She forgave me, always.

But then came my autism diagnosis. To make a very long story short, I was diagnosed as a kid, my mom hid it from me, I started connecting the dots at 22, and my mom and therapist confirmed it for me, leaving me feeling like a whole part of my identity was just hidden from me and also feeling very alone and like everyone knew something about me that I didn't know.

She, my ex best friend, did not help with this in the slightest. At this point, I'd been a barista for about 8 or 9 years, and coffee is very clearly a special interest of mine. She was suddenly always talking about me getting a "big girl" job and leaving the industry. She herself got a "big girl" job right out of college, and it's just a glorified desk job in my opinion. I personally hated it, just the idea of it, but she was excited about it, so I was happy for her. I knew she worked her ass off through high school and college to achieve this, so I always shared in her excitement. I was confused as to why she couldn't share my excitement about my job whenever I got a promotion to shift leader or manager, or even when I came up with a new drink to go on the menu, or even just learn a new skill to apply? I didn't, and still don't, see how it's so different.

Then it slowly started making sense to me. She looked down at my job and just thought hers was naturally "better" because she had to get a college degree to achieve hers. She didn't see my job as a "real job." She just straight up doesn't think service industry people are people, and she made it extra clear that that's what she thought when she would visit me at my job and how she would treat my coworkers. I was always apologizing to them after she left for her behavior, sickening as it was, and I started to question why I was still friends with her.

Then one day, me, her, and another friend went on a day-long shopping spree, and after we dropped the friend back at her house, I admitted that I was pretty overstimulated and tired. Immediately came things like "Oh, we can talk really quietly and you can play your music and we can just get you home so you can rest, I totally understand, just let me know if you need anything." Which at the time I thought was super kind and understanding of her.

But then, if I would say something that was socially inappropriate, as I kind of am known to do, as is a classic symptom of autism, she would turn vicious against me. Then would come comments of "That's sick of you, you're a monster, you're an abomination for saying that, you're so horrible." I have clear memories of her saying these things to me. Even after I would tell her that I don't realize when I've said something inappropriate, but I do realize I can make mistakes. The most she needs to do is just correct me, not berate me. But she never did. I would be called names, shouted at for a bit, and then would not hear from her for days or weeks at a time.

Eventually, she was the one that suggest we "take a break" from our friendship. That was about two years ago now, and yet she still comes to the coffee shop she knows I work at and just ignores me as I make her drinks. I've given up on leaving as soon as I see her walk in to go hide in the back. Doesn't stop her at all and nothing will. As much as I want to ban her, I have no actual reason to other than she's a person who crossed me. And she knows full and damn well that I am not a forgive and forget kind of person. I hold onto my grudges forever. There has yet to be a grudge that I've let go of. Once you've wronged me and not apologized for it, I remember that shit forever.

So, yeah. Moral of the story, if you go to a place where you know someone that works there that you don't get along with is there, just don't go there. Find somewhere else. We're all villains in someone else's story. You're just making their day worse.

My day before that was waking up at 3am in pain and then missing my alarm to get up and get to work, and then a rush that lasted about 3 hours. So I really didn't need this sudden appearance from a past cast member of my life. But whatever. Shit's over now.

Partner is coming over later tonight. Still mad I can't get railed lol. Would improve my mood greatly. Sigh.

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#dear diary #diary #diary entry #journal #journaling #writing #digital diary #tumblr diary #autism #ex best friend #storytime

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