#spn mushy music

[imagineteamfreewill]

Spilt Soda Secrets

Title: Spilt Soda Secrets

Pairing: Personal Trainer!Dean x Reader

Word Count: 3,686

Warnings: Some low self-esteem moments and a few curse words, mostly fluff

Square Filled: Personal Trainer!Dean

Summary: The reader gets invited to a barbecue by her trainer, Dean.

A/N: This is a submission for the 2021-2022 SPN AU Bingo (@spnaubingo​). Thanks for reading and supporting me! Dividers by @firefly-graphics​.

You sat back in your seat, your hand still on the gearshift, and wondered if you should even bother turning off your car. Wouldn’t it be smarter to just go home? You’d probably misjudged Dean’s invitation anyway. The street was already packed with cars—he wouldn’t even notice that you didn’t come. Then again, you’d spent hours pouring over Pinterest, trying to find the perfect healthy recipe for the barbecue. Dean had said he’d take care of the food, but you didn’t want to be a bad guest, so you’d stressed yourself out for days over what to bring.

A knock on the window made you jump and Dean gave you a sheepish smile. “Sorry! You coming in?” he asked, his voice muffled by the glass and the music coming from behind the house.

Reluctantly, you nodded and hoped your nerves weren’t as obvious as you thought they were. You gathered up the bowl from the passenger seat and grabbed your phone, then carefully opened up the driver’s side door. Dean grabbed the handle from the outside and held it open for you.

“Thanks,” you said. Maybe if you didn’t talk a lot, he wouldn’t notice how nervous and out-of-place you felt.

Dean shrugged and closed the car door with one hand. He held a bag of ice with the other and he gestured towards the only house on the street that was teeming with people. Two stories tall with a double garage, it was clear that Dean’s business was doing just as well as it seemed to be. Even from across the street you could hear the music coming from the speakers and the dull roar of laughter and conversation.

“No problem. I just ran out to get ice and saw you sitting there. Thought we could walk in together,” he replied. “Safety in numbers and all that.”

You nodded and followed him across the street and onto the sidewalk, then up the driveway and around the side of the house. The gate stood open for you and Dean as you stepped onto the grass and made your way to the deck. A tall man with brown hair stood at the grill, looking down at the meat with a frown.

“You better not have messed up the burgers, Sammy!” Dean shouted over the music, and you jumped a little at the volume. Dean had a loud voice, but you’d never heard him truly shout, not even when he was pushing you to work harder at the gym.

The man at the grill turned and set the metal spatula down, looking surprisingly grateful for someone who’d just been yelled at. His face was pink with heat from the grill and the sun, but his smile held a different kind of warmth. Just looking at him made you feel just a little bit more at ease.

“I didn’t even touch them! I think they’re done, though. Who’s your friend?” he shouted back.

Dean didn’t even look back at you as he weaved through the crowd of people, leading you up the deck steps. “This is Y/N. She’s one of my clients.”

You forced a polite smile and tucked your phone underneath your arm so you could hold out a hand to shake, even as the other man briefly raised an eyebrow at Dean. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” you said.

“Nice to meet you too. I’m Sam, Dean’s brother,” he said. His grip on your hand was tight and his hand squished yours a little. Your smile started to crumble under the pressure when you finally pulled away. Sam and Dean exchanged a look and you shifted uncomfortably, moving to hold the bowl with both hands.

“Um, I brought a salad? It should probably go in the shade somewhere so the vegetables don’t get warm and mushy…” You glanced around the big backyard, looking for a food table somewhere. People crowded almost every inch of the grass, gathering around tables and lounging in camp chairs. A small group of kids splashed around in the pool while a smattering of teens sat on the edge with their feet in the water. That left the deck mostly free, but there was no food in sight. The only food-related items you could see were the long line of coolers pushed against the railing on the far side of the deck, each one labeled with a piece of duct tape to say what was inside.

That seemed to snap Dean out of the silent conversation he’d been having with his brother. Smiling, he put one hand on your elbow and guided you towards the sliding glass doors that led into the house.

“Side dishes are on the table inside, Y/N. Go find a space for the salad, I’ll come find you and try some after I’ve taken care of the ice and the burgers, okay?”

You nodded and walked inside without him, quietly approaching the table. The table was already laden with salads, trays of fruits and veggies, and packages of desserts, even though you’d arrived only a half hour after the start time Dean had given you. You hadn’t wanted to seem too eager.

A few women loitered around the kitchen area and one of them quickly caught your eye. She smiled warmly and set her drink down on the counter before crossing the room to greet you.

“Hi, I’m Charlie. You must be Y/N?” Surprised, you nodded. Your confusion must have been clear because her smile broadened and she laughed as she cleared a spot on the table for your bowl. “Dean and I throw this party every year, so I know everyone who’s invited. You’re the only person on the guest list I didn’t know already.”

“Oh. I hope it’s okay that I’m here…” You set the bowl down, a little unsure.

Charlie nodded enthusiastically and grabbed a plastic cup from the stack, then scribbled your name on the side with a nearby Sharpie. “Of course! Any friend of Dean’s is a friend of mine. He was really excited when you told him you’d come. Here,” she held the cup out for you and you took it, smiling hesitantly. “Get yourself something to drink and I can introduce you to a few people while Dean finishes up the burgers. No pressure, okay? Everyone here’s really nice. We weeded out the bad ones years ago.”

You let her point you towards the drinks spread out on the counter and you kept your head down low. Charlie seemed nice. Maybe by the end of the afternoon you wouldn’t feel so out-of-place. Clearly, everyone here knew each other, which meant you were the odd one out.

A frisbee hit the kitchen window off to your right and you were so lost in your worries that you jumped, dropping your cup. It hit the counter and then dropped to the floor, spilling soda all over you, the cabinets, and the tile. The women standing in the kitchen exclaimed, and in seconds you were being hustled into the bathroom with a towel while they mopped up the sticky mess. 

Hesitantly, you closed the bathroom door and glanced around. The bathroom was small, with only a sink and a toilet, but it was practically pristine. Either Dean had a maid or his neat-freak tendencies didn’t just apply to his gym equipment. After a brief look around, you turned and stared at yourself in the mirror. You didn’t look rattled, which was a miracle in and of itself, but you definitely felt it. Your shirt was drenched down the front and it was already sticking to your skin. With a frown, you tried to dab the liquid out with the towel, but it was to no avail. The shirt you’d specifically picked out for the barbecue was definitely ruined, at least until you could get home and wash it. Until then, you’d just have to go around with a sticky, stained shirt and let everyone wonder how you could be such a klutz.

A knock on the bathroom door made you pause your cleanup and you opened it after a beat, even though the bathroom was small enough that you were standing right beside it. You didn’t want to seem too eager or on edge after what happened. People needed to think you were composed and poised, not crazy and stressed.

Dean stood in the hallway with another towel and something black clutched in his hand. He looked you up and down, his eyes lingering over the stain on your shirt.

“Are you okay?” he asked, finally meeting your eyes.

You nodded and forced a smile, grabbing the towel from where you’d draped it over the lip of the sink. You made sure to hold it in front of the damp part of your shirt. “Yep, I’m fine. I was just coming to get some burgers. I’m assuming they’re done?”

Dean nodded and held out a hand to stop you when you turned off the bathroom light and moved towards the hallway. “Charlie told me that one of the sodas exploded all over your shirt. I didn’t want you feeling uncomfortable, so I grabbed an extra shirt of mine if you want it. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.” He hurried the last part out as if he was the one who should be embarrassed about the situation, not you. “I just thought I’d offer. It’ll fit you.”

Carefully avoiding his gaze, you took the second towel and the black thing—a t-shirt no doubt identical to the ones you’d seen him wear before and after he changed into his workout gear. You rubbed the fabric between your fingers, silently marveling at its softness and suppressing the urge to lift it to your nose for a sniff. It didn’t slip past you that Charlie had lied to save you from embarrassment. You’d have to thank her before you made your great escape.

“Thanks,” you murmured, finally glancing up at him with a smile slightly less forced than before. “I appreciate it. I’ll… I’ll get changed and meet you by the grill?”

Dean’s smile appeared, wide and radiant, and you felt your stomach flutter when he nodded and stepped back from the bathroom doorway. He lingered, holding your gaze until you finally looked away to shut the door, and he only started to leave when the door was almost closed. You stood in front of the sink in silence, listening to his footsteps fade as he headed back out onto the deck.

It took you a minute to process that Dean Winchester, your trainer and a regular in your daydreams, had just loaned you a shirt. You checked yourself over in the mirror again just to be sure that you hadn’t slipped in the soda and hit your head on the countertop. This was something out of one of your little fantasies. It couldn’t be real life.

Charlie’s voice outside the bathroom door startled you into action and you quickly ripped your shirt off and pulled Dean’s over your head. You only took a moment to revel in the lingering scent of his cologne mixed with laundry detergent before yanking the door open.

“Oh! I was just coming to see if you were okay,” Charlie said, dropping her hand back down to her side. “I almost just hit you in the face, sorry.”

You shook your head and smiled a little. “It’s okay.” You gathered up your shirt and the two damp towels. “Um, where should I put these?”

“I’ll take them.” Charlie had them out of your hands before you could protest. “You should go get something to eat.”

“I’m gonna take my shirt out to my car first. I don’t really want to carry it around,” you told her, laughing a little. She must’ve picked up on your nerves because Charlie gave you a warm smile and nodded, then led you back down the hallway to the kitchen. Just before you reached the end of the hall, you spoke up.

“Charlie?”

She hummed and looked back at you, stopping when she saw that you’d stopped. “Yeah?”

“You told Dean that the soda exploded, not that I spilled.”

Charlie nodded, a knowing look in her eye. “The room was pretty busy. It would be easy to miss a new bottle being put out from the fridge. Whoever took it out must’ve dropped it and gotten it all shaken up before you went to open it.”

“Thank you.”

She shrugged and her smile returned, and then she turned forward and began walking again. You parted ways when she went to join the other women talking by the sink.

Trying to be as subtle as possible, you slipped out the sliding door onto the deck and headed for the gate. You had made it to the edge of the house when Dean called out your name.

“Y/N! Hey, where are you going?” He jogged up behind you, stepping just slightly in your way so that you had to stop.

You crumpled the shirt in your hands a little more, frowning. “Just… taking my shirt out to my car,” you said.

Relief flooded his features, but it disappeared so quickly that you must’ve imagined it. “Good. I’d hate for you to leave before you got something to eat. Do you want me to save you a burger?” he asked.

You glanced over your shoulder. The crowd around the grill had grown exponentially since you’d passed on your way out of the house and after a moment, you nodded slightly.

Dean smiled, then stepped out of the way. “One burger, coming right up.”

You smiled back, a little nervous under his attention, and watched as he backed away and headed back in the direction of the house. As he turned the corner, you dashed to your car to drop off the shirt.

Your heart was pounding in your chest for more than one reason and you paused for a second after unceremoniously dumping the shirt on the passenger seat. Every part of you was screaming at you to take a chance and ask Dean out like you’d been wanting to ever since you’d laid eyes on him. He was single-handedly the kindest, most attractive man you’d ever met. You’d been working with him for several months now and not once had you felt unwelcome or unsafe in his gym and in his presence. He never made you feel bad about your body, even when you’d regressed or plateaued on the way to the goals he’d helped you set.

But Dean was the kind of guy that dated supermodels or fitness influencers. You’d stalked him on Instagram before going to his gym for the first time; his profile was littered with pictures of him and his skinny, toned, perfect friends working out and hanging out.

You were normal. You did your best to stay in shape and it was paying off—one by one you were checking your goals off the list—but Dean clearly considered you nothing more than a friend. After all, friends got invited to annual barbecues. Love interests got asked out on dates.

Once your heart had calmed a bit, you made your way back to the backyard. Dean was waiting for you just outside the sliding doors. He smiled wide when you turned the corner of the house and started up the steps to the deck.

“You’re lucky,” he said once you were within earshot. “I managed to get you the last one.”

You took the paper plate, frowning a little. “What are you going to eat if this is the last one?”

His smile dimmed at your lack of enthusiasm and he glanced through the open door. “There’s plenty of food. I can have some of the salad you brought. It looked good.”

“You don’t have to do that, Dean,” you mumbled, looking down at the burger. Even in the summer heat, you could feel the warmth from the food. Dean had even gotten you a bun, and he’d balanced a slice of plastic-wrapped cheese on the side of the plate. You had a vague memory of him on the treadmill beside yours, saying something about eating the processed cheese as a kid and how much he still liked eating it now.

Dean looked back at you, then placed a hand on your arm and guided you towards the edge of the deck, away from the other guests. You refused to make eye contact.

“Is everything okay? Did I say or do something to upset you? Did someone else?” he asked.

Slowly, you shook your head and took a deep breath. You forced a smile and lifted your face, hoping it looked genuine. “Sorry. No, everything’s fine. I probably just need to eat, that’s all.”

He searched your face for a second. The false happiness you’d pasted on quickly withered under his inspection and your smile faltered. There was a reason that people flocked to Dean’s business. Not only was he good at getting people in shape and then helping them stay there, but he was good with people. He could tell when something was bugging you, when you had great news that you were bursting to share, and when you needed a minute to collect yourself. 

“Bullshit,” he huffed, and you looked down at your sandals again. “Y/N, if something happened, please let me know. I’ll— I’ll give you some space or try and talk to whoever it was that upset you. I want you to have a good time. It’s important to me and you deserve to have a good time, too.”

“Why does it matter so much if I have a good time?” you asked after a second. His confusion was clear even in his silence and you continued, “I’m just a client. Everyone else here is a friend or a family member. I can see why you’d care so much about them having fun and getting food, but me? I just… I don’t get it, Dean. It doesn’t make sense. It’s not like I’m paying you for this. This isn’t part of the gym contract.”

Dean’s expression softened and he signed, looking around the deck. The crowd had cleared out a little as people finished getting food and drinks. They’d scattered around the rest of the yard, gathering back around tables and setting their plates down in favor of playing the games that had been set up. The pool was empty, though the teens on the edge stayed put, now with sodas and waters in hand.

“Y/N… You’re more to me than just my client. I just… didn’t know how to approach it until now. I’ve never felt this way about one of my clients and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or put you in a vulnerable position. I definitely didn’t want to tell you how I felt while we were at the gym, so I thought maybe if we were someplace else a little more casual…”

Your mouth ran dry and you gawked at him. Dean Winchester had a crush on you? He had feelings for you? You had to be hallucinating. Maybe you’d gotten heat stroke.

“Y/N?”

You blinked. “Um, I’m sorry. You’re— You—” You stumbled over the words, not sure what to say.

Gently, Dean took your elbow and led you closer to the railing, where you lowered yourself onto one of the coolers. The plastic was hot underneath your thighs but you ignored it, focusing on Dean’s worried expression instead.

“If you don’t feel the same way, it’s okay,” he said. He looked down at his hands, jaw clenching. “Just please tell me. I won’t be offended if you find a new trainer, either.”

“Why would I want a new trainer?” you asked, dumbfounded.

He looked back up at you. “What?”

“I mean, I really like you. As a trainer. As a person, too!” you quickly added. “I like you in the same way you like me, I think.”

You watched for a moment after you spoke as Dean stood in silence, and then a slow smile spread across his face. The dam inside of you broke and you smiled back at him.

“Yeah?” he asked.

You nodded, laughing a little. “Yeah.”

“So all this time…?”

“We’ve been trying to hide our feelings from each other?” you finished, and this time it was Dean’s turn to nod. “It sounds like it.”

He laughed and warmth blossomed inside of your chest. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

“What?” You glanced around the backyard. “Why?”

“Because I want to take you out on a date and I honestly don’t think I can wait any longer,” Dean said. He took the paper plate from your hands and set it on top of another cooler, then held out his hand to help you up. You let him help you stand, still grinning.

“But Dean, all your friends are here!”

He shrugged and shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans. How the man was wearing jeans in the heat of summer, you didn’t know, but he pulled it off well.

“They won’t miss me. Sam and Charlie can hold down the fort and if anyone asks, I’ll tell them the truth: that I took my girl out for a date.”

The heat in your chest flooded to your cheeks, and you knew for a fact that it wasn’t the temperature outside that was making you this warm. You tucked your chin down, smiling bashfully.

“Your girl?” you asked. Is this what it felt like to fly? You might as well have been floating; you felt so light and your heart skipped a beat.

“If you want to be.”

Nodding, you linked your arms with Dean, now smiling so wide your cheeks hurt. “Take me on a date, Dean.”

His smile rivaled the sun as he led you back across the deck to his car. You were fairly certain no workout he’d ever assigned you had ever made your heart beat as fast as that damn smile did.

Thank you for reading! <3

If you liked this story, please reblog! That is the best way to share your love for my work and to spread it so that other people can enjoy this story. If you would like to support me further, please consider supporting my writing by donating on Ko-fi, supporting me on Patreon, or commissioning a story of your own!

@mrswhozeewhatsis​ @alexwinchester23​ @shaelyn102​ @lyarr24 @supermoonpanda​ @ultimatecin73​  @musiclovinchic93​ @shamelesslydean​ @mlovesstories​ @ellie-andthemachine​ @karikatz12481​ @amionthetumbler​ @akshi8278​

[estherdedlock]

SPN 4.13 Continued

Just want get this rant off my chest and get on with my day.

This has been a perfect example of my love/hate relationship with this show. Just a few days ago, I was marinating in love, and now I'm like...this fucking show.

Couple of more scenes and then I'll wrap this up.

A blast from the past, Episode 5.16, "Dark Side of the Moon:"

Dean: You ran away on my watch. I looked everywhere for you. I thought you were dead. And when Dad came home... [Dean shakes his head. He can't even finish the sentence.]

Episode 14.12, "Prophet and Loss:"

Dean: Sometimes when I was away...you know it wasn't 'cause I just ran out, right? Dad would send me away when I really pissed him off.

Sam: Man, I left that behind a long time ago. I had to.

This is what I was talking about when I said there's something "darker" about John than just being complex or flawed. His kids were afraid of him. He was abusive -- emotionally and, I think, physically. That's not some wacky headcanon of mine, that's the show telling me so.

In the 5.16 scene above, Dean literally can't even talk about what John did to him when Sam went missing. Does that sound like he just got a stern dressing-down from the old man? I think John got drunk and slapped him around or at least shoved him around, which is no little thing. Even as an adult Dean is smaller than his father...how old was he when this incident happened? How much more would John have loomed over his son when Dean was sixteen or so?

In the 14.12 scene....really, what is this Dickensian bullshit about John sending Dean away? Have we ever heard about this before? Where the hell was he sending him? And with whom? Did he give him any money? Was he somewhere safe? How old was he? And what the fuck did Dean do that "pissed" John off so much he couldn't stand the sight of his son? From the clip, it sure sounds like it happened more than a few times, and every time, it was so damaging that decades later, it's still eating away at Dean, while Sam has all but blocked it out of his memory.

That isn't John being "complex," it's cruelty. And I'm not making that up in my feverish little fangirl imagination: the writers are telling me this. The actors are showing me this. And yet, just a few episodes later, they're playing the plinky-plinky sentimental music and expecting me to get all mushy about John Winchester and his "I'm proud of you, son," crap, as if it erases what sounds like a life of near-constant intimidation and tyrannical mistreatment. That would be awful no matter what but when you're a Dean Girl like me? And you think about John. Fucking. Winchester. laying an angry hand on that boy who worshipped him? Or "sending him away" to who knows where and for who knows what? Nuh-uh. No way.

See, it's coming back to me, why I stopped watching this show eight years ago. It's the whiplash these writers were constantly dealing out. I know there's been a lot of talk about queerbaiting but honestly, the show was always baiting its audience one way or the other, asking us to believe or feel something, and then believe or feel the opposite a week later. I often thought it was just a sort of careless writing, you know...going for the emotion without putting in the work. But I also think there was something a little cynical there. Like they knew they had this incredibly invested audience and so they could freely manipulate them to keep them hanging on to the bitter end (which was bitter indeed, but I'm not up for talking about that yet).

Anyway, I'm closing in on the end of Season 14 so with luck there will be an episode that makes me all goopy again and I'll be here gushing about how much I looooooove Supernatural. Stupid show. Bye.

[fivevotesdown]

got a get to know me tag game tag from @caspersgay!!!! :hyperventilates:

fave ships: i love when there is one grumpy reserved overcompetent one who doesn't like emote that much and then there's a loud annoying one who is so so stupid. so stupid. for example Naruto and Sasuke. or taakitz. i also like when one of them is elegant and graceful and maintains an air of decorum and the other one is sillay or in some way crunchy!!!! Morticia and Gomez Addams. also ginkgo from mushi shi x pretty much anybody fits this

first ship: shassie. sorry

last song: I'm listening to music rn so if that's what counts it's A Horse with No Name. if it's what i listened to last before stopping listening to music for a period of time i think it was Everybody Loves Somebody

currently reading: Nona the Ninth. still. I'm suffering. also Sherlock Holmes and Moby Dick but much slower and more sporadically than everybody else who is reading them in the same manner

last movie: Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio!!! it was really good, and the current season of D20 is stories like Pinocchio and it was a really cool story to see with that in my brain already!!

currently watching: so me and the squad are having superwholock two electric boogaloo rn, we just started SPN last night but I'm also watching this D20 season, new who again, and I'm going to start Sherlock again soon ish. also west wing and ummmmm that might? be it? there's a bunch of stuff I want to see but I'm in a period of reflection rn

consuming: coffee and weed, babey. coffee and weed

currently working on: like 93 wip stories bc i write them ad infinitum in my brain and then never put them on paper :), also I'm going to start another big ambitious painting soon so watch out :skelebop:

I'm not gonna tag anybody cause it gives me anxiety but i love u all and if u wanna do this and SAY i tagged u that is fine goodbye

[thing-you-do-with-that-thing]

Our College Years - Dec 15th

Pairing:​ ​​Jensen​ ​x​ ​Reader AU

Warnings:​ none

Word​ ​Count:​​ 446

A/N:​​ ​This one is part of my College!Jensen one shot/drabble series AU but it can like all the others also be read as a stand alone.

It’s done for @webcricket’s advents challenge and the prompt was affectionate nickname(s).

Fast written and unbetaed. All mistakes are mine.

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

MASTERLIST

You were fast asleep on the couch with your head resting in Jensen’s lap. He was gently and abscently running his fingers through your hair as he watched Krampus with Misha.

The three of you had spent the entire day together, decorating the tree and dancing around the house to Christmas music. You had been happy, laughing and smiling as you cooked dinner with your boys. The two people you loved most in the world were with you, finals were over and you were completely relaxed.

It had been a long day though. Looking at baby things with Jensen in the morning adding to your registry, before Misha had come by in the afternoon. You had been on your feet most of the day so as soon as you sat down to watch the movie you collapsed against Jensen. It wasn’t long before you were laying down and even less time passed after that before you drifted into a deep sleep.

“Looks like Nibs is passed out,” Misha laughed when the end credits started to roll and Jensen looked down at you with a smile, gently stroking your hair away from your face.

“Yeah. She has been for a while,” Jensen answered, giving Misha a nod when he asked Jensen if he wanted to watch something else. It was still early and neither of them had anywhere to be tomorrow morning. You were comfortable and happy where you were and Jensen had no desire to move you.

“Hey Mish. I never think I asked you… Why do you call her that?” Jensen asked curiously, making Misha look up from Netflix with a grin.

“What? Nibs?” he asked and Jensen gave him another nod, causing Misha to shrug. “I’m not really sure when I started it. But it’s like the candy,” Misha explained. “She always looked out for me and Alex when we were growing up even if I am older than her. She once punched a boy twice her size in the nose because he was picking on me,” Misha remembered with a chuckle, and Jensen smiled.

He hadn’t known her then but that was just how he pictured her to have been as a kid. Strong, fierce and standing up for the people she loved. A smaller version of the girl she still was. The girl he had fallen head over heels in love with.

“So I decided she was like the candy. Tough on the outside but mushy soft on the inside,” Misha grinned. “So Nibs. Don’t tell her I told you that by the way or I might be the next one she punches in the face,” Misha grimached playfully making Jensen laugh.   

Jensen Tag Team

@mizzzpink @not-moose-one-shots @emoryhemsworth @sleepylunarwolf @roxyspearing @mysteriously-lost @blacktithe7 @atc74 @mogaruke @fatalcrossbow @mrswhozeewhatsis @mysupernaturalfics @crushing83 @arryn-nyxx @superapplepie @docharleythegeekqueen @walkingkhaleesi @multifandombackpack @ruined-by-destiel @blushingdean @winchasterdean @iamabeautifulperson18 @theoriginalvicki @feelmyroarrrr @hexparker @vvinch3st3r @shamelesslydean @katymacsupernatural @elevenofmages @jensen-gal @mysterious-398 @dustycelt @ericaprice2008 @adriellej @ashleydivine @waywardmoeyy @storytimewithylva @canadianjelly @percywinchester27 @LessonsOfRed @featherleaf12 @percussiongirl2017 @sis-tafics @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester @mayasmedberg @ruprecht0420 @jayankles @torn-and-frayed @its-not-a-tulpa @spn-fan-girl-173 @ryantherandomhero @lupine-princess @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @becs-bunker @sillesworldofwriting @sandlee44 @mariahoedt @akshi8278 @michellethetvaddict @samisimportant @smoothdogsgirl @winchester-writes @amotleyworld @keepcalmandbeajunkie @aubreystilinski @evansrogerskitten @impalaimagining @babyismyspiritanimal @love-kittykat21 @there-must-be-a-lock

OCY Tag Team

@mrswhozeewhatsis @staticweekes @deansgirl215 @valerieshubin @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @anathewierdo @teamfreewill92 @gabriels-trix @ashlyn-98 @bradygabrielle-blog @16wiishes @multifandombackpack @kingkenzieo @daddy-kink-confirmed @mrspadalackles @my—heroine

[mlobsters]

organizing spn hug screenshots as a vague thought about my next project turned into screen recording of said hugs with the vague goal of just gif'ing them all but then. mushy music in 2x21 (i didn't notice the mushy music theme until much later, like... s8??) anyway. figured if it was used there in s2, i wonder if it's around when john dies and sure enough, there it is in the conversation with dean right before he kicks it in 2x1 (and also during the sam coffee drop.) and kind of interesting, it's a little different and at times is more like what i call one of the mushy music variations. i could go look up the OST, this piece of music i think is named americana or something, but it's like a little treasure hunt in my rewatch getting smacked in the face with things like this unexpectedly :p

it would be so much easier to talk about if i had any ability to transcribe music but alas i have a very good ear for recognizing things but despite even hobbyist level experience violin playing i'm hard pressed to tell you if a note was higher or lower than two notes before by just listening. i can't hear it in my head and it's like trying to hold smoke in my fist

[mlobsters]

supernatural s15e16 drag me away (from you) (w. meghan fitzmartin)

like a fic title, that one. first impression with the song if i didn't care by the ink spots and the motel hallway and the "have you been here before?" "a long time ago" "welcome back" was the shining

DEAN Yeah, I know. I'm not saying what happened isn't sad. You know, I mean, the guy slit his throat with a whiskey bottle, but... He's an old friend, you know? Old, old. Like haven't seen him in 25 years. We've missed funerals for much closer friends... Hunters.

ok. yet another rando we know nothing about them having history with. me trying to remember how old they were 25 years ago 🥴 16 and 12? ok. easier to base it on my age and add 1 and subtract 3 :p

SAM Well, this is different. I-I mean, it's not like we have much else to do. Chuck is off world. Jack's in the bunker, waiting for Billie's orders. And... And Cas just... bailed, I guess. He didn't say anything to you about why he left? DEAN Not really. SAM And you guys didn't get into a fight or something? DEAN It's just Cas being Cas.

wouldn't be this show without hiding something or lying to your brother about something important! but at least it can't go on very long, there just aren't many episodes left

now the flashback is in 93? what happened to 25 years ago? lol oh the confusion! so, 14 and 10?

wiki

In the flashbacks, Dean is wearing his amulet. Dean is about to turn 14 and Sam is 9. It is two years since the events of 3.08 A Very Supernatural Christmas when Sam first learned about monsters and hunting. The writer, Meghan Fitzmartin, said the intention was for Dean and Sam to be 15 and 10 respectively, with the events set after those in the flashbacks shown in 11.08 Just My Imagination set in 1991 and before those in 9.07 Bad Boys set in 1995.

paxton singleton as young dean / the haunting of hill house - as young steven

YOUNG DEAN Dad should've let me go with him. I mean, you don't need me. I was babysitting you when I was your age. YOUNG SAM I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

i've done some looking into that actually (because of this very show) and it seems like there aren't actually set rules about age and what not. i think pretty much everywhere though would consider the amount of time john regularly canonically left them as child neglect

What Is the Minimum Age That a Child Can Be Left Unsupervised? Currently, there is no universal standard or federal law that applies to all U.S. states, but some have a minimum age requirement for children who will be left alone. For example, Illinois’ minimum age is 14, while Maryland designates 8 years-old as the minimum age. Although many states may not have a specific age at this time, there are numerous laws that consider inadequate supervision of children as neglect. Other states, such as Utah, are taking a different approach to child supervision. In 2018, Utah passed a free-range parenting law that essentially revised the state's definition of ‘neglect’ so that children can roam unsupervised, without the risk of their parents being charged. The US Child Welfare Information Gateway states that “many States offer nonbinding guidelines for parents that can assist them in determining when it’s appropriate for them to leave their child home alone.” Ultimately, it’s the responsibility of the parents to appropriately assess the maturity level of their children before making a decision.

(source)

YOUNG DEAN I thought your imaginary friend told you it was bad to steal. Why would you want... Wait. You think you're gonna go to college? YOUNG SAM Yeah. Why not? YOUNG DEAN "Why not?" Why? YOUNG SAM 'Cause that's what normal people do. YOUNG DEAN Right. Because we are normal. Whatever. We barely go to school. So if you think places like that'll even think about letting a dumbass like you in... Come on. This, Sammy? This is our life.

don't make me cry with the mediocre (sorry, kiddos) acting from the kids! and then they pull out the mushy music to top it off

lol. subtle, show

YOUNG DEAN Yeah. Again, no. This ain't the friggin' Goonies. None of you has been on a hunt before. Just... stay. I got this.

oof this is awkward. trying to get some dean speech patterns but it's coming off really forced. i think it's a big ask of any child actor to be their younger counterparts, especially when we know them so well

actually distressing and spooky, i'm impressed

DEAN Because I'd never seen anything like that before. So after I killed it... or thought that I killed it... I phoned in the... the bodies, let the authorities take care of it, and shoved it down the old memory hole. I had nightmares about that for the longest time. I'm sorry. I should've told you. SAM No, man, it's okay. I mean, you were just a kid. You know, we were both just kids. And, hell, we used to keep a lot of secrets from each other.

the trauma just never ends. however, i laughed and laughed "we used to keep a lot of secrets from each other" this show is ridiculous

not loving this jacket they've got her in

BILLIE I told him the truth. Jack killed your mother, and all he wants is your forgiveness. And I surmise that the only way he can get that is ending God and freeing you from the... What did you call it? Hamster wheel. Was I wrong?

interesting definition of truth. an assumption that the only way dean can forgive him is by killing god/obtaining real free will?

CAITLIN So... this is your life now? SAM Pretty much. CAITLIN I'm sorry. Don't you ever want to be... I don't know... normal? SAM Well, we help people, you know? Save them. I'm just sorry we couldn't... save Travis.

fucking normal, what a loaded word that's become on this show. like freak levels

BILLIE He doesn't know. I don't care why you've been hiding this from your brother. But I don't like loose ends, Dean. I don't like disorder. So clean this up. I need to know that you've got your house in order.

relatable, billie

maybe splitting up to hunt for the witch who couches in hallucinations isn't the best idea, guys. dean finding a dead baby sam in the cannery hallucination, great

big sam safe and sound

CAITLIN I think so. What do they say about getting older? You tell the truth more because you know that lies... they don't make anything better. Take care, Dean.

so heavy handed 😂

botw zelda memory-esque music segue into mushy music

and now it's the music that reminded me of the zelda music lol. motherFUCKER if only i could actually search my own fucking blog for words in posts i wrote. rrrgh. ahh but i put zelda in the file name of the mp4 so i could find it that way on my hd. thank you, past-nic!

okay, it was in 13x06 when cas comes back from the empty and sees jack

and it transitions into the mushy music after the zelda-esque music! and dean says some awful things!

SAM I can't believe you! You know that? I mean, how can you keep me in the dark about something so huge?! DEAN 'Cause I know you couldn't handle it! You didn't trust Billie's plan, and then, when we found out about Amara, you... you... you started second-guessing. You raise these... these "ethical questions."

when dean said he knew sam couldn't handle it?? i gasped and yelled WHAT at the screen. also: i, too, am questioning billie's plan

SAM I shouldn't? Jack's gonna kill himself, and I should just shut up about it? DEAN Yes! SAM No! DEAN This is how we end Chuck, okay?! This is the only way we'll ever be free! So I'm sorry, Sam! You don't get a choice! We don't get a choice! SAM Oh, "we."

like. agAIN, we're like the only way the fix this problem is someone has to kill themselves for the greater good. we have been down this road so many times. and sometimes, back in olden times, they'd be wrestling with alternatives for a season. but these days, sometimes it's a few episodes of looking for another solution, sometimes it's just accepting it straight away, etc. and it drives me up the fucking wall! but at least cas is out there looking for nebulous alternative options.

i can't remember a time in recent history when sam got this mad at dean. understandably so. we've only got 4 episodes to wrap this fucker up. i'm having weird feelings

[mlobsters]

supernatural s15e10 the heroes' journey (w. andrew dabb)

clair de lune during an action sequence, not the most original but still a good one. monster death match making me think of altered carbon (mentioned matt frewer in the role that ran the monsters-but-actually-modified-people cage matches, no less, when he was in spn) and dude in thick glasses at the match in shadow making me think of blade runner

s15e10 / altered carbon s1e6 / blade runner (1982)

samuel. oven mitts, pot holders, a towel. literally, anything. and 2019 best pie magazine winner on that "delicious pies" magazine

feel like we're reliving bad day at black rock

SAM That’s the card Charlie hacked for us, the one – DEAN Yeah, the one that’s supposed to be our “no more hustling, always working” Golden Ticket.

(cheap) answer to the long standing question of what they've been doing for money, but okay

always thought garth's role was gonna be bigger, just because i saw him mentioned in fandom periodically. only in 6 episodes though. (imagine eileen is around the same number?)

DEAN You know, I gotta say, aside from pincushion in there… this is pretty nice. GARTH Yeah, better than I ever thought I’d get. I mean, hunting – I figured I’d be dead before I’m 40. You know, go out young and pretty. But now I’ve got a great wife, great kids. I guess...sometimes things work out. DEAN Yeah, sometimes. Good, man. You deserve it. You do.

sometimes things work out, just not for our guys

hijinks with sam drinking a cayenne cure-all and dean being forced to accept dental work from garth sure is something. bit more like old school spn humor that i didn't mesh with. but jackles sure loves to ham it up.

...ok. that felt like it lasted forever. it was fine but this episode is ... something. was letting jackles dance on the bucket list and this was the best thing they could think of? or was the extended dancing just part of dabb's ✨vision✨

SAM What do you mean? GARTH I mean, apparently Dean’s never been to a dentist before, and suddenly he got a mouthful of cavities, you’re sick, and your car is broken down. Who did you guys piss off? SAM God.

that was cute

GARTH Oh, no, no, no. I want to be the guest star. Being the hero sucks. I mean, sure, you’ll probably win eventually, but until you do, your life blows. Your parents get gunned down in an alleyway. Your home planet gets blown up. You, uh, interview this good-looking rich guy, and it doesn’t go well, so he shows up at the hardware store where you work, and, man, it starts to get, you know... BESS It’s from, uh – We love “Fifty Shades.” GARTH Yeah, we do. SAM Who's the hero in that?

come now, sam

GARTH Exactly. See, the hero never sweats the small stuff. It slows down the story. SAM So, then, what happened? Chuck...downgraded us? GARTH Maybe, yeah. And now you’re – DEAN [muffled] Cursed. GARTH No – normal. For the first time in your lives, you’re having normal-people problems.

getting very meta and feeling clever again i see

SAM So help us. Please. BRAD Wow. I mean, wow. With the furrowed brow and the puppy eyes – did you see that? That never actually works for you, does it?

uh huh. and the meta shade again

DEAN Hey, look, just because God yanked the magic horseshoe out of our ass or whatever doesn’t mean that we’re gonna give up. This is our job. It’s what we do. And, yeah, it might be a little harder right now, but so what?

could very much do without an extended scene of dean getting sick.

ok....

LOL this is a new variation of the mushy music theme. i just laughed. and the speech sounds like it was cribbed from a bad action movie. but guess sammy was with it

this slapstick fight with the big vamp in the parking lot... also something.

DEAN This Cass keeps looking at me weird. SAM So kind of like the real Cass.

sam cracking himself up. this is an excellent face from the baby

that was a nice goodbye to garth at the end, at least. i think they've used werewolves in london before right? ok yes, 10x04 (oh god the crooked sunglasses on jared during their "we time" but also a season's worth of clear communication between sam and dean)

GARTH Not sure. The guy who told me said it was in Alaska, on the road between Barrow and Kotzebue. He said, “You’ll know it when you see it,” whatever that means.

sure hope they plan on flying because that's a long ass drive, even by their standards. and utqiagvik (formerly barrow) is literally the northern most city in alaska/the us. at one point there was a chance my dad could take a job in deadhorse alaska when i was a kid (but we ended up in phoenix instead) which is also extremely far north

that sure was an episode. not my kind of episode, but it didn't make me extremely irritated like the previous ep so i guess i'll take the win

ok well being the still on the wiki made me smile, love me some babies and looks like both sams were having a good time

When Dean gives Sam his speech about the two of them kicking ass in the fight, a slightly off-key version of the track "Americana" (also known as "Dean's Family Dedication Theme") plays behind his words.

who calls it that??? should they add that i call it the spn mushy music theme :P in the 15x03 wiki entry, they alternately call it "Winchester Family Theme"

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e5 nightmare logic (w. meredith glynn)

i haven't been engaged with a main plot on this show in a long time but man, every new season i just get more and more tired. michael using grace?? to juice up super monsters, jack doing unspecified potential evil-erasing, ad nauseam

i thought this maggie girl wasn't an on the ground type hunter, and with how they always have harped on not hunting alone.. good things sure to come.

DEAN You kids have fun out there. SAM Don't even say it. DEAN What? No, it's good. It's got, like, a very camp-counselor vibe to it. Just need to get you a whistle.

at least he looks pretty fond while he's saying it :p

DEAN You got any rest lately, like at all? I mean, look, man, I know things are crazy right now, okay? I mean, hell, I just went toe-to-toe with my own personal horror-movie icon, but we all need our beauty sleep. SAM Dean, I have 16 Hunters on cases right now. That's not counting Jack and Cas in Sarasota or Mom and Bobby working that rugaru in Texas. DEAN Okay, you know that these people survived a war, right? SAM Yeah, but a war isn't Hunting. These people need, uh, lore and weapons and tips and backup, and -- Look, don't worry (phone chimes) about me, all right? I'm -- I'm -- I'm good.

where's uh. garth? someone else to delegate some of the hunter wrangling to? does he still do that post-werewolfing? this is ridiculous. whatever

having a hard time wrapping my head around those hills in the background there

DEAN Huh. Private cemetery. Must be nice. SAM What?

ok that got a smile out of me

DEAN Something on your mind, Bobby? BOBBY Yeah. Your brother. He let Maggie come here when she had no idea what she was walking into. (pause) She wasn't ready.

i mean. based on what the show showed us about her before, inclined to agree. but whatever! heavy is the head blah blah

MARY Look, don't listen to Bobby. SAM Um, maybe he's right, you know? I encouraged her. Maybe he's right about me, about everything. MARY Sam. Watching you these last few weeks, you know what I've been saying to myself? "This is what he was born to do." If Bobby can't see that, then it's not the only thing he's been missing lately.

maybe he is but i rolled my eyes nonetheless. all this is just so out of left field

SAM I wasn't gonna mention it. None of my business, but it did seem like you'd gotten pretty close lately. MARY Yeah, and I thought so, too. Maybe, but since we've been back, things have changed.

there had been a lot of meaningful looks. i was wonder if they were gonna have yet another younger woman be interested in him

SAM Have you asked? MARY Bobby's not open like your dad. SAM Wait. Like my dad? MARY Okay. At least he's not like your dad was when I knew him.

L O L

MARY Bobby's got walls, big ones. I just don't know if I can do that if I even ever put myself out there again. (chuckles) I shouldn't be talking to you about this.

seriously, why does bobby pull literally all the ladies? ellen (in an alternate timeline), jody, his neighbor lady marcy, mary, that lady with the awful sword in the stone bit. get you a lady in her 40s, she's there for it. they were all born around 1970, he was born in 1950. and he's never had the most winning personality

BOBBY You think I was too hard on your brother back there. DEAN He's doing his best. He's doing better than his best. You know, this whole Hunter Five-O thing -- he's -- he's killing himself over it. He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep, grew himself one of those Kenny Rogers beards. No offense.

tell him, dean. but i mean, also, i kinda agreed with bobby. but no one makes perfect decisions - and especially not when sleep deprived and underfed

DEAN Can I give you a little advice? Let it go. The past is… There's nothing you can do about it now, so… it's just baggage. Let it go. You'll feel a lot lighter. SASHA Is that what you do? DEAN I try. Every single day.

the snort i snorted. okay i feel like he's had this conversation before but then admitted that he can't/is terrible at it. oh god. i'm never gonna remember who he was talking to/when. ughhh

anyway, old chestnut of giving someone advice that you need yourself

bobby getting beaten up by his dead (smited??) son. sure. is he gonna survive the angel blade skewering to a tree through the left side of his chest

upgraded by michael djinn that can manifest nightmares, sure sure

NEIL Relax. I won't let anything happen to Michael's favorite monkey suit, but I am curious (distorted voice) what are your nightmares? [The djinn puts a hand on Dean’s forehead. His grin falls. He lets Dean go.] NEIL You -- You're --

mmmk. vaguely ominous

DEAN You did this. You got her home.

now eat a sandwich and go to bed

no prob, bob

BOBBY I'm the one that brought him to war. I'm the one who sent him to die. I don't even know what they did to him. The angels took them. We never found the bodies. I never figured I'd be any kind of a father to a child. But Daniel… was the best thing in my life. (sighs deeply) I always assumed that war'd kill me, too, but it didn't. I guess lately, I've -- I've been looking for other options. MARY The Hunting. BOBBY It ends the same. MARY No. You are not allowed to give up on me. BOBBY I don't… I don't know any other way to live. MARY Then we'll find one.

all right then. this is a lot

that was a sweet moment there, good job, samantha. but now i'm crying because i'm like. WHEN DO DEAN AND SAM GET TO JUST BE HAPPY, HUH???? and we get the mushy music for the hugs and goodbye

DEAN Garth? It's Dean. Here's the deal --

speak of the devil

SAM Dean -- DEAN I know, I know. Not my fault. It's Michael. It's all Michael. (scoffs) You know, I've been trying to -- not forget, but to move on from what I -- from what we -- from what he did. And I got to be honest, I was -- I was starting to feel like myself again. Almost. SAM So we'll work harder. DEAN How, Sam? You get sleep three hours of sleep a night. SAM All right, then -- then -- then I'll sleep two. Dean, we're going to find Michael, and when we do, we will kill him.

you cannot function on that little sleep for an extended period of time this is just stupid.

DEAN How? SAM I don't know. We'll -- We'll -- We'll track down Dark Kaia and her spear. We'll -- We'll find something. DEAN I hope you're right.

am i missing something? did the two archangel blades disappear?? reading the wiki without trying to completely spoil myself, i see it says it can only kill an archangel when wielded by another archangel. hokay. did we know that?

[mlobsters]

supernatural s13e18 bring 'em back alive (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

charlie? really? ok. her exit was horrendous so maybe this is trying to make up for that but the reunion tour of this era is making me real tired

CASTIEL Dean is in Apocalypse World, alone? SAM No, he's with Ketch, so he's not alone. CASTIEL Because that makes it so much better. SAM Cass, he wanted to go solo. CASTIEL And you let him? SAM I... He didn't give me much of a choice. Anyways, Dean's right. As long as he's over there, and we're here, we need to be taking care of Gabriel, getting him right again.

oh please, cas, like you're any better at it :p unless you just force-sleep everyone

cas, perhaps give sam more than 10 seconds of talking to gabriel before declaring it a lost cause. surprise surprise trying to force feed the clearly very traumatized gabriel grace back garnered a bad reaction. why are they having cas be an ass now suddenly. speight looks so tiny all huddled up compared to cas and sam

(forgot/don't care about the lucifer and danneel situation quite honestly)

jackles what was THAT. the most ridiculous fall. the backpack being yeeted 10 feet and the legs windmilling for no reason

great. of course.

KETCH Now then... this will smart. There we are. Good lad. Good lad. Good lad.

ok. i follow a horse rider in wales who is always saying 'good lad' to her horses in the same manner lol. okay this is too much. i'll just include both scenes in the clip

so first thing. i really like the sound design of cas doing his whatever in gabriel's head. we get the ringing associated with "enochian" yeah whatever bros. and also the background static along with the like, waves of something too far away so it's just more garbled static. worst description ever. imagine you're in a car driving across the country and you're trying to find a station but you're in the middle of bumfuck nothing. anyway, it's subtle but it's a nice touch. even if i think the execution of angel radio generally is kinda goofy, i like the angel radio can't find a station situation

secondly, i'm really not sure what they're trying to sell us here with this dean and ketch scene. the good lad'ing aside, there's also so some sort of weird eye contact moments that seem weirdly hot and heavy for these characters in this situation. it feels like they're trying to sell me on ketch and dean bonding and i'm 🙅 i can only stow so much baggage (like hey cas for example, that one doesn't stay stowed very well admittedly [i hold a grudge for the bad things he did but try not to because they don't]) I'M OUT OF ROOM. it's not rehabbing john winchester levels of 🚫 but it's up there.

SAM Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole. Look, I know you think it's safer inside. No more torture. No more pain. No more expectations. I've been there. You were nothing like your family. You sure as hell weren't like your dad. Me either. And just like you, I got out. Or I-I thought I got out. But then... then my family needed me. And this is my life. No matter how many times I tried to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place. And sure, yeah, hookers in Monte Carlo sounds great, but your family needs you. Jack, your nephew, needs you. The world needs you. We need you. Gabriel, I need you. So, please, help us.

oh my god this episode has too many moments i want clips of. this fucking speech sam is making is RIDICULOUS and now we got this swelling mushy music via horns so it feels vaguely like. militaristicor star wars, to go with the rousing THE WATERS RECEDED speech (jay gruska episode)

thank you for the john w shade, you know i'm always here for it esp since i just bitched about the show's attempts at rehabbing him over the years :p also, wonder what the "got out" is referring to - an actual stanford mention? rarities this day in age.

also like, why is everyone so mad at gabriel? give him more than a few hours? this is a whack ass episode, man. and ALSO, sam's impassioned and emotional, "i need you" like what is going on right now? what do they need gabriel for so badly? generally having a strong ally? i've lost the plot here.

i am really not here for dean reliving his manpain over the frustrating and maddening original killing of charlie as some bonding experience with mr ketchup.

gabriel killing asmodeus, ketch staying behind with charlie, and in fact they only weepily needed gabriel to fight with them and big surprise he wasn't interested and bailed. and no grace to make another portal. whatever, man. dean got to have a little temper tantrum over being stymied again (i get it, but i also flinch [and panic] when someone explodes like that)

[mlobsters]

supernatural s13e8 the scorpion and the frog (w. meredith glynn)

DEAN Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass. BARTHAMUS How very "Dean" of you.

this episode and the last i've briefly thought about how in-universe the supernatural books exists and so this rando demon who has been "following their career" also like. surely read those books. and i dunno, man. that periodically skeeves me out :p

weirdly angled prolonged and interesting eye contact

ok blood from a man that's been to hell and back, does sammy not also qualify? and including the clip of dean in hell crying out for sam thanks always love that reminder 🥲

anyway this self-aware heist thing is ... whatever. bunch of random people i'm supposed to keep track of? meh :p

the musical score was largely unobtrusive (outside of the series-long quirky music) last episode, lennertz did it. this one i'm rolling my eyes at so i'm gonna guess it's a gruska :P (it is lol)

s13e8 as shrike / game of thrones s5e8 hardhome - richard brake as the night king

apparently this sadistic murderer been to hell shrike dude was the night king. who we are, i guess, glossing over the fact that he got out of hell

the moral of the scorpion and the frog, the end they both drown, right? can't blame a shark for being a shark?

SAM Dean? DEAN Yeah? SAM Don't get dead. DEAN You, too.

not their regular style but i'll take the crumbs in this episode i couldn't care less about

s13e8 as smash / twilight: breaking dawn part 2 christie burke as renesmee

and safe cracker girl i guess is crushing on dean, sure. i was in her imdb seeing if her age was in there (no) but actually pretty cool looking new series on syfy she's got the lead in, called the ark (trailer) but also??? she was a grownup-ish renesmee in twilight! LOL in that goofy fucking montage

oh good grief, and jackles gets to do some slapstick. to some fucking slapstick carnival music. i do enjoy him as an actor but not so much the comedy he often does in this show

yes sam is also me, correcting the shrike dude (nicely!) about his collection being incorrectly labeled. people love that, let me tell you

GRAB Hey, a little respect? It took years to perfect that spell. If your brother's too stupid to do his part, then that's on him. DEAN What'd you say?

always here for defending sam's honor

DEAN Well, looks like gun beats knife, so how about you hand over the safe, and then we'll all be home in time to watch Game of Thrones. LUTHER SHRIKE I'm more of a book guy.

that was cute, what with the actor being on GOT

SAM Wing it? Dean, these… these aren't like the lasers in Entrapment. There are infinite possible combinations [Sighs] and pressure-released darts. DEAN Did you just say "Entrapment"? SAM I don't know. I mean, I don't… I don't watch a whole lot of those kinds of movies. DEAN Yeah, but you saw Entrapment? SAM Catherine Zeta Jones.

oh right i've seen this bit in gifs, i'm like hey entrapment! i just mentioned that recently! oh right, because of this spn scene

(i'm closer to dean's age than sam's but all the more reason for it to have made an impression on him. her ass specifically was definitely part of the ad campaign)

well lemme guess. bart's bones? we pullin up that old nugget? givin myself a pat on the back, for figuring it out 10 seconds before the reveal

dean in just a henley and brief deployment of the mushy music to acknowledge dean is just totally not suicidal and hopeless anymore hurray 45 second conversation and we're done

[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e9 first blood (w. andrew dabb)

oh. i think i've read fic about them being in this prison, or the aftermath. obligatory i hate plotlines that get them arrested because it makes me unreasonably anxious

CAMP You just are. Now that’s not a threat. I don’t believe in torture. Doesn’t work. Oh, I’ve seen folks waterboarded, cut on. And they talk. Ooh, they do. But they never tell you what you need.

nice to hear because it's true and the show employs torture for information a lot and i also hate it

MARY [sighs] How did we let this happen, Castiel?

i mean, everyone made really bad and dumb choices. sam and dean, included. dare i say, contrived plot mechanics!

CROWLEY No. Do you know how many all-powerful beings have tried to kill them? CASTIEL Roughly, yes. CROWLEY As do I. I was bloody one of them. Sam and Dean? They’re like herpes. Just when you think they’re gone… Hello! The boys are back, leaving a trail of bodies in their wake. So wherever they are, whoever has Sam and Dean, well… In the immortal words of Lawrence Tureaud.. [imitates Mr. T] “I pity the fool.”

something oddly endearing/reassuring that crowley is so completely unconcerned about them being captured because he has that much faith that they'll end up on top

CASTIEL Six weeks, two days, and ten hours.

nothing like 40 years amirite

CASTIEL I saw it on the news and I thought, that’s the sort of thing Sam and Dean would investigate. They would roll into town, save the day, kill the monsters. But with them gone… I tried to work the case. I tried. [bitter little laugh] But… I don’t know what I did wrong. I… I asked questions, but maybe they were the wrong people, or the wrong questions, and I just-- I never found it. Never found the monster. Never even got close. And three more women died before I left town. Before I ran away. MARY So we go back. You and me.

i appreciate talking about this seriously, when cas tried hunting with them before it was just all a punchline. but hey, here's a thing that requires a lot of specialized skills and cas tried but couldn't figure it out. (where's the hunter network, ring up... garth? is he still doing that even with his werewolf family? get some backup) odd coupling it up with mary sounds like a good idea, cas.

well. they've surely piqued my curiosity on how they coordinated/arranged whatever this playing possum situation is

reminds me of that thing from a recent con with jared telling a story about when they first were auditioning for the show and he asked jensen how he got his eyes so big lol

the fugitive part 2 apparently. this is all so cheesy. having a hard time taking any of this prison plotline seriously but the show is trying to pretend.

SAM All right, so we got what? An hour ‘til dark? Which puts us at six hours ‘til midnight? DEAN That sounds about right. SAM Dean, we gotta talk about this. DEAN Okay, we will. All right? Later.

feel like usually the show gives us enough info to figure these things out but i have no clue what's up

MICK Wait, so you’re telling me what happened in Indianapolis was you took on the bleedin’ devil himself?

oh okay, now they're impressed? not at all the other equally impressive shit they did and they thought they should be killed for. whatever. i hate these people :p

s12e9 / s12e6

what happened to her side bangs? full bangs with this cut is kind of a weird combo

like a little purgatory larping

ok, the boys get to be badasses. moderately fun

jared's little rapid breathing and "don't" there weirdly impactful. like sam's stressed about the gun on dean - instead of playing it badass/cool

so they got me, i was feeling some of the vibes and then....

snort of disrespect. SO CHEESY.

ah, the mushy music is back for reuniting with mom and cas, but i think sam's clip is more important

wtf is going on, actually making me nervous with the car dying and sam's "it's time"

all right, a deal with billie. and "a winchester" dies, so mom's gonna offer up, right? i dunno what to say to this. billie was such a flat villain, like oh she hates them and can't wait for them to die. that was her one note. but then she helps dean out to get into the locked/warded house "you owe me", and then this. but i guess just offing her with an angel blade was an option? was she the boss after Death died? but taken out by regular means. whatever.

MARY Why would you-- DEAN We were already dead. Being locked in that cell with nothing… I’ve been to Hell. This was worse. SAM At least this way, one of us gets to keep fighting.

this should be horrifying and upsetting, but it was all so rushed together and knew that mary would jump in that i could be somewhat horrified at a distance but know it would be smoothed over immediately. also the montage of them in their cells did not exactly communicate "worse than 40 years of hell" feelings, so it feels also just in service of the plot machinations

CASTIEL What had to be done. You know this world-- this sad, doomed little world-- it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die. I won’t let any of you die. And I won’t let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me. To everything. Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal, and I broke it. You’re welcome.

good for you, cas. knowing the show, it'll turn out to have been a terrible decision but eh. and the way they're all looking at cas like, wtf bro made me laugh. someone who cares about... us?? and our contributions??? 🧐

[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e3 the foundry (w. robert berens)

we're back in minnesota. i lived in st paul for a few years. here waxing poetic about the skyways in minneapolis while watching 8x03

avocado toast, dude with a bun, how very millenial?? (me trying to remember when hipsters died out and it went to just ragging on the whole generation. dean and i are at the cusp of gen x but sammy is solidly geriatric millenial, right :p)

you understand babies crying is like. me fighting against every instinct to find and help the baby. which is especially annoying when it's a baby on the tv. it's not as bad now since my youngest is 5, less on red alert for baby crying but it's still a thing for me and it can stress me the fuck out

i would not be able to pass the crying baby haunted house lure

MARY After you left heaven, when did it start to feel like...like you fit, like you...belonged here? CASTIEL Well, I'm still not sure I do. Mary...you do belong here.

my feelings aside, boys think you do too, cas. and feeling for mary. she got pulled out of heaven (presumably - and with john, presumably? may have read something saying they shared a heaven too) and plonked down with her adult sons who she doesn't know at all, really.

egads what is this music? kind of sounds like recorder/theremin solo. also that's really short you're going there mary! new hair new you, i get it, but doing that big of a chop at home is an undertaking

suspension of disbelief that she managed that very modern cut and styling all alone in the bunker

MARY I'm gonna keep it short if I'm gonna go out on a hunt, you know? Why give the bad guys the advantage of long pullable hair right? DEAN Wow. I've been trying to tell Sam that for years.

vry cute. i'd seen that in a gifset and i was looking for it but searching for the episode just gives me wall to wall cas gifs :p

MARY It's probably nothing. I just thought I might...get out there, stretch my legs. SAM I-I thought you-you weren't down to hunt in the first place. DEAN Well things change, right? Family hunting trip.

poor mary. just trying to get some time alone to sort out her head and dean's not picking up what she's putting down. E for effort

ok i can see some potential with the grumpy and obnoxious buddy cop routine between cas and crowley

aw they're holding hands, how nice

CROWLEY So mother and I had an unfortunate, if not rather embarrassing, run-in with Lucifer. You're just mad because you're only my second choice for a Lucifer-hunt team-up. CASTIEL (said sarcastically) No, actually I think it's sweet. I thought your motivation was ambition and revenge, but now I know you just wanna save your mother. CROWLEY It's not about saving her. Lucifer has made off with a colossally powerful witch who, by the way, is the only person alive who can slam him back in the cage. He will either kill her, control her, or she will offer her services to the biggest bad in town in order to save her neck, like she always does. Do any of those sound like particularly good outcomes to you?

crowley comin in hot with the logic. see that's another thing that irks me about how they write cas. he's snarky, then he's a buffon. he understands sarcasm and knows every pop culture reference via metatron zap, the he takes everything literally and is constantly confused. PICK ONE. preferably the sarcastic snarky one :p

quietly asking for mark pellegrino to get magicked back for lucifer

MARY Hmm. Mm, maybe, but...all I know is, that little boy who grabbed me, I...he didn't wanna hurt me. He was scared. SAM Yeah, um...it must've felt that way, but, mom, the victims were all lured to their death by a baby's cry. Uh, the spirit marked Natalia right before she was killed, the same way the spirit marked you. I mean, if we hadn't gotten there in time...

mushy music returns but i already used my video quota on the weird recorder music

SAM Look, I'm happy, too, Dean. I am. I'm overjoyed. But...there's something about her. I mean, something's going on with her. DEAN Yeah, she's adjusting. SAM No, she's struggling. I mean, she's trying to bury herself in hunting to avoid dealing. DEAN And how do you know that? SAM Years of personal experience. I don’t know man. Uh...like mother, like sons.

hey sammy, does that mean you're gonna force dean (and yourself) to deal with all of y'all's shit too :p

ok also slightly suffocating that she's trying to get some space and now she's crammed into one hotel room with her very large sons. so who got the rollaway bed? mary because she's the smallest, but i can't imagine dean standing for that. maybe rock paper scissors with sam

okay that made me laugh. here for rowena being tricksy

the music in this episode continues to be weird. i really don't understand why it stands out so negatively so frequently to me

DEAN Mom, it's okay. All right? You're home now. MARY No. I'm not. I miss John. I miss my boys. SAM We're right here, mom. MARY I know. In my head. But I'm still mourning them as I knew them. My baby Sam. My little boy Dean. Just feels like yesterday, we were together in heaven, and now...I'm here, and John is gone, and they're gone. And every moment I spend with you reminds me every moment I lost with them. And I thought hunting, working, would clear my head. SAM Mom...w-what are you trying to say? MARY I have to go. I'm sorry. I'm so...so sorry. I just need a little time.

(mushy music round 2)

well. that's shitty. can see where i'd gotten the "mom walked out on them" thing from fic. but as ever, i can see both sides on that one. being yanked out of literal heaven without any say in the matter, thrown into an unfamiliar world and feeling useless. some time and space is totally reasonable. and i don't know that dean would have given that if she stayed in the bunker. but also, can see how hurt and abandoned that could leave the boys feeling. no-win situation. and not entirely sure why we're even doing this resurrected mary plotline.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e1 keep calm and carry on (w. andrew dabb)

right so i saw that on the grave marker but i was too upset to mention but mary was born in 1954 supposedly lol but samantha smith was born in 1969. (so was kim rhodes [jody] and samantha ferris [ellen] was 1968 lol)

my mom had pretty much the exact same ring combo (also married in the 70s, but to a navy man [i was born in 80])

the way my head whips around at the first couple notes of the mushy music. da-da "then i burned." jackles sold me on him feeling some big feelings (was ready to weep at him mentioning sam) and i don't know why but i'm primed to dislike mary with this resurrection business, some osmosis via fic i guess but right in this moment, i'm open to feeling dean's happiness (?) about her being back and in her love for the boys. but my personal being a parent/having deadparents is definitely helping push that boat along

is the little title drawing this time a men of letters symbol in the pentagram

100% didn't expect them bringing mary back would make me upset about my dead parents. used to have this recurring dream where i just needed to find this certain thing and i could cure my dad's cancer. some mol bullshit i don't care about should clear that right up

oh no i can't do this sam torture episode. i didn't realize it was on deck already. i have read hurt/comfort fic adjacent to it and i have an idea of how awful it is and not today

back today to try again, watched a couple more minutes before turning it off. i read the episode summary on the wiki and i dunno. i really don't like torture. not sure what i'm gonna do about this one.

coming back to edit this so i can add the video clip with the mushy music and maybe mushy music variation i blathered about in the reblog

dean and mary - regular mushy music / mary looking at all the electronics - mushy music variation??

[mlobsters]

supernatural s11e10 the devil in the details (w. andrew dabb)

oh god. a funko pop?? of sam?? this is how we start an episode while sam is in the cage again with lucifer, thin plot to cover product placement. hokay.

SAM Yeah. You’ll taunt me and you’ll, ah, torture me, and I’ll say no. And eventually, sooner than you think, my brother’s gonna walk through that door and kick your ass. LUCIFER Dean? You’re betting on Dean? SAM I always have.

i didn't see rowena colluding with lucifer coming, but it makes sense, which is nice.

LUCIFER We’re in a memory Sam, one of the few good ones from your childhood. By the way, I thought I had Daddy issues, but you, wow! Anyway, I think you recognize the dashing young bean-pole over there.

hey young sam's colin ford grew up! actor is 20 now. haven't seen him since 7x03 with the jewel staite mess

ROWENA Not yours! His! Hell is his! I’m his. So hurt me and what do you think he’ll do to you? CROWLEY Lucifer will never get out of that cell. ROWENA You’re willing to stake your life on that? On Sam Winchester?

that rowena was (bad) dreaming about crowley getting a funko of sam is hurting my brain just a little bit.

CROWLEY And, he’s the devil. ROWENA You say that like it’s a bad thing. CROWLEY Oh, I’m a bad thing. He’s a worse thing. Last time Lucifer went topside you know what he wanted? Death. For you. For me. And every human. And every demon. ROWENA He’s changed. CROWLEY Oh yes, of course. All he needed was the love of a horrible woman.

good one, crowley

...smiting sickness, okay. sure, why not

CASTIEL That explains it. You’re suffering from smiting sickness. DEAN That... that’s a thing? CASTIEL Yeah. The angels... what they did... it released a tremendous amount of energy and there’s fallout, so this whole area is poisoned.

i'll be honest, i forgot about the smiting. that i watched literally 24 hours ago. this is why i need the pre-ep recaps. if i don't write about it, woosh in one ear out the other (which also is an indicator i don't care too much :S)

didn't really wanna relive swan song but here we are.

what, MUSHY MUSIC. i had to go pull up actual 5x22 and it in fact, does NOT have the mushy music in this scene LOL. no score at all until they fall in the hole, and it's not the mushy music melody. iiinteresting. i wondered if the mushy music melody was something i just failed to notice before, now i wonder if i did happen to notice its first appearance.

they also definitely changed the levels on the screams and stuff falling in the hole haha. weird. that all was very strange. like the same scene but different production aesthetics

nice to be able to actually see billie. is that it for her? how about for young sam too? just little pop-in cameo. even got to see adam briefly in the flashback, see guys, we didn't forget him!

i feel like we're in heaven again, this tour of sam's memories with an agenda

LUCIFER This is the worst thing you’ve ever done. SAM Really? LUCIFER After the Leviathans, when your brother was trapped in Purgatory, you were here... with a girl and a dog. You didn’t even bother trying to find him. SAM You know what? Not that I have to defend myself to you, but Dean and I promised we wouldn’t look for each other. LUCIFER Right... and if he never came back you’d be fine. But he did. So you’re not.

we're gonna gloss over the logic on that one. i'm still on the fence, i can defend either position (that it was an in-character choice or not) but i was definitely leaning towards defending sam when it happened

LUCIFER And... so why did you let Dean talk you out of closing the gates of Hell? ‘Cos the old Sam never would’ve done that. Not ever. SAM I didn’t... LUCIFER No wait, here’s my personal favorite, is you doing every stupid thing you could to cure the Mark, even after you knew it would go bad. SAM My brother was dying! LUCIFER Yes! And you’d do anything to save him. And he’d do anything to save you. And that is the problem. Because of this [Lucifer points to Past Sam and Amelia]... you’re so overcome by guilt that you can’t stand to lose Dean again and he could never lose you, and so instead of choosing the world you choose each other, no matter how many innocent people die.

didn't know that was a direct quote from the show, definitely heard that line before though. is that the reason though? guilt from what went down with amelia when dean was in purgatory? i know lucifer is gonna be saying whatever will get sam all messed up but. feels like a weird pressure point

SAM You’re going to lecture me about hurting people? You?

tell him, sam

LUCIFER You know I’m right Sam. You know it! And I know if you’re going to beat the Darkness you have to be ready to die. You have to be ready to watch the people you love die. A long time ago you could have fought the good fight kid, but not anymore. You can’t win this one Sam. You’re just not strong enough. SAM And you are? LUCIFER Hey, snappin' necks and cashin' checks is what I do.

LOL okay. lucifer obviously has an agenda, is he really supposed to what. make sam doubt himself enough that he says yes?

AMBRIEL Well, that's why we're here, right? I'm a number cruncher and you… like I said, I've heard the stories. You help. But Sam and Dean Winchester are the real heroes.

wow, sick burn.

DEAN Where’s Sam? CROWLEY Don’t worry about Sam. DEAN I’m sorry. Have you met me?

very cute, thank you

during this last push lucifer is all up close and brought his voice down to almost a whisper, reminds me of this particular bit that really hit me in 7x02 where hallucifer's voice is trying to wake up sam and it's all soft and sweet and quiet and agh. i really do appreciate mark pellegrino in this role very much, he brings a lot to it and it's all the more threatening and awful because of it

SAM Well, let’s say you gank her... then what? LUCIFER I move to LA... solve crimes?

was lucifer the show airing at this point? LOL apparently the first episode aired 5 days after this spn episode (i watched it when it was airing-ish, but that was a 'will they won't they' that pushed so hard i lost interest after it got picked by whoever because i didn't really care about the procedural aspects lol)

SAM Wrong. Then you go about starting the Apocalypse, again, because you're an old dog and that's your old trick. LUCIFER Okay, first off, you don't know that. Second, even if I did that's better than what she has planned. SAM Is it? Really? 'Cause this is what I think, I think that whoever wins, you or the Darkness, everyone else loses. So, no. My answer is no. This isn't because of Dean, or the past, this is about me having faith in my friends, having faith in my family. We will find a way. I'm ready to die and I'm ready to watch people I love die, but I'm not ready to be your bitch.

haha what a line. little over the top but okay i'll take it

well that little cagematch had some good sam and dean moments, and really like the lighting on that top right one of dean half in red and blue. blah blah fun to paint

castiel sure actin shifty, what's up. oh did someone hitch a ride in cas

LUCIFER Last words? CASTIEL Can you really beat her? LUCIFER I can. CASTIEL Then, yes.

oh for FUCK'S SAKE, CASTIEL. why do they do this. misha trying to act like pellegrino!lucifer, hard pass, too. good grief.

surely rowena doesn't stay dead...?

[mlobsters]

supernatural s11e8 just my imagination (w. jenny klein)

this uh, sounds interesting. oh, i've scrolled past gifs of this guy, try to skip by anything with an actor i don't recognize nowadays

DEAN Dude. Who you talking to? SAM Him? DEAN Are you having a stroke? Do you smell toast?

the sleepy face and morning voice but asking the questions while also making that face, very cute. 10/10 (wanna hear about how smelling burning isn't actually a classic symptom of stroke)

i, too, was taken aback by the marshmallows nachos, dean.

DEAN Come on?? Are you kiddi… Look… This… mother… You and me, library, right now. Come on!

dad's pissed

SAM Dean, when I was nine years old, you know what I wanted more than anything? Marshmallow nachos. DEAN Yeah, you were a weird-ass kid.

marshmallow nachos plot device

SAM In Romanian lore, Zanna are creatures who guide and protect lost children. Zanna intentionally appear as figments of a child’s imagination, allowing the child to move on with confidence once guidance is no longer necessary. Maybe Sully’s telling the truth. DEAN Okay. Say Bozo is legit. Right? Which, you know – hello crazytown, but okay. How is this our problem?

don't be an asshole, dean

DEAN Good. The Bert and Ernie pretext. Awesome.

if the shoe fits...

DEAN You know, this whole imaginary friend thing was dumb then and it’s dumb now. SAM Yeah, you’ve made that pretty clear. DEAN You didn’t think to tell me he was real? SAM Well, Dean, I didn’t think he WAS. You saw the lore book too, I mean, maybe when I was nine years old I thought he was real, but I grew up. Or grew out of it. Whatever. I left it.

don't particularly enjoy when they do this. dean's an ass, sam gets hurt and we feel sad for him.

DEAN And what did you need Drop Dead Fred for in the first place? SAM I was kind of a lonely kid, Dean. DEAN You weren’t lonely. You had me!

preemptively getting upset. you had me, except when you were old enough (according to john winchester) to stay for who knows how long alone. you know, at that big age of 9 years old. episode makes it seem like we're supposed to be upset with dean but this is all dad. and how exactly did john take dean hunting when he was younger than 9, where was sam. bobby? pastor jim? let me tell you the logistics get more preposterous the more you think about it, and with every new little backstory they decide to toss in

comedy music and all, at least the visual gag was compelling what with the sparkly blood all over her hands and face

DEAN The whole family. Yeah, just get the whole gang in there… You know, the family that showers together… Kay.

dean.

combining this cracky murder mystery story with more groundwork of how sad and alone sam was as a kid, and how he spent so much of his life wanting to run away, blergh. meanwhile we see dean at that group home as a kid and considering staying, but seeing sam makes him decide to go home with them. thinking about it too much and making myself upset! great!

you can't make me cry and then have an extended air guitar demo by bleeding imaginary friend man.

slight reassurance that it's not that sam wants to run away from them, but that he just doesn't want to be left alone. which is a totally logical and understandable - especially for a fucking 9 year old - way to feel.

SULLY Yeah, it was really bad. You know, I’m not gonna lie to ya – when you went off to hunt, I considered that one of my biggest failures. It just seemed so clear to me that you wanted something else. But – I was wrong. And it all worked out, didn’t it? SAM I don’t know about that.

SULLY Come on. You’re a hero. Sam, you saved the world. I keep track of my kids. And you did really good, Sam.

real nice for someone to actually call out what sam did right

SAM Well… Not all good. There was some bad. And some really bad. Sully – I screwed up. I let something out into the world that was… SULLY You mean the Darkness? That’s what the others are calling it, I’ve just heard rumors. SAM I’m gonna fix it. I am. Dean and I, we’re – we’re gonna fix it. It’s just…

sam is being so vulnerable and earnest, hurts. good job, padalecki

SAM There’s this Cage in hell, and it’s where they keep Lucifer. And I’ve been in it, and it’s… And I think God wants me to go back. SULLY Ever think… about running away anymore? SAM I did. Um, I mean, I have. But not in a while. Not anymore.

so i'm not sure what direction that's to be taken. is running away going to the cage (surely not) then running away from the perceived responsibility of needing to do it? but we can't counsel sam on that without knowing for sure who's telling him this. because i mean sam has mentioned lucifer like, 4 times this episode. did you consider sam, my love, that lucifer is involved in the messages

DEAN Trust me. Revenge? Ain’t gonna make you feel better. Listen, I’ve seen more than my share of monsters. And I mean REAL monsters, bad. These guys? These are Sesame Street Mother Teresas. But when I wasn’t there for my little brother, Sully was.

will always take when dean admits he was wrong and didn't see how him not being around affected sam, but the setup went a little too hard (imo) on dean being a clueless jerk. first appearance of the mushy music i think in s11.

SAM Sully. One thing I’ve learned – heroes aren’t perfect. SULLY Mm. Sometimes they’re scared. But that just means the thing that they’re facing, it’s super important. And nobody else is gonna go for it, because nobody else has got the balls.

damnit sully.

SAM Dean, we need to seriously discuss me going to the Cage. DEAN Okay. Not happening. Good talk. – Sam, even if these visions are real… SAM Yeah. It’s Lucifer? And me? In the Cage? I know. But this – this lump in my throat… It’s not an excuse. Not anymore. DEAN We’ll find another way. Okay? There’s always another way. SAM Okay. Then tell me – what is the other way?

did they not have this conversation back in whatever, first trip to the cage? s5? when they had 99% more information than they do right now. i cannot believe. I CANNOT BELIEVE we're making decisions without knowing FOR SURE who the visions are coming from. and why isn't sam more suspicious they're from lucifer? ok, so he's all traumatized by lucifer and thinking with his emotions and fear and feeling like he deserves the punishment. but hell, DEAN. since he's all dubious. how about a position that's reasonable what with sam's and their history, that the visions are from someone - but if not god, then WHO