#i'm deleting it anyway i've wanted to for a while
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tolyasword · 2 years ago
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lol wow
someone really came onto my willow server and called graydon an incel
just when i thought the internet couldn’t get any worse
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dont-let-me-eat-pears · 2 years ago
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The Maze Runner | The Death Cure
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pidgefudge · 3 days ago
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hmm
#what if i were a 3 dimensional person#as opposed to the 1 dimensional person i currently am#at school i'm a deadpan quiet nobody because. that's just how i've formed myself over the years#how i feel most comfortable i suppose. fading into the background. just another body in a large crowd#i wonder what would have changed it#if i had been more inclined to push myself? more outgoing? maybe if i hadn't been autistic?#or trans? if i could present the way i want to?#i have been entirely divorced from this body and my deadname for a long time#i suppose that's part of why i never feel like a person at school. always a shameful husk walking around trying to hide from everyone#because i truly hate to be seen like this. i hate that people look at this thing and associate it with me#but anyway#dead and flat in real life. my entire existence is online#always filling my mind with fandoms and stories and characters because real life has never interested me#at best it's a miserable slog at worst it's an active nightmare#that's why i have no real passions lmao. no interests that aren't linked to a piece of media#sometimes i wish i were less online. more grounded in reality#but then i look around at my reality and think. no. no i don't think i want to be grounded in this#it's fitting that i'm thinking about this while listening to faye's theme of all things#anthem of being a lonely kid living entirely in his head#i am quite lonely#in need of some genuine human connection but the thought of going deeper than surface level joking around scares me#because there's some real ugly stuff under there. but most of it is a whole lot of nothing#so i stick to ironic insincerity and that seems to work for all of us. we're still friends so that's something#on here i can be sort of different. sometimes over the top gushy with love. using my words much better than i do in person#but that comes from the same place i think#surface level. regardless of how deep the emotions are#and yeah. just felt like saying some things#pigeon coos#delete later#maybe
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little-pup-pip · 10 months ago
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i remember u posting a thing where it shows all the requests you haven't done yet. I just want to see as I requested something long ago in 2023. I'm not trying to seem pushy, I'm just curious!
(this was rhe person that requested a bugbo thing)
Here you go!! This is very long, so I put the list under the cut!
These are the requests sent after I stopped accepting them that I didn't delete for various reasons. If you sent in a request after I closed them on March 14th and don't see it here, you'll need to send a new one (please don't take it personally if I deleted it)!!
Black + squirrel
Asra (the arcana)
Shurara (keroro gunsou)
Ring tailed lemur
Buzz light-year
Rottweiler
Yellow raccoon petre
Lionel Messi
Sonic the hedgehog
Light pink and blue bunnies
Middle school gym class
Jenny wakeman (my life as a teenage robot)
Chris Kratt (wild Kratts)
Yuri (doki doki literature club)
Cole (Lego Ninjago)
Crowley (good omens)
Stingray
Prince + bunnies
CG vil (twisted wonderland)
Alt + Wolf-dog
Golden retriever
Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes)
Kipo (kipo and the age of wonderbeasts, I think)
Leif (my inner demons)
Little big planet 3
Clouds + pastel blue
Outdoorsy + animals
Sun and stars + bunnies
Chase (paw patrol, I actually have two of these waiting)
Cinnamoroll
Eastern red bat
Octopus regression
Tiger CG
Aquarium trip
Pastel coloring + kitties
lavender/grey bunnies
Pastel dolls
Jumping spiders/Leopard geckos
Dr. animo (ben 10)
Shuichi saihara
Black Shiba inu
This is everything left from before I closed my requests!
Osamu dazai (bsd)
Flutist
The dazzlings (equestria girls)
Vampire with Halloween themes
Guardians of ga'hoole
Gromsko (MW2/3)
V (murder drones)
Cg SD-N (murder drones)
Cassidy (overwatch) and cowboys
TMNT Leonardo
Ranboo
Pastel kitty
Lackadaisy
Epithet erased
Another OC named cerys
Pikmin
Slay the princess
Someone's pictures (Idk what to call this one just know that I'm going to do it)
The Magnus protocol
Bive (regretavator)
Donnie darko
Megamind
Jake Peralta (Brooklyn nine nine)
Allister (pokemon)
Umi (idk from where I'll figure it out eventually)
Rottweiler puppy and the creek
Monster tom (eddsworld)
Gnarpy (regretavator)
Xianzhao loufu (hsr)
Cg jing yuan (hsr)
Cupcake and dino
Kitty petre pomni (tadc)
Shiromo (pui pui molcar)
Jack harkness (doctor who)
Pettoism
Cg basil hallward (the picture of Dorian gray)
Cats
Spiderman (again! lol)
Mei (Lego monkie kid)
Cats + cakes
Houndoom (pokemon)
Wolfwalkers from cartoon saloon
Lucifer (hazbin hotel)
Critterspace (drafts)
Minecraft lush caves (drafts)
Ibara saegusa
Llewellyn Watts (Murdoch Mysteries)
Jake (trailer park warlock, drafts)
Cult of the lamb (pet dreaming themed)
Tubbo
Cassie (fnaf: ruin)
Black kitten + space
Grey draik (neopets)
Pumpkin head (still needs more research)
Someone's OC Avery & siblings
Maki harukawa
Brown, lime green and forest green puppy
Dylan (the magic roundabout)
Zombies
Vincent (dead plate)
Osamu dazai (bungo stray dogs, drafts)
Vision CG (marvel, drafts)
Light blue
Bearded vulture
Mind (Chonny Jash/CCCC)
Seam CG (deltarune)
John Constantine (Justice League Dark)
Keralis (Hermitcraft, maybe)
Tula tones (novi stars, drafts)
Eevee + dragons (or witchy themes which I may do instead)
Kitten + stars (I think, the request actually says stairs though and it's been confusing me)
Mushrooms
Grey + Ross federman youtooz (drafts)
Boyfriend.xml (Friday night funkin')
Puppet (fnaf)
Genshin impact (drafts)
Eddsworld
Karako Pierot (hiveswap)
Scorpion
Border Collie
Mortal Kombat
Puppy + SpongeBob (drafts)
Baby vulture (drafts)
Rain world/slugcat (drafts)
Border Collie
Modded smash hit rooms
Crying child (fnaf)
Agent Smith CG (the matrix)
Rolfe DeWolfe CG (Rockafire Explosion)
Slime rancher
Puppet (fnaf)
Parado (Kamen Rider)
Tally hall
Rockabilly (probably)
Felix Lee
Charles Xavier CG (X-Men)
Naoto Shirogane (persona 4, drafts)
Kitoto
17th century dutch (drafts)
Sees behind trees (drafts)
Allay (Minecraft, I think. Drafts)
Tasmanian devil (drafts, can't figure out if they want the cartoon or animal)
Spamton CG (deltarune, drafts)
Grunge + lop eared bunnies (drafts)
Yume-Nikki (drafts)
Daxter (jak and daxter, drafts)
Madness combat for puppies (drafts)
James Sunderland (silent Hill, drafts)
Shirokuma (Danganronpa, drafts)
Leo (IDW comic, drafts)
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youjustcannotknow · 2 months ago
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the weight of the world has crushed me flat on this fine afternoon
#that is extremely fucking dramatic of me to say. it's not. that bad. I guess. I don't know#I've had intermittent FMLA protected leave at work. for a while. and I found out that it actually ended on January 1st#so I've been taking leave for two literal months without job protections. and payroll and/or hr didn't let me know?#you'd think if someone keeps using FMLA leave on their time sheets. you should check their FMLA status. I don't know.#I don't know if that was on them or on me. in any case. I emailed them and I guess we'll fucking see.#ALSO! there's layoffs happening! the good thing is. I would just get bumped down to my original position. which. would be a pay cut.#but that's better than just. not. having a job. idk.#everything is happening so much. I'm having a (sort of) panic attack in another room. just put up my meeting sign at my desk#having a meeting with myself! haha. I want to die#my therapist is the one who does my FMLA paperwork. he can fix it. but. I have to start seeing him again regularly. and man. I don't know.#I don't know. there's too much. which is all the more reason to see him. but like. I don't know.#wish I could scream in here but I fear they might call me an ambulance or something in response. lmao#I'm stuck in that trapped feeling again. it's always bad on Mondays bc I have to answer phones on Mondays#which means I have to stay at my desk all day. in case the phone rings.#but now it's... all of it. being conscious feels like being trapped right now. and I can't even like. have emotions?#like I feel like crying and I think it would be helpful to cry right now but something is stopping that from happening and I hate that.#so trapped in myself that I can't even cry? god. how do people deal with stress normally?? I want to.. idk#I want to hide somewhere. run away and hide forever. disintegrate into ash and blow away.#anyway. fucking dramatic. as always.#will delete later probably. I just needed to be dramatic for a minute.#hand on my stupid heart.#(decided to put this back on my blog bc I've had plenty of breakdowns on Tumblr so why should this one get hidden lmao)
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popcorn-plots · 11 months ago
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I have to conduct young woman's today in church but I don't want to.... I never fit in with any of the girls and I feel like most of them don't like me. it doesn't help that I moved here at the beginning of junior high when everyone already had their cliques and I was the "weird kid" (always was and always will be). My interests are so different from theirs that it's really hard to find common ground between us to talk about. Most of the girls are into sports and boys and talk about nothing else, meanwhile I'm into cosplay and writing (also boys, but I like girls, too and bringing that up with the church is not a great idea). The one other girl who no one was really friends with is my best friend in this neighborhood and she's in relief society and leaving for a mission in a few years
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jacksintention · 2 years ago
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Still unwell about Rilke and PH
I love the dark hours of my being.
My mind deepens into them.
There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.
Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that's wide and timeless.
So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a gravesite
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots
embrace:
a dream once lost
among sorrows and songs.
#There's in Rilke and especially in this particular book a lot about the world‚ created in the beholding and loving it‚#and one existing to love the world. There's so much about the world being created by that loving and knowing the world of one individual#person that loves and knows it. A kind of feedback loop of existing and being by love and knowledge that is all a participation#on the act of creation. The person coming to exist to love and know the world‚ and creating the world by loving and beholding it#This is also present on Juan Ramón Jiménez‚ among others‚ but 5 yo me was obsessed with those poems. ANYWAY#This topic made me think of Lacie a lot but in this particular poem that topic + the 'I'm sorry' scene + the figure of Lacie beyond Lacie‚#a Lacie that's legend and real‚ a Lacie always sitting under a tree‚ life ending and life expanding so to speak‚...#That kind of knowing it all in a glimpse that is knowing in an instant and eternal (which again reminds me of Kierkegaard‚#fitting I'd say with Rilke). I'm explaining myself terribly but I don't want to talk too much haha But yeah it all seemed very fitting#There was another poem about spiralling so to speak around god that I also thought was very Lacie but very PH in general#('I live my life in widening circles / that reach out across the world. / I may not complete this last one / but I give myself to it /#I circle around God‚ around the primordial tower. / I've been circling for thousands of years / and I still don't know: am I a falcon‚ /#a storm or a great song?'). The spiralling around god in what is still some sort of emanence or reflection of it while being also#different iterations of the self which all reflect it also reminded me a lot of Cantor's transfinite numbers#Which again is quite fitting and coherent with the other authors and PH imo‚ but I may be biased. Anyway yes. This reminded me of Lacie#I didn't plan on drawing anything at first and now I have to flinch to read the poem#I hope I'll recognise enough of what I've written when I eventually come back to this#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#mine*
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dante-and-dragons · 1 year ago
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Ough. Post-session fatigue is hitting harder than usual today.
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pekoeboo · 2 years ago
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hhh i've had like. no drive to work on any art or writing projects. ;n; my heart is still so invested in the stories and characters I've created, but the motivation to take those feelings and put it into some form of content is next to nil. i don't know why it's been like that but it's kinda sad :c
don't get me wrong - i'm happy with most of the things i've created lately, but it's also been this strange game of doubt and comparison going on in my head when it comes to actually sharing what I make. there are a lot of pieces of art and writing that i just haven't posted because i feel like it's not in a place where it's good enough for anyone other than myself. the idea of editing and actually finishing some projects so that i can make sense of them online is overwhelming even tho i would love to just... get some of those ideas out for anyone who might be interested in hearing about them, you know?
anyway. probably just need to let myself take some kind of break?? idk what that would really entail at this point tho. it's just been a weird mental state that I need to work out i guess.
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4lph4kidz · 2 years ago
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idk maybe talking about my writing seems conceited for who hasn't published much of anything and hasn't finished anything as of yet, or maybe all this hand wringing is annoying, but i've written a lot of bits and pieces over the years and it's enough for me to be reasonably comfortable with the basics, you know? but working on something this long is presenting a whole other world of trouble for me and i think i accidentally put a hell of a lot more of myself into it than i meant to. so i'm feeling particularly vulnerable about it being out there and existing. it means a lot to me and that's scary!
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roobylavender · 1 year ago
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if i really scratch my head i think maybe the one thing all of this could stem from is mere discussion of the fact that talia and selina's histories with bruce sort of operate in the reverse and inevitably that factors into any contention with either relationship. like it can't really be helped that bruce and talia were married very early on into the latter's history and that this is integral to analyzing talia's entire dynamic with bruce, her evolving perception of her own place in the world, and her eventual decision to break free of bruce entirely. the constraints of a marriage with bruce as desired by her father are foundational lore to the early aughts of her character in a way that selina's settled domestic life with bruce is not. if we're talking about the golden age what was foundational to selina's dynamic with bruce was his ability to recognize above everyone else her consistent capacity for mercy despite her villainous goals on the surface. in post-crisis that was translated along the lines of a class struggle specifically. the villainous goals were interpreted to represent a defiance of men and the state and their collective violence, and they also formed a means of survival. what was initially merely a recognition of selina's capacity for mercy now became a potential recognition of bruce's own hypocrisies. selina acted as a symbol for petty criminals in gotham whom bruce would otherwise have written off as immoral wholesale bc to him the law was the law. and the remarkable thing about it was that none of it required selina giving even an inch to bruce. she was who she was and that was what made her utterly compelling to him. it's not a slight against selina that neither marriage nor a close civilian relationship formed the basis of her relationship with bruce and i don't understand why anyone would take it as one. marriage and domestic life for talia was a mark of the utter tragedy of her relationship with bruce. it was a fantasy and a delusion and it could never have given her what she wanted nor lent her any kind of agency in the long term. and i think when we meander into the realm of comparing the relationships we really start to diminish why certain aspects are important to either. why are the various patriarchal restrictions on talia's agency so integral to her character arc and its exploration of freedom? why is selina's existence in a sphere of life entirely distinct of bruce so integral to her character arc and its exploration of class? the constant back and forth between shippers on either end trying to equalize in terms of what either relationship has gone through in canon like it's a checklist to romantic validity is a bit absurd and i wish we would move away from it when analyzing the relationships or the characters
#it reminds me a bit of when i said that i think selina becoming a millionaire was a stupid development#that was insulting to everything newell and grant and moench had tried to build up about her in the early 90s#and people got upset and called me a hypocrite bc talia is rich. like my guy. can i help it that talia is rich#i can't erase her foundational character traits to make some sort of even playing field..#and frankly the fact that she and bruce are rich /is/ precisely what drives the whole argument about duty between them#they are in no position to complain or grow tired or languish in their reams of wealth#there is a duty they owe to the world while they have power and they have to suck it up and uphold that duty#it is the absolute least they can do and they know that. hence why talia is repeatedly on bruce's ass about it#it is also not lost on me that the above complaint may largely stem from the lazarus affair#where talia was portrayed to be ridiculously haughty and more than willing to show off her wealth#even though she didn't do that in like. any other comic in her pre-assassination era#and the lazarus affair as i have said so many times was a ridiculous comic anyways bc it setup talia and selina to be#combative ship fodder to fuel disagreements between dick and bruce. it is literally the first comic where they were ever#pit against each other. despite the fact that they had co-existed in harmony for a decade prior#and denny o'neil had gone so far as to establish both of them as bruce's definitive love interests in the 70s#like idk man it's not hard to entertain a little more critical thinking and poke at why the comparisons between them are nonsensical#a lot of it. a Lot of it. is stemming from people wanting either ship to one up the other. and you shouldn't fall for it#to be deleted#anyway. not making this rebloggable bc i'm sure you're all annoyed already but this whole thing has really confused me. so i've rambled
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daxite · 8 months ago
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yeah i think i've fully come to terms with the fact that i'm 100% somewhere on the ace spectrum lol
#dax rambles#i'm still absolutely bi but i'm just so fucking indifferent towards sex and relationship shit 90% of the time#i have attraction towards whatever gender but i don't even really consider it or think about it -- granted there is stuff i'm attracted to#i do like many various masculine & feminine features etc -- but ultimately it's just like i'm attracted to who i'm attracted to lol#but i really don't give much of a shit about sex itself really outside of when i'm in gooner mode and even then i only really care about#my weird fetishes/kinks LMAO#and relationship-wise it's the same though yeah i still want a relationship and have a possible crush on someone -- though that could be a#rebound thing since i went through a pretty rough breakup earlier this year + there's some other stuff so i doubt i'll act on it -- but#when it comes to relationships in general like in media and shit i really do not care honestly aside from a small handful of exceptions lol#like i still see so many people talking about shipping constantly here and i'm realising how truly little i give a shit about any#of that kind of stuff LMAO like more power to you but yeah it's never been something i'm that interested in at all aside from a small#handful of ships i like but honestly that's more of a lesser point#i just have zero interest in romance outside of what my own relationships would be i guess is the best way to put it#and i know i could never ever ever be in a relationship with someone who i haven't at least known as a friend for a good few years prior#like no fucking way lmao i need that established level of trust and bond + chemistry but i've literally never developed a crush on someone#outside of friends anyway so lmao and by crush i do mean someone who i would want to try a relationship with not just#“i'm attracted to this person” when it comes to attraction it's whatever and even with that it's very much a “damn they're hot would” and#that's about it lol it's not really super often either which is another main reason why i'm pretty confident i'm asexual to a degree#i think it was something i was in denial about for a while because i'm very happy with & enjoy being bisexual but either way i am still bi#it's just that the way i'm attracted to people & have little interest in sex itself is additionally some type of asexual experience lol#i'll probably delete this later unless i forgor i don't really give a shit though lmao
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maidragoste · 1 month ago
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Someone has to take care of you
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Ex Husband!Cregan Stark x Reader
pt 2
I have to confess I'm nervous because this is my first time writing for Cregan. I actually started writing this in a different way and deleted everything and rewrote it.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. If you do, please don't forget to like, leave a comment, and reblog because that always motivates me to keep writing 🥰💖💖
If you have any ideas, questions or headcanons you want to share, my inbox is always open 🤗💖
Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.
I wish you a good read!
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You felt like your head was going to explode and someone ringing your doorbell didn't help.
“Just a minute,” you tried to shout, instantly regretting it because of the pain in your throat. After taking care of whoever was at the door, you would drink some water and try to go back to sleep until it was time to pick up Rickon from kindergarten.
The headache definitely kept you from thinking clearly, because normally you would have looked through the peephole before opening the door.
“Cregan? What are you doing here?” you asked, confused. You were sure your fever hadn't risen enough for you to be hallucinating about your ex husband, so there must be a reason why he was here instead of his home in the North.
“Rickon told me you were sick,” he said, looking at you intently and you regretted not having tried to get ready a little before leaving but you had woken up startled by the sound of the doorbell. You must look like a mess.
With you and Rickon living in King's Landing and Cregan living in the North. Your son couldn't see Cregan all the time, so instead you called each other every day. Rickon probably told him you were sick last night while you were cooking dinner.
“You took a plane and came here just because I'm sick?” you asked, still not believing it.
“Yeah, someone has to take care of you,” he said as if it were the most normal thing in the world, and your silly heart raced. It wasn't fair. How were you supposed to get over him when he did things like this and always looked at you with warm eyes?
“I’m sure I can survive a cold on my own,” you said, but you still moved away from the door to let him in. You only did it because it would be rude of you to refuse his help when he took the time to come all the way here, and because Rickon would be happy to see his father, not because you wanted to spend time with Cregan.
“I know, but you don’t have to do it alone,” he declared, noticing how nervous you were getting because your eyes instantly flicked away from him, so he quickly changed the subject. “Have you eaten yet?”
“No, all I've done since I dropped Rickon off at kindergarten is sleep,” you admitted, somewhat embarrassed, but you were so tired you hadn't felt like cooking anything.
“I brought some things to make you soup,” he said, making you notice the grocery bag in his right hand and his duffle bag hanging over his shoulder.
And that was how you ended up sitting watching Cregan cook for you—of course, you had offered to help him but he refused and sent you to rest until the food was ready and this time it was your turn to refuse because you didn’t want to leave him alone—while you two talked like old times. The conversation flowed naturally—the only interruptions were when Cregan reminded you to drink water—you talked about work, Rickon’s latest adventures—how he tried to steal the neighbor’s dog and you died of embarrassment—and you were telling him about how your family and your group of friends were doing.
Of course, for a moment you couldn't help thinking it was just like a normal day as if you two were still married until you remembered that before, you could hug him from behind, and he'd always turn around and kiss you before continuing to cook. But now you didn't have the right to touch or kiss him.
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Taglist: @jasminecosmic99 @thorins-queen-of-erebor @bleepeats-15 @hotdhoe @ethereal-athalia @seleniumforest @omnjc @lunar-munchkin @beefbaby25 @olivkaoke @manarahehehe @mxrtiaxv
Taglist for all my House of the Dragon works
@chaotic-fangirl-blog @venus-flytrap3 @ajordan2020 @iloveallmyboys @sweethoneyblossom1 @fudge13 @crystal-faith @tita004 @ichanelvxgue @snowprincesa1
@joyouart @rosey1981 @alastorhazbin @papichulo120627 @apollonshootafar @partypoison00 @labellapeaky @rebelliuna @bxdbxtxh15 @impartinghades @thegirlnextdoorssister @angeliod @snh96 @aleemendoza2425-blog @natashaobo @watercolorskyy @nyenye @savagemickey03 @kishie8
hotd masterlist
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