#having a meeting with myself! haha. I want to die | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

silentglassbreak · 7 months ago

Note

I have a request for when you have time and only if you vibe with it haha

How about: Mona, somewhat tall, dark hair, light blue eyes, loves a tattoo when she can afford it, loves jewellery (fingers full of rings, chokers). She's been friends with the band for a while, can be a bit shy but fun and lovely to be around. She's gotten out of her first relationship a while ago, one where she never felt really appreciated or loved and the other person didn't really bother with her enjoyment during sex ever, so much that she wondered if sex just wasn't for her. But Noah, oh Noah, doesn't even need to do much but she feels hot and bothered. So what if Noah finds out and vows to provide her with an amazing experience, finding out she's actually quite kinky along the way. The kinks are up to you if you'd like I'll love it all haha. Maybe they're also in love with each other and just realising it now, maybe it's just a fwb situation, completely up to you, I can't wait to see what you'll come up with, your writing is amazing! 💜💜

Something light and easy, just for funsies. ☺️ After Writing Notes: This was fun. I enjoyed having something more lighthearted. Hopefully it is what you were hoping for.

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, kink (nothing too wild), oral sex (both receiving)

Blackbird

"This had better be good if you're calling me at six in the morning..."

I rubbed my eyes, my deep frustrations seeping out in my words.

"It is!" I huffed, waiting for him to continue. "We're home!"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'd hope so. You've been on the road for like...three days?"

"Right, but we're home! And we want to go get breakfast!"

Still failing to see what any of that had to do with me, I tossed my arm over my face. "So...do that?"

"Okay, so you'll meet us there?"

"I beg your pardon?" I opened my eyes, knitting my eyebrows together.

"You'll meet us at Reggie's?"

I growled into the receiver. "You're out of your God damn mind if you think I'm getting out of bed anytime before ten, Nick."

"C'mon Mona! We talked about getting together as soon as we got home!"

"Uh, yeah, I figured that meant after you had taken some time to fucking recover!"

He giggled. "We're all caffeinated and hungry. Thought it would be a good time!"

"It's not."

"I'm buying!"

"I'd rather die."

"Too bad. Get dressed and meet us in an hour, please!"

Opening my mouth to protest, I felt the line go dead.

There were moments I truly regretted being friends with Nick Folio. He was a morning person.

Lifting my head off of the bed, I scrunched up my nose and pouted for a moment, gathering enough of my bearings to pull my legs off the side and stood up.

My arms reached over my head, my spine cracking and stretching. I walked over to the kitchen, pulled the refrigerator open and yanked the iced coffee from the shelf. Quickly, I mixed myself a beverage and drank half of it in three solid gulps.

Once the caffeine began burning it's way through me, I drug myself into the bathroom and stared at my reflection.

Well, it could be worse, right?

My icy blue eyes were only so puffy today, my hair freshly washed the night before. My shirt was clean as well, which was an improvement over the last couple of weeks.

I hadn't mentioned to any of the guys that I had been moping for the last two weeks straight. Sixteen days, more specifically.

Since Vinny decided he 'wasn't ready for a committed relationship'. Aside from being devastated, I also found it interesting given we had been dating for over a fucking year.

Fucking producers, man. Snakes - every last one.

I was blindsided by the breakup, and I had let myself feel it full force. My method was to be in pain, depressed, and disgusting for as long as it took for the heartbreak to fade away. If that meant not leaving the house, barely eating, and showering every three days, then so be it.

I did, however, know the boys would be home today, and had to prepare for that. My best friends for a good nine years now, I knew there was no getting out of seeing them as soon as they touched ground in California. I maybe expected a little more time to sleep in, but not much.

It was too early to care about appearances, so I brushed through my dark, chocolate-toned mess of hair and tossed it into a messy ponytail. I pulled my favorite band t-shirt over my head, a Bring Me shirt I got back at Warped Tour in 2012, and slipped into a pair of plain black leggings. My flip-flops would have to do, as I had no desire to hunt down two socks, let alone matching ones.

When I locked my front door, I winced at my nails. I had been biting and pulling at my cuticles for days without even realizing. I needed to get acrylics ASAP. I made a mental note to see if the nail salon had any openings after breakfast.

My deeply tinted sunglasses hid my eyes from the outside world. I hadn't bothered with any makeup this morning, not having the time nor the patience for it.

I hummed idly to my music as I drove the short ten minutes to Reggie's Diner, zoning out mostly. I pulled into the space in front, noticing none of their vehicles were there yet.

Of course.

Fucker wakes me up early, pulls me from the hole I had crawled into, and doesn't even show up on time. How predictable. I pulled a foot up onto the seat, balancing my chin on my knee while I waited.

The music streamed through my speakers, and the lyrics hit me in the chest.

"I guess this is goodbye. I guess we got what we deserved. Hold on to your heart, it's almost over."

"Ugh." I turned the volume down to zero, not wanting those kinds of emotions sinking in.

Before I could dwell too long, a loud, sharp knock came on my window, and I jumped nearly a foot in the air.

Standing in my driver's side window, Folio was pressing his forehead against the glass, making cross-eyed faces. I turned to the windshield, where Nicholas was lifting his shirt up to flash me. Jolly stood next to him, rubbing a palm over his friend's bare stomach, thrusting his hips like a complete moron. To my right, Noah stood at the opposing window, mouth pressed against the glass, puffing out his cheeks.

Tears nearly welled in my eyes at the absolute absurdity of these idiots. God, I fucking missed them.

I scanned the menu for no reason at all, already knowing exactly what I planned to order.

"French toast and an over easy egg, right?" Noah's elbow bumped me, his own menu open in front of him.

I pursed my lips. "No, I actually thought I'd get the waffles with bacon this time."

"Yeah?" He raised an eyebrow, and I cracked a smile.

"Nah, I'm getting French toast."

He snickered, nodding his head. "You always do."

"Yeah, well you always get raspberry lemonade so..."

"What's wrong with lemonade?!" He dropped his menu, eyes scanning me.

"Nothing." He huffed, narrowing his eyes. "Raspberry lemonade though?"

He opened his mouth to retort, but we were interrupted by the waiter. Each taking turns placing our orders, Noah went last, ordering a peach lemonade. I rolled my eyes, and folded my arms on the table, listening to them idly chat.

"I have a feeling that once I get food in me, I'm going to nap for at least eight hours." Jolly chuckled, fiddling with the salt shaker.

"Dude, me too. I think I'm just running on hopes and dreams right now." Nicholas added.

"How was the drive from New York?"

They all groaned in unison. "Fucking long." Folio commented.

"It felt like we were driving through Colorado for a fucking year." Noah tossed his head back.

I bumped him with my shoulder at his theatrics. "Your guys' bus is so bougie, it couldn't have been so bad."

"Once you've been in it for months like we have?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "I never want to see another tour bus again."

They all nodded together, affirming noises under their breaths.

"Don't you leave for the second leg of the tour in, like, eight weeks?"

There was a beat of silence before they all cackled. "Fuck, dude. Don't remind me!" Folio dropped his face in his hands.

Everyone fell into side conversations as we waited for our food. I was listening to Folio tell me about the people he had the opportunity to meet while they were traveling, but I felt my mind wandering, my eyes following, eventually settling on Noah.

Somehow, since I had last seen him three months ago, he managed to get even more muscular. His arms were bigger, and his hair was slightly longer than it was before he left. He had a fresh tattoo on the small patch of open skin on his upper arm, ink still vibrant. He was listening to Jolly, smiling at whatever he was telling him that was so entertaining.

"Mona?" It occurred to me that I missed what Folio was saying to me.

"Huh?" I looked back at him. "Repeat that?"

He smirked. "Space cadet?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's early." He mimicked me, rolling his eyes as well. "What did you ask?"

"I said, how's Vinny?"

My heart sunk, and the lump that I had just managed to swallow reformed in my throat. My face must have given something away, because the entire table fell silent.

"Oh, Vinny..." My stare fell down to my plate, pushing what was left of my French toast around. "He's fine."

Nick lowered his face so he could force me to meet his eyes.

"Everything okay?"

I nodded, biting my lip and trying like hell to smile. "Yeah, all good."

"That's not believable." Nicholas spoke up, pointing a finger at me. The glare I shot at him could’ve sliced right through his skin, had he not deflected with his own. “Care to explain?”

I set my fork down, folding my hands in my lap and folding my shoulders in. I could feel Noah leaning just a fraction closer to me, and my skin was warm where I felt his hoodie pressing against me.

“I don’t, actually. Thank you, though!” I tried to sound as chipper as possible, but it was falling on deaf ears. These morons knew me better than anyone.

“You guys fighting or something?” Jolly piped up between bites of hash.

I shook my head. “Nope.” Dismissive was not a skill I possessed.

“Do I need to fuck him up?” Folio did his best to look intimidating, and this made me cackle.

“No, Nick. No need.”

A bump to my arm made my eyes glance up at Noah, his face concerned. “What’s goin’ on, Mona?”

What was it about that fool that made me crumble like clay?

I sighed hard, leaning back in my chair, and averting my eyes to my plate, fingers now fiddling with my napkin. I could tell they were all looking at me, and it was a heavy feeling.

“Vinny broke it off.”

I don’t think I’ve seen four jaws fall at once before, but there’s a first for everything. I felt Noah tense up next to me, and it took all I had not to lean into him. He didn’t need to be fazed, it wasn’t a big deal…right?

“The fuck?!” Nicholas dropped his fork on his plate. “Why?”

I shrugged in response, pursing my lips. “Who knows.”

“Kicking his ass sounds pretty good, now.” Noah’s words were meant to be humorous, I’m sure. But his tone said otherwise, low and venomous.

When I chanced a look up at him, his eyes were narrowed into dangerous slits, focused on me. My hand gripped his arm, squeezing gently.

“It’s really no big deal, guys. Just wasn’t meant to be.”

“He didn’t give you a reason?” Folio sounded more concerned than angry.

I groaned, leaning my elbows on the table and rubbing my eyes. “Fuck, I guess? He said he wasn’t ready to commit or some bullshit.”

I heard at least two of them suck their teeth in disapproval.

“What horse shit. You guys were together a year.” Jolly wiped his mouth on his napkin.

“It was over a year.” I said, my voice small.

“Didn’t he ask you to move in with him like, three months ago?” Noah sounded like he was in disbelief.

“He did. I turned him down because I was afraid of something like this happening.”

“Mona?” My eyes fell on Folio, his hand now on my shoulder. “When did this happen?”

My face fell, then. I knew they weren’t going to like my answer.

“Like…” I took a breath. “Two and a half weeks ago?”

“What?!” Yep, about what I expected. “Mona! Why didn’t you tell me?” Nick was nearly out of his chair.

“Why would I?” I tried not to look at him, but I knew he was burning a hole in my face.

“Oh fuck, I don’t know.” He scrubbed a hand over his mouth. “Maybe because we’re your best friends!”

I rolled my eyes. “Who were on tour! You guys didn’t need my petty drama while you were working.”

Noah scoffed, turning his body toward me. “And we could’ve just brought you out to finish tour with us.” He glanced around the table, silent agreement from the other guys. “It’s not like we haven’t before.”

He had taken my hands, which felt so tiny in his huge grip. I couldn’t help but smile at him, and then at the rest of them.

“Guys, as amazing as you all are,” I pointedly looked at each of them. “I’m a big girl, and I don’t need my boys coming to my rescue over a little heartbreak.”

Noah’s fingers squeezed me, bringing my attention back to him. “We know that, but we like doing it. So next time, tell us, okay?”

I leaned my face into his chest, his arms circling me in a tight hug. I smiled, feeling safer than I had before they left. When he released me, I smiled at them.

“I love you guys.”

“Mona!” I turned, my keys in hand to unlock my car. Noah was jogging in my direction, the rest of the guys already in their own ride.

“What’s up?”

He stopped in front of me, looking almost like he was losing nerve the longer he stared at me. He tucked his hands in his sweater pocket, now smiling at me sheepishly.

“I just wanted to know, do you have plans today?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Uh, just going to get my nails done. Might grab some groceries later. That’s it, though.”

He nodded, kicking his shoe against the asphalt. “Okay, think you’d want to see a movie later?”

This wasn’t out of the ordinary. I had my designated activity that I typically did with each of the guys.

Jolly was a ‘go out to a fine dining restaurant’ type of guy, so he would take us out at least once a month to a new place, and we would spend the evening critiquing the food and atmosphere - as if either of us had any right. It was hilarious.

Nicholas, being the tattoo artist he was, loved the days I took the time to spend in the shop, helping him clean up and hang out. He had very little time to tattoo these days, and when he did, his books were full. I would sit with him, help him sketch, and bring food to the shop. He usually gave me little bangers here and there while we had time, and it helped my tattoo addiction, and my budget, tremendously.

Nick, unsurprisingly, was the nature freak. Luckily for him, I loved to fish. We’d hop on his bike when the weather was right, and head up to Big Bear a few times a year, or hit the piers for saltwater fishing. I never caught much, but he always told the other guys I did.

Noah, however, was a movie guy. Horror, sci-fi, comedy, didn’t matter. If it was in a theater, he wanted to see it. I was all for that. I had a serious affinity for popcorn, and loved to listen to him whisper to me during the movie, or bitch about it on the drive home. Maybe I enjoyed the occasions where I got chilly, and he let me wear his sweater? Or maybe I just liked being alone with him?

When I first met the boys, Noah had instantly stuck out differently than the rest of them. He was stunning, reserved, funny, and glowed like the sun. He had a smile that made my knees buckle and a hug that could swallow me whole. Voice of a siren and talent like none other.

Of course, I had an immediate crush on him.

Something about the way he spoke gave me such pause, my ears yearning to hear every word, hanging on them as they came out. The way he moved, gestured, breathed...it made my skin tingle.

However, when Noah and I met all those years ago, he had a girlfriend. It was disappointing - to say the least - but I respected it, and continued on as his best friend. I put the feelings to bed, and accepted the group of four misfits into my life without hesitation, arms open. Did the feelings eventually relax? Sure.

Something I appreciated about mine and Noah's situation was that I had the opportunity to get to know him better than I ever would have, had we entered into any kind of relationship. I saw him at his very best, but also at his lowest depths. I watched him free fall through his depression. Held his hand while he fought through the shadows within his own mind.

Noah, like myself, had a dark and violent past, so we were always closer. The guys constantly made comments about it, saying we were kindred spirits, begging to be together. It was all very Shakespeare, and we typically brushed it off. We laughed at their silly jokes...but over the years, there had been more than a few long and awkward stares between us.

He never told me he had feelings for me. The words never left his mouth. But did he walk with his arm around me sometimes? Hold my hand at the scariest parts of the movies? Bring me snacks and nap with me when I was sick?

Every. Time.

Until Vinny.

Once Vinny came into the picture, Noah had to take a step back. He had been single for three years - me for four. He had ample time to make some kind of move. He never did. So we sat in comfortable solace. And then Vinny came in, swept me up, and 'ran off with me', as Noah put it. He was upset, but would never admit it. Our movie dates stopped. Sick days were cancelled. And my shoulders were always so cold...

Over a year, Noah and I had been as platonic as brother and sister. It was painful at first, but I think we both got used to it. We hadn't seen a movie together in fifteen months...

"Mona?"

I was pulled from my thoughts and brought back to a very sheepish looking Noah, who looked as though he was about to tell me to forget it.

"Yes! Of course I'll go to the movies with you!" Maybe that came out a little too excited.

It was worth it, however, to see the way his face lit up. "Yeah?" He nodded, hiding his teeth in his smile. "Alright, cool."

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hide my own enthusiasm. "What're we going to see?"

"Tarot is out, have you heard of it?"

My eyes deadpanned at him. "Looked terrifying."

"Perfect!" He turned to walk away. "I'll look up showtimes?"

I shook my head. "Just pick me up at nine? We'll figure it out from there?"

This made him smirk. "You got it." He began walking back toward his brothers, and I turned to my car door. "Oh!"

I whipped back around.

"Do you need me to bring you a sweatshirt?"

I felt the warmth pool in my gut. Oh, the game was so on.

"Nah." I waved a hand at him. "Yours will do."

Was this a date? It wasn't. I was sure it wasn't. It couldn't have been. Not possible. We were best friends. I was reading into this.

Noah had seen me with strep throat. Bought me tampons. Held my hair back while I vomited. There was no way he had feelings for me. He probably viewed me as his gross younger sister. Or his weird cousin who stole his clothes a lot. There was no way.

But I still found myself dialing Nick, staring down at my two outfit options, chewing the skin of my lip to a pulp waiting for him to answer. It took three back-to-back calls before his groggy voice mumbled into the line.

"I'm sleeping."

I rolled my eyes. "I need your help."

"Mona, I'm tired."

"Yeah, well, I was tired at six this morning. Sucks to suck. I need your help." I was now actively pacing my bedroom.

"Ugh, hang on." I could hear him moving around, likely sitting up in bed. A loud groan came on the other end. Stretching. "Alright, whose dying?"

"Nick, I don't know if this is a date."

He spoke through a yawn. "Your thing with Noah? You guys used to always do that shit."

I scoffed. "That was before."

"Before...what?" I could hear the sound of a door opening, and then closing.

"Before," I took a second, but wasn't even certain of what I was thinking anymore. I growled. "just before!"

"Well, that makes a lot of sense, huh?"

I could hear his voice echoing, and then the sound of water running. Wait...not water...

"Are you pissing on the phone with me, you freak?!"

He chuckled at that, still sounding exhausted. "You wake me up? You deal with the consequences."

I made a noise of disgust. "Wash your hands before we finish this conversation."

I could hear the sink running, and then he picked the phone back up.

"I honestly don't get what you're freaking out about, dude."

"Of course you don't get it. You're a cool, nonchalant, unbothered dude! Whereas I'm over here thinking way too much into this and having an anxiety attack!"

"Alright, alright. Calm down." He huffed back down onto his bed. "Talk me through it."

"Okay." I took a deep breath, turning to look at my bed. "I don't know what to wear. Usually, during movie nights with Noah, I wear sweats and a baggy t-shirt. I like to be comfy in the theater, especially since he takes us to the ones with the...uh..." I snapped to think of the word. "recliners! The chairs that lean back? So do I just go with normal attire? Or, do I dress up nicer? Show him I'm interested in this being more than just a typical movie date? Show off a little? Will that give him the wrong impression? Will he think I'm trying too hard? But if I bum it out, will he think I'm a slob and have let myself go since the breakup? I don't know what to do. Don't even get me started on makeup."

"Holy fuck dude, you are freaking out."

My heart was racing at the rate my mouth was moving, but Folio's voice made me snap my jaw shut. I only talked that fast when I was losing my mind.

"Listen," He breathed loudly, likely sinking back down into his pillows. "I get why you're nervous. But this is Noah."

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I'm aware."

"So that means, the beauty about going on a date with him is that he knows you better than anyone. Even me. So you can be yourself."

"It's a date."

"No shit. Noah has been pining over you since the day you both met. Wouldn't shut up about going to the movies with you all day. It's a date."

All of the blood drained from my face. "Oh."

My heart had froze. Thinking it to myself was one thing, but to hear someone else say it...

"Don't start spiraling. This has been almost a decade in the making. It's going to go fine. Just be you. Wear your comfy clothes. No makeup. Hair loose. You're stupid cute like that."

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Nick, knock it off."

He snickered. "Listen, babe. I may not be the one in love with you, but I can appreciate a fox when I see one."

I almost dropped the phone as my stomach lurched. "You said what just now?!"

Realizing his error, Nick's voice jumped several octaves. "No! No no no! I didn't mean it like that! It's a figure of speech!"

I felt my chest tighten. "Oh fuck..."

"Nope. Mona, listen to me! I was just using the phrase to prove a point! He's not in love with you!"

"He's not?"

"No, I mean...he is...well, he's never..." I could feel the vein in my neck threatening to burst. "Shit."

I sat on my bed, wiping my now damp palms on my pant legs.

"Listen, don't listen to me. I'm half asleep and I smoked before I went to bed, so I'm still a little faded. Just..." He took a hard breath. "Just be you, Mona. Regardless of how deep he feels for you, I know he's excited to just hang with you. He's kept you at arms length for over a year, out of respect. Now that he's allowed to get close again," I could hear the smirk in his voice. "I'm not sure he'll let you get too far anymore."

Something about that calmed me. That's why I called Folio. Despite my near-stroke, he knew how to talk me off of pretty much any ledge that I found myself inching toward.

"Okay. So comfy clothes, hair down, no makeup?"

"Right. But wear your jewelry."

My eyebrow raised in curiosity. "Yeah?"

"You know those rings you wear? And the choker? He thinks they're sexy."

I waited impatiently at the bottom of the apartment building, fingers pulling at the long sleeves of my shirt. Although I fully intended to snitch his hoodie, it was still too brisk to go completely unprotected.

His truck pulled up at five till nine, right on time. I hopped into the passenger's side easily, and cherished the familiar smell of him. I missed it something awful.

"Hey!" I looked over at him. Clearly, he had the same idea as I did, wearing his joggers, plain black hoodie, and his hair still wet from a shower. He looked so clean...edible. My mouth watered at the idea.

"Hey!" He reached over to pull me into a half-hug, letting his hand linger on my arm. His eyes glanced over me, lingering maybe a second or two longer on my neck. My black 90s style choker sat tight on my skin. He ran his fingers down my arm to my hand, running his thumb over the stone of the ring on my index finger.

Thank you, Folio.

"Multiplex has a showtime in thirty minutes?"

I smiled brightly. "Perfect!"

The drive was short, and we were bounding into the building, arm in arm, same as always. "We're getting popcorn?"

He smirked. "And candy."

After obtaining our goodies, we made our way into the theater, finding our seats. Before he leaned his back, he shrugged out of his sweater, dropping it in my lap. I looked over at him, and he only threw a wink at me. I slipped it on easily, sinking deep into the fabric.

The movie was scary...but it wasn't great. The story was very over-done. Teenagers in a place they shouldn't be. Fucking with stuff they shouldn't be. End up cursed and killed one by one.

Sounds like Evil Dead, right? Nope.

Cabin In The Woods? Nope.

Talk To Me? Nope.

Tarot, ladies and gentlemen.

I would admit, the jump scares would get me. During the first one, where the priestess jumps at the girl in the attic, I physically jumped, which caused Noah to grab my hand, and physically pull me into his side. I hid my face under the sleeve of the sweater, only watching from the top of my field of vision. The next jump, I nearly scrambled into his lap. He laughed at me for that.

By the final jump scare, I wasn't watching the movie anymore. My legs were over his lap, and his hand was tracing up and down my back. My ear pressed to his chest, I could hear his heart beating fast. Although he continued to watch the movie, laughing at the deaths, and chewing popcorn, I could tell Noah was just as nervous as I.

During one particularly horrific scene where a girl was being sawed in half...alive...I had to turn my face away from the screen.

"It's alright, they're barely showing anything." He whispered into my hair.

"You know I have a thing about being cut up alive." It gave me the creeps. Nightmare-fuel.

He chuckled. "I'll tell you when you can look."

The moment lasted far too long, the girl’s screams ringing in my ears as my fingers clutched at his shirt. After the scene had flipped, I let my body relax.

"It's over, baby."

The word.

He never called me that.

Mona. Mo'. Babes. Darling. Lady. Rick (Don't ask).

But 'baby'?

Never. Not once.

I pulled my face away from the soft cotton of his shirt, and instead of looking at the screen, I stared at him. Face lit by the lights of the movie flashing, I could see his eyes staring back down at me.

I couldn't have imagined the energy change. The voices in the background faded into a dull blur, not interesting me enough to see anything but him.

His lips were shiny, as if he had licked them. Maybe it was the butter from the popcorn.

I didn't care, because in that moment, they were mine for the taking.

Without any forethought, I grabbed his face, and pressed my mouth to his, feeling how soft his lips were. God, I had been missing out.

His arms tightened around me, leaning down to press himself against my body. His tongue pressed into my mouth, and my eyes rolled back behind my lids. I breathed into him, letting him feel everything I had been holding back for almost a decade.

Oh wow. Noah. It was always Noah.

Something inside my soul woke up. Something in my brain sparked to life and roared like a once-dead battery recharged.

Noah was it. He was what I was missing.

When we finally disconnected, his eyes looked about as blown as mine, breathing heavily. I just let my lips crack in a smile, my hand catching in his hair and knitting into the loose strands.

Our beautiful, incredible moment, was interrupted suddenly by a bright light flashing directly in our eyes. We looked over at the source, seeing a worker stood, flashlight pointed at us.

"Guys," He walked closer, voice hushed. "I get this movie is rated R, but you've got to go somewhere else to do all of that."

I sunk back into my seat, and Noah did the same. We both blushed hard, looking at each other, and giggling in embarrassment. We finished the last of the forgettable film in our respective chairs, our fingers still interlaced on the arm rests.

"Your aim sucks." His finger picked up the M&M out of his lap, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Yours is no better, dork." I giggled as I popped one in my mouth.

The overlook of the city lights glittered beside us, below the hill we parked on. The hatch of Noah's Navigator popped open, we sat in the back across from each other.

Since leaving the theater, we hadn't had any physical contact. I'm almost certain we were both too nervous. I wasn't sure how to get that magic back, but going home and parting company sounded torturous, so I recommended we go back to our spot.

It was customary to park here, just up the road from his house, secluded and quiet. We usually sat and debriefed the film we had just watched, but that didn't take long. We both agreed it was too stereotypical, agreeing it was only a 4/10.

After that, I recommended we play twenty questions...to stall, of course.

"It's your turn, punk."

I rolled the candy around in my mouth, and pursed my lips. "Mkay." I thought for a moment. "How many girls did you sleep with on this last tour?"

I wasn't sure when the questions turned dirty, but he seemed unfazed by it.

"Two. But they were meh." He poised his hand to toss another chocolate, and I opened my mouth.

"Yeah? Not the best?"

The candy missed and struck my nose, which I caught in my hand when it fell.

"Pretty much."

I nodded, ignoring the pull I felt in my stomach. I had nothing to be bothered by, so I ignored it.

"Your turn."

"Mm," He tossed another candy, making it onto my tongue this time. "What's your favorite position?"

I chuckled. "That's so stupid."

"Why?"

"Because, how many are there?"

He leaned against the siding of the truck, putting a handful of M&Ms in his mouth. "Kama Sutra says there's over a hundred."

I shook my head, giggling. "Well, I don't really have a favorite."

He rolled his eyes. "Everyone has their favorite."

"What's yours then?"

"Nope." He held up a finger. "Not your turn."

I shrugged. "Fine." I mulled it over for a moment, looking out at the lights. "Probably cowgirl. I'm old-fashioned."

He eyed me, as if he was suspicious. "Hmm," Popping the last candy in his mouth, he crumpled the bag in his hand. "I don't believe you."

"Why not?"

"It's too boring."

I raised my eyebrows. "You think I'm boring?"

He laughed. "No, I'm saying I don't believe you are."

"Because...?"

He shrugged then, almost looking cautious. After a moment, he pulled his knees up, resting his arms on them and interlocking his fingers. "I overheard Vinny talking once. He said you were a real freak in bed."

Something about that made my spine straighten and my blood run cold.

"Did he now?" My eyes were glaring at him.

He didn't falter. "He did. And I almost knocked his teeth in, but I don't doubt it."

"Why is that?"

His lips turned up in a small smile. "I just have a feeling."

His tone was menacing, and something about it made me swallow hard. I was caught between feeling mortified and turned on. Noah was always so relaxed and collected. I had never seen him look so...hungry.

"And you?"

"Me, what?"

Matching his energy, I sat up and leaned back on my arms. "Are you kinky? Or vanilla?"

I could see his lips twitch, caught off guard by my flip of power. "Define kinky?"

"Well," I leaned forward, leaving very little space between our faces. "do you have any dark things you like to do in bed? Anything...taboo?"

I could see his eyes watching my mouth as it moved. "I don't know."

Letting my tongue trace over my bottom lip, I smirked. "No? You've never had the chance to do anything different?"

He raised an eyebrow, now looking confused. "I mean, I'm not into like...feet, or anything, if that's what you mean?"

My eyes widened, and I couldn't stop the harsh, blistering laugh that busted out of me, making me lean back. Tears fell from my eyes, and I almost choked in the process.

I heard him laugh too, kicking a leg at me. "Hey, sorry I'm so vanilla."

I continued to cackle like a hyena, but sat up, holding my ribcage. "I'm sorry. Jesus, that was hilarious."

He rolled his eyes, clearly uneasy about his answer, but his smile was so warm, I couldn't help but reach out and grab his hand.

"It's your turn."

He sucked his teeth. "I thought it was yours?"

I huffed out the last of my laughter. "Fuck, I lost track."

"Alright, I'll go." He sighed, face now turning serious. "Was Vinny good in bed?"

His tone wasn’t playful, but I was still recovering from my fit of giggles. "Fuck no."

His eyes popped open. "Seriously?"

I wiped at my tears, sniffling. "Not at all, dude. He thought doggy style was kinky. He also referred to my chest as 'voluptuous'. Nothing kills a mood faster, let me tell you."

Now he was laughing, and I tossed my water bottle at him in response.

"It's not funny! He was awful!"

"So why'd you stay over a year?" He asked through his laughter.

"Cause." That was all I was giving on that subject.

"Did he at least make you come?"

Shaking my head, I made a gross face. "No. I usually finished after he would leave."

"Ugh, that's sad."

I rolled my eyes. "You're telling me. Guy thought eating pussy meant making out with it..."

Noah stilled, his eyes getting dark. "What a shame. Some guys have no finesse."

I felt small under his eyes, suddenly needing to switch topics off of me.

"My turn."

He just nodded in response.

"I want to go back to this kink thing." He stretched his legs and linked his hands behind his head, waiting. "Do you like it rough?"

"To me? Or to someone else?"

"Either?"

He smiled. "Both."

"Biting?"

He thought for a second. "Only sometimes."

"Choking?"

He snickered. "Yes."

Feeling brave, I sat up on my knees, slipping the hoodie over my head, and continued my interrogation.

"Dirty talking?"

"Give me an example."

I inched toward him, crawling on my hands until I was hovering over his legs. "Do you like telling her she's a good girl?"

"I suppose." His hands fell to his sides, palms up. "If she's being one."

Cocking my head to the side, I brought a hand up to his knee. "And do you like it when she begs?"

I watched as the Adam's apple in his throat bobbed. "Yes."

Slowly, my hand trailed up his thigh. "And what if she calls you names?"

His eyes scanned my face. "Like what?"

I smirked. "There's a lot of options. Sir. Master." I let a finger trace where I knew his anime tattoo was. "Daddy?"

Visibly, his sweats jumped when I said it, making my eyes shoot up to him, a demonic smile crossing my face.

"That's the one, isn't it?"

Sitting up quickly, he got in my face, his voice deadly serious.

"You know, you've asked me seven questions now. I think it's my turn."

I leaned back, moving to sit on my ass again, now under his heated stare. I just nodded.

"How long have you been thinking about me?"

My voice caught in my throat, confused. "W-What?"

He moved closer, looming over me. "How long has it been since you started picturing us together?"

I could feel his breath on my face, which made it impossible to construct a lie.

"Years."

"Have you ever thought of me when you were touching yourself?"

Oh God.

"Yes."

"Did you ever picture me, when you were with Vinny?"

It was suddenly really fucking hot out here.

"Yes."

His teeth flashed at me, ravenous.

"Do you want me to do all those things to you, that he never could?"

"Jesus Christ, Noah." It came out only as a breath.

"That's not an answer."

"Yes."

"Do you want me to lay you down right here? And eat your pussy until you're falling apart? Until you can't fucking remember how to breathe?"

Insert cause of death here.

"Y-Yes."

"You sure?" His lips were level with my ear now, voice so dangerously quiet.

"Yes," Finding the last of my spunk, I tilted my lips up, and let my eyes fell on him. "Daddy."

Somehow, I hadn't noticed that he had pulled his keys from his pocket, and suddenly, the hatch was closing. I only had a chance to look at it for a split second before I was being pushed onto my back, my sweats being pulled down off my hips. I giggled at the sudden change of energy, knowing I had flipped a switch in Noah. He leaned over me, suffocating me with a warm kiss, pressing himself down on my body.

He lifted off of me just enough to look me in the eyes. "You sure?"

He repeated his previous question, but this time with a touch less heat behind it. He was looking for permission.

Always the gentleman.

I brought my hands to either side of his face, forcing him to look me in the eyes.

"Noah," I pressed a quick kiss to his lips, and smiled. "I've never wanted anyone more than I want you in this moment."

His cheeks warmed under my fingers, and he gave me the most terrifying smile I had ever seen.

His hand slipped down into my panties, fingers slipping lazily between my lips, and I wriggled, gripping his shirt.

"Oh." My voice stuttered, and he licked a stripe up the side of my neck.

"Don't worry, baby. I've got you." One finger circled around my clit, and I pressed my hips up for more contact. "You've got yourself so worked up already."

Breathing becoming more difficult, I let my eyes fall closed. His hand slipped away from me to pull my panties down to my thighs, and I felt his body weight move off of me.

I opened my eyes to see where he went, but almost fell unconscious at the sight of him perched between my legs, hands bracing my knees. Without warning, he lifted me, arching my back upwards to lift my core to his face.

His lips latched to my sweet spot, and my vision almost went white. "Fuck!" I screamed, but he just opened his eyes to look directly at me.

He flattened his tongue, pressing it to my pussy with long strokes, pulling moans out of me at a rhythmic pace. My hands scratched at the floor, trying to find anything to grab onto.

Finally settling on latching onto his arms, my nails dug into the back of his skin as he tormented me, face pressing further and further against my core. I let my fingernails rip down the skin on his forearms, panting and thrashing against him. He let out a deep, guttural grown in response.

"Noah, fucking hell. I'm going to come."

He pulled his face away, replacing it with his hand, pressing a finger inside me and pressing it into that spot that had me almost crying.

"Ask me nicely, baby."

"Noah, please. Please!" I was desperate to feel his mouth on me again, trying like hell to not buck too hard.

"Nope. You know what I need, pretty girl."

Confused, I wracked my melting brain for what he was looking for. His finger laid on a pressure that made stars fly in my field of view, making it hard to concentrate.

Until, I realized...

"Please, Daddy, I want to come. Please." I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs.

He smiled, looking inhuman. My head rolled back and forth, wild.

"Mm, no problem, baby." And he was back on me, the tip of his tongue drawing my climax closer. His finger still pressed into me, and I'm fairly certain a second slipped in at some point.

It was so much, it was so beautiful. I was going to actually explode.

"Ugh, Daddy. That's it. I need it. Fuck, please. Don't stop." At this point, I was just babbling. Whatever I could to ensure he didn't stop.

When his lips grabbed onto me, an impossible suction that had my head swirling, I felt the orgasm crash into me, a sharp scream escaping.

Carefully, he set me down, and his fingers slipped out. When I cracked my eyes open, I caught the slightest glimpse of him sucking them into his mouth. I had never seen anything so raunchy, and it made my muscles twitch, already wanting more.

He sat back against the hatch, chest rising heavily, and stared at me.

He was gauging, and I could tell. He wanted to ascertain whether I was about to regret what just happened.

He's insane if he thought I could ever regret that.

Noah looked wrecked. His sweats bulged violently, begging for relief. I sat up slowly, letting the blood flow come back to the rest of my body. Carefully, I sat up on all fours, and crawled toward him. He didn't say a word, just following me with his eyes.

"That was amazing." I smiled an appreciative grin, looking up at him through my lashes. "How could I ever show my gratitude?"

I could see he was stunned, so I took the initiative to reach for his pants, pulling them down in the front, letting his erection free to stare me in the face. Taking a few long seconds to appreciate it, I looked back up, eyes innocent.

"Would you like it if I choked on your cock, Daddy?"

His pupils were so dilated, I swore his eyes were completely black. He nodded slowly, reaching a hand up to run his thumb down my cheek, and hooking my chin, forcing my mouth open.

His other hand now grasping my hair, he pressed me down onto his dick, my mouth swallowing it down as far as I could before I felt my gag reflex hit. A harsh choke came out of me, and his hand loosened.

I just inhaled a breath and swallowed him down again, picking up a pace.

A long, sweet moan erupted from his chest, his head falling back as he watched me work.

"Jesus, Mona." His other hand gripped the side of my face, catching a tear rolling down my cheekbone. "So fucking beautiful."

I felt his cock hardening, knowing he wouldn't last long this way.

"You enjoy being obedient, don't you?"

I smiled around his cock, stopping to lick a long stripe down the length to his sack, catching some of the skin between my lips for a second.

"Ah, fuck." His mouth had fallen open, eyes rolling back. "Going to swallow my come, pretty girl? You're so fucking desperate for it."

His hand shoved me down onto his cock harder, pressing himself past my tonsils and straight into the back of my throat. I coughed harshly, but he didn't let up, head leaning back and eyes rolling with it.

"So close, baby. So fucking close."

With every ounce I had, I hollowed my cheeks and sucked him as if trying to drain his life force right out. His fingers tangled in my hair ripped at my scalp.

"Fuck, I'm-" But he was cut off by his own release, his chest tensing and hand holding me in place, head pressed firmly against my gag reflex, the come hot as it hit me. I relaxed, letting my muscles swallow it down without incident.

Noah's body slumped back, and his hand loosened. Fighting for breath, I leaned my face against his leg, just gathering my thoughts.

It took me a moment to notice he was running his fingers through my hair, smoothing the knots he had created. I hummed against him before sitting up, and letting my eyes search his face - exhausted.

He looked so pretty like this. His hair was sticking to his forehead from sweat, his veins in his neck slowly relaxing, and his arms loose and sprawled out.

He caught me staring, and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

I just smirked, shaking my head. "Nothin'."

After about thirty minutes of semi-awkward silence and cleaning up as best as we could in the back of a vehicle, Noah and I made our way back to his place. It was late, so we made every effort to be silent as we made our way up to his room. It wasn't until he was putting the key in the lock of his door that we heard the voice behind us.

"Use protection."

Folio's voice made us both freeze, and our eyes looked back to where his door was closing across the hall. An embarrassed smile flashed over my face, and he just chuckled quietly before pulling me into his room.

It was familiar. I had been here hundreds of times, so I made myself comfortable, dropping my bag on his computer desk and kicking my shoes off next to all of his pairs. When I turned around, Noah was sitting on the bed, hands on his knees, and a look I didn't recognize on his face.

Concern? No, fear? I wasn't sure.

"What's wrong?"

He was chewing on his bottom lip, and I walked over to him, slotting into the place between his legs. His eyes, so fucking big, so sparkly, stared up at me. They looked soft. Vulnerable.

"I like you, Mona."

It was a very regular statement. There wasn't a certain word or emphasis that made it special. But it was. Because now things had changed. Noah wasn't just Noah anymore. He was something different. And the words may have been ordinary, but they sounded as if they should've been spoken in a confessional.

It was warming, and they made me smile.

"I like you too, Noah."

His fingers came to grip my waist, squeezing me gently. "I've liked you a long time."

Nodding, I placed my hands on the tops of his shoulders. "Same."

He shrugged hard, looking up and down my being, working out what he wanted to say.

"I want you to be happy."

I was a little confused. "Okay?"

His fingers pressed in harder. "I want to make you happy."

Remember getting butterflies when you were little? When a rollercoaster dropped? Or a cute boy smiled at you?

"You do make me happy."

He moved his hands to grab my own, and held them between us. "I want to be with you, Mona."

It was silly, I'm sure, but I was fucking giddy. Internally I was kicking my feet and squealing like a mouse. Disgusting.

"Noah?" His eyes were fixed on me, so he just twitched his brow in response. "Are you saying..." I swallowed theatrically, feigning anxiety. "you want to go steady?"

The smile that flashed across his face was blinding, all thirty-two teeth flashing like a beacon. I giggled, unable to hold back after making such an idiotic joke. He just followed suit, pulling me into a hug, his face pressed into my chest.

My arms wrapped around his neck and I rested my cheek on the top of his head.

"You're so stupid." His voice came out muffled against my breasts.

My chest shook, now laughing harder. "You like me."

He pulled back, and his hand reached to pull me closer by the back of my neck, pressing his lips against me softly. When he pulled away, his words came out as the softest whisper.

"So much."

#bad omens #noah sebastian #fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #bad omens cult

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 5 months ago

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First meetings

Setting: Modern day Korra, everyone pulled out of their timelines.

Korra: So I was wondering. What was everyone's first time contacting their past self like! Wan: Oh this is gonna be good. Kyoshi and Yangchen: *grimacing* Kuruk, looking at Kyoshi nervously: Uhhhh sure. Aang: Sure I'm down! Let's go in order! Korra first! Korra: What?! Oh ok! So like, I thought I lost almost all of my bending, and then at my lowest point you came in and helped get my bending back Aang! Aang: Oh sweet! Korra: Hell yeah, really came in clutch! Aang: Ok I'm next. Roku's animal guide told me where to go meet him, so we had to sneak into the Fire Nation to talk to him. Got a bit dicey, but he gave us some incredible advice that we needed! Roku: Awesome! Glad I could help-wait what do you mean "Sneak into the Fire Naiton?" Aang: Don't worry about it. It's your turn! Roku: Oh um, so like. Sozin and I were in the middle of a cave in, partially caused by me. I thought I was dead, and thought my role was to just be a placeholder Avatar. But Kyoshi gave me a pep talk that amounted to "It's not your fault. Quit bringing yourself down, and look within you to harness the power you need." And she was right. Kyoshi, trying to be positive but sounding dejected: Wow, I was right about one thing for once..... Roku: Ummm, what was your experience like Kyoshi? Kyoshi: ................... Kuruk: Haha c'mon, I wasn't that bad- Kyoshi: I can't really say the first time amounted to much, it was choppy. Subsequent attempts left me paralyzed with seizures. Kuruk: ....O_O Huh? Kyoshi: It's because I didn't want to touch you with a ten foot poll. I was able to reach you eventually- Kuruk: Oh that's good! How- Kyoshi: By drowning myself. Everyone: ...............................dude. Kuruk: Did you really have to do that- Kyoshi: I was desperate. It was either I attempt to contact you that way, or I was gonna die and beat your ass on the other side. Either way was a win in my book. Kuruk: ................................did.....did I do something wrong- Kyoshi, grimacing in physical pain: No.....just.....just leave it, ok? Wan: What was it like for you Kuruk? Kuruk: It....it was.... normal? Wan: Oh well.....that's....nice? Korra: Ok well....Yangchen? Your turn! Yangchen: Do I really have to? Korra: Yes. Yangchen: I don't really remember. Korra: What do you mean- Yangchen: Korra, it was probably one of my many dissociative episodes, usually happened when I slept. Spirits knows when I first contacted Szeto. Tbh I was probably 5 years old and unconscious living out one of his memories. Like I did with most of my past lives. Korra: Holy shit. Yangchen: It got so bad that me and the nuns had to develop techniques for when I wake up so I could feel.....grounded again. Wan: Ok, but like why are all the girls' like.....all traumatic. Raava, get us a girlie that's not suffering. TT0TT

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wqxianwriting · 2 years ago

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how to make a golden retriever happy.

SLIGHTLY proofread | f!reader | poly relationship with nick & charlie though reader isn’t dating charlie | pretty damn long i got ahead of myself, sorry :,) | they’re so cute but im so bad at details fr | lunch date, walks, stargazing w fireflies & movie night! (you got headbands to wear… guess what movie charlie is having y’all watch rn) | what is stargazing | author questioning what color sonic’s eyes are | theres some crying at the end and a mention of breaking up but its just those negative thoughts actin up, theyre all okay :) | angst/comfort? | not many kisses unfortunately but THERE ARE SOME, like three scenes… two? | there is cussing, not much | nick & reader flashbacks

#%a/n%#;; first request done! thanks for it, they mean so much to me. i didn’t wanna make it too long but here we are lolol, hope it’s enjoyable though 🥹💜 also ntm on your family details but your mom does appear and she has a “set” personality! no one else appears though so you can imagine the reader’s family how you want, though it is mentioned your mom is married. also note, since reader is a lady she goes to the same school as like, elle darcy tara (and probably imogen too, right?). meant to post this yesterday but i wanted to add some stuff at the end haha, sorry sorry this is a whole ass wattpad book fr, feel like i wrote so much and nothing at the same time. hope you enjoy if you give it a read thought fhdhdj

OH YEAH last thing, the emotions in this story is kind of a whiplash 💀 one minute they’re happy the next theyre kinda sad or bittersweet so- hopefully the pacing doesnt seem bad… BE WARNED. shouldn’t be too crazy. okay thats it this time do enjoy

character(s):

nick & charlie (heartstopper)

elle & tao cameo

reader’s mom omg she’s a sweetheart, charlie’s parents are mentioned/super small cameo, nick’s mom also has a small cameo/is mentioned

darcy, imogen and sahar are very briefly mentioned!

The sweet sound of the school bell rings throughout and the school and every single student sighs in relief of the noise. You glance up at the clock on the wall before looking around the classroom where students are packing up their bags while talking noisily to one another.

You allow yourself to recline in your chair, left arm reaching back to where your backpack dangles off the seat and slide your hands into the side pocket, grabbing your phone.

Nicky Ricky Dicky: I’m alive!

Char: you live! i live too :) wanna walk together today or are you both busy? (gonna pick you up bestie)

Y/N: i’ll meet you outside (ty loveliest)

Char: awesome!!! nick?

Nicky Ricky Dicky: Sorry aha, I need to go home quickly today but I’ll be sure to join tomorrow!

This makes you pout and you can imagine your bestfriend having the same expression because the sad emoji he wrote in the group-chat even makes you sadder.

Char: ☹️

Y/N: don’f worry charlie

Y/N: Don’t*

Nicky Ricky Dicky: Sorry :,)

Char: It’s fine! Do what you have to do… we gonna facetime tonight though?

Char hearts your message ‘don’f worry charlie’.

Nicky Ricky Dicky: No promises but I’ll do my best. 😠❤️

Nicky Ricky Dicky: i gtg now, love you both <3

Y/N: lym! ❤️

Char: love you! ❤️❤️❤️

Y/N: three hearts 🥹

Char: y/n. STOP. come outside before i die

Y/N: omg… such a drama king like okay

You write and yet, you’re quick to jump from your chair and snatch your bag before sliding it on your shoulder. You push in your chair and skip out into the hallways where you see Elle. “Heya, Elle!”

She smiles warmly and waves goodbye to her friends before stepping in sync with you. “Hey there, Miss, didn’t catch your name.” You bump her shoulder and she bumps you back. “What’re you up to?”

“Charlie’s gonna come pick me up, hopefully via bike… mines broke the other day.” You sigh and she gives you a look of pity while trying to bite back a grin. Then she perks up.

“Not Nick?”

You shake your head, rubbing a hand against your temple. “Mm-mm, you ever just get a feeling something is off?”

Elle nods, turning her face away from you and her hands grip onto the handle of her bag that bounces against her legs. “Yeah, just putting it out there… graduation may be on his mind, I know its on mine and it’s been kicking my ass to be honest,” You wrap an arm around her in comfort and she hums in appreciation. “Just all that weird stuff, weird thoughts and anxiety…” Then she pauses, raising a hand and flicking her wrist. “Okay- not weird, but you know.”

That makes you snort, “Yeah, I get’cha… maybe, but we’ve always been open about that kind of stuff, I just don’t understand why it’d be a issue… I mean, we’ve talked about it many times before so it’s kind of odd, I guess?” You and Elle share a look of confusion before shrugging.

“Maybe it’s been having more of an impact y’know? You can speak easily about something when you’re not there yet but… graduation is coming up and everyone is worried about the future. You know how things don’t hit you till it’s happening literally next week or something? Maybe its hitting harder.”

Your heart clenches in pain at those words. She’s not wrong, there is a high chance it’s staring to affect him more… hitting harder than you’d know. You nibble on your bottom lip in concern and furrow your eyebrows,

“Well. If he’s being an idiot and isn’t gonna come to us about it then I’ll beat him up.” You place your hands on your hips, lightly joking to disperse the tense air between the two of you. Of course he isn’t being an idiot but you refuse to let him stress on his own. Elle chokes out a laugh in surprise.

“Oh god, he better run, she’s scary when she’s angry.” One of her hands let go of her bag and she hold her stomach while laughing a bit more. “Wouldn’t that be a sight?”

You scoff, “Like we haven’t argued before.”

“You argue about literal video games.”

“Stop.” You laugh and push at her shoulder. “Oh, and Elle, you know I’m your friend and if you ever need an ear to lend about college talk or need help to get your mind off of it to just relax, you got me.” She stares at you for a few beats before cracking into a grin.

“Thank you, Y/N. You know you got me too.”

Outside the school building you’re quick to spot two familiar figures by the gate. “Yes, he’s here!” Your arms raise in celebration then instantly flop down, “There’s no bike…!”

Elle calls out which makes the two boys stiff in seconds.

“Get your butts over here, Mr. Xu and Mr. Spring!” They awkwardly crane their necks to your direction and simultaneously sigh in relief – probably thinking you were teachers.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack!” Tao exclaims as you and Elle once you’re right infront of the two, gesturing to his heart. Elle is quick to place a hand over his chest – Tao’s cheeks lowkey reddening but you decide not to point it out for his sake – and her eyes widen a bit.

“Tao, your chest is gonna shoot out your chest.”

“See?”

“That is the goal, sire.” You finger gun at him and he smacks your hand away lightly with an exasperated look. It makes you giggle. “Elle is just feeling a little silly today.”

“It’s my agenda.” She grins before engulfing Charlie into a hug and he squeaks in surprise before squeezing her back. “Hello, Charlie!”

“Are you sure your heart isn’t pounding because you’ve gotten your daily dose of Elle?” You whisper while stepping in line next to Tao, facing your head to your other friends but you can see him tense at the corner of your eye.

He pinches his nose bridge, mumbling and you catch some of the words, suspiciously sounding like him saying he’s gonna fight you. His cheeks bloom a rosy rose so you take the win either way and smugly smirk at him.

“Hi, Elle!” His muffled laugh catches your attention, making you and Tao smile at the interaction before you wrap an arm around the latter, making him eyeroll, of course he does, but he wraps an arm around your shoulder and gives you a light squeeze in response.

“We best be off on our merry way,” You speak up, checking the time as the two friends let go of eachother. “I wanna stop by that new shop that opened a few weeks ago… Is that fine, Char?”

He gives you a thumbs up and Elle speaks, “Let me know how their desserts taste, I’ve been wondering but honestly they don’t look that good so…” She stares at you with a grimace before shrugging.

“Noted~” You say in a singsong voice before wrapping your arms around Charlie. “I’ll call you later, enjoy your afternoon date.” You and Charlie give the couple teasing grins and they take the bait, looking away in shyness but Tao takes the initiative and connects their hands together. It makes you melt.

“Shut up.” He groans, snapping but tone very much unthreatening adding on the fact he’s trying to cover his flustered face with his free hand.

“Yes, yes grumpy old man, we’ll see you later.” You and Charlie waist no time to start down the road with waves.

“Bye!” He shouts.

“I’m not a grumpy old man!” Tao stomps his foot, comedically. Right. How could you make that mistake?

“Bye, Y/N and Charlie!” Elle laughs with a wave and tugs her totally-not-grumpy boyfriend off in the other direction. You watch their hands tighten around eachother, squinting in amusement when Tao’s scowl instantly softens into a lovestruck gaze.

“Ahhh, young love.”

“You’re starting to sound like the old one here.” Charlie snickers, hands coming up to hold onto your forearms that are still bounded around him.

“You wound me, Char.” You squeeze him and he huffs. “I literally think the same when you and Nick are interacting, it’s so,” You make weird noises, fingers wiggling. “Y’know? Very sweet. Very cute, I even have some photos of you latching onto eachother while sleeping. Wanna see-?”

His brain feels like it’s shutting down, lightly smacking your arm when you lift it as to grab your phone. “Stop it.” You could practically see those animated stars swirling around his head and laugh.

You relent and unwrap your arms with a cheeky smile. He glances at you before hiding his face in his hands. “Ughh, whatever. You act like you don’t jump Nick the minute you see him.” Yeah, that’s crazy. You feel your own cheeks flaring up.

“You must be blind.”

“No, no, no. Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Lie!” He exclaims in a joking tone, uncovering his face and poking you in accusation. You lean away, losing your balance and forcing yourself to lean on your tippy toe. Your other foot comes down onto pavement with a stomp and you twirl like you’re dancing. Charlie definitely notices this misstep, doesn’t say anything but you see his shoulders shaking in silence. He’s laughing.

“I never lie?” You pick off the conversation.

“Was that a question?” He tilts his head back at you.

“No?”

He stares at you, eyebrow twitching and you puff out your cheeks like a frog, looking anywhere but in his direction. “You’re awfully cheeky today.”

“How am I being cheeky?” He gives you a look like you’re being ridiculous.

“Charlie Spring is a little cheeky today, my oh my, what have I done to deserve this.” Then you raise your voice in a slight yell, “Ahhh! Who is this?! This isn’t my Charlieeee…!” Your arms reach for the sky.

“You’re an idiot.” He takes the chance and poke you again which makes you yelp. You narrow your eyes. He runs off, you chase.

That was last week. You haven’t seen your boyfriend in a couple of days and it’s concerning. He responds hours late to your messages, doesn’t even respond in your group chat with Charlie, his calls barely last ten minutes and you literally haven’t seen this man in person. Charlie tells you he still shows up at school but his eye-bags are pretty bad.

“Is he avoiding me? I’m confused.” You frown, balled up on Charlie’s bed and feeling very mixed. A little annoyed, a little sad, and alot of worried. Charlie sets down two mugs on his bedside table and sits next to you on the bed. His rests a hand atop of your head and lightly taps it.

“No… I don’t think so. I see him at school and he tries to act normal but even he doesn’t respond to me like that outside of school.” The scowl his face makes has deepened and you’re quick to wrap an arm around his leg in comfort. He lets out a weak smile but it’s quick to fall off his face. “I’m confused too…”

You both stay silent, it’s nearly deafening. “I don’t wanna force him to tell us anything – I mean, he knows he can come to us if he needs it but if he’s really stressed about school maybe we can help give him some space to not think about it. Even if its only for a bit, you know?” Charlie listens to you mumble while tugging at a loose thread on his sweater and nods slowly, eyes lost in thought.

“Should we go somewhere?” He tilts his head back to look at the ceiling before his gaze travels around his room’s walls, hoping to find an inkling of inspection.

“That sounds fine.” The somber feeling in the room lifts a bit when you start to grin. You shift onto your back, raising your right arm in the air and sprawl out your fingers. “We could go out, do something and eat… I kinda wanna stargaze, is that weird?”

He lets out a chuckle, glancing down at you with a teasing glint in his eyes, “Wow, you’re such a romantic, Y/N. I’m shocked.” To which you scoff.

“Well, duh. Who makes all the date plans?”

“Okay, no, that’s because you say we’re bad at planning dates – you refuse us to even be involved.”

“Charlie, Nick brought you to a dog park as a date.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“You both stayed there till nine.”

He full on laughs now, bumping you with his knee and you smack it back in retort. “No judgement though, I would do the same but that was for the whole day! Who stays at a dog park from Eleven to Nine?” He continues to laugh until they turn into giggles.

“Maybe… we’re unique.”

“True that. You didn’t even bring baby Nells, shaking my head.” To put emphasis, you shake your head and your friend has to gasp out for air. “Don’t die, now.”

“Whatever whatever.” He brings his hands to his face and rubs his cheeks in circular motion to calm himself. His face is flushed and he exhales slowly before reaching for his phone. “Do you want your drink?”

You remove your arm from his leg and sit up properly, holding on your hands and he complies, placing the mug between them. “Thank you~” You lean on the wall, flopping your legs onto Charlie’s before crossing them at the ankles – to which he sighs in annoyance and it makes you grin. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m gonna search for places to go that is nearby but not too close… you have a place in mind for stargazing?” He grabs his own mug that is black and littered with yellow stars, how ironic. You nod sleepily, slowly sipping your preferred drink and tap at the cup absentmindedly.

“Yeah, it’s near my house.”

He flicks his eyes towards you for a second.

Then goes back to typing on his phone.

“You mean it is your home.”

“Maybe.”

You smirk, he sighs and you both go back to planning. Nick honestly better be willing to get his ass dragged out of the house by his lovely girlfriend and boyfriend because money is involved and you both would be damned if he just wallows in self despair, alone.

So, that’s what happens, you fill Charlie’s parents in on needing to steal your bestfriend during the weekend and some of the plans involved like a movie night. They agreed to let him stay over for the night but he must call every few hours or atleast text.

Your parents love the boys and were completely down with the idea. Of course you also secretly called Nick’s mum and she had filled you in on a couple things that made you a tad bit more nervous to see your boyfriend.

Seems like your assumption was correct (more like Elle’s). “Lately he’s been talking about colleges, right… he’s planning to go on a trip sometime this month to check them out but he seems stressed, it’s been worrying me. You know though, kids probably don’t want their parents all in their business, haha,” She laughs softly and you can hear running water cut off on her end – probably washing something – “He knows he can come to me so I’m just letting him have his space. It’s lovely you and Charlie want to ease his mind! Glad he’s with and friends with two sweethearts,” This makes your face flare up in embarrassment but your chest puffs with pride.

“Of course, and I know he appreciates you being patient and understanding with him. The thing we don’t wanna do is pressure him… I just hope this can help take his mind off of the stress and you know… relax?” You grimace a bit, tugging at the end of your sleeve as the phone sits between your ear and shoulder.

“I get it, mhm. Thank you, Y/N.” Her voice is still soft but gets even more sincere with a hint of emotion. Had you feeling emotional too.

Saturday is quick to arrive and you stare at your reflection with determination. Brushing down your outfit, you admire your date look a bit more before turning around slowly and snatch your bag off the bed which is filled with random necessities that you may or may not need along with your wallet.

“Alright, Nick Nelson, prepare yourself for the best date you’ll ever be on.” You puff out your cheeks, grab you phone of the charger and exit your room. “I’ll be off, Mother~” You hum once you reach the end of the staircase and spot your Mom on the couch with a paper in hand.

“What is with the formal address?” She chuckles behind her hand, standing up and following you towards the front door. “I’ll see you later tonight with Nick and Charlie, right? Enjoy yourselves.” She smiles, wrapping her arms around your head and you hug her back with a gentle squeeze.

“Oh! Wait.”

She quickly unravels herself from you and speeds down the hall to the kitchen. Your eyes stare down the direction she went for a few seconds before deciding to slip on your shoes.

“Okay, here you go.” You’re standing with the door open by the time she comes back and she gives you a picnic basket. It’s not super big but you have to grab it with two hands. Less from the size, more from the weight.

“Mom. What did you pack in here?” You huff out a laugh, going to open the lid but she stops you.

“No, do not open it. It’s like… a wedding. You can’t see your spouse or it’ll be bad luck!” She speaks with a finger raised and you cock an eyebrow up. Whatever you say, Mom is basically your expression and she seems to notice because she places her hands on her hips with an exasperated look. “Just trust me, I’ve done it before and it was bad luck all day.”

“Mhm, mhm, right.” You nod, half listening and backing up on your porch. She follows, hand on the doorknob with a soft smile and she pinches your cheek with her other hand. “Thanks, I love you.”

“Love you too, honey.” She full on grins now and waves. After your ‘see you later’ promises, you’re quick to dart down the street and across the roads to a nearby park where Charlie said he’d meet you after picking up Nick. It gives you enough time to unload the nice lunch packed for the three of you and hopefully buy some refreshing popsicles or ice creams before they arrive.

Seems like luck is on your side though – maybe your Mom was right – because the minute you finish laying out the huge blanket in a nice shaded area you hear the sound of someone ringing a familiar bell sound. You turn your head so quick it nearly gave you whiplash and your eyes widen at the person walking along the park’s path, pushing a white squared cart decorated with photos of different types of cold treats.

You take your bag and phone, dialing Charlie’s number while speedwalking across the grassy field. It takes two rings before you hear his voice.

“Yes, partner in crime?” His voice comes off as staticky for a moment.

“What the hell are you doin’, your mic is scuffed as hell…”

“I’m walking!” You could imagine the eyeroll Charlie would do and bite your cheek to not laugh.

“Are you with Nick?” You continue to talk but smile in greeting when the ice cream seller stops at you coming over. He says hello and you wave before looking over all the choices on the cart.

“Yes. We’re grabbing drinks right now, you okay?”

“Yeah! I’m at the park, set up the picnic – though the food is still in the basket,” You glance back at your spot and after making sure nothing seems out of the ordinary you look back at the cart. “You remember those ice cream cart things? You want something?”

It’s silent between the two of you as Charlie ponders, in the meantime you point to your desired choice and the guy nods with a smile, opening the ice cream cart before digging around in the pile of cold desserts until he finds the one you want.

“Do they-“ He cuts himself off with a chuckle and you perk up at his voice, “Do they um,” He snorts this time then sighs to calm himself, “The ones with the bubblegum eyes. I wanna try one.”

You laugh a little, thanking the ice cream man as he sets the packaged treat in your hand. “Do you want the sonic one or something?”

“Whatever you spot first or whichever is given. Oh wait- Nick-“ You zone out a bit as he speaks to the blond and point to the blue hedgehog. The ice cream man continues his search. “He said he wants the crybaby ice cream.”

“Oh god.” You sigh in adoration, tilting your head back to the clear blue sky. “Weren’t they, like, terrible the last time we tried them?”

This time you hear Nick’s cheerful voice and he scoffs, “Okay, no. That was because for some weird reason you and Darcy wanted to put warheads into the mix.”

“Thank you,” You say to the nice man, grabbing a ten and a five dollar bill as a tip out of your wallet with a smile. You then put all the treats into your bag along with the wallet, waving the man bye which he returns and goes on his merry way. Your focus goes back to the two boys. “Ah yes, I remember the part where your face went sooo red. Hilarious, I have videos I think.”

He groans in prospect and you hear muffled giggles erupt from Charlie. “Why do you do this to me?”

“What are you talking about?” You tease and he groans again.

Charlie then speaks up, sounding way closer to the phone. “Alright! We’ll see you in two-point-five seconds.” You hum in response and say your goodbyes before hanging up the phone.

You reach the blanket again, flopping on your tush and take the ice creams out, aligning them with precision on top of the picnic basket. Charlie doesn’t disappoint because not two minutes later you see two familiar figures walking down the park path, one of them pointing towards your general direction and ditching the path to the grass.

You could feel your heart pound from… nervousness or excitement? Maybe both and it makes you grin, waving at the two. They get closer and Charlie waves awkwardly with a hand that has a drink in it, to which you notice his other hand also had a drink… and one of Nick’s. The blond’s other hand is carrying headbands of some sort and a bag is hanging off his arm.

“Char told me to get these while we were in the grocery store.” Nick speaks first when they get to you, he lifts the hand with headbands. “I decided not to question it.” You raise your hands and he carefully sets the accessories in them. Ah. Barbie headbands.

“Charlie…” Your brows pinch in amusement but also bewilderment. “What have you decided?”

He chuckles mysteriously, lifting a foot off the ground to point at your hand. “Put those down and take your drink, please. My hands are freezing.”

“Oops.” You comply and take the cup. The two eventual settle down with Nick in the middle and you quietly take a nice sip of the beverages. “Thank you.”

The boys nod and you glance at Nick, noticing the shadows of bags under his eyes. It makes you frown for a second, “So, what am I doing here on this lovely day.” Before you could inquire, Nick speaks up first, eyes shutting in contentment and a pretty smile adoring his face.

You lean back on the palm of your hand, eyeing Charlie and he meets your gaze. “Can we not want to hang out with the one and only, Mr. Nick Nelson?” You speak with a teasing tone, leaning into his side. His smile goes wider and he opens his eyes to meet yours.

“You make me sound like some big shot.”

Your eyes narrow.

“Well it was hard to reach you… so…” His gaze falters along with his smile, nervously tapping the top of his cup. “Not to pressure you, you know that but Charlie and I will always be there to listen if you need it.” You poke his arm gently and you spot Charlie’s hand sliding into Nick’s.

“Yeah.” Charlie nods, squeezing their hands, “But if not, that’s fine too. Y/N and I wanted to just, relax with you. Spend some time together.”

That makes Nick let out a shaky laugh and a wobbly smile. “Thanks.” He pauses. “Really. It’s just been, crazy?” He nibbles at his bottom lip before sighing and flops on his back, leaving his cup between his crossed legs and dragging the two of you down with him – which makes you all share a laugh.

Charlie rests against his boyfriend’s chest – facing his direction and you flip onto your stomach to play with both of their soft locks. “What has?” You ask softly.

He’s silent for a bit, tapping his fingers on your back with his free hand. “I’m not sure, school? Life? …Me? There’s no exact reason, everything just seems to be crashing down in my brain and it’s annoying to say the least.” He sighs heavily, “I’m probably just having that kind of month where everything is just feels like alot.” He frowns and you move the hand in his hair down under his chin, gently squeezing his cheeks and he chuckles.

“That’s perfectly fine, it happens.” You move the hand to trail up the left side of his face and place your palm over his forehead like you’re checking his temperature and it makes Charlie join in, prodding at Nick’s neck gently.

“There’s a lot going through your life right now, perfectly understandable why it feels overwhelming and such. Thank you for talking to us about it.” Charlie speaks softly.

“Of course. I don’t,” Nick pauses, opening his eyes with a flash of worry, “I don’t want it to feel like I’m shutting you both out or anything, or if it feels like you’ve done something wrong. I feel less weird thinking I’m overreacting, haha…” The laugh comes off flat but from the reassuring smiles from his lovers, he feels at ease.

“You’re not.”

“Nuh-uh.” You and Charlie speak simultaneously, denying such thoughts. It makes Nick laugh which sounds less forceful.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to talk about everything right now since I don’t even think I’m done… accessing everything but really, thank you. You both are my anchors.” If you didn’t tear up from that, your heart definitely did. Charlie gets up off Nick, letting go of the blond’s hand and tilts his head back with his hands over his face.

“Same, Charlie.” You cover your own face and lay flat against the blanket.

“I…” Nick trails off with another laugh and he sits back up which catches both of your attention. “Can we eat though, I’m getting a little hungry.” He gives a shy smile and you also sit up.

“Oh shit, what if the ice cream melted?!” This realization has the three of you shooting towards the basket, grabbing the packaged delights and simultaneously sigh in relief. They’re not melted… yet.

“Should we just eat these first and then eat the actual lunch next?” Charlie bites back a laugh, already opening up the plastic and pulling out the bubblegum eye Sonic, wasting no time to put it in his mouth with wide adorning eyes.

You and Nick watch him in amusement before opening your own. “I wanted this lime popsicle they usually sell but there were none.” You sigh before eyeing Nick’s container of airhead ice cream. He opens the top and it reveals the swirls of… red? Or pink and green.

“That’s funny, we saw those while we were at the store. There were these coconut flavors too.” Nick reminisces, plucking the taped but wrapped in it’s own plastic wooden spoon off the side of the ice cream container.

Charlie hums before looking down at the bitten into Sonic, “Why does Sonic have green eyes? Are they actually green?”

You all stay silent.

“I thought they were black or brown?” You speak in confusion.

“Right? Even blue….” Charlie tilts his head.

“Technically all of those are correct though they turn red as well… It’s the different franchises, I guess?” Nick furrows his brows in thought, scooping into his sour treat after freeing the wooden stick and eats away, wincing here and there. You watch with amusement.

The lunch date you can say with absolute certainty was very successful. You all catch up on things that have been going on and different shows you’ve been watching. Sharing ice cream, stuffing yourselves full with your Mom’s cooking – there was even a drink war? All you knew was one minute you were nearly done with your beverage and the next it’s being tossed in Nick’s direction as you try and run away from Charlie’s retort from you getting him seconds before. Ah, can’t forget the classic kisses shared under one of the many trees at the park and the newest photos stored in your ‘Nick & Char ❤️’ album, like the picture of Charlie ‘painting’ Nick’s face with whip cream. Where the fuck did you get whip cream from? Ask your mother.

Around the time you were all packing up, a teenager around your age ran up with their four other friends and inform you there is a nice walking trail – pointing towards the area where the park path splits, one continuing into a circle around the whole field and the other going into an area with rows of trees.

“Y’think we’ll get jumpscared? Like a haunted path or something.” You joked.

“They said there’s a nice stream down the path.” Nick smirks at your joking, placing a hand on your head and you puff out your cheeks, feeling them heat up a bit.

“Ah yes, you can take a nice swim in it when I push you in there, Y/N.” Charlie hums, quick to dart his eyes away when you flip your head in his direction.

“You’re so evil to me?” You watch him with wild eyes, mouth agape and he laughs.

“Do you think we’ll actually able to get in?” Nick ponders and you flip the wild gaze to him now.

“With us three, I’m sure we can pull it off.” Charlie responds with a menacing grin, mischief all up in his eyes and you’re playing ping pong with your eyes, flitting back and forth between them.

“I’m gonna be arrested today, huh…” Your boyfriend and bestfriend just giggle like evil people.

In the end, you three didn’t get in the stream’s water but there were some fishes so you decided to feel them the crust that Charlie didn’t eat from his sandwich and take some more photos. Nick had picked Charlie up bridal-style, getting dangerously close to the water and you record it all.

“Don’t drop me!” Charlie tightens his hold around Nick, fear and excitement in his tone.

“This takes me back to the beach…” Nick ignores his boyfriend’s pleas and spins around carefully.

“Do not reminisce while I’m in your arms, please and thank you?!” He exclaims and it makes you full on laugh, an arm over your stomach while watching the whole exchange happen.

It’s not long before it turns from afternoon to evening, you three return back from the area with Nick and Charlie debating on if they saw a deer or not. Charlie saying it was definitely there and Nick saying it wasn’t there.

“Carl Grimes flashbacks…” You hum and Charlie puts you in a headlock.

“Do not. I will cry right here.” He pouts and pulls at your cheeks, ignoring your protests. Nick watches with a soft gleam in his eyes, rocking the picnic basket back and forth with a hand.

You all walk down the sidewalk side by side once Charlie lets you go, talking about random things before Nick realizes the direction you’re going.

“Are we dropping Y/N off?” He frowns.

It catches you and Charlie off guard. “What? What makes you think that?” You raise an eyebrow. Nick points ahead and your house in slowly coming up in view. Ah.

“Ah.” Charlie speaks your thought and you both share a laugh. “No, we’re not dropping her off.” Charlie stretches his arms with a grunt before eyeing the bag strapped around Nick. “You brought pajamas and clothes for tomorrow, right?”

Nick nods, pursing his lips. “Still confused about that.”

You scoff in amusement and place a hand on your forehead with an endearing smile. “Nick…”

“Don’t worry, you’ll understand soon.” Charlie gives him a thumbs up, paired with a wink before darting ahead of the two of you. Nick flicks his gaze to you in question but you put on an act and shrug.

“What he said,” You pause for a moment, eyes burning into Nick’s, “Do you like stargazing?”

He moves closer to you, closing the gap and tugs your hand in his. The question makes him look up at the sky for a moment. “Mmm. Never tried it before? What counts as stargazing? I’ve… been in the car on trips and looked out the window…?” You give him a perplexed look which he returns.

“Alright, well-“ You chuckle, “That can… technically count? I guess? Just… Yeah.” You give up midway, tugging Nick along when you get closer to the front of your house where Charlie awaits. “You’re on your phone while you’re on a date? Tsk tsk.” You tut your lips in disapproval and Charlie startles.

He rolls his eyes, flipping his phone to the two of you bounding up the steps. “I was texting Saha- oops, hold on-“ He cuts himself off, flipping the phone back around with a nervous smile.

You glance at Nick before moving your hand to cover his eyes with your other hand. He gasps in surprise but doesn’t question it any further, grinning a bit. Facing back to Charlie you mouth the word, ‘Barbie?’ and tilt your head in confusion. He nods.

“You’re silly.” You remove your hand from Nick’s face and flatten your hand, tapping Charlie’s forehead in a chopping motion. He rubs the area with a laugh and you knock on your front door.

“Did you forget your keys?” Nick giggles when you give him a look of shame.

“Maybe.”

Your Mom is quick to open the door, grinning widely. “Welcome back. Hello, Charlie and Nick.” They wave in shyness and she scoots back to let the three of you in. “What’s the plan next, soldier?” She bumps the door closed with her hip and loosely crosses her arms, raising an eyebrow at you specifically.

“Gonna go in the back for about an hour…” You trail off, taking your shoes off in the most complicated way. With your feet, or the heels per-say. When you finish you take the basket from Nick and walk to the kitchen with your mom as the boys finish taking off their own shoes. “To stargaze.” You finally finish when Nick’s ears are out of reach.

She pats you on the back with approval, “Attagirl. How was lunch?”

“It was fun! We spoke a bit, ate and went down a trail.” You bounce your head to the side while listening the activities before pausing. “He seems more… energized?” Your lips purse.

“Was that a question?” She leans against the counter, one arm coming out of the self-hug and she combs her hand through your hair. You give her an awkward look and she breathes out a laugh. Tapping the crown of your forehead, she moves away to the fridge with a soft smile. “Well, if he seems to be uplifted,” She eyes you before taking out three water bottles. “That’s great news, no?” Then sets them infront of you on counter.

“You’re right but… I don’t know. I just feel like I can do more,” You huff. “But that’s dumb because of course I can’t, this has to be something Nick figures out and all I can do is support him.”

“Honey, that is doing more for him. Supporting him is the biggest help you can five someone, along with what you’re already doing. Taking him out, letting him have space to clear his mind and being a safe net. Same thing with Charlie, no?“ Her hands latch onto your shoulders and give the muscles a gentle squeeze. “I know it feels like you want to do so much more but, there’s only so much.” You tilt your head back and look up at her with a half-smile before relenting.

“You’re right.”

“A mother is always right.” She lets go and moves towards the stove, giving you a smug side eye… which you return with an unamused eyeroll.

“Yes, yes. My mother is always right. Sometimes.”

“About ninety-nine percent.”

“Ninety-five…” You lift an eyebrow and give her pointed look. She has a spoon in her hand when she looks over you and points it to her chin in thought, it’s just a bit though.

“Ninety-seven. Take it or leave it.”

You scoff in amusement before scooping up the bottles, “Whatever you say, ma’am. We’ll be outside.” She hums in understanding and you exit out the kitchen, walking into the dining room before reaching the living room where the duo waits.

“Pleasure for you to join us.” Charlie smirks and takes two of the bottles from your arms with a nod of thanks.

“Be welcomed.” Nick muses with a grin and cracks open the bottle, taking a quick refreshing sip.

“What is this speech? I hate it.” Your face scrunches up in disgust before gesturing to the sliding glass door. “Shall we?”

“Look who’s doing it now…” Charlie stares at you cheekily. You give him the finger, he returns it.

There are slides in a shoe rack near the door and you three take a pair before stepping out. Nick’s eyes widen in wonder. Your backyard has a big blanket – similar to the one from the picnic – sitting in the middle of the area that has a plot of grass and lanterns that hang off metal rods sit nicely around in the grass that have curves at the end, doing nicely as handles. What surprises you are the little bugs that fly and flicker with a yellow-green gleam in the air.

“Since when do we get fireflies?” You speak first.

“Since forever, Y/N.” Charlie poked your back and you jump, flipping around to get him back but he’s already slipped behind Nick.

“You little…”

“Ah, ah ah, you have to be nice to me.”

“Says who?” He’s being ridiculous.

“Says me. Your bestfriend.” He peaks around Nick’s side – who, mind you, is still focusing on the backyard’s look – with a teasing grin.

“I’mma beat you up.”

“No!” He lets out a laugh when you lunge towards him, twirling out of your reach and running around with you flailing behind.

It felt special to Nick. The orange-red sky turning into it’s pitch dark blue color, stars twinkling down on you three with a full moon bright. His eyes are stuck on his two partners, the fireflies swirling around them out of disturbance but still they still decorate the backyard with green-yellow hues, not ready to leave. He remembers this conversation you had in this backyard a year ago…

“Do you think fireflies come around this area?” You were sitting on a bean bag, legs tucked beneath yourself and were practically sunken into the ‘seat.’ Charlie had insisted you to put it on the concrete side of the backyard so you did and now your face is hidden behind Nick’s switch in your hands.

Speaking of who, Nick is currently soaked wet, wringing out the ends of his shirt and Charlie wraps himself up in a towel. It’s late night, pitch dark but they wanted to play with water balloons and your Mom happened to be out of the house to pick up dinner.

“Maybe…” He leans back to look at the sky. “Why? Do you like fireflies or something?” He looks back down at you. The question has you silent for a couple of beats before you set down the console. He watches you with an amused twinkle in his gaze, puffing out his chest in pride at seeing you in his sweater. Charlie had been wearing it earlier and you both traded before they brought out the balloons.

“I mean, I have never seen any so, maybe, maybe not.” You shrug, unfolding your legs and stretching them out with a groan. Your socked feet slap down against the concrete and you sit up a bit. “Don’t you think they’re kinda special though? My Mom said it’s like they’re glowing up your night, dancing around you and stuff.” You eye the floor. “Appearing on specials occasions like they know,” You lean back into the seat with a sigh, “Said that’s how she got married. Isn’t that crazy?”

Charlie purses his lips, tilting his head to the side before smiling, “Sounds magical. They’re the ‘true love’ bugs.” His smile widens into a grin.

“Exactly!” You snap your fingers with a nod, bumping your heel against the stone pavement.

“I’m sure they do appear out here though, don’t they come out at Midnight?” Charlie shivers while speaking, hugging the towel around himself tighter. You sympathize with a playful grin.

“Maybe. But well, you boys should get inside and warm up. We’ll try next time.”

“Nick! Are you gonna come and lay down?” He snaps out of his head, eyes darting to you and Charlie lying on the blanket though Charlie is trying to tap out from a leg lock you have him in.

He snorts in surprise, not missing a beat and closing the distance. “How the hell did this happen?”

“Nick! Help me~” Charlie wails before pinching your thigh, making you yelp and quickly let go.

“That is cheating!” You exclaim, rubbing your leg with a wince.

“All’s fair in war.” He snickers, reaching a hand out to Nick who takes it and sits down between you two.

It’s a nice silence between the three of you, you’re not sure who laid down first but you eventually followed. Nick has his arms wrapped around the two of you and you’ve glanced up at his face which shows contentment. You even met his gaze while peeking and it caught you off guard with how much his brown orbs were filled with much love and affection.

You reach a hand out towards Charlie and tussle at curls, making him whine in protest but lets you continue anyway. “I’m not good with constellations so you’re not gonna be getting that during this stargaze adventure.” You mumble against Nick with a laugh and it makes the other two chuckle.

“Nah, that’s alright… I’m happy with this…” You and Charlie freeze at how soft Nick’s voice sounds. Serene. Content. More than happy but not quite ecstatic. Filled with much love directed towards the two of you and it has your heart pounding.

You sit up on your elbow, making Nick’s arm slip off of you and he eyes you with suspicion. “Actually…” This would be way more comfortable on your knees so you sit up, tuck your calves beneath you and cuff Charlie’s face into your hands. It’s nearly laugh worthy of how quick his face turns a deep red and how you felt it happen under your touch.

You lean forward, careful not to face-plant into him – that would be awkward… and painful – pressing your lips against him. You both move into a soft but passionate rhythm. Your thumb brushes against his dusted cheeks, pressing hard against his lips one final time before moving back with a dazed grin.

He returns it, chuckling shyly before meeting Charlie’s intense gaze. You choke back a laugh with the swiftness of your friend sliding up a bit, hand softly cupping the side of Nick’s face and sharing their own kiss. Also very slow, and passionate. Your tilt your head up towards your house, eyeing the sliding door and sigh in relief to not see your Mom near it. By the time your gaze returns you’re meeting with the two boys staring at you with flushed faces.

“Oh my god, you’re so red.” You laugh.

“Shut up?” Charlie hands an arm over his face, probably burning up a bit more from the teasing.

The fireflies have died down, some still hanging around but you notice most are gone and a smile tugs at your lips. “Wanna go inside now?”

Charlie removes his arm with a sharp inhale and the two nod. “Do you need to bring the blanket in?” He points to the cloth when you all stand and you’re quick to shake your head.

“Nah. I’ll grab and wash it tomorrow,” You stretch your limbs, hearing some pop. “I need new bones…”

Nick sticks his tongue out in playful disgust, “That sounds horrific.”

“Wouldn’t that be crazy though? If we needed to trade in new bones when we’re old and seniors.”

“Y/N.” Charlie’s eyebrows bend and he grimaces, “Why do you come up with the most freaky scenarios.” It’s not a question.

“Yeah, like the apocalypse one from before.” Nick pitches in with a frown that falters into a smile.

You all step into the living room after you’re done turning off the lanterns and have grabbed your bottles, “Because my brain is so amazing that I just think of things you would never think of.” You make a gesture to your brain before wiggling your fingers like you’ve done a magic trick.

“Or so you say…” Charlie glances somewhere else before meeting your eyes, “Less would never think of more, shouldn’t think of.” He flicks his hand towards you, thumb and index finger out in a finger gun.

“Hey, these could be real life events soon to happen.”

“Yeah the bones theory would happen when we all become immortal.” He chuckles and you roll your eyes.

Then boom, jumpscare. Your Mom appears just as you’re settling on the couch. A screech leaves all of your mouths and she stares in shock with mild confusion and amusement.

“Hello to you three, too.” She giggles, walking over to the glass door, tugging the lock between the handle down and pulls the thick curtains down. “Enjoy stargazing?” She turns back around with a soft smile.

You three shift your gazes away. Apparently it wasn’t just you that still had the intimate moment in the back of your brain, huh? “Yeah, thanks Mom.”

If she noticed the slight awkwardness building up, she doesn’t mention it nor show it and instead clasps her hands together, “That’s wonderful! Dinner is finished so feel free to grab whatever you want. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” She fills you in on her own plan for the night which is pretty much staying in her room so you all have your own time. She then tilts her head, eyes spacing out until she perks up, “And then there’s brownies that are baking, should be finished soon. I set a timer so when you hear it please take it our for me, Y/N.”

You nod before frowning, “Why does it have to be me?” Apparently she didn’t understand from the confusion crossing her face. You then point to Charlie and Nick.

Charlie looks offended, “We are a guest?” but his tone is light.

“You practically live here? Your clothes are in my closet, mind you.” Nick and your Mom choke out a laugh while Charlie flares up, flustered.

“Nick’s are too?!”

“Which is why I included him in my pointing?!”

Two people are bickering, two people laughing at the scene. It doesn’t take long for you Mom to calm you both down, “It doesn’t matter who, it doesn’t matter if it’s all three of you. Please just don’t let them burn.” She chuckles a bit more before rubbing her hand against her collarbone to calm herself, “Have a great time. I’ll be in my room.” You all wave her ‘goodnight’ and she retreats upstairs.

You three share a silence. Then Nick speaks,

“…So what exactly are we doing? It seems you both are full of surprises today,” He wears a teasing look which makes you and Charlie look away.

“Don’t worry about it, mister. You enjoy the ride.” You talk first before nudging Charlie with your leg. “You put the movie on, I’ll go make our plates and...” You eye Nick for a moment not knowing what he should do.

“Nick, I put the backpack in Y/N’s room, could you go get it while we set up? Oh! The headbands too.” Charlie pitches in and grins at the mention of the headbands. You and Nick blink at him before standing up to dart down your own paths.

While you’re making the plates the oven timer does go off. You take a toothpick from one of the drawers, flick on the oven light, open the oven – making you flinch back from the heat – then poke the dark chocolate fudge goodness. It has baked all the way so you grab oven mitts and drag the pan of brownies out of it’s cooker, sets it on the stove and flick turn the oven off.

After making sure everything was set in the kitchen you grab two plates and exit the kitchen, back into the living room where the movie is paused on the TV right before it begins. Charlie stands up and helps grab the two plates, letting you dart back into the kitchen again for the last one just in time for Nick to return.

“Do you want drinks? We got juices, sodas, water, you name it.” You peak your head out behind the dining room wall and the two boys pause midway in putting on the barbie headbands. You bite your lip to hold back a laugh.

“Do you have that tropical mix?” Nick speaks and you nod, he points at you in affirmation of the drink then finishes adjusting the plastic accessory around his hair.

“Root beer, please.” Charlie speaks next before his eyes shine open and wide, “Do you think we can have floats…”

Your eyebrows perk up, “I think we have vanilla? But you’re not getting that till the brownies cool down.”

“Oh, they’re out? Thank Barbie.” He holds his hands up in a prayer.

You stare at him, very much unamused and he gives you a cheeky grin.

“I’ll have tropical juice for now then.”

With a thumbs up you return to the kitchen once more, grabbing three tall glass cups from the cabinet and grab the carton juice out the fridge. You fill up two cups before staring at your own. After deciding your choice of drink, you put everything away and startle while turning around and seeing Nick in the doorway.

“Sorry,” He smiles apologetically, walking up to you and grabbing the cups filled with juice that is his and Charlie’s. He catches you off guard once again, planting a soft kiss on your cheek before bounding off to the living room again.

“What the fuck.” You stand in oblivion, feeling your face heat up. You decide you won’t unpack that tonight, flicking off the kitchen light and rejoining your movie mates.

Nick and Charlie had switched spots to where the blond was in the middle like he had been all day and your boyfriend pats the free spot next to him. You comply, setting your cup on the table while sitting and you lean into Nick with a soft smile.

“You forgot this, kind ma’am.” Charlie grabs the plastic pink band and you lean forward. He puts it on carefully and leans back with a self-satisfied expression, grabbing the remote with a quite cheer. “Are we ready for the best movie night ever?”

You and Nick watch him with amusement, “Yes, Charles, we are.”

“Not Charles, I will fight you.” He shivers at the name.

“You call me Nicholas?” Nick speaks. It makes you laugh.

“It’s your real name.” He grins.

“Is Charles not your real name, Char?” You lift an eyebrow and he rolls his eyes, still wearing the grin.

“No, it is ‘Charlie “Char” Spring’.”

You let out an insufferable sigh.

“Y’know, Y/N has called me ‘Luke’ before.” Nick leans his head back with a scoff. This makes you have a full on belly laugh which makes Charlie react the same way. “Yes, yes laugh it away.” He sighs like he’s in pain.

It takes five minutes to calm down. You wipe a precious tear away, “It was on call too and he hung up. Would not answer for like, an hour.” You inhale deeply at the memory before laughing again.

“Should we start calling him Luke as a nickname?”

“Please, please don’t.” Nick squeezes the arm wrapped around Charlie’s waist with a pleading look.

“Awwe you can’t do that.” He pouts, reaching up to pinch Nick’s face.

“Dho wha?” He sounds funny with Charlie tugging at his face.

“The puppy eyed look. The doe eyes.” You bat your eyelashes at Nick when he eyes you from the corner of his eyes before rolling them.

“We’ve gone all dahy withosut this, nowh yuu wanna shtart?” Now he’s the one doing the insufferable sighing.

“It’s a daily mission.” Charlie nods, a serious expression crossing his looks – putting on an act. He then lets go and grabs the remote again, “Movie time!”

“Movie time!” You cheer afterwards.

You three are silent for a bit as the movie plays, you and Charlie cuddling into Nick. He plants soft kisses down your face and you flush a bit. Then he moves to Charlie, repeating the action, who giggles quietly and eyes Nick with a shy look. It makes you laugh under your breath and Charlie doesn’t miss it, pointing to you with a brow raised and expression saying, ‘Don’t laugh at me when you’re acting the same.’ You look away.

“Hey,” Nick suddenly speaks up and the two of you look over. “Thanks for today. It really helped calm me down…” He continues to train his eyes on the TV but his ears burn from you and Charlie giving him your undivided attention. “And reassured me about a few things…” He purses his lips.

“Reassured?” Charlie asks quietly, as if afraid to make Nick snap his mouth shut and not speak again.

Nick sucks in a breath and you shiver from his fingers crawling up your arm. You watch Charlie lift his own hand and hold the arm wrapped around him.

“Yeah. Since everything felt like it was crashing down, I don’t know. It kinda made me feel… negative? About certain stuff. Between us. Not that I’m not happy, I’m more than thankful to be with you two but just like, how you both felt towards me…” His pursed lips flatten and your brows bend at the way his eyes dim.

“Breaking up with me for example because maybe you felt neglected or such. It made me so scared to think about I stopped responding to both of your messages most of the time and barely wanted to call because you know, what if one day you just went, ‘Yeah I don’t think we should be together,’ such and such.” You both stay quiet to let him speak his mind and you hate that he ever thought such things.

When Nick stays silent you take a sharp inhale, meeting eyes with Charlie’s glossed ones. The sight breaks your heart. “Nick…” You start off carefully and he looks over to you with so much exhaust. Slowly, you cuff his face – the same way you did outside – brushing your thumbs against him cheeks. Your right hand moves down, playfully you press your thumb against his bottom lip and smile gently.

“I’m sorry that you ever felt that way. It’s far from the truth, sweetheart.” He lets out an airy chuckle and you watch with adoration. “Y’know brains come up with the craziest scenarios when you’re stressed and it’s annoying, and stupid.” You huff, left hand moving against his cheek and he leans into the touch. Your thumb and index finger latch onto his ear and you pinch it lightly. “Do you know that, that would never happen unless you came to me asking for such a thing?” You pucker out your lips.

He watches you in a daze before laughing. “Do you know that would never happen?” Then he turns to Charlie with a soft look. “And you, Char?”

Charlie rubs at his reddening eyes and inhales. He then nods, opening his mouth before faltering. You both give him and moment and he closes his eyes in frustration before heaving out a sigh. Concern is evident in both of your expressions but Charlie opens his eyes with a new look of determination, straight at Nick.

He smacks his hands against Nick’s shoulders which makes the latter’s mouth hang open in surprise. “Nick. I love you. A lot. It hurts to know that you were dealing with these emotions, but know I’m not blaming you. How could I? It’s not your fault. Never feel bad for needing to take your time to sort out your own feelings and what’s going on with yourself. We’d never blame you for that because in the end, you know we have you, right?”

Nick nods and you can see his own eyes get glossy as well. Charlie then looks at you, “I love you too, Y/N, don’t tell Tao but you’re my bestfriend.” He chuckles, wiping at his eye again and you wipe at your owns.

“Hey, he can be your guy bestfriend and we wouldn’t have to fight over titles.” You wink, before leaning to Nick and kissing him softly. “I love you both, very much so. I’m glad you were able to talk to us, Nick.”

“Was that your goal today?” He grins in a joking manner, tilting his head in the crook of Charlie’s neck while entangling his fingers with yours.

“Did it work?” Charlie sniffles a bit before laughing. You laugh as well, “This is ridiculous we’re supposed to be watching Barbie and now we’re sobbing.”

“I give up.” You throw your head back, side eyeing the TV.

“Nooo, don’t give up.” Nicks chuckles before sitting upright. “We can still watch… we should probably eat too.” He points to the lonely plates on the table.

“True.” You and Charlie agree. You three take a moment to collect yourselves with a few embarrassed laughs here and there before settling back down.

“What’s in the bag, by the way?” You gesture to the backpack under the coffee table as Charlie rewinds the movie back to the beginning. He glances down.

“Snacks.”

“It’s good.” You hum in approval, taking a bite of your food. The three of you enjoy the movie and dinner, later on making those root beer floats paired with the brownies. Charlie had explained to Nick that he was texting Sahar about the Barbie Movie and she told him she went with Imogen. Apparently, Imogen gives the movie a 2/10 because she messed up her outfit at the theaters.

“That’s terrible.” Nick stares at Charlie in shock but it doesn’t last long with the way his lips curve into a smirk, “That’s not her real rating though, is it?”

“Of course not, she loved it.” Charlie laughs.

You’ve been quiet this whole time but suddenly loll your head to face them. Nick already giving you an exasperated look when you got their attention. “Nick. Your new name in my phone is Ken Nelson.”

#.my writing #heartstopper x reader #heartstopper x f!reader #heartstopper x fem reader #heartstopper x fem!reader #i didnt do my typical ‘small text big text at the end’ its too much writing 💀#i rlly dont fully like this but !! didnt wanna keep it stuck in the drafts #again LOTTS of writing im sorry Jfhfjfke #nick and charlie x f!reader #nick and charlie x fem reader #nick and charlie x fem!reader #technically…#nick nelson x reader #nick nelson x f!reader #nick nelson x fem reader #nick nelson x fem!reader #right?

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buckgettingstruck · 8 months ago

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actually im gonna keep playing in my twilight au derangement ball pit. imagine with me for a moment that buck moves to forks washington because he got offered a job at the firehouse there. hen chimney bobby etc etc already all live there and are Normal but buck comes across the mysterious edwardtommy and becomes enchanted by the dead look in his eyes for some reason. soon he finds out hes a vampire and buck is of course fine with this because he has little self preservation and overall the firehouse doesnt get much action outside of these random bear attacks and the occasional fire so hes bored. a few months pass when eddie joins the firehouse. listen eddie has to be a werewolf in this universe i cannot ration with myself another version because he needs to have his shirt off inexplicably for about 90% of the time. and this is because i said so. buck is growing listless with edwardtommy but also doesnt want to Die but he walks into work and becomes absolutely enchanted and infatuated with eddie in his beautiful shirtless glory because this is already just show canon. buck huffs some copium and tells himself that he just wants to be eddies best bud and this is why he feels such a magnetic pull to him. he blows off edwardtommy for a while in favor of hanging out with his new Bro and his adorable son but things get a little weird. sometimes eddie is gone for like a week at a time for unknown reasons and buck of course stays with chris because he loves him but he just finds it odd. eventually it comes out that eddie is a werewolf and this is why edwardtommy has been increasingly agitated around buck for the past few months. eddie is also the alpha because i said so. once buck meets the rest of eddie’s pack it becomes a vampire werewolf showdown where buck ultimately chooses the werewolves for Some Reason. definitely not because hes in love with eddie haha!! but eddie doesnt even change into werewolf form for this fight he beats everyone with his human fists and only then does buck realize the extent of his lust and love for eddie. so all the vampires including edwardtommy die and buck confesses he wants to be with eddie forever yay 🫶 and they continue working at the firehouse with the 118 family and buck is integrated into the pack as eddie’s mate.

buck also learns shortly after the fight that hes the only human in history to imprint on a werewolf instead of the opposite. and of course in this universe imprinting occurs when you look at someone and hear whatta man playing in your head.

also while buck is human everyone jokes he is a vampire because he has a Thing for eddies blood and licking his wounds. again because i said so

#THIS IS SO STUPID FORGIVE ME LMFAOOO

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marytunno · 3 months ago

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- play Jacob and the stone -

I felt inspired by this quote from the writer Lena Karla, in its heartbreaking simplicity it made me think about a lot of stuff...

But since in here I post mostly about Arya Stark and Gendrya I'll use my emotions to write about that.

No one asked me in particular but I am a yapper anyways... I wanted to answer, mostly for myself, about two questions about this paring.

1 Why do I personally ship Gendrya

2 Do I think they'll be endgame (spoiler I'm losing hope on twow ever being published yey)

I can count on one, ok maybe both, hands the ships in books and general media that I care about. I like most canon ships and the ones I dislike don't interfere much with my viewing experience, but I rarely feel a connection. Gendrya is an exception, I really, really care about these two. Without getting too personal... I love Arya's character so deeply, I started reading the books ( and watching the show) when I was very young, too young heheh, and so, the characters I could relate to and really understand were few, Arya being the main one. I can't say I have been through the same traumatic shit she has, but I know too well what it means to watch your family slowly die, suffer, disappear without being able to do anything about it, feeling just like the helpless kid I was. I know really well the anger, the self doubt, the fear, the numbness, the confusion that Martin was able to write in Arya's and other young character's chapters. I wasn't drawn to Asoiaf as the "wine and tits" thing, or for the over the top violence, I still feel like it's kinda well balanced and never too much btw, but because I saw deeply human characters experiencing loss like I was and I couldn't look away. What I always looked for in these pages, in this story, were the moments of light, of warmth, the moments that proved that even in the middle of the horrors of war and hate and manipulations some people care, some people get up every time they fall, some people come back for you, always. This to say that Gendrya, as a friendship mainly, is one of those moments of light in these books. I relate so deeply to the feeling of being alone, on the run, angry... and the way these characters find in each other a safe place, the way they trust each other, they fight, they speak the same words at the same time, they come back to each other... has me truly invested. They work very well together, have opposite upbringings and yet similar ideals, different personalities and yet the same temper... They have a way to challenge and bring out the best in each other. He is always there in her chapters, a presence almost given for granted until the harsh world they live in pulls them apart. I feel like the only stronger relationships Arya has are the ones with her family, mainly Jon, and I can't wait for her to be reunited to those who are still alive (or half alive hehe)... but I feel that there is still space for Gendry in her life, Arya had so so so much love to give, not per se in a romantic way, and we know our boy definitely needs some. All this to say I once was an angry and lost kid ( kinda still am haha) and I love seeing two lost and angry kids, in spite of everything, taking care of each other.

Yey so it's time for answer n2. As I have spoiled before... I kinda don't believe in Asoiaf to be ever finished, I sure hope, but ya know... So to me we will never know and Gendrya will stay as a great connection and friendship that could have turned romantic in some future... to me not knowing if they will ever be endgame doesn't spoil what we already have... I sure hope, if the books ever get published, that Arya gets to meet again most people she has left in westeros... From a narrative stand point it makes sense for her to cross paths again with the brotherhood (LSH yey) and having someone she can trust on her side wouldn't hurt. I don't rule out a romantic development, rebuilding their friendship to me would be more than enough, because I feel like Grrm could really easily go that way and most experiences Arya is having in essos are about her growing up into a woman. I mean we have to face it she won't be a child forever and I feel like she would love having her own family, her own pak to love fiercely. Even if one of them dies or they part ( I don't see them doing that easily after meeting again but who knows) I feel like the end of a relationship/friendship doesn't make it less beautiful and meaningful. For sure Arya could have other love interests but, I'm not into incest and actually having a brother that I love so so much, incest is kind of unthinkable to me (not sorry hehe) and in general most men in Asoiaf are not that great ( at least as partners let's be honest) and I want Arya to be with someone that loves and respects her for who she is and doesn't want to force her into standards that shouldn't even exist.

ok... I feel like nothing I said was coherent but who cares haha... at least the edit is kinda nice... in my mind it takes place while they are separated and think they'll never meet again... but if someone ( cough cough George) decides to write maybe that separation won't have to last forever.

An update: I'm writing something right now that I would define as a "what if" in the og asoiaf universe... I hope I'll be able to post it soon...

Byeee <3

#arya stark #gendrya #arya x gendry #gendry #asoiaf edit #stark #nymeria

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raventreehall · 5 months ago

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ok just came up with an AU where the starks visit jon on the wall:

- rickon is the only one allowed to bring his direwolf (w/o war the starks are more willing to leave them behind sometimes) bc he goes absolutely insane when separated from shaggydog and shaggydog also gets murderous. shaggydog pulling up and scaring the bejeezus out of everyone, like there's another one???

- they go up the winch cage, wind howling, all kind of like why am i doing this again. but everyone is awed once they get on top of the wall and see the land stretching out in front of them endlessly

- cat thinks about alysanne and wonders if a lady of winterfell has ever been to the wall before or if she's the first in 8000 years. also how this wall protects the entirety of westeros, riverrun and king's landing and dorne... and remembers childhood stories about the others, kind of shuddering but also tells herself she's being silly. she's the most existential about it all.

- ned is also thinking some of these thoughts, about the starks and their legacy, lots of thoughts about previous kings beyond the wall vs starks and worrying if he'll be the next lord of winterfell to fight one—or if robb will, or his sons, etc etc.

- benjen reminds bran that he was named after bran the builder ❤️ bran blurts out asking if the others are real, the only one to actually say it even though they're all thinking it, and robb laughs and tells him not to be so childish but jon says even if they are, the wall and the watch will protect them (taking his newfound Duty and Purpose very seriously)

- back on the ground, jon introduces his sibs to his friends. nw boys kind of awkward bc they're aware they're standing in front of nobles and the literal heir to winterfell. pyp tries to flirt with sansa and jon is like she's literally my sister and also a highborn lady wtf are u doing (his classism is so beautiful). she also talks to sam and politely tells him she thinks it's very brave that he chose to join the night's watch. cue him blushing bright red and jon's like ughh you too?

- if satin is there sansa can develop a crush on him, she thinks he's so prettyyyy. cat ned are like oh ok honey (to themselves: this dude is literally gay). arya thinks he looks like a girl

- bran really wants to go to the nightfort (oh my sweet summer child) and starts yapping on about the stories wondering if they're true and sam tells him that he's read a lot about the nightfort actually... and they have a nice little geek out session that's NICE bc they're not hungry tired traumitized and in grave danger

- catelyn's watching from afar and she's like why tf is there a tarly here??? when sam's away from jon she asks him about it and gets him to tell her the whole sad story. she's horrified that anyone could treat their child like that

- oh yeah also theon meets a guy who is ironborn which is v rare in the watch, says he took the black after the greyjoy rebellion and wow to see lord balon's son here is crazy, they're in the same position really, imprisoned far away from home. theon is like uh i'm not a prisoner and also weren't u supposed to die rather than get caught #loser (i'm making this bit of ironbore lore up but it feels right). cue sad look from ironborn guy and theon comes away from the interaction feeling weird but he doesn't really know why

- robb fights with swords with grenn, then asks jon if he wants to try, see if the nw training programme has improved his sword skills haha. cat is hearing kill bill sirens and jon is also having a bastard moment where he's like i can't be seen showing up my trueborn brother and also, secondly, what if i lose and embarrass myself in front of my friends 😑 so he suggests archery instead which he knows they're both shit at and it's a nice fun brotherly moment and also funny bc THEON comes out on top like woah ok hostage don't get ahead of urself now...

- they get served dinner which is just boiled shit and ned cat and robb are very polite about it and pretend that it tastes really good. sansa kind of pushing food around her plate and arya straight up says she's not eating it bc it's gross (robb elbows her in the stomach to shut up, jon across the room secretly smiling bc well she's right). rickon really likes it actually, bran feeds him some from off his plate

- sansa is excited to meet a bunch of 'knights' (she heard someone call them the black knights of the wall) and see the beautiful order that protects them from the evil things beyond the wall but upon arrival is disillusioned, she thinks everything is grimy and mean and certainly no one looks like a knight, how could this be where uncle benjen lives... but then a singer in the mess hall sings brave danny flint for them and she's like wow showstopping beautiful amazing incredible. cut to someone telling her that the singer actually murdered three people and that's why he's at the wall. sansa: oh :///. singer: but i did it because i was protecting my little sister from being attacked! sansa: omg true knight confirmed <33

- arya meanwhile already thinking about disguising herself as a boy and joining the night's watch she's like wow what happened to danny flint was so sad but i could defff do that and not be caught i bet, rip to brave danny flint but i'm different. and she imagines up a whole scenario about how that would mean she could still be with jon and they'd go riding in the haunted forest and they'd practice swordfighting together and and :((

- at some point some ratty night's watch guy shows up like 🫡 lord stark it's an honor to serve you, i fucking hate wildlings and i love killing em and making sure they never get over the wall because they're trying to TAKE OVER westeros and steal our WOMEN!!! u know we're really just trying to prevent another bael the bard right lord stark nudge nudge. but ned is suddenly disassociating, having his 'promise me ned' ptsd moment. also another weird guy looks at sansa and laughs like ummmmm stay away from her

- they don't meet maester aemon (mutual preference—aemon is kind of wary about meeting robert's bff and also remembers the rhaegar and lyanna stuff, ned also doesn't want to meet him for the same reason 😈) but when jon mentions there's a targaryen at the wall arya and bran are like WHERE

- when they leave all the brothers are kind of cheering ned and they start cheering robb too as the next lord of winterfell. robb is beaming v happy about all this but it's cat's turn to feel uncomfortable watching a group of criminals call her son's name, something feels eerie about it and she wonders about the meaning of the wall and if there will in fact be a war with the wildlings

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daipeanutsaiban · 8 months ago

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Hello! Um I know it's been a few months since you said people could ask you more questions on your tgaa thoughts, but I was hoping to ask about your baskerzieks and genshinxwife ones. Like how they met, or what their last in person convos went like before each couple separated/died, etc, bc I really adore your Lady B & Mrs. Asougi designs! They deserved first names 😭

Also I'd love to hear your genklint/ville thoughts too if you care to share those!

ALSO I wanted to say you're 100% correct that if Kazuma & Klint ever actually met good ending au Kazuma would think he's the most annoying person alive. It's funny if genklint is platonic or romantic too, it's like Herlock Sholmes is right there and instead Kazuma thinks his dad's bf (best friend OR boyfriend lol) is significantly worse. Something something hating your parallel

Anyway no pressure, and sorry if you aren't looking to answer more questions at this time!

HI i love to yap and to yap about dgs especially so you're good haha <3 i'm the kind of person who needs to be asked tbh bc i tend to be self conscious/doubt myself so questions are always super appreciated 🥹💗 this post got LONG so i'm going to put it under a break to spare anyone who's just here for art or trying to look at memes during their lunch break

TL;DR: klint and primrose were engaged as kids but it was broken off upon his parents' death, it was renewed when he earned prestige as a prosecutor; their last conversation was when primrose forced him to confess his crimes to her but she'd started having doubts months ago; in my favorite hc, gkv never pursued one another beyond dropping hints here and there but because i am bisexual i also want them to have fun; genshin and yukari met by chance as teens and genshin had to convince his father to let them marry each other after finding out she was pregnant; he could never say his last words to her because writing about the professor's identity could've endangered her and kazuma.

first of all thank you so much, it makes me so happy when people enjoy my designs and characterizations for lady baskerville and mrs asougi!! for clarity, i'll be calling them by the names i gave them in this post, primrose and yukari respectively.

klint and primrose's engagement was decided by their parents and they met as children- i think they were probably feeling awkward around each other for a while since children don't really care about such things (right..?) and primrose actually chose to spend her time reading when her father would take her to visit, and she might've even been more interested in talking/playing with barok because there wouldn't be the daunting idea of an engagement looming on the horizon lol. eventually, she and klint do grow closer and come to consider each other friends thanks to him putting in a lot of effort to make her feel welcome and also have more fun (she finds him boring- i characterize klint as having been a very serious and dutiful child, though he does play with and dote on his brother).

when the van zieks parents die in my hc, losing their life in a fire specifically, primrose's father chooses to cancel their engagement because he doubts klint can suitably provide for his daughter- a cruel but logical decision as klint is just fourteen years old with no backing or achievements. as an aside, the fire is declared to be an unfortunate accident but klint silently believes it was premeditated- this incident contributes to him considering prosecution as a career. out of care for his brother, he never brings up this idea to barok.

still, primrose is a very clever child who's acutely aware that her father's doting is a form of control (such as making her wear beautiful, white clothes to easily find out if she's been sneaking out, which i think i talked about before), and she insists on meeting klint either at his estate or in the city while they both (and occasionally barok) wear disguises/common clothes. the latter option allows them to meet people outside of their social caste, and to develop a sympathy for them from an early age which also contributes to klint's growing bitterness towards other nobles. throughout his struggle to be taken seriously by these men in spite of his age, primrose continuously encourages him and even spies on her father's meetings with other gentlemen to then report to him, and this continues in their adult life with her reporting rumors and "gossip" from other ladies about their own husbands (with perhaps dire consequences in the long run, haha...)

primrose has ambitions of her own, though, many of which are philanthropic in nature and stem from guilt at being born in a wealthy household to a father who does not care about people other than his own. they are difficult to achieve as an unmarried woman (or even as a woman in general), as her father would never greenlight her ideas, and as such she becomes enraged with klint when he allows the engagement to be dispelled due to believing she would ultimately "be happier with someone else" when it would effectively condemn any ounce of freedom she could have. from primrose's perspective, klint is the only candidate for marriage because he actually respects her and understands her as a person.

their engagement was eventually reinstated following klint's multiple achievements, chiefly when he made a name for himself as an extremely prolific prosecutor and primrose's father couldn't really object to it (ha) anymore. when i researched, i learned that men in the victorian era would commonly get married in their thirties once their careers were established, and i especially like that for this couple because it means that genshin could've attended their wedding. (it's also amusing to picture klint pitching him as the best man while primrose is firmly in barok's camp and they have a silly spat about that, haha. but ngl i prefer genshin as their best man because it was tradition that the best man would drive the married couple to their month long honeymoon directly after the ceremony so. he could stay behind a little while if you catch my meaning. teehee)

on the topic of genklintville, my ultimate preference/personal "canon" is that they never outright acted upon their romantic or sexual interests in one another although the tension was clearly there. but like any bisexual on the internet, i like to indulge a little bit, as shown in my previous paragraph hehe. i like to imagine a kind of kinship between genshin and primrose as they are interested in similar literature and share a similar sense of humor as well (chiefly teasing klint- in a deadpan manner for genshin). klint and primrose tend to dote on genshin in a way they think is discreet, because they can sense his loneliness at being apart from his family even though he generally doesn't voice it, but as we all know genshin isn't a fool and it leaves him quite flustered haha. genshin also relates to klint in the way that they are both heirs to something "greater than them" (the asogi clan/the van zieks heritage) and sometimes yearn to break away from it which might contribute to why genshin left for london if the first place. i'd like to add that if i draw genklint without primrose present, it's taking place with her knowledge and consent, though them being pushed to cheating due to increasing stress or suchlike circumstances is an interesting angle- it's just not something i see myself making at present. though now saying that has made me think about the ways it could be fun to explore the way klint's lying and gaslighting keeps piling up, so what's one more lie? so i'd be interested in reading a story that would attest to his guilt from committing the act and his gaslighting towards not only his wife but also to himself, hmm. the best way that i can put it is that if i'm to explore gk without the v, she must be a relevant character because i'm not about to discard a canon female love interest to focus solely on the yaoi lmao.

now for genshin and yukari, or genyu for short as i like to call it in my head (lol)... there's a lot to cover here too 😵‍💫 some of this, particularly the stuff concerning ayame, is still undecided on but i thought the more context the better!

to understand their dynamic, it feels important to state/repeat my headcanons about the asogi clan aka genshin's immediate family beyond her and kazuma, which were mentioned here. but to summarize, they are very patriarchal, strict, and the type to suppress their emotions. genshin is his father's illegitimate child, and his real mother is... hm, well, she won't ever appear in my art because it's suitable for her character, but she's a high ranking courtesan, aka "oiran", and therefore pregnancy/being a mother could bring shame to her and likely ruin her livelihood, because they are meant to project the image of being unattainable both in appearance.. and price. her disappearing for some months to a year wouldn't be all that suspicious as few men can even afford to meet her.

because the oiran brings the House where she works good money, they help her cover up her pregnancy and her son's existence by sending him to live with his father as soon as possible. once, genshin tries to visit his mother, but he is turned away. in short, his first experience was to be abandoned by someone who was supposed to love him. i think this backstory also serves to give reason to his name (written with the kanji 'shadow' and 'truth') because he is a truth meant to be hidden by the government. if you think about his father giving him that name, it becomes quite sad and implies shame for bringing his son into the world. i think it would also justify the personality i like for him, which is more reserved and serious than how i portray the rest of the visiting trio (with a boisterous but ambitious seishiro and a downtrodden but shy and earnest yuujin), and with a greater disposition for being suspicious... which is naturally a good thing for a detective.

genshin's father's wife lost her life to an illness some years prior to genshin integrating into the asogi clan, which is why he sought comfort from the oiran. to avoid unsavory rumors and to preserve both women's reputation, syoma (genshin's father) forbids his son from venturing outside of the house - paralleling primrose's childhood, which they could bond over later in life - until he turns a certain age. he's the dark sheep of the clan, to make it short. it's by sneaking out as a child that he meets seishiro, and then yukari who is accompanying ayame.

as an aside, i want to add that while syoma holds misogynistic beliefs, he still feels a sense of responsibility so he does eventually pay off the oiran's debt in the end- not that she's particularly grateful since he led her on and made her promise not to abort his child without ever planning to marry her. not a great guy, but def a fun character to write. those are things genshin deduces in his teenage years, and he swears to never become like his father.

as for yukari, her family history is also nebulous, and i don't know if i even want to establish her circumstances before meeting ayame and genshin because i like the meta irony of those details remaining unknown to us just as they were unknown to those around her outside of how she is tied to other people. ayame's friend, genshin's wife, kazuma's mother- never her own person. she reaches a breaking point during genshin's absence, but i won't go into detail about that for now because it's part of a long project of mine. what i can say about her is that she does housework for ayame's family in exchange for room and board, but she's not categorized as a servant because ayame cherishes her, a privilege that makes her feel awkward at times.

genshin fell for her due to her frank and joyful approach to life which was so different from the outlook he was raised on, and she piqued his curiosity with her unusual and often "silly", but free, behavior. he has the utmost respect for her, which is why as much as i like gkv and think it could work in a modern au with yukari's inclusion/approval + rapid methods of communication, i think realistically genshin wouldn't have the heart to start anything with someone else when she is waiting for his every letter so far away. he wouldn't be able to read the expression on her face, and she could easily lie about being okay with it.

in this wikipedia article about marriage in japan in the edo period (1600-1868), it reads: "Members of the household were expected to subordinate all their own interests to that of the [household], with respect for an ideal of filial piety and social hierarchy. [...] Marriages were duly arranged by the head of the household, who represented it publicly and was legally responsible for its members, and any preference by either principal in a marital arrangement was considered improper."

you might've guessed where i'm going with this, but genshin's father had already chosen a wife for him, and that person was ayame, who is from a 'good' family. obviously that marriage didn't go through with yukari becoming pregnant at 18 or 19 (!!), and syoma capitulated to genshin's request that he be given permission to marry his girlfriend which only further strained his relationship with his father further. as for ayame, she was fortunate that the man she was interested in was studying medicine, and therefore struggled less for her family to accept yuujin as her husband. but for yukari, although she knows genshin doesn't love ayame, there's always that nagging feeling that she was the "wrong" choice. after all, she has to witness the interactions between genshin and his family every day, and her presence is often the source of tension. her only rock after ayame's death and genshin's departure is her son, who starts rejecting spending time with her as he grows older because, well, he's a teenager (something i want to expand on in that project i mentioned).

in yukari's case, she was never able to read her husband's last words as even writing about the professor's identity could endanger hers and kazuma's lives, but perhaps genshin had promised he would briefly return at the half-way point of his stay overseas and then ended up having to break that promise by choosing to investigate the professor killings before eventually losing his life. yukari's feelings of helplessness were confirmed as the truth in her eyes then.

as for primrose and klint's last conversation, it's been sitting in my wips for a while LOL. i def think she had her suspicions, and when she finally gathered her courage to confront him, he broke down and told her the truth. i've revised this comic and especially its dialogue so many times that i don't even know if i like it anymore, please pray for me 😅

It's funny if genklint is platonic or romantic too, it's like Herlock Sholmes is right there and instead Kazuma thinks his dad's bf (best friend OR boyfriend lol) is significantly worse.

this made me laugh LMAO honestly kazuma would be so petty about it meanwhile i feel like he'd get along super well with the man's own wife 😂 i also think that as an adult kazuma would admire his father less and even be a bit of a tsundere lol, but yeah in a No One Dies/Good Ending AU(tm) he'd probably resent genshin a little for leaving him and his mother, whose struggles he witnessed firsthand for ten years. hell, maybe he does resent him in the current circumstances even if it's not the dominant emotion when it comes to his father, it of course being grief... still. lord van zieks get your paws off my dad!! 🙄💢 also if genshin starts reciprocating the attention kazuma might start killing LOL

...this answer is now well over 2000 words and i still feel like i'm leaving things out i feel CRAZY omg. autism diagnosis unnecessary atp lmfao.

also just found this in my #yukanotes i should've just copy pasted all this augh. i love yukari very much she is extremely dear to me. 😊💗

thanks again for your questions I'M SORRY IT'S SO LONG....... i DO love to yap 🥹🥹💗

#i really should finish and post my comics about all these hcs =_=;;#i either always (wrongly) assume people dont care and/or am held back by my perfectionism orz #can u tell i was shamed for my interests as a child 🙂#ANYWAYS im trying to write out info for my dgs ocs on toyhouse right now so i'll share their profiles here whenever im finished!! >_<#when i say 'primrose becomes enraged with klint' she literally storms in and slaps him btw. so im worried ppl will hate on her but like.#when ur life is dependent on a boy who claims to love you but then abandons you to that kind of life?? and you're fourteen??? maybe ur not #in total control of ur emotions! just saying #the only other time she gets violent is well. when. you can take a guess at what would make her extremely angry and disappointed.#the great ace attorney #tgaa spoilers #dgs spoilers #headcanon #replies #drbtinglecannon #oc: primrose #oc: yukari #ayame mikotoba #klint van zieks #genshin asogi #baskerzieks #genklintville #and uhh #asogi couple #genyu #tagging for archiving purposes 🙇 sorry to clog ur feeds!!

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dark-frosted-heart · 1 year ago

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Alfons vs Roger event (Roger end)

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this

Alfons: Now then-

Roger: Let’s get this over with.

Alfons: Oh yes, that’s right. We have to be “friendly” today, don’t we? To be honest, I’m disgusted. But let’s fight together, Roger.

Kidnapper: Wah!

Alfons swiftly gets behind the man and pins his arms behind his back.

While holding onto the man struggling to escape, Alfons bit down on a black leather glove, removed it, and touched his nape with his fingertips.

Kidnapper: Ah…ahh…

Alfons: Look, the people you killed are right in front of you. They’ve come back as ghosts.

Kidnapper: Eek! Get away, get away!

(He’s hallucinating because of Alfons’ ability).

Alfons: What’s there to be afraid of. Let’s have a deeply emotional meeting.

Roger approaches the pale and flustered man.

Roger: I’d shoot you, but sadly I don’t have my gun with me today. Well, this is good enough.

Roger’s raised fist slams into the man’s torso.

Kidnapper: …Guh

The man tumbles onto the floor and faints.

Alfons: Barbaric as ever.

Roger: I only knocked him out. That’s gentlemanly, isn’t it?

Their eyes land on me.

Alfons and Roger: Kate. You’re not hurt, are you?

Afterward, Viscount Morris hands the unconscious kidnapper to the police.

Based on his past criminal records, he’ll never get out of his cell again.

Alfons: So, Miss Kate. It’s about time we heard how many points we’ve acquired.

Roger: Right. I’ve been wonderin’ about it myself.

Kate: Alfons has received a total of 100 points, Roger 101. Roger wins by a narrow margin.

Alfons: I see. Hey, Roger.

Roger: What?

When Roger looked up, Alfons hugged him as hard as he could.

Alfons: I’m very happy to have “gotten along” with you all day. Will this give another friendship point?

While I blinked at him, Roger clicked his tongue.

Roger: That’s just like you. When you win, you take your win and run. And when you lose, you try to sweep it under a rug.

Alfons: Of course I’d rather die than become your servant.

Roger: You’re still hung up on “that”?

Alfons: I’m not holding a grudge. I just don’t like you. Forgive me, Miss Kate, but I’ve gone past my limit on acting friendly with Roger, so if you’ll excuse me. Those sweetheart chocolates in your bag are for the person you like.

In the bag left on the sofa were the chocolates that Alfons had mentioned.

Alfons: Of course, if you really want me to take them, then you’ll have to knock on my door tonight.

Roger: Don’t, he’ll eat you up too.

Alfons: That’s my line. Well then, happy Valentine’s Day.

My cheeks heat off as I watch Alfons make his dashing exit.

(Perhaps Alfons knew this whole time…)

Last night, I was about to knock on the lab door with a fresh batch of chocolates in hand.

When I thought of who to give the chocolates to, Roger was the first that came to mind.

(But I was too embarrassed to give him the sweetheart chocolates and chickened out)

As I agonized over last night, I felt a pat on my head.

Roger: Arguing’s made me tired and now I’m craving something sweet.

Roger picked up my bag from the sofa and smirked.

Roger: Now then—let’s go into overtime.

Kate: Valentine’s market?

Roger: Yeah, I remember Ellis sayin’ something like that when we went out for a drink. Dunno how that guy always gets this kind of info.

Kate: So, why?

Roger: Told you I was craving somethin’ sweet. I’m trying to butter you up to get your chocolate. Hm? Looks like some street performance’s starting over there.

Kate: Huh, oh…it is. I can hear things, but can’t see because of the crowd.

Roger: That so? Then—

Kate: Huh? Woah!

Roger picks me up with ease and all eyes immediately focus on us.

Kate: Roger, please put me down. People are staring…

Roger: Pfft, haha. Don’t worry ‘bout it. Come on, look ahead. Lpok.

I take in the street performance as Roger holds me up.

Kate: The street performance was amazing! I didn’t expect a head to fall.

Roger: Wonder how that works. Victor might know.

Kate: Hehe, probably. Victor’s good at magic tricks.

While sitting on a bench, sipping on some mulled wine that Roger bought me, there was a hint of a smile on the man’s face.

Roger: Glad you enjoyed it.

I suddenly felt embarrassed at the fact that I was enjoyed it like a child and I quickly changed the subject.

Kate: Um, that reminds me…

Roger: Hm?

Kate: What was “that” you were talking about with Alfons?

Roger: Oh, the thing about holding a grudge?

Kate: Yes. But…If it’s not something you want to talk about, then I understand.

Roger: I got nothing to hide. You know how Al and I have known each other since we were kids?

Kate: I’ve been told that you two knew each other way before Crown.

Roger: And that he’s cursed. They say that those cursed are “destined to commit sins and meet a tragic end”. I told him everything he knows. Rather, I forced it on him.

Kate: Why did you tell Alfons the truth…?

Roger: Back then, I was lookin’ for someone else that was cursed. I ended up finding Al. I was so glad to finally meet him that I didn’t even think twice before telling him the truth.

Roger’s eyes squint as if to say “I was just a kid”.

Roger: Once you’re aware, you can’t go back to not being aware.

(The two share a past that only they know)

(So I don’t want to say things as if I understand)

Kate: I’m sure Alfons knows that you didn’t mean to do that. Otherwise he wouldn’t provoke you like a child, would he?

Roger: …Maybe.

Kate: Besides…

Roger: …?

Kate: Besides, I personally would’ve wanted to know the truth. I believe that there’s a lot of things in this world that we don’t need to know. But after knowing, I can think about what to do with it.

Roger: Yeah, I’m with you on that.

Roger smiled in acceptance and leaned forward to look at my face.

Roger: That being the case, let me ask you. Did you come to see me last night?

#ikemen villains #ikevil translations #ikevil #ikevil jp

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puffyducks · 7 months ago

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DCRC Week #8 (Part 1)

ODIN WEEK! ODIN WEEK! ODIN WEEK!!! It's PKNA #5: Portrait of the Hero as a Young Duck btw. Please enjoy my epic edit- I mean real panel I mean totally real screenshotted and unedited comic panel.

Also, I try to put spoilers for the comics I'm reading about as they happen in the story, but this time I couldn't help myself so beware of reading this if you haven't read the whole chapter yet.

I already have this panel saved in my folder, it's so iconic in my head. He wanna be Batman sooooo bad.

Gotta love these military guys opening fire like their lives depend on it and PK is just behind them making silly little jokes like :D

Wow this guy seems interesting I wonder what his opinions on AI art are

Gorgeous panel and some gorgeous one-point perspective here. Sorry for being an art student but we made a lot of drawings like this and it made me learn that drawing buildings makes me want to die. So this is even more impressive to me in that regard.

Lowkey cute asf for Odin to just put a whimsical little garden in place of where Ducklair tower used to be

Donald is so SAD it breaka my heart 💔 RIP Uno who is totally super dead 💔💔💔

Donald is SO SMALL. Shoutout to the PKNA writers for pushing the entire main Duckverse cast to the side so that they could create an all-new roster of characters that all fucking TOWER over Donald in height. Lyla, Angus, Xadhoom, Styvesant, soon to be Odin in like a few pages. If you need to know anything it's that Paperinik is a little SHRIMP and he is so tiny and small and the most specialest boy ever.

haha..... yeah..................

DEFEND UNO'S LEGACY DONALD!!!!! Also Lyla... okay and I guess Geena cause she's the ACTUAL robot he's defending-

This is the part where I look at the camera like it's an episode of The Office btw. If you know you know.

babygirl

OOOOH SHIT IT'S YA BOI!!! I forgot about him trying to meet Donald by just slamming his ship into theirs. Like I GUESS that's a surefire method to speak to someone...

Cheeky son of a-

GEENA YOU FUCKING NARC

Snitches get stitches Geena... (imagine a little text pops up on screen like in a video game and says "Geena will remember that")

Hmmmm where have I seen this shot before.... *flashback to issue #0.1 which I put a filter over to make sure you know it's a flashback to an earlier chapter*

oh right.

Crying over this shot they BOTH wanna be Batman man 😭 two dumdums that were made for each other

He's so cheeky I hate him (affectionate)

So obviously they bring up that Odin just means "One" (or Uno) but it's also worth pointing out what an Eidolon is. Eidolon is a Greek term, meaning "a spirit-image of a living or dead person; a shade or phantom look-alike of the human form" (at least according to Wikipedia).

"ODIN EIDOLON" LITERALLY TRANSLATES TO "UNO'S GHOST" I FUCKING HATE HIM. I'M SMASHING HIM WITH HAMMERS. AFFECTIONATELY.

Anyways to wrap up with some final thoughts-

Something that doesn't really get addressed in this comic (probably for plot reasons, it's not super relevant) is just how comforting it must be for Donald to travel to the future and see that the Evronian Empire is all but wiped out, a shell of its former self. Obviously timelines can still change, we saw that in Day of the Cold Sun, but it still must be nice to see that all the fighting he does is going to pay off in a big way.

Btw remember that bit in an earlier chapter about Uno finding Lyla attractive? Yeah well I should think so considering that YOU'RE THE ONE THAT BUILT HER- Okay well he's not the DESIGNER but still I think that connection is funny ok. I wonder if Uno scanned Odin's gun and was like "oh"

I like this comic, I think it's another really good one. I mean it's no Earthquake but still, between Day of the Cold Sun, Earthquake, and then this volume I feel like we've just had banger after banger after banger. I'm also super stoked to have Odin in the story now, even if thinking about Uno way outliving Donald and being excited to see him again after 200 years makes me really depressed if I think about it too hard. I'm happy that he got to escape the confines of Ducklair tower and even got a cunty green suit in the process though, good for him. Donald is REALLY gonna regret not accepting that explanation from Uno though, RIP 🙏 SUUURELY he'll figure it out one of these days guys. Like EVENTUALLY. Right???

#dcrc #dcrc week 8 #paperinik

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crimeronan · 10 months ago

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if i ever properly write the AU luz-vee-hunter-camila meeting AND keep everything i'm experimenting with re: vee and hunter's history, it's just gonna go down like.....

vee, who scented creepy rotting necromantic bullshit on hunter like six years ago: yeah so. guys. this dude is 100% not a witch. i don't know what he is but you have got to stop gaslighting me about him being a witch. That Is Not A Witch

luz, who has buried creepy rotting necromantic bullshit with hunter's face and would rather die than admit it: HAHA WHAT A WEIRD THING TO SAY. ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HUNTER IS HOW HE'S DEFINITELY A NORMAL WITCH WHO WAS BORN IN A SUPER NORMAL WAY. LET'S NOT BE INSANE

camila, who has way bigger fish to fry than creepy rotting necromantic bullshit: well! i think what's most important here is that we're all individually committed to doing Absolutely No Harm to one another!! whatsoever!! in any way!! at all!! ever!! and we are all going to Not! Traumatize! My! Daughter(s)!!

hunter, who is currently unaware of his creepy rotting necromantic bullshit status, but is nonetheless having no trouble following the conversation: yeah honestly you guys can call me whatever you want. i don't really think i can..... like..... defend myself.

#this is catnip 2 me.#im gonna shitpost about it a bunch without writing anythinf. sorry #toh #princess luz au #horrible mindscape trauma pals #camila noceda #vee noceda

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vaguely-concerned · 11 months ago

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A Stitch In Time First Read Reactions & Thoughts Monster Post Part 1

Basically exactly what it says on the tin! I kept making notes while I was reading and somehow it grew into this sprawling monstrosity that had to be split into three parts haha. In short: I loved this book, 10/10 incredibly gay and full of yearning Garak is there the whole time would recommend.

Quotes from the book in normal text, my reflections, reactions and self-indulgent bits in italics :) Please, please only click on that read-more if you're ready for some truly long-winded nonsense, I fear I have gone and been extremely myself about this and I can only beg your forbearance for it while I get it out of my system lol

Part 2, Part 3

- My dear Doctor:

Forgive my delay in responding to your kind communications. I wanted to give this modest chronicle I’ve enclosed a modicum of organization and update it before I sent it on to you. Thank you for your concern. I have thought of you often since our last meeting, and I am pleased to hear that your life on Deep Space 9 remains challenging and productive. Considering all the changes that have taken place I would have expected nothing less. And I’m certainly not surprised that your research proposals have been accepted. You’re a brilliant young scientist—even if you are genetically enhanced. As for my life here …

This is such a deceptively innocuous and normal-sounding beginning to what is about to be an extremely unnormal and unhinged thing to send a friend as a letter. He made it all of one paragraph of keeping it chill and I honestly think that’s pretty impressive all things considered. Thankfully Julian Bashir — who, let’s not forget, gave Jadzia his fucking diaries to read after much shorter acquaintanceship than what what we’re operating on here — is possibly the one person in the galaxy with the unhinged energy to take it.

(‘I have thought of you often’ he says. And how., as we shall see)

- Yes—I’m afraid you weren’t expecting this response to your kind inquiry; it goes a bit further than “Greetings from Cardassia—Wish you were here.”

Fhksjdfhasdkj well. In spirit that is exactly what you’re saying tho garak fhdskjaas. It’s just that you’re also pathologically incapable of shutting the hell up and for this I love and treasure you.

- So why Captain Sisko is so upset with me because I accomplished the goal (which he established!) of getting Romulus into the war against the Dominion baffles me. And it’s not because of the few lives that were sacrificed. Federation expansion has taken a toll in countless life-forms—about most of which they are blissfully unaware. The moment you step into a garden and begin to cultivate and prune, you become a killer. Perhaps the captain was upset because he had hesitated to do what was necessary to insure the integrity of his garden. Sentimentality is another trait that makes humans dangerous.

*Garak voice* Julian please tell me why your boss is so mad at me I literally solved all his problems for him. for which he’s wELCOME btw

Eyes open for recurring metaphors about gardeners, Tolan is haunting this narrative and it’s only polite to say hello whenever he shows up

- Indulge me, if you will; I need you as a witness.

Can I just say how fucking wild it is in terms of character development for Garak to openly admit he needs someone interpersonally. Incredibly fucked up that he writes both parts of this directly to Julian, though — both the part where he’s pretty sure he’s going to die trying to free Cardassia from the Dominion, and the ‘now’ timeline on post-war Cardassia where he seems to be dazedly coming to the realization that he might live, actually, and what that means to him.

- As a child I would go to the Tarlak Sector with Father, and while he supervised his crews I’d play by myself amid the black-and-white angularity of the monuments, imagining myself a great gul or legate giving the funeral oration for a fallen comrade.

Already we are starting to spot the thread, if you’ll excuse the expression, of why Garak might be Like That

I also came to admire Damar’s idealism, which led him to renounce his allegiance to the Dominion. If he had one weakness it was his propensity for long-winded speeches. But given the fact that none of us are perfect, the man would have made a fine leader.

As I stood at the memorial service, I thought about all the grand affairs I had witnessed here when I was a boy. None of our famed heroes and statesmen has ever had such a humble service—and none of them, from Tret Akleen on, deserved more than Corat Damar.

You are a species of long-winded speakers and Pythas Lok

- Dr. Parmak, the unit leader, worked furiously to stabilize the little girl, and when she was evacuated by the transport unit he broke down. He’s a very good man, this Dr. Parmak; he reminds me of an older version of you, Doctor.

Introducing Dr. Kelas Parmak, last seen in the then-noodle incident mentioned in The Die is Cast. Quite possibly the chillest person who has ever lived, considering he gets over the whole thing where Garak like tortured him pretty fast. (To be fair Garak DID say he was sorry. Between this case and Odo’s, that apparently goes a surprisingly long way lol)

- But Garak, you’ll say, there’s no excuse for killing a defenseless woman. And there isn’t… unless you’ve been brought up in our system.

I love that he keeps a little Julian around in his head to talk to at all times. That’s one of the most freakishly intimate things in this whole book of freakish intimacy. Garak has a little Tain on one shoulder and a little Julian on the other shoulder and they have heated debates as to the validity of murder as a solution to any given problem that’s put before him

- I also thought about this Cardassian sense of duty and how it is largely responsible for bringing those of us who are left to these current circumstances. I asked Dr. Parmak how an entire people can come under the sway of this duty and blindly give allegiance to a state that goes mad and murders its own children.

“Poisonous pedagogy, Elim,” he replied. “We believe what we are taught.”

Poison/Disease contagion is a metaphor that will wind through this whole thing,and different people mean different things by it. Parmak means it about The Facism, which is the right one. You’ll be unsurprised to hear that Dukat Sr. has a rather different spin on it, and that he’s wrong!

- But Tain at home was anything but mysterious. It was not unusual for Uncle Enabran to appear and take me away on some excursion that involved a long walk through a section of the city. During these walks he’d test my awareness, and challenge me to describe a house or a person we’d just passed. If I hadn’t been paying attention and couldn’t remember the details, the walk was over and we’d silently return home under the oppressive weight of his disapproval. He also seemed to know how I was performing at school, and if he wasn’t satisfied with my progress or behavior he’d punish me. I was a hard worker but I had a mischievous streak, and I enjoyed getting others involved in questionable activities and arranging it so they were found out and took the blame. On those rare occasions when I was caught, Tain would somehow find out and punish me—not for my misdeed, but for having been caught. And after he discovered my fear of small, dark spaces, his favorite punishment became keeping me in one until I had convinced him that I had analyzed and fully understood how my mischievous scheme had gone wrong. I found it odd that Mother and Father never had anything to say about these punishments.

. . .

At first I thought I was in trouble, and my face must have reflected this fear because Father attempted to reassure me with a forced smile. But the uncharacteristic falsity of his behavior and his barely concealed agitation only made the situation worse. I had never seen him like this. Mother’s face was a mask; it revealed nothing. She spoke as if I needed to clean off the day’s work before we ate.

Garak treats him and Bashir ‘drifting apart’ the same way he describes his young self being trained by Tain to go over his ‘mistakes’ — what did I do wrong? You also see it (almost most heartbreakingly to me) from Tolan when he gets sharper out of worry at the end of the scene where the agent comes to take Garak away to the Bamarren Institute:

I was stunned. I wanted to ask more, I wanted to ask about the dedication ceremony that afternoon, but I didn’t dare. Father had that look when one of the workers didn’t get it right the first time. But what had I done wrong?

Oh buddy. He’s so fucking confused. The only thing you’ve done wrong yet is having been born with some connection to Enabran Tain, Elim, I’m so sorry

- We were the “missing pieces”—and in order to find our place in the mosaic of civilized society, we had to be broken down and reconstructed from the bottom up.

Keep your eyes open for ‘broken down and reconstructed’ too, it will be on the final test lol

- The good captain gave me one of his bemused stares.

Sisko ILU. He’s not in this book a lot so I’ll take the chance to say it here, because I do.

- It was explained to us that until we became disciplined in our relations with the “complementary gender” we would make better progress this way. When I asked One Tarnal how we would learn this discipline without interaction between the sexes, he blinked and mumbled something about “distractions.” When I asked what that meant I was told that I had a loose mouth and given five days of hygiene-chamber maintenance as punishment.

“You don’t know enough to ask so many questions.”

Elim 'Genuinely & Guilelessly Too Deeply Pansexual To Be Able To Follow This Logic’ Garak

- Pythas/Eight descriptions because this is a bad mutual crush situation:

- Unfortunately, the only student left was quiet Eight Lubak, who kept completely to himself. He agreed to accompany me and quickly moved to the door. He was short and slender, and his dark eyes and long lashes made him look younger than the rest of us. He was almost too delicate for a Cardassian. I was not encouraged … but I had no choice.

‘Dark eyes and long lashes’ huh lol

I started to follow him, but he made it clear that I should stay where I was and wait. All during this, Eight was quiet and controlled—and as sure of himself as if he’d done this many times. How did he know where he was going?

. . .

His face was dark, intense with concentration; his brow ridges, which were unusually pronounced, cast shadows over his eyes. My heart began to pound when I realized what Eight was planning. These were certain to be older students, but he expressed no hesitation, no doubt.

. . .

I didn’t know then if I could ever call Eight a friend. Something about him was strange and impenetrable. But it didn’t matter. At least I knew there was one person in my section I could trust. How I had misjudged him. It was obvious that Eight had what Cardassians call a ferocious spirit—and that I could learn a great deal from him.

. . .

Eight also came from a “service” family background, and it was soon clear to everyone that he should have been designated One Lubak, a fact not lost on the actual holder of that designation who, judging from his behavior and speech, came from the highest echelons of our society.

. . .

Five was an athlete who also did well in class. I could see that he was attracted to Eight. As indeed I was.

Big round of applause for Andrew Robinson managing to sneak the skywritten subtext into the text like this, it’s an exceedingly rare gift to get to have from the media of this time

. . .

But by then the group had passed. What murk? Me? Have all the others been captured? Surely not Eight. I couldn’t believe that was possible.

. . .

The only member of my group who performed as well in all areas was the taciturn Eight.

. . .

The truth, of course, was that I didn’t know how to forge those kinds of bonds. I wanted to be closer to Eight, and to a lesser degree Five, who besides being one of the great Pit strategists Bamarren ever had was fair in all his dealings.

. . .

Eight remained for a few more minutes. I had the feeling that he wanted to say something more to me. Suddenly he turned and disappeared behind a barrier. The air was filled with whatever went unsaid. He was as shy as anyone I had ever known.

The boys are being useless lesbians at each other omg……… what must this whole mess look like from Pythas’ POV tho. He’s been keeping an eye on his friend/crush so he doesn’t get himself killed by running his mouth off too much to the wrong person and before he knows it the guy is embroiled in an inadvisable bisexual sandwich of betrayal and savage intrigue. I wonder if anything would have been different if Garak and Pythas had managed to actually talk to each other here.

- Eight was the only person who deserved number One as much as I did—maybe more. My solitary behavior was not always in service to the group. Eight and I exchanged encouraging looks. The support of my one constant friend was all I wanted. I sat there and shut out everything else.

*Garak whenever someone prefers Pythas over him* understandable honestly I’d do the same thing he’s the best have a nice day

End Pythas/Eight teen crush corner

- My mind wandered. I was sure that I heard sounds of the women students gusting with the winds. Suddenly mother materialized … she looked like she was apologizing. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her, but her image dissolved and … Father took her place. I knew he was telling me something very important, but I was growing dizzy and afraid that I’d join Six on the ground … his words were carried away by the winds.

Suffering and agony

Some assorted 'Just assure me that I'm not going mad, Doctor'/Garak's ever-tenuous grip on his mental health moments:

-I don’t know why I wasn’t surprised that he knew. Instead, I was grateful; it told me I wasn’t going mad.

A recurring worry for him I’m sure it means nothing! I feel the same fellowship with him as I do with Harrow in The Locked Tomb series, which I’m sure says even less, don’t worry about it.

And how do we even begin to rebuild a world that doesn’t exist anymore? A world that exists in my mind with the same arid bitterness as the dust in my mouth. I have never lived with despair, Doctor, the way I live with it now. It’s almost like a phantom companion that shadows me and casts doubt on whatever I do.

“Why save him?” it asks, as we remove a young boy from the rubble of a school. “You’re only keeping him alive for a future of privation and chaos. Wouldn’t it be more satisfying to join the burial unit?”

I want to scream at this phantom, to shut it up. Once I turned around suddenly and raised my hand to strike it. When I realized it wasn’t there, it was too late. Everyone in the unit was looking at me; I’m sure I must have looked like a madman. Dr. Parmak tried to send me home, but I refused—alone it’s even worse.

I’m just imagining Julian arriving on Cardassia like ‘hey yeah I got your letter and we should fuck about it right now but first of all have you told Parmak you’ve been having vivid hallucinations again because that’s very relevant medical information Garak!!!’

- But it was in the Pit and my work with Calyx that I suffered the most. My dreaming made me “an air man.”

“You have no grip, no focus. How can you find your strength if you can’t hold your place? Living in your dreams is like living in exile.”

*whisper* pls don't...

- As I tried to put faces on the shadowy children, they began to approach me. They became more distinct as they moved through the rain and haze. Can you believe it, Doctor? They weren’t my schoolmates; they were the Cardassian orphans from the Resettlement Center on Bajor we once visited. The orphans left after the Cardassian occupation forces withdrew. The same young girl was their leader and her lips formed the same question.

Have you come to take us home?

I jumped up. I felt the shed closing in, threatening to swallow me. I ran out into the rain and gloom.

“There is no home anymore! Can’t you see that? Look around you! It’s gone!” I screamed at them and fell to my knees in the sodden waste. They continued to stare back with that same look of fragile trust that I would somehow relieve them of their fear and bring them home. I couldn’t look at them anymore and dropped down into the muck. My despair was no longer just a voice; it was this monstrous world the evil had created, and it surrounded and overwhelmed me.

I don’t know how long I remained curled up in the mud. I felt myself being lifted and half carried, half dragged back into my shed. It was Dr. Parmak. He cleaned and changed me as best he could. He prepared a cup of Tarkalean tea, which made me think of you, Doctor. How ironic, another doctor pulls old Elim out of the muck of his despair, but this time he’s a Cardassian.

The fact that in the episode itself, Garak (in a haze of endorphins and practiced dissociation) is barely like ‘yes yes I’m sure we’re ALL very upset about the orphans. Or whatever. Well what do you want me to do about it Doctor it’s just the way of the world’ and then it just haunts him horrifically for the rest of his life forever and ever the end! Very on brand.

Garak does seem to genuinely like and care for children in general, which makes my heart all weird and sad

Also Parmak making Tarkalean tea and Garak being like ‘oh. Like Julian :’(‘ about it my HEART. The fact that he’s a serial befriender of very patient kindhearted doctors willing to put up with his nonsense is probably the only reason he’s still alive lol. Thank u Parmak

- A difficult move under pressure against strong physical resistance from an opponent … and something would snap. A painful blow might set it off, a whispered insult, perhaps just a thought or a feeling of hopelessness, and I would suddenly lose control and lash out like a madman. I became suffused with a raging, crimson anger that poured out from some black hole somewhere deep inside me.

I feel like we see the outlines of this still in him by the time of the show — more tucked away and harnessed, but definitely still there. He’s got an instinctive Fight response a mile wide, it’s just that these days he mostly expresses it by becoming incredibly fucking MEAN when he feels threatened rather than outright physical attack.

- And there was a soothing quality as it spoke of dry legal definitions. It acted as a balm for my bruises and bitterness. I began to feel such longings. It was like hearing music that you love when you least expect it. How I missed Mother, and working with Father in the flower beds. How I longed for home. I dropped my guard and surrendered to the voice. The tears I was determined never to shed accompanied choking waves of shame and relief, sadness and joy. I finally was able to admit to myself how unhappy I was.

*me with my magnifying glass studying the Palandine/Bashir parallels* listening to Bashir talk about Federation nonsense things presumably fills much the same niche in Garak’s psyche as this haha

- “I assure you, I am not in the habit of attacking people I don’t know in public places. We got our feet tangled in the crush, and he went down—just as, moments before, I nearly wiped out the scent display when he ignored the fact that I was standing in his path. I trust he’s not hurt.”

“I expect more from you, Garak,” Odo lectured. “We’re all under a great deal of strain.”

“As am I, Constable. Please, sit down at least. I feel like a schoolboy being disciplined by the docent.”

Odo sighed and awkwardly perched on the barstool next to mine.

Their dynamic is. Everything to me. Also we learn later that the guy Garak picks a fight with here because he’s upset Julian is hanging out with Miles (lmao oh… buddy) isn’t just anyone or on impulse, but is one of the most hostile-to-Garaks Bajorans on the entire station with a small gang behind him, and Garak knows exactly who he is. Which lends it a certain… something. Almost an edge of very roundabout self-harm.

“I can’t stay long. I have to finish dealing with this …”

“ … situation,” I finished. “You’re very fortunate, Odo.”

“How so?” he asked.

“These people have come to trust you. They rely upon you. You’ve made a real connection here.”

Odo merely grunted. I was careful not to mention Major Kira, knowing how reserved he was on the subject.

“Do you still want to go home?” I asked.

The question startled Odo, and for a moment the mask of official reserve dropped from his face. This was the first time I had brought up the subject since his admission to me during the “interrogation” in the Romulan warbird and Tain’s ill-fated attempt to destroy the Founders’ homeworld.

“ I … can’t say,” he replied ambiguously.

“Well, I can. There’s certainly nothing here to keep me.”

“I never told you how sorry I was about Ziyal’s death.” Odo could be quite sensitive in such matters.

“You did, actually,” I nodded. “But thank you.”

“Still, you and Dr. Bashir have created a strong bond.”

“Not really,” I answered quickly. “I’m afraid that what I have to offer has run its course. It’s certainly no match for darts.” I heard the bitterness of my tone, and so did Odo. We sat in silence for a moment.

“I understand you’ll be involved in the invasion. You must be pleased.” Odo steered us away from the heaviness that had descended.

. . .

“When do you want to schedule your consultation?” I asked. Odo—no doubt influenced by his budding relationship with the Major—was about to branch out sartorially. But it occurred to me that Quark was the last person he wanted to know about it.

“We’ll talk,” he replied, nodding to Quark as he briskly marched back to the Promenade.

AHdorable all around. Hilarious that Odo picked up on trouble in human/lizard paradise and, with the vigor of a person who has freshly had love work out for them for the first time, going ‘not on my fucking watch you’ll talk to each other if it’s the last thing I do’. Also the sheer readiness with which he expects Julian to be Garak’s safe place. What on earth does this relationship look like to outside observers. Especially to Odo, practiced observer of humanoid folly, who completely nails Garak’s whole deal in Improbable Cause to the point that Garak lashes out defensively over it.

- My solitary confinement was agony. The only way I got through it was to rethink all my attitudes about the Pit and the Wilderness and to focus on how I could make my stratagems more effective. Just as I had learned to do when Uncle Enabran locked me in that suffocating closet. Was this the universal torture for failure, I wondered?

Going through the whole book it is so stunningly awful that this IS the logic his inner world is shaped around for the vast majority of his life, right up until the ‘present’ part of the storyline where it’s being slowly deconstructed and reassembled.

- I apologized to the others for disrupting their family; I explained that I had great need of this creature. Not only was Mila (as I eventually called him) the answer to my current problem, he was as important as any of the docents at Bamarren, with the possible exception of Calyx.

;_______________________________________________________________; there’s no part of this that isn’t crushing

Unlike the last time, I had preparation and an ally.

Tain really had to work at deadening Garak’s ability to form loyalty to anything else but him, because left to his own devices and natural instinct Garak will clearly packbond with ANYTHING. He’s so desperate to belong to someone and be loyal to them.

- As the sun came up, the otherworldly beauty of the Wilderness was gradually revealed by each succeeding gradation of light. I was deeply moved by the presence of so much color in what had initially looked like a dead world to me. Beginning with a cold pale gray, the dawn flowed through a range of blues and into the softest rose and pink and then to a hot red that soon gave way to the merciless bleached bone-white of midday. I was able to see how much territory I had covered the previous night.

Can I just say how unspeakably tender it is that he takes the time to write this out in this. It serves literally no purpose in this narrative but sentiment — to be beautiful. He saw something beautiful once that moved him and he wants to share it with someone. What the fuck.

- I became increasingly concerned; the sun was getting higher, and the overhanging ledge was now my last source of shade. At one point I took Mila out of his wrapping to check on his condition. At least that’s what I told myself. I was afraid that if I was honest and admitted that the real reason was to solicit help from a regnar, the slide into total insanity would be swift and sure. I was getting desperate.

The funniest and saddest thing I’ve ever read fhdskjfas emotional support regnar that he names after his fucking MUM hours. There are things going on with Garak no psychologist could ever hope to get to the bottom of

- Three more members of the Furtan group were on the other side of the rock formation, but Mila had found a hidden depression that required some quiet digging to get into, and we avoided detection. We settled in and resealed the opening with sand and loose rocks. After an indeterminate period, the Furtan hunters left. As we waited for nightfall I fell into a deep sleep.

BB!Elim and regnar Mila like ‘OUR secret hiding spot’. (Seeing how much garak both craves and thrives on getting to have that sense of ‘we’ and fellowship tho. And knowing that’s going to be not only deliberately kept from him but made psychologically impossible for him for a very long time. We should bring Tain back to life so we can kill him again and more painfully actually. Mercymorn acid jail for a thousand years time.)

- While I understood that I would have to watch my step with One Charaban, I also acknowledged that I had never been in a manlier or more attractive presence. It was like encountering an ideal that I’d only dreamed about. As I walked back to my section and accepted the congratulations of my mates, I was baffled not so much by the appearance of this new and commanding person in my life as by my recognition of his strong connection to me. But what connection?

Baby pansexual disaster at his finest

- The other day, the Doctor, Odo, and I were at the Replimat having lunch, an event that Odo, after our conversation, had taken it upon himself to organize.

. . .

“But what about you, Doctor?” I asked, returning to the business at hand. “It seems there’s a movement afoot to have you replace Captain Sisko.” The doctor winced.

“Is this true?” Odo asked. We both looked to the doctor for confirmation. He sighed.

“There’s a group of … genetically enhanced people who feel that one of their own should be guiding the station during this emergency, and they’ve petitioned the Federation Council, but it’s Jack and his group, and no one takes them…” Exasperated, he broke off. “Garak, how did you hear about this?”

“My clientele talk and I listen.” This was also true: an idiot savant who wears his presumed genetic superiority like a badge of privilege walked into my shop and never stopped talking. Of course I encouraged him, and by the time he left I had heard all about some organized attempt to elevate Dr. Bashir to the leadership position. I could see that the doctor was upset that I’d divulged this information. Clearly this genetic business was not his favorite topic of conversation.

“Is this something we should keep an eye on?” Odo asked, studying us carefully.

“No, not at all,” the Doctor assured him. “It’s just Jack’s people. This was nearly a year ago, and I’m afraid they have too much time on their hands—like some other people I know.” He pointedly looked away from me as Odo continued to study us, trying to decode the undercurrent of this last exchange between us. No wonder he was such a capable security operative. Odo registered every change in tone and temperature and tracked the change down to its cause.

“Tell me something, Garak.” It was clear that he had found an opening for one of those deferred questions he kept on a prioritized list somewhere in his changeling head. He was still a basically shy and tactful person, especially when it came to other people’s business, but lately he’d become more openly inquisitive. I wondered if it was Major Kira’s influence.

Matchmaker/self-appointed and woefully under-equipped marriage counselor Odo……….you are Everything to me you dumb beige bitch. Garak goes a bit aggro in return when he tries to get too close to something tender but honestly odo buddy gooey friend of my heart maybe you shouldn’t barge into this particular glassware shop like a rampaging elephant huh someone’s going to get cut. Also Garak could have refrained from pressing on Julian’s bruises for attention here and we may not have had the rest of the scene, but alas.

This must be the lunch where we deal with uncomfortable subjects.

“But if Cardassia is liberated from Dominion control …” Odo went on.

“When Cardassia is liberated,” I interrupted.

“Would you return?”

“Would you return to the Great Link?” Odo reacted with sharp annoyance to the question.It wasn’t a fair one, because although we were both exiles, we were in very different circumstances. With the humanoid shape he was still learning to live with, and his deepening relationship with Major Kira, Odo was discovering a new mode of existence, a new link. He had an alternative, however difficult the choice. I didn’t.

“Yes, I know. You can’t say.” I was sorry I had asked again. It was a question he was obviously struggling with.

The feeling Garak seems to have towards Odo in this period where like… you know when you have a friend who has a lot of the same mental health issues as you do and you see them get better and start to flourish and you are genuinely so happy for them but also feel just how deep in the muck you yourself still are with no prospect of getting out. And the way Garak consistently wistfully includes Odo’s romantic relationship to Kira when he observes how he’s coming out of his shell and why he has reasons to stay.

“Would you return to the same Cardassia?” the doctor asked.

“What do you mean ‘same’?” But I knew perfectly well what he meant.

“To a Cardassia containing the political and social elements that made the current situation possible.”

“My dear Doctor, that’s also the Cardassia that made me possible.” I half-hoped my joke would end this conversation … but I knew better.

Julian baby please read the room and take this up some other time somewhere private maybe (and yet I understand how you wouldn’t think of that until later once Garak’s had a rare public freakout)

Absolutely heartbreaking in every way that garak seems so convinced he must have done something wrong or simply doesn’t have anything more of interest to offer julian and that’s why they’re drifting apart, when a just as likely reading from what’s actually on the page here is that julian feels he keeps getting it wrong and hesitates in case he makes the damage worse. Garak have you considered who this man is before you decided you must have fucked up and resigned yourself to the dark closet of self-isolation tain put in your head. I’m in shambles.

Also Julian is saying a lot of very true things about Cardassia in this scene that Garak needs to hear and that he’s clearly processing all through the rest of his time on DS9 and beyond, as angry as it makes him, and the good doctor means so well but he IS being incredibly condescending, and he keeps pushing even as Garak is signaling he’d rather not go in depth on this, especially in such an exposed public setting. (This is a conversation they SHOULD be having in private, both for emotional reasons and b/c Garak’s position on this station is a lot more vulnerable than I think Julian realizes, as the hostile comments he immediately starts getting during this convo show.) I mean I guess it’s not this man’s fault he is fundamentally British and autistic what can a bitch do fdjslkfhasj (I say this with all the love in my fellow autistic heart, please do not misunderstand me here). But it’s a very Julian well-meaning but flawed thing to do — he’s focusing on the principle and intellectual side of it, but he’s not taking into account that just maybe having to deconstruct the entirety of your worldview and belief system and then feel responsible for implementing them to create a better world afterwards could be an emotionally fraught process that requires not only reasoned political debate but personal, emotional support from a friend. He isn’t getting that Garak isn’t so much categorically resistant to the basic ideas he’s setting forth — it’s that he wants to be convinced on a practical level that it could even work, because otherwise it’s just a useless pretty picture.

(Which is a big part of their dynamic on many levels, I’ve always felt. All those times he challenges Julian’s more hopeful and idealistic world view — ultimately he doesn’t do that because he wants to break Julian’s faith down until he agrees with him, he does it because somewhere deep down Garak wants to be convinced. He wants there to be hope somewhere in the world, even if he won’t buy the quick and glorified ‘it’s easy to be a saint in paradise’ Federation version of it. And Julian’s version isn’t that, in the end; it gets tested again and again and he really, genuinely means it, even when it’s hard. Which is one of the most healing things about his presence in Garak’s life overall.)

Ironically I also think Julian believes so much in Garak and his capabilities that it simply doesn’t occur to him that Garak as a private person might just be like. Too scared and overwhelmed to even contemplate this, at least until Garak is upset enough that he can’t gracefully hide it. (“With your background and experience, Garak, I’m certain that you could serve as a liaison between a new Cardassian government and the Federation.” The Doctor paused and waited for a response. None was forthcoming. “I once suggested that you visit Earth as a member of the Cardassian government-in-exile….” oh so no biggie then Julian that sounds easy and painless and I’m surprised no one has thought to do this yet, this Obsidian Order wilted leftover sandwich of a guy is surely going to be welcomed with open arms wherever he goes among his people fhsdakjfas!)

I feel like this is one of Julian’s less sympathetic traits that he would probably feel such intense self-loathing about once he realized it’s one he shares with his father — this instinct to try to shape someone into a ‘better’ version of themselves. I think Julian’s version of this primarily comes from a much, MUCH kinder place than in his father; he has the will and ability to see the best in the world and in people, and he can’t help but want them to live up to that once he’s seen it. He fundamentally believes people can be better, can be good, when given the help and tools they need, and that’s such a beautiful part of him. BUT along with that there is also a danger of that tipping over into becoming paternalistic and controlling, of overly privileging the ideal you see over the person who is actually there right now, and trying to forcibly change the one into the other ‘for them’.

Considering Garak’s past experiences of being shaped and controlled by someone else’s idea of what he should be, I’m if anything surprised he doesn’t react worse to this, honestly! I think it speaks to the basic trust and goodness that exists between them that he doesn’t. Julian is clumsy but not malicious, and even here Garak does recognize that on some deep level.

(Probably because he’s also been touched by Julian at his best, in The Wire — where his support and acceptance is absolute and unconditional, free of the instinct to control anything.)

My voice had risen to an uncharacteristic pitch. It was still ringing in my ears as the Doctor stared at me as if he were studying a baffling microbe. I, too, was baffled. I had no idea where this outburst came from. I know that a distance has widened between us during the past year or so and I know that the holosuite program incident and the revelations of his genetic enhancement are the symptoms of this distance rather than the cause. It’s only natural—we’re very different people. I also know that he had only the best intentions in suggesting that I use the Federation model in order to influence the future of Cardassia. Misguided, yes, and somewhat patronizing and arrogant, but hardly sufficient to elicit this embarrassing and public loss of control.

I mumbled some sad excuse which the good Doctor and Odo were kind enough not to challenge and left the Replimat to return to my shop. As I passed Quark’s I caught his eye and we nodded. Why I included him in my outburst also puzzled me; I rather admire his industry and resourcefulness. I especially admire the way he consistently bends Federation rules so that they work for him.

That’s such a fair evaluation of Bashir’s intentions and personality honestly. Even this upset and feeling that distance between them, Garak still has complete trust in the Doctor’s basic good intentions and nature. (Are you really such very different people at the end of the day, though, Elim. Should the genetic enhancement arc maybe be telling you something here.)

Also such a hilarious element of the Garak-Quark relationship.’Sorry to get you caught up in the crossfire bro I’ve never thought of you as anything but an avaricious opportunist (complimentary)’

What is important is that I feel that I am necessary, that I function with all my faculties in the service of a greater cause. And while I wait for this invasion, is making Odo more attractive to Major Kira a greater cause?

It is in fact nothing but the greatest cause Garak. Getting Kira happily lovingly laid is priority one at all times.

- I had no real friends to speak of, and told myself that loneliness was the price I had to pay for success. I considered the games and behavior of my mates to be childish, and that any unnecessary interaction would only distract me from my work. The truth, of course, was that I didn’t know how to forge those kinds of bonds. I wanted to be closer to Eight, and to a lesser degree Five, who besides being one of the great Pit strategists Bamarren ever had was fair in all his dealings.

(I feel like this whole part is going to hit Julian in some kind of way lmao)

Literally just. Put me in a little box on the bottom of the ocean and leave me there forever I can’t go on. Also he’s SUCH a clever-but-socially-inept teenager in this part around the people in his group he doesn’t like fhdkjsa. Ugh they’re all so annoying and fake just leave me alone *eyeroll emoji* I didn’t want to be included in their idiotic conversation bb elim… I would die for your lightly insufferable but entertainingly snarky teenage butt in a way that actually makes me feel more kindly towards my own inner idiot 16 year old.

Also it’s no wonder he’s so out to sea when it comes to interacting with his peers — by all accounts he didn’t play much with other kids as a child and then he’s dropped straight into a social Lord of the Flies piranha tank shot through with Class Shit.

Inspired by my guide Mila, I would experiment at withdrawing my presence when I had to remain in the same room with people I didn’t like.

Honing his future customer service worker smile

Here follow some Bamarren and beyond observations I’ve elected to call ‘Sex Stuff’:

- Oh ok so garak gets some sexual Thing out of being beaten to a pulp after mouthing off through the same mechanism that made spanking known as the ‘English Vice’ across Europe when that was the go-to punishment in British boarding schools. I see. Many things are revealed to me

I looked from the pale, frozen face of Three to the others. They all looked like statues commemorating fear. And I was pleased. I realized at that moment that they were in my control, and that I would no longer have any trouble with them. Especially Three. I felt the power like a drug surging through my system.

And then, of course, the other side of the masochism/sadism scale smoothly coming in, he contains those multitudes. In Garak’s defense idk if you could go through a psychosexual development that wasn’t deeply, deeply weird in this sort of environment

“What do you want me to do?” I was trembling as if my body were chilled.

Well, I mean. You know fhkdsjha. And he’s rewarded with the first non-aggressive physical contact he’s had here, you say. (For reference he’s talking to Barkan, of the aforementioned ‘manliest presence’.) I’m sure this didn’t awaken anything in him or anything.

“Elim, why do you think we have these ridges?” She stroked the scalloped cords of cartilege and bone that ran along her neck and down her shoulders with a delicacy that stopped my breath. The energy had turned into molten liquid that was now flowing into my groin. The rest of the world was swallowed by complete darkness and I was back inside the tunnel.

“Because … we do,” I replied stupidly.

Fhdjskfhsdjkfhadskjfhas he’s so easy fdsjkfhas. And what a one-two punch of sexual confusion he got there. That one afternoon did irreparable damage to the libidinous development of this poor man and now he has to live like this.

For the second time tonight I was spellbound by another’s passion. In very different ways, Charaban and Palandine held me in their orbit, like powerful suns.

I was learning something new about myself—an emerging desire for power, but a power that had less to do with mastery over others than it did with connecting to them. The way I felt the connection to Charaban … and especially to Palandine.

And, I’m so sorry to have to break it to you like this, your biodad. I’m sorry Elim you’ve got something truly unfortunately Freudian going on here. It’s not your fault.

“I love the Blind Moon,” Charaban said softly.

“Why is it called that?” I asked, deeply relieved by the mysterious change that had come over us.

“It’s the time for lovers’ assignations,” Palandine answered. “The moon will give them enough light to meet, but not so much for them to be discovered.”

“So if you and Elim were true lovers I wouldn’t have been able to find you,” Charaban teased.

“That’s right, Barkan,” she said with a direct look. I shifted position in the ensuing silence and tried to hide my disappointment with Palandine’s reply, but at the same time, the pleasure I felt in the company of these two people kept growing.

“See?” Palandine suddenly addressed me. “You can do it.”

“What?” I was startled by her delighted burst.

“Smile. Look at that, Barkan. Wouldn’t you tell someone with that smile everything he wanted to know?” she demanded.

“The first time I met him—well, the second…” he corrected himself, “he had a smile that I wanted to wipe off his face.” He was referring to that early morning in front of the Central Gate.

“But it wasn’t that smile,” Palandine insisted.

“No,” he conceded. “Definitely not that one.” And the truth was that I could feel this smile throughout my entire body.

Noooo this is about to go so wrong…it’s all fun and games and bisexual poetry recitation under the blind moon until someone gets stabbed in the back like the Caesar (well caesar notably got stabbed from many many directions but you see what I’m trying to get at here)

- [The Klingon] looked up, and I immediately knew two things about him: he was inebriated beyond reason and he was one of their shock troopers, a callused veteran of hand-to-hand combat. I took a deep breath; as dolts go he was quite impressive. My spirits were suddenly and immeasurably lifted.

“You spoonhead!” he growled at me. I hated that word.

“And you … a great warrior who brings down dabo girls with a single blow,” He looked at me trying to decide if I had insulted or complimented him.

“P’tak!” I shouted, “I mean that you’re the biggest coward in the Klingon Empire,” He released the dabo girl, and as he moved to the narrow stairway I thought that he was also the biggest Klingon in the Empire.

I looked for my advantage. This was not an equal match, and my gigantic friend was in the full flush of a berserker blood lust. I sighed. I’m too old for this, I thought.

. . .

“Get security, Chief, and tell them to prepare the biggest cell they have … or a smaller coffin for me,” I said as I moved into the alcove and squeezed through the opening where the panel had been.

Listen I would apologize for including this here but he’s clearly getting off on this and I couldn’t do anything about it if I wanted to.

I cannot convey just how much my already intense enjoyment of canon is enriched by the knowledge that Garak is up to these kinds of hijinks constantly in the background when the camera isn’t on him. In his defense he was left unsupervised. O’Brien’s fond mildly exasperated help is just the cherry on top. ‘Well I GUESS Julian would be upset if I let you get beaten to death by a drunk Klingon so fine I’ve got your back’

(I made for the upper Promenade—and wondered if Calyx might be enjoying this spectacle from wherever he was. ;______; I like how much of an impact Calyx has on his development, considering how briefly he was actually in his life. Plus: Calyx; the Aiglamene of Bamarren? Locked Tomb/DS9 fandom overlap people, Let’s Discuss.)

“Help me,” he croaked. I was touched by the giant’s childlike surrender. I knew the feeling well.

“I will,” I replied and immediately wondered why I had agreed. I’m getting soft, I thought.

The greatest joy to me of a lot of this is, like… idk if these are all exactly the things that happened at every turn. In fact I’d say they very likely aren’t, Garak’s entire character taken into consideration. But they are certainly the things he wants someone — someone he trusts as far as he knows how, someone he earnestly wants to be closer to than anyone else, and also wants to see all of him — to know about him, to share in. This could just have easily been a story he told Julian in person over lunch to make him laugh. It’s silly and frivolous and fun, and as much at his own expense as a ludicrous person as to show off. To a true lying liar who lies connoisseur, unreliable narration tells more than it obscures etc. lol

- (About Barkan) It was the appearance of warmth that made his charm so attractive. A part of me wanted to tell him everything, to challenge the duplicity of his negative evaluation, but the clarity I found in the Lower Prefect’s office was still with me. Looking at him, I was reminded how Palandine had taught me to smile when I asked questions.

Apart from Pythas, who gets his own little twink corner, most of the people Garak is attracted to throughout this are his height or taller and slender but athletic. I’m just saying that when he spotted Julian in the Replimat for the first time he really saw a young man with the face of an angel who is exactly his type fhdjskah maybe he should have seen this coming for himself. Too high on endorphins and hubris to think this would awaken anything in him irrevocably and now he’s stuck with the consequences.

Why? I asked myself. Why?! For the life of me I could not understand why it was important to her that I respond. Why should she—so beautiful, so alive—be disappointed if I didn’t return her … what? What did she want from me? Friendship? Why me?

I was in turmoil. Her grace and manner, the way she tilted her head and half smiled when she listened, as if everything amused her … it was like a forbidden dream of the unattainable. The attraction was painful because I instinctively knew that while my life would be simpler and more controllable without her, it would also be as drab as my Bamarren uniform.

. . .

“Are you making fun of me?” It was at that moment, when I asked the question, that I realized just how afraid I was of being the object of her ridicule. She stopped laughing and for the first time she was speechless.

Losing my entire fucking MIND about how Garak is basically taking Palandine’s place when he approaches Julian at first. Odo and Garak ‘I love you so much I want to become you because it’s the only way I can imagine really being close to you’ handshake meme

Sex stuff end. For now.

I was about to leave when Odo asked about the designs for his “new” sartorial look. I could see that he was masking his concern, so I assured him that the sketches were some of my finest creations, and would be ready within the week. He grunted his thanks and I stepped out onto the Promenade. Love does make fools of us all.

I’m clawing at my face with emotion. Odo… And Garak did finish those sketches even after his moment of existential ennui over them before.

- Please for the love of god stop putting Six out in the merciless sun T_____T how many times must a poor lil nerd boy pass out before he can rest in the sand etc.

- “It’s not every evening we find Barkan Lokar strolling with a murk through the Grounds.”

“Lokar? My father buried the Legate, Turat Lokar,” I said without thinking.

“Did your father kill him?” Palandine joked. But I didn’t laugh. The Lokars were a legendary family, and the old man’s funeral was the largest I had ever seen.

Why is this so funny. Garak you are so fucking weird. ‘Oh yeah I know that guy my dad did the flower arrangements for his funeral’

- A spirited dabo game involving several Klingons and a serious-looking dabo girl I hadn’t seen before caught my attention. If Quark had been present he’d be giving her one of his congeniality lectures. I truly sympathize with the young woman; if I had to spend all day with these drunken dolts….

Literally so hilarious that’s his first thought. First impulse: ‘surrounded by idiots’ solidarity. Garak what were you doing day drinking at the devil’s sacrament/quarks at midday girl…

- Rom soon appeared with a small container of kanar. He was wearing an outfit I had made for him.

“H-here you are, Garak. I hope you enjoy it.” Ever the gracious host.

“Thank you, Rom. And please, try not to let your collar lie there like a dead targ.” I adjusted the offending fabric, and Rom sweetly tolerated my fussing.

I’m fucking crying what the HELL. Surprise wholesome dynamic that keeps going through the whole narrative. Garak just uncomplicatedly likes and appreciates Rom, with no particular ulterior motive. Plus: fussing is also how we see Mila express affection, like mother like son.

- I realized as I took a sip of my drink that I was in a dangerous mood. Drinking in the middle of the day. The Doctor would be quite disappointed with me. When I’m unable to immerse myself in work my mind becomes occupied by an invading army of thoughts intent upon conquering all equilibrium and peace. Kanar is a valuable if unreliable weapon I employ against this army. The pills the Doctor gives me are a poor substitute.

Julian, severely unimpressed: uh-huh

‘Would Julian want me to do this to myself? No. However he’s too busy playing soldiers with O’Brien to tell me so, apparently, so that can’t stop me.’ You petty lil bitch garak (affectionate)

The fact that he’s doing the The Little Julian Who Lives In My Head thing already here, where the real Julian is actually around but not engaged with him. I’m so sad. He’s managed to discover shrimp colour spectrums of loneliness and pining.

- Ever since the Romulan business and Captain Sisko’s near breakdown (outside of the Doctor, whom I told shortly after the incident, no one knows about this, but one recognizes the symptoms), I’ve been obsessed with memories of Bamarren.

The fact that he tells Julian about that. Presumably partly in a practical way to make sure Sisko doesn’t fall to pieces completely but he doesn’t seem to have any shame about it or expect Bashir to react too badly over it either. The trust…

- I must admit that I was quite taken aback. Evidently there is honor among dolts.

I’m genuinely impressed by how enjoyable it is in this book to be party to Garak’s inner voice. It’s so fun in here, among all the horrors.

- Nine approached me as I sat alone in our quarters reading the first part of Cylon Pareg’s Eternal Stranger, a saga spanning several generations of a Cardassian family during the early and middle Union.

*whisper of agonized affection* between this and his happy place being studying wormhole theory… he’s such a little nerd.

Nine swallowed again, an even more bitter taste, and marched off to a life of diminishing returns.

LMAO burn. And, as we shall see, not necessarily inaccurate.

- As I walked away I heard the custodian ask Tarnal what it was I had done to deserve this punishment.

“Nobody told me. But I know he’s got a mouth on him,” Tarnal replied.

The more things change I guess fdhsakja. Known across the school for being a) a sneaky lil bastard and b) never ever shutting the fuck up when he really really should

- “And you have to use that wonderful smile of yours more often, Elim.”

“What’s that got to do with listening?” That was the subject, and Palandine had typically made a jump in logic I couldn’t follow. She also forgot that I was a Cardassian male and smiling was not one of our strong features.

“If they feel comfortable with you, people will tell you stories about themselves that will reveal their deepest secrets.”

“But what if the stories aren’t true?” I challenged. “I could smile till my cheeks hurt, and you could tell me any kind of story you wanted—and what would I know about you except what you invented?”

“You would know, if you were truly listening, the kind of story I use to define myself,” she asserted.

“But it’s not the truth!” I maintained.

“Why not? Because it’s not what you believe? Or it doesn’t fit a definition of the truth that someone taught you? Look at people, Elim.” Palandine gestured as if the enclosure were filled with people. “Observe them. The way they walk and talk, the way they hold themselves and eat their meals. That’s what they believe about themselves. Is it the ‘truth’? Are they really that way? I don’t know. Perhaps it is a lie. But what people lie about the most are themselves, and these lies become the stories they believe and want to tell you.”

“As long as I’m smiling,” I mumbled.

. . .

“Truth, as we’ve learned to define it, is not only overrated,” she went on with a controlled passion, “it’s designed to keep people in the dark.”

This last statement stopped me.

“You mean the way we’ve been taught?” I asked.

“Of course.”

“What about our government?”

“They tell us the stories that we need to know in order to be good citizens,” she replied carefully.

“They don’t tell us the truth, is what you’re saying,” I concluded.

“There you go again. They tell us their truth, Elim, and we are here to learn how to listen.”

. . .

“Let the ones without power scowl and make fierce faces.You smile. It’s an invitation to connect with another person. And once the invitation is accepted, relax and listen … you’ll come to know as much as you’ll ever need to about that person,” she said with a smile that I greedily accepted.

“You would know, if you were truly listening, the kind of story I use to define myself,” she asserted.

“But it’s not the truth!” I maintained.

“Why not?”

SO when I was saying he’s taking Palandine’s place in this dynamic with Julian early on I was not kidding and I was not wrong hahaha. And it’s also what this entire book is, in the end. Trusting Julian to ‘truly listen’ to the story under the stories is maybe the biggest show of trust and vulnerability Garak could ever extend to anyone. Extremely The Wire-core once more.

The idea that tiny Garak was too outwardly glum and serious is. Amazing and brainbreaking. People feeling uncomfortable under his gaze b/c he’ll just like scowl distrustfully at them. Palandine I don’t know if you fixed him or made him worse but you certainly did something fundamental to him and committed him to the bit and for that I cannot thank you enough

- I no longer had Palandine to myself—but surprisingly, I didn’t mind, in fact I was pleased that Charaban was here. His stillness, like everything else about him, had grace and strength. I sneaked another look in his direction and marveled that this was the same person I had first encountered in the storeroom. He returned my look, and in the next few moments a bond grew between us that I had never thought possible.

You know if Barkan was really smart or had the capacity for extended self-control he would have just kept stringing Garak along as the third in his disastrous marriage. Garak is used to subsisting on the merest scraps of affection and consideration, you’d barely even have to feed him. (Ala Daisuke Jigen with many an evil ex, for the Lupinheads out there lol) A threesome here and there and maybe gently stroking his hair afterwards and you’d have him for life, probably. Alas or perhaps thankfully Barkan is ultimately just an asshole and not that smart.

- A Bolian client came down the steps outside the door and was about to enter the shop, but for some reason he stopped at the threshold. He looked at us, turned, and went back the way he came.

LMAO that guy was like ‘something really fraught and homosexual is going on here and that is frankly none of my business, as you were gentlemen don’t mind me.’ A real ally and a bro.

“I��m keeping you from your business.” Bashir stood up. “I won’t take up any more of your time.”

“I’m pleased you stopped by.” I was about to escort him to the door.

“No, you’re not,” he said quietly.

“Excuse me?”

“Garak, I come from a culture that has perfected the ‘stiff upper lip,’” he explained with the same faint smile.

“What does that mean?” It was a genuine question; there was a change in his attitude.

“It means that we never complain, never admit to our feelings, never ask for help. It’s just not done,” Bashir explained. “And those people who lack character’ and insist on airing their needs—especially in public—are subject to ridicule… and worse. Does this sound familiar?”

“Perhaps,” I replied softly.

“But I’m also a doctor, Garak. And I know which group of people suffers the most. I really won’t take up any more of your time.” He extended his hand, which he rarely did, and I took it. “Thank you for the tea.” He turned and went out the door.

I stood there for a long moment, deeply upset. I felt trapped within myself, knowing what I had to do to get out but unable even to begin. Yes, Doctor, it does sound familiar. But as to the question of which group suffers the most…

. . .

After Charaban’s betrayal I became as withdrawn and solitary as I had been when I first came to the Institute. I tried to spend time with Palandine, but it never quite worked out; between her regular duties and the recruitment and planning for the female Competition, she had little time for anything else. But there was something else, a distance that had crept between us that I didn’t understand. I felt ashamed, that somehow I had failed and it was my fault, but I found it difficult to discuss. This was probably the loneliest I had ever been.

1) Going NUTS over the fact that these are separated by ONE paragraph. Andy Robinson staring directly into the camera making parallels between the main love interests in this book like ‘Am I making myself clear here. Do you get it yet’. Also really interesting to make this relationship pattern a, well, pattern in Garak’s life, and not a unique element of his and Bashir’s thing (which Doylistically was basically a byproduct of cowardly 90s standards for tv writing more than anything else lol)

2) But there was something else, a distance that had crept between us that I didn’t understand. I felt ashamed, that somehow I had failed and it was my fault, but I found it difficult to discuss. This was probably the loneliest I had ever been.

The Palandine/Bashir parallel train barrels on, scoring a deep trail of heartache into my soul. Also in that case it’s so sad because he really hasn’t done anything wrong or anything to be ashamed of, Barkan and Palandine are the ones who fucked him over :’(

3) I stood there for a long moment, deeply upset. I felt trapped within myself, knowing what I had to do to get out but unable even to begin. + Tolan’s grief at seeing Garak after Bamorren: “He’s hard, Mila,” Father said. . . . “But to the point where he’s unreachable?” Father asked. “Where nothing penetrates? How can he express even his basic needs if he’s trapped inside a shell?” + Just as I had learned to do when Uncle Enabran locked me in that suffocating closet. Was this the universal torture for failure, I wondered?...........................................................................

4) More proof to my eyes that Julian’s side of this whole thing seems to be more about thinking Garak doesn’t actually want him to be there. He doesn’t think he’s welcome here or that he’ll be able to help more than he hurts with whatever’s going on for him. ‘I really won’t take up any more of your time’ AUGH

Garak buddy… every time he tries to get closer to you or extend some care, you bristle like a hedgehog even though you’re trying to do it in as polite and decent a way as possible — what is the poor guy supposed to think beyond a certain point lmao. (Though on the hopeful/beautiful side… what is this entire book but Garak actually taking the advice/suggestion Bashir gives in this scene to reexperience his past and put it in context — not in the holosuites, but in his own way by writing it all out in a way that makes sense to his Cardassian brain and then sharing that with Julian directly. Like. The last line of the book is ‘You’re always welcome, Doctor’. Elim ‘I will become emotionally healthy enough to ask Julian to come visit with an open heart if it fucking kills me’ Garak)

I’m so soft for how careful they both are with each other in this scene, though. Even in this difficult place where there’s stuff they don’t understand about each other and they are having difficulty connecting for… several reasons, they are trying so so hard to be good to each other. Which is why I think they have every chance of working out brilliantly long-term; once you’ve got a mutual respect, willingness to keep working to understand and communicate with each other even when it’s difficult, and that fundamental ‘I don’t want to hurt you’ good faith in a relationship you’re a good chunk of the way there, from what I have observed.

Julian cares that Garak was upset, much more than he cares about being right, and this time he shows it in a more private setting where Garak can take it in. They’re trying!

5) The implication in But as to the question of which group suffers the most… that Garak also realizes how much he’s hurting Julian by not being able to let him in…

Most of all the fact that Bashir in this scene is like ‘Listen Garak I get emotional repression. I’m literally British.’ is one of the funniest things that happen in the whole book. To me. (I’m Norwegian, culturally this has. Some overlap with my experience, let’s say lol)

- Six had long since gone home. He wanted to succeed so badly, but his body couldn’t withstand the constant assault of the training. I’m sure he found an academic situation.

Oh thank GOD. Genuinely so relieved to hear this. This is how many times a nerd boy must pass out before he rests in the sand and gets to go to normal university instead of murderschool, the question is finally answered.

- Tain has shown up again and I want to throw rocks at him until he goes away. And I know he won’t.

- My shed has become somewhat more bearable, but the clutter and confinement of the interior space requires that I leave the door open. To keep myself busy when I’m not working with the med unit, Doctor, I am engaged in a project I must tell you about. It baffles me. Perhaps you can tell me if I’m losing my mind altogether.

. . .

[Parmak] turned to me with the strangest expression on his face—and looked me directly in the eyes for the first time.

AUGH. (Plus, the fact that Parmak consistently calls him ‘Elim’.)

But what baffles me, Doctor, is that I attach no meaning to what I’m doing here. I’m just doing it because I need to. And to be truthful, I don’t see this as a memorial at all. On the contrary—if I could, I’d singlehandedly rebuild this city myself, piece by piece. I stood here watching Parmak’s blood dry on this pile of rubble, engulfed by a feeling of loss and utter mystification as to what these piles mean.

Just assure me that I’m not going mad, Doctor.

This whole section is the biggest mood and I’ve rarely felt closer to a fictional character haha. His quietly dissociated tired bemusement both with himself and what he’s doing and Parmak’s reaction is… yeah that’s exactly what that feels like. And ‘Just assure me that I’m not going mad, Doctor’ has done irreparable damage to my psyche, I’m going to be thinking about this forever

- Palandine gestured that she would deal with me and sent the mate on her way.

“So what did you use me for?” I asked.

“What do we ever use each other for?” she replied without hesitation.

“Answering a question with a question is an old trick, Palandine.”

“No trick. I needed a friend.”

“And you don’t need a friend now” I hated the tone that was creeping into my voice.

“It’s complicated, Elim.”

I was afraid to ask why.

“What did you use me for?” she asked.

The question truly baffled me. I only wanted her love. Was that using her? I would gladly have given mine in return.

Still gnawing on concrete over Garak partially reenacting Palandine’s way of approaching him with Bashir in the beginning. At that point he also needed a friend (and he needed someone to run to Sisko like ‘THE SPY TALKED TO ME :D’ to deliver intel through so he was also using him lol.) The way Garak picks up traits from the people he loves like he’s doing the soul version of Odo’s shapeshifting-as-closeness thing because it’s the only way he knows.

- “So it’s Eight,” he said, dismissing me from his world.

“I don’t think you understand, Barkan….” Palandine began to say.

“It’s not necessary that he understand,” I dismissed him from my world.

Barkan… you did not understand what you were doing, getting into an emotionally and sexually charged petty-off with this man. RIP your stupid ass I guess lmao

“I wanted to tell you. But when I realized … I didn’t want to hurt you,” she said with a gentleness that rankled me.

“I’m not hurt. Neither one of you can hurt me. I wish you a successful… partnership.”

Palandine is so interesting!!!! And like here’s one of the things that I think make a big difference in Garak’s relationship with Palandine vs. his relationship with Julian — who tells him exactly the same thing in ‘The Wire’, after all! (I don’t want to hurt you) Because Palandine doesn’t really mean it, does she? She doesn’t mean ‘I don’t want you to be hurting, I want to protect you from being harmed’, she means ‘I didn’t want to be the thing that hurt you; I didn’t want to be faced with your hurt’, while she is doing things that will inevitably hurt him. I think there is genuine affection and care on her side, but they’re in such a fucked up, brutal world and they’re so young.

‘I’m not hurt. Who’s hurt’ says teen crying quiet tears of blood as his world falls to pieces

“I love him, Elim. And I’m also ambitious. I want what he wants. You’ll understand this when you find someone to share your….”

Not me wondering how much of this has echoes to Mila’s relationship to Tain and how that’s part of what Garak reacts to — that survival mechanism of ‘I want what he wants’, subsuming and submitting yourself completely. Which of course is what a Cardassian is supposed to do to the state, and that Garak also does with Tain for the vast majority of both of their lives. The worst part is that Palandine really had some reason to hope for more — she and Barkan start out in a more equal position than it’s implied Mila and Tain ever did, that’s always framed as an inter-class thing, and while Palandine’s family situation is not as grand as Barkan’s it doesn’t seem like it crosses the service class/ruling class barrier. But the structure of the state imposed on every level of society right down to the most intimate and personal areas of life is going to crush the life out of that hope real fast. I’m sorry girl. Wanting to have a fighting chance in this world isn’t the worst sin anyone’s committed and tbf you are like a teen by all accounts

- “My name is Elim Garak. I don’t know where I’m being sent, but I hope you’ll remember me as your friend.”

“When I was told today that I was One Lubak, I was honored… and afraid that I’d lose you as a friend. Thank you. My name is Pythas Lok.”

Neither one of us ever took our eyes off Mila, who was still trying to blend into his surroundings.

Crying gently into my cereal

Garak ‘I wasn’t sure I could ever call him a friend’ vs. Pythas ‘Afraid that I’d lose you as a friend’

Something powerful was stirring deep inside me, and I began to shake. Mila snapped his head to the side, the way he does when he senses light or heat change. Convulsive waves pushed up from my center and tears filled my eyes, blinding me. I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me. By the time the convulsions subsided and my eyes cleared, Mila had disappeared into the rock-and-sand home he came from.

Absolutely sobbing my eyes out into my cereal

Spoiler warning: Garak having to go somewhere to be alone after something calamitous happens in his life because that’s the only way he can cry is a theme that will reemerge later and do unspeakable emotional damage to me personally haha

As I hiked back to the Institute, I had the thought that maybe somebody was doing the same thing for me and bringing me back home.

No baby you see someone is doing the exact opposite of this to you right now because you have a basic goodness and capacity for real honest love that Tain doesn’t and he’ll never in a million years set you free just because he loves you and it’s the right thing for you

- And Jadzia is gone. The station is a sadder and grayer place without her. I’m surprised at how keenly I feel her absence. Even though I know that her symbiont has been “joined” with another person … well, it’s not the same, is it? Indeed, knowing that Jadzia’s personality is somehow contained along with several others within this other person, I wonder how I would react if we were ever to meet.

The doctor has reminded me that these are personal choices, and it’s not for us to judge how one chooses to mourn. Quite so. Who can even begin to understand another’s grief? “Do you judge people by the clothes they ask you to make?” the doctor asked once. I bit back my response, but the point was well taken.

:’) little soul-healing brush of Julian kindness time

- “What does Tir Remara want with you?” Colonel Kira demanded, ignoring my offer of tea. Immediately an entire picture formed in my head of the scenario her abrupt question suggested: Tir Remara—a spy, perhaps even a changeling, preying upon a lonely Cardassian who was working for the Federation and engaged in top-secret work.

“She wants to have my children,” I replied with a serious look.

“You can’t be serious,” she managed.

“I’m not. Now do you want this tea or not?”

Kira should just have strangled you all those times she wanted to you snarky asshole fhdskja

#a stitch in time #asit #garashir #star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #elim garak #The great ASIT first read adventure #<- making that the tag for the rest of the posts!#ds9 meta #well nominally I do SOME analysis between all the keysmashing and nonsense haha #forgive me if I've gotten something wrong in this I've been uh. overexcited! I'm sure I'll be able to think clearly again soon (lying)#julian bashir #I'm not going to tag every char I talk about in this because I do love myself a bit but the good doctor hangs over everything in this book #so he gets his own tag #maybe I'll come back and get them all for book keeping purposes eventually but nOT tonight

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