#i'm beating burnout with a stick
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veroinfaciem · 9 days ago
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say hello to cora sketches! (pls someone give him a hug TvT)
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loupy-mongoose · 6 months ago
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Something I noticed about myself is that, what attracts me to a new content creator/artist, and what actually keeps me there long term is often very different.
Most often, what attracts me to a new artist is an interesting story beat, a unique situation, a really good video
What actually makes me stick long term is more the artist themselves and how they appeal to me. Their content is still a big facet, but it's no longer the only facet.
This is kind of a fancy way of saying: I'm excited to see what you're cooking. I'm sad to see the cats get put in burnout timeout, and I can't wait for the trials and tribulations in Project MOLD. Because at the end of the day, it's Loupy I'm interested in.
Awww, that's sweet of you!!
I agree about the cats, I wish I could stay into them forever and ever. But sadly that's not how my brain works, and I have to give myself permission to accept that--Calling myself "Loupy" (Loopy) was literally an attempt to do just that! X3 (Also "burnout timeout" is a great phrase. XD)
I'm sure I'll come back to them one day. But for now I hope my other stuff can be enjoyable too! ^w^
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thisapplepielife · 5 months ago
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Written for @corrodedcoffinfest.
Sweet Talkin' Lola
Day #19 - In the Garage | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: Language | POV: Jeff | Pairing: None | Tags: S4, "Welcome to Hellfire" Missing Scene, Misheard Lyrics, Band Practice
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"Who's Lola?" Jeff asks, hands resting on the front of his guitar as they wait, and wait, and wait. Band practice is always more waiting than playing, it seems like. Someone is always running late. Someone's instrument needs to be tuned or re-stringed.
Hurry up and wait. That should be their band motto.
"What?" Gareth asks, looking up.
"You're singing under your breath. Who's Lola?" 
Gareth seems to be running through what song is stuck in his head, before landing on:
"How the fuck should I know who they wrote it about?" Gareth snaps. 
Jeff laughs, and starts plucking out the melody to Sweet Talkin' Woman. Gareth's got the lyrics wrong, and he's not going to squander this opportunity to rib him while they wait for Goodie and Eddie's asses to finally turn up.
Sure, Eddie's got the hookup for weed, and at a discount, but it also makes him late for practice more often than not while he deals ditch weed to the popular jocks and the burnouts, in equal measure. 
"Sweet talkin' lover," Jeff sings, very exaggerated, to get his point across.
Gareth bristles, "There's no way he's singing lover instead of Lola. You're wrong."
Jeff's not. He knows he's not. But he's not sure how to prove it.
"Okay. Excuse me while I kiss this guy," Jeff sings, and Gareth throws a stick at him, which Jeff dodges, and it clatters against the concrete. Now Gareth is gonna have to chase it out into the driveway. 
Sucker. 
Jeff starts playing the guitar intro to Purple Haze, and Gareth pulls a backup drumstick out of thin air, and is right with him, not missing a beat.
He's good. Prone to throwing stupid, cocky, loud fits, just like Eddie, but he's a damn good drummer. 
Goodie comes in, and puts the drumstick he must have spotted in the drive, down on the workbench, then immediately gets out his bass, and falls right into the song. They're just a high school garage band, in bumfuck Indiana, but they are good. They play well together, that's for damn sure.
It's chemistry. 
And it can't be faked.
The song ends, and Goodie looks at Jeff, "Since when do we play Hendrix? Not that I'm complaining."
"Since Gareth is mishearing lyrics," Jeff teases. 
"To Purple Haze?" Goodie asks. "Everybody knows that's a misheard lyric." 
"No, not that. To Sweet Talkin' Woman."
"ELO?" Goodie questions, "Lola?"
"Lola," Jeff confirms.
"Fuck you both," Gareth laughs, and starts playing a little fill, as he starts making up a song about Lola on the fly. 
They both listen until they have the groove of it enough to join in, and by the time Eddie rolls into the garage, they have the beginnings of a song. A real song. Even if it just started as a joke.
Goddamn.
When they stop, Eddie looks at them, "This new?"
"Yeah. It's about Gareth's girlfriend. Lola," Goodie says.
And Gareth laughs.
"She's a real sweet talker," Jeff adds, and Eddie just looks at them like they are dumbasses.
Which, they kind of are.
But they're having fun, and this is definitely gonna become an inside joke.
"Well, loop me in," Eddie demands, and they do just that. 
The Hideout regular gig is what they look forward to all week. It's how they practice playing in front of an audience. Even if that is just a handful of drunks. 
It's practice, just like in the garage. 
Just in case they ever want to take this show on the road. They talk about it, dream about it, even if that seems sort of impossible most of the time. 
They are good for what they are, but Jeff's not sure they're actually good enough to leave the garage, The Hideout, for greener pastures. 
They kept their scheduled time for Hellfire on Friday night, wanting to finish it up before Spring Break starts. If they don't, they'll have to wait on Mike to get back from California. So, that means Lucas is gonna miss the final battle. Which sucks, but Eddie has dug in his heels, and there's no challenging that. It'd be a fool's errand. 
After, they all pour out into the parking lot of the school, whooping and hollering, celebrating the end of another successful campaign by Eddie. 
He's good at what he does, that's for damn sure. 
Eddie beat them all out of school, and Jeff heads for the van, trailing Eddie, like he always does, but Eddie holds up his hand, stilling him. 
"I have an appointment," Eddie says. 
Jeff rolls his eyes. That makes sense, Eddie hurried out of there like his tail was on fire. Jeff knows what that means, what it always means. And unless he wants to sit in the van and wait for Eddie to deal to most of the celebrating basketball team now that the season is over, he better find another ride home. 
Gareth will probably take him home, and Jeff hollers at him, motioning, asking with his hands. 
Gareth nods, waving him on, as he's standing there with the El Camino door wide open, still talking to Goodie. 
Rehashing the night they just had, Jeff's sure. 
Jeff looks back at Eddie, "I'm good. Gareth's got me."
And Eddie smiles. 
"Band practice still on for Sunday?" Jeff asks. 
"Wouldn't miss it," Eddie says, then looks away, and Jeff follows his line of sight, right to Chrissy Cunningham waiting over in the dark, all by herself. 
Interesting. 
He didn't know she was a customer of Eddie's. 
Jeff looks back at Eddie, "The campaign was good, Ed. Thanks." 
"It was, wasn't it?" Eddie asks, a glint in his eye. 
Jeff nods. 
"The next one will be better," Eddie assures, and Jeff doesn't doubt that. Not one bit. 
"Looking forward to it," Jeff says, and then looks back at Chrissy. Still there. Not a mirage. 
"Better not keep Lola waiting," Jeff teases, and Eddie tosses his head back, cackling. 
Then, Eddie squeezes his shoulder, and he's gone. 
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If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @corrodedcoffinfest and follow along with the fun! 🦇
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horseshoegirl · 2 years ago
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Damn Those Dog Tags - Part 5: Everybody Wants To Rule the World
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📜I'm so sorry for being AWOL. Sitting for two days at a conference for strategic planning for the first time in 3-4 years is extremely exhausting. I swear, if someone utters those words any time in the next few months, I will lose it. Mental burnout is the culprit for the late delay, so I made this one slightly longer because of that. Hopefully, you enjoy this part!
Beware the warnings!
❗️18+, strong language, angst, talk about a death of a parent/sibling, talk about abusive family members/partner, talk of an abusive relationship, godmother reader/original female character, and sexual themes.
# 6k+ words
Part 4 | Masterlist | Part 6
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“What do you want to eat on our hike, Bug?” you shouted down the hallway from your bedroom door. 
You were attempting to multitask, coming up with ideas for lunch for your hike with Sadie while ripping through your closet for something to wear. Finding something you wouldn’t overheat in tomorrow was proving to be a challenge. 
Her voice echoed from somewhere in the house. “Ham and Cheddar, please!” 
“You don’t want to vary it up?”
For ages, Sadie had always asked for Ham and Cheddar sandwiches on hikes. No matter how often you offered to get her something else, she'd never change her mind. It didn’t surprise you went she offendedly called back, “No way, nothing beats ham!” 
Then she begged, “Can we get sour keys, too? Please?” 
You shook your head, “Only if you promise to eat an apple on the way there!” 
You thought you heard a grumble before she finally called out, “Fine.”
Chuckling to yourself, you went back to pulling out hangers and glancing through your sweaters. Settling on a brown button-up, your mind shifted towards what Sadie could wear as you put everything you had lazily thrown on your bed back in your closet. You cursed when a cardigan came off its hanger, falling to the bottom of your closet and wedging itself between miscellaneous boxes and running shoes. Huffing out a breath, you bent down to pick it up, pulling at the red material to find the tag at the back. Then you saw it out of the corner of your eye. 
The shoebox. 
It was the one thing you could never put in the storage locker with the rest of her things but could never bring yourself to open.
The box was calling out to you, sticking out amongst every single thing littering the bottom of your closet. You were unable to move, your eyes tracing the red tape covering its edges, its mere presence fixing you to the floor.
You knew what it contained, but you could never bring yourself to open it. Even as your hand flexed forward, fingers unconsciously stretched out, causing your cardigan to fall again to the floor. 
No, you couldn’t open it. Not yet. 
“Come on, we need to pick up the basket from Aunt Penny’s!” Sadie’s voice echoed down your hallway. 
You slammed your closet door without a second thought. 
___
It wasn’t unusual to see the Daggers at Penny’s house.  Pete often called on them to help with random tasks, whether it be repairs to her house, gardening, or even assisting in decorating. As soon as you parked, Sadie noticed Rooster’s Bronco in the driveway, shooting out of her seat and sprinting inside Penny’s open front door like she hadn't seen any of them in years.
You caught the tail end of Sadie's shout for Penny as you walked through the door, Penny's reply of 'In here' from her kitchen causing Sadie to backtrack out of her family room and down the hall.
You followed her, seeing Penny spin from her spot in the kitchen and affectionately call out, “Sadie Bug!” as Sadie wrapped her arms around her waist. Penny pressed a kiss to the top of her hair, the sight warming your heart.
A hammer thumped somewhere from outside in her backyard caught your attention. Peering out her back window, Phoenix was nailing a wooden beam into the floor of Penny’s back deck, Mav helping to hold them in place. You spied Bob and Coyote working on the garden beds next to it. Then your eyes caught Jake sitting on a bench, sanding down a piece of wood from the pile next to him.
“What are they doing?” you asked her.
“The railing on my deck collapsed a few months ago with the storm. Pete asked if they could help. Made it some team-building thing,” Penny shrugged.
Give it to that man to turn anything into a team-building exercise, you thought. Sadie let Penny go, eager to go look out the back window.
Spying the picnic basket on the table, you walked over to open the top, only to find a bag of sour keys tucked safely inside. You shot Penny an amused look, who simply shrugged and replied, “They’re her favourite.” 
“Did you kick anyone else out yesterday?” you joked. “Any angry customers I have to watch out for?” 
“I didn’t have the manpower. Coyote and Jake didn’t stick around for long after you left. I think Jake got lucky with that girl in the blue dress.” 
So Jake picked up where he had left off and spent the night with that girl from the bar. Having Penny confirm your suspicions made you feel uneasy. You really didn’t have the right to feel upset about it. Who Jake decided to spend his nights with was his business. You knew his reputation the moment you met him. What did you say to him? He was a wham, bam, thank you, mam? 
Clearly, whatever happened with the dart at the Hard Deck was a one-off.
Penny’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. “You want to stay for lunch? I have enough food to feed the rest of Top Gun.” 
Nodding, you picked up a few of the plates sitting next to the basket and brought them outside, Penny and Sadie following with napkins and utensils. You were about to ask what else she needed help with before you spied Rooster coming around the side of the house, a skinny piece of wood slung over his shoulder. 
“Can you watch Sadie for a second?”  you asked, never taking your eyes off him. “I got a bone to pick with Rooster.” 
Penny’s eyes widened, looking down to Sadie. It was going to get ugly. There was no question.
“Come on,” She urged Sadie, wiggling her fingers as she reached out for her hand. “I’ve got sandwiches I need help making and could use a partner in crime.”
“You mean you don’t want me seeing my Aunt rat out my uncle for something.”
“That too.”
Jake was in the middle of sanding down a piece of wood when he heard your voice crack like a whip across Penny’s deck.
“Lieutenant Bradshaw!” 
Rooster turned immediately, looking up to see you standing on Penny’s deck, hands on your hips, and an angry scowl etched across your face. 
“Oh shit,” Bradley grimaced, the piece of wood dropping to the ground. The rest of the Daggers snickered and whistled in response as you loudly stomped down the steps.
Jake stood up and crossed his arms, a smug smile on his face as he watched Rooster panic. Bradley swivelled on his heel, looking for an escape route. Finding it in the path Penny had carved out to the beach, he booked it. He didn’t anticipate Jake blocking his path, even as he tried to go around him. Any way Rooster went, Jake followed, stopping him from leaving.
There was no way Rooster was going to escape whatever you had planned for him.  
Hey,” you angrily called out. “I have a bone to pick with you!” 
Rooster pleadingly looked to Jake, only for him to shake his head, glancing between you and Rooster.   
“Don’t look at me,” Jake replied, still smug. “This is just getting good.”
“Asshole,” Rooster muttered, bowing his head in acceptance. Grabbing Bradley by his shoulders, Jake turned him, placing a hand between his shoulders to roughly push him out to greet you. 
Jake attempted to shoot you a warm smile as you made your way over to the pair, but for the brief second you met his eye, you seemed set on ignoring him, even with Rooster at the end of your rath.
“Courtney Slack, are you out of your freaking mind?” you yelled, smacking Rooster upside the head, who winced. “Her daughter bullied the hell out of Sadie. How could you?!” 
Rooster stepped to the side, holding his hands out as he started walking backwards. “Liz, she came on to me. I didn’t know what else to do.” 
“Turn on your heel!  Walk away! Find Lyssa, I don’t know! But flirt with her?” you shouted. 
Bradley figured staying silent was the best, risking him saying anything else that would make you upset enough that you’d threaten to revoke his Sadie privileges, not that you would. 
“What was the rule?” you pointed your finger into his chest, “The one rule I gave for you to pick up Sadie from school.”
Bradley stretched his arm up, scratching the back of his head as harshly exhaled, “Don’t flirt with Courtney Slack.” 
“Don’t flirt with Courtney Slack!” you repeated back, throwing your hands up. 
“Even I know that Rooster,” Bob pipped up from his spot next to Penny’s flower beds. 
“Not helping Bob!” He called over his shoulder.  
“How could you, Rooster?!” 
“Yeah,” Jake spoke from behind him. “How could you, Rooster?” “Stay out of this Hangman. This doesn’t concern you.” 
“Uncle Roo!”
Sadie’s voice, not that you would admit, was a welcome relief. The minute Sadie said his name, everyone watched as she launched herself off the deck, sprinting toward Bradley with her arms outstretched. Bradley stepped away from you to reach for her, picking her up and spinning her in a circle as she laughed.
“Aunt Penny said I needed to come to save you,” she said, hugging his leg once he put her down. Bradley pressed a hand to his heart, dramatically leaning back as he shouted, “I’ve been saved!” 
Pressing your head into your hand, you let out a loud groan. The rest of the Daggers laughed, returning to whatever they had been doing before you showed up.
Sadie smiled at your reaction, knowing Rooster would get off easy for whatever he was in trouble with now she was present. But then her eyes landed on Jake, who was smiling down at her fondly.
"Hangman!" She called out excitedly, much to the displeasure of Bradley, as she let go of his leg to stand in front of Jake.
"Hey, Bug! How's the math homework?"
"My tutor is still an idiot," she grinned up at him. "Only this time, I proved it! I corrected him!"
“Alright!” He exclaimed, giving her a high five. You couldn't deny he was good with her.
"Whatcha doing here?" he asked her.
"Picking up a picnic basket. We're going on a hike tomorrow."
"A hike. That sounds like fun."
"Why don't you come with us?"
Oh shit, there she goes again.
You could tell Rooster was gobsmacked. Nobody was invited on your hikes, not even himself or Natasha. Hearing Sadie’s invitation was just another indication that you ignored every warning the squad had given you. Sadie was just as willing to play along with you.
Sadie looked up at her uncle, “Are you having trouble crowing, Uncle Roo?” 
“Sadie!” 
“What? He looks as red as a Rooster!”
The last thing you needed was Jake Seresin interrupting what would have been a peaceful day, thinking of absolutely nothing. Certainly not the blonde pilot standing before you. 
“I’m sure Jake’s busy, Bug,"  you offered for Jake, who was looking between you and Sadie somewhat judgingly.
“Why? He has no friends.” 
You gawked at her. Her audacity never failed to surprise you. Shooting Sadie a look, you urged her to join you. She shuffled her way over, arms crossed and her face stern. 
“Really?” you asked her. 
You weren’t about to tell your ten-year-old niece Jake had plenty of friends to keep him company, especially at night. But she glared at you, placing her hands on her hips in a matter-of-fact way, before sarcastically replying, “Do you honestly think someone like him has real friends?”
“What about the Daggers?” you pressed her. 
“Rooster hates him, Auntie Nat calls him Bagman, and the rest want to take the nearest thing and whack him over the head.”
“He’s friends with Coyote?” 
“Uncle Javy is friends with everyone. That’s not the point.”
"Sadie, you just can't invite people at random to things this late notice."
"Please, Aunt Elizabeth."
Damn.
You could feel your resolve weakening. Rarely did she ever call you by your full name. You didn’t understand Sadie’s obsession with Jake, but when was the first time, besides befriending Will, did she feel this strongly about anyone? She really knew how to pick them.
You sighed, casting your eyes down to a piece of wood resting against Penny's new railing before meeting Jake's eyes.
“Wanna tag along?” you asked reservedly. “I promise I won’t hold it against you if you say no.”
Jake was still glancing between you and Sadie. He didn’t know what he did to make you act so cold towards him. Maybe you didn’t want him intruding on your time with Sadie.
But Sadie’s face was so hopeful, and he still wanted to question you on why you were so upset last night.
The look on Rooster's face alone was enough too.
“Why not? I’m not busy.”
___
You assumed Jake wasn’t serious about joining you on the hike, even after exchanging numbers and him texting his address.
But at breakfast, you were surprised he texted, asking you to let him know when you were on your way. The surprise only lasted so long. The logical part of your mind going it made sense he’d want to know. Your heart, however, wondered who he was shoving out of his bed before you arrived.
With Sadie bundled into your car in her red jacket, you drove to Jake’s apartment, pulling into the roundabout and sending him a text to let him know you were there. Sure enough, a few seconds later, he emerged from the building with a black hiking backpack. Sadie rolled down her window, sticking her head out the window as she shouted out his name and waved.  
Jake hopped in your car, uttering a greeting as he pulled his Ray-Bans off his face, turning to face you holding up a thermos with a smile. Coyote wasn't kidding when he said Jake wasn't a morning person.
“Coffee?” you asked. “Javy said you liked it black.”
Jake made an appreciative sound, reaching out with grabby hands and uttering a thank you as he took the first few sips. So far, so good, you thought as you pulled out of his apartment building and onto the highway.
While Jake loved music, he certainly couldn’t carry a tune to save his life. Sadie tried to hold in her giggles and keep her comments to herself as Jake belted out whatever was playing on the radio. You shook your head as you drove, window rolled down to feel the wind caress your face.
The hiking trail was only an hour and a half away, and after parking, you were eager to stretch your legs. Jake got out first, waiting for you to open your trunk and then unloading your picnic supplies. Of course, he went for the heaviest item, the picnic basket, but you slapped his hand, grabbing it before he could grasp the handle.
"No way, you're the guest," you had told him. He protested but quieted down when you allowed him to carry the blanket.
The three of you started on the trail, Sadie running ahead of you to peer up into trees and looking at the flower bushes while holding onto her camera.
“What’s with the polaroid camera?” Jake asked, watching as Sadie crouched down next to a bush, angling her camera at what you thought was a caterpillar.
“She loves bugs.” You shrugged as you walked. “She has this book where she puts all her polaroids and tries to identify them.”
"Do I sense somebody is a nerd?"
“So what? Everyone is obsessed with something."
"You're totally a nerd."
" There's no shame in being passionate about something, Jake," you sighed, swapping the basket into your other hand. "I could say the same about you and flying. You practically make it your personality."
Jake stopped in his tracks. "You did not just call me a nerd?!"
You laughed. "It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Hangman!”
Not bothering to look back to see if he was following you, you continued forward, watching Sadie pull back bushes and grab low-hanging branches as she searched for her next photograph. Then she stopped in the middle of the path, audibly sighing as she stared up a tree. 
“Bug?” You questioned. 
“There’s a cool butterfly I haven’t seen before on that branch.” She pouted. “And I’m too short.”
You were about to ask if she wanted you to take the photo before Jake suddenly surpassed you, stepping up next to her while trying to follow her line of sight. He lowered himself to the ground beside Sadie, resting on his heels.
“Where is it?” he asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. Sadie pointed with her finger. Sure enough, a blue butterfly was sitting on a leaf just out of reach of her and her camera.
“Do you trust me?” He asked her. She peered up at him with questionable eyes before nodding. As Jake stood, he hooked his hands under her armpits, hoisting her up and over his head. Sadie giggled as she flew in the air, coming to rest on his shoulders.
You could feel your heart jump out of your chest, watching Jake carefully step around stuck-out tree roots and sharp rocks, navigating himself closer to the butterfly so Sadie could reach up and take a photograph. When she grabbed the photo from her camera, she held it out for Jake, who took it to shake.
Sadie stayed on Jake’s shoulders for the rest of the morning. You hung back, watching the two interact. Sadie would point out bugs, and Jake would ask her questions about each and every one. Or she’d ask him about his accent, and he’d tell her about the ranch he grew up at. Coming to the spot you wanted to set up lunch, a grassy spot on a hill overlooking the valley, Jake and Sadie helped you set up the food. Jake unrolled the blanket dramatically, and Sadie dug around in the basket before triumphally holding the bag of Sour Keys in the air.
"Oh, give me those," Jake called out, making a show of faking an attempt at stealing them out of her hand. Sadie squealed, throwing her hand back and shouting. "No way!"
While you laughed at the two of them, you were suddenly struck with the idea there was a chance this may be the last time you could take Sadie on a hike. Even as the three of you ate, your mind raced with the worry something as small as an error in the paperwork for Sadie's guardianship could threaten to take away more moments like these.
When Sadie wiped her hands on the blanket after finishing her sandwich, scrambled to grab her camera and stood up, proclaiming she was going off to search for bugs, and you warned her not to get too close to the edge of the shoreline below, you fought to keep the worry from your voice.
She saluted you before turning on her heel, giggling while racing down the path to a grassy spot. You didn't laugh like you normally would.
All of this didn't go unnoticed by Jake, who finally decided he needed to let you know he knew, just by how much you were forcing yourself to smile.
“Liz, what’s going on?”
He caught the tiny downward twitch of your mouth as you faced him. He was sure you didn’t even know you were consciously doing it, even as you managed to ask, “What do you mean?”
“Coyote spoke with Penny. I know about the review.”
You swallowed hard, dropping your head.
“Tell me.” He encouraged.  
“I’m not sure what it means. It sounds like it’s just reviewing the paperwork. But it’s not an internal review. Somebody requested it on the outside, and they cannot tell me who.”
“Do you have any idea? Any at all?” 
“No,” you started to say, pressing your forehead to the back of your knee. “There’s nobody around to care about something like that.” 
“What about Sadie’s father?” 
You squeezed your eyes shut. Tyler was the one person you refused to speak about when you could. He was the person who shall not be named. The person who still, to this day, haunted your dreams with the threat he could still take Sadie away from you. The Daggers knew enough, but not the full story. They just assumed Sadie’s birth father was an absent asshole.
Sensing your hesitancy, Jake quickly doubled back.  “You don’t have to..”
“No, um, it’s okay,” you interrupted him, lifting your head and taking a deep breath. The words still felt difficult despite having told the full story once before, only to Penny. It was one that always left you more exposed to the world than you felt comfortable, even knowing you had nothing to be ashamed about.
But Jake? Telling him about that period in your life, you didn't know if you were about to self-sabotage what little friendship you built with him or let him know exactly what he was getting himself into.
 “Ah, Ridley got pregnant in her twenties. She had been seeing this guy while in nursing school. Same school as her and all that. There on some sports scholarship.”  You couldn’t bring yourself to look Jake in the eye as you recited the story. “I never approved of him, but she was my sister. She was so stuck in her ways. Then, one day, she came home with bruises, and I knew the fucker hurt her.”
The image of Ridley clutching her side in the front hallway of the house you both had rented close to her school came to mind, finding yourself stroking your wrist with your fingertips. She had come home late one night with a bruise around her wrist, eyes dry and rimmed red, as she struggled to even utter a single word to you without bursting into tears.
“A friend and I got her out of the relationship pretty quickly after that, but then she discovered she was pregnant," you sniffed. “I was there the night he found out, the asshole. Called her a bitch for tying him down and slammed the front door without another word. We never saw him since.. and she was terrified to do it on her own, but god, she wanted Sadie so badly.” 
Jake’s voice was solemn as he asked, “What about your parents?”
You played with the hem on the sleeve of your jacket. “We left home when our Mum died. My father… Well, it’s not a pleasant story.” 
Jake thought back to the night in your kitchen when he hesitated to tell you the story behind his call sign. Then your words echoed in his head.
“I’m not here to judge. Truly.”
He caught one side of your mouth turning upwards, eyes fixing on Sadie below. You finally managed to say, “Well, to state it plainly, he was… is a narcissist.”
There was no stopping you now. Just like the time you told Penny, once you started, the relief in telling another person was too great to ignore.
“We were never perfect enough, didn’t try hard enough. Any chance he got, whether it be a birthday party or a dinner or a vacation, he’d try to ruin it. Mom wasted away, thinking it was her fault when he was just gaslighting the three of us every chance he got."
You shook your head hard at your words.
“Last we managed to find out, he was back in his hometown. Shacking up with one of the women he cheated on her with.”
You smiled down at Sadie, watching her pull back a few stones in some of the wetter areas to see underneath.
“They don’t know Sadie exists,” your voice broke, the strength to hold back your tears becoming too much. “We swore Sadie would never have to face that trauma, face them, not as long as either of us could prevent it.”  
Jake felt you startle when he touched your back, slowly rubbing up and down to soothe your tears. It silenced you, the warm and unexpected comfort nearly making you crumble harder.
Coyote’s words to Jake in the car suddenly made sense, though he wouldn’t necessarily use the word ‘fragile’ to describe you.
You were powerful, not because you feared what was to come, but because you went about things so strongly and kindly, despite having gone through so much. As much as he envied you at that moment, he knew he’d do whatever he could to help you keep your promise no harm would come to Sadie.
“Sorry,” you laughed sadly, reaching up to wipe at your face. “This probably isn’t how you imagined your Sunday turning out.” 
Where you thought Jake would have told you to suck it up, that it was in the past or you needed to let it go, he didn’t. Instead, he continued to rub your back, letting you compose yourself before quietly uttering, “I’m glad you told me.”
Needing to clear the knot in your throat at his reply, you reached for your water absent-mindedly. The minute you grasped the bottle, you felt something cool and scaly graze your hand. 
A scream clawed through your chest as you shot your hand back, scrambling backwards to escape, unexpectedly crashing into the side of Jake’s chest in a panic. Jake fell with a grunt, his arm that was already stretched out, pulling you to the ground with him in reflex. It made it so much worse, his arms holding you in place, trapping you in the path of one of your worst fears.
Jake rolled the two of you off the blanket, trapping you underneath him as he called out your name. It did nothing to calm your horror, squirming in his hold as you managed to gasp out, “Sn..snake! There’s a snake.” 
Jake turned his head, spying on the cause of your fear, uncoiling itself from your water bottle. It looked like a common garden snake, interested in the condensation from your bottle. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t encountered in the hay bales growing up on the ranch. Sure in his decision to reach out and pick up the hissing creature just below its head, he tossed it far enough in the opposite direction it wouldn’t be a bother again. 
Covering your face with your hands, your chest racked with sobs as you fought against your flight response. Eyes slammed shut, you thrashed back and forth against the ground. Even as Jake tried to calm you down, your mind still perceived the danger was still there, your emotions from before making it all that much worse.
“Liz, it’s gone,” he gently pulled your hands away from your face, placing them on either side of your head, holding them down into the grass. You whimpered, feeling exposed.
“Easy, Darlin,” Jake drawled.  “I got you.” 
Your breath caught in your throat as you felt Jake’s hand on your cheek, his thumb gently wiping at the tears pooling under your eyes. You froze, eyes opening at his touch, greeted by the sight of him staring down at you with concern.  
“Is it gone?” you asked meekly. Holding your face, his thumb gently tracing your cheekbone, Jake softly replied, “It’s gone.”
Nodding once, you blew out a breath, finally allowing yourself to relax somewhat. Jake still held the side of your face in the palm of his hand, and you found yourself leaning slightly into it.
You watched as he grinned down at you. His dimples were infectious as the heat rushed to your checks in embarrassment. Then he jolted, once, and then twice.
Jake was restraining himself not to laugh, shoulders shaking and corners of his mouth turning upwards. You bit your bottom lip to stop your smile, failing miserably to control your face as Jake finally allowed himself to laugh.
The whole thing was ridiculous. The thought of you freaking out over a silly snake and Jake having witnessed your freak-out was humiliating enough. But you knew he wasn’t laughing at you. He was laughing with you, your giggles matching his own as the pair of you lost it.
But as soon as the laughter died down, Jake was more than an inch and a half away from your mouth. His eyes were flickering over your face, searching, until they softly settled on your lips.
You could feel his breath warming your face, his body resting heavily against yours. Every time you took a breath to calm your remaining nerves, you could feel his chest, hard and sculpted, grazing against your breasts every time you heaved.
This thing happening between the two of you had no label. You knew nothing about him beyond what he told you and what Nat and Rooster had claimed.
Could you even classify Jake as a friend? Not since you’ve spent a better part of yesterday morning shopping for groceries listing all the reasons why Jake was bad news. Why he was unavailable. Why is he bad for you. Why he might have slept with the bartenders before you.
But then, Jake was leaning down, eyelids heavy the closer he got to you, hand moving from your cheek to cradle the back of your neck.  And you, tilting your chin up slowly, anticipating the moment his lips might finally meet yours. No hard deck bell, no Daggers, no voices in your head.
Jake was going to kiss you. And you weren’t going to stop him.
“Aunt Liz!” 
Wide-eyed, you quickly unrolled yourself out from under Jake, who pushed himself off you after hearing Sadie’s voice. You sat up just in time to see her sprinting up the hill, scared and stopping in her tracks to find the both of you. She picked herself back up into a run, arms stretching out the closer she got to you.
Collapsing into your lap, she threw her face into your shoulder. Her arms wrapped themselves around your body as she shook. You tried to shush her, running your hand up and down her back as she worked through her blubbering mess of ‘are you okay’ and ‘what happened.’ 
“It’s okay, Bug.” You spoke, holding her tight. 
“I heard you scream!” She gasped, shaking like a leaf and struggling to breathe. 
“We’re okay. It was just a snake,” you pulled back to place your hands on her cheeks, smiling softly at her. She scanned your face to find any indication that you were hurt or something was wrong. 
“A snake?” She sniffed, using her sleeve to wipe at her face.  “Is it gone?”
“Yes,” you nodded, turning to Jake. “I have my knight in shining armour to thank for that.” 
Sadie followed your glaze, scrambling out of your hold to throw her arms around Jake’s neck. “Thank you for protecting my aunt,” she said as she tugged him closer.
Jake’s face was a mess of emotions. Shock? Acceptance? Worry? You weren’t sure. But nothing could beat the ache in your heart when his arms slowly came up to return her hug lightly, his head dropping to her shoulder as he faintly managed to say, “Of course, Bug.”
___
On your journey back to the car, Jake’s hand occasionally brushed against yours as you walked side by side in silence.
That was until Sadie shouted out, “Wait!” as you walked past an overlook to the mountains. She shoved her polaroid at you before standing next to one of the safer flatter rocks overlooking the valley, slowly climbing up to sit on it. She hugged her knees, turned her head to view the scenery, then shouted, “Take my picture!” 
You shook your head, laughing while placing the basket on the ground. Jake’s face lit up in confusion as he stared at her sitting on the rock. 
“Pride & Prejudice.” 
“What?” he asked, turning to look at you as you started to position yourself behind Sadie.
“Ridley’s favourite movie. Ever since Sadie saw it, she’s been obsessed with the shots of Kierra Knightly standing on the cliffs.”
You lifted the camera up to your face before snapping the photo, pulling it away to grab the picture to shake it. Sadie climbed down, reaching for the printout with a beaming grin, only to pocket it with the others in her jacket and eagerly take off back to the trail.
Shaking your head, you reached down to grab the basket but found nothing as you grasped at air. Jake had beaten you to it, the basket now firmly being held in his hand. He shrugged as you glared at him.
Jake helped you pack the car back up when the three of you finally found your way back, getting Sadie's door and shutting it carefully behind her. He did the same with you, and as you climbed back into your car, suddenly, you realized you didn't want the day to end just yet.
“Hey,” you said softly, getting his attention once he had settled into his seat. “You have time for one more stop?”
___
Jake had no idea where you were taking him when you pulled off the main road and up a curvy hill into a densely wooded area, the road rough like it hadn’t been paved in years. He had to trust you knew where you were going, but it wasn’t until he reached for the ‘holy shit’ bar above the passenger side window he decided he wanted to be put out of his misery. 
“Where are you taking me?” 
You smirked gleefully, refusing to spoil the surprise. “I’m not going to murder you if that’s what you’re thinking.” 
“Liz..” 
“You’ll see.” 
Jake rolled his eyes. But the minute he saw the sign on the side of the road, he suddenly felt humbled. 
Stitches & Murray Thrift Store looked like a misplaced cabin that didn’t belong on the side of some random highway. White paint was peeling off the walls, strung lights had a few missing bulbs, some shrubs were overgrown, and there was a tree so desperately bare it needed to be removed. In lesser words, it should have been dead centre in the middle of some forgotten woods.
Sadie had taken off inside the minute you had given her the all-clear, whereas you took your time walking next to Jake, who held the door open as you reached the entrance, resulting in a bush spreading across your cheeks.
Whatever it looked like on the outside, the inside couldn’t compare, Jake thought. The place shouldn’t have been called a thrift store, with walnut-coloured floors and red paint on the walls, racks of interesting-looking jackets with the price tags still on them and creates of music lining a table. He thought he spied some first additions on the floor-to-ground bookcases spanning the entire wall. Even some Navy memorabilia was encased on the back wall.
He understood why you liked it here.
“So, this is the place.”
He watched as you lowered yourself down next to an old wooden crate of vinyl, pulling back the sleeves gently, your eyes lighting up when you came across certain ones.
“Ridley and I’s accidental discovery," You said absently mindedly as you flipped a case over to read the back. Putting it back, you went to stand up but lost your balance, Jake holding out his hand as you reached for something, if anything, to pull yourself up.
You shrugged almost shamefully once you found your balance, Jake still holding your hand longer than you could have deemed necessary. “They have the best vinyl here.”
“I ain’t complaining, darling,” he said, slowly letting your hand slide from his.
Jake followed closely behind as you wandered around, watching as your hand reached out to glide over the shoulders of brand-new coats on hangers, how you almost climbed a bookcase to look at a higher shelf, how your eyes looked for Sadie every two minutes.
You picked up an older pair of chromatic aviator ray bans, adjusting them on your nose before facing Jake, attempting a cocky grin and pulling your best impression of a Texian accent. 
“Hangman, best there is, don’t let my ego fool you. I’m only here to show you a good time.” 
Jake shook his head, both unimpressed by your antics and slightly amused at your attempt.  “I’m the best, Darlin. Don’t you forget it.” 
“What did you say to me before? You need to put your money where your mouth is?”
Jake smirked, stepping forward, intent on reaching for those sunglasses before a voice interrupted him.
“I’ll be damned, is that Ms. Lizzie Beck?”
Hearing your name being called, Jake watched as you pulled the glasses away, quickly whipping around to greet an older man with a wide smile.
“Hi, Mr. Murray!”
The older man approached you with a toothy grin, holding out his arms as he went to hug you. You went willingly, happy to see him.  
“How are things? How’s Margret?” you asked, returning the hug.
“Keeping me on my toes, that darn witch.”  You pulled back to smile at him, patting his arm before taking a step back.
“We heard about your sister. I’m so sorry, my dear. Such a way to go in a storm like that.”   
Jake saw you grip your forearm at his statement, nails digging into the fabric of your coat, body curling forwards just a bit as you nodded at him.
Sensing your discomfort, Jake quickly stepped up next to you, an arm wrapping itself around your waist as he pulled you into his side from behind. You stiffened but forced yourself to relax when you realized what he was trying to do.
Mr. Murray’s eyes fell on Jake, then back to you. You knew exactly what he thought when he saw Jake’s arm around your waist. Jake was drawing the attention away from Ridley and onto himself.
“Now, who is this handsome fella?”
“Mr. Murray, meet Lieutenant Jake Seresin. He’s a naval aviator stationed at Top Gun. Jake, Mr. Murry owns the shop with his wife.”
Mr. Murray held out his hand, Jake grasping it as the older gentleman solemnly stated, “Thank you for your service, son.”
Sadie was nearby listening to the conversation, spying Jake's tense nod with his arm around your waist as she looked at a panel of jean jacket patches on a stand. She was happy you gave in to her request of Jake joining the two of you, even if it appeared her uncle seemed against it. 
Jake liked you. It was obvious to her the second he saved you from that snake. And she thought you liked him, though yesterday morning proved you’d need a little more convincing than she originally thought.
She just wondered why everyone got sad when someone thanked her aunt and uncles when they mentioned they were in the Navy.
_____
Despite your conflicting feelings, Sadie’s instance of Jake suddenly being involved in things was playing on your mind as you drove home.
Dropping Jake off at home had been a quiet affair, you pulling into the roundabout in front of his building, he getting out to say goodbye at your rolled-down window.
“I had a good time,” He offered.
Stretching your arm across the edge of your open car window and resting your head back on the seat, you softly smiled, replying, “I’m glad. Sadie’s persistent.”
He looked behind your seat, Sadie passed out with her head against the window before resting his hand on your wrist, squeezing it lightly.  “Thank you for telling me. And for letting me come.”
You frowned. Did you really come off as that mean to Jake yesterday morning if he had to thank you for letting him come?
“I know I’m an asshole, but if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”
"Jake.."
He knew what you were going to say by the tone of your voice, yet he interrupted you, shaking his head. "Let me say the right thing for once."
You nodded. Squeezing your arm one last time, Jake retreated to the door of his apartment building, head down, and his bag slung over his shoulder. 
“Hey Jake,” you called out, watching as he turned around, a hopeful look on his face. “I hope you come next Saturday night.” 
He softly smiled. “Where else would I go on a Saturday night?”
The minute you arrived home, Sadie eagerly waited for the moment she could collapse into her bed, using every chance she got to yawn dramatically or drop her head to the kitchen table as if she would fall asleep again. After a quiet dinner, you tucked her in but found yourself pausing at her bedroom door before you decided to call it a night. 
“Hey, Bug?” You asked softly. 
“Yeah,” she sleepily replied, her back facing you. You pressed into the door frame, your voice low as you asked, “Why do you like Jake so much?” 
At first, you thought she didn’t hear you. But then she lifted her blanket and turned to face you, softly calling out, “They left him out.”   
“Who did, Sweetheart?” 
“Auntie Nat and Uncle Roo. I heard them at the campfire while you were washing dishes.” 
You sucked in a sharp breath. She continued, “They don’t want him near me or you. They said he is a bad person. That he will hurt us.”  She pulled the blanket closer to her chest, her voice muffled as she said, “I don’t think he’s a bad person.” 
“I don’t think so either, Bug. I think he’s just a complicated one.” 
“He deserves a chance, right? To know he has people that care. Like how everyone was there for us?” 
“Yeah,” you breathed out, trying to keep your voice from breaking. It wasn’t Sadie speaking to you at that moment. It might have been her voice, but those were your sister’s words. 
“He does, Bug.” 
Sadie snuggled deeper into her pillow at your reply, tugging her blanket under her chin as she yawned. “Thank you for telling me, Bug,” you said quietly. “Goodnight.” 
“Night, Aunt Liz.” 
Closing her bedroom door, you pressed your forehead into the wood. Ridley always believed everyone deserved a chance. It was the reason why she wanted to become a nurse.
It was what she taught you as an older sister. It’s what she clearly taught Sadie as a mother.
Hearing those words come from Sadie, it felt like Ridley was there standing with you.  Helping people was just who she was. Jake was a complicated person, but he did deserve a chance. As conflicted as your heart was about letting him into your life and Sadie’s, you couldn’t refute that.
After finishing your nightly routine, you went to plug in your phone while climbing into bed, noticing a text notification from Jake. Seeing his message, you couldn’t stop the giddiness from building in your chest. 
Attached was a photo of Sadie sitting on the cliffside in her red jacket. He must have taken it while you snapped a photo with the polaroid. Yet, while the photo was the reason behind your smile, it wasn’t responsible for the feeling in your chest. 
No, it was his accompanying message. Even if he looked it up, he wouldn’t have understood. The reference was far too specific for him not to have not seen the movie. So that night, you fell asleep knowing a little bit more about Jake Seresin than you did yesterday. 
The caption? 
Sadie on the top of the world.
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For those of you who haven’t seen the film with Kierra Knightly, there is a scene where she is standing on a cliffside and a score called Liz on Top of the World plays. 
Tags: @blue-aconite @tinytotontheoversizedpony @djs8891 @caitsymichelle13 @startrekfangirl2233
@emorychase @ereardon @dempy @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @daggerspare-standingby
@phantomxoxo @formulapierre @eli2447 @fulla02 @blckgrl-sunflower @mizzzpink
Let me know if you want to be added or if I missed you!
Wickett ;)
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izicodes · 10 months ago
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do you have any advice for someone with unmedicated adhd trying and failing to stick to something til completion? (it's been so long since i worked on my project that i might as well redo it but it feels like a daunting task)
Hiya~! 🩶
Here are some things that might help you tackle that project:
Break it down, bit by bit: This is the best advice I can give you! "But I already did make the project into smaller chunks?" make those chunks smaller again~!! Condense until there's nothing left. Focus on finishing one small chunk at a time and celebrate each win, no matter how small~!
Focus on the essentials: Not everything needs to be done perfectly right now. I'm a pro at skipping things then coming back later! Figure out the most important parts of your project and tackle those first. Even if you don't finish everything, you'll still be making progress!
Set achievable goals: Don't set yourself up for failure with super-strict deadlines. Set smaller goals with wiggle room, so you can feel good about achieving them and stay motivated. Remember, slow and steady wins the race!
Treat yo' self: Finishing tasks is awesome! Reward yourself for completing even the small stuff with something you enjoy. It'll help you stay pumped and keep moving forward. I do this by watching an episode of anime the come back to work then repeat!
Don't forget to breathe: Trying to work non-stop will only lead to burnout. Schedule regular breaks to recharge your brain and come back feeling refreshed. I do the typical 45min-15min study/work sessions~!
Remember, be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up if things don't go perfectly according to plan.
And use ChatGPT/Gemini/BingAI to explain things in "plain english" or "plain language" and it would dumb down hard concepts into understandable text, even with short stories! I love doing this personally!
Good luck with your project! 🐼🙌🏾💓
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wetcatspellcaster · 5 months ago
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Out of curiousity, do you have any tips for outlining and how to recover from burnout? 🫣🫣 I haven't been able to get words on a page for two months now.
hey anon!! I'm sorry to hear that.
unfortunately, I'm not the best person to ask about burnout, as I tend to try pushing through it and my current state of being (bad) tells me how well that's going for me lmfao. in response to that, my only things I can say is:
there might be a reason why you haven't been able to write for two months, and that's ok. sometimes the well runs dry and you have to wait for rain. two months is not very long and is not a personal failure.
when trying to get over burnout, i tend to pick something low-stakes, silly, and fun to begin with. either a sillier scene for a longer piece, or a piece that's disconnected from my other /serious/ projects. do something that doesn't feel like work.
As to outlining, I have a lot more advice there! so below the cut!
Outlining tips.
the way I outline my work is as follows:
I put all my big plotpoints in a document - the non-negotiables (e.g. in Pieces this was the soul jar, the nature of what ascendency is, the major character death, etc). these are the things that the story needs, to have internal consistency. if you don't have an end at this point, that's so totally fine, but it often helps if you do, because having an ending guarantees the most internal consistency of all.
I tend to outline the start first, and write to a point where I begin to get the tone of the story (in Pieces, this was up to Chapter 7, and the library, I think you can tell because there's a shift in action in this point), and then once I'm there I begin hammering down the specifics of the big plotpoints I mention above.
My outline is always literally bullet points. I start with bulletpoints of the story and its progression, and then as I begin to write in a chapter format, I might make smaller bullet points going beat by beat in a scene.
I try to give myself as much flexibility as possible, beyond the 'internal consistency' point. So while I may have bullet points for the story progression, I do not hammer down a chapter-by-chapter necessarily, because often as you are writing you find the natural breathing points/cliffhangers that will do that for you. If something ends up being longer, I am happy for it to become a chapter - same if conversation etc. that need to happen end up being too short to stand-alone.
Another type of flexibility is the ability to embellish and ad-lib. I typically outline in 'x happens' or "y talks to [side character]", or in lines of dialogue I want to include if I've been struck by inspiration. But the action is not necessarily determined (unless I've been struck down by visions) until I'm writing it. A classic was in Pieces I knew I need to have romance scenes in between plot happening, so I'd be like "something sexy happens" or "another confrontation here". Another example is I knew Orin was going to confront Astarion in an Honest Lie, and she had some goals (wanted to see if he was weak enough to be manipulated, etc.) but the holy water was added last minute when I realised I wanted more horror. Give yourself breathing room to embellish in the moment so you can have fun with it.
My final piece of advice is: know when and when not to stick to your outline! Pieces was my first popular fic as it updated, and a lot of the comments were positing things I wasn't doing. I kept to my outline then, because I knew that trying to change to please others would just fuck the story, bc the story had always been written with a certain ending in mind. So I just had to tunnel down, even if it made people unhappy - at least then, the ending wouldn't feel cheap.
BUT if you are having doubts or... if you're bored, which is the biggest writer killer, then maybe there's a way to spice up your outline. I know sometimes it's unavoidable (Iron throne, I'm looking at you), but try not to do the whole "I am writing to this one fun scene at the end"... you will probably get bored before you get there. Try to make every scene fun for you to write, if you can!!! Be silly with it, as well!
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smolcinnamonchipmunk · 11 months ago
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God, I'm probably going to rewatch the entirety of Hazbin for weeks, something I occasionally do with Helluva. Again, both mostly just passive interests away from my blog... until the actual show dropped and my absolute hyperfixation mode went haywire
Say what you want about the plot and designs themselves, I understand if it's not someone's cup of tea (Personally, I don't particularly like South Park, Family Guy, or Rick and Morty (anymore)), and the fact that it's pretty rushed, a fact I'll certainly agree with, but it is a fucking ACHIEVEMENT
I LOVE the busy designs and saturated colors, even if most are shades of red (If I had a show, it'd be mostly green and purple, lmao). I love the hand drawn and more cartoony style with fantastic VFX animation and backgrounds. I love the concept of Heaven vs Hell with demons and angels where angels can suck and demons can be good. I actually like that Adam was an entitled asshole because he didn't have to try for his wives, they were made FOR him
I don't go around looking for adult animation anymore because there's so many fucking Family Guy and Rick and Morty repetitive ass shows that use rigging and the same goddamn adult animation art style formula. Brickleberry, Paradise PD, American Dad, so on and so forth. Episodic drivel that KIND of teases a plot to keep you watching but it's the television equivalent of empty calories that you put on in the background. I stopped watching Rick and Morty after season 4 because it was just keeping the carrot on the stick way too far for me to care enough to keep watching (that and the whole Justin Roiland fiasco)
There's good adult shows, don't get me wrong, but almost nothing ANIMATED that's substantial and fun. There's a few, but it's smothered under Family Guy copycats and horribly stiff rigging that's cheap and bland by this point, and some are just downright depressing (Sorry Bojack and Tuca, I just couldn't handle you, I'm already sad half the time). To be honest, I almost didn't watch Inside Job because of the style, and even though it was mostly episodic it was fantastic!
Why can't I, for the decades of life I presumably still have past 18, have life in an animation made for adults? Charm? Pizzazz? Plot and color and FUN? Fucking anything more than the capitalistic weeds that choke the market just to turn a profit for the companies involved. I get it. Companies need to make a profit or they'll go in the red, lose money, yada, yada
But, in an already bleak fucking world where it's only getting bleaker and some corporations want to replace NINETY percent of an animated film/show process to AI eventually? I'm choked and burnout and everyday feels like there's no point in trying to make anything because the fucking programs will do it for us anyways, probably by stealing MORE from people who try. I don't need to see Meg from Family Guy get farted on or abused for no reason, or the Family Guy rip off equivalents that do it for shock value. I don't need copypaste stale material or IP revivals that beat over original ideas because they're safe and nostalgic, inevitably fucking up most of the time
Hazbin Hotel is far from perfect, but it got greenlit. It got picked up. It got to be written and MADE. I can almost guarantee you that Amazon only gave them eight episodes to start with, without certainty on whether or not it would be continued with them. I can almost guarantee you they had SOMEONE keep an eye on Helluva Boss's reception on YouTube to see if it would be profitable enough to continue Hazbin (After all, similar target demographic, right?) and the team wasn't informed until halfway through full production of season one that they'd get a second one. There may have even been the chance of them dropping Hazbin if Helluva's numbers didn't stay up
I love Hazbin and Helluva with so much of my heart because they're small oasis's in the corporate world that would prefer people work the warehouse and not the arts. Yes, I know Hazbin is on Amazon and 'Amazon bad', but if it's not encouraged by viewage (Which I'm sure it's doing well in right now) then original works will continue to be looked over in favor of shitty reboots or live action recreations
Ugh, anyways. I'm not sure how to end this. I just had to get my thoughts out
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the-ghost-of-jason-todd · 2 months ago
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gonna be real with y'all, the only thing that got me through the night last night was buying minecraft on xbox, making my avatar look like jason todd, turning on as many cheats as i could, and fucking off into a giant cave for several hours.
HOWEVER.
i am back now and we persevere. the fight doesn't end here (and it wouldn't have even if the vote went the other way, but fuck, it at least would have been a breather). i've been beating away burnout with a stick for half my life at this point, but i've got a plan, and that plan is to be a thorn in the nearest republican's side for the next four years (minimum). i'm here, i'm queer, and i'll outlast the orange dump truck so help me GOD
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getmylifetogetherwme · 3 months ago
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Weekly Goals (10/07/2024)
Hi, everyone. Happy Monday!
I'm currently in bed after a long day of school, but I really wanted to hop on here and *actually* post my weekly goals at the beginning of my week. I'm going to try to do more of a proper blog post and then the list to see how I like it.
Everyone.... it is time. Finally, part two of my ochem 2 saga continues aka exam 2.
Exam 2 is next week, and I have been procrastinating any and all studying pertaining to it for the past several weeks. I think I had some type of ochem burnout after so much continuous studying for test 1.
Regardless, that will be taking academic priority this week.
Academics:
study for ochem 2 exam
no, seriously, study for ochem 2, C.
C!!! STUDY!!!
I've been seeing so much improvement in my fitness lately. I wish I was seeing more improvement in weights (I feel pretty stagnant when it comes to my squats, unfortunately), but I keep showing up. I find that it's easiest for me when I go to the gym in the morning. If I wait till the afternoon, I'll have all day to make excuses as to why I shouldn't go. So I force myself to go early. Also helps to beat the rush. I've been thinking about adding another leg day, but I don't know..might be excessive. I already do two. I just really wanna see improvement on my barbell squat, but also, I think I have to acknowledge that too much of a good thing won't be a good thing i.e. I won't give my muscles enough time to heal from each workout.
Fitness:
Continue with my 4 day lifting split, cardio and core on other 3 days
Finally, nutrition. My nemesis. I just cannot stick to healthy eating. It's so hard. Especially when I'm studying a lot. My stomach doesn't want the chicken ceasar salad wrap I packed for lunch (even though it is yum), it wants chicken tenders and Cane's sauce!
Nutrition:
Try to eat healthy (and by that I mean stop buying cane's every time you're even mildly stressed)
Anyway, those are the plans this week!
I know I said in my last post I would be starting that "winter arc" challenge and that is still going to happen/is happening. I just need to come up with what guidelines I'm setting for myself and then I'll start blogging about it!
Hope everyone has a great week! Study!
Thanks for reading,
-C
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shiraishi--kanade · 6 months ago
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Observation: summers always make my summer fatigue much worse
Explanation: my chronic fatigue is always there, as is my ADHD (= if I cannot see a deadline urgency does not exist), but schoolwork and/or exams somewhat put limits onto how much time I can dedicate to rest, so even though I'm always tired at least when I have things to do assigned to me by An External Force I tend to get into work flow and not give in as easily. Summer break, however,
Which wouldn't even be as bad if it was just burnout and ADHD brain. But my chronic fatigue is very, very much a result of a physical disability and will not, and does not get better with rest. If anything, I wake up worse off, because human body is not meant to sleep 20 hours a day. It just makes me miserable and still tired.
Unfortunately while I'm very aware of the phenomenon consciously, my subconscious is convinced that five more minutes of naptime (read: 8 hours) will fix me and I'll be able to get out of bed no problem. And it's very hard to fight your subconscious when you have seemingly no reason to be worried and no deadlines.
Solution: none at the time. Need someone to beat me up with a stick until I do work at my passion projects, apparently.
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romaritimeharbor · 6 months ago
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BEATING UR BURNOUT WITH A STICK also hi hello :3 I'm fine.a bit stressed bc I have another exam in like 2.5 hours but managing 😁
RAHHHHH YEAHHH GET IT!!!!!! IT'S WHAT THE BURNOUT DESERVES ❗️❗️❗️ but HIIIII good luck 😔🙏🙏🙏 i believe in you!!!!!
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normalayadraw · 2 years ago
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Guess I'm really going on Hiatus
So, uh. I've got an announcement. Of course u could tell what's it about from the title (。_。)
As u guys who've been lurking around my blog are probably aware how less and less I've been uploading my own stuff around here. More so on other platforms.
I thought I could try and push myself to be productive and I just happened to have a habit to had big gaps of breaks. But I just realized, I probably have been on burnout for 2 years without even realizing it.
I really need to take a break from my creativity in art. I'm not leaving it for good, but I've been spending WAY too much time staring at my empty canvas every day, for 2 years and more. And beat myself up over that 😅
The period of the hiatus is indefinite/not decided, I'm just trying to collect my thoughts and mental health as much as I can.
I'm really sorry for the few friends I've promised to make some content over the past year about a certain fancomic WIP (@petiterazu dear don't point that umbrella at me plz), but I'll try to get back with my stuff as soon as I could.
Thx u for sticking around, my mutuals! And don't worry, I won't be gone from interacting online, I'm just gonna take a break from uploading art stuff :b
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pearlstarlight5 · 2 years ago
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Edit 2/12/23: I returned to the vocal synth fandom, I missed the programs, I missed my forum squad, and I missed the characters and music. And basically the tldr of this rant: I'm a temperamental artist who goes through waves like Miyazaki himself.
I'm leaving the vocal synth fandom, I can't do it anymore. I'm done being a YouTuber and I've had it with liking this or hating that just to impress some people. But it's not over for using vocal synths at all. I still want to do music and I still want to keep using vocal synths, so I will continue to make vocal synth originals away from the fandom, make instrumental stuff, and I'm interested in singing some of my songs myself. Additionally, I really want to finish Deci Mal VCCV and I'm excited to get the Solaria and Asterian's boxes.
So what has changed: I'm not deactivating anything now, but I may deactivate my forum accounts in the future. My YouTube channels stay but I'm leaving them to dry. Finally, I have discontinued public distribution of Deci Mal, she is now a private Utau again. I can't control what people do with my Utau, so it's up to whoever downloaded her to decide her future in the fandom space, but not her future in total. Her future in total is that I will continue to use her prominently. She's the mascot of my music and she's as important to me as Psya. I'll just need to engage with the fandom one more time to contact PaintedCz on using her commercially since I'm using their voicebank format and they want to be notified. I will respect this condition.
One question I have is if or when I will upload music again. If I decide to upload again, chances are I'll start a Soundcloud or turn back off comments on YouTube.
Now that the most important stuff is out of the way, I will use the remainder of this post to explain why I left the vocal synth fandom and commenting on the ethics of vocal synths in general.
Why I left
There are several reasons that I have come to this decision, some can be explained much more simply than others:
-I spent all of 2022 without a real, committed break that lasted over a week. That's not healthy for any fandom or interest. If leaving the fandom is the only way I can take a true break, that's fine by me.
-I experienced burnout or the possibility of burnout so many times and I forced myself to do something in vocal synths anyway to beat it. This isn't healthy either.
-The final straw was when I posted Time to Unwind. I already didn't feel happiness or satisfaction when it was done because I had just fought myself over the idea that I shouldn't use SynthVs in original songs, but then finding that it got barely any attention made me feel worthless.
-Related to the previous point, I was also going through a bad anxiety attack for the last week of December and while that was not the cause or the only fuel, it was a factor in my fear.
And then there's SynthV, which warrants its own section
Synthesizer V and the ethics of vocal synths
My problems with SynthV and the SynthV fandom
-Dreamtonics's samey-ness in their letter series eventually made it hard to feel anything about new releases. Last Christmas they announced a male rock voice and I literally didn't give a shit. I'm so sick of that cycle and if I don't leave now, it's gonna get worse in 2023.
-Until today, I lurked on SynthV Twitter to find news and gossip. Instead, I find psychos who are overly anal about SynthV being the superior vocal synth and want to see it enter the mainstream, especially the one with a creepy obsession with a stick figure. It's not pretty when you dislike the stick figure with that person in the room.
-Vocaverse Network goes through waves of hating SynthV and hyping SynthV. It's extremely exhausting. It also contains members who want to see it become mainstream.
My biggest concern with SynthV lately is the fear of it going mainstream because the voices are realistic. While the SynthV fandom was excited about that plane company using Solaria, I felt a sense of dread.
My problems with the idea of SynthV going mainstream are:
-More people in the fandom, more problems in the fandom
-Technology has a history of making things obsolete. Computers are more popular than typewriters, email is more popular than real letters, executives in the animation industry killed 2D animation's place in the mainstream to replace it with 3D animation. I just hope I can trust people to not let AI generated paragraphs succeed.
-So, it's true that human singers are bound by labels and corporations, but what would it say about the music industry if the singers weren't people anymore? Instead of people bound by companies, you have products bound by companies, and then what are the people gonna do? Voice the product? That's still so much less human singing than singing all those songs for real.
-And adding to the previous point if I may, for those who want a SynthV monopoly on vocal synths: if it's not okay for Yamaha to have a monopoly with Vocaloid, it shouldn't be okay to encourage Dreamtonics to monopolize the vocal synth industry with SynthV.
-And for those who do want SynthV mainstream, they act like their way of life is morally superior, but just because you're doing something, doesn't mean it's right. While SynthV is a much better compromise to the AI revolution than AI art using people's art without consent or compensation, it doesn't mean that SynthV is not a risk to the music industry as illustrated in my previous points.
-And for the argument that SynthV is better for the environment, I wouldn't be positively sure about that. For instance, does anyone know what is powering the equipment and technology required to create voice databases? For all we know, it's like saying Disney is good for the environment when their movies require a stupid amount of processing power to make. Ultimately, the first world way of life requires other people to suffer, and if you don't want anyone to suffer, you must be willing to sacrifice and suffer yourself.
Well, if SynthV's so bad, what about other vocal synths.
First, the case with Vocaloid: Vocaloid was at first the most unethical vocal synth because it was outright designed to replace humans. Hatsune Miku turned it into the doujin circle and started the movement to make it its own genre/alternative music scene instead. Basically, even if one day technology takes over the world, I see Hatsune Miku as an ally to humans willing to coexist with us.
CeVIO: Continues the doujin scene that Vocaloid abandoned.
Utau: Was designed with doujin Vocaloid in mind if you want to join but aren't rich. It is actually the most ethical vocal synth because it puts vocal synths in the hands of the people instead of corporations (one problem I have with the Vocaloid fandom is that they take Yamaha way too lightly...). This makes DeepVocal good too.
Conclusion
Let me make myself clear that as much as I ranted about SynthV, I'm not against the use of it. It does something truly amazing with technology and I have fun using it. I just fear its misuse.
If you read this entire thing, thank you for your time. I will finish this post with this closing statement:
SuperStarXD is dead
PearlStarLight5 has fled
And I will live
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rookie-critic · 2 years ago
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Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023, dir. Peyton Reed) - review by Rookie-Critic
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People are beginning to experience (or are in the depths of experiencing, depending on who you ask) MCU burnout. The brilliance of the Infinity Saga, which began with the first Iron Man back in 2008, and spanned 3 "phases," which included 23 films across 11 franchises, that culminated in Avengers: Endgame in May 2019 (and truly ended with Spider-Man: Far From Home a couple months later), felt like and was a complete arc. Characters that we had known for a little over a decade had grown, had won, had lost, and their story, for all intents and purposes, was over, and to tempt fate with more seemed foolhardy. I can completely sympathize with that, and will admit that Phase 4 of the MCU was something of a transitional mess, some of the films were great, some were not, a couple were even outright bad; seeing the MCU's first rotten Tomatometer score ever with Eternals (although I didn't think Eternals was deserving of that hate). It also introduced the Disney+ shows, that were crucial to understanding the bigger picture and could cause a lot of confusion down the line if skipped. It's a lot to keep up with and I don't blame anyone who isn't already in the thick of it for not wanting to get started, and I don't blame anyone who's been here the whole time for feeling fatigued. The barrier for entry is too high at this point. That being said, I'm not sure this particular reviewer is the best source for unbiased opinions on the MCU, because I quite liked Quantumania. As always, we're staying mostly spoiler-free here (if it was in a trailer, it's fair game).
The best thing about the Ant-Man franchise has always been the humor. The first film was originally going to be directed by Edgar Wright, and even though he didn't end up sticking with it, there are ghosts of his trademark quick wit embedded in the fabric of that first movie, and it has informed the character of Scott Lang/Ant-Man to a point where he's just an inherently funny character, and that's no different in Quantumania. Paul Rudd is hilarious, Michael Douglas is really funny, cameos from Bill Murray, David Dastmalchian, and William Jackson Harper are all funny, and Corey Stoll, who returns to the MCU for the first time since that original Ant-Man film as MODOK, is an absolute scene stealer. To me, the jokes worked, the humor worked, I laughed out loud fairly frequently throughout all 124 minutes of the film and could not have been more pleased on that front. Even outside of the film's humor, the acting is just phenomenal. Not only from Rudd and Douglas, but from MCU-newcomer Kathryn Newton, as well. However, while they were all good, Michelle Pfeiffer and Jonathan Majors are the highlights of the film by a mile. Specifically Majors, who I'm beginning to think is untouchable amongst the younger acting crowd. It's hard to make a villain feel as threatening or as compelling as Thanos, and while I'm not going to say that quite yet, as we are still very early on in the development of this new "big bad" for the MCU, the presence that Majors exudes as Kang is imposing and impressive. We have only begun to scratch the surface of this Multiverse thing, and here comes a character, without giving too much away, that basically has the power and the intelligence to hold it in the palm of his hand, should he want to. I get the feeling that, much like the Multiverse, we've only begun to scratch the surface of what Kang and his many variants are capable of.
Now, while I definitely don't think this film is bad, or even remotely deserving of the ire it's receiving from critics, I do think that the script could have been cleaned up or fleshed out a bit. There is a lot going on here, and it is all happening at the same time. It's not really that hard to follow, it's just a bit of a sensory overload, and I think because of that, certain plot aspects and character arcs feel a bit rushed. There is a particular beat that happens at the tail end of the film that just seemed too... easy, for lack of a better word. It was the one part of the movie where I actually thought "Well, that doesn't make any sense!" and it has been frustrating me since leaving the theater on Sunday. Another issue, and it's probably my biggest issue with the film, is that, for a film titled Ant-Man AND THE WASP, Evangeline Lily's Wasp is probably the least plot-forwarding character in the entire movie. I liked her character, and they make a couple of attempts to have her feel important in the grand scheme of things, but I don't think they gave her, really, anything to do, which was pretty disappointing.
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is not even close to perfect. At this point in the MCU's trajectory, I'm not sure perfect is a word we'll be seeing much of anymore. However, it has a clear goal in mind and it succeeds in accomplishing that goal: to be an entertaining sci-fi superhero comedy that introduces audiences to the MCU's next major threat in a very major way. To put it plainly, I liked Quantumania, and if you've come this far into the forest that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I think it makes it pretty good argument for sticking around for the next Saga.
Score: 7/10
Currently only in theaters.
As always, please, for the love of god, stick around until after the credits. I'm so tired of seeing people walk out of a Marvel movie before it's 100% over.
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foolcolor · 4 months ago
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Art Thoughts: Burnout, Artblock and Style
Is burnout even real? Was the question asked to someone stuck in art with the answer back being "Of course it is real! I am feeling it now!"
So how can burnout or even artblock be real to some people and not really to others? What is it that some people do or don't do that they seem to avoid it altogether to the point they don't believe it even exists?
The answer is that Burnout or even Artblock is a sign of neglect.
You went overboard! How it usually goes:
Pushing yourself too much to do things you dont want to. like forcing yourself to do things in a certain way while avoiding what you really wanted to do.
The thoughts you have while you draw.
For 1) Which is a beginners trap of thinking art should be done "right". And "Right = what the tutorial / book / teacher / you did in the past". (Not that it doesn't affect professionals, but that it shows up early and sticks around the art journey)
So everytime you draw you force yourself to do it in the way you saw in a tutorial or book or class you were taught. Or just trying to draw that one arm or face that came out alright and you keep chasing that past success. But what it ends up doing is making all your drawings look the same. And OF COURSE THEY WOULD!
Because all the thoughts and considerations you have while you draw are about trying to do what you already saw in the past. Making all your drawins be "drawings from memory". And you are good at it, so much so that they all look "same-y" or just like the tutorial.
You push yourself and do another drawing, maybe you think to yourself "i'm a smart person, and the smart thing to do is to study art then years later when i'm really good i can try my own ideas and pictures"
But after a while you can't force yourself to push through anymore, you can't seem to be able to just sit down and hold a pencil the very thought of scratching that paper with drawing intention gives you anxiety. You feel this feeling this resistance to even start.
You think yourself lacks the motivation, "Oh! How i wish i wanted to draw" you tell yourself. How i wish i had motivation i had that feeling that forces me to go through this.
You make to-do lists you watch youtube videos and read books about motivation about the secret behind discipline and habits endlessly creating reasons that althought they make sense and sometimes gives you a little boos they don't last long term.
Sounds familiar? I hope not, but that was me and to some degree still am. All it is is just you pushing your feelings aside for so long that they ran dry, they can't take a beating forever. You mistook motivation for fuel when it's actually a Turbo buttom, a push that comes either before, during or after something. Burnout it just reaching the 0 point. The point of absolute neglect.
Think back when you wanted to draw, you probably had an idea an image you wanted to make, it was not about all these tutorials or fundamentals and books.
You just went to those because you felt scared of the drawing coming out wrong or bad or making a fool of yourself or what would others see you as or being vulnerable or however else you put it. But it's not about any of that.
You got to do art fo the reason you want to do it. That's it. That's the cure the "burnout and artblock don't exist button""
Those dream pictures got to be made for those dream reasons. "Oh but its not gonna look awesome like in my head and i'll feel bad about it"
Same! But you have to remember this. The moment you set yourself to do art, of any kind YOU are the artist, if you draw it and doesn't come off quite as you want it to then you can just try it again later.
That's not the final version of that image, You decide when it is done.
You can do it, figure out you missed the mark and attempt it later, a month a year a decade. There are artists that have just a single or a few images that they are passionate (deeply interested) about and their whole career is pursuing that dream picture.
There's only 5 Da Vinci paintings in the world after all. And the Mona Lisa cannot be restored because there's several paintings of the same Mona Lisa layered beneath the original. Attempts Da Vinci himself made that missed his mark.
Just think about your favorite artists, the real good ones. The ones you know their work just by looking at the piece.
They all stand out in a way or another right? That's because that's what they are mostly interested about. The ones that have crazy good anatomy are head over heels interested in anatomy. Those with the juiciest of colors are just in love with colors.
Sargent, Picasso and Leyendecker all drew people their whole life. All knew anatomy and shapes and what other fundamental we are learning today. But what made them be who they were is that they are good at the things they care about! The things they find interesting is what comes through as distinct and shape their style.
Great artists are good at what they find interesting.
So just sit back and realize that art drew you in for an emotional need as well and avoiding it is causing that burnout/artblock.
If there's an emotional picture in your head you gotta follow that, if you do and don't enjoy the end result you will realize what you want to learn and HOW you want to learn it.
It will become obvious It will become self sustained It will meet your needs Burnout won't exist anymore.
for 2) If it's your thoughts, you gotta realize that its all anxiety indulcing thoughts. But you don't need to entertain them.
Anxiety being the desire to avoid or change something or situation.
Whenever those thoughts emerge let them do their thing and don't mind them. I'm not saying you should force your mind blank.
Just don't converse with the thought dont go around making stories with the thought.
As long as the though don't snap your atention from the drawing it will just come, say what it has to say and vanish. Just nod and dont interact with it and it will melt away.
Then other thoughts will come around and you can pick and choose which you want to make stories with or just let them all go.
Your thoughts are not you. Just choose other better thoughts.
That's why some artist say artblock don't exist. It's not a "real" thing because it's usually artists forcing themselves or neglecting themselves. It's a sign you went overboard.
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harperhealthaz · 2 years ago
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Tips on Returning to Work after a Break
I have to admit that it's not easy to get back on track after taking a break. It's hard to adjust to the routine and the deadlines that come with work. Finding the motivation, inspiration, and energy to create and engage is hard. It's hard to balance work and life and not feel guilty or overwhelmed.
I'm sure some of you can relate to this feeling of struggling to be back on track after taking a break. Maybe you took a vacation, a sabbatical, a maternity leave, or just a personal day off. Perhaps you enjoyed your break so much that you didn't want it to end. You may have felt refreshed and rejuvenated by your break but also anxious and nervous about returning to work. You may have faced some challenges or difficulties when you came back, such as catching up with your tasks, dealing with changes or conflicts, or coping with stress or burnout.
If you are in this situation, I want to tell you that you are not alone. And I want to share some tips that helped me get back on track after taking a break. These tips are not magic solutions but simple and practical steps that can make a difference in your transition.
Be gentle with yourself. Don't expect yourself to be at your best performance right away. Give yourself some time to adjust and adapt to your new reality. Don't compare yourself to others or your past self. Don't judge yourself harshly or beat yourself up for not being productive enough or creative enough. Recognize your efforts and achievements, no matter how small they are. Celebrate your progress and reward yourself for your accomplishments.
Set realistic goals and priorities. Don't try to do everything at once or take on more than you can handle. Focus on the most important and urgent tasks first, and delegate or postpone the rest. Break down your big goals into smaller, manageable steps, and track your progress. Be flexible and adaptable to changing circumstances and unexpected events. Adjust your goals and priorities as needed, and don't be afraid to say no or ask for help when necessary.
Establish a routine and stick to it. Having a routine can help you create structure and stability in your life and reduce stress and anxiety. Find a routine that works for you and your lifestyle, and follow it consistently. Set a regular schedule for your work hours, breaks, meals, sleep, exercise, hobbies, etc. Ensure you balance work and life, and don't neglect any aspect of your well-being.
Find your passion and purpose again. Sometimes taking a break can make us lose sight of why we do what we do or what we love about what we do. Remind yourself of your vision, mission, and values to regain your passion and purpose. Reconnect with your sources of inspiration and motivation, such as books, podcasts, blogs, mentors, role models, etc. Rediscover what makes you excited and curious about your work. Experiment with new ideas or approaches that can spark your creativity and enthusiasm.
Have fun and enjoy the process. Remember that work is about achieving results, meeting expectations, having fun, and enjoying the process. Find ways to make your work more enjoyable and rewarding for yourself and others. Incorporate humor, playfulness, or positivity into your work. Engage with your colleagues or audience in a friendly and authentic way. Appreciate the opportunities and challenges of work, and learn from them.
These are some of the tips that helped me get back on track after taking a break. I hope they can help you too if you are in a similar situation. Remember that taking a break is not a sign of weakness or failure but of self-care and respect. And getting back on track is not a matter of force or pressure but patience and perseverance.
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